#stuff cause like i dont know if they are viewing it as intended or as something gross- yknow????)

[dreamties]

nsft accounts interacting with my agere content is ummmm,,,, it's giving immense ICK </3

[ofswordsandpens]

I've enjoyed episode 3 the most so far, but I think the show is still struggling to find a good balance between taking itself seriously and the absurdist humor that RR writes with. My main takeaways:

The Fight Scenes (or Lack Thereof?)

It seems very peculiar to me that the show is just speed running through its battle scenes. Again, it feels very much like the product of Disney trying to sanitize anything that's too extreme?

The trio fleeing from the kindly ones in the book ended with Percy taking control of the bus and then crashing it. It explodes. They lose all of their stuff (money, food). In the show, they simply bail out the back window. No true panic. No tension. Just, okay :) we're leaving now :)

The Medusa Scene. I'll speak more to this later, but in terms of the fight we get to see... well we get to see nothing. Apparently this fight required us to view it through the lens of the invisibility cap (ie. not at all),

I understand this show is intended for a younger audience, but the books are as well. Even the movies, which are pg, came up with better ways to show things without necessarily showing things. As a result, it feels like anything that might induce the slightest bit of tension or fear are sanded down and its honestly doing such a disservice to the books and the audience.

Medusa

I actually really liked this portrayal of Medusa. The 1950s housewife vibe landed well for me. And I loved the actress's voice -- very soft and soothing but always sounding as if she were just about to cry.

Also, I really liked her dialogue. Her digs at Athena and Poseidon were perfectly tragic.

That being said, I really prefer the trio's arrival to the emporium in the book. In the books, they've been wandering the woods and are lost and exhausted and hungry because of the battle/bus crash where they've lost all of their stuff. It almost feels like the emporium popping up "out of nowhere" was more of it finding them.

Meanwhile in the show, Grover finds it through scent on a satyr path and they immediately know its Medusa, which imo takes out so much of the fun of it all??? In the books, they dont know. Grover's just like, freaking the ever living fuck out, and clearly Percy and Annabeth have let him take sole custody of the shared brain cell, cause they're more concerned about getting some food than anything else

Just... RIP dumbass shenanigans

And honestly, I'm not really sure what necessitated the change here in the show (of them not being tricked). It would have been one thing if they were going to change Medusa entirely to not wanting to harm them at all, but imo, I think its arguable/evident that show Medusa was looking for an excuse to petrify Annabeth and Grover (at minimum) regardless of anything.

Honestly, I would have had the show loosely play it out as: book arrival (they dont know its Medusa), keep the dumbass energy and banter, the trio figures out it Medusa while they're eating, Medusa is the more sympathetic version we see in the show, regardless it still ends with the battle.

Also, I do mourn the book battle. The panic and absurdity is just handled better imo. Annabeth shoving them off the bench, Grover flopping all over the place with the shoes but actively getting a good few hits in, Percy having to use to the reflection to behead her... the #TeamWork was emphasized a little more there to me.

Characterization

I think the show is absolutely nailing certain parts of the characters.

They've gotten Percy's anger and his derision towards the gods down. But, I think they're actually underscoring some of his, idk, sincerity? His kindness? It was the line "she met a pinecone's fate" that just rang off to me. While undoubtedly funny, it's just such a stark difference from his reaction to Thalia's story in the books, where he was unsettled by her fate and felt a sincere sympathy for her. The line in the show I assume is meant to criticize the gods, but still, it feels like it comes at the expense of the sensitivity that he has.

They've gotten Annabeth's bluntness, intelligence, pride, and superiority down cold. No question about it. But I feel like they just need to let her be more of a 12yo kid?

Like. In canon she and Percy banter and argue over the silliest of things. She plays hacky sack with Grover and Percy. She blushes and hyperventilates when Luke interacts with her. Episode 3 is like the first time we've gotten to see her do something remotely childish (buying all that candy) and I'm just dying for more of that!! She's not the "mom" of the group and she has her canon dumbass moments. I'm hoping more of this is captured moving forward. They've gotten a good start on the banter, but let Annabeth be more silly! Cause she is!

(Absolutely none of my personal qualms about the characterization are Walker or Leah's fault. They've done amazing. It's the writing/directing I'm side-eyeing).

OH! And I'm sorry but Percy being like "Annabeth we're going to bury medusa with your hat on" would have never ever flown with Annabeth. In no world.

But Grover eating them up at the end? Iconic. Good for him.

[gin-juice-tonic]

Hey there! I have a friend who wants to write a character with OCD, but I'm worried that she might not have a fully accurate image of what it is. I don't really know many people with OCD, but if you could could you give some tips to pass on to her? Sorry if this is weird, and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to. I just thought it would be better to get information from someone who is affected by OCD than skim an article about it. Thanks again (p.s. I really love your comics!!)

This is going to go under a cut cause i wrote more than I really intended. It's very long. I put a video clip of a character who I think is a good representation in media at the end if you decide you dont want to read all of that and just skip down there.

The thing is that OCD varies a lot from person to person. My experiences arent gonna look the same as someone else's who also has it. Some people have very visible symptoms, some people have things that are still obviously ocd symptoms but would only be recognized by someone who knew what to look for, some people only have mental symptoms - you wouldnt be able to tell unless you were a mind reader. And just like any other disorder it has a range of severity.

Also not everyone's triggered by the same things. I know you said you'd rather hear from a person than an article, but I think she should look at articles that detail what typical obsessions are (Though she should go in knowing these thoughts are beyond people's control. They're sometimes extremely upsetting, and theyre of course upsetting to the person who has them. They may be very hard to read if you arent well-versed in this stuff.) In fiction I usually see perfection and contamination, but there are wayyyy more than that. Some triggers come and go even. One day I can be completely fine about something and encountering it a different day it might take me 3 months to stop spiraling about it.

An important thing that IS spread across everyone who has it is that giving into compulsions makes things worse. They are a feeling of momentary relief that can fade incredibly quickly, which is what leads people to do them over and over and over again much to the detriment of the person doing it.

There is not a lot of rhyme or reason to it. And it cannot be logic-ed with. You could be the smartest, most level headed, logical person in the world, but you cannot logic your way out of obsessive thoughts. (This usually creates an obsessive thought spiral even, which is bad and can be dangerous...)

Adding onto that, she should think hard about whether the character would know they have OCD or not. The public perception of OCD is not great. Most people dont understand what it looks like, including people who have it. And the people who do have it often feel like they cannot talk about it. (I was encouraged by a psychiatrist to never! talk about the intrusive thoughts I have to ANYONE. She sucked, but it shows the attitude that surrounds the disorder.) And whether they know or not will make a big difference in how they view themself and their mental health. Personally when I did not know I had it I was doing a lot worse mentally. A lot. Frankly it very nearly drove me to suicide. And then I found out what it was, and it helped. It didnt magically make things disappear of course, but it helped.

She also might be tempted to make the characters symptoms manifest in ways that are comedic or silly. I am not bothered by this necessarily, I think a lot of the things I do are silly and would be perceived as funny by an outsider. But if she is going to do this I ask that she makes sure she shows how frustrating and embarrassing it is for the character. If you want an example, there is a character in the show Scrubs with OCD. (Side note, Scrubs is rated TV-14 so turn back now if youre too young but)

His name is Dr Kevin Casey, though you could probably just find his scenes from looking up Scrubs OCD. He is played off as a jovial man whose disorder makes him quirky, but he is given a scene in which you can really see the toll it takes on him. One line he says "Nobody's supposed to see this" hits especially hard.

So if that was too long and you didnt read most of it the number one important thing I'd personally ask is however inconvenient this characters OCD is going to be to everyone else Id like her to make sure she shows that its a million times more inconvenient to the person who has it.

[jackhughesily]

moving to jersey

illicit affairs au

based on illicit affairs by taylor swift

pairing: sadie mercer x jack hughes

warnings: swearing, covid-19

summary: sadie and dawson move into new jersey and sadie begins school and her season and meets a certain duo.

background

lowercase intended

gif: @turbolainen

moving from canada to the united states was it’s own culture shock, but moving from the small hometown of carbonear, newfoundland to hoboken, new jersey?? a whole new ball game. sadie mercer knew what she was getting herself into moving into a city in another country, and she was so grateful she wasn’t alone, and had her brother, dawson, to rely on when they’re so far away from their family. a 33 hour car ride to be exact, and dawson would keep reminding her as they waited for their uber to take them from the newark airport to their hotel in hoboken. 

“what if i dont make the roster, sade? i can’t just leave you in new jersey and go back to the q.” sadie frowned.

“dawson, you are literally an amazing hockey player. and the devils would be stupid to not put you straight on their roster.” dawson smiled gently at his younger sister.

“you’re always so optimistic.” sadie rolled her eyes and went back to scrolling through her instagram feed.

soon enough the uber pulled up to the airport and the pair hopped in. the 25 minute ride over to their hotel was spent in comfortable silence, but sadie knew her brother was stressing. after all, their entire plan in new jersey was based on dawson making the roster so they could live together since sadie was attending rutgers university. of course they knew that there was a chance that wouldn’t happen, but they were hoping and praying dawson would make it through camp and onto the roster. 

the uber dropped them off at their hotel, and they headed in to get to their room. their apartment lease wasn’t going to start until september 1st, but since that was the same day she was starting classes, they were in new jersey a week in advance. the 2 bed hotel room looked comfortable with a gorgeous view, and the two instantly laid back onto the beds with no want to plan to unpack anything. dawson only had a duffel bag and a backpack, while sadie had a suitcase and her school backpack. the rest of their stuff is supposed to be mailed in when they move into the apartment.

“dude i’m so hungry, those pretzels on the plan were shit.” dawson complained.

“i think there’s a dunkin like two blocks down, or we could go out to eat but i don’t know what’s open at 10pm.” dawson groaned and looked over at his sister,

“dunkin it is.” sadie lightly laughed at her brother’s dramatics, but she was starving as well so she slipped her birkenstocks back on and grabbed one of the keycards. 

it felt so surreal to walk through the city, even if it was 3 blocks to a dunkin donuts, it was so drastically different to their canadian small town. when the siblings arrived at their lovely destination, they were happy to see that the dunkin was in fact still open, even at 10:23pm. 

dawson got an iced tea with a panini and a boston creme donut, while sadie got herself a refresher, a bagel, and a small munchkin box. 

the siblings sat at one of the tables towards the corner of the store and instantly started eating. after about 10 minutes of silence and eating, dawson got up to throw away his trash and sadie followed. 

the pair walked down the street peacefully and enjoyed the late august breeze. sadie snapped a picture of the roads and sent it to the ‘mercer sibling groupchat’ on snapchat.

jessica was the first to open the snap and quickly responded with a picture of herself in her bed holding a thumbs down. sadie felt bad that she was leaving her sister all alone at home for her sophomore year of high school, but she was happy she got to send jess off for her freshman year since sadie was taking her classes online. riley opened it about 2 minutes later and sent back some funny filter, causing all 4 siblings to start sending funny photos. 

once sadie and dawson got back to their hotel, dawson decided to take a shower first, leaving sadie to have to unpack atleast some of her things. about 10 minutes later, dawson came out of the bathroom with a pair of shorts and t-shirt on and began rummaging through his poorly packed bag for his toothbrush. sadie on the other hand, took this as her opportunity to take the bathroom over and grabbed her toiletry bag with her pjs and ran in. 

“i wasn’t done in there!” dawson yelled through the now closed and locked bathroom door. 

“i can’t hear you! i’m showering!” sadie yelled back as she twisted the shower knobs and got in. 

once sadie was finally done with her shower, brushed her hair and her teeth, and did her extensive skincare routine, she opened the door and smiled at her brother as she passed his bed. 

“finally..” he groaned and got up, with his found toothbrush in hand. 

 for the next couple days, sadie and dawson spent their days out in hoboken and newark to get used to the city. dawson, of course, couldn't let the week be a full rest week and started attending a gym nearby, and occasionally dragging sadie with him, resulting in being forced to make tiktoks with her as payment.

soon enough, september 1st rolled around and sadie was beginning her classes and preparation for preseason which was starting the following monday. her schedule was set up nicely by one of the athletic’s guidance counselors, so she only had class once on monday and wednesday, twice on tuesday and thursday. luckily, they were also all at or after 11am. sadie also was lucky to have some classes with some of her teammates so it was easier for her to become friends with them.

liza ryndych and sofia maksimova were also rookies this year, but they were freshmen. sadie, liza, and sofia became a trio during practice as they all were fly/free strokes, and that translated to outside of the pool.

the beginning of september blew by and devils camp was approaching sooner and sooner. sadie was happy to make friends and be in new jersey living out her dream, but each time she came home to her and her brother’s hotel room, the idea of dawson not making roster became more and more prominent. 

it was september 20th, only two days before camp was to start and sadie only had her elective class at 1:30pm. sadie was running late to practice this morning, so she didn’t get the chance to grab herself breakfast. once practice finished at the aquatic center, sadie was starving. on her way back, her and her ‘big’ sofia chichaikina decide to stop by one of the delis in hoboken.

sofia parks her car a little farther up the street from the deli since all the parking spaces right in front of the small shop were taken.

the girls begin to cross the street after the walk sign lights up and make casual small talk about how much practice drained them that morning, until sadie hears a loud boy-ish scream and someone yells out,

"watch out!" causing sadie to stop dead in her tracks in the middle of the street to face the noise. thankfully, sofia had some common sense in her and pulls sadie out from the middle of the road as two boys speed past them on electric scooters yelling out a quick apology.

"assholes!" sofia yells out at them and flips them off.

"are you crazy?? why would you stop in the middle of the street!" she lectured as they walked on the sidewalk.

the two boys park their scooters in front of the deli and jog over to the two girls about to enter.

"hey, we're so sorry about uh.. you know... almost running you guys over.." the slightly taller boy stammers out.

"yeah, just because you're on a scooter, doesn't mean you don't follow basic traffic laws." sofia bit back at him before going on a rant about how their stupidity put not only sadie and sofia's lives in danger but also their own.

sadie took sofia's rant as an opportunity to examine both of the boys. the stuttering boy who almost ran over sadie had longer hair, blue eyes, and a growing in mustache-beard combination. he was wearing a grey nike t-shirt with a pair of basic athletic shorts.

the other boy, who had yelled in the first place for sadie to watch out, was about the same height as his friend. he had long brown hair- lighter than his friends, coming out from under his baseball cap and curling upwards at the ends. he also had blue eyes, but his seemed softer to sadie. he was also wearing a t-shirt and athletic shorts, but the simple outfit still made sadie swoon a little.

"we're really sorry about almost running you guys over with our scooters. it was irresponsible on our ends, we should've watched where we were going." he interrupted and then nudged his friend.

"yeah, we're really sorry. uh, i'll be sure to make sure i'm following traffic patterns next time." sadie looked up at the two boys and sofia rolled her eyes.

"it's okay, sometimes it happens.. i guess. but, thanks for the heads up atleast." the boys nodded back at her, so the girls decided to take that as their que to exit that awkward conversation and finally get their breakfast.

"wait! let us pay for your breakfast, it's the least we could do." the girls looked at eachother, and then back at them.

"sure." they responded. i mean, what college students would pass up free breakfast?

the two girls got on line while the boys went to grab drinks from the fridge. sadie watched them as the one in the hat took out a raspberry snapple and held it up while looking at her, she smiled at him and nodded her head.

"you like him, don't you?" sofia said to her, snapping sadie out of her thoughts.

"what do you mean? i just met him. i don't even know his name or anything. he doesn't know mine." she rambled until sofia smacked her, gently, so she'd realize the boys were back.

"here's your drink, you like snapple?" sadie looked up at him, smiled, and almost got lost in his eyes before she responded,

"oh yeah, one of my favorites." he smiled back at her and sadie thought she was going to melt away in the middle of a deli.

"i'm jack, by the way, my friends ty. he's the one who uh, you know.."

"oh! yeah. i'm sadie, and this is sofia."

soon enough, they finally got to the the front of the line and ordered their breakfast sandwiches. the girls had planned to just eat theirs on the way back to school, but the boys insisted they ate together at one of the tables outside. they had just a simple conversation, mostly the girls talking about school and swim, until sadie realized they've been talking for 15 minutes and they know nothing about the boys.

"wait so do you guys go to school around here too?" the boys glanced at eachother, trying to see how they wanted to play this,

"we actually play hockey." ty revealed quietly, and jack looked over at him like he just told the girls the biggest secret in the world.

"i didn't know rutgers had a hockey team." sadie nodded in agreement to sofia.

"so you guys live around here?" jack changed the subject 'smoothly'.

the group continued to talk until it was time for sofia to leave for one of her classes. the girls were driving over to the new brunswick campus when sadie suddenly put her phone down,

"fi, we didn't get their numbers. or like anything about them other than their names." sofia rolled her eyes,

"i knew you liked one of them, it's okay maybe we'll run into those boys again. hopefully not in a moving vehicle."

little did sadie know, she would run into those boys again, but not where she expected it..

AN: ahhhhhhhh i know this took absolutely forever to come out, and honestly i had the idea in my head but i just wasn't sure of the perfect way to execute it. this'll be the background leading up to the beginning of the song, illicit affairs by my bae taylor swift. let me know what you think about this and any requests!!

tagging mutuals for interaction: @zegras2crosby @bloodydilf @jackhues @drysdalesv @andreburakozy @yankstrash @kjohnson-91 @babydollmarauders @slafkovskyhughes @hockeyboysarehot

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join my taglist!

tags: @andrewgarfield2022 @deaddumblbumble @hockeyboysarehot @kjohnson-91 @babydollmarauders @Hughesx3 

[tsukasalover]

#1 tenma defender

(screenshots from saki’s first bday card side story) can people stop pretending like the tenma parents are complete assholes for UNINTENTIONALLY neglecting tsukasa and actually notice how they’re more morally gray for deciding to parent in that way than anything else

im not sorry but i had a good time reading this side story and i think it’d be funny if tenmadad and tsukasa were actually really similar bcs i imagined tenmadad with these extremely dramatic expressions that were just like Tsukasa’s every time he spoke

but really, people try and focus too much on ONLY the fact that Tsukasa was neglected, not the details, and dont care enough to think about the fact that the tenma parents CLEARLY didn’t intend for that to happen (do you think they would REALLY know that saki would be hospitalized for most of her life? come on pjsk is much more realistic and has better writing than that) and something that i believe is extremely important as well is that usually childhood neglect (well specifically the tenma’s somewhat complicated case) has a lot of pieces missing or kind of blurred parts, and it’s probablyyy going to take a while to really get more information on what the fuck was going on back then and more about the tenma parents because they still don’t exactly seem to play like REALLY big roles or anything AND even when they’re around it’s NOT like they’re bringing up the topic of the tenma’s childhood and describing it in more detail? (i mean specifically what happened with tsukasa) i want another Tenma event where we get cards where the tenma parents are in them and they’re all having a good time 💔💔this isn’t fair i want to get to know the tenma parents better WAAAHH

also tsukasa has like. some serious repression issues going on. that’s just been obvious for a long time now. so when both parents AND the god damn child who got unintentionally neglected and has memory and emotional repression issues don’t really ever look back on the past for a really long period of time or try and talk much about it from what they can remember… yeah. it’s just kind of a big question mark for now. i mean, I’m sure we’ll probably get more stuff about it down the road (maybe from toya too? who knows) but for now there’s no EXACT answer. it’s up to everyone’s different interpretations and I’m not here to hate on everyone’s own opinions, but don’t just slap on the “tenma parents are complete assholes and don’t love tsukasa” and call it a day without doing actual deeper dives into childhood neglect and how messy the effects and situations can be. i strongly believe that one day the tenma parents probably WILL mention Tsukasa’s situation or be aware of how Tsukasa’s childhood continues to affect him in the present, and they will actually care for him and try to be there for him more often. they love BOTH of their kids so much, but one happened to end up in a very unfortunate situation and that caused some very poor parenting choices to be made UNINTENTIONALLY. sorry for word vomiting but GODD this just goes to show how realistic and detailed pjsk is. like i find so much comfort in these silly characters from a rhythm game. it’s so clear that tons of love was poured into building the world around them and even their own personal lives. colopale really wants to make me cry for once with how much they manage to nail realistically writing rough topics like these.

anyways this is just how i personally view the tenma family and Tsukasa’s situation after analyzing my own experiences and how much of a messy situation (my bad i don’t know how to word this but like, hard to figure out?? piece together??) childhood neglect will ALWAYS be, and then if there’s also things like repressed memories and never really much or any discussion of “hey wtf happened back then and how do we all think of what happened from our own perspectives,” uhh yeah. that’s rough. i woke up in the middle of the night so this might be edited in the future btw

[brybryby]

VERY LONG POST IM SORRY. DONT FEEL OBLIGED TO READ

HI. Alrighty, this has been on my mind for a while (ever since promotional content for Trials started being released).

I have a TON of analyses in the drafts, but I want to make this post before I release them for public viewing.

I know that I like to make goofy, light-hearted little fan animations and fan art of Outlast, but I think I need to start changing how I navigate through the content. After spending so much of my time deep diving and writing up these analyses, my eyes have been opened to just how much the franchise revolves around fucked up historical events. I feel that some of the stuff I've posted is tone deaf, or at least the way I posted about it is. And I think—for the most part—there's an understanding that I don't intend to be harmful, but I fear that the way I go about it **is**. (And obviously, action takes precedence over intent.)

For contextualization, when I initially got into Outlast at the age of 12, I was enthralled by the horror aesthetics and found a lot of the angsty gore to be cathartic. I felt so “taboo” and “scandalous” lol (especially as a developing child trying to understand myself amidst my puberty stage). I was young and—for lack of a better word—braindead in how I navigated the media. I was naive, mindless, ignorant, etc etc… Now that I have a deeper understanding of the narratives and historical implications/influences, I need to do better in how I interact with the franchise.

What am I getting at?

Pretty much, I'm working on being more careful with how I interact with the media. At the same time, I want the analyses that I post to be educational. And most importantly, please message me if I ever say some bullshit. Seriously. All I ever want to do with my life is to be a positive impact. I genuinely get upset if I cause harm to someone else. (One time I literally cried at a high school football game as a freshman because I thought I hurt someone else's feelings. It turned out they were faking it lmao. Then they started feeling bad and then that made me feel bad for crying and yea yea).

Seriously though. I know that my posts can get public outreach, and anything that has public outreach can be influential and have a good or bad impact. So please let me know if I do or say anything harmful or ignorant. I won't be offended. I don’t want to spread harmful stuff. There are many instances in my life where people sit me down to have meaningful conversations about shit I've said or done and how I can improve myself.

That said, I'll be posting more analyses and making my own syntheses of historical events. My next analysis post will be about Waylon's Asian-coding (specifically Korean-coding), how Trials actually supports this (using themes of US immigration), and why it is apparent to many Asian fans (including me, hehe).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's pretty much it. But if you wanna stick around a bit further, I'll tell you my (excruciatingly long) story about how I got into Outlast :) along with how much it has invaded my brain and life :') and maybe get a little ~personal~ hehe

STORYTIME:

So, the game came out in 2013. Nearly 10 years ago. I was 12 at the time of its release. Let me tell you…this game was a HUGE impact in the horror community. HOLY. SHIT. It changed the way I looked at lockers and beds. I remember it being critically acclaimed (and rightfully so). It may have not been the most technical video game, but it certainly was a piece of art.

I remember commercials being shown everywhere. The trailer of beta Miles Upshur running and parkouring through Mount Massive while being chased by the tiny beta model of Chris Walker will forever be canonized as part my childhood. I remember specifically heading to the bathroom from my living room and my dad interrupting me to say “Hey! Check this out!” and then proceeding to play the trailer for my 12-year-old eyes. I was scared shitless.

Couple weeks later, Conan O'Brien featured Outlast in one of his segments of “Clueless Gamer” (yeah, my family and I used to watch Conan lol). I was very familiar with Slender and Amnesia, which were the 2 other games featured in this Halloween special, but this was the first time I REALLY got to check out Outlast.

Now, let me preface that during this time, internet culture was very interesting and even less safe than it is today. I had a ton of bad experiences on the internet during my childhood. But oddly (and embarrassingly), the emo/scene/horror/creepypasta culture was what brought me comfort amongst a sea of awful things you could find on the internet. It was probably unhealthy for my developing brain, but I indulged in a lot of angst that was presented with heavy gore and violence. And to be honest, looking at this kind of stuff at a young age helped me process a lot of my own personal shit that I experienced outside of the internet realm. (To be clear, I don't endorse this type of violence, and I don't endorse exploring the internet in the same way I did as a child—it was probably very unhealthy and I think it caused some early development issues.)

But nothing—and I mean NOTHING—scratched that itch more than the way Outlast did. I watched the finger cutting scene in Conan's “Clueless Gamer” and was fucking mortified. I was scared of the dark for weeks. But I remember spending that night in my bedroom looking at more Outlast content to get that cathartic fix to fill my emotional hole of…I don't know…morbid curiosity? I definitely felt shame at the time. I don't know. In recent years, I've been on this journey to process stuff I experienced during my childhood and I struggle to go about my middle-school/junior-high stage because…I don't know…puberty? Access to the internet? I once got bullied by a forum of adult men for posting fan art LMAO. I was 12 years old—I forgot what the fan art even was. ANYWAYS, yea. That was only one instance of my conglomeration of internet experiences. (Like many other peeps, I had to hide my gender & racial identity to preserve my sanity). Indulging in gore art was therapeutic and helped me release negative emotions in a non-harmful way. Horror-genre communities online have been mostly friendly and welcoming towards me. That's probably why I fell in love with Outlast as an art rather than a video game.

I wasn't in the fandom straight off the bat. I had other hyper fixations at times but I navigated through these other fixations with this personal “Outlast standard” where the art and fiction I consumed needed to be horror-themed, gorey, or angsty. And Outlast isn't solely to blame. I was into gore and angst before the game came out. It just so happened that it came out at such a perfect time in my life. (Horror made my queer self feel accepted)

This whole “Outlast standard” stuck with me throughout high school. Uh… this next bit of information may get a little personal. During my sophomore year, someone really important in my life passed away. Then I had this life-impacting thing happen during my junior year that changed how I perceived things forever (lol, this sounds so dramatic). I turned to art to help me process and yada yada… but y'know what really helped? You know what I turned to when I needed to “scratch the itch”? (I bet you'll never guess)

I finally considered myself a part of the Outlast fandom in 2018-2019. I was a high school junior/senior and I posted the Outlast-Outkast animation that got retweeted by Red Barrels. Had a lot of fun in the fandom during that time and it helped get my mind off of things. Also, I loved the fact that Waylon graduated from Berkeley. I was applying to colleges during this time and it made me romanticize Berkeley, lol. I ended up getting accepted. Had an awesome time. I recently graduated and got my Bachelor's. I'm very privileged and gracious for my experience. I spent a lot of grueling time and energy dedicated towards my education.

During my college years, a lot of the unprocessed shit from my childhood started resurfacing and it was becoming hard to navigate through life. I became really disconnected with people who were close to me. Art started to fall out of my life. Stuff happened. Got in touch with psychiatrists thanks to my college's free health services. I don't mean to downplay or normalize what happened, but I'll bring up that many college students deal with mental illness and depression (and this could be attributed to many things: moving away from family, student-life, financial pressure, pressure to secure jobs/internships, living alone for the first time, maturing into an adult, etc. etc.).

But I remember sitting alone in my studio apartment one weekend and started surfing Tumblr. I came across new Outlast fan art and it sparked my hyper fixation all over again. I re-read the comics and—OKAY THIS IS GONNA SOUND FUCKING RIDICULOUS—but I started jogging because Miles went on jogs LMAOOAKJDGHJAHKGFL. I finally picked up the pencil and started drawing again (after like…months) and drew Miles and Waylon flipping off Murkoff. And THAT was when I realized what the narratives of Outlast were actually about—FUCKIN' CAPITALISM AAUGGGHHH. MY LITTLE POOPOO BRAIN AT AGE 12 NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT. AND NOW THAT I'M AN ADULT—NOW THAT I CAN BLATANTLY SEE MYSELF AND MY PEERS AS VICTIMS/PRODUCTS OF CAPITALISM—CAN FINALLY FIND SO MUCH VALUE AND MEANING IN THIS GAME HHHRHRJGHKSDKFGLAJKDG SAY W H A T IM GONNA *explodes*

Then a year later, I started drawing more and more again. Trials' promotional marketing was becoming more prominent. I started posting my fan art on Tumblr. Then I made the fanimation (thank you Mr. Baichoo, you're so awesome, I will forever be a fan of yours) and now here I am. Still fixated on this silly little game for nearly 10 years. WHEW.

I FEEL LIKE A SHRIMP CHIP. Anyways, thanks. I much needed to get this off my chest.

Also, hey! Just wanted to say thanks for the friendly and welcoming interactions in this space. It feels so much safer and more comforting than previous internet experiences I've had. Since 2013, the fandom has evolved a lot. In my opinion, it has evolved for the better. The resurgence of new fans bring such refreshing perspectives and fields of knowledge that haven't been influenced by some of the harmful internet culture that I grew up in. So truly, many thanks to y'all for making the fandom space a nicer place (especially for such a heavy game). Also, what the heck, everyone in the fandom is seriously so talented and artistic

Uh… fan art time? (old stuff/sketches I haven’t posted)

But seriously if you got this far, thank you

[violet-919]

Daily reminder to not listen to Destiny 2 streamers and content creators’ “criticism” (AKA whining and bitching). They thrive on the negativity and hate they create for their views.

I don’t really know precisely what Bungie’s done to piss them off (and i intend to keep it that way cuz i like to stay mentally sane) but for as much shit-talk they deal i can ASSURE you that they will still buy every single new piece of Destiny and Bungie content that gets released without hesitation. They’re hypocrites who talk too much harmful shit nobody benefits from.

I’ve heard stuff about the monetizing of the game getting “greedier” and maybe they have a point about that, maybe they dont, i dont care. If they really thought the game was doomed or bad in whatever way, they’d stop playing and do something else or play another game, but they dont. Dont listen to them, period.

“But it’s valid criticism!” No it’s fucking not. I dont care how good of a point anyone makes, no criticism is valid when it’s used as an excuse to generate hate instead of actually giving feedback. I dont think this can even be called criticism, it’s just straight up harmful speech.

If you yourself think the game is gonna go bad in some way and don’t wanna play anymore, that’s fine, you do you. But dont stay and start saying hateful things about it, you’re only causing harm to yourself, the rest of players who enjoy it, and the people at Bungie themselves (because some people somehow seem to forget that Bungie are still human beings)

[thinkin-bout-milgram]

high key voting haruka guilty

Hullo hullo! It’s Mercury! Haruka’s album dropped and I was finally able to listen to his VD and Android Girl! Many thoughts are occuring.

like a lot of Haruka stuff TW for mentions of suicide

First off,, Android Girl!!!! It sounds so crunchy??? /pos I def think I like it more than the original. I high-key was just listening to the original imagining Haruka’s cover lol.

now for the VD,,,, it’s not looking good

Mini summary if yall haven’t listened to it:

Haruka is more confident when talking to Es, only ocassionally going back to his weaker, nervous tendencies. Haruka first explains how Shidou and Kazui negotiated a ceasefire with Kotoko, for now.

He moves on to state how he has two saviors: one is Es and the other is later revealed to be Muu. He says Es is one of his saviors bc we voted him innocent. He’s taken it to the extreme thinking we have completely forgiven him for killing. Es states how the innocent vote is a temporary verdict and how what he did is still morally wrong. This causes Haruka to start throwing a tantrum, throwing things and screaming that what he did wasn’t wrong. He eventually charges at Es intending to choke them, but ofc the magic barrier prevents him from harming them. It even rebounds onto him so he starts choking a bit?

Haruka calms down a little bit, enough for Es to try to explain how we voted on him. This really only confuses Haruka and makes him start screaming again, saying a good-for-nothing like him could only get noticed by killing (yeesh) and asking if it was good his mom gave up on him (double yeesh).

Then out of no where Haruka says that Es isn’t his mom. Es is like “girl yea I’ve never been your mom.” Haruka then says Muu is his mom bc she pays attention to him and praises him unlike his actual mom (who he now doesn’t view as his mom anymore).

Last and most important bit: Haruka’s ultimatum

Haruka says Muu is scared of Milgram and we have to stop scaring her and vote her innocent or else he’d kill Es. Es then scoffs saying “you literally can’t kill me.” Then Haruka says “Fine, if you don’t vote her innocent, I’ll kill myself. That’s not against the rules right?”

In conclusion, if we want to vote Muu guilty, we’d have to vote Haruka guilty as well, but there really is no winning here.

Haruka innocent & Muu innocent

continuing to affirm their actions and maybe make them more likely to kill again if released back into society

Haruka innocent & Muu guilty

..... bye Haruka

Haruka guilty & Muu innocent

theres honestly a lot of things that could happen with this one. Muu would prob get super pissed, Haruka might get jealous and violent, or Muu might not even care and move on from him (not very likely tho imo)

Haruka guilty & Muu guilty

Haruka can’t do anything... yet but would def break his trust in Milgram, Muu would likely reject the verdict and continue to deny fault

How it’s looking right now is the fandom will want to vote Muu guilty, and the safer way to do that would then be to vote Haruka guilty. Even on the off chance we vote Muu innocent, I really don’t want to run the risk of Haruka committing suicide. He’s definitely not making false claims here, knowing his personality, I don’t doubt that he's serious ab this.

We don’t know how a suicide would impact the rest of the prisoners either, but it def wouldn’t be good. Likely, it would cause a widespread panic amongst the prisoners and overall make everyone more afraid of Milgram. I also have no idea what it would do to Muu either. I really doubt she asked Haruka to do this, it's likely just his way of showing how much she means to him. But he kinda didn't think this through??? How is commiting suicide going to help not scare her????

These are just my thoughts,, feel free to vote however you want lol im not your mom 🤡 (unless secretly im Muu and youre Haruka then ig i am your mom) BUT BY ALL MEANS PLEASE DONT KEEP HIM ON 50/50

genuinely it is a VERY bad idea. Mr. “Please Notice Me and Give Me Affirmation” getting no verdict? I cant see that turning out well for a n y o n e

[carpisuns]

hello! i saw your tags on that ''if you would be so kind as to reblog this if you feel insecure about your writing skills'' post, and i just wanted to say that i love your writing SO much!!! like.. all of your fics that ive read are so good!!!!!!!! whether youre aiming for a more silly, goofy vibe or heart-shattering angst you do it so well and im amazed at your talent!

''tell me something i dont know'' is one of my all time favourite fics and i remember how much i enjoyed reading it (and crying my eyes out at 2 am adjahsf), and ''where roses bloom'' absolutely broke my heart in the best way possible!! And i loved your collab fic with botherkupo, ''two idiots and a hamster'' SO much, i seriously had to try very hard not to laugh ahdjskdhf. OH and im not in the toh fandom, but i did read ''The Death-Defying Flirting Methods of Captain Willow Park'' and i really really enjoyed it!! like i said, you write both angst, humor and romance so well and your writing is such a beautiful mix of everything!

Youre one of my fav writers on here, and i think that no matter what your goals are for writing, they definetely leave a big impact on your readers- your fics have made me laugh, cry and quite frankly im obsessed with them! I know insecurities dont simply Vanish from one ask lol, but i hope you know how much you and your fics (AND your art and just. in general youre such a nice person) mean to me, and all your other readers! <3333333

I kept this in my inbox for a bit bc it’s just so kind and I didn’t know how to respond 🥺 and then I started answering but didn’t finished and saved it in my drafts and forgot SHSJSK anyway. Thank you so so much!!!!

i reblogged that post kind of in solidarity with other writers cause i know insecurity is something everyone deals with. it’s weird because I feel like at all times I’m simultaneously confident and insecure about my writing lol. I have enough experience/training that I know I can like put together sentences and paragraphs lol but I still fret over pacing and style and characterization and stuff like that a lot. the insecurities make me feel kind of silly bc I feel like at this point i should be over them!!! but I can’t help worrying about how my work will be received by the audience. i am always at least a little nervous to post something new, and sometimes I am very nervous! Cause I just don’t know if it’s gonna land the way I intended.

And the most frustrating part for me is when I read something REALLY good and sometimes feel like pouty and jealous I guess lol going “ugh I could never write like that! I should just give up!” I feel like such a baby!! but I get over it quickly and I’m sure I’m not the only one who falls victim to Pouty Little Binch syndrome. (I mean I hope I’m not the only one or that would be extra pitiful 😂)

Anyway it helps me to remind myself that it’s a good thing that I don’t write the same way my fav writers write! we all have our own ways of thinking and expressing ourselves, and even when we take inspiration from someone else, the Us-ness of our work is always gonna come through. If that makes sense. like if my fav writer is So-and-So, it’s really awesome and cool to enjoy the So-and-So-ness of their work and break down why I enjoy it so much and even incorporate some So-and-So-type flavors in my own writing, but at the end of the day my writing will always be full of carpisuns-ness and that’s cool too! I just think as creators we are so close to our own work and we’re so in the weeds about it that we don’t get a clear view of it like a reader does when they’re coming to it fresh, and that makes us sometimes judge it unkindly. More often than not, your work is better than you think it is. Sometimes when a creator I admire feels down about their work I just wish I could let them borrow my eyes and see it how I see it, because it’s really amazing and makes me feel so much!!

Anyway, I probably got off topic lol but I just wanted to shout out to all the writers who are feeling down about their work. You are doing amazing sweetie!! Better than you think. Dont stop writing.

this is seriously such a kind message and it means so much to me that you would take the time out of your day to write this! 🥺💜 people like you who go out of their way to make others feel good are such a treasure. Im glad you enjoyed those fics!! And that u even read one of my toh fics when you’re not in the fandom? aaaa I’m honored! Blowing u kisses

[gendrie]

Do you ever feel nervous about loving Arya and asoiaf so much? I do. I love Arya. I have, ever since i first read the books, and i love her chapters, and her character, and her arch, and everything about her. She is (one of) the main reasons i love the book series so much. I have been a fan for more than 11 years now. I cant tell you how many times i have reread her chapters. A lot of times, i promise. So i have faith in the character i know, a character that i know i know. But sometimes, i just get so nervous. I know a lot of it's because of what the show did to her, what certain parts of the fandom make of her, but i worry. That i got her wrong, that i got her character wrong, that i got who she is wrong. Sometimes what George Martin says about her, despite calling her his favorite character on multiple occasions, definitely contributes too. I can ignore what the show said or did, and i can ignore the nonsense from the ridiculous fandom as well, but when he says stuff like that, about her always going to kill someone, about her being a psychopath, kinda just guts me. Cause it so contradicts what i read in his books, what HE wrote in his books. I mean, he wrote them, he wrote HER and he didnt write her like that, like a psychopath. He wrote her like a traumatized girl in the middle of a war zone with nowhere to turn, a girl who loves her family and her brothers and her home and only wants to go back to whatever's left of it, who is caring and moral and just and someone who sees the injustice and cruelty and utter horror around her and wants to make some right of it. How does he write her like that, and then describe her in another way? Am i reading it wrong? Did i get it wrong? I dont think i did. But i am not arrogant enough to not question myself at times. Especially when he says stuff like this. What's your opinion/outlook/thoughts on this?

oh yeah, i can totally relate to that. not just regarding arya’s character but also, in particular, with arya/gendry. i didnt have the arrogance to never question my theories either. which all came to a head with the s8 finale. i sorta got validated on the latter, for a euphoric period of like 2 weeks, before it all came crashing down. that was definitely a turning point for me and my feelings re: asoiaf. i approach the series (and the fandom) in a very different way now. 

for me it was not easy to discount the show because, in all honesty, i don’t know that it’s ending was entirely different from the one grrm is planning. unfortunately. there was certainly d&d fanfic in there (ie: arya’s characterization in general, qitn s*nsa, jaime and cersei’s death, bran as king of the 6? kingdoms as opposed to the north) but i’m not certain about a lot of the other plot points; including arya’s endgame. i think the issue is going to be that the ending grrm’s intends to write, the same endgame he has had in mind since the very beginning, no longer works for the characters. the narrative has outgrown it! grrm has said himself numerous times “the tale grew with the telling” but for some reason he won’t let the ending evolve too? and that’s frustrating for me. i cannot begin to tell you how sick i am of storytellers who can’t properly outline. these days that applies to most of them. 

but the endgame only matters if grrm can finish the series. i don’t think he can. regardless, his opinion is fairly irrelevant to me at present. he was never going to view the series in the same exact way that a lot of us do anyway. he’s a 70 yr old man. most arya fans are young women. totally different perspectives. his comment about arya being a psycho is flippant, hyperbolic, and gross but do not let it make you think your interpretation of the text is "wrong". first of all: the people harping on about this are fulltime clowns with an agenda. they’re desperate for any ammo against arya, to justify wanting her to die in a ditch, so they wield this thoughtless diagnosis of a mental disorder against her like a weapon.

but arya *is* a caring, smart, brave, traumatized child with nowhere to turn who easily makes friends, and loves her family. she bandaged her worst enemy. she took mercy on those criminals. she has put herself at risk multiple times to help others. those things are true. she is also extremely desensitized to violence, as a child solider, and associates the ability to kill with safety/survival. arya is not a "good” victim. arya bites back. she is angry, fierce, and capable of inflicting harm. her wrath is directed towards worthy targets but arya is still a little girl with a monstrous side, literally and figuratively. she doesn't share her heart and mind with a fearsome direwolf for nothing.

so no, you’re not reading anything wrong. there is no such thing. this is something i have only developed a true appreciation for post s8. what you take away from the books is yours. do not let a man who can’t even do his job ruin that with a couple dumbass comments. besides, his ultimate goal for her arc is unknown. we've all got theories but it’s impossible to get an objective, full picture, without it. and like i said an asoiaf endgame? unlikely lol. this is going to be a chose your ending for everyone. i have completely embraced that mindset. arya stark is my number one, my forever girl. i will interpret her how i want and envision an ending (or several) for her that i want. i would encourage you to try and do the same. it’s a much more enjoyable mindset. 

[etrosgate]

just finished watching an aitsf lp so here's my thoughts on the game

jokes aside, this is long (an pretty negative) so i'm putting it all under the cut so it's easy to scroll past

it was a solid okay in general i guess in that i can see why other people would enjoy it, but it was bad to me.

aiba was mostly just an enjoyable presence than anything super deep but that's fine, she worked well enough to make her aspect of the finale emotional.

the plot is cool enough in concept but kinda shakily put together in execution (not helped by iris being one of the weakest characters with easily the worst route, when she's supposed to be very important)

mizuki and mayumi were far and away the best aspect, and their stuff was basically relegated to their respective endings. goddd the right side routes hurt, to see date kinda ignore mizuki in favor of focusing on iris (JUST LIKE RENJU) was almost poetic. in a painful way.

i'd already known most of the big spoilers for the game (though my jaw did drop at the reveal of who shot hitomi), but the final delivering of answers to the mystery and the climax were enjoyable.

the game's tone really does not work for me outside of the moments where it's really serious (i'd say the purely goofy ones too but i despise 90% of the humor in those). i dont think it marries its stakes and goofy-ness well, they often just feel discordant to the point of undercutting its narrative (unlike something like re:kinder, whose juxtaposition of humor and tragedy manages to enhance both aspects)

i'd be able to just slap a "it was pretty okay" sticker on it.........if it wasn't for the constant, icky, gross, pervy humor that often isn't funny even when it actually is about/involving adults of similar age.

but so often it isn't, it's men making these gross comments and jokes about women decades younger than them, or the game making the girls (even mizuki!) do that coy "omggg are you a pervert, thinking about [explicit thing] with me!?" thing that plays into that viewer fantasy.

this aspect is so frequent and widespread that it manages to ruin pretty much every single male character (that's intended to be viewed at least somewhat sympathetically) in the game. i think renju and pewter might be the only exceptions? and i'll get to them....

and then there's saito...

this sort of thing is Not new for uchik*shi (this aspect of [spoiler character]'s motivations is one of my biggest issues with 999), but it's definitely the most caricature-ish i've seen from him so far, the absolute embodiment of ableist villain writing…

boss could've been more interesting if she got more focus (and if date wasn't just like. winning the idgaf wars about her+abis being in seijima's pocket in resolution ending).

date when abis is corrupt in a way that inconveniences him:

date when the corruption works in his favor: *conspicuously silent*

speaking of that, let's get into ai the homophobia files (not super indepth cause i'm getting tired)

that extremely shoehorned in lgbt support message would come across a lot better if those characters weren't so poorly treated. like it's crazy how renju+pewter's relationship is an important factor of the plot and they just Don't explore it At All after revealing it.

pewter's treatment particularly is just. nuts. it hit me a brick after finishing the game, but it is actually crazy that date was really telling pewter he deserves to be in jail for (unknowingly!) assisting in someone else's attempted murder, while literally being an ex-hitman

LIKE BOSS, CAN YOU NOT PULL SOME FUCKING STRINGS HERE!? LIKE YOU DID FOR AN ACTUAL SERIAL MURDERER!? TWICE!? (i know she does do this in the sequel but i guarantee that was a response to people reacting negatively to this aspect of the first game)

like the bizarre difference in treatment ends up coming across like they didn't even have pewter end up in jail for committing crimes, it was for committing them while gay. committing them Because he's gay, even. a classic.

there's other stuff but this has gone on long enough and im tired of thinking and writing.

ANYWAYS.

tldr; its occasional good aspects were not good enough to make the bad parts worth it for me. i can see why others would enjoy it, but i do NOT. give a fuck.

and i want to put mizuki, pewter, and aiba into precure

[proudfreakmetarusonniku]

hi! really really sorry if this comes off as weird or if you just wanna move past it, but if you'd like, I'd maybe wanna try and give some...idk...advice? As someone who writes c!primeboys in a way vaguely similar to how you do(I.E focusing on the obsessiveness of c!Dream towards c!Tommy and how he dehumanizes him like a fucking creep, but not That Kind of creep), and who has often dealt with more than just a couple of really nasty, half-assed, fake nice comments on my fics with it.

First of all, I wanna say that there is literally NOTHING wrong(from what I've seen) with how you write them in your fics/drabbles. Literally nothing. Your stuff is horrifying and eerie and makes the skin crawl, but it's done well and very similar to scenes from DSMP canon, and not once in my Basically A Whole Year of lurking before I joined did I ever read your stuff and think it was at all gross or anywhere close to boundry breaking. Like...you'd have to SQUINT and tilt your head a whole bunch. then scoot 5 paces to the left to stand on your head. to get anything /r or heavens forbid NSFW out of your c!primeboys stuff. that's how far off from any boundaries you've been.

like you are Very Good on that front. Please don't ever worry too badly, you're honestly one of the most respectful people I've seen when it comes to the CCs.

Another thing is that I heavily relate to basing c!primeboys stuff off of personal experience. At the risk of being a bit trauma dumpy, I often draw from experiences of both sexual and non-sexual abuse I've suffered when writing c!Dream. Not in the sense that I take the sex stuff and put it up to him god no heaven forbid, but moreso that, as someone who has gone through both "flavors" of how abusers can be predatory towards their victims, I find it very soothing to take the idea of being viewed as just a toy, meat, tool or an object, something to be hurt and consumed for another person's enjoyment, and to take all of that and go "hee hoo evil greem man" in a way that fits the Ccs' boundaries that allows me to vent through whatever I'm writing. oooooften in the "hee hoo evil greem man be evil and then get thrown into the garbage disposal while gold boy get hugged and kissed on the forehead" way, which is a bit different from your horror-centric fics, but hey! the duality of inniter strikes again :D

I get feeling anxious when someone misinterprets your fics. You aren't alone in that. If someone ever tried to accuse me of /r or NSFWing any of my c!primeboys scene, I'd likely have a panic attack and go on lockdown for the next 5 business days. because,,,,,,yikes, ya'know?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you really shouldn't worry as much about coming off a certain way if that's not what you intend in your writing. You tag your stuff very well, you give warnings and are very mindful about everything you create. That anon was being an ass and should go reconsider how they talk to people when they can just curate their own experience. If i had a nickel for everytime I've had someone say some similarly snobby mocking passive aggressive fake-nice shit on my fics, I'd have a lotta nickels and would be a bit less unhappy about reading those things. becuz money. yea....

Sorry this was so long and rambly. I just wanted to try and offer a few assurances <3

thank you, i'm sorry this is causing you anxiety haha. i'm just. i've fucked up with boundaries in the past. i dont get them intuitively like a lot of people do bc i've only just recently allowed myself to start having my own. i worry that fucking up there has made me unfixable. i worry i'm still fucking up and not realising it. its good to know that it's just paranoia.

[raincloud-the-33rd-frog]

4,8,9,26 for ask game

:)))

4. Fav character/subject that's a ** to draw

Humans. You know my pain Song. Especially if it's not Zachary, bonus points for non-zachary-humans. Other things, like architecture, cause suffering too, but not nearly to the same degree.

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

Oh. Tricky. I tend to revamp things I loose interest in in a constant cycle. I also feel like I never fully loose interest? More that specific aspects of a thing I no longer feel comfortable with. EX I removed lot of the heavier magical elements in most of my stories, I also stopped making warriors fanfiction because the StarClan lore is hard to detach and I dont really much like it. But I kept a lot of the concepts! I usually just leave them in the 'backseat'.

Maybe closed species? I used to really want to run a closed species group but I have almost entirely left that behind now. I wanted to have a whole website for fritters and even reach monetization and publish... comics and stuff based off the idea, maybe even plushes someday, and while I still am very fond of fritters I dont really feel that anymore. I may still use them in writing someday.

9. What are your file name conventions

I tend to use things I am hearing in the background, with many fun results! I don't go off this much. When I do it is because I have say, an intentional thing I am naming it after (like a character's name, a character 'theme', a specific song ect). Or if it's something like a map I'll name it exactly as what kind of map it is. Characters references I usually give the character's name also.

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

Honestly you tell me. No one really tells me how they interpret my art so no idea. c': Every so often someone may thing I drew something that looks too much like something else (ex dog mistaken for cat, impossible thought to be themed off a plague doctor (fun fact, he isn't directly - but his brother Lysander is). Do all those people who put my non-warrior cats cat art into 'warriors' folders on da favorite count? XD

This isn't writing questions, but I will say in writing some of the pond reactions to specific characters, when I write them in scenes, surprise me. I'm not so much sure if this is me writing something badly, the reader not having enough context, or just us both come from different points of view.

[strangelysamantha]

 crumbled cookies ☆

jj maybank x plus!reader (fem!reader)

warnings: abuse/hitting, hate speech, fat shaming, bullying, insecurities, swearing, fighting, jj’s dad, luke (yikes!) mad jj, mention of pills. 

words: 3,365.

summary: you decide it would be a good surprise to stop by jjs house quickly to drop off some of your homemade cookies, since you believe he isn’t feeling the best. then, unexpectedly jj's dad comes home with an unwelcoming embrace, which ruins the surprise.

request? nope, but requests are open :)

a/n: i randomly thought about this, i obviously don’t believe that us plus size baddies should ever be insecure, but i thought it would be a nice little angst imagine with fluff at the end! if you could, please comment and like if you enjoyed it, thank you! after i write a few requests i will proofread my stories :)

my masterlist

——————————————————————————

jj hadn’t answered any of your texts, usually this would worry you, but you understood that sometimes he just needed some space to be alone. you surprisingly were used to this because he always disappeared, and if he genuinely needed you, he knew where to find you. it also wasn’t bothering you because he had only been MIA for a few hours.

you, assuming that jj was just overwhelmed, decided to stay home and bake homemade cookies. jj always complimented your cookies, he loved taste testing them, and more importantly, he loved how you put so much effort into making them perfect, even if you were only making the cookies for him. jj wouldn’t admit it, but he definitely didn’t see you as just a friend. he didn’t know how he viewed you. he was too confused for his own good with his emotions. all he did know was that he depended on you, and that he never wanted to lose you. it would ruin him,  especially if he had done something to intentionally lose and hurt you.

you preheated the oven, excited to use a new cookie flavor for jj. you danced lightly to the music playing in the background of your kitchen, softly humming along as you gathered the dry ingredients, mixing them together. it was a fun little game you guys played, where he’d try and guess what extra ingredients you added that affected the cookie's flavor. he almost always got it wrong, but he was so cute sitting there always trying to guess it right, when he didn’t even know that much about cooking anyway.

unbeknownst to you, you were completely unaware of his feelings, despite the same feelings bubbling in your heart too. jj was your best buddy, and obviously you guys had flirtatious banter but it was nothing too serious. it didn’t help that every girl jj had a one night stand with, was the complete opposite of you. how could he like you, when every girl he fucks was not only skinny, but also rich, and mysterious?

pope wasn’t on your side either. he would always express how nauseated he felt when jj would jokingly flirt with you, and openly play with your feelings. he was quite vocal in scolding you when you would tell him that jj blew you off, or jj had pissed you off. deep down you did agree with pope, he wasn’t wrong.

a beep was heard from the oven as it was fully preheated. you had fully completed the cookie dough, now adding the most important ingredients. you decided to be nicer, and chose an easier flavor for jj to guess. you did this just in case something was seriously wrong he could at least be lifted up for guessing it right. m&ms and hershey’s kisses would be mixed together, creating a chocolate m&m hershey cookie, with added caramel on top. you quickly evenly separate the dough, before placing it in the oven waiting for it to rise.

the timer in the kitchen went off as you pulled the cookies out of the oven, careful to not burn yourself. you stick a knife into the cookie to ensure it was fully cooked before smiling contently to yourself. you let them cool off as you got dressed and prepared to go to jjs house.

you added caramel before sliding four cookies into a ziplock baggie. the cute baggy had a drawn on heart and a nice message for him. you didn’t expect to stay long, and you honestly didn’t even know if he would be home.

when you arrived to jjs house it looked vacant and abandoned. the nerves finally catching up to you as you realize he hasn’t talked to you all day. you knock on the front door, waiting for a response but you are left standing there waiting. you frown before hesitatingly walking down the steps. you look up when you hear a car approach, and a glimmer of hope flashes your mind as you thought it was jj, but instead it was his dad.

your heart was beating fast, and you didn’t know what to do. you waited to see if luke would talk but he just looked at you confused, and obviously annoyed. you shook your head quickly, “i’m so sorry, i was just going to drop these off for jj, but he’s not here so i’ll be on my way.” you smile softly, and start to walk away but his strong arms grab yours. you’re startled since his reaching for your elbow was quite unexpected.

“well you are already here. might as well get it over with.” his voice was unrecognizable as his emotions weren’t clear. you nod shyly. “no really i don’t want to inconvenience you, i can come at another time.” he shakes his head before walking to his door, opening it as the door loosely opens entirely, hitting against the wall to its side. you walk behind him being extra cautious in case he tries to grab you again.

you walk straight to the kitchen to set the bag of cookies on the counter, which was no use since right when you placed the bag, luke had scooped it into his hand reading the note. “oh, so you are the one dating my son?” your face twists in confusion. “no, no. jj and i are just friends.” you laugh awkwardly, swaying from feet to feet. the floors creak beneath you causing you to stop shaking back and forth. “okay good.” his eyes look up and down your figure as his mouth forms into a line. “i wouldn’t want him dating someone like… you.” his words hurt, but you didn’t want to break down in front of him.

you feel uncomfortable under his intense stare so you hurried to put an end to the conversation. “uhm. okay, welll thank you for letting me drop them off, i appreciate it mr. maybank.” you nod softly before he states, “no.” you turn over to him, “no?” you repeat as more of a question. your patience wears thin as you notice the cookies are still in his hand, and he is carefully undoing the ziplock that concealed the cookies.

he pulled a cookie out, before admiring it closely. “chocolate chip m&m caramel cookie. very yummy, very good choice.” you avoid eye contact, trying to focus on anything else displayed in the room. “and it’s still warm.” he stares at you as he takes a bite of the cookie, its crumbs slowly falling from where he sunk his teeth in. “it’s quite good.” you smile softly, “thank you… but-.” he cuts you off completely. “of course you, of all people, would be bringing him cookies. i’m not surprised, i can see you are trying to fatten my son.” his words stung you because this wasn’t what you were expecting. his father seemed intoxicated, and before you could leave it seemed like he still had stuff to say to you.

“yes the cookies are good, but they don’t excuse you for lying to my face. you are just like my ex wife… lying, scheming, going behind my back, but still creating delicious snacks.” you stumble back a little, as shock sets over you. “how did i lie?” you ask, quite confused as you hadn’t even talked to him that much. “i know you’re dating jj! i see his hickies i see that when he leaves this house it’s always to meet with your fat ass.” his words hold no meaning, he was just a lousy drunk taking his anger out on the closest thing to him. you stayed silent, when he suddenly shook his head before grabbing the rest of the cookies and throwing them on the floor, jumping on the bag, completely squishing them.

the once yummy cookies, now downgraded into a small pitiful pile that was brutally smeared against the kitchen's tile. your heart speeds up as his eyes are focused on yours, as if trying to read your emotions. “i’m sorry, but i’m not sure what i did to deserve you ruining my cookies?” your tone comes out sassier than intended which definitely didn’t help your case.

“pick it up.” he threw paper towels towards you, as he waited patiently for you to clean up his mess. you silently obeyed scooping your mutated bakery treat up. you got most of it cleaned, but you ran out of napkins. you bite your lip trying to think of a quick solution to finish picking it up so you could possibly leave, but it’s too late because he’s already grabbing your arm forcing you up. tears stream down your face, while you contemplate your choices.

before you could even register what had just happened, his hand had collided with your cheek, as he screams hurtful comments. “you are good for nothing. i honestly hope that jj didn’t choose you, because if he did, that would make him an embarrassment to this family.” he pushes you to the floor, and you quickly try to stand up so you can leave. you hurry to the door, but he catches you before you could get in your car and drive away. 

“you can't tell anyone about this. i swear if you tell anyone...” his tone is laced with venom and your face scrunches up in confusion. “dont act stupid! god this is why people treat you the way they do.” you look at him one last time before he sends a fast fist to your face, that hits the side of your nose, and your eye. your face begins to pulse as the blood rushes to the quick forming bruise. you couldn't think straight as everything had happened so fast. all you wanted to do was drop off cookies, but somehow you were now being punished just because you resembled this man's wife. your breath is shaky as your tears are starting to slow down, but they are still evident on your cheeks. 

jj’s dad stumbled backwards as if he had finally realized what he had done, before he eventually collapsed on the couch and fell asleep. as he landed on the couch, multiple loose pills fell from his pockets ensuring you that he wasn't mentally in the right place, and he was very obviously intoxicated.

you avoided jj at all costs, which was actually easy since he hadn't even contacted you. you were dreading his routine appearance that was bound to happen soon. you knew it was inevitable, he hasn't missed a nightly check in once, and you had been doing it for months. when you first met the pogues you were slightly scared since you were new in town and you didn't have any friends. so, jj took you under his wing. he quickly became protective over you, which is why he created this elaborate plan to sneak into your bedroom before bed every night. whether it was to just chat, talk about your day, or even just cuddle. you could always expect him at your window at around the same time every night.

usually you would confide in jj, ask for his advice. granted his advice isn't the greatest but it does help that he listens to your problems. not tonight. that wasn't the case. if anything, you wholeheartedly hoped that he would forget, or he would be too busy. he hadn't seen you since before your whole encounter with his father. you wondered if his father had told jj about what he did, and if he did, how did jj react?

you glance at the clock noticing that in the next ten minutes jj would be climbing his way into your window. your body was shaking with nerves as you glanced in the mirror. your black eye was a dead give away that something had happened. could you even tell him the truth? what if you lied, and then he called you out on it saying he already knew about it because his father told him. you contemplated every outcome of the future event that you weren't even ready when he slightly tapped your window. you quickly pulled on sunglasses that easily blocked your eye.

you smile widely, sliding your window up as he gracefully lands on your floor without making a noise, a talent he had perfected. “hey princess!” he has a huge grin on his face, his goofy smile is reason enough as to why you can't break the news to him about what his father did. “hi!” jj pulls you into a hug and you gladly take it. you wrap your arms tightly around his abdomen, as his arms are rubbing your hips. the hug ends and he slowly pulls away, his hands lingering on your hips before he grabs your hand to move to the bed. “do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?” jj asked. you waited, contemplating your choices. “either way is fine, you can choose.” you smile as he immediately gets into the little spoon position.

“hey i forgot to ask you why you are wearing those stupid glasses inside.” he laughs lightly as he reaches for them and you completely jump off the bed, scared he actually grabbed them in time. luckily, you were fast enough and the glasses were still settled on your face. “i have a horrible headache, that's all.” you nodded as his face slowly fell, he stood up, moving to sit on the edge of your bed. he glanced up at you. “we can turn the lights off so it isn't as bright in your room.” you shook your head at his compromise. “princess, i need to see your pretty face before i can declare that you are okay.” you hesitated, trying to piece together a quick story that you could tell him to explain how you wounded up with a gruesome bruise. he wasn't going to leave unless he knew you were okay.

he watched you intently, trying to see what you were hiding. “before i show you please promise me you won't freak out.” you reach for his hands and he grabs them in return, slowly nodding. “no, that's not going to count. please tell me that you won't be angry at me.” his heart swiveled up inside his chest as he heard that you thought he would be mad at you. “i promise that whatever you are about to tell me won't make me upset, and that i could never stay mad at you.” you nodded to his words. “okay so you know what you just said?” he tilted his head confused, “yeah?” you breathe in, trying to calm your nerves. “remember that.”

you hesitantly reach your arm up to expose your once hidden eyes. at first it doesn't register so he stares at you blankly. but the moment he saw it, he was already standing up, and freaking out. “hey you said you wouldn't be mad!” he ran fingers through his blonde hair, his eyes wide. “what the fuck…? i said i wouldn't be mad if YOU did something, i never said anything about not getting mad when it involves someone else!” he looks back at you and immediately investigates your eye. his jaw clenched as he looked above you, his hand gripping your chin. “who the fuck did this to you?” you stayed quiet, until he looked down at you waiting for an answer. 

silence fills the room leaving it eerily silent. “i can't tell you jj,” he laughs, shaking his head, “that's a funny joke, now tell me what happened and who the fuck hit you?” you looked away. “jj there's nothing you can do.” he followed along with your shenanigans. “and why is that?” you couldn't look at him so you looked at the floor. your silence was only making him more worried. “who was it actually? who are you protecting!?” he was getting frustrated. “fine. i'll tell you, only because i know you'll find out sooner or later.” he pulled you onto his lap, one hand holding your thigh, while the other grabbed your curvy hip. you took a deep breath before continuing. “okay. earlier today i baked you cookies and i stopped by your house so i could drop them off. but your dad was there, and i was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. it was my fault. okay?” 

he shook his head, his grip on your thigh tightening. “you're telling me that my father gave you a black eye?” his tone was shockingly low as he absorbed every word you said. “yes. and he stomped on the cookies i made you.” his chest started heaving. “i fucking hate him! everything in my life he has to ruin. you, you mean so fucking much to me, and he’s over here throwing punches at you!” you stayed quiet. “jj?” he looked down at you, trying not to get too worked up because the last thing he wanted to do was scare you, “yes princess?” you hesitated with what you were going to say. you leaned your head to rest onto his shoulder.

“i- okay, i really appreciate you, but i can't have you getting hurt because of me. you're not my boyfriend, and you don't have to protect me anymore. i know you feel obligated with that pact we made when i first moved here, but you don't have to inconvenience yourself by coming over here every night, or by fighting people who harass me, or anything. jj, i feel so bad that you are roped into this position because i never intended for this to happen.” he stays silent, “no way am i leaving you. princess, please throw that thought away right now. i’m here for you always. and i am going to continue to protect you because even if i'm not your boyfriend, that doesn't mean i don't want you safe.”

you are so stunned by his response that your breath gets caught in your throat. “what do you mean?” he smiles looking down, his hands finding themselves comfortable around your hips. “what i'm saying is, that i do want to be your boyfriend. i want people to know how much you mean to me, and i want the whole world to be jealous that i have you, and they can't have you. i want to be the one who protects you. so, if you'd want me too, i'd love to be your boyfriend, if not that is completely okay.” you stared at him, “jj, you'll never know how long i've wanted to do this.” he looks at you confused before your lips connect to his. you run your hand through his hair, while the other hand is sitting on his jaw. his hands hungrily grasp your hips as he pulls you closer to enhance the kiss. you both pull away, smiling.

you asked jj to spend the night with you. he agreed, which resulted in him laying on his back as your head lay still on his chest. one of his hands was always touching you, so he could ensure you weren't going to go anywhere. as you slowly fell asleep beside him, he started to think about what his father had done. with anger clouding his better judgement, he stealthily slipped out your grasp, and climbed out your window, set to fulfil the goal in his head.

eek i hope this was good <333. perhaps a part two...???

[free-pool-trash]

come off it - george weasley

i wrote this because i was bored and in my george feels :) if you know me irl no you dont

word count: 5k

warnings: swearing, y/n absolutely bullying draco 💓😌, angst at the start for 0.2 seconds, mentions of blood, umbridge being a bitch, kissing 😽 slytherin!reader

summary: george wants to break up just until you graduate to keep umbridge off your case but it comes out wrong. eventually you both agree to keep your relationship on the low until you can see each other at graduation <3 (im terrible at summaries)

this is my first time ever writing for hp so please let me know what you think, id love feedback <3 reblogs are so appreciated

let me know if you’d like more hp stuff

masterlist

(also i dont support jkr if i saw her on the street she’d need new kneecaps <3)

The silence was screaming, the room completely devoid of volume, and yet, you’d never heard anything quite so loud.

He never moved from his spot, perched on the arm of an old grandfather chair, his head hung and his hair blocking his eyes from view, hiding any chance you had of reading his expression.

Feeling suffocated by his lack of dialogue, you spoke up again, your voice nothing more than a whisper to be swallowed up by the silence, “So, that’s that then.”

The quiet in the room didn’t bother you so much after you heard the words that had slipped from your lips, you could find solace in the hollow silence. Relating it to your thundering heart, that was beating rapidly, but the thought that you no longer knew what it was beating for left you like the aforementioned silence; hollow.

“I’m sorry, love.” His voice, as smooth as ever, brought your thoughts back to the situation at hand. All you managed was the weak shake of your head, willing your wet eyes to dry out before you lost hold of what little dignity you had left.

How could you possibly cry? You wondered miserably.

If you had only listened to the whispers in the back of your mind, you’d have seen this coming, foolish girl. You scolded yourself mentally.

“Don’t be.” You told him simply. Regaining your composure long enough to make it to the exit of the room, you spared the boy one last glance, he was looking at you then, brown eyes cloudier than you’d ever seen them.

What would he have to be sad about? This had been his choice, after all.

With a steadying breath you left the room, uttering an almost pathetic, “Look after yourself, Georgie.”

Only when he was sure you were truly gone did he allow his tears to fall, he hadn’t wanted to end things with you, not really.

It was for the best though. Tensions were high in Hogwarts at the minute, with Umbridge’s take over of the school putting everyone on edge. George knew well enough that the pink sporting she devil wouldn’t take too kindly to the prestigious, pure-blooded, princess of Slytherin embroiled with the likes of him. A supposedly lowly Weasley. A blood traitor.

Of course, status never mattered to you, or to your family for that matter. But it mattered to the new headmistress and George couldn’t bear the idea of putting you on the wretched witches radar knowing that he and Fred would be leaving you before the end of term.

He hadn’t expected it to be so bloody hard though. He thought he’d breeze through it with the thought process of “it’s only temporary”, as he’d initially intended. His plans for a temporary reprieve were hushed the second he saw your heart shattering right before his eyes.

You should’ve known really, you can’t just break up with the girl you’ve been completely in love with since third year out of nowhere. Merlin, you’ve really done it this time, haven’t you? She must think you’re a right tosser.

He reprimanded, the words trapped in the confines of his muddled mind.

His sadness turned to anger as it dawned on him, he’d just let you go and for what? Merlin, his mother was going to kill him.

Molly Weasley absolutely adored you, George recalled the first time he’d introduced you to his family. You’d been so nervous, it wasn’t every day a Slytherin found themselves in the midst of mostly Gryffindors.

Of course, yourself and George were just friends at the time. Fred had been the one who had begged you to visit the burrow as a matter of fact.

George cringed at the thought of the letter he’d surely be getting from his mother when she got wind of what he’d just done.

Overcome with frustration, George lifted himself from the arm of the chair and began storming through the stone halls in search of you. The conversation, if you could even call it that, hadn’t gone the way he planned.

He’d planned to sit down with you, talk you through his thought process and then hopefully you’d promise each other to rekindle your love in six months after you graduated.

Obviously that’s not how it ended up going. He’d screwed it up completely, he’d frozen on the spot and suddenly he’d forgotten everything he had planned to say.

He spotted you then, sluggishly moving down the corridor, small sniffles emitted from your retreating form and George jogged to reach you.

His large hand grasped your wrist, stopping you in your tracks, “Wait. Please.” His voice was strained, pleading.

Inhaling shakily you turned to face him again, the redhead tried his best to ignore your red rimmed eyes as he could already feel his guilt eating him alive as he held your wrist.

You didn’t speak. Just looked at him expectantly.

Carefully, his hand slipped from your wrist to your own hand, intertwining his fingers with yours.

“Can we talk?” You nodded wordlessly, allowing him to lead you wherever he intended to go.

The pair of you didn’t speak until you reached your destination. You found yourself standing in the privacy of the astronomy tower, hugging yourself to lessen the chill you felt when George released your hand, you stared at him expectantly, praying that you wouldn’t cry anymore.

“I didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did.” He confessed while taking a calculated step closer to you, acutely aware of your habit of simply walking away if you felt as though you were being ridiculed. It was a characteristic that he loved about you, you didn’t take anyone’s shit, including his. Which is why he wanted to keep a close proximity, knowing that there was a very real possibility that he’d say the wrong thing and you’d tell him to shove it.

“First of all, I love you. I don’t want you thinking for a second that I don’t.” He couldn’t quite hold back his grimace as you shuddered and turned your face away, staring out at the view as opposed to at him.

With an aggressive sniff you blinked away the water forming in your eyes before meeting his gaze again, “Then what is this about then?” Your tone was demanding, the cold air making itself comfortable in your bones while you waited for an answer.

George took another step forward, the sound of your shaky voice sending a pang directly to his heart. Throwing caution to the wind, he grabbed hold of your arms, just above your elbows.

“I want to be with you more than anything, honest. But I can’t have you in Umbridge’s bad books because of me, especially when Fred and I will be gone in two weeks.” He tried his best to explain, his grip on you softening when he felt your body become less rigid, although you still shook slightly from the cold.

“Why didn’t you just tell me that in the first place?” You chastised him weakly, your lips turning downward as you realised he was right. Umbridge had been on your case since she had arrived, with being the top student in her house, she didn’t take kindly to your “fraternisation with the likes of them”.

He let out a sigh, tugging you gently to his chest, his long arms wrapped around you tightly. “Because I’m a knobhead.”

His words had obviously been intended to get a laugh out of you and he was pleased to confirm that it had worked when he heard the soft giggle leaving your lips.

You gave his shoulder a halfhearted whack, “Yeah, you are.”

“Are you still breaking up with me?” You asked, voice a whisper, arms tightly around his waist, afraid if you loosened your grip he’d disappear.

George chuckled at that, “I was never breaking up with you, love.” His lips met the top of your head before he continued, “I just think we should keep a low profile for a bit.”

“I hate it when you’re right.” Your grumbled, pulling away from his hold slightly to look into his eyes.

“I know this isn’t ideal… but we’ll get through it. I need you in one piece for our wedding, after all.” He teased, wiggling his eyebrows and causing you to bark out a laugh.

“One minute you’re breaking up with me and the next your banging on about marrying me? I’ll never understand you Weasley.” You reciprocated his teasing, eyes finally dry and shining a little brighter than they had been just a few minutes prior.

George lowered his face close to yours, your noses nudging together ever so slightly as his mouth, formed in a grin, hovered in front of your own. “I’ve got to keep you interested somehow, love.”

With that his lips met yours, his hands sliding up to cup your cheeks when you began to move your lips in unison with his and your own hands tangled in his ginger hair.

All too soon, he removed his lips from yours and rested his forehead on yours. “Maybe we should make up some code words.”

“Like what?” You entertained him, playing with the hair on the nape of his neck as he thought about possible code words.

“Right, how about this? When I say “ Merlin, you’re hard work”” he spoke, his hands leaving your cheeks to make air quotes and you watched him fondly as his hands moved to your hips, “That will mean. You’re bloody incredible and I wish I could snog you right here on the spot.”

Throwing your head back, you laughed, “Perfect.”

Then you paused, thinking for a response and then you bit back a smile, hands sliding to his chest pushing him away ever so slightly, “And when I say “Oh, come off it, Weasley” that will mean You’re a prat but I love you regardless.” A dopey smile crossed his lips.

“I’m choosing to ignore the part where you called me a prat.”

Innocently, you shrugged your shoulders, “You are a prat.” George scoffed at that, pulling you into his chest again, rocking your bodies together and lulling you into a sense of tranquility as your cheek rested against his chest.

He let out a long sigh, tightening his grip around you, muttering cheekily in your ear, “Merlin, you’re hard work.”

A small laugh left your mouth and you looked up at him with a half hearted glare, “Oh, come off it, Weasley.”

*

This ‘keep it on the down low’ plan was to put it plainly: dreadful. Acting as though you and George had broken up didn't do too much to keep Umbridge off your back. What it did do however was have, what seemed like every girl in the entire castle, crowding around your boyfriend in hopes of being the next one to catch his attention.

He entertained them all with charming smiles and false niceties, more often than not passing them over to Fred, who basked in the new found attention.

Not that George was the only one being bombarded with love offers, you had your fair share of Slytherin boys sniffing around you over the last couple of days.

One boy had been particularly persistent though, and it was easy to see it was driving the youngest Weasley twin absolutely mental.

The boy in question was currently sat beside you at the Slytherin table in the great hall, doing his very best to keep you interested in what he was saying.

“I don’t know if I mentioned it earlier, but I’m sorry to hear about you and Weasley.” He told you, his voice uncharacteristically shy.

You supposed you shouldn’t be so curt with him, as far as Slytherin boys went Adrian Pucey was probably the kindest of the lot. With a small sigh you turned to the Slytherin chaser and gave him your best fake sad smile, “Thanks, Adrian.”

The boy cleared his throat and you couldn’t help but notice the flush beginning to form on his cheeks, Merlin he is going to be upset when he realises you're not really available.

“If you ever want to talk about it I’d be more than happy to listen.” He offered up kindly, his kindness wasn’t necessarily out of the ordinary, the pair of you had always been friendly with each other, but your perception told you that Adrian was definitely hoping for something a little more than friendly to come of this situation.

Giving him another small smile you nodded your head, deciding to cut the poor boy some slack, “I appreciate that. It’s been pretty strange honestly, feels like every girl in school is lining up to take my place…” You trailed off, eyes landing on George who was sat at the Gryffindor table, a fifth year Hufflepuff girl sitting way too close to him for your liking, twirling her hair and you let your eyes roll at the sight.

Adrian followed your gaze before giving you a sympathetic look, “He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

You couldn’t help the laugh that left you at that, you returned your gaze to him, giving him an expectant look, “You seem more upset than I am.” You pointed out, trying not to smile at the furrow in his brow.

Adrian looked away from you towards George who was now laughing with Lee, the Hufflepuff girl now long gone, shrugging his shoulders lightly he began to speak his eyes never leaving the red headed Gryffindor, “The pair of you were great together. I just don’t see what he could possibly want that you couldn’t offer… if you ask me he’s a right idiot for letting you go.”

George was looking in your direction now, his jaw set in a tight clench as he watched Pucey playfully bump his shoulder against yours. Why on earth were you smiling at something Adrian Pucey said?

You caught his gaze from across the room, sending him a sad smile then turning back to the Slytherin beside you, keeping in character as you were very aware of Umbridge’s eyes on you and what she would consider an eligible bachelor.

“Yes well, you know how Gryffindors are. Don’t often think before they act.” You told him, pushing yourself away from the table and collecting your things.

Adrian nodded in agreement, quickly standing up too, “Um, I was wondering if you were after a new potions partner?” He asked quickly, voice shaking ever so slightly with nerves.

Biting the inside of your cheek, you glanced towards George- your usual potions partner desperately, turning back to Adrian you reluctantly nodded your head, you’d need a new partner in a week or so anyway. “Sure.”

Seeming pleased with your answer the brown haired boy sat back down and smiled happily as he watched you leave the hall.

The evening was drawing to an end as you found yourself on the balcony of the astronomy tower, eyes set on the sunset, your body leant comfortably on the railing in front of you.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the future Mrs. Pucey.” Came the voice you’d recognise anywhere, his tone teasing.

Without looking away from the view you chided him playfully, “Don’t be jealous, Georgie. Or should I say Hogwarts’ most eligible bachelor?”

You let out a content sigh as George wrapped his arms around you from behind, leaning his chin on your shoulder and placing a delicate kiss to the curve of your jaw, “I quite like that title. But I’d prefer to be known as your future husband.” He shot back cheekily, placing a flurry of kisses against your neck making you giggle joyfully.

As you threw your head back, your laughter was silenced by his lips catching your own in a passionate kiss, his hands moving to your hips to flip you around to face him, your back pressed against the railing now as you looked up into his eyes.

“That’s all I’ve been thinking about all day.” He admitted, his hands sliding up and down your sides gently as you slid your own around his shoulders.

You hummed approvingly, pulling him towards you and placing your lips against his again, tongue moving against his as his hands gripped your hips. When you pulled away, he chased your lips, pressing short kisses to them while simultaneously pressing his body closer to yours.

“Bet Pucey wouldn’t be able to kiss you like that, eh?” George smirked cockily and you let out a breathy laugh.

Matching his energy, your hands slipped up his neck and you let them get tangled in his hair, you raised an eyebrow, “I could always go and find out… how much are you willing to bet, Weasley?” At your challenge, his lips returned your neck, dragging along the sensitive skin and making your stomach flip.

George’s lips paused right at your ear, his voice gruff and low as he whispered, “No amount of galleons would tempt me if it meant you’d be kissing that git, darling.”

“Stop, you’ll make me swoon.” You joked dryly, tugging softly on his long hair causing him to detach from your neck.

His forehead met yours as the sun finally retreated, leaving just you, George and the stars in the darkness of the tower.

“You know, you could always run away with me. Then we could go back to snogging whenever we want and that old cow wouldn’t be able to punish either one of us for too long.” You could tell he wasn’t truly joking despite the tone of his voice, you released a sad sigh, running your hands through his hair, your nails scratching his scalp the way you knew he liked.

“Mm, but imagine how incredible it’ll feel when we reunite at graduation.” He let out a small puff of air against your face, tightening his arms around you.

It was then that a worry crossed your mind, would he and Fred even bother showing up? Ron wasn’t graduating until next year, Ginny in two, so there would be no family members there for them to see. But surely they’d show up to see Lee?

“You’ll come won’t you? To graduation?” You wondered out loud, his hands rubbing soothing circles into your hips as he sensed your nerves.

He pressed his lips to your forehead and hugged you close, “Freddie and I wouldn’t miss it for the world, love.”

“If I don’t see you there I’ll hex you both.” You promised, snuggling into his embrace.

George let out a small chuckle, hand running down your hair with a content smile, “I don’t doubt it.”

*

All too soon, Fred and George disappeared from Hogwarts in a blaze of lights and explosions and you couldn’t have been prouder of them. With the ambition those boys had you sometimes questioned how they weren’t placed in Slytherin.

You’d managed to stay on Umbridge’s good side for the most part, you’d become quite close with Adrian too, but to avoid leading him on you’d fed him a story about how you were still mad about George and that you were sure he’d only broken up with you so it wouldn’t hurt you so much when he left, he accepted it far more gracefully than you’d expected and continued to be a great friend to you despite knowing you weren’t interested in anything romantic.

There was only a week left until you graduated from the school you’d called home for the past seven years and you’d managed to make it this far with no detentions with Umbridge and her favourite quill.

You were so close.

It’d been a long day of classes and you were on your way back to the Slytherin common room, Adrian by your side when you’d come across the scene.

Some of the fifth years were crowding a scared looking fourth year, you let out a low growl as you recognised Ginny to be the girl cornered by Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle. Throwing all your previous caution to the wind you stamped towards the scene, wrapping an arm around the youngest Weasley’s shoulder and pulled her into your side protectively.

“What do you three little demons think you’re doing?” You seethed, checking Ginny over for any injuries only to find she had tears pooling in her eyes.

It was no secret that you adored the Weasleys. You’d visited the burrow six Christmases in a row and Molly has never failed to send you an owl with a present attached on your birthday. It was also no secret to the family, even George, that you’d both kill and die for little Ginny. When she’d been taken to the chamber of secrets in her very first year you’d nearly popped a blood vessel worrying about her and very nearly ended up petrified while looking for her. Your fake break up with George hadn’t changed how you felt about the family.

Malfoy scoffed, turning his nose up to you, “What’s it to you, you’re just as bad as them. Filthy blood traitor you are.” It was then Adrian stepped in, clamping a hand down on the blonde’s shoulder.

“I’d watch your mouth if you’re looking to play in the final game on Saturday.” The chaser spoke lowly, his threat scaring the younger boy only slightly.

“Oh you’re such a big hard man, Draco.” You laughed mockingly, you’d known him since he was in nappies due to the fact that your mother and his were quite close up until recent years.

Pushing Ginny gently into the grasp of Adrian who had again moved to be standing by your side, he gave her a kind smile and you nodded reassuringly and that was all she needed to go willingly to Adrian.

Now that Ginny was out of the line of fire you squared up to the spoiled brat in front of you, you were anything but intimidated by him, it was high time you gave him a little reminder of exactly why you’d been named the Princess of Slytherin for so many years.

You were never mean for no reason. In fact, everyone believed you’d been misplaced at first. That was until half the student body had watched you absolutely verbally obliterate a Ravenclaw two years above you after he’d called you a slut. You had been absolutely ruthless. Nobody dared to speak badly of you or your friends as you proved on several occasions that you’d not hold back in retaliation. It seemed that little Draco needed a reminder of this.

“You’re so cool. Bullying girls…” You told him dryly, smirking wickedly as he swallowed harshly when Crabbe and Goyle had the good sense to take a few steps back, you raised an eyebrow lowering your voice and forming your lips in a pout, “Tell me, Draco, is your daddy proud of you? Or have you yet to catch his attention?”

Draco fumed then, huffing and gritting his teeth, by now there was a small crowd forming and Ginny had retreated into the arms of Ron, another one of George’s siblings that you simply adored.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” He spat out, venom lacing his words, only egging you on further.

The grin on your lips only widened and your eyebrow rose higher, “Oh? Because the last time I checked” You lowered your voice so only he could hear before going on, “He’s missed your birthday for the last three years.”

His face turned red and he lunged. Shouts came from the crowd and you considered your options, were you really, as a seventeen year old, about to fist fight a fifteen year old prat with daddy issues? You got your answer in the form of Draco connecting his first to your jaw and busting you lip. The fifth year being restrained by Adrian and Ron, both of whom looked like they were going to fight him themselves.

The crowd watched with bated breath as you dabbed a finger under your cut lower lip. Noticing the blood that now painted your finger you let out a humourless laugh and tilted your head to the side.

You were absolutely about to fist fight the fifteen year old with daddy issues.

Just as you realed your fist back, a voice that met your ears like nails on a chalkboard sliced through the jeers of the crowd, “What is going on here?”

Umbridge screamed when she took in the scene. And you’d be the first to admit it looked bad. Draco with his hands being restrained by a seventh year and your fist in the air, there was absolutely no question about what was going on.

“Why Ms.(L/n)! My office this instant!” She seethed but you could tell she was biting back that horrid grin of hers. She’d been waiting for a reason to lock you in detention with her before you left.

You didn’t bother arguing with the women as she glared at Adrian, Ron and Draco.

“Pucey, Weasley let the boy go. I will deal with the three of you later.”

She motioned for you to follow her and you obliged, sighing softly when the voice echoed from behind you, “My father will be hearing about this.” He couldn’t quit could he? Seeing as you were already in trouble, you continued walking but turned your head over your shoulder and gave him a look of agreement, “Yes Draco he’ll be hearing, but will he really be listening?”

*

“You have been soiling the good name of Slytherin for far too long, positively whoring yourself out to that Weasley boy.” Umbridge had been criticising you for what felt that hours, watching intently as your hand bled as you wrote.

Not too bothered you let her go on her little rant as you write out your line: house embarrassment, her words stung far less than the growing wound on your hand.

The women took a deep breath as she continued, “A bright girl like you should be putting her talents to good use not entertaining the likes of blood traitors.”

It took everything in you to bite your tongue and refrain from stabbing her with her own enchanted quill. It was funny how you’d ended up in that position really, not because of George but because of his little sister.

“I had half a mind to hold you back. But you’d only get in my way. Consider yourself lucky.” She shut up after that, obviously growing bored of your lack of response she relieved you after another half an hour.

When you got back to the dungeon Adrian was sat waiting for you, a tired smile on his face, “You’re ridiculous.”

“Oh how your words injure me.” You jested, flopping onto the sofa, dropping your feet into his lap.

He patted your shin with a chuckle, “How’s the hand?”

You wiggled your bloody hand at him and he winced, “Merlin, (Y/n)...” It looked at lot worse than it felt.

You only shrugged, a dazed smile on your face, “My only regret is not getting a punch in.”

“That Ginny girl is quite worried about you. Kept saying how George was going to prank her so badly for getting you in trouble.” Pucey told you, laughing lightly when you sighed dreamily at the mention of the twin you loved.

“I’ll protect her.” You murmured, thoughts trailing off, “Did I tell you he’s coming to graduation next week?” Adrian nodded, soft smile on his face.

“D’you reckon a reconciliation is on the cards?” He asked teasingly, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Mimicking his eyebrow movements you nodded with determination, “No doubt about it, mate.”

He barked out a laugh, pushing your feet off his lap and standing up, “Save me the details, a man’s heart can only take so much.”

With a wicked smile you watched as he walked towards the dorm stairs, “So are you going to tell that Ravenclaw girl you fancy her before the end of the week?” He went rigid then, blushing furiously as you laughed.

“How’d you find out about that?” He whined miserably.

Just like earlier, you wiggled your eyebrows at him, “Saw you snogging at the back of the library.”

Adrian groaned, grabbing a cushion from the armchair by the stairs and chucked it at you, “Why’d you ask if you already knew?”

You placed your uninjured hand over your chest and faked hurt before it morphed into a triumphant grin, “Thought it’d be fun to rile you up considering you didn’t think to tell me.”

Adrian shook his head before finally heading up the stairs, “Don’t stay up too late.”

*

The days until graduation flew by and before you knew it you and the rest of your year were shouting in delight, a few even crying.

“(Y/n)!” Lee’s voice caught your attention and you met him with a bright smile and squeezed him tightly when he pulled you into a hug, “Come on, the twins are here!”

Being Fred and George’s best friend, Lee knew all about your fake split, never shy to tell you how utterly stupid he thought the whole thing was. But it didn’t matter anymore because the jig was about to be up. Finally.

Eagerly, you followed Lee through the crowd, rushing ahead of him when you locked eyes with George.

When the pair of you collided it was as if you’d never been apart. Your hands immediately tangled in his hair as he lifted you from around the waist, spinning you around excitedly before placing you down but keeping his arms around you

“Merlin, I’ve missed you.” He whispered lowly into your ear, you pulled your lip between your teeth, and leaned away to look at him fondly.

“Hi.” You whispered, a huge grin on your face.

“Hello.” He whispered back, the look on his face nothing short of enchanted when he studied you for the first time since he left.

Without another word you used your grip on his hair to bring his lips to yours, kissing him softly through your smile as you heard Ginny giggling from her place beside Molly.

George grumbled at the short length of the kiss, settling for holding you hard and leaning down to whisper, “You’re hard work, my love”

With a laugh you pecked his cheek adoringly, staring deeply into his eyes as you murmured with a shit eating grin, “Come off it, Weasley.”

[gullethead]

what is your opinion on tamsyn muir discourse (and also what is the discourse)

THANK you. okay warning for discussion of fictional sexual assault, real life CSA (not something she did), plus 2012-era homestuck fandom typical stuff

please rb this btw, unless you dont want to, in which case dont. also if you have any corrections or additional information to consider please add by all means

disclaimer: im not in the habit of writing essays defending whichever internet personalities i like. ill admit theres potential bias, given that i read the books before i learned about this, but im really being as objective as possible and i just think people are taking a misguided or half-formed stance on this. if you still dislike her or w/e after this thats, like, perfectly in your rights. im not defending an adult woman on the internet, im explaining the facts as ive seen them and understand them. additional disclaimer that i havent experienced sexual assault at all myself

okay so tamsyn muir is currently well-known as the author of the locked tomb trilogy (aka gideon the ninth and harrow the ninth), but for a certain section of tumblr shes also well known as urbanAnchorite, and used to be a big name fan on here up until around 2014 - pretty close to everything here is going to be from roughly 2011 through 2014, except for an interview im gonna get into, so 7-10 years ago. i was only vaguely aware of her until after i got into the locked tomb and saw people talking about this. with that in mind:

so the MAJORITY of the discourse revolves around a single fic she wrote on AO3. her account has 19 works in homestuck, and some of them are Kinda Weird to Pretty Bad in retrospect, but being completely honest this is the only one that isnt completely stock standard for homestuck fandom in that time period. like if we started casting stones about ten year old fandom stuff we'd be here all day

here is the fic (warning for CSA)

in most of the posts about it ive seen, theyve described it as a "rapefic," but actually reading it, it's a lot more nuanced than that description implies. its a dark story where a grown man abuses a girl, from the man's perspective, and the story ends with him being killed by her friend. the description of the assault is treated very seriously by the story and barely even touches on any actual sex, before immediately cutting to him being killed. its lolita if humbert got shot to death; the title itself comes FROM lolita

(sidenote - it was inspired by a prompt on kinkmeme, but that doesn't really mean anything vis a vis being intended for sexual enjoyment, and according to the note actually went against the spirit of the request)

ive seen fics, lots and lots of fics, that would qualify as the term "rapefic." it tends to be pretty fucking obvious when someone is using sexual assault as a fetish, and this is Not That

tamsyn herself actually responded to this in an excellent interview early last year. she gets into some Fandom Mom type language, but essentially says what i said above. in it, she also says this:

It’s not the first time I’ve been accused of being a paedophile. I grew up gay in the nineties. Homosexuality and paedophilia were enmeshed in society’s minds. When I came out, I got told that I shouldn’t be around children. I was used to that because it was common discourse, and it hurt like all hell, but it didn’t shock me. When I got called a paedophile by Twitter I got clotheslined. My support network had to get in pronto. I was very ready to have a hot date with a length of rope, a date I have arranged and cancelled multiple times over my life. I have had lots and lots of therapy over the years for various conditions, some of them lifelong and some not, but when that Twitter call-out happened it was hard to want to live. I thought I knew so intimately what I was doing with my fiction; my therapist was always so supportive of me writing about it. I have not been open about being a CSA survivor because, again, I grew up in the ‘90s. ‘Lesbian’ and ‘CSA survivor’ is just carte blanche so a whole queue of people can tell you, I HOPE ONE DAY, WITH LOVE AND SUPPORT, YOU CAN BE STRAIGHT. It was like, right this way to the invalidation booth. I didn’t even tell most of my girlfriends! I told one! It’s not a topic of discussion between me and my family; I am relying on them not reading my interviews so it can remain where it belongs: thoroughly undiscussed!

with this context it becomes... a lot more nuanced of a topic. an author who experienced CSA in addition to growing up in a cultural climate where gay people were pedophiles by default, especially growing up catholic in a rural community, wrote a work about childhood sexual assault (which also happened to be fanfiction) as a way of working through it for herself, which is... something a lot of artists do with their art? and in return she got a massive blowback on twitter accusing her of pedophilia and demanding she talk about a massively traumatic moment in her life

this is the major sticking point of the discourse, im not gonna get into anything else on this post, but this is my view of it. if you disagree or have anything to add then feel free to add on. again, i know what it looks like, but im not trying to uncritically defend a stranger just cause i like her book. this is the conclusion i came to after doing a lot of digging for myself