#student and teacher relatoinship

[rendezvous-ramblings]

how did you get together if you don’t mind me asking?

I graduated almost 5 years ago now and it was honestly a very slow burn process. I was never an extroverted student though my school was very small. E technically knew me since my junior year but just likely by face. He didn't teach me until my senior year and I didn't actively start talking to him or got to know him until towards the late middle of the school year. He cracked a joke at my expense in front of the whole class and I just couldn't let him get away with it 😂

It was an inappropriate joke because he was showing his high school yearbook photos to the entire class. All the girls were drooling over how "hot" he was and all the guys wanted to be him. They asked him how he got all the girls during high school and he said it was "sweet talk." The class clown started cracking jokes and was like "Hey S (my crush at the time/guy friend) does that to A all the time!" I don't know what possessed E to look all the way to the back of the room and dead set into my eyes and in a serious tone asked "What?!? A, are you cheating on me!?!" The whole class was hollering with laughter because I'm so quiet and the super academic type (nerd!). Maybe it was revenge because he noticed how I got his yearbook took a glance at it and just shoved it over to my friend to gawk at. He was my favorite teacher but the fact that we were taking up class time for that got me a bit annoyed.

After that diaster I just started going to after school to annoy him because people couldn't let go of the joke for weeks. Even the day after he cracked the joke as I was leaving class he teased and said "I'm watching you now." That's essentially how we became friends and E would never crack a joke like that again. To this day he realized how stupid that was on his part at the spur of the moment. I've always asked what possessed him but he has never given me a straight answer. He's old and likely forgot...kidding 🤣

We got closer throughout the year and getting to know him backfired on me because I developed a crush on him so quickly. I usually take a long time to develop crushes on guys and all my previous crushes were guys I was friends with first. I always knew E was funny and charming in class but outside of class even more so. I know now that E also realized I was developing a massive crush on him but he always kept things professional (after the joke) and prioritized our friendship. I have a lot of asks scattered throughout my blog about memories and moments we had when I was still his student. I usually tag things related to him with #E💕

After graduation we kept in touch for the entire summer. Eventually he invited me for coffee to see how I was adjusting to college. I had received a full scholarship and chose to stay home and commute. That's a pretty popular choice for students in my city. I'd say about half decide to dorm and the rest stay and attend nearby unis. Well, that simple coffee "date" ended with him asking if he could kiss me because throughout the entire conversation we ended up inching closer and closer together. He was my first kiss and he was shocked when I confessed that after we were done with a French kiss that evolved into a heated make out session 🙈 He's an amazing kisser and it felt so natural and fluid with him. I just acted instinctively when I kissed him back.

Unfortunately, things sort of went a bit downhill from there since E felt guilty after the fact. He wanted to remain friends and even though he "fucked things up" as he put it he said he wanted to remain friends and in touch because he deeply cares about me. He wanted to support me at any capacity he could regardless of his role in my life. Essentially, he was fighting his feelings for me and kept encouraging me to meet and date boys in college. This back and forth went on throughout the rest of my freshman and sophomore year (of college!) though we would still meet for coffee occasionally and text to keep in touch.

At this point E didn't have the filter he once had when we were still friendly when he was still my teacher. We matured out of those roles and at times I even got into arguments with him (text and in person). To an extent as a senior in high school I did put him on a pedestal and I wasn't aware of the flaws he had as a person. The "flaws" are nothing unforgivable or unacceptable but I was obviously becoming friends and getting to know the real E without his teaching persona.

During my third year, E started getting more comfortable with his feelings and the flirty interactions we had became more frequent and serious. That translated over to when we would hangout because he began kissing me again. We started having deep conversations about what would happen if we hypothetically got together since he wanted to make sure I wasn't pausing my life or rejecting a reasonable partner my age for him. I was never genuinely interested in anyone from my school and just made friends. We officially started dating later in my junior year of college.

That's pretty much the cliff notes version of our relationship. Haha, it was an emotional rollercoaster with him sometimes before we made it official. We both didn't date anyone during the in flux period of our relationship, but I'd imagine that would have killed our chances or dragged out our relationship from happening.

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TC blogs frequently speak out about the harms of being under 18 but don’t realize that once your birthday has passed, it doesn’t mean it’s healthy or legal for your teacher to start dating you. “I turned 18, now they’re in a relationship with me!” That’s still predatory and unethical, especially if you’re still in high school. It doesn’t matter if you’re legal. You’re still a high school student. If your teacher begins dating you DURING or IMMEDIATELY after high school, then it says a lot about their own morals and values. A, I am so glad that E is not a creep like some of the teachers in this community. Everybody, stay safe and don’t let these teachers fool you. Just because you’re legally an adult doesn’t make it okay. Life after high school will make you think differently.

Hey,

Yes, you're right this is definitely a topic that's not really talked about on TC blogs. I have received a few asks in the past on what to do "after graduation" and whether or not anon should confess to their tc. I never want to give someone a direct answer or opinion on something so serious. You can only divulge so much and in any case I'm only receiving your perspective. There's definite bias as everything is being filtered through said person. I can never truly know the relationship you have with your tc, personal circumstances, or the intentions of your tc.

For me, personally, as I've shared before, E and I shared our first kiss a few months into my freshman year of undergrad. I never fully shared the timeline of how our relationship progressed. However, we didn't start dating right after that (far from it!). E always felt guilty about his feelings for me. After the moment we shared he kept trying to convince me to "experience college and meet other people." He would encourage me to date guys my age despite the fact that wasn't what either of us wanted. It took him a long time to overcome his guilt and reservations of our age gap relationship and being my first everything. He didn't want me to resent him or whatever came out of our relationship, because he thought it was unfair I wasn't experiencing these relationship milestones with someone my age. I think the negative stereotypes and societal labels really made him conflicted in the beginning as well. This was thankfully all untrue for our scenario, however, it still bothered E very much as he didn't want that kind of judgment and scrutiny.

We essentially had to become friends on a more equal level before exploring how we felt. You can be friends with your tc but you're still limited due to the age gap/power dynamic. The fact that he had these considerations in the first place and shared his feelings with me...made me realize how genuine he is. I still think he was quite harsh on himself to an extent, but that's a side effect of his strong character and morals. Everything in our relationship was slowly paced even though I wanted to rush certain things 😅 I always felt more "mature" for my age and although E agreed...I definitely had to mature and become more comfortable in my own skin throughout college. I don't think E and I would have lasted if I was still stuck in the mentality/place I was at during my senior year of high school.

It is concerning when adults have no reservations about being with someone once they turn 18. In most cases they're only after one thing if they seem too eager to literally jump all over you. Teen brains and adult brains are different and I'm sure everyone always cites how the prefrontal cortex (for rational decision making) isn't fully developed until you're 25. Teens and younger adults do tend to be more impulsive and our lack of life experience also furthers the gap between a tc or older crush. Please read up on predatory behaviors and trust your instinct if you feel like you're in an unhealthy or manipulative situation. Confide in someone you trust if you feel like some biases are blocking you from making a rational decision.

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i have a gut feeling as to who the anon being investigated by police is. the blog is now deactivated so i wanted to write a message here if they happen to see it. like A said, please don’t blame yourself for anything. he was the adult and your teacher in the situation. he knew what he was doing was wrong. the fact that he knew this and made you keep it a secret for months is all on him. i hope you are okay. nothing is your fault. be well. xx

Thank you for sharing your sentiments! I hope that anon is doing better and has found a way to cope/began the healing process for the situation. Even one supporter is better than handling these kinds of heavy things alone. Please seek out help if you find yourself spiraling into self blame or thoughts of hurting yourself. You'll likely develop a different perspective and insight on what transpired between the two of you once you open up to other people or a professional. You've been hurt in this situation as well (arguably much more) please do not disregard that. Your tc was aware of the repercussions of his actions which is why he needs to face the consequences as an adult.

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I'm just counting down the days until E is back home. I hope I won't be swimming in school work by the time he's able to meet me. He's visiting extended family and has been quarantining and social distancing. He definitely feels more comfortable staying a part for another 14 days before seeing me still.

He needs to also prep for the school year. My old high school is basically doing hybrid learning and kids will be in school 2-3 days in rotational groups. Some universities and high schools in other states are already closing after trying to reopen. I just hope he stays safe and healthy even though we both predict that our state/region will likely shut down again.

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Hi, I really need advice on how I'm feeling regarding my relationship with my tc. The thing is that I sent him a couple of emails while we were under lockdown. The last time I wrote him, I thanked him for helping me with a personal project, which didn't work out in the end due to COVID-19. A few weeks ago I learned that he's gonna be lecturing a module that I'm taking this year, and I don't know how to feel about it. I mean, how am I supposed to look him in the eyes now?

Hi,

I'm so sorry you feel this way and I can completely empathize because I've felt similar feelings before! I tend to have imposter syndrome when it comes to my academics. Sometimes I push myself too hard or I hold myself to a unrealistic high standard even though my work is fine. Perhaps you feel like you've failed or maybe you feel your tc may be (secretly) disappointed in you? I'm sure he has consoled you already and I would try to take his words to heart. I know how difficult it is to drone out that inner negative voice. Conversations are always better than projecting your assumptions on how others may feel. Perhaps you could speak to him one on one when the time comes on a video call once your program starts if you need closure. Or if possible try to find an alternative to what you were working on.

A lot of people have been impacted by COVID-19. Many have lost loved ones, jobs, or other opportunities. The pandemic personally weighed heavily on my graduate program decision. I still feel a sting of regret and think of the "what ifs" because I rejected some "brand name" schools (yes, of course their programs are great but I feel so many people value the name of the school over quality of the person and associate their worth to it). I know this isn't the same exact situation, but we may be feeling the same feelings.

Please don't blame yourself for circumstances that aren't within your control. I'm sure your tc sees this the same way as well. Instead we all have to learn how to adapt and grow with the problems this pandemic brings. Our morale may be low at times, however, it's important to acknowledge your successes (regardless of how small they are especially now!). These feelings will likely take time to subside. The best thing right now is to try to be kind and care for yourself as much as possible before you have to start being productive again. Talk to friends or family as well and I'm sure they'd give you a boost. My friends and E are great reality checks for me when I'm low.

Take care and best of luck!

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Hi I was wondering if you can share some advice on how I can still talk to my tc even though he’s not my teacher anymore?

Hi,

Sorry for the delay in answering, I’ve been finishing up my final round of undergraduate finals! I honestly don’t have experience with handling a teacher crush on someone who no longer taught me but I hope my suggestions help.

If your tc is part of any extracurriculars that you’re genuinely interested in you could join or start participating! I think after school is the best way to have more personal conversations since it’s a more laid back setting. There’s also less students (for the most part) and there’s usually less of a need or rush to “stay on topic” or finish the course work. It definitely depends on the club and activity, however, I feel it’s a great way to talk to a tc since that’s how I spent the most time talking to E. It definitely tricky to hold longer conversations unless you’re attending their office hours or clubs.

I know some students who had friends who were taking classes with their favorite teacher (non-tc) sometimes would join them whenever they had to go to after school to chat or get help. I had a guy friend who once skipped a class a bit just to see E. I wouldn’t advise that obviously but it goes to show how it’s trickier to stay in touch when you’re not attending after school or extracurriculars when you’re no longer their student. If that’s not an option you could try striking a conversation whenever you see them or if they’re comfortable you could email them. For e-mail, I’d strongly advise having an academic or professional reason to also stay in contact as well that way you hold yourself accountable in remaining professional/friendly.

I hope this helped! Feel free to send another ask or dm if you want to elaborate on the situation. Good luck!

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During your transition from teacher/student to friends with E, did you ever feel frustrated and confused about your feelings? I’m currently on that journey and I can’t help but feel frustrated. I want to be friends without professional boundaries awkwardness so I can figure out if I actually do have feelings for him or if it’s more of “he’s the first guy I feel a connection with” and that’s the only reason I’m holding on.

Personally, I felt the frustration and denial before even realizing I had a massive crush on E. When I realized how much I liked him I noticed some of my personal unhealthy habits or mentalities I had when handling and processing my emotions for him. I also dealt with some tasteless teasing from my classmates and borderline bullying from the more popular girls who also had massive crushes on E (but were very inappropriate about it). I think both of these consequences made me learn what I was doing wrong and learn from what other girls were doing horribly wrong (although I wasn't participating in that). Their juvenile antics and lack of respect for E's personal space didn't make them "good friends" despite them thininking they were making great progress with him. That's why I decided to be just grateful of the close friendship I was developing with E without overanalyzing or overthinking the moments I had with him. I put less pressure on myself in trying to impress him or act in ways in which he would find me attractive. That's how a more mature and open relationship began when E saw how more reserved and reasonable I was to have friendly conversations and he could joke around with me without me overreacting or disrespecting personal boundaries. He definitely knew I had a crush on him but he saw how much I valued our friendship and was willing to set aside how I felt.

Most girls who finally realize that their tc is unattainable tend to either lose contact with their tc because they want "all of nothing." However, the best case scenario is when they hopefully ways to emotionally mature to become friends with their tc. If you value a person more than what you wish for or fantasize about, you'll find ways to gradually adjust your thoughts and emotions to keep that person in your life. Regardless, of the role they play in your life although it might not be what you wanted. There's really no formula or steps you can take to see if your dynamic could become purely healthy friends without trying. I don't know either of you personally, but the most important thing is to be genuinely yourself and see how he reacts to that. Try not to overthink or analyze and enjoy the company and conversation. If your tc is willing to have a less strictly professionally friendship with you it should happen as you gain their trust and respect when they see you have a lot of common ground.

I hope this helped. Try not to worry too much and just let friendship occur organically. If your tc is the type to prefer strictly professional or less casual friendships with students, it's definitely not your fault and that's just a professional call he chooses to make. Good luck!

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Hi, I was wondering if you could help me? This year I found out I'll never be in my tc's class and it's been upsetting me for months. His office is literally 5 feet from my homeroom but there's absolutely no reason for me to talk to him, I don't think, considering he doesn't know who I am. He's been so lovely to me for the few interactions we've had in the past, but he's like that to everyone, and I'm just some random student to him. I keep hoping but it's making me miserable! Advice? Thank you!

Hi, 

There’s definitely no immediate solution to your issue because you can only do one of two things. You either slowly learn how to let go of your tc because you can’t see or find an excuse to interact with him anymore. Or you would have to find an appropriate (emphasis on appropriate) way to start a conversation with him or befriend him. You’re going to have to judge for yourself whether or not your crush might grow too overwhelming/unhealthy if you decide to get to know him or talk to him. It could honestly be as simply saying “hello” or “good morning” when you see him. 

These feelings aren’t going to disappear unless you find a way to accept that you can no longer interact/see your tc as much or find the limited ways you can interact. Try to rationalize with yourself so your feelings don’t become too obsessive (for lack of a better word). You need to decide the best way to process your emotions and how to handle them. Since currently you are suffering negatively from not having your tc. That is completely understandable however you cannot allow that to take over your emotional and mental state. You may even have to be realistic with yourself and confront the truths/realities of the situation in order to move on or keep professional/friendly interactions going. 

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Recently found out my TC is in a relationship, so I feel like I should back off but also don’t want them to think I’m ignoring them. How should I go about this?

Hi,

You could perhaps try to avoid any extra interactions where you know you're the one who initiates them. I understand why you might want to distance yourself temporarily to handle your own emotions. I think that's very mature and emotionally intelligent of you. However, there's no need to overanalyze on how many interactions you can have with him. If it starts to become a scenario where you're upset that you're straining your friendship with your tc by purposely avoiding him then it may become unhealthy. Don't feel the need to be "not yourself" when your tc is talking to you or interacting with you. I think as much as it may hurt to interact with him right now...the sooner you start to appreciate the friendly platonic aspects of your friendship more the sooner you'll heal. Overall, it's wise to give yourself some degree of breathing room but don't turn it into a "punishment" for yourself. You can also do other things during the extra time you would have spent with or thinking about your tc. Distracting yourself with friends, family, or a hobby could be really cathartic. Good luck 💛 I hope all goes well!

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camellia

Wow, this is from a long time ago but thank you for asking!

Camellia: What is the most expensive, most ridiculously pointless thing your tc owns?

Hmm, if it's expensive and ridiculous it would definitely be E's collection of nick nacks from all his fandoms like Star Wars. He has so many t-shirts and memorabilia. He goes to conventions every year all dressed up too. So I'd imagine his detailed costumes are also expensive. He looks devilishly handsome in them though (with the exception of Star Wars when he's running around in a mask and cape 😂 I can't take him seriously in that).

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Before really getting to know my TC, I would joke to my classmates about how I was "in love" with him. I really did find him attractive and I never imagined it would go that far with him. Now we're close. And ofc he doesn't want anyone to know but it's really hard to hide cus everyone knows I find him attractive. He doesn't know that. I wanna tell him so I can keep it real with him, but I'm scared he'll get scared and stop seeing me.

Hi,

It was actually the complete opposite for me 😂 I was in complete and utter denial that I was beginning to crush on E. My classmates were relentless and inappropriate with their jokes. I could have never jokingly tell my classmates or friends that I was in love with E.

Anyway, back to your ask. Honestly, preteens and teenagers talk and sometimes they’re gossiping or joking around within ear shot. E has shared with me all the unfortunate and horribly inappropriate things girls have said to their friends about him. He’s overheard it himself and his friends (also co-workers) have over heard and relayed the information back to each other. I don’t mean to scare you or get you in a panic but perhaps he might be already be aware that you have a crush on him? Your behavior may be telling or since you’ve openly joked with your classmates word might have gotten around. If your tc is self aware then he might already have an idea. If so, the fact that he’s still befriending you and remaining professional goes to show how he’s not letting a harmless crush get in the way of how he treats you. So, for his sake and yours I wouldn’t confess to him that you find him attractive or have a crush on him. Just enjoy the platonic friendship you have with him and stay professional because you’re still his student. Don’t jeopardize your reputation or his and don’t underestimate other people’s perception. Also try not to be to secretive about your interactions because people of all ages (students or faculty) can start rumors or make false assumptions. Be smart and careful about your interactions with your tc now that you’re becoming friends. Good luck!

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Orchid to carnations :)

Orchid: What is your TC “complex”? (for example: Do they have a soft spot for students who have just been broken up with? that sort)

💐 Hmm, if I had to stereotype E under TC categories he’s definitely a mix of the most popular tc and the clown. He’s very charismatic and has a great sense of humor. A lot of students love him for both of those qualities. He loved messing around with me initially because I was so introverted. However, he would still be serious with me as we got to know each other better. We had a lot of deep conversations and I confided in him with things I didn’t even tell my friends at the time. I was shocked when I learned that he is a total closeted nerd given how popular he is (also was a jock in high school). He attends Comic Con and other conventions with his friends (dressed up as Star Wars characters or Indiana Jones). He’s only very open about being a history buff and film nerd  🤫

He’s very good-looking as much as he denies it by constantly comparing himself to his high school photos or by cracking self-deprecating jokes. He seriously doesn’t look his age at all and even though he is approaching his mid-40s in a few years, I think he could easily pass for his late 20s or early 30s. He’s still fit and don’t get me started on his curls and stubbled jaw. I’m a broken record for saying this but he has a very boyish smug smirk. He’s frankly an annoying ass sometimes but I love him regardless 🥰

So, I guess my ‘type’ or ideal partner is: outgoing, funny, smug, caring, intelligent, and down to earth. 

Cherry Blossom: Have you ever shared food with your TC?

🌸 We’ve shared a lot of food! When I was still his student it was mostly one-sided though. After I found out how much E loved orange juice,  I would sometimes grab him an orange juice or something from the local Italian bakery if I had time. He was really thankful once because he didn’t eat breakfast that morning. So I guess brownies with orange juice is the breakfast of champions 😉 I also baked him a whole cake for his birthday a month early because his birthday falls in July and I wouldn’t see him. 

When we started seeing each other, he always insists on paying for the food whenever we eat out. I have such a small appetite so he usually eats my leftovers or I’ll hand him a portion of my meal for him to taste. We love swapping bites of our food or sharing fries. We’re at the point where we don’t ask each other for permission anymore. The last meal we shared in the car he just went for my fries and I went for his fried calamari. 

Sunflowers: What is the most nonsensical thing you have ever asked your TC?

🌻 I don’t recall asking him nonsensical things but there’s definitely nonsensical statements or comments I’ve made around him. I always had total brain farts around E and would stumble sometimes because the butterflies made me nervous.

Carnations: Describe a situation in which you really, really wanted to kiss your TC

💐 Every.Single.Time.I.See.His.Face. At this point, my lips are magnetically attracted to his lips, nose, cheeks, and forehead. 

If I had to pick a moment when it was 100% improper to do so...it would definitely be whenever we were joking back and forth after school. The banter would get so intense to the point where I wish it could be like those cheesy moments in the movies where the girl kisses the guy to shut him up. E would be smirking and edging a bit closer to intimidate me so I wouldn’t make a good comeback.

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3/3 We were close and talked almost everyday this past academic year. It seemed like he wanted to stay friends (he also said it himself). That previous summer I asked if he had received my email in our personal thread and he said he had but just never replied—so basically I asked if he was ghosting me 😂. He’s not a prof for the field I studied so I would feel weird sending him an email on his college account. Also, it’s difficult to distract myself during quarantine/this pandemic.

Hi,

I understand how frustrating and upsetting this all can be! I'm curious what his response was as to why he ignored your personal email. Depending if his response was time specific or just in general maybe you could evaluate for yourself why he might be so unresponsive now. Is it because he's too busy with his personal/academic life? Did it seem like he was getting uncomfortable with blurring the lines between professional and friendly interactions (despite what he told you)? Or perhaps he might be struggling with some personal issues/stressors related to the whole pandemic? I know the list can be quite long and I'm not suggesting you over think it, but just remember that there's a lot of factors that are not within your control. It seems like you put enough effort into a maintaining a friendship and he's just not matching your same investment. You can continue to try for a bit more and see where it goes before attempting to attain closure by letting go first.

As for distractions, I can imagine how hard it must be to share the same interests because that triggers memories, conversations, and thoughts of your pc. However, it's important to remember why those interests and hobbies were exciting and important to you before sharing them with him. I wouldn't suggest taking a break if that's going to harm you emotionally or mentally. Definitely don't feel the need to stop voluntarily if you don't want to. Perhaps you can find interactions elsewhere and with other people who enjoy the same thing? It could be in real life or online friends (discords, blogging, etc). Going outside and being active by following socially distanced guidelines can also clear your head. We're all getting a bit stir crazy at home and when we have a lot of time alone to our thoughts, we tend to pine over people we're missing. Also find value and take advantage of getting closer with friends or family during this time. Work on the relationships you have currently to help you gradually move on from one that's less fruitful.

It's definitely not something that happens over night so don't be too hard on yourself. Especially when it's a friendship you wanted to maintain but the other person ended up disappearing. I have friendships that ended that way and from time to time the lack of closure still stings a little. But limiting the content I see from their social media accounts and gradually getting rid of things associated with those friendships does help. If that's applicable that's also something you can try too. Good luck and I hope you continue to be well!

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i haven’t seen my tc for more than a month now cause of the quarantine and i don’t feel anything for him, i’ve been thinking about him less. does that mean i don’t like him anymore?

Hi,

I can’t really give you a verdict on how you feel since that’s obviously only a personal call you can make. I’m not aware of all the details about the relationship you have with your tc either. Sometimes you might think you no longer have feelings for someone once you spend little to no time around them. You might start normalizing what your current schedule is like without him. However, if you see and interact with your tc again it might all come flooding back. You might be thinking about him less since you don’t have a means of contacting him and you obviously don’t see him anymore. I really can’t tell you how you feel because you’re the only one who can be certain.

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do you think it's weird to send my tc an email wishing her a happy bday? we'll still be on quarantine by then and i really want to talk to her... i think it can make me look very cute or very creepy😅

I think this really depends on how you think your tc would interpret this kind of gesture. If she would be really appreciative then I don’t see a reason not to? It also depends on the kind of friendships/relationship the two of you have. If you’re not very close in terms of a student/teacher friendship it might feel a bit weird and totally out of left field. If this is a gesture that’s in line with your personality and how you have previously interacted with her then I suppose it’s alright to proceed. If she hasn’t publically shared her birthday with all her students then I’d definitely refrain. Some people might question how people remember obscure tiny details they’ve told people in passing. However, if she’s not a cautious and skeptical person then I suppose she’d be happy that you somehow remembered?

Haha, sorry if this wasn’t much help. I personally wouldn’t send an email if I was in your shoes because I’m horribly shy and introverted. I always play it pretty safe when it comes to social scenarios like these.

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Graduating anon: he doesn’t really use social media, except for Twitter, but It’s not a professional platform. I’m wondering now if I should exchange a couple of emails from our personal accounts before asking, even though we are close. I’m the type of person that is a bit more “confrontational” even with him, but I still second guess myself because of how our interactions might be negatively perceived.

Yeah, Twitter is definitely not an ideal platform to really communicate. However, emailing a few times before asking is definitely an option too! See how things progress first before asking. I think leaving your ask open ended with the in person question is also a decent way, but it definitely up to you since you know your pc better. I'm sure he probably won't take offense or think you're coming onto him as long as you phrase it well. Emails are honestly quite frustrating since personal accounts are usually just for advertisements or keeping track of other online accounts. Who knows though maybe he might be as consistent with responding over email as he would be via text!