#stripped of the authenticity or smth

[grassbreads]

Not directly relevant so I'm not adding it on, but I was reading through the notes on the last post I reblogged and it reminded me of something that's been giving me the Brain Itch for a while.

A couple weeks back my friends and I went out for brunch at a really nice place, and we all got fancy little drinks, so I suggested we all do a toast bc I thought it would be cute. So we did, and it was! But one of the friends I was with wanted to film us doing that and post it right away, and something about that has just been eating at me whenever I think about it.

I know it's not unreasonable! I know it's a perfectly normal desire to want to preserve and share a cute moment. It's not like I've never filmed anything to put on snapchat. But at the same time, I proposed the little toast as something genuinely spontaneous and just for us because I was excited, and something about filming just kinda made it weird for me. It went from something genuine and authentic that I wanted to do to something that felt like a performance for others who would watch later.

I knowww I'm too much of a social media (tumblr) addict to really get on this high horse but man, sometimes cute moments should just be allowed to be treasured and fleeting.

[sandsunseagrapes]

ok ok ok hear me out: claire introduces cas to spotify, right? bc she’s sick of riding w him on hunts and all he plays is the hot 100 station. she loves megan thee stallion obviously, but there’s only so many times she can hear the 3 songs the radio plays. so, she bribes dean to help her install a new stereo in cas’s car that has an aux cord, and she commandeers it at every chance. (dean will never admit it, but the reason he “couldn’t find” an authentic™️ 1967 chevy impala stereo to replace the one he “broke” is bc he gets jealous claire always says yes to a hunt when cas is driving. he wants to hang out w his semi adopted/stolen daughter, too! but i digress) anyway! one day cas asks her to find his favorite song

and she goes, sure, who sings it?

i don’t know her name.

well, how’s it go? i can look up the lyrics

*cas sings a few bars in a foreign language*

claire is like, dude i only speak english. i dropped out of hs bc u broke my family (it’s ok, they joke ab it now. cas doesn’t even feel that bad anymore. but every time she makes a joke like that, he does smth nice for her the next day. the last chocolate muffin at the buffet at the shitty motel is hers, even though she knows cas is Obsessed with chocolate. or he leaves a book in her bag he knows she’d like -- she doesn’t joke so much ab that anymore, even though she loves the presents. she doesn’t love the way he always looks down and to the left though after he smiles bc he never wants her to feel like she has to hold back, and he likes the way her smile makes her gold hair just a little brighter. she likes the way he always pays attention. but i digress again!) anyway!

claire wants to find this song for him, it’s the first one he’s ever asked her to play (it took him an embarrassingly long time to figure out claire was controlling the music. how was he to know this thin strip of rubber-coated string made the stereo play her favorite songs? he just figured she was lucky she could always find the right radio station. explaining what a queue is takes 2 hours. claire is incensed on dean’s behalf when she realizes cas didn’t realize what The Mixtape meant. after she explains that to cas, nobody sees her weird dads for a full day. sam and eileen take her and jack out for lunch, a movie marathon at the local theatre, dinner, midnight bowling, and stargazing bc -- ew!!! but i digress) anyway!

so she’s like, cas, what language is that?

it’s the first one.

claire’s like, oh. dude. i -- i’m sorry, that’s not here.

what do you mean? you said this “website” has every song known! this is my favorite song.

uh, well, cas -- when i said ‘every song known,’ i didn’t think i’d have to specify within this millennium? you know people didn’t, like, have recording equipment until 100 years ago?

that’s outrageous. you are missing out on so much. he’s thinking about how he would like to hear that song, again. he hasn’t thought of it in -- well, hundreds of thousands of years. and what’s a millennium to an angel?, he catches himself thinking (he no longer is one).

i’m sorry i couldn’t play you the oldest song ever (sarcastic frosting on a real apology)

i’m sorry you couldn’t hear it

what is it?

it’s a lullaby. i didn’t even... i hadn’t paid attention to life on this planet since the fish on the beach; i was busy with another solar system after that --

doing what?!

well, i was making it. (delivered with such dispassion it throws her again. this is her dad??? how fucking cool is that)

oh. oh! (5 minutes of silence after this. she knew he was older than everything she knows, but he doesn’t talk much ab it)

it really is a lovely song. i wouldn’t even know it, if not for my sister, anna. she made me watch it. and i -- i always wondered...

what?

i always wondered... what could make you invent something so beautiful? i didn’t know, how could i know, until -- he has been driving this whole time, but he seems now to focus on the road even more.

claire wouldn’t know this, except she steals a glance. then stares just as determinedly out her passenger window. she thinks he might be saying that --

well, i wondered before you, and before dean, and jack, and sam, and everyone (their family, she knows who everyone is, because they’re her everyone, too) but i can see now. (a beat) why you would invent something so kind. i would like to hear that song again. but it’s okay that your friend spotty doesn’t know it.

she’s almost crying, and then she has to laugh, and then she cries, for real. cas pulls over on the side of the road and they both silently get out of the car so they can properly hug. her face is crushed in his shirt (dean’s actually, but no one keeps track anymore) and his left shoulder is soaked with saltwater and maybe hers is too and maybe. maybe, claire thinks (for the first time), this was maybe all worth it.

cas knows it was.