#stressedth3fucout

[skinnyblogsworld123]

I know that nobody reads these but here I go

.

.

10/27/2022

.

So I've been overeating lately a lot and I mean a lot. It's 5:18 in the evening right now. And I've ate chips and salsa and I've drank a rainbow machine smoothie and a watermelon aloe vera drink. And my stomach feels full already but it's like there's something else inside of me that just tells me that I need to eat more and it makes me f****** miserable. And I don't know how to stop it. It's like a never ending cycle and it makes me want to literally kill myself. And nobody understands how bad my eating disorder is because nobody really pays attention to that s*** anymore. They don't take our Eating Disorders seriously whether you're an anorexic or bulimic. And it makes me so angry because eating disorders are one of the world's most leading causes of death and depression. Along with a bunch of other things.

And we're being evicted from our apartment. Because my grandmother does know how to pay her f****** rent. We had this rental assistance helping us pay rent but she hadn't been checking up on that making sure that they were actually paying our rent. And so now we're Skyping money I'm using all of my paycheck to buy s*** for the house. And my fiance just got his job he's been working this is his second day now. I mean me and my fiance are only 19 years old and we're having to help my mother try and find a place as soon as we can. Because my grandmother sure as hell is not owning a house for we are all living in it because she already holds this apartment over our heads because she's the one who pays the rent on it and owns it. We don't. So now that we're being evicted because of her I'm pretty sure we have less than like 2 weeks to get all of our s*** moved out of here. And we don't even have a car anymore because the bottom ball joint on the front passenger side went out on me as I was driving and it skidded across the road and made white streaks across the black top. I mean guys I'm struggling so hard right now. To be honest all I care about right now is losing weight so that I can make myself feel better. I want to focus on myself and make sure that I have enough money to do what I want to do. I have $130 in savings right now and I hope that it stays there but if I have to use it then I will because situations have called for using money out of my savings but I have to be careful about transferring it because I only get certain amounts before they won't let me transfer it anymore. What I mean by transfer is that I have to take it out of my savings and put it back into my checking account through the app that my bank goes through. And right now my fiance doesn't get off work until 10:00 tonight so I got to figure out what I'm going to be doing. My mom is supposed to be back here before 6:00 because I have to go to urgent care so I can get a doctor's excuse for missing work today.

I mean f*** this is the most amount of struggle that I have had to deal with in a long while. I mean I'm already past 200 lb. I weigh like 240 pounds. And it f****** kills me of how fat I look and how fat I feel that all of my fat just Jiggles every time I walk or when my fiance tries to do the deed with me. And I can't get into it because I'm focused about how I look. It literally murders my soul inside out every single day. That I Can't Get Enough control to just stop. I mean I even told my mom to pick me up a burger from McDonald's. It's the Daily Double with no cheese add mustard and ketchup, because I'm lactose intolerant basically I have a milk allergy so I can't really have any dairy products which is really sad since I've drink milk my entire life. I honestly really f****** ate myself I feel like I could do so much better in life but if I wasn't so fat I feel like I could do so much more without being shy and I could be confident with myself and I can do what I need to do to get s*** done.