#streaming this somehow did wonders for my productivity though

[girlgenius1111]

new world

alexia struggles with the adjustments that come with parenthoodcw: angst + fluff, mentions of anxiety

------

Alexia liked to think of herself as a calm person. Good in a crisis. She always had a level head, regardless of whatever was going on. 

As she stood, though, cradling your newborn daughter in her arms, tears streaming down her cheeks, she felt anything but calm. She felt overwhelmed and terrified and happy and proud. Most of all, she felt love, filling her whole body, until looking down at Mila’s little face felt like all she could do, all she ever wanted to do. 

Alexia thought she knew love. She loved her parents, she loved her sister. She loved you, more than she could comprehend sometimes. This little baby in her arms, that had her eyes, she noted, was so indescribably perfect. Alexia knew her, somehow. Her tiny little nose, the wisps of hair on her head. The way her little hand barely wrapped around Alexia’s pinky. This perfect little baby that was hers, and yours, and she was so overcome with love for Mila, and love for you, that all she could do was sit. Sit, stare at her baby in her arms, and cry. Alexia wasn’t a crier, not really. Here she was, though. And she didn’t care. You and Mila mattered more than anything in the world ever had, and ever would again. 

“Ale?” You said groggily, pulling her out of her thoughts. She turned to you and the look of wonder on her face that had been there since she laid eyes on your baby girl for the first time remained, even now, a few hours later. You smiled sleepily, the drugs from the c-section making you rather exhausted, not to mention the numerous hours you spent in labor. “Come sit.” 

Your wife walked closer, sliding onto the hospital bed next to you. Mila looked absolutely tiny in her arms, and Alexia removed one arm to wrap around your shoulders, and carefully pulled you into her. “How are you, mi amor?” 

“Perfect.” You mumbled back, resting your head on her shoulder. She delicately kissed your forehead. 

“Perfect? Are you sure?” 

“Well, I just had my abdomen cut open and my organs briefly removed. But I woke up to see you holding our baby and I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before. It got scary for a bit there.” You told her quietly, voice thick with emotion. Mila had been… rather reluctant to come out. You’d been in labor for almost a full 15 hours before the doctors decided you weren’t progressing fast enough, the baby was under stress from the position she was in, and they took you straight to surgery. It had been the most painful 15 hours of your life, and the scariest of Alexia’s. 

“I love you. And I am so proud of you, you did so well, mi niña, so well,” Alexia assured you, focusing on the feeling of having you both close to her, and not the anxiety still swirling around inside of her. 

She didn’t know, though, that the anxiety would remain. It wasn’t temporary, a product of her baby’s delivery. It was the start of an almost constant level of stress she faced. Because she felt new levels of love and happiness that day. And with that, came the fear that something would happen to take it all away. 

-------

Alexia remembered that day so well, the day Mila was born. The best day of her life. She remembered how scared she was. You’d promised her that with time, that fear would fade, and she’d fall into a more comfortable routine of having a tiny human being completely reliant on her. 

The fear didn’t fade. The terror whenever she thought something might be wrong with her baby girl didn’t fade. The anxiety didn’t go anywhere; if anything, it strengthened. Until there she was; sitting in her daughter’s nursery, 3 months later, knees pulled to her chest, just watching the baby sleep. It was the only time she felt calm anymore, really, when she had Mila, and preferably you, in her sight. Safe. If Mila was somewhere else, something might happen. If someone else was holding her, something might happen. If she went too far for a match, or didn’t call to check in enough, something could happen. And she wouldn’t be able to stop it, or fix it. It was a different kind of fear, Alexia realized. The overwhelming sensation that if something were to happen, to you or to Mila, it wouldn’t be something she could recover from. 

So, she stayed home with the two of you, as much as possible. Barring visitors for weeks, even her mom and her sister. If you were all together, under one roof, nothing could happen. It was alright, then, those weeks she had off for maternity leave. Eventually, though, they came to an end and Alexia had to return to training, return to her first love; football. And she still loved it, still needed it. 

But being away from the both of you was so difficult. She was anxious constantly, checking her phone constantly, near tears constantly. Mila was so small. Alexia could practically hold her in one hand. And the birth hadn’t been easy for you, nor had the postpartum phase. Leaving the house felt like leaving her sanity behind, and she didn’t know how to fix it. 

She thought she must be a terrible mother, if she was this scared all the time over nothing. She didn’t want to be a helicopter parent, but she couldn’t help being overprotective of her baby. She just wanted you both safe and happy. 

Which is how she found herself where she was now; awake in the middle of the night. Just watching your little girl sleep, feeling some semblance of relief knowing, visually seeing, that Mila was okay.

Until Mila started to breathe weirdly, in a way Alexia was sure she’d never heard before. Then, the familiar terror, increased about a 100x, filled her chest, and she was taking Mila into her arms, and rushing down the hall to where you were peacefully sleeping. 

------

“Amor! Wake up, please,” Alexia pleaded. You stirred, sitting bolt upright when you noticed Alexia had Mila in her arms. 

“What, what is it?” You asked frantically, taking in the absolutely terrified look on your wife’s face. Terror filled you and you rose from the bed, hovering over the baby. 

“Something is wrong, she is breathing weird.”

“Let me see.” You replied, taking Mila out of Ale’s arms easily and cradling her close to your chest. Nothing seemed amiss; she had the hiccups, something she’d had a hundred times. She was half asleep, gazing up at you through cracked lids, and one of her hands lazily moved, searching for your pinkie to grab on to.  

“Hey, little one,” you murmured, before turning your attention back to Alexia. “She has the hiccups?” 

You were slightly grumpy at being woken up for the hiccups, but your annoyance faded when you saw Alexia shaking her head rapidly, fighting back tears. 

“No, no, something is not right. She making a snuffling sound, it is not normal and I do not know what it is or when it started and I think we should take her to the hospital just in case because-” 

“Alexia, breathe.” You interrupted, beginning to understand what was going on with her. 

“NO, amor, please, we can just go please, let me put her in the car and we can go get her checked out.” Alexia cried, and you looked between her and the baby, wondering who needed you more at the moment. You decided it was Alexia, considering Mila had dozed back off. She wasn’t even hiccuping anymore, she was completely normal, completely fine. You placed her on the little cot next to your bed, the one she no longer slept in unless it was during the day, and you wanted her near you. 

“Amor, no we have to go,” Alexia wheezed, pulling gently at the back of your shirt. She was really panicking now, her mind seemingly in a million different places. 

Mila let you put her down easily, and you turned back to your wife, taking her face in between your hands. 

“Alexia, relax. It’s just the hiccups. Mila is fine, completely fine. She isn’t even making a sound anymore, she’s asleep.” She shrugged your hands off to step closer to the cot, looking intently at the slumbering baby. Alexia was rapidly breathing, her hands clenching and unclenching into fists at her side. 

“She is okay?” She asked quietly, turning back to you. 

“She’s fine, my love.” You assured her, opening your arms and letting Alexia fall into them easily. Even though she seemed convinced, now, that Mila was okay, she was still panicking, her rapid exhales hitting the skin of your shoulder as she tried to regulate her breathing. 

“Cariño, I do not know what is happening,” she whispered. “I cannot breathe, please do something.” 

Now Alexia was begging you to help her, and you felt your heart break a little at the fact that she was so clearly afraid for Mila she didn’t even think of herself until she was sure the baby was okay. 

“You’re okay, my love. Mila is okay, I am okay, and you are okay. We’re all fine, we’re all safe.”

“It does not feel safe,” she murmured, and you felt a teardrop hit your skin. 

“Oh, baby.” You sighed, pulling out of Alexia’s strong grip even when she tried to pull you back in. You picked Mila up, and she squirmed slightly, but her eyes fluttered shut again, and you turned to Alexia, holding your daughter out to her. “Take her.”

“Cariño,” Alexia began to object. 

“No, Ale, take our daughter.” You insisted, and Alexia relented, holding Mila close to her spasming chest. You wrapped your arms around the both of them, fitting your face into the crook of Alexia’s neck, gently stroking the baby’s head. 

“She’s okay, baby. She’s right here with you, where nothing can hurt her. Look at her, Alexia. She’s perfectly fine, right?” 

“Sí, she’s okay.” Alexia mumbled shifting Mila over to one arm, pulling you even closer with her other one. “And you are okay?” 

“I am fine, my love. You are okay, too.”

“I am okay too.” Alexia repeated, as if trying to convince herself of it. “It was just the hiccups.” 

You decided to push, just a little, even when Alexia didn’t take her eyes away from her baby in her arms. “She’s had the hiccups before, amor. What happened?” 

“I- I do not know. It seemed different.” Alexia sniffled. You weren’t used to seeing her this distraught. 

You were exhausted yourself, or you would have seen it sooner; the bags under Alexia’s eyes, the slump in her shoulders, the pacing, the anxiety that had completely taken her over. You saw it now, though, like a veil had been lifted in the dim room, and you saw how utterly broken your wife looked. 

“Ale, put her down for a second.” You encouraged. She frowned but did as you asked, her hands gently and expertly maneuvering Mila back into her little cot. “Look at me, please.” 

She turned to you, and you brought a hand up to cup her cheek. “You haven’t been sleeping.” 

“No.” She admitted. “Not a lot.” 

“Why?” 

“I like to watch her sleep.” Alexia said softly, her eyes flickering back over to Mila’s sleeping form, before they focused back on you. 

“Can you tell me why you’re staying up late, watching our baby sleep, instead of sleeping yourself?” You asked. Alexia’s eyes fluttered shut, and when they opened again, they were filled with tears. 

“I have so much fear, all the time. That something is going to happen, and I will not be able to protect her. I love her so much, it is terrifying, amor. I do not know how to be a mom. I do not know how to do this, and I feel like I am doing a terrible job. I just love her, I just want her to be okay,” she sobbed, burying her face into your shoulder. 

“Oh, Ale.” You sighed, pulling her back with you onto the bed until she was laying with her head on your chest, in between your legs. This had clearly been building up for a while, and there wasn’t much you could do while she was so upset. You let her cry into you for a few minutes, running your hands through her hair, and holding her close. The time gave you the opportunity to think, and decide exactly how you were going to approach this. 

“A few months ago, when I freaked out. When Mila wouldn’t sleep without me holding her, and I was so exhausted and anxious, and I convinced myself I was a horrible mother. What did you tell me?” You asked, feeling Alexia tense under you. It wasn’t a fond memory, you falling into her arms and crying, so hard, and for so long, you were almost sick. The worst part was that Alexia hadn’t noticed you were struggling. 

Alexia’s accent was thicker when she spoke, her voice raspy. “I told you that it is an adjustment, and nothing is perfect right away. You are a great mother. That when it is hard, you just need to ask for help, and I will be there.” 

“Does that not apply to you, too?” 

“It is different.” Alexia argued, but you shook your head. 

“No, it’s the same. You’re having a hard time. You need to talk to me, so I can help, not keep it all inside until you break. This is normal, Ale, having increased anxiety after becoming a parent, but you don’t have to feel like this. There are things we can do to make it better, you don’t have to handle it all yourself. Just like I don’t.” 

Your wife didn’t say anything for a while, just wrapped her arms tight around you, and pulled you closer to her. “I am sorry. I should have said something sooner.” 

Trying to get Alexia to be honest about her feelings was something you still struggled with, though she was much better than she had been when you got together. 

“It’s alright, baby. I know this is hard for you. You don’t need to be perfect. You’re doing so well, though, Ale. Juggling all of this with work. You’re so good with her, and I am so proud of you.” Your words were reminiscent of what Alexia had said to you in the hospital, a detail that wasn’t lost on either of you. 

Alexia’s face grew red and she turned slightly to bury her face in your shirt; only you could make her blush like that, and she hoped you never stopped.  “Te amo.” She murmured. 

“I love you, Ale. And so does Mila.” You promised. 

Almost as if on cue, Mila began to cry in her little cot, clearly awake and annoyed that her parents were nearby, and not holding her. Alexia rolled off you, but you shook your head, pushing her back down onto the bed as you picked up your daughter. 

“No, you need sleep. M and I will stay here with you, and you sleep, okay?” You climbed into the bed next to her, laying Mila easily on your chest. She settled instantly, letting out a content little sigh, and Alexia layed down too, her face level with the baby’s. She traced a finger over the small slope of the baby’s nose, over her little eyebrows. Sleepily, Mila reached for her Mami’s hand, happily gripping on to one of her fingers, her eyes fluttering shut. You watched with an almost overwhelming amount of love in your body as Alexia’s eyes shut, too, her hand connected with your daughter’s. Both of them safe, and happy, and perfect. 

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not super sure how i feel about this but thought it was a cute / angst mostly fluffy fic :) also... i'd def be down to write more about these 3!

[bugs1nmybrain]

Okay, I decided to wake up and choose violence, so here goes? Imagine? Shigaraki with a pudgy kindhearted girlfriend (quirk or quirkless) that he absolutely loves so much🥰 The two of them have been dating Since he first assembled the LOV, (or before than?) So, after the fight against Re-Destro both Re-Destro and trumpet found out that Shigaraki has a girlfriend. The both of them were very, very bothered and disturbed by it, because they think that the idea of him having a girlfriend would just get in the way of his plans? and when Shigaraki here’s about all of the negative things that they’re saying about his beloved and he LOSES IT! Like completely lost it 😱 and Confronts them about their bullshit And put them back in their place. 

with all my heart - Shigaraki x Fem!Reader

First off, AMAZING PROMPT! I love when people perceive Tomura as a lovebug because he IS

warnings: a mention of sex but no smut, fem-reader with she/her pronouns, swearing, the writing isn't cohesive and is totally off topic at first, white-haired Shigaraki, ANGSTY backstory about their love, kind of fluffy!!, short story, not proofread and likely has typos

Throughout all of Tomura Shigaraki's efforts to bring hero society to its knees, there has always been a deep-seated emptiness within him. It became painful for him, so much so that he would dig himself completely raw before falling asleep at night. He hated it. Even when he made progress and advancements in his goals, he felt hallow.

Until you made him feel whole.

You two met right after he had gathered the League together, by a very casual encounter. Tomura was known to go on walks at night when he felt frustrated, and so while he was trying to process all that was happening and the wonders his group was going to pursue, he stumbled upon you at the park.

Sobbing, he heard. It was startling, and he almost wanted to leave. He picked you out, though, huddled on a bench and shaking with your phone in your hand. You were wearing a pencil skirt and some graphic t-shirt, with eyeliner streaming down your face, and surrounded by literal broken hearts. Tomura felt a tug at his heart, somehow. He didn't understand it, and hated how much dread he felt while looking at you. He didn't understand why he resonated with you so much then until he had fought Re-Destro and the memories of his past awoken.

When you looked up at him, he felt stuck. He didn't want to leave, but he also didn't know what to do.

All he could manage was a mumbled, "Hey."

You had been kicked out of your parent's house because they didn't approve of your so-called "lifestyle." That "lifestyle" consisted of wearing fashionable clothes, not meeting their expectations even though you tried extremely hard to be productive, and above all else- you hated hero society. They hurt you emotionally to the point that you had contemplated horrible things, only to be thrown out. A so-called "snowflake" in their eyes, but when Tomura listened to what you had to say, he told you to "let it snow."

The way you warmed up to him ignited a protective and playful spirit in him. He instantly offered for you to live with him, which was hasty, but it would soon blossom into a sweet and beautiful relationship between the two of you.

You've told him many times about how he "saved" you, and to that he tells you to shut up, but never maliciously. He knows deep down that he feels warmth knowing that he could offer you safety, in his own crooked way. You did the same for him, he'd argue. You stuck with Tomura throughout all of it; when AFO was arrested and they had to live dirt cheap, when he was insistent on beating Gigantomachia, throughout all his meltdowns and bad moods, you were there to hold him and let him just be. After a long day of taking a beating and destroying what he could, he came back to you, and you'd make him whole again. He loved you so much.

So to hear this bird-faced baldy and snob politician with a pedo-stash talking shit on you? He was not having that.

-

Shigaraki lingered outside Re-Destro's office. He had the door closed, but he could tell he was talking to Trumpet. Shigaraki was going to approach him about buying the League (and you) a night out to the casino, but he couldn't help but eavesdrop.

"I never even expected Shigaraki to be able to have a romantic partner," Trumpet comments, almost impressed. "I can almost guarantee she's with him because she feels that she has no other choice."

"Either way, she's slowing down operations. I don't mean to question the Grand Commander, but-"

"He comes to meetings, clicks his pen with a few "uh-huhs" unless he's the one talking, and when the meeting is over, she's right outside the door," Trumpet continues.

maybe if you guys talked about shit I cared about, things would be different

"He strolls off with her, giving her the attention that he should be giving to the cause."

"Not to mention, her quirk doesn't have any practical use. Nothing that would help protect the cause."

(Your quirk was a fascinating one, and multifaceted, actually. When you were feeling emotions of love and adoration, you produced bubbly hearts around you. Their color depended on the context of love you felt. However, your quirk had an added bonus! Which was that when you loved someone deeply, their quirk had no effect on you.)

(I guess you could consider this like Eraserhead's quirk mixed with La Brava's. However, this quirk wouldn't work for characters with external quirks like Explosion, Electricity, or Fire, because those are produced as a substance and not as an on-contact quirk. So for her, quirks like Tomura's would apply, but so could Brainwashing, Erasure, Toga's quirk (I can't remember the name), Zero-Gravity, etc.)

"Maybe we could find a way to get Shigaraki to focus on the real mission. Draw her away from him, and have her see his true colors, that way her quirk loses its effect.."

Oh he had heard ENOUGH now.

Some childish spite in Tomura wanted to decay the whole door down and say "listen motherfuckers," but he did things the adult way. Sort of. So he waited until their conversation was over. Trumpet started to leave and turned the doorknob to be abruptly faced with Tomura's "oh you've done it now" smile.

"Oh-jesu-"

"Grand Commander! What is it you need? Did your weekly payment go through? Any mistakes? Let me know and I'll fix it!" Re-Destro exclaimed, half-genuinely at his awe of Shigaraki, and half trying to throw a bandaid over what he knew Tomura had heard.

"Oh, you're going to have to do a lot of compensation for the bullshit I just heard," Tomura grumbled, trying to go with intimidation rather than attack.

"I-I don't understand!"

"Re-Destro..." Trumpet cringed, knowing that Tomura was on their asses.

"But you understand so much, don'tcha?" Tomura turns the other way to face Trumpet, too. "And so don't you? How about I give you two some grand advice and say this: mind your own fucking business and if you have a problem with my woman, you're going to have to tally your asses off because she's NOT leaving."

"I don't mean to impose Shigaraki. It's just that she takes up quite a bit of your time."

"And how many of us are there to be attending to all the dirty work? Mr. "I'm-going-to-hide-up-in-my-tower-while-my-people-go-after-the-big-bad League of Villains?" Yeah, I'm sorry that you two are some miserable geezers who have to pay to get laid, but I'm not cutting corners with Y/N because you guys have some sticks up your asses. Get the hell over it."

"I-I understand, Shigaraki!"

Trumpet began to roll his eyes and excused himself to leave, and was immediately startled with another face he did not want to see.

"Hi babe!" Tomura smiled wide with puppy eyes when he saw you standing in the doorway.

"Hi Tomura," you smiled back, tiny pink hearts popping around you. The two older men could immediately sense the "love-bird" energy between the two of you and felt annoyed. You practically tip-toed your way into the room and stood beside Tomura awkwardly.

"How'd you know I was here?" Tomura teased, brushing your hair out of your face. He gave zero fucks about PDA right now. They deserved the discomfort in his eyes.

"I saw you up the stairs when I was looking for you. I woke up and you weren't in bed."

"Sorry, baby, I should've told you before I left. I was just coming up to Re-Destro's office to ask him something," Shigaraki slied while averting his attention over to Re-Destro. "You know, y/n's been telling me about how she really wants a PC."

"Oh, is that so?" Re-Destro fake laughed.

You simply nodded shyly, feeling put on the spot, but knew full well what Tomura was doing. You had ironically heard what Tomura was saying to them right after he was eavesdropping himself.

"Yeaaa. She wants a really expensive one, too."

You actually had only wanted a pretty standard one; you were humble. This was Tomura just pulling some extra strings for you.

"Is that too much, Re-Destro?" Tomura pestered. Trumpet snuck out and had been long gone by this point.

"Of course not! Just tell me the price and I'll make it happen."

"Thank you," you said quietly, though you and Tomura both knew that was meant for him and not Re-Destro.

-

When you and Tomura left Re-Destro's office, you headed back to your shared room. Tomura held your hand delicately, thinking about what they said before about trying to make your quirk ineffective toward him. A part of him feared that happening since you started dating, and their comments only reinforced that anxiety for him. You squeezed his hand tight in realization and continued to snuggle up on him like a clingy cat.

"You know I love you, right?" Tomura mutters.

"I love you more, Tomu" you bubbled with an infestation of smokey hearts blowing in his face.

"Jesus! Haha, I guess so.." he smiles, waving the hearts out of his face playfully with an instant frown following.

"What's wrong, Tomura?"

"Nothing. I mean, I guess I'm just angry at them, for saying those things about you."

"I hope I'm not a distraction like they said."

"What? No! Don't ever fucking think that, please. I swear, if they ever tell you that you're getting in the way, or try to turn you from me, I give you full permission to kill them. Or come to me, I'll do it for you. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"You already said that, dummy."

"You said it too!"

"Fuck," Tomura cackles, pulling you in tight for a kiss. "Did you know that you're my comfort character, y/n?"

"Oh really?" you laugh.

"Duh. You're my favorite person, and...you make me feel warm? Which means you're stuck in this bed with me until I say you can leave."

"Aye-aye, Grand Commander," you obeyed sarcastically, hearts fluttering around you too as he pet your hair.

"Good girl. I'm not letting any bald-headed asshole try to take you from me."

"They couldn't do that, Tomura. I love you too much."

"You said it again."

"And I'll say it a thousand times more," you said, kissing his cheek tenderly as you continued to hold him until your brand-new PC arrived at your doorstep (under 24 hour shipping! Thanks Re-Destro!).

[oxymoronish]

Monthly Highlights: June 2025

I've started meticulously noting down lists of Media I've Consumed in my journal this year, so I thought I'd type up some thoughts publicly on this blog as well. This might turn out to be a regular thing, it might not. Ah well.

TV shows

The Bombing of Pan Am 103 (2025) The BBC/Netflix production, not to be confused with the Sky series 'Lockerbie' with Colin Firth which was fine, but I found this one a lot more compelling -- perhaps because I could relate with the investigative process and bureaucracy involved in mass fatality disasters (I'd just attended a training course at work on this exact topic last month, weirdly). Also loved the cast, particularly Connor Swindells (who isn't even Scottish, wtf? handsome, though) and Patrick J. Adams with their trans-atlantic partnership thing going on. Oh and the show's soundtrack is by Mogwai, which is very cool, I guess.

Brilliant Minds - Season 1 (2024) I went into this show absolutely wanting to hate it, LOL. Oh, so Zachary Quinto plays this Genius Neurodivergent neurologist who Doesn't Play By The Rules and will do Anything to cure his patients? i.e. Hate Crimes MD, rehashed? (he also has an enemy-to-lovers plot with a neurosurgeon, but, that's a rant for somewhere else.) The show tends to veer so much towards oversentimentality that it made me roll my eyes, and sure the medical science is wild at times (how on earth did 4 interns take half an episode to figure out heart block can be treated with a pacemaker) but somehow, SOMEHOW the characters won me over. And I find myself looking forward to Season 2. Hm.

Flight 149: Hostage of War (2025) Sky documentary on a tragedy that I knew little about. A harrowing and mad series of events, very well-told from the point of view of the victims.

Tucci in Italy (2025) Beautifully filmed. Stanley Tucci walks around Italy and eats food and is very charming. It's good. Will also watch Searching For Italy at some point.

Obituary (2023) Thought the concept was interesting. Irish series in which an obituary writer starts killing people in her town to help with her job. Weirdly gets billed as a comedy but I think it's a great crime drama, with lots of great twists.

Presumed Innocent - Season 1 (2024) Jake Gyllenhaal plays a prosecutor who makes a lot of shitty life decisions. Ruth Negga is his long-suffering wife. Stuff gets revealed in almost every episode that makes you wonder how he's managed to keep his job and family for this fucking long. I liked this mainly because of the legal drama of it all (again, because I'm obsessed with my work and everything to do with it). Characters will say shit like "Trials often come down to storytelling, best version wins" and "It's not about the truth, it's just about establishing reasonable doubt" and I'd be spitting out my crisps to go "SO TRUE BESTIE" -- the criminal justice system is troublingly imperfect and this series pushes it to extremes. Most reviews talk about the Big Reveal in the finale and I ended up bingeing the show late into my weeknight to find out wtf that was and sir, it was not worth it. Doesn't necessarily ruin the show for me, it was just 'oh, that's it?' Anyway, I also read this guardian review afterwards and it made me laugh.

Radio shows

Bleeding Hell (2025) Radio Wales show exploring various gynaecological disorders, including PMDD, PCOS, and adenomyosis - genuinely educational stuff.

What's The Story, Ashley Storrie? - Series 1 & 2 (2023-24) Autobiographical stand-up by Scottish comedian Ashley Storrie. The production and editing on this show is brilliant, I love the way the various voices from her streams of consciousness weave in and out (relatable). Pretty sure I heard Christopher Macarthur-Boyd and Rosco Mcclelland appear at some point as well. The episodes on dealing with autism and the Edinburgh Fringe (respectively) are my favourites.

Drama on 4 - Moorgate (2025) Radio drama based on the true events of the Moorgate tube crash in 1975. Made me cry a bit.

Books

A Beginner's Guide to Breaking and Entering - Andrew Hunter Murray

The Complete Maus - Art Spiegelman

Hellaween - Moss Lawton

Normally Weird and Weirdly Normal - Robin Ince

Games

The fan-made Conclave VN. That is all.

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

I already see it, now that MOANA 2 looks to make around $140-150m for the 3-day weekend take, $200m+ for the 5-day, and plenty more worldwide overall... It's kicking some serious ass, for sure, much like how INSIDE OUT 2 did for Pixar earlier this year.

Like I said, I already see it...

That's it, no more original movies ever again! Especially if ELIO flops! They'll just convert more failed Disney+ shows into sequels!

Once again, no panic buttons here. Only "let's assess" buttons, lol.

Yes, it's true that MOANA 2 was an up-conversion from a Disney+ series, and apparently they crunched the living heck out of the animators/crew because that decision to change things happened way too late in the game... And they're being rewarded at the box office for it, though reviews aren't spectacular and an Oscar nom ain't likely. I wouldn't be surprised if that MUFASA thing has more of a shot at this rate than MOANA 2 does, which I don't think it really has to begin with - it did, however, begin life as a movie from the ground up. If Barry Jenkins somehow pulled it off and people like it, who the hell knows lol. I have no interest, myself.

Back on track, I really do think that something went down at WDAS after WISH imploded at the box office, and Disney themselves did a panic button-pressing because heaven forbid they didn't have a new WDAS movie ready for Thanksgiving 2024. Heck, WISH being a centennial celebration might've been a panic button move in its own way. But yeah, the MOANA 2 situation seemed like this to me: Delay an original, take this MOANA Disney+ series that was showing some promise, quickly make that a movie instead of giving the studio a more reasonable spring 2025 release date to work towards, have our first genuine box office hit since FROZEN II- Anyways...

There's only one Disney+ WDAS show left, and that's TIANA, which to my knowledge is to remain a show.

Even though the streaming bubble has burst and such, but yeah, it still looks to be a show and could probably debut any time next year. From what I understand, it's a Burbank-Vancouver production much like MOANA 2 was, and is aiming for a stylized look in its visuals. More SPIDER-VERSE than actual 2D animation, apparently.

Disney announced TIANA, alongside MOANA: THE SERIES, IWAJU, ZOOTOPIA+, and BAYMAX! in December 2020. Back when these companies convinced themselves that these streaming services were the future. But times have changed, and I feel a lot of MOANA 2 becoming a thing had to do with just how damn popular the original 2016 movie is year after year on streaming services. I'm sure they wanted to do a movie sequel for some time, and that desire probably just grew over the years. I don't think THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG sees that kinda traction on streaming, unless I'm mistaken. Tiana and her world have indeed held on well after the 2009 film's so-so performance ($267m against an $105m budget, 2 1/2x, really didn't seem to be to Disney's liking), the film has a theme park attraction now, but I don't know if it's all enough to make Disney switch gears on TIANA. They could, they may not.

And if they did... I can only hope that such a switch doesn't happen months away from release, yet again. That seemed to be a Jennifer Lee (and John Lasseter) specialty, just micromanaging the hell out of these movies during the finalizing process. No more "lock the picture and go", that's been a thing of the faaaaaar past. I wonder if current leader Jared Bush does the same as Lee and Lasseter, or refrains from that and makes production go smoother. Work out perceived problems very early on, not while the movie itself is being animated, lit, finalized, scored even.

I do not know. I think we get a taste of how Bush runs things when that 2026 movie comes out. MOANA 2 really did seem like a real stopgap production, and a very rushed one at that. The original FROZEN was reportedly such a production, too. Apparently WDAS had nothing for 2013 and hastily put ANNA AND THE SNOW QUEEN, a project halted in early 2010, back in the works to make that date. And eventually retitled it to FROZEN. Supposedly it was in a "development" race w/ KING OF THE ELVES to get that fall 2013 slot. Perhaps the best example of a sort-of "stopgap" film in terms of Disney animated films is none other than... DUMBO! Belted out on a relatively shoestring budget by a B-team within two years, at a time when World War II really made a dent in the Disney studio's armor. They needed something economical out while the "A-team" was still hard at work on BAMBI, which wouldn't be released for another year... In addition to all its other delays. You know, BAMBI was originally supposed to be the second-ever Disney animated feature after SNOW WHITE? Work began on it in 1936, one year before SNOW WHITE's world premiere, but due to so many complications, PINOCCHIO and FANTASIA eventually pulled ahead of it and came out first... BAMBI wouldn't be released until 1942, as the studio's fifth all-animated feature, sixth overall if we're counting hybrid THE RELUCTANT DRAGON.

Where was I? Oh yeah, so there are some tweets floating around that are all like "Disney's just gonna movie-ify more D+ shows" and "No more originals".

Again, TIANA's the only WDAS-made Disney+ series left as far as I know. If that even gets turned into a feature.

And... I've said it before. You don't get sequels without originals, and the wells eventually run dry. Even the other big-time animation studios know this...

WDAS has sequelized most of their 2010s output, and likely won't touch the pre-CGI stuff. Disney Pictures instead just remakes those. No animated legacy sequels to the classics. Though could you imagine how much moolah Disney would make if they got a great 2D unit together and made a true LION KING sequel? That would make *serious* bucks... But that would never happen, lol. And would cause headaches amongst some as to what counts and what doesn't, if it were to ignore the Disneytoon sequels and such.

I know some of us get upset when the slate seems rather sequel-heavy, and in the case of both WDAS and Pixar... It kinda does seem that way, not gonna lie.

WDAS has ZOOTOPIA 2 next year, FROZEN III in 2027, and FROZEN IV sometime thereafter. No word on what the 2026 original is, and I'm pretty sure they'll keep an original slotted for 2026. The studio doesn't really do two movies a year like Pixar's been doing, save for 2016 packing both ZOOTOPIA and MOANA, and 2021 - because of COVID - serving up RAYA AND THE LAST DRAGON and ENCANTO... If they did that, I think they'd have more originals to balance out sequels. So in a way, I get it. It seems like a looong wait for something original, as the years go by. Well, that's what we have other animation studios for. If Disney's not bringing an original movie in a calendar year from either of their studios, then look to someone else. This year, we did get non-sequel movies like TRANSFORMERS ONE and THE WILD ROBOT, some streaming stuff like ORION AND THE DARK and ULTRAMAN RISING. Most of those maybe based on books or IPs or whatever, but weren't sequels to anything.

As frustrating as that is for Disney fans, it's not like the 1960s and 1970s, where the waits between a new Disney animated feature would be like 3-4 years. And you didn't have the classic ones on any home media formats, unless you somehow had access to film prints of them.

The other thing is, "original movies" this, "original movies" that... When it seems like most of the internet wasn't too fond of... The majority of the original movies both WDAS and Pixar had put out over the past four years. Suppose ZOOTOPIA 2 next year blows all of those movies out of the water and is a bona fide high quality home run... Then I think it will boil down to what I always think it boils down to, when it comes to armchair purveyors of animated family film excellence... It ain't the lack of originals, or the lack of specific devices/tropes these people want in their animated movies...

They just want good storytelling, however they may define that.

Fwiw, I liked a lot of those so-called "mid" originals. Pixar I think let out some entertaining films like ONWARD and LUCA, and I absolutely loved TURNING RED, and ELEMENTAL has some great stuff in it. On the WDAS end, I found RAYA to be a fun film and ENCANTO has moments of greatness, I see a better film trapped under STRANGE WORLD's Koeingsegg pacing and undercooked story. WISH was really the only animated Disney release of the 2020s to really leave me with little, but I didn't straight up dislike it.

That's all a discussion for another day, really. MOANA 2 is said to be an obvious patchy job from said purveyors, but I heard at least two ovations at my cinema job, audiences coming out of it very satisfied, lots of families taking photos with the cardboard lobby displays too. It seems like they really dug it... I won't be surprised if this thing legs it all the way to $500-600m domestically alone, and get the big billion worldwide...

Anyways, I'm waiting patiently for WDAS to announce what the 2026 movie is. That'll be three years since the release of WISH...

[cracksofmtdoom]

Well nothing shocking here. It is 4 am and I’m up. Still got a bit of crack. Well not exactly but at least a hit or two. Yay!! It has now become nearly impossible to see any way out of this mess. Both of us are just doing the wrong thing over and over and over. I had really hoped that she could be strong enough to keep me from falling further. Be the rock that I really need. But she has instead followed me down this pit of failure and pain. It hurts me badly to see her in this state. It takes a heavy toll on her physically and mentally. She does not take proper care of herself. We have a void between us. The drugs cause the same goddamn problems each and every time. And the stress of having to come up with the money for this vile soulless cocksucker kills me. I hate him. But yet here I am yet again smoking his product. I am sick. I am an addict. I am powerless. I’m wasting the precious time that I should be spending with my son. Wow. I had typed a whole new sentence or two regarding the Hellicorn but it did not get saved somehow. Ok take 2.

Oh the countless times that I have failed. At sooo much for sooo long now. It needs to end. Period.

I have failed many. All of them ones whom I claim I love and care for. And yet almost each one them still, without question, genuinely love me. I am worthy of love. I am. I deserve to have a healthy happy productive meaningful life again. They are all pulling for me and want to see me happy, at peace, sober and alive again. I long for that. I have an absolutely incredible family that I am so very grateful, proud and blessed to be part of. We are all kinda fucked up in our own strange ways. But we are family. We look out for each other, take care of each other. Love and respect each other. It’s a beautiful thing. I shut them out, I fell victim to the family affliction of addiction. As my father, his father and his father’s father. It isn’t isolated to one side or the other, but I believe it is the Bartels bloodline which is more influential if that word makes sense. Anyway, it’s an awful soulless faceless monster which consumes all that was and is good in you. It is ugly. It is sick. It cares for nothing. It begins to kill the soul. I have to wonder after this much time lost and on a frantic pace, what remains of my soul…. I know that it’s still there. Battered, burned and broken. But there and desperately clinging to me. I need to let go. Enough is enough. I do want to feel alive again. Intermission

I do enjoy this font. Cursive writing is cool. It’s a dying thing though. They no longer teach it in school. No need when you don’t really have to write, typing being the majority of time

Strange little thought stream I guess. And I was just thinking of the fact that I have a lot of people to make amends with. To not let their continued love and support be in vain. I have long standing relationships that I would like to rekindle when possible. I have so many things I want and need to do and be to be the best possible father to B. I’ve been a terrible father and have let him down far too many times and missed out on a lot of important time and events in his life. He’s at a delicate point at this age. I was already on the wrong path by his age. I need to be there for him. Goddamn. How awful I am. This twisted mockery of me that is. There is good in me. I am a good person and deserve to love myself and those around me. To put this burden aside and stop the madness and the continuing suffering. I am a father and that is an awesome responsibility and a great privilege to have the opportunity to do good, to instill values and wisdom and praise and love the human being that you created and give him the best you possibly can and show him what a real father is like.

[emometalhead]

In case anyone's curious

[vanoincidence]

The Friendship You Cave || Van & Cass

TIMING: current. SETTING: cass's cave. PARTIES:  @magmahearts & @vanoincidence SUMMARY: cass invites van to her cave! CONTENT WARNINGS: none!

Van slid in through the small opening with Cass’s guidance. It took her longer than she would have liked for her eyes to adjust to the dim lighting, but once they did, her eyes widened in surprise at the sight of Cass’s home. She hadn’t exactly believed her friend when she told her that she lived in a cave, but standing in it now, it was hard to ignore. She looked over at Cass who had her back turned to her. There was some light streaming in above them that aided Van as she ventured further in, gaze sweeping across the sleeping bag and the boxes of comics. 

“This is so…” She didn’t know what it was, but cool came to mind first, despite the mild concern she had for her friend and the fact that she was sleeping in a cave. Especially this close to the abnormality, even if she didn’t exactly believe in all the terrorizing details people spread about it. Van glanced at Cass with a smile. “Cool. It’s like a video game, seriously.” She dropped into a crouch next to one of the boxes of comics, not touching them, but looking. She knew how serious some people could take their collectibles and she didn’t want to upset her friend. “You seriously live in here?” It was nice, being able to focus on something other than all the shit that’d been dredged up around her. Here, she didn’t have to think about the way she melted everything in her path. Here, she could be Cass’s friend and stare in wonder at her home. 

—

There weren’t many people Cass had intentionally shown the cave to. People had stumbled upon it, sure, and there were a very select few that she’d shown the inside intentionally, but the number was very small. Van seemed like a good person to add to the limited list, though. She was a good friend, and she hadn’t said it was weird or made fun of Cass when she’d told her she lived in a cave. She seemed to think it was pretty cool, actually; Cass liked that. She liked Van. Their friendship may have been born in tragedy, but it didn’t stay there. That was a good thing.

There was a hint of anxiety clinging to her as Van looked around, though, a quiet feeling that had her holding her breath and waiting to see how the sentence might end. When Van settled on cool as a descriptor and compared it to a video game, a bright smile spread across the oread’s face. She looked ecstatic, practically bouncing as she nodded her head. “I do, yeah!” She held her arms out, as if introducing the space. “It’s huge. Way bigger than a house or an apartment. And there are different caverns and stuff, like rooms! I have a bedroom, a living room. There’s one I call the kitchen. There’s not, like, a microwave, but it’s colder in there so I can put drinks in there and they won’t get hot. And there’s a stream that runs through it if you go deep enough!” She crouched down next to Van by the comics, scooting the box towards her. “You can look at them if you want. I have a bunch.”

—

Between Nora and Cass, Van wasn’t sure whose living conditions were more like a product of fanfiction. Even though she had offered either of them a place to stay since she had an entire house, Nora only came over to shower every once and awhile, and Cass would drop in to stay sometimes. That was enough for Van, because at least she could offer something. The house felt too big for her, and it was emptier now than it had been, especially with her grandmother gone. 

“Yeah, it’s a lot bigger than my place!” Her house was big, but not really, not if you actually looked at it. Maybe it was big to her because she had it to herself. The cave was wider, more spacious– less suffocating, somehow, despite the rocks. Van’s eyes widened slightly as Cass explained she had multiple rooms. “Wait, really?” She tried to look down one way, and then another, but struggled in the dim lighting. “It’s like having an outside cooler thing.” She nodded as if in some kind of approval. “Do you have really good blankets or something? How do you stay warm?” She wondered what Cass would do come winter time. Had she experienced a Maine winter? Van looked back down at the box of comics as Cass prompted her forth. She smiled slightly and began to flick through them, gasping slightly as she pulled out a cover with Black Cat on it. “I think she was my gay awakening, seriously.” That, and a handful of other women both in comics and video games.

—

It felt like praise, even if it wasn’t. That was the thing about growing up the way Cass had, at existing as an unloved thing; anything someone said to you that wasn’t outright negative felt like a compliment. Van said Cass’s cave was bigger than her house, and that wasn’t necessarily her saying that she admired it or envied it, but that was how the oread’s mind interpreted the words. Her grin grew even wider, and she had to remind herself to keep her glamour up, to not let her joy burn through and make her face light up in a more literal sense of the word. 

“Yeah!” She nodded, watching Van look down the ‘hall.’ It didn’t occur to Cass that her friend would be unable to see in the dark; Cass’s own eyes were just as sharp in the darkness of her cave as they were in the brightness of the sun. “It is! I could keep anything in there, and it would stay cold. I haven’t tried it with ice cream, though. That might be the exception. It’s not that cold in there.” Blankets? Cass shook her head. “No,” she said, before realizing that maybe she should have said something else. The magma in her veins warmed her pretty well, but most people didn’t have that. “I, um… I run hot, I guess? I don’t get cold very easily.” Not a lie. Definitely not a lie. She watched Van flick through the books, brightening when she found one of the old Spider-Man comics with Black Cat on the cover. “Oh, no way! She’s one of my favorites. Spider-Man totally doesn’t deserve her.”

—

“Yeah, and warm ice cream isn’t that good.” She scrunched her nose, thinking about how many times she’d fallen asleep with a tub of ice cream out while waiting for it to thaw. Van arched an inquisitive brow as Cass explained she ran hot, but decided to accept her explanation. She wasn’t sure how warm Cass ran, or if it’d be enough in the winter time, but maybe she’d be okay during the summer. Instead of asking more questions, Van dropped it. 

“He really doesn’t.” Van rocked back so that she was seated firmly on the ground. It was cold and hard beneath her and she started to wonder if Cass was actually comfortable here, or if she felt like she had nowhere else to go. Even though she had explained what happened to her parents, Cass hadn’t said too much about her own support system. Maybe they were kindred souls in that way– not only had death brought them together, but the fact that they’d both faced a form of abandonment, too. Van hadn’t explained what happened with her grandma, but she hadn’t felt the need to. “I really wanted to be her when I grew up.” She pressed her index finger against the cover and flipped through the pages before looking over to Cass. “But I guess I’m more like…” Her eyebrows pulled together, “Cindy Moon.” That made sense. The anxiety was there. She put the comic back and turned, her shorts scraping against the floor of the cave as she faced Cass. “Do you want to do anything?” 

—

“Definitely not,” Cass agreed. In all honesty, she hadn’t had a lot of ice cream prior to coming to Wicked’s Rest. Leila and Metzli were both fond enough of buying it for her here, but it wasn’t something she’d often gotten for herself in her life before the town. After all, it wasn’t feasible to store it anywhere when you lived on the streets, and a single-serving of ice cream wasn’t the smartest use of the limited funds she’d managed to gather through pickpocketing her way across the country. The few times she’d gotten it had been for the novelty of it, because she’d seen it on TV or in movies. She wasn’t even sure she’d ever had warm ice cream, but Van said it was bad and Cass would say anything if it meant Van might want to hang out with her more. 

Van settled into a seating position, and Cass quickly followed suit. The hardness of the cave floor went unnoticed by the oread; where Van had soft human skin that might protest the rocks and the dirt, Cass was made of stone. The glamour covering it was little more than a mask she could slip on and off as needed. It didn’t feel the way human skin felt. Sometimes, she wished it did. Leaning in to look over the familiar pages, she nodded her head. “Honestly? I kind of think Cindy’s cooler. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Felicia’s badass. But Cindy’s story is… unique. You know? And good. And relatable, in some ways. Plus, Cindy makes Pokemon references. That’s cool.” She flicked through the covers herself, humming. “We could just sit here and read comics, if you wanted. Or I could show you farther back in the cave? We could go to the stream.”

—

Van closed the comic she held and placed it gently back into the box. She looked up at Cass, a small smile pulling at the corners of her lips. “You think so?” Maybe Cindy wasn’t all anxiety and a broken heart, she could be other things, too. And Van liked to make references towards pop culture, maybe just not pokemon. It reminded her of her dad too much. “I guess you’re right.” She grabbed the edge of the box and peered back into it, but didn’t bother moving the other comics aside. Instead, she stared at the cover of the issue she’d just put back into it and chewed on her bottom lip. 

She wanted to be cool. Like Nora, or like Cass. She didn’t think she could be, though. Van couldn’t imagine giving up such comforts as a bed for the sake of doing whatever she wanted. Or her computer, for that matter. The thought was petrifying– to leave her home, despite it not feeling like a home at all. Cass’s voice broke through the onslaught of thoughts and she looked up at her, smile faltering slightly. “Wait, there’s a stream? That’s so cool!” Van pressed her hand against Cass’s knee as she got to her feet, dusting her butt off with her hands. She held out a hand to her friend, feeling like a kid more than she had in months. It reminded her of the night she and Teagan had watched movies. “Do you um..” She pulled out her phone and shook her head, “never mind, I’ve got a flashlight on here. How do you even see? Do you use like, a candle? That would be cool, but maybe a little dangerous.” Would it be? Probably, considering the abnormality sometimes gave off weird fumes.

—

“Yeah. Definitely.” Cass nodded her head adamantly, and the lack of nausea tugging at her gut meant she wasn’t lying. She liked Black Cat just fine, but there was something special about Silk. The time lost, the loneliness, the way she related to the world… It was a lot easier for Cass to understand than Felicia’s flirtatious back and forth with Spider-Man, even if Black Cat’s thievery was a little easier to grasp. 

She watched the way Van stared at the comics, marveling at the familiar uncertainty on the other girl’s face. It was so strange to think that Van, of all people, might feel uncertain. She seemed so effortlessly cool to Cass, like the kind of person everyone ought to want to hang out with. She had a house and a job, and people talked to her. She always seemed so sure of herself online, too. And she was funny. Cass admired her, really. She thought she might be better if she were a little more like Van, but maybe it could be enough to just be like someone Van liked. She grinned as her friend held a hand out to her, taking it and letting Van help her to her feet. “Oh,” she said, a little embarrassed at the fact that she’d forgotten that humans’ eyes didn’t quite work like oreads’. “Um, I think your eyes just kind of… adjust after a while. When you’re down here enough. You know? But I light candles sometimes.” It wasn’t a lie, though the candles she lit were more for atmosphere than they were for seeing. “I don’t think it’s dangerous or anything? There’s not a lot in here to catch fire as long as I make sure to light them far away from my stuff.”

—

Van’s gaze wandered the nature-created ceiling, admiring how the slabs of rock vaulted against one another to create an almost perfect shape. She made sure to keep the flashlight on her phone from hitting Cass directly in the eyes. “I’m really clumsy, even if my eyes do adjust.” She let out a small laugh as she pointed the light towards the floor. This was so much easier than being worried about the things other people said. About what that boy in the common had said, or about the whispers that followed her and Nora away from the coffee shop. This was nice. Cass was nice. She liked Cass, and as much as she hated what had happened and how traumatizing it was, she was glad that Cass was there with them, not because she had wanted something terrible to happen to her, but because… well, just because. 

It felt a little selfish, and Van knew she should have wanted the opposite– to take the risk of not knowing Cass at all for the sake of not having murdered someone, or being attacked for that matter, but she couldn’t bring herself to think that way. “Good point.” She bit her lip and motioned for Cass to go first, not really sure what direction she should head in. 

—

“I can make sure you don’t fall.” She offered Van her arm, and she wondered if there was more she could do. She’d made rockslides in the caves before, whether by accident or intentionally, but she didn’t think the opposite was entirely possible. She wished it were. She wished she could make the terrain easier to trek, wished she could make the ground a little more even so Van wouldn’t trip. She wished she could make her world easier for other people to live in. Maybe then, more people would stay.

But Van was here now, rough terrain and all. She was pointing her flashlight at the floor, she was talking as they walked. They had this terrible thing binding them together, this awful secret and this restrictive promise to keep it, but Cass didn’t think she’d trade it. She knew that was selfish. Someone died because she and her friends killed them. Someone’s body was rotting at the bottom of a pit, and she was showing Van to the stream. She was talking about ice cream, she was giggling, she was light. She thought she should feel bad about that, thought she should feel more guilty about not feeling guilty. But it was hard to, in moments like this. In moments like this, she just felt… okay. She didn’t want to know what it said about her.

Offering Van a smile, she moved towards the stream. She walked slower than she would have had she been alone, made sure to look back. “It’s not too far,” she promised. “Really just a little ways. And worth the walk. It’s so cool.”

—

Van grabbed onto Cass’s arm without further prodding from her friend, knowing that her feet would be untrustworthy over the unfamiliar terrain. 

She followed Cass’s steps, careful and unsure at first, but eventually finding the confidence to keep up with her friend’s pace, even if it was probably slowed down for her. Van nodded at Cass’s reassurance that it wasn’t too far from where they currently were. The light from the entrance of the cave eventually dimmed, and Van found herself blinking to keep up with the descent into darkness. She scanned the flashlight over each rock she stepped over, somewhat afraid that she might take her friend down with her. 

She could hear the stream before she could see it and she tugged on Cass’s arm. “I can hear it! That’s so cool!” Van wasn’t usually one for outdoors, and maybe it showed, but this was Cass’s home, as weird as it was, and she wanted to be respectful and excited. For a moment, she could pretend to be a girl wandering Wicked’s Rest in search of adventure, not escape. She flashed her phone in the direction she thought the stream was, but a wall became illuminated instead. Maybe it was the echoes? “Do you sing in here a lot? I bet it carries over crazy good.” 

—

There was trust in the way Van took Cass’s arm, and the oread wasn’t entirely sure how to react to that. She felt warm inside in a way she usually didn’t, smiling in a way that was largely hidden by the darkness of the cave. Carefully, she led Van through the cave, slow at first and then a little faster when her friend seemed to gain confidence. It got darker the further they went, though Cass hardly seemed to notice. Her steps were just as confident far from the sunlight streaming into the cave as they had been at the front near the entrance, and she guided Van carefully around the rougher parts of the terrain.

As they got closer, the sounds of the stream began to cut through the silence, and Cass grinned at Van’s obvious excitement. “Right? Just wait ‘till you see it! It’s really neat.” The stream was around a bend, not close enough to be seen just yet. But the sound? That carried for a while. “Oh, I don’t really sing. But that’s a pretty good idea, actually! Maybe we should have a karaoke night in here one day? I bet that would be really fun.”

—

Van hadn’t realized it until after holding onto Cass’s arm for a little while, but she did run a lot warmer than normal. She didn’t say anything about it, just kept her grip on her friend so that she wouldn’t tumble and possibly bust open her knee. She realized then, that this was how horror movies started. Going into a place they had no business of exploring– alone, for that matter. But Cass lived here, and she said she knew the cave, so Van had to trust her on that. As anxious as she would, she tried her best to push it down. 

“Karaoke night in a cave?” She thought about cartoons and how loud sounds could potentially cause a cave in. “Maybe.” Van followed Cass like a lost puppy, fingers digging slightly into the fabric of her shirt as they rounded the corner. Her eyes lit up as she saw the stream, bubbling and fast, like out of a movie. “That’s so cool!” Surrounding the stream were small plants, like nothing that Van had ever seen before. “Are those glowing?” She turned to look at Cass, eyes widening slightly as she pulled her friend forward, stopping just at the edge, feet firmly planted on the rocky surface beneath her. “I can’t believe you live here.” That, of course, was for a few reasons. She still couldn’t wrap her head around how somebody could live in a cave alone, especially in Wicked’s Rest (even if she didn’t believe the town’s demented lore). “Thanks for showing me this, it’s gnarly.” 

—

The idea of a karaoke night in the cave with her friends, now that it had cemented itself in Cass’s mind, seemed like the greatest plan she’d ever come up with. She could imagine them all so clearly — Nora, who would probably pick the weirdest song she could think of, Van, who could bring the guitar Cass had seen in her living room, Thea, who might be a little apprehensive at first but could open up as they went on, Ren, who probably wouldn’t understand it but might try for them anyway. Maybe Ariadne would want to come, too, and Wynne. She’d never had friends to invite to a night out before; the idea of doing so now was more intoxicating than the fear that they might not accept her living situation or the territorial nature that came with being a nymph. “We could do snacks,” she said, hoping this might sell Van on the idea. Van liked snacks.

As they moved around the bend, the stream came into view and Van’s excitement became palpable. It was impossible for Cass not to feel the same, the quiet thrill of providing a cool experience to her friend warming her body. “Yeah!” She confirmed, letting Van pull her towards the water. “It’s, like, the best place to live. I come down here a lot.” She bathed in the stream sometimes, though she didn’t say as much to Van for fear that the other girl might find it strange or gross. “Oh, you don’t have to thank me. I wanted to show you. I think it’s cool, and I think you’re cool, so I thought it would be good to show you.”

—

Cass seemed excited by the throwaway comment and Van tried her best to dispel the possibilities of a cave-in. Maybe Cass knew something about the cave that she didn’t. But would that make sense? She wasn’t so sure, but thinking about it too in depth only make things more confusing. Van nodded instead, a smile pulling at the corners of her lips. “Snacks sound good, too. Gotta make sure we get ones that don’t make it hard to sing, though. So no cheese.” Disappointment colored her tone and she dropped into a crouch just beside Cass, careful not to get close to the water. The stream wasn’t huge but there was no telling where it led to. 

“You think I’m cool?” An involuntary laugh left Van as she peered down at the rushing water, only illuminated by the surrounding plants and mushrooms. Or, at least, that’s what she thought they were. Van wondered if Cass had planted them, or if they were plastic. She had said she used candles, maybe these were like those. As much as she wanted to reach out and touch them, she refrained. It took immense self control, but she didn’t want to upset Cass by moving her things around. “I don’t think I’m cool, but I do think you’re cool.” It felt weird, navigating friendship. Most of her relationships had been online, and though the mark on her stomach was a stark reminder of why she and Cass stood in next to the stream in the first place, Van felt somewhat responsible for the longevity of hers and Cass’s friendship. They had to work for it, the both of them. That meant something. “Most people just think I’m weird.” That was opening a can of worms on its own, so she quickly amended, “because I play a lot of video games. Obviously.” 

—

“Does cheese make it hard to sing?” Cass had never had that problem before but, then again, Cass had also never actually tried to sing immediately after eating cheese. Maybe it was a universal experience she’d missed out on, one of those silly human things she’d never known she was supposed to try. There were so many of those and, often times, she didn’t realize it until someone brought up the fact that she’d missed it. Most of her understanding of humanity came from the media she consumed, and there was so much they didn’t focus on. Who knew high school involved watching educational videos and reading from textbooks? On TV, it was all prom and house parties.

Adamantly, Cass nodded in response to Van’s question. The disbelief in her friend’s tone was a little sad, because it was so unearned. Of course she thought Van was cool — who wouldn’t? “You’re, like, one of the coolest people I know,” she replied, wholly honest. “Really? You think I’m cool?” The thought was exhilarating. She’d never considered herself ‘cool’ by any stretch of the imagination, but if Van thought so? Maybe it wasn’t so far-fetched. And she didn’t think Van was lying about thinking this way; after all, she was here, wasn’t she? In Cass’s cave, letting Cass lead her around. There was trust here. Companionship. She’d never really had that before. “I don’t think it’s weird to play video games. I like video games.” Granted, she’d only ever gotten the chance to play video games a time or two, but… she did enjoy them. “Maybe we could play some together sometime. You’ll be better than me, but that’s okay.”

—

“Yeah, because of lactose intolerance.” That’s what she thought it was, or maybe it was something else. It made sense to her, because every time she had cheese, she had to clear her throat a lot, but it never mattered to her. “There are non-cheesy snacks, but we can totally have cheese for when we’re done singing.” Van thought about Thea and how she said she got gassy. “Never mind, maybe. Only fake cheese.” 

Van wondered what she had done to obtain either Ren or Cass’s respect. Most people would turn their nose up at her. With Thea and Nora, it made a little more sense. She and Thea were a lot alike, and she had known things about Nora before she was Nora from WIcked’s Rest, even if it hadn’t been well. There was something about knowing somebody before you murdered together that made it easier, she guessed. Even if it was weird to think about, and the details on her meeting with Nora in New York was a little fuzzy. But Cass thought she was cool, and Van found herself puffing her chest out. “Yeah, I think you’re cool.” Maybe it’d be easier to think of herself in Cass’s shoes. If Cass said people thought she was weird and that she didn’t think she was cool, Van would be confused, too. “We can definitely do that! I play a lot of single player games, but I have a few we can play together.” She tapped her fingers against the cave’s floor before side-stepping to turn around, looking up at Cass while still crouched. “We can play card games again, too.” 

—

“Oh.” That made more sense. Cass knew about lactose intolerance — she’d seen it mentioned on TV. She didn’t really know what happened when a lactose intolerant person ate cheese, only that they really wanted to but weren’t allowed. “They make fake cheese? I didn’t know that. We can totally have fake cheese.” Where did you buy fake cheese? Or, more likely, where did you steal fake cheese? She made a note to find out.

When she’d broken into that supermarket looking for something to eat, she’d never imagined what she’d come out with. It was half horrible and, selfishly, half exhilarating. Debbie was dead, and that was never going to be anything resembling okay. They’d killed a girl their own age and left her to rot in a pit, and that was so, so hard to come to terms with. But look at what she’d gotten out of it! She wished she could change the circumstances of their first meeting, but she’d never wish she didn’t know Van. Not with the way she smiled, not with how she trusted Cass to lead her through the cave. This was good. And maybe this was allowed to be good. Maybe it was okay to be okay with it. “I could just watch you play, too,” she offered. “I like that, too. I like it when the games have stories, when it feels like a movie. I think it’s cool.” And the idea of playing card games again, the same way they had the last time she’d visited Van’s house? “That would be great! I had a lot of fun with that the first time.”

—

“Yeah, for vegans and stuff.” Van could never be a vegan. She respected them, as long as they weren’t dumb, but she wasn’t sure she could follow that lifestyle. “Sometimes I guess it’d taste real, but most of the time it tastes bad.” She scrunched her nose. “I haven’t had it in awhile, but it hasn’t ever been good. Maybe they’ve invented some new kinds that taste like real cheese. Then we can eat that and sing no problem.” Even if she had to constantly clear her throat, she would still sing, it’d just be annoying. She wasn’t sure why she was carrying on the conversation about cheese. 

As much as Van wanted to take Cass up on the offer to just watch her play games, she knew she should be fair. She’d been told that not sharing her things was a symptom of being an only child, and while she didn’t think that Cass had any siblings to speak of, it was probably nicer to offer anyway. “We can take turns,” Van decided with finality. She nodded as if to make the wordless pact. “The games that feel like movies are a lot of fun, yeah, it’s nice to get immersed in the story and stuff.” She brushed her hands off on her sides as she got to her feet. “I wonder if anyone else has better board games. I looked after we hung out that one time and most of the pieces in mine are missing.” There were notes, too, from her parents, or her grandma– on the notepads that the games provided. Mostly numbers, or little doodles here and there. They were painful to look at, so she had thrown them out. “I’m sure we can figure out something.” 

—

“Right.” Vegans were different than vegetarians, weren’t they? Cass knew, on some level, that the two weren’t identical… but she didn’t know exactly how. And she was a little embarrassed to ask, because most people would have known it, right? Most people understood things like that. She didn’t think Van knew that she wasn’t human, and she didn’t really want her to find out. Van liked her now. She didn’t want that to change. “Maybe we should do, like, a taste test! Get all the different kinds we can find and rank them to see which is the best.” That would be a fun group activity, wouldn’t it? The whole lot of them bickering about their tastes, but laughing while they did it. Cass could just see it in her mind.

Taking turns sounded nice, she decided, like Van was thinking of her entertainment alongside her own. Cass didn’t think many people had done that for her throughout her life. At best, she was usually an afterthought. It was so different with Van, who made a point to make things work for her, and it was hard not to grin. “Okay,” she agreed, “we can take turns.” She looked into the stream, content in the brief quiet before Van continued. “I bet Thea has some,” she replied thoughtfully. She doubted Nora or Ren did, and she didn’t have any herself. But she could always get some. “I could get some,” she spoke the thought aloud, “if we know which ones we want. Monopoly might be fun?” She’d heard those games lasted a long time, which was part of why she’d suggested it. She wanted to hang out with her friends for as long as they’d allow it.

—

“Oh wait, that would be fun…” Van’s mind wandered with the possibilities. Of different chips, drinks, and assorted snacks. She wondered if she should make the trek to Portland to go to the local grocer there and get the snacks her mom would give her when she was a kid. She couldn’t ever find them in Wicked’s Rest. Cass and the rest of them would probably like that. “Do you think we’d be able to bring it all over here?” She didn’t want to trash Cass’s cave, but the thought of having a mass cleaning after a party in it reminded Van a little too much about the grocery store and Debbie’s body. 

Van nodded absentmindedly, gaze following Cass’s to the stream. “Yeah, she probably does, doesn’t she?” She would need to make a note to ask her, even if the last time she’d seen her she had been covered in blood. “Monopoly?” She shook her head, “no that one is really boring and you have to do math and ugh– I count so much money at work already.” Not really, but she had always hated monopoly. “What about something like Ticket to Ride?” It wasn’t that popular of a game among people who didn’t usually play boardgames, but it was a fun one regardless, and it didn’t take that much time to play. “We can figure it out, we don’t need to think about it right now.” She patted Cass’s arm, doing her best to not focus on how warm she was. The urge to ask if she had a fever rose, but she pushed it back, remembering that her friend had just explained she ran warm. “The stream is really cool, is there other stuff here, too?” 

—

“As long as we clean the trash up after.” As much as Cass longed to have friends in her cave keeping her company, she couldn’t stand the thought of litter on the floor. The very concept of it made her feel a little nauseous. Even if she wasn’t very good at it, she was still a nymph, and this cave was still her domain. Letting anyone mess it up was something that went against her very nature. But she knew that her friends wouldn’t do that. She trusted them so much more than the nymphs back in her aos si would have ever allowed, believed in them with so much more readiness than most fae thought humans deserving of. They’d clean up their trash if she asked them to.They’d understand the importance even if they didn’t understand the details.

Nodding, she thought of Ariadne. Van knew her, too, she’d said. “We can invite Aria, too. I know she’ll have some.” Ariadne, despite being a mare, was the most human person Cass knew. If anyone would have board games lying around, it would be her. “Oh, is it? I’ve never played before, but if you say it’s boring, I’m probably not missing much. I haven’t heard of Ticket to Ride, though. What is it?” Quite frankly, Cass would agree to any game Van wanted to play so long as it meant she���d be allowed to play it with her. She had no backbone, someone told her once; she’d never known if it was supposed to be an insult or not. “Yeah, we can always decide later,” she agreed, a thrill of excitement running through her because that meant there would be a later. More hangouts, more time spent together. “There’s a lot of stuff in here. There are some openings that go up into the mines, little tunnels to other caves… some of it’s kind of hard to get around in, though. You’d probably want to come back another time with, like, different shoes or something.” She’d never let Van get hurt or lost in the caves, but there were some things that she was worried might freak her friend out. Bones, supernatural plants and animals, bits of the mineral abnormality crawling up the walls. It was best to go slow with these things, wasn’t it? She didn’t want to scare Van off.

—

“Oh, yeah! We’d definitely clean, and if anyone said they didn’t want to, then…” Van dragged her finger against her neck and stuck her tongue out of her mouth, tilting her head to the side. It was maybe a little too literal, considering what happened to Debbie, so she straightened up slightly. “But we’ll definitely clean, don’t worry about that.” She might not have been very good about cleaning up her own house, but that was because she was the only one there. Well, used to be there. Now, Nora came over for showers and Cass came over to watch movies, and at some point Ren would help her with her garden. She’d need to keep it clean, she realized, so that her friends didn’t get grossed out.

“Aria?” It took her a moment, but Van nodded. “Oh! Right, yeah.” She was a little uneasy about inviting people who didn’t know about Debbie, because what if somebody let something slip? What would happen then? The thought made her sick, especially because Ariadne always seemed like a good person, the kind of person who might tell on them if something like murder came to pass. “That would be fun.” She tried to keep her expression neutral, but it faltered slightly. “It’s a game about trains! You want to go from one part to the other. It’s kind of like a kid's game, the rules are super simple, but it’s fun.” She was just glad that Cass seemed to not care much about monopoly now. Those weren’t important right now, though, and Van wanted to focus on the present. Between the rush of the stream, the glowing mushrooms and Cass’s smile, she wanted to see more. It was a little funny, she thought. For some reason she had thought she’d be more afraid, being this deep in a cave system. “To the mines?” Her eyes widened slightly and she shook her head. “I’d rather stay away from those, if that’s okay.” She’d heard way too many stories, and after the rumbling she’d heard on the beach, she wasn’t sure if they were very safe. She looked down at her shoes and frowned. Her converse were a little busted, but they were reliable. “Yeah, you’re probably right. This is still really cool.” She motioned back to the stream. How many more times would she say that stupid word? 

—

Cass giggled a little at Van’s display. Van was funny, she’d learned. Online and in person, she always seemed to know the best thing to say to lift the heavy weight off Cass’s chest, always seemed to understand what the nymph needed to hear. Van told her not to worry, and Cass found that she wasn’t. The very idea of worrying when Van told her not to seemed silly, seemed stupid. If Van said everyone would clean, everyone would clean. Cass had no doubt about it.

She furrowed her brow at Van’s response, sensing something there, though she wasn’t sure what. Weren’t Van and Ariadne friends? Hadn’t Van said they’d known each other for ages now? Surely she wouldn’t be upset by the idea of Aria joining their ‘party,’ right? Maybe she was worried about the Debbie of it all, though Cass knew she didn’t have to be. With the promise in play, none of them could spill their secret. Cass thought about telling Van as much, but she held back. If Van didn’t know she’d been bound, Cass didn’t really want to tell her. She still remembered how angry Metzli had been when they realized she’d bound them. She didn’t want to repeat that with Van or with Nora or with anyone. “Trains? That sounds fun. You’ll probably have to teach me how to play.” And Ren, because Cass highly doubted that the other nymph had ever played a board game before. Quickly, she nodded her head. “Yeah, it’s best to stay away from there.” Even Cass had only been in the mines a handful of times, and if it was dangerous for an oread… She’d like to make sure Van stayed far, far away. She grinned as Van said again that the stream was cool, nodding her head. “You know, um, if you wanted, we could get in the stream. It’s not very deep, but you can wade in it.”

—

Even with the anxiety surrounding inviting people who didn’t know about what happened in the grocery store, Van had to believe that Cass would ever only do things with good intentions. It wasn’t like she wanted to get caught, either. Because if she did get caught, then things would end badly for all of them. Van chewed on her bottom lip as Cass expressed interest in Ticket to Ride. There were other games, too, but she’d been told to never play Catan with people ever again, mostly because she got too competitive. “That’s okay! I don’t know if the others will know how to play either.” She smiled softly at Cass before sticking her thumbs into the front pockets of her shorts. 

“I don’t really like cold cramped spaces.” She paused, “but this is totally different. It’s wide open, and there’s this cool stream, and things kind of echo.” Van smiled at Cass, her eyes widening slightly as she offered a dip in the stream. She looked over at the rushing water, uncertainty pulling over her like a blanket. “In the stream?” Van echoed back her friend’s words, gaze wandering over the bubbling water and glowing plant life.” What if something bad happened when they got in? What if something melted like it had been? She didn’t want to be responsible for ruining Cass’s home, but it did look fun, and Cass had told her it wasn’t dangerous. But she didn’t think she could, not right now, not with everything that had been happening. “That’s okay. Maybe another time. Maybe we can just hang out?” 

[lucy90712]

Sapnap- face cam

Wc- 1987

Warnings- none (I think)  I've been up for almost 30 hours mainly because I was doing college homework all of last night and because my boyfriend Sapnap was streaming and being very loud which kept me up in the first place which was why I did my homework anyway. I love Sapnap to death but sometime he can be a little annoying but I put up with it.

Sapnap only got into bed at 4am and he's still asleep now at 11pm meanwhile since then I've finished a big essay, cleaned the apartment, done another essay and then made breakfast for myself which I'm eating now. I wish I could be this productive when I've had sleep but somehow it never works like that.

Eventually Sapnap came downstairs sauntering because he was still sleepy, some of us wish. He walked right over giving me a hug from behind as I washed some dishes and gave me a kiss on my cheek.

"Morning babe you alright?" He asked

"Yeah I'm good a little tired but I'll live" I replied

"Just to let you know I'll be streaming later" he said

He always tells me when he's streaming because his fans don't know about us and he doesn't want to accidentally reveal anything to protect me which is cute but it gets hard when he streams for hours on end and I need help with something. Sapnap is good about to it though if I really need help I either text him or message him on discord and he'll help but he sometimes doesn't read his messages.

I gave him some of what I made for breakfast and he sat down to eat it while I talked at him about college work that he pretends to care about. He's very supportive of all my college work and he'll let me get on with things if I have to but he will also talk about things with me if I want to. Thats one of the best things about Sapnap is his ability to adapt to how I'm feeling at any given moment and I like to think I'm at least ok at doing the same for him.

After breakfast Sapnap cleaned the rest of the dishes and let me take a shower which was nice and relaxing and woke me up a little bit as the cold water at the start hit my back, usually I would not be under the water as it warmed up but today I felt like I needed a shock to my system to get it going for another day. I had more homework and a lecture to do today so there was no chance for a nap until the evening when it's kind of pointless anyway.

After my shower I got dressed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt because it was comfy for sitting down all day in. Sapnap had got my laptop ready for me and had got me a glass for water which was sweet of him. My lecture was in about 2 minutes so I logged onto the class ready for it to start, when it did I put my headphones on so that Sapnap didn't have to listen to my teacher going on about whatever we were doing today, he always says he doesn't care but even I don't want to listen to it sometimes so there is no way he does.

As I tapped away making notes Sapnap put his hand on my knee rubbing his thumb in circles comfortingly. He does this all the time whether its sat on the sofa like right now or while we're driving somewhere but its safe to say that I love it, it lets me know he's there in a weird way it's like he's acknowledging my presence. At one point he got up and went to the kitchen and when he came back he had my favourite snack which he put between us so that we could share. What a lovely boyfriend he's being today, I'm starting to wonder what he thinks he's done that's he's trying to make up for.

My lecture finally finished after what seemed like and age so I went to get straight on with my last essay that needed submitting by the end of the month but Sapnap shut my laptop before I could get the document open, he grabbed my hand and pulled me up from the sofa and towards the door.

"Come on were going out for a walk" he said

"Why, I have an essay to work on" I whined

"You'll never leave the house if I don't drag you out so come on" he said handing me my shoes

I put them on and grabbed a jacket because according to the weather it was meant to be a little bit chilly out today, Sapnap grabbed the house keys and pushed me out the door onto the street. We don't often go out on walks because neither of us like leaving the house that much if we were to go out it would most likely be in the car to just go for a drive.

The two of us walked down the street holding hands and swinging them back and forth as we took steps forwards. Sapnap clearly had a good idea of where he wanted to go because he was making turns all over the place. Eventually we ended up at the target not that far from our place and we went in looking at everything like you do in target and we topped up on some snacks for a movie night soon.

We left with our snacks and Sapnap dragged me to the nearest park so we could sit outside and get a bit more fresh air. The nearest park is actually the one that we went to on one of our first dates so we have good memories there, on one of the benches by the duck pond is where we had our first kiss and many more after that.

I always love going back to that park with Sapnap because each time we reminisce on the past and talk about the future which seems to change each time we come here. We walked to the exact bench that we had our first kiss on and sat down looking at the scenery. It had changed quite a bit since the first time we were here, there used to be a little play park for kids in the distance but now thats gone and is replaced with a small flower garden instead.

The first time we came here and we talked about the future all we wanted was to still be together after we left for college which of course happened, then the next time we wanted to move in together which we did and now. I'm not really sure what the future holds for us but I'm sure it will be interesting.

"Wow its been so long since we came here we have changed so much and achieved everything that we wanted to" he said

"I know its so weird to think that our last goal was to move in together and now we have been living together for 5 months where do you think we will end up in the future?" I asked

"On man I have no idea but I would love to still be living together and maybe in a bigger place and maybe even be engaged" he said

This shocked me I never expected him to say that but I guess that is the next logical step for us to take in our relationship.

"I like the sound of that" I said  

We went back home and Sapnap went to stream while I worked on my essay he didn't tell me how long he was going to stream for but it will probably be about 3 hours. So I sat down and got on with writing the last 15 pages of my essay which would probably take me the entire time he was streaming maybe longer.

My essay took me almost exactly 4 hours to do but when I tried to submit it it wouldn't upload which happens from time to time. I looked at the upload speed of the WiFi since Sapnap taught me how to do it and it was fine but I assumed that it was being used for something else. This problem has happened before when Sapnap is uploading a video so I assumed that was the issue.

It got up and walked to Sapnap’s streaming room waiting outside for a moment to double check that he wasn't still streaming, I waited a couple minutes and heard nothing so I knocked and went in.

As soon as I went in I saw that Sapnap was still streaming and his face cam was on which meant that I was now on his stream in front of however many people. I've never made such a stupid mistake especially one that outs my entire relationship, I just stood in shock not being able to move and get out of the shot. Sapnap had the exact same reaction his face was filled with shock and fear at the same time.

Nothing prepares you for the moment that you expose yourself live in front of probably 100,000 people or more who will record anything that happens. Nothing prepares you for the chaos that will ensue when you do the before mentioned thing and definitely nothing prepares you for the guilt you feel doing so.

"Um hi y/n" He said trying to make things less awkward

"Hey" I replied shyly

He motioned for me to come over because there was no point trying to hide this anymore since no one will believe anything we say now. I stood next to Sapnap luckily being short enough that I still fit in frame but he had obviously given up caring at this point because he pulled me down into his lap to sit while we talked to his chat. Again he did the thing where he rubs his thumb in a circle on my leg and this time it really was for comfort.

"Well chat this is y/n and shes my... girlfriend" he said

"Hi everyone" I said shyly

"Now chat I'm going to need you to be nice to her or I'll be angry because she is very precious to me" he said

His chat were going insane telling others to clip this and people getting way to excited about all of this and some were asking questions. The whole chat was going so incredibly fast that it was hard to read all the messages.

We answered some of the basic questions like how long we have been together and other things, people also asked if George and Dream knew which of course they did and they have made jokes about Sapnap having a girlfriend but no one ever took it too seriously. At one point dream joined the call and started mocking us for being stupid and exposing ourselves and he told some stories that he knew we wouldn't mind him saying which the chat enjoyed.

I started yawning more and more as I stayed on the stream because I wasn't keeping my mind busy my tiredness was taking over. I leant back into Sapnap to rest my head on his shoulder, he out his hand on my head running it through my hair which is very relaxing.

"Are you tired?" He asked

"No I'm fine I can stay awake" I said

"I don't want to hear it I know you've been awake for over 24 hours so you are going to sleep" he almost demanded

He put his arms around my waist and pulled me into a comfortable position where I closed my eyes and fell asleep almost right away forgetting that Sapnap was still streaming but it doesn't matter.

[absolutebl]

I love love love the time you take to answer each question so extensively, for real I love each post I've seen pop up on my TL since I stared following you.

Sorry for bring immediately again the topic of the queerbating. Same as you I feel that the devil judge it's totally my fault because I don't know if it's being advertised as I see on Tumblr 😂 like after you posted it I've seen a couple of account SCREAMING over how gay all this is, but obviously we are not getting anything out of it.

Now I do have a question regarding queerbating, are we being you know queerbated with this, like when I watch the whole at distance spring is greener (wow why is it so tiring to writge the name of this) I knew what was happening, I knew that they kept the relationship between the male leads and somehow manage to give them girlfriends, like if we would not notice, but I'm genuinely intrigued if the devil judge is doing the same. I don't expect anything from it yet I'm truly rooting for it. So are they queerbating me?

Also I just remembered other of the star dramas of the year (I'm new to dramas but again I asked if it was a trend become the few I've watched have it) and it's Doom at your service, now I know me and my friends where rooting for something, we obviously did not get it, but they hinted at a possibility TWICE in the las episode which for me feels like a confirmation, and we have a (GL not sure if that's correct) lesbian relationship in nevertheless, so I am wondering if we are seeing true progress with them or is it just a trend.

To end this I just want to say that I'm giving Viki all my coins for Light On Me, it's already competiting with cherry magic as my favourite BL of them all and I can't still wrap my head around the idea that we are getting 16 episodes and that we've had episodes of 28 minutes, I honestly did not think this was coming to us and I can only hope that we will get more. Again thank you for your answer and I'm sending you lots of love because I'm sick at the moment and you manage to make me smile while feeling shitty. ❤️

Why thank you for the compliment! I LOVE the questions, they make me think hard about this stuff. And that’s really fun for me. 

Devil Judge... is it queerbaiting? 

Maybe? Probably? Let me try to explain the grey areas. 

Wikipedia says:

Queerbaiting is a marketing technique for fiction and entertainment in which creators hint at, but then do not actually depict, same-sex romance or other LGBTQ+ representation. They do so to attract ("bait") a queer or straight ally audience with the suggestion of relationships or characters that appeal to them, while at the same time attempting to avoid alienating other consumers.

Honestly I think this is a case of, if you feel queerbaited, then yeah. It’s queerbaiting. 

Are you watching it for the bromance even though you know they'll never kiss and they probably won’t end up together? 

Will you be mad when that happens? 

Did it get your eyeballs because you’re invested in the characters being gay? 

Is it earning streaming revenue from you because of your identity, when it will likely never acknowledge or honor that identity? 

Probably queerbaiting. 

I feel it a little, but I kind of enjoy being manipulated by pop culture, that’s why I’m an analyst. I react and I’m like, 

“OH THAT was an interesting emotional response. Why did this drama make me feel like that? What did it do? And how did it do it? Why am I surprised when I should have guessed what was going to happen? Or why am I crying when I knew it was going to happen all along?” 

I can say that the director (at least) must know he’s using visual romance tropes applied to his with two male leads. The actors are experienced enough to know this too. But it’s the camera lens that is gay...  

No director puts this kinda thing on the screen of a strictly heterosexual or non-sexual court procedural or dystopian: 

So I have to assume someone in production knows what they are about with this bromance. These are only a few of the visual romance tropes (some of them even BL) being deployed. They’re sexy and hella gay. Don’t get me started on the amount of unexpected (and out of genre) domesticity in this drama. (If anything, that’s the real queerbaiting sin.) 

Devil Judge, however, does not have a romantic endgame. We have no guarantee that any characters will end up together, or indeed, survive the narrative. (It’s a court procedural meets superhero with a dystopian setting and an anti-hero lead, plus some buddy cop elements. Think Deadpool or Dexter.)  

I mean, I could tell you what would happen with this narrative under a Western studio. GaOn is being groomed as a scion, which means our judge is preparing to die for his revenge. And probably will, likely also in protection of GaOn. Leaving GaOn to assume the burden of the continued revenge as well as the mantle of the Devil Judge. 

In this case the sexual tension would be highlighting that part of the queer journey when we are like: wait, I’m a dude, do I admire him or is this lust, do I want to fuck him or do I want to be him? (Hannibal used this technique.) 

But as this is a K-drama, I have no real clue what the narrative endgame is, it’s not necessarily going to obey the taste conceits established by Hollywood.  

So are we being manipulated?

Sure are. 

The question as to whether to get upset about queerbaiting or not, is for me, one of whether I care that I am being manipulated. 

And right now, I’m really enjoying being manipulated.

 But I reserve the right to get angry about it later. 

* Note on Nevertheless, when it’s side dishes that’s a different situation. Because it doesn’t cost the drama much (marketing or money wise) to make a side character actually queer. I think they might follow through with those two. 

[rads-gossip]

Could you write about how the brothers would react to MC being turned into a little kid, maybe by a Solomon potion? But the MC was abused by their parents at that time, you don’t have to do that if that’s uncomfy for you though!

Btw I love your stories! They really brighten my day and make me super happy! Thank you for being so awesome!

A/n: Thank you so much for requesting this, you really made my day! And thanks a lot for the feedback it means so much to me, honestly.

Anyway, I hope you like what I came up with! :)

Imagine: MC being turned into a child

Asmo

He couldn't have known it. He couldn't have known how similar the bottle of his newest beauty product and one of Solomon's potions looked.

It was spa day for you and Asmo and he applied the liquid onto your face, at least he thought was the liquid he meant to use.

Asmo told you to wait for a bit and leave it on until he returned, and so you did.

Though when he returned, a very strange sieht greeted him. A small human sat on his bed with way too big clothes on. Needless to say Asmo already swooned as soon as he saw you and instantly went in to hug you real close and tight.

However, you flinched away from him as soon as he came close. Asmo felt a sting deep down, how could you be afraid of him, of his beauty?  He felt that something was wrong and crouched down with his arms laid on the edge of the bed.

Slowly you leaned back into his direction once you felt it was safe. Asmo reached a hand to your arm and began stroking it soothingly. He plucked one of the many flowers and held it infront of your face, his smile widening as you gave a shy smile. He kept talking to you about each and everything that came to mind while he brushed your hair until you fell asleep.

Beel

The potion Solomon had concocted smelled amazing, even though he didn't knew what it was. He had left it on the kitchen counter after Lucifer called him into his office. Just a few minutes later you came into the kitchen, being on cooking duty and thirsty, you grabbed the bottle and took a good sip.

When Beel returned, he was left puzzled. Infront of him stood a human child with MC's clothing pooling around them on the floor. You simply looked up at him with big, round eyes. He instantly went into big bro mode and made to ruffle your hair until you winced heartwrenchingly, ducked and flinched away from his touch. Beel stopped his movements completely and stood perfectly still while you still had their eyes closed.

He had to kneel onto the floor to be even remotely close to being eye-level with you. "Hey there, little one. I am not going to hurt you, you are safe here."

Upon hearing him speak, you opened your eyes and looked at him. Beel put on his best puppy face which didn't falter one bit when he looked into your teary eyes and opened his arms to you.

You were convinced he meant no harm and almost threw yourself into the hug. Beel was careful while embracing you and felt tears drenching his shirt. His heart almost broke then and there and he rubbed your back to calm you down.

Later, he took you into his room and shared some sweets with you.

Belphie

You two were in bed cuddling and having a movie night when you felt thirsty and felt around to grab your drink. However, unbeknownst to you, the bottle you grabbed wasn't the one you aimed for.

Belphie woke up from the place he had fallen asleep when, previously leaning on you, he suddenly hit the mattress after losing you as his pillow. It was enough to startle him and actually get up to see what was going on.

That was when he found you cowered in a corner of the bed, pillows protecting you from each side.

You were much smaller than he remembered, and then it hit him, sleep almost completely gone.

He rushed to your side and found the bottle, now emptying it's contents onto his beloved  pillows and mattress. An involutary growl followed by a hiss left him as he looked at you, a tad bit overwhelmed at the situation.

Wanting to check on you, Belphegor walked to you but after hearing the sounds that had come from him you were terrified and as he came closer, you draped everything around and above you in fear.

He went and grabbed each layer to toss it to the side, until he was able to get a good look at you. That was until a scream of fear left you, fearing for the worst, tears began to stream down your face.

Belphegor stooped in his tracks and raised his hands in a motion to show he meant no harm. Slowly he reached down and grabbed a blanket from the ground, crawled onto the bed inching closer to you while holding the blanket out. You looked at him for a while until you finally got closer to him and he wrapped the both of you in his blanket, rocking back and forth slightly. Whoever made you this afraid of being harmed, they would pay.

Levi

You two have been gaming all day, and it was your turn to go to the kitchen and get food and drinks.

As you went back to his room, you took a sip of a bottle. Then Levi heard bottles crash and a bowl hit the ground. He went up to his door and opened it, schicken at what he saw there.

You stood there, half the size you were before you left, food and your drink sticking to your now too big clothing.

Levi gasped and rushed over to you, way too fast for your liking. You covered your face with your hands and whimpered in fear. He was left dumbfounded, someone being afraid of him?

He was incredibly nervous and didn't know what to do, it might be best to call Lucifer. But first he had to get you to calm down and maybe give you something clean to wear. He crouched down while holding his hands up and talked to you, ranting about anything that came to mind. You felt he meant no harm and took his hand to let him lead you back to his room. There you played some games and watched TV while he secretly told Lucifer all about what happened.

Lucifer

He left you in his office for a second to get the wine bottle he forgot in the kitchen. You saw a bottle in his shelf and went ahead and poured yourself a glass, thinking it to be wine.

When he returned, a child sat on his desk with a glass in hand. It took him only a second to realise what was going on and that you had taken Solomon's potion he had kept out of his brothers reach.

He rushed over to you and ripped the glass out of your hand and put the bottle away from you. Then he turned around and his anger was blown away as he saw tears streaming down your face, a heartwrenching sight really.

Slowly he went over to you and you instantly put an arm infront of your face to shield yourself from a possible hit, but there came none.

Lucifer wondered what you had been through to elicit this reaction, it hurt him to say the least. He knelt down so as to not tower above you and slowly put a hand on your arm, giving you a genuine smile and apologizing for being too harsh but explaining why he did it and that he was worried about your well- being. Then he called Solomon to order him to his office for a lecture and the antidote.

Mammon

The both of you were in his room, Mammon so desperately wanted a partner to practice his pokerface with. You two jumped slightly upon hearing Lucifer calling Mammon to his office because of a new stack of bills that arrived.

As you were left alone in his room,you opened one of the bottles he had standing on his shelf and poured yourself a glass.

After an hour Mammon returned and almost screamed when he saw a small you sitting  on his couch. The cards were a mess as you had played with them to your hearts content, the chips laid everywhere on the floor.

Mammon hurried to you and made a fuss about how he was screamed at by Lucifer and now had to clean up the mess you made and also has to get you back to normal somehow.

He rants about that for a long while until he hears you sniffle and sees you crying. Immediately he feels bad and wants to comfort you but as he leaned closer to you, you flinched away.

He was a bit hurt but assured you he meant no harm in any way. To show you that, he made some grimaces and laughed back at you when they made you smile at long last. He tried to forget that he surely is in for another lecture as soon as Lucifer knows what happened.

Satan

You were sitting in the library with Satan sipping wine and reading together. At some point Satan got up to get a new book because he had finished the one he was reading.

You took another bottle and poured yourself a glass and took a sip, that is when Satan returned and called out to you to not drink that, but it was too late. Infront of his eyes you turned into your child self.

Satan was furious with himself that he wasn't there to prevent you from drinking it and taht he'd so recklessly left it laying around. He rushed to you and went to take the glass from you but you flinched away, shutting your eyes tightly.

In that moment all his anger vanished and he was full of concern and regret. Had he scared you with his wrath that you expected him to hurt you?

He reassured you in hushed whispers that he meant no harm and apologized for being so harsh. He asked if it was okay to touch you and then slowly pulled you into his lap, then he grabbed a book that was easy enough to understand and read out to you until the potion finally wore off.

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

KAORU PERSONAL INTERVIEW SPECIAL HEADBANG VOL.27 TRANSLATION ½

The ideal figure that the guitarist who leads the band as a leader got while struggling, and the reason for his unstoppable pursuit. “When we released "CLEVER SLEAZOID", we were still chasing an ideal, and I think we didn’t reach it. We didn’t, but I feel that pursuing how we could do that, the power at that time, remains in it as something that could be only be produced at that moment. If you look at it now, I think it’s connected to reality”

Notes before reading: This is the first part of the personal interview of Kaoru from the magazine Headbang Vol.27 released on 18th August 2020.  The interview is 11 pages long and this part covers the first 6 pages. As Toshiya and Die’s interviews, 2nd part is focused on his roots as a guitarist and overseas experience. You can read Toshiya’s personal interview here You can read Die’s personal interview here

 You can get the magazine at Amazon Japan or CDJapan.

 Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts.

 Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS is appreciated :) -------- Text by: Yohsuke Hayakawa The first to appear in this magazine is Kaoru, the guitarist who is also the composer of the latest single "Ochita koto ga aru sora”. Starting with the process of making the single, leading up to the completion of this new song, the days of struggling to pursue the ideal sound, the originality that they got from that, and the current band that has not changed from the past intense days. What I saw on him was, the figure of a stoic leader who bet on Dir en grey possibilities and devoted himself to it. Also in the latter half of the interview with the theme of “Albums that inspired you”, he did  not only  talk about X Japan and national legendary bands that changed his life, but he also talked enthusiastically about the unknown world that he learnt from Hide and Tsuyoshi Nagabuchi, who he is a fan of.  “I think there is something that can be challenged now” -First of all, I would like to ask you about the corona outbreak we are currently in, but it was impressive when you, with your own words, announced on SNS  a live without audience ‘The World You Live In” that was held in March with the message of  "it’s not the things that we can do now , it’s the things that only can be done now”. I thought the movements of DIR EN GREY with these rare activities and projects that entertained fans were summarized in those words. K: Well, that's right. There are things that can be done in the current limited situation, things that we wouldn't normally do, things that we didn't come to, and things that we can challenge now. There were quite a few things that were more like "Let's do it".  Regarding lives without audience, we don’t know how long this situation will keep going on but, under these circumstances, it wasn't that much at that point in time for us to perform live. We thought it would be a plus for what we are expressing and what we are going to express in the future. Also, we tried to do it in a moment in which you could feel something. -Including the streaming that came after that, I think there are many people who felt closer to DIR EN GREY. In particular, the livestream of talk between members (DIR EN GREY LIVE ARCHIVE & SPECIAL TALK) is a project that you wouldn’t had think of before, isn’t it? K: (laughs) We don't usually talk much. -(Laughs) Moreover, I thought that it was only now that we could see an appearance of the combination of Kaoru and Shinya acting ‘as usual’. K: Well, that's right (laughs). -Is that something that you could do now, 23 years after your formation as band? K: No (laughs), the main reason is to do it is the situation right now. If this weren't the case, I think the idea wouldn’t even come up. Normally there are live performances, so I'd like people to feel it there, but we can't do that now. Well, it’s just to entertain the fans, but after all we thought it would be nice if they could feel something similar to that, feeling excited by our presence. -I see. So, regarding the status of the announced the Pia Arena MM performances for the  tour final "The Insulated World -The Screams of Alienation-" in July, you probably were thinking about what do to about them until the very last minute. K: That's right. It was decided a few days before the announcement that the lives were canceled. Of course, we also made a set list, and the production side was also moving. The entirely staff were informed, and everything was working. I actually went to the venue and talked about how it would be possible to hold the lives in these conditions. However, there may be some people who couldn’t come no matter how much they tried to. There was also the risk of not knowing if you can do it until you start it. -I think it was canceled after assuming the kind of live performance that was possible to be held, but it was a really tough decision. K: Well, it couldn’t be helped. -Oh, in a nutshell. K: Yes, it couldn’t be helped, it couldn’t be helped. What we could do following the rules (the government guidelines) is the reason we couldn't do it. Tickets were sold in advance through the fanclub, but in fact, with the spreading of Corona on the way it already had a significant impact on sales. -Oh, that was what happened? K: Yes. So, in response to that, we even came up with the idea that all the arena would have seats not only the designed areas. We could do that by reducing the capacity in order to keep a social distance. That way, we also thought that we might be able to do it. However, there may still be some people who wouldn’t be able to come, and moreover, there were a lot of things that we couldn’t do in both days. Well, it was a half-way point situation. Therefore, there is no choice but when the situation calms down, to relocate the dates. -Under such circumstances, you said you were producing the single in parallel. K: Yes, we were planning to release it around the Pia Arena performances, so we have been working on it for some time. -And “Ochita koto ga aru sora” was completed. The original melody was composed by you but, the title was announced in May. I wondered if it was going to be a song that brings melancholic elements to the forefront. I was trying to imagine it. K: (Laughs) Ah, the atmosphere of the title. -Yes. The sound that we actually got is bursting with DIR EN GREY-ish aggression that explodes from the beginning including a grooved dragging guitar riff. So, to put it into words, I had the impression the style of DIR EN GREY was contained in a "super condensed" form. It's used in a kind of luxurious way, with the melody refrain being minimal by scraping off the excess. K: That’s right. This shape (final song) is like, we were really worried about it and it felt like it just got here. Along the way, there were elements that would make things more exciting, more piercing. There was more development.  However, we made it in that way, but I felt like “Well, I’m tired of it” (laughs). -Hahaha. K:  Rather, it doesn’t seem as interesting as usual. This is really…. words may not match…it’s somehow Japanese. I wasn’t satisfied with anything, so it felt more like I was speaking out my mind (laughs) I scraped it off though. -The reason why the song became very condensed is that all the members were looking in the same direction. K: Well, I don't know that. However, as my method, I don’t really decide (the direction) at the beginning. If you do that, the result will be in that shape and I prefer to explore the possibilities. Besides, because I don’t know if the rhythm really matches the melody or if the back-melody matches, there are many things to think about, so I don't want to decide at the beginning. Under such circumstances, I didn’t know what to do in the end.  Well, I settled on something that someone said, or something that inspired me, but it was hard to get to the point where I could see it.- -As a result, I feel that the single became very DIR EN GREY-like. K: Yes, that’s right. I was working on it while thinking that there was that “likeness”

-Did you imagine the development of this single with an impressive melody popping out even though it’s aggressive? I wonder if something like this come out naturally.

K: No. I didn’t really imagine that. Even if I try to imagine, there are things that I can’t imagine at all.

-So, how does the completed form of this song look to you?

K: This time I was arranging it all the time based on the data of the tentative/provisional  songs recorded at the beginning. So, with that, it was almost brought to this finished form. From that point on, Kyo sang again several times and changed it slightly but along with the melody from the beginning, it was made with that flow. However, there were setlists that each member made during this time, right? (”DIR EN GREY AUDIO LIVE STREAM 5 DAYS" that was broadcasted on YouTube in May).  As you could see there, there are various DIR EN GREY, right? On the other hand, I feel that whatever we do, it will probably feel like DIRENGREY-ish.

-Something that can be hidden anymore. There is something that oozes out.

K: Well, very much, as far as you don’t do something different. I was too worried. When I told the members that I didn’t know what to do, I was told ‘You don’t have to think so much about, right?”, so I was like ‘is that so?’. In the end, the song turned out like this (laughs).

“At that time, I kept struggling to find out how to get closer to the sound I envisioned.”

-Oh, that’s what they told you. As for the form of songwriting, you work remotely regardless of the corona, right?

K: Yes, that’s always the way. So, nothing was different than usual for us.

-The change was that you couldn’t go outside between work time.

K: That’s right. I was concentrated on it all the time.

-Always? (laughs) Then, in that situation, that a member told you to not think about too much, did those words make it easier for you?

K: Well, you can open yourself to new options like “well let’s do it this way a little more”. However, it’s something that I do all the time. Year after after, it’s not finished.

-It will take some time to complete the song.

K: It takes some time. After all, if it doesn’t become something interesting, I feel like what should I do. It takes time to move from the first stage, the members listening to it and go to the “let’s do this”.

-What’s that next step?

K: Listen to the demo songs together and decide to try one from the songs that are there.I think it’s necessary to put a song and drop the world view and the atmosphere of the song clearly at some point, but it takes a long time to get there.

-I think it’s difficult to express this stage in words, but it’s the key to make songs.

K: Yes, it’s quite difficult.

-However, this is also one  of the traits of  DIR EN GREY but, the chorus that enters at the key points is burning with passion. It seems like it’s going to look good live.

K: As I said before, Kyo is the one who puts the chorus, so it’s normal than the rest don’t know where the chorus is until we record it.

-It doesn’t matter how the guitar riff is going…

K: Yes. It doesn’t matter. That’s why we have to practice all the time during the rehearsal before the live performance. I’m the type of person who can’t do different things at the same time, so I skip it quite a bit (laughs)

-Hahaha. You leave it to the other two (Die and Toshiya)

K: Yes (laughs).

-Then there is another retake of the song “Clever Sleazoid”. What made you pick this song again?

K: He said that he wanted to translate the lyrics into Japanese. Kyo said something like he wanted to try it because the lyrics from the original song changed. It was like, “Well, let’s try to do it”.

 -Then, how about the completed form after re-recording?

K: Well, it was already released once, so I don’t really care about it(laughs) Some people liked the original, others will like the new version. Except for the lyrics, the tempo is a bit faster but overall, it hasn’t changed much.

 -Originally, this song was released in 2005, but when you look back on DIR EN GREY at that time, what do you think is very different from the present of the band?

K: I would say that there is a solid feeling now. Rather than trying to catch up with anything, I think we are proceeding in a somehow calm manner. The same applies to the stage. It was 15 years ago, so we were young….it was like an apprenticeship, now we are old men, that’s what different from that time.

-What do you remember pursuing at that time?

K: At that time, I was struggling to get closer to the sound I was envisioning.

-Do you mean that you haven’t been able to achieve what you were looking for?

K: Yes. It’s the same with the songs. I was thinking about the sound aspect every, like “How can I make a powerful heavy sound” every day.

-Was that a personal thing?

K: It was for the band as well, I often talked to the members about the kind of sound I wanted to do at that time for the CDs but also for the lives as well, I wondered how could I do it. But at that time, I was struggling to understand it like, “I haven’t achieved it, but I can only show the power of pursuing it while looking for the way to reach it”.

“I haven't reached it, I can only show the pursuit and power of" how can I do it?"

-Did you see anything regarding that aspect when you started going overseas?

K: No, what I thought when we started going abroad was the importance of being ourselves. I wonder if that would be the most powerful thing. So, around 2005, I felt like I was still chasing my ideals.  Like a way that I could I express them in this way. But since we went abroad… and I started to notice that being ourselves was the best more and more….. how could I say it?,..it seems that the destinations we were looking at have been pinpointed all the time. It’s not about how to do it, if we could express what was in ourselves more and more, we would change it to the consciousness that would create that kind of sound.

 -That means, for example, that when you released “CLEVER SLEAZOID”, looking back, you hadn’t reached that point that you are talking about yet.

K: I think we didn’t reach it. We didn’t but I feel that pursuing how we could do that, the power at that time, remains in it as something that could be only be produced at that moment.

-True. It emits an unbelievable power and it was a proof of that struggle.

K: Yes. If I look at it now, I wonder if that it’s linked to its originality.

 -Surely.   After that it connected with THE MARROW OF A BONE (2007). Around that album, did you feel like you obtained that you were looking for?

K: Well, I think I did, but still at that time, I was wondering how I could do it. So I think it’s only recently that I’m thinking in this way.

-Ah, recently?

K: Yes, about “DUM” (DUM SPIRO SPERO, released in 2011). But “DUM” isn’t recent either (laughs)

-Hahaha  you noticed that…that’s right (laughs). In an era when you were struggling to pursuit something, you became solid as a band. Then, the atmosphere in the band would naturally change for the better, because it means that from that moment, along with them and the music, you have reached your goal.

K: I think so.  Also, what could I say about our band?..... All the members think that they have a different feeling about their knowledge and ability to imagine but, the reaction will definitely come when the song seems to settle down in a “this is it” form. Some of us will say, “I think it’s better do it this way”, while other will say “if we go in this direction, we should do this”. Therefore, that we can talk about such things has not changed from the past. While my senses are growing, after all there is still an atmosphere of pursuit in the end, in doing more and more interesting things, so I think that’s a good place for us.

-Even if you gained more knowledge and experience, it doesn’t feel strangely calm at all. K: It’s not. If that happens, it wouldn’t be interesting.

 “Now I think, do we really want to do that?”

 -I see. So, the mastering engineer and mixing-in engineer this time are also talented, but did you proposed the selection of these people to the members after listening to how overseas artists sound?

K: Sometimes I do. As for this engineer,Josh Wilbur,  the director said he would like to try to work with him once and asked him to mix “Ochita koto ga aru sora”.He had been trying to get in touch with him for a long time, but he couldn’t, but he was able to communicate with him this time and asked, "Would you like to try it once?".

 -Josh Wilbur is a person whose range of work goes from Avil Lavigne to Lamb of God. How was the result?

K: Well, I’m glad we asked for a simple one.

-After all, with that width….

K: It’s better that way. This kind of person will return what you ordered exactly as you ordered it. Sometimes no matter how much we explain it, there are people who don’t understand, so they don’t know what to do. At first, Josh used to put a lot of effects on songs and so on. Listening to that, Kyo said "nothing is good" (laughs). The exchange was interesting, though.

-If you leave the decision to someone else, something that shocks you can come out.

K: Yes. Wow, this person comes quite a bit (laughs)

-(Laughs) At that moment, you understood his way.

K: So, Josh’s first mix was more metal-ish. Also, the sound of the drums….it wasn’t like it was crazy but it felt like bumpy….it was like “mmm, it’s a bit different”, but after several exchanges with him, it went well.

-What about Jens Bogren (who has worked with many famous metal bands such as Arch Enemy and Opeth) who mixed “CLEVER SLEAZOID”?

K: It’s a different type (of mixing) from Josh. Jens has worked with us several times so far so  he knows the directions.

-And the mastering engineer for the three songs of the single, including the live version of  “Followers”, Brian Gardner (Linkin Park, Michael Jackson, Madonna, Eminen etc..) is the same one than “Ningen wo Kaburu” and “The World of Mercy”.

K: Yes. If you change the mastering too much, it’s hard to predict the finish result.  It’s difficult to know how the mix will turn out, so if you want to change the engineer that does the mixing, you should do the mastering with the same person as before.

-I see. Because the song will be created from the scratch again.

K: Well, that’s also interesting but I’m worried about what to do if it fails…

-About the future of DIR EN GREY, of course, I think that you will only do what you can do under these circumstances but, what kind of expectations do you have?

K: We are thinking about moving towards making an album.  As for concerts, it can’t be helped that we have to wait until we can do them, so I guess that I have to devote myself to making songs.

-Taking advantage of this situation, you will be able to concentrate in that.

K: Well, that’s right. I have time, so in that sense it’s easy to concentrate.

-In fact, is it time already to move into the album?

K: Yes. After Pia Arena, we were planning to go to production as we don’t have any concerts.

-For example, the single “The World of Mercy” included an acoustic version of “Dozing Green”, was there any talk about trying to do an acoustic live at these times?

K: Sometimes….that’s right. If we do that, I have to think about acoustic arrangements for that so let’s do a normal live performance (laughs). It’s not a bad idea to do a live like that because of this situation but, it’s like “do we really want to do it now?”.

-Ah, I see. Apart from your intentions it doesn’t make sense to you to simply say “We’ll do it because we can do it” in the current situation.

K: Yes, I think so.

 “Without “BLUE BLOOD” I wouldn’t really be who I am now” (second part here)

[shadowling-guistical]

Sit and Bleed.

Roman asks Remus for advice, and Remus delivers. In his own, mildly disturbing way. Somehow, bonding ensues.

Yeah idk either. I shared this to one of my friends and they said, and I quote, "Hey mishi i love you but wtf? Did remus posess you?"

So like, enjoy?

WARNING: Extensive blood talk, period talk, mild injury, mild gore, and generally just canon typical Remus shenanigans.

---

"Do you think that it's true?" Roman had asked him one day, "That writing is easy? That you could just sit at a typewriter and… And bleed?"

It had been dusk, and somehow, Roman had Imaginationed the setting sun to send it's final rays streaking across his room. From where Remus had been lying, splayed out on Roman's carpet like a human sacrifice waiting for a malevolent god, it looked sickeningly beautiful. The gold that bathed the room, the warmth and splendour, he thought it was just saccharinely horrid.

Roman turned his chair to face him. Remus turned his head. A heartbeat turned into two before he scoffed.

"Please," Remus idly picked his nose, rolling the products he found jammed up in his sniffer into a small hard ball and flicked it off to god knows where. He hoped it landed on Roman's pillow. "If writing were that easy, I'd twist my foot off and feed it to Virgil's tarantula,"

"It used to be,"

Remus sighed, swinging his legs up before he leapt onto his feet with a soft oof. Roman went back to his writing, ignoring the sound of Remus' spine popping when he straightened himself. The Duke sauntered to Roman's desk, looking over his shoulder to see…

Nothing.

Well, nothing substantial .

Bits of writing here, a doodle there, scratched out ideas at the corner, angry scribbles at another…Oof.

His twin must have noticed, because Roman’s tone was bitter.

“Not anymore,”

"Yeah well," Remus muttered, thinking of glittering yellow eyes filled with mischief and a sly smirk underneath a shadowy hood, "A lot of other things used to be easy too,"

"Well? What do you think?"

Riiiiight, typewriting and bleeding. Remus scoffed, "Well willya lookit that. You never asked me before, why start now?"

Roman groaned, "... Remus I’m serious here,"

"Hey! It's true," Remus swiped the paper and crumpled it into a ball. Without looking, he threw it over the shoulder. Roman scowled when he sees it bounce onto his bed, "What's up, Prince stink-a-lot? You ask me to come hang out. You didn't kick me out when I wiped boogers onto that skinned angora cat you call a carpet, and now you're asking me questions? What gives?"

"...it's just…"

God, it’s just this and it’s just that , Remus wanted to pull his hair out already. He wished Roman would just spit it out. Just vomit it out and get this over with. Really, getting his stupid twin to just spew whatever was rattling in that noggin if his was worse than pulling teeth out of a gator. And Remus would know, he tried it a lot over the years.

"I just wanted to be like you,"

And there it was, whatever thing that had been sitting in his twin’s gut like a 5 foot long tapeworm.

…

Like him.

Like Remus.

The Duke of Dastardly Deeds.

Mr. Dark and Disgusting himself.

Roman "Pretty Boy" Sanders wanted to be like him?

Remus leaned forward, far more amused than shocked.

"...You're fucking with me,"

"No, I am not," Roman was looking at him with those intense green eyes of his and woah… the guy really was serious, wasn't he?

Huh.

Curiosity reared it's head, familiar and cloying somewhere inside of Remus'  stomach. Then again, it could have been the extra potent shaving cream he had over his deodorant earlier today. Who fucking knows.

"Why?" He finally asked.

"Because… You've always made it look so… easy," Shaking hands ran through unruly curls, "It comes easier for you than it did for me. Always did. Just— How do you do it, Remus?"

The other twin considered it for a moment.

Had it really? Admittedly, Remus didn’t really notice it. He hummed. Sit on a typewriter and let yourself bleed , huh?

Well. He apparently had a crisis to handle.

Remus leaned against Roman's desk. Lightly, he ran rough, clumsy fingers on a splotch of dried ink absorbed into wood.

The tone that his Other Half (Don't make it weird Tumblr, he didn't mean that way. So put those pitchforks down and back away. Thanks.) had used while gesturing to the stack of papers and feather quills on his desk now morphed into disgust, "it feels like I just don't have any flowing in me anymore,"

"Well duh," long, dirty fingernails tapped against polished wood, "It's because bleeding isn't supposed to be easy, you doofus," He sighed, and Roman’s expression caused him to nearly want to groan and drape himself over the table. God, it was so fucking obvious that Roman really had no idea, did he? "You know, If you wanna go all gross metaphor with me, you gotta at least not half ass it,"

"Okay, but half ass it how? That how the saying goes,"

With all the tact and delicacy of a blunt axe, Roman’s words were cut off.

"Then it's a shit saying,"Before Roman could protest, "Look do you want me to help or not? Yeah? Then good. Just shut up for a sec and spill the juicy details," Pause, "Okay, what do you know about periods?"

Roman stiffened, obviously beginning to not like where the conversation was steered to. Because not even Jesus could take the wheel when Remus was behind it. However, Roman reluctantly let his shoulders relax when his twin brushed him off with an eye roll. Cautiously, because Remus still needs to be handled much like a skunk would.

"Remus— “

"Oh just relax. This is going somewhere. Trust me. And I won't do any shit I can't clean up. Just answer the question,"

Roman looked queasy, but swallowed heavily. He supposed he did ask, "I guess, just what Thomas learned in Sex Ed,"

Hm, he could work with that.

"So absolutely shit! Great! I just love the educational system in Florida. Wonderful. Wish the Nerdy Wolverine was here to tell you. But you only got me so it'll have to do— Should've prepared a whole musical number about it too—"

Remus held out his palms, and Roman sees the skin tighten. It strained and stretched before it ripped into a bloody gash.  Roman grimaced, the other unperturbed. In fact, he daresay Remus looked curious. Like he was mulling over what to say.

"Eh, Follow up— Have" Remus let the blood pool into his cupped hands. A tablespoonful turned into a cupful and soon it was overflowing. He tipped his hand so that the blood dribbled down. Drip drip drip, a small stream of blood hit the floor in splatters, "Have you seen it before? Period blood?"

"What?” Oh god, he feels like he could gag, “Gross—! No of course not,"

Remus rolled his eyes.

"Unfeminist much?" The dry tone was met with protest.

"I'm not!—" Roman spluttered, "I don't go around looking for what comes out of people's pants, Remus!"

"Yeah yeah, but did you know they're chunky though?"

"I— What the fuck Remus?"

"Just...humour me for a sec. So they're chunky," Remus sort of flicked his hand, sending smaller droplets flying. A particularly large droplet streaked across Roman’s floor, "Thick goopy, disgusting— Hey, think of that the next time you scoop out some Crofters eh?"

Well, there nearly goes Roman's lunch.

"Oh god.” He pushed down the tickle at the back of his throat, “Please don't— Just, get to the point,"

"Okay okay. Jeez. The point is," two scarred, calloused hands rubbed together, letting the blood smear, "Is that even blood flows differently,"

The hands raised up, tinged red and both of them marred with an angry, red, jagged tear.

"Look at this shit. See? Not everything that comes out is the same. Some places will drip. Others flow and some? They're chunky. That's just how it is. you can't expect chunky blood to flow as easily as fresh blood,"

Without letting Roman mull on the morbid metaphor, he ploughed on.

"Oh yeah— And blood coagulates. It dries up and turns to scab. It won't stay bleeding forever. It's not supposed to. And expecting it to is just stupid, so write that down with your fancy quill,"

Blinking, Roman's mind slowly caught up with him.

Flowing blood and drying and scabbing— He soon deflated.

Oh.

Oh…

He just watched wordlessly as Remus wiped his hand against the fabric of his outfit. Flakes of dried blood sprinkled down joining the droplets on the ground like some sort of morbid snow.

" And just in case you forget, because of course you do. Scabbing is good. Personal experience guaranteed. It heals things. Plus…" the hand with the cut waved again. Exaggeratedly, mockingly, and even Roman couldn't help but to crack a smile, "You gotta make a pretty deep cut if you wanna bleed a lot,"

Maybe Roman was imagining the softer tone that Remus had let bleed into his voice.

"And if you bleed a lot, you gotta let yourself scab,"

A long, slow exhale.

He had to let himself scab.

"And… You've kinda been bleeding a lot, didn’tcha?"

"I…" Roman swallowed, mouth suddenly dry, "...Yeah...I think so,"

"Been making some huge cut lately to get it flowing?…"

"...Mmmm…" Shaking breaths, fragile and soft. Okay… okay… "Remus?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you… do you think I can… I should—"

Should he stop?

"... Course you could, you stupid bleeding heart…" a hand found itself in Roman's hair, gently carding it. Really, almost petting it, "...But fuck Ro, if that isn't the thing we all love about you, you doof. Of course you can. And you should. In fact, I am telling you to,"

Hesitantly, a pair of arms circled themselves over Roman's shoulder, pulling him close.

Remus didn't mention it when he saw broad shoulders decorated in tassels begin to  shake. He didn't pay attention to the soft sobs that sent a Prince, unwavering and strong, shaking. He didn't care about the way Roman's face had crumpled.

"It's time to let it scab, Roman. And try not to pick at it too much,”

Outside, the figure that had been leaning against the door for the better part of the last 10 minutes smiled.

Heh… Credit where credit's due, he supposed.

He tilted his bowler hat forward and began walking down the hallway. No need to worry.

Who knew that the Duke had it in him.

[pokedash55]

Raincloud HC and Mini Fic

BENTHOMAAR/VANIA HC DUMP.

 CAN BE READ PLATONIC OR ROMANTIC BUT THESE TWO WOULD BE PERFECT FOR EACHOTHER EITHER WAY

Inspired By @parachutingkitten

- They saw each other at the nya tribute but didn't get to actually meet

-Bentho became king of merlopians but struggles with citizens seeing him as a real king, as many still are distrustful of the surface world

-He has gluttonous there as the royal scientist and Gripe helps him out, but the citizens still don’t view him has a true king after what happened with Kalmaar

-Bentho and Vania have a cordial meeting for royal business

-Vania is struggling less with her people and more with her city economically recovering.

-Bentho wants to bind the kingdoms somehow, since her kingdom is so inland that if they had good relations with a mountainous region it's one step closer to accepting him.

-They are skeptical of SURFACE DWELLERS not humans so it's a good try. 

-establishes trade and economic relations with each other. Maybe trade or sell deepstone and bioluminescent stones for jewelry and architecture in return for some shintaro product unavailable under the sea. Maybe a metal or type of cuisine? Not sure. Flowers perhaps since they have so many in the garden. 

-Both relate to having less than respectable family members and share experiences with defeating them

-share new ruler problems they face and can relate to each other very well

-benthomaar can keep up with the bubbly energy of Vania and they both have a backbone to keep their bond from being too unhealthy, fluffy and overly optimistic.

-bentho has trauma from kalmaar's abuse and goes overboard to try and impress vania and thinks he has to be the best damn guy and best royal ally possible to keep her current friendship

-Vania is pretty easily impressed and is very vocal with her admiration so he'll be overwhelmingly happy and confused when she latches on so quickly.

-she'll show him around the sky city, bentho never been so high up, and can introduce him to her allies down below.

-Bentho loves the caves much more than the city in the sense that it's more comforting and all the underwater streams and lakes remind him of home.

-all streams lead to the ocean so I'm not surprised if they find out the water is connected to merlopian seas some how

- this can also work to compliment the kingdoms

- Like Merlopia can reach out and achieve diplomacy with another kingdom instead of being so islationist, and shintaro struggles with moving on from a unsustainable and horrific economic system so they could help eachother alot. 

-Both very isolated so coming together may be a good step for both countries’

-Merlopians could be accepting of geckles and munce since they live below the surface, and the shintarins live high above it (so they couldn’t flood it even if they wanted to). It’s baby steps towards liking the rest of NINJAGO as a continent. 

-When they become closer friends she Opts for calling him Ben or Benny, since she is so outgoing and bubbly like that, but immediately backtracks and asks if it was ok and apologizes, saying she went over the line

- He would stand up for himself and deny BENNY but I think Ben would be a cute name between the two uwu

-Benthomaar is naturally formal in his ruling and has to push himself to relax while Vania is very lax and friendly with her ruling but needs to push herself to be demanding and formal (She took awhile to use the “Princess” card against Halmaar, opting instead for mutual understanding)

-ok quasi-fic time

___________________________________________________________

FIC SKELETON (might finish writing someday but here’s the basics with some interaction)

 summary: : They spend the day learning about each other kingdoms, and in turn eachother. 

________________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 1: Shintaro

Vania goes about giving Bentho a tour of her city and he is overly courteous of her. She finds it cute at first but then she starts worrying if Benthomaar thinks she can’t handle herself.

Introduces Bentho to Chompy. He finds the dragon very cute and that gets a big smile out of him, really showing off his very sharp teeth. Chompy loves him immediately and starts to climb over him and sit on his head and stuff. Bentho reciprocates pretty much immediately, no stranger to the values of an animal's unconditional love. (The only love that ever seems unconditional in his experience.)

 He has trust issues from Kalmaar and tries extra hard to earn love so he goes overboard sometimes, he’ll be the sort to open doors literally all the time, agree with her ideas more aggressively than is really needed, go out of his way to try and physically protect her from perceived threats, etc. Not knowing this fact, and being insecure about her own leadership skills, she thinks he is babying her, or worse, pitying her. She eventually tells him that she can indeed handle herself. 

“I can handle myself Benthomaar, you don’t have to do all these things for me.”

“I… Know that”

“You’re very sweet and I appreciate your generosity but… this”, gestures to all the things he bought or given or made for her, and gestures to the situation they were in where he immediately went to protect her from, “simply is too much”

The walk back is a tad awkward after that. Bentho remarks he’s never been so high up before and he does seem very dry from the heavy winds and cold air. 

Good thing it’s about time to show him the lower parts of the Kingdom anyway. 

“Halmar, I am escorting Benthomaar down through the mountain. Can you be in charge while I’m gone.”

“As you wish my queen”

Benthomaar looked the armored man up and down. “Halmaar? Are you of royal blood too?” he asked.

“What?” Halmar bluntly questioned aloud to the merlopean king before sputtering out in a bow, “I mean, Pardon?... Your majesty” 

“Benthomaar this is Halmar. My right hand advisor and head of our defensive force.”

“Oh. In my people, -Maar is given to that of royalty. ‘Halmaar’ means Brave Sea. ”

“Well I can assure you he’s very brave.” Vania beamed as Halmar recovered from his bow. “And will protect the city while I'm gone” she reminded him playfully, as she moved benthomaar out of the temple. 

________________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 2: The Dungeons

Going through the dungeons vania remarks on her father’s previous ruling over it. They share stories and struggles. 

Talks about her father and how the ninja came to help. Goes into the topic of her ruling struggles. 

“Now that I have helped bring King Vangelis, my father I mean, to justice, people expect me to fix everything. They come to me asking for plans to retain Shintaro's glory, or with pleas for more funds. The people put so much faith in my father and, although his actions were Terrible… it made the city so wonderful for everyone living here. I don’t think I’ll be able to make Shintaro prosper the way he did. I love my people but they expect so much of me all at once. I admit It is very difficult to keep track of it all.”

“That sounds rough, but at least your subjects care for you. The people of Merlopia don’t see me as their king...and they have every right to. I helped the surface dwellers and my actions led to Kalmaar’s death. In their eyes I am a traitor…. Many don’t follow my commands unless they are directed through Gripe. It’s understandable they won’t respect me… I was adopted after all...”

“Well I respect you. Why, from the past--” counts on her fingers with a tongue sticking out “-- three hours I’ve officially known you, I’d say you’re a wonderful ruler! I hereby royally dub you a great king! You can tell your people that!”

*Small air laugh recovering from his Sadness* “Thank you, Vania. I don’t know how much they’ll regard a compliment from the mouth of a ‘surface dweller’, though”  

*Smol vania /hj sad pout to one side*

“But I appreciate it, really!!” He corrected arms waving at his front, trying to recover from his previous, in his eyes, disrespectful remark (also in his eyes failing horribly at doing so. He needs to queen to like him. This isn’t going well and-)

“I know you do.” she beamed, “ Now Come on, I see the cart tracks we’re getting closer!!” she happily stated, almost skipping past the new King.  

Bentho looked onward at the long haired blond who was trying to walk and balance on the rim of the track, and smiled with relief that she is so easy going at him. He essentially disregarded her royal decree to her face and she brushed it off like nothing. Trimaar had always honored heavy respect towards other royals but it seems this Queen runs things very differently. Even the day had been tame. It felt more like some playdate than an official royal gathering,but with how stressful becoming King had been it was a pleasant change of pace. 

“Hey Bentho! We’re HEeeereee!” Vania waved excitedly as the other royal caught up to her standing near a steep ledge leading down to an opening with a large passageway. 

Have to go down a large mountainous trench first to reach the dungeons. Benthomaar prepares to scale down the cliff but Vania brings out her wings and tells bentho to hold on. She flies him down the cave--

(Flying is vaguely exciting, but also vaguely terrifying. He’s never really had to deal with the possibility of falling before. Buildings in Merlopia aren’t that tall and you literally can’t fall underwater, there’s always something supporting you.) 

The two meet up with the chancellor of the geckles first. He welcomes Queen Gania and her friend Genthomaar and he asks first for trial by mino, but Vania orders him off. Scoffing at her majesty’s boring overriding of their usual procedures he opts for a simple vote for bringing the new unfamiliar face to the munce queen. Bentho gets rocks thrown at him and the geckles cheer as they escort the two to where murtessa is. Vania giggles at him.

 Next up is the muntz. 

So she'd challenge him to a quick duel to see if he is a fitting ally. Naturally Benthomaar rocks with a spear, so he's good, but he'll be really confused at first and probably not want to fight her.

He doesn’t win, but Murtessa sees through his fighting that he has a good heart, and a brave one. She declares him an ally of the Munce. King Menthomaar. And then gives him a hearty slap on the back and invites them all to dinner. They politely decline (Vania, to preserve her stomach. Munce food is, ah, something else.) 

Murtessa thinks Bentho is a good kid and a good fighter. She thinks it's funny how polite he is, though. Gives him some royal advice that he’d be a little better off if he would carry himself like a king. “Confidence! Important in every Munce ruler!” 

Bentho finds her and Munce a bit...much, but they also kind of remind him of the Maaray back home so he also finds it kind of familiar. (Also he doesn’t know it, but shark Merlopians are kind of rough and tumble, too. Like Munce, but without tight knit families or a set kingdom.) 

________________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 3: Merlopia

Goes back to the temple to discuss whats next. 

“If we are going to be partners in this royal engagement, I think you should see My homeland. Merlopia”

Vania just laughs at his wording

“What did I say?” Genuine confused babi just trying to be overly courteous cause he feels like he must be a GOOD KING. ULTRA KING.

Brings her to the beach. He signals her to wait there and he dives into the water to ask nya for some help in bringing Vania down the depths. She knew the bare basics of what happened but seeing nya in such a state made her a tad saddened. 

“Nya. Can you help bring my friend to Merlopia?”

Nya nods all slow and goddess like. “You helped me defeat Wojira, correct? For that I’ll grant you this.”

“Thank you, nya”

“That’s NYA??” 

“Do I… know you.”

She just frowns at that question. She knew she and nya were not super close but to be forgotten like that. Ouch. “I guess not”

Nya makes a large air bubble and descends quickly down the depths. And like cool camera pans and junk and bentho is riding the wave nya is making outta the bubble and vania sticks her head outta the bubble for a sec to meet his gaze and feel the current go by. Fluff insues

“Don’t worry there is air in the palace”

Vania just loudly exclaims in relief cause honestly she was prepared to be living in a bubble forever. 

Nya just...disintegrates. Which is a bit strange to see, even for Vania who usually likes weird stuff. But she doesn’t linger on it long because ooooohhh Merlopia is so pretty! I mean Shintaro is pretty too but this is a whole different kind of pretty. It’s like the gardens of Shintaro, but that’s the whole city. It’s so colorful compared to the flawless Ivory City. 

They tour around a little bit, with Vania looking at everything in interest. She even likes the Royal Ripper Sharks (who are being treated a bit nicer now that Kalmaar is gone, and are sicced on people far less frequently than before.) Benthomaar gets a bit nervous when Gripe runs up to him with a bunch of kingly concerns and kind of tells him a lot of noncommittal responses. 

Since they declined dinner with the Munce, Vania’s stomach starts rumbling, and she embarrassedly admits that she was pretty hungry. 

Benthomaar invites her to dinner in Merlopia. 

They eat  while discussing trade stuff and diplomacy? (And also their day and the G&M and such.) 

Also a fun chance to make up some Merlopian culture and food, and for him to share it with her. Unsurprisingly, it’s a lot of fish. But that’s honestly great because they don’t have a lot of that in Shintaro. There are a few streams a hike away that she's had every now and again, but for the most part fish isn’t something eaten often in Shintaro. 

Benthomaar is pretty happy with this set-up because he had been eating dinner all by himself which was very lonely and wistful.  It's much nicer with her company, and he needs her to know that, and really wants her to stay around and to like him so that they can do this again. So his super-manners-having-to-prove-himself-worthy-of-friendship kick in again and he starts getting super formal and passing her stuff and offering dishes a little overzealously and such and she's like "this again what the huh?"

“My lord, you're...doing it again.” 

“Sorry, I’ll do better.” 

“Better? You’re doing just fine. Really. The meal is great, the presentation is beautiful, and you’re being so kind. I just...don’t need this much attention at once, that’s all.” 

No I’m not it’s not good enough. I’m not good enough. * frowns silently * *internal screaming * 

They decide to meet again later to discuss trade and commerce deals and both bow goodbye after dinner, but soon as she leaves the dining room and gets lost roaming the temple (this palace is constructed like the caves how do they find anything) eventually ends back up at the dining room, where benthomaar is cleaning up the table and stacking the used dishes and they both realize that she can't get back up on her own. They share a laugh and Bentho promises to escort her back up.

Vania wonders why he is cleaning and not the palace servents so she decides to help him clean up, since it seems his people weren’t going to. 

The end

(Also Nya is busy being a goddess somewhere else, so they’ll have to get her transportation back at a later date. With any luck there’s an air-breather-friendly manta saddle that they can use for her.)

________________________________________________________________

They are too precious for this world someone please do more of thisssss

[thekyraalexandriablog]

Kyra’s Top Albums of 2020 🎧

Despite a tragically hectic year, some of my favorite artists managed to release some phenomenal projects in 2020. Here are my top picks (in no particular order):

Girl Eats Sun—Hope Tala • R&B

Tala’s third EP is a picnic on a Spring evening—breezy and warm. I absolutely adored her first two projects, so it’s been a joy hearing how she’s continued to develop her unique style. On Girl Eats Sun, she masterfully serenades you through the different phases of love from dizzying happiness to aching longing. The little things are what elevate this project, from the strings on the wistful Easy to Love Me to Sky’s high-pitched, flowy vocals on the chorus of Mulholland, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention my special appreciation for when Tala’s pitch dips and she’s in that pleasant moment between rapping and singing—hello verse two of All My Girls Like to Fight. Despite the title, Tala’s latest project brings the sunshine out for me every time I listen.

Ungodly Hour—Chloe x Halle • R&B

If you somehow managed to miss Chloe x Halle being the darlings of R&B this year, then please allow me to be your introduction to one of 2020’s few must-listen albums of the year. There’s no other way to describe Ungodly Hour than as a treat for R&B fans: from the variety of tempos (there’s the breathtakingly beautiful ballad Wonder What She Thinks of Me as well as the certified party bop Do It), to the timely range of topics from relationships to self-love (the lyric “I had to learn to love me lately” felt especially pertinent in a year without the usual social distractions); the album takes you on a ride. And of course, the whole time you’re wrapped in the surreal pleasure of their talent for unique harmonizations. If you’ve yet to queue this project on your streaming account, do it.

Holy Cow—All Cows Eat Grass • Electronic

Now here’s a group I’ve missed! ACEG projects always excel at layering dreamy synths with smooth beats, and Holy Cow fits right into the herd. One of their slower projects, tracks like Fly and Pillow Talk would easily fit into a summertime playlist with their simple, fun melodies. There’s also great storytelling in the lyrics of this project from the palpable excitement of the VIP section of a nightclub on About Us to the visceral shock of hearing “thank you” in response to “I love you” in a complicated relationship on Pretty Ladies—ouch. There are so many melodic gems on this 35-minute project; welcome to the pasture.

Ice Cream Clones—ROMderful • R&B

I must admit I was late to the party that is ROMderful’s music. I first encountered ROM last year via Twitter where he would post short clips of miniature duplicates of himself playing the various instruments of the track; the full videos can often be viewed on his YouTube channel. Since then, I’ve been enjoying the pleasant rabbit hole that is his Soundcloud (he’s had releases on Soulection) and production credits (he’s worked with artists like DUCKWRTH and Rayana Jay). A talented multi-instrumentalist, ROM’s music is full of fun sounds and soulful melodies, and his social media presence is just as joyful (his current Twitter name is ROMderTHICC). This project is full of very short tracks with infectious hooks. It’s a quick listen, but one I’ve returned to often.

Rumble Pack—Button • R&B

Button is the collaborative union of Allen Love and Bobby Earth—one of my absolute favorite independent R&B artists, and the reason I gave this project a listen. I’m very glad I did. Rumble Pack is brilliantly bizarre: funky synths, blazing features, all interspersed with random gaming commentary. Fans of The Jet Age of Tomorrow (Pyramid Vritra and the Internet’s Matt Martians) and ROMderful (who has a Rumble Pack feature) will surely appreciate the groovy eccentricity of this one. Thanks to this fun, soulful project, I’ve decided I may be a video game fan after all.

Cosmic Lips—Momocurly • Smooth Jazz

If the phrase ‘easy, breezy, beautiful’ were an album, this would be it! Momocurly is Japanese pianist and vocalist Momo Otani and French guitarist Christophe Pannekoucke. Together the two crafted an exquisitely mellow medley of melodies. Cosmic Lips is everything I enjoy in jazz: relaxing, mid-tempo and smooth. Otani’s voice is unique, high and light, and she glides over the tracks like Pannekoucke’s guitar. This project transports, it’s otherworldly.

with HER - EP—Crush • K*R&B

Because I believe Crush is one of the most talented R&B crooners making music right now, I was completely unsurprised to find that his latest project is smooth and soulful. Only five tracks, it’s a short one, and the concept is incredibly cute—each track is a duet with a different woman vocalist comprising a project of unique love ballads. The different vocalists mean each track has a unique sound and lyrically the project is full of heart-warming quotables and seductive one-liners. with HER is a project to fall in love to.

DPR ARCHIVES—DPR Live, DPR Ian, & DPR Cream • K*Rap/K*R&B

Ahh DPR, the eye candy that makes ear candy. DPR, initialism for Dream Perfect Regime, a South Korea-based art collective, blessed fans with this collection of both new and previously released tracks from DPR Live, DPR Ian, and DPR Cream. Though they collaborate extensively, each artist has a distinct sound that diversifies the collection overall—where I would call DPR Ian a pop artist, I’d call DPR Live a Rap/R&B artist, and then there’s DPR Cream whose contributions are purely instrumentals ranging from smooth and R&B-tinged to piano solos. For fans or those dipping their toes in for the first time, the ARCHIVES offer much to enjoy. (Also watch some DPR videos if you haven’t yet, both the men and the art are exceedingly visually pleasing.)

Peace Is Not a Dream—Senpu & ROMderful • R&B

And ROM makes another appearance! This time on a collaborative project—he has quite a few and I’ve enjoyed them all so far. Senpu, who I am less familiar with, contributes production and vocals to this project. Unlike Ice Cream Clones, these tracks feel more fully fledged out, with a verse or two in addition to the chorus. Between the memorable melodies and vocal harmonizations this project is certainly dreamy.

Rare Changes—Mayer Hawthorne • Soul

If you know anything about me, you know Hawthorne is one of my favorite blue-eyed soul artists, and Rare Changes is a lovely retro addition to his catalog. This album is from the seventies, I’m convinced: from the mid-tempo disco grooves to the doo-wop style background vocals. Rare Changes demonstrates Hawthorne’s adeptness at balancing nostalgia with the best parts of modern music, queue this one for a mellow night of slow dancing and slow sipping.

Honorable Mentions (there’s some bops here, but overall the project didn’t move me):

It Is What It Is—Thundercat • Funk

Whimsical & free-flowing as is his style; lyrically musing & haunting, the last track is an absolute clincher to the project.

The Slow Rush—Tame Impala • Alternative

If age-ripened weariness had a soundtrack you could bop to at a festival; Breathe Deeper instantly brings a smile to my face.

Shabrang—Sevdaliza • Alternative

Sevdaliza is one of the few artists who consistently leaves me breathless—her art is daring, thought-provoking, and absurdly beautiful. Shabrang is no different in its presentation and lyricism, though it is musically more traditional than I might expect.

Sin Miedo—Kali Uchis • Reggaeton

I already think Spanish is a beautiful language but Kali just makes it even more so. I’m not the biggest fan of reggaeton (I’m sorry to say it starts to sound repetitive to me after awhile) but the slower songs on this project are lovely: R&B melodies with her breathy, unique vocals. I definitely enjoyed the listen!

SLINGBAUM ONE—Slingbaum • Experimental Jazz

Voyage-19—Bilal x HighBreedMusic • Experimental Jazz

For fans of experimental jazz, get into SLINGBAUM ONE and Voyage-19, both projects are odd in the best sense: more about vibes and transitions than the traditionally cohesive album—I bought both and I’m still enjoying exploring them.

SAWAYAMA—Rina Sawayama • Pop

Future Nostalgia—Dua Lipa • Pop

Pure pop is not my usual fare, but SAWAYAMA, a fun, dance project is truly special—it is genre melting and Rina’s strong voice transforms to expertly complement each new vibe. Also, PLEASE watch the video for XS, it was one of the few things that energized me this year. And then there’s Future Nostalgia, a fun disco-inspired project. Only a couple of the bass lines & melodies caught my ear, but the visual/aesthetic roll out was spectacular.

The Album—Teyana Taylor • R&B

This was my first time sitting down to try a full Taylor project, and while I overall found the tracks repetitive, The Album has some bass lines I enjoyed and Taylor’s voice is beautiful.

[engekihaikyuu]

Hyper Projection Engeki Haikyuu – The Battle of the Trash Heap

What’s In Tokyo Interview Translation  With Daigo Kotarou, Akana Ryuunosuke, Nagata Takato, and Kondou Shouri

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To begin, I’d like to ask you about your impressions of one another during your first meeting. Daigo: When was our first meeting? Takato: It was when we went to visit rehearsals for “Fly High” in 2019. But all we did then were casual greetings, so our first proper chance to talk was during an interview after that.

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Full interview and more photos under the Read More! Please do not repost my translations

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Daigo: That’s right! During that interview, Takato-kun treated me like an equal even though I’m younger, and so my first impression was, “What a nice person.” For Shouri-kun, I thought, “He's like a very mischievous older brother.”

Akana: They didn’t just come to visit rehearsals, they came to see our tour too. I remember thinking how much the both of them must love Engeki Haikyuu, and I felt how precious it was to them, so I was really happy. Now that rehearsals have started for this, I feel like we’ve become able to talk about all sorts of things, but Takato-kun feels especially like a rival. He’ll give me a lot of suggestions like, “Wouldn’t it be better for Kageyama to move like this?” “If you move like this, I feel like it would better show the relationship between you two.” Shouri-kun... gives off a vibe of, “Follow me!” so he’s this senpai overflowing with chivalry.   Shouri: Eh?! I don’t really think of myself that way though. (laughs) Daigo: No, Shouri-kun is... chivalrous... or manly! (laughs) Akana: For sure. He’s the sort of person that lifts everyone’s morale just by being there.  

And by contrast, Nagata-san, Kondou-san, what were your impressions of these two? Takato: To be frank, at the very very beginning, there was a part of me that couldn’t honestly accept them. Or I didn’t want to. We spent so much time with the first cast, and I felt like it was such a different Engeki Haikyuu... (bitter smile) Now I don’t feel that way at all, and when I looked into Kota’s (Daigo Kotarou) eyes at rehearsals while he was performing, I felt that he was the real deal. And from that moment on, I just lost my entire complex about the current Karasuno cast. Honestly, I had goosebumps in that moment!   Shouri: Hm? Exactly how much did you get goosebumps? All the way down to your butt? (laughs)   Takato: Why do you always say things like that?! (laughs) Everyone: (laughs)

(laughs) And Kondou-san? Shouri: They’re really straightforward people. Before rehearsals, it felt like they were just expecting us with this attitude of, “What you got, Nekoma?! We’re the main characters here!”   Daigo: You probably thought we were a bunch of really cheeky kids. (laughs) Shouri: They were all so upfront, that we somehow felt like we were let-downs. They said to us, smiling, “Let’s all do our best as a company!” The Karasuno cast before us now are all a noisy bunch, but they’ve come together as one cohesive Karasuno for this, and I feel like they’ve really come into their own.  

It’s been about a year since Nekoma’s last appearance in Engeki Haikyuu. Shouri: It’s already been a year and a half since “The Tokyo Battle!” It almost feels like it was just the other day.   Takato: Whenever Shouri has time, he watches the “Tokyo Battle” DVD and cries. Isn't it crazy that he cries for a show that he appears in? (laughs) Shouri: Even when I read the script for this play, it felt like it was playing in front of me and I cried.  

What does it feel like to have the full force of Nekoma back together again at rehearsals?   Shouri: It’s so heartening! We have a comeback for Nakamura Tarou, who plays Inuoka Sou, and we have our new Haiba Lev, played by Tahori Leo, so in the world of people who are 11.5 heads* tall, we’ve got the most stylish newbies. (laughs) And we finally have our high respected Coach Nekomata Yasufumi played by Ohtaka Hiroo-san, so Nekoma’s gotten even stronger and I’m really excited.   Takato: It’s the best! I’m so happy that we get to make a production together with these incredible, irreplaceable people that I’m sure I can somehow overcome our daily muscle pain and soreness.  

*T/N: An average person is 7.5 heads tall proportionally; Shouri is probably making a Captain Tsubasa reference, who was drawn proportionally 11 heads tall and became a meme.

In a previous interview, you had said that the Engeki Haikyuu muscle pain means that things have really kicked off.   Takato: I had muscle pain immediately after we started rehearsals this time. At this point, it’s just my age. (wry smile) Shouri: But I think the level of intensity has gone up since we first started back in 2016 with “Karasuno Revival.” It’s absolutely more difficult than those rehearsals, I think. I mean, these two young ‘uns are probably just fine though.   Daigo: No no, we feel it too. That’s why after rehearsals, I’m always doing a lot of aftercare.  

What’s the atmosphere like at rehearsals when it’s that difficult? Daigo: Well this is our third production now for Karasuno, so we prep our physiques to endure these rehearsals, and then we proceed pretty smoothly. Because if you slack off even just a little bit, accidents happen, so we’re always talking about how to brace and focus so that nobody gets hurt. It’s a great atmosphere and always such a lively place.   Akana: When I look at the Nekoma cast, I feel such a sense of unity from them, even when we’re not acting. It makes me wonder if Karasuno’s doing enough, so I want to follow their example.   Takato: For example, how? Akana: Like how organized you are, like this person teaches everyone the dance, that person does the count, how some people just naturally pull others along. When you think, “Well let’s talk about this all together” regarding the play, you gather together so quickly... there’s just a lot that I’ve learned watching your team dynamic. We’re pretty settled as a team too, but it sort of feels more planned. When I look at everyone Nekoma, it feels like every person is more balanced and could be the center of the team. I wonder if that’s just a difference in experience.   Daigo: I thought the same thing. That’s why I was thinking that we have to talk things out with everyone on Karasuno all together at least once. From now on we’re going to brush up on that and keep improving!  

This year, due to the novel coronavirus pandemic, the Strongest Challengers tour was unfortunately cut short after 4 performances. Following that, how did you feel, and how did you spend your day-to-day? Daigo: Of course I was sad that we had to cut off the tour and not perform all that we had scheduled, but nothing is for certain, and it wasn’t just us. Around the world, everyone was having a difficult time, and there was also just a sense of, well this just can't be helped. During lockdown, I did have some anxiety as to whether or not I’d ever be able to work for the rest of my life, but I was so encouraged by the support of all these people who love theater. And now thanks to everyone on the staff who clean and disinfect our rehearsals everyday, and thanks to all the people who continue to support us, we can make a new production and go to rehearsals again, so right now I just feel nothing but gratitude.

Akana: We had to cancel all of our live events for VOYZ BOY, the group I’m in, and I was really depressed and anxious about not doing anything, so I started cooking everyday and streamed that.  

You streamed on Instagram, “Akana Cooks.”   Akana: Oh did you watch? Thank you. I get depressed when I don’t get to do anything, so I did a lot of cooking and training at home. Since I wasn’t going out in public, at one point I looked in the mirror and I was shocked because I was starting to look so uncool. So everyday I wanted to at least be able to look in the mirror and say I looked good.   Shouri: Wait, you think about how cool you are while looking in the mirror?! That’s incredible. (laughs) Everyone: (laughs) Daigo: But you did that and took the initiative to start streaming, and you stayed active, and that’s the important thing.  

And if the fans are able to see your face, they also feel relieved knowing that you’re doing okay. Akana: I was aware of that, so I was updating my social media everyday.   Takato: I was also thinking that I might get fat if I wasn’t going out, so I was trying to be careful about my meals, but I kept eating things that basically had no calories and then I just got skinnier and skinnier instead. (wry smile) But recently I’ve gotten my body weight back to where it was.  

Did you watch a lot of movies or dramas while spending time at home? Takato: Everyday I was watching about 3-4 things. That’s about all I did that was fun. I was also able to think about a lot of things, and thought it would be good if I could take the knowledge I accumulated in that time and put it to use the next time I was able to work.  

Kondou-san, did you spend the time doing anything new? Shouri: Mmm......... Daigo & Akana: I’m expecting him to say something really funny. (laughs) Shouri: What was I doing... I was eating. Takato: What kind of answer is that?! (laughs)

Kondou-san, you were also doing insta-lives, weren’t you? Shouri: Oh yeah. I tried a “I’m going to make Tiramisu!” video and failed really hard... Everyone: (explosive laughter)

The fan comments were pretty lively for that one. (laughs) The merengue wasn’t foaming at all, but you kept trying to force other ingredients in, so there was a flood of comments screaming, “NOT YET!” (laughs) Shouri: About an hour before that stream, I’d managed to make a really yummy cheesecake, so I thought I’d challenge myself. I was thinking, “I have a good sense for this, maybe I can be a pâtissier,” but then that one was just a complete loss. But for a moment I had thought, “Maybe I’ll become a YouTuber.” (laughs) Takato: Ahahha! Why do you immediately jump to that?! (laughs) Shouri: Well I don’t have any specialties to bring to this work like singing or dancing. So I sort of thought I needed to develop a new skill and I thought about it a lot... I wanted to learn something new, so I was even thinking about starting ballpoint pen calligraphy.   Takato: Hm? Does that have anything to do with work? Shouri: Well, once I realized it wouldn’t, I just watched an old drama and cried by myself.   Everyone: (explosive laughter)

Well we’re all worked up now, but we’ve reached the end of our time, so lastly if you could all give a message to highlight this play. Takato: I’m confident that we’re going to make this the most fun play out of all ten in the Engeki Haikyuu series, so please come to see us!   Shouri: There are going to be a lot of scenes that are going to make fans of the manga go, “Ah, it’s that scene!” It’s going to be something that longtime fans of Engeki Haikyuu will really enjoy. But even for people who will be seeing Engeki Haikyuu for the first time, as a stand-alone production, they’ll be able to enjoy themselves plenty. For me right now, “The Tokyo Battle” production is the one that’s etched into my mind as the best, but we’re going to go beyond that and make it so that we’ll wrap up our final show feeling like “The Battle of the Trash Heap” is the absolute best. We’re going to tackle this with everything we’ve got, so please look forward to it.  

And then once the “Battle of the Trash Heap” DVD is out, you’ll watch it and cry. (laughs) Takato: I mean in the scene where he’s crying, he’s the only one crying, isn’t it a bit creepy? Shouri: No no! I’m not just crying because I see myself crying on-screen, it’s because I start remembering my emotions from that time and then I start crying! Daigo: I sort of understand that feeling. Shouri: In “The Tokyo Battle,” it was a scene where I said that I definitely wouldn’t cry, but then I saw Noah (who played Lev) get teary-eyed, and then I started crying. I was really planning on pushing through it, but then I saw the DVD and I was really crying a lot, so I’m super embarrassed. (laughs) Takato: Because everyone calls that scene the “Shouri cries scene.” Because Shouri’s tears just wash everything away. (laughs)   Everyone: (laughs)

And moving on, Akana-san, if you would. Akana: The Battle of the Trash Heap is the most popular match of the series, so we’re all worked up more than usual. We definitely want to make something that surpasses everyone’s expectations, so please look forward to it. It’s precisely because we’re so frustrated that the previous tour, “The Strongest Challengers” ended after 4 performances that we’re going to make sure this production makes it safely to the last show. Everyone in the company is going to do our best to that end!  

And lastly, Daigo-san, if you would.   Daigo: First I would say that a highlight of this play is going to be its freshness. We can’t let down our guard in the current situation, but it’s because we had this time where we couldn’t perform that everyone on the cast is so grateful that we’re able to return to rehearsals and face opening night. We’re approaching this play sincerely and with renewed spirit, and I can just feel it in my skin. Everyone has been waiting to be able to just simply enjoy working on a play, so I think it’s going to be an exciting production with a lot of emotions mixed in. I’m personally very excited. Please look forward to it and come to see us at the theater!  

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You can read the original Japanese interview here: (x)

Please do not repost my translations!  This includes screenshots of bits and pieces taken out of context, especially if they don’t link back to this full post. If you appreciate the work I do for this blog and want to support my translation efforts please consider donating a ko-fi! (x)

[milks-writings]

ok ok i’m here to request (again) but let’s talk about my man ushijima 💔 can i please request him with gn reader scenario where Ushi was angry about something and he screamed at his s/o for the first time and said something mean? so the reader run away from the apartment and turned his phone off and everything and Ushi tries to find them and ends up finding them in their friend’s house all in tears and ya know.. soft words of sorry, fluff.. please give me much angst and fluff in the end. luv ya

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ ｡⋆♡° ✫  ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ ｡⋆♡° ✫

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ PAIRING: Wakatoshi Ushijima x GN!Reader

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ WARNINGS: swearing, manga spoilers

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ A/N: I AM: IN LOVE WITH THIS REQUEST

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ Masterlist

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ Scenario

Promises

Hard.

It was a hard day, to say the least.

A hard day for Ushijima Wakatoshi, but it shouldn’t make your day hard, yet, it did.

The heavy air lingered around you, in the whole house, making it almost impossible to breathe in, or out. It felt like the air would fill your lunge so easily, but the air was too heavy to get breathed out again. Something was wrong with him, he didn’t want to tell you yet, he didn’t want to let you know the small secret he held in his heart, secure and safe, so no one could get it out.

“Toshi-” you breathed out, after finally giving up on guessing what the heck was wrong with him.

His face showed no emotions while he was eating the rice you two ordered earlier, but after calling out his name, at least a little emotion washed over his face.

But why did it have to be an annoying emotion, that washed slowly over his usually stoic face?

“Just don’t ask.” his voice was already a little sharp, sharp enough to make you flinch slightly at his reaction.

“But Toshi-” once again, he cut you off. But why did he have to be so annoyed? You did nothing.

“Just shut your mouth! It’s annoying if you keep talking.” If you had eaten something right now, the food would have surely dropped out of your mouth. Your jaw dropped a little, and the chopsticks you held in your hand began to slowly shake, not because they were somehow shaking.

Because you were shaking.

Ushijima Wakatoshi, normally the very quiet and calm person, managed to finally, say something louder than usual, say something that hurt more than usual.

“Uh, right, sorry” The words came out like a mumble, even worse. The words were slurred, almost like it was illegal to say them. Ushijima seemed to be somewhat satisfied, not with your answer, not with you, not with him, but with your silence. The appetite you barely even had before disappeared completely, and the chopsticks that had been shaking out of fear found themselves back on the table again. Getting up from the chair, to ‘get ready for bed’, you could only pray that he would not suspect anything.

Getting away from this place was the only thought that swam around in your head, getting away from here, from him.

Maybe, right now, you were just too worked up and hurt to get a clear mind.

Any maybe right now you were overreacting, but so was he.

You only asked him because you cared for him, you only wanted to make sure he was alright, so why did he come at you like that?

The bag you usually took with you whenever you two went hiking, or to other small adventures were now used for another adventure, but alone.

Your PJ, and all your products for the night you needed, for example, your toothbrush, maybe a comb and also some skincare products here and there, got stuffed into the small bag, and the next second it hung around your shoulders.

Away. But to where?

Away. But why?

Away. But how?

Without even getting one answer to these questions, your hand already reached out for the doorknob and opened it slowly, stepping out and closing the door behind you. Ushijima was showering at the moment, so he wouldn’t notice you leaving.

Not that he would care.

1378 steps to get to your friend's house, about 11 minutes and 39 seconds. You counted it all, just to get your mind off Ushijima, get your mind off the words, get your mind clear, and think about the situation.

At the front door, not surprisingly, a very shocked, yet welcoming friend stood, letting you in and even preparing already the guest bed.

“What did he do?”

“He snapped.”

“Yer kidding” Osamu huffed out, looking over at you, who sat on the edge of the bed.

“No, he told me to shut up. Had a bad day or sumn” your answers were obviously cut short, making it seem like you did not want to talk about that.

“Did ya know that ‘Tsumu won the game?”

“What game?” your eyebrows furrowed together, seeming to have forgotten about this game.

“MSBY against Schweiden Adlers” Fuck.

So if Atsumu won, does that mean Ushijima lost?

Still, he had no reason to snap at you like that.

“fucking asshole” you huffed out, finally laying into the bed he prepared for you. “Whateva” he shrugged, “Imma get you some onigiri” he added, leaving the room.

The guest room wasn’t too big, or too small. Osamu choose probably the best room for that, it had a window, a bed, and even a small closet. If there was something you hated about staying at Osamu’s place, then it was definitely his twin.

“I also got some water” the male held a tray in his hand, placing it down next to the bed and looked at you for a few seconds. His gaze lingered on you, watching how your eyes started to get all teary, or how you liked to call it, ‘Sweaty’.

“Y/N.” Osamu’s voice sounded almost like he was some kind of a strict dad and tried to get some words out of his child. “I’m sure he didn’t mean to snap” Osamu assured you, sitting down next to you and beginning to pat your back slowly. “Did he already call ya?” “I turned off my phone” you breathed out, finally letting the tears stream down your cheeks. Osamu was never the one who minded seeing you crying, he actually always told you to let it all out, and not bottle it up.

“Yer an idiot” he huffed out, yet still patted your back slowly. He always called you like this whenever you did something stupid, or something that was probably not ‘right’ “Whatever” quickly, you whipped your tears. “Maybe I should sleep”. “Yeah, please also eat somethin’. I ain’t gonna throw this away” (that was 10/10 no English but you GeT iT) he pointed over to the food he had placed next to your bed earlier, making you laugh slightly. Then, he got up, leaving the room. You already stayed over a few other times, so it kinda felt like your third home already.

In no time, you ate that onigiri he left you, along with the water. You surely had been a little hungry, especially since you did not eat the whole day.

Brushing your teeth, that would be the next step before going to bed. Sounded so easy, perhaps even too easy to be true. As soon as you pushed the door open, a males voice greeted you. It was kinda deep, deeper than Osamus for sure. And as you peeked out of the room, you got to face Ushijima Wakatoshi, looking so rushed, all over the place. He was sweating, you could tell that he just ran. “They aren’t here,” Osamu shortly answered, though let him still in. Osamu was maybe a little too nice to strangers. “But isn’t that Y/N-” Wakatoshi seemed to be confused after he saw your eyes peeking over Osamus shoulder, making Osamu almost tense up and deny it.

But he couldn’t, it was already too late.

“Damn sucks to be us” he sighed out, letting him now in full. Your boyfriend immediately walked up to you, gripping your hands into his gently, kissing the palm before looking down at your eyes. “I am sorry for snapping.” He apologized, letting go with one hand and his other hand began to pat your head slowly, in a sweet and assuring manner. “I promise I will never hurt you again,” he added, making you shiver a little.

How could you be mad?

But then again, you shouldn’t give in too easily.

But then again… He lost a match. You should cheer him up, right? Not the other way around. “I am also,,, sorry” your voice slowly drifted into the air, making it sound like a muffle. “I should’ve known about your loss.” you added guiltily, making him chuckle a little. “It was only a practice match, I shouldn’t have gotten too worked up for that” he added, letting now go from your hands to pull your body against his, his arms holding you secure.

Osamu only sighed “Damn it, yer too cheesy” he broke your silence, making you huff a little. “ShUt YeR TrAp” you annoyed him, making him only roll his eyes. Ushijima could only wonder what was going on between you two, but you just went back to cuddle him on the place.

“I promise you to be more supporting if you promise me to never snap again”

“I promise it, Y/N. I will learn from my mistakes and not repeat them.” He rested his chin on your head, his fingers slowly beginning to play with your hair, wrapping around the finger, then letting it slowly slip off his fingers before he repeated the steps.

“I love you” he added a little more quiet, just so Osamu wouldn’t hear it and destroy your soft moment again.

“I love you too” you responded happily, sighing out your frustration and breathing the joy in.

«𝐛𝐲 𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞»

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ LOYAL PEEPS: @shouyouwrites @sugawsites @kara-grayson04 @yams046 (send an ask to be tagged in the gen. Taglist! <3)