#stray kids survey 2020

[seungmin-jpeg]

2020 Stray Kids Survey - Thank you to everyone who participated!

[beautifulpersonpeach]

BPP I sent you an ask abt this topic months ago & I understand why you didn't post it. I've been following you since last year, I love how you approach topics & I know you hate stupid drama. My ask was a bit controversial & I get why you didn't post it. But I saw sth today again that I can't forget. So I'm asking you again & I'll add more info to it so pls give me your honest answer.

I'm 36 years old, from Romania but now living in Germany. I got into kpop at 2020 through BTS & quickly fell down the rabbit hole. Then I discovered other idols I like Weeekly, Stray Kids, Exo, Girls Generation, Tayeon, Shinee, Super Junior, TXT, Nct & some others. Kpop was big world for me & made me happy with the new concepts & personalities. My father was very abusive & I've struggled with suicidal ideations for most of my life. BTS love yourself music made me go back to therapy. I consumed their music from the beginning because the thought of No More Dream & me not having to have dreams, lifted a weight off me. Funnyly, not feeling obligated to have dreams made me find my dream of working with special needs people. I feel more fulfilled than I've ever felt. I thank BTS because their music was to sincere it reached me. My bias is Jungkook but I understand why he fell for RM. His struggles with mental health sounded like my own. His honesty in those topics was like he opened my head & written down my thoughts. I have shared this on twitter before & some people did not respond well. This is when I sent you the ask before but I understand if you didn't want to say your mind at that time. But BPP, I shared this in a kpop discord today & some people shut me down again. They told me BTS only sang abt mental health because their company had no money for other topics. They told me it was marketing strategies. They said Hybe surveyed fans for mental illnesses & only made music abt mental health because the fandom is sick. When I tried to mention RM & his older songs they got even more angry.

I was shocked & hurt. I left the discord. The shocking thing for me is it was my friend who was saying it. I thought she of all people wld understand because she is a fan of Shinee. I thought she wld understand how important mental health is for me & for people. I tried to share BTS lyrics but they did not care & the more I shared the more they mocked me. I don't understand this reaction. It hurt me & made me question everything. Which survey are they talking abt? Was it before No More Dream? They made it sound like I was stupid to believe BTS truly wrote abt their mental health. They said nobody in BTS truly cares abt this topic & Hybe only marketed the topic to fans for money. I know it's stupid but I feel hurt & confused. My Shinee friend was so angry I don't understand her reaction at all. I'm trying to think through the songs. I know marketing is something Hybe did but every singer does marketing. Does it mean the songs are not sincere? Can not both things be true together?

**

Hi Anon,

This was... hard to read, but I appreciate you taking the time to write out your thoughts. I vaguely remember the ask you sent earlier and I ignored it because around that time, I was getting asks that appeared written obviously to bait, and because your ask mentioned a multi / anti dismissing your experience (and goading you into self harm?), it seemed too on the nose with drama happening elsewhere at the time so I deleted it. Now I realize that was a mistake, so I'm sorry.

I doubt this is news for you following your experience, but the default thinking of k-pop stans is to reduce BTS's music and their own comments about their music, to marketing or something otherwise orchestrated by the company without significant input from BTS. This is the reasoning you'll see several k-pop stans espouse no matter the platform you're on, and I've seen this said about BTS since their debut regardless of the topic or music concept. K-pop stans' own experiences with their own favourite groups in k-pop - groups that do in fact rely overwhelmingly on mediaplay, marketing, and music written by a company for idols, are what informs their views so try not to take anything they say personally. These people can only speak based on what they know.

About the Love Yourself series in particular being the result of marketing or a fan survey:

Personally, I question the intelligence of anyone who offers such a reductive explanation. It's really that simple. Like if you actually understand what this industry is, if you have all the facts at your disposal, if you're aware of the environment in which BTS operated first as South Koreans after the economic crash and as under-supported idols in that industry, and your conclusion is that the Love Yourself musical direction was primarily a marketing gimmick, there's no choice for me but to question your intelligence.

One thing you'll never see me making light of, is an idol speaking about the mental toll this business takes on them, or of the artist grappling with what that means for them. However they express those thoughts, I'll take it, regardless of whether or not it meets more elaborate or insightful expressions I've seen in other artists.

You will not find me trivializing it in any way, shape, or form.

There's already too much cynicism in this industry, and the clinical approach with which Western commentators dissect minority artists, is all too familiar to me. It reeks of something... rancid.

And this is besides the fact that too often, these commentators are also willfully ignorant of the background the artists are coming from that informs their music, and nowhere will you see this more often than with BTS.

I recall the asks I was getting earlier this year about Jin's Proof clip comments, how many people completely missed the lyrical references to Moon - the most personal fan song he'd written at that time, according to him. Then to see those themes reiterated in The Astronaut, written by Jin and Coldplay, and once again the lyrical references he's consistently made about the fans' impact on his growth, going completely over their heads.

Dismissal of BTS's lyrics frustrates me especially because more than anything else, the thing that has always set BTS apart from the rest of their peers and the industry, even before their breakout on the international front in 2017, is their lyrical expression. Like, most of the people who are K-ARMYs today, became ARMYs because of what BTS were singing about and how they sang about it. It was not common for idols to write their own lyrics. So BTS mostly writing their own lyrics, noting what they were writing about and the stigma it still very much carried... it sometimes blows my mind that even now, a lot of people really don't understand how much of a gamble this approach was for them in terms of pure commercial results given the status quo at the time.

It's times like that I wish that either BTS were fluent English speakers with an American background so those references would carry over easier, or that only Korean people were exposed to BTS. Because at some point, the ignorance is almost painful for me to witness. And this is me being 100% honest.

**

Anyway, the simple answer to your question of what exactly happened to you in that discord, is that you're simply watching people respond to the incentives the k-pop industry provides. Exploring mental health issues and the relationships idols have with those who have influenced them including fans, is deep and meaningful when an artist they like and respect explores this topic, and banal and vapid when an artist they typically pick apart, does the same. Again, when I talk about how competition informs virtually every aspect of k-pop, this is yet another example of what I mean. Shawols and multis are not immune to this, and neither are ARMYs. Anon, I understand how hurtful your experience was, but please recognize it for what it is and don't take it personally.

The survey your Shawol friend is referring to is a marketing survey BigHit uploaded on October 1, 2017 - I've linked that full survey here. That this survey was a HYBE-orchestrated mass propaganda event which created the Love Yourself series and made BTS talk about mental health, is a common myth you'll find in k-pop spaces where people don't know how to count.

The Love Yourself: Her album was released on September 18, 2017 and BTS had mentioned preparing for that album, including writing the songs on it, since December 2015 - ~2 years before the survey. And of course BTS had been exploring those topics since before their debut in 2013.

To quote an ARMY who has exhaustively debunked this myth 3 years ago, 'mental health' is not even the primary focus of the Love Yourself album series "as Namjoon explained in every interview, the idea behind love yourself is that true love (her) cannot last (tear) without honesty, courage & self-love, which should be celebrated (answer)."

The contents of the survey itself didn't deviate much from the bi-annual BTS fancafe membership surveys (asking about age, country background, how you discovered BTS, etc), typical MBTI questions (such as those BTS themselves answered in their 2022 Seasons Greetings - quiz questions that are typically popular with Korean teens), and fan quizzes sometimes done around Festa (such as the Festa exams last year). On old BPP I wrote a detailed post about that survey so if this is something you're interested in reading, let me know and I'll dig it up to repost.

**

Anon, I'm sorry the interactions you've had with some k-pop fans affected you so negatively in an area you already feel vulnerable in. I'm not sure the exact nature of your friendship with this Shinee fan, but you're a 36 year old woman who has developed a passion for helping some of the most vulnerable people, you're a big girl doing good in your community, and who happens to have found comfort and joy in BTS's music. You don't have to engage with people who treat you and what you love spitefully for no good reason. Decide for yourself if it's worth it remaining in that space, and act in a way that prioritizes your peace of mind.

And stream The Astronaut. I'm sure you'll be fine.

Good luck. 💜

[bananaofswifts]

By Jeff Opperman

Mr. Opperman is the global lead freshwater scientist for the World Wildlife Fund. He is the first author of the book “Floodplains.”

I had just started to scrub the sheet pan when I saw the glare from across the sink.

“Dad, that is so loud!”

Then, to her friend on the laptop Skype screen: “Sorry, my dad is now a huge Taylor Swift fan.”

My daughter is used to me wading into a pile of dishes to the soundtrack of my teen years — usually Bruce Springsteen or the Replacements. She seemed somewhat irritated that her father — a 50-year-old conservation scientist — had strayed from his musical lane.

Well, why not? Americans of all ages know that Ms. Swift is one of the most successful, influential pop stars of all time. She has won 10 Grammy Awards and is up for six more in this year’s competition. (The winners will be announced at a ceremony on Sunday night.) She surprised her millions of adoring fans with two unannounced albums in 2020 — “Folklore” and “Evermore.” Both received critical acclaim for their storytelling and production, but I heard another reason to celebrate them: They are filled with the language and images of the natural world.

The language of nature has been steadily draining from the vocabulary of our culture. With these sister albums, Ms. Swift pushes back hard on that trend.

On the albums, nature has primacy of place from the beginning: their cover art, with photography that shifts with the seasons like the menu of a farm-to-table restaurant. Recorded in the spring, “Folklore” finds Ms. Swift dwarfed by trees in a foggy vernal forest. On “Evermore,” recorded in the fall, we look over Ms. Swift’s shoulder to a stubbly field, bare trees in the distance reflecting the last glow of an autumnal sunset.

Both were recorded during the seemingly endless quarantine and isolation of 2020, and with these cover photos, Ms. Swift seems to be turning to nature for connection and solace.

The albums’ lyrics abound with references to nature: “running like water,” “Gold was the color of the leaves when I showed you around Centennial Park,” “You’ll poke that bear till her claws come out,” “Long limbs and frozen swims/You’d always go past where our feet could touch.”

There are stars, crescent moons, sunrises and sunsets, eclipsed suns, Saturn, comets and auroras, amber skies and purple-pink skies. There are cliffs and precipices and rabbit holes to trip on. Plants grow in the background — bushes, trees, grass, clover, willows and wisteria — and in two songs, ivy or other vegetation grows over characters. The passage of time is marked by wildest winters, spring breaking loose, salty-air summers, autumn chill and gray Novembers. There is snow and cold hands.

An emotional gulf between characters is the “sea you put between us.” Reunions take place “at our old spot, in the tree line.” Tears spill out as “acid rain on the pillow.”

As I’m a conservation scientists, not a music critic, I had to apply some rigor to this claim about the nature of Ms. Swift’s writing. So I analyzed the lyrics of the 32 songs on “Folklore” and “Evermore” and the lyrics of the first 32 songs from the Today’s Top Hits playlist on Spotify. The result? Ms. Swift uses nature-themed words seven times as frequently as the other pop songs do.

Aside from the poetic and aesthetic pleasure all this brings, does it really matter? I think so.

Our culture has experienced a steady and dramatic decline in its connections to nature. American children now spend an average of only four to seven minutes per day playing outdoors, compared with over seven hours per day in front of a screen. By now, they are far better at identifying corporate logos than native plants or animals; they can tell the difference between an Apple and a Coke, but not a maple from an oak.

A 2017 scientific paper published by the Association for Psychological Science reported that nature-themed words were losing ground in our pop culture. Researchers surveyed song lyrics, books and movie scripts and found that words associated with nature have declined steadily since 1950. During that time, the loss of nature words was most pronounced in songs. The scientists scanned the lyrics of 6,000 songs and found that the frequency of nature-themed words had declined by 63 percent. The researchers posit that as we lose our daily connection to nature, we think and write about it less often. Conservationists see these cultural declines as both symptoms of and contributors to many trends reflecting the decline of actual nature.

Against the backdrop of these declines, consider the song “Seven.” In its accompanying video, we see a grainy home movie of a young girl playing in trees as Ms. Swift sings:

Please, picture me in the trees

I hit my peak at 7

Feet in the swing over the creek

I was too scared to jump in

But I, I was high in the sky

With Pennsylvania under me

Are there still beautiful things?

Here, she packs in nature references at a dizzying clip while evoking the landscape of the state where she grew up. The girl in this song does not spend just four to seven minutes outside each day. Rather, nature, childhood and friendship are all intertwined and seared deep in memory.

In Ms. Swift’s lyrics, nature is not remote. It can also be suburban, even urban, and thus familiar and accessible. The backyards where little kids explore creeks become places to party for high schoolers. She name-checks two urban parks: the High Line in Manhattan and Centennial Park in Nashville, her adopted hometown.

Songs like this — in which nature is a place to bond, seek solace or just hang out — may be even more needed than songs that preach about saving it. Because this is not nature as a living (what I do) but simply nature as part of daily life. And that is what we are missing.

Ms. Swift’s songs aren’t going to reverse climate change or the decline of wildlife. But they are a step toward reversing the decline of nature in pop culture, and that matters. If we want to change the world to safeguard nature, and ourselves, we first have to see it. Art can do that.

As I finished the dishes, the song “Seven” came on, with this line evoking an undomesticated childhood: “Please picture me in the weeds. Before I learned civility, I used to scream ferociously.” And I saw my daughter — at the table, working hard as a high school junior — transformed back into her unkempt, tiny form of dirty knees and wild hair. “Hey, that was you,” I told her.

Her eyes gleamed, “Still is.”

Jeff Opperman is the global lead freshwater scientist for the World Wildlife Fund. He is the first author of the book “Floodplains” and a regular contributor to the energy and sustainability sections of Forbes.com.

[choicesruinedme]

Easy (Part 1/?)

Book: My Two First Loves

Pairing: MC (Esme Price) x Literally everyone, probably

Rating: T, for this part at least

Summary: Tequila shots, stare-downs, and a little more attention than she bargained for...

-- -- --

“This looked like it went from zero to one-hundred, real quick,” Esme commented under her breath, surveying the rapidly unfolding mess that was Gunner Hayes’ Back-to-School Rager.

Red cups were strewn about on the marble flooring, streamers haphazardly hung from the staircase bannister in the foyer, and more than half of the 2020 graduating class filled the grand rooms of the Hayes’ “modest” mansion, with Mr. and Mrs. Hayes on a couples’ retreat in Bora Bora for the weekend, blissfully unaware of the inebriated teenagers roaming their halls.

“It’s lit!” Iris exclaimed, clapping her hands together and bouncing into the kitchen.

“Iris, honey, not the wine coolers; you know you drink them way too fast because they taste like candy, and then you end up with a nasty tummy-ache,” Ava chided, scurrying after her.

Esme, Mason, and Lauren followed suit into the kitchen, to the massive island in the middle, over-crowded with liquor bottles of varying sizes and colors.

“Yeah, Iris, sweetie,” Lauren chimed in, a half-smirk on her lips, “please don’t turn tonight into a babysitting job I clearly will not be paid enough for.”

Iris pouted, and Ava slipped a red cup into her hands, smiling softly.

“Here, it’s a vodka cranberry. Start with this for now, okay?”

Mason nudged Esme gently with an elbow. “Something to drink?”

“Um, maybe a beer?” Esme shrugged noncommittally. “Sorry, you know I don’t drink enough to know if I have a preference.”

Mason smirked, heading towards the fridge, “One extremely-enthusiastic beverage, coming right up! Babe?”

“Whatever you’re having,” Ava replied, moving to stand next to Esme. “You look cute tonight.”

“Oh?” Esme glanced down at her outfit – dark skinny jeans, a white, cropped tank top, and a camo jacket tied around her waist. “Thanks. Didn’t really put much effort in, if I’m being honest.”

Ava kept her eyes locked on Esme’s, as she reached out and brushed a stray hair from Esme’s forehead, sweeping it behind her ear in any easy and affectionate gesture. “You look totally hot. Sure you’re not trying to impress anyone?”

Esme swallowed and willed herself not to steal a glance in Mason’s direction, while simultaneously trying to convince herself of her own response, “Who would I even want to look good for?”

The corner of Ava’s mouth turned up slightly, but she leaned back and away from Esme against the granite countertop, crossing her arms as Mason strode up next to the two of them. He offered each of them a bottle of Heineken, then slung an arm around Ava’s shoulders. “What’re we talking about?”

Without missing a beat, and without breaking eye contact with Esme, Ava responded, “How cute Esme looks tonight.” Esme flushed, busying herself with taking a sip from her bottle. “Don’t you think she’ll be turning heads all night?”

Mason smiled softly, “Yeah, you look nice tonight, Es.”

Esme couldn’t help but notice Mason tighten his arm around Ava’s shoulders as he complimented her, and she didn’t quite know what to make of it.

“Alright, guys,” Esme huffed, embarrassed. “Can we please talk about something – literally anything – else?”

“How about the fact that the cheerleading funds are being unfairly redirected to support the football team?” Lauren interjected, glaring pointedly in Mason’s direction.

“Aw, come on,” Mason groaned, throwing his free hand up in defense. “That’s totally alleged!”

“I’m just saying,” Lauren pursed her lips. “One minute, we’re being told that we can expect a new shipment of foam mats in the next month, and the next, we’re being apologized to with no new mats and the sore sight of you guys training with brand-spankin’-new speed hurdles.”

Esme found herself tuning out the voices of her group, instead continuing to survey the groups of her peers scattered throughout the house. In the main living room, the sectionals and sofas had been pushed back to allow for a makeshift dancefloor, with the flatscreen television playing looped graphics to match the steady bass of the music thumping out of the surround sound speakers. The French doors leading out to the backyard were opened, and Esme could see even more people milling around the pool and patio. The floral, pungent scent of marijuana mingled with sweat and body sprays settled over the partygoers like a light fog.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Mason scoffed quietly.

Esme, pulled out of her reverie, followed his disdainful glare. Her stomach fluttered, involuntarily, as Noah Harris wandered into the foyer.

“Who even invited him?”

Noah’s unimpressed gaze roamed over the sea of teenagers briefly, before finally settling on Esme. She perked up, giving a tentative wave, “I did.” Noah smirked, making his way over. “Is that a problem?”

“Hey, troublemaker,” Noah said coolly, approaching the group.

“I resent that,” she shot back, crossing her arms. “Looks like you decided to show up after all.”

Noah’s eyes raked over Esme’s small frame smoothly, too quick for her to determine whether or not he was checking her out. “I had a feeling it’d be worth it.”

Esme was grateful for the dimmed lights as a blush colored her cheeks under his intense stare. She was able to catch her breath, admittedly in relief, when Noah turned his attention briefly to her group.

“Evening, Esme’s friends,” he nodded.

“Noah Harris,” Ava addressed him, not unkindly. “Thank you for gracing all of us with your presence.”

“I aim to please,” Noah bowed slightly, smirking.

“What do you want to drink?” Esme offered, moving towards the kitchen island, grabbing an empty plastic cup from the stack.

“He’s fully capable of pouring himself a drink,” Mason interjected, his brow furrowed and his hardened eyes on Noah.

“Oh, don’t be like that, doll,” Ava chided, shrugging off Mason’s arm, moving to join Esme at the island. “How about a round of friendly shots?” She reached behind a bottle of Jack Daniels and plucked a small stack of plastic shot “glasses”. Without waiting for an answer, she set the cups in a row and drummed her fingers together excitedly.

“What do you think, Esme? Tequila?” Ava smiled wickedly, reaching for a bottle of Patron.

Lauren passed around a bowl of lime slices while Ava filled each small cup. Esme picked a lime slice from the bowl and handed it over to Noah, who put his hand on hers over the bowl.

“Careful,” he leaned in conspiratorially, his eyes shining, “tequila makes my clothes fall off.”

Esme snorted and shook her head, swatting him on the chest playfully. “For the sake of everyone here, let’s keep the nudity to a minimum.”

“To us,” Ava cheered, raising her shot glass in unison with the group. “The graduating class of 2020.”

“If all of us graduate,” Lauren muttered pointedly, eyeing Noah. Esme narrowed her eyes, but he didn’t cast Lauren a second glance, just smirked and shook his head, toasting his shot.

Ava continued, “May this year be filled with all of the badassery and recklessness a senior year should!”

“Cheers!”

Everyone downed their drink. Esme’s eyes squeezed shut and her nose scrunched in distaste as she forced the shot down her throat. She shook her head forcefully, moving to suck on the lime to abate the burning in her mouth.

“Bleh,” Mason frowned, tossing his empty cup into the trash bin as Ava whooped.

“Hated that,” Lauren tossed the whole lime slice in her mouth and bit down.

Noah silently gathered Esme’s empty cup and tossed theirs into the bin. She smiled up at him appreciatively, “Thanks. I’m glad you came.”

“Yeah?” He leaned his elbow onto the counter she stood against.

“Yup. Wasn’t sure you’d be… up for it,” she didn’t have to look at her group of judgmental friends for him to understand what she meant.

“Yeah,” Mason agreed. “Doesn’t seem like your kind of thing.”

“And what is my kind of thing, Jennings?” Noah asked, sardonically, not moving away from his spot by Esme. “A shady basement in some halfway house? Some deserted back-alley? Prison?”

Mason scoffed, “You said it – not me.”

“Believe it or not,” Noah said, his eyes on Esme’s, and her eyes on his. “I’m adaptable.” He smiled at her, adding, “And I bribed my parole officer for a night out.”

Esme shook her head, stifling a giggle. This is what she liked about Noah – how easy it was for him. In her world, this small bubble, maintaining her image of a straight-A student and vice-captain of the cheer team, dealing with a nearly absent dad-in-mourning and a misguided sister with pure intentions, her ever-looming and suffocating feelings towards Mason, her desire to keep fitting in with a group of girls she was slowly realizing she had nothing in common with… it was all very much not easy.

“So, it’s true then?” Iris asked, eyes wide. “You were in jail?”

“Iris,” Ava chastised, her gaze falling on the bottle in Iris’s hands. “And when did you get that wine cooler?!”

“Are you even surprised, Iris?” Mason asked, his question clearly rhetorical. Esme shot him a disapproving glance, but his attention was on Noah’s lax, yet imposing frame, as it had been the moment he walked in. “It’s the image he tries so hard to put out there, isn’t that right, Harris?”

Noah straightened beside Esme, crossing his arms, but his demeanor remained light and amused as Mason continued.

“The motorcycle, the leather jacket, the whole ‘lone wolf’ act,” Mason shook his head. “Iris shouldn’t feel bad about asking. It’s exactly what he wants people to think.”

“What is your problem, Mason?” Esme pushed off from the counter, moving so that she was facing Mason. “Seriously, cut it out.”

“And what image are you trying to put out there, Jennings?” Noah countered, placing a soft hand on Esme’s shoulder, easing her back. “Star quarterback? Golden Boy, son of Principal Golden Boy? Boyfriend of the cheerleading captain, which – don’t get me wrong, looks great and all, but – is a little cliché?”

Mason’s jaw ticked.

“It’s why you wear the Letterman’s all the time, right?” Noah gestured towards Mason’s sports jacket. “Gotta remind everyone who’s on top.” Noah stepped closer, his hand on Esme’s arm, moving her just slightly behind him. He lowered his voice, so that his message was heard clearly, “Or is it yourself you keep trying to convince? What are you trying to prove?”

Mason took a step forward, his fists balling at his sides. Noah noticed, glancing down, scoffing as he shook his head. “See what I mean? Whose point are you proving when you’re so quick to start a fight to ‘defend your honor’ against some criminal nobody?”

Before Mason could take another step, Esme moved to interject, but Ava beat her to it, pulling Mason by the arm and putting herself between the boys. “Alright, easy now, tigers,” she said coolly, “It’s a party, not a boxing ring, so gloves down. Besides, you’re both making Esme uncomfortable, right, hun?”

Everyone turned their attention to Esme, who shrunk back involuntarily with embarrassment. “I—I’m not… it’s not… you guys are just acting dumb,” she said, cursing her voice for sounding so small, so lacking of the confidence Ava’s always projected. “Especially you, Mason.”

“Esme, I—” Mason started, moving to reach for her.

Esme stepped back, grabbing onto Noah’s sleeve, “Let’s go get some fresh air. It’s too warm in here.” She relished the apologetic look on Mason’s face as she turned towards the French doors, pulling Noah outside.

Esme pulled in a lung full of the cool, fall air, plopping down on an empty lounge chair by the pool. She blew her breath out through pursed lips, puffing away strands of hair that had begun to stick to her face.

Noah chuckled, taking a seat next to her. “Sorry ‘bout that in there.”

“Why?” She asked. “He was the one being a dick. They were all being dicks.”

“Yeah, but,” Noah raked a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean to put you in a predicament. Or embarrass you.”

“You didn’t,” Esme huffed, crossing her arms. “Ava just loves to treat me like a child.”

“You make it easy for people to want to take care of you.” Esme glanced sideways at Noah, who had the corner of his mouth turned up in a smile. “It isn’t a bad thing.”

Noah sighed, shifting so that he was laying across the lounge chair, one hand behind his head. He tilted his head up towards the sky, his eyes roaming across the constellations. The corner of his white shirt rode up slightly, so that a sliver of his hip peeked out behind the fabric. It was at this moment that Esme realized that the tequila had kicked in, a warmth spreading throughout her body, starting and blooming at her cheeks.

“You really don’t care what people think about you, do you?” She asked, leaning forward towards Noah, her chin cupped in her hands and her elbows on her knees.

“What’s the point?” He chuckled. “Especially now. In a few months, I’ll never see any of these people again.”

Esme deflated slightly, “You’re gonna leave?”

“You aren’t?” He countered, turning to face her.

“I… I dunno. I guess I haven’t thought about it as much as I probably should.” She sighed, the realization of her own words settling in a ball in her stomach. “What about Mackenzie? And my dad? They don’t understand one another. I can’t even imagine the tension at home if I were to leave.”

“Seems like a pretty sad reason to stick around,” Noah remarked, no hint of judgment in his voice.

“Sure, but,” her words spilled out, uninhibited, “how would I be able to even focus on a life of my own when I’m so worried about my family? This life is all I’ve ever known and Mack and my dad are all I’ve ever known, and, yeah, I mean, we held it together for a long time but that was before my mom died, and to be honest, I don’t know if they’d be able to handle another loss—”

“You’re not dying,” Noah clarified. “You’re growing up. You’re building a life for yourself.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“Do any of us?”

Esme breathed out through her nose, matching Noah’s gaze and, consequently, wilting under it. She could hardly stand to be the subject of his intense, concerned focus while sober, let alone while somewhat intoxicated. She buried her face in her hands, willing the tears pricking at the corner of her eyes not to fall. She heard him shift, and she peeked through her fingers to see him mirror her position, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

“It’s alright to be afraid,” Noah said softly, putting a hand on her arm, but making no move to pull her hands away. He allowed her to continue to hide as he went on, “My point was that your opinions and your feelings about yourself matter way more than whatever bullshit anyone else thinks or says.”

After a beat, Esme dropped her hands, sighing as Noah smirked. “I’m curious about the bullshit you have to say, though…”

“About you?” He chuckled.

“About me,” she nodded, leveling her gaze at him. She waved her hand in an attempt to seem indifferent. “I get that it ‘shouldn’t matter’ and all that, but I still want to know.”

“I’ve told you what I think about you,” he countered, his brow quirking.

“Okay, but I’m buzzed and I’d thrive on the attention.”

Noah laughed then, throwing his head back. Esme’s hazy, lustful eyes fell on the curve of his throat as her own smile widened.

“Alright, Price,” he conceded, shaking his head. “I’ll bite. Only once, ‘cause I like you.”

Before she could process what was happening, Noah gently grabbed Esme’s chin as he pitched them both forward. Her breath caught audibly as his eyes searched hers.

“I think that you need to stop comparing yourself to Ava, Lauren, whoever else in your group of girlfriends that you think you don’t hold a candle to, because it’s the only thing stopping you from accepting how great and beautiful and individualistic you are.”

Esme felt her cheeks grow impossibly warmer, and wondered if Noah could feel them, too.

“Do you want to kiss me?” She blurted out, her own inebriation catching her off guard.

Noah chuckled again, his eyes trained on hers. “You want me to kiss you?”

“I mean, obviously,” she slurred, furrowing her brows.

“It’s tempting, Price,” he started, but instead released her chin and leaned back on his lounge chair comfortably. “But I’d like to take you on a real first date before that.”

She could feel herself pouting, and he laughed again, placing a hand over his heart. “Hey, I may be a criminal, but I’m still a gentleman!” Esme rolled her eyes. “Besides, it’d be nice for you to make that request when your head is completely clear.”

She huffed, falling back against the lounge chair, her knees knocking into his. Ava’s upside-down frame filled Esme’s view once her head hit the seat.

“If it’s requests we’re making,” Ava smirked, one hand on her hip, and the other held out expectantly, “Accompany me to the little girls’ room, Esme?”

-- -- --

A/N: So, here’s the thing - I used to write a ton of fanfic when I was in middle/high school, a decade ago, so putting myself out there again is a little more than unsettling. I’ve had this story, this dialogue, in my head all night last night, though, and I found it so easy to write every character’s interactions. Hopefully y’all enjoy it.

[purplesurveys]

1043

survey by egooverdose

Japan: What is one stereotype you associate with Asian countries/people? :/ :/ Uhm...

Jelly Bracelets: Do you have any? In which colors? Have you ever broken one? I seem to have forgotten what these refer to, but I’m sure I had a couple that didn’t last long. I wasn’t much into bracelets as a kid. Joakim Berg: Who is your favorite foreign singer|musician? Do you translate his or her lyrics? Beyoncé, I guess. All Americans are foreigners to me. I don’t translate her lyrics, nor do I do that with any other songs in English.

Josh Todd: Do you have any tattoos? If yes, what made you decide to get them? No, but I’d love a couple that symbolize important things or people, like a bowl of nachos for Nacho and each of my dogs’ pawprints.

kent: Say something in a foreign language? The word ‘kampana’ is Filipino for bell.

Kundera: What is one philosophy you have regarding life|living|purpose? Idk, I’m starting from scratch after the shitstorm that was this year. I have to find one again. I’m not rushing, though, and I want to give myself as long as I need to regather. Fuck knows I need to be kind to myself right now.

Learning: What is something you enjoy learning about? Off the top of my head, anything that doesn’t involve machines tbh. I can read about anything Wikipedia and encyclopedias have to offer, but I draw the line at factories and automobiles and engineering and robots and stuff lmao, it’s just not my thing.

Minimalist Interior Design: How would you design the inside of your own home? You already mentioned it; minimalist. I don’t want a lot of furniture and a lot of color in my space. I’d be happy with a minimal number of items organized in a meaningful way with some pastel shades here and there.

Miserable Weather: What is a weather-type that you like that not many others do? Thunderstorms, I guess? It’s been a hit or miss for me these days though; I’ve found myself crying more when it rains...but for the longest time I’ve enjoyed bleak and rainy weather. I’m not planning to drop it as my favorite just yet.

Morning: Are you friendly in the morning, or are you barely awake? I’m friendly at work from the start to the end of my shift because it’s the nice thing to do, and because I have to be. But I’m almost always anxious and on the brink of breaking down every morning. Since it’s WFH, no one from work has to know that.

Music: How important is music in your life? It’s slowly becoming significant again. I got a Spotify subscription for myself after years of sharing with Gab’s account lol, so I’ve been revisiting the music that I had to set aside for months while I had to grieve on my own. It was brutal the first few days and I cried a lot when I heard my go-to sad songs again, but I soon realized I need releases like that and so I’ve been a little more unafraid to listen to music each day.

Oasis: What is a band you remember liking from your childhood? Paramore? HAHAHAHA they were the first band I ever loved, man. And I’m happy I get to say I still very much love them.

Opinions: Do you ever get mad at people for not having the same opinion as you (i.e. Abortion being wrong|right, Meat-eating being wrong|right)? If it’s the kind of opinion that will step on fundamental human rights, like being vehemently against same-sex marriage, then we will have a problem. Otherwise, I don’t care if someone prefers Android or having pineapples on their pizza unless they’re being an asshole about it.

Orchids: What is your favorite type of flower? Does it grow where you live? Peonies. Idk, I guess so? I don’t speak flowers.

Outerspace: Do you think there's a possibility of life out there? There sure is; the universe is so vast. I wish we’re able to learn more in this lifetime, though; I wouldn’t want to miss out on future discoveries.

Photo-Editing: Do you edit any of your pictures? In what ways? Sometimes I’ll add a cute or flattering filter; that’s the furthest my editing skills go. I don’t use advanced applications like Photoshop and I don’t know how to remove moles or stray hairs or whatever.

Photography: If you like to take pictures, what is your motivation? I’m not into photography per se, like it’s not a hobby of mine or anything; but I do like taking photos of special or funny events. It’s nice to have a memento for a little bit of everything going on in my life.

Poland: Would you ever consider living anywhere cold? Yes. Maybe not Norway or Finland levels of cold, but somewhere considerably cooler than the humid hot mess I currently live in. When I went to Jeju four Aprils ago, they had the p e r f e c t temperature I could ever ask for and it was sooooo perfectly and comfortably cold in that I got to walk around in shorts but I never shivered or got goosebumps.

Potatoes: What is your absolute favorite food? It used to be burgers, but my mom has been making so many cheeseburgers the last few weeks that I need to take a break from them lol. Right now, my favorite would be sushi.

Questions: Do you like to ask questions, or answer them? Answer them, hence this blog.

Quirks: What are some weird things about you? Depends on what you count as weird. By far, people have been weirded out the most by the fact that I don’t eat fruits and will avoid them like the plague. I don’t mind the reactions and it’s actually turned out to be a great icebreaker, so I whip out that factoid pretty often haha.

Quizzes: When was the last time you were tested on something? I had a blood test last May because we needed to know if my fever was dengue or something else. Turned out to be a UTI.

Radiohead: Do you like any depressing bands? After Laughter is sad as shit but I wouldn’t say Paramore is generally known by this image. None of the other bands I listen to would count as ‘depressing.’

Rings: How would you describe the size of your fingers? They’re long and slender, which I love.

Satire: Do you enjoy political satire? It’s a hit or miss. I generally don’t seek it out.

Singing: Who do you know personally that has a nice singing voice? Leigh.

Skinny Jeans: Would you wear them? Or do you hate them? I wear them, but I hate them. 

Smashing Pumpkins: Listen to the band, or take it literally and actually GO smash pumpkins? xD Neither.

Snakes: Would you ever wear snake-skin pants, or other animal clothing? I used to wear leather shoes because it was required for school. I avoid the practice now.

Snow: What, to you, is the best part about snow|snowy weather? You tell me, lol. I’ve never experieinced snow before.

Space: Do you like to have your own space? Are you independent? It’s definitely important to have it every now and then; I’m actually taking this survey from a Starbucks because I needed so baddddd to get out of the house. It’s the first time I’m out on my own without having to do errands since March, and it feels kinda nice.

As for being independent, I’ve been mostly a dependent person and I like having people to lean on, but my breakup has also been pushing me out of my comfort zone and to try out new things just by myself. We’ll see where this takes me in a few months.

Starry Nights: When was the last time you gazed at the night sky? Last Saturday.

Stockholm: What foreign country would you like to go to for a shopping spree? Do I really have to go to another country for this? Hahahahaha idk maybe Shanghai? The people there were dressed so well when I visited.

Studded Belts: Do you own any? What do you think of them? Nope.

Suave Shampoo: What is your favorite shampoo scent? Brand? I don’t have a preference for either. As long as it’s able to clean my hair, it’s fine.

Sunglasses: What kind do you own|wear, if any? Do you like them? I don’t really. I don’t like my vision getting tinted.

Surveys: How many surveys do you think you have taken since you've started? My old survey blog has nearly 1500 while this one has a little over 1000, then add what’s probably a few hundreds that I did in 5th grade but never saved anywhere...so maybe somewhere between 2500 to 2700 in total? Hahaha I honestly thought it would be more.

Sweden: Do you ever feel like you should have been born in another country? I think nearly everyone from the Philippines thinks this.

Swedish Fish: What is a candy you often enjoy? Gummy anything.

Tea: Do you like tea more than coffee, or the other way around? I love coffee; I’m drinking one right now :D I never enjoyed tea.

The Beatles: My brother gets mad if people say they aren't the best band ever; what about you? Then I guess I shouldn’t be talking to him.

Theories: What do you think will happen to you after you die? Sleep.

Thom Yorke: If you met your favorite musician, what would you ask him|her? If we were in a Covid-free society, all I’d ask for is a hug, really. I wouldn’t have anything to ask them.

Thought: What do you spend most of your day thinking about? I’m still grieving about the stuff I’ve already covered.

Thought-Provoking Conversation: What do you consider deep? This would be a little hard to verbalize and I don’t really feel like describing rn. I guess you can say this question in itself is deep, ha.

Tokyo: Where is a busy place you would like to go to? Aw man what an innocent question. I wish I could show this survey-maker what a trainwreck 2020 has been and how ‘busy places’ virtually don’t exist anymore, at least for now.

Unpretentious Gestures: If someone pays you a compliment, do you take it to heart, or do you pass it off as just flattery? I take it to heart, but I’m not always able to receive it well.

Video Games: Do you think they cause people to become violent? No. I spent my childhood going on killing rampages on GTA and I’m still unlikely to resort to violence.

Vocabulary: What was the last word you learned? The term ‘low latency.’ 

Warsaw: What is a funny fact about your heritage? Good question, but I can’t think of any at the moment. I don’t really think ‘funny’ when I look for facts to absorb but now I want to look this up haha.

Web Design: Have you or could you build your own site? My principal requirement for my Online Journalism class was to make my own website/blog, actually. But Covid blew up and we ended up having to cancel the entire semester altogether, so my classmates and I never got to pursue more of that class other than our first few meetings, which were used for lectures.

Winter: How long|cold are winters in your area? It does not even exist.

Words: How many pages of words do you think you type a day? Maybe like 5 or 6. It’s a WFH set-up, so I’m exclusively on the laptop typing away the entire week.

Writing: Do you try to avoid it, or do you embrace it? I embrace it as long as I don’t have to write fiction or prose. I like writing, but only through journals and surveys.

[olicitysecretsanta]

Be Better

Hello all, so my secret santa assignment was for @bowsmoakandarrow , who wanted a fluffy fic with a dog. I hope I did her justice.

Just some background on some things. This takes place 2 years into the future, and so it has my predictions on some of the things that might happen during Crisis on Infinite Earths. It also alludes to one of my favorite GA story lines happening the year before (so next season) this fic takes place. Kudos to those who know which one. 

A gift by @bandanab310

>—> <—<

December 2020

Another year. another world ending crisis averted. Another Hanukkah missed. 

The yearly team ups with his other super friends (even though he will not admit that he calls them that to their faces) had become too regular and every once in awhile would interrupt more wanted festivities. Like this year. 

Oliver shouldn’t complain too much. At least this year’s fight didn’t cost him one of his good friends like the previous one did. 

He shakes the bad memories off. Barry’s been back for 7 months now. Iris is at least starting to forgive him for the deal that he made. And both along with the rest of team flash are coming in a few weeks for a Christmas dinner. Oh no he still need to figure out what he is going to make for that. So much food is going to be needed. Besides Barry, Kara (who has become even more of a good friend now that they are on the same earth) are going to eat him bankrupt, again. However suddenly a bright idea comes to him. He’ll make them his chili. Oliver smirks to himself as he walks into the grocery store remembering the last time that they ate his famous Queen chili. How Barry gave up after four bites and Kara lasted 7. 

“That’ll fill them up quick.” Oliver says out loud to himself, “Right, but not what I am shopping for tonight. Nope Hanukkah.” 

Oliver makes quick work gathering the ingredient for Latkes, sufganiyot, and other delicious Jewish treats. Every so often looking at the recipes that Donna has provided him with over the years. Oliver is determined to give his family a great holiday season. And even though it will be technically late, this Hanukkah dinner will be the perfect kick off. It’s been too long. Two years ago they were getting to know each other again, the newer versions of themselves, both with changed viewpoints of the world they lived in, due to his incarceration, that still needed to be realigned. Last year was spent in mourning. Of a friend. Dwelling in their contributions of what had happened. 

But that was behind them. Be better, be the light for those around you. It had become somewhat of a mantra to him since last year. Even though he was back, Oliver was still trying his best to keep his promise to Barry and be the hero that could inspire his city. He was not as serious as he once was. Tried to joke around and be playful in his attitude. And after a year of working on it, it was sticking. Not as much as Barry level of lightheartedness, he would never allow himself to be that sappy. His life and his city wouldn’t allow it. But he felt like he finally found a good balance of the carefree boy that left on the gambit and the experienced and ruthless vigilante that came home five years later. He felt like a hero and a good amount of his city believed it too. As was evident by his interaction with the older cashier women at the supermarket check out. 

“Oh why hello Mr Green Arrow”

“Lisa, I told you it’s Oliver.” 

“Three years ago it was Mr Mayor, last year Green Arrow. What’s next year The Flash.”

“Been there, done that.” Oliver jokes. 

“Ha, ha, Oliver. That’ll be $65.87”

“Thank You, till next time Lisa.” 

“Bye bye, Green Man, happy holidays”

Oliver walks around the building to the parking lot on the side, when suddenly a crash stops his movement, and trigger his senses to survey his surroundings. Another clash helps him locate the sounds coming from the small alley way to his right. Quietly lowering his bags, Oliver moves silently into the space. Another loud sound, this time of glass breaking, pulls him closer to the trash can at the far end of alley. On quickened, but still silent steps, Oliver rounds the other side of the dumpster to find…a dog. 

It was a yellow lab. Maybe a year or two old. Matted fur. And tired eyes. A stray. Once it see Oliver it starts to back away from the garbage bag it had been previously rifling through. Whimpering in cautionary fright. But it wasn’t getting too far too fast with it’s seemingly injured front paw that it was holding up while trying to hop backwards out of the alleyway on its three other legs. 

Oliver carefully moves closer to the animal  trying not to frighten it any more than it was. From his own personal experience oliver knows how it felt to be vulnerable and afraid of being helped. Believing the rest of the world existed to only to bring you harm and hurt. 

Oliver slowly extends his hand towards the dog staying crouched to make himself less intimidating. “Hey Buddy, I’m not going to hurt you.” His low calming voice starting to do the trick as the dog stops moving backwards but still whimpers, like it’s cautious but slightly intrigued, hoping that expectations wins over experiences. Oliver gets that. 

“Need help with the paw there?”

The dog probably sensing that the human in front of it is no immediate danger hobbles towards Oliver’s outreached hand. 

“Good dog” Oliver praises as he ruffles the dog’s fur with one hand reaching for the injured paw. 

After making a fairly quick assessment of the damage Oliver says to dog (or himself maybe) “Well, it’s not broken just a little sprain. Just needs…a…little…”

Looking around the alley Oliver sees a wooden pallet leaning on the side of the the trash bin. 

“Stay right here,” he says to the yellow lab. And as if it understands already what Oliver is planning, it thump it’s butt to the ground and waits, it’s injured paw still raised in front of it. 

Oliver revels in the cute image that this dog paints for a few moments before refocusing on the task at hand. He brakes off two thin pieces of wood and comes back toward the dog, who he noticed now was a girl, taking his the scarf he’d been wearing off. 

“Come here girl. Let’s get that paw fixed up”

Oliver makes quick work on fashioning a splint, having done this kinda things enough times on himself, his friends, enemies even, but never for a dog. It’s a nice change of pace. 

Once he’s done he gently places the paw back on the ground and both he and the dog look at each other.

“Well there you go, good as new” 

The dog looks down at it’s own now wrapped and splinted paw. once it seems to deem Oliver’s work sufficient, she gives him a lick of appreciation, it’s tail thumping on the ground behind it.

“Oh is that your way of saying thank you” Oliver chuckles “well your very welcome”

With one more quick lick of the face the dog gets up on all four of his legs, turn and starts to walk away 

“Well I guess that is that”

Oliver starts to walk out the opposite way when a thought comes to mind, something that he would have never had considered a year ago. 

“Hey, girl!” 

———-

As soon as the apartment door closes behind Oliver and his new companion, a loud crash followed by a very familiar huff of annoyance fills the open space. 

As Oliver moves further into the living, the yellow lab close on his heels, he catches sight of his beautiful glowing wife grumpily looking through one of the stacks of boxes that are scattered around. Unlike the stacks of boxes from years past these do not represent a dissolving of their family but instead the growth of it, as is evident by Felicity’s 6-month rounded belly that seemingly just knocked over a standing light which is now on the floor not shattered so therefore already forgotten by her.

Felicity still obvious to her husband and the 30-pounds furry creature, mumbles to herself “Where the heck did they go?”

“Hon” Oliver tries to get Felicity’s attention. It’s to no avail as Felicity moves from one box to the next before yelling

“William have you seen the menorah candles”

“No, Felicity sorry I haven’t” their son yells back from the shower as Oliver registers the sound of water coming from the bathroom.

Huh kid’s been working on his heightened senses or are they just in-tuned to Felicity’s loud voice. 

“Hon” Oliver tries again a bit louder.

“Where’s a glowing green arrow of enlightenment when you need one”

“Felicity!” Oliver slightly yells at the same time as a bark fills the room.

Felicity startles at that. Quickly assessing that Oliver is there as well a four legged scruffy animal with what seems to be the scarf that Thea had given Oliver as a christmas gift last year around one of its front paws. 

“Who?” She questions as she points to the dog.

“Oh. Right. Um.” Oliver starts to babble “This is a friend that I found outside the supermarket. It needed help. So I helped. And then. Well, I kinda thought that maybe. If it’s ok with you. And William of course. Maybe we could keep. I mean I know with the baby. But I thought….” 

Before Oliver can continue with his best impression of Felicity, she’s kisses him. Wrapping her arms around him as much her bump allows her. After a few moments she breaks the kiss, much to the chagrin of her husband. 

“It’s completely ok. I think it’s a great idea. You know William has been begging for a dog for years. And hey we’re moving to a house anyway we’ll have plenty of room. And the studies say that having a companion pet allows a baby to further their spatial development. Not to mention the natural boost of immunity. 

“Thank you.” Oliver says before giving Felicity a quick peck on the lips “and you won’t find the menorah candles in any of these boxes” 

Felicity looks up with a quizzical look, “why not?”

“Because that was one of the things that I had to get, remember?”

“Frack” his wife mumbles as she rests her head on his chest in defeat as it rumbles with his low laugh. 

Their silent moment is short lived as a bark once again notifies of the new member of their family. 

“Right. Hey doggy.” Felicity address the dog as she, with the help of Oliver, lowers to sit across for the dog who immediately starts to lick her outstretched palm while the other begins to scratch behind it’s ear. 

“So what should your name be…hmmm….how about Apollo?”

“Hon, she’s a girl.” 

Felicity quickly raises and lowers the dog’s back leg. “Oh yes you certainly are. Excuse me. Well, Artemis is kinda a tainted name for us soooo…how…a…bout…Archer.” 

“Don’t you think it’s too much on the nose, Felicity?”

“What good is not having a secret identity when you can’t have a bit of fun.”

She’s got a point there, Oliver thinks. Have some fun. “Sure why not.”

“Yay Archer, welcome to the family girl. You’re going to fit right in. Us Queens are all survivors just like you but don’t worry we’re better for it.”

That they were. While he will never forget all of the things that have happened to him and his loved ones, Oliver’s doesn’t let it solely define him anymore. He doesn’t have to feed off his darkness as much nowadays. He has a light now inside to motivate him. It’s been slow going but maybe one day soon it will be the only thing that he needs. Be better. Be a Hero.

[seungmin-jpeg]

Hello everyone it’s Hannah (seungmin-jpeg)! I’m back again with another survey, the third one since Stray Kids debut! Each time I do this I get such fun and amazing results! The survey will be open for around a month so be sure to spread the word to fellow stays! After the survey closes, I’ll make graphics and post them for everyone to see (past surveys: 2018, 2019). Thank you in advance to everyone who participates!

TAKE THE 2020 SURVEY HERE

[tcportfoliomgj]

Sunday, 6th of June, 2021

"I have no clue what quote to use anymore." - Miriam Jaffari

I think by now almost everyone knows that I want to continue with high school education (VO) when I get to the craftsman phase. I already knew I wanted to become a history teacher when I applied for TC. Because of this, I thought I would learn most during my VO internship, and not so much during my PO internship. I was wrong. My growth at the VO internship was very slow-paced compared to PO. The lockdown also played a very big part in this, but it also didn’t help that I had to change subjects after the first semester.

I started out with Nick, who teaches social studies and religious education. Nick was very chill, so I was always able to do something during class. I would take over parts of his class, a bit of explanation or checking homework with the class. Because of this, I didn’t have any self-made lesson plans. We would discuss what I would do during class and he would give me oral feedback afterwards. Working like this helped me grow in little ways. When the country went into full lockdown, things got a little harder. I observed Nick’s online classes, but they often consisted of 15 minutes of explanation and 30 minutes of work time. He had two parallel classes on Thursdays, so I would often observe one class and then teach the second. I wanted to do more and eventually asked him if I could. I ended up helping Nick with grading some big assignments and creating a three-part lesson series (appendix 8) that the students could listen to at home. I think a lot of us use a lot of different things to teach our students, like PowerPoint presentations, online quizzes (Kahoot, LessonUp, Socrative, et cetera), but teaching online and creating lessons that they can complete at home themselves is very different.

I really wanted to know if my lessons were effective, so after the first lesson, I asked my students to fill in a survey (appendix 9). When you’re teaching and your students are right in front of you, it’s easier to see if they can follow along, if you’re too fast or too slow, if they understand what you’re saying, et cetera. When you’re teaching online, or when you’re not there at all, it’s hard to know all of this. In my survey, I asked my students whether the tempo was alright, and the explanation was clear. Luckily, they were all very positive. By creating the survey, I was able to reflect on my lesson and the way I communicated. While making the lessons I also tried to pay attention to who I was teaching. When you teach 16-year-olds about the Dutch pluriform society, it’s important to make it relatable to them (Van Koeven & Smits, 2020, p. 20).

After some schedule changes, it became hard to stay as Nick's intern. I eventually switched to Marrit, who teaches Dutch. I was a bit nervous about this, my Dutch isn't bad, but teaching it is very different. I lost a lot of time because of lockdowns and exam weeks. This makes me feel like I could've made more progress, but I also know that I still learned a lot. That, combined with everything I learned at my PO internship, still makes for a solid amount of knowledge. With Marrit I was able to do a little more, like creating my own fiction assignment (appendix 10) for the first years with rubric (appendix 11). It was a great opportunity for me and also a good challenge. The rubric especially was quite hard to make, and now after using it to check the assignments there are definitely a few things I will change next time. What I see now is that a lot of students seem to fall in between the levels, so specifying things would probably help a little with that problem. Other than that I also taught one or two classes while Marrit observed. On top of that, I took over two of her classes once when she couldn't be there. The students had to work in an online programme called Numo, so there wasn't much for me to do. But standing in front of a class, all alone, was still a big learning experience.

So far, I think I learned most at my PO internship. Peter gave me a lot of freedom and support. It wasn't easy, how do I communicate with these little humans? It took me a little while to really get into it, but eventually, I started having a lot of fun. I was able to create lessons about difficult topics in a way they would understand. The first time I really tried this was when I taught them about human rights (appendix 11). This was also the day the supervisor from Windesheim came to watch (appendix 12). I was able to connect with my students and do a lot of fun things.

One of my favourite lessons was a Futurology (Toekomstkunde) lesson (appendix 13) provided by WWF. It was about poachers in South Africa and it came with some live streams that we could watch. I put the live stream on while I prepared the lesson, but didn't see animals. When doing the lesson with my students I warned them that we might not see any animals, but when I put on the live stream we suddenly saw gazelles and a giraffe. It was so much fun and the kids were super enthusiastic. Because of this, the lesson became a little chaotic, but I decided to let it happen. Seeing wildlife while in your little classroom isn't something that happens every day, and I wanted the kids to really enjoy the moment.

I also gave a lot of spelling lessons (appendix 14) this year. At first, I struggled a bit with really making them my own and straying from the book. Last week, however, I managed to give a great spelling lesson that was a lot of fun too. We played a game where the students had to roll dice and write a word of a certain category. After doing this ten times, they had to pick at least four works and write a story with them. While writing they had to make sure the spelling of verbs was correct, as well as capital letters and punctuation. One of my students loved the exercise. Usually, it's a bit hard to motivate her, but this time she really went the extra mile. Her story was great, but what I value more is that she actively wanted to participate and try her best.

Another lesson that turned out to be a lot of fun was my art lesson (appendix 15) A week prior, I asked my students what they wanted to learn about. I really wanted them to come up with a topic so I could build a lesson around it. This way they could take control over their own learning journey. It could be about anything like dinosaurs or outer space and I would try to make a lesson on said topic. However, their response was not what I expected at all. They asked for spelling lessons, math lessons, et cetera. It took them a while to mention things that they found interesting, mostly their hobbies. Eventually, I decided to turn it into an art lesson. They had to paint their hobby but in an unusual setting. Like gaming in outer space, gymnastics at the bottom of the ocean, racing cars in the desert, et cetera. It was a very chaotic but fun lesson.

It also took me a little while to involve Chromebooks in my lesson. At first, I was afraid that it wouldn't be very convenient and that it wasn't very easy to organise. When I became more confident, I decided to give it a try. We first did with during a spelling lesson (appendix 16), when I created a Kahoot, but last week I decided to really involve the Chromebooks. This was on the same day as my very successful spelling class where the kids had to write stories. I taught my class about the North Sea flood of 1953 (Watersnoodramp) (appendix 17). Online, I found this interactive map where you could watch videos and hear stories from people who survived the flood. The kids could work alone or together and watch some of the videos. At the end of the lesson, we discussed what we had seen and what we had learned.

At the beginning of the year, I was incredibly nervous about these internships, especially PO. But now, looking back, I can see how much I've grown. I went from doing very basic lessons according to the books to lessons that I made from scratch. I can now take over reading preparation with the kids who are a bit behind with their reading levels, I can help the kids according to their level, both on PO and VO. For example by making a rubric for both MAVO (appendix 18) and HAVO (appendix 19) with different scoring.

All in all, I think I've grown a lot. I got really good feedback from Peter (appendix 20) and Marrit (appendix 21) and both provided me with very positive assessments. Nick also filled out an assessment for me (appendix 22), since I did intern for him this semester as well. His feedback was very positive too.

I asked some of my group 6 kids if they wanted to give me some written feedback, and it was really heartwarming. I've really bonded with them and I decided to stay with them until their summer break starts. Saying goodbye will be hard, but I'm very glad I got to meet these little humans.

🎵 I'm on My Way - The Proclaimers

[purplesurveys]

1045

surveys by lets-make-surveys 1 - What did you do to celebrate your last birthday? Did you get any decent gifts? Guh I honestly barely want to recognize my birthday this year because 2020 has been a huge waste of my time...but fine, I guess I’m 22. It had been during the peak of the quarantine/pandemic, so we had no choice but to stay home. I just played the Switch all morning, then I think I watched my dad play video games, and then Angela and Hans sent over a box of sushi to our place. Real chill day.

2 - What was the last “random act of kindness” you experienced? It was my first day at the office today and I had to go up and down the stairs several times to bring packages to delivery riders, since I had to send those out to certain people. A member of the maintenance staff in the area was super nice and offered to carry some of the boxes for me, since he saw how much I was struggling with the boxes.

3 - Have you ever “paid it forward” by putting money behind the counter somewhere so the next person can get a free coffee or similar? Not yet. I’d love to be able to do that soon.

4 - What caused the last injury that made you bleed? Was it a serious injury? I was trying to open a bottle of soju last night but the cap just would not budge. Next thing I knew my finger was already bleeding. Never got to drink my soju :(

5 - Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? Are you close to that person at all? One of the delivery riders who took my package earlier. Bless his soul, he was very new to the delivering thing and I think I was his first-ever customer, and he kept asking for my help. I did my best for a while but eventually I had to tell him I genuinely did not know how to answer some of his questions as I wasn’t a driver myself.

6 - What was the last item you received in the mail? Something I had ordered online. It was the gift I’m planning to give my grandma for Christmas.

7 - When was the last time you received flowers? What kind were they? A year ago, I think. It was a single stem of a rose. We were saving up last year hahaha so I had gotten her a single stem as well.

8 - Are you a fan of salted caramel? What about other “odd” combinations like sea salt and chocolate or chilli and chocolate? Ooh, I didn’t know salted caramel was considered odd; it’s a pretty common flavor here and has even gotten more popular in the last few years. I like it as a flavor in desserts, like cupcakes with salted caramel frosting. When it comes to food, I’m generally open-minded and will try any combination that exists at least once; that said, chili and chocolate sound especially intriguing haha. I’ve only ever tried chili ice cream, which was delicious.

9 - Do you enjoy watching bloopers or outtakes from TV shows? If so, which series do you think has the funniest ones? Yes. Bloopers in general are great but it’s best when they come from shows that have a reputation for being more drama-heavy and serious - that said, Breaking Bad bloopers are the fucking best. ‘Bloopers’ from animated movies are hilarious too; they were always made so well too that as a kid, I legit thought the characters were actual actors as it never crossed my mind that animators would take the extra effort and time to make bloopers out of fictional characters and that they had to be real actors in some way lol.

10 - What’s your favourite dessert food? OMG macarons for the win. I’ve been craving them so much. Cheesecake is great too, and also cupcakes.

11 - Do you have any really dangerous wild animals where you live? Have you ever encountered any of them? Nope only stray dogs and cats, and probably some chickens somewhere.

12 - Have you ever dreamed of owning your own shop? What kind of thing would you like to sell? I’ve never dreamed of this; it’s never been a goal of mine and running a business doesn’t sound like my kind of thing.

13 - Are you a twin? If not, would you ever want to be a twin? If you are a twin, do you ever wish you weren’t? No. I’ve never really found myself wishing for it, either.

14 - Do you prefer wearing your hair straight or curly? Maybe just a little wavy. Definitely not in the extreme of either side of the spectrum.

15 - Would you ever want to go and visit the moon? If I had the chance and everything was paid for and stuff, hell yeah. It’d be cool to get to cross out one of my childhood bucket list items.

16 - What was the last hot drink you had? What about cold drink? Or alcoholic drink? My last hot drink was...probably the coffee I asked my mom to make last Friday, but I did wait it out until it was considerably cooler as I didn’t want to drink it hot. My last cold drink is the iced caramel macchiato I ordered tonight and still have with me at the moment. Then for alcoholic drink, I had soju mixed with Yakult about two weeks ago.

17 - Does anything on your body hurt or ache right now? My lower back, unsurprisingly. I also cut my right middle finger trying to open a soju bottle last week, andddd I gained a blister on my right foot today because of the shoes I picked to wear for work.

18 - When was the last time you struggled to get to sleep? Was there was a specific reason for that? I can’t remember exactly when, but it happened within the last week or the last two weeks. Sometimes I just drink too much coffee during the day that it affects how sleepy I’d ultimately feel at night.

19 - What three countries would you most like to visit? Morocco, India, and Thailand.

20 - Who’s your closest friend from another country? How did you come to meet this person? I don’t really have one anymore...I’ve grown apart from my internet friends from different countries a long time ago, and I also don’t tend to keep up friendships with my friends who’ve since migrated from the Philippines to another country. I suppose the one I’m on best terms with is Angel who migrated to Toronto around a decade ago; but I use ‘best’ very loosely as the most we do is comment on one another’s posts whenever we reach like a life accomplishment, like when we graduated college.

21 - When was the last time you had a cold? With everything going on in the news, did you worry that it was COVID? It’s been a while. I can’t remember; it was definitely pre-Covid.

22 - As of today (10th December, 2020) the COVID vaccine is being rolled out in the UK. Are you going to have it once it’s available to you (if it ever is)? A part of me is a little concerned because I know vaccines take years and sometimes even decades to be fully developed, but that doesn’t mean I don’t trust doctors and science. I very much do, of course. It’s just that I’d personally prefer to wait it out first to see if it’ll have any negative effects once rolled out on a massive scale.

23 - What are your favourite websites to browse when you’re bored? Wikipedia black holes are the way to go.

24 - Do you think people should have to pass a test in order to own pets? A local animal welfare NGO already does that; Nina had to go through several tests before she was allowed to adopt Arlee. There was a verbal interview, a written form she had to fill out, and a representative from the organization even visited our house to see if it was a suitable environment for Arlee; I’m sure there was a few more steps she was required to undergo. I certainly think it’s a good and responsible process. 

25 - When was the last time you fell asleep/had a nap during the day? Is this something that happens often? It’s been monthssssssssss. I don’t really take naps during the day anymore.

26 - Do you suffer/have you ever suffered with bad acne? What kind of things did you do to try and improve it? I’ve never had issues with acne and was always rather fortunate when it comes to my skin. I’ll have a pimple or two show up once or twice a year, but they go away within a week or so. Since I don’t want to jinx it, I just wash my face with water and I’ve never experimented with any skincare products ever.

27 - When you think about it, do you think it’s odd that we stop drinking human milk at a young age, but we happily drink milk from other species instead? Not really.

28 - How’s the weather where you are? Is this a good or a bad thing for you? These days it’s humid and hot during the day (as always), but now that it’s Christmas season the weather tends to plunge to like 24-26C during nighttime. I’d say the night part is good for me as I prefer being cold than hot, so I’m glad we’ll be having this weather until March at most.

29 - When was the last time you ate a pizza? What toppings did you get? Tuesday. Relatives came over then and my cousin got us pizzas. I don’t remember what toppings he got but both pizzas had stuffed crust in it.

30 - How often do you wear make-up? What kind of make-up do you wear? Wow, almost never. Gab used to put makeup on me but now that she’s gone, I don’t really see myself wearing makeup for the meantime as I definitely wouldn’t apply them onto myself. 

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1 - If you have caffeine late in the day, does it cause you to struggle with your sleep? Eh, sometimes. Sometimes it’ll do what it’s supposed to and make me stay up for a while, but other times it doesn’t work and I’ll end up getting sleepy the same time I usually start feeling so.

2 - When you struggle to sleep, what do you do instead? Watching videos has eternally worked for me.

3 - Who was the last person you spoke to for the first time? How did you come to speak to this person? Hmm I met my co-workers Ysa and Bea for the first time today, if it counts. I’ve only ever talked to them through Viber since we’re on a WFH set-up, but we had to go to the office today to fix up some boxes that we needed to get delivered. But the last person that I really hadn’t met nor spoken to before was Jhomar, the company messenger who takes care of pickups for the day. 

4 - If you have a pet, have they ever embarrassed you in public or in front of friends or family members? What happened? Kimi is typically unfriendly towards strangers, so as cute and cuddly as he looks he would probably bite your finger off. I’ve had to explain that to guests who’ve felt puzzled about his demeanor. He’s my little baby though and I wouldn’t say he’s embarrassed me because of it. Cooper on the other hand is hyper-friendly to the point that he looks aggressive and it has scared some people away; in reality, he’s always SO pumped to meet anyone and everyone and can never contain his excitement haha. He’s literally the nicest dog.

5 - Do you leave the house every single day? I never leave the house, except if it’s to withdraw cash or go to the Starbucks drive through to pick up a coffee.

6 - Would you rather spend the day at the beach, or a day in the snow in the mountains? I would normally pick beach, but I think the mountains would be best for me at the moment.

7 - Do you prefer tops that are plain, or ones with patterns/logos/slogans? Plain.

8 - Are there any TV shows from your childhood that you still watch today? I’ll watch Spongebob every now and then. When I’m bored and have enough time on my hands I’ll sometimes watch other shows from my childhood just for that nostalgia wave, like Barney or Hannah Montana.

9 - How many texts would you say you send on an average day? Used to be hundreds, but now it’s probably like...5, on average. Sometimes I’ll need to text media for work and that’ll come up to around 15-20 texts but that happens only occasionally, like once every two weeks.

10 - Do you enjoy buying gifts for other people, or do you never know what to buy them? I never know what to buy for people. I like buying gifts for a significant other, though. I tend to spoil one to no end.

11 - Girls - if you get periods, do you suffer from period pain or any other horrible symptoms? I get the hormonal symptoms, but the physical symptoms are almost never there. My stomach will usually contract in a way that tells me it’s coming soon, but it never really aches. Most of the time, I just cry and mope a lot and that’s how I know it’s on its way, ha.

12 - The last time you were in a car, where you were travelling to? Were you the driver or a passenger? I was headed back home. but I came from the office. I was the driver as always.

13 - Who were you with the last time you went out for a meal? I took myself out on a date.

14 - What book do you wish they’d make into a film or TV series? The Septimus fucking Heap series, please. They’ve been trying to get it made into a movie series for years but as far as I know the talks have always fallen through.

15 - The age old question - do you prefer coke or pepsi? That’s a big ‘or’ for me. I don’t drink soda.

16 - What’s the last thing you watched on TV? Is this a programme you watch regularly? Bea took over the office TV earlier and she had it set to a BTS + Taylor Swift music video playlist so that we had background music while working. No, neither are my artists of choice, really.

17 - Do you have a favourite documentary subject (eg. nature, celebrities, history, crime)? Pro wrestling (a seriously underrated documentary subject) and crime. Documentaries on anthropological issues or discoveries are great as well. I do love history, but I prefer to absorb it in text/museum form.

18 - Do you prefer sweet or savoury snacks? What snack would you say is your overall favourite? Savoryyy. I get tired of sweet snacks pretty quickly. My current favorites to munch on are any salted egg flavored chips.

19 - Does having to wear a mask stop you from doing anything, just because you dislike them or find them uncomfortable? It can be harder to breathe and I get exhausted a lot faster with a mask on, but I keep it on because I would want to keep other people safe and because it’s so easy to keep a damn mask on.

20 - Do you prefer zip-up or overheard hoodies? Either is fine.

21 - If you have a yard or garden, how much time do you spend out there? I prefer the rooftop, and if I do go there I usually stay for a few hours during the evening just to have some time to myself. Being in a house with four adults can get pretty overwhelming and taxing sometimes.

22 - When was the last time someone bought you flowers? What was the occasion? I think it was for Valentine’s Day last year. If not, it was for the anniversary which was a week after Valentine’s Day.

23 - How often do you get takeaway? What’s your favourite thing to order? I don’t really do takeout. I usually dine-in or have food delivered to my place.

24 - Do you own a lot of clothing items in your favourite colour? What is your favourite colour, anyway? I don’t have a lot of clothes in pink. It’s not my best color, but I like it in everything else hahaha.

25 - When was the last time you stayed overnight away from home? Was this with friends, family or in a hotel somewhere? What was the occasion? Idk probably a sleepover at Gab’s place early this year.

26 - Would you ever be interested in seeing a live magic show? Sure. Magic shows are already a staple at kids’ birthday parties here, and I’ve always enjoyed them especially since magicians are quite the comedians too.

27 - What’s your favourite period to learn about in history? What got you interested in this particular era? I don’t have a favorite period per se but I’ve always had an affinity for the royalty. I like reading all about them, no matter what period they reigned or what house/country they’re from. Historians have kept impressive and super detailed accounts or records for most of them, so reading about their lives has also allowed me to learn more about the culture they lived through.

28 - Do you still use or carry cash, or do you pay for everything via card? I heavily rely on cash and I actually realized how behind I am just today, when Bea ordered lunch for the office. I paid her with cash and she looked at me all puzzled and was like, “Can you do bank transfer instead?” another big girl stuff I had to learn lol. Everyone in college used cash pls forgive me

29 - Are there any TV shows that remind you of your grandparents for some reason? Not really.

30 - Have you ever had to wear a tie for school or work? If not, do you know how to tie a tie without looking it up? I had a necktie as part of my uniform in my old school. I never knew how to tie it and always asked someone else to do it for me whenever it came loose.