#strangerswithbenefits

[ironfloweravenue]

Strangers with Benefits

I used to have a friend with benefits. It was very much an almost relationship. We talked every day from day to night. Good mornings, random thoughts, sexy thoughts, good nights. All the time. In different ways too - like recently I had to download the GroupMe app - and there it was - me letting him know that my phone had broken beyond but that I could still text via my computer until I got a new phone. 

I was so attached. He was my everyday even on days I was dark from the rest of the world. We stayed friends after dropping the benefits. But It was hard not to have feelings after being vulnerable like best friends and intimate like longtime lovers. And I slipped up and gave in when I was feeling lonely. In the end though, it was good that we dropped the benefits because I wanted more. I wanted the relationship label. I wanted the prospect of working towards something better. together I wanted all of him. he didn’t feel the same. so we dropped the benefits. 

Then I met the woman that would become my fiancée. I was honest with her about my history with this “best friend” of mine. Naturally, it made her uneasy. She noticed how much we talked. how intertwined we were. how quickly he knew about things. how early he texted me in the morning and how late he said good night. She knew I was emotionally attached - I didn’t want to admit it at the time. She gave me an ultimatum - her or him. 

I chose her and I cut him out of my life. without a warning. I went dark on him for days, months. even on his birthday. It was then I realized just how attached I was. And my relationship improved greatly because of it. There was more trust and we were happier. I don’t regret my choice because in the end - I picked someone who picked me instantly. I picked her over someone that had years to pick me. to choose me. to love me. And that is what I deserved and needed. In a weird way, choosing her helped me get over my lingering emotional attachment of him. Probably a lot quicker than I would have on my own if I had never met her. 

But deep down, losing the friend - that part was shitty. WAY harder than losing the benefits. I had to adjust to finding a new person to tell my thoughts to. I had to adjust to him no longer being on my list of people I told exciting news to. Yet at the same time - I also had to unlearn being sad about losing someone who hurt me in a way a true friend never would have. Someone who led me on knowing what I wanted from them. Someone who would suddenly act interested in me when I dated someone new. He was my best friend, but he hurt me in the way a lover hurts you. And maybe that’s why I didn’t consider him to be a bad friend for only wanting me when it suited him. Because I associated that part with the “benefits” side of him. Of us. Maybe that helped me cope with the heartbreak at the time. 

Sometimes I come across old emails when searching for something else. And I think wow - there’s this whole ass person out there in the world that knew my darkest fears and wildest dreams and I knew his. But it doesn’t matter anymore. We’re just strangers now. 

[bloojayoolie]

strangerswithbenefits

[animalvillain]

When you fly, but mustache everyone to watch from a distance ! 😂 #mustache #beards #teamrape #strugglesnuggle #strangerswithbenefits #tacklefuck #callthecopsicomefirst #mycouchpullsoutbutidont (at Pasadena, Maryland)

[junduk-blog]

It's Not Called Rape

Rape??? You Mean Strangers With Benefits???

[bloojayoolie]

strangerswithbenefits

[bloojayoolie]

strangerswithbenefits

[bloojayoolie]

strangerswithbenefits

[bloojayoolie]

strangerswithbenefits

[bloojayoolie]

strangerswithbenefits

[bloojayoolie]

strangerswithbenefits

[bloojayoolie]

strangerswithbenefits

[bloojayoolie]

strangerswithbenefits

[bloojayoolie]

strangerswithbenefits

[bloojayoolie]

strangerswithbenefits

[bloojayoolie]

strangerswithbenefits

[bloojayoolie]

strangerswithbenefits