#storyline: is monika alright?

[literatureclub-poetryexchange]

How is everyone doing? I've been gone form this blog for a while.

💙It finally feels like our life has calmed down a lot. Things are pretty alright now! …ish? Maybe? I know that I’m happy. Therapy has been going great and self-care is something I love doing for myself now. I still get bad days, but I know that they’re just bad days now, and if I ever need it I have my friends and also Millie to fall back on. I know they each love me, and that’s a wonderful feeling.

💙Monika’s been recovering pretty well from all the guilt she had been weighing herself down with after how she thought she hurt me so long ago, and I feel like she’s talking care of herself now, that she’s understanding she’d only been hurting herself back then and she’s past that. I’m here for her, and we talk sometimes like we used to.

💙Natsuki’s doing alright, she’s finding people at her new school while also still keeping in touch with us. We’ll make the drive over occasionally and catch up. She feels like, in hindsight she is happier for being away from her dad but she still feels torn about it, like she missed out on something or that she made a mistake. She says neither him nor her have contacted the other one. Maybe that’s for the best…

💙Yuri’s doing….. I think she’s doing okay. We haven’t really talked as much since we tried dating back then, but it’s been easier since she started crushing on Anna, since, then I was just her friend and things just…suddenly weren’t awkward anymore? I worry about her… I’m not really sure if she still hurts herself. She told me she was doing better but I have a feeling she was lying for me…

💙But, at least she’s being a better friend to Anna. I think she understands she can’t make her fall for her, and that it’s her choice. I heard they’re speaking again and I’m glad. And, MC is same as always! He’s having a great time with this new game Octopath something or other, and he’ll tell me about it. I know he’s still hurting a little after his relationship with Natsuki but I’ve seen them talk and catch up and I’m happy they’re still really good friends.

[theworangetraveler]

Well... we do have some updates on Ako. She is indeed an .obj file still, less sprites and less developed personality... but is a personality that can learn!!! All her log updates are info she has gathered! Wait... WAIT! This gives me an idea... a "Monika" idea...

[some-rfa-imagines]

Can we get the RFA watching MC play/playing Doki Doki Literature Club with MC and their reactions? If u've watched someone play it/played it urself and want to write this that is, if not it's okay, sorry for taking up your time, you're a good writer!!!

oh goodness. i wanted to put this off until i actually played the game, because i didn’t want to spoil it for myself. and my gods. It’s quite a beautiful game (i love the graphics) and the story is actually really good (from a writers pov) but… well…… here we go.

these will be quite a bit shorter than usual because the topics in the game actually do trigger me if i dwell on them too long but I’ll be alright.

WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND DEPRESSION. DO NOT READ IF THESE TOPICS WILL TRIGGER YOU. PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

ALSO SPOILERS FOR DDLC

Yoosung:

“It’s an adorable game MC! I don’t know what could be so bad about it!”

“Yoosung, it says psychological horror literally right there.”

“That’s just a warning, probably. We’ll be fine.”

yeah. sure.

Oh boy did his opinion change.

It became quite clear very quickly that every single thing you did in this game mattered.

He’s rather scared of it, actually.

immediately turns away when Sayori… well…

“MC, I’m beginning to regret this a lot.”

ME TOO BRO

you both decide that it’s enough for one night when the game starts “glitching” on you

J̵̛͒̄̈́͂̏̈́̽͘͜͝ư̵̝͙̿̀̓͆͑́͋͒̿̕͠͝ś̶̞͇̀͗̀̀̆̈̐͝t̴̼̪̰̲̳̮̥͆̽͝ ̵̡͔͙̤̼̼̯̣͔͈̥͎̪̞̏͊̆͆̅̿M̷̻͎̣̟͙̗̝̟̥̯̖͉͒̒͆̽̏͐̋̃̔͑ͅó̵͖̒̆̇͗́̾͂͆̔͐̕͝n̴̗̓͒̈́̾i̶͕̯͔̰̖̥̬̇́̇̇́̎̊̑̇̀̎̿́͜ͅk̴͙̗̫͓̞̓̔͛͠a̸̡̡̧̼͎̮̗̜͓̠̬͐̏̈́̈̃͂̏͝͝͠͠

Zen:

“Alright, i’ll play this with you. I don’t know why you want me here but-”

“Shh, just cuddle me pls”

he’s initially really into the game

i mean, it’s cute, the girls are cute wait what, the story is neat, it’s about literature! who doesn’t like literature?

well

you had already played it before so this time you were just getting all the weird endings and the CGs

And… let’s just say he wasn’t necessarily a fan of the graphics after a certain point…

“MC, darling, I-… Can we stop, please?”

don’t blame you zenny boi

J̵̛͒̄̈́͂̏̈́̽͘͜͝ư̵̝͙̿̀̓͆͑́͋͒̿̕͠͝ś̶̞͇̀͗̀̀̆̈̐͝t̴̼̪̰̲̳̮̥͆̽͝ ̵̏͊̆͆̅̿

JaeheM̷̻͎̣̟͙̗̝̟̥̯̖͉͒̒͆̽̏͐̋̃̔͑ͅó̵͖̒̆̇͗́̾͂͆̔͐̕͝n̴̗̓͒̈́̾i̶͕̯͔̰̖̥̬̇́̇̇́̎̊̑̇̀̎̿́͜ͅk̴͙̗̫͓̞̓̔͛͠a̸̡̡̧̼͎̮̗̜͓̠̬͐̏̈́̈̃͂̏͝͝͠͠:

She’s intrigued by it

she’d heard that it was apparently really scarring but she’d never seen anyone play it/played it herself so she was curious.

You both agreed that the girls were hella cute wait what

she picked up on the fourth wall breaking very quickly

something was up with this game

OH. OH THAT WAS IT. RIGHTYO.

is very taken aback but wants to finish the game

Completely fine with deleting Monika from the game “MC, she’s driven everyone else insane, just delete her already” “but she’s pretty” *disappointed but not surprised Jaehee face*

probably would play again, but not alone.

J̵̛͒̄̈́͂̏̈́̽͘͜͝ư̵̝͙̿̀̓͆͑́͋͒̿̕͠͝ś̶̞͇̀͗̀̀̆̈̐͝t̴̼̪̰̲̳̮̥͆̽͝ ̵̡͔͙̤̼̼̯̣͔͈̥͎̪̞̏͊̆͆̅̿M̷̻͎̣̟͙̗̝̟̥̯̖͉͒̒͆̽̏͐̋̃̔͑ͅó̵͖̒̆̇͗́̾͂͆̔͐̕͝n̴̗̓͒̈́̾i̶͕̯͔̰̖̥̬̇́̇̇́̎̊̑̇̀̎̿́͜ͅk̴͙̗̫͓̞̓̔͛͠a̸̡̡̧̼͎̮̗̜͓̠̬͐̏̈́̈̃͂̏͝͝͠͠

Jumin:

he wants to know more about what kind of games you’re into

so of course, you choose one of the most ~psychologically scarring~ games you’d played before

Admires the literature club for wanting to teach people about literature and writing etc.

because he loves books he can totally agree with Yuri- WAIT NO.

He doesn’t quite understand the appeal of psychological horror

but he stays with you until the end��because he lOVES YOU AND WOULD NEVER HURT YOU ON PURPOSE

Really curious about the game design and how they managed to keep the storyline going even with so many storylines happening - especially after you delete monika

???? HOW???

6/10 would play a game similar, with less… well…

J̵̛͒̄̈́͂̏̈́̽͘͜͝ư̵̝͙̿̀̓͆͑́͋͒̿̕͠͝ś̶̞͇̀͗̀̀̆̈̐͝t̴̼̪̰̲̳̮̥͆̽͝ ̵̡͔͙̤̼̼̯̣͔͈̥͎̪̞̏͊̆͆̅̿M̷̻͎̣̟͙̗̝̟̥̯̖͉͒̒͆̽̏͐̋̃̔͑ͅó̵͖̒̆̇͗́̾͂͆̔͐̕͝n̴̗̓͒̈́̾i̶͕̯͔̰̖̥̬̇́̇̇́̎̊̑̇̀̎̿́͜ͅk̴͙̗̫͓̞̓̔͛͠a̸̡̡̧̼͎̮̗̜͓̠̬͐̏̈́̈̃͂̏͝͝͠͠

Seven:

lets be real, he probably hacked the game originally as a joke and they decided to keep it.

not saying that’s what happened the actual game devs are amazing because they created it lets keep going

Is super into it

not a fan of the ~controlling the other members to kill themselves~ bit but really really into the game design

proabably plays it on his own when he has the time

impressed with the storyline, it’s kind of like his own in a way

a fourth-wall shattering, heartbreak occurring way.

i mean what

J̵̛͒̄̈́͂̏̈́̽͘͜͝ư̵̝͙̿̀̓͆͑́͋͒̿̕͠͝ś̶̞͇̀͗̀̀̆̈̐͝t̴̼̪̰̲̳̮̥͆̽͝ ̵̡͔͙̤̼̼̯̣͔͈̥͎̪̞̏͊̆͆̅̿M̷̻͎̣̟͙̗̝̟̥̯̖͉͒̒͆̽̏͐̋̃̔͑ͅó̵͖̒̆̇͗́̾͂͆̔͐̕͝n̴̗̓͒̈́̾i̶͕̯͔̰̖̥̬̇́̇̇́̎̊̑̇̀̎̿́͜ͅk̴͙̗̫͓̞̓̔͛͠a̸̡̡̧̼͎̮̗̜͓̠̬͐̏̈́̈̃͂̏͝͝͠͠, J̵̛͒̄̈́͂̏̈́̽͘͜͝ư̵̝͙̿̀̓͆͑́͋͒̿̕͠͝ś̶̞͇̀͗̀̀̆̈̐͝t̴̼̪̰̲̳̮̥͆̽͝ ̵̡͔͙̤̼̼̯̣͔͈̥͎̪̞̏͊̆͆̅̿M̷̻͎̣̟͙̗̝̟̥̯̖͉͒̒͆̽̏͐̋̃̔͑ͅó̵͖̒̆̇͗́̾͂͆̔͐̕͝n̴̗̓͒̈́̾i̶͕̯͔̰̖̥̬̇́̇̇́̎̊̑̇̀̎̿́͜ͅk̴͙̗̫͓̞̓̔͛͠a̸̡̡̧̼͎̮̗̜͓̠̬͐̏̈́̈̃͂̏͝͝͠͠

[literatureclub-poetryexchange]

What do think of ship sayori X Monika?

💚…Sayori? with me..? We’ve been through so much together, I never really thought about it. I’m not sure it’s anything she would want, even if she were single.

💚In theory I am ready for a relationship in my life, but…. I know me. I know the kind of person I slip into when there’s someone I want. It’s like I‘m a person I don’t even recognize and I get swept up in a game of winning admiration until it’s like I’m playing against them. It’ll take some time before I’m past that. Besides, I think I’m a little done with emotional roller coasters, at least for now. Thank you though.

[literatureclub-poetryexchange]

Pretty little colors Paint pretty little pictures But when dark skies And heavy rain wash them away You will know and feel The colors fade away But the pictures will always stay the same

💚This is an interesting take on depression Anna, that it’s just the disappointment of all the expectations and hopes we made growing up, of a loving world. That depression is just the world’s true colors underneath the lie of what we wish it could be, but you’re wrong. It’s true there’s so much wrong with the world, and how it treats others, how you get treated, but while it’s darker than your hopes, it’s brighter than your fears.

💚I know it might be hard for you to imagine that you could suffer this much in a kind world, but jumping to the conclusion it’s because the world must be colorless and gray past your perception, rather than appreciating how complex the situation is and how you might appear to others, is not good either. Maybe then you’ll realize it was you who washed the other half of the colors away.

[literatureclub-poetryexchange]

💚There are days we just can’t be honest with the people in our lives, fake easy lies, pick what sounds like you and feel awful as they eat it up trusting fully that you’re sincere, and..it’s easy. It can feel good, to be who you actually are, instead of that person they all think they expect..

Master(?) of Espionage

A spy, no traitor, in our ranks Certain of that, but as to who, we’re drawing blanks Information received with simple thanks And nobody knows who they are Getting by with wit and charm Not raising a single alarm Though, they finally stopped questioning me I can’t help but wonder if I got off scot free Or if they finally found me out

[literatureclub-poetryexchange]

Monika youve become a kind girl who cares about her friends and im proud of you!

💚The real me... The real me..? I’m not sure I want to know her. The part of me that always keeps finding her way back when I try to change, she isn’t a good person. Maybe the part that’s me is the one who keeps running, but if that were true why is this so difficult..?

💚I wish we could be in charge of our own life, of our own world, but we’re little more than a set of rules and parameters, moving without any intelligence, numbers in flesh and blood...

💚I should get out of this funk; it’s only getting me depressed and I refuse to let that get anywhere again. As long as I keep seeming like I’m a good person to you all I must be going on the right track.

[literatureclub-poetryexchange]

Is it just me or do Monika's poems seem kinda sad and lonely lately?

💚Do they seem that way...? That’s just how I am, how I think, what the world looks like to me. What does it mean that my perspective is something sad to you, something worrying?

💚I’m doing better....I think. I’ll be safe, don’t worry.

[literatureclub-poetryexchange]

So...How's our favorite literature club president doing as in late? Just haven't heard a lot about you. Also about Anna's poem, it reminded me about a story about a caged blue bird. I think the moral was: "Search for happiness wherever you can because the search itself is what will make you truly happy." and "Happiness is closer than you think." There is a song for it too called 'Blue Bird Lamentation.' It like a lovely music box. ( Don't read the comment section, its full of spoilers.)

💚..Really? To me, when I listen to that song it feels like slowly and agonizingly walking a path you hoped you’d never see yourself walking down, realizing it was always you the whole time. It? looks like it is from a game? I certainly haven’t played it, but it is a powerfully moving piece. That’s the power of piano... Or, of piano in the hands of somebody...with a heart.

💚I’m...I’m doing alright. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, but none of it feels real inside this medicated haze.. I guess I’m just...here. I’m here as long as I’m going to be. Is that anything significant, you tell me.

[literatureclub-poetryexchange]

💚This is good stuff! Let out those emotions, whoever you’re talking about, whichever sort of person she is, sounds like she deserves it. Sometimes it really can feel like you aren’t able to change anything, and are fighting and dying for nothing, but any battle has two sides, and neither wishes to be defeated. Whoever this person is, sounds like she’s fighting for how she thinks the world is same as you are.

💚At the end of the day, I feel like it really is only you. Everybody is struggling, and any help they offer is only after fighting with their own problems. If you want with your whole soul, every unit of data composing your identity, or are scared to death of something, you’re alone in that I think, even if you have people who might try to comfort you after the fall.

A Stubborn’s Battle

In the middle of the battle I see you and rage

How is that you let us all reach this damn fate?

Were we just a pawn just to fill your despair?

Were we just so useless to help such a pair?

I try to write subtly a story of rage

I feel like a prisioner making noises in my cage

Believe it or not, I got really distraught

Thank to the BEAUTIFUL line “You Act Like it’s a Job“

I JUST WANNA HELP! IS IT WRONG THAT I CARE?

Maybe I should just leave, take my worries elsewhere.

I just want to be part of a story of healing

Maybe I should just face, that I don’t get your feelings

But I can’t, But I Won’t, I will keep coming back!

Am I selfish and idiotic for continuing my attack?

There’s no doubt that I’m doing this for selfish desire

But whatever! I am here and my soul a burning fire!

I just wish to bring hope to this bittersweet tale

I know sorta unrealistic but it’s needed can you tell?

And I’m sorry if you think that I treat this as a job

But for people that I love I AM NOT A GODDAMN SLOB!

Notes:

Basically I wanted to make a story but kept stuck on the negatives and judgments both to me and to “the story” so it feel always too bad or mean spirited… so instead (and because im slightly tired) Have a poem with my feelings. I just… wanna help…

[literatureclub-poetryexchange]

Ever find yourself in this really weird contemplative mood at like, almost 4 in the morning?

💚I do. But... I find I’m not scared of them anymore.

[literatureclub-poetryexchange]

Ever know you have to tell someone something - know it, deep in your gut - but everything in you is screaming at you to stay silent out of fear of how they'll react? Did you tell them?

💜💙💚Actually, no...

💜It’s our hubris as human beings to think ourselves self-sufficient, when our biggest boon as a species has been to solve our worst problems by sharing them.

💙It’s a problem... You think you’re strong enough to hold up all that pain by yourself but..

💚It never goes away, it just keeps getting worse every day that you avoid doing something about it all.

💜💙💚Whatever it is that’s happening, it might be for the best to let that person know the way you’re feeling.

[literatureclub-poetryexchange]

Yo, Monika and Yuri, you two must be graduating soon, right? What are your plans after high school?

💚No, me and Yuri still have a little ways to go. We are in the same grade though. It really can feel though like highschool never ends...

💚As for college... I just haven’t been feeling much of anything lately.. I’m hoping that college life changes some of that, or at least just being out of this school and away from my mom does. I’m mainly just going off the list of colleges I liked that I made back when I was a sophomore, before things went.... Well, before I went crazy.

💚... It’s fine though! I’ve been talking with my therapist, and I feel like I’m here to stay.

[literatureclub-poetryexchange]

💚I like this poem a lot. It feels like something Yuri might write. The subject matter, not the writing style. But, yeah, history and past experience sets up a cage of fear you build around yourself, because you know how easy it can be if you ever let down your guard to be thrown right back into a personal hell, even if the actual risk is long, long gone. It’s a paradox that we really are better for not leaving it.

💚I appreciate the compliment! I always admired the gripping, demanding control there is to be found in performing slam poetry, and I sat in on a poetry group once that did it weekly.

💚While I didn’t write it about my mother, I’m starting to think maybe I did, without ever realizing it. I wrote it about MC, but, with all the stress my mom’s been causing me lately, I think I really was just venting that onto him. But, yeah..With exes, there are days where you just miss their touch and that’s something natural, so on days like those you just have to remind yourself why you broke up.

💚Was it really that confusing of a line... Worange didn’t get it either. That was actually the central verse; if everything someone does can be explained and mapped perfectly, anticipation, that sense of what you know somebody is going to do next, becomes a tangible thing that you can judge them by.

💚Everyone I’ve met so far has had rough relationships with at least one of their parents. I think it’s just not a thing that happens that parents are good and nice and likable; my mom’s probably pretty normal then.

Anticipating My Fall

I am Free, but All it takes Is a Single Painful Reminder

A Communique Telling me once more Never in Words, In the Gaps between them.

Making certain I know Exactly How much of a Disappointment: a Failure, I am For deciding to Free Myself.

The Danger has been Avoided And yet, I still Flinch in Anticipation

Of another repeat; When He returns and Brings My World Crashing Down In a Calculated, fluid motion.

When His Allies - Demons disguised as Angels, Comfort me within the Ashes, Whilst Plundering My Gold And Stabbing Me In The Back.

His Game isn’t Ever Over, I just wish it was, As no matter how much I Plead For Rest, I Remain

Trapped in this Never-Ending Cycle of Anticipating My Fall.

Because some Chains can Never be Broken.

[literatureclub-poetryexchange]

Monika, why didn’t your mom want you to take piano lessons? That seems like a perfectly respectable thing to me

💚Well that was timing, mostly. I was in middle school by the time I realized I wanted to play, and she told me I was way too old to start learning piano, that it was expensive, and that I was being stupid.

💚She knew I hated cello and said I’d only hate piano instead and not to waste her time with immature complaints.

[literatureclub-poetryexchange]

💚I was writing about my experience at the Halloween party actually. I may have gotten just a little tipsy..

💚I wouldn’t normally, but I’ve just been having a weird time lately.. And, it can be nice sometimes to dance with somebody you don’t need to feel anything for.