#storge edit chapter 9

[ettawritesnstudies]

Storge Edit Update Ch. 9

(links to catch up, I didn’t do any dedicated posts for #1-3: here’s 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8)

Stats

48709 words, 95 pages (standard Word settings) in total

This chapter is 7200 words and 13 pages. My chapter lengths vary between 6-17 pages so I need to decide if I should break up the longer ones by scene or leave them alone.

This chapter includes 2 entirely new scenes, and I finally reached the part where the new pacing catches up to draft 1, so I could edit again instead of rewriting! (It’s also one of my favorite scenes, so I was excited to revisit it)

I hit my 10K goal for the month with this chapter! I’ll be taking a bit of a break to finish my 10K in Runaways but I’ll be back to this soon enough. I’m almost to the fast easy-to-edit parts and I can’t wait to start making quicker progress.

Excerpt/Commentary/Taglist under the cut!

Pre-Training Chatter

“Since when have you cared about your magic being useful?” Grace asked, cocking her head to look down at her brother.

“Probably since Acheran started letting us work with him. I know you don’t pay attention to what he’s making because it isn’t anything you could use without draining it, but some of it is fascinating. There’s so much about magicraft that we don’t know. So many ways that it could be used to help make people’s lives easier. It’s potential…” He drifted off, considered, then continued in a pensive, bitter tone.

“I guess I really started thinking about it since the arena. Lyss wants the magic boy because of his power? The irony is that if I knew how to control my abilities, maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess. I spent so many years afraid to try, and couldn’t count on raw power saving me when I needed to know.”

Hope

“Don’t be snippy,” Enne told Grace, “It’s an honorable ideal. But we have to be cautious about it. Otherwise, all the scheming and dreaming won’t do a bit of good when we’re all dead or in the dungeons. Dad could bring the news and plans to Philomena’s family and spread the word during the visit. Quietly, just among our people at first. But word will spread like weeds in the field, and wild ideas of hope will be stronger than the scare.”

“Hope…” Luca said the word quietly, almost reverently. “It won’t stop this madness on its own, but it’s half the battle, isn’t it?”

Aimon put an encouraging hand on his shoulder, and put his other around Grace’s shoulders to pull her close. “Yes, it is, but I think you two knew that already.”

Hope, but at 3am

“Are you still scared?” Luca asked. His voice pitched high, and the words came tumbling out almost faster than he could say them, “Scared you’re running out of time, that is? Scared that the world is moving too fast and you’re not ready for it to change, and you won’t ever be ready when the future comes crashing into the present? Scared that you’ll be powerless to change the world until its too late for it to matter?”

Acheran gazed at him through the dark, the weight of the words settling heavily on his wings. “Terrified.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I spent too long feeling sorry for myself to let you make the same mistake.”

“I don’t want to sit around feeling sorry for myself. I want to act, but anything I could do would only cause trouble. We’ve come full circle again,” Luca grumbled... “Grace came up with an idea at dinner, that we could try to garner the support of our community, to stage a quiet rebellion of our own. There are so many ways it could backfire, it’s such a distant hope…”

He trailed off, but when he spoke again, his voice was steady, resolute. “Hope’s all we have. I need to be prepared to kindle that.”

“Luca. I think if anyone can kindle the hope of the Debilan, it’s you. And I’m prepared to build it up alongside you,” Acheran said, and with that, gave a heavy blow to the final rail, completing the stairwell.

Commentary

This is the first chapter with full scenes from Enne and Grace’s POVs. I’m still debating how to manage seven (7!!) pov characters in one book, whether through limited perspective or omniscient without head hopping. The way the plot works out with characters splitting up, I need at least that many to cover all the story beats and so I think introducing them slowly is helping to mitigate some of the 1st draft characterization problems

For not having a POV in this chapter, Luca gets to have an small existential crisis AND training scenes, so I had a lot of fun with the angst and experimentation as he starts to slowly figure out his abilities. I also finally got Acheran to share his backstory (stubborn introvert never bothered to share his motivations before now :P). It’s satisfying to fill in the gaps in the character development that I glossed over on the first draft. Since this was a slower transition chapter between the inciting incident and rising action to the midpoint twist, I had more time to enjoy their interactions.

Next chapter I get to rewrite a disaster of a fight scene and turn it into an riot>ambush>fight scene, so that’s going to be fun! Next update you can look forward to some excerpts from everyone’s favorite maniacs.

Storge taglist (ask to be +/-): @inkwell-attitude  @re-writing-h @thescreamingtwenties @siarven @kittensartswriting  @yearlyaquariace @abalonetea @andiwriteunderthemoon  @andifthestarsweretodie @davey-in-a-minivan @the-great-teller-of-tales @lothloriien @isanyonetoknow @piyawrites @viawrites-andacts @fuyugomori  @thiscrypticfangirl @thescatteredscribbles @avian-king @writeblrfantasy

[ettawritesnstudies]

Storge Edit Update Ch. 11

(links to catch up, I didn’t do any dedicated posts for #1-3: here’s 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10)

Stats

57,542 words and 112 pages

This chapter is 4,156 words and 8 pages, on the short side but not bad

This chapter also brings me to my 10k edit goal for August!

spreadsheets and battle logistics are monsters. I’ve done more math for this chapter than I have for my engineering classes so far.

Excerpt

Acheran rubbed his temples, weighing his options and finding them both despicable. “I’m not fighting, Char.”

“I don’t expect you to. But if you could arm us?”

“I don’t want to make weapons. I create, I make, in the spirit of the Artist. The world has enough destroyers as it is.”

Chara prayed for her brother to see reason. “I don’t like it any more than you do.”

“I refuse to let innocent people die by my hand.”

Chara clenched her teeth. “These people are murderers and kidnappers. You were in the arena.They don’t care about innocents. They aren’t innocent.”

“But do they deserve death?”

“Do our people deserve death?!” Chara snapped back. “As painful and slow a death as starvation? When we did nothing to deserve this?”

Acheran dropped his head. “No. It’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not.”Chara leveled an even gaze at Acheran. “If this is the only way to bring about justice, I’m willing to take it. Are you?”

Commentary under the cut!

FINALLY I am back to proper editing and not rewriting the entire damn book. Here’s to hoping the next twelve chapters won’t be so painful!

I am a debate nerd. I am a policy geek. I’m the most argumentative contrarian person you’ll ever have the displeasure to meet if you get me going. I am not going into law, to my mother’s chagrin, because irl politics stress me out. But am I going to put that interest into my fiction book. You betcha. This chapter has battle strategy, logistics, stoichiometry, fermi questions about hypothetical population size of a gravity-defying fantasy canyon city, statistics, rhetoric, propaganda, philosophy, the whole deal.

I remember I had a ton of fun writing it, and now that I’ve changed around the timeline, I had a ton of fun rewriting parts to fit the new series of events. I redid all the math just for good measure. It was like making a puzzle where the pieces are hunting down information and progress reports from three chapters ago, balancing the pacing with subplots. I’m really pleased with how it’s turned out so far!

Also, This is the first chapter from Chara’s POV. She’s important, but she’s not one of the main characters, so it was fun to get into her head for a change. her voice is fun, she talks like an academic and a politician, so I get to be pretentious. Acheran is also shaping up to have a really interesting character arc. I wasn’t 1000% sure what to do with him in the first draft, but I’m happy with how he’s developing in this edit. I’m looking forward to seeing what betas think of this scene.

hopefully I’m not the only one who finds court sessions interesting lol

[ettawritesnstudies]

Storge Edit Update Ch. 10

(links to catch up, I didn’t do any dedicated posts for #1-3: here’s 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9)

Stats

53384 words, 104 pages (standard MS Word settings)

This chapter is 4754 words and 9 pages long. I actually calculated how that measures up against my average chapter length so far, and the ratio is .91. So it’s about normal! A little shorter, because it’s a fast paced villain chapter but I’m right on track as far as pacing goes.

I’ve learned that measuring pacing with word count is so much nicer and objective than just going “ehhh I think it feels right?”

This chapter brings me up to speed with the original timeline! I had to rewrite it because I changed the setting/situation significantly, but it accomplishes the same plot point of pushing Lyss over the tipping point.

Excerpt/Commentary/Taglist under the cut!

TW for riots, government ineptitude, blatant propaganda and civil unrest

The crier spoke through a brass ring, fitted with a delicate mesh of woven crystal that amplified his voice above the quiet roar of the people. His news amounted to ill-comforting platitudes, and it set Esil’s teeth on edge to hear the blatant lies.

“No one could have foreseen this tragedy, but rest assured we are working hard to apprehend the terrorists,” he called.

“They’ve been harassing us for months!” screamed one voice from the crowd.

“You ignore the threat until they target your own families. What about the rest of us?” shouted another.

“Their protests destroyed my shop!”

“Where are your guards when we need them?”

“And why are they marching against your own people now?”

“They locked us into the arena against our wills!” This last statement was screamed by one of their own members, the accusation carefully constructed by Samoth to turn the blame from the anarchists doing the attacking onto the Atilan who were complicit in the massacre. After what they’d done, it would be difficult to make many sympathetic to their cause, but they could work to redirect the anger towards the tyrants who deserved it.

“We stand together!” cheered the caller, as he stood on his gilded podium above the crowd of people standing in the wreckage of the ruined street.

“Now is a time for healing and prayers as we rebuild and return to normalcy.”

“Will the guards protect our trades?” shouted a potter, waving a piece of broken clay above his head. The soldiers shifted uncomfortably and the crier glanced over his shoulder at them. Lyss gestured that they should continue forward, and he turned to face the crowd. He didn’t have the chance to raise the ring to his mouth again to answer before Amika’s voice carried above the din.

“Will the priests serve in the fields?”

“Will the medics come to our homes?” Joanis added.

The crier hesitated, jumped forward in his script, and picked up with a condescending tone, as if scolding a misbehaving child. The true Atilan attitude saw the Debilan as simpletons to be herded into compliance, while remaining in indignant disbelief at their supposed stupidity. “Everyone must do their part to satisfy gods, so we may continue to reap their benevolent protection.”

“Since when have the gods protected us?!” There was a splatter of rotten fruit against the side of the cart and the caller winced back, narrowly avoiding the rancid juice. Lyss snapped an order, and the soldiers crowded forward towards the children that had tossed it, forcing them to scamper back into the crowd before they could reach Lyss. Bravo, Esil thought. It was a small rebellion, but they had the spirit. As they ran, the crier regained just enough confidence to desperately scream his last line.

“Disruption does not have to mean despair!”

“Our families are dying!”

Commentary

this was a surprisingly tough chapter to write? I think I know why though. I usually love fight scenes, and bomb through them with an epic soundtrack and 3 hours of hyper-fixating, but this chapter was written in 15 minute bursts between packing for college and switching classes. It is a fun one though, reading back on it. Esil gets stabbed. Amika gets to commit arson. Lyss is slowly edging towards her dramatic 3rd act villain breakdown. it’s kind of difficult for me to get into the heads of such awful people, who both believe their off-kilter morality is totally justified but it’s the type of challenge I enjoy.

next chapter is a debate!! I get to unleash my inner argumentative contrarian policy kid! i know that’s probably the most boring thing in the world but I’m vibing with it.

[ettawritesnstudies]

Storge Edit Update Ch. 8

(links to catch up, I didn’t do any dedicated posts for #1-3: here’s 4, 5, 6, and 7)

Stats

The whole draft is at 41,435K and 81 pages (standard Word settings). That’s roughly 30-35% of the way through the draft!

This chapter is entirely new to this draft, and clocks in at 4412 words and 9 pages.

I have two more scenes to draft from scratch before I can get back to editing what I have so far, so the pace will pick up at the end of chapter 9 hopefully!

After this chapter, I took a break to get ~organized~ because this middle is slowly becoming untangled and I want to track my changes as I go so I don’t forget my reasoning. This included making a whole spreadsheet! It’s color coded and I’m really pleased with it, but it also showed that I have a LOT of work ahead of me.

Excerpts and Commentary below the cut!

Lyss, scheming as usual

First line:

Two days after her rise to power and the ruin of her city, the new Queen of Maaren found herself locked in gladiatorial combat of the intellect. At least, that was how it felt to be seated at this dinner-turned-meeting table after three hours of Atilan chattering.

Last line:

The god’s chosen.

It had a nice ring to it, the title she should have earned at the Trials all those years ago. A deep-seated satisfaction filled her stomach, not just from being full of food. She could be the chosen one, for the good of the city, and because it was what she deserved. She raised her wine glass again, a silent toast, to her own reign, before downing the contents in one drink.

Esil and his friends, scheming as usual

First line:

Two days after their greatest victory and greatest defeat, the new Master of the Anarchists found himself in the fight of his life. At least, that’s how it always felt when he sparred Amika.

Last line:

Esil reluctantly nodded his agreement. “It’s a plan. I don’t want to underestimate Lyss. This will show her that we’re still a threat, and you’re right. We need to act now, her control still uncertain. It’s for the good of the city.”

Divad laughed. “If I had wine, I would toast to that.”

Amika grinned and reached for the water canteen she’d set beside her after the sparring match. She took a drink, then unceremoniously dumped the rest of it over his head, to many protests and laughter from the assembled company.

“To the good of the city! Let’s kill a queen.”

Commentary

This chapter was very satisfying to get right. One of my favorite literary devices especially in fiction, is the use of motifs. I also struggle so much with intros and endings, but I think I finally figured out a trick, at least with these two villains. They both think they’re doing what’s right, and mirroring the openings and the phrase, “For the good of the city” adds an ironic element to their plans.

I can’t share the plans, because of spoilers, but I’m happy with how this chapter grounds their subplots into the wider scope of the story. The last draft, I introduced them in chapter 4 and Esil disappeared until chapter 14 because I totally forgot to write his background logistics until he had to show up for a big plot point. So now they exist and hopefully this low-stakes planning chapter will help with the pacing and start to add some tension as I build up to the midpoint twist

This was also the chapter where I started to feel a little overwhelmed with how much I have left to cover. I’m 1/3 of the way done with the plot so I’m hitting a mental sagging-middle-syndrome as I slog towards the fun part. I think part of this is because I had to draft from scratch, rather than edit an existing scene, so it’s going a lot slower. The other part is that I’ve been listening to a LOT of writing craft podcasts and making a mental list of all the steps leading up to publication, which is intimidating. I shouldn’t even really think about publishing yet, and you can only eat an elephant one bite at a time, but I’m just as much of a planner as my characters. The idea of having to set up so much now to get the payoff 5 years down the line is exhausting, but I’ll get there eventually!

[ettawritesnstudies]

First Line Tag

thanks @writingamongther0ses! I’ll do this with each Storge chapter. I haven’t edited past chapter 4 yet and I’ll be doing a lot of rearranging so these won’t be accurate to the final story but hopefully they’ll be interesting until I have the fixed version! 5-24 are after the cut because this got long. 

Tagging:  @thiscrypticfangirl @thescatteredscribbles and @soulgazingdotwav if you want! 

Chapter 1: Apparently Stealing Earns You A Job In This Society. Who Knew?

It was far too lovely a day for a riot, but not even the cool breeze flapping the fabric of the trader's multicolored tents could prevent Luca from taking advantage of the fact that there was, in fact, a riot.

Chapter 2: Please Don’t Be An Impulsive Idiot

The streets were empty as Luca and Grace walked towards their home from work at Acheran’s shop.

Chapter 3: Everyone Should Learn First Aid. This Has Been a PSA.

Luca slowly opened his eyes as he realized the punches had stopped and dropped his shield in relief.

Chapter 4: Fight! Fight! Fight!

When the vials of magic liquid shattered on the floor of the arena, every Anarchist was immediately transported to outside the city limits in the far northwest, where the canyons and mountains of inner Maaren sloped down to the desert near the sea.

Chapter 5: This Wasn’t The Family Meeting I Expected Today

The family returned to their apartments, and the Avians flew off with promises to meet them in the morning.

Chapter 6: Some Sketchy Sneaky Shit Goes Down In This One / I Give You Permission To Go On A Rampage Now

Everything fell perfectly into place, and Lyss did not have time for the luxury of sentimentality. 

Chapter 7: I’ll Check In Tomorrow If I Don’t Wake Up Dead

Luca tried to ignore the knot in his throat as he stood in the middle of their emptied home, staring at the barren room.

Chapter 8: Addelheaded Plans (You Really Ought To Listen To Your Mother)

Last night? The arena fight mentally felt like aeons ago, but his various pains reminded Luca that it was a very present reality.

Chapter 9: I Want To Write A Fight Scene Now and You Can’t Stop Me

Esil heard the sounds of music from outside the palace window and scowled. What sort of leader played the harp while riots broke out all over the city?

Chapter 10: *aggressive head nod* THANK YOU.

Everyone rose as Lyss entered the courtroom and walked towards her throne, and Chara, sitting in the front seats of the room, finally had the chance to really get a close look at the new queen

Chapter 11: Way to Go, Dumbass

Luca was awake again. He sat on the stairs to their house – he refused to think of it as a home, since they’d only been there for a day and he didn’t intend on sticking around much longer anyhow.  

Chapter 12: Let’s Go Over The Buddy Rule Again, Shall We?

Aimon tore away from the guard trying to hold her back and chased after Lyss. 

Chapter 13: In Which We Finally Get Some Answers

Anda cringed at the silence.

Chapter 14: Hello Naughty Children It’s Murder Time

They spun around to face the passage entrance as it shut, baring their spears and ready for a new breach.

Chapter 15: The Sweet Smell of a Moral Dilemma in the Morning

Enne awoke first, comforted by the small space heater that was her sister sleeping calmly and safely next to her.

Chapter 16: Writing This Was Like Drawing Blood and I Hope You Appreciate It.

Lyss woke to the sound of the city screaming

Chapter 17: Sassing a Murder Might Not Be A Good Idea but ok, I guess...

“We can stop this madness.”

“You caused this,” Esil answered scornfully.

“We all know that’s a lie.”

Chapter 18: I’m Not Crying You’re Crying

Acheran settled on the landing outside of the briefing council, and hesitated until the voices stopped before ducking into the room.

Chapter 19: Plans (none of them)

Luca bit his lip in concentration as he tried to contain the ball of light flickering in his palm.

Chapter 20: If our children could maybe stop ALMOST DYING that would just be really GREAT, wouldn’t it????

The golden warm light of mid-morning washed over the walls of the room and danced across Luca’s bed, gently nudging him from sleep into the ethereal half-consciousness between wake and dreams.

Chapter 21: idk how chapters nor pacing works but the words will be on the page so help me

Enne had to admit that Chara’s job had its perks.

Chapter 22: THE CLIMAX YEEEEEEEEEE

(the real first line is a huge spoiler so have this) 

He stated it simply, as if it were the only logical solution to their present dilemma, and his manner was so casual that Chara was nearly sure she misheard.

Chapter 23: The End

A bright blue figure caught his eye about halfway to the Laines, and Acheran waved to catch his sister’s attention. She rushed to him. “Are they ok?!”

“Yes!”

“Both of them??”

“Yes,”

Epilouge:

The palace was buzzing with activity in preparation for the feast that evening.