#stop it. hit send already you dumb fu-

[spleenthecat]

i physically could not sleep last night because of how much I was thinking about fiddleford so i decided to draw this instead of sleeping i have no idea what the storyline for this is it was like 2 am when i drew it but. its based on that one page in book of bill of fiddlefords mindscape? and originally i was just going to have him having a mental breakdown or whatever but then i was like hey it would be cool if i added like. ciphord in there. but with post canon fiddleford it doesnt make a lot of sense so. maybe its post canon fiddleford having a nightmare about the past with ciphord? maybe its him being stuck in the past? i dont know. i think the colors turned out cool though so. maybe it was worth losing an entire nights sleep over.

[waka-chan-out]

Okay so I heard you were looking for requests for short stuff so do you have any headcanons for getting just. Absolutely railed by Haikyuu team captains, please and thank you. (I really love your stuff and I hope you take this!)

Rough Captain Headcanons

sub captains edition here.

you heard correctly!! (though this did not end up being very short lmaoo) i am a whore for the haikyuu captains so you’ve come to the right place. and thank you so much! i’ll take any opportunity to talk about my boys.

i included literally every single captain i could think of, including the karasuno captains after daichi and our timeskip kings. have fun.

post-timeskip, obviously.

content warnings: mostly gn! reader (but occasional fem!), lots of pet names, lots of teasing and degradation, hair pulling, spanking, three (3) creampies god i hate that word, hickies, handcuffs, etc. all of these are established relationship.

so i don’t know how to describe what exactly these headcanons are? i don’t think all of the captains are the “railing” type. however, these are basically just headcanons for when they go their hardest and either accidentally or purposefully get carried away.

Sawamura Daichi

likes to cage you under him and just lose it. will loop an arm around your waist and lift you up into him, so your back arches and he can hit the perfect angle.

will. not. let you look away. grabs your chin. pulls your hair. will move you however he needs to so he can look you in the eyes while he’s pounding into you.

“Shy now, princess?” Daichi said, tipping your chin to look at him. “Don’t hide. You look so pretty like this.” A sharp breath left your lips as he pressed his hips farther forward, grinding into you and sending a shock of pleasure through your body. “That’s it, sweetheart. Taking it so well. Let me give you what you deserve.”

Ennoshita Chikara

he’s a hair puller. like he doesn’t think much about it but he really likes pulling you by your hair back against his chest so he can whisper dirty shit in your ear. sometimes he gets a little too aggressive with it, so if you’re into that kind of thing, he’s your man.

possessive as all hell. you’re going out for drinks with coworkers? he’s leaving a hickie right at the collar of your top so everyone can see that you’re taken. coming out to dinner with his old teammates? he’s going to have an arm on you all night. loves to pull you in and remind you of things you did the night before to get you flustered.

very particular about how you’re positioned. will pin your arms above your head and readjust his grip several times. pushes your legs out of the way. grabs your jaw and moves your face where he wants you. somehow he doesn’t realize how hot that is until you tell him to his face. he’s still confused about it but has learned to love that you love it.

Chikara ran a hand up your side and let it rest in your hair for a moment before tugging hard. You gasped as he pulled it back and to the side, exposing your neck so he could leave marks as he pushed deeper inside you. You let out a whimper and tried to loop an arm around his neck but he grabbed your wrist and pinned it down.

“Patience, love. I want everyone to be able to tell I fucked you senseless.”

Yamaguchi Tadashi

he tries to dirty talk, but it always turns into praise and repeating how much he loves you.

aggressive and whiny, begging for more even though he’s the one giving it to you.

prefers when you ride him, but will do anything you ask of him. loves being told what to do. thinks you directing him to go faster or slower or a little to the left is the sexiest thing on the planet. he will fuck the life out of you if you just ask nicely.

“Harder, Tadashi,” you gasped. He grunted and snapped his hips as fast and as hard as it seems his body would let him.

“God, you’re gonna make me come. How do you feel so fucking good?” You smiled at the praise and pulled him in for a kiss. His breath hissed against your face as he continued pushing into you. You wrapped your legs tight around him and he let out a whine, pressing his face against yours. “I’m so fucking glad you’re mine.”

Oikawa Tooru

he’s a biter

likes to be lazy and dirty talks while you ride him usually, but every so often he shifts and will fuck you until tears are running out of your eyes.

will lay on top of you while you’re on your stomach, an arm looped around your neck, and just fuck you into the bedsheets. he’s wrapped up in his own little world, choking on high pitched moans and gasping for breath. like i said, he’s a biter, so you end up with marks all over your neck and shoulders. he’s just a fucking baby. the sounds he makes are so whiny and breathy it sounds like he’s the one getting destroyed instead of you.

“Ngh, fuck,” Tooru gasped. His breath was hot in your ear as you panted into the mattress. “Feel so good around me. You’re just begging for my cum, aren’t you?” You wanted to laugh and tell him you weren’t the one begging, but you couldn’t. Your breath was being torn from your lungs with every thrust. Tooru sunk his teeth into your shoulder as he pounded into you harder, letting out a soft whimper against your skin. His voice raised in pitch until he was practically whining. “Hah—gonna come soon. You feel so good.” His voice trailed off as it reached a whimper and he buried his face back against your neck, body shaking in anticipation.

Kuroo Tetsuro

spanking spanking spanking

seriously, hits it from the back and is not nice about it.

kuroo likes pulling you closer by your hips or ankles, turning you over whenever he feels like it, whatever. he just likes being able to toss you around and position you so he hits you just right every time.

“What? Trying to get away? That’s not how you take it, is it?” Kuroo grabbed your hips and yanked you flush against him. You cried out and buried your face against the bed. “There we go.” He laid a slap on your ass and laughed at the small sound you let out. “I’m not done with you yet. You’re not going anywhere.”

Bokuto Koutarou

he fucks himself dumb. accidentally goes so hard he’s whining and can barely hear you if you ask him to speed up or slow down.

likes missionary because he likes being as close to you as humanly possible and it gives him the best leverage to just.....lose it. gasping against your face and babbling about how good you feel. going off of that, he has a very hard time pulling out. lord have mercy. use a condom or get on a reliable birth control because as much as he tries, he’s never going to have any self-control in the moment.

he forgets just how strong he is sometimes, which results in bruises and weak limbs and occasionally trouble walking. he always apologizes profusely and offers many kisses to make up for it even after you insist that you’re fine.

“Baby, please let me come inside you. Please. Oh my god,” Koutarou whined, tightening his grip on your thigh and snapping his hips harder.

“Yes, Kou. Please.” You brought him down into a kiss. You were both panting and Koutarou was moaning, practically vibrating against you as he got closer. He began moving erratically, pounding harder into you and making you cry out.

“M’sorry. Fuck. I’m gonna come.” His chest heaved as he thrust into you hard once, twice, and let out a long groan. You could feel him twitching inside you, hands clutching your skin so hard it was almost painful. He mumbled praise and curses and nonsense against your lips, slowing his movement until he collapsed on top of you. He pressed a sloppy kiss to your forehead and tucked his face into your neck. “Thank you. I love you. Oh my god.”

Futakuchi Kenji

likes holding your legs and moving them around to see what gets the biggest reaction from you. doesn’t care what position you’re in but loves when your legs are closed and lifted so you’re extra tight around him.

his goal is to see you as desperate as possible. he’ll do whatever it takes to get your eyes rolling back, your hands clutching at anything they can grab, mindless pleading, all of it. he just wants to watch you fall apart because of him, and i gotta say, he’s good at getting his way.

“Oh, that’s it. Look at you,” Kenji cooed. He gently wiped a tear from your face as he readjusted your legs with his other hand, holding them tightly to his chest. “Coming apart already. I’m just getting started. Are you going to be good for me?”

Daishou Suguru

finger sucking finger sucking finger sucking. loves watching you gag so he’ll shove two fingers deep into your mouth and strokes them over your tongue. he also just does it to shut you up whenever he feels like it.

likes edging and teasing a little too much. will hold off from fucking you until you’re genuinely angry at him, so wet that he can push in with no resistance. then he makes it up to you by fucking you until you’re sobbing or your eyes are rolling back in your head. you’ve never had an orgasm with him that didn’t feel like you might not live to see the end of it.

“You like that, don’t you?” Suguru said, thumbing over your bottom lip as his cock slid between your legs, not pushing in like you desperately wanted him to. “Like when I use you like this? Should I just come like this? I don’t even have to fuck you to get myself off.” You let out a pathetic noise in protest and he laughed. “Maybe another time. Today I’ll be nice and give you my cock.” He dragged between your legs again and stopped at your entrance, slowly sinking in and pulling a relieved sigh from your throat. “There we go. That’s my fuckin’ girl.” He slid two long fingers between your lips, pressing on the back of your tongue and nearly making you gag. “Now stay quiet while I use you.”

Terushima Yuuji

i.......i gotta mention the tongue piercing. i’m sorry. i know he gives the most enthusiastic, sloppiest head and FOR SURE owns a vibrating tongue ring. what a whore. i love him.

i feel like he’s messy. like he’s into spitting and really sloppy kissing and cum play and everything. will come in your mouth and tell you to hold it there while he fucks you stupid. sometimes kisses it out of your mouth. he’s a freak and i like it.

“Yuuji, fuck.” You could practically hear your body vibrating, past orgasms still lingering under your skin.

“Yeah? Tell me where you want me to come,” he said. You groaned as he abused the perfect angle inside of you and smirked down at your strained expression. “Not gonna talk to me?” You stayed silent as your head tipped back against your pillow. He chuckled and grabbed your face. “Open.” You blinked up at him and did as you were told, sticking out your tongue. He leaned forward and spat into your mouth. “I’m gonna come inside of you. Yeah? That what you want?” You nodded and swallowed, eyes pinched shut and voice frozen in your throat. He laughed and snapped his hips harder. “That’s right. Anything for you, princess.”

Ushijima Wakatoshi

so we’ve all agreed: horse cock ushijima, however, he usually uses those powers for good. very gentle, very eager to please, exactly what you’d want in a man.

he’s not a hard dom, but sometimes he gets so overwhelmed with how much he loves you that he forgets how strong he is. pounding into you with his whole heart and whispering in your ear how much he adores you between groans. very vocal. a little too rough. definitely feels very guilty when you’re sore the next day but if you kiss him and tell him you liked it....he may be willing to throw caution to the wind again sometime.

Wakatoshi didn’t speak much, but the room was far from silent. He made the prettiest sounds when he was lost in you, grunts turning to long moans, made even sweeter when they were hummed against your lips. The groan of the bed mixed with the strike of skin against skin, white noise behind your already muddled thoughts. Wakatoshi pushed your legs farther toward your chest and leaned down, laying his face right against your ear.

“You’re so beautiful.” His voice seemed to rumble through your entire body. “You’re so good to me, darling. I love you.”

Kita Shinsuke

very soft. y’all are never gonna catch me writing hard dom kita shinsuke. HOWEVER. he is so eager that sometimes it’s a little too much for either of you. like he doesn’t realize how aggressive he’s been until you’re both literally unable to catch your breath and have to just lay in silence for a while. will ask you very nicely if you’re okay and get you water and anything else you need, but he will have this little grin on his face the whole time because he’s so happy to be able to put you both in that state.

Kita’s face scrunched up into a tight wince as he came, as his hips slowing into hard, deep thrusts that made your vision go white. Your grip in his hair was so tight you were sure it hurt, but you couldn’t help it when he was scrambling your brain with every touch. He stopped moving and you realized just how hard both of you were breathing. It felt like you couldn’t fill your lungs, body so spent that it couldn’t even do what it needed to do to survive. His braced arms on either side of your head were shaking, and his eyes were still shut tight.

“Shin,” you said, as steadily as you could through your gasping breaths. He didn’t answer. “Shin, baby, you okay?”

He exhaled hard and smiled, then let himself fall on top of you.

“Perfect. I’m—you’re perfect. I love you.” You laughed and combed your fingers through his hair, then pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“I love you too.”

Meian Shūgo

what to say about this man......

i feel like my opinions about what he likes and doesn’t like are kind of hot takes, because most of the stuff i see with him is hard dom. but. i raise you: overly excited switch meian shūgo.

captain meian shūgo likes to be teased and edged within an inch of his sanity. he likes when you talk shit and order him around and he’s DEFINITELY into handcuffs. however, he always pays you back for it. even if he’s still cuffed up and a little pink in the face from embarrassment, he will absolutely use you. very loud. loves when you leave scratch marks. loves leaving hickies everywhere.

You were almost shocked by the high moan that left Shūgo’s throat as he finally sunk into you. His face screwed up in pleasure and concentration as he withdrew his hips and drove them back against you.

“Fuck, I’ve been waiting for this. You tease me all that time but you can’t wait for me to fuck you like this, can you?”

“That’s some tough talk for someone whose wrists are still bound,” you said through a smile. He let out a breathy laugh and braced his hands on your stomach, still connected by leather and a short chain.

“Doesn’t keep me away from you.” He raised an eyebrow and pushed deeper inside you. “I can still use your body when I’m all tied up.”

Hirugami Fukurō

pulling a headcanon from his brother’s list and saying he likes getting his hair pulled, which means he loooooves going down on you.

will leave your legs feeling like jelly because he makes you come at least three times, and each one is hard. like, you forget where you are and can’t breathe for a few minutes afterward.

will cock warm you until you’re begging him to please, please move. proceeds to fuck you slowly, but so hard and so deep you’re feeling him between your legs the entire next day.

“Done already? That’s no fun,” Fukuro teased. You were still shaking from the last time he had pushed you over and he wasn’t helping the situation, thumb still circling your clit after already abusing it with his tongue.

“Come on. You know how to take me.” He continued easing his cock into you, dragging out all of the breath remaining in your body.

“Please,” you whispered. He smiled and leaned closer.

“Please what, love? Do you want me to stop? Use your words.”

“No.”

“Then tell me what you want.”

“Want you to—“ You gasped. “—fuck me. Please.” Fukuro grinned and positioned himself so he had more leverage over you.

“Good girl.”

[shurisneakers]

harmless (viii)

Summary: Bucky volunteers to go stop a small time villain, but nothing can prepare him for what exactly he has to deal with. (Bucky x villain!reader, drabble series)

Warnings: cursing, protesting, frustrated bucky, dramatic reader, gamer (derogatory), smidge of angst

Word count: 3.5k

A/N: listen idk what goes on at construction site and im too sexy to research so we’re going with my version of the world. hello. how are we all doing?

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Series Masterlist

He doesn’t expect to see you on TV. 

In jail maybe, for something scandalous and completely unnecessary, but not TV.

But there you are, a sign board waving around furiously in your hand, voice in protest against the demolition of the community centre. You’re flipping the board back and forth to alternate between the messages you’ve scrawled on the cardboard.

You were among a few protesting, but clearly the loudest. 

He thinks that maybe he has the weekend off if you’re too busy fighting big corporations. He’d send his support even.

Until he zeroes in on the sign when it flips over, finally reading what it says.

You better get your ass here, sarge

And so he does.

Half the crowd had dipped by the time he arrived. You were there, still the loudest, but he couldn’t help but notice the lack of people as compared to an hour or two ago on TV. He supposed that justice could wait as long as it took to get lunch from the nearest café.

“I can’t stop you from protesting, y’know.” He’s a little wary of approaching your raging self. 

“Oh, hey Barnes. You got my message.” You break away for a second to scream a bunch of obscenities at the gigantic glass building before turning to him. “You wouldn’t be able to.”

“What’s your dumb plan then?” 

“First of all, it’s not dumb. It’s stupid. Put some respect on my technological genius.” You held up a finger. “Second of all, it’s not here.”

“Where is it?” 

“At the construction site.” You point down the road. “Come on.”

Right along the way you stop to chant another slogan. He waves his arm around meekly in support. He did, after all, have to stand up for what was right, but if his publicist saw him here she’d have an aneurysm. 

The construction site isn’t very far off. It’s adjacent to the community centre, which he assumes they’re going to tear down to make more space for whatever shitty commercial building was going to take its place.

There are already a few excavators and dozers there but no one to man them since it was lunch time. What garners his attention is the small silver plate that’s on the floor a few feet ahead in the direction you’re walking towards.

“Here.” You stop once it nears. “The plan.”

“Am I supposed to know what this is?” He lightly kicked at it, earning a smack on the arm from you.

“Stop that,” you scolded, “and look at it. It’s not hard to figure out.”

He narrows his eyes. There’s a small u-shaped piece of metal in the middle of the plate. “That’s a magnet.”

“Exactly.” You clapped your hands together in excitement. “The world’s strongest electromagnet.”

He looks around. The only possibly magnetic things are the cranes and excavators around him.

“You’re going to... stop the machines from moving ahead?” he hesitates in his deduction. 

“Yep. Can’t tear anything down if they can’t get to it first.” 

Bucky looks down.

“Does this thing even work?” He toes at it again. “It’s kinda small.”

“It works beautifully, stop kicking at it, you demon-”

“What happens if I step on it, huh?” He knows this would get on your nerves wonderfully. He raises his leg. “Do I get to go home for the day?”

“You’re such a little shit,” you whine, reaching for your back pocket. “Stop bullying my invention.”

“’m gonna squish it like a bug.” He’s only half kidding about that part. “I’m gonna-”

Before he can finish his sentence something yanks him down hard. His head nearly hits the ground before his right arm shoots out to break his fall.

"Woah there, don't go falling for me as yet.” 

“What the fu-” he begins, eyes locking on his metal arm that was pressed flat against the earth.

“I told you it works,” you say smugly. “Try crushing it now, Barnes. If you can even get off the floor.”

He tugs his hand but it’s firmly attached to the thing. No matter how or where he’s applying the effort, his limb refuses to move. He’s stuck.

“Turn it off,” he sighs. “You made your point.”

“No. Stay there.”

“Y/N, shut up and turn this off,” he groans, trying to find a better position rather than chin down on the ground.

“Lay there and rot. You deserve it for underestimating me.” You huff.

“I wasn’t underestimating you, Jesus Christ.” He really was planning to just step on it, but he had complete faith that it worked. 

When he doesn’t receive a reply, his gaze follows yours. Suddenly the crane looks a lot closer than it initially did. Awesome. 

“Those are moving towards me.” He picks up on the low groan and creak of metal.

“Yeah, they are.” You nod, one hand on your hip, watching them.

He didn’t think that getting crushed under construction equipment would be how his day went. 

“Not my problem,” you decide finally after a bout of silence. 

Now that simply wouldn’t do. 

Death was definitely a problem, but what was more important was that he was going to get a dust allergy from the mud. He could already feel the blocked nose and temperature incoming.

“Are you really going to waste this on me? Don’t you have a demolition to stop?” He manages to twist his body so that he’s lying on his back.

“Good point,” you squint into the distance at the whirring of the heavy machinery. Their owners wouldn’t be happy to find them missing from their original spot. “But I still can’t help you out.”

“You’re willing to sacrifice your-”

“I can’t help you out because I don’t have an off switch. Yet,” you add the last part in a hurry.

“Then when the fuck were you planning to build one?” He sits up, leaning on his elbow. The cranes weren’t a mini object on the horizon now; the closer they got, the faster they were starting to move towards him. 

“I don’t know, after they agreed not to take down the building?”

He could just detach his arm and come back for it later he but had no guarantee that you would stop here for the day or that the vibranium could withstand all that pressure. 

“You better make a switch right now and get me out of this, I don’t care how.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you grumbled, bending to assess how badly he was stuck. “You know, this thing runs really deep into the earth. It’d take forever to dig back up and then get you back to my lab and then build a switch.”

“How long?” He didn’t have a lot of time, clearly, but even generally he didn’t have the whole day to waste. He had a mission the next day. He had to put the fear of death into some Russians and bring some pirozhki back for Nat. 

“I don’t know,” you furrowed your eyebrows. “Too long for my schedule anyway, I have class prep to do.”

“Motherfucke- that thing’s like twenty feet away.” He’s worried about how you don’t look fazed at all when he points at the stupid machine.

He’s about to volunteer to detach his arm when he realises it’s definitely less than twenty feet now. He had a backup just in case. It didn’t move as smoothly, but who could tell the difference when a couple of tons of pressure was aiming for your face, and hell, if he explained his circumstances of the destruction of his arm to T’Challa-

“Okay, fine.” You reach into your backpack to grab something that looked like a wrist watch. It matched the one already around your hand. 

You reach over and clasp it around his hand before turning a dial on the side.

“You ready?” you ask, ignoring the large crane that was starting to charge towards you. 

“For what?” he replies, looking down at it. He can barely hear you over the sound of the whining of machinery.  

“Teleportation, baby.” You send him a big grin before slamming down on his watch.

“Huh-” His voice cuts off immediately. 

If there’s anything that can be said about teleportation, it’s that he feels like every atom in his entire body violently splits to float around briefly before suddenly rejoining again.  

The ground beneath him feels different, and it takes him a second to realise that he was on the floor of your lair. 

“What the fu-”

“Hello,” your voice comes from above him. 

“You can teleport.” It’s not difficult for him to look at you now without the sun in his face. His arm is still stuck to the magnet but since the giant rod it was attached to was no longer deep in the ground, he could lift the entire apparatus up relatively easily.

“What, like it’s hard?” You discarded your bag on the floor. “You good? Takes a while to get used to.”

He gives you a grunt in acknowledgement, shaking his arm to see if he had any luck. It didn’t budge.

“Come on, take a seat.” You gesture to a lab chair you’ve pulled up for him on the raised platform at the front of the room. He realises that this is the first time he’s properly seen what’s actually inside your lair.

There are various buttons that do God knows what, drawers and cabinets painted black, several computer screens and gigantic pillars of glass on either side of the set up that encapsulate some green bubbling liquid. There’s a giant television set up against the wall, divided into several screens.

“Whaddya think?” You do a small swoop of your arm to show off the place.

“Gamer,” he says simply, testing his luck.

“What did you just say to me?” you recoil instantly, disgust on your face.

“It’s a gamer set up.” He points a finger at the TV screen. He was told by Shuri to use it as an insult, but he wasn’t exactly sure why. It just felt appropriate. 

“Take that back right now.” You raise a finger accusatorially at him.

“No.” He was sticking with it even though he had no idea what exactly the context was.

“Fuck your arm,” you announce, throwing your hands up in surrender.

“Fuck your demolition then,” he replies simply, getting up from his place on the chair to leave with the thing still attached to him. 

He takes one step ahead before your voice rings out.

“Sit down, drama queen,” your voice calls from behind him. “God, you’re annoying.”

“You’re infuriating.”

“I’m the best part of your week,” you fire back, ”and also your only way out of this. Now sit down.”

He didn’t even need the second warning, he was already on the chair the first time around.

“I’m not going to build a switch to turn this off. It’d take too long,” you examine the piece of equipment with more gentleness than he was expecting, “I’m going to remove it instead. It’s gonna take a while, so you better get comfortable.”

“I’m not.”

“That’s so sad,” you say without any indication of wanting to help. 

He rolls his eyes.

You pull up next to him, welding glasses covering your face and the tool in your hand. 

He turns away when you start, making sure his face is not directly within its trajectory. 

He makes himself busy by looking around some more. There are details you’ve put into the place, materials that are non-flammable made up most of the architecture. It’s dramatic, sure, but somehow the designs and colours seemed to go together. It did look sinister, he’d give you props for that.

The space was quite big. It occurs to him only then that that’s how you manage to sneak up on him so often in the past. Everything clicked. Fucking teleportation.

“So,” your voice was raised to speak over the noise. “How’s it going?”

He decidedly doesn’t answer. His position is more than enough.

“Right.” You clear your throat. 

He takes to counting the tiles on the floor, figuring out how many were there from the raised platform to the wall of the entrance. 

“Not how you imagined your day to go, huh?” you continued despite his lack of response. “But some might say it’s a privilege to be spending the day with a cool, mad scie-”

“Are you going to keep talking?” he interrupts, losing his count on the floor.

“Yeah, duh,” you say like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You got anything better to do?”

He didn’t. 

“What’s it like living with a bunch of superheroes?” You change course. He’s not sure if he’s really allowed to disclose top secret information. “I assume there’s a lot of protein shakes, talcum powder for the chafing-”

Then again, how much damage could you do by knowing that Steve preferred pancakes over waffles?

“It’s quiet,” he says. “Most of the time.”

“Save all your smart talking for the battlefield, huh?” 

He doesn’t reply. It’s quiet around the Tower. A lot of their energy goes towards missions and recuperating once they’re back. 

“You go on missions a lot?” 

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Boo, you whore,” you say with mock disappointment.

He got that reference.

“What’s your favourite food then?”

He scrunches his eyebrows.

“What?” The welding stops for a second while you look at him. “Don’t tell me that’s classified too.”

It’s not, he’s just never thought about it. 

“I don’t know,” he murmurs, “Pasta?”

“Vague, but I’ll take it.”

He used to boil a lot of pasta, from what he could remember of his days in hiding. Cheap and bought in bulk before he saved up enough to buy things like fruits. A lot of the times the amount of sauce he had access to was enough for maybe seasoning, not a whole component on its own. 

It’s one of the perks of being a free man in the 21st century he thinks, a steaming bowl of fettuccini drenched in sauce and garlic bread on the side. 

“What do you do in your downtime?”

“Nothing.” Well, he considers it to be a pass time and doing nothing is a full time gig. It takes effort to do nothing. He even has days dedicated to doing nothing, as suggested to him by his therapist.

“Really?” You sound a little surprised, although it’s hard to make out when you’re already speaking a lot louder than usual. “No shining your penny collection? No software update for this thing?” You tap at his arm. 

There really isn’t anything. Truth be told, he thinks he’s the most boring guy in the Tower. He sticks to himself, has a few succulents that he adores and occasionally watches trashy television. So then why are you so interested in him?

“You’re obsessed with me,” he says pointedly. “Why?”

You give a short laugh. “I think it’s the blue eyes, sarge, they’re really popping today. Gotta say, I’m loving this colour on you. Is it different from the black you wore last week? And from the one from the week before that?”

He looks down at his dark t-shirt and utility pants. He had other clothes but those were reserved for things that were not this.

“Or maybe it’s the grumpiness, I don’t know. I love it when someone shows absolutely no interest in me. Very sexy of you.” Oh jeez, you were going to continue. “Hell, maybe it’s the thighs-”

“Okay,” he interjects, feeling the need to count the tiles more than ever. He equates the heat in his neck from the welding going on beside him. 

The loudness of your laughter is clearer than the sound of metal on metal when you tug a large piece of the invention off. Things were moving fast. He could get back home to his Star Trek marathon and forget this day ever happened.

“You know, you’re more interesting than you think,” you pipe up casually. 

He doesn’t expect this and therefore he supposes he can’t stop the curiosity from enveloping his face. He hasn’t told you anything about himself, so then the inference you reached came out of nowhere.

Apparently, you take notice of the confusion on his face, even though he can’t see through the giant welding mask, because you let out a chuckle. 

“Oh, come on, really? You have no idea?” you ask lightly, pausing to see if he offers anything other than silence. “You’ve come back almost every week even though you know it’s a waste of your time, you always keep your promises and I know for a fact that if you wanted to stop me once and for all, you could have. But you’re not.”

He doesn’t realise you’ve stopped welding until you start again. Good, it gives him an excuse not to have to look at you after that. 

Frankly, he’s a little stunned.

You’re not looking at him, he can tell from his peripheral vision. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you have a small crush on me.”

At that, he’s forced to roll his eyes out of instinct. Thankfully you do know better.

A few screws out later, another piece comes out. You inform him that’s it’s going to get trickier from there since the circuit was a little more intricate, a lot more time than the original few pieces. He can see his Star Trek marathon fade away in the distance.

You ask him a few more questions. Some he answers with silence, others maybe a tidbit here and there. 

“How’s dating now compared to the forties?”

“Strange.” He purses his lips in thought. “One guy asked for a gym date. Didn’t know that was a thing.”

“How’d that turn out?” you laugh.

“He didn’t ask for a second one.” His Bumble matches with girls somehow had gone down since he cut his hair, but he’s not too bothered. Not like there was a huge shortage. 

He likes cats, thinks the worst merchandise that they make is the stupid baseball card with his face on it, and doesn’t have social media for the sake of his sanity. He’s seen the thirst tweets. 

Clearly, he’s revealed his deepest, darkest secrets. Utterly classified material. But he doesn’t know anything about you other than your name, number, address, where you teach, what your hobby is-

“You, uh-” he hesitates, “You got a favourite food?”

Your hands hold still to hover above what they’re working on. You fight back a smile. “Sure do.”

He asks a few more questions. Shuts up when he feels his social battery drain. That’s enough for the next month, he thinks.

The sun’s dipped down beyond the horizon by the time majority of the work is completed. Both of you have taken a few breaks to fight the feeling of stiffness that was creeping into your joints. 

You scoff and tell him you’re not planning to poison him when he denies the offer of a soda. He doesn’t deter in his decision.

“How much to go?” He has a mission tomorrow that he’d really like to get some sleep in before. Waking up at 3am to get ready was the worst part of the job. 

“Basically done.” You roll your chair back, rotating your shoulder and stretching your fingers. “There’s just this little part that I can’t access from this angle. How good are you at hanging upside down like a bat?”

Fuck it, he sighs to himself, it was almost finished anyway.

Bucky stands up, tilting his neck to the side slightly before pulling at a small latch under his arm, one so tiny that you’d never make out was even there unless you knew it existed. The arm releases from his shoulder with a small click.

He offers it to you, a piece of your magnet still attached to it.

Your eyes are slightly wide. He raises his eyebrows.

You don’t say anything, just accept it and flip it to a position you were comfortable with. It takes only a minute or two for the sound of the last piece hitting the floor to reverberate through the hall.

You give a small cheer. He lets out a tiny exhale in equal parts fatigue and relief.

“So,” you drawl, handing his arm back to him, “you could have just done that the whole time.”

He doesn’t reply, just slides it back onto his shoulder. 

“You had the option of leaving your arm here and coming back later to get it.” 

He gives it a few shakes, opens and clenches his fist shut a few times to make sure everything is working.

“You wanted to talk to me.”

He gives you a deadpan look. “I was distracting you.”

“Bullshit,” you laugh.

“Believe what you must.” He shrugs, turning around. “My job here is done regardless.”

“Oh, I believe alright,” you call out from behind him as he walks towards the entrance of your lair. “I believe you’re a sneaky bastard, Bucky Barnes.”

He doesn’t stop himself from smiling at the overdramatic gasp you give when he flips you a middle finger. From the metal arm, too. 

Next part

[hentaikyuu]

triggers – oral [ female + male receiving ], masturbation [ male ], bondage

word count – 1.7k 

note – finally posted :D

pairing – best friend! bokuto x reader

shit, you take me so well- fuck!" bokuto heaves, getting interrupted by his own moaning. "fuck, fuck, fuck- oh my god-" his eyes roll back as he continues to fuck his fist.

you watch from behind the door, thighs pressed together with the sound of your best friend's deep moans. when your best friend had excused himself to "take care of himself", you never expected for this, or for him to be so big.

you unconsciously take a step closer, eyes trained on his fucked out face. the door creaks open, causing bokuto to pause, and tilt his head at the door. fuck.

your best friend suddenly chuckles, having finally spotted your peering face behind the door frame.

"enjoying the show, princess?" he leans against the chair, and shakes his head. "you know, spying isn't something a good girl would do," he raises his eyebrow as you continue to hide behind the doorframe, and beckons you with two fingers. "come on, angel, let's make me feel good, hm?"

you swallow audibly, and walk to him, avoiding his gaze. sitting on the bed next to his chair, you stare at the ground, suddenly interested in the tiles.

he clicks his tongue, and grabs your jaw, forcing you to look at him. "awh, the angel won't even look at her best friend?" he pretends to pout, and moves your face closer to his, running a rough hand along your jawline. bokuto leans closer to your face, whispering in your ear, "princess, do you want this?"

you take a deep breath, closing your eyes as you realize how close his body was to yours. nodding slowly, you breathe, "yes please, bo... want it so bad..."

he nods, smirking proudly at you as he looks you up and down as if a predator looking at his prey. "that's a good angel."

your best friend tilts your jaw up with his hand, and slowly closes the space between your lips. letting out a whimper, you reach up to grip his hair as he deepens the kiss.

"oh fuck-" bokuto breaks the kiss to leave small bites along your jaw and neck, kissing and nipping everywhere to make small gasps escape from your mouth.

"you're so innocent, it drives me crazy, fuck-" he almost growls, lifting your shirt and bra as he continues to attack your neck with his bites.

"bo-" you moan out, tilting your neck towards him so he can have more access.

the boy takes a deep breath as he stares at your naked torso, staring at you in awe. "wow. you were hiding all of this from me?" he shakes his head as he runs his warm hands on you, causing you to shut your eyes. he stares at your closed eyes, biting his lip as he gets an idea. he leans in close again, whispering, "since my angel is so intent on keeping her eyes closed, how about i help with that, yeah?" you shivered as his hot breath hit your eyes, and you nod at him.

"good." as you smile at his praise, bokuto grabs a nearby ribbon and ties it around your eyes as a makeshift blindfold, and pushes you on top of the bed. "dont. move." you stay still as he continues on to grab another ribbon, tying it around your hands, and tying that to the bedpost. he stands back, nodding at his finished work. "now i can play all i want with my little princess."

you inhale sharply, pressing your thighs together at his words.

"oh come on, angel." bokuto glances at your thighs pressing together and holds them apart lightly. "you can't just pleasure yourself first, can you? you have to pleasure daddy." he pushes you into an upright position, and pulls your pants off, biting back a smile as he sees your pink lacy panties. "how adorable."

you shake your head at his words. "not adorable, bo!"

"yeah?" he runs a finger up your slit, making your head throw back instinctively. "and that's not cute? what is it then?" he removes his finger, making you whine from the loss of contact.

you shrug at him, and try to press your thighs together again.

"uh uh uh~" he chides, keeping your legs apart with one hand. "looks like no one has taught you any manners, huh? don't worry, princess. im here to teach you." he flicks your panties lightly, hitting your clit exactly, drawing out a yelp from you.

"teach... me?"

"that's right. in fact, i take it upon myself to do so. and to fuck you dumb, of course." the corner of his lips turn up into a smirk as your best friend adds, "im sure you would look so gorgeous fucked dumb, with my hand around your throat, the only word you're able to say being my name."

you feel heat creep up to your cheeks as bokuto says those words. you were far too gone to protest, to even say anything. you nod. "want that... want everything!"

"my, what a greedy little princess." he smacks your breast sharply, biting his lip as he watches it jiggle. "and yet, so pretty..." he runs a thumb on your breast and cups it, bringing it closer to his mouth. he plants soft kisses on your breasts, enjoying listening to you moan.

"more... i need more!" your mind was filled him, only him, and he had barely touched you. your thoughts were just as lust filled as his predatory eyes, as they watched your expressions of pleasure.

"more?" bokuto smacks your other breast, trying not to chuckle as you whined and wiggled with his touch. "oh come on, angel, use your words now."

"fuck, please, i need you, please... please..." you start begging, eyebrows furrowing with the thought of not ever getting anything to ease the pressure on your core.

your best friend smirks at your words, watching you wiggle around with a mildly impressed look on his face. "you need me, angel? you really do? need me?"

"m-mhm..."

"fuck, that's so hot." bokuto begins nipping below your breasts, making his way down to your panties. "fuck..." he breathes out, hooking his fingers on your pantie line, and finally pulling down. tossing your panties to the side, he begins kissing your swollen clit almost frantically, like a starved dog.

"bo- fu- bo!" you bite down on your lip to stop any more moans from coming out as he continues to lick at your bud quickly. "shit-"

your so called "bo" is now sitting on the bed, hands gripping your thighs so hard it could leave bruises, licking and kissing at your bud so quickly, so frantically, so perfectly. waves of euphoria shoot through your body, eyes rolling back due to the pleasure your best friend was giving you.

"feels good?" his low voice sent shivers through your body, turning you on more than you expected. he smirks at your expression, licking twice more. "answer my question. if you want to fucked, that is."

you nod, shaking your head hard. "yes! feels really good, please! want to get fucked!"

he shakes his head. "does pretty little pet only respond when i threaten her?" he clicks his tongue. "no fucking manners." he slaps your clit, sending a jolt of pleasure mixed with pain up your body. "hm? you like that?" he slaps it again, chuckling at the filthy sounds that came from your mouth every time he slapped it. "i can tell."

a squeak escapes your mouth as he keeps on slapping your sensitive clit, stopping between each slap to caress it gently. "bo! please!" you let out a choked sob, almost crying at the pressure he had built up.

"please what, angel? you need to use your words with me if you want to get anywhere." he purses up his lips and opens your jaw with one hand, spitting into your mouth. "fuck- how does it taste, princess?"

you swallow eagerly, opening your mouth hopefully. the blindfold made your senses elevate to a different level, and every time bokuto slightly brushed against your body, you felt your body reacted immensely to his touches. you were hot and were already tired, with cute little puffs coming out of your mouth. bokuto's hand was now wrapped around your throat, squeezing so perfectly that you could cum just from that. you just felt so good.

"tastes so good, bo! please... need you..." you cry out, hands gripping the sheets as you thought about him not giving you his cock. "please! use me!"

he chuckles. "use you? you wanna be my pretty lil fucktoy?"

you nod emphatically, adding another "please..." for more effect.

"fuck." he grunts, running his hand through his hair, your begging made him more hornier than before. "you know how fucking pathetic you look like, right? all pretty like this, in front of your best friend?"

"mhm! so pa-pathetic, bo! please-"

bokuto shakes his head. "and the little angel can't even speak without stuttering? is this all because of me?"

"mhm..." a tear slips out. "please!"

he chuckles. "since my little angel begged so well, daddy will let you make him feel good as a treat, okay?"

"m-mhm!" you look at bokuto, another tear forming in your eye. "wanna be good and make you feel good!" you whisper, looking to him for words of praise.

he chuckles, hand reaching to caress your already tear stained cheek. "oh, darling. you will." he moves to your wrists, letting the ribbon go and making you sit up. "on your knees now, angel."

you nod immediately, dropping to the floor to look up at him innocently, making him smile and whisper, "good girl. now open up~" as you open your jaw obediently, he pushes his cock inside your mouth, smiling sweetly at you.

the boy slowly begins to move, every shallow thrust of his hips making you whine, every roll of his hips making his head get thrown back in pleasure and ecstasy. you were sure you were dripping at the sight. his hands made their way to your hair, weaving themselves in and tugging every time you let out a whimper.

"fuck, angel, im going to go faster, okay?"

you nod at his words, making him pat your head proudly. he starts to speed up, thrusting into your mouth and making you gag. your eyes start to tear up with the abuse of your throat and your grip on his thighs becomes harder.

bokuto looks down at you, smirking at the look on your face. whimpering and needy, yet still needing to him feel good. just the way he wanted you.

“gonna- fuck, gonna cum-” your best friend cums in your mouth, filling your throat with his white seed. wincing slightly at the taste, you swallow it eagerly, bright eyes turning to him for more. 

“daddy’s gonna touch me now?” you ask, cocking your head slightly.

“oh, just you wait, darling. you’ll never regret letting your best friend fuck you.”

[alreadyblondenow]

I want it and I f*cking got it

Lee Haechan x virgin!reader 

high school setting / crush became boyfriend 

Themes: FLUFF, SMUT

Summary: You are the shining new girl and the Lee Haechan has eyes on you.

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: This some high school shit realness haha, theres a part where he touched her without consent, swearing, detailed (?) smut, smut again, mentions of blowjob, fingering, oral, mentions of other idols, unprotected sex (pulling out), mentions of alcohol

A/N: Inspired by Hairspray’s ‘I can hear the bells’, I made this just for fun so I can take a break from writing fics with heavy plots. If there are misplaced words or typos I’m sorry. Happy reading!

.........................................................................

Lee Haechan, is so handsome.

That’s the first thing that came in your head when you saw him at the hallway for the first time. He was with his friends Mark, Renjun and Jeno laughing and teasing each other while walking to their next class. You on the other hand is watching them from a far while you put your books and other stuff in your locker.

“Forget it, he’s with Lia. The most popular girl in school” Yeri nudge you and told you more facts about Lia and Haechan. Because of your cousin Yeri, you’re now updated about your crush’s love life. In less than a minute you found out that they’ve been dating basically since freshman year, “those two are inseparable” she added.

A mild heat slowly builds up around your body because they will walk pass by you so you decided to turn your back on them. But then someone bumped you hard that you almost hit your head on your locker door. You wanted to shout and curse at the person who bumped you but you became speechless when you finally saw who it was.

“Oh sorry. I didn’t mean to bump you. The hallways can be so crowded, you should be careful”

Lee Haechan smiled and pats your head and went to his third period. Definitely unprepared and you didn’t expect that that will be your first interaction with him. It happened so fast. You can’t believe it but that sure made you smile from ear to ear, even your cousin was surprised. Being the new girl wasn’t so bad after all when you have Lee Haechan as your happy crush.

ROUND 1

The next day, during your English Literature class with Haechan, he tapped your shoulder and gave you a small piece of paper which you accepted when Mr. Kim wasn’t looking.

I’m really sorry about yesterday. Hope you’re okay -Fullsun

You wrote back with caution, thinking about how you’re just being polite and that this is not considered flirting.

No harm done. Thank you for the reminder about the hallways.  

You turned your back and faced him quickly, gave him the paper with a smile then faced front again. Just like that the chance to flirt back with your crush slipped away. Why? Because you didn’t want to play with fire and ruin your good girl reputation in your new school by flirting with your crush who has a girlfriend.  

Day by day, Haechan tries to start a simple conversation with you before class starts. Telling you how you look you look nice, asking you what did you eat for breakfast, updating you about the weather, and basically everything he could ever think of just to get the chance to talk to you.

It gets harder and harder to avoid Haechan so you gave up and gave him the satisfaction of finally having a decent conversation with you. It was in the middle of watching Titanic during class when he started to whisper beside your ear softly that sends tingles to your spine. Everyone was quiet and focused to how handsome Leonardo DiCaprio is while you focus on how Haechan melts your heart whispering how he loves this movie.  

“That movie is the movie of my life”

“I agree that it’s a great movie. Nicely made and deserving for it’s awards but I still don’t know it’s connection with our English Lit” you whispered back to him, trying to be subtle as possible so you wont get caught by Mr. Kim. “I think Mr. Kim is a hopeless romantic, and so are you”

He giggled quietly at what you said to him, trying so hard not to forget how your voice sounds like the whole time you were whispering beside him. The next think you know, you two were keeping the conversation going until he caught you crying and hands you his handkerchief. It was not necessary but you felt him caress your head and pat it softly to give you comfort.

If the Lee Haechan is normally friendly like this, so be it. You decided to befriend him if you can’t flirt with him, you started talking whenever he sees you around school, during lunch breaks, class hours or dismissal. He continued giving you small notes during class that mainly contains questions about Romeo and Juliet, or whenever he notices that Mr. Kim’s tie doesn’t go with his outfit. Even giving you songs to listen to and a Micheal Jackson playlist.  Little did you know he was flirting already.

“Hey, Jeno is having a party this Friday. You should go” your heart thumps the whole time you were putting your books inside your bag while Haechan was talking to you about Jeno’s party. “since you’re new here, I can introduce you around” he added and gave you an awkward smile.

“Not sure” you shook your head.

“Give me your phone” you didn’t have a choice but you handed it to him. You watch him save his number and name himself ‘Fullsun ☀️’. “Here, text me if you’ll go. I got you, I promise”

After that conversation with Haechan, you told Yeri the whole story which she finds hard to believe. You even showed her Haechan’s contact to make her believe you and she screeched like a bird when she finally did. “Not bad cousin! You should totally go, meet the popular kids you know” she winked at you, “who knows maybe you’ll be friends with Jeno and you can introduce him to me”

“Psh. Yeah, and show Lia that I’m interested with his sexy hot boyfriend? No thanks”

“Ooh by the way, update about the couple…” Yeri stopped walking, “they’re not together anymore. Shocker right? Story says, Lia told Haechan he’s not good enough for her”

“What the actual fu- How perfect does she think she is?”

How can someone say that to someone perfect like Haechan. What Yeri just told you made you swim with never ending thoughts about Haechan. Like, how is he holding on? Is he okay? Because he looked totally fine during the days he was talking to you. Should you really go to the party for him? “Thanks for the update Yeri, I’ll think about it. See you in school!”

When you’re finally home and relaxed, you thought maybe you could give the party a shot. It’s not that you hate parties, it’s just that you don’t know enough people to have fun in a party. But still, even though you’re convinced to go you always find a reason to stop yourself.

While you’re busy contemplating if you’re going to the party, Haechan is busy thinking about you and waiting for your text. Hoping that you will come save him from the sea of people judging him because of his ex Lia. “You do realise that once that girl step foot in this house and people start seeing you together, that will totally bring chaos in her life” Mark came out of nowhere with a cup of beer for Haechan.

“It’s my first time liking someone, I’m not going to let the chance slip away to try and win her”

“What do you mean first time? How about Lia?”

“Oh come on dude, you know I never liked Lia, it’s just a stupid favor I did for my family. I tried to like her. But really, I can’t” he scoffed and took a sip, “y/n gave me reasons everyday to like her”

Mark tried to warn his best friend but he figured he was too late. Haechan is already head over heels and no one can stop him from making a move to you. “Yeah, you’re right. This is the first time I see you smile because of a girl” Mark chugged his beer and left Haechan to get a refill.

To be completely honest, Haechan is scared to drag you with the drama that comes with him the moment he finally confess to you. He thought about ways on how to avoid all that and what Mark said when suddenly his phone dings.

You: Sorry it took me awhile. Send me the address?

This time, it’s Haechan who’s smiling from ear to ear because of you and nervous because you’re finally coming.

ROUND 2

You put on a simple white shirt, black pants, your favorite shoes and your favorite biker jacket. Hoping that Haechan will like your simplicity and that the party will appreciate people who underdress. Now that you know the truth between him and Lia, you’re not holding yourself back. If Haechan flirts with you tonight, you will definitely flirt back.

“You look iconic, come on I’ll get you a drink” he welcomed you with a hug outside Jeno’s house which you think is nice, he didn’t let you step inside a stranger’s house alone. The house looks great and you’re sure that without the neon lights scattered everywhere the house will definitely look like a home. Besides the generous amount of neon lights, the house is loud and full of jumping teenagers who are all strangers to you.

To your surprise, Haechan grabbed hold to your hand so you wont get lost in the crowd. You follow his lead which brought you to the mini bar beside the pool full of horny teenagers who are probably having pool sex at this very second.

“No hard drinks for the lady please” he said to his friend Renjun who mixes the drinks. He saw you and Haechan still holding each other’s hands and he quickly gave Haechan a teasing look that made him let go of you. “Before my dumb friend gets you into trouble, let me introduce myself” he offered his hand for you to shake which you gladly accepted, “Hi, I’m Renjun. I made every mixed drink you see in this party”

Haechan rolled his eyes and mouthed ‘show off’ towards his friend. “Impressive, and you’re not getting tired?- Oh y/n by the way” you shake his hand firmly and the next thing you know Haechan is getting the drinks and dragging you away from his friend to meet the other two, which you already knew who they are. Mark is the smart one and Jeno is the captain of the Taekwondo team.

The night went on beautifully and fun while you two flirt with each other the whole time in front of everyone to see without giving even one fuck about what they say behind your back. Even though you’re already a little buzzed because of the alcohol, you didn’t miss how Haechan placed his hand while he helps you win the beer pong game against Jeno and Mark, which again isn’t necessary because you know how to play beer pong.

“Okay, I think you’ve had enough fun for tonight. I’m taking you home” Haechan said while helping you put your jacket. He walked you home under the quiet and dark neighbourhood, laughing quietly while he tells you the most funniest jokes. Neither one of you don’t want to finish this night but it’s getting late, “thank you for inviting me to Jeno’s party” you said, stopping in front of your house. Crossing your arms and telling yourself that if this guy kiss you tonight, you’re going to scare him and make fun of him.

“Yeah, I definitely can tell you had fun” he slowly went closer to you and kissed your lips. Letting him fall to your trap. You pushed him away with enough force that tells him to stop, “s-sorry. I thought, were on the same page” Haechan panics and apologised immediately.

“Am I some kind of rebound? Or you’re just flirting because you want your ex to get jealous and win her back?” what you said was part true, you do want to know his intentions.

He breathes heavily before he explains with shaking voice, “The relationship I had with Lia is something I did for my mom, because my mom and Lia’s mom are friends and they want us to end up with each other. And I clearly don’t like that idea. I tried liking Lia but I couldn’t force myself when what I feel tells me exactly the truth and the answers to my questions”

He moved away to you while he’s pouring his heart out by explaining and telling you the truth. Hearing it made you feel guilty but at the same time you’re praising yourself for being a genius because you got Haechan to tell you the truth effortlessly.

“Quite frankly I don’t want this to end. If I fuck this up so what, I don’t care. I’ll fix it. I’m going to start over again, even if it means I have to bump on you accidentally on the hallway. Again. Just- fuck, I didn’t mean to move so fast, I’m so sorry” Haechan can hear his own heart beat, nervous that you’re just standing in front of him with crossed arms and not saying anything after everything he told you.  

Soon, you can’t hold it in even longer. You burst into laughter and giggled loudly. Bringing Haechan closer to you and cupping his handsome face, admiring how cute he is with panic eyes. “It’s a joke. I’m sorry I made you nervous, handsome” you put your arms around Haechan’s neck and watch him get playfully annoyed to you. He shook his head on disbelief because you’re the only person who can match with his wit.

“Kiss me again?” you asked oh so sweetly, raking his soft hair.

He nods his head and kissed you again, softer than before and even meaningful than the first. You felt him smile in between kissing when you finally kissed him back. Savouring the feeling of your lips on his and the warmth of your embrace. And when the kiss is over, he puts his thumb on your lips, swiping the spit on those pretty lips. “Is this finally good night?” he asked, still looking at your lips.

“Sad to say, yes. Unless you find a way to climb up quietly to my room?”

He let out a soft giggle, “No. I don’t want to move so fast. Talk to you when I get home?”

“Yes please” before you two part ways, he gave you one last peck on the lips and finally let you go.

When Haechan got home, you were tucked in bed and waiting for your phone to ring and answer his call. And when he finally did, you two can’t see it but you’re both smiling widely while talking to each other and just hearing each other’s voices makes your heart flutter. It didn’t bother you two if the sun is shinning brightly already, Haechan waited for you to get tired and eventually fall asleep. Before he ends the call, he whispered a soft good night through the phone and went to bed with a smile.

ROUND 3

Come Monday, you were just telling Yeri about your weekend with Haechan and his friends and talking like how you two normally do around school when Lia blocked your way out on the girl’s restroom. “So you’re the new girl? If it wasn’t for you, Hyuck and I would still be together. You just had to ruin everything we’ve built for our relationship when you decided to go to this school”  

“Not my fault you didn’t locked him up before I transfer schools. But it is my fault that you’re single now��� you flashed a teasing smile at her before you head out and made sure to bump her shoulder on purpose. That would teach her a lesson and she will definitely know you’re not just anybody.

Truth be told you don’t want any fight because of someone who doesn’t understand the core meaning of the word ‘breakup.’ It’s clear that she’s just mad that you’re seeing Haechan now and that he’s more than happy with the relationship. But you can’t let someone treat you bad just because you got who you want, fair and square.

After school, you and Haechan went to his house to do some studying for English Literature. You love how it’s so quiet around their neighbourhood and the golden ray of light hits Haechan’s skin perfectly. From now on, golden hours with Haechan will be your thing.

You two sat on their hammock swing chair at their backyard, enjoying the golden hour by talking and giggling like little kids on a swing. “Who made this swing? I feel like I’m a baby” you said, feeling so comfortable beside Haechan.

“You are a baby. My baby” he raised his eyebrows once and winked at you. As your heart flutter because of what he said, you rolled your eyes at him and gave him a peck on the lips. Just a peck, because you knew all too well he will ask for more.

“What? That’s it? Just a peck?” he whines on disappointment.

“Yes. That’s all, come on. Homework time” breaking away from his embrace, you force yourself to stand up and convince Haechan to start studying. He brought you to your room so you two could focus on studying and to have some privacy after doing the homework.

“Guess who blocked my way at the girl’s restroom earlier” you sat on Haechan’s lap and put your arms around his neck.

“I know. Jeno told me he found Lia crying with Yeji and Ryunjin” he starts kissing your neck then realised he shouldn’t. “Listen, that girl is drama and I know you can take care of her but I just want to have a peaceful relationship with you. Please, just ignore her. These people will bring you down, and the more you notice them the more they will ruin you”

And it’s true what Haechan said, for the following weeks Lia’s group of friends has been hating you with all their might. Typical high school bullies who won’t stop at nothing but when Haechan took care of it, you felt so proud and safe. The look on Lia’s face when Haechan stood up for you in front of everyone definitely gave you the satisfaction and happiness. From there on, no one dares to meddle with your relationship with Haechan.

Things has been great between you and Haechan, you met his sister and his parents which are all adorable. Although his mom is still in favor with Lia, but nonetheless she respects Haechan’s decision.

After graduation, you spend too much time on Haechan’s place and sometimes things can go out of control. In the middle of making out with Haechan, your eyes widened when he suddenly slips his hand under your shirt and pull down the left cup of your bra. It felt uncomfortable and violating so you pushed him away from you.

“Nah, I’m not falling for that” you can’t believe what you’re hearing from your boyfriend and it’s making you crazy how suffocating it felt the whole time he was groping your boobs and pinching your nipples. Haechan thought you pushing him away was a prank like the one you did when he kissed you for the first time.

But he heard you sobbing and it made him stop. “Shit- shit! I’m sorry” he covered you with his thick duvet and gave you space. He went downstairs to get you a glass of water and slightly hated himself for what he just did to you.

Before he came back, you convinced yourself that he didn’t mean it and that your boyfriend is not a bad person. You made yourself presentable again and wiped your tears not wanting your boyfriend to see you scared around him. The moment he knocks on the door your heart jumped and you got nervous again, feeling your tears fall but you don’t know why.

He gave you a glass of water and you accepted it with shaking hands. Haechan sat on the edge of his bed, turning his back on you because he knew what he just did. He violated you and he didn’t even stop when you told him to, you don’t know but deep inside he’s punishing himself for being like that.

The two of you stayed away from each other for a good twenty minutes. Then you crawled towards him slowly and hugged him from behind, he’s more than happy that you don’t hate him and that you’re not going to breakup with him. “This will never happen again, I promise. I will never rush you ever again”

And it’s a promise he kept.

ROUND 4

When Haechan promised you that he will take it slow and not rush you with anything, he kept his word.

But now that you two are heading to college and spending the whole summer together as much as you can, you two can’t get enough of each other. There are times when you two will just lay down the swing, enjoy the quietness of the afternoon and watch the sun go down. Hands intertwined and legs tangled.

Some days are extra fun when you two help his sister bake anything she wants from cookies to cupcakes and Haechan will end up making a mess at the kitchen. Then by night you three will enjoy what you guys made while watching scary movies on Netflix.

And even though you’re still a virgin and so inexperienced compared to Haechan, you two find a way to feed your sex life without going all the way. You finally let him touch you without pushing him away or feeling violated, little by little you learned how to let go.

You remember when Haechan finger fucked you for the first time, you were so nervous because anyone can step in the living room and see that Haechan is on top of you. “Keep it down, my sister is on the other room” his kisses on your neck are not like any other, now it’s wet and his hands are all over your body. Kneading your clothed boobs, squeezing it a little harsh because he’s too horny. You can’t say you don’t like what he’s doing because you love it. Every part of it.

You love how his hands cups your boobs while he’s busy kissing your neck and you make quiet moans that Haechan loves so much. There were no talking the whole time, just pure kissing and quiet everything. You don’t have to ask him to do something because he knew perfectly well what you want. The couch is a bit uncomfortable for two people grinding on each other and kissing hungrily but no one seems to care.

“We won’t go all the way, I promise” he said but his hands are creeping under your skirt and on its way to remove your panties. “But we will go pretty far tonight, is that okay?” you nod your head nervously. To be honest he’s nervous too. Scared even. Scared that maybe you won’t approve of what he’s going to do and push him away again. You on the other hand really have no idea why he needs to remove your panties if he promised not to have sex with you tonight.

Heat surrounds your body when you saw Haechan put your panties on their coffee table. The living room is dark but once you opened your knees and lift your skirt, he will see your pussy for the first time. You breathe deeply when you felt his cold hands on top of your knee, ready to spread your legs open. “Shit- baby, stop” he stopped and gave you his jacket to cover your exposed legs. “Just give me a minute. I’m really shy right now, I don’t know why. Fuck, I’m sorry Hyuck”

“It’s okay, do you want to go to the bathroom to wear your panties?”

“No no, I don’t want to stop. Just getting shy that’s all. This will pass” it’s true you don’t want him to stop because you’re too horny now. “Kiss me?” he smiled and gave your request. You put away his jacket and pulled him close to you. Now you’re leaning comfortably on the armrest of their couch while Haechan kiss you softly. “I think I’m ready now” you told him in between kisses, but instead of making his move he just smiled at you and continue kissing you.

“I’ll tell you when you’re ready”

You don’t know what does that mean. You just enjoyed how he kisses you so filthy for the first time while his hands are resting on your closed legs. His tongue moves perfectly around your neck, leaving marks on the exposed skin of your cleavage and whispering dirty words that makes your legs spread unconsciously and put him right in between you.

“See, now you’re ready. You’re pretty wild yourself baby, spreading your legs for me huh” he teased you in between kisses that made you smile. Who would’ve thought spreading your legs for Haechan would feel really great.

In middle of feeling Haechan’s tongue dance around your neck and your hands are busy keeping him closer to your body, you feel his right hand made it’s way in between your legs and made contact with your wet folds. Without hesitation, you rolled your head back and closed your eyes as you enjoy his middle finger glide up and down your slit and spread your pussy juices.

Of course he knows what he’s doing, he watched you to melt with his touch underneath him while he play with your pussy. And again, unconsciously, you grind your hips on his finger completely letting go of your innocence. This will definitely not the first and last time Haechan will do this to you.

As your mind floats on how good Haechan makes you feel good, he flicks his finger a little faster, pinching your clit to make you moan, and finally putting his finger inside you. It made you open your eyes and look him in the eye. “that’s like a sneak peek on what it feels like to be fucked. Not even close but for the mean time, I’ll make cum using my fingers”

Your lips touched as he pumps his finger inside you, adding digits without any warning so you can have the full experience. Being quiet became a challenge when you’re finally on edge and Haechan’s fingers were still inside you while he’s whispering dirty things beside your ear. He needed to cover your mouth to muffle your moans when you finally came, closing your legs, crushing his arm in between them to ease the sensitivity of your clenching pussy.

“I fucking love you Lee Haechan”

ROUND 5

After slowly introducing you to more sexual activities you two are now bold and confident about touching each other. After a lot of trial and errors, you’re now an expert of sucking your boyfriend’s dick whenever you two are alone at their living room. You now happily open your legs for him to eat your pussy in your room and you let him finger you during Netflix and chill with his sister.

And now, after you suck him off and make him moan for the first time, you finally told him that you want to have sex with him and that you’re ready to go all the way. With no questions asked, Haechan helped you remove your clothes quickly and you did the same with him. Ending up fully naked in Haechan’s bed is making you shy like the first time he touched you and this is not good.

“Baby, calm the fuck down... stop moving” he giggle at you while lining his dick to your dripping entrance. The head of his dick is finally inside when you hiss again closing your legs and moving away from him. Telling him that it fucking hurts, even though it wasn’t even in yet.

“It wont hurt, I got you! You’re fucking dripping for crying out loud. Sliding in wont be a problem. Come on” he taps and caress both your thighs as he waits for you to open your legs again for him. Slowly he touches your soft skin, admiring how you stayed a virgin for him, your skin is glowing because of the golden sunlight from the window beside his bed.

Opening your legs again, Haechan kneels in between you and hooks both of his arms under your legs so you won’t get to close them again. “Line my cock so I can push in” you followed him like a good girl as he leans closer to your face for a kiss. His cock just perfectly lined to your cunt while you both kiss and enjoy each other’s sweet lips. Sweating and really nervous, he felt your chest move up and down against his and noticed that you’re getting scared every second that passes.

“Baby, it’s me, Haechan. Your boyfriend. Why are you being like this? Hmm? I thought you wanted this?” his tone was telling you to trust him because he’s your boyfriend. Telling you oh so sweetly to calm down or else he will stop and put your clothes back on. Still not moving from his position, Haechan didn’t want you to be scared before pushing his cock inside you so he continued talking to you.

“S-sorry. Just stuff running in my head. S-scared but I- yeah, I want this. Fuck, baby I want this to happen so bad. Can you just force it? Don’t wait for me to calm down?” You beg your boyfriend but he shook his head no.

“Where’s the love in that if I force this in you? I’ll kiss you while I go in, hows that?” the offer wasn’t bad, you nod agreeing to him and his lips touch yours the moment you nod.

Waiting for the perfect time to push in, Haechan can be really patient when it comes to you. When he felt you let go, he slowly pushed in and you swear you stopped breathing for a moment. Taking a second to finally believe that Haechan is fucking you now. Speechless the whole time as you feel him go inside you, you stare at his eyes shining because of the afternoon light.

Your hand flew to his face, gripping his chin and jaw as you feel slightly betrayed. “You said it wouldn’t hurt?” a small tear run down your eye as you feel the stretch of your cunt stinging so bad you can’t stop whimpering.

“Sshh. Of course it will hurt baby. Can you feel this?” Haechan was half moaning and grunting while talking to you, moving his cock in and out slowly to prove his point not pulling out entirely. You nod your head, moaning deliciously. Feeling how he’s so good, lips parted as you wait for him to be balls deep inside you, letting go a low “ooh” once he’s fully inside.

You reach in for his lips again devouring it while you clench and unclench all you want. “You won’t cum if we just keep on kissing. Stop luring me you minx” he kissed your left boob, biting and sucking it as he rolls his hips a little giving you a peak of what’s about to happen. Haechan pull away when he felt you stiffen again, hips roll slowly as you get familiar with the stretch.

“Sensitive baby, I cant-“

“Of course you can you’re my girl”

Without a warning he gave you piercing thrust, enough to make your boobs bounce. Licking the valley between your breast before you could curse him out. Reaching for your hands as he brings them both on top of your head together with the pillows, fucking you with a steady and fast pace.

“I love you. You know that right?” A breathy and weak “yes” escaped from your mouth. Toes curling already as you feel that knot on your lower abdomen.

After a few fast thrust and some delicious slow ones that you specifically loved, you reached your much awaited high and Haechan pulled his dick out and pumps it in front of you. Ruining his perfect blue sheets. Making you horny and crave for your boyfriend again, you reach in for another condom,  “Again, Haechan please let’s make round two a little longer”

He let out a small laugh as he lays beside you, fingertips scraping on your golden skin. “So now you’re begging me to fuck you again huh, okay. Round 2 in five minutes, I need to catch my breath” he said and left a kiss on your shoulders.

.........................................................................

Masterlist

First of all thank you for reading! This is inspired by Link and Tracy’s love story in Hairspray. I just rewatched it earlier and damn I forgot how I used to love every song in that movie. Hope you guys can watch it :) Also listen to I can hear the bells hihi.

[avyssoseleison]

Funnily enough I was going through a lot of your old fics yesterday for nostalgia reasons and now can't stop thinking high school enemies to lovers deancas ideally with some punk!cas nerd!dean maybe? Fully understand if that prompt doesn't tickle your fancy though

Please enjoy these 3.2k of enemies to homework buddies!

“Winchester.”

Dean will ignore him.

“Hey, Winchester!”

Dean will most definitely ignore him. Just keep on walking. If Novak thinks he can’t hear him, surely he’ll leave him alone. He’ll go bother someone else, and Dean will finally be free of him.

“Winchester!”

Dean hears, but doesn’t listen. He starts humming to himself when there’s suddenly a hand on his shoulder, ripping him out of his thoughts.

“Hey, I’m talking to you, you assbutt!”

And there he is, of course: Castiel Novak. With his dumb boots and even dumber leather jacket, and, dumbest of all, that small little frown that slowly morphs into a way too pleased smile the longer Dean glares at him.

Christ.

By the time when Novak’s smile turns into a full-blown grin, Dean finally musters up the strength to look away. The soft rustle of tree crowns in the distance reminds him of what a great morning he has been having, and what a perfect day it could have been, had Novak decided to leave him alone. As it is, his day might turn out a bit marred, after all. A bit more normal, perhaps.

“‘Assbut’?” Dean quips, way too late. “What kinda insult is that?”

“What kind of delayed comeback is this?” Novak counters. 

“It’s not as delayed as your…” Dean doesn’t really know enough about Novak to be able to insult him in any meaningful way, and what he knows of him, he doesn’t want to use. So, instead, he finishes lamely with, “...development.”

Novak could not look any less impressed, especially because the raise of his eyebrow alone continues their little banter in a manner that clearly suggests that if anyone’s development is delayed, it has to be Dean’s. However, that level of insult is apparently not one Novak deigns to lower himself to, as he continues to look smug while busying himself with lighting a cigarette and blowing out a lungful of smoke with obvious relish.

Dean makes a face and pointedly waves his hand in front of his face. “Smoking’s bad for you,” he simply states, making Novak chuckle lightly.

“So’s a lot of things, if society is to be believed. I am not much of a believer, though, and I do enjoy the small pleasures in life.”

The small, self-satisfied smile Novak shoots him sends a strange feeling through Dean’s body, from his lips down to his very toes, and everything in-between.

Dean swallows. “What do you want, Novak?”

“Oh, nothing much.” Novak takes a drag while trotting along Dean who starts moving again, trying to put some distance between himself and the self-proclaimed anarchist. “I just have a small favor to ask you,” he says, sounding as though whatever he is asking for is actually not that small at all.

“Again?” Dean grumbles, thinking of Novak quickly copying his homework last week, secluded in that small parking lot that no one but Novak and some people in the know ever seem to use, and of what Novak did in return. “I’m not doing you any more favors, man,” Dean scoffs, and stomps on.

Nonetheless, Novak stays hot on his heels.

“Why not?” Novak presses, “I’m not asking for much -- I just need today’s Math homework. I didn’t hear Mr. Singer give us any, but Meg just told me he wanted us to solve like 15 fucking problems, and she didn’t do them either.“

“Of course not.“ Anything else would’ve been shocking enough — if Novak has a bad reputation, Meg Masters‘ is even worse. All kinds of rumors are going around about her, ranging from drug use to prostitution to downright witchcraft. Although Dean cannot confirm nor deny any of the rumors, he is inclined to believe most of them. And Meg Masters herself would probably laughingly accept any accusations -- she is that kind of person. And although Dean cannot help but grudgingly respect her for her attitude, he also resents her for it: and how could he not, when he works so hard to do what is asked of him, and stick to the rules? Yeah, the only way someone like Meg could shock Dean would be to actually do her homework for a change.

“Now, now,“ Novak chides playfully, even if it doesn’t seem like he cares all that much about it. “Meg does her best.“

“Just like you do, huh?“

At that, Novak‘s grin turns darker, a bit more dangerous. “So harsh, Winchester. I think you know better than most how sometimes, things are not as easy as they seem. That circumstances are different for everyone.“

“Yeah, yeah,“ Dean dismisses, with a pang in his chest, though he gets it. Unfortunately, he really does. “Anyway, I won’t give you the homework.“

“Why not?“

“Because why would I? I don’t like you and you only hit me up when you need stuff from me. Besides...“ he begins, then swallows back a proper explanation. “You know why.“

“Oh, I do?“

“You damn well know you do.“

“Hmm, alright.“ Novak takes another drag, unbothered. “Listen, if you give me today’s homework, I’ll make it worth your while.“

“Not interested,“ Dean says, already having a hunch of where this is going.

“No? Could be something similar to last time. You liked last time’s payment, didn’t you?” Novak asks, and it’s just like Dean expected.

Dean avidly fixes his gaze on the school building, still hidden behind some trees, but not too far off anymore. He will be safe there -- Novak would never dream of bothering him where anyone else could see. 

“I fucking did not,” he argues, already feeling heat creep into his cheeks.

“Really? I could’ve sworn you did, what with all the blushing and squirming and your pants going--”

“Novak!” Dean barks with a swelling sense of despair. His entire face feels hot by now, and is probably as red as a tomato, “I sure as hell did not enjoy whatever you call ‘payment’ for last week. Besides, I wouldn’t even call it ‘payment’ so much as fucking ‘harassment’.”

There is a beat of silence. Then, “Are you serious?” Novak asks, in an unidentifiable tone of voice.

“‘Harassment’, ‘molestation’, ‘taking advantage’,” Dean recites, enjoying this now that he is gaining momentum. “You call it payment, I call it an affront, and--”

“Is that really what you think, Winchester?” Novak cuts in at the same time he stands still, his eyebrows drawn together in an unfamiliarly serious way. “That I harassed you?”

Dean stops as well. He looks back at Novak, his straight back and straightforward face, the way that he seems not just annoyed by the accusation, as Dean would have expected, but unsettled. As if he were taking Dean’s half-joke seriously, and reconsidering his own course of action.

Guilt wells up in Dean, and he holds his hands up in reassurance. “I didn’t--” he doesn’t know how to actually finish that sentence, so he just leaves it hanging.

There is nothing to say there, not really. What Dean said was half in jest, and half in… half in what he knows anyone else would think of the situation, or should think. It’s what Dean himself should think: that it was unexpected, unwanted, unreciprocated. That his animosity towards Novak just grew over it, that he truly hates him now. That there was no part of Dean that enjoyed any of it, no part of him that longs to do it again.

Novak keeps staring at him, though, reassessing. His stillness is as unnerving as his little smiles and contemplative looks usually are, even if in different ways. Regardless, he seems to come to some sort of conclusion as he takes in Dean’s still figure, the flush in his cheeks and whatever else there is to see, since he suddenly steps forward, closer towards him again.

“Harassment, was it?” Novak says, now with cold fire burning in his eyes that takes away Dean’s breath for just a moment. “Because I do seem to remember that you were the one who not only told me it was okay if I gave you a kiss on the cheek, but turned it into something more. By turning your head, parting your lips, not letting me go. You were the one who slipped me the tongue and kept going and going. You were the one who begged me to do more, kiss you more, touch you more, fu--”

“No!” Dean interrupts him, with burning cheeks and a stomach that has already dropped all the way down. “S-Stop making shit up, Novak. You know I’m not like that -- I’m not like you --, so I’d really appreciate it if you could leave me out of your fantasies. You were the one who harassed me--”

“--I just said--”

“--who pushed me to give him my homework in the first place--”

“--I asked you if it was okay to--”

“--and who made me do something I sure as hell neither enjoyed nor wanna do again.”

“Oh, really?” Novak asked, raising an eyebrow, in what might constitute a challenge or a feeling of false imputation, or both. “So, if I told you I’d love to kiss you again if you let me copy your math homework, you’d tell me no? Would what, cry harassment again if I dared touch so much as your wrist or even came close to you again? Or,” he continues, voice dropping into a darker tone while he does indeed inch closer towards Dean, close enough to touch him, and who remains where he is, rooted to the spot, “would you tell someone about it? Mr. Singer, perhaps? Or the counselor? Hmm, one thing’s for sure, though.” He laughs, but there’s no humor behind it. It sounds pained, even to Dean’s ears, knowing. “You wouldn’t tell your dad, would you? That you made out with a guy, and liked it? That you wouldn’t mind doing it again, given the right circumstances, some good excuse? Such as taking the long way to where you’ve parked your car, past the small parking lot you know where mine is and where I usually hang out? So that, I don’t know, perhaps I might come over when I see you, and all you had to do was bat your long lashes at me, bite your pretty lips, and wait for me to make a move again?”

It feels as if all the air is sucked out of Dean’s lungs. Standing there in front of Novak, feeling the heat of both his words and his body, he feels seen-through, known; and as lacerated and repugnant as an open wound.

Dean  wants to draw back into himself, into his safe shell, but he can’t. “You’re ridiculous, man,” is all he can mumble out in return as he twists his gaze away from Novak.

They remain there like this for God knows how long. Dean, looking somewhere between their feet and Novak’s almost heaving chest, and Novak, with his face hidden from Dean’s view, but his hands clenched into fists.

By the time Novak’s hands open again, it feels as though an hour has passed, though it probably were mere minutes.

“Alright,” Novak blows out on a breath, “let me make you a deal. Just so we’re on the same page, and we’re both absolutely clear on what is okay and what might be harassment or anything of the sort.”

Hearing Novak say that word again revives the feelings of guilt in Dean, but he knows he’s made his bed, so now he has to lie in it. So, he swallows and nods, feeling all of his body tense. “What kinda deal?”

“It goes like this: you either refuse to let me copy your homework and I won’t ever touch, much less kiss, you ever again. I’ll leave you alone. Or, you allow me to copy today’s homework at the very least, so Mr. Singer won’t call my foster home again, and you can choose whatever payment you want, as long as it’s somewhat reasonable. Money, cigarettes, beer, anything you want me to do, you name it. As long as you name it. I won’t give you what you’re not explicitly asking for.”

Dean frowns. “What? How is that a deal? It’s either you win or I do, no in-between. I mean, fine by me, but you get nothing out of it, so what gives?”

“It’s not that bad of a deal,“ Novak says, finally flinging his cigarette to the ground and grinding it out. 

He gives no further explanation, though, which gets on Dean’s nerves even more. “You suck at coming up with deals, you know that?“

“Not really,“ Novak says, shrugging a little. “As I see it, it‘s win-win for you and win-lose for me. Which, for me, too: is fine. It all depends on what you want.” There’s something strangely soft in the way he is looking at Dean, something almost wistful. “And on whether you’ll actually express it.”

Put on the spot yet not, there isn’t much for Dean to do but nod in acquiescence. He’d like to pretend he still doesn’t get what Novak is going for, but he does, deep down. It’s both an in and an out -- what he was hoping for, but couldn't have asked for. Now he has to ask for what he wants, and if he doesn’t, he won’t get it. And he’s not sure he can. Not when there’s rules and expectations and the shadow of a man larger than Dean, larger than life itself, endlessly looming over him.

“Okay,” Dean says, pinching the bridge of his nose. Novak keeps staring at him in that stiffly intense way of his. “Alright. I mean, it probably would be pretty bad if you turned up without homework again, huh? Last I heard, you got into some pretty dire straits when Mr. Singer called your foster home, right?”

Novak huffs out a sound of amusement, his shoulders sinking in what looks like relief. “You’re well-informed.”

A furious blush threatens to stain Dean’s cheeks again. “It’s just what I heard. People talk. About you. And, uh, everyone else, I guess.”

There it is again, that soft expression. And Dean thinks he might recognize it now, impossible enough: Novak looks fond.

“They do,” Novak agrees, showing no offense at any possible implications of him being the talk of the school, which he most definitely is. “And yes, it was ‘pretty bad’, as you’ve said. I’d much rather not have a repeat performance.”

“Easy way to avoid it.”

“Yes, I’m working on it at the very moment.”

In spite of himself, Dean huffs out a laugh. “I meant doing your own damn homework. I know you’re smart enough to do it, even if you barely show up in class. You ace all the tests even when you weren’t there, so I don’t believe you couldn’t just as well hand in your homework if you fucking wanted to.”

Novak hums in open amusement. “Is that your own observation or people talking again?”

Feeling as though caught with his hand in the cookie jar, Dean just lamely stammers out a, “It’s-- it’s common knowledge, okay?” before setting into motion again.

Novak’s laughter follows him the first few steps, then he is beside him again.

“Who knows, maybe you’re right and I could take care of my own homework. But maybe I like not doing so, and asking certain other people for it instead.”

It’s obvious what -- or rather, who -- he means by that, that Dean is pretty sure his skin will never be anything but pink again. “Oh yeah?” he needles, “You got many people doing your homework? Giving them the same payment, too?”

“No,” Novak replies surprisingly quickly, “there’s only one person, and only one time I offered that type of payment.”

For a minute, they walk in silence as they almost reach the stairs of the school house. There’s few other people around, most of them just entering the building or looking at their phones, unheeding of the pair.

“So, we have a deal?” Novak eventually asks into their waiting silence.

“You can have today’s homework,” Dean relents, holding out on what he knows Novak is actually going for.

“Thank you, Dean,” Novak says with a gummy smile.

The sound of his name stirs Dean him up a bit more, reminding him of the only other time when Novak called him by his first name: when he was crowding Dean up against a wall, removing his glasses, and kissing his cheek so softly that Dean needed more, needed to be closer to this other guy, to this enigma of a person.

“Don’t mention it,” Dean mumbles.

“As for your payment…?” Novak probes, though with his voice in a whisper as they are close enough to other people now that they might otherwise be overheard.

“Don’t know yet,” Dean says, his voice clipped.

“I’m sure you already have something in mind.“ It’s completely uncalled for Novak to say this in such a low and heady way.

“Maybe you do, but I don’t.“ He doesn’t know, he thinks. He can’t, is why. He won’t, he tells himself.

“Dean,” Novak says, using his first name again, as if they were friends or something more, sounding intimate in the most casual way, and that does it.

“Damnit, Novak, I want—“ Dean bursts out.

Novak looks at him in expectation, all of him turned towards Dean, listening.

He won’t, he won’t, he can’t.

Can’t he?

“—time,“ Dean finishes lamely.

Novak pulls a face that clearly says, ‘I’m not mad, just disappointed.’

Which is all the worse.

“Listen, Novak, you… you might be right.“ Dean pulls a face. “I can’t believe I just said that. But yeah, I might have an idea of what I want, what I’d like to have,” he pointedly does not look at the other boy or anything else but straight towards the school. “But you’re also right in that my dad wouldn’t— I can’t--” He swallows, tries to shake the thought out of his head, but it unfortunately stays stuck. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll think about it, okay?”

“You will?” Novak asks, sounding hopeful.

“Yeah, sure. Maybe.“ He blows out his breath, scrubs a hand through his own hair, and continues, “Might take me some time, though. Maybe a long time. Maybe forever.“ He laughs mirthlessly. “So, today’s homework might actually turn out to be a freebie for you.”

The expression on Novak‘s face is hard to read, but undeniably one he usually does not show in public. For a second there, Dean thinks Novak wants to reach for him: his hand lifts and opens just so, swerving in his direction. Before anything comes off it, though, he drops his hand again, burrows it in his pocket and says, “Take all the time you need, Dean.“

He might have to, Dean thinks. Probably nothing will come of this, not right now, maybe not for as long as he is as young as he is, dependent on his father’s will, bound to him for freedom. Perhaps, though, some other time, in some distant future, or hidden behind some bleachers, he might find a taste of liberation, or the touch of Novak’s lips again.

Dean turns away from the other boy as the school bell rings, the call-back to the present not quite as oppressive with blue eyes and a soft smile still impressed on his mind.

[project-paranoia]

Live Watch: S.C.I. Mystery Episode One

I enjoy camp because I've always enjoyed analysis and examination.  I enjoy looking at something from all sides, testing it with my fingertips. When I was a child I would sit for hours just looking at something until I had it all held in my mind and I felt like I understood it.  Camp necessitates that understanding the way that imitation and - good - parody requires it.  To quote Susan Sontag - who articulated what camp is so well - Camp is "a sensibility that revels in artifice, stylisation, theatricalisation, irony, playfulness, and exaggeration rather than content."  Because of this camp takes on head to head gender, sexuality, expectations, any sort of defined norm and sequins it up then shakes it down until understanding comes out.  When understanding something there are three major ways to work your investigation - what it is, what it's imitation is - the close but not quite, and what it isn't.  Camp handles all three, to quote again: "Camp sees everything in quotation marks. It's not a lamp, but a 'lamp; not a woman, but a 'woman.'"

Why are we talking about camp?  Because SCI Mystery is some of the best kind of camp outside of drag or screaming about wire hangers.  It deals a lot with mental illness in a way that would destroy a serious show, but in this one "mental illness" is a metaphor for being marginalised and a way to talk about the mouse and cat in the room.  This show is about being queer.  About being gay loudly and quietly, about resisting specific labels and needing them, about the threat of a cure and the blessing of acceptance.  All the messy realities of queer life as varied as queer people. Like Lil Nas X's Montero, you can appreciate the effort without being comfortable with it. While the show's allegory of mental illness when many queer people are still told they are ill is done well and there is reason to the choices and tone, things are said which can be hard to hear.  Knowing they're there because they're hard to hear and have been heard doesn't help everyone.

With all that said, it's also a fun, silly bl drama.  Don't let the analysis scare you off.  While the information about camp can be something to be aware of, all this show requires to be enjoyed is a willingness to be amused and spooked in turns.

You know the drill, spoilers below!

* I have memorised the youku sound, I have a triggered response with it. Not all triggers are bad, this one reminds me of Guardian

* Welcome to episode one where we just leap in!  But don't worry, one of them has a cute earring and they are colour coordinated.

* Watching from youtube the episode is 38 minutes long while most of the others are 45.  Attach whatever emotion you want to that fact.

* The exposition is handily delivered by asking a question which tells us some things, thank you show, I appreciate it

* First episode and he's already giving his partner an in case I don't come back letter to be opened if he dies

*  Wait for me!~  Go!~~

* Slow walk with dramatic music: 1 (don't make this a drinking game You Will Expire) this time with bonus almost looking back

* I've seen a similar shot on Hawaii Five O

* Don't explain what's happening, just knock everything over with a jump kick in some absolutely spotless white tennies

* Running with dramatic music with bonus looking back: Does it count?  We have yet to hear back from the judges

* They leap into the water with an explosion behind them, we are less than 2 minutes in and I love that for them

* At first I thought the boats were making a big heart before I remembered that I am very silly and they are not doing that

* This one is going to be long

* I can see his pockets through his trousers, why are his trousers so thin?

* It's not kissing to dramatic music in the surf if it's CPR

* Each story line has its own intro and that's very sexy of them

* Slow walk/dramatic music: 2-6

* These people are totally goofy and and yet the Seriousness

* Two Weeks Ago!

* The police school bus has arrived to shoo away the crows circling around Dr. Zhan staring (dramatically) at the body

* Sport scar policeman dresses even more unprofessionally than Zhao Yunlan who at least looks like a detective who was jumped by so many criminals he just gave up wearing a suit and went for jeans. Chief Bai's clothes are so thin, I'm under constant anxiety someone is going to tear them off.

* Also several of the cast pictures on MyDramaList look like the pictures your auntie insists taking to send to your other aunties and I love that for them

* Triple axil spin from the victim, the judges are loving it - this is the camp I'm here for

* The dramatic slo mo and music budget for this show was so big, just as it should be

* He's mad because he's angy

*  Master Psychiatrist can tell all about the killer from crouching by the body, it's a trope and this is one of the few places I like it because it serves the show instead of the show serving it

* When you're almost boyfriend is going away for reasons and it's not your decision but you can't go with him because of your job so you're just low key bitter about it

*  "You can't control me"

* The pettiness between these two

* Professional women who worked hard to get where they are still are constantly obsessed with boys according to most cdramas

*The male posturing in those three second has accidentally circled back around to being gay in the way those bro shows accidentally do and I love that

* I live for this 80s-90s police chief perm

* The Pettiness

* I always tend to like doctor characters, I don't know why.  Even when they aren't my favourites I like them.

* She's kind of adorable, I like her (I've seen a lot of this show and every time I say I like someone it ends badly ;-; )

* "the victems"

* If you love Creative English, this is the show for you!

* Chief Bai's crew is trying so hard to get them back together

* Dr. Zhan is so good at psychology he can tell what someone looks like from some tire tracks - this trope is used all the time in crime shows, but they push it a little farther in SCI and it really helps the viewer know what the rules for the show are

* The scene in the psychiatrist's office hearkens back to queer coded villains and the way they're treated in old black and white horror cinema - but done so artfully it's almost invisible.  It's incredibly well done, and the awareness of tropes and types all throughout the series is tremendously successful as much as it's campy fun.

* There's also the trope of someone who manipulates someone into feeling like they've been "purified" and then weaponises them against the "filthy". And of course the fact that the killer's blade is a mirror - that he's killing in others what he sees in himself. This trope hasn't just been queer-coded but has been applied to any sort of physical or mental disorder. Thesis have been written about this trope and the anxiety attached to it. I can't write them better and this is long enough, it's just a small part of the excellent handling of the themes showing up in this genre and I wanted to point it out because it deserves appreciation for the skill and knowledge in the writing.  

* The whole you need evidence vs you're saying psychoanalysis isn't trustworthy feels very much like a coded angry exes discussion

* I love the establishing shots, so good

* He kind of deserved that door to the face, what was he even doing

* Police violence in crime shows is supposed to be a release for the viewer, but many countries have issues with police violence so it hits wrong.  Here it's far more performative in a way that at least has some awareness

* The weirdest phone call, you call someone to tell them something important and they say two things to you and hang up

* The tongue thing, why always the tongue thing?

* When a serial killer tries to compliment you by calling you a carnivore and you shut down the whole alpha male supposition by calling yourself a vegetarian

* At this point I've written almost fifteen hundred words and taken almost two hours to watch 23 minutes

* This is my life, these are my choices

* Dutch Angles

* You could make this conversation about being gay, I have had this conversation about homosexuality before

* Unfortunately while I had it I was on the bus trapped in a window seat

* The conversation didn't end with me saying something cool and everyone clapping

* They just got off the bus to go to work

* The banality of evil, yo

* Her shorts are Incredibly Short, good for her

* "arrest the perp behind my back" that's his job, broheim

* He doesn't ask why she checked behind their ears

* DUN dun dun!

* Slo mo file drop, and of course the file is blood stained and aged

* Chalk Art of Doom

* Chinese word play!

* Caught almost putting his coat over his crush, embarrassing XD

* Backstory!

*  I love all the little character details, I could quote lines I think are funny all day but that would start getting silly

* Bai Yu Tong is marked as clean and having OCD but we don't see what's apparently a huge character trait at all other than the all white, do love that he's good at cooking

* Dr. Zhan: Brilliant!  Genius!  Cannot feed himself.

* Dr. Gong has indifference level 100% which is true and also I love that for him

* I love that Wang Shao part of the team because he's good at making friends, I love that for him

* Poor Zhao Fu: scared of ghosts and dumb and sweet?  At least he has an 8 pack

* Jiang Lin is very tropey except the mention of her nearsightedness

* Ma Han's height 1.7m and legs 1.8m is hilarious and I love it

* I stopped recording the slo mo walks, but if you were drinking along with them you might be dead so I really appreciate you taking time out of your afterlife to continue reading.  We appreciate all our ghost readers

* And that's the first episode!  Thanks for making it to the end!

[ssa-daddyhotchner]

Undercover - Chapter 16

Chapter Selection

TW: Rape

My arms were wrapped around him; my hands around his torso. His back was pressed against my chest. My legs were over top of his tangled in each other. I felt him shift in front of me. 

"This is different", I heard him mumbled. I hummed in agreement. "I like it though." 

"Figured you word, who doesn't wanna be held." He made quick movements and flipped us around so he was hold me. "Yeah getting held is nice and all but this is better." 

His hand went under my shirt and were resting on my stomach. Right as I was going to fade away his phone rang. I let out a sigh.

"Every fucking time, welp I'm up now." I stood and went to the bathroom while around laid in bed answering the phone. I looked at the clock, it was 7am. I jumped into the shower, I heard the door open and close. 

Aaron got in with me. I was letting the water over my body, "What'd they want."

"It was Dave he was letting me know that he made reservations for dinner at 5 they Morgan texted saying he wanted to do to a club tonight. I started laughing, 

"They just went out 2 days ago, I swear one day were gonna have to take them to the hospital for alcohol poisonings."

I moved him into the water washing his body; he did the same with me. 

We stepped out, "I'm starving, oh my god can we get room service. I know its dumb but I've never done it before." He chuckled putting on his shirt, "Sure princess." I sat down on the bed getting on the phone, I placed an order for the food. 

"I'm gonna tell Spencer we'll be out later today cause I'm spending all my time with you." I tossed my phone to the side, sending the text. I went over to the edge of the bed where Aaron was and started tickling his side. 

"Ah, fu- y/n.. stop", he rolled onto the floor. I was hanging off the bed laughing my ass off. Aaron just gave me a grin, staring at me, "Oh you want to be like that huh?" I smiled nodding my head. He started to stand up from the floor. 

I knew what was coming and I got up and bolted towards the door. I opened the door walking down the hallway till I saw him coming after me. "No fuck you...." I was giggling now jogging down the hallway. 

I was making my way down turning a corner, I didn't see him anymore. I thought I lost him when I felt a pair of hands holding me. He swiftly picked me up and put me over his shoulder. "Aaron!", I yelled tapping his back .

"I could feel his back tense and the laughter falling from his lips, "Thought you could get away? I mean good effort... you almost did." I gave up fighting him. "Ok hold on, put me down I wanna a piggy back ride." 

He set me down on my feet turning around and I climbed on his back. My legs going around his waist and his hands hold me still with a firm grip on my thighs. We made our way down the hallway back into the room. 

He flipped me in front of him and hovered over me. 

I saw his eyes getting slightly darker. I gripped him by his shirt and slowly pulled his down to me kissing him gently. 

His hand cupped my face deepening the kiss. My legs stayed wrapped around him. Then there was a knock on the door; my breakfast was here. 

I opened the door and they rolled in a cart, I said thank you to the man and he left pulling the door shut behind him. "This is so cool", Aaron pulled the cart towards the bed sitting down. "Its just food." 

"Like I said before I've never had room service before let me enjoys this", I had a smile on my face when I saw the food. I had ordered peanut butter waffles with real maple syrup and had them covered in butter. They were so flavorful and creamy from the peanut butter.  

I took a drink of my coffee and fed Aaron some of my food. After he took a bite be picked up some of his food an fed me. He got French toast and bacon. I held up my finger and dipped the bacon in my syrup. He gave me a weird look, "Come on it's so fucking good." 

"Yeah I'm not too sure about that", when we were done we cleaned up and laid in bed all day watching tv and playing some games. When it was time we went to dinner with the team and then we got changed for the club. 

I stepped out of the bathroom and say Aaron. He was wearing a tight black t-shirt with washed grey jeans. The shirt was perfect for showing off his shoulder and his arms. I could see the veins running down his arm. 

I walked over and started tracing them, he looked down at me. "Ready?", I said yes and we left. We walked over to the club, it was 5 mins from the hotel. I walked in with Aaron behind me and I saw Reid waving his arm at us. 

Emily of course already had shots lined up I was going to grab on but she told me wait. 

"We're gonna play a game ok. Never have I ever. If you've done the thing we mention them take a shot." We all nodded and started the game. Morgan started first, "Never have I ever had a one night stand." Practically every took a shot but Aaron and I. "Pretty boy my man", Morgan gave Reid a fist bump then they turned the attention to me.   

"Really y/n? Not once", JJ said to me. "I'm more in it for the relationship." They shrugged it off then continued the game. 

"Thought about sleeping with on of my coworkers." I took a shot real fast but so did everyone else. We wouldn't to keep those thoughts anonymous so we didn't elaborate. "What'd to date a coworker." I took another shot. They looked at me, "I'm keeping thoughts to myself." I said while laughing. 

We continued that game for another 5 mins. I was 4 shots deep and I was starting to feel it. Aaron and I weren't planning on drinking too much because he knew how bad my hangovers were. 

"If you didn't know anyone us who would you date." That question went around the table. Reid said me, Morgan said Emily so did JJ, Emily said JJ. Then that question came to Aaron and I. Aaron did answer till they forced it out of him. He said me, I wanted to mess with him so I said Morgan; He glared at me and tried to not make it obvious.

Morgan threw his arms up and yelled. "Ok ok calm down." Laughing I grabbed Aaron hand and went to the dance floor, the team soon followed. Morgan finding a group of girls to be with. I gave Aaron on more shot and he started to loosen up. 

His hips landed on my hips swaying back and forth into him. My hands going backwards and landed around his neck. His breath going into my neck, they other people all around us raising the temperature. 

Once I cooled off I felt really tired, "Aaron I'm gonna head back to the hotel." 

"Okay let me know when we get there, I'll go back in an hour. Love you." 

"Love you too", I walked away from his and walked outside. I started walking passing the building, there was no one around me. 

As I was passing one of the building I felt hands going around my mouth and arms around my waist pulling me backwards into the ally between the building. 

My mind was flooded with confusion, and fear; who just grabbed me, what the fuck if happening. My mind was running a hundred miles an hour; I was unable to process it.

I was still getting dragged, every step I saw the street lights getting further away and the darkness of the ally taking over my sight. I could hear the husky breathing of the man behind me. 

He pulled me into a corner where there were dumpsters. We weren't in a building but we had cover; no one saw what this man was doing. When we got under he turned me around and slammed my back against the wall, my head smacking the cold concrete. I couldn't see his face, he had a mask; I could see his eyes. 

I know those eyes, I used to see them all the time; those are the eyes that caused me daily pain.

He roughly moved his hand over my shoulder taking off the strap of my tank top. I was throwing my hands scratching down his arm; his skin was underneath my fingernails, "Fucking whore!" 

He hissed through his teeth. He lost patience and held onto my throat, his palm pressing into my windpipe. I couldn't breath only taking very small wheezing breaths.

He used his other hand taking my shirt; with one forceful motion he torn off my top exposing my chest. There were tears flowing down my face, "Plea- please!" I cried out. I kept trying to move from his grip; he threw me to the ground. I scrapped my hands and knees on the pavement. 

I hurried to my feet and grabbed the tin that was on the ground and hit him over the head. I made a run for it, but he dragged me so far down and I didn't have my shoes on. Every step was on rocks and chunks of glass. 

I heard his heavy foot steps behind me and he kicked the back of my leg knocking me to the ground yet again; scraping my shoulders.

He flipped me over on my back and sat on me. His weight keeping me down. I was still tipsy from the drinks that were still setting in; I wasn't as strong. He slapped me across my face stunning me. 

He brought both hands down to my pants and yanked my shorts down. 

They bunched at my ankles and he ripped my underwear off. "Get the fuck off of me!", I screamed laying scratches on his face and trying to gauge his eyes. I would've done anything to make it stop. My mind was filled with what was about to happen. 

Aaron thinks I'm in the hotel room peacefully sleeping; waiting for him crawl into bed with me. 

I knew it was over when I heard the clanking of his belt and his zipper. He was getting ready to... 

The fear I had in that exact moment was paralyzing. 

It felt like I was being tore open, I knew there was blood. He was gripping my thighs leaving dark bruises. I finally gave up, I felt numb. I felt like I was outside my body watching what was happening to me. 

There were tears flowing, I moved my head to the opposite direction of where his face was. I was praying that this was a dream; his face was covered, he wasn't going to kill me. He's gonna leave me with the constant thought of what he was did.

I squeezed my eyes shut, he had complete control over me. No one was coming to help; god I wished someone would. But even if they did the damage was done.

His hands had a frim grip on my arms; his nails digging into my skin drawing blood. He moved his hands to my hips forcing himself into me deeper, a blur covered my vision; I most likely passed out.

When he was done he knew I wasn't going to get up. He threw something over me, I don't remember. After an hour of fading, I slowly regained the strength and will to stand up. I pulled my torn shirt over my chest. I put my shorts on and put my shoes back.

I didn't have my phone with me, all I could do was go back to the hotel. I walked past a gas station and saw it was 2am. I left the club at around 12am. He was attacking me for almost an hour. 

And I did nothing... 

As I walked through the lobby there were eyes. Luckily just a few employees, but they just stared as I walked to the elevator going to my room. Knocking on the door not having my key I waited, I heard steps inside coming towards me. 

"Where the fuck were you!", those were the first words to come out of Aarons mouth he quickly took notice of my appearance and the forming bruises. I didn't hold it against him he didn't see yet, he opened the door wider. 

"Y/n what the fuck, oh my god", he went to go place his hand on me to bring me inside but I flinched away and he backed up. He let me walk in myself as he went to the bed and sat down. 

I closed the door and walked away from him. I stopped crying but there was clear evidence that I had been. My eyes were blood shot, eyes were puffy, and there were streaks of dried tears on my face. 

Once Aaron opened the door and saw my appearance he knew something happened, and he knew the answer. He had seen cases like these before, he knew what they looked like and how the victims acted. He wasn't ready to face the reality.

He sat quietly on the bed and I sat in the chair across the room. I turned it to face him. I was sitting uncomfortably as I could feel the dried cum from between my legs.

"Can you tell me what happened?", my mind lingered on those words; I wanted to tell him. He had to know, I just couldn't meet his eyes. His dominant presence made me fearful. I knew he'd never hurt me but it was the fact... that he was a man. 

We tell rape victims to talk about the trauma; it helps them get through it... to move on. If I didn't take my own advice then how was I going to do it. I gathered the courage.

"I was on my way here, I was grabbed and uh- dragged", my voice was thick. It sounded like I was forcing the words out. I looked up trying to blink away the tears. But they were already falling, "I was forced to the wall, he- he tore off my clothes an- and he started to... touch me." I used my hand to wipe my face; reliving all of it. 

I glanced up to see Aarons face mixed with emotions.

"He started to pull down his pan- pants... he." I couldn't continue. I met Aarons eyes and they were filling with tears. 

They were flooding his face. His eyes were glassy, his pain didn't compare to mine but he was breaking just as much; seeing me like this broke his heart into a million pieces. I sat there crying and he knew I wasn't going to say anymore. 

"Y/n, can I go over to you?", he spoke in the softest voice he possibly could trying to not scare me. I was contemplating and decided against it. Being hesitant; I needed space. I shook my head. 

"Okay that's fine how about I gather some clothes for you... I can leave the room if you want." 

He was doing as much as could to make me feel comfortable. "Don't leave just... please don't", Aaron nodded and started to get me clothes while I walked to the bathroom. It had been 2 hours since the incident and the bruises were more prominent. 

I ran my fingers over them and my heart shattered, never in my life did I think I'd be in this situation.

I didn't tear but there were still blood from the penetration. I wet a rag wiping between my legs, I knew I technically wasn't suppose to wash off evidence I just- I couldn't leave it there.

I heard a soft knock on the door getting me out of my thoughts. "I'm setting your clothes on the bed, I'm going to get some food; if you want you can talk about it more." I took a step towards him.

"Please don't leave me, you can have Spencer get it. I want you to stay with me." Tears were threatening to spill yet again for the 4th time tonight.

"Okay", he left and sat in the corner so he couldn't see me get changed. He texted Reid and when I was done he turned around. 

I was 'clean' but I felt dirty, like trash. Sitting on the bed there was a knock at the door. It was Spencer; Aaron walked to the door and opened it just enough for the bag. "Hotch what's going on?" 

"Reid, not now", he closed the door and returned to the bed but didn't sit. He stood there waiting for me to say he could. "You can", he sat across form me. He handed me my food and I started eating. "Are you sure you wanna talk about it again?" 

"Yeah", I let quietly and he was waiting for me to resume. "When he started to rape me, I gave up fighting when he actually went fully... in. I laid there feeling like I was just a ghost watching. I didn't do anything." I paused, I was upset and getting angry. 

"I didn't do anything Aaron. I was getting raped and I didn't fucking do anything! I laid there taking it, I wanted to die from just fucking that!" They were flowing, I wasn't calming down. I was yelling and sobbing, pacing the room.

"Y/n this isn't your fault you might not have done anything but it definitely.  isn't your fault." He was still speaking softly but at a normal tone, he was getting angry that I was blaming myself but he was trying to not raise his voice.

"Aaron how can I not, I'm the one that didn't stop it. God knows I fucking tried! He held me down! he choked me, hit me." I took a deep breath calming myself down. I looked at him in the eyes. 

"He. had. complete. control over the situation and I had... nothing." My voice returned to normal. Lowering I wasn't yelling it was small.

"And the fact that I knew who did it doesn't make the situation any better." His face fell.

I saw anger flash through his eyes, his jaw clenched and he tightened his fists. "What do you mean you know who did it." His voice waved, he was livid. I knew I had to tell him but he was most likely going to lash out and go after him... with good reason.

"I'm gonna tell you but you need to promise me that you'll keep it together."

"Fine", he hated this whole night. He hated that I made him promise to not go after him.

"It was Mark... my ex. I could tell by the way he spoke and his eyes." He shut his eyes tightly trying to process the words that just left my lips. He knows that he was the one that abused me in the past. Mark was the one that was sending the letters to the house, watching me and Aaron, and now Mark was the one that assaulted me.

Mark was the one to finally pull the supports from my body. My world was close to collapsing but right now Aaron was the only thing keeping me above the ground. 

He waited a few minutes before speaking. He lowered his voice again, "This is what I want you to do. You're gonna tell the team you're not feeling well and we're going to go to the hospital for a rape kit. That's going to prove Mark... raped you and I'm going to arrest his ass." 

"Okay", I stood there leaning against the wall and Aaron sat still on the bed. "Can we go to bed." 

"Yeah", I moved to the bed and Aaron moved to the other side. "Can you sleep on the couch, I want you in here but I just- can't be next to you." 

"I understand, it's fine." He turned off the lights and I gave him a pillow. I laid down, wishing Aaron was holding me but I knew that I would be triggered if he was. I was cold the whole night missing the warmth he brought me and so was Aaron. He wanted to make me feel safe and protected but he also knew that I wouldn't be.

"Love you." I mumbled out. 

"Love you too princess." 

____________________________

@mac99martin  @appleblossoms-posts  @donttellanyoneireadfanfiction @oreogutz @marie1115 @wanniiieeee 

[plush-rabbit]

Can I Ask You Something?

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 |

Friendships are an odd thing. It starts off as an unexpected meeting between two strangers, where you later begin to learn more about this person who was just a stranger a few moments ago, to trusting that person wholeheartedly; to do whatever you can to make them happy. It’s a wonderful thing where you’re in love with said person, willing to hold their hand in public, kiss their cheek, go to them first when you have news of any kind. Where a mere memory of them is enough to make you smile, where after not seeing each other for a moment is enough to make you want to hug them, where you can feel safe in their arms. You meet a person by chance and they end up becoming one of the most important people in your life. Friendships are built on trust. Built on sharing snacks. Built on inside jokes. Built on love.

Your friendship with Tomura, however, isn’t any of that. It’s different than friendships you’ve had before. It was a meeting that you forced and that he complied with. Where you have doubts about the friendship- or whatever you can call this relationship when the word feels to sour on your tongue- and you don’t know what he’s thinking or what he looks like. Where you lay awake after late night talks and can feel a storm brew in your mind as you lay under the covers and think about him. It’s a relationship built on messages and the occasional phone calls. You don’t know if you can trust this person. You want to and sometimes when you hear his laughter, you think that you know him- you can trick yourself that you know who he is. You’re okay with sharing snacks with anybody- you like to share, you like to eat a cake and leave your friends the piece with the most frosting. There are jokes that you’ve two shared- ones where you snort and call him a dork and ones where he laughs- it’s shrill and a bit creepy if you were to be honest- and he calls you a dumbass and you can hear the faint sound of people yelling in the background that you never comment on.

When you were lonely, you reached out and he reluctantly let you grab onto him. You held tight and now you’re afraid to let go. You’re afraid that he’ll let go and a part of you that won’t remain silent no matter how many times you smother it, never wants him to let go of you. You’ve become oddly attached to the faceless man.

Tomura is crass, curses as if it were his first language, secretive as if he were protecting himself, curious as a cat, prying into you with delicacy and cunningness, never realize what he’s doing until you’re halfway through a story. He’s rough around the edges, making sure to bare his canines when you begin to pry. But no matter how many times he barks, no matter the little insults that leave his mouth, insults that longer hold the same sting as they used to be before, you inch closer to him. You always feel a second away from offering another video chat- this time where you can see who he is. You want to see who he is behind the screen.

However, at the same time, you’re scared who you’ll see. You’re scared that perhaps he’s a ghost from your past, someone who you wanted to leave behind that you’ve forgotten their voice and they’ve found a new name to use as a mask. You worry with dread creeping at your ankles on the good nights that the person who you can joke with is someone with cruel intentions. Other nights, you drown in panic and wish to grasp at him like a lifeline, only for the worry to drag you deeper, his face always muddled and hand always out of reach.

You wonder what he thinks of you. What his true thoughts are behind the jabbing insults and hissed out curses but you’re always too afraid to ask, too afraid what the truth will reveal.

-

Within the next week, there’s idle chatter in between the early mornings and late nights. Chatter where it fills the room with such ease. Chatter that dies and fills the room with silence, noises from the house are the only indicators that you both are still on the call. Chatter where it gets cut off due to your own responsibilities or his. A promise from you that you’ll try to message him later if time allows it and a click of his tongue as he tells you he’ll talk later.

The relationship gets easier day by day. Sometimes the word friend rolls of your tongue without you even realizing it- it feels natural to call him that. Other days, you’re hesitant to even say the word- to even think of what it truly means. It catches and sticks in your throat, suffocates you and leaves you feeling odd all over. Days where his name is light and sweet on your tongue, days where it’s bitter and uneasy. It’s easier to say a nickname those times; it doesn’t hold as much power as his actual name.

Talking to him gets easier- even if his name makes you unable to breathe. There are more phone calls, even if they’re short. You get to hear him talk about his day, talk about what he’s currently doing and most of the time he’s playing a game and he’ll entertain you with the plot, with the lore and the graphics. You do your own research on the side, your gasps telltale signs that you looked up what happens in the end and him snapping at you immediately not to spoil anything. You never do, always giving a vague hint to look behind a box if he wants an achievement or extra ammo. But you never give him tips. You offered once and he denied, saying that he wanted a true victory and not a false one where he had to rely on an external source. The ways he says it, with a heavy voice that takes a darker tone, makes it feel as if you’re missing out on something. You lay off, telling him that you’ll be there if he ever needs help, hoping that your own tone will hold the same hidden meaning that his held.

__

“Okay, so what I’m hearing is that not only do you play video games like twenty four-seven—”

“Not twenty four-seven,” he growls but the sound of guns in the background does nothing to help prove his point.

“—and you watch anime and you basically like never leave your home? You’re like a total NEET,” you giggle into the phone, phone pressed between your shoulder and ear. You tighten your hand around the bar when the subway wobbles and around your bag of takeout when someone shuffles in the corner of your eyes.

“Not a ‘NEET’,” Tomura says, hissing into the receiver and you can hear the scene restart. “Look, if I’m a NEET then so are you.” He curses loudly into the phone and you wince, eyebrows furrowing and mouth pulling into a wince that he can’t see.

“You know,” you voice takes on a sing-song tune, “if you need help, I’m more than happy to give you a hint.” Your eyes flicker upwards, reading the poster taped on the wall and flickering down to a baby bouncing on their father’s lap. “If you descri—”

“It’s fine,” he drones. “Besides, you aren’t even home yet… Are you?” On your side of the phone you hear him slurp on something and a clatter of glass.

“No, not yet,” you confirm, “I’m like a stop away.” You lick your lips and glance out the window, sighing when the outside world still blurs by. “And I like totally fu-messed up too,” you pull a face at your almost swear, glancing at the baby who remains unbothered and father who checks his watch. “I forgot I had my headphones with me so like instead of talking to you through the mic, I have the phone pressed up against my ear and shoulder.” You stumble when the train comes to a slow, jostling people awake and others slipping their phones into their pockets. “My phone is gonna be all greasy and gross Tomu,” you whine, bouncing your leg and clutching the plastic bag tighter in your hand.

“I don’t know why you didn’t just have it delivered,” he grumbles.

“Because I was already—sorry, sorry,” you mumble with your head bowed as you weave out of the subway, wincing each time the plastic bag nudges at your leg, “I wasn’t thinking and I was already in the neighborhood.” You stand next to a wall, hands searching in your bag for your pair of headphones.

“Dumbass,” he snickers into the phone.

“Yes, yes. I’m very dumb,” you mumble, tongue sticking out as you untangle the wires, careful not to pull too harshly. “Now give me a sec, lemme connect my headphones.” You let out a sigh and begin your trek to your apartment. You smooth and the wires and speak into the mic. “Okay, I’m back. I miss anything? Finally beat that level?” You tease, a skip in your step as you wait for his reply to come. It’s silent for a moment too long. “Toma? You there, bud?” Still no answer. You step to the side of the sidewalk and see that call is still going on. “If you were gonna step out, should’ve at least waited to tell me,” you mumble to yourself, a frown tugging on your lips.

You disconnect the call and send a quick message to Tomura to call you later when he had the chance. You keep your headphones in your ear for the rest of your walk home, humming a soft tune and hoping that no one would stop you.

__

Shigaraki comes back to his phone with a reflection that stares back at him, a hand covering most of his face and a red eye that glares back at him. The screen is black and he pulls the hand off with a sigh, letting it hover over his chest before placing it delicately on the desk.

He frowns when the call has ended, the contact screen staring at him and a message icon is on his notifications. He reads your message with a neutral expression and checks the time. Thirty minutes until they go on a mission.

Your phone rings twice before you pick up with a cheery, muffled hello.

“Why’d you hang up?” He asks, getting straight to the point, fingertips drumming on the desk, eyes looking into the computer screen where he last paused. He hears the clinking of glass and wonders if you’ve already arrived home.

“Because I was on the call for like a minute or two until I figured I hit bad cell reception or you like had to do something,” you pause for a moment. “Was I wrong?” Your voice is muffled and he suspects that you are home and you’re eating. “What happened?”

A mission brief. One that went on long enough for you to hang up and be in the middle of your meal when he called. A pale hand reaches over to grab Father, placing it back on his face, instant relief and sickness coming to him all at once. “I had things to do,” he answers.

“Right. Things,” you say sarcastically and he can hear the smile in your voice. “Could’ve sent me a message or something. You don’t have to like just disappear on me,” you chuckle.

He hums and nods to himself. “Are you going out tonight?” He asks, closing his eyes, a hand twisting the shirt into his palm.

“Nah, why? Did you want to have a long call this time?” He stares at the cracked ceiling with disinterest. “I wouldn’t mind but—”

“I have something to do soon.” He flexes his hand in front of him and runs his thumb through his fingertips.

“Oh.” He hears you hum. “Why did you ask if I was going out then?”

His eyes shoot open and he stands straight. Why did he ask? He knows why. He can feel his breathing grow heavier, breaths ragged and throat tight. There’s a mission later tonight. Without thought, his hand wraps around his neck and nails drag across his skin, he lets out a low whine in response, pinpricks of scarlet bead out.

“Tomu?” You sound genuinely concerned. “Are you all right?” Fuck. “Did you hit yourself?” Fuck. “Tomura if you don’t say anything, I’m gonna think you’re dead. So like, can you please respond?” With a mind of its own, his hand pulls away, nails and fingertips shining with his blood. “Tomura if you left again without telling me I’m gonna be like,” you pause for a second, “annoyed.”

“What do you want?” He hisses out, hand dripped in blood curls into a claw.

“Oh thank god.” He hears you sigh. “I was worried you like fell or someone had broken into your place. Are you okay?”

“Why do you care?” His lip curls in disgust and the hand on his face makes him feel sick, stomach churning and bile rising in his throat.

“Because you’re my friend.” You make it sound like it’s the most obvious thing. “All I hear from you is like silence for a while followed by a whine. I thought you were hurt,” you mumble, your tone is small, like a child who is being scolded.

He’s silent for a long time and his mouth burns, warm liquid seeps out and trickles down his neck. He feels sick.

“Hey,” your voice is soft, “if you’re not feeling good, we can talk tomorrow if you want? Sound good Tomu-”

He hangs up without a goodbye. The little finger that doesn’t touch the phone shakes. His heart is beating rapidly against his chest and it hurts. He wants to throw the phone at the wall and stomp on it until it’s broken in millions of pieces. He wants to decay the phone in his hands. He wants to- He takes in a sharp breath and closes his eyes, his anger still rising and threatening to boil over and cloud his mind. The phone is tossed on his bed and the door shuts behind him with a loud crack.

__

You don’t hear from him for few days. All your messages are unseen and unanswered. You dialed him the day after, left a few messages asking if he was all right and any other variation that you could think of. You’re too scared to actually dial him now; a sick feeling in your stomach when you think back to the last conversation that you had with him.

He cut you off so quickly. You were sure that this friendship was on the better half than it was when you both initially had met. Heck! He had even begun to talk about his days unprompted and would answer you when you would call to talk about nothing. But then he was silent and made a noise like he had gotten surprised at best or hurt at worst. You didn’t want him to be hurt. But with the way he wasn’t answering your messages and not even looking at them was making you feel sick every day. And it wasn’t like you could send someone of authority over since you didn’t even know his address or full name.

“God, this sucks,” you grumbled, running a hand over your face and gritting your teeth. Your fingers tap nervously on the side of your thigh, something to keep you in rhythm. “Maybe I’m overthinking this,” you tried to reason to yourself but the pit inside kept growing. “He’s always been secretive maybe he had a surprised vacation planned or like a family emergency.” You can feel the heat in the tips of your ears burn. You bring your hands up, your fingers tracing over the shell, noise muffled for a brief second. “He’s fine,” you tell yourself, voice firm and hands in fists, “I’m being silly.” You nod as if giving clarification to a statement said into the air will make it that much more true. “Plus, it’s not like I can do anything except for wait for him to message me back.” You don’t want to think about the “or” part of that sentence. Anything could be added after “or” and none of the options were good.

__

It’s silent in your room; your face is illuminated by the dim glow from your laptop. It burns hot on your blanket and provides you with additional warmth that soothes your nerves. Your eyes burn with sleep and head begins to hurt, fatigued by sleep and light that shines directly on your face. Your body grows heavy, eyelids begin to droop and your phone is fully charged, the green light shines bright and is unblinking as you stare at it. Your eyes glance down to the corner of the screen, the time blinks at you, flipping quickly into a minute in the future. Your eyes are back to the phone. You can feel the bags beneath your eyes droop, feeling that if you stay awake for any longer your own body will pull you into the bed until you’re a mess of limps entangled in a plush blanket.

Your phone remains silent and unmoved and you can feel you heart actually hurt. It feels as if it’s being squeezed; it’s a soft squeeze that leaves you taking in a bigger gulps of air, but the nails that dig in, that peel away at it the top layer and leave it exposed, is what truly makes it ache.

There’s been no contact from him in the past few days. The first day went by without worry, he’s done it before where you wouldn’t hear from him for hours and you assumed that perhaps he had been busy all day and fallen asleep afterwards. Messages were left unopened and you were disappointed but it was nothing to fret over. The second day, messages were still unanswered and the call you sent had gone straight to voicemail. The worry had dugs its claws into you at that point. One the third day, the first few messages were left unseen. The phones calls afterwards would ring for too long, making you sick with worry and a bottom lip that was bitten and stained your mouth in bright red.  On the fourth day, you hadn’t bothered to send a message, reasoning that he would message you when he was ready. If he was ever was. The day bleeds into the night, your mind distracted by trips to stores for house necessities.

It’s late, the moon high in the sky surrounded by clouds and stars as you lay in bed, consumed by an online video. The screen dims, a notification popping in the corner to alert you that the battery in running low. With a click of your tongue, you put your laptop to sleep, the screen loading into your lock screen before going dark, the power light grows dim and you’re staring at your reflection in darkness. Your eyes adjust quickly and you close it softly, sucking in air through closed teeth when the bottom heats the pad of your fingers. It’s shoved off to the side, and you’re alone in the darkness. Hands search for the cord, fingers tracing a line down until it reaches the plug and it’s pulled out, tucked into the handle of your dresser with a soft clink of metal against wood. In the darkness, your thoughts begin to creep up, hands that grip at every part of your body and send both a mixture of chills and heat, it freezes you, makes you clammy and all at the same time makes you uncomfortably hot and twitchy. Dull nails are dragged across the blanket in an attempt to calm your nerves, the little moment of relief is well received. You repeat the motion, letting yourself indulge in the noise.

Your mind grows foggy and soon the repetitive motions become sluggish until your fingers twitch, once, then twice before coming to a still. You’re asleep for a wonderful thirty minutes where the promises of dreams start to lure you in. And then your phone buzzes to life. It’s a shrill ring that you set to make sure if anything had happened while you were unawake, the noise will wake you up and you’d respond to whoever it was on the other side.

It comes to an abrupt stop, the other person on the line having given up but then it rings again. Your body wakes first, hands searching blindly until the phone is pushed and falls onto the floor. You wince and search for the lamp, the light making you close your eyes and mouth pulled into a grimace. With a look downwards, you sigh when your phone has landed face up. Your body threatens to fall off the bed as you reach to pick up the still ringing phone. There are no cracks on the screen, still pristine and clear as you analyze the screen and through bleary eyes, you read the caller ID.

Tomura.

Your eyes shoot open and hands reach for the phone, a quick swipe of the green button. “Hello?” Your voice is slurred and heavy with sleep. You clear your throat. “Hello?” Oh god, please let him be okay, please.

“You sound tired.” He sounds forced- as if he had to push the words out of his throat.

You arch your brows and bite back a groan. “…Do you know what time it is?” Without meaning to, a yawn escapes you and you lay back down on your bed, your eyes struggling to stay open as you wait for his reply.

“Right.” He sounds distant and your worry bubbles over.

You lick your lips and glance to the night stand where an empty water bottle lays on its side. “Tomura? Can I ask you something?” You shift in your bed and pull the covers up to your chin.

“Whatever.”

You let out a low sigh. “What happened? You were gone for like a while.” Sleep slowly vanishes from your mind but it remains foggy, unable to filter what’s you’re trying to say. “You don’t have to like tell me, but I was worried that something had happened to you or like I don’t know, that you like just wanted to stop talking to me and,” you push the blankets off you and lean against the wooden bedframe, “I… Are you okay?”

He’s silent on his end. His breathing is the only thing that you can hear, it’s steady and it eases you a bit to know that he’s still on the line. Silence has filled your conversations with him plenty of times. They’ve been awkward, unnerving, but they’ve also been comfortable, reminding you that you’re not alone and that he’s still there. This silent however is just silent. There’s no reassurance that he’s okay; just that he’s still here. Sleep is fading in and out, a gentle tide that nudges you awake for a few seconds longer before receding back and lulling you back to your sleep.

“I’m okay,” he croaks out and in the background you hear a loud creak.

“Promise?” You ask, eyebrows knitting together and hands once again scratching at the blankets that warm you.

“Why do you care?” His voice is small as he speaks to you.

“Because you’re my friend,” you tell him, “I care about my friends Tomu. And you’re my friend so by like definition, I care about you.” You ran a hand through your hair, smoothing out your hair. “I- Am I your friend?” You take in a deep breath and run your thumb across the side of your finger. “You like don’t have to answer that now, I just—”

“Yes.” His voice is tight but clear. “I- You are.” You hear let out a shaky breath.

Your lips curve in a gentle smile. “I’m glad.” Tears still prick at the corner of your eyes and make your vision blur, you’re unsure if it’s from the sleep that still clings onto you or the emotional side of you that always makes itself more apparent in the dead of night.

“You sure you’re okay? You sound… different.” Different is the nice way to put it. He sounds defeated and lost. When he’s silent, you press. “Bad night?” You offer as a way to expand on what he’s feeling, a way to help him.

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.” He says wearily, a loud yawn that confirms his tone.

“You wanna talk about it?” Your mind and body begs for sleep. “If you want of course. I don’t mind staying up.”

“It’s late.” It sounds like he finally realized what time it was, voice suddenly tired and thick with sleep.

“Yeah, Tomura, it’s really late.” You lie on your side, legs curled in and eyes are barely able to stay open. “But like, I’m already awake. The offer still stands, you know.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow?” He asks, his voice returning to that akin to a child, hopeful and nervous all at once.

“Yeah, that would be nice.” You chuckle lightly. “Just like don’t flake out this time, okay?” You joke.

“I uh, yeah. I won’t flake. I promise.” The last words are soft, as if he didn’t want you to hear or even want to acknowledge what he had said himself.

“Okay. I’ll hear from you tomorrow.” With a burst of late night courage, you open your mouth. “Remember, you promised. And you can’t break a promise- especially to a friend.”

You hear him laugh, it’s muffled but it’s genuine. It doesn’t sound creepy to you this time, it sounds pleasant.  “Yeah, I won’t.” There’s a brief second of silence. He wishes you goodnight and whispers your name. There’s a skip in your chest when says it and a grin grows on your face, slowly etching itself onto you.

“Yeah, okay. Goodnight Tomura.” A second of peace passes where you can breathe easy and you hang up first; the phone blinks the time that you’ve talked to him before going dark. You slide the phone onto your nightstand and the blanket bunches under hands as you curl in deeper into the bed, eyes closing without resistance and mind clear and chest light.

Tagged:

@rogueofbullshit

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@noonewouldlisten25

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[forestwater87]

Every episode of Camp Camp ranked: A very (non)objective list

It's well past the time of year when Season 5 of Camp Camp would've dropped. I fully understand and support it not coming out; the crew's health and safety are much more important than a comfort show.

However . . . man, would it be nice to have some comfort right now.

So I'm reliving the entire series! I've been known to share with the world a whole bunch of Spicy Hot Takes, but I've never really sat down and talked about my feelings about the show as a whole. 

And what's the best way to do that? Well, just ask Jenny Nicholson: a numbered list! That is, here's the series ranked from worst episode to best, because I want to get the negativity out of the way early and focus on everything I love (and because people enjoy complaining, so let’s frontload all that). 

The takes will be hot. The feelings will be intense. The post, I'm assuming, will be largely unread.

Let's do it!

Oh and duh, there are spoilers. I tried to keep it pretty chill, but you’ll want to have watched the whole show or just not care about spoilers before going forward.

Also slashes in the middle of “naughty words” are meant to prevent this from being kept out of the main tags. Who knows if it’ll work? I don’t.

60. Who Peed the Lake? (Season 4, epis/sode 3)

Ah, good ol' Pi/ss Lake (or as @hopefullypessimistic84​ calls it because she's funnier than any of us will ever be, “Pis/s Fe/tish Dot Com”). Terrible, one of the few I’d consider nigh unwatchable. I actually kind of love this episode for being such great shorthand for "the absolute worst one."

Who signed off on an entire episode centered around Sherlock Holmes meets a bad om/o joke? Give me names and addresses: I just want to talk.

59. Reigny Day (Season 1, episode 6)

And nobody was surprised.

I'll admit I'm more willing to defend this episode than many people, but it's not . . . like, good. It seemed okay when there were only 11 other episodes to compare it to, but now that there have been so many bangers, this comes across as extremely weak. 

And let’s just say the Na/zi jokes hit a lot differently in 2020 than they did in the summer of 2016.

I’m overall happy with the direction the showrunners have moved Dolph’s character in, and I can’t totally blame them for using a kind of humor that was fairly common in the pre-Trump era, but yikes, this has aged like milk. And it wasn’t even very funny at the time, so it aged like milk that was already pretty bad to begin with.

58. Squirrel Camp (Season 4, episode 10)

This is a dumb one.

Not much else to say; it’s just kinda stupid and lame.

57. Fashion Victims (Season 4, episode 13)

I love Sasha, but this is filler. Which isn’t in itself a bad thing -- I have a couple episodes near the top that could reasonably be called filler, and a valid argument could easily be made that “filler episodes” don’t actually exist in a show with no plot -- but as much as I adore the Flower Scouts and enjoy the handful of good moments we get in this episode . . . who cares? Does anyone really give a sh/it about anything that happens here? Does anyone get their life from this one?

I didn’t think so.

56. Foreign Exchange Campers (Season 3, episode 3)

I know, I know, your Russian waifu came from this episode. Why do you think it’s so low on this list?

Okay, for real: this is . . . fine. It’s fine. It’s fine? I’m not mad at it, it just feels tonally incongruous and not very memorable beyond the fact that the fandom got really weird and kinda gross about Vera. But the episode itself? There’s some cute stuff with Neil and Nikki being jealous, but for the most part it’s a big hunk of white bread with some super mild white cheese that’s kinda soggy from sitting in a bag for too long and getting all condensation-y. 

That is to say: it’s fine.

ETA: Space Kid does say “fu/ck.” I can’t decide if that’s a point in the episode’s favor or against it.

This is the last of what I’d call the “bad” episodes. Everything after this ranges from mediocre to mind-blowingly amazing. But whatever our failing tier of Camp Camp episodes is, it stops right about here. 

Onto the good stuff!

55. Night of the Living Ill (Season 2 Halloween episode)

I keep switching this with “Eggs Benefits,” which probably means they should be tied. But whatever, this is my list and I am in charge and I’ve finally decided, after like 5 changes, that I like this one a little bit less.

It’s a fun Romero parody with nothing I’d call bad. Really this one’s only so low on the list because I think it’s kinda icky, and looking at those green snotty faces makes me queasy. If you think this is a bad reason to put it near the bottom of the list, then make your own post.

54. Cameron Campbell Can't Handle the Truth Serum (Season 4, episode 11)

I . . . don’t remember this at all. I initially had it a bit higher because I tend to love things with Campbell in them, but then I realized that nothing about this episode stuck in my brain even a little bit. 

Oh, this is the “Dolph has autism” episode that made everyone either extremely happy or really mad? Okay. I guess that’s the most remarkable thing about it. Neato.

Cam, I love you, but this was just not the best use of your sleazy charm.

53. Eggs Benefits (Season 2, episode 9)

This is one of those episodes with enough cute moments and good ideas to save it from being totally unmemorable, and I mostly enjoy rewatching. Platypus being a mom is a fabulous idea, and pairing the campers the way they did was mostly really interesting and fun.

The Preston-Nurf stuff takes it down several pretty significant notches, though. It’s what the kids would call problematic, and while I normally enjoy how the show doesn’t skew away from darker themes and jokes, it didn’t really fit either of their characters and just . . . isn’t fun to watch. It’s not especially funny, it’s not especially tragic, it’s just uncomfortable.

52. Camp Campbell Wants YOU! (Season 1, episode 0)

Honestly, this would be a lot higher if it was a full-length episode. It’s funny.

The next 5 or so episodes fall under the “cute but not very memorable” umbrella:

51. Nikki's Last Day on Earth (Season 3, episode 4)

I love the ensemble episodes, so this was always going to score higher than any of the single-character “meh” eps. I didn’t see the twist coming, though I know a lot of other fans did. Textbook example of “cute but not very memorable” -- the Platonic ideal of that concept.

50. The Candy Kingpin (Season 3, episode 9)

A clever idea that plays on Max’s worst characteristics and then calls him out for them, while also giving Dolph some much-needed character development. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like it really picks up until the last third of the episode, leaving the rest just kind of sitting there.

49. Campfire Tales (Season 4, episode 13)

Who doesn’t love campfire stories?

That’s all I got. They’re campfire stories.

ETA: OH SH/IT THIS ONE HAS THAT REALLY SCARY STORY! Where David’s all like . . . Slenderman’d. Fu/ck, I didn’t remember that until I was writing out my thoughts for #35 or so. That definitely elevates it, but I’m too tired to try and re-decide where this should go, so just tie it with “New Adventure!”

48. New Adventure! (Season 4, episode 4)

New trio! Focusing on these 3 was a definite risk, and I think it really paid off. While the “plot” itself isn’t anything special, there are a handful of really great side gags (hi, Dirty Kevin!!!!) and it’s fun to see these three interact. They all get some nice character beats. It’s a good time.

47. Something Fishy (Season 3, episode 8)

This might’ve hit me harder if I’d actually seen The Shape of Water, but the send-up works fine without having more than the seen-the-trailer level of understanding. Gwen dresses pretty, which I love; Max sucks, which I also love. What drags this one down is mostly feeling like the surreal aspects of the comedy go a bit too far into the “what the fu/ck am I looking at?” territory without really . . . making an actual joke beyond “look! Wacky!"

Why is David at the opera with a bird? Why??

46. City Survival (Season 3, episode 11)

Literally do not remember a single thing about this episode except David getting mugged and being called a “homeless twi/nk.” That should probably rank it lower on the list, but David being a fluttery mother hen saves it for me -- as does the fact that it leads directly into one of my favorite episodes, and the single best story arc of the series.

Next set of episodes is what I’m going to arbitrarily call “okay! but like the good kind of okay, not the bad kind.”

45. Bonjour Bonquisha (Season 2, episode 7)

Max and Sasha masterminding a scheme is really fun; their dynamic is great (though it won’t be fully realized until Season 4), and heartbroken David is so tragically cute it actually makes my heart explode out of my chest.

Also I can’t resist a good “3 kids in a trench coat” gag.

44. Anti-Social Network (Season 2, episode 2)

Neil is very relatable and I don’t have much else to say about this one. It’s fun to see an episode that more heavily focuses on our nerdy science boy, and Max and Neil teaming up to save Nikki was really charming and sweet and set my Makkiel ship out to sea.

43. A Camp Camp Christmas, or Whatever (Season 2 holiday episode)

Why does this episode have a musical number? It’s not good.

Okay, that was mean. This is fun and cute and Gwen wears a pretty purple sweatshirt and Space Kid gives her a present and it’s really sweet. But that musical number is an instant fast-forward for me, sorry.

42. Preston Goodplay's Good Play (Season 4, episode 7)

We get some Preston character development! Awesome!

It’s done in a really trippy and surreal way that totally fits his character and heightens the drama of the episode! Awesome!

David has an apparently-tragic history of being a French mime! Not a good call! 

Next tier: Some good sh/it! (Tbh, these could all be put in just about any order; they might as well be one massive tie.)

41. Cookin' Cookies (Season 2, episode 11)

I love the Flower Scouts. I love Dirty Kevin. I love the idea of accidentally starting a dru/g empire. Another weird, borderline experimental one focusing on side characters, and I think it works better than “New Adventure!” because the scale of the melodrama is just so over-the-top.

The fact that this is in the bottom 20 but I have nothing but good things to say about it illustrates how dang good this show is. It’s only getting better from here, folks!

40. Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected (Season 1, episode 7)

Preston is a terrible playwright. This makes sense, because he’s like 11, but he’s the kind of hilariously bad I wish I’d been as a preteen, because his play is absolutely bonkers. Max fucking with David is great, Tabii vs. Bonquisha is great, Bonquisha in general is a giant amazonian goddess and I want to be swept up into her giant arms. Neil is . . . a robot, for some reason?

So much fun!

39. Camp Cool Kidz (Season 1, episode 4)

I don’t love Ered’s characterization in this one, but there are a lot of wacky hijinks in this episode that I think make it really enjoyable. Max’s wide-eyed revolutionary naïveté is a fun change from his usual dour pessimism, and Nikki’s loyalty to Ered is both very gay and very charming. Plus we get to learn a bit more about how the camp operates (and fails to operate), and it’s a nice way to better establish the campsite as its own setting.

(Definitely think “Cool” should’ve been spelled with a K though. But whatever, I don’t write for the show.)

38. Scout's Dishonor (Season 1, episode 3)

The birth of Neeancy! The introduction of the Flower and Wood Scouts! Neil saying “cu/nt” -- one of the first and only truly shocking uses of profanity in the entire show! ZUKO!

I don’t know if my fondness for this one is rooted mostly in nostalgia or if it was actually really fun, but I enjoyed the he/ll out of it. Not as highly-rated as some other episodes mostly because it doesn’t really do anything, character or story-wise, but not every episode needs to be a massive game-changer that drowns us in feels. Sometimes it’s enough to have a fun romp, and this is very that.

37. Ered Gets Her Cool Back (Season 3, episode 2)

Awww, Ered. I have a soft spot for her, because I love the archetype of a spoiled bit/ch clearly still figuring out how to be a person and have friends. You really get the sense of her as a teenager trying to sort her shi/t out in this episode, which I would love to see more of. Her interactions with Nerris are top-tier, and I like that it’s a continuation of how her character’s been softening since Season 1 into this kind of big-sister figure.

Also, all the female campers in this show are lesbians. I do not make the rules.

36. Attack of the Nurfs (Season 4, episode 2)

I feel like this is a pretty underrated episode. But then again, I feel like Nurf is a pretty underrated character, so maybe that’s just my own personal bias.

I really enjoyed all the different iterations of Nurf, and I think Blaine did a killer job giving each one its own personality and life. It’s a fun episode that plays hard with cartoon physics (a 3D printer printing people! I love it!) and has a surprisingly moving ending.

At least, that’s what I think. Most other people seem to find this one pretty forgettable. Again: make your own da/mn list. I liked it.

35. Mascot (Season 1, episode 2)

This entire episode is memorable for so many things, but a few of my favorites:

David is established as kind of a di/ck.

Platypus arrives and kicks all the as/s.

Quartermaster is the best.

Nerris, Harrison, and Space Kid all get little moments to show off how cute they are.

Neil and Nikki bonding.

This:

34. Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak (Season 2, episode 3)

I love watching Nerris and Harrison bicker, and Neil and Nikki fit really well into their group. It reminds me of being a kid, and of playing Dungeons & Dragons (as an adult, because I’m so cool), and of summer . . . which is a really good thing for this show. There are a lot of funny one-liners, and it’s just a good dang time.

33. Quartermaster Appreciation Day (Season 2, episode 6)

I don’t think this one is all that well-loved, but I thought it was funny. There are literally zero important plot or character moments, but it made me laugh a lot, and that’s all I need a Camp Camp episode to do. 

I love QM, and the more we learn about him, the more confused and disturbed we end up being. What a fu/cking champion.

32. Arrival of the Torso Takers (Season 3 Halloween episode)

I lowkey hated this one when it came out, because I knew the Daniel stans were going to be exhausting. And they kind of were? But looking back, it’s a great way to reintroduce this motherfu/cker. He’s a lot scarier than he was the last time around -- but also less competent, which is a great way to kick him in the proverbial ba/lls -- and while I wish it had a lot more Gwen in it, it’s a clever and creative Halloween episode. 

31. Operation: Charlie Tango Foxtrot (Season 3, episode 10)

Charlie . . . Tango . . . Foxtrot . . . CTF . . . OH! Capture the Flag! I never got that before. Oh, that’s neat. I love this show.

Listen, every time the writers decide to take a risk and do something bizarre and creative, I’m going to be here for it at least a little bit. An entire episode told from the POV of the Woodscouts, explaining how hard they failed in all directions? A great gag where everyone in Petrol’s story talks in grunts? The return of Jermy Fartz?! Fantastic. 

30. Panicked Room (Season 4, episode 16)

Listen. I’m a sucker for my trash grandpa; anything Campbell-centric is probably going to be pretty good (except #54), because he’s just one of the most consistently funny and engaging characters. Good times are had whenever this terrible man is on the screen, and giving him a romantic backstory? A tragic romantic backstory full of mistakes and emotional damage?? One where he waited 17 YEARS for the love of his life???

We have no choice but to stan.

29. Party Pooper (Season 4, episode 15)

I’m so predictable. If you put Gwen in something, I will be happy. If you make an entire episode about how Gwen is under-appreciated and overworked and just trying to do her best despite the circumstances, I will dedicate my firstborn child to you.

Anyway, this episode is really sweet, and I liked the unexpected direction the writers took her relationship with her dad. He seems like a nice guy, they seem like they have a nice relationship, and . . . well, an episode about how hard it is to be an adult millennial hit pretty hard. Plus this was just a really pretty episode -- and not just because Gwen was in so much of it! Seriously, that night sky was a thing of beauty.

Also if you say a fuc/king word about Max and that godda/mn dog I will choke you out with your own intestines. Few things are more hilariously, annoyingly ironic than the fact that the entire fandom ignored and failed to appreciate Gwen . . . in the episode all about how everyone ignores and fails to appreciate Gwen.

28. Culture Day (Season 3 holiday episode)

Now, would it be arrogant to point out that I had the idea for a Culture/Heritage Day back in September 2018? Yes, especially since I don’t think the writers ever read fanfiction and it has literally nothing to do with this episode. Will that stop me? He/ll no it will not! I am a creature of ego! Read my stuff! 

Anyway, this is a really fun look at Neil’s background, personality, and relationships. Max looking out for him is just . . . oh my god, I cannot, I’ve written like 30 of these and my brain is starting to melt, but these two are so cute. I love arrogant Neil, and I love protective Max, and I love QM and Gwen fuc/king over the Flower Scouts to save the day. Everything about this episode is lovely.

27. Cameron Campbell the Camp Campbell Camper (Season 3, episode 7)

This should not be ranked so high (even if these are all essentially tied). This is a dumb episode based on a really, really dumb premise. 

But . . . I don’t know what to tell you. “Samboy Kidwell,” Max realizing he and Campbell are disturbingly similar and not liking what his future could look like, David’s “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” face . . . this episode happens to hit all of my favorite things. It had a really good balance of heavy-handed moralizing and goofs, it was part of the most graceful lead-up into a finale the show has ever had, and I’m just all about it. 

Excellent job, Samboy. Count Olaf would be proud of your disguise.

There ends the “some good sh/it” tier. We’re starting to get into the really excellent stuff now!

26. Parents' Day (Season 2, episode 12)

I know. You want this to be higher. I hear you.

Honestly I’m kind of shocked it’s this high; it’s my least favorite of the season finales so far, and I had to push past a lot of prejudice to actually rank this where I think it deserves to be, as opposed to somewhere in the like mid-40s. Mostly because it gave fuel to the raging inferno of “Max has terrible parents and David should adopt him” headcanons, which I’ve detailed my problems with extensively in the past (in a post that, statistically speaking, none of you have read).

But, trying to be objective: is this episode actually any good?

Well . . . yeah, it really is.

So much work was put into giving each of the campers families that make sense with their characters and bounce absurdly well off of them, ranging from wholesome and adorable (Nerris’s family) to quietly tragic (Harrison’s parents), and they’re all designed so well; they’re fun to look at and fun to watch interact with the kids and each other. (The only exception is Dolph’s dad, who is both kinda lame and misattributes the cause of the weird Na/zi thing because it did not come from Germany, I assure you. But things with Dolph are always a little off, and I don’t really know how you would give him a backstory that actually works with the character, so they were caught between a rock and a hard place there.)

The drama of David having to choose between the man he considers his father and the camp he considers his home is really touching, and him and Gwen choosing to take a sad camper out to get pizza instead of covering for their boss’s a/ss is such a beautiful moment for both of them that I can’t really blame the fandom for losing their mind over it. Campbell’s arrest leading into the arcs of the next two seasons was great as well, and the finale left us all with this weird sense of foreboding because we didn’t know what was going to happen next; it was the only finale that actually ended on something close to a cliffhanger, while still being satisfying enough to keep us all from melting down.

Plus, it’s funny. Carl and Candy are really funny and the idea of Neil and Nikki’s parents boning is funny in a horrible way. The joke about Quartersister is funny. It’s a good episode.

Should this be higher? Maybe, but I can’t bring myself to put it above the rest of these episodes. Again: make your own list.

25. Mind Freakers (Season 1, episode 10)

The episode that launched a thousand ships. Assuming those ships are all Harrison/Neil, anyway.

It’s hard to talk about these Season 1 episodes because they feel so classic. Like, what is there to say? You’ve all seen it a couple dozen times; I’ve seen it a couple dozen times. Harrison is a di/ck, Neil is possibly an even bigger di/ck, and magic may or may not be real. (Though spoilers for literally every season: yes, magic is definitely real.) It’s so much fun watching these two smug as/sholes snipe at each other in an almost literal playground hair-pulling way that could very easily be read as flirtation. 

And the fandom did most certainly read it that way, at least for a little while.

24. Gwen Gets a Job (Season 2, episode 8)

It’s Gwen. What, was I supposed to not put it this high?

This was the first Gwen-centric episode, and it absolutely slaps. She’s pushed to the breaking point and responds by being a cold-hearted BAMF, and it got her some pretty significant hate from fans but I don’t give a fu/ck, I loved it. We got to see her all dolled up, and then we got to see her all disheveled, and both of those looks were gorgeous. David gives her a tiny fragment of the love and validation she deserves (I don’t know if this is when gwenvid started taking off -- I think it wasn’t really until “Parents’ Day,” or even Season 3 -- but I ate that s/hit up).

Also, again: job hunting post-2008. It’s a bad time, y’all. Camp Camp gets it.

23. Follow the Leader (Season 4, episode 6)

Yeah, I was kind of surprised at how high this landed, too. I guess I’m just a sucker for unlikely companionships, and these three have a great chemistry. The combination of competitiveness, sass, and reluctant admiration make their interactions a lot of fun. Their motivation of doing petty errands for Campbell for the sake of getting at the Box of Illegal Contraband is a great framework too, with high enough stakes to justify all sorts of wacky shenanigans without causing actual anxiety.

I want to see these characters forced to spend more time together. Please, RT, make that happen.

22. Escape from Camp Campbell (Season 1, episode 1)

In terms of numbers, this feels so low, but considering everything from about #45 on is ranked as at least decent, this is actually a pretty high rating. There are 21 episodes I’d call better than this, but these decisions were all pretty painful.

This introduces us to everyone! The main trio, the counselors, Mr. Campbell; we get a snapshot of the major personalities running around the camp, the major points of conflict (Max vs. David, primarily), the major building blocks of future episodes, setting, and relationships . . . 

Again, I don’t know how much of my love for this episode is nostalgia -- there’s a lot of squeeing at familiar faces and gags; this is the first time David gets hit by a bus!!! -- but it was a fun and funny introduction to a series that’s ended up being so important to me, and I’m so grateful this wonderful, quirky little show with its wonderful and quirky little premiere. 

Of all the episodes, I really can’t look at this one objectively. It’s too important.

21. The Fun-Raiser (Season 3, episode 1)

David and Gwen scheming is my ki/nk. They very rarely scheme together, but every single time their teamwork makes the dream work (or, more frequently, makes the dream fail horribly and have disastrous consequences) my soul flies out of my body and takes to the stars, where I write another 500 first chapters to gwenvid fanfics I’ll probably never finish.

This is a great follow-up to “Parents’ Day,” where we immediately see the consequences of the previous season finale and what happens when the one adult in the camp disappears. Mr. Campbell was a terrible adult, true, but at least he was smart enough not to steal QM’s hook. Like . . . whose plan was this? It was so bad. These two are hilariously incompetent sometimes -- often when their bad ideas are feeding off of each other, actually, a la this and “Space Camp Was a Hoax” -- and watching them frantically try and keep all their balls in the air is so great. 

The ending is satisfying, too; a bit graphic, in keeping with a show that tends to keep the violence limited to periodic spurts of bloodshed 1-2 times a season and mostly pretty mild the rest of the time, but between Max stepping up and fixing everything while still being his shi/tty self to our dear dumba/ss counselors getting their dumb as/ses handed to them (deservedly so, if we’re being honest) . . . it’s such a great note to begin a new season on.

20. Journey to Spooky Island (Season 1, episode 5)

A classic.

We get to meet our spooky boy Jasper, we get to watch the comedy trio play off each other and continue to sketch out the general contours of their friendship, and we get to see the Quartermaster with a big purple dil/do for a hand. What’s not to love?

19. The Butterfinger Effect (Season 4, episode 17)

CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES! GET YOUR CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES HERE!

I’ve already gone into some pretty intense detail about why I think this one is actually really good and carries the theme of embracing change that everything about Season 4 was centered around, but none of y’all read that so here it is in short: this episode is super funny, almost all of the campers’ transformations work really well as extensions of their characters while still being strange and surprising, and the fact that Nurf creates all of these problems by trying to solve them is deliciously fun to watch in a karmic sort of way.

Or maybe it’s just because any Nurf-centric episode is going to rank pretty highly for me. That is also possible.

18. Space Camp Was a Hoax (Season 2, episode 10)

Our camp counselors being bad people: it’s my drug of choice.

We get Space Kid tripping balls in what might be one of the funniest sequences in the show, the entire camp coming together to try and pull off the stupidest, most impossible task (and kinda maybe almost nailing it???), and once again the fun of watching Gwen and David scramble to keep from getting caught in their boss’s shit/ty lies is so great. And Lindsay’s voice acting is absolutely killer, even more so than usual. 

17. Jermy Fartz (Season 2, episode 4)

I get the sense this might be a somewhat controversial one. 

I’ve written before about why I think this episode is a lot of fun, but it mostly boils down to two things: watching the campers try (and fail) to be nice to the most bully-able person on the entire planet, and the essential likeableness of Jermy. 

No, really.

I think a lot of people were put off by Jermy’s general grossness, because . . . my god is he disgusting, but he’s also polite and good-natured, and seems totally self aware of how difficult he is to be around, without letting it make him depressed. He’s cheerful in a weirdly downbeat way that’s impossible to understand until you see him in action. He’s so matter-of-fact about his own awfulness in a way that I found entirely endearing. I don’t think I’d want him at my camp, either, but get that kid to a good dermatologist and gastroenterologist, teach him some basic hygiene and social skills, and you’ll have quite a little gentleman there.

I do however find it hilarious that apparently David got the type of tree wrong when making fun of Jermy. Not only is that a great moment for reveling in David being an as/shole, but he didn’t even have the right wood. F/ucking idiot. I love him so much.

These last ones are my favorites! (Well, duh, that’s how this whole ranking thing works.) Maybe not perfect, but just really good and with limitless rewatch value.

16. St. Campbell's Day (Season 4 holiday episode)

They Grinch’d Camp Camp. Those brilliant bast/ards, they really pulled it off.

Ignoring the fact that David is truly frightening-looking for most of the episode, this is a great bookend to Season 4, following up on the theme established in the first episode about how David is a flawed and selfish human being despite trying his best not to be.

This is another one I was surprised to find so high on the list, but the more I thought about it the more I realizes how good it is. David being a jerk is always one of my favorite storylines, and the fact that the trouble comes from him trusting Mr. Campbell too little instead of too much is a nice twist on the usual formula. Gwen coming to help him out despite a blistering hangover gave me aggressive shipping feels, yes, obviously. 

Between a lot of really funny little gags like QM’s failed satanic ritual and the genuinely touching moral about the importance of spending time with the people you love, it’s just a really lovely episode that gets just the right amount of maudlin for the holiday season. 

15. Jasper Dies at the End (Season 2, episode 5)

I kept switching this and “Dial M for Jasper”; it was a really difficult decision to make, figuring out where these two belonged. I think in the end, while the John Dies at the End reference was very, very good, this one loses me a little bit by being told from David’s perspective. Now, normally the more David is in an episode the more I’ll be likely to love it (see my #1 for proof of that), but his blinders when it comes to the camp and Mr. Campbell result in a really funny story, but one without the same emotional heft as hearing about what happened from Jasper’s point of view.

That doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for what it needs to be: each Jasper episode builds on the previous ones, and having the same intensity of “Dial M for Jasper,” where we learn how he died and how his relationship with David fell apart, would be weird and heavy at this point. In Season 1 we just found out he’s a ghost (and eagle-eyed viewers realized he’d been a camper with David); in Season 2 we find out how David views their friendship and time at camp; and in Season 3 we get Jasper’s perspective. It’s an absolutely wonderful raising of the stakes (for lack of a better term), but the one that packs more of an emotional punch is going to rank a bit higher than the one that’s mostly just for laughs.

That being said: there are plenty of laughs in this one. Everyone -- Griffin, Miles, Travis, the animators -- nailed this one, and it gets funnier every time I watch it.

14. Camporee (Season 1, episode 11)

AKA the episode where Forest realized she was in love with Gwen. 

What a great idea for an episode, seriously. Every coming-of-age story has a talent show or a competition or a big game -- something where the kiddos can show off their improved skills and teamwork to beat their bullies or whatever. And this show has both kinds of bullies: the popular girly girls and the violent muscleheads. What a great moment to pull everyone together and show how friendship can help us accomplish anything!

Except . . . of course that’s not what happens. Of course they’re absolute garbage, and of course teamwork isn’t the answer. Gwen is the perfect foil for David here, being the anti-teamwork, anti-Camp-Campbell adult who can perfectly and effortlessly undermine David’s relentless optimism. David wants so badly for his campers to live in the same coming-of-age summer movie he did as a child, and their staunch refusal to do that leads to a really heartbreaking closer to the episode, as well as lead into the next one. Everything about this, from the challenges to the setup to Gwen shouting “we are winning this FUC/KING trophy!” is just gold.

13. David Gets Hard (Season 1, episode 9)

We have David. We have Nurf. We have Gwen. We have Max trying to be helpful in the shi/ttiest way possible.

We have all the makings of a da/mn good episode. And they deliver. Not a very emotionally intense or moving one, but so, so funny.

12. Dial M for Jasper (Season 3, episode 5)

This isn’t the fate any of us expected for Jasper, and it’s not the fate of a lot of people wanted. But godda/mn it, it worked. The constant bait-and-switch the episode keeps playing with, where you keep waiting for something really dramatic and tragic to happen . . . and then the reality is that Jasper died because Mr. Campbell was stupid and careless, and it was all just a horribly sad accident.

It’s anticlimactic, but in a way that suits the series, both as a comedic counterpoint to all the hype throughout the episode and as a way to establish that Cameron Campbell is a bad man first and foremost through selfishness and laziness, not Daniel-esque sinister evil. Jasper’s death was totally avoidable and totally Campbell’s fault, and while that’s sad, it also adds a weird sort of lightness to the episode. David didn’t do something terrible to kill his best friend, Jasper didn’t kill himself, and without having actively chosen to murder a child (well, not this time), the door remains open for fans accepting Campbell’s later pseudo-redemption. It was just an accident, and Jasper was “haunting” David to tell him that he was sorry for how their friendship ended. That’s really sweet, actually.

I think it’s the best way this reveal could’ve gone, and I’m so impressed with how they pulled it all off.

11. Into Town (Season 1, episode 8)

This might actually be the only flawless episode in the entire show. I mean, I call a lot of them flawless, and I mean that on an emotional level -- “I love this so much I cannot see anything wrong with it” -- but this one is a masterpiece of storytelling. All the technical jumbo I’m bad at, like planting and payoff and tension and all of that, is just perfect.

I feel like this is the kind of claim that needs to be backed up with a long-as/s essay full of citations and video clips and references to, like, Joseph Campbell or something, but this is my 49th entry in the list so I am not going to be doing that. Besides, I don’t think my English degree qualifies me to critique film/animation; I don’t even entirely know half the terms I’ve used to compliment this episode. Someone else please explain why this is such a good one.

10. The Quarter-Moon Convergence (Season 4, episode 5)

I’ve mentioned in other entries that the weird, surreal humor sometimes doesn’t work; it feels too much like being odd for its own sake, and sometimes gets so distracted in being surreal that it forgets to include anything funny or meaningful. 

This . . . is not one of those.

Putting Harrison and QM together is a stroke of genius; the two of them are literally the most magical beings in the entire show, and using them as the conveyance for this great Lovecraftian horror-comedy was such a good idea. I don’t know if we’ll ever see these two interact in another episode -- honestly, this felt a bit like lightning in a bottle, and I have a hard time imagining what could possibly bring them together again -- but if this is the only episode we get, it is such a fantastic one.

Harrison makes a really good everyman, despite his powers; he’s just the right amount of confident and insecure to pull off that wide-eyed apprentice to QM’s grizzled wise mentor. (The fact that QM is objectively a terrible mentor is beside the point.) I still don’t entirely know what the two of them accomplished, but it feels baffling and momentous, with the perfect amount of gravity to make things extremely tense all the way through to the end.

Also, I guess God is an octopus? That’s kinda cool. I like octopuses.

9. Camp Corp. (Season 3, episode 12)

Another unpopular opinion? Oh ho ho, I am so contrary! I am Not Like Other Fans! I am the Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, refusing to have the same opinions of all you prepz.

I know this wasn’t the most well-loved episode, but I think it did a really great job tying together story threads woven throughout Season 3: Max’s selfishness leading to him hurting other people, his growing realization that he cares about his friends and the camp itself, the parallels between him and Mr. Campbell (and the fact that they both get this redemption moment in the finale). 

This is the most Max-centric season, focusing on his flaws and character growth, and they pulled it off in a really organic way that felt faithful to his character, touching without being too maudlin. The fact that his feelings about the camp are echoed in Gwen, Neil and Nikki, the other campers, and even Mr. Campbell drives home how important the camp -- and David -- are to this strange little family. 

Each season, Max reluctantly becomes a better person, without changing the fundamental core of who he is. That’s a really hard putt for the writers and Michael, and I’m blown away every finale by how they so consistently nail it.

8. Time Crapsules (Season 4, episode 18)

Gwen-centric? Check.

Max learning how to be a better person while still being the bratty kid we know and love? Check.

Looks at one of the most under-appreciated character dynamics in the entire show (i.e., Max and Gwen)? Checkity check-check-check.

I don’t really have much to say about this one, which I should: it was considered a pretty serious letdown to a lot of fans, and I’m not sure how to explain why I loved it so much. 

Comparing Max from “The Order of the Sparrow” to Max from this episode is wild. It’s not like 2 different characters: they’re still very obviously the same cynical, self-absorbed 10-year-old trying to survive summer camp. But he’s become a more considerate friend and decent version of that kid, and it’s great to watch. The moment where he and Gwen go too far and immediately regret snapping at each other is still painful (on my god, the VAs in this show, they’re so talented), Nikki and Neil both get nice subplots about how they’re also growing up, and the ending is fuc/king hilarious, perfectly breaking the tension from Campbell’s speech, which is both beautifully done and important to hear, especially if you’re in a period of uncomfortable transition (like, say, in your late 20s, or living through about 5 different national and global catastrophes).

And okay, I found that speech on the wiki for this episode and it made me deeply emotional, so here:

Here's the thing: you've got to take your failures and make something out of them. Take Camp Campbell for instance: a lot of poor decisions went into making this place what it is today. Sure, somewhere along the line it maybe strayed from its path, not living up to the camp it wanted to be. At some point, the camp realized that the camp would never reach the end of its path until it was ready or until it gave up. So, if the camp wanted to keep embezzling money and dealing with foreign powers, so be it! But, at some point, it didn't anymore. I never saw this coming, but I'm starting to think this camp is the best it's ever been.

If this is the last episode of Camp Camp we ever get -- and for at least a little while, it looks like it’s going to be -- I can’t think of a sweeter, funnier, and more lovely bittersweet note for this show to go out on.

7. The Lake Lilac Summer Social (Season 3, episode 6)

And again: No one was surprised. 

This is the longest non-finale episode of the show, and it uses that time perfectly. Rather than having some big emotional moments and character arcs -- which are great, don’t get me wrong -- the writers use the extended time to build a series of shenanigans as complicated as Gwen’s matchmaking web, and watching her try to set up a series of dominos (with David, for once, being the responsible, level-headed one) is almost as satisfying as the catastrophic results. 

Neil and Snake steal this episode, even from someone as in love with Gwen as I am, and for an episode that’s largely about making fun of shippers, there hasn’t been one that launched nearly as many ships as this. Neil/Snake? Tabii/Erin? Max/Nikki? GWENVID?! It’s all here, and I am here for it.

It was also fun to get a traditional episode setup in a very non-traditional show. I assume this means the beach and/or hot springs episode is forthcoming. (No, Pis/s Lake doesn’t count. Obviously it doesn’t count.)

6. Keep the Change (Season 4, episode 1)

Again, this is an episode I’ve said a lot about in the past -- and I was pretty uncharitable toward Season 3, which in retrospect was very unse/xy of me -- but I stand by a lot of my opinions then: this is a fu/cking great episode.

David is an as/shole, Max is an as/shole, Campbell is an as/shole. No one escapes the as/sholery. David schemes, Max catches him in the scheme, Campbell gets drunk and kind of gay . . . I’m 54 entries into this list and I don’t have much to say anymore: it’s just really good and fun and I love it.

5. Camp Loser Says What? (Season 4, episode 9)

This is another one I kind of hated when it came out, and again for fandom-related and personal-grudge reasons.

Fu/cking Daniel. That motherfu/cker. He shows up for 12 minutes and Tumblr bursts into flames. Every single time.

However, it’s really hard not to love this one. Daniel-as-Trump is a clever but subtle -- I mean, for this show’s definition of subtle -- allegory, and it’s amazing how much this slimy freak and the Woodscouts slot into it. David is a bise/xual disaster with the absolute worst taste in men, Dirty Kevin and Daniel are onscreen together for all of 2.5 seconds and the kevdan shippers lost their minds, and Xemug looks like Megamind for some weird reason.

My only minor complaint is that the ending is a bit anticlimactic, but it plays on Daniel’s stupidity and the value of teamwork, so it’s a very small nitpick in an episode that mostly works like gangbusters.

4. Cult Camp (Season 2, episode 1)

Duh. There’s a really good song and we’re introduced to a charismatic, sinister, and totally dumba/ss villain. What’s not to like?

I don’t think I even need to say anything about this episode. Season 2 started off the summer by throwing a lit firecracker directly at the viewer’s face, and ignoring the fact that we as a fandom proceeded to eat each other, it’s impossible not to get caught up in the episode’s wild energy.

And dude, that song. Fabulous. Fu/ck Daniel, but thank god he’s around to be such a prickly little pri/ck.

Now for the top 3: Literally perfect, wouldn’t change a single solitary thing.

3. After Hours (Season 4, episode 8)

I’m not sure anyone loved this episode as much as me. But this is my list, and I will put this up at the top if I want to and you cannot stop me.

It’s much easier in a lot of ways to talk about the episodes I hated than the ones I love this much. What do I say besides “literally everything about this fills me with joy and my life is better because it exists”? I don’t know. The counselors are my favorite characters, and between Gwen and QM having the weirdest bonding experience, Gwen getting to meet up with people who care about her silly fanfiction, Mr. Campbell being the trash grandpa of my dreams, David getting in way over his head . . . it’s the episode I always wanted, and they made it work so well.

Also, I just discovered that “Gwen Isn’t Your Mother So Stop Asking Her to Rinse Your Dishes” is an actual song and I am overwhelmed with delight. Here, I’m embedding it as well as linking because it’s so good:

God. This show. What the fu/ck even is up with this amazing, weird-as/s show.

2. The Order of the Sparrow (Season 1, episode 12)

Duh.

The entire first season is a great time (except “Reigny Day”), but it’s a pretty low-stakes kind of great time. There isn’t much in terms of emotional depth until the very end of “Camporee,” despite some hints at darker themes in one-off jokes and quick asides, so this episode comes a bit out of left field, tonally speaking.

But that’s not a bug, it’s a feature; if the show had been this overtly emotional from the outset, this finale wouldn’t hit as hard, and the rest of the season wouldn’t be as funny. 

This manages to serve as a capstone to the conflict of the first season, building on episodes like “Into Town” and “Escape from Camp Campbell” in a way that feels totally natural for both David and Max’s characters while revealing new sides of them. It works because it’s so unexpected, but it doesn’t come across as incongruous with their personalities. It’s the first and only time David swears in all 4 seasons, and that line -- I don’t even need to say it, you know exactly what I’m talking about -- still gives me chills.

Also, Gwen sings the camp theme song. Impossible not to cherish.

1. The Forest (Season 4, episode 12)

I’m not sure if this one is a surprise or not. It might be the obvious first place, or it might be a bit of an oddball for some people.

I had a really hard time choosing between this and “The Order of the Sparrow”; I switched their places half a dozen times, and the difference in quality between the two is razor-thin. I think part of that is because it accomplishes a lot of what “Order of the Sparrow” does: puts David in a situation where he’s pushed to his absolute emotional and physical capacity, crushes every shred of hope he has left, and sees what he’s actually made of when you strip everything away. It’s much more dramatic this time around, but it’s the same basic concept.

And just like in the Season 1 finale, what we see is a man who’s determined to do good even when he isn’t rewarded for it, even when he’s actively punished for it. Who wants to love nature, and life, and make the world a better place -- despite his faults, his selfishness and thoughtlessness and anger, David proves that he is fundamentally kind. He’s not nearly as deludedly optimistic as he seems; he just refuses to stop trying.

Because somebody fuc/king has to.

I’ll admit, some of what puts this one in first place is that I’m a sucker for whump, and David really goes through the ringer. However, I also think it’s important to acknowledge the risk Joe Nicolosi took with writing this episode: it’s all centered around a single character, it’s darker and more viscerally bloody than any other episode in the show’s history, the art is focused on these grand sweeping backgrounds that must’ve taken forever to paint, and there’s very little talking in a show that runs 99% on clever dialogue. This could have so easily backfired -- and for some fans it did -- but it was brave and beautiful and breathtaking.

I’ve actually only watched this in full once. It’s really hard to get through; it’s just so intense and even disturbing. But if there’s one episode I'll remember for the rest of my life, even when I’m 80 years old and haven’t seen the show in years, it’ll be “The Forest.”

It’s funny how such a sharp departure from the format and style of the rest of the show somehow manages to perfectly capture the heart of it. Talk about a fuc/king achievement.

So what have we learned?

I don’t entirely know what the purpose of this whole exercise was. I think it was mostly to get myself a nice Camp Camp fix that came from something other than slogging through 20 different fanfic WIPs, and to remind myself of what a strange and fun ride the last 4 summers have been. 

I also wanted to take a moment to acknowledge what Camp Camp means to me. This show has been hugely important to me on a personal level: I met two of my best friends through this fandom, and I’ve never been more connected to a community or readers than I have with CC. I know I bi/tch about this fandom a lot, but it’s a big extended internet family, and I’m so happy to be a part of it. Going through all these episodes, getting the chance to ramble about the things I liked and the things I didn’t, was a great way to reconnect with a series and community that I love.

So . . . what have we learned?

1. Season 4 was all over the place.

Some of this has to be due to the sheer volume of episodes, but when I sat down and organized everything into tiers:

There isn’t a single category Season 4 doesn’t have at least one episode in. I was surprised to see how high a lot of them ended up; it really was the best and worst of the show so far.

For the fun of it, I decided to give a number to each placement -- 60 points for the #1 episode, 59 for #2, etc. -- and see how each season broke down. Because that’s that kind of thing I think is worthwhile, apparently. And . . .

2. Seasons 1 and 4 are really good, actually.

Well, I don’t think anyone’s surprised to see how well Season 1 stacked up; it was amazing. But I was surprised to see how much I ended up enjoying Seasons 3 and 4, when if you’d asked me before this little project, I would’ve said they were the most underwhelming. Maybe I messed up the numbers a bit -- I’m no mathmagician -- but not only are they all really close, but Season 4 was one of my favorites.

3. This entire show is really good, actually.

One thing that really struck me when I put it all together visually is how most of the episodes sit in the “good,” “really good,” or “amazing” categories. The amount of episodes that are memorable, fun, and/or emotionally resonant is crazy. I don’t now how many other tiny cult-hit web series can say the same, honestly, and all of the writers, animators, directors/producers/other people whose jobs I don’t really understand, and voice actors should be commended for their outstanding talent and hard work.

4. Thank you, Camp Camp.

It was a real pleasure to relive all of these episodes again and think about what they meant to me. It won’t be the last time I sit down and watch this show -- and it certainly won’t be the end of my being a shrieking fangirl over it -- but with this break, where we have to get through a blazing, extremely difficult summer without a new season to fawn over, it’s nice to stop and appreciate what a precious gem of a show this is.

I hope everyone involved with Rooster Teeth is taking a much-deserved rest and prioritizing their health and well-being. Thank you for creating something truly special, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

[duhragonball]

Yamcha if you're still doing the character meme?

I am still doing these, and I’m enjoying it, so keep ‘em coming.   Before I start, let me promote the original post, in case anyone else wants to start their own thing.  I’d link to the OP, but I guess they deleted this from their blog, probably because their notifications went nuts.

Give me a character and I will answer:

Why I like them: Let’s be honest, Yamcha doesn’t get a lot of big “hero moments” in Dragon Ball.   Or Dragon Ball Z, or Dragon Ball GT, or Dragon Ball Su-- Look, you get the idea.   In most arcs, he’s the first one to get benched.   In tournaments, he always loses in the first round.   He spent the King Piccolo Saga recovering from a broken leg.    Against the Saiyans, he was the first one to die.  Against the Androids, he was nearly killed and had to sit out the rest of that arc.   In the Buu Sagas he was retired.    In a number of major storylines, he just isn’t there, because no one called him.

But he remains a fixture in the franchise anyway, because he’s always showing up for more.  Let’s take the Buu Saga as an example.   It didn’t surprise me to find out he had retired, mainly from a dramatic standpoint.    There’s a lot of new characters in the Buu arc, and it made sense for some of the older characters to step aside and make room for them.   But he’s still there, because he wants to see Goku one last time, and he wants to hang out with his friends and watch some of them kick the crap out of each other.   It was kind of sad to see him stay behind while the others rushed off to follow the Supreme Kai, but he’s retired, after all.    Also, they didn’t stop to fill him in on what was happening.    I suspect he might have tagged along if they asked.  

As it was, he still ended up getting involved, and he was with the Dragon Team right up until Super Buu cornered them on the Lookout.     And the next time we see him, he’s on the Grand Kai Planet with Krillin, and King Kai seriously considers sending them in to take on Buu in case Goku and Vegeta can’t get the job done.   

And that’s a big deal, because it even comes up in the anime.   King Kai tells them that he arranged for them to keep their bodies as a precaution, but he’s totally in favor of letting them remain on the Grand Kai Planet with all of the other honored warriors, like Goku.  So you start with this desert bandit, a highwayman without a highway, probably because he’s afraid of all the women that use the interstate.   But he gradually overcomes his fears and insecurities, never completely, but just enough to put one foot in front of the other and become a better man.    And finally he ends up receiving a place among the great heroes of old.  

So why doesn’t that get more attention?   You could make a whole epic story out of that, except it’s not Yamcha’s story.  He’s a supporting character.   So the franchise itself tends to play it down.    Even Yamcha doesn’t really take it all that seriously.   I don’t know if that’s modesty or cluelessness or Big Himbo Energy or what, but that’s why it’s so easy for everyone to write him off as a loser or a failure.   They’re overlooking the bigger picture.

The best way to illustrate this is with this TFS short that serves as an epilogue to their DBZ Abridged series.   Yamcha goes back to playing baseball for the Taitans, only to get fired, because he’s so talented that he’s literally broken the game, and no one buys tickets anymore.    But he gets a gigantic severance package, and he still goes down in history as the greatest ballplayer in history.  What always gets to me is that they have to explain to him that this is actually a win.  As his coach puts it, “you do nothing but win.”   

Like Yamcha himself, we often see him from the lens of these insane Dragon Ball adventures, where you have to have glowy hair and a hot cyborg wife to be considered a success.   But to the rest of the world, he’s a jacked up millionaire with fantastic hair, and he’s a real sweetheart.   Who couldn’t like this dude?

Why I don’t: As you may have noticed, I tend to only use this section to talk about why I disliked the characters initially.   I have to think back to 1999 when I was still having trouble keeping track of who’s who.   In particular, I found Yamcha’s presence frustrating because he looked and dressed almost exactly like Goku, but not quite, which seemed bizarre.    Later, I picked up on the context, and it didn’t bother me as much.  

Yamcha does have a bit of an overconfident streak in some situations, which might look like unfounded arrogance, but I think it’s really just his carefree nature and enthusiastic can-do spirit.   He was confident about their chances against the Saiyans, but I don’t think that was him being cocky.   He just knew they had all trained hard and he was stronger than he’d ever been.    But that’s easy for people to jump on as a reason to hate the guy.  

Future Trunks claimed that he fooled around while he was involved with Bulma, but come on.    Does anyone really buy that?    Besides, at best, that would only apply to Future Yamcha, the one who died in the other timeline.   Once Trunks changed the past, all bets were off.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): I’m gonna get a little nuts here and go with TFS’s playthrough of Legacy of Goku I, where they decided to level up Yamcha and have him solo Broly.

Basically, in an RPG game like this, Wolf Fang Fist can do monster damage, so they maxed out Yamcha’s stats to wreck the game’s hidden superboss.  You have to skip to 1:40:00 or so to see the successful attempt, but I loved this video.   This is where I learned to respect the utterance of “Roga... fufuken!”  Broly probably would have respected it, too, except he died from all those hits he took.

Favorite season/movie: You know, that fight with Tien was a classic.   Not sure it’s in my top ten, but it’s on a lot of people’s lists, and I absolutely get that.

Dumb as it may sound, I enjoyed seeing Yamcha in the hospital, wrestling with his own despair as he recuperated from his broken leg.   And when he shows up at the end to congratulate Tien and accepts Tien’s apology, well, like I said, Yamcha has this great character arc, but it’s easy to overlook with everything else that goes on.

Favorite line: I forget which game it was in, maybe Budokai 3, but one of his pre-fight taunts is “Watch this, Puar!  I’m gonna win!”, which always makes me think of Puar sitting just off-camera, watching the action from a little lawn chair.  

Favorite outfit:

I may take some heat for this, but I like the Androids/Cell Saga version of Yamcha, with the short, spiky hair.  This dude’s long, luxurious rockstar ‘do is a national treasure, sure, but I dig this look more.  

Also, I consider Yamcha to be the only guy from the Turtle School who pulls off the slippers and no-blue-undershirt look.   It looks off when I see it on Krillin and Goku, but with Yamcha it just feels right. 

OTP: This guy gets shipped with a lot of people, probably because he’s one of the major characters without an established love interest.   Folks still carry a torch for Bulma, some people ship him with Tien, Frieza hit on him in FighterZ, and I’m still trying to make sense of that.   He flirts with your character in the Xenoverse games.    Years ago, I considered doing something with that, but I’ve fleshed out my OC enough to where I don’t think that fits. 

At the end of the day, I can only see Yamcha getting together with @cozymochi ‘s OC, Marzi.  

Brotp: Tien, Krillin, Goku.  Hell, I always figured Yamcha was one of the few people Vegeta could get along with to some extent.  

I mean, Tien couldn’t stand to be one the same planet as Vegeta, but Yamcha keeps coming over to have hot dogs at Bulma’s place, long after the Namekians have left.  

Head Canon: He’s Luffa’s type, don’t get me wrong.    I just don’t see any room in my fic for a whirlwind courtship.    The stars just don’t align.

Unpopular opinion: I’m not really behind this notion that they should give the humans more stuff to do in future series.   When it comes to supporting characters, sometimes they get phased out, and there’s no point in phasing them back in unless there’s a compelling story idea for them.   

I think it’s dumb how they teased Yamcha in the Tournament of Power prelude, only to leave him out of the tournament itself.    On the other hand, they put Tien on the team and barely used him, which tells me that even if they’d put Yamcha on the team, it wouldn’t have amounted to anything.   

I get it, people love these characters and want to see them used more, but I’d rather have one strong Yamcha story than a hundred non-starters.  And at this point, I think the only thing anyone can do is rely on fan-created content.    Be the change you want to see in the world.

A wish: Crap, it’s after ten pm.    I dunno, I wish Marzi was canon.  

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I feel like the character’s already been through worse than I could come up with for him.   

5 words to best describe them: Cat loves food, yeah yeah yeah.   That’s six, but who cares?

My nickname for them: Yeah, I don’t have one.

[tsuki-chibi]

Trolling Alya - Part 1

Read the story on AO3: Trolling Alya

-----

When Alya first made the suggestion that they go camping, Marinette's instinct was to say no. Going on vacation was a luxury that neither Ladybug nor Chat Noir could afford, particularly since Alya wanted both Marinette and Adrien to go on the overnight camping trip with her and Nino. Alya might not have known it, but that would mean four out of five Parisian heroes would be away from the city for the night.

No matter which way she spun it, Marinette couldn't in good conscience come up with a reason to say yes. It was simply too dangerous, and it was with a lot of regret she texted Alya to turn down the invite.

But then she went on patrol.

"Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase," Chat begged, falling to his knees and clasping his hands in front of his face.

"Chat, it's just not a good idea," Ladybug said, trying to steel herself against his kitty eyes. Adrien was hard enough to say no to, but Chat? The sad eyes, the drooping kitten ears, the slumped shoulders, the dramatic frown - Ladybug knew she was being played, but damn it all if it wasn't working.

"It's a great idea! We need a break and you know it. Especially you," Chat said, batting his eyes. "Come on, Bugaboo. Doesn't the thought of a fire under the stars sound appealing? No school, no akumas, no designs, no Lila..."

He knew her weak spots. Ladybug sighed. "Sure there won't be an akumas where we are, but what about Paris?"

Chat smiled up at her. "I have it all figured out. We can give the Bee miraculous to Chloé for the weekend." He held a hand up when she opened her mouth, quickly adding, "I really think Chloé is ready for this. She can take over patrolling for the one night that we're gone. If something goes wrong, she can distract the akuma until we get there. I already checked with Alya; the campsite is only two hours away from Paris. Transformed, you and I can make it back in like forty-five minutes. Queen Bee can totally take care of an akuma for forty-five minutes and you know it."

She closed her mouth, realizing that he had put a lot of thought into this. He really wanted this. More so than she had anticipated. Enough to have figured out what her objections would be and come up with workable solutions. Much as she hated to admit it, he was right about Chloé. Ladybug sighed and put her hands on her hips.

"You do realize that the only reason Alya cooked up this scheme is because she thinks she can get us to start dating, right?"

"Absolutely," Chat said, smirking.

Ladybug studied him for a moment. "You totally want to go just to mess with her, don’t you?"

"Got it in one, My Lady," Chat said, smirk broadening into a grin. He took her hands into his, pressing kisses to her knuckles.

With effort, she kept her face straight while she thought about it. The thought of being able to mess with Alya was incredibly tempting. The recent change in Marinette's and Adrien's friendship was already driving Alya crazy. Seemingly overnight, the two of them had gone from casual friends to sharing inside jokes, cute nicknames, and meaningful looks. Since she couldn't tell Alya the truth - which was that Ladybug had accidentally detransformed in front of Chat, and the dumb cat had followed suit before she could stop him - Marinette had been dodging the subject as best she could.

What wasn't so easy to dodge was Alya's insatiable curiosity over whether they were going to take the next step and start dating. It was literally the first thing Alya asked her every morning, and the last thing Alya asked her every night. And every time Marinette told her no, she was pretty sure that the veins in Alya's forehead got a little bit bigger from sheer frustration.

It was, if Ladybug was being honest, hilarious. The day that Adrien walked over, kissed Marinette's cheek and lovingly called her 'Princess' while wrapping his arms around her, Marinette thought Alya's head was going to explode.

It was just one of those things that didn't have a simple explanation. As surely as the sun rose in the east, Marinette Dupain-Cheng was going to marry Adrien Agreste. That was a fact that Ladybug knew in her heart, and she knew that Chat knew it too. The unspoken acknowledgement surrounded the two of them like a warm, cozy blanket. There was really no need to rush to dating because that next step was always going to be there; they had all the time in the world.

Right now, Ladybug was just thoroughly enjoying both the anticipation and the ability to cuddle up to Adrien while watching Alya try not to choke to death on her blueberry smoothie as Nino awkwardly patted his girlfriend on the back.

"Okay," Ladybug said at last. "But you realize this means we'll end up sharing a tent."

Chat shrugged. "A tent has to be more comfortable than the time you fell asleep on top of me and then rolled off the roof."

"That was one time, you asshole!" Ladybug freed her hands and shoved his forehead. Chat yowled and fell backwards onto his ass. Ladybug huffed and threw herself off the roof.

"Rude!" he yelled after her. "Just for that, I'm not purring while you sleep!'

"Yeah right," she muttered to herself, rolling her eyes but smiling to herself as she made her way home. Chat purred every single time they hugged, transformed or not, and they both knew it.

She landed lightly on her balcony and detransformed, making her way back inside. At just after midnight, everything was quiet. Her papa wouldn't be up to start the day's duties for another three hours. Marinette landed on her bed and crossed her legs, reaching under her pillow for the cookies she'd left Tikki. Her kwami beamed and took one of the cookies, biting into it happily. Marinette smiled back and took out her phone, sighing when she saw all the texts that Alya had sent her. Alya had never been good at taking no for an answer.

"Do you want to go, Marinette?" Tikki asked, peering down at the screen. A crumb fell onto the glass. Marinette absently wiped it away.

"You know what, I think I do. It would be nice to get away from Paris for even one night. I'm just not sure..." Marinette sighed.

"I think Chat is right. Queen Bee can handle things. And if you two needed to get back quickly, you could," Tikki said.

"Really?" Marinette said hopefully.

Tikki nodded. "Go for it."

"Okay." Marinette quickly tapped out a text to Alya rescinding her earlier reply and agreeing to go. Just as she hit send, a text from Adrien popped up.

"What is it?" Tikki said, seeing the look on Marinette's face.

"Ugh, that cat. He said he went to get the Bee miraculous from Fu and is on his way to drop it off to Chloé. He's so presumptuous! What if I'd said no still?" Marinette said, scowling at her phone.

"Just think. You get to deal with that for the rest of your life," Tikki said slyly.

"I know, right?" Marinette sighed and dropped her phone, grabbing her covers. She scooted down in bed, pulling the covers up over her head and letting the excited smirk roll across her face. This was going to be fun.

[caffeinetheory]

TIMARI SOULMATE AU THING

-Anything you write or draw on your skin appears on the other’s

--This applies to injuries and cuts

-Tim is older by a few months

-They find out about the connection after Mari’s 7th birthday when they both get sizable bruises on each leg but can only remember causing one

--Que parents explaining what it means and frantic research

--Constant conversations follow

--Both become fluent in the other’s language with in 2 years (and even then people find out after 2 years because sometimes they slip when talking)

--Many inside jokes and weird words they made up trying to understand the other language that only they know the meaning of

-They send notes of worry to the other after bad injuries and notes of encouragement

-Wonder Women basically adopts Mari when she finds out there is an active Ladybug

--Mom used to be a Ladybug so she knows all about the Muraculi

-Mari does still have friends despite Lila’s best efforts

--Lila isn’t a main antagonist though still isn't a good person (I want to focus on more fluffy things so that's why; she is no way a good person or redeemed character) 

--Her class support system: Cholé, Alix, Adrien, Kim, Luka, Kagami and Max

--Juleka comes around after hanging out with everyone and talking with Luka

--Nino, Nathaniel and Marc also support Mari but aren’t as open because fear and Nino is on the fence about his Girlfriend 

--Jagged, Penny, Clara, Audrey all have a respect and care for Mari

-Tim and Mari have battles of witt on their arms to try to figure out who is smarter

--(Spoiler: they are both insanely smart) it is basically a tie

-Most of the good in person fluff will take place after Hawk Moth is defeated and Mari is the official Guardian

--My girl needs some happiness and good luck man

-Mari and Tim accidentally find out each others identity after they leave themselves notes on their arm and putting the pieces together; however this is often forgotten between stress and more important things

--Because of this though when the Justice League gets a message from Paris, he knows it is real and believes it

--When they find out they don’t tell the other because they understand and respect how important secret identities (this is part of the reason it doesn’t really cross their minds)

--Mari figures out who Robin is; she forgets that Red Robin is a thing so doesn’t look into finding him out

--Figuring out Robin was an accident so she doesnt looking to the rest of the BatFam

--Tim forgets about all the stuff about Ladybug on his arms because living in Gotham has enough to deal with so he tries not to focus on too much at once/has bigger problems

--“I JUST MEET RED ROBIN/LADYBUG” moment in Paris, after a patrol where they run into each other when the League is investigating the plea for help

--The Wayne’s and Diana are there on “official” business but really it is just a cover so they can investigate

--Diana hears about this from both sides as she befriended Mari earlier and finds this a lovely development

---She also figures out that they are soulmates but doesn’t tell them, it’s better if they figure it out themselves

---Does often have a knowing smile when talking to the 2 of them about it though

-It took years before the team decides that they need to contact the League 

--This is a few years in maybe 4 going on 5

--Wonder Woman is the one going through the messages and immediately wants to help

--Tim walks in about ½ way through the message and stops what he is doing, immediately knowing this is real thanks to his soulmate

-BATBOIS

--Jason basically gets adopted by the Dupain-Cheng’s after coming to their bakey every morning while in Paris

---Loves Mari and would do anything to protect her

---Loves the fact she can easily flip him like its nothing

--Damiain respects her abilities and accepts the fact she is basically his older sister now

---Both end up becoming very protective of the other in their own ways

---Wants to teach her how to use his blades so badly and to meet all his pets

--Dick loves her from basically the beginning

---Loves her happy and optimistic attitude despite her situation (he can see himself in her a little bit)

---Instant friends and she smuggles sweets to him

--They meet when Dick follows Jason to the bakery one morning

---When Dick introduces Mari to Kori she is taken into a bone crushing hug that everyone is worried about the small girl but she instantly returns and is perfectly fine

----Kori already loves her

--All the boys meet her in Paris at the bakery but Tim and Bruce (Alfred did not come)

--Tim was never awake so they brought him back coffee and Bruce while he did go, she wasn’t there at the time

-There many “dumb” battles of witt have lead to many late night talks

--Anytime the bois need help with a really bad puzzle by the riddler Tim asks his soulmate under the guise of a normal “battle”

---There is rarely context but always a fun time

-Both have gotten a lot of big scars that sorry the other but they have comfort in the fact they know the other is still ok and alive

--Small messages and self care tips/messages usually litter their arm after a particular bad injury/scar

--This always makes them feel better and brings a small smile to their lips on both parties once they get the message they are okay

--Lots of check in messages too after big fights and encouragement 

-Team Miraculous 

--Ladybug is the leader and tends to be point base for public relations (Mari)

--Chat Noir is the second in command, and is the go to if Ladybug isn’t available 

---Adrien has matured a lot and is a respectable force to be reckoned with 

---Both of them help train the others and often spare together to blow off steam 

--Ryuuko is  Kagami, she became a permanent holder at the same time Luka did

--Viperion is Luka and it is after the four become a semntited team that Mari decides they should know each other’s identities

--Queen Bee joins a little but after, she’s a reformed Cholé

---While hesitate at first Mari gets them all to be accepting 

---Probably changes name and outfit though, but is a permanent holder

--King Monkey and Pegas are semi permanent holders (Kim and Max respectfully) 

---Only not permanent because they want to avoid suspension but are full members of the team

---Also work as civilians, helps with the cover

--Alix also is a part of the team but only as a civilian 

---They have considered giving her the Fox 

----She helps answer questions and acts as a ground base for the hero’s as she is the main “civilian” the government goes to if they need the team

--They are a really tight team and trust each other fully

--The turtle and fox get used but sparingly 

---Ivan might be turtle sometimes 

---Nino later might be a good choice too, I’m not fully sure yet

----Fox has been used by Alix and maybe Juleka too but unsure about Juleka right now

--All holders have slight effects from their miraculous 

---Mari and Adrein have the most as they’ve had theirs the longest 

---Mari has good luck and is able to embed some of that luck into what she makes

----She also doesn’t do well in the cold

----Things tend to grow more around her, especially flowers, almost like they are growing toward her

---Adrien has bad luck (thanks to Mari’s gifts this isn't really bad though) and if not careful can break anything

----Likes to take naps in the sun and is very protective 

----Cats like to gravitate to him

---Kagami has lots of extra body heat

---Luka can sometimes predict what is going to happen, can predict a lot of normal everyday things

---Cholé can easily knock people out now, she knows all the right places to hit to incapacitate someone

---Max (weaker cause hasn’t had as long) knows the fastest way to get places and shortcuts basically anywhere

---Kim (weaker cause hasn’t had as long) is able to freerun and parkour with little training 

----Can also sense when some chaos is about to happen, however it isn’t to sting yet but does get stronger the longer he has his miraculous 

---Alix (has the weakest, but still strong) has the ability to tear apart half truths and lies, she gets this from the fox but also works on it herself after vowing to not let Lila fool anyone she cares about again

-After Hawk Moth is defeated Adrien moves in with the group

--Mostly stays with Mari and Kagami

---Considering moving with Mari when she leaves Pairs

-Mari becomes the Guardian before Hawk Moth is defeated 

--It is about when she makes a real team, Fu gives her the knowledge and training she needs

--He’s been doing it indirecting since the beginning (well a few months in) but after she takes initiative with making the team he is more direct

--He waited to make sure she as ready and she is

-Mari plans to move to Gotham to properly meet her soulmate after school

--This is to move the Miraculous and to further her career 

--This is one of the biggest motivators to contact the League to get help defeating Hawk Moth

--The team is more than onboard with going with her and follow where she goes 

---They are basically family, and family supports family

--This move would also help them with Uni and furthering their potential careers, so it is a win-win for everyone

--They do want to stay a Superhero team after Hawk Moth but more low-key, the move would also give them a chance to be more open about wanting to do this

---They don’t want to step on toes but want to help if they can

-Soulmates in this au (romantic at least)

--Tim and Mari (duh)

--Adrien and Kon (Conner/Superboy)

--Cholé and Kagami (maybe Luka, unsure but I’m a sucker for poly, I could always make it a Young Justice member, any ideas welcome)

--Kim/Max/Alix (we love poly and these are a good trio)

-Kon-el/Conner and Adrien 

--For the longest time Adrien didn’t think he’d ever be loved/have a soulmate

---Conner wasn’t around yet so that’s why his connection wasn’t there

--Adrien cried the first time he got a mark he cried

---It made him know there was someone else

---Mari stayed with him the whole night holding him and telling him, she knew he would have someone

--Conner rarely responds, the boy doesn’t know French so it’s kinda hard

---Tim notices the language and offers him help, he is also the one to explain what soulmates are to Conner

--Conner feels bad for his “other half”

---Partly due to the whole secret identity thing

----He isn’t great with people

----His other half seems to get hurt a lot and doesn’t want to be another cause of that pain

--Despite never getting much from his soulmate Adrien always leaves messages of encouragement and validation

--He understands how much that can mean to someone

---He starts to leave some in Englsih too, just in case his soulmate only knows Englsih 

----Mari’s idea but he was more than on board for

---He often apologies of injuries he gets 

----Conner doesn’t usually notice the injury but the note afterward

-----part of his alien blood is why he doesn't usually feel

------When he does notice he does worry a lot because if he feels it what must have happened to this other person (is under the impression it is a normal civilian)

--Adrien is so happy to know he is loved by someone else, because as Conner may not show it, he has a feeling his other half cares

---Mari is so happy that her best friend has gotten what he needed to know he was loved she cries with him too

----It happens a year or so after being heros so they are close but don’t quite know each others identities yet, but that happens not long after

--Conner is convinced to go and help when the Justice League goes to Paris

---He goes and stays with Tim most of the time

---Tim is the one who convinced him to go and acts as a translator, as Conner has a grasp of the language he isn't too confident

---He does meet Chat Noir but only briefly; both are more focused on the bigger picture

----Both act like lost puppies with Mari and Tim respectfully; and when they get together this doesn't change too much

----They are a really fluffy couple, Adrein needs physical affection and Conner accepts

-How they meet (Tim and MAri) [finally I know]

--They meet as heros before they meet as civilians

--They meet as heros on a patrol before the final battle with Hawk Moth

---This is where the “HOLY SHIT I JUST MEET RED ROBIN/LADYBUG” moment happens, after they get back from patrol they indemnity write the other

----Mari talks to Diana about all this over breakfast the next day

-----they both know the others identity because Diana told Mari so she would trust her because she knew Mari because of her connection with the Miraculous, instant connection

----Wonder Woman figures out they are soulmates through this (Tim had a mini crisis with her that night)

--She “may or may not” leave hint to Bruce to set something up for them

--The 2 are to focused on the final battle to worry about the potential revelations 

---While fighting they have instant synergy and chemistry that goes unnoticed by them at the time but everyone else notices and takes note

--Bruce decides to “spontaneously” sponsor a trip for a class to go to Gotham, as a senior/graduation reward for a class that has done a lot for their community

---It is also a way to give a break to the poor kids who have been dealing with this for far to long

---The “contest” is announced about a week or so after the final battle

---Wonder Woman tells Mari about it

---Mari then proceeds to write far more than one would have expected, she really wants her class to have something good finally, and even excluding all the hero end stuff they do it is close to being a novel

----She would have won even if wasn’t a set up 

---Wonder Woman tells Bruce which class to choose and doesn’t question it as he trusts her judgment, he also doesn’t question why she is so insistent but completely agrees with her choice

----Diana is the one to tell Mari who instaly is giving her a bone crushing hug which Diana returns in fold

---The whole squad is hyped

----Luka and Kagami pulled some strio “happen” to be going to Gotham themselves

----This is also seen as a great opportunity for them to scout places for them to consider moving after school is done

--They meet at Wayne Enterprise building

---Dick is leading the tour

----Diana may or may not have given him some hints that Tim’s soulmate is in the group

--Lila’s empire is destroyed that week, she tried to lie about the Waynes to the Waynes 

---Tries to say she is dating Damiain who is way younger than her and knows nothing

---Conner is staying with Tim because his soulmate said something about Gotham and figured spending time with Tim isn’t bad either

--Identity get revealed on purpose during the trip (probably near the end) 

--When Mari sees the boys she is confused but happy to see her new friends again so soon

--Diana is a good support for Mari and a “wing woman” of sorts 

--Jason is so happy to she his new “sister” when he crashes the tour to mess with Dick

--Tim is passed out in his office when they pass

---Mari writes a note to her soulmate about how funny it is, this makes Conner look up as he is watching Tim and sees the note appear in his arm

---Mari doesn’t notice but Dick and Jason do

---This leads to the 3 trying to get them to talk

---Adrien catches on and instantly wants to help his bestie meet her boy

----Adrien then tells his soulmate about it later because he wants to and Conner sits straight up and has a huge revelation

-----The boys along with Diana and Mari’s squad set them up and they have a good time and it is really cute                                                                                                                                                      

[bugaboosandbees]

The Unintended Consequences of a Desperate Wish ~ Part 1

So. I have to take a polymer chemistry final tomorrow and I should really be studying as it's my hardest exam this semester, but this plot bunny would not let me CONCENTRATE lmao. I blame everyone for writing awesome mlb x dc crossovers and maribat stuff for this. Now, have a freaking gigantic prolouge to a maribat story of my own. Fair warning, this starts with the final battle between Hawkmoth and our heroes and will invlove a fair amount of blood and danger. Please tell me what you think!

After five years of fighting, five years of lying to her friends and her family, of sacrificing her dreams, her time, her grades and her sleep, the final battle had come. It wasn’t planned -- despite their best efforts, she and Chat hadn’t managed to determine the identities of Hawkmoth and Mayura. No -- it had been a seemingly random day when the two villains and the ever-loyal Volpina come out in force, raining havoc down upon the city and leaving Marinette no time to get away from the battle to call for their allies. Blood from a gash to her forehead dripped into her eyes as she curled her arms protectively around her partner.

Her heart had stopped when she’d heard his scream. She’d been grappling with Mayura, close to grasping the older woman’s miraculous when she’d turned to see Hawkmoth withdrawing his weapon from her partner’s chest with a wet squelching sound. Nonononononono. Her lucky charm had given her some strange red and black spheres -- when she’d broken them against the ground, they’d filled the gardens at the Trocadero with enough noxious smoke that she’d been able to force her body to move, snatching up Chat who had fallen to his knees and was making the most awful wet gasping sounds. She sprung away from the fight as fast as she could -- the only thought in her mind to get her Chaton, her faithful partner somewhere safe. She couldn’t bring him to a hospital -- without detransforming doctors wouldn’t be able to treat him and if he detransformed Plagg wouldn’t be able to stabilize him. And she couldn’t just leave him somewhere -- it was one on three now, and no matter how hard she fought she couldn’t possibly keep an eye on Hawkmoth, Mayura AND Volpina at the same time -- if one of them were to find him when he couldn’t defend himself -- No. There was only one option.

She glanced back over her shoulder as she changed directions to make sure she hadn’t been followed. Thank Kwami that Tikki had managed to give her enough time to get away. Several minutes and too few of her partner’s gasping breaths later, she dropped down through the trap door of her room. She laid Chat down on her bed as gently as she could, seeing his eyes widen as he realized where he was. “M….M’lady?”

She had already jumped down from the loft, tearing apart a pile of boxes by her sewing machine and pressing the code into the lockbox she’d designed to free the miraculous box within. Pressing two spots on the egg-shaped box, she grabbed the jewelry that they revealed, racing back to her partner as the kwamis materialized. She could feel the two small being’s confusion at being summoned turn to worry and spiking fear as they saw her own wounds and Chat’s. Her bloody fingers fumbled to secure Orikko’s necklace around Chat’s neck and then Wayzz’s bracelet around her own wrist.

“Guardian --”

“Orikko.” She cut Wayzz off. “Can you stabilize him while I finish the fight?”

The motherly kwami looked shaken but nodded, and Ladybug returned her focus to her partner.

“Kitty? Can you hear me?” Her hands were shaking.

“Marinette?” He questioned, face contorted in pain and confusion.

“That doesn’t matter right now. I just need to make sure that you’re okay. I need you to merge Orikko with Plagg, can you do that? She’s the kwami of restoration and she’s going to help you.” She tried to make her voice as soothing as possible.

He nodded, grasping her hand like a lifeline. “Orikko, Plagg, merge!” An orange light covered him and faded to reveal orange accents running up and down his suit.

Ladybug nodded and began to stand. “Good. I’m going to go take care of things. You just stay here until I can cast the cure, okay? You’re going to be okay Chaton.” She didn’t know if she was trying to reassure him or herself. Before she could move, he grabbed her hand with surprising strength.

“Wait,” he gasped. “Plagg, divide.” Green light faded to leave her partner in an orange and red jumpsuit that looked almost like a sunrise if it wasn’t for the blood still staining his torso and her sheets. “If… if they were to find me… I couldn’t protect him. Just in case… you were followed… you need to take him, Bug.”

Tears blurred her eyes as she looked at the perfect trust in her partner’s face. Plagg himself was crying, quiet tears running down his small cheeks as he hugged Chat’s chin as best as he was able. “He’s right Bug.”  Her hand trembled as she slipped the ring onto her middle finger.

“I’ll be back soon, okay? Stay safe Kitty.” She leaped for the balcony before he could see her own tears. She ran away from her home, focused only on gaining as much distance as she could as fast as possible. The three villains likely hadn’t stayed at the Trocadero and they could jump out at her from anywhere. Pausing on a rooftop halfway across the city, she took a deep breath and looked down at the green kwami on her shoulder.

“I’m… I’m going to need to be my own shield this time. Can I rely on you Wayzz?” Her voice was soft, knowing that she was asking him to effectively relive the battle where they’d lost Fu nearly three years ago.

His eyes firmed with resolve despite a wet sheen. “You can count on me, Master.”

She nodded. “Tikki, Wayzz, merge!” When the light of the transformation left her, her suit felt much sturdier. She looked down to see interlocking armored plates extending across her body. She bent, testing her movement, and was relieved when the plates appeared to be as flexible as they were sturdy. Reaching for a new weight on her back revealed a shield patterned like the carapace of a ladybug.

“Milady!”

She heard the shout from behind her and stiffened, whipping around as Plagg darted to hide in one of her pigtails. An illusion of Chat Noir limped towards her across the roof, bloody and battered, clutching a hand to his chest.

“I’m so glad that I found you! I --” She didn’t wait for it to finish, sending her yoyo shooting through it with more force than strictly necessary, leaving a cloud of orange smoke drifting in the air.

“How dare you?!” She shrieked, voice vibrating with barely contained rage. “Why don’t you come out here and fight me yourself you coward?!” A high pitched whistling sound was her only warning, and she twirled to block the strike that Volpina had aimed at her head.

“Did I touch a nerve?” The fox villainess smirked. “I have to wonder, how did you know it was an illusion so quickly? Is your mangy sidekick already dead?” She punctuated her words with a sharp blow on her flute, conjuring a large orange beacon above them.

Ladybug flew at her with a roar, knocking the flute out of Volpina’s hands and tackling her to the ground. She could hear the breath whoosh out of the other girl and drew back her right fist to punch the akuma in the face. The blow connected with more force than she was used to -- she normally relied on her agility to fight as Ladybug -- adding Wayzz to the equation had given her more strength than she usually had.

Volpina dazedly lifted a hand to her face, her glove coming away red against her newly split lip. Her eyes focused on Ladybug’s hand and the bloody silver ring glinting in the sunlight. “Hmm,” she smirked around red teeth, “Looks like I wasn’t wrong. Poor Ladybug, can’t even save the life of your dumb partner. What a failure.”

Marinette had barely registered the words when she felt a sharp pain in her ear. Plagg. She closed her eyes and took a second to breathe, grateful for the kwami’s interference. Opening her eyes, she reached down and was about to snap the foxtail pendant on the akuma’s chest when something slammed into her from the side, knocking her across the roof. She pushed herself to her feet. Hawkmoth and Mayura had arrived.

“Hawkmoth!” Volpina shouted as she jumped to her feet. “She’s wearing the ring!”

An ugly smirk twisted the supervillain’s face as he leaped towards her, alongside the sentimonster moth that Mayura had summoned for him. “Your miraculous will be mine!”

Marinette dodged and twisted desperately, fending off attacks from three sides. She managed to score a lucky hit on Mayura, knocking the older woman back, but not a second later she felt the blade of Hawkmoth’s cane pierce her side. She faltered, looking down at the purple blade protruding from her side. No. She would not give up now. Steeling herself, she moved backward, forcing the blade out of her and threw herself towards an empty area of the rooftop, calling for Shellter. She sunk to her knees inside the green shield, hand pressed against her side and breath coming in quick pants.

“--Bug! Bug!” She looked up to see Plagg hovering in front of her.

She gave him a shaky smile and winced as she threw her yoyo into the air. “Lucky Charm!” The object fell into her hands and she prayed that somehow it would be able to fix everything. Fix her mistakes, her failures, her inability to protect Chat -- to protect herself -- her city. She very nearly broke into tears when she looked down at her hands and found only a simple hand mirror, showing her battered and blood-stained reflection.  “What can I do with this?!” She cried in despair.

Plagg looked with her, appearing first confused, and then resigned. “Think about it Bug,” he said softly, gesturing at the three supervillains battering her weakening shield. “There’s only one way to get out of this.”

It took her a moment to figure out what he was implying. “I can’t!” Her shout was semi-hysteric. “No one can be trusted with that power! If I think the wrong thing I could start world war three, or another plague, or --”

Plagg lightly scratched her cheek with one claw, bringing her back to herself. “Look, Bug. I’m not going to pretend that this is an ideal situation. Heck, I’m not ecstatic about this either. But… there really isn’t another way out. And…” He paused. “Tikki wouldn’t have told you to do this if she didn’t trust you Bug. And that’s enough for me. You know the words.”

She stared at him a moment longer, eyes swirling with indecision. Then, as her shield collapsed, she gave a shaky nod and shouted -- “Wayzz, divide. Tikki, Plagg, MERGE!”

___________________________________________________

Everything was white. Hawkmoth, Mayura, Volpina, Paris, all gone. Marinette looked down at herself. She wasn’t wearing her Ladybug suit -- just the normal clothes she’d had on that morning when she’d gone out to sketch in the gardens. She pressed a hand against her side, exhaling in relief when there was no pain, before inhaling in panic. “Am I dead?” She wondered aloud. She’d been injured, maybe combining the miraculous had killed her, and even now Hawkmoth was making his wish --

“You are not dead, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Ladybug Warrior and Great Guardian of the Miraculous.”

Marinette looked up to see what appeared to be a kwami floating in the void in front of her. It was black in color, somehow darker than Plagg as if it was a pocket of negative space. Three white eyes stared at her in unison. “Tikki? Plagg?”

“Yes, and no. We are Null, the kwami of reality.”

“So you’re…” “We are here to grant your wish.”

Marinette took an unconscious step backward as the being regarded her impassively. Her mind was racing. It was one thing to know what the Ladybug and Black Cat miraculouses could do, but this… this was something else entirely. A wish. Anything she desired, regardless of its effect on the reality which she knew. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t immediately thought of Chat. Except, wishes had brought about the sinking of Atlantis, the black plague, drought and famine, and unknown suffering. If she wished for Chat’s life, someone else could die and there would be no miraculous cure to bring them back. No -- she had to trust her partner, and she had to trust her ability to somehow make it out of this and cast the cure.

She wished Tikki was there. Tikki. The kwamis. For thousands of years, they’d suffered in a world that battled over them, causing them pain as they fought evil and lost those they cared about over and over. That was it -- she could do this for them. She looked up at Null who hadn’t moved, seemingly content to wait for her to make up her mind.

“I…” She started. “I wish that the kwamis of the miracle box under my protection could have the power of the wish and that any price exacted would affect me alone.”

Null gave her a considering look. Although the kwami had no mouth that she could see, she somehow got the impression that Null was smirking. “You are an interesting one Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Very Well. Your wish is granted.”

And Marinette saw white again.

___________________________________________________

Within Marinette’s transformation and the kwami Null, Tikki and Plagg stirred, realizing what she had done. Using one paw to shield his eyes from the blinding light emanating from Ladybug, Wayzz felt a sense of power fill him and connect him to the other kwamis. Orikko paused in her single-minded focus on healing the boy that her Master had left with her. The kwamis that had remained in the miracle box felt the compassion of their Guardian surround them as they too realized what had happened. Even trapped within the transformations of Hawkmoth and Mayura, Noroo and Dusuu felt a strange and alien kindness, both shocked at what the Ladybug holder was willing to do for the kwamis -- for them. Across their different locations, their minds reached together. Each felt as though this was a decision meant to be discussed, but the magic of the wish latched onto one common desire that had lanced through every single one of them when Marinette had made her wish.

“We wish to have a Guardian as kind as you always.”

___________________________________________________

When Marinette came to, she was back on the rooftop, Hawkmoth, Mayura, and Volpina leaping at her in what seemed to be slow motion. She held out a hand and they stopped.

“Wayzz, are you alright?” Her voice sounded strange -- it echoed in on itself and reminded her of baying hounds. The small green kwami nodded, seemingly shocked speechless. “I’m glad,” she smiled and turned her attention back to the three villains floating in the air in front of her. “Your crimes against this world, and against the kwamis of transmission and emotion will not go unpunished.” She walked forward, first crushing the foxtail pendant that hung around Volpina’s neck, grabbing the freed akuma in one hand. Her fist shone, and a purified butterfly was released. “Miraculous Cure!” A swarm of golden ladybugs trailing purple energy swept through the city, reversing the damage of the battle that had taken place. Lila Rossi dropped to the ground as Marinette stepped forward, one hand grasping Mayura’s pin and the other Hawkmoth’s broach. In one quick motion, she ripped off both miraculouses, leaving Gabriel Agreste and Nathalie Sancouer standing frozen on the roof. She reached into thin air and pulled out a rope, tying the immobile and powerless villains together. She looked for her yoyo to call the police, but couldn’t find it anywhere amidst the purple and gold swirls of the ethereal dress this transformation had given her. “Ah.” Her lips quirked in a smile. “Plagg, divide.”

She nearly collapsed herself when the powerful energy rush of being… whatever she had been for a few short moments there left her.

“Bug.” Plagg was staring at her. “When we told you to make a wish, we never thought…”

Marinette, back in her familiar red and black spots drew the kwami of destruction close, hugging him against her cheek. “I know.” Then, she straightened and called 112 from her yoyo.

“What is your emergency?” The voice on the other end of the line asked.

“This is Ladybug. Code Polyphemus. I have apprehended Hawkmoth, Mayura, and their willing accomplice Volpina.” She looked down at the street sign below her and choked back a sardonic laugh. “I’m on the Rue des Martyrs, near Sacre Coeur. I’ll hold them until you arrive.”

There was a pause before the woman on the other end of the line let out a loud cheer. “We’ll have people there as soon as we can Ladybug. Congratulations, and thank you. Thank you so much.”

No sooner than Marinette had smiled and ended the call did her yoyo begin shaking again. She flipped open the screen to reveal a call notification from Orikko’s mirror. Her heart stopped as she picked up. “Chat?” She questioned, voice shaking.

“Ladybug! The cure -- it worked! Where are you? Do you need help?!”

She blinked back tears and let out a joyful whoop. “It’s okay Chaton. It’s… it’s going to be a long story, but it’s okay now. I have Hawkmoth and Mayura here. I have their miraculouses Chat. They’re not going to hurt anyone ever again.”

There was a pause on the other end of the line as her partner processed what she’d said before he let out a whoop of his own. “I’m on my way Milady! I’ll be there as fast as the rooster flies.”

She rolled her eyes but laughed. “Good Kitty. I’m going to need some help to get these three down to the street. I could carry them all at once, but it wouldn’t look incredibly heroic if I jostled them too much.” Pausing, she continued, voice softer. “Besides, you should be here too. This bug is nothing without her partner.” She could tell that she’d made him blush from halfway across the city.

Just as she began to hear sirens approaching, she saw her partner gliding over the rooftops on wings like sunlight, smiling brightly at her. Then his eyes traveled to the three people bound at her feet and widened, his smile cracking like broken glass. He lost altitude, hitting the roof faster than he must have planned, rolling to arrest his momentum.

“Ladybug,” His voice shook more than when he’d been dying in her arms. “Please tell me that isn’t Hawkmoth.”

For the first time since she’d come back to herself, she looked down, really registering the fact that it was Gabriel Agreste -- Adrien’s father -- angrily bound at her feet. Her eyes hardened. “I’m sorry Chaton, this is him.” She knelt down, forcing him to look into her eyes. “For what you did to this city I will make sure that you are prosecuted to the full extent of the law. What I really can’t forgive you for is what this is going to do to your son. Did you think about him at all when you decided to throw your life away like this? Despite the crumbs of attention that you give him and the multitude of things you force him to do, he loves you. And you just threw that away. You are the worst type of human being that I have ever seen.”

Gabriel had begun to look angrier the more she spoke. “I was doing this all for him!” He shouted. “For our family!”

“Bullshit!”

Marinette looked behind her at her partner’s shout, eyes widening as she saw the tears streaming down his face.

“What would you know?” Gabriel scoffed.

“More than you think. Orikko, sundown.” And a flash of golden light revealed Adrien Agreste standing where her partner had been. Gabriel looked like he had been poleaxed, but Marinette was already moving, slipping Adrien’s ring back on his finger and wrapping him in her arms. She pulled back, kissing his cheek before turning to face his father with him, their hands entwined.

“Claws out.” The hand in hers was wrapped in familiar black leather.

“Adrien.” Gabriel gasped. Nathalie was crying.

“You tried to kill me.” Adrien looked like he almost didn’t believe what he was saying. “If Ladybug hadn’t won, I would have died.” “I didn’t know!” Gabriel screamed in anguish. Then he looked up at Adrien, desperation on his face. “Now that you know, you can help me! I was going to use the wish to bring back your mother Adrien, to reunite our family!”

Marinette tightened her grip on her partner’s hand as he recoiled.

“What?” The word was filled with empty horror. “Mother is dead. She died years ago. And instead of moving on, of spending time with the FAMILY THAT YOU HAD LEFT you became a terrorist that killed countless people and made an entire city afraid of feeling. You… I can’t believe you.” He stepped forward, looking at Gabriel with deadly intent. “You are NOT my father.” He spat.

Fortunately, none of the rooftop confrontations had been witnessed by the police. Ladybug carried Gabriel and Nathalie to the waiting squad cars while Chat Noir handled Lila. The two heroes gave their statements, establishing Adrien as an unknowing and innocent victim of Gabriel’s plans and ensuring that the elder Agreste, as well as Nathalie and Lila, would all be in prison for a very long time. By the time they were able to get away, the city had begun to realize what had happened, and they swung across the rooftops to the sounds of cheering and laughing and crying below. Without even discussing it, they ended up back at Marinette’s house, dropping through the skylight and into her room. Adrien called for his detransformation as soon as they landed on her bed, collapsing into her arms with a wail.

“Shh, Chaton.” She soothed. “You were so, SO strong out there. You don’t have to be strong anymore.” Gently stroking his hair, she continued. “You’ll stay here. With Ladybug throwing her weight around, we should be able to get the custody papers drawn up soon. You’ll never have to go back there again Chaton. I’m your family now, and no one is ever going to hurt you again.”

He looked up at her in awe. “R-- Really?”

She smiled. “Of course. It’s you and me against the world, remember? Now, we should probably go talk to my parents. Tikki spots off!”

No sooner than she had released her transformation than a searing pain arched across her entire body. She heard herself screaming, and Adrien’s panicked shouts and her world went black.

[essieeeeeeeee]

Shobbs romcom au part 3, comin’ at ya.

---------

Deckard slips down the hall with an expression that he can only assume projects every ounce of his rage, as the few people lingering in his path quickly side-step out of the way. He doesn’t pay much attention to it, though. His thoughts are otherwise occupied, a whirlwind of emotions that he can’t quite seem to shove down far enough to escape from.

He ends up ducking into the first bathroom he comes across, and slams the door behind him.

A cursory glance at the stalls tells him that it’s mercifully empty. Shaw makes a beeline for the sink, leans both hands up against the porcelain counter until his knuckles whiten from the tightness of his grip, and slowly releases a long, shuddering breath.

Brixton.

How could this have happened? Five years of vigilant avoidance - declining invitations to any functions his ex could show at (all of them, really), ignoring texts and phone calls, changing the channel when Lore was even so much as mentioned - and somehow, fate finds a way to get him stuck with the man all over again. And not just stuck, but having to work with him? To have to acknowledge his presence, to make conversation, to pretend Lore hadn’t ripped his still-beating heart from his chest and stomped on it, in front of millions?

Fate was a fucking cunt.

With a strap-on, apparently, considering how much she enjoyed fucking him over.

A shudder works its way down his spine, and Deckard grinds his teeth together. He grabs the tap and wrenches it on with more force than necessary, cups the cold water in his hands, and splashes it onto his face. The shock of cold doesn’t help as much as he’d hoped; he still feels tense, trembling with anger and other emotions he doesn’t bother to name (because anger is fine - anger is all he needs, and all he’ll let himself feel).

And oh, is he angry. So, so angry, to the point that he’s not quite sure what’ll happen, if they stick him in a room with Brixton in this state. He can’t afford it - not after Toretto.

Hattie would kick his arse, if he had a repeat performance of that shitshow again.

A brief pang of guilt strikes him. He shouldn’t have yelled at Hattie. None of this is his sister’s fault, and logically he knows this, but he can’t help the bit of blame he wants to lay at her feet for strong-arming him into this situation in the first place. Deckard squeezes the sink ledge even tighter.

He really needs to hit something.

He raises his head, and stares at his face in the mirror. Watches the rivulets of water drip down the curves of his cheeks for a few silent, contemplative moments.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Shaw snarls - and then, abruptly, rears his fist back, and sends it slamming into his own reflection.

The glass shatters instantly. Deckard revels in the sharp jolt of pain radiating up his arm, and watches the broken pieces of mirror rain to the ground with a crash. It’s oddly soothing, he thinks, eyes caught on a drop of bright red on the sharp edge of one sliver, to watch the destruction he could cause from a single strike.

The following silence, after the chime of splintering glass, is almost deafening. Shaw stares listlessly at his fractured reflection in the few fragmented pieces of mirror left behind.

He thinks, briefly, about how appropriate the sight feels.

The sound of a throat clearing over his shoulder jolts him out of his musings.

"I know the sight of your face can be traumatic, but maybe don't take it out on the mirror."

Deckard closes his eyes. Takes a deep breath in.

As if his day couldn’t get any worse.

"Piss off, Hobbs," he hisses, pulling his fist back from the mirror and resting it on the sink ledge. He can feel the wet slide of blood dripping down his wrist, but the numbness that swept in after his initial outburst makes caring about that a difficult task.

Hobbs chuckles behind him, and Shaw can’t quite muster up the amount of irritation he knows he’d usually feel about that.

“Seven years bad luck, you know,” the big man says, closer this time. Deckard raises his eyes to the busted mirror again to see Hobbs stroll into view behind him.

Ten minutes alone, Deckard thinks. Couldn’t even get that, in this miserable shitstain of a day.

“Put it on my fucking tab,” he mutters absently. He raises his hand to take a look at the damage, and Shaw frowns at the sight of his split knuckles. Several small shards of glass are still embedded in the skin.

Those were going to be a bitch to get out.

Movement in the mirror catches his eye again, and he glances back up to see Hobbs coming closer, a frown on his face. The furrow in his brow almost looks concerned.

The expression makes Shaw’s hackles rise. He doesn’t need the man’s pity.

“Why don’t you make yourself useful and go pick up something heavy?” he snaps, and Deckard knows the insult’s weak, but he doesn’t have enough energy to deal with Hobbs’ shit on top of everything else right now.

Hobbs outright ignores it, though. And instead of stopping, he moves closer, and in the next moment he smoothly snatches up Shaw’s wrist before Shaw can even register the movement.

Deckard stiffens; the sudden warmth of a big hand against his cold skin is startling, and freezes him in his tracks. He stares at it in some surprise.

“You should see medical,” Hobbs says, and Deckard half-registers it as he watches the other man’s thumb brush an absent-minded circle over the skin of the Brit’s inner wrist. Shaw can feel a flush start to make itself known around his neck from the action. “Some of these are deep, might need stitches.”

Deckard stares for another moment, caught up in that small, continuous brush of the other man’s thumb - before abruptly gathering his wits about him and snatching his hand back from Hobbs' grasp.

“Deaf as well as dumb?” he barks, taking a step back from the bigger man to recenter himself. “I said leave me the fuck alone."

Hobbs' lips tighten and he rolls his eyes. “No,” he corrects mockingly, crossing his arms, “you said ‘piss off’ like a whiny prepubescent child. And since I am actually a grown ass man, I made the executive decision to ignore it.”

“Pretty sure you’re just a grown arse,” Deckard sneers.

“Pretty sure you’re just a pain in the ass.”

“Tch,” Shaw scoffs, but instead of leaning into the argument as per their usual, he turns his back on the other actor and moves his attention back to his damaged hand instead. He didn’t have the time or energy for this conversation right now; all it was doing was reigniting his earlier fury, and Shaw needed some semblance of calm if he was going to survive the upcoming meeting.

With great effort, he ignores Hobbs' presence completely, and focuses on gently wiggling a small shard of glass from his knuckle. Another dribble of blood wells up as it slides out without much fuss. He dips his hand under the still-running tap to wash it away.

"So, what's got princess Deckard in a snit now?" Hobbs asks calmly beside him, leaning his hip against the adjacent sink.

Deckard fishes out another sliver of glass and sneers.

"Tell me, Hobbs - when exactly did you get the notion that my life was any of your business?"

Hobbs laughs, soft and low. "Wow, someone really did just piss right in your wheaties, didn't they?" He leans closer, and the wide, charming grin the actor's sporting is hard to miss as he moves further into Shaw's personal space. "Come on, now: tell papa Luke all about what's got little Deckard wound up this time."

Deckard bristles. "Here's a thought," he snaps, brusquely grabbing at the last splinter still wedged into his skin, "how about you go and fu-"

Shaw cuts himself off with a hiss of pain; the glass is bigger, and deeper than expected, and sends a sharp bite of agony through his hand as it slides out. Another fount of blood slides sluggishly down his arm.

Hobbs' brows furrow, expression warping from playful to concerned again, and he immediately reaches out a hand towards Shaw's wrist. "Here, let me - "

But suddenly Shaw thinks of Brixton - his hand reaching out, on his shoulder, squeezing, an unwanted, spine-shuddering presence, and he smacks Hobbs' fingers away, stepping back with a withering snarl.

"Get your mitts off'a me!"

Hobbs jerks back, and holds his hands up in surrender. "Sure thing, cupcake," he snaps back, his annoyance obvious.

Deckard doesn’t care, though. He aggressively turns to the sink and washes off the remaining blood before grabbing a paper towel to wrap around the wounds. Hobbs lowers his arms again, then crosses them, and snorts.

“Just saying, though - you might want to start getting used to my mitts on you, if you really want to be a part of this movie.”

Deckard stills. He glances back to Hobbs, and his eyes narrow.

“I'm a goddamn professional, Hobbs,” he says, each word sharp and pointed. “I'll do what needs done in front of the cameras, but outside that? Stay away from me."

With that, Deckard decides it’s time to leave. He turns, and strides to the door, posture tense and bristling.

"Professional, huh?" Hobbs replies, pointedly eyeing the broken mirror as Shaw sweeps by him. "Then maybe you should try dialing it down a few thousand notches. Don't need you punching anything else on set."

Deckard's gait falters, and he stiffens. Toretto. The reference was obvious. And, strangely enough, the dig actually hurts.

He didn’t expect that. Didn’t expect that he’d give enough of a damn about Hobbs’ opinion of him, at this point, considering their history, but -

He guesses his skin isn’t quite as thick as he’d thought.

Something to work on, then.

"Stay out of my fucking way,” Shaw says slowly, not bothering to turn back around to face the other man, “and we won't need to worry about that, will we?"

Deckard slams the bathroom door open, and storms back out into the hall beyond.

Day one, and this was already turning into a fucking nightmare.

[fma245]

High & Low -Tvtropes

Copied from Tvtropes:

Back-to-Back Badasses: Considering this is an action series, way too many times to count. The first movie makes it interesting by having people from different teams have each other's back and quibble.

Berserk Button: Do NOT say the word "crab" around Kabuto. Don't even say anything that could be MISHEARD as crab.

Book Dumb: Pretty much everyone in Mugen and Sannoh Rengokai. Aoyagi: 8 times 1 is 8, 8 times 2 is 14, 8 times 3 is 23...

Combat Parkour: How the Rude Boys fight, and considering they're the only ones who know how to get through the slums they live in, it makes them a really hard target to hit.

Chick Magnet: Cobra Dan: Set up a date for you, me and Cobra. Tetz: But if Cobra comes, wouldn't all the girls go to him?

Choke Holds: Cobra uses them so much that it's where he got his nickname from.

City with No Name: The region is only referred to by the gangs that run it, S.W.O.R.D.

Damn, It Feels Good to Be a Gangster!: Mighty Warriors beat up and steal from others and they love it!

Destination Defenestration: Kohaku kicks Aoyagi out of a 2nd story office in the first movie.

Defeat Means Friendship: The series seems to run on this trope.

Dirty Cop: The only cop with a name in the show is, indeed, corrupt.

Doomed by Canon: The first half of season 2 focuses on how Mugen came to be and their eventual fall. Since you already know Mugen was pretty much wiped off the map, you know things don't end pretty. You also quickly realize that Tatsuya isn't seen anywhere in season 1.

Downer Ending: Season 1 in SPADES. Noboru's turned around, finally back with his Childhood Friends again. He's willing to go down the straight and narrow. But right during his Friendship Speech he's hit by a car, and the episode ends with no clue to his condition. Thankfully it's followed up in season two. End of Sky wrecks you when The Stinger shows Hiroto Amamiya getting show before immediately fading to black.

Dude, Where's My Bike?: Masaki Amamiya got his bike towed in the first movie, to hilarious effect.

Dumb Muscle: Sannoh Rengokai S1 Opening Narration:Sannoh Rengokai. They all grew up under the same circumstances, in the same town. All had a bad upbringing, and don't have much smarts either. But no one matches their strength during a fight.

Elevator Action Sequence: Chiharu manages to trick a member of Daruma Ikka into pushing his teammates into an elevator. He then proceeds to kick stomp them and send them to another floor.

Excuse Me While I Multitask: Hiroto beats up a half dozen guys, while on his phone, trying to order from the vending machine.

Family of Choice: Rude Boys is a gang made up of those left parent-less by either death or abandonment. They protect each-other and consider themselves a big family.

A Friend in Need: The reason that former Mugen members Cobra and Yamato made Sannoh Rengokai was so that their Childhood Friend, Noboru, could have a place to come back to. Despite Noboru almost killing Yamato and Chiharu in the finalie, Yamato and Cobra still try to convince him that they're still friends and to come back. Thankfully they were able to bring Noboru back to their side. This is also why Yamato helps Chiharu, even though he knows it could cause a huge ripple in SWORD as members are not supposed to switch gangs. And thanks to Yamato's desire to help Chiharu, the rest of Sannoh Rengokai comes in to save them as well. In the first movie, Cobra, Yamato and Aoyagi all come together to bring Kohaku back from his Heel–Face Turn - knowing that he's suffering like this because of Tatsuya's death.

Gang of Hats: Each of the gangs in High&Low have a very specific aesthetic. They often take the tropes associated with their groups and turn them Up to Eleven. Sannoh Rengokai: Greaser Delinquents White Rascals: Man in White Oya High: School of Hard Knocks Rude Boys: Le Parkour Daruma Ikka: Thug Dojo Kuryu Group: Yakuza Mighty Warriors: Gang Bangers Doubt: Evil Wears Black Strawberry Milk: Female Japanese Delinquents Mugen: All Bikers Are Hells Angels Amamiya Brothers: Badass Biker Sibling Team

Gangsta Rap: Discovering Wu-Tang Clan's music was what saved Ice as a kid, and it's an obvious influence on how he build up the Mighty Warriors.

Guyliner: Murayama Kizzy, with nailpolish, foundaiton, and lipgloss Hirai from Doubt, with black nailpolish

Gratuitous English: EVERYWHERE. Most of the graffiti in SWORD is all in English. Tons of characters drop random words in English - notably Rocky's catchphrase 'Party Time', and Ice with his catchphrase 'Change or Die', among other phrases. The characters who's actors speak English are much more likely to drop gratuitous English.

Gratuitous Foreign Language: Li, a Korean gangster, has some conversations in Korean in the first movie. It does help that he's played by a Korean singer.

Gold Tooth: Rocky wears silver grills.

Held Back in School: Almost all of Oya High is composed of 20 year olds - because they all intentionally held themselves back so they could stay within the gang. Chiharu Yamato, serving Chiharu a drink: Drink! Oh, wait, you can't drink yet can you? Chiharu: I'm 20. A lot of things happened and I got held back and... Tetz: Wait, you're a real idiot!!!

Improvised Armour: Masaki and Kohaku wrap chains around their limbs in order to fend off a katana wielding opponent.

Improvised Weapon: Too many times to count. Some of the times that are not covered by the tropes below include trash cans, taiko drumsticks, fire extinguishers, motorcycles and a shopping cart. Batter Up! Boulder Bludgeon Cane Fu Car Fu Chain Pain Chairman of the Brawl Clothing Combat Flipping the Table Grievous Bottley Harm Kill It with Fire: Huuga attacked members of the Kuryu with a stick on fire Pipe Pain Wrench Whack

Incurable Cough of Death: It's not specified what Smokey's suffering from, but he's definitely not doing well considering he continues to cough up blood after hard fights.

The Lad-ette: Strawberry Milk is full of rude speaking, bike riding women. However it seems to be a bit of a facade, considering that some of the girls like Junko are a bit girly, but they keep up their Ladette attitude. Junko, much to her dismay, scared off a guy hitting on her by going TOO ladette on him.

Manly Tears: Yamato, Cobra and Noboru all cry in the season 1 finale when they all try to reconcile. In the first movie, Yamato and Cobra cry when trying to convince Kohaku to stop his plan to destroy all the gangs.

Police are Useless: Stated outright in the first movie when the police were too busy stopping other disasters in the area to come and help the main characters.

Pre-Asskicking One-Liner: "It's party time" (Rocky)

Rule of Cool: Why does every gang have incredibly incredible, matching fashion sense? How do any of them pay for anything considering no gang (except the White Rascals and Mighty Warriors) seems to have any sort of income?

Shirtless Scene: Yamato gets a few when he's getting bandaged up after a fight.

Trauma Conga Line: This applies to way too many characters, but below is a standout case: The Amamiya Brothers: Their parents died in an apparent suicide, then the older brother goes off to who knows where, driving the younger two to search for him. When they finally reunite, the older brother ends up dying while revenging against their parents' deaths. Then in the End of Sky movie, Masaki watches Hiroto get shot in the chest by a sniper right before the movie ends.

Two-Teacher School: Oya High has exactly zero teachers. Not surprising, considering the students that attend...

Wife-Basher Basher: Don't you dare hurt your girl in the White Rascals' district, or you're liable for a beating - or worse.

Would Hit a Girl: DOUBT will do anything to get what they want. Up to and including abducting and abusing women. Murayama seemed interesting in fighting a girl who had a crush on him.

Wrestler in All of Us: Cobra manages a suplex in episode 1, but as an action series there are quite a few wrestling movies used on-screen.