#stop forcing my girl into heteronormative ideals

[come-see-our-show]

I am a firm believer that the Baker and Cinderella have zero romantic feelings for each other.

Cinderella’s arc is about her learning to stand up for herself and rejecting the traditional roles of womanhood that a leading lady in a fairytale is put into.

She’s not a servant. She’s not a princess. She’s not a wife. She’s trying to figure out who the he’ll she is.

The Baker is probably mid-late 20s (because he isn’t much older than Rapunzel), and I don’t think Cinderella is a child (maybe she’s 19-22), but she’s still so young. The Baker is quite literally “meant to have children.” He is very much an adult whereas Cinderella is still in the process of entering it.

I don’t want her to be the Baker’s lover because he doesn’t need another one, especially while he’s grieving his recently dead wife. And I don’t want her to be Red and Jack’s mother. Jack literally says, “I don’t want another mother, I want a friend (and a pet).” So I see her as more of an older sister figure to the kids, and a friend/companion to the Baker. They’re partners, but not romantically.

She’s still growing up. Let her find who she is. Let her find her “something in-between.”

[male-reader-haven]

~That Horrible, Wonderful Feeling~

Author note:

Here is chapter 1 of the project I've been working so long on!! I'm super passionate about this storyline, so I'm hoping you guys enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it. As of right now, I have about 4 chapters completed, and depending on how well this is received I plan on posting them as well. Enjoy your Namjoon crumbs, there is SO much more to come!

Chapter 1: Ideal Woman

Namjoon's POV as he deals with prying reporters, stalkers, and some unwarranted feelings that send him spiraling. How can he claim to know and protect his fellow members if he doesn't even know himself? Y/N, one of 8 members of the worldwide popular K-pop boyband BTS, slowly helps Namjoon along in his journey of self-discovery and acceptance, dealing with his own feelings along the way.

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x male idol Y/N

TW: Stalking, internalized homophobia, heavier topics, invasion of privacy, slight NSFW, 18+

Word count: 2801

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“Now, RM, the fans are dying to know. What are your ideal traits in a girl?” The interviewer smiled and held out the microphone towards Namjoon expectantly. The camera pans over to his face and he forces a smile and glances down.

What a stupid fucking question. 

He is so tired of being asked the same questions. Although he knew it was bound to happen due to BTS being worldwide famous idols, still, indulging reporters and tabloids who are constantly hungry for new content and scandals to feed their prying gossipers is so exhausting.

“Ah, well, you know, we all are focusing on our career and don’t have time for anything like that.” He avoids the question, hoping the reporter will drop it. She doesn’t catch on. She has a smile that is too wide and obviously faked. Honestly, Namjoon is pretty sure this american interviewer doesn’t even really know BTS too well or even listen to their music.

“Come on, everyone has a type. ARMY wants to know what kind of woman is RM’s type?” 

As if you can speak for ARMY.

“Why do you care?” Namjoon snaps. He surprises himself with his response and immediately follows it up. “I-I mean, it doesn’t really matter. As long as they love and accept me, I guess.” He saves it the best he can. The interviewer stares him down.

“Awe, how sweet. Well before you go Namjoon, we just gotta know! There have been rumors going around that you secretly have a girlfriend! Is it true? Should we be expecting an announcement soon?” As she speaks, pictures flash across the screen of Namjoon caught in the street taking pictures with a fan. Namjoon feels frustration bubble up, not only at the accusation but at the lack of privacy and how the tabloids must have been following him around taking pictures.

“Wow. Really? Shameless.” He loses his patience. “I don’t appreciate being followed and stalked everywhere I go, you know. She is a fan and we took a picture. Sorry I couldn't satisfy your gossip.” He can’t stop himself. “Do you guys really get paid for this? Pushing this  scummy, heteronormative agenda on celebrities hoping for a sliver of drama just so you can get a few clicks in by exaggerating and lying? We are people too, just like you. Normal people. So no, you don't get to make assumptions about me or pry into my life.”

“Heteronormative? Are you saying you are something other than straight? Is this official?” The woman interjects. Namjoon is fuming.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Namjoon gets up and storms away from the lit up booth and over to his staff, who briskly apologize to the interviewer and team and take him back to the studio.

Namjoon knows he went too far. Luckily his agent made sure that the interview would be scrapped and not published, but that is now an entire news group that BigHit won’t ever get an interview with again. Honestly they didn’t need the extra publicity, since at this point any company would be more than ecstatic to host an interview from BTS, but this was supposed to be a series of solo interviews from each of the artists, which would have no doubt been popular. Still, he didn't feel bad. Too many times have people asked BTS questions about their private lives and tried exposing them with false accusations and start scandals, none of which ever stick due to ARMY being so protective of them, but it took a toll on their mental health sometimes. Namjoon sinks into the back seat of the car as he looks out the window, listening to the patter of rain on the roof and watching the street lights reflect off the dripping window. 

My ideal woman, huh?

He reflects. Everywhere he goes where people ask him these questions, they always say “ideal girl” or “woman,” always assuming he is straight. I mean, he IS straight, but it bothers him nonetheless. It’s not like anyone bothers to ask, they always just assume. He knows that people just want to hear him talk about specific traits and types to fulfill people’s fantasies. It seems people also assume that all ARMYs are straight fangirls. It’s 2023, how are people still pushing heteronormative standards? He takes out his phone to see new messages in the BTS group chat.

WWH: How’d the interview go?

Namjoon sighed and typed out his response.

Me: Horribly. Pretty sure I ruined it for   all of us, sorry guys. JK: How so?  Me: I lost it and kind of snapped V: Dang, sounds like they deserved it then.  No worries man, probably for the best Me: Stupid private questions. I got  too pissed though, it is my fault, but still Y/N: Ew, don’t they have anything better to do? Jimin: Fr. Don’t feel bad, I would have  been short tempered too J-hope: Does this mean we have a free  weeknd? WWH: Nice spelling J-hope: thx dad JK: Hell yeah, let's do a movie night! (read by SUGA, WWH, J-hope, and 4 others)

Namjoon puts his phone away and looks out the window again. 

“Are you saying you are something other than straight? Is this official?” 

The woman’s words echo in his head longer than he would have liked. Namjoon has always liked women, that he is certain of. Ever since he was little he had crushes on disney princesses and actresses all the time. He had his fair share in heartbreaks and girlfriends in school too. Ever since becoming an idol, however, everything relating to romance seems to have left his life and been put in the back of his mind. He knows it's because they are idols that they aren't allowed to publicly date. That isn’t to say however that he didn't fantasize about having a partner or being in a romantic relationship. Despite BTS being his family and never truly being alone, he couldn’t help feeling lonely in some ways. These days, Namjoon finds himself stuck in his room working even in his free time. Maybe this weekend becoming suddenly free would be a blessing after all.

Namjoon walks into what he and BTS know as the “safehouse,” which is a large home away from the city where all 8 members have access at all times and their own separate rooms. They usually go to the safehouse when they want to meet up, have events and parties or just whenever they want to get out to somewhere private from their own separate homes. The other members are already gathered around in the dining room as he comes through the door.

“Hey, there he is! Welcome to the finest restaurant in all of Korea.” Hoseok yells over from the table where they are all feasting on what looks like bbq.

“Join us, I slaved away at making this for all of you, congratulate me.” Jin’s bubbly voice calls.

“As if. All you did was order the food hyung, don’t act like you prepared it!” Jimin teases Jin and reaches over to put some beef over the bbq and then dips it in some sauce.

“Ah, perfect. I’m starving.” Namjoon puts away his things and sits down in the empty chair next to Y/N. They all get into food and conversation, laughing and smiling and having a great time.

“I’m curious, what did she ask you that sent you over the edge?” Jungkook quired, sitting back as Taehyung brought over some beers.

“The interviewer started asking about my ideal type of woman, a question which I can usually dodge, but she was persistent. Then they pulled up pictures of me back when I was visiting Switzerland where I met a fan and they tried to frame it like a secret girlfriend situation.”

“They followed you to Switzerland?” Y/N looked up, a disgusted look on his face.

“Guess so. Anyways after that she-” Namjoon cuts himself off.

 “Are you saying you are something other than straight? Is this official?” Her words came bubbling up again, making him feel nauseous.

“She what?” Taehyung presses. Namjoon shakes his head.

“Nothing. I just got pissed, snapped at her and left after that.” He avoids eye contact with any of them, hoping someone will change the subject.

“I think you were in the right. I would have been so snarky.” Yoongi speaks up from the corner seat. 

“Yeah, don’t think about it too much man. There will always be more interviews, with better and more respectful people.” Jungkook says, trying to make him feel better.

The conversation shifts from there and as the night goes on, the boys get more and more inebriated. Jin is practically howling from laughter at Hoseok, who is falling over in his chair with his face bright red. Jimin is half asleep, Jungkook is not far behind him, and Taehyung is talking about some nonsense with Yoongi. Y/N and Namjoon seem to be the better off in the bunch, simply making stupid jokes and laughing at the other members. Namjoon speaks up.

“I’m drunk, gonna turn in for the night. As should all of you.”

“I think Jimin is already there.” Jin laughs and points at Jimin, who is face flat on the table.

“I’ll take him to his room.” Jungkook sighs and lifts Jimin up and carries him away. The other members eventually all go to their respective rooms also. Namjoon makes his way to his room. 

Namjoon closes his door and goes to get ready for bed. His tipsiness makes him stumble sometimes, but he manages to get changed and brush his teeth. After getting ready, he practically falls into his bed and crawls underneath the light brown and white covers. He drifts into thought.

Ideal woman… 

Namjoon starts thinking about what he finds attractive. He imagines lean, fit bodies and smooth skin. Silky hair and slightly parted lips. Sparkling eyes and light voices that entice him. He imagines a pair of hands caressing his face, feels the hands move down his neck and to his chest, constantly moving. The hands then become arms attached to a lean and skinny body, a dancer’s body. He feels the body with his own hands, moving to the sides of the person and down to their hips. The person materializes even more, revealing defined abs that lead to a man’s chest and strong thighs that straddle Namjoon’s middle, masculine shoulders that carry beauty and grace. The person is a beautifully built man. The face is blurred, but he can make out plump lips that shine, half parted in a silent breath. The figure leans down into Namjoon, hands on his chest and head as it gets closer to his face. Namjoon is lost in a trance by this beautiful person, and leans in to meet his lips with theirs, when he is met with air. He opens his eyes to his empty room and him in bed.

What a strange dream. 

He winces as he adjusts under the covers and discovers that he is partially hard.

Great, just what I need. 

He doesn’t have the energy to fix it right now, so he just takes a deep breath and ignores it. Eventually, Namjoon drifts off to sleep.

The next day arrives quickly, and the members are all hung over in the house waking each other up and groaning in the living room.

“What’s everyone’s plans today?” Jimin pipes up, cheerfully, as if he didn't get absolutely wasted the night before. J-hope looks up at him from his fetal position.

“How are you a real person?” 

“Yoongi-ssi and I were going fishing if anyone wants to join us.” Jin puts the offer out there, to which nobody volunteers.

“I thought you hate fishing?” Y/N asks Yoongi.

“I do, but it makes Jin hyung happy. And it's more fun with friends.” Yoongi half spoke, half groaned his response.

“Awe, he does have a heart!” Jimin teased. Yoongi curled deeper into his blanket in response.

“I want to go hiking today, anyone want to come with? We can get ramyeon after and karaoke!” Jungkook suggests.

“Oh, that sounds fun! I'll come.” Hoseok blinks the sleepy away from his eyes and nods.

“Jimin and I will come too.” Taehyung holds up his arm.

“Do I get any say in this?” Jimin smacks Taehyung’s shoulder.

Guess that leaves Namjoon and Y/N. Namjoon turns to him.

“Would you be interested in going to the National Folk Museum of Art in Seoul? I haven’t been there in a while.” Namjoon and Y/N both share a passion for minimalistic art and artists as well as art history. Y/N looked up at him and smiled through groggy eyes.

“Sure, that sounds fun!” 

Cute. 

“Sounds like we all got plans then! Get up and get going boys, or these hangovers are gonna take your Friday away.” Jin initiates the march to get ready for the day and get going. As everyone gets up and gets ready to leave, Namjoon also stands up. Y/N stays on the couch for a second before groaning and putting his arms out.

“Help me up hyung, i'm dying.” Namjoon smiles and exaggeratedly pulls Y/N up from the couch.

“I take it I will be driving us?” Y/N teases.

“It’s safer for us and the universe that I don’t.” Namjoon laughs and lets Y/N go upstairs. He trips over the first step, making Namjoon smile.

Was he always this adorable?

Some time goes by and Namjoon gets a text.

Y/N: I’ll be ready in 15, meet me in my car? Me: SOunds good Y/N: Lol typo

He puts his phone away and gets ready. After 15 minutes of looking for a good art museum outfit (he decides on jeans and a hoodie because he couldn't decide) Namjoon heads downstairs and to the parking lot to meet Y/N. He sees the light mint green beetle with its engine on and in the driver’s seat is Y/N, in what looks to be a brown sweater and a green beret with thin circle glasses. He opens the passenger door and buckles his seatbelt.

“You look nice! Perfect for the museum.” Namjoon compliments his outfit.

“Ah, a classic Namjoon look.” Y/N laughs, pointing out Namjoon’s plain outfit.

“Yeah well, I'm okay with being inconspicuous.” 

“You will be my staff as I get all the attention!!” Y/N smiles and gives Namjoon’s shoulder a light punch. Namjoon looks around the inside of Y/N’s car, taking it all in. The interior is light brown and clean, Y/N likes to keep his things tidy. On the windshield mirror is hanging a car freshener that looks like a daisy. Y/N turns on his bluetooth and connects his phone to the radio.

“Any music suggestions?” He asks Namjoon.

“I want to listen to what you want. What are you listening to these days?” Namjoon inquires. It has been a while since he hung out with any of the members one on one. Y/N nods and scrolls through his phone as if it was a super important decision.

“I need to find songs that you wont judge me for.” Y/N laughs, half joking.

“You know I listen to a bit of everything, not much can surprise me.” Namjoon reassures him. Y/N smiles and a song begins to play. Namjoon recognizes it as Troye Sivan’s “Lucky Strike.” Y/N bops his head along to the music and looks at Namjoon for approval.

“I know Troye Sivan. He has a great voice.” 

“God, what I would GIVE to do a collab with him!” Y/N reels, then puts the car in reverse and they set off. The car ride is pleasant and calming as they take turns recommending songs and vibing to them, moments of silent listening as well as gushing about artists they like.

“I wish we could be more open in our music. Like Troye Sivan or Frank Ocean.” Y/N expresses. “I mean, I know we technically can, and there is nothing wrong with expressing your true self through music, but I feel like we have to be so on edge because of how many people listen to our music.” Namjoon understands what he means.

“I get it. We have to tiptoe around certain topics because of how international our reach is.” Y/N nods solemnly to Namjoon's response.

“Yeah. I just wish I could write about what I want without worrying about scandals. We write about girls all the time, I'd love to write a boy love song.” Y/N is focused on the road. Namjoon turns to look at him when he says that, but doesn't say anything. They bop their heads to music the whole way, Y/N making silly gestures and expressions to the music as he drives. A slight burning feeling arises in Namjoon's chest, and upon realizing he is staring quickly glances away and swallows.

Must still be hungover.

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Aaaaaa what did you guys think?!?! I have SO much more written that I'm excited to share with you about this story. If you enjoyed and want to see more chapters please show this some love and tell me what you think below!!!

Stay tuned, Jae loves you <3

[heavensgateiowa]

Hey, I love your analysis of will's character and I've also seen u mention something about the inherent meaning behind making nico carry the athena Parthenos,maybe could u elaborate on that??

every time i get an ask w the word elaborate in it i grow stronger

annabeth rescuing the athena parthenos is an allegory for intergenerational trauma, specifically that of a mother and daughter. athena as minerva is seen as a downgrade, from a figure of huge power to a goddess with far less agency, brought down off her pedestal and embittered. she gives annabeth the silver drachma to start the quest, and it becomes this burning symbol of the work annabeth must do in order to avenge her mother and, in turn, free herself, an enormous physical reminder of the pressure she is under as a girl in her mother’s eye. in this specific instance, the shift to roman rule represents a patriarchal destruction of athena’s agency, and this transfers to annabeth just as real mothers transfer their trauma onto their daughters. annabeth is given the responsibility of retrieving the symbol of athena’s power and agency.

but it’s nico who’s forced to actually bear that burden. nico, the queer character who has been silently jealous of annabeth for years, is made to carry the burden of annabeth’s intergenerational trauma. this is one example of where nico’s treatment as a queer character would seriously concern me if this series wasn’t so equal-opportunity destructive to its characters, but as it is nico’s carrying the parthenos is presented as the final step in his catharsis/coming out. it almost kills him, but it also saves him by placing him in exactly the right place at the right time for will to find him and stop him. this model of sacrifice, close scrapes and the intervention of fate permeates pretty much the whole series, especially when you consider that in canon, their lives are *literally* structured by the forces of fate.

it isn’t just nico who takes the parthenos back though, it’s also reyna. they’ve both been jealous of annabeth, who, compared to them, has all the luck; she’s the one who gets the guy. reyna and nico have both been romantically scorned, and they both have further to go before they find what’s right for them. so the parthenos changes from symbolising annabeth’s trauma and the pressure on her, to nico and reyna’s trauma and the pressure still on both of them to conform to a heteronormative ideal that annabeth has already met. in my last post i talked about intersectionality, and for the burden that the parthenos represents to be transferred to a canonically gay and a heavily aroace-coded (basically canon) character, from a character who we only ever see in a straight-passing relationship, is not a coincidence.

tldr nico carrying the parthenos is nico carrying the burden of heteronormative expectations and his internalised homophobia, and once it reaches its destination he can finally be free.

[nottskyler]

Politics and the Church: Feminism

Equality for what is effectively half the population is a very large topic and thus there will be a lot of interpretations on what it means. This is one where we will be united in principle, women are equal to men, but the application is going to be different based on what other principles you value more.

It’s really hard to think of where to start with feminism encompassing so, so, so much. But I think I want to start with how we raise children and how we need to do better. One of the biggest issues I see in how we raise boys differently from girls comes to accountability. For boys, most things happen to them. For girls, everything is their fault. Boys will feel helpless because they don’t feel like they have control over their lives unless they are controlling other people or things. Women will feel helpless because they can’t control what they were taught they were supposed to be able to control. I’m pretty sure there is a middle ground that will make both AMAB’s and AFAB’s grow into adulthood without environmentally caused mental health issues.

This is one thing that EVERYONE needs to stop and take a moment and think about because these things happen because of subconscious sexism. Literally my mother thinks she is a feminist and she 100% raised my brother to feel entitled and free and my sisters and I to feel burdened and unable to do anything. Back before quarantine, I was walking through my neighborhood and saw a family out playing and talking with neighbors. The little boy was riding one of those tiny electric play cars, the sister was standing on the sidewalk talking to her friend. The little boy ran into his older sister and guess who got in trouble. The mother lectured the older sister for standing in her brother’s way while he was playing. Seeing as he had previously been playing on the driveway, it was completely incorrect. I bet if I were to ask the mother if she thought men and women were different but equal, she would agree. I bet she doesn’t realize that she is teaching her son that any wrong-doing of his is caused by others and her daughter that everything that happens to her is her fault. Honestly, men will be more responsible if they are held responsible for their actions and women will be able to contribute more if they stopped being raised to think that they had to behave a certain way to prevent people from treating them poorly.

I do really think it is important for any parent or adult who deals with children to stop and think about how they would handle a situation with a child if the child were the opposite gender. Boy playing with a doll doesn’t mean trouble or even that he might possibly be trans (playing with dolls didn’t stop me from being a man). Girls need to be encouraged for their talents and not just how they look. Boys need affirmation about their looks as well as what they do. Boys and girls need to learn to be responsible for their own actions and encouraged when they pursue their own interests. I’m pretty sure raising boys and girls to be so dramatically different is one of those evil things of our culture that we need to remove because it is keeping us from Christ.

Which moves on to my next thought, children are more likely to be able to pursue their own interests when both parents are allowed to do the same. Basically, women should not be told that they are only doing enough for their family when they are stay-at-home mothers. Prophets have changed their tune and it is time for the members of the Church to realize that and stop holding it up as an ideal. It is terrible for parents and children. Now there is nothing wrong with parents who want to be stay-at-home parents, moms or dads. If it is what you want, if you won’t feel like you are giving up on your own life and thus want to live vicariously through your children, please go for it and do it. I have seen too many women who have a lot of emotional problems because of the isolation and responsibility of being a stay-at-home parent. The woman being responsible for the home-making skills and the man working outside the home sounds like a lesbian and a gay man were forced to live with each other and built their own spheres so they would stop fighting all the time (or at least that’s how I think heteronormativity ruined family expectations). Both parents are responsible for taking care of kids and home and if one is being home for the kids, they will be busy enough without all the other home-making responsibilities.

And this is already so long and I haven’t touched child care, discrimination in the workplace (both obvious and less obvious), control over how to give birth, control over when to have kids or not, sexual harassment and assault, beauty industry and beauty standards, perfectionism, leadership and perception of female leaders, lack of female leaders everywhere and especially in the Church, and so many other issues and problems. Admittedly most of these will be ones where people will differ, beyond the terrible and blatant sexism that prophets have told us is wrong.

So I supposed I will finish with language, behavior, and culture that encourages control over women. This is wrong and we should be unified in standing up against it, holding people responsible for their actions (and punishing them accordingly), and we should most importantly stop holding up the reputation of the person responsible as proof that they didn’t do anything wrong. Language that diminishes women, be it sexist jokes, rape jokes, not believing women are competent, expecting a woman to be a prude or a slut, calling them mysteries that can’t be understood, “yes dear”-ing them, talking about them like animals that you can control, or any of the many other ways that people speak down about women (basically any form of catcalling). There should be absolutely no sexual contact without consent, acknowledging that what constitutes consent changes from person to person and you need to be aware of that before assuming one person’s yes will come the same way as someone else’s. Pornography is another thing the prophets have warned us about and I’m fairly certain this is one of the main reasons. Anytime I’ve personally known someone who think women are a reward for serving a mission or are objects you win by good behavior have all had a pornography addiction. It goes against logic and what the world says, but it seems to be true (that and the porn industry also doesn’t seem to know what constitutes consent too).

As King Benjamin said, “I cannot tell you all the things whereby ye may commit sin; for there are divers ways and means, even so many that I cannot number them” (Mosiah 4:29). This is true of sexism. Men and woman are equal. There are so many ways to be sexist that we have to watch constantly, including avoiding misandry. We are all human and while there is a difference between men and women that is eternal, we are first and foremost human and must be allowed to be human, have dignity, and be agents unto ourselves.

[jeontaeh]

SIX⁶

"Hey listen, let's just chill around the planet for tonight, keep our ship on freeze mode. Taehyung and Cherry are gonna keep an eye out for any problems. It'll be fine." Jin told Namjoon who hummed in response, and they heard a groan.

They were sitting around the dining area, because after the little meltdown of realising they were lost and alone in space floating through time and space and could inevitably die, they got hungry.

"For the last time- it's Jungkook, not Cherry." Jungkook snapped, and upon hearing the small silence, he smirked. "Or you guys could call me what girls usually call me- Daddy," Jungkook said, and then winked at Taehyung, who just grimaced.

"No shit," Hoseok laughed. "Could've sworn it'd be the other way around."

Jungkook frowned. "What?? Are you insinuating that- no way dude. I'm straight, why would I take it up the ass?"

Hoseok hummed. "Fair enough."

"Topping and bottoming is a social construct created by heterosexuals forcing heteronormative ideals upon homosexuals." Yoongi said, elbow rested on the table as he took a sip of his drink.

"Just say you're a bottom and go," Jimin said, and Yoongi scoffed.

"Excuse you. You're the biggest bottom in this damn ship." Yoongi retorted, and Jimin sighed. "True. But actually, no, I have a girlfriend."

Everyone laughed. Jimin frowned.

"Dude, she cheated on you like ten times. She's a bitch, just let her go." Taehyung said, and Jimin toyed with his food. "Yeah, whatever." Jimin mumbled, silence falling upon the table, Jimin clearly looking a little upset.

"Topping is fun." Hoseok said, leaning back into his chair.

"True." Jungkook and Taehyung said at the same time, and then looked at each other for a split second, and then back at Hoseok, who was now looking at Yoongi.

"I knew it," Yoongi laughed, and Hoseok smirked. "Yeah? How'd you know?" Hoseok said, putting his elbow on the table too, both their elbows touching a little.

"Dunno," Yoongi said, suddenly looking a little pink in the cheeks. "Got this- uh- v-vibe to you."

"A vibe?" Hoseok said softly to him, and Yoongi gulped, both quite close now.

"Min and Jung are flirting, I repeat, Min and Jung-"

"Shut up Jimin!!" Yoongi and Hoseok snapped, and Jimin started giggling, along with the other boys, who were giggling as well.

"Anyways- so- check this out. I? Have hypothermia. Hence, I can't sleep in the control room-"

"Jungkook you do not have hypothermia." Taehyung snapped, and Jungkook groaned, kicking his shin under the table, making him let out an ow.

"You're not getting out of sleeping together." Namjoon said, and then instantly covered his mouth with his hand because of what he said. Jungkook and Taehyung's eyes widened.

"Dude.. if you want some porn.. there's some on the tv.." Jungkook trailed, and Namjoon turned red. "Shut up, I didn't mean it like that-"

"Don't push your sexual fantasies on us, Captain. Jeez." Taehyung said, and Namjoon was red now, and both Jungkook and Taehyung started giggling when Namjoon rolled his eyes.

"I hate you guys." Namjoon grumbled, and Jungkook and Taehyung continued giggling, sipping their bubbly drinks in harmony.

"Guys I'll have to do a normal checkup tomorrow. It's one of my jobs as a medical student, to make sure you guys didn't catch anything by visiting the planet." Jin explained, and Namjoon turned to him.

"You can check me up anytime, Jin." Namjoon said, and then smirked when Jin turned red and hit his arm.

"Y'all so horny and shit. Anyways-" Jimin said, getting up and grabbing his plate. Before he could grab it, the plate just disappeared. It fucking just- it just vanished. Into thin fucking air.

Everyone was frozen, staring at the plate that just disappeared from Jimin's hands for 11 seconds- and then started screaming.

"What the fuck!!" Jungkook shouted, jumping off his seat, while Jimin screamed and ran behind Namjoon, and Jin did as well, and Taehyung ran up and hid behind Jungkook.

"The fucking plate just fucking disintegrated- what the fuck is this, the ending to Infinity War?!" Yoongi snapped, and Namjoon scoffed at him.

"Dude, you need to stop watching old ass movies." Namjoon said, and then Hoseok went up and touched his plate, and the plate just evaporated into thin air.

More screaming. "Ah-" Jungkook squeaked, trying to hide behind Taehyung, while Taehyung pushed him forward. "Dude- you have muscles!-"

"Yeah but I'm only 18 I can't die so soon-" Jungkook started, trying to hide behind Taehyung, and then Namjoon groaned.

"Guys! It's just a plate!"

"A plate that fucking ghosted itself like a girl that doesn't like you back!" Jimin snapped, and Taehyung snickered.

"Damn Jimin. You okay?"

"Going through some stuff right now." Jimin replied, and Taehyung nodded.

"Shut the fuck up!" Jin snapped, and then stepped forward and ran out the dining room. The others stood there, and then followed him out.

Jin was in the kitchen, checking the cabinet with the plates in it, and he sighed. "It's new tech. Plates are made of different matter than solid, so the particles evaporate after use and clean themselves." Jin explained, and all the guys sighed.

"Oh thank fuck. I thought we had some ghost plate shit going on. Turns out it's just nanotechnology." Jungkook laughed, and then Yoongi gulped.

"You guys know what this means right?" Yoongi said, and the guys frowned.

"What? That our plates left like my mom did when I was a kid?" Taehyung said, and everyone looked at him. Taehyung paused.

"Oh shit did I say that out loud? My bad- continue." Taehyung said, and everyone looked at him with concern for, like, ten seconds, and then continued.

"No- it means that we're all a bunch of scaredy little bitches who got scared of plates!" Yoongi snapped, and Jimin pouted.

"Hey! In my defence- utensils don't just poof into the air, okay?? They don't just leave like my girlfriend left me." Jimin said, and then he paused as well.

"Okay what the fuck is going on-" Jin said, and then Namjoon gulped, before saying- "We're all gonna die."

"We're not all- okay listen, there's like, a 53% chance we'll make it out alive. So chill." Hoseok said, and Taehyung nodded.

"Exactly. If there's one of us that could possibly die, we all know who that is." Taehyung said, and Jungkook nodded.

"Yes. Jimin-" Jungkook started, but got cut off.

"Jungkook." All six said at the same time, and Jungkook frowned.

"Woah, what? How am I the first likely to die?? Jimin's wearing a shirt with bra cupping on it!" Jungkook snapped, and Jimin looked down at his shirt, and then cupped his 'boobs'.

"Holy shit- it looks like I have boobs!" Jimin laughed, and then looked up in amazement. "Guys I have boobs!"

Jungkook suddenly looked around, and frowned. "Wait- all of you are wearing weird clothes," Jungkook pointed out. They all had mixes of pinks and purples and sparkles on their clothing.

"Yeah. You'd think a planet full of women would have some masculine clothing, but not really. Everything was rather feminine. To be honest, clothes don't have a gender, anyone can wear anything they want and gender is a social construct. But- the shop we went to had the cheapest stuff, and it had all these sparkles on it." Yoongi said, looking down at his xxxl shirt that said 'PUSSY POWER' on it.

"We got you clothes too, Jungkook. I don't know why you've been walking around in tiny ass panties." Taehyung said, and Jungkook scoffed. "These are boxers."

"He wants us to see his abs. We saw 'em, Jungkook. You can go change now." Jin said, and Jungkook blushed, and then frowned.

"I can't believe y'all hate thick people. Damn."

"What're you on about, no one hates me." Jimin said, and Jungkook glared at him, before turning around and walking to his room.

"Nice ass!" Taehyung yelled out, and Jungkook turned around and sneered at him, before entering his room, where a packet of clothes lay.

"It's late now, we've had a long ass day. Time isn't real." Namjoon said, and Yoongi was about to open his mouth, but Jin groaned. "God- don't say time is a social construct, I'm gonna hit my head against a wall."

"I was going to say that I'm tired, but you're right, time is a social construct." Yoongi said, and Jin went to a wall and hit his head against it.

"Damn. Okayyy- anyways. A bitch is gonna go get her beauty sleep! Night!" Jimin said, and then turned around and walked to his bedroom. He walked closer to it, and then stopped, and turned around.

"Where's the comment about my ass?" Jimin frowned, and Taehyung sighed. "Nice ass, Jimin." Taehyung said, and Jimin giggled and winked at the silver haired boy.

"Thanks. You too." Jimin said, before walking into his bedroom and closing the door.

"Tae, you change and go sleep in the control room. I'm really tired too." Namjoon said, and Jin nodded, a visible little bruise on his forehead. They both walked to their respected rooms and went in.

"Hey Yoongs, you wanna go for a quick walk around the ship?" Hoseok said, and Taehyung watched as Yoongi's eyes lit up a little, and he grinned. "Sure." Yoongi replied, and they both went off, whispering to each other.

Taehyung sighed and walked to his bedroom as well.

Jungkook was in his own bedroom, eyes angered, wearing his clothes that he's supposing is for him to wear to sleep. Jungkook walked out his room, slamming the door shut, and then walking towards Taehyung's room and opened it without knocking. 

"What the fu-" Jungkook started, but then paused.

Taehyung was bent slightly, completely naked, rummaging through his bag of stuff on his bed, his ass facing Jungkook.

Jungkook gulped, and then decided to be funny. "Nice ass." Jungkook smirked, and then Taehyung turned around, eyes growing wide.

"Dude, what the fu-" Taehyung started, and then saw as Jungkook's eyes widened comically, mouth falling to the floor.

"W-what the fuck is that?!" Jungkook let out weakly, looking at the thing between Taehyung's legs.

Taehyung frowned, looking down at his dick, and then looked back up. "It's my dick, you fucking imbecile."

Jungkook gulped, and for some reason, stepped forward, closer to Taehyung, but still a distance between them. "I-is that real?" Jungkook let out, and Taehyung raised an eyebrow, feeling weird suddenly.

"What? Y-yeah- what the fuck are you doing?" Taehyung asked, seeing as Jungkook's eyes were glued on his dick, eyes wide.

"It-" Jungkook started, and then licked his dry lips, blushing. "I-it's so big." Jungkook let out, and then Taehyung let out a snicker, seeing as Jungkook looked at his gigantic penis for like two more seconds and then turned around.

"You fucking weirdo." Taehyung mumbled, grabbing a pair of sweatpants he bought and putting them on quickly. Jungkook was still red in the face, realising he'd started at Taehyung's...heat seeking moisture missile for a little too long.

"I- um- I came here t-to-"

"To make a comment about my ass and then stare at my dick for 27 seconds?"

Jungkook blushed. "No! I didn't mean to stare at your dick!"

"Oh so you meant to come see my ass?" Taehyung snickered, and Jungkook blushed again.

"Shut the fuck up Taehyung I- what the fuck is this shirt?" Jungkook snapped, turning around, seeing Taehyung finally dressed in tight sweatpants and a big pastel blue shirt.

Jungkook's tight pink t-shirt said 'Daddy's Little Girl' on it, and Taehyung giggled.

"What! It's funny- you're a kid so I got you a shirt from the kid's section. I don't understand, is it too small?" Taehyung tilted his head, and Jungkook glared at him.

"All my clothes are weird. I hate you. One says 'Proud Mother of 2' No I'm not!! How do those women even have babies??" Jungkook snapped, and Taehyung scoffed.

"Their biology is different, dude. Some women have organs that help in the 'male' parts of reproduction. What- you're just gonna assume every alien is like humans?" Taehyung said, and Jungkook scoffed in return.

"Clearly not since your dick is bigger than any normal human's." Jungkook snapped back, but then blushed when Taehyung laughed.

"Chill, Kook. It's not even that big. It's like, 22-"

"22 inches??!!?!?!?!?" Jungkook shouted, and Taehyung gave him a weirded out look.

"Are you dumb? No- centimetres." Taehyung said, and Jungkook sighed.

"Oh thank god, for a second I thought- wait, 9 inches?!?!?!?!" Jungkook shouted again, and Taehyung blushed. "Bro- shit up."

Jungkook blushed too, and then both got out of Taehyung's room and began walking towards the control room, soft hum of the engines avid to their ears in the silence.

"9 inches when it's hard or soft-"

"Jungkook."

"I-I'm just asking- do all Jupiter males have big penises?"

"Yes." Taehyung responded. "Mine's an average size in Jupiter." Taehyung mumbled, and they both entered the control room, and Jungkook hummed.

"I thought people were just being nice when they said I had a big dick- and that every dude I sleep with just happens to have a small penis." Taehyung explained, laughing down two thick blankets on the floor, along with two pillows.

"Yeah. Same same. My dick's huge too. I mean- not as big but. Pretty close. Y'know. Yup." Jungkook said, and Taehyung gave him an amused look, and they both lay down onto the thick blankets, head against pillows.

Small silence.

"Wait so you've never had a dick inside of you?" Jungkook asked, and Taehyung turned to face him.

"Are you horny? Or do you always just ask stupid ass questions?" Taehyung said, and Jungkook rolled to his side, looking at Taehyung.

"I'm always stupid. Now tell me," Jungkook said, poking his foot with his cold one, both wincing at how cold their feet were.

Taehyung sighed. "Yeah. Once or twice."

Jungkook's eyes glittered. "Is it fun?"

"Jesus fucking Christ-"

"Oh come on! Scientists say we're all inherently a little bisexual. And yeah, I know that was like super controversial, but it might be kinda true." Jungkook said.

Taehyung turned to his side, both facing each other now. "So you're saying you're bisexual?" Taehyung said softly, and Jungkook looked at him.

"I'm saying experimenting isn't all that bad." Jungkook replied. "Plus, fucking a dude is like doing anal with a girl, right? And I've done that coupe of fifty times, I'll be fine."

Taehyung snickered. "You're just assuming you'll be the top?

Jungkook frowned. "Well, duh."

Taehyung hummed. "I get it. Topping is hot. Hotter than bottoming. At least for me. S'fun- to see a guy squirm and all that shit. Hear them whine. And moan out your name- jesus fuck- I'm kinda horny too." Taehyung said, and then turned to face the ceiling of the ship.

Jungkook snickered, doing so as well, lying on his back. "So like, hypothetically speaking. Hypothetically. If we were to- y'know.." Jungkook trailed, and then turned a little to see Taehyung, and saw his cheeks turn a faint blue.

"We were to what?" Taehyung asked, and Jungkook gulped. "To- y'know- bring an al dente noodle to the spaghetti house." Jungkook said, and Taehyung choked.

"What?!" Taehyung let out, and they both started giggling, staring at the ceiling which had weird technology so was kind of see through, allowing both to see the stars. The lights were off now, only the planet and moons giving light from outside.

"To have sex, if we were to have sex. How'd we- y'know-"

"Why would you assume the two of us would have sex? There's five other guys on this ship, y'know." Taehyung said, and Jungkook hummed, inching a little closer to Taehyung, the older not noticing.

"Well- Namjoon's clearly into Jin. Jin's clearly into Namjoon. Hoseok and Yoongi have their own thing going on. And Jimin's in love with himself. So.. if you do the math.." Jungkook said, and Taehyung laughed.

"Shit, Cherry. I guess we would end up together." Taehyung said, and Jungkook giggled as well.

"So- when we have sex-"

"When??"

"If we have sex-" Jungkook reiterated, blushing. "If we were to have sex- who'd be Tom and who'd be Jerry?" Jungkook asked.

"Hey, if Jerry was full grown, he'd top the fuck out of Tom." Taehyung said, and Jungkook sighed.

"Fair enough. Okay okay- who'd be Shrek and who'd be Donkey?"

"Are you insinuating that Shrek fucked Donkey-"

Jungkook started laughing, so Taehyung continued. "Jeon Jungkook- he had a wife and three kids, and Donkey was in a happy marriage with a dragon-"

"I don't remember these stupid old stories- you come up with one." Jungkook said, and Taehyung hummed.

"Who'd be.. Woody and Who'd be Buzz Lightyear?"

"Buzz would fuck the shit out of Woody."

"Jungkook!!"

"Sorry!! Okay- just tell me. Who'd be the penetrator and who'd be the penetratee?" Jungkook asked, and Taehyung rolled to his side, and now the both were quite close, staring at one another.

Before Taehyung could speak, Jungkook did. "I could fuck you." Jungkook whispered, and Taehyung looked slightly amused- but the humour went away when Jungkook placed his hand on Taehyung's waist.

"Y'know- there's a reason why girls like me so much." Jungkook whispered again, and then leaned in, lips lingering over Taehyung's ear. "'Cause I fuck 'em really well. Like I could fuck you. Leave you whimpering and moaning my name, like you said." Jungkook said, and then saw how Taehyung's cheeks were slightly blue.

"It's a shame, really, if you ask me. Such a big dick-" Jungkook said, looking down at his sweats, and then back up. "Gone to waste." Jungkook whispered, and then saw how Taehyung gulped at that.

"Isn't that right?" Jungkook said, and then touched Taehyung's chin with his finger. "Baby boy?"

Taehyung paused for a while, and then let the blush wear off into a small snicker. "You're funny, Cherry. Really cute, too." Taehyung sighed, and Jungkook removed his hand from his waist, frowning.

"What?" Jungkook asked, and then saw Taehyung smirk. "I mean- you're too annoying to be a top, y'know?" Taehyung said, and Jungkook frowned.

"Meanie." Jungkook said, and Taehyung cooed, booping Jungkook's nose. "I'm just saying! You're trying too hard."

"M'not trying, Tae! I could fuck you really hard and make sure you don't walk for a year. Do you want me to? 'Cause I will," Jungkook growled, and then heard Taehyung let out a hum.

"I'm sure you could, Cherry. I'm not doubting that. I'm just saying- you just come across as a bratty bottom." Taehyung said, and then pinched Jungkook's waist, making him blush a little.

"Well you come across as a loud whiny bottom!" Jungkook snapped, and Taehyung giggled.

"You don't know me well enough." Taehyung whispered, and Jungkook sat up straight.

"I wanna know you well enough, then." Jungkook said, and Taehyung suddenly grabbed Jungkook down onto the bed, and turned him around, and then threw his arm over his waist.

"Here. I'll show you a thing or two." Taehyung whispered, and Jungkook frowned. "No! I'm not a little spoon, I-I have muscly arms! I'm gonna spoon you." Jungkook said, and tried turning around, but got caught in Taehyung's arms.

"I'm bigger than you. Now shut it, and let's just cuddle and never speak of it again. It's cold and we don't have blankets." Taehyung said, and wrapped his arms around Jungkook, holding him close.

Jungkook whined in his hold, hitting his chest lightly. "Let me go, alien boy." Jungkook said, and Taehyung tensed a little.

"Don't call me that." Taehyung said, voice coming out a little harsh.

Jungkook looked at him and gulped. "Oh- s-sorry- I didn't mean to-"

"I know. Just don't call me that." Taehyung said, and then Jungkook looked down. He turned around and Taehyung let go of his hold on him, a quiet surrounding them.

Jungkook grabbed Taehyung's arm and wrapped it around his waist. "Here. I'll be the little spoon for now. I feel bad." Jungkook squeaked, and Taehyung laughed airily, warmth tickling the back of Jungkook's neck.

"But you're still the baby boy." Jungkook affirmed.

"Sure thing, baby boy."

"No!" Jungkook said, and Taehyung squeezed Jungkook's waist. "You're so cute."

"No no- m'not cute!! I'm manly and strong! Ah- Taehyung. You won't tell anyone I was the little spoon, okay??" Jungkook said, and Taehyung placed his chin on Jungkook's shoulder.

"Okay." Taehyung whispered.

"Goodnight." Jungkook said.

"Goodnight, baby."

Jungkook found himself blushing, and squirmed a little in Taehyung's arms. "W-what?" Jungkook said softly, but Taehyung seemed to have fallen asleep.

Jungkook didn't know why his stomach felt like it was fluttering with butterflies, but he thought it best to ignore it. Just fear. S'just fear of being in a spaceship in the middle of nowhere. Nothing else.

✫  ✬  ✭  ✬  ✫

https://jeontaeh.tumblr.com/post/647226620930916352/seven%E2%81%B7

[tothedarkdarkseas]

What type of things do you think 2d wouldn't be able to do with a man? Sexually and emotionally?

Woof. That’s a heavy question. Behind a cut for sensitive material.

This side of it is overlooked sometimes and I haven’t always done the best job representing it myself, but there’s absolutely an element of emotional isolation with another man for Stu. Having any sort of romantic (or undefined, in this case) relationship with a man is… uncharted and uncomfortable. There’s a whole evolving process in his response to Murdoc, though. Stu can and does throw his emotions in Murdoc’s face a lot when he’s around the 20-23 range, particularly when those emotions are about how much Murdoc sucks, but if anything that only highlights how little conscious thought he’s put into his relationship to Murdoc vs, say, Paula. In the beginning he’s not acting dishonestly to Murdoc, and in fact is less honest toward the girlfriend he cares about his image in front of; it’s just that it’s still an immediate surface level “honesty” with Murdoc, a heat-rises kind of honesty. He reacts to what Murdoc’s shown him up to that point and now follows that angry “owed” instinct Murdoc unwittingly split off himself and drove into Stu’s head. You don’t get a sense of Stu being cold, but you don’t get a sense of him being comfortable with any level of vulnerability either, he’s still asserting himself as a winner even when he’s dripping spittle and rage tears. He’s pretty emotionally immature which tends to involve a type of selfish honesty, and in my imagining he gets kinda tetchy, kinda defensive, especially so with Murdoc. He is overall less reserved than a certain stiff-lipped British stereotype, which just kinda supports him not actually being raised any higher than mid-working class– as always I’m not the best source to discuss this stuff, I can’t emphasize enough how much @elapsed-spiral keys me in on the class divide (spoken and unspoken) and the fairly unique relationship Britain has with class. (Also can’t emphasize how much I’ve ripped ideas from them in general, and how much more knowledgeable Danni is on everything about the inherent Britishness of the characters. And on most things.)

All that crap about his emotional profile to say– there’s a shift when that relationship changes into something with sexual undertones, whether they’ve actually had sexual contact or not. To simply exist and be gay is not inherently sexual, but… Stu isn’t exactly a guy I see having an enlightened understanding of the world and himself, not at 20 at least. To Stu, who went to school under Section 28, who was at least complicit in some schoolyard homophobia (regarding the pic in ROTO with the “I’m gay” sign stuck on another boy’s back), who does not feel confident in exactly who he is but has some ideas of who he does not want to be, who has only ever been with women and doesn’t accept those experiences being mocked and invalidated because the conversation about sexuality for working class men was so black and white, who does not know if it’s possible to separate his identity as a man from the fear of being “less of a man” that he’s internalized, who knows he isn’t the ideal of “what a man can be” and feels more doubt about his head traumas and “disfigurement” than he admits and doesn’t want to add another uncertain thing on top of– yeah, to that Stu, his worldview is still rather narrow. The thought that his life, both going forward and his memories until now, would be forced to change in a way he has not reached a healthy place with yet is upsetting. After things take on a certain tone with Murdoc, I think Stu pulls back emotionally but can’t help still spilling over. I do think there are times, very panicked raw times when Stu would be open about what he’s feeling, he’d deliver stream of consciousness anxieties or maybe accuse Murdoc of things, he’d cry while shouting because Stu is simply prone to crying in frustration, he’d certainly show emotion in some form, but day to day things would become more terse. Murdoc would probably prod him until he forces Stu to lash out, but Stu would not put himself in the more threatening, more vulnerable position of maybe being… kinda okay with it. Letting himself feel connected to Murdoc the way he has to a girlfriend. Talking to someone about Murdoc, including Murdoc, in more than just insults. Treating their relationship as a relationship. These are things that I do think could shift around over time. After Phase 3 I think the emotional relationship takes on a much more direct and bitter tone, things go from heated to quite icy, and their relationship stops entirely for several years. When they come back together it’s just with this resigned understanding that they’re part of each other, that no amount of living healthier has ever flushed Murdoc from his system.

Sex is both harder and easier for Stu depending on the context. This is a shortcoming on my end, as I have the characters exist in kind of a nebulous alternate reality more than like a full plotted “AU” so I do tend to… jump around a bit. I’m not married to certain things, and this tends to be one of them. I’ve written Stu being unable to have full penetrative sex with another man, and I’ve written him regrettably having full penetrative sex with another man, and I can’t say I hate either idea or think they can’t work.To be honest, I still sometimes feel like it’s a mistake to have their relationship be quite as explicit as it’s been, and I fall back on the idea in Midnight Coward– that they just can’t. Stu just can’t. I find the concept of “incompatible sexuality” really compelling, even if in this case I headcanon them as the same orientation but just very different places in their comfort with sex… but for admittedly shallow reasons it can be hard to stick to that for every story. In my head, the followup to Ampersands is Stu and Murdoc continuing to smoke and indulge in no-direct-conversation mutual masturbation together, or Murdoc performing oral on Stu (not receiving it in return), but while Murdoc would have anal sex on offer– despite the fact that they’d already done that with Paula– Stu would not be able to repeat it under the new circumstances for a long time. It’s different without her as a buffer. He was able to justify the threesome as “sex with his girlfriend” while Murdoc’s just there, he compartmentalized what that moment could mean in order to act on it, and now he’s able to compartmentalize Murdoc “servicing” him as just… sort of using Murdoc in a masturbatory fashion, something Murdoc’s gladly offering and gladly accepting. It’s not really rational, but it’s something tenuous he can get himself past this threshold for– the threshold for “really” shagging (according to a heteronormative guy’s experiences and what “really counted” as shagging with girls vs what was having a bit of fun) is much further out, and would take a longer time to get past. But on the other hand, it can also feel believable to me that they’d just go way too fast and end in Stu’s brain being a little broken (psst, this is what I’ve taken a break from a more serious unsexy story to write, so I’ve gotta cover my tracks now and defend it.) Now that I think about it, there’d be a meeting point between sex and emotion– I think Stu would have a much easier time getting in physical altercations with Murdoc that allow for sex to happen, being in rougher or less emotionally compromising situations than talking about things like identity and history would be. He’d be… this is an awkward way to phrase it I realize, but he’d be more open to being made aware that sex with Murdoc is just something that could happen. He might get defensive at a lewd joke but he wouldn’t exactly spiral at it. Having an explosive relationship allows room for things to just… explode, as it were. I think that sort of distance from the emotional side (apart from “normal” emotions like anger at Murdoc) makes him feel safer and less like he’s in a vulnerable position, even if he’s in a compromising position. It makes following the cues Murdoc is giving less scary and more instinctive. I think a hard line for Stu (at least for a very long time) is giving oral sex, or kissing Murdoc in a non-sexual environment (as in kissing at breakfast or something.) These don’t feel like things he’s being gratified by and therefore distracted enough to do; these feel like things you do when you want to please someone besides yourself or share intimacy with them. Either of these ideas with Murdoc trigger a flight response in Stu, so he’s out.

(I realize I just talked about Murdoc and not another man in general, but I don’t think Stu had any sort of romantic relationship with another man before Murdoc and unfortunately for him I don’t think he ever seriously has another relationship after. I can’t decide if I think Stu might sleep with another man when the two are separated during the hiatus but I tend to lean toward ehhh, maaaaybe only once, just to jolt himself from the numbness with something that terrified him so deeply once, to see if he’s capable of caring about anything that much again… but I could also easily see that never happening, so.)

[ancient-depressed-druid]

My opinion on reylo and why the writing forces them together (not in a good way)

First of all, I am a reylo shipper, that, however doesn't change my opinion on the subject that their relationship was the result of bad writing.

I didn't ship them when I saw TFA, because I was sure they would pull a Luke/Leia archetype and make her either Han's daughter with another woman or Luke's own daughter. I actually didn't ship her with any character (strong female lead that doesn't need a love interest) and was sure the relationship between Poe and Finn would develop as the "romantic ideal" (it's space, they don't need to have heteronormativity). Rey was supposed to be the Luke of this trilogy, too busy with being a Skywalker and having to save some family member from the dark side, blablabla. But it made sense.

TLJ however, proved me wrong. She wasn't a Skywalker, but she had a connection to the last of them. The franchise is supposed to tell the Skywalker story, so, if you're making the main character be "no one" (and I did really like the idea that you don't need to inherit the force from a big name already. Force sensitivity is not royal blood) it only makes sense to be building for that character to be a Skywalker in the future, this time by marriage.

We were shown a lot less than enough to really promote the idea that Ben Solo was worth saving, the whole space Nazi shit and all. But we were exposed to the idea that he was manipulated since a child by the dark side and abandoned and betrayed by his family (totally out of character, Leia's adoptive father raised her while leading a rebellion, Han - as shown in solo - always had the need for family and belonging, Chewie wasn't even added to the equation even though we all know he would raise that child alone if he had to, and lastly, Luke, the one that saw good in Vader, a man that destroyed entire species/planets and chose to go to the dark side even when he had his loved ones there for support, but like could not sense a scared teenager feeling left aside by his parents and tortured by some dark being).

Here is not to say I condone the shit kylo did, nor do I agree with the writing of the character (Adam driver is the biggest reason why the character even works for me, his acting often conveying more hidden emotion and suffering than necessary) but if Rey is to be a main character, if we're not to accompany Ben's journey, but rather her's, then they have to be together at the end, otherwise they are just shiting all over the original trilogy (not that they didn't).

Finn and Poe, however, are left aside for the duration of the movie, both separated from each other to appear straight and Rose's character is introduced and poorly used. We could have a good dynamic between her, Finn, Poe and Rey. She was raised inside the resistance just as much as Poe. She lost her sister thanks to both Poe and Kylo's plans. She could be the one to point out just how bad war is, doesn't matter the side. She could bond with Rey on being a girl with no family and not really a purpose before the resistance. They could talk to each other! Instead they send her to a wild goose chase with Finn and force her to almost kill herself to stop Finn's sacrifice not because "she already saw so many people sacrificing themselves in order to win battles that only continue a much bigger war" showing how much her sister's death impacted her views on heroism and strategy and empathy, no! They make her confess to him and pass out.

TROS is the worst one yet. So many plot holes. Ooc behaviour. The whole movie is a first grade collage made with shitty magazines and chewing gum.

Rey being a Palpatine? Erasure of the whole idea with the children in the end of TLJ

Leia training to become a Jedi? Why tf find Luke then? Also, the whole thing with "if I end my training my son will die" but not batting an eye when her brother tries to KILL said son? Bullshit.

The whole Leia characterisation is bullshit, she would have entered the base herself, killed smoke (since they didn't even make it hard to begin with) and taken her son back to the resistance by the ear.

Poe suddenly becoming a Don Juan type? The guy was only flirting with Finn during the first movie and too busy disobeying orders during the second one. His parents we resistance pilots, Leia knew him since he was a child, but sure, make him a smuggler I guess. Not like they didn't already fuck every other part of his character up, making him petty and more focused on the numbers than the ideals of the resistance.

Finn clearly liking Rey and not even being allowed to say it (if she was a Skywalker I would be totally in on the ship, because it would make sense) and being treated like a joke the whole movie? His friendship with Jannah was good, but why make it as "the force" and not common decency? Why couldn't the have chosen to leave the first order themselves? Don't get me wrong, I was thirsting for a Jedi Finn to be like Mace Windu and everything but it breaks the idea that Finn did what he did in TFA because he's simple a good person. It shatters the possibility of free will in the Star Wars franchise.

Ben dying, his character not talking a word after the redemption, he not having a purple lightsaber, he going to battle and getting decked by the Knights of Ren (characters I was so hyped to meet since the first movie) until he gets a lightsaber, the boy was supposed to be so amazing he could just shoot a blaster and force manipulate the shot to kill all of them. We have seen him stop a blaster shot before, it would be paying off that same scene.

Palpatine's plan not making any fucking sense. He could find and manipulate Ben solo, but couldn't locate his own granddaughter? Also, he can create life (anakin) but needs her to kill him so the sith can continue? Just create another one.

Rey's parents sacrificing their lives to keep her safe, she sensing how much the suffered, (not even gonna talk about the 'they sold you for drinking money' because no) and still not giving a single flying fuck about it? Choosing to take the name of the people that knew who she was and didn't tell her? The people that drove Ben solo to a path of loneliness and darkness so much that he clang to the idea of his dead grandfather to have any sense of belonging at all (again, so out of character) she could have used her mother's maiden name or any other.

Ben dying because he could not have shared his force energy with the person MOST COMPATIBLE TO HIM IN THE ASPECTS OF THE FORCE and survived. Their kiss that felt desperate and still hopeful that she would make him find that family he wanted so much. Only to have him and Leia "become one with the force" the next second? Do you think Leia herself would peacefully die right after her own son died?

Do you think the ghost of Anakin Skywalker would reach out to Rey and not to his own grandson? Do you think that any of this is good writing?

It is not

I ship reylo for what it could have been, but I also ship stormpilot, reyfinn and many others.

Lastly I want to address how toxic shipping in any fandom, but specifically this fandom, built from the ideals of what white males in the 70's thought appealing, can be. Reylo's and non reylo's alike created turmoil with each other, and went even further and harassed the actors (whom didn't have any power to chance the bad writing) it is obvious why John, Oscar, Kelly and others hated this whole experience. The movie was badly written in a way to be a huge way of selling merch with as little intention of being good, the actors were constantly harassed by the fans be it for their characters or their skin colour or how they we shut down by a big company more interested in selling a shitty version of a Star Wars fanfic written in the 90's.

The fandom needs to see it for what it is and stop harassing others. Instead unite and harass Disney for their money hungry ideals and constrictive politics on racial/sexual/feminist matters.

[tarotmantic]

i think if ur unfamiliar with the context of the story it’s easy to see the songs as malicious, where they really need to be taken in the most good faith reading. the whole point of evans character is to explore the extremes people go to achieve connection from a sympathetic point of view. he never means to hurt anyone, his intent is never intentionally malicious. he doesn’t know that connor was abusive to zoe, doesn’t know anything about their actual relationship AND he’s an only child so he really doesn’t know how siblings interact at all. all he sees is a girl who has just lost her brother who just told him they never talked so why was she in his suicide note. of course evan is going to try and reassure her! and so the only things he has to comment on are things he’s noticed!! and okay tangent lol but I think the whole zoe-evan relationship is a very interesting one because it’s one that people often point at to prove evan is a terrible person. sure he probably did/does have a crush on her, but in the end it’s not really about romance- it’s about normalcy and escape and being wanted by someone. evan clearly has abandonment issues a la his dad leaving and heidi never being home, and romantic relationships are always held on a pedestal so of course he’s going to strive for that. and the letter, obviously (in meta) they had to make it not overtly romantic so it could pass for connors note BUT I think it’s interesting wording from a characterisation perspective? bc he’s talking about all his hopes being pinned on zoe and like, that’s not particularly romantic. that my friends is mental illness! again, maybe originally he did have a crush on her, but it’s also about seeing a girl (#heteronormativity) who is pretty and cool and seems to have this perfect life and to top it all off is NICE, and wanting that because if he can get to know her then maybe he’s not as unlovable as he’s been lead to believe. She’s an ideal! i don’t want to diminish zoe as a character, and clearly it’s not good that evan dated her whilst lying to her but that’s the point!!! he did a bad thing!!!! zoe knows evan likes her right bc he tries to kiss her so later when she kisses him and they get together evan is gonna go with it. what he sees is that wow this girl actually thinks im worth being around AND it’s making HER HAPPY! this is like. One of his main driving forces- seeing the murphys grieving and trying to fix it. we know this is a futile exercise bc he is 17 and mentally ill and doesn’t even know them; but again!!! 17!! mentally ill!! he’s going to make bad decisions!!!

okay wow im going to stop now bc i am not even forming coherent points anymore it’s just exclamation marks

Yet another DEH take that bothers me is when people complain about the dissonance between the mood of the songs and what's actually going on in the plot, like:

"If I Could Tell Her sounds like such a cute love song but Evan is lying to a girl he wants to date about her brother that committed suicide."

There's this sense that the songs are trying to distract the audience from the plot rather than developing it, and (especially from the crowd who listened to the OBCR without knowing the premise) this almost...betrayal? This anger over feeling deceived and lied to, ironically? And it just seems so shortsighted to me.

For Forever and If I Could Tell Her and You Will Be Found do make you feel good and almost forget what's actually going on, because that is exactly how the lie functions within the context of the story. That is exactly what makes it so appealing to the characters, Evan included.

[dragonlands]

Friendship vs queerbaiting

"Can we stop shipping all (m/m) friendships as romance?"

First of all, no. Why should we? Shipping is supposed to be fun, and we can ship whatever we want as long as the characters are fictional. With real people it's a little trickier but this is not about real people shipping so I'll leave it at that. People don't usually choose a ship, shipping happens a little like falling in love: we find ourselves attracted to the dynamic of certain characters and the ship just kind of happens.

Shipping is not activism, like people often remind here. We fans don't need to ship the ship with the most under represented dynamic, we should ship the ship that makes us happy. It's not homophobic if you don't ship the popular gay ship. Its not racist if you ship the main character with the white person instead of poc bc you feel like these two have a better dynamic. And so on. But I need to add here that if a queer/interracial couple is canon but you ship them in a straight/white relationship with someone else it's a little... questionable at least. It depends the dynamic and the history of these characters and so on, but I'm just saying that there are exceptions to the rule I just presented.

So, if you feel like friendships between two men are under represented you have no right to tell people they shouldn't ship it because you prefer their dynamic as something else than romantic. And also: where did the idea come that they are under represented? The sole reason why so many non canon ships are m/m friendships is because THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. Plus, all kinds of friendships are shipped, f/f and f/m too but they're much rarer in mainstream fiction which is why they are also less popular in fandom. If you think "Fandom only ships canonically straight white men", look at Clexa for example. They only had one season together, and it got to the top of tumblr's most shipped list immediately. Stormpilot is very popular and it's interracial while neither is white. Don't blame the fandom for something the creators are responsible for.

The idea that we shouldn't ship friendships tells something about how our society portrays romance - an instant connection, physical attraction, something that consumes your soul after the first glance and makes you leave everything, even your friends and family behind. As if you were ready to die for them after one conversation, one night together, sometimes even just one look. This doesn't sound healthy or even normal to me.

Romance and friendship are not mutually exclusive. Healthy romances are often build on friendship, and even if infatuation comes first and dating second, any couple who has been married for years will tell you that the secret to a happy marriage is being good friends too. Best friends, actually, since they have to spend most time together. Of course I'm not saying we shouldn't ship different kinds of dynamics, I enjoy love/hate relationships as much as the next person, but popular ships that are accused of queerbaiting are usually canonically close friendships.

Drawing a line between close friendship and queerbaiting can be tricky, I admit. Sometimes even if I do think something is queerbaiting I understand the opposite opinion, sometimes not. Often, the opposite argument is something like this: "Yes, they clearly do love each other very deeply, deeper than most friends, but that's because they're like brothers/siblings." And I'm like... no. I know brotherly love is a saying but it isn't really... a thing. For people who aren't actually brothers. Because there are two things that make people siblings: 1) Biology, as in they are genetically siblings. 2) They have been brought up as siblings, they have the same parents and have known each other since birth.

Often siblings are both, but there are adopted siblings, and biological siblings who haven't met each other before adulthood. So if you can't check either of these for your ship, it's not incestuous. No matter how brotherly you think their love is. Because yes, people can form strong bonds to people outside family, but even childhood friends don't have the experience that siblings have. They don't have the same parents and the same happy family memories or shared trauma. They've never had the kind of authority that a parent is, who is close for both and able to decide who's right about the fight and who gets a punishment, who gets the bigger cake slide etc. And when you're biologically related the biology actually affects your relationship: it's just part of surviving the natural selection that we protect those who are genetically like us. Also there's a natural repulsiveness towards our relatives which prevents us from getting mutant babies. These things obviously apply to adoptive siblings too, but not to "bros".

So if someone says that these two characters have a deep connection but it's brotherly, sure, they can think that, but they have no way of getting actual evidence for their claim. Whereas if I think some characters are in love I can present evidence. I obviously can't prove it unless it becomes canon, but I can make it pretty clear why I think so.

Now, I'm all for having male characters be close friends without it making them gay. We need to show that men should be able to talk about their emotions with each other, just like female friends do. It's proven by many studies that straigh men are likely to have their girlfriend/wife as their only emotional support, and that needs to change. Male friend supporting the other when he talks about his crush on a girl: hell yeah. Male friend supporting the other when their parent dies: hell yeah. Male friends talking about games and selfcare and literature and their interests just like female friends do: HELL YEAH! I would like to see male friendships where they need each other because they have shared interests and memories and because they can be open with each other. Being physically comfortable with each other. All that.

But, you see, most so called friendships that are popular as ships and accused of queerbaiting, are not what I just described. These friendships are codependent. If the other died or was taken away from the other the other wouldn't just be sad for a year or so, but they would lose their grip of life and themselves. They are contradictory, and the characters are bad at describing their feelings for each other, unaware whether the "friendship" is mutual, surprised when the other shows that they care. They are full of misunderstandings, and the narrative seems that there's something that they're going towards. Normal friendships are solid and stationary, and while they do change with time and circumstance, they're not constantly evolving as if what the people involved have right now is not what both want.

Friends have fights over petty things, and sometimes just can't be around each other. These characters usually fight - if they fight - because they leave things unsaid and the viewer is forced to think: what did they mean to say? There's tension, neither of them knows how to quite be around the other but they need them like they need air. It is sometimes even shown that even if the other is in a relationship with another person, they can't share the most important parts of their life with that person - they need their "friend" for that. As if love was just physical, no common interests or chemistry needed.

Obviously there will always be some things that can only be shared with a certain person and that person may not be your lover, but at least in my opinion it makes sense if your romantic partner is the one who gets you the most. Especially if the love is supposed to be ideal or even supported by the audience which mostly is the case in fictional romance. And if the "friends" have most in common with each other, have shared their most vulvenerable moments with each other and seem to have romantic chemistry to many of the viewers, why not make them a couple? Because they are both straight men? (Or women, but most often men since most main characters are men.)

The argument against queer ships is usually just "not everyone is gay". Yes, well, obviously not. Some people are straight, that's true. They don't feel attraction to the same sex even if their life depends of it (So I've heard. As a bisexual myself this sounds like a weird concept. Whatever.)

And the conversation continues: "I think these two men you ship together are both straight, so they can't feel attraction towards each other."

"Fine, that's your opinion. But how do you prove that?"

"He slept with a woman/flirted with a woman/ loved a woman etc."

"Bisexuality. Exists. Also, some gay people try to date the opposite sex before they admit they are gay, because society teaches that's the normal thing to do. They could be in denial, or pretend to be straight so they don't get beat up or something like that, it's often hard to be queer. But once again: BISEXUALITY EXISTS."

So, the person saying they're straight is usually just basing their thoughts on heteronormativity, thinking that they're straight until proven otherwise. Fandom, on the other hand, looks at how the character acts around different genders and bases their opinion of their sexuality on that.

Back to "Not everyone is gay". What do people even mean when they use that phase? I look at the fictional universe that I love and see zero canon queer people, or maybe two minor characters that were in one episode. The world is filled with characters, and I'm only pointing at a few of them and saying that they seem to have potential for a romance, why not? Straight people already have almost every popular character, is it really too much to ask if we could get one or two too? That's not everyone.

The fans don't want the show/book/movie to become a romance suddenly, we're in this fandom because we like the thing that makes it what it is. We're just asking to acknowledge the romance that literally is already there. WE'RE NOT ASKING FOR A SEX SCENE. We're asking for something that could make the people who watch/read the thing from their heteronormative viewpoint see that it was actually queer all along. So that they would stop ridiculing us queer people for "seeing things that aren't there." Something very small will do: Hannigram didn't even have to kiss because everything needed to make a romance were already there, they just needed one conversations to make it clear that yes, Hannibal was in love with Will and yes, Will did ache for him too. Simple. Korrasami just walked off together in the end. With both cases the fans were happy, and it proves that the idea that "fangirls just want to see two men fuck" is wrong. We just crave to be represented.

The final argument against the queer interpretation is: "Relationships are complex, and sometimes you don't fall for the person who seems to be the perfect match for you." Yes. Real life is complex. Sometimes love is just physical, often you don't fall for your friend. BUT. As a writer, you're not trying to recreate real life. You're showing things and emotions that are important to the story, so why make a multi season/movie/book arch for a relationship between two men if you're just going to pair them off for someone else?

As a person who's into writing I get really confused by these things. One of the first lessons I learned that I still hear daily is: "show, don't tell". If you've shown us the two men falling for each other, telling that one or both of them suddenly love someone else won't fix it. And if every other character in the universe seems to think these two are a couple then it's not very hard for the viewer to see that too.

I am tired of hearing about "platonic love stories". The creators have called so many popular ships that, as if it somehow excused their queerbaiting. Platonic and love story are each other's opposites, and platonic love stories don't exist - unless they're talking about the platonic concept of love: that humans had four legs, four arms and two heads but they were too powerful so the gods divided them in two, and that's why people need a soulmate. But usually they don't mean that - however, sometimes they do. Thank gods for Hugh Dancy. But when creators literally call the ship a love story between two men yet insist it's not romantic, it probably aren't the fans who are reaching. If it's a love story, let it be a love story.

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

Reasons to be nice - chapter 4

That Chlonette and Kimax fic that I should have updated ages ago - anyway I know people have been waiting for me to carry on with this one hehe

Also on AO3 as usual

It had been a few days, and Kim still couldn’t understand why his heart wasn’t broken. Chloé had outright told him that she wasn’t interested in him and never would be, right? Despite having pretended to be? Surely that should have hurt him enough to be akumatized again. But it just… didn’t.

At least she had allowed him to tell Max everything, and Kim had spent the last few hours lying on Max’s couch, narrating his near-constant train of thought aloud in a bid to try and understand himself.

“This is basically a break-up, Max!” he said, knowing he should shut up and let poor Max have some peace and quiet, but not quite being able to. “She doesn’t love me, she never will. But is it weird that I don’t care? It doesn’t even feel any different being her friend! But she was my girlfriend for like a few days! She lied to me! So why am I not upset? Am I bad person?”

Max sighed and patted Kim’s arm. “Of course not.”

“But I’m so… what’s that word? Fickle? Yeah, that! I’m fickle! I stopped liking Chloé so fast! In fact…” He put his hands over his face, feeling like a total sham. “I think I stopped liking her right after I thought she liked me back. There, I said it!”

“Kim, you’re not fickle. Perhaps you simply had a rather idealized version of Chloé in your head, and therefore lost your feelings for her once you realized that she wasn’t who you thought she was.”

Kim peeked through his fingers a little to see that Max was smiling encouragingly at him. It was enough to calm his brain a little, at least enough to start thinking rationally. Thank goodness he had Max to talk about all this with.

“Or perhaps you simply mistook general affection for attraction,” Max continued, his voice so soothing and logical as always. “After all, you seem to be doing just fine being friends with her. So it could be that you subconsciously convinced yourself that you must be in love with her, merely because you liked her in general and she is objectively quite good-looking. That’s a possibility too.”

Kim finally sat up and just stared at his wonderful, ridiculously smart best friend. “How are you such an expert at stuff like this?”

Max went a little red and looked at the floor. “Well, this sort of thing happened to me a few times before I realized that I was… you know…”

Really? Kim had always assumed that Max must have always known he was gay. Such an intelligent person surely would have been able to make sense of his own feelings faster than anyone else would ever be able to. But had Max really struggled with things like this too?

But wait… that meant…

“Do you think I might be gay too then?” Kim gasped.

“I have no idea, that’s up to you to figure out! Just because things didn’t fall into place with Chloé, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. You’ll have to think about it yourself.”

Kim nodded, hugging his knees to his chest. Thinking about things was not his strong point. That was why he needed Max, of course.

“But you can always talk to me about things if you would like help, or just someone to listen,” Max said, putting his hand on Kim’s shoulder. “I’m here for you.”

Aww, that was just so sweet. How was Max always just so nice and supportive? Kim turned to thank him, only to be caught unawares by Max’s expression – he was so serious, looking at Kim so intensely, like he truly meant every word he had said.

Kim gulped down the odd bubbly feelings that seemed to be hitting him and buried his face in his knees, trying to think. Had he really ever been in love with Chloé?

Well… it was possible that he really hadn’t been. She was certainly very beautiful, he always did like hanging out with her as long as she wasn’t treating him badly, he had wanted to talk to her more and get to know her better…

Oh. Those were all friendship things.

But he had been akumatized on Valentine’s Day when she had rejected him, right? That must have been to do with love!

No… though it hurt to think about that day, he forced himself to. It hadn’t been to do with love. It was do with humiliation.

“I think you’re right,” he mumbled. “I wasn’t in love with Chloé. I was just being stupid…”

“Shhh, you’re not stupid. It’s very common to have fabricated feelings for people, as a result of the aggressively heteronormative society that we have been socialized in.”

Kim did not understand what those long words meant, but it didn’t matter. Max’s tone was putting him at ease. Just like it always did.

“But I don’t think I’m gay,” Kim added. “I’ve never been in love with a dude. At least, I think I haven’t… what does it feel like?”

Max’s voice had a surprising amount of emotion in it. “I really am very bad at expressing abstract feelings in words. But it’s… nice. Fuzzy.”

Huh. That was no help at all. But in any case, Kim was pretty sure he was straight. As long as he could remember, he had only ever been interested in girls. There was no way he was gay.

He lifted his face out of his knees to see that Max’s hand was still on his shoulder. Still confused, he was about to say something else… when he spotted the giant spider on the wall.

“SPIDER!!! SPIDER SPIDER SPIDER–”

He leapt to his feet and scrambled backwards, picking up one of the cushions as he did so to hold in front of him as a shield.

“M-Max there’s a spider over there, kill it, or get it out of here or something, it’s huge–”

“Already on it.”

Max, calm as ever, had stood up and was already rummaging around for something. He got a piece of card and a jar, then walked over to the wall and scooped up the spider with no fear whatsoever. Kim just watched in awe, his face still half hidden behind the cushion. How was Max so brave? Usually Kim was scared of nothing and no one, but when it came to spiders, well…

“There we go,” Max said, letting the spider out of the window and then coming to sit back down. “It’s gone now.” He smiled encouragingly at Kim, not a shred of fear to be seen.

“How… how do you just do that?”

“Do what?”

“Go near spiders!”

Max was looking down now, adjusting his glasses a little self-consciously. “It isn’t an inherently special character trait. I simply don’t have arachnophobia.”

“Arachno-what?”

“Arachnophobia: an irrational fear of spiders and other arachnids.”

Wow. To think Kim had no issue taking on any challenges given to him, racing the quickest speedsters in his class, racing a panther, and yet it was Max who could take on one tiny little spider. Not Kim, the fearless fool. Max.

“You’re so brave,” he mumbled, aware that he was still hugging the cushion.

“I’m really not…”

“You are! And you’re really smart too! I don’t even mean that ‘cause you’re good at schoolwork, I mean, you’re so logical and cool and super nice and the coolest friend ever…”

“All these compliments merely because of a spider?” Max asked.

Kim stopped abruptly. Why was he suddenly gushing over Max like that? These were thoughts he always had in his brain, running over and over on repeat whenever he was in Max’s company, but he never usually said them out loud. It seemed that the adrenaline of seeing that spider had knocked out even the tiniest bit of impulse control that he had.

Feeling oddly flustered, he chucked the cushion aside. Why was he still holding that anyway?

“I just… I just don’t tell you enough how awesome you are,” he managed to say, running a hand through his hair.

Seeing Max’s sudden smile hit him with some feeling he couldn’t quite place, though it seemed weirdly familiar. Making Max smile always made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It was nice. Really nice.

Wait a second…

What had Max said before the spider? Hadn’t he said something like that? That being in love with a dude felt… nice? And fuzzy?

Did that mean…?

Kim hastily looked at the ground, his heart beating a thousand times faster than usual. There was no way. Max was his best friend, right? That was how it had always been. He liked him in a totally friendly way. Totally platonic. They were bros. Yeah, just dudes being bros. Friends. Amigos. Pals. Buddies. Chums. Homies.

“Kim, that’s very kind of you to say,” Max was saying, that dazzling smile still on his face. Like the sun, it was almost too bright to look at – at least without Kim’s face heating up so much he was sure he was going to internally combust.

He didn’t have a crush on Max! That was ridiculous. He was straight, he’d already established that. Yeah, it was fun to hang out with Max, and yeah he always looked forward to seeing Max more than anything else, and yeah Max was pretty cute, and yeah maybe Kim sometimes had to resist the urge to stare at him during lessons and wish holding hands was more platonically acceptable in society, and yeah occasionally he had considered that if he had to kiss a guy he would pick Max, and wondering what that would be like…

But – but that didn’t mean anything, did it? Wasn’t that normal?

“Are you alright?”

Max was frowning at him, concerned.

“Y-yeah, of course! I’m just… um…” He took a deep breath. “I have to go.”

“Already?”

“Yep. Got stuff to do. See you later!”

Without even waiting to listen for Max’s reply, Kim made a quick getaway.

He needed to think. The only way he could properly do that was walking, or jogging, or running – just being on the go in any way possible. Wandering around the streets of Paris, he tried to get his hyperactive brain to just focus for once and figure this out.

Okay, so he was maybe, maybe, falling for Max. A little bit. Just the thought of it made his head spin. But how could this happen? Max was a guy! And up until now Kim only liked girls!

Or did he…? After all, he had just come to accept the fact that his “crush” on Chloé may not have been a real crush in the first place. But then again, that was just one girl. He’d liked loads of girls before. Too many to count. How many of those were real?

Marinette had certainly been real. Okay, so he had been like 10 at the time when he liked her. But that felt like this, the way he was feeling about Max right now. Chloé hadn’t felt like that. Marinette had. (Not that he would ever tell her, of course – that was such a long time ago. No one could know.)

Others, too. A random girl he often used to see at the bus stop, whose name he didn’t know and never got to find out before she moved away. That one video game character he’d had as his phone background for way too long. A few of his other classmates, as much as he hated to admit it, too worried about being made a witchy sacrifice or kicked in the face with a rollerskate to ever make a move.

Yes… he had felt like this before. Just not with Chloé.

But that just made things more confusing! How could he be falling for Max? How?? Just how???

His feet had carried him to Chloé’s hotel without him even realizing. He looked up at the building, wondering if Chloé would mind him venting to her about all this. They were friends now, right? He wanted to talk to her more. And right now, he definitely needed someone to talk to. Usually that person would be Max, but considering the situation…

No, his mind was made up. Chloé was his friend. She would make an excellent confidante.

The doorman, recognizing Kim, let him inside and the butler led him up to Chloé’s room. Chloé herself was wearing an expensive-looking silky robe over her nightgown – it looked like she hadn’t even bothered getting out of bed yet today, despite the fact that it was well into the afternoon.

“Kim, darling! Good to see you!” She smiled at him in a way that he had only really ever seen her use for Adrien before, though she still kept at a distance. “Come in, come in. You arrived at a good time, I’ve only just finished my lunch. Jean-whatever-his-name-is was kind enough to bring it up to my room directly.”

Kim just sat down on the expensive – sofa? chair? thing? – wondering how someone could possibly live such a lavish, lazy lifestyle. He would hate that! Not getting out of bed until the afternoon? Not even for lunch? He learnt more about Chloé every time they hung out.

“So, what’s up?” she said, perching herself on the very edge of the sofa, as far away from him as possible. “You already seem rather quieter than usual. Ordinarily you would already have been bragging about how you punched a lion, or filled Alix’s locker with maggots, or some other far-fetched nonsense. What’ll it be this time?”

As cheery and friendly as Chloé sounded these days, the things she said still stung a little sometimes. Kim just took a deep breath and went for it, hoping she wouldn’t find a way to twist it into something to be laughed at. “I think I like Max.”

Chloé just looked at him for a few seconds, haughty smile still on her face, her head tilted slightly. Then she leaned towards him slightly and said, “Well, well, well. So I’m not the only one who isn’t as straight as I act.”

“But that’s the thing!” Kim said, leaning away a little. Chloé’s chilly blue eyes were somewhat intimidating sometimes. “I am straight.”

Her smile widened. “As far as I’m aware, straight boys don’t have feelings for other boys.”

“I know, I know…” He knew he must be blushing. “But I don’t get it… I can’t be gay! I’ve liked so many girls before! Properly, I mean, not like with you – not that I don’t like you! It’s just…”

“I understand what you mean,” Chloé said, sitting up tall enough to look down her nose at him. “So, who are these girls that you’ve somehow been interested in more than you were with me?”

Kim blushed even harder. “I’m not telling you.”

“Fine, if you say so. But anyway, I understand the feeling of not being straight, so I can… sympathize. Yes, that. That’s a nice thing, right?”

Kim shrugged, not wanting to admit that he wasn’t completely sure what that word meant. “But what do I do now?”

“Ask Max out, of course. Would you like me to be your wingwoman? If I do, you’ll let Adrien know, right?”

Was Adrien all she really cared about? Sometimes it really felt that way.

“I can’t just ask Max out,” he said, ignoring how funny it made him feel inside to even be talking about stuff like this. “This is so weird… how can I like a boy? How is this happening? You can’t suddenly switch from liking girls to liking guys, can you?”

Chloé just sighed and shook her head. “Kim, you have the self-introspection skills of a potato. Really, you do. Haven’t you ever heard of bisexuality?”

“…You mean that’s a real thing?”

“Of course it’s real, for goodness’ sake. Aren’t your own emotions living proof of it right now?”

Chloé did not seem to be taking this completely seriously. She was chuckling a little, her hand up in front of her mouth, looking at him ever so condescendingly, like this was all the most obvious thing in the world. It wasn’t exactly pleasant.

But if she was right…

“I don’t know,” he said. “I always liked girls, but Max is the only guy I’ve ever felt like this about.”

“If that’s true, fair enough. But…” She leaned towards him again, a smirk on her face now. “…do you really believe that? You would not believe the number of girls I’ve unknowingly had crushes on in my life. When you don’t know it’s possible, you don’t think about it. And if you don’t think about it, you’ll never know. So think about it, Kim.”

She sat back again, a rather smug smile on her face now, and pulled out a nail file to fiddle with.

Think about it…

It was true that he hadn’t realized he was crushing on Max until he actually started considering that maybe he wasn’t as straight as he thought. Could there really have been other guys in his past that he felt that way about too? Just never knowing?

Well… there was Chat Noir. The hot superhero who was surprisingly easy to daydream about. That might be more of a celebrity crush thing, though. Yeah, that didn’t count.

Hmm, there was Adrien, too. He was objectively very, very good-looking. Like, really good-looking. It made sense, since he was a model. And while Kim easily thought of him as a good friend now, it was true that the first few days after meeting him had been… well, Kim at the time had thought of it as a general admiration, maybe mixed with jealousy or something. He hadn’t considered at all that those funny fluttery feelings could be something else. But now that he thought about it…

Oh, shoot. Max was not the first guy Kim had liked after all.

Heck, it probably wasn’t even Adrien. Memories were flooding Kim’s brain now, feelings he had forgotten about or misunderstood, boys he had felt different around but could never put his finger on why. The kid he used to play tennis with every week several years ago, the guy who sometimes gave him a discount at the local coffee shop, Juleka’s big brother…

“Dammit,” he muttered. “You… you might be right.”

Chloé placed her hand on his shoulder very, very lightly. “I suppose I am, aren’t I?”

Kim stared at the floor, his face flaming. Things were feeling so weirdly different all of a sudden. “I like guys.”

It felt odd to say.

But kind of… nice. Fuzzy.

“So perhaps you are bi after all,” Chloé said.

Kim nodded. Bi… maybe he really was. It wasn’t even anything he had considered before. This was so much to take in all on one day.

Chloé patted his shoulder, still very softly, then quickly wiped her hand on the side of her robe. “Take your time, have a good think about it. Don’t rush into things like you always do.”

Come on, he didn’t rush into everything, did he? Well alright, maybe he did. But did she really have to say it?!

On the bright side, Chloé’s reaction was proof that she was being a lot nicer now. Even if she was only doing it for Adrien, it was still better than what she would have been like before. She wasn’t perfect, no way. Far from it. But it was a start.

“Thanks, Chloé,” he said. “I’m glad I told you.”

Her smile seemed more genuine now. “I’m always happy to help a friend. And my offer of being wingwoman still stands.”

Honestly, the idea of it seemed ridiculous. Chloé Bourgeois, trying to help him ask out Max! But Kim knew how awful he was when it came to trying to be romantic, and he wouldn’t even know where to start now that the person he was crushing on was a dude. He really needed the help.

“That would be great,” he said. “But uh, since I’m still fake-dating you…”

Chloé waved her hand. “Oh whatever, we can always sort that out once we’ve got you and Max all set up. A fake-breakup will be no problem. We need to get there first.”

Thank goodness she knew what she was doing. Welp, he was really going to go for this then? This was going to be so new, in all kinds of ways. Hopefully it wouldn’t backfire terribly.

[youth-and-roses]

Colorblind

A young trans male lives in a dystopian today, reign by tyranic gods, with a history twist (history characters twisted on my liking, example: Thomas Jefferson is not a slavery supporting asshole and is fully black and believes in basic human rights) Hamilton is my protagonist, now black, african (from Zaire), trans and bisexual.

His journet starts in Mexico, when a racist white asshole denies him a scholarship in th UNAM, he joins the revolution and ends down the teaching of Mikaela Hidalgo y Costilla (Miguel Hidalgo but a gay woman forced to become a nun and replaces Washington) who is also an economist.

His friends are all from different colors, his boyfriend is white, but he is a sweetheart with Marcus.

This novel reflects a new revolutionary army full of tired youth, and LGBTQ+ pioneers (like Charlie Hides, she is an example of a pioneer), youth who want to see a clean enviroment, a free world and have their bacis human rights back.

I give a twist to certain gods, but keep their colorful personalities, Set is a temperamental man, but knows where to control his shit, he is friends with Bastet, and considers her his only friend, Bastet is a gay playful girl, she has a lot of friends but Set is her bro, this is gay-bi solidarity my dudes. Another twist is the one I gave to Ra and Quetzalcoatl, made attracted to each other, and making the aztec god a transgender male, Tezcatlipoca keeps being an asshole, but he has manners and thinks trans people and women are way smarter than him, Xochipilli=Bianca Del Rio, make your math people, Xochiquetzal, a trans pansexual woman, Compe Anansi, well I have a quote from him "Not all spiders are poisonous, unfortunaly I am" keep calm he is still in the good side.

The twist I gave to certain characters like Alexander Hamilton or Ignacio Allende, Hamilton is now a black African trans male, who has lived through horrible things amd still believes in love, and wants to fight for his right to love.

Or Thomas Jefferson who now finds himself tired, along some other like John Laurens, of slavery and forced jobs, Angelica Schuyler a woman who wants equality (and she is black/chinese), Ignacio Allende, who just wants a place for him and his boyfriend, so they can be together and love each other without restrictions, Hercules Mulligan, a silent deaf man, whose voice is angelical, even though he doesn't know how to use it very well, he wants a place where disabled people can be themselves without problem, Josefina María Morelos y Pavón, a female gay pioneer, this 50 y/o huichol woman just looks to avenge her beloved and her town, a beautiful woman killed by the heteronormative standars of the new society, and wants to free her people, following the ideals of the Zapatista army.

All of them want the old regimen back, where you could be black, white, asian, native american or just native, where you can be disabled, where you can be a woman, where you can be him or her and have another thing between your legs, where you can be they or them, where is ok to not feeling love or sexual attraction, where is okay to be both genders at once, where is okay. To. Be. Yourself.

They fight, and the night after they throw a rave, alcohol, no drugs, disco music (Village People on full volume) they dance, they sing, they do drag of all kinds (drag kings and queens) they party to show them they are strong, that opression doesn't stop their fun, but they also fight, grab a gun and shot the goverment's army, "War is full of sacrifices" and they know it, before glory there's a fight, they fight to be themselves and see their children be who they want to be, they want freedom, they want rights, they do it thinking about the club kids, about Stonewall, think about Marsha and her sacrifice for LGBTQ+ rights, to show her that she didn't died in vain, that they would defend what she fought for, what are they fighting for now.

They fight for you, to be yourself and have no fear of what other would say.

[doctorprofessorsong]

I think this is so important. This stuff is complicated and the world is shitty enough about it. We don't need to make it harder.

I think people have a tendency to assume that everyone goes through a similar journey, but that just isn't the way it works. Just speaking to one experience, it's funny because as someone who used to get goosebumps and butterflies over sleeping next to a particular girl at a sleepover while also having a major crush on that guy who plays drums, I honestly assumed for a long time that we all felt the same way.

Coming of age in the late 80s/early 90s, there was a lot of talk about "choosing an alternative lifestyle" *insert eyeroll here* which I interpreted to mean that everyone was attracted to and had romantic feelings for people who were of the same gender and people who were of different genders. The ask, as I understood it at 10 or 11 was that you only pursue relationships that were in line with heteronormative ideals. And even 10 year old me thought this was a steaming pile of bullshit. Because you don't control who you love. And why cut off a meaningful relationship with someone who fits? But it is kind of satisfying to know that those people pushing that narrative would have been horrified to know I assumed they were like me. It's the little things.

Anyway, at some point in middle school I realized that I was wrong and because people around me didn't really talk about sexuality, I just assumed I was misinterpreting. Like, everyone feels this way. This is just friendship, though. So I was completely in love with one of my friends and vaguely jealous of that douchebag she liked, but I figured that was normal and I just loved her as a friend and wanted to protect her. Denial is weird, y'all. My school was actually a pretty supportive place. Not just for the 90s. Like in general. We had openly gay students and teachers. Still, I didn't get there primarily because I didn't have good resources to figure it all out.

College was a time for huge self discovery for me. I spent a lot of time in LGBTQ spaces. I finally figured out who I was. But I ultimately did feel forced out by some when I finally managed to articulate what has happening in my own head. When I fell in love with a man, I was told it had been an experimental phase. Or that I was in denial. In the intervening years, I have gotten comfortable in my own skin. Still it sucks sometimes to be excluded, or to listen to people talk about how bisexual people are just confused or should pick a side or are undateable.

Ok, oversharer, what's your point?

1. If you had asked me at any point about my sexuality during my teens, you might have gotten a different answer. What was happening internally was pretty damn consistent. But I struggled to articulate it to others. Hell, even today my sexual attraction to people can fluctuate. I am unusually attuned to the issue after tracking my hormones. The point is that it isn't always easy to explain.

2. People who are struggling to define what is happening internally need safe spaces to discuss and explore. Excluding them is harmful. Full stop.

3. We can't always assume that people don't know their own minds because of our own journeys. A lot of people have assumed I am in denial because they identified as bi for a time.

4. Can we all just agree that the garbage narrative that people who are struggling with these issues and/or who identify in certain was are "just looking for attention" deserves to be tossed in the garbage can and lit on fire? I am sick of seeing it used as some sort of sword. Because either you have someone who can't find an answer to the question: "where do I fit?" in which case we have all been there, or you have someone who . . . still needs support?

i’ve said it once and i’ll say it again.  queer people need to trust other queer people.  

don’t question someone else’s labels.  TRUST that they’ve done that already.  if they ask you for advice, fine, but DO NOT go in swinging.  don’t go up to a straight trans man and ask why he doesn’t identify as a lesbian.  don’t talk to non-binary people and tell them that their identity is a sham if they don’t transition.  don’t ask bi people when they’re going to pick a side.  don’t assume that someone who is ace is just repulsed by their own internalized homophobia.

like just… have respect for your fellow lgbtq+ folks because there are so few of us in an OCEAN of hetero-cisnormativity.  we don’t have to chip away at each other until only the Cardinal Few remain.  there is no reason that we can’t have space for the people who question, the people who change their minds, the people who dip a toe in and pull back out.  i am HERE for those people, just as much as i am HERE for the people who can write a dissertation on their attraction and knew from the moment they were born that they were Hella Gay.  

there is nothing simple about self-discovery and frankly, i’m not here on this earth long enough to scrutinize my fellow marginalized peoples.  there’s no reason to do that shit.  it does not, in fact, hurt queer people to be wholly accepting of any wayward identity.  non-dysphoric?  demi-gray-ace as hell?  don’t care, as long as you’re fighting on my side, because i’m fighting on yours.

inclusivity all the way, yo.

[big-wicke-energy]

Hiveswap Act 1 Thoughts...

I’ve given myself time for the hype to settle down and reaffirmed my logical expectations and then mulled things over a bit more. My basic thoughts are “That’s about what I expected when I heard the words -Homestuck Point & Click-” and “This would have been sweet as hell if it had been released a few years ago”. So the question becomes, did the delays really muck things up that badly or am I just a little bitter because of the long wait? I can only answer as a person who didn’t spend a cent on Hiveswap until yesterday when I say... Yeah it probably holds up

People who really splurged on the kickstarter back in the day will obviously have a different perception, good enough will cease to be good enough when you paid more than your fair share and were forced to stew on that purchase for five or so years... I won’t begrudge anyone their buyer’s remorse to be sure. That said I won’t oversell it either, this is about the bare-minimum amount of game we could have expected after all those years... But that could be salvaged depending on how long it takes to deliver on the rest of the story

Firstly, the technical stuff: I made the mistake of playing most of the game before they fixed most of the visual issues like the framing problems, but even that I can’t complain about. Considering they fixed it so quickly makes me believe it was just a genuine mistake. The art and animation were gorgeous, but if I had to complain about something it’s that the action often feels a bit cramped. When you have to walk two steps and then load a new screen... That’s not ideal, but ultimately not an uncommon problem in the point-and-click adventure genre where a lot of visual interest is necessary

The puzzles weren’t terribly esoteric either (Which is something unfortunately rare for this genre), which could be a good or a bad thing depending on your opinions on how fun tough puzzles are. Most often when I was struggling it was because some new gameplay feature wasn’t really properly introduced, because I hadn’t considered all the options available, or because... I just. hadn’t. clicked. on. everything.

That’s all fair, I wouldn’t have wanted the game to have held my hand more than it already did. I really wasn’t so keen on when Jude or Xefros handed you the solution to Joey’s current problem when it could have easily been logically deduced if I had been given a damn second to think...

I understand why people complain about the Snake portions, it’s sudden and requires you to do more than click on stuff at random... But I can’t bring myself to harp on that too much. It added some gameplay to this... uhh... game play

The characters are pretty good so far... Joey feels a bit like a retread of Jane with her skepticism and her (Ultimately more understandable) heteronormativity and Xefros feels a lot like Tavros all over again... But since that’s an interaction we didn’t really explore in Homestuck proper I can let it slide

I should probably stop beating around the bush and address the heteronormativity already. I can’t deny that Xefros’ blush at the end gave me a sinking feeling, but aside from that nothing really seemed like a setup for a romance between them. Joey saying she had a crush on a boy and Xefros saying “Me too” was a good way to bring that topic up. Combining those two things together does a good job at helping people new to Homestuck recognize that Alternians are commonly bisexual by showing our Troll everyman display attraction to both boys and girls

We can’t forget that Hiveswap was intended as a secondary jumping-on point for people with no prior HS experience... And the game does a pretty good job introducing alien concepts to the audience through Joey as our surrogate, as she is similarly clueless

It ultimately leads to the conclusion that the exposition-heavier dialogue portions were intended for newbies and the flavor text was intended for HS alumni. And since the latter is more gay than the former, that leads to the conclusion that this is all intentional het-baiting

Joey’s crush being on an age-appropriate then-current celebrity reeks of compulsory heterosexuality, especially because it seems like she has no patience for the actual men in her life. The fact that she gushes about female celebrities in her expository dialogue and her interest in Jonathan Taylor Thomas receives no foreshadowing seems to indicate the latter is fairly innocuous

She’s incredibly lonely, only has male friends, adores the women in her media, flusters easily at the female form, and only divulges romantic interest in an unattainable teen heartthrob... She’s a baby lesbian, Harold.

The fact that Xefros’ actual moirail is presented as a domineering tankie wannabe-revolutionary leads much more credence to the idea of Joey showing Xefros how true friendship (And true rebellion) works. The fact that she’s on an alien planet where her heteronormative ideas of “Can a boy and a girl ever just be friends?” will be challenged leads to further confidence in this

An aggressive and toxic “bromance” being sidelined in favor of healthy nonsexual boy-girl camaraderie is actually more radical than people are willing to admit

Admittedly I don’t think Xefros and Dammek’s characterization and bait-and-switch-moirallegiance were ultimately handled very well, but that’s something that can easily be fixed in future installments

I was worried that the only girl we have to ship Joey with would be the aggressive fascist villainess, but the fact that the ending promises an expanded cast (Including, potentially, a female revolutionary) alleviates those fears somewhat

There’s plenty of het stuff to potentially worry ourselves over (And the fact that Cohen is shaping up to be something of an edgelord content-creator...), but the fact that this seems to be same team behind the snapchat stuff gives me confidence. Were the snapd8s obligated to give us poly RoxyCallieJane? Heck no, but they did it anyway

Ultimately Hussie promised us a gay singularity and his successors have followed through on that promise to some degree already, ultimately until I see someone completely fail their queer revolutionary promises I’m going to trend towards optimism here. Homestuck’s ending made a name for itself by kicking people’s straight expectations to the curb and I see no reason for them to eschew that gay legacy now...

The fact that one of the most recent changes we can verify, the new posters including Hot Steppin, shows more gay promise and foreshadowing is probably the thing that gives me the most hope

So, actual game review time:

If you believe in something being damned by faint praise and are still on the fence about more HS content, save your money until future installments show more promise. If you’re still just as much a Homestuck as ever like me... Well you already bought it and nothing I say actually matters... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[laymlone-blog]

Fatphobia (20.12.19)

Fatphobia is a systematic dehumanising of fat people that takes on different forms from media representation to microaggressions. 

Usually, people try to say ‘nicer’ ways for fatness like ‘curvy’ or ‘plus sized’. Plus sized is particularly problematic. 

If I am plus sized - what’s so plus about it? The extra, like something you can just take on and off. Ever heard of the “dream measurements”: 90-60-90 (hip/waist/breast) with about a 6’0ft/180cm height? That’s the bullshit standard for female supermodels. 

Google: Twiggy

Some people have never walked into a shop and found nothing in their size and it shows. 

The racial aspect of fatphobia lies in biological essentialism, and especially the creation of ‘BMI’ (Body Mass Index).  BMI was invented in the 1830s by Lambert Adolphe Jacques Quetelet, a Belgian astronomer, mathematician, statistician and sociologist. This was the same time people were putting forth bullshit ideas about ‘criminal types’ - equating looks to criminality. It specifically targeted disabled, poor and dark skinned people.

BMI is a mathematical formula (BMI = weight (kg) / height)  based on an ‘ideal’ human body; in this case, a Caucasian, able bodied, cisgender Male. This was used in the 19th century as a measurement of fitness to sterilize POC, Indigenous people, disabled people, poor people, immigrants and other marginalised minorities. 

It’s connection to eugenics leads on to the next point of health and fatness. 

The connection between fatness and unhealthiness is forced and upheld by rigid norms in households in the western world. With things like ‘Fat Camp’ being implemented in America to deal with the capitalisation of poverty by the fast food industry, fatness is strongly seen as a negative. 

To some assholes, a fat person is barely a person, they’re a walking heart attack waiting to happen. 

A good quote from @ lex_about_sex on Twitter:

“I feel like the go-to-stock response about fatness “you can be fat and healthy” that’s true - but 

Fatphobia is not genuinely about the concern for health and that response legitimises it as a concern

It’s okay to be unhealthy! Unhealthy people deserve respect too!

Instead of continually vesting in the poor healthy/good healthy binary let’s unpack “why” we think it’s okay to debase people for being unhealthy and how it really is ABLEISM which is ultimately a byproduct of capitalism which measures validity via “productivity””

^^ I love this. 

Fatness is fatness - whether it is healthy or unhealthy, a fat person deserves to be treated like a person. 

Now, the stigma, how does it build up? What does it look like?

Let’s think about stereotypes of fat people in media:

The rich, fat asshole who doesn’t give a shit about anyone

The comedic female side character who takes all the shit and probably has good one liners

The old, warm granny

The Black, fat woman who knows how to cook up a feast

The angsty fat girl who sees her fatness as the main thing stopping her from doing anything

The really girly and frilly fat girl who’s bubbly personality makes up for her fatness as ‘ugly’

The guy who likes fat, salty girl because he has a fetish

The fat guy, who happens to be disabled in some way, in some wierd adult cartoon show and has a tendency for violence and being ‘unintelligent’ and has a ‘hot’ wife and kids

The fat kid, who lost weight and is now hot and desirable - ‘the ugly duckling’

The fat person with no morals and probably gets eaten by the end of the story

A bully who is bullying others because of their insecurity about their fatness

The rich, fat king/noble who feasts whilst the peasants are poor, frail and starving

The beer belly abusive step father

I honestly can’t think of many others. 

But yeah, we have these images instilled in us. 

Other shows obsessed with weight loss and gain: Biggest Loser, Supersize Me etc. 

When is the last time you saw a fat girl being completely and utterly happy about her size without being frowned upon? When was the last time you saw a sexed up, healthy version of a fat guy? 

You see so many ads telling people to lose weight, but what about putting on weight? Except pregnancy - which then tells you to lose the weight you gained during pregnancy with a ‘bounce back’.

Skinny people being afraid to be fat, and fat people being afraid to be fat. 

Fuckkk, the skinny characters eating whatever they want because they have a ‘fast metabolism’ but if a fat person ate the same things - ‘they could lose weight by cutting that junk���. Fuck that. 

Oh, getting on a weight measure scale and FEARING putting on weight. The skinny one looking in the mirror and grabbing at a slightly tubby stomach ‘oh my god, I am SO FAT’. 

One thing I want to touch on briefly is the gender aspect, yes it’s difficult for men, women and non binary people. But, the way young girls are brought up, spoonfed media about fashion, girl power and skinniness, thin barbies to play with instead of cars etc. Women are under the misogynist stereotypes. Men have different pressures on them, but fatness is also masculinised. What I mean is that there are different expectations for ideal bodies, but men are (mainly white guys) encouraged to take up space via their bodies, voices and presence whilst women are expected to be as small as possible and be desired by dudes. 

So if fatness is somehow masculinised, what does this do to feminine bodies? It makes them invalid. It creates a sexless idea around fat women. The objectification of feminine bodies disempowers fat women from two angles. 

However for MOC who are really pressured to keep a slim, ‘fit’ figure to be classified as a ‘man’. Fat men are a product of gluttony by over masculinity - they get what they want but have got too much. The stigma around dark skinned, fat men is shown in representation of Black/Brown men being large and angry, abusive or on the other angle being emasculate and feminine. 

It differs when including gender, disability, class, race etc. 

Fatphobia at its core is a White, middle/higher class, able bodied, heteronormative, patriarchal tactic to objectify certain bodies and dehumanise people that doesn’t fit their ‘ideal’ for productive citizens of a capitalist society. 

Fat Acceptance movement has been going on since early 2019. It’s not about ‘liking’ or ‘glorifying’ or ‘beautifying’ fatness; it’s asking to respect fat people. 

Simple basic, fucking respect and inclusion. 

It’s not encouraging skinny people to be fat, it’s saying: it is ok to be fat.

What, you're gonna see a women empowerment post, and say it’s telling men and non binary people to be a woman? Of course fucking not.

It’s about R E S P E C T. Respect. 

Say it again: respect.

Okay, so what can you do?

STOP using ‘fat’ or fat references as insults 

STOP commenting on people’s weight

STOP only including thin people in ‘inclusive’ events

Remember where you have seen fatphobia in your life

Call out your friends on their bullshit

Follow fat people on social media (actively)

Look at the racks when you shop, and see what bodies it prefers and think about it

Don’t determine health by appearance

Throw away your fucking scale

Weight loss doesn’t equal fitness journey

Fuck you and your unsolicited health advice

Don’t buy bigger clothes if there are clothes that fit you right there 

Call it out when you see it

Follow the hashtags fat activists use: #fatacceptance 

It doesn’t matter if a person is healthy or not, just fucking respect them. 

HASHTAG: #fat and angry

Resources:

https://www.them.us/story/these-fat-men-in-fashion-are-tired-of-being-left-out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkWjdnc77Mw

Sykes, Heather, and Deborah McPhail. "Unbearable lessons: Contesting fat phobia in physical education." Sociology of Sport Journal 25.1 (2008): 66-96.

Al-Adawi, Samir, et al. "Culture to culture: Fat-phobia and somatization." Handbook of behavior, food and nutrition. Springer, New York, NY, 2011. 1457-1473.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/sep/03/diet-advice-and-tiny-seats-how-to-avoid-10-forms-of-fatphobia

https://www.dazeddigital.com/fashion/article/44828/1/plus-size-mannequin-nike-telegraph-fat-woman-fatphobia

Forth, Christopher E. "Fat, desire and disgust in the colonial imagination." History Workshop Journal. Vol. 73. No. 1. Oxford University Press, 2012.

Strings, Sabrina. Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia. NYU Press, 2019.

Russell, Constance, et al. "“Fatties cause global warming”: Fat pedagogy and environmental education." Canadian Journal of Environmental Education (CJEE) 18 (2013): 27-45.

http://ravishly.com/fat-camp-survivor

https://www.plasticsurgery.org/news/press-releases/new-statistics-reveal-the-shape-of-plastic-surgery

Monaghan, Lee F. "Body Mass Index, masculinities and moral worth: men's critical understandings of ‘appropriate’weight‐for‐height." Sociology of health & illness 29.4 (2007): 584-609.

https://elemental.medium.com/the-bizarre-and-racist-history-of-the-bmi-7d8dc2aa33bb

https://youtu.be/HXGwJevjOfs

https://cocainemodels.com/requirements-modeling-height-age-measurement/

Norman, Moss E. "“Dere’s Not Just One Kind of Fat” Embodying the “Skinny”-Self Through Constructions of the Fat Masculine Other." Men and Masculinities 16.4 (2013): 407-431.

Bailey, Courtney. "Supersizing America: Fatness and post‐9/11 cultural anxieties." The Journal of Popular Culture 43.3 (2010): 441-462.

Usiekniewicz, Marta. "“Dangerous Bodies: Blakness, Fatness, and the Masculinity Dividend." A Journal of Queer Studies 11 (2016): 19-45.

[transstudiesarchive]

All-Star Cheerleading and its Treatment of Trans Athletes

Navigating the world of sports has not historically been, nor is it presently, an easy task for gender non-conforming and trans athletes. This alone can be demonstrated by the separation of athletes into men’s and women’s divisions, as well as drastically different uniforms on the basis of gender. Historically, cheerleading’s communities have been safe places for cisgender men who do not fit into culturally typical ideals of masculinity and heteronormativity, even if the outside world is unwelcoming to them. 

However, from an outside perspective, cheerleading (and in particular, all-star cheerleading) still follows very binary and cisnormative ideas of gender and sex. When I say all-star cheerleading, I am referring to a competition sport that has its athletes perform 2:30 minute long routines to music involving tumbling, stunting, jumping, dancing, and pyramid building. The US All Star Federation (USASF) is the primary governing body for competitive cheerleading, who defines the rules for what skills can be performed at which levels, the makeup of teams, appropriateness, essentially everything about competitive cheerleading.

For reference as to what an all-star routine and team looks like, here is the 2013 level 5 senior small co-ed champion team from the Cheerleading Worlds Championships.

For another more recent video, the 2019 level 5 senior small co-ed champion team.

To gain a better idea of the current state of all-star cheerleading with respect to how it treats trans athletes, I contacted three local all-star cheerleading gyms to see if they would be willing to answer some questions about their individual policies regarding trans athletes, and help me come to a better understanding of the USASF’s policies regarding trans athletes. Not on whether or not they accepted them, but some questions regarding gendered uniforms, restrictions on minimum and maximum number of boys per team, and how gender of athlete is determined by the governing body of the competition.

Below is a snippet of the age grid for the 2019-2020 season of all-star cheerleading that shows some of the divisions, as well as restrictions on age of athletes and number of boys per team with respect to the total number of athletes. “Worlds Division” means the team can compete at the World Championships.

However, I never received a response from any of these gyms after I sent my list of questions. We can take this to mean that they forgot to respond, which is not an unreasonable idea as it is the beginning of competition season, or that they felt uncomfortable answering questions of this nature. If it is the latter, then it becomes apparent that some members of the all-star cheerleading world do not want to talk about trans issues within the structure of the various cheerleading communities and official rulebooks for all-star cheerleading. I promised anonymity if that was a requirement, and even though they did not respond to my questions, I will honor that by not naming the gyms.

The USASF statement on gender inclusion (found on their website) is as follows:

If any of these gyms had answered the questions they were sent, more concrete answers as to the implications of this statement could be given. Additionally, answers as to how this policy works out in practice rather than just in theory could have been given as well. Therefore, we have to ask and attempt to answer the questions ourselves.

The best interpretation of this is that the USASF will accept trans athletes if they can provide either evidence they have changed their gender legally, or have documentation from a professional proving they truly identity as the “opposite” gender. Presumably, this means a diagnosis of gender dysphoria. Anything else in their statement can be interpreted to be case-by-case and situational, but we cannot know anything for certain, especially without hearing from people more closely involved in all-star cheerleading. Is it any different in practice? At this time, we cannot know.

But we do have to ask: who does this policy leave out? Well, anyone without the ability to legally change their gender in a timely manner or the funds to do so, and anyone not diagnosed by a professional. Non-binary and trans athletes who do not fit into this narrow (and often white/western) definition of what it means to be trans, athletes who do not want to medically transition, athletes who come out mid-season and have to perform as their assigned gender at birth until they can get sufficient “evidence”, and people who might have trouble accessing the legal or medical resources necessary to acquire this evidence for other reasons including but not limited to: parents’ immigration status, lack of health insurance, criminal history, reliability of transportation, ability to pay fees and other costs, or work schedules.

How does this policy end up impacting trans and non-binary athletes? We can take a look at the specific questions I asked the cheerleading gyms.

Uniforms:

As apparent in the videos above, uniforms of athletes in all-star cheer differ greatly on the basis of gender. “Male” uniforms, traditionally, consist of full length, non skin-tight pants, and a midriff covering, long sleeve top. While every gym has the ability to design and choose whatever style of uniform for their athletes, rarely do the male uniforms diverge greatly from the previously stated specifications. “Female” uniforms most often consist of short skirts or shorts, and similar but skin-hugging tops. Level 5 and 6 teams typically wear crop tops, and very rarely have pants instead of a skirt or shorts, but once again, the pants would skin-hugging or skin-tight, and often end up as capris instead of full length pants for ease of access to ankles in stunting. 

One of the questions I asked was: Are athletes of today being offered a choice between pants and skirts/shorts for their uniform regardless of assigned gender at birth? Perhaps, but the general appearance of all-star cheer is still cisnormative. Non-Worlds competing junior and under divisions are not impacted by the inclusion of boys on the team, as they have no co-ed divisions. Therefore it would make no difference on the division the team competes in if there were a young trans boy on the team wearing pants. But as stated before, the lack of response from the cheerleading gyms on this topic leaves us unsure if younger trans children can find the world of all-star cheerleading to be safe. Even if they were allowed to wear whatever uniforms they wanted, the rest of the cheerleading world is still very cisnormative. Trans athletes might feel singled out by their cisgender teammates, parents, athletes on other teams, and observers at competitions, and end up re-closeting themselves by wearing the uniform associated with their gender assigned at birth. 

Senior level teams:

Senior level teams can compete as either co-ed or all-girl. If a team is co-ed, the minimum number of boys per team is one, and the maximum depends. Non-Worlds teams have no maximum, and the maximum for Worlds teams various on the size of the team. For instance, 2019 rules state that a small co-ed team can have a maximum of 5 boys out of 22 athletes total. 

As stated before, requiring legal or medical evidence of gender identity ends up excluding some trans athletes. If a trans girl is still waiting on sufficient evidence to get processed, chooses not to seek a diagnosis of gender dysphoria for personal reasons, or failed to get one, and if her team already has the maximum number of boys as specified by the USASF age grids, her team might not be able to compete. These policies make her “responsible” for her team’s potential disqualification. If the team does not already have the maximum number of boys, then she ends up being misgendered by being counted as male on the roster. 

For teams that do not compete at Worlds, a similar issue comes up regarding the co-ed and all-girl split. A trans girl without sufficient evidence could be counted as male and “force” her all-girl team to compete co-ed, and a trans boy in a similar situation could “force” his team to compete all-girl if he were the only other boy on the team. This isn’t just an all-star cheerleading problem, as high school and college teams have similar all-girl and co-ed splits, but are not necessarily under the jurisdiction of the USASF.

***

While I understand the competitiveness of all-star cheerleading, the reasoning behind the all-girl and co-ed split, and the strict upper-bound on male athletes per team to prevent unfair advantages (such as stacking the team with extremely strong boys for tumbling, basing, and jumping, and making the only girls be 100 pound, 13 year old flyers), the USASF needs to recognize that:

Most of their athletes are minors, many of which have not even hit puberty and thus have little to no “biological advantages” over members of the “opposite” sex.

Parents’ ability to assist their child with gaining evidence of their gender identity can be impacted by circumstances outside the child’s control, and the child should not suffer for it.

Not all trans people have gender dysphoria, want to transition, or are in the best position in life to get a diagnosis, begin to transition, or change their gender legally, but still deserve to be treated as the gender they identify as.

These legal processes take time, and forcing a trans athlete to compete as the gender they do not identify with while this process is ongoing harms them.

Additionally, individual cheerleading gyms need to recognize that they have the ability to not continue the trend of drastically different uniforms for athletes typically on the basis of gender. The USASF is not forcing them to do this, and it would help make the cheerleading world more open and accepting of trans and non-binary athletes if they stopped continuing the practice of drastically different “male” and “female” uniforms.

- Emilia C.C.

Sources: USASF Gender Inclusive Policy: http://usasf.net/popup/index.html?id=2940&iframe=true&width=500&height=300 USASF Age Grid 2019-2020: http://rules.usasfmembers.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/USASF_Cheer_AgeGrid_19-20.pdf?__hstc=138832364.2a3c211edcb5d537e551af6b0661470e.1574623116024.1575699512287.1575763445411.3&__hssc=138832364.2.1575763445411&__hsfp=3294201551

[latinalesbi]

How do you know that was Sherri & Teri unscripted last episode ?

They won’t script the behavior of party participants, they might tell them where to stand but I can’t imagine all that being scripted at all.\

Anonymous said:                                                                      I definitely feel like they cut a scene when stef and Lena were talking to mike at the party. It felt way too short and the scene we did get didn’t really reflect the promo pictures.   

I think it might have been shortened. The pictures don’t always match up with what was shot. At least we have that affection from pictures.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Do you think they would make Aaron abusive ? You say he’s controlling so could that he a sigh ? Plus they haven’t covered that.

It’s a story they haven’t written. From where I am sitting, it’s classic controlling relationship. If all of Callie’s exes are there lol, he’s going to blow…

                                                                                  Anonymous said:                                                                      I liked tonight’s episode. It wasn’t the best obviously, but Stef and Lena had some sweet moments together. I did miss the scene that we saw in the promotional pictures, with them talking to Mike. They probably cut that scene out. But a couple of things are bothering me. First of all, when Lena came home and everyone was having dinner, Stef and Lena didn’t kiss! That was the perfect opportunity. Is that not something partners do? My parents always use to kiss each other when they came home.

Secondly, did you see Stef pull Lena close and kiss her on the cheek at about 20 minutes in? They were in the background and it was when Ana and Gabe were talking and Jesus was just leaving. I actually think it was Teri kissing Sherri, and it was really cute. Why can’t that be something they do in the show? Teri and Sherri obviously don’t mind, the chemistry is there!! 

And thirdly, I miss them showing affection to each other. I want to see them kiss, hug, make love. Or laying in each others arms. I am 23 years old and it is baffling to me that this show is the only show where there are 2 moms raising a family. I want to see myself represented, and I want to see a family that I once hope to have. I hope the writers understand how important it is. Sorry about the rant, lol. I just needed a platform to express how I feel and your tumblr is perfect for that.

I liked it too! They were sweet, funny and domestic. I know some claim we want to see the L Word, I never have said that. I want it to be realistic and comparable to straight couples. I also noticed that Lena coming home required a kiss and it was odd that it wasn’t scripted. This is where realism fails to pass the test. Second point, yikes thanks to you anon for pointing it out, as soon as I read your anon, I went to gif so thank you for that. I would have never rewatched that scene. When I saw it, I don’t think I looked at the screen. Third point, realism. I miss it too and we aren’t getting it in the finale :( It’s very sad. I am much older and I want to see that too. I am starting to have that family now. I am one month into foster parenting, and yeah  we are finally less exhausted and missing sex lol. With teenagers that don’t need the same care, Stef and Lena can manage! And kissing, no excuse for it being completely missing. Mike and Ana have established date night, but Stef and Lena haven’t? Come on!

And thank you, you are always welcome to rant here!

Anonymous said:                                                                      Oh man the Tess storyline could’ve been so good but they decided to sideline the story and give us bio parents shit   

Yeah, this story hasn’t picked up at all. It has to go onto next season or I don’t really see the point. I mean, Tess is the next door neighbor, she’s not going anywhere.

Anonymous said:                                                                      I feel like there might be a blacklash when Callie and Aaron break up cause some people might say it’s transphobia but it isn’t.    

Yeah, there could be, but they should have picked up on that earlier and pitched for Cole to be the boyfriend. Aaron was this guy from the moment he showed up. The thing is if anyone has earned the right to tell different lgbt stories, it’s the fosters. I never had a problem with making Monte a bad person. I still think she is.

 Anonymous said:                                                                      The preview for next week only proves what you and so many other people have been saying - Aaron is really controlling. Now he thinks he gets to dictate who Callie can or cannot be friends with? And he’s a huge hypocrite because Callie & AJ were dating when he decided to disrespect their relationship by pursuing her even after she told him she had a boyfriend - to the point of being openly hostile and rude to AJ for no reason. I hope Aaron

Well, people are saying it now, but they weren’t saying it before. I never liked Aaron because of the way he behaved with AJ. He reminded me of this guy who broke up my friend’s marriage by being that friend who listened who confirmed her every suspicion and was always there to tell her she deserved better. Well, they did hook up after her divorce but it did not last. Clearly.

Anonymous said:                                                                      I really enjoyed all the Callie and AJ stuff tonight. I wish they would just let Callie be single and work on herself, but if they insist on her being with someone I prefer AJ. He’s good for her because like you’ve mentioned, he calls her out on her BS when she needs it. But can also be really supportive. And they have a nice chemistry, I think. More than this weird forced stuff with Aaron, who is very controlling. 

Yes, ideally Callie would take her mom’s suggestions and be alone and listen to her own voice. Boys don’t have to tell you how to feel. I think the chemistry with AJ was easier, this thing with Aaron has been forced and not organic.  

Anonymous said:                                                                      Trying to make Gabe (and a bunch of other equally unnecessary, irrelevant characters) happen is easily the worst decision this show has made. I enjoyed that we got to see Stef & Lena talk stuff out tonight (and how sad is it that I saw that as a win and not a given?) but all the Gabe-Ana-Mike nonsense, like. No. Why? I hope Gabe is gone for good. They need to stop wasting valuable screentime on folks whose last name is not Adams Foster.

I don’t even understand why he took up screen time. I think he made Jesus worse and he’s a terrible example. I think this show has conveniently forgotten that 1. Gabe was a drug dealer and Ana was high. They would never have been able to raise twins together. 2. Those grandparents, knowing what I know now, the system would have tracked them down and offered them the kids. I don’t even know what excuse they used on the show, but they would have gotten the kids.

Ok back to Gabe, he’s not a better person now, he can’t hold a job, a home, he still dates people who are not age appropriate, or appropriate period. And he takes advice from an invested teenager with a tbi. He deserved that egg on his face.

Anonymous said:                                                                      it always feels like Gabe is only Jesus’ birth father, not Mariana’s. Like the guy leaves and write a letter to just Jesus ? Since he came it always felt like that. And I don’t understand why exactly Jesus would want his birth parents to get back together…. ? Why does he care ?             

This is another problem, the whole thing has been obnoxiously heterosexually gendered. A boy needs a father and a girl needs a mother. I don’t get why he’s suddenly invested. It’s not going to change the fact that he was raised in foster homes and left to die in a crib. It certainly has not made his current situation any better. He unleashes his anger at people who have tried to help him but the people that hurt him, he worships. I am over Jesus, probably forever. It’s been gross.

                                                                         Anonymous said:                                                                      these kids doesn’t care about Stef and Lena. Jesus wants his birth parents to get back together, he is so invested in that. Brandon did a lot for Mike, but they never pay that much attention to their moms. They don’t do nice things for them. When Stef and Lena were going in couple therapy, the kids knew but no one did something to help. I didn’t see Brandon looking for them as he did for Mike in this episode. I’m sad for Lena and Stef, they are all alone.             

I didn’t think of it that way but yep, they have never done anything for Stef and Lena, they got flowers or some shit. They take them for granted and essentially spit on them. It would even be ok if they didn’t bend over backwards for the bio parents. That’s what makes it disturbing.

Anonymous said:                                                                      I know you’re a fan of Stef and Lena, but I can’t be the only who is annoyed by the fact the characters that aren’t in the main cast get far more screen time than Jude?? Jude is not even in every episode, and when he is it’s like 5 minutes max. It’s ridiculous. 

Yes, I am annoyed. I’d rather see Mike than Gabe. I rather see Jude than Aaron. I think Aaron more than any other boyfriend has gotten so much airtime. I think that it’s probably Aaron and Gabe have had more screen time than Jude. I don’t know why the writers are so intent on worshipping Noah, David and Maia. They are just not that great or better than Cierra and Jude. Certainly not more deserving of time. Noah is absent and they mention it 30 times. Jude is gone and not a peep because he’s not important. It’s ironic that a show with 3 gay showrunners has marginalized it’s gay characters for heteronormativity.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Do you think Stef and Lena will go to prom together since it appears Stef is dressed up during the next episode??            

It might make some sense for Lena to do so but I don’t think so. I think they are at home with Tess and husband and the adults have drama there. I think big things will be revealed here, but so far this hasn’t been much about Tess. If Tess has feelings, then it’s about Tess and not Stef and that’s just not as interesting. I’d like to see the couples be friends, not sure I’ll get it.

Back to Prom. I think Callie calls in Stef to protect Ximena. Ximena may be in cuffs but it might be Stef’s way of keeping her out of Ice’s hands.

Anonymous said:                                                                      I know that Stef loves Lena, but do you think she still have feelings for Tess. And will Tess be in the finale??             

I don’t think she has feelings. Nothing this season has even hinted at that. I think she still feels that teenage rejection but it’s not the issue here. Tess will be in the finale.

Anonymous said:                                                                      First let me say…I think you’re doing an amazing job balancing your time between raising your foster kids and still maintaining your blog!!! I have always valued your insight into the show and especially Stef and Lena. So, I would love to hear how you think the 5A Season Finale plays out. Do you think Tess admits she had feelings for Stef, too. Or do you think the episode will be based solely on the teenagers?? Finally, do you think the Fosters will be renewed for a sixth season. Thanks…     

Thank you so much! It has helped that I took a month off work. It’s letting me get used to routines and the fosters will be over next week, just in time for me to go back to work.

I think we’ll get a good chunk of time at the Adams Foster house for a prom adult party. I don’t know why Tess’ son and his date have to leave from their house but they do and clearly their parents must be there. I think we’ll get a follow up about what has happened so far, but I am like 50/50 on what Tess intentions are. And that’s either poor writing or acting, or both. I can’t read her at all and the show hasn’t been building towards anything. I imagine we’ll find out why Tess moved and we’ll find out her true feelings about Stef in her youth. Then Stef gets a call from Callie about Ximena and she goes to fix that situation because god forbid they just have a normal prom. I am amazed it wasn’t a bomb or something. That’s next I am sure.

Season six? I don’t know, Brad said something the other day that sounded less sure than it did the week before. The ratings are in freefall and I am not sure they will. That will be really sad but you know, I can live with 5 season, especially if Teri and Sherri keep being insulted.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Do you think Callie and Aaron will break up in the next episode?            

Not likely, but they should.