#stop casting white people in makeup as drow

[faeriegodpwn]

Fantasy Cast Legend of Drizzt

Jarlaxle Bregan D'Aerthe

Idris Elba or

Djimon Hounsou

Artemis Entreri

Sendhil Ramamurthy

Drizzt

Ncuti Gatwa

Catti

Karen Gillian

Wulfgar

Whichever WWE star gets this made

Bruenor

Liam Neeson or Warwick Davis.

Regis

Elijah Wood (cop out I know) or Peter Dinklidge or Neil Newborn

Or I dunno ...just don't cast the main Drow as white people in a gallon of body paint while actual poc fill in the background.

This isn

[luckyjak]

fic: Overheard Conversations

Be careful spying on friends, lest you learn something you shouldn’t. [The M9 scry on Essek and learn about his crush on Caleb, the fic]

A gift for @martyart who keeps doing amazing Shadowgast art! [A03 Link}

In the Mighty Nein’s defense, they were trying to be polite.

“What if he’s busy?” Caleb had argued. “It’s getting late. He may be doing--doing--I don’t know what he does in his free time, but it’s the weekend and we can’t possibly assume he’s free to teleport us.”

“That’s why I’ll send him a message, Cay-leb, and he can tell us if he’s busy or not.”

“I dunno. I kind of agree with Caleb here. I feel like interrupting his weekend is kind of a dick move.” Beau offered, not really helping. “I already get the impression that he might try to kill us if we keep bothering him, especially after last time.”

“At the same time, if he’s free and doesn’t mind helping, we are going to a tropical island for Traveler-con. Maybe he’ll want to join us?” Fjord offered.

“Why don’t you scry on him?” Caduceus offered. “That way we’ll know if he’s busy or not, and we won’t risk annoying him by sending a message.”

Caleb immediately shook his head. “That won’t work. He’s bound to have some sort of magical protection. He’s not stupid--”

“I dunno, dude, like you said it is the weekend. He may just be relaxing at home or something. Chillin’. Totally willing to take us to a hot tropical island.”

“Should we really scry on our friends?” Fjord asked. “Feels a little immoral. What if he’s in the bath or something?”

Jester giggled. “I wouldn’t mind seeing that!”

(She had a feeling Caleb wouldn’t have minded, either, but he didn’t say anything. She could tell, though, by how red his ears got.)

“We spy on Yasha all the time!” Nott argued.

“Yes, but Yasha is actively evil right now, so she doesn’t count!”

“So we burn a spell slot to find out if we need to burn another spell slot?”

“Like we haven’t wasted spells on stupider stuff. Also, this keeps us in Essek’s good graces, which let’s be real, we totally need,” Beau huffed. “Also, we haven’t fought anything all day so Jester should have plenty of spells.”

“I haven’t cast anything today so far, true.” Jester interrupted, and then giggled. “Oh, why not? I’ve always wanted to see what Essek gets up to when we’re not around!”

Caleb had started to protest, but it was too late: she had already begun her ritual.

--

The Traveler guided her, as always, and led her--not to a quiet home like she might have thought, but to a crowded restaurant in the Lucid Bastion. “The city is thriving tonight,” the Traveler whispered as he led her through the packed streets to a busy restaurant where Essek was sitting at a small table quietly, alone. “Come, let’s see what your friend is up to this evening.”

It was a fancy restaurant, definitely. There was fine silverware and free bread on the table, and the people there were dressed in finer gowns and robes. The lighting was low and soft, and there was a gentleman playing a violin nearby. It looked like the place you might go on date, Jester thought, and then immediately squealed. Am I interrupting Essek on a date???

He was even dressed a little nicer--he still wore his mantle, like always, but it looked like he had gotten his hair cut in the few hours it had been since she last saw him. He looked bored, though, reading a book and drinking a glass of something dark and expensive-looking. She had the impression that he was waiting on someone.

She (and Essek) didn’t have to wait long, though; soon a gorgeous drow woman walked up and joined Essek at the table. She had short white hair cropped in a straight bob that went down a little ways past her ears. Her makeup was dark but to the point, accentuating her long eyelashes and her dark golden eyes. She didn’t wear a gown like some of the other women in the restaurant did, but rather fancy silk pants and a dark jacket, with long dark silk gloves covering her hands. She was elegant without being fancy, in a way that seemed as though elegance came as naturally to her as breathing. Like the Bright Queen, in a way, but harsher, the way a well-crafted knife could be both beautiful and deadly to the touch.

Jester didn’t know her, didn’t recognize her on sight, but she did know that she was unquestionably beautiful. Essek has good taste in women. She thought with approval, looking the woman up and down with appreciation. Funny. I always thought he was into Caleb.

The mysterious drow woman walked up and kissed Essek on the cheek, surprising him only long enough for him to put his book away. “I hope you didn’t have to wait long,” she apologized, taking his glass of wine from the table and taking a sip. She then sat across from him, crossing her legs and delicately taking her long black gloves off of her hands. “You know how work can get.”

“Deyla,” Eseek scowled, but he didn’t look too outwardly annoyed. “How was work?”

“Less business talk at the table, don’t you think?” She waved a waiter over and ordered a glass of “whatever Essek was drinking,” crossing her long legs under the table.  “It’s been a long day.”

Essek didn’t smile, but he didn’t press her further. “How’s the Den?”

“Same as it always is. Mother is throwing a fit, but when is she not? She’s worrying about the Celebration but I keep telling her she has nothing to fret about. It will be fine, same as it’s been the last thousand years.”

Jester was going to end her spell early there; give Essek his privacy and let him enjoy his date with this mystery woman ( Deyla , it seemed) before the drow woman stopped her in her tracks, leaning across the table to squeeze Essek’s hands. “And how is my favorite little brother doing this evening?”

Oh! Of course this gorgeous woman was Essek’s sister! They had the same cheekbones and contempt! That made so much more sense than a date!  Not that Essek couldn’t date a hot girl--he totally could--but the flirting with Caleb made more sense now.

Essek sighed, letting go of his sister’s hand. “Tired, Deyla.”

“Hmph. Those humans bothering you again?”

Oh. She was talking about them. The Mighty Nein. Better stay and listen, then.

The waiter dropped off another glass of wine, this time in front of Deyla, but otherwise the two ignored him. “No, actually,” Essek laughed slightly. “They’ve been quiet for a little bit. I was actually thinking of seeing if they could help Mother, given how busy she’s been.”

Deyla took a long sip of her wine. “Mother would never allow them to help her.”

“I wasn’t going to tell her they would help. I would be more subtle about it.” Essek took a piece of bread from the bowl in the center of the table, chewing on it slightly. It looked tasty, and smelled divine. Gosh I want bread . “They owe me several favors. I was thinking that having them help Mother before the Celebration would be a good use of their talent.”

Deyla didn’t say anything. Instead, she pulled a long cigarette out of her purse, holding it out for Essek to light, which he did with a very simple flame spell. She took a long drag out of her cigarette. “Mother would rather die than accept help from humans. If she ever found out--”

“I can be subtle, Dey. I am the Shadowhand, after all--”

“But can they?” Deyla interrupted, blowing smoke his direction. “From what you’ve told me--”

“They have their talents. And they aren’t that bad, Deyla, really. They are--amusing. Talented in their own way.” He stopped, dipping his bread in a little bowl of oil. “They fought an ancient white dragon and lived, you know.”

It was nice, listening to Essek brag about them for a moment. He was usually so stiff and formal with them, it was hard for Jester to tell if he even liked them or not. I knew he liked us!

“I forget, sometimes, how young you are,” Deyla said quietly, letting her cigarette burn. “How naive. Just because they may be fearsome in combat doesn’t mean they can handle the subtleties of Den politics, you know.”

The same waiter came by and took their order, refilling their wine glasses as he went. Essek paused for a moment, taking a sip of his wine. “They are capable when they want to be. Professor Waccoh told me that they were very successful in humiliating her rival, and I believe her. I imagine if I asked them to humiliate Den Argith, for example--”

They could totally do that, Jester thought. In fact, she already had ideas, and she didn’t know who Den Argith was.

His comment didn’t seem to impress Deyla much, though. “It’s foolish and I naive to accept help from foreigners--”

“I know that! I may be young, but I’m hardly naive. I serve on the Bright Queen’s court, for the Luxon’s sake!” There was a deep purple flush to Essek’s face, and from what Jester could tell this was an old argument they were repeating.  “If anything, I sometimes wonder if you and Mother aren’t so old and stuck in your ways that you are overlooking a potential resource!”

Deyla wasn’t listening to him. “It’s that optimism and naivety that got you punished and stuck with them in the first place,” she rolled her eyes. “Tell you what. When you get to be 500 years into your second life, you can tell me all about how stuck in my ways I am. Until then, listen to your elders for once.” Gosh, but she looks good for 500! Deyla took another piece of bread from the center of the table and ripped a piece off of it, dipping it into the bowl of oil. “I’m just glad you stopped teaching their wizard dunamancy, at least.”

Essek didn’t answer her, didn’t even look at her; that was enough to cause Deyla to drop her bread instead (ruining a perfectly good piece of bread, in Jester’s opinion.)

“Oh Essek , you didn’t.” Deyla shook her head. “This is like Dantrag all over again!”

“It--it is not .” Essek defended himself, but his face was an embarrassing shade of purple. Jester immediately wanted to know who Dantrag was. “Dantrag was--was a bad judgment call. And he did prove himself, eventually.”

“After getting Den Hyluian a massive amount of favor! I swear, Essek, you are such a child sometimes! Any pretty boy with an ounce of magical talent shows up and you lose all common sense, I swear.”

“I--it’s not like that! Caleb is a talented wizard in his own right, and--”

“Oh, it’s Caleb , is it?” Deyla shook her head. “Luxon’s blessed ballsack , Essek.”

“I-- they are the Heroes of the Dynasty! They have the Bright Queen’s trust, and--”

“They are human ,” his sister snapped at him. “And that’s the only thing that matters. They’ve done the Dynasty a favor, sure, but just to save their own skin, most likely. And how long will it take them to betray us, do you think? As soon as the Empire offers them enough gold, they’ll go running back, now armed with the secrets of our people.”

Jester winced at her words. She was wrong, of course, but how was Deyla to know any differently? They couldn’t go back to the Empire; wouldn’t, actually, knowing what they do now about Caleb’s past, but how many other drow thought the same about them? How many of them saw the Nein, not as heroes, but as people just waiting for the opportune moment to betray them?

It wasn’t a good feeling.

Essek crossed her arms, shoving away from the table. “You are such a pessimist.”

“I’m a realist. And you are a schoolboy with a crush.”

Essek didn’t respond to her. Instead, he stared out the window, pointedly ignoring his sister.

It took a moment, but Deyla did eventually sigh. “I didn’t come here to fight with you. I just want you to be safe . You are brilliant , one of the most talented mages the Dynasty had in generations, and in your first life, no less. That’s no small accomplishment. I just don’t want you to throw it all away because you’re a sucker for a pretty face.” She reached across and squeezed his hands.

“I--no. You have a point.” Essek squeezed his sister’s hand back. “Last time I saw him, actually, he made me feel really shitty.”

Oh no. Jester thought, frowning intently. Caleb had made Essek feel shitty? Goddamnit .

“What did that bastard human do now? Because I will kill him if I need to.” Jester had no doubt that Deyla would keep that promise: she seemed like a woman who could kill someone if she needed to.

“He didn’t do anything wrong. He just--flirted more overtly because he needed something, and it made me feel kind of used. Like he knew I had a crush on him and was using that to his advantage.”

Jester winced; her own comment about “Caleb, kiss him!” probably didn’t help at all.

“I will cut him.”

“He didn’t do anything wrong.  The whole situation with the Nein last time was weird. They wanted me to teleport them to one place, then realized afterwards that they had had me teleport them to the wrong place, so I burned another spell slot to teleport them again, and then they were trying too hard to make it better, and just--it was weird. I’m kind of glad I’ve had a little break from them, to be honest, even if it has only been twenty-four hours.” He looked out the window again. “Less than, actually. I hope they succeed in whatever they were trying to do.”

That was--that was really sweet, actually. Gosh, they needed to do something nice for Essek!

“Hmm. That reminds me: Mother wants to know who you are bringing as a date to the Celebration.”

Essek’s face was flushed a dark purple; he grabbed his glass of wine and took a large drink. “I--have some ideas. Nothing set in stone, however. Nothing Mother would approve of, either.” Essek took another drink. “How soon does she need to know?”

“Hell if I know. I’ll ask her tomorrow. May I make some suggestions? T’ssandra was telling me her brother is single and--”

That was the moment when Jester’s scry spell ran out, sending her back home with the Nein.

--

“ Guys . Essek was having dinner with his sister, so I don’t think we should message him. Also, his sister is, like, super hot like Essek, but also she hates us. But Essek likes us, and he especially likes Caleb,” she elbowed Caleb in the stomach. “So I think we should do something nice for him! And I have an idea!”

“He--what? He likes --Jester, what do you mean by that? Jester?” Caleb was asking, frantically.

“Hot sister? Hot sister? ” Beau demanded. “Tell me more!”

Jester ignored both of them and kept talking. “We’re gonna go humiliate a Den!” She giggled. “Essek is planning to ask us to help his Mama out, but if we do it before he asks, just think of how grateful he’ll be! And we can prove to his Mama and sister that we aren’t evil and gonna betray the Dynasty--”

“Wait, what?”

“Go back to the whole ‘Essek likes Caleb bit’ please Jester--” Caleb tried again.

“If we do a favor for him and he didn’t ask us to, isn’t that just us needed to do another favor for him later?” Caduceus asked wisely, but packed his bags up just in case.

And then the Mighty Nein did what the Mighty Nein does best, and heisted their way into Den Argith on Essek’s behalf, and left a trail of chaos on their way out.