#stmf chapter two

[nalgenewhore]

Slipping Through My Fingers - Two

masterlist - ao3 - last chapter - next chapter 

warnings: none

an: this chapter’s a lil shorter than usual 

Elide woke up alone, sprawled across her bed.

Groaning softly into the skin of her upper arm, she stretched and rolled over, blinking her eyes at sunny skies behind her side-by-side windows, sixth paned with rounded tops. Her gaze travelled to the canopy-esque set up she had above her bed, a simple wooden-pole square that she hung a multitude of plants from. 

Lorcan was gone, and she was grateful for that. It was always awkward, waiting around for a hook-up to leave so she could get on with her day. 

But Lorcan was… great. Really, he was. The sex had been amazing and he was gorgeous, truly beautiful, but it wasn’t just that. They got along well, when they were just lying in her bed, when she was sitting on her kitchen table and they were eating cereal. It was easy to laugh with him, to talk and banter with him. Elide groaned again and rolled over onto her stomach. You do not have the time for this, she reminded herself. 

She huffed and got out of bed, feeling that old familiar ache between her legs and on the bruises sucked onto her skin as she shuffled into the bathroom and turned on her shower. 

As the water warmed up, Elide shrugged on her fluffy bathrobe and went out to check her phone, opening the message from Nehemia, one of her new teacher colleagues. After Elide had moved from Perranth to Orynth, her sister Aelin had introduced her to her closest friends. They had all hit it off almost instantaneously and it was like they’d known each other all their lives. 

She was a little less freaked out by her new job now that she knew she’d have at least one friend there. 

NY: still down for brunch with the girlies?

EL: you know it 

EL: 11?

NY: see you then! i’m going shopping for classroom stuff later, wanna join?

EL: gods yes - completely forgot about that whoops

Plans for the day made, Elide turned on her music and hopped in the shower, the warm stream washing away the last night and the feeling of disappointment that she couldn’t quite place. 

After her shower, Elide dried and curled her hair, throwing on the red wrap dress that Aelin had made for her - it was from her newest collection and all of her friends often got the throwaways, not that there was ever anything wrong with them. Elide paired it with simple white sneakers and dropped her wallet, phone, keys, and a reusable bag into a white cross-body purse before she left her apartment complex. 

It was beautiful outside, a perfect late-August day so she decided to walk the short-ish distance to the Faliq family bakery, where Nesryn worked as a pastry chef alongside her father. 

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Elide walked into the air conditioned bakery to find Nesryn precariously balancing trays of mouth-watering, decadent pastries. She quickly moved, saving a plate of mille feuilles with pastry cream and strawberries from crashing to the floor. “Hey, Nes.” 

Nesryn grinned, “El, thank the gods.” She blew a flyaway strand of hair that had escaped her half-up, half-down bun do. “Cute dress.” She herself was wearing a pair of flour covered overalls and a black crop top, a pair of slip-on sneakers on her feet. They walked out to the patio to their normal table, where their friends were already sitting. 

“Thanks, Ae gave it to me. I’m liking the overalls look,” Elide said, setting down the tray and taking her seat beside her sister. “Gods, these look fucking amazing, Nes.” Lysandra passed her a glass filled with ice coffee as Nesryn sat down next to her fiancée and blushed under the praise. 

They dug in, catching up on each other’s lives. Nesryn and Lysandra had just returned from a vacation in Eyllwe and Nehemia lamented about missing home, but Elide knew she would never actually go through with forgetting everything and moving back. The wedding band on her finger and the matching one on Fenrys’ told a different tale. Their eloping was the best decision either of them had ever made. 

Elide commented on how happy Aelin looked, despite being awake and coherent before noon and her sister shyly shared she’d been seeing someone, a man named Rowan. Nehemia smiled, it seemed as though Rowan was a good friend of Fenrys’ and Fenrys had actually introduced the two of them. Aelin looked absolutely smitten and they were all so happy for her. She deserved a happy love, after her parents, after Sam… 

When Elide reached for the jam, her wrap top shifted and exposed one of the dark marks on the curve of her breast. Aelin squawked and Elide flushed, sitting back down, a hand over her chest as she watched her sister splutter. “Yes, Aelin?” 

“Wha- what- what is that?” The blonde reached over and used the tip of her index finger to pull back the neckline of Elide’s dress, baring the mark and the countless others on her pale skin. Elide slapped her sister’s hand away, preferring that she didn’t expose her in public. “Elide!” 

Everyone else gasped, intrigued as Elide relented. “Fine! I may have met a man at Emrys’ and hooked up with him… in the alley.” 

Her friends’ eyes widened as Aelin’s jaw dropped and soon enough they were congratulating her, pestering her for extremely intimate details she refused to give until they finally dropped the subject and went back to eating. 

“But was he any damn good?”

Elide hummed and sipped from her cold drink, “He was pretty any damn good.”

An hour later, they helped Nesryn clear the table and carried everything into the kitchen, saying hello to her father and mother. Sayed, her father, refused to let them leave without bags or boxes, depending on the choice, of their personal favourites. He claimed they were just laying around and they played along, but they knew better. 

Elide climbed into Nehemia’s car and they were off to the nearest craft and office supplies store. There was a sale and they thanked the gods. The school paid for… not enough and if they wanted their classes to be adequately decorated, they would have to pay out of pocket for a lot of it. 

Nehemia taught seventh grade at their school, while Elide taught kindergarten, so her class was much more brightly coloured. 

Currently, she was comparing a pack of Mr. Sketch Markers and regular old Crayolas. Nehemia glanced over at the packs, “Mr. Sketch are way better. I swear, they’ve never bled and they smell good.” 

She laughed and dropped the Mr. Sketch into her cart, checking off markers on her list. “Alright… I just need some… sticker paper for desk labels.” 

Nehemia nodded, “Sounds good. I really hope my stuff is hip enough.” Elide laughed again and she insisted, “Do you know how scary seventh grade girls are? I can’t have them dissing my class!” 

“I think you’ll be fine, Mi,” she said dryly, shaking her head a bit. “If I had you as my seventh grade teacher, I would’ve been in love with you, 100%.” 

“Aw, really?” 

“Totally!” 

“That’s so sweet!” Nehemia dropped a packet of thumbtacks into her basket and sighed, “Alright, I think I’m done for now. What about you?” 

“Just the sticker paper and then I’ll be good to go.” 

They quickly located the paper and Elide got a few packs before they made their way to the registry. She looked up as she was bagging her things in the cotton bag she’d brought, eyes landing on a tall man with dark hair thrown up in a messy bun. 

She almost called out ‘Lorcan’, but he turned and she didn’t recognize him. A weird feeling sunk into the pit of her stomach. Maybe she did regret only knowing him for one night, but it’s not like she could do anything about it. 

Slightly deflated, she remained mostly silent as Nehemia dropped her off. “El, are you alright? You seem a little bit…” 

Elide waved her off, “No, yeah, ‘m fine. I think I’m just tired. Hot today.” 

Nehemia didn’t look convinced, but she didn’t press the subject as Elide kissed her cheek and hopped out, waving when she unlocked the door of her building and slipped inside. 

Sleeping with Lorcan wasn’t a mistake, she didn’t regret that, but now that she thought about it… she would’ve liked to have seen him sleeping beside her in the morning. Would’ve liked to know how he took his coffee and how he kissed her good-bye.  

Making a disgusted sound in the back of her throat, Elide unlocked the door to her studio apartment and leaned back against the door in the dark, just staring at the empty space. 

There was something rumpled on the floor and she dropped her bags, walking towards it. It was her dress, somehow not ripped even though they hadn’t exactly been patient when they got to her apartment. 

With another groan, Elide changed aggressively in an old hoodie and sweats, ruining her curls by throwing her hair into a sloppy bun and plopped down on her bed, using the remote to turn on the TV mounted on the opposite wall. 

Feeling peckish, Elide stood up from bed and walked over to the kitchen. She grabbed the box of pastries Sayed had given her, opening it up to find an Earl Grey and honey-flavoured St. Honoré, which was a layer of puff pastry that served as a base for the large cream puffs dipped in caramel, filled with Earl Grey and honey infused pastry cream, and topped with whipped cream. 

Her mood lifted slightly as she cut herself a slice and read the note that Nesryn had left, letting her know that she’d been tweaking with the recipe and asking Elide to let her know what she thought. 

Elide took herself and her pasty back to bed after turning on her kettle and putting a scoop of loose tea into her diffuser-ball and dropping it in a mug. 

She sighed as she navigated to Netflix and clicked on a movie, already calling Aelin. Aelin didn’t get a word in before Elide was saying: “Clueless?” 

Her sister agreed immediately, “Clueless.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

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[nalgenewhore]

Slipping Through My Fingers - Fifteen

masterlist - ao3 - last chapter - next chapter 

warnings: none

an: well. 

Lorcan was tinkering with an engine, only half-listening to whatever music Fenrys had chosen for the garage when Ansel rapped on his door, poking her head in. 

“Hey, man, the kids are here,” she said, her grin falling off her lips as he nodded vaguely, hardly hearing her. “Lorcan. Lorcan. Lorcan. Lorcan. Lor–”

“Fucking hell, what do you want, Ans?” he snarled, irritation flashing in his eyes. 

Ansel rose a manicured wine-red brow, glancing over her shoulder before she stepped in and closed the door, leaning back against it. “Excuse you?” He held her stare until he glanced away, shaking his head. “Really? You’re just gonna ignore me?” 

Lorcan cocked his jaw and crossed his arms, decidedly staying silent. 

Ansel sighed and swaggered over to the other stool, sitting down and kicking his foot with hers. “So, uh, Elide took the day off. Apparently she’s been calling in sick the entire week,” she commented, her face impassive as he snapped his head up and breathed in sharply. 

Then, Lorcan shrugged and sniffed, looking down at his hands, “Guess she isn’t feeling well.” 

“Stop it,” Ansel hissed at him, her eyes narrowing, “I went to Aelin’s. I saw her, Lorcan.” 

“Aelin’s?” Lorcan didn’t know that. He didn’t know she was staying with her sister. Rowan hadn’t told him that. 

“Mm-hmm.” 

“Well…” he trailed, unable to figure out what to say. 

“What happened?” 

He shrugged again and muttered something unintelligible, picking at his nails. “We’re just taking a couple weeks, you know. No biggie.” 

“You’re a terrible liar, Lorcan,” Ansel told him, her voice hard. She opened her mouth to say something when the door was slammed open and two ankle biters raced in, yelling at their parents. 

Esther was chattering, as usual, in her mother’s native tongue as Ansel scooped her up and smiled down at her. “J’ai fait un dessin d’un ourson et son maman sur son plâtre.” She pointed over to Kohana’s cast where there was indeed a drawing of a bear cub and its mother. 

“Bien fait, ma chère,” Ansel murmured, brushing back her daughter’s hair and kissing her head as she glared daggers at Lorcan. 

Lorcan rolled his eyes and smiled softly at Kohana, accepting the hug his son offered him. “Hey, kid.” 

“Hi, Dad,” Kohana said, climbing onto his father’s lap and cuddling into his chest. “When do we get to go home?” 

“Soon,” Lorcan promised him, the two of them saying good-bye to Ansel and Esther when they walked out. Kohana stepped down onto the floor, running his hand over his cast. 

“Dad?” 

“Mm-hmm?” Kohana didn’t answer and Lorcan looked up, his eyebrow arched. “K-Man?” 

“…does Ellie need space from me at school, too?” 

“What? No, not at all,” Lorcan said, his heart clenching. “She doesn’t need space from you, she needs space from me. None of it is because of you, ok?” Kohana looked up at him, his eyes big and filled with tears as he sniffled. “Oh, kid, c’mere.” Kohana launched himself into Lorcan’s arms, crying into his shirt. 

“I miss Ellie,” Ko cried, burying his face in his father’s chest. “I didn’t want her to go.” 

All Lorcan could do was hold his son close and kiss the top of his head, whispering soothing words of comfort as he silently cursed himself and all he stood for. 

+*+*+*+*+*+*

The rain was coming down heavy as Lorcan slammed his car door shut and jogged around to open up Ko’s. “C’mon, man, we gotta go.” 

“I’m comin’, Dad,” Kohana grumbled, not at all pleased with what they were doing, but they needed groceries and he couldn’t be left at home. The little one refused to move after Lorcan undid his seatbelt, so Lorcan picked him up and walked quickly over to the grocery store. 

“Ko, stay here,” Lorcan said as he put him down, “I’m gonna grab a cart, alright?” 

Kohana didn’t say a word and wandered a couple steps inside the store, pushing his hood back and pulling his braid out. He became fascinated by the way his frog gumboots squeaked on the linoleum and started walking around, staring intensely down at the sound, a happy little grin on his round little face. 

He pattered around in a circle, twisting his feet and giggling gleefully at the resulting sound. He bumped into someone’s legs and reached up, grabbing two of their fingers and staying in place as he moved his boots back and forth. “Dad, look, look at my bo–” 

It was at that moment Kohana looked up and gasped, his heart dropping when he realized the person he’d been talking to and whose hand he’d been holding onto was not his father. 

“Ko?” 

Kohana worriedly turned around and ran back to Lorcan, too upset to feel any sort of joy at the squeaking sound of his boots. “Até,” he cried, ducking behind his father and hiding as he gripped Lorcan’s painter pants tightly with his unbroken arm. 

Lorcan chuckled and looked down at him, fondly stroking his hand over Ko’s head. “Prince, what happened?” 

Kohana just shook his head and carefully peeked out at the stranger before hurriedly looking away again. Lorcan laughed quietly again and picked him up, turning to the other man as his son buried his face in his shoulder, his round cheeks fiercely aflame. “Sorry ‘bout that, man, he’s a little shy sometimes, ain’t that right, K-Man?” 

Again, Kohana didn’t answer and the two adults chuckled. The other man said something and departed, continuing on with his shopping as Lorcan looked at Kohana whilst he lifted his head. “I thought he was you, Daddy. I didn’t mean to.” 

Lorcan smiled softly, his eyes turning gentle as he put Kohana in the cart, “I know, baby. It’s ok, you’re ok, yeah?” 

“Yeah… I’m ok,” Ko whispered, smiling shyly, his cheeks still tinged pink. “I’m very ok, Dad.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Elide ran through the rain to the grocery store, leaving Aelin in the car to wait. Since they only needed a couple things, it was a one-person job and Elide had lost rock-paper-scissors once again. 

She shook off her hoodie hood, regretting wearing her cotton sweater in the rain. Elide grabbed herself a basket and walked quickly into the store, just wanting to rush home and make dinner with her sister. 

Elide idly perused the aisles, pulling things into her basket and tapping against the handles a random beat, humming low under her breath. Her eyes got caught on the brand of tea she had at home and she almost fell, tripping over her feet. 

Home. It didn’t feel the same anymore, not without him. That was why she’d been staying with Aelin for the past five days. Maybe she was kidding herself by saying that she was just taking time to heal and maybe she was being a coward, but… she just couldn’t care right now. 

It was nice to be with her sister, even if she did feel a little bit bad for kicking Rowan out.

Elide just shook her head to dispel her thoughts as she blinked her tears away and hurriedly exited the aisle, not seeing where she was going as she crashed into somebody’s cart and floundered to keep from falling when whoever it was wrapped their hands around her biceps and righted her. 

Her cheeks were aflame as she stepped away, “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going and it’s–” her words fell away when she looked up, seeing Kohana sitting in the cart and Lorcan, half a foot away from her. 

Immediately, tears sprung in her eyes and her throat ached. Damn it, she did not want to cry in her local grocery store. Elide backed away further, protectively shielding her basket, though she didn’t know why. 

“Ellie! Hi-hi!” 

“Hey, Kohana,” she breathed, her voice wavering. While she addressed Kohana, she looked at his father, biting the inside of her bottom lip to stop it from trembling. She was not going to cry today. At least, she wasn’t going to cry in the store. Once she was in the car or even outside the store, all bets were off. 

Lorcan bent down and that was when Elide noticed that most of her groceries had fallen to the linoleum floors. He passed her a can of coconut milk and she nearly dropped it again when their fingers brushed and she snatched her hand away, looking at him like he had burned her. He opened his mouth to say something, but she spoke first.

“I ca- I can’t- I have to go,” she whispered, waving an unenthusiastic farewell to Kohana as she hurried off, already feeling a tear slip free. Elide rushed through the self-checkout, her head ducked down as more hot tears blurred her vision. 

She hastily paid and didn’t even wait for the machine to spit out her receipt before she ran out to the car, crying as she threw herself into the passenger seat. 

Aelin stared at her with wide eyes as she blubbered and weeped, gesturing vaguely to the store and then to the bag. The blonde just sighed softly and pulled Elide in for a hug over the centre console. “Let’s go home, babes. I’ll cook!” 

That had Elide laughing, albeit tearfully as she sniffled and wiped her eyes, “That’s really sweet of you, but I’d rather see Lorcan than eat your food.” 

“Well, now, that’s just rude.” 

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Lorcan slowly closed the door, smiling as Kohana sighed sleepily and cuddled onto his side, hugging his stuffed hippo tightly. Tigger stood watch at the end of his bed, his yellow eyes glowing bright. Fuck, that cat creeped him out. 

He carefully walked downstairs, trying to not let them creak too much. Then, he walked over to the TV cabinet, rifling through the shelf until he located the baby videos of Ko. He popped one of them into the DVD player, standing and crossing over to the couch. He sat down heavily, nervously bouncing his knee up and down. 

With the remote, he pressed play and tossed it to the cushion beside him, running a ragged hand down his face, reaching his other hand up to finger the ring hanging from the chain around his neck. 

His eyes were already burning with tears as the video started. The footage, slightly grainy, was of Essar, rocking a little bundle to and fro as she sang a gentle, seaside melody from her childhood. Her tattooed lips pulled into the happiest grin he’d ever seen as two little hands reached up, patting the ink on her chin and batting the air as the bundle gurgled. 

Then, Essar looked up at the camera, rolling her eyes playfully, “Are you seriously filming right now?” 

Lorcan heard himself laugh and then his younger self appeared in the frame, walking over to the two of them and peering down at the very precious cargo Essar carried. “I like it when you sing, Ess. Prettiest voice in the whole dang world.” 

A soft blush pinked her cheeks and she smiled up at him, laughing when Kohana demanded their attention by waving his fists aggressively. Lorcan laughed as well and pulled the top of the blanket down. “Hey, kid. You’re pretty cute, you know that?” He sat down on the edge of their bed and pulled Essar down onto his thigh, resting his chin on her shoulder and twining his arms around her waist. “You just might be the cutest kid in the world. You wanna know why?” 

Essar answered for their son, leaning back against him as Kohana wrapped his hand around Lorcan’s finger. “Why, o husband of mine?” 

“‘Cause his momma is the most gorgeous girl around and his pops?” Essar turned to look at him, a fake warning in her eyes. “He’s the luckiest man alive.” 

Essar smiled and he pressed a chaste kiss to the skin beneath her jaw. “I love you so fuckin’ much, Essar.” 

“Language,” she chided him, resting her head on his shoulder and gazing down at their child. “I love you too, Lorcan. So fuckin’ much.” 

Lorcan faked an offended gasp and delicately covered Kohana’s ears, “Ms. Tangaroa-Salvaterre! There is a child, an infant in your presence. I am going to have to ask you to,” he dropped his voice into a low hiss, “watch your language, ma’am.” 

“Oh, shut it,” Essar said, smacking his tattooed chest as an upright, grey tail came swishing into view. She saw what her cat was going to do and cried out, “Tigger, no!” just as Tigger, that blasted creature sent from hell, knocked over the camera. 

The screen went black, but Lorcan heard himself sigh and mutter, “I hate that gods-damned cat.” 

Tears were rolling down his cheeks and his breathing was ragged as he pressed his hand against his chest, trying to push his heart back together. He wanted to yell, to scream at his wife, demanding why she had left him, why she hadn’t stayed. 

Logically, he understood Essar had no choice in the matter and the last thing she had ever wanted to do was leave him, leave their little coconut. But still, he couldn’t help but feel cheated, feel like she’d abandoned him. 

The screen went from black to white, then Essar’s giddy face as she toggled with the brightness. Her hair was falling around her face and she pushed it back with her free hand as she held the camera facing towards her and she walked through their shitty little apartment. 

Her eyes looked at something behind the camera, her eyes bright as she pushed open a door and creeped in, biting her tattooed lip before she turned the camera to show what she was so amused by. 

It was him, dead asleep and sprawled across their bed on his back, but cradled on his chest was Kohana. He was so itty bitty compared to Lorcan as they snoozed. 

Real-time Lorcan smiled through his silent tears as baby Ko stretched out, his little fists stretching all the way up before he settled back down. “It’s kinda creepy of you to stand there and film us, Ess,” Lorcan commented without opening his eyes, rubbing Kohana’s back when he squirmed and whimpered, kicking his footie-pajama feet out. 

“It’s noon, babe, why are you asleep?” 

“Well, you were studying all night and I had the distinct pleasure of soothing your screaming son back to sleep four times,” he said, utter exhaustion in his voice. He held out his hand for her and Essar put the camera down, not bothering to stop recording as she pranced over to the mattress and eased down beside them both, curling into Lorcan’s side. 

“Why is he my son when he does the things you don’t like,” she muttered, resting her hand on the back of Kohana’s head, softly rubbing her thumb over his soft hair. “He’s half you, you know.” 

“Oh, don’t fret, my darling, I know. Never forgot it,” he whispered. “You gave me my dream.” 

“Your dream?” 

“Mm-hmm,” Lorcan hummed, not once opening his eyes. “You and Ko - that’s all I need.” 

The video faded out and he supposed the next one began, and the one after that, because the next thing he saw was the TV shutting itself off. Then, he heard two little feet padding down the stairs, the sound of soft paws accompanying them. 

“Até?” 

Lorcan looked over his shoulder at Kohana, who was half-hiding behind the staircase banister. Tigger stood, ever watchful, on the step below him, his head poking through two balusters. 

“Até, can I come down, please?” 

He nodded and wiped his cheeks, “Always, coconut.” Kohana smiled and hurried down the stairs, racing over to him. He sat on the cushion beside Lorcan, dragging Tigger up into his lap. 

Kohana’s eyes went wide as the moonlight cutting through their windows made the tear tracks on Lorcan’s face shine silver. “Are you crying?” 

“Mm-hmm.” 

“Why?” 

“Remember last week, when you hurt your arm and we were at the hospital?” 

Kohana nodded vigorously, gesturing to upstairs, “Yeah! I got a stuffy and some candies. My stuffy was a bear, but the one I got for Essie was a shark ‘cause she likes sharks.” He became quiet and still as Tigger slinked out from his hold. Slowly, Kohana shifted so he had his head against the cat’s side. “But… Ellie left. She didn’t say bye-bye to me.” 

Lorcan sighed heavily, picking at the skin around his thumb. “Well… yeah. I know. That’s ‘cause I said some mean things to Ellie and she needed a break.” 

“Why did you say mean things?”

He exhaled slowly and looked at Kohana’s cast, covered in idle doodles, no doubt Esther or Fenrys’ handiwork. Ko wouldn’t let anyone else get close to him like that and the others claimed they were above such silliness. “I was scared, prince, and sometimes, when we’re scared, we say mean things. I told her she did something wrong.”

“But Ellie didn’t do something wrong,” Kohana said quietly, cuddling into Lorcan’s side. 

Lorcan hugged his son, “I know that. Now. But I didn’t know that earlier.”

Kohana hummed and they sat in silence for a bit until he spoke up again, “Did you say sorry? I think you should say sorry.” 

Huffing a laugh, Lorcan looked down at his kid’s head, brushing back his wild hair. “Maybe I’ll try that, kid.” Kohana nodded, as if he had solved all the problems and like adults were so stupid sometimes. “When’d you get so wise, K-Man?” 

“I’m in school now. Big boy means big brain.” 

Well, that pretty much said it all, he supposed. 

+*+*+*+*+*+*

When Lorcan walked into work the next day, Malakai gave him a weird look from behind the front desk. “Why’re you here?” 

“Um… I work here? I think you’re getting a lil old, pops.” 

Malakai glared and stood up, walking over to him, “I know you work here, boyo. Rowan and Fenrys told me you were taking the day off.” 

Lorcan scrunched his brow in confusion, tilting his head to the side. He opened his mouth to reply just as someone tapped his shoulder and he turned around to see Rowan standing there, an unimpressed look on his face. “You ready?” 

“For what? The fuck is happening, man?” 

“Get in the car,” was all Rowan said, jerking his thumb to his car waiting by the curb. 

Lorcan could see he didn’t exactly have a choice and sighed as they walked over and got in. Rowan didn’t say a word as he turned on the ignition and pulled away from the curb, driving down the street. “Really? You’re not gonna tell me where we’re going?” 

“Shut up.” 

He clenched his jaw and crossed his arms over his chest, glaring out the windshield as they continued on. Neither said a word. 

It was only a couple minutes later that Rowan parked in front of the boxing gym they frequented and told Lorcan to get out and get his bag from the trunk. 

“What bag?” 

“Just get it.” 

Murder is bad, you can’t see your kid in prison, murder is bad, you can’t see your kid in prison, murder is bad, he recited silently as he popped the trunk and pulled out his gym bag, not even going to ask how Rowan got it. 

They signed in and went into the changing rooms, efficiently getting dressed and heading out into the gym. 

Lorcan put up his hair as Rowan signed out a ring for them and then they both wrapped their hands. Rowan still hadn’t told him what they were doing. 

His green-eyed brother was already waiting as Lorcan ducked under the ropes, bouncing on his toes. “So, you finally gonna tell me what we’re doing?” 

“You haven’t seen Elide in… what, a week now? You need to fight, ‘cause I know you aren’t gonna talk,” Rowan said, holding up his fists and nodding at Lorcan to do the same. 

He did and they bumped their knuckles before assuming their positions. 

The brothers exchanged a few casual shots, easy ones to get them warmed up. Then, Rowan nailed in him the ribs with a wicked left hook and Lorcan hissed through the pain, glaring at Rowan. “Man, the fuck?” 

Rowan just glared back and upped his game, raining quick and hard shots down upon him. Usually, Lorcan would’ve blocked them effortlessly and returned with his own, but he just couldn’t keep up. Eventually, after Rowan hit the same spot on his ribs, Lorcan flipped, shoving him back, “Fucking stop, Ro! Just stop.” He shook his head and looked down as he started unwrapping his hands, but they just got tangled up in his distress and he swore low. “Fuck this.” 

He finally got it and threw them to the ground, dragging his hands through his hair. “I really fucked it up this time, didn’t I?” 

“Yeah. You did,” Rowan said, pushing him out of the ring and to the nearest bench. 

Lorcan braced his forearms against his thighs and dropped his head, “It was going perfect, alright? And then I just… I pushed her out.” He sniffed and bounced his knee up and down, unable to stop it. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Rowan scoffed, “Nothing’s wrong with you, it’s just your stupid brain being a dick. You got scared, man.” He slung his arm around Lorcan’s neck, pulling the dark haired man into his side and pressing a kiss to the side of his head. “But this radio silence or whatever the fuck y’all are doing isn’t helping. You need to call her, L.”

Lorcan stayed silent and Rowan went on to add, “If you give her up, if you won’t even make an effort to keep her, then you’ll hate yourself for the rest of your life, man. I have, not once in the past four years, seen you smile like you smile around Elide.” Lorcan glanced at Rowan, obsidian eyes meeting ones of pine. “She isn’t gonna wait around for you to get your shit together. So either fix shit with her, or let her go. But you can’t keep dragging her along and acting like you guys are just done after a fight.” 

“Ok, it wasn’t a fight, I said some–” 

“I know what you said and I’ve had to physically restrain my girlfriend from jumping you, so call your girl. Say you’re sorry. Tell her you love her. Just stop being a little bitch boy.” 

“Fuck you.” 

“Fuck you.” 

“No, I said fuck you.” 

“No, I said fuck you.” 

“Stop copying me.” 

“Stop copying me.” 

“I’m gonna fucking stab you in your sleep.” 

“I’m gonna fucking stab you in your sleep.” 

“Stop it.” 

“Stop it.” 

“You’re a fucking child, Rowan.” 

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Lorcan said a quick good-bye to Kohana and Rowan, who had decided it was time for Ko to have another sleepover with his favourite uncle. The kid was beyond excited, his body practically buzzing in the backseat of Rowan’s car. 

Walking back inside, Lorcan shut the door and moved to the kitchen, taking a seat at the island. He took his phone out of his pocket and tossed it on the island top, unlocking it and clicking on the phone app. 

He stared at Elide’s contact for a long, long time before pressing on her number. Lorcan’s heart was in his throat as he held it to his ear and bit his thumbnail, hearing it ring three times. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey. It’s… me.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

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