#stinky rat bastard man

[sneetsnootyoit]

My World

Summary: Dio's had a stressful week and you're happy to help.

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: 18+ (Minors DNI), teasing, oral sex (kind of), established relationship, sex (obviously), super fluff, NO USE OF Y/N

A/N: I felt like I needed to post something while I'm working on my more major pieces. Also there's no specific description of the reader's body for inclusivity!

Spanish: colibrí - hummingbird, pajarito - little bird, palomo - dove

See it on Ao3!

When you pick him up from work, you have a cheesy grin spread across your face and he tries to hide the grin tugging at his lips at the sight of your gleeful expression. He has no idea what you have planned for him, and that’s a good thing, because after the week he’s had, he deserves some pampering. You already have his favorite playlist on and you’re humming along to one of the songs playing through your speakers while Dio just watches you. He thinks about how radiant you look under the light of the moon peeking through the windshield of the car. It makes your eyes shine and accentuates your face in a way that sunlight simply cannot.

When you pull into the parking lot of your shared apartment, you practically jump over the hood of the car trying to get over to the other side to open Dio’s door for him. He’s unable to stifle the laughter that comes when you trip and fall on your face before you can open the door. He opens it slowly. “Are you okay, birdie?”

You lift your head and roll over to get on your feet, huffing as he steps out of the car. “I was trying to open the door for you,” you grumbled, taking him by the hand once he’d closed the door. You lock the car and you start walking towards the building, swinging the hand holding his while you board the elevator to head to the floor your apartment is on. When you walk through the door, you’re immediately greeted by Dio’s cat. You reach down and scoop her up, holding her in your arms like a baby. She meows at you and looks over to Dio after he closes the door.

“What are they doing to you, huh?” He croons, leaning his face down to kiss the top of her head. You both chuckle and you allow the black ball of fur to jump out of your arms and make her way to the little hammock on her scratching tree.

You smile and turn your attention to Dio, cupping the back of his neck to pull him into a kiss. He hums against you and he grasps your hips to bring you closer to him. “Have you eaten yet?” You ask, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck as he nods.

“Mhmm, a customer ordered pizzas for the staff. It was free for me, so I didn’t question it. Why?”

“Just making sure I didn’t need to make you something,” you say quietly, slowly walking backwards towards the bedroom. Luckily for you, it’s a path you travel often, so you don’t have to look backwards to know where you’re going. You can hear and feel Dio’s snickering laughter as you continue to walk backwards and you lightly smack the back of his head, parting only so you could turn and open the door. You grab Dio by the lapels of his coat and pull him into the room, kicking the door shut to keep the cat out. 

Dio gives you a curious look with furrowed brows and you give him a mischievous grin while you tug the coat off and let it drop to the floor. “What do you have cooking in that brain of yours, colibrí?”

“Well,” you purr, ghosting your lips across his jaw while your hands push his shirt up and over his head. “You’ve had a stressful week, dove. What kind of partner would I be if I didn’t help you relieve some of that…”

A mischievous smirk that mirrored yours spread across Dio’s face while you nip at his jaw, making him shudder. “Are you gonna take care of me, pajarito?”

“Mhmm…gonna make it all go away. It’ll just be you and me, palomo.” Your hands trail down to unbutton his pants as you walk him towards the dresser, and he works on removing his chains and larger earrings, placing them on the wooden surface. You gently slide your fingers beneath his waistband and pull his pants off, boxers going with before you begin pushing him towards the bed. He moves himself to the middle of the mattress and you stand next to the bed, allowing him to watch you slowly remove your clothes, one piece at a time.

He lazily strokes his cock while he watches you, leaning his head back against the wall with  sigh. Fuck...you get more beautiful every time I look at you,” he groans, looking at you with eyes full of desire.

“As do you, angel.” De rolls his eyes at the nickname and reaches out for you once you’ve joined him. 

He pulls you into his lap and you straddle him, wrapping your arms around his neck to capture his lips with your own while you grind down against him. He lets out a soft moan and you push your tongue into his mouth, carding your fingers through the black curls atop his head. You love when he lets his hair lay naturally. 

His hands fall to your hips, making you continue your movements while you explore his mouth with your tongue. When you part, you’re both breathless and desperate, but you’re determined to take care of Dio. He grips you tightly as you squeeze his with your legs and you chuckle. “Easy there, dove…We’ve barely started. There’s no rush,” you murmur, pressing soft kisses across his cheeks and forehead, leaving him breathless in a way he’s never experienced before.

It’s intimate, but not the kind you’ve explored in the past, and it leaves him wanting more of you. Your tender touches send shivers down his spine and you trail kisses across his jaw and over to his ear. You exhale against his neck and he moans softly. It’s no secret to you that his neck and ears are extremely sensitive, and you love to exploit that. You nibble on his earlobe and ghost your fingers over his chest, dancing your fingertips over his nipples. 

You revel in the whimper that escapes his lips when you open your mouth to trace your teeth down his neck, latching on to the spot where it meets his neck and biting softly. The quiet gasp that he lets out makes you smirk and you chuckle, opening your mouth further so you can work on sucking a hickey into his neck. He begins to squirm beneath you as you continue moving south, kissing and nipping at his skin along the way. You stop at his chest and look into his eyes while you ghost your lips over one of his nipples, making him jerk beneath you.

“F-fuck, birdie…is the teasing necessary? Why don’t you just-”

“Oh dove, this is only foreplay. I want to get you good and excited before we get to the main event. I’m gonna make you see stars, angel.”

This time, Dio shudders at the nickname, letting out a shaky breath as you resume your journey downwards until you’re able to settle yourself down between his thighs. You can feel his eyes on you when you reach down to grab his legs and pull him down the mattress. He lets out a yelp of surprise as he’s pulled down onto his back and you chuckle, placing a kiss on his stomach. You grasp his ankles and push his legs up so that his feet are flat on the mattress and his legs are spread, giving you easy access to everything you want. When Dio realizes what you’re planning, he groans at the sight of you between his legs. You make eye contact with him and slowly lean down and press a feather-light kiss to each of his inner thighs. You lavish them with attention while Dio twitches above you, his cock leaking against his stomach while he breathes out your name. 

You tilt your head in question as you spread his legs a little more and dip your head down to trace his hole with your tongue. “Oh shit, colibrí...fuck, give me more. I need more,” he begged quietly, tilting his head back with a whine when you flatten your tongue against him.

You give him a smirk and a hum, and you carefully push your tongue into his hole, making his cock twitch. You took a moment to slowly fuck him with your tongue before lazily dragging it up his perimeum and over his balls, sucking one into your mouth and moaning around it. You feel Dio’s body jerk and you let him feel the light graze of your teeth over his sensitive skin. You alternate to his other testicle while you begin to dance your fingertips over the length of his cock. You hear him groan and his dick jumps at your touch, giving you an indication of how desperate he’s becoming.  When you release his balls from your mouth, you flatten your tongue and lick up the underside of his cock, making him moan at the sudden contact. “Doing so good for me, palomo,” you tell him, wrapping your lips around the tip and sucking lightly.

You can tell by the way he pulses on your tongue that he’s starting to reach his limit and you hum around him. You can practically feel the shudder that goes down his spine and you quickly release him, making him whine at the loss. He watches you as you reach over to his nightstand to dig out the lube, squirting out a generous amount to distribute between Dio’s cock and your entrance. You climb back onto his lap and positioned yourself above him, holding his cock in one hand and bracing yourself on his shoulder with the other. You’re careful and slow as you lower yourself down onto him, stopping every so often to allow yourself to relax and adjust. 

You let yourself drop down on the last couple of inches and you both gasp loudly at the change, gripping each other tightly. You lean forward and kiss him deeply, lifting your hips to allow you to lazily fuck yourself on his cock. “Oh shit…oh shit…” he breathes out, letting his head fall back against the pillows.

You brace yourself above him and press your forehead against his, rolling your hips so you can take him deeper. Your noses brush against one another as you whine, Dio gripping your hips so tight that you’ll definitely have bruises. You sit up and place your hands on his chest to help keep yourself upright, using your legs to help you bounce on his cock. His eyes flew open and a breathy moan came out, making you hum happily. “That’s right, my dove…fuck, you like when I ride your cock like this? When I fuck myself on you? Fuck, you feel so good…I’m so fucking full,” you say, clenching around him when the tip of his cock brushes against your sweet spot. It makes you cry out in pleasure, sending sparks shooting behind your eyes and you aim to hit that spot repeatedly.

“Yeah…fuck, birdie. I love the way you squeeze my cock with that tight hole…Fucking love seeing you like this, my- fuck, you’re my world. You’re my whole fucking world, little bird,” he babbles, reaching up to pull you down and kiss you hard.

You open your mouth to protest, but you feel him shift his legs for leverage before he begins to fuck into you, making you cry out in pleasure. You squeezed around him tightly and you braced yourself on your forearms, pressing your forehead against Dio’s. You can tell he’s getting close because of how roughly he pulls you down onto himself, grinding his cock deep inside with each thrust. The moans he makes in your ear are absolutely filthy, matching yours beautifully as you start nearing your own finish. You whimper against his neck when you feel your orgasm begin to build and you do everything you can to keep it from crashing through you. Not yet…

“Fuck- oh fuck, Dio. Fuck, that’s so fucking good! Shit!”

Dio lets out a groan that turns into a whimper as he tries to warn you about his impending orgasm. You can feel him start to slow down and you realize that he is going to pull out and you shake your head. “Shit- No! Don’t fucking stop! Fuck, Dio baby, don’t stop! Give it to me…fuck, fill me up. Come on…” you cry out, barely holding on. 

Dio’s caught off guard by your request, but he gets the message and continues his previous pace, slamming into you with such force that you swear you can feel it in your chest. Just as Dio begins to release himself into you, your orgasm crashes through you like a tsunami ravaging a beach and you moan out each others’ names, practically melting into one another while you ride out your highs. You’re vaguely aware of the wet, sticky mess that has formed between the two of you, and you honestly don’t care. You press your face into Dio’s neck and you let out a breathy laugh. “Holy shit,” you murmur, making Dio laugh.

“Fucking hell birdie! That was��"

Both of you are breathless, but you still manage to burst into a fit of giggles. "How's that for stress relief?"

Dio snorts and cups your cheek, pulling your face away from his neck so he can look at you. "Pretty damn good," he says with a smile, pressing his lips to yours. You love getting his genuine smiles, they're your most favorite thing in the world.

You hum into the kiss and the two of you stay there for a while, sharing kisses and holding one another. In that time, the rest of the world fades away and it's just you and Dio. Nothing else matters. Time fades and becomes a vague concept at this moment, completely irrelevant while you're in each others' arms. The two of you are snapped out of your haze when you hear the sound of scratching and meowing at the door. It makes you both laugh and then grimace when you both realize the mess you'd allowed yourselves to sit in. 

You sit up slowly as Dio’s softened cock slips out of your hole, dribbling cum onto the bedsheets. You would've been annoyed if you weren't going to change the sheets anyway. You head to the bathroom to turn on the shower and clean up a little bit before you go help Dio strip the bed and put on new sheets. Once the shower is warmed up and ready, Dio opens the door to let the cat in and he joins you in the shower. You wash each other carefully, sharing the warm water and minimal space. It's another form of intimacy that you do not often share. After getting clean, you dry each other off and get ready to actually go to bed. You hold hands while you brush your teeth and you help each other into what little you wear to bed.

The cat wasn't in the bedroom, though. She only wanted you to open the door so she can come and go when she pleases, and to make sure that when she gets her sudden burst of energy at 3 o'clock in the morning, she can adequately bother the two of you. 

You and Dio get settled in the bed after you turn off the lights and you take a minute to just stare at each other in the faint moonlight that managed to get in through the curtains.

"Hey dove?" You ask quietly, playing with his fingers as you lay your head on his chest.

"Hm?"

"Did you really mean it?"

"Mean what, colibrí?"

"When you said I was your whole world…did you mean it?"

Dio sighs and you can just barely see the faint smile on his face. "Of course. I meant every word, pajarito."

You pause, taking in the information for a second before you press a soft kiss to his lips. “You’re my whole world, too.”

TAG LIST: @wannab-urs@existential-angstt@miller--trash

[sae-mian]

🎵 Minasha my beloved

MINASHA TAAN

⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆

28 REASONS /// SEULGI

⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆

"I'm not the devil Feel free to hate me more, I don't care The more you break the more you'll want me"

[foxfireartz]

big brain realization

these bastards are the same type of blorbo

[slashing-bunni-farm]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGGGGHHHHH

Interact with this post if you selfship with with one or more characters from Resident Evil and want mutuals who share sources!

[asleepinawell]

finally got to prelude in violet in my replay. it's stinky bastard man hours at last

[intimidating-fettuccine]

I missed this bastard. My stinky rat man.

[badly-drawn-doflamingo]

How would you rank the the worst generation three based on dirtiest and most stinky?

Oh god this is a question… as a warlord, I would have assumed you would ask me about co workers, which trust me, most do, however this one is truthfully a stumper.

This is solely because, they all do. Not a single one of those rotten children bathe often, or at all, and I’ve asked and they will fragrantly lie before me and state “oh no no, you’re nose blind because you literally are snorting smarties” and “how can you say that when you smell like actual horse urine-“

But as the loving man I am, I WILL ANSWER YOU, YOUNG BIRD!! As a man and someone who does NOT smell like horse urine and who does NOT smart snorties. Often.

3. That rat bastard Law

Law never did listen to me when I told him “please wash your stupid hat after you smoke” and “don’t FUCKING ignore the filters I give you.”

Law of course, as all terrible nasty rotten disgusting sons do, ignored daddys advice.

Law smells like an entire smoke shop, down to the chemicals they use on the floorboards and the hookah bottles. It is like inhaling the entirety of one of these shops into one’s nose, and I believe fully he has helped cause my nose blindness for all drugs. Or maybe it’s the coke.

2. Roronoa Zoro

Have you ever been to a gym, and just, taken a big FUCKIN whiff on accident and suddenly, you find yourself understanding why soap was both invented and should be used, and probably also a bit homosexual? Well, this has never happened to me, ask my ex husband, I’m am very much a ladies man, however this Zoro man is another case.

I genuinely believe you used a pressure washer on that man, you would end up with a white haired stranger. I also suspect a new species of.. something, lives upon him, but that could also just be called his equally rotten Captain.

1. Eustass Kid

Anarchists do not bathe, and neither does whatever that tulip headed fool calls himself. He has absorbed an entire gas stations scent into his very skin, and just being around him has given me as much lead poisoning as I gave my ex son back in my kingdom. In this case, both deserved it.

If you enjoy huffing exhaust and the smell of iron rotting your lungs, please go and try having a conversation, but note - it is like speaking with a metal head who also huffed said fumes. You will get nowhere.

This has been a ranking by Doffy, thank you for asking.

[storytellering]

.

the moment I see someone unironically make a "deadweight" nero joke or seriously refer to him as "deadweight" i know i can't trust them

[tigers1o1]

I’m thinking about him :(

Chip is such a tragic fucking character. Like genuinely. Fucking UGH. He makes me crazy. Cause like yeah he’s a bastard and he’s silly goofy stinky man, but he’s also the kid with no home. He’s the kid that never knew anything but life on the streets, in the cold, in the rain, fighting for food right alongside the rats, fighting for a place to sleep. He’s the kid that got a family, for a while, before they fucking drowned. Because as hard as he wants to believe that Arlin is alive, Chip has never been an optimist. Maybe in theory, he could be, maybe he could pretend to be. But deep down, he’s the kid that bad things happen to. People don’t stick around for that kid. Intentional or not, they’re always leaving and leaving and leaving and he’s alone again, fighting with the rats. He fucking clawed his way through survival, forcing himself to get up and find food, and managing to steal it, despite the exhaustion that pulled at his bones and the sickness that rattled his lungs every winter that he didn’t have a roof over his head- every winter. He got 3 short years of a family, a home, and then it was back to the streets. This time was maybe marginally better, because at least he could somewhat depend on the gang, but even then. They were all starving, they were all cold. You can only depend on other people so much when everyone’s life is on the line 24/7. He probably cried himself to sleep more times than he could count in Skullslice. Missing his family and cursing whatever cruel god decided to stick him back exactly where he was born. And then the person who’s offered him a hand and the vision of safety in numbers looked at him and asked him to take someone else’s life. He’d never done that before. He’d watched people die, but it had never been at his own hand. He didn’t want to. He wasn’t stuck on the streets because he was a criminal that wanted to be there, he was there out of necessity, because he had nowhere else to go. And this? This wasn’t necessary. So he left. For the first time, he did the leaving. After 10 years of at least some safety that came from at least the familiarity of the same people, he left and went out into the sea on his own. He knew how dangerous the sea was, hell, he watched it swallow his family. But somehow the risk of that, the reward of being back in the one place he felt like maybe he belonged, it was worth leaving those people behind. It was worth making a few enemies in the fire that he set, because he excused it by saying that those? They were bad people, and maybe if the fire got them, it would be deserved. He didn’t want to kill anyone, but all his actions were of necessity. And as he set out, he looked out at the horizon he’d yet to discover, and maybe a tear fell, because in a way Rueben had been his family too, even if a bad one. But now? Now he’d find the old one. He’d find Arlin, because so many years will fade a memory, and it’s easier to look at a tragedy and see hope when you couldn’t remember the tragedy in full. And he met a bright eyed girl who had a look in her eye- that same one in his, the need to find someone. And for some reason she agreed to join him. He didn’t really know what to do with that, but at least he could maybe have a friend. Maybe if he did die out on the sea, someone could miss him. And then they found another, a lost soul floating aimlessly in the ocean, a distant look in his eyes and an exhausted frogtopus sleeping on his chest.

And maybe Chip’s life finally started looking up as he made these friends, and learned to be a better person for the sake of others.

That is, until he died for them, his heart pulled straight out of his chest at only 19 years old.

[begaydodrughailsaten]

*picks you up*

*lightly sways you from side to side*

Stinky rat bastard man (/reference)

Noooooooooo i am a opossum mannnnn!!

[fridgrave2-0]

Stop me if this is too silly but while at work today I had a Gaslight Girlboss Gamejump idea that was Turbo and Tamora playing chess against each other (w/ Felix looking over her shoulder sometimes and chatting), and Turbo is winning and Tamora doesn't know how he's doing it (he's eating the pieces like the shitter he is when she's distracted by Felix)

I imagine that Turbo would actually be really good at playing chess legitimately (we know he's cunning and capable of playing the long game) but sometimes the urge to cheat overtakes him even when he's already doing well. Stinky rat bastard man.

turbo is a master of manipulation and mind games, he WOULD win almost every game for sure. and he doesn't need to cheat, but sometimes he just feels like it (also he's insecure af but we already knew that)

and he eats the pieces

[c0la-queen]

Eddsworld Playlists

I really enjoy making playlists and decided I wanted to share mine with all of you! I have like... over 100 playlists on my account so if you guys are looking for new music or you're just curious, feel free to listen to any of the ones on my account! Most are OC playlists and the such.

---

Daydreaming - Self Insert/Reader x Eddsworld Main Four

Bumping with Tord - Tord !! Stinky little rat bastard man!!

She's Standing Outside the Bar with Me while I Smoke... - Tom playlist! He's a romantic <3

You Are What I Made You - Red Leader x Soldier Reader

[chrisitsraining]

^ let it be known that this southern rat bastard stinky mold creature of a man is always on my brain

[average-bb-poke-whisperer]

🎙️who’s your favourite oc that’s in the fics right now?

// Believe it or not, probabaly Owen. Me and the crew have so much good juicy stuff planned with him and the more we plan the more i love this stinky rat bastard of a man.

Im also a bog fan of Kaiya, again alot of delicious planning done for her character and past, and lets just say, Side effects really do be living to its Au name with some of the concepts we have.

[elysianfiction]

dude i'd be thrilled to know the secret ros' names. i haven't read your story in a couple of months but the main four are super memorable even just from the asks and i love them all

That's wonderful to know, truly. As much as I want to keep writing, sometimes I wonder if people are still interested in my story, since there are so many WIPs out there. Knowing my gremlins are still cool, even if only in the hearts of a few people, is wonderful. 💦

But let's talk about what everyone's been waiting for, shall we?

My beloved High Priestess, whom I still haven't had the chance to write in-game yet because she's stuck in a fun predicament, is called Maeve. I also don't remember if I ever gave a description for her, but I completely redesigned her in my head so rip to misinformation. 😔

The rat bastard who was once nicknamed Stinky, alas The Magician, is called Frey. Depending on choices, you might stumble into them sooner than you think. I also don't remember if I gave them a full design, but since gender doesn't matter to them, why should looks? Wears a different meat prison every day.

And last but not least, The Hanged man is called... Nikolai. It's stupid Nikolai. You have no idea how funny it was to see people go apeshit about how quote unquote majestic he is while also fuming because no RO jail party. Il segreto di pulcinella. It's finally out in the open.

[mosthuggableffxiv]

Punchability Propaganda Collection: Emet-Selch

man has stinky skunk hair and is actually begging you to punch him. The fact that we don't angers my soul.

He’s a smug bastard. I love him but he deserves to get punched.

He carries such a smug air and I loathe him. I'm only about halfway through Shadowbringers but every time he shows his face I want to punch his teeth out. Taunts the heroes and bemoans about not having their trust despite them having a very valid reason not to trust him because a) he's an Ascian and b) has deliberately caused Garlemald's imperialism and thus much of the pain and suffering of the characters we've come to know and care for. Also his voice just, makes him *extra* punchable. He sounds so smug and like he knows more than you do (and what's worse, he DOES) and I want to see this man get decked. I still have half of Shadowbringers to go and I know he's probably going to show up a lot more in the last bit and I am going to be filled with an urge to reach through my screen and punch him, I just know it.

I think he should get punched given that he shot and kidnapped G’raha and also founded the Garlean Empire which did a lot of shitty things under his rule. Also because the Ascians did a lot of shitty things

His snarky comments and overall rat grandpa behaviors. And the war crimes

Listen this is my favorite character in the game but he invented imperialism. And he’s SO fucking smug. I want to kiss him but wanting to punch him is so understandable.