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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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James & Ava

James: Good morning

James: how are you, darling?

Ava: Sleepy 🥱

Ava: but all the better starting my day with you, of course

Ava: how about you? 😊

James: hopeful that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, because likewise

James: & my cautious optimism doesn’t extend to the viewing I’m currently heading to

Ava: Oh, how have they oversold this one, I wonder

Ava: the adverts are nothing short of epic fiction

Ava: there should be awards for how they can spin any - into like +++

Ava: Where are you headed?

James: it would be inspirational if I were solely doing research for the novel but alas I need a suitable study first

James: [somewhere that’s one of the places we discounted]

Ava: I can believe estate agents are all unfulfilled creatives, definitely

Ava: I’ll 🤞 all my fingers and toes that it’s the one

Ava: though I could tell you more pubs and clubs in that area than nurseries…

James: absolutely up there with the teaching profession in terms of both dashed dreams setting them on that path & a litany of thankless tasks once they get there

James: thank you though

James: I’ll let you know if it constitutes enough of a disaster to warrant theoretically drowning my sorrows, after all, there isn’t a huge difference between some of the clubs Teddy frequents & soft play so I’ve no doubt my aide for today would be thrilled to hear every suggestion

Ava: You cannot make me feel bad for teachers today

Ava: not when Mr Hawthorne has beat you to it with the against argument in the form of his 🥱 inducing lectures

Ava: 😅 I don’t think foam parties are safe for anyone, 1-year-olds especially so though

James: there’s an argument to be made that I possess the ability to do so, however, if I’m going to use my powers of persuasion for anything 😈 I would argue it is indeed wasted on Mr Hawthorne

James: oh well in that case, the hunt for my sister’s baby shower venue also continues

Ava: If you used your powers of persuasions on Mr Hawthorne, I might be a tiny bit jealous

Ava: not to mention almost as confused as he would undoubtedly be

Ava: Joy of joys

Ava: it would be typical for that to be added to your to-do list as well, but at least a place for grown women to eat chocolate bars out of nappies isn’t as much like gold dust as a decent place in central

James: I’m jealous that he’s spending time with you right now, despite your attention being less than rapt & therefore promise to do nothing that benefits him in any way whatsoever

James: including, but not limited to, refusing to assist you in the homework he intends to set by being as distracting as I can later as well as now

James: you’re not wrong, but she is her belief that to this day I remain blacklisted by an extremely high percentage of clubs, thus sparing me being delegated the role even in these hypothetical planning stages

Ava: That would be a wild rumour, even for this place

Ava: and what can I say? You’re more worthy of my time and attention

Ava: as you’ve just proved 😍

Ava: Definite blessing in disguise

Ava: Will it be a women-only event?

James: I’d be lying if I didn’t say I miss you & am always willing to prove how much at every given opportunity

James: god, I hope so, even a foam party isn’t enough of an incentive to get me there if I am expected

Ava: I miss you too

Ava: I can come see you tonight though, if you’re free

Ava: sadly, I don’t think I can make a soft-play date so that’ll have to be just you two

Ava: and you’re lucky, I’ve been to so many baby showers it’s not even funny

James: I’m supposed to work late to make up the time I’ve taken off this morning but I can do that when you’re busy

James: that’s a shame, I’ll have to throw myself in the ball pit

James: time will tell if you have an invite to Diana’s, what’s incredibly lucky is that she won’t expect you to actually attend regardless of how you RSVP

Ava: Only if you’re sure

Ava: my plans can always be more fluid than yours

Ava: Ugh 😞 I’d LOVE to push you into a ball pit right now, life is unfair

Ava: I don’t think she was impressed with my party-planning skills enough to put in that call

James: I am very sure that I want to spend tonight with you instead of at the office

James: & I’m also suddenly determined to create our very own ball pit in the new place

James: [pictures like which room do you think we should fill with plastic balls lol but let’s say it’s all really small]

James: having to forgo a traditional master bedroom isn’t at all unfair, I’ll obviously sleep like a baby among the balls

Ava: 🥰

Ava: An absolute must

Ava: why brag of a ‘cosy’ third bedroom when you can boast a gigantic ball pit

Ava: I bet the girls would be more than willing for you to do that too

Ava: Party house has a whole new meaning 🥳

James: indeed

Ava: I hope there’s not too many people there this time though, really

James: I think there are more people here than at the last viewing we went to, impossible as that sounds

Ava: 😫 How, where do all these people spring from?!

Ava: At least you’re far more eligible than most young professionals

Ava: If I was looking for a model renter

James: what a pity you aren't, your rooftop garden has much greater appeal for this particular young professional, not least because I've seen its existence with my own eyes

Ava: If my landlords weren’t so involved…

Ava: This place is far too big for us now

James: hopefully they won't drag you along on yet more insufferable viewings if, or when, they decide to downsize since you're an undeniable pro now, because for that, there would only so many apologies I can offer you

Ava: I’m sure mum’s already getting the planning permission sorted for if and when

Ava: Sadly their portfolio doesn’t extend to a reasonable price range, I did ask

Ava: but if it isn’t something that would get her in Architect Digest, or whatever, she’s not interested so

Ava: As you said, it would be fun in a way, if all this looking didn’t mean you were still without your perfect family home

Ava: It takes people watching to a new level, and seeing the landlord’s ‘decor’ choices is also as revealing

James: it's okay, being indebted to my own parents is quite enough

James: it's becoming clear if my father visualizes me living here it's because he's done a drastic rewrite of the type of young professional I am

James: I could see you here, for instance, in a draft where I don't exist as your love interest, but in terms of a family home, perfect of otherwise, where we'd put Frank & the children is anyone's guess

James: perhaps some of these people are imagining wild architecture projects the likes of which your mother would have to act undaunted by, who's to say

Ava: I don’t love that rewrite

Ava: Frank is particularly demanding with how much space he needs to recline, relax, snooze and sleep…

Ava: You’ll find somewhere soon, I know it

Ava: If nothing else, this dull lesson is giving me all the time to refresh and refresh and repeat every listing I can find

James: cautious optimism as ever for our 2nd attempt

James: [deets because I'm gonna say that this is one he ends up loving that falls through somehow at some stage because how real and frustrating and then she can be the one who finds their forever home and they can look at it together]

Ava: Okay, I can picture that one

Ava: light and airy isn’t actually a lie this time, what a concept

Ava: 😍

Ava: All the rooms are a good size so you wouldn’t feel as if either girl was getting the short straw, and you won’t have to settle for sleeping amongst the balls either

James: I do have a genuinely good feeling about it, terrifying as that is to admit in our present surroundings where it feels as though someone will sense it & immediately swoop in, but yes

Ava: I know

Ava: It’s one of those things

Ava: You have to be cautious, because so many roadblocks are between you and the end goal

Ava: but similarly, how can you be, when it’s such a big life thing

Ava: You can be as honest and optimistic as you like with me, it doesn’t need to go any further, shark-like buyers and the girls alike

James: we aren’t anywhere close to the stressful moving in stage & I’m already acutely aware that I wouldn’t have survived up until now without your help, so I will, as long as you know the continued support is appreciated beyond words or any other measure

Ava: Stressful, but fun

Ava: you get to pick what colour your new room is 😌

Ava: It’ll be reward enough, to see you get the fresh start you deserve

James: [whatever her fave colour is] of course

James: then you won’t mind seeing me covered from head to toe in it, potentially indefinitely, when we discover I can’t fit in the tub at the new place either

Ava: Oh, I don’t think I would mind that no matter the colour

Ava: but I also would not mind you having an amazing shower so we could take care of that

James: if there isn’t I won’t mind adding it to my renovations to-do list

Ava: As long as I’m on that list too I’m happy

James: the top of any list I write is where I’m happy to put you

Ava: If you put in a bid, you should do it at/even over asking price, so they’ll take attention of you and then you can make a list of repairs/quality checks etc you want done before you agree to move in, then if they do them, they’re done for you, but more likely, they’ll not want to, and you can say take that cost off my offer then

Ava: one of the 💡 tips I’ve picked up and you’d undoubtedly thought of yourself but there we go

James: here’s where I could nod & keep up the pretense to avoid giving away what a total novice I am, but there’s very little point given than you know I’ve never done this, & a list of countless other things as long as my arm, for myself before

James: instead I’ll just take your advice & thank you accordingly

Ava: There’s so much we don’t get prepared for

Ava: even under normal circumstances

Ava: It isn’t as if I was told that at school, or I get told anything vaguely useful on the day-to-day by Hawthorne or any of the others worse or marginally better than him

Ava: You shouldn’t feel like you’re alone in feeling unprepared, is what I’m failing to say

Ava: Lots of people feel it, that’s why I could never just stay here, in the bubble of SW forever

James: don’t worry, you aren’t failing at anything where this conversation is concerned & whilst it is somewhat overwhelming at times, I don’t feel alone because I’ve got you to talk it through with

James: what that school taught me, all that living here has taught me, was how to avoid facing up to situations by lying & name dropping, which probably would assist me in climbing the property ladder but I’d rather be honest, if the bubble bursts as a result, I’m prepared for that from now on

Ava: I’m proud of you

Ava: and the girls will be too

Ava: It can be fun, and there are some good people here, just as there are everywhere

Ava: but outside of the postcode, the currency of who you know and where you went to school, it’s just not real, irrelevant

Ava: I don’t want to rely on my parents’ hard work, let alone someone else’s father knowing the crest on my blazer, you know

James: yes, I know exactly what having to rely on my father feels like, it isn’t fun or something to be proud of & it definitely isn’t a precedent I’d like to keep setting for my daughters

James: the stark reality & contrast of this fresh start needs to happen soon, while I still have Jay here to teach

Ava: She’s not going anywhere

James: she’s going to have to meet him eventually even if that’s under the guise of him being one of my old friends or your brother

Ava: And I understand that that’s fair

Ava: to him, I don’t know how to feel about it in regards to Jay, and it’s not even my job to so I know how hard this must be for you

Ava: but that doesn’t mean he should get to ‘keep’ her, for God’s sake, she has had no idea who he is until now, you’re her dad

James: I have to hope that he’ll understand that too, he’s not the villain here, as much as it would make my life easier to paint him as such

Ava: I hope so too

James: it’ll be okay, for her, I don’t know if I can make the same promise for us but I want to be able to

Ava: Don’t put yourself down like that

Ava: It wouldn’t be okay if she lost you

James: she isn’t going to lose me whatever Buster decides to do next, things may have to change but never that drastically, I’ll always be in her life

Ava: Providing he plays that nicely

Ava: I’m just scared he’ll do something that drastic, and stupid

James: if he doesn’t I won’t, I’m not afraid to fight fire with fire should that be the only option he leaves me with

Ava: Good

Ava: I wish I could promise it won’t be

Ava: but I don’t know what he will be prepared to do, so you should be prepared for any and all eventualities too

James: I am, my marriage made sure I was equipped to anticipate the unexpected & not to expect rational responses

Ava: Yeah, of course

Ava: Still no word from Chloe?

James: no & no trace of a belated birthday card

Ava: Typical

Ava: Good thing Mattie got spoiled by you and had a great party already

James: Jay is devastated she has to wait so long for you to throw one for her though, maybe we can find a way to cater the housewarming party to her

Ava: Awh, bless her

Ava: If there’s one thing Chelsea HAS taught me, is that you only need a vague notion of an idea to have a party and celebrate

Ava: Does she like fireworks?

James: she LOVES fireworks, if you weren’t in Dublin she’d have insisted you come with us to [wherever we’re gonna go see some on the night]

Ava: I am pretty gutted I can’t

Ava: but I’ll have to get some sparklers, probably not Catherine Wheels or Roman Candles, and do a belated bonfire themed do for her

Ava: smores are a good idea any night

James: I wonder if she’ll expect us to dye her hair red, orange or yellow this time

Ava: 😬 accidentally set a precedent

Ava: thank god for washouts

James: I’ll do what I can to have her convinced that face paint is a much better idea by the time you get back but she’s no Mr Hawthorne so

Ava: I admire a girl who requires more than a persuasive essay

Ava: you’ll have a great time

Ava: 🤞 the endless family drama doesn’t get in the way of me having one too

James: no amount of Catherine Wheels or Roman Candles could prevent me from being on the end of the phone whether you aren’t having a great time or simply want to tell me how much fun it is

Ava: You’re the best ❤️

Ava: It should be fine

Ava: If anything, hopefully someone else is bringing more drama than my parents or siblings could accuse me of, then it’ll really give them a bit of perspective 🤫

James: if your family resembles the dynamic of mine even slightly I won’t have to keep anything crossed in order to make that happen for you, but of course I will nevertheless, just in case

Ava: How soon is too soon to clue you in on my mad family dynamic 🤔😅

Ava: Maybe when you’re in your new home, so you have a door to politely shut in my face

James: having never kept an air of mystery there I can understand why you’d want to, but I would never christen my new front door like that

Ava: It was like an unspoken rule, when Buster was here too

Ava: I don’t really care that much, and anyway, he broke it big time

Ava: Every family has struggles and secrets, or are long overdue their share if not

James: I couldn’t agree more, my mother acts as though nobody else has skeletons hung up next to their hideously expensive coats & we must stay silent come what may, but she’s the last person to feign shock when any of said secrets inevitably come out

Ava: It’s such a waste of time and energy

Ava: not to mention resolves precisely (0) of said troubles, if and when they can be

Ava: I’m so glad you don’t want to keep up pretenses together

Ava: wouldn’t make for a very interesting story

James: exactly, if I adhered to her code of silence I wouldn’t have gone to rehab or spent any time & energy on recovery, god knows what trouble I’d be in right now in that instance, but we certainly wouldn’t have this plotline to delight in

Ava: Being dubious about the potential results, maybe

Ava: but the idea your own mum would rather you suffer in silence, literally, is beyond me

James: it’s an attitude worthy of an outdated classic novel, for sure, that we can all take ourselves in hand & address our flaws with a firm word or two but she isn’t alone in her 'you don't need outside help, you just need to learn and then follow through with setting your own limits' mentality

James: in my parents' defence I was still young, despite the baby I wasn't looking after properly or the wedding I don't remember very much of at all, & I know they'd argue, if pressed, that was the main reason for their anti-rehab stance

James: therefore, I'd like to believe, however naively perhaps, on this occasion it isn't entirely about saving face with yet more pretense but rather a glimpse at some character development for both of them, if only so the novel isn't doomed by one dimensional subplots, naturally

Ava: I can see that too, again, a lot of people’s problems go unaddressed or at least are allowed to get worse because the person is ‘too young’ for it to either be a problem, or it is something they will ‘bounce back’ from once they ‘calm down’ and mature

Ava: It doesn’t make your parents the devil, I wouldn’t suggest as much, nor the first people to fall into that trap

Ava: There are definitely instances of the exact same mindset I can point to within my own family

Ava: We’d all like to see the best in people, and sometimes, that desire lets us down

James: regardless this viewing has yet to let me down unlike the previous

James: I wish you were here

Ava: With any luck, I’ll be able to come see it with you next time

Ava: The pictures look great, trying to keep the optimism at the cautious level still but 🤞🤞😌

James: need I remind you I like your optimism as unabashed as your excitement

Ava: You don’t need to

Ava: but I wouldn’t be opposed

James: [tell her about whatever cute and romantic plans you've sorted for you two tonight so she'll be happy and excited]

Ava: How have you managed to sort that whilst at these viewings and also with Mattie 😍

James: it appears I’m guilty of similarly high levels of enthusiasm & so the greater crime would be letting it go to waste

Ava: AND being an excellent multi-tasker AND AND an even greater romantic

James: Mattie can & will take full credit for the former but the romanticism is a newly acquired skill that I’m still trying to find my feet with, & entirely down to you

Ava: I should feel bad for keeping it all for myself

James: I disagree but I’ll happily rush through the book’s publication if sharing will make you feel better

Ava: Should doesn’t mean would or could

Ava: because I don’t

Ava: It’s nice not being secret, but I’m still happy keeping you to myself for a while longer

James: oh good, because I’d rather continue to multitask like this than on a novel deadline

Ava: Being anything but a reprieve from all the other drains on your time is not very romantic heroine of me, so never

Ava: what would the readers think

James: you’ve got me there, by evoking how fickle our readers are more than likely to prove themselves to be, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about

Ava: You either think the protagonist is ‘relatable’ or you hate her because you deserve the love interest far more than her

James: nobody deserves me more than you, they’ll have no choice but to appreciate you

Ava: James

James: Ava

Ava: I can’t wait to see you later

James: can I pick you up from school or do you need to go home first?

Ava: I don’t need to go home 😊

James: I’ll see you there then, unfortunately, I have work to get back to & I’ve kept you from yours for longer than I responsibly should have, lest you end up at Kings after all

Ava: 🙄 I’m sure my career’s officer would tell me they’re higher in the rankings or something else that isn’t going to change my mind more than your experience and my own, however brief

Ava: If I were rating them on chance, perfect meetings, however

Ava: A++

Ava: I’ll see you later then, try not to get TOO exhausted by soft play 😏❤️

James: I’ll be certain to tell them now that’s not a secret, it wouldn’t surprise me if they used us a ringing endorsement for some kind of meet-cute society to take place weekly in The Vault

James: the allure of soft play meanwhile needs no advertising, with or without any single mothers trying to engineer romantic entanglements of their own

Ava: I’ll square that with my conscience and you run that gauntlet, love

James: I’ll do my best

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jokertrap-ran · 5 years ago

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[Stand My Heroes] 挽夏のミステリーブライド (Late summer Mystery Bride) Event Story: Part ② Translations

*Sutamai Master-list *MC name is retained default Izumi Rei *Scenario Writer: @eno_bara (榎戸乃ばら)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Special Stages

⋆⋅☆ Old Castle: Corridor ☆⋅⋆

Rei: Whoa…This is amazing. It’s really a Castle!

???: (――This girl! …Kiyo-san!?)

???: (…No, but that’s impossible!)

???: (Upon closer inspection, isn’t her face and body way thinner than Kiyo-san’s?)

???: (--But her aura does resemble her a little, somehow…)

Hinata: The air in here’s really cool.

???: (--What!? She’s bringing in one guy after another trailing after her!?)

Miyase: Ohh, so that’s why it feels as cool as a cooler in here!

???: (This man…the aura he gives off resembles that of a servant calling from the Kurodas, a family who I didn’t like even within our Social Circles.)

???: (They look as if they aren’t capable of hurting even a fly on the outside, but I hear that they’d do all sort of things in the shadows to protect their properties…)

Kirishima: …………

???: (…Hm?)

Kirishima: …………

???: (W-What’s with this guy with his odd hair colouring!?)

???: (Actually, is he— Is he looking at me?)

Miyase: …Kirishima-san? What’s wrong?

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Old Castle: Corridor ☆⋅⋆

Kirishima: …………

???: (…………)

Miyase: …Kirishima-san? What’s wrong?

Kirishima: Huh?

Miyase: You must be tired from driving. I apologise for leaving the wheel to you.

Kirishima: No, I’m not the least bit tired at all. Plus, I love driving!

???: (Am I just mistaken? Well, I suppose that there are always people out there with sharp senses.)

???: (So it’s not all that odd for there to be someone who can see me or feel my presence…)

Kujo: Don’t you all want to know more about this Castle before you wander off exploring?

???: (Hah? What would you know about me?)

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Old Castle: Study ☆⋅⋆

Kujo: His parents died early-on in his life and it seems like he, himself, died young, having taken his own life.

???: (Hey, hey…That’s really personal information right off the bat!)

Kirishima: …Did he die in this room?

???: (——！)

Kujo: How’d you guess that?

Kirishima: No, I just…had a feeling.

???: (I knew it. This guy…he can sense my presence!)

Kirishima: Please continue; tell us more.

Kujo: Apparently, the only thing he had written in his Suicide Note was “I’m bored”.

???: (It was something I wrote on a whim. But…it’s true.)

Kujo: For it he already had someone he had been enraptured with.

Shindo: But he had to let go of her— Was she the Wife of another?

???: (Urk! How dare you rub salt onto my wound like that!!)

Hinata: The person that held his interests might be the girl reflected in this Photo Album here.

???: (Wha-!? Hey, hands off! Don’t go casually opening my Kiyo-san Collection!!)

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Old Castle: Study ☆⋅⋆

Miyase: Wow, she’s pretty dazzling.

Kujo: She bears some resemblance to you.

???: (I know, right!?)

???: (--Wait, no! Now’s not the time for this! Don’t defile another’s treasure any further-!)

Shindo: It’s a little ironic that someone wealthy enough to own a Castle like this has to lower themselves down to the likes of a stalker who stockpiles photos of his target.

???: (Don’t defile it anymore!!)

Rei: Eek!

Kirishima: Rei!?

???: (Oh no! Kiyo-san- No, I’ve hurt her doppleganger!)

Rei: I’m fine.

???: (Thank goodness…)

Rei: Rather than that, what just happened just now?

Hinata: The Teacup moved on its own accord…?

???: (I unconsciously lost control of my emotions, but this works out just as well. I’ll chase these rude people out of here!)

???: (Maybe I should drop a tome or two?)

Rei: Eek-!!

Kaname: After the Teacup comes a book this time…?

Kujo: What’s going on in here?

???: (It was I who did it!)

Shindo: Perhaps it was due to the fault of the Construction Workers. The shelves could have been compromised by the renovations.

???: (I said I’m the one who did it!)

Kirishima: …………

Miyase: Anyway, wouldn’t it be better for you to change out of that, Rei-san?

Rei: Oh, right! I’ve brought a spare set of clothes, so I’ll just pop into the rooms to change.

???: (No, leave already…!)

Kujo: How about changing into an outfit fitting for a place like this if you’re going to have to change anyway?

Rei: Huh?

Kujo: I do think that it’s best to enjoy a trip to it’s fullest, no matter what twist and turns there may be along the way.

???: (Hah…!?)

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Old Castle: Corridor ☆⋅⋆

Rei: (I’ve ended up dressing in something pretty cute…)

Sliding my arms into the sleeves of a dress decorated with lace and ribbons with a retro-feel to it, I headed back out into the corridor.

Rei: (It feels as if I’m fitting right into the atmosphere of this castle, just by walking a little in this. I think I’m starting to feel it!)

Rei: (…Still, why did the Teacup move all of a sudden?)

???: --Oo? Now, doesn’t that suit you quite well?

Rei: What?

I turned around. Standing there was none other than—

Rei: Oh! Shindo-san! You changed too? That really suits you!

Shindo: You didn’t pin up your hair? There’s an accompanying flower peony pin to go along with this outfit, isn’t there?

Rei: Yes; there was one, but…I don’t know how to put it on. Wait, actually, how did you know?

Shindo: Because both that dress and the flower pin were both bought for her.

Rei: Her?

Shindo: …Although I didn’t manage to give them to her in the end.

Rei: Shindo-san?

Shindo: ……

Rei: ???

Shindo: --You do look alike afterall.

Rei: Huh? To whom?

Shindo: …………

Rei: (He seems to be acting a little odd…)

Shindo: …Let us proceed. I shall escort you back to the Study.

He extended out a hand in my direction, surprising me, for I never thought that he’d actually do something like that.

Rei: (Is he also trying to enjoy this entire experience too since it’s what’s “Happening” now?)

Rei: (Whatever the reason may be, it won’t do for me to turn down his kindness now that he has extended it.)

Rei: Thank you. Then, if you’d please.

Shindo: Your hand, if I may?

Rei: Okay.

Rei: (Eek……!)

I unwittingly flinched at the icy coldness of his skin as my fingers brushed against his. It caught me by surprise.

Shindo: What?

Rei: N-Nothing! I’ll be in your care!

I took his hand, as cold as ice, as we started walking.

Rei: (…Maybe the air-conditioning’s temperature was set too low?)

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Old Castle: Study ☆⋅⋆

Rei: I’ve returned. Sorry for making you all wait.

Kirishima: Oohh! You look real nice in that!

Kujo: It suits you really well.

Miyase: Truly. You do look utterly magnificent in a dress.

Hinata: …Cute.

Rei: !

Kaname: You really do say things like that as if it’s as natural as breathing.

Hinata: But you think so too, don’t you, Kana?

Kaname: Not really.

Kaname adverted his eyes from both Shion and I, decidedly lifting the teacup to his mouth.

Hinata: Are you hiding your mouth from sight because you just told a lie?

Kaname: Can you please not attach a reason to the actions of another as you please?

Hinata: You’re cute too, Kana. Just like Rei-san in a dress.

Kaname: Haa…Enough of that already.

Rei: Ahaha. It’s a little embarrassing, but I’ll take those words of praise in stride. Thank you.

Shindo: I don’t really care, but did you really lug that dress all that way here from the corridors?

Rei: !!

Shindo: ……? What? Don’t go making a face as if you’ve just seen a ghost.

Rei: S-Shindo-san?

Shindo: Do I look like someone else to you?

My breath hitched in my throat as I spun around to look behind me. Shindo should have been right behind me, having entered the room after he has escorted me here and opened the door for me.

Rei: …But he’s, not…

Shindo: Hey…?

Kaname: What’s wrong, big sis?

Rei: I came back here with Shindo-san, but…

Shindo: What?

Kirishima: He’s been here all this time, though.

Rei: He’s been here all along…?

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Old Castle: Study ☆⋅⋆

Goosebumps started to form on my skin. And I recalled how icy Shindo’s fingers had felt against my touch.

Rei: But I’m certain that I came back here together with Shindo-san and he had changed into another outfit as well…

Shindo: Did the heat get to you?

Kaname: I don’t think Kiyoshi-san would change outfits unless there’s a good reason for it.

Rei: (Come to think of it…)

I did think that he was “acting different from usual”.

Rei: (But then, that means that the person earlier was…)

Rei: A-Ahaha! Please don’t pull my leg like this, guys. I don’t like being scared like that.

Miyase: He’s really been here all along.

Kujo: I swear we’ve not schemed anything along the lines of remotely scaring you…

My nervous laugh quite literally froze on my face.

Rei: Then…Who was the Shindo-san who came here with me?

Kujo & Miyase: ……

Hinata & Kaname: ……

Kirishima: …………

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Old Castle: Corridor ☆⋅⋆

???: (It’s the first time I’ve assimilated the form of another, but now I see…)

???: (I couldn’t move the body as freely as I’d like when I escorted her, and my head was reverberating with a voice, buzzing around saying “money”.)

???: (Which means that there’s conflict between my will and the will of the person whose body I’ve assimilated since our thoughts and actions clash.)

???: But now I know, since I’ve gotten up-close to her. She’s…She really does resemble Kiyo-san.

???: …More, I wish to keep her by me.

???: I wish to know more about that girl.

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Old Castle: Study ☆⋅⋆

Rei: Then…Who was the Shindo-san who came here with me?

A heavy silence fell upon all of us as neither of us could come up with anything. –Just then, A sudden ringing sound pierced through the deathly silence.

Miyase: Is that someone’s phone?

Kirishima: Not mine.

Kaname: Not mine either.

Rei: Sorry…! It’s mine.

Checking my phone, I saw the Caller ID of “Yui Kotaro” flashing across it.

Rei: I’ll go pick it up. It might be a work-related call.

I placed my hand on the doorknob and pushed the door open.

Kirishima: Rei, wait a minu-

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Old Castle: Corridor ☆⋅⋆

Rei: (--Eh.)

I had only taken a single step outside. And I could see that night had already fallen from the corridors. The sound of the door shutting behind me echoed, but the sound of an incoming call had somehow died somewhere along the way.

I gulped and whirled around to re-open the door that I had just closed.

Rei: (It’s not opening! Why is it not opening…!?)

It didn’t budge an inch, no matter how much I pushed or pulled at it.

Rei: What’s going on…?

Rei: --Right, the phone call!

Rei: Yui-san…

I breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of the call connecting. It was almost as if it was my one connection to reality.

Yui: “—Izumi?”

Rei: (Thank the gods that he picked up…!)

Rei: Sorry for the sudden call, Yui-san! But I think I’m starting to hallucinate…

Yui: “You’re hallucinating…?”

Rei: Exactly! Like how I thought that I had been together with Shindo-san and how it’s suddenly night outside the moment I stepped out of the room and-!

Yui: “Calm down, Izumi…and……so,”

Rei: Yui-san?

Yui: “…Therefore………nd……ah…”

Rei: Um, you’re actually cutting off-

The line went flat with a beep.

Rei: ――!

I went into my contacts list and attempted to dial him again. What I heard on the other end of the line was-

“The phone number you’re dialling at this current moment in time is not in use”.

Rei: How is this possible!?

???: Izumi, don’t fear.

Rei: Eek…!

The voice that called out from behind sounded eerily familiar. Heart in my throat, I fearfully turned around…

Rei: Y-Yui-san…?

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Old Castle: Corridor ☆⋅⋆

Rei: (What’s Yui-san doing here? And dressed like that too…)

Yui: Izumi, I can’t stop myself from wishing to know more about you.

Saying as such, Yui(?) stepped a foot forwards and I, in turn, took a step backwards. My back met the door with an audible thud. He placed a hand on the side of my face, as if trying to ground my vision as my eyes darted left and right, seeking an escape path.

Rei: ……!

Yui: Tell me all about yourself.

Yui: Because for all sakes and purposes, I…

Yui: Because…I…

Yui: Ngh…

Rei: Yui…-san?

Yui: Ugh…Urk…Ngh—What’s with this guy’s mental state!?

Rei: Wha?

Yui: T-THIS GUY! HE WANTS TO KNOW YOUR BLOOD TYPE, HE WANT YOUR HAIR, YOUR CELLS, AMONG MANY OTHERS! HE’S TWISTED!!

Rei: Umm…?

Yui: Ugh…his thoughts are deafening!

Yui: The will of a living person is this strong!? All I want to do is to borrow this vessel for a little while!

Rei: Yui-san…?

Yui: Back up for a moment! This guy won’t work!

His pink hair wavered and then-- He disappeared from my sight in the blink of an eye; not a trace of him to be found.

Rei: ……Wha- what??

Rei: (This must be……a dream. I’m dreaming!)

Rei: (Maybe I collapsed the moment I exited the room back in the waking world?)

I pinched my arm, hard, to confirm my suspicions.

Rei: --Why? It hurts…

The ill-sinking feeling returned to my gut once more in full force as I heard a voice coming from the other side of the door that I had my back to.

???: Izumi-san? I wish to open these doors. May I?

Rei: (That’s Miyase-san’s voice!?)

Rei: F-Feel free!

I stepped backwards, putting enough space between myself and the door so that the door could open without issues. The heavy wooden doors creaked open slowly, revealing—

Miyase: Oh, I apologize. Please don’t look so frightened.

───⋅𝕿𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖓𝖊𝖝𝖙 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊…⋆⋅☆

#Stand My Heroes #スタンドマイヒーローズ #スタマイ #Sutamai #Translations #Otome #挽夏のミステリーブライド #Late summer Mystery Bride #Asagiri Tsukasa #Imaoji Shun #Kujo Soma #Yui Kotaro #Hinata Shion #Yamazaki Kaname #Miyase Go #Shindo Kiyoshi #Kirishima Koya

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lifewithlemons00 · 5 years ago

Text

Friendly Neighborhood Heroes

Peter Parker X Reader

MASTERLIST

Synopsis: You and Spidey decide to see who the better hero is in a certain contest.

Not much Romance but still cute.

Words: About 1580

Warnings: Incredibly awkward Peter Parker.

_________________________________________________________

“No Spidey, I don’t think the spiders can understand you.”

“I don’t know, I have spider blood in my veins, I feel like they can understand what I’m saying to them.” You laugh at your partner in crime.

Well, more like partner in stopping criminals. You met the masked hero a month or two ago on your nightly patrol. You found each other quite useful, what with his spider-like abilities and your ability to change the matter of your body into liquid, there was nothing you couldn’t accomplish together. You were currently on a stakeout, since you heard that there would be a robbery at a local jewelry store.

“Do you have Spider blood?” He squints his eyes at your comment.

“Well, technically no. But a boy can dream.” You chuckle at his comment.

“Sure Spider-Boy, whatever you say.” You both sit in silence for a moment, just watching for the thief and enjoying each other’s company.

“Hey, you wanna play an interesting game?” You look over at the masked hero, a mischievous glimmer in your eye.

“Depends what it is.” His mask eyes turn to slits as he squints his eyes at you.

“What do you say we try to find each other out in the city, our real identities.”

“Why would we do that?” His tone grows confused at your idea.

“Wouldn’t it be cool if we knew each other’s identities? It’s not like we’re putting anyone in danger, and we can make it a challenge instead of just telling each other.”

“I don’t know about this, Matteria.”

“Oh c’mon. It would be nice to talk face to face with someone that goes through the same things as you, right? For me, I know it would be nice to talk about hero stuff.”

“We can talk about hero stuff right now.”

“You’re saying you’re not even the slightest bit curious of my identity.” He looks away from your gaze.

“I didn’t say that…” he looks over at you again, your eyes pleading as you grab one of his gloved hands.

“Please.” He sighs loudly at your plead.

“Fine. But the one who finds the other first is the better hero. And when I find you first, you have to admit that I’m the better hero.” You smile at his conditions.

“And we have to answer 3 questions honestly. We’ll both answer the question, so we can think of one each and then one of them together.” He nods at your request, you could sense a smirk on his face.

“Deal. So what questions should we ask?” You shrug lightly.

“I dunno, let me think” you rub your chin in contemplation.

“Okay, I have one, and you have to answer.” You turn to face him completely.

“Do you go to high school?”

You thought this would be a good question to ask, that would almost half the population you would have to search through.

“I do, what about you?” You nod your head.

“Yup, guess we’re both pretty young.”

“Okay, now it’s my turn. What are your basic physical features, you know, eye colour, hair colour, stuff like that.”

“That’s a pretty informative question, Mr. Man.” He chuckles at your nickname for him.

“But fine, h/c hair, e/c eyes, and that’s all you’re getting from me about that. So what do you look like under the mask Spider.”

“I’m pretty boring, brown hair and brown eyes.”

“Fight me, brown hair and brown eyes aren’t boring, they’re cute.” He chuckles at your somewhat compliment.

“Thanks, I think.”

“Okay final question. Why don’t we ask each other what school we both go to.” One mechanical eye lifts up, as if he’s lifting his eyebrow at you.

“Wouldn’t that make it too easy?” You shrug.

“No, if we don’t go to the same one we’ll be in school so we wouldn’t be able to use it to our advantage. I’m just curious, since you’re pretty smart for being in high school.”

“Alright then, you go first though.”

“I go to Midtown, what about you?” His solid white eyes widen in surprise.

“I go to Midtown too.” Your jaw drops at his confession.

“Huh, maybe this did make it way too easy.”

————————

It was the next day at school, and you were watching all your classmates like a hawk. You were trying to list off all the brown hair, brown eyed guys that were incredibly smart, and the first person that came to your head was Peter Parker.

After all, he did have the best grades in your year. But the more you thought about it, the more impossible it seemed. He was a pretty frail guy from what you remember, so how could he be Spider-Man. That being said though, he was still a possibility, so you were going to check him out.

“Hey Peter.” You smile at the boy, who’s eyes widen at your greeting.

“Y/n, I was just about to come find you.”

“Oh? Why is that?” He crosses his arms, obviously a bit nervous.

“Well, you know… Oh, right. I lost my notes, I was hoping you had some I could uh, borrow.” you raise an eyebrow at his weird behavior.

He’s never asked you for anything in his life and has hardly even spoken to you, so there was definitely something weird about this, but you couldn’t be sure he was Spidey.

“Sure, but… why wouldn’t you ask Ned, or even MJ.” He chuckles nervously at your words.

“They uh, lost theirs too? Yeah, they lost their notes cause we were… hanging out when we lost them.” His hands were swinging wildly around his sides as he told you this.

“Peter, are you okay? You’re extra… enthusiastic today.”

‘This guy can’t be Spider-Man. Hell, he can’t even lie properly.’ You thought, staring at him still fumbling with his words.

“I-I’m fine, are you fine. Well obviously you’re fine, but like fine as in feeling fine, not looking fine.” His eyes widened at what he had just said, and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“As much as I would love to watch more of this, I need to get to class Parker. I’ll lend you my notes after class.” You pat his shoulder as you give him a friendly smile.

“In the meantime, you should plan what you’re going to say, you’re not so good at this whole conversation thing.”

“Right. I’ll uh, I’ll do that.” He shoots finger guns at you quickly, before walking away.

“Bless that boy.” You mutter to yourself, before walking to your next class.

——————-

“Here are those notes you wanted.” You hand Peter the small binder of papers from your locker.

“Yeah, thanks for these… I really needed these.”

“So uh, what are you doing after school?” He asks before giving you a short look and adverting his eyes quickly.

“Uh, probably just going home, why?” You give him a slight smile as you tuck the hair in your face behind your ear and shift your weight to your other leg.

“Do you wanna maybe, hangout?” Your eyes widen at his proposal.

You were definitely shocked, you had never even said 2 words to Peter for months, and now he’s asking you to hangout? I mean, it’s not like you could, you had agreed that you would meet Spidey at 3:30. But what was weird was that you actually wanted to. Sure he was a bit awkward and dorky, but he seemed really sweet and kind.

“I’m sorry Peter, I can’t today.”

“Oh, why not?”

“I just remembered I have plans with my friend.”

“Oh, do you mind if I ask who?” He gives you an inquisitive glance as he crosses his arms.

“Peter, I don’t know if you know this, but we hardly know each other.” A smug look takes its place on his face.

“Oh, I think we know each other a lot better than you think.” He winks at you, rather badly you might add.

“Your awkwardness is getting a bit weird now.” You give him a weird look as you close your locker.

“Yeah, that sounded better in my head… can I talk to you in private?”

“You know, I would say yes, but now you’re just acting creepy, so I’m gonna have to go with no.”

“It’ll only take a second… Matteria.” He mutters the last part and your eyes shoot open at the name he calls you.

“What are you…” you quickly start to put the pieces together.

He was Spider-man.

You quickly pull him by his wrist into the nearest empty classroom.

“Spidey?” He smirks at you as he leans on the table behind him.

“Looks like I’m the better hero, huh.”

“How could I have figured out that the geeky, awkward, weak guy in my class is Spider-Man?”

“Wow, you know that hurts more than most the bruises I get from criminals.”

“How did you even find out it was me?”

“Your nervous ticks. You always push your hair out of your face and give half a smile. You also shift your weight. And well, you didn’t really give me a convincing lie.” You mentally scold yourself for giving yourself away.

“I can’t lie? You literally fumbled through our whole conversation earlier. It was cute, but it wasn’t convincing.”

“So you think I’m cute?” He looks up at you, a shy smile on his face.

“Well… you know, kinda?”

“So about hanging out later… you wanna do that as Y/n and Peter, instead of Spidey and Matteria?” You take his hand and start playing with his fingers.

“Yeah, I really do.”

#peter #parker #peter parker #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #tom #holland #tom holland #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #fluff #peter parker fluff #marvel #nervous Peter parker #tom holland fluff #fanfic #fanfiction

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tessatechaitea · 5 years ago

Text

Justice Society of America #8

Oh no! Hate! It must be stopped!

That caption sounded sarcastic, didn't it? It sort of sounds like a centrist arguing against somebody saying something that nobody should be on the other side of. "Of course Black Lives Matter! Nobody is saying they don't! Why even bother bringing it up?! You're just causing trouble!" is the kind of thing that has made me hate people who identify as "non-political" or "centrist" or "libertarian" or "Proud Husband. Father. Christian." Nobody needs to hear from you if the only thing you have to say is that nobody needs to be fighting for the things they need to be fighting for! "If it's already a crime, why do we need more stringent laws for punishing crimes motivated by hate. Aren't all criminal acts hateful?" says the person ignoring reality for their own selfish interests of which I can't even begin to guess. Enough about people who have chosen to be non-people. Let's discuss a comic book from 1993 that probably takes a stronger stance against fascism than a frightening large number of Americans today.

This advert on the inside front cover would be better if the picture over "very rare" was a cow. I mean, it wouldn't work for baseball cards but I would like it better.

I think the best part about actually living in a world where superheroes are real is that day in 5th Grade when Hawkman and Hawkwoman visit your class to talk about Egyptian archaeology. The issue begins by catching up with Hawkman and Hawkwoman as they continue their quest to steal Egyptian cultural artifacts. You have to give them a pass on this though! In 1993, people just believed archaeology was a thrilling way to bring treasures into museums for everybody to share! It's not like we had hundreds of years to reflect on how terrible this practice was. You have to do some cultural math by subtracting the number of years Western culture believed whatever it did was right and just from, I don't, negative 100? Do you think we'll have learned some humbleness and respect in one hundred years? Most kids who grew up in the 70s wanted to be boring ass truck drivers but by the 80s, thanks to Indiana Jones, they wanted to be boring ass archaeologists. Kids aren't the greatest at determining what a fun adult job might be. Did you know there are people who get angry at the supposition that digging up and taking cultural artifacts and treasures from other countries to bring back to your own might be theft? Generally they're the same type of people who believe that all advances to civilization were brought about by white culture. They hold this opinion through absolutely no evidence at all. How do I know they don't have any evidence? Because if they looked for evidence, they'd wind up reading history and realize their claim was too ludicrous to continue defending.

You might think Hawkgirl is commenting on the gigantic sarcophagus the native archaeologists are opening but I know she's making an innuendo about Hawkman's cock because she's doing that thing with her hat where she lifts it up and down and waggles her eyebrows.

It's not really much of a joke though because nobody expects Hawkman's penis to be as large as a fifty foot long sarcophagus. I mean, I'm sure it's big but it's not going to be unwieldy! It's probably almost exactly the same size and shape as his mace. Interlude: here are some Facebook posts I made on several different July 26thes because I guess I think of it as a holiday to entertain my future self every July 26th? Whatever the case, I love Past Me more than Future Me and possibly even more than Present Me. Because of the Hays Code, Alfred Fatcock had to change his name to keep making films. How patriotic would you consider a person who got a flag pregnant? War Games is my favorite movie because it taught me that trying is pointless. The first item on my bucket list is to buy a bucket. End of Interlude. Can you tell I'm stalling because maybe eight issues of this comic book was too much? Here's an adult riddle: What's twenty-five feet long, wrapped in bandages, and has an eye in the middle of its head?

This guy's penis!

I don't recognize the guy with three eyes but I'm sure he's some immortal wizard named Amn Thoth or something. While the Carters discover ancient mummy curses, Johnny Quick tries to convince Rex that his hour of strength doesn't come from a drug at all but deep inside him. He doesn't need to pop pills to be a superhero; he just needs to balance his chakras and figure out his mantra. Then he'll tap into some deep spiritual part of himself that is probably just a meta(l)gene and whammo! Hourman is back and straight edge! But Rex doesn't buy it. Especially since learning his mantra isn't going to cure his son's cancer (which he got from taking Miraclo). Also in the hospital is Wesley Dodd who is doing therapy to recover from his stroke. Plus his friend Bishop Tumutuu who was some guy who fought against Apartheid. And because the Bishop is in the hospital, the white supremacists are gathering outside to not wish him well.

Shouldn't they hear what they have to say and debate them to better strengthen their own side of the argument on why all people should have equal opportunity with all rights and freedoms promised by this country?

I'm absolutely for freedom of all speech. But the problem that the American media and a lot of people on the Internet have fallen into is the idea that all speech needs to be discussed and debated equally. That's the whole "freedom of speech" trap. Whenever somebody on Twitter wants to debate some terrible topic that nearly all kind and forward thinking people realize is a monstrous and terrible idea and you simply mock them for their terrible beliefs or tell them to shut up, they think you're clamping down on their free speech. No, sir. You were able to say the stupid thing you wanted to say. What you actually want is for a Constitutional Amendment that forces me tor respect what you said and debate it as if the matter has yet to be resolved. The media does this all the time by allowing both sides of an opinion to debate which only legitimizes the side with the terrible take. Sure, we should allow racists to go on CNN and declare their stance on race relations. But the people on the other side shouldn't be debating that topic with them. They should just laugh at them and point and tell them how terrible they are. Maybe get some of that slime from You Can't Do That on Television for rebuttals. Freedom of speech needs way more mockery and far less debate if it's going to recover. Hourman responds to the white supremacists with a "None of my business!" because he's a terrible centrist who believes that if the status quo isn't making his life rough, why rock the boat? Also his son is dying of cancer so maybe he's a bit distracted. I shouldn't be so hard on him when he's wracked with the guilt of probably killing his son with his drugs. The white supremacists begin making trouble so it's time for the JSA to put an end to hate! Or will hate win out? I mean, this comic book was written in 1993 and I don't feel like hate has backed down.

Sure, he's against metahumans now. But just wait until one of them decides to wear on of those stupid hats and silly robes!

Watching the speedsters begin to get pummeled by the huge mass of white supremacists, Hourman accidentally balances his chakras! He's suddenly powerful without the drugs or the black lights or the Doctor Fate deep muscle massages! Now if he can convince his son that the power of Miraclo has been inside him all along, his son will have the strength to battle the cancer! Why did I use an exclamation point on that previous sentence when I don't really fucking care about Rex Tyler and his son! Hourman crashes out of the hospital window to save Johnny Quick. He lets Jesse do her own thing because he's heard about women's lib and also she's not an old man whose powers have significantly dwindled over time.

My adrenal gland just got bigger too!

In the end, the Bishop is saved and even Wesley Dodd joins the fight! Or he just absentmindedly shot off his sandman gun and coincidentally put the Bishop's assassin to sleep. It's hard to tell since he's still suffering from his retirement party stroke. The issue ends with Green Lantern surfing the television when he comes upon Carter Hall's interview program where he's interviewing the mummy they dug up, a man named Edmund Kulak. Since Green Lantern recognizes him, I guess he's one of the JSA's foes. According to the Who's Who, Kulak can use his third eye to cause everybody on Earth to hate each other. I guess that's why the white supremacists were acting up (and also wearing eyes on their hats and robes). Having a magical reason for racism is always a better comic book story than acknowledging a lot of people are racist of their own free will. Imagine all the angry letters that the pre-Comicsgate generation would have had to write in! "I'm not racist but I don't think you should portray all white people as racist because that is racist! Logic for the win!" That might seem like I created a 1993 Strawman but have you read the letters reacting to the Tales of the Teen Titans Spotlight on Starfire about Apartheid? My pretend letter was practically verbatim of one or two of the letters Mike Gold had to respond to on that series! Justice Society of America #8 Rating: B-. I think I've read enough old stories about old people fighting immortals. The whole mortality angle is really bringing me down!

#Justice Society of America #JSA #DC Comics #Mike Parobeck #Mike Machlan #Len Strazewski

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softxharry · 6 years ago

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Blacklist (seven)

Harry Styles, one of the FBI’s most wanted criminals turns himself in– and all he wants to do is speak with one rookie agent.

It’s her job to figure him out and it’s his to protect her from her past, but all secrets have to be told eventually.

AN// You can keep up with this story here via the tag HSBlacklist or on Wattpad at brutallybeautiful !

Grace

We learned two things after Harry's stunt he pulled last night. One: Youseff Badawi, a human rights activist is hosting an event tonight whether his life is on the line or not. Two: Youseff Badawi was going to be killed at tonight's event.

Youseff began his organization National Hope in 2012 after his sister was rescued from human trafficking. Since then, Yousseff and his sister Noura have been rescuing young girls from their traffickers and starting them onto a better life. And someone didn't like that.

Someone that we can't stop without Harry's help because Harry is the only one who knows what the assassin looks like—the assassin who they (by they, I mean criminals) call Phantom (I think it's silly too).

I feel like I've been in this situation a thousand times before, standing in front of Harry's makeshift cell, Harry smirking at me. He's facing the wall, hands clasped behind his back whenever the door beeps open. He doesn't turn around to see who it is, but I'm sure he knows it's me.

"I need your help," I mumble quietly, almost afraid to admit it. I can't see his face, but I know the smirk is there. Something has changed between us since last night, or at least I think so. I feel vulnerable around him, closer to him somehow. Armed guards stand behind me waiting for Harry to make some sort of irrational move, but he doesn't. Harry isn't in restraints this time.

"You know what the Phantom looks like, we're compiling a list of everyone who is attending tonight, but-" Harry cuts me off, turning around as he speaks.

There's not a smirk on his face like I expected, but rather his lips are formed into a thin straight line, his eyebrows furrowed. For once, he's serious.

"Gracey, I want more than anything to help you. It's the reason why I'm here," he mumbles. I suck in a deep breath, bothered by his words because I know he doesn't mean helping me catch criminals, he means something more sentimental or sinister—I can't tell which.

"But I won't say another word until the terms of my conditions are met."

And just like that, Harry got everything he wanted. His own personal bodyguard Paul, his own hotel and a title as an FBI informant. It took more than three hours to convince the private board that Cooper has organized to discuss all things Harry, but somehow he did it and somehow he convinced Harry to let him put a tracking chip in his neck. And Harry was somehow on his way to freedom.

Harry steps out of his cell with a wide smile, his eyes shining like he's just discovered a cure for cancer. Agent Hunter is shoving a manilla folder into his chest before he's even over the threshold.

"You got your end of the bargain now we get ours," Hunter grunts. Harry doesn't take the folder and instead lets it fall onto the floor. He looks at me, beginning to say something until Hunter interrupts him.

"I'm right here, you can talk to me," Hunter spits.

It takes everything I have in me to not laugh when Harry looks at me to answer.

"This guy didn't RSVP. I've seen the man. If you want to identify him, put me in that room," Harry said.

"So, you want to go to the party?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows.

Harry grins, "I thought you'd never ask."

I don't know how I keep ending up in these situations. In a fancy dress, with Harry in a suit attached to my side. But somehow I do. The music is deafening as we step out of the elevator and onto a rooftop filled with hundreds of people dressed just as fancy as we are (and also a few dozen agents acting as security). Harry is greeting people, hugging them, kissing their cheeks, shaking their hands. I stand back idly like an awkward girlfriend at her first family reunion.

I am way out of my comfort zone here and he knows it. Harry grabs my hand, shocking me, and leads me over to a couch where the music is much quieter. We take a seat. I scan the area, looking around for anyone who may look suspicious.

"Do you see him?" I ask.

Harry shakes his head no and sips on the champagne in his hand. He tried to offer some to me earlier, but I am technically on the job, so I couldn't.

"Are you liking D.C.?" he asks, crossing his legs so he's sitting comfortably.

"I guess so," I shrug, shifting in my seat.

"Must be awfully lonely," he said.

I turn towards him and furrow my eyebrows, suddenly becoming frustrated.

"How do you know so much about me?" I huff. "I mean—are you stalking me or something?"

"There," he points suddenly, ignoring everything I just said (typical). He stands up, reaching his hand out to help me up, but I ignore it. I push myself up off the couch using the arm. "That's him, you need to clear the area."

He's pointing to a waiter holding an empty tray and I don't hesitate to pull my gun out of my purse. "Stop! FBI," I shout towards him. The crowd around us erupts in chaos, people screaming suddenly and running away from me towards the exit. The guy takes off and I radio Hunter his location.

I don't know why I thought wearing heels to an event where we were planning on catching someone who's killed hundreds of people was a good idea. It proves quite difficult to run in them. Agent Hunter takes the lead on the pursuit, chasing the waiter down while I slip out of my heels and down the stairs.

I'm running as fast as I can amidst all the chaos and to the floor of Youseff's hotel room. I'm relieved to find guards outside of his room, telling me he made it there safely.

He sist wide eyed on the couch whenever I walk in to confirm that he was safe. I couldn't trust anyone anymore.

Youseff stands and walks towards me.

"Thank you," he said, taking my hand. He places his hand on top of mine. "For everything, you saved our lives tonight."

I smile at him, nodding graciously. I don't know what to say in these situations. Do I say you're welcome, no problem, anytime? My phone starts ringing in my purse and I am thankful that it's there to advert the awkwardness. I pull it out of my purse to see who it is.

Hunter.

I excuse myself and walk out into the hallway.

"It was Harry," Hunter said breathlessly on the other side of the line. "He hired the Phantom."

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. He had to be fucking with me. Someone was seriously fucking with me. I step into the stairwell and walk slowly down to the next floor where Harry was supposed to be staying.

"Think about it. The hostess didn't leave the picture for him. Harry was signaling the hit."

I stop in my tracks, realizing everything I must have missed. Pointing out the waiter was a diversion, I don't realize I am saying it out loud until Hunter excitedly yells on the other end in agreement. It's the first time I've heard his tone be anything other than flat and angry. He had come to the same conclusion. I'm running back up the stairs before I have time to hang up the phone.

I felt so cheated as I ran breathlessly through the hallway to Youseff's suite. Security, or should I say Paul, lets me in without a word. When I walk in, Harry is sitting calmly at the table.

Youseff is standing a mere few feet from him.

"Oh Grace, thank god you're here," he says hurriedly. "This is the man," he said pointing to Harry. "This is the man who wants me dead."

I glare at Harry, looking at him made me feel worse than I already did. I felt foolish for letting Harry do this a second time. Something tells me this time won't end up like the last, Harry won't end up sitting exactly where we want him to in the back of our van and things won't fall right into place.

"You hired him," I say angrily. "How are you going to do it? What's the headline going to read?"

"How about, humanitarian exposed as fraud, commits suicide?"

I look back at Youseff who is standing just fine, but paling by the minute. "What have you done?"

Harry stands up and smells the fresh flowers on the table in front of him. He adjusts his suit, buttoning the second button. "I didn't do anything. The assassin may have slipped him a lethal cocktail. Of the same family he uses to drug the girls he's selling."

Youseff cups his hand over his mouth and slowly kneels down to the floor. I run over to him and check his pulse. It's still there, he's still conscious and breathing.

"He is not the man you think he is. He doesn't free enslaved children, he imprisons them."

Youseff is choking now, holding his hand over his throat as if that will help him get some air. I had no idea what to do, other than to sit there and watch him choke.

"I have the antidote, Youseff," Harry said, pulling a capped needle filled with a red liquid out of his coat pocket. "All you have to do is tell her."

"I don't believe you," I tell Harry, feeling hopeless as I was Youseff struggle to breath. I didn't know how to believe Harry. I couldn't trust him 1. because he's a criminal 2. because he's a manipulative criminal who knows how to get what he wants. And that terrified me.

"Come on, Youseff. A simple nod will suffice," Harry said, bending down next to the choking man. Youseff nods to the best that he can with barely functioning lungs. Harry seems pleased with the admission of guilt and uncaps the needle to shove it in his neck.

The door behind us bursts open and I can hear Hunter's voice immediately asking whats going on. Harry stands up, capping the needle and throwing it on the table. "Looks like he is dying," Harry nods. "Definitely dying."

The sun is peeking over the horizon, the first of the pinks and oranges disappearing behind the mass of buildings, visible only a tiny bit. I felt exhausted and I look like I'm taking the walk of shame. A man stands at the end of the pier, a line casted out into the water, Harry sits on the bench directly behind me and has been for the past twenty minutes without saying a word.

"You look tired," he says huskily, finally breaking the silence. I roll my eyes at him knowing that he can't see. Of course I' fucking tired, I want to say, but instead I stay quiet, until he speaks again.

"Maybe you should go home and get some rest."

"What would you have done if the antidote had worked in time?" I ask suddenly. "It would have exposed you as our informant."

"There was no antidote," Harry says flatly, I glance back at him then immediately turn my gaze back to the water.

"We confirmed that Youseff Badawi was moving money. The man was one of the biggest traffickers we've ever seen. We were able to locate a shipment of girls. And I had no idea. I should have known."

A part of me wanted to cry and another part of me wanted to scream, scream at Harry for everything he's done over the last couple of weeks, scream at the world for being so fucked up.

"We never really know anyone, do we Gracey?" Harry said after a long pause.

And with that, Harry gets up and walks away, leaving me alone on the pier wondering how my life got so fucked up.

#directioner #directioners #harry #harry styles #harry styles au #harry styles fanfiction #hsblacklist #one direction #one direction fanfic #one direction fanfiction #zayn malik #liam payne #niall horan #louis tomilson

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dxmedstudent · 6 years ago

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Dx’s Dating Tips #3 -The Profile

This post is about profiles as a whole - the bits and bobs that may not necessarily be in your blurb. Funnily enough, I started these posts months and months ago when I was still actively on those sites. Guess it took me a long time to hit my drafts and publish them, but I think it’s still useful.

Fill in the most useful fields, but don’t wory about listing every minute detail. Some dating sites really seem to go into incredible detail, because data is currency for them. But think carefully about how much information you are putting into your profile, and whether it’s going to look overwhelming and cluttering and hard to read. For example, you can put your hobbies, but stick to things that are most important to you, rather than something you tried, once. But this also means you really should spend some time making your profile actually complete and worthy of being read.

And yes, this also means try not to overstate how much you do things. If someone decided to date you because they thought you liked rock climbing as much as they do, they’ll probably be pretty bummed when they discover you tried it once, took a selfie, then hated it and would never want to try again. Being genuine about what you enjoy is key to finding people with similar interests or people who will respect you for yours.

It also means don’t understate things you do, either. If you smoke and drink, own it. Both those things might be dealbreakers for a lot of people, but you need someone who is compatible to you. For example, lots of people who like to go out drinking want partners who will share that experience with them, whereas people who don’t enjoy that particular pursuit might not want to spend all their dates being dragged round a club with their new SO and their friends whilst they all get plastered. Personally, I’m happy that the guy I’m seeing also doesn’t drink much, and doesn’t smoke; both would be dealbreakers for me, and equally, I wouldn’t want to feel like the ‘stick in the mud’ partner who doesn’t have fun. So I looked for someone with a similar definition of ‘fun’ to me. I heard of couples where one partner pretended not to smoke for the longest time because they knew their SO didn’t want to date a smoker, and I just found that to be such a sad deceit. Give prospective partners an honest chance to see if you are for them. I was quite open early on about my shifts, and my current sightly nomadic lifestyle in medicine; I talk quite a bit about work when dating, it turns out! Really, I want anyone who dates me to know what they are getting into; I don’t want them to feel tricked. Anyhow, despite all my talking about death and medicine, and having less than ideal timetables it seems I can’t put everyone off, and I’m truly honoured to have met someone for whom those parts of my life are part of the deal.

Be honest about your attributes, including things like your body type and height. Yes, it’s silly if someone will only date men over 6ft or women under 80kg, but nevertheless, you’ll want to look for people who will love you for who you are, rather than resent people for wanting something else. It’s pointless to argue with people about what they have decided are their preferences. So many men obscure their height on dating sites because they fear women won’t date a short man, and really tall guys say that women only really want a man who’s somewhere between 5ft 9 and 6ft 2 or so - above or below that, apparently people get put off. But if a woman’s that judgemental they’ll just probably get dumped after the first date, so ultimately lying is still pointless. I personally didn’t care about height at all; some people I met didn’t list their height at all and it didn’t faze me (yep, they were short, no, that’s not the reason there wasn’t a second date). But I think people being honest about their height, particularly if they are pretty short, or pretty tall, is a pretty brave, confident thing to do. You deserve someone who accepts and loves you for whoever you are.

This also includes things like whether you’ve been married or have kids by a previous relationship. Again, if someone isn’t prepared to deal with that, then they aren’t right for you. These are the kinds of things that work best if gotten out of the way early on, because the later you leave revealing big things like this, the more people will feel like important things are being concealed from them. This also means being honest early on (I’d say during messages or around the first or second date) if you’ve just recently come out of a breakup; be prepared that other people might want to take it slow because they aren’t sure if you still have a lot of issues from your last relationship, or they might want to wait until you have taken some time to think and heal after your breakup. For example, one guy mentioned his ex turning up uninvited to events during messaging. He effectively invited me to join his gaming group on a date, having told me that his ex still plays with his gaming group. Now, if I’m dating someone yes, I’d love to meet their friends after a while, but intitially you just want to get to know a person by themselves. I don’t want high romance, but I don’t really want to turn into ‘one of the boys’ after the second date, either. And no, I don’t want to meet their very recent ex at these get togethers, nor do I want to replace her in his gaming group that soon; it all came across as likely to cause drama and hurt to everyone. I thought he would make a genuinely good friend, if I had the time to pick up new friends but I couldn’t see it leading to anything more. He agreed that he still had things to process, and I really hope that he has taken that time, and found that space and that he meets someone lovely. A few guys confided in me that they’d only recently got into dating after long breaks from dating or after a breakup and I don’t think it makes you less dateable, as long as you can make it clear that you are now ready to date and are serious about it, and have gotten to the point where it won’t massively hamper your current dating. Alternatively, if all you want to do is dip your feet in, and you don’t want anything serious then it’s good to be honest about that too; because there are lots of people who are happy with that.

If you’re in an open relationship, be honest. And no, it’s not an open relationship unless your current partner is aware and OK with you seeing other people, and all prospective new interests are also aware of the situation. Keeping anyone in equation in the dark is wrong. Yes, that might eliminate a lot of people, since a lot of people aren’t into that, but lying is not cool, and implicating people in things that would make them uncomfortable is also wrong. Be warned that if you have no photo, or have really blurry obscured photos, everyone is going to assume that you’re either cheating or on the run from the police. I came across one profile where the only picture was the dude in a literal balaclava. I don’t know how he thought he’d attract a woman with a photo that reveals none of his face, but who knows, maybe he got lucky.

Don’t lie about things like whether you want to get married, have kids etc. This is where acting in good faith comes in; tell people the truth, not what you think they want to hear. You need to find people who will want the same things as you, and people can’t do that if nobody is honest. Now, this is the real world, and a lot of people can’t necessarily fit their feelings into a neat ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer to those questions. If you aren’t sure, it’s OK to be honest about that; many people just want to see where things go, and that’s perfectly fine. Some people like the idea of these things, but really want to focus on meeting someone right first. Others are pretty sure that they want to be married in like, 2 years, tops, with a kid on the way. Personally, people who are super-keen to marry or have kids soon kind of scare me a little, even though I want those things, because I very much want to take things at whatever pace things come, so I struggled to know exactly how to put that across in my profile. Lying also makes things more difficult for everyone. Some people want casual relationships, but struggle to find others who are open about it. Meanwhile, lots of people who really just want casual setups (and mainly, well, sex) absolutely pretend that they are interested in much more, because they think people won’t give them a chance if they don’t go through the performance of pretending to eventually want a relationship. The thing to remember about people who lie is that it’s easy to promise the world if you have no intention of delivering. So it’s worth bearing in mind that if someone is talking about marriage and kids on like date 3, they might be very, very keen, or they might just be counting on the fact that’s what you want to hear. I wish I could tell you it was easy to tell the two apart. Having seen enough people get hurt by people who claimed to want one thing, but clearly wanted another, I have a hard time trusting what people write in these particular boxes until you really get to know a person.

I don’t think stating how much you earn is important, in fact, I wouldn’t. If you earn a lot of money, the last thing you want is someone who’s sought you out just because they thought you were rich. And yet, a lot of guys post pics next to shiny cars, mention how much their brand new house cost, and write about their summer homes and salary. Some of them even write explicitly that they aren’t into uh... people who are trying to take advantage of that. But that’s no use if your profile just reads like one long advert about how wealthy you are. I don’t know why people who are wealthy often feel they have to make it obvious, but it’s really not necessary. If you want someone to love you for who you are, not your money, then don’t hide behind your wealth, or use it as bait to attract people. If you emphasise only what you bring financially, you will attract people who value you only for that. The easiest way to avoid that is just to be discreet. I didn’t mention what I do or what I earn explicitly in my profile at all; only that I work in healthcare. I love and respect my nurses and physios; any man who’d date a doctor but not a nurse isn’t someone I want in my life.I’d never lie about what I do, but I didn’t think there was anything to be gained by boasting about it. I want someone to date me and find it cool that I happen to be a doctor, rather than someone to be dating me because they think doctors are smart, or rich or the kind of girl their parents want etc.

If you’re really stuck, I’d say that it’s a good idea to take a look at the profiles of people of your gender, to see what other people do, and work out which cliches to avoid. Looking at other profles of any gender can be a great way to see the difference between an interesting profile and a dull one. You’ll find that the more you look at profiles and date, the more you’ll build an idea of what you like (and want) and what you really don’t. I started out fairly neutral and doing my best to be forgiving, but found that I gained strong opinions on what makes a good profile after perusing so many of them.

#dx's dating tips #dx dates #dxdates

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recalibr8 · 6 years ago

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The mEtOHd in my madness

I’d been out with my teen lads on a Friday. We got off the train and there was a young, crumpled woman sat on the platform, fat tears splashing into a puddle of sick on her trench coated lap. I offered her some tissues; I’m a mum, it come with the membership card. After a few sorries she asked “where did you stop?”. It took us a while to realise she meant, ‘where are we?’ She was out by 2 stations which on the face of it wasn’t bad. We pointed her onto the next train, gave her a mint (gold membership benefits) and my youngest shouted “take care of yourself” as we trudged up the platform. We agreed it was probably work drinks getting out of bounds and she’d be ok now she had tissues. But I kept thinking, “where did you stop?”. Where did I stop? Because I’m now AF af.

AF af. That’s alcohol free and doing pretty darn ruddy brilliant. Three months ago I upgraded my BrewDog to NannyState, went Becks Blue and am thinking in an offhand way about brewing Kombucha. I’ve teamed this up with going plasticlite, veganish and kimchi curious. So far, so middle class virtual signalling. But where did I stop?

I’ve been drinking since I was 5. I’d adorably finish up the beer in my parents’ guests glasses and well, kept going. Not in a Drew, Carrie or Liza rehab by 13 sense but I think I’ve probably had my fair share. I’m well aware that I knew, know and don’t know but suspect people who I love who have significant alcohol use problems and this is blog is in no way trying to say my needs are greater than theirs. I know a lot of highly creative endeavours and friendships were found in a gin bottle but also unforgivable abuses. And I know friends whose acts are based around the camaraderie of drinking. And I’d never tell anyone what they *should* do. But like all ex anybodies, I’m annoying about my sobriety journey right now. Bear with me.

But it’s not just me though. I see booze everywhere. For a dose related lethal toxin that’s very effective marketing. There’s a giant ad on Toots Broadway station entreating me to Go Bottomless and every other Facebook ad is for a spirit that promises to make evenings round the back of Catford Lidl magical. And many of these are aimed at women. A recent industry survey found ‘only’ 17% of women drank beer and this needed sorting out. Look out for more lady drinking adverts, they’re coming.

But I wasn’t alcoholic. Was I? Are you? You’re only an alcoholic if you have one more drink than you doctor. I’m

a doctor ... so let’s take a look.

*I’m really low on the alcoholic check list*

I’ve never drank alcohol in the morning, blacked out, been told by others I have a problem, had to apologise...

Ah, I have had to apologise once or twice. Nothing major, just ‘sorry, I was a bit wobbly/silly/rude/loud/insulting/gave you my shoes as a gift’. I once lost my credit and oyster card at the bar of a immersive theatre event though. I don’t know how I got home. I had to find the site manager the next day and he definitely had other things to do. Not long after my bag was stolen in SoHo because I was distracted. Not sure how I got home then either. Friends put me in an Uber after my MA showcase because I wasn’t walking very straight. Or being very nice. So I definitely remember getting home then.

These were all Thursdays or weekends. I’ve always been careful not to have any chance of affecting my work. But yeah, how clear headed was I for my family, myself? And much of this was stress drinking after a week of being a clever doctor. Just loosened up the joints a bit. Particularly if your slightly socially awkward. But I wasn’t a drunk, no. Maybe just a binge drinker. And that’s ok, isn’t it?

*Hangovers are just a thing*.

With only drinking at the end of the week, I was careful not to be hungover at work. But I had a Friday at home hangover where I didn’t get out of bed for the day. I claimed I’d been poisoned. I’d just had one too many Jaegerbombs. I vomited in the taxi. I’ve vomited in several taxis. That’s not a good look at any age. Hangovers are a funny meme, a cartoon of a dog in sunglasses, office banter. It’s your liver crying and your brain folding it’s arms in judgment. It’s not bad wine, it’s bad choices.

*Get kids used to drinking. Like the French. Then they won’t binge*.

My 13 year old buys old vodka bottles from charity shops. Wearing a furry hat, his comedy drunk Russian is not bad I used to have the deepest voice of my friends at 14 so it was my job to buy the booze for house parties. My mother always told me drink a pint of milk before you go out to soak up the booze. At 14. I had a few sexual assaults along the way but if I blame myself that’s victim blaming and I don’t want to be a bad feminist on top of everything. Med school in the 80’s/90’s was all over the drink. Freshers’ week was a booze insurance test. The circle line pub crawl, the Clint Eastwood Appreciation Society, the Med School pub crawl...end at Barts because Smithfield’s liscence meant you’d keep going all night.

*Booze always cheers you up*.

I’ve got to confess, my life has got a lot quieter. I’m going out much less, I leave early, I’m not champagne Charlie any more. I’m always, well, me. My dad was a depressed alcoholic, so was his dad (he ran a tobacconist and offie so that didn’t help) and his dad before him. And I have depression and PTSD. My moods are now not so high, but they are also not so low. This is very strange. I’m hoping this is a good thing. I’ve heard it is. This, this is the mEtOHd in my madness. The mood stabilisation. That’s the plan.

*Being a doctor is just one of those boozey jobs*

Fun quiz! Who do you think drinks the most? Enough to have a problem. Oooh, were good at guessing this in ED. Writers must be bad, farmers, journalists! yes, they’re always drunk, private invsestigators (?), airline pilots (like my dad, I saw what those guys put away). Ok...it’s.

Lawyers - reporting 33% with problematic drinking

Construction workers- 16.5%

Miners -17.5%

Then it’s Healthcare workers, especially doctors (oh no). A. 2012 study of American surgeons published in JAMA Surgery found 15.4 percent had an alcohol use disorder. Female surgeons (25.6 percent) were more likely than male surgeons (13.9 percent) to exhibit symptoms of alcohol addiction. Healthcare professionals in general it’s 10%

https://www.drugrehab.com/addiction/common-professions/

Performing artists and writers - 11.5%

Catering/hospitality -11%

So no pilots then? I think there’s something they’re not telling us or things are much better since the 80’s.  

A 1998 study of junior doctors in Newcastle-upon-Tyne reported that:

* 60% exceeded the recommended safe limits for alcohol consumption

* 36% of males and 20% of females used cannabis

The Sick Doctors Trust says “Since our working lives are spent helping others, it is easy to push aside our own problems, in addition to which, denial is quite common in medical staff. This is not deliberate, but a part of the whole illness of addiction. That addiction is a chronic illness which therefore requires treatment as for any other condition, is now well-established but there is still a tendency to feel that it is a sign of weakness, and that maybe things aren't 'that bad'.’

That some individuals are more prone to developing addiction is generally agreed. There is no single determining factor, but usually a combination of biological, psychosocial and environmental factors - a mixture of nature and nurture. There is now much evidence implicating dysfunction in the Dopamine transmitter system & it’s involvement in craving. There is also evidence to suggest that the effect alcohol has on an individual’s brain is genetically determined. A family history is present in many alcoholics- those having direct family affected being more at risk...

*Its a family affair*

I went to Adult Children of Alcoholics once. It wasn’t for me but what they said made total sense. I take responsibility for everyone, I’m primed for betrayal and disaster and I totally thrive in emotional drama. My dad wasn’t a nice drunk. He made my mum drink when pregnant ‘to keep him company’. She in turn gave babies a tot of brandy to keep them quiet as a stewardess and I can’t imagine my permanently shouting parents wouldn’t have liked us to be quiet babies too. So I’ve got pre and postnatal form. But I don’t have to fix them now. Particularly dad. It’s quite hard to fix dead people.

https://adultchildren.org/

*Booze: the solution AND cause of all of life’s difficulties*

Sick Doctors again “ Alcohol is the commonest substance of abuse in all doctors. Drinking will surprisingly continue despite negative consequences such as job difficulties, relationship breakdowns, financial problems, loss of driving licence; the alcoholic is driven by an irrational compulsion to continue, and frequently results in despair to the point of suicide. Fortunately, the depression associated with active alcoholism often abates when sober.”

http://sick-doctors-trust.co.uk/page/addiction

*I’m not an alcoholic*

and you probably aren’t either. But you might have problematic drinking. I did a survey as part of an UCLH research project. You can too. I lied a bit on it and still came out drinking more than 97% of women my age. Now an icon opens up on my phone every day to that says ‘DRINK LESS’. I stopped leaving my phone on meetings tables.

Drink Less. by Robert West

https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/drink-less/id1020579244

If you are thinking about getting help for problematic drinking or any other addictions including workaholism or have any burnout symptoms for more than 3 weeks, you can of course get staff support and occupational health. But/And there is the amazing NHS Practitioner Health Programme where doctors with any addictions are supported https://php.nhs.uk/ DocHealth is another equally good programme https://www.dochealth.org.uk/. I used the latter when it was MedNet.

So, do I feel amazing? Had I got amazing skin, lost weight, feel energised and hopeful. Urg, not really. I feel a bit scared actually. I’ve lost my social crutch and I’ve stopped going out. I’m worried I’m boring and people will think I’m weird. But....I can get up earlier to walk the dog, I’m moderately less tired and although I’m not skipping down the road happy, the depressive moment I had in spring could have been a lot worse. I think that’s actually amazing. And that’s why I’m doing this. I want to face the world honestly and openly. I want to enjoy my kids before they leave home which is frighteningly soon and weirdly, I want to know my liver replaced itself in a year so I’m literally a new person (don’t google Theseus’ Boat Paradox, life is complicated enough). Oddly compelling, that. So where did I stop? I stopped here. In a weird waiting room in my head. But with the promise of a new adventure through the next door.

But don’t stop doing you, babes. Keep telling me your booze bantz. They are hilarious. Any story that starts or ends with Baileys is only going one way. This clearly isn’t a lecture. Most people can do moderation. And do could I, mostly. And it’s the mostly that’s not good enough. Not for me. Not any more.

Online support - https://www.facebook.com/groups/joinclubsoda/?ref=share

Samaritans- https://www.samaritans.org/

BMA wellbeing including 24 hour support - https://www.bma.org.uk/advice/work-life-support/your-wellbeing

Tea and Empathy for doctors’ online support - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1215686978446877/?ref=share

Al Anon for children of alcoholics https://adultchildren.org/

https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

Dedicated to my husband who gave up the wine w*nker 6 years ago without any of this mid life crisis fuss. But I gave up meat and caffeine first so I still win.

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dovechim · 8 years ago

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victoria’s secret

WARNING: 2927 WORTH OF CRACK and also how many times Jeon Jeongguk can fuck up while saying “Victoria’s Secret”

Contains foul language and mentions of sex

this is part 2 of my birthday celebration!!! this one is specially dedicated to my favourite jjk thigh enthusiast, @97gguks, ily bby ❤️ i was inspired by all the trash we talk about, it’s our quality conversations that keep me going tbh :’)

Summary: In which you teach Jeon Jeongguk a little lesson. Jeongguk is looking for a summer job, and you’ve offered to help him look for one, but when his cockiness and smug confidence pisses you off, you decide to take revenge. And revenge is as sweet as the body mist from Victoria’s Secret.

“9-5 office hours, admin work. $10 an hour. Includes filing and organizing paperwork.”

“Overqualified,” Jeongguk indulges in a lazy stretch with his arms above his head, causing his white t-shirt to teasingly stray just shy of his happy trail. Taking a deep breath in an effort to regain patience and self-control, you skim down the list of classified ads once more.

“Stock manager for a grocery store, $8 an hour-“ Jeongguk sits up immediately, eyes blazing in indignance.

“Such a handsome face like this, stuck in the backroom all day? _________, you’ve got to be kidding me. Someone with my looks was born to be in the frontline, babe.” The way he preens as he checks his reflection in his phone screen and runs a careless hand through his hair only to have every strand of it fall back into place perfectly should irk you, but the casual way in which he drops that endearment has you a little flustered.

Hoping to hide your flushed cheeks, you flip the paper over with a huff instead, fully intending on giving up on helping Jeon Jeongguk in his search for a summer job. He’s obviously way too self absorbed for this, although he tells you that he really does need that extra money for that upcoming Big Bang concert next month. He’d evaporate before he’d miss a chance to see G Dragon live and rapping before his very eyes.

“What did you have in mind when you said a summer job? Sitting on your lazy ass and getting paid to do nothing?” You can’t keep the exasperation out of your voice.

“Sitting on this very perky ass and getting paid,” Jeongguk amends with a cocky smirk. You roll your eyes at him and continue flipping through the section of the paper, if not to take your mind off a very perky ass sitting only a few spaces away from you.

Just then, your eyes chance upon a listing, and you smirk in retaliation. “Hey, what about this one? Sales and retailing assistant, $9 an hour and you get staff benefits!”

Jeongguk continues to scroll through his phone. “Where is this at?”

“Oh, at a fragrance store in town,” you say vaguely, making sure to emphasise on the word ‘fragrance’. As you predicted, his love for perfumes and anything that smells nice has him hooked, and his interest is piqued. He lowers his phone and reaches out for the newspaper.

“That’s passable I guess. Hand me the paper so I can call.”

“Oh no it’s okay, I’ll do it for you,” you say sweetly as you reach for your own phone and dial the number listed, dodging his grasp as you walk out of the room.

“Hi, I’m calling to ask about that sales position you advertised…”

Jeon Jeongguk is not a baby, but he sure does act like one sometimes.

It’s his first day at his new job, and your phone won’t stop ringing, the vibration from its silent mode chafing your skin. When you wrench it out of the pocket of your jeans and throw it onto the table, it almost leaps off the surface with its nonstop vibration until you relent and answer.

“__________ what the fuck is this place? This is NOT a fragrance store at all.”

“Um, hello to you too. What do you mean? Does it not smell good?”

“No- I mean hell yes it smells fucking good in here but it’s all pink everywhere and… there are… naked women walking around everywhere.” He whispers the last part in a choked voice, and you can almost imagine how the tips of his ears are turning red and how his eyes are probably bulging out of his head right now.

“Jeongguk, I’m sure they’re not naked, that would be public indecency, and it’s a crime. Aren’t you supposed to be at work right now? How do you have time to call me?”

“I’m hiding out in a corner between the body lotion and hand cream,” he whispers furtively.

“Wait, did you not get assigned to a job or something? Like organising fragrances by name, tending the till, helping customers?”

“I did!” He all but whisper-shouts vehemently into the phone. “Sajang-nim assigned me to fold the… b… br… pa.. pant…”

“What did Sajang-nim assign you to, Kook-ah?” You ask sweetly, an evil smile spreading across your face.

“To the… brasandpanties!”

“Wait what?” You gasp dramatically into the phone. “But I thought it was a fragrance store! Not an underwear store. Did you go to the wrong store, Kook? What’s the name of it?”

“Fuck if I know if this is the right store, you didn’t tell me the name of it from the advert you answered!!”

By now your stomach is aching from holding in your laughter at the mental image of Jeongguk hiding out in the only corner of the store that’s free of any traces of lingerie or half naked women.

“Jeongguk, tell me the name of the store.”

“It’s… wait,” sounds of his panicked, heavy breaths follow, and it sounds like he’s running out of the store. “What the fuck is this? Who the hell is Victoria and what is her secret?”

At some point he must have hung up, because when you regain the mental capacity and strength to get up from the floor from your giggling fit and pick up your phone, all that greets you is an empty dial tone.

Dealing with Jeon Jeongguk is like playing a game of chess. You always have to think a few steps ahead of your opponent and know how to hit them where it hurts the most. Thankfully, after being Jeongguk’s best friend and roommate for five years, you know exactly where all his weak spots are.

So when the evening of his first job rolls around and he storms into the house, fuming and fully intending on unleashing his pent up embarrassment on you, he stops short when he sees you’ve invited his high school friends over.

“Where’s ________? Why are you guys here?”

“ ______ called us and said she’d be making dinner to celebrate your first day at work,” Taehyung says with his eyes still glued to the screen. “Dammit Jimin I told you not to shoot that banana peel at me!”

“All’s fair in Mario Kart,” Jimin giggles as he shoots past the finish line, throwing up his hands in victory. “Oh, __________ is in the kitchen.”

Just as you begin to hear his footsteps directed toward the kitchen, you grab the pot of stew off the stove and head for the dining table, brushing casually past him and setting it on the table, announcing that dinner is ready.

“Kook ah, how was your first day at work?” You ask innocently, watching as Taehyung and Jimin take their seats opposite you. Jeongguk has a pained expression on his face as he slides into the seat next to you.

“Um, it was okay,” he says quietly, taking a nervous sip from his water glass.

“Come on man, we need more details!! Did you get us anything?? You have staff benefits don’t you?”

“W-what? What are you talking about?” Jeongguk reddens immediately, and he chugs the entire glass of water in a single breath.

“C’mon, don’t you have a dirty magazine or something at least? Pictures?” Taehyung waggles his eyebrows, a lewd grin spreading across his face. “Dressing room pictures?”

Jeongguk stands up so quickly that his chair falls over behind him. The three of you at the table look at him in surprise, and he fumbles around for something to say.

“Jeongguk, are you alright?” You place a hand on his wrist in concern.

“I need to drink my milk.” With that, he storms off into his room and slams the door.

“Thanks again, boys.” You peel off a couple of bills from a wad of cash in your wallet, handing them to Jimin and Taehyung.

“Anytime, ___________.” Taehyung snatches his share from your hands eagerly. “Now I can get that new honey butter chip that just came out! And I won’t share any with you!” He sticks out his tongue at Jimin.

Jimin hesitates a little as you push the money into his hands. “___________, is Jeongguk gonna be okay? You know how squeamish he gets with these things.”

“Oh he’ll be fine.” You wave away his concern. “Now get going. Don’t you all have homework to do?”

“__________, we graduated already!”

“Oh really? Sorry. Sometimes I forget,” you push them out of your house and slam the door.

As you head to your room, you dig out a pink box from the depths of your closet, a gift from your ex that you’d never had the chance to wear and tuck it under your arm. Making a quick detour to the fridge, you retrieve his favourite brand of milk that you bought specially for today before heading to his room, knocking on his door gently.

“Jeongguk, open the door.” When there’s no response, you decide that you have to up the stakes.

“I have milk.” The door opens slowly, and you peek your head inside the dark room. He’s sitting on his bed on his phone as usual, and you approach him, placing the carton of milk on his desk.

“Kook, I’m sorry about your friends. But I need your help with something.” Upon hearing your serious tone, he turns to look at you as you situate yourself on the bed next to him.

“I have a date tomorrow, and I though I’d get your opinion as a man.” You set the box on the bed between you and open the lid. “Do you think this is okay?”

There’s a black lace bra nestled in mounds of tissue paper, and his eyes immediately widen upon seeing it. He looks at the bra, then at your chest for a millisecond before tearing his eyes away, and even in the dim light of the room, you can see his blush from miles away.

“What do you think? Do you think it’ll look good on me?” You prompt him.

“Um yeah, I like it. I like you- I mean, I like your secret. From Victoria. I like the secret that Victoria gave you.” His response comes out in a rush of almost unintelligible words. Jeongguk is careful to put distance between himself and your pink box, as if it’ll burn him if he comes into contact with it. To cover up his fumbling, he reaches for the milk and tears it open, taking a nervous gulp.

“Really?” You pretend not to notice his slip. “Thanks, Kookie!!”

You reach over the box to give him an innocent kiss on the cheek, which causes him to nearly choke on his milk before bounding out of the room.

It’s his second day of work, but your phone has been silent all day. He didn’t even hug you goodbye this morning before leaving for work, and a part of you worries that you’ve taken it too far. But then again, this is the man-child who takes extreme pleasure in cockblocking you every time you bring a man home to try and relieve some of that sexual tension induced by Jeongguk himself.

When you hear keys turning in the doorway, you jump up from your seat on the couch and race into your room, pulling out that pink box again. Tossing the bra onto your bed, you wait to hear his footsteps in the hallway before calling out his name.

“Kook, can you help me out with this for a second?” For a moment it feels as if he’ll ignore you on purpose, but you hear him give a sigh and head for your room.

“Which scent should I wear tonight for my date?” You ask when he pokes his head around the doorframe. “Come here and smell this.”

Tugging him into your room, you spray about five different scents on his wrist and arm, peppering him with questions about which he likes the best. Jeongguk’s eyes constantly stray to the bra on the bed, and his fidgeting increases more and more as the minutes tick past.

You pretend to be deep in thought as you deliberate between Pure Seduction and Sweet Love, but you’re all too aware of his smoldering eyes on you.

“Who’s your date? Is it Jisoo? Didn’t you break up with him ages ago?”

You hum in thought as you sniff his wrist again. “I think we’re better off as fuck buddies, to be completely honest.”

“You’re meeting him to fuck him? You can’t!”

“Excuse me?” You raise an eyebrow at him, crossing your arms.

“Um, I mean… he sleeps around so much, you never know what kind of diseases he’s picked up by now. And if you wanted a good fuck, you probably don’t have to look so far for one.” His confidence knows no bounds.

You pretend to look him up and down, and wrinkle your nose. “Ew, no thanks. I’d rather fuck a man, not a baby like you. At least Jisoo oppa can say the words ‘bra and panties’ without stammering.”

Jeongguk immediately freezes upon hearing those words. “Th-that’s not true!! I can say those words! And I’m a man too, in case you haven’t realised.”

You give him a snort of laughter. “What kind of man still drinks milk?”

“It’s a good source of protein!” He argues back. “Look, I can prove that I am a man. Tomorrow, I’ll take you to my workplace and I’ll pick out a pair of br- underwear for you, ok? And I’ll even buy you a body mist too. There’s a new bestseller that smells better than any of this crap. Just don’t meet Jisoo tonight please,” he begs.

You place a finger on your chin and pretend to think it over seriously. “On one condition. Jimin and Taehyung have to tag along.”

“After this I’m so getting Overwatch on steam,” Taehyung says as he trails behind you and Jimin. “Get ready to get your ass kicked, Park Jimin.”

“You’re the one who should be afraid-“

“Kids! Can you please behave like grown men for an hour? After that you can revert back to your five year old selves for all I care,” you hiss at them as you crane your neck over the rows and rows of lingerie and body mists, looking for a golden brown head of hair.

You spot him over by the section of push up bras, looking stressed out and trying his best to refrain from staring at the poster of a woman modelling the Bombshell bra right next to the display. When he spots you, his expression brightens for the first time in a long while.

Taehyung is ogling openly at the model on the poster. “Dude, this is so much better than a sex toy store. Here you get to stare, for free!!!”

Jeongguk immediately elbows him hard in the ribs, bowing apologetically to a few other customers who are browsing nearby.

“Jeongguk, do you have any reccomendations? I feel like going for satin this time, or maybe I should just stick with lace? Ooh or how about this babydoll?”

He’s struggling to maintain his composure as he stutters. “Um I-I think anything would look good on you, ___________.”

“Ok, then I’ll get this babydoll and these too!” You shove the sheer pink lace babydoll into his arms followed by one or two lace panties. “Where’s that best seller that you told me about?”

Jeongguk is struggling with the handful of lingerie in his arms, but he miraculously manages not to drop anything. “Um, over there.”

Taehyung and Jimin bound towards the fragrance section, and you follow them with Jeongguk beside you.

“I’m so glad you let us visit you at your workplace, Kookie!” You exclaim as you browse the huge selection of body mists on display.

“Oh, it’s no big deal,” he gives you a little smirk. “And you should probably stop calling me that, since I’m a man now.”

“Our little Kookie has grown up!!!!” Jimin reaches to ruffle his hair fondly. “I still remember the days where you ran away at the sight of girls. Oh, remember that time where Yeri came to watch you at your basketball game and you got hit in the face with the ball??” Jimin is almost doubled over in laughter.

“OH and that time where he nearly pissed his pants when two girls surprised him at his locker for Valentine’s Day!” Taehyung joins in, and he almost knocks over a row of perfumes in his mirth.

Jeongguk snatches a bottle off the rack, struggling to contain his annoyance since he can’t punch them in his workplace.

“Oh, is this the one? Secret Noir Tease body mist,” you read off the label.

“It’s our best seller,” he gives a confident smile as he spritzes a few pumps of it into the air. The sweet scent coupled with a tinge of vanilla, red plum and freesia immediately hits your nose. “It’s perfect for dates, or for that mysterious man you’re so attracted to, and it has that hint of vanilla that makes it sweet, and also that tinge of red plum for that tangy scent. Perfect for a tease, kind of like you.”

Taehyung and Jimin are staring at Jeongguk, who doesn’t show a single trace of awkwardness at all now. “Wow, Kookie, when did you become this manly?”

He side-eyes them with a little smirk. “It’s my Victoria’s Secret.”

A/N: I APOLOGISE FOR THIS TRASH omg but i hope you liked it anyway, thank you all for all your support and love so far!!! please let me know what you think, as usual :>

#bangtanbookclub #kwritersnet #btswriters #bts #bts fanfics #bts scenarios #bts smut #bts angst #bts fluff #bts jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #bts jungkook smut #jungkook scenarios

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vskpop · 8 years ago

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February 2017 ⋅ What do you say to BTS? Not today

Draw Me - Wonder Girls

I really hope that starting my monthly post with the goodbye song from a disbanded group will not become a constant this year, but it’s already the second time in a row it happens. I guess at least they’re getting a chance to give fans closure (goodbye, 4minute).

On one hand, it’s surprising that the Wonder Girls lasted through so many member changes, random concepts and failed American debuts. On the other, I was also shocked to see them finally give up just as they had seemingly found their new path with the band concept.

Without wanting to delve too deep into the situation (I’ve already done that with 2NE1 and it was enough), it’s incredibly frustrating that they disbanded as they started to put their own stamp on their music and put out interesting things that actually reflected what they wanted to do.

Even if you’re not into rock-ish ballads, Draw Me is worth listening to just for the bridge, which hits me like a ton of bricks every single time.

Act. 2 Narcissus - Gugudan

Gugudan’s debut had one of the cutest cute concepts of 2016; I was still pleased with it, all considered. I wouldn’t have been too bothered if they had continued on that route, but A Girl Like Me is so good that it might end up as one of my favourite comebacks of the whole year (and yes, I know it’s February).

The song itself is great; none of the girls spend the entire time singing in the highest pitch they can produce, and all the main singers get decent parts.

What I was especially impressed with was the styling and concept for A Girl Like Me. While a lot of girl group concepts are ridiculously vague, after the mermaid concept Gugudan went for an original and well-developed “Narcissus” (aka vain) concept. I adore how they managed to find a different variation on the subject for each of the members.

I would hardly call this female empowerment but, in the realm of k-pop, seeing girls singing about how great they are is not that common. They were so into the concept that the physical album has a mirror in it, which pretty much seals the deal for me.

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Knock Knock - Twice

After the tragedy that was TT, Twice were a lost cause for me, and I’m not sure that the situation has changed much. Considering the disgusted expressions that Nayeon and Jungyeon have in 90% of the live performances of Knock Knock, I’m going to say that this comeback was a step in the right direction, but there’s still a long way to go.

Just like Red Velvet, Twice have been subject to ridiculous infantilisation, made worse by a simultaneous sexualisation. Knock Knock still has childish motifs like pajama parties and fairytale books, but it’s not all-out kindergarten like TT was.

While it’s still not nearly as good as Like Ooh Ahh, this new song is delightfully catchy and the “pretty rebels” concept (sic - and yes, throwing pillows at each other is the most rebellious thing they do) is much less disturbing that the “sexy Tinkerbell” one.

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Rookie - Red Velvet

I was obsessed with the kindergarten-like chant in Red Velvet’s Ice Cream Cake for months after it was released. The perfect balance of stylishness, weirdness and childishness of their “red” was their signature style, and what set them apart from the other girl groups that debuted around the same time.

The more they move forward, the more their comebacks lean heavily towards a kindergarten-y, bubblegum-y aesthetic. In Rookie, the five members of Red Velvet are thrown into a Narnia-cum-Alice-in-Wonderland scenario, they wear puffy baby blue pinafore dresses, and chant “lookie lookie, my super lookie lookie lookie” in the highest-pitched voice they can produce.

The atmosphere and tone don’t feel dissimilar to the colorful, childlike concepts NCT Dream have been doing. The difference and/or the problem lie in the fact that NCT Dream are aged 17 or under, but the only 17-year-old in Red Velvet is Yeri. Joy is 21; Wendy and Seulgi 23; Irene is about to turn 26.

It’s ironic to think that this is what they have to perform, when their labelmate SNSD’s Taeyeon hated Gee (another song that hinges on childishness, innocence and repetition) when she was 19.

Is this oversaturated iteration of the cute concept better than them acting like sexy toddlers à la Twice’s TT? Definitely. It’s still really disappointing to see such an original, distinctive project fade into something more conventional.

Adding insult to injury, the best songs on the album are Body Talk, which would have been perfect for a “velvet” comeback, and Talk To Me, which could have represented an ideal medium between the “red” and the “velvet”.

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Wings: You Never Walk Alone - BTS

BTS’ Wings as a whole was one of my top three albums of 2016; this is probably why I found the new songs in the You Never Walk Alone a little underwhelming. Despite the high concept, they don’t have the same bite as any of the original Wings tracks.

Strangely rock-ish Spring Day seems to have picked up some cues from Day6, but with a much busier, artificial production. The various parts of the songs feel clunkily assembled and, even though the end result is good enough, it’s still one of the least unique songs of their production.

The music video is - as usual - is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma, and it’s gorgeously shot; the lyrics are beautiful, emotional and uplifting; I always appreciate when V gets some non-falsetto singing; however, in the end it still feels uninspired and “less-than” in comparison to any other 2015-2016 BTS song.

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Talking about “less-than”, I am furious that BTS’ team thought that putting out Not Today would be a good idea. While I have to acknowledge that in any other circumstance it would be an ok song, it just falls flat in comparison to previous BTS hype songs.

Everything, from the pacing of the song to the vocal gimmicks used by the members (think of Jimin saying “aaawww!” and the last line of Not Today’s pre-chorus), reminds me of a poorer version of Fire. I know that BTS are known for their bangers and they had to throw one in there, but this sounds like a rip-off made by a lesser group.

The MV for Not Today looks remarkably like a sportswear advert - especially the slow motion sequences around minute 3. It wouldn’t be terribly surprising, since they’re sponsored by Puma, but it doesn’t quite pay off as a music video.

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My favourite of the “add-on” songs is what should arguably be the title track, You Never Walk Alone, which conveys the same message as Spring Day with a much more interesting structure, incisive raps and a style that matches the original Wings songs much better.

I’ve said before and I will say again that, in my eyes, BTS are the most likely candidates to be the Big Bang of the third generation; I can’t rule out that in a few years I’ll have changed my opinion on You Never Walk Alone, but for now I’ll have to try to write it off as necessary growing pains.

I’m just glad to see that they managed to go another comeback without letting go of the true BTS trope, dirty concrete walls.

Don’t Recall - K.A.R.D.

Because DSP Media has hardly been the best company lately (or ever?), I have been trying not to get too attached to their new group, K.A.R.D, especially while terms like “predebut group” and “project group” keep being thrown around and they are not promoting on shows.

Their first single Oh Na Na arrived a bit too close to the end of the year for it to end up my 2016 list, but I have been listening to it pretty much non-stop. I am quite surprised that I’m not disappointed with their second single Don’t Recall, and I possibly like it even more.

While tropical house (drink!) has been done to death in k-pop, K.A.R.D manage to make it moody and nostalgic, and most of all not sounding same-y and forgettable, by moving towards a dancehall vibe and adding a hook that’s not as obvious but just as perfect as Oh Na Na’s.

K.A.R.D’s international success has been ridiculous (and I’ve been on that bandwagon from day 1), so I’m hoping that they will manage to survive 2017 despite their agency.

Also, they have to be the first group to release fan theories to their own video.

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More songs of note

My Day - Day6

Come Over - DEAN

Zero - Dino (Seventeen)

Yesterday - Block B

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Tina - MASC

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My First and Last & Dunk Shot - NCT Dream

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Roar & Jungle Game - SF9

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Circle’s Dream & Strawberry - Subin (Dalshabet)

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Dance With Me - VAV

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Drought - W Project

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The Song - Zion.T

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Strays

Tablo & Eric Nam have a Gallant-less go at Cave Me In.

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How do Seventeen manage to keep improving when they already seemed perfect?

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All AKMU is good AKMU.

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Dreamcatcher literally did a cute concept cover a day after releasing this Maroon 5 gay anthem.

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#wonder girls #gugudan #kard #bts #twice #red velvet #disbandments

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yourcertainstudentlight-blog · 7 years ago

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I have a friend who is unemployed and living under my roof. They're not being claimed by anyone (over 21, not being claimed by parents or myself). They're not in school. They receive no income whatsoever. How will the Affordable Healthcare Act affect them? Will they still be required to get health insurance? I'm sure, legally, the answer is yes, but how will the government *know* they even exist?""

Cheap car insurance? and cars that are cheap to insure?

sorry forgot to mention im in the uk! sorry so any uk based advice would be great, but thanks for answering anyways

Can somebody find me a really cheap insurance company that would cover for like everything?

I need to find an insurance company offers really low price plans that cover as many things as possible, becos we can't spend too much money but I need to find my mom an affordable insurance plan...help, i dun know where to find it.""

Geico insurance raised my rate after first installment payment?

I was online last nigh getting insurance quotes,and found Geico to be the cheapest. So I purchased a new 6 month policy at a good price and was happy. But now today I got an E-mail ...show more""

What are the best car insurance sites for a 17 year old male?

Im just looking what sort of prices id be looking at for insurance for small cars (1.0/1.1 engines) and cant get a quote under 3000. Who are the best insurance providers for recently passed 17 year olds?

What car insurance is cheapest for teens in NC to get if theyre on their own?

I get my lisence in april and it looks like my mother isnt going to help with the car or the insurance so i need the CHEAPEST possible insurance available. I live in western NC. Any suggestions?

Anyone know part time jobs that give health insurance?

i know starbucks does but i was wondering if there were any others...

Does leasing a car affect insurance more than financing?

So because I don't technically own the car, will leasing a new car be more expensive than buying a new car... insurance wise? Or is there a negligable diffenence?""

Any cheap car insurances for first time drivers?

I am 20 and I have been driving for 2 years and recently got my own car. But I heard car insurance is expensive and I wanted to know if there's any car insurance that is cheap. I live in Southern Cali. Do you recommend anything? Please help. And thank you.

How to find the cheapest car insurance company?

Is anyone know the best way and cheapest way to insure the car thanks?

Can anyone help me find cheap car insurance?

I'm 17 and live in the UK and I'm currently learning to drive. I really want a Fiat 500 when I pass my test, but the insurance is really expensive. My parents say they won't pay for it if it is more than 1000 a year, as I attend a prestigious driving school and they already pay my fees. However, my mum wants a new car and was considering a Fiat 500, so I could always be insured as a secondary driver. What's the cheapest way of doing it and can anyone find me a good insurance quote? I have no idea where to start and my parents won't help until I figure it out myself.""

How much would it cost to insure these cars?

How much a year would it cost to insure a: 57 reg Renault Clio 1.1L and a 57 reg Vauxhall Corsa 1.1L I'm 18, female live off the main road and the car would be kept on a driveway, i live in a quiet little village in Derbyshire, the insurance groups for both are group 1. It will be used to drive to and from college each day so around 20 miles a day, no enhancements on the car, cars have done 17,000 miles, i have had my license for 1 month. Thanks.""

Would you pay 7.00 per gallon for gas if you could have universal government provided heath care insurance?

Cheap bikes to insure ?

I'm trying for my a2 license this week, and was wondering if anyone had done any research in 33bhp insurance, I have compared 3 bikes but was wondering if anyone could tell me some bikes they have found cheap to insure I am currently paying 400 for a 2009 aprilia rs50 A 2009 rs125 750 A 2009 ninja 250 2500 Could you give me prices for other bikes with your age, ncb and location so I have a rough idea of the price for me I'm 17 in London""

Car insurance rate for a 16 year old?

i'm going for my license in a couple months, but maybe trying to prepare a little in advance, but i was just wondering the average cost of car insurance per month? i know the younger you are, the more it will be. if it helps, the car i'll use is a ford fusion, and i'm pretty sure my dads insurance is allstate, if that matters much.""

Van Insurance advice please?

My van insurance is up for renewal so i need a good cheap insurance provider with good uk only call centres, i have tried all the price comparison sites and they seem to give quotes from other comparison sites rather than one good provider, please help because it is doing my head in!! Thanks""

Should I change insurance companies? How to change insurance?

If I don't pay insurance, company will cancel insurance, right? I don't link an insurance company to my bank, so I think stop paying, insurance will be cancel. Should I change insurance companies? Someone told me insurance company will increase fee every year, changing company may save money. In my case, I paid $650 for home insurance last year. However, I have to pay $800 this year.""

Anybody know the cheapest way to get car insurance?

Im 18/ female and this will be my first car , first time driving...prices are soo high it's hard to get cheap insurance at my age being a new driver. Does anyone know a loophole or just a way to get it real cheap?""

How much is motorcycle/scooter insurance in southern california?

i am looking to get a used honda ruckus scooter with 250cc motor, is that size motor still considered a scooter or motorcycle? will i have to get a M1 or M2 license? and how much would insurance be? i live in the los angeles county area.""

""Does anyone know where to get cheap UK car insurance for a 17 year old male, preferable uder 1000.?""

Does anyone know where to get cheap UK car insurance for a 17 year old male, preferable uder 1000.?""

What do I need to add to my auto insurance policy to be considered full coverage.?

I have a car with Calif min. pl and pd. If I were to add a new car what additional coverage and how much would be considered full coverage and satisfy the finance company?

What is a good car insurance company - value and a known company - not high risk?

I would like to switch car insurance companies - one because when I buy a third car and add it to my policy they charge me $5.00 for installment billing even though I pay in full - this leads to the second more serious complication which is that my husband works in the car business and on occasion decides to buy a new car b/c it is a good value and he like the car, then we sell the second car. We typically have the second car for 11-22 months. I mentioned to the insurance company that in the future I want to avoid this $5.00 fee since I always pay in full and I waving it this time wouldn't solve future issues b/c my husband is in the car business and we buy a third car to sell the second when he finds one he likes. THEN the cust svc guy goes on a rant - ARE YOU RESELLERS... blah blah blah and WE HAVE STRICT UNDERWRITING GUIDELINES blah blah blah etc. I tell him that holding onto a car for the time periods that we have would certainly indicate that we are not... and titling it""

What happens if you don't pay your car insurance?

I've been paying an exorbitant amount of money for State Farm insurance for quite some time. I'd like to cancel it and get insurance from Progressive instead. Opinions on the companies aside (that's not the issue), what will happen if I just stop paying for State Farm and buy the Progressive policy? I'm all paid up til today.""

I need a good car insurance company I have 6 points and a chapter 7 in my credit report?

I have two cars one needs full coverage $500.00.00 deduc.at list, the car is a 2002 ford explorer and the other one is a 1992 dodge spirit /liability only. If you know about an insurance company that gives good coverage for a decent price let me know my current policy is $166.20 a month.""

How much should I expect to pay for umbrella insurance?

I'm a landscaping contractor in Southern California. I think I need about $2,000,000 in umbrella insurance. How much should I expect to pay (yearly) for that?""

Where can I get affordable life insurance with good benefits?

I have 4 boys 19,18,15 and 13. So I will like to insure my kids. I live at SF, California. Any advice?""

How much do you think car insurance would be for me?

I am a 17 yr. old male in southern california driving a 2006 nissan 350z

Cheap car insurance? and cars that are cheap to insure?

sorry forgot to mention im in the uk! sorry so any uk based advice would be great, but thanks for answering anyways

Multi Car discount on car insurance ?

Can any insurance agents out there please tell me - roughly what % discount on the total policy premium would I get if I qualified for the mulit-car discount on my car insurance policy? I am with State Farm if that matters at all. I am currently at $400 every 6 months for my pickup truck & am wondering if we add another car in our household onto the SF car insurance, how much would I save on the $400 every 6 month truck premium? Thanks very much.""

Car insurance...........?

Right.. my mom already has a car and is the named driver of it. I have got a ford ka and have been looking on insurance company's and it is cheaper for my mom to be the named driver of my car but for me to go on the insurance.. Can my mom own to cars or is this not possible UK only please.

Im a 17 yr old lad what nice car can i get with cheep insurance?

i am 17 and realy into cars, have been for ages. i have a motor bike since i was 16 but now i want a car. and all my freinds no how much i lyk cars, and it wud be so embarasing turning up to collage in a little ford fiesta or old corsa. i can afford a nice car but insurance for even for quite crap cars have been bout 4000 quid. i started off lookin at honda crx del sol cos i realy lyk thm but insurance way too much, so thn i tried looking at old cool looking cars lyk the last mg midget but insurance still to dear, then i heard kit cars have realy cheep insurance so i looked at a gtm rossa which was realy nice but insurance still around 4000. so what car can i get what looks the part but affordable? please help""

What is the best health insurance's for myself?

added info im 22 years old with no medical problems.

Whats a good health insurance company?

One that is affordable, has good coverage, good selection of choices? Fair, good quality, what do you recommend ?""

Why do i need insurance?

Can anyone give examples of how much their auto insurance went up in New Jersey (or another state) after a DWI

I recently received a DWI conviction in S. Jersey (my first offense) and was wondering how much local insurance companies will raise my rate? If anyone has experienced this I'd really appreciate knowing how much their rates rose. Also, is there any certain companies that give better rates to those who have DWI convictions? I appreciate any help. Thanks!""

Statute of limitations on no car insurance fine?

how long has to go by before statute of limitations is in effect after you have had a no insurance ticket handed to you and does this stand the same if you had hit another persons vehicle with the car that was uninsured.i live in calgary alberta and am unsure of how this statute works.i am not looking for a cop out of this.this occured 3 years ago and i was sent home under the condition that i show up for court.i was unable to show up for court because i had been kicked out of where me and my mom were living and tried to find a place for us.

Cheapest Car Insurance in the UK ?

WHere can i find the cheapest car insurance in the UK for a 25 yr Old lad, with Zero NCD, Mondeo 2.0TDCI LX yr 2002/02. Living in the Coventry Area""

Whats the best and cheapest car insurance?

Estimated car insurance premium for a Camaro/Corvette?

I am looking to buy either a 2002 Camaro (5.7L V8) or a 2000 - 2002 Corvette (5.7L V8). I am wondering how much insurance will cost me. The detailed information and questions are as below: 1. Age: 34 2. Have been driving in the States for little less than 4 years. No accident at all. Only one speeding ticket about 3 years ago. (I had been driving for 10 years in Seoul, Korea with no accident at all, but it didn't count) 3. I used to drive a 2007 Toyota Tundra (5.7L V8), which I sold a few days ago. I paid about 450 dollars/6 months for full coverage. Questions: 1. How much would it cost me if I buy either one mentioned above? (even ballpark number would be appreciated) 2. Do year and purchasing price (or resale value) affect premium? For example, buying a 2008 brand new Corvette or a 2000 used Corvette makes a difference? 3. I know it would be higher to have a sports car, but do my age and driving record affect premium? If yes, how much do they affect?""

I'm looking for cheapest car insurance possible (ICBC)?

I'm looking for cheap used car insurance. More specifically I'm looking for a list of top 10-50 cheapest used vehicles to insure in BC (ICBC). I know that there are many factors involved in determining auto rates such as year/model/engine/etc.... Surely there must be a list available to the public without having to call an ICBC agent every-time.

Luxury cars with low insurance rates?

I was wondering what types of luxury cars would have the lowest insurance rates? I would prefer either a sedan or coupe. So in the category of luxury sedan/coupe, what would be the lowest insurance rate? I don't care about the price of the car itself, I just want one that doesn't have me paying a bunch every month, non-stop. My definition of low is around the neighborhood of $60, preferably lower obviously. If there is no such thing, then please tell me the closest to it. Thank you in advance.""

Can someone who smokes marijuana get affordable life insurance?

Where can I get Affordable Life Insurance?

Why are health insurance premiums skyrocketing?

I thought Obamacare was supposed to make health insurance more affordable. http://www.forbes.com/sites/theapothecary/2013/06/10/ohio-dept-of-insurance-obamacare-to-increase-individual-market-health-premiums-by-88-percent/

What is the cheapest car to insure for a 17 year old girl?

i am looking at buying a car when i pass my test, was just wondering what would be the cheapest way to insure a car and what cars are cheap for insurance?""

How much does it cost the average person to keep and maintain a CAR in a day?

including petrol, MOT, buying the car, insurance, washing, oil, air, tyres, extras eg booster, radio, or say how much money it would altogether cost a year then i can divide it :) THANK YOU xx by the way if you are wondering which car make well one that costs average""

Cheapest Car to Buy & Insure?

Hi, I am 28 years old and looking to purchase my first. What are the cheapest cars with the cheapest insurance, anything a step above a bucket with four wheels is what I'm looking for, no aesthetics or fancy extras.""

Car insurance question ?

I am now 20 and i am planning on buying a car. I heard that the insurance price is high for beginning drivers so I was wondering if the price goes down as I age...what are the best insurance companies that do this ? Thanks !!

CAR INSURANCE <how much>?

how much is the car insurance for eg. opel corsa <cheapest car> because it would be my first car if you're a woman under 25 im actually 18

How soon until my fiances Insurance covers me getting married next week URGENT?

I just got diagnosed with Breast cancer and I don't have insurance my fianc has great insurance though his work and we are getting married next weekend. He has group insurance will it cover me and how soon.. Pre existing condition?

Are we going to have to have a secondary health insurance to insure against the newly sky-high deductibles?

How much will insurance be for a MarkIV Supra TT?

I'm 19, I've never had any bad driving history that's recorded, I've been insured for two years. I'm single and have a job that can certainly afford the car. After looking around I've seen lot's of factors that affect the price but I'm just looking for a number for an answer. of course I'm not expecting it to be entirely accurate but I'm looking for anything close.""

Which is the best health insurance in india to choose as individual and family floater ?

Which is the best health insurance in india to choose for individual and family floater , which provides annual health check up""

Cheap car insurance? and cars that are cheap to insure?

sorry forgot to mention im in the uk! sorry so any uk based advice would be great, but thanks for answering anyways

I am selling my car while the insurance is about to expire.?

Do I need to buy a short term insurance to cover the car while I am trying to sell it? Btw it is parked on the driveway of my house and I won't have to drive it any more. But when there is a buyer coming to try the car I know it has to be insured at that time. So should I leave it until someone committed to buy the car or get it insured immediately? Hope someone who has same experience to answer this, many thanks.""

Best way to get car insurance?

I have heard that it may be better to get car insurance from a broker rather than online. I am 18, and I want to get my own policy. I am currently a named driver on my dads policy, as it is much cheaper to do it that way but I want to buy a car in my name and start earning my own ncb. I currently drive a Jaguar X Type and the insurance costs 2100 from Tesco (with my dad as the main driver). It would cost me about 3200 to insure it myself with Tesco. I want to get a smaller car that is easier on petrol and road tax, but I am having trouble finding a realistic quote. I am thinking about either a Smart Roadster coupe, a honda civic or ford fiesta. With Tesco, I dont get 1 year ncb as I would have done with Direct Line, and the insurance would be OK if I did. Its tempting me to lie on the insurance if I cant find a decent quote (under 2000), although I wouldn't want to. Can anyone offer me any advice on how to find cheaper car insurance or recommend any companies ?""

Should Military Buy Private Insurance?

Bad press, including major mockery of the plan by comedian Jon Stewart, led to President Obama abandoning his proposal to require veterans carry private health insurance to cover the estimated $540 million annual cost to the federal government of treatment for injuries to military personnel received during their tours on active duty. The President admitted that he was puzzled by the magnitude of the opposition to his proposal. Look, it's an all volunteer force, Obama complained. Nobody made these guys go to war. They had to have known and accepted the risks. Now they whine about bearing the costs of their choice? It doesn't compute.. I thought these were people who were proud to sacrifice for their country, Obama continued I wasn't asking for blood, just money. With the country facing the worst financial crisis in its history, I'd have thought that the patriotic thing to do would be to try to help reduce the nation's deficit. I guess I underestimated the selfishness of some of my fellow Americans.""

Hardtop convertible increase my car insurance?

I know your car insurance increase with a convertible, but will it also increase as much with a hardtop convertible? I was thinking of getting the VW Eos, does anyone have one? Is it a good car? The other car I have been looking at is the Ford Edge but everyone tells me Ford vehicles don't whole their value? What you think I should get?""

Way to get auto insurance for $100 a month?

I haven't had (needed) auto insurance in five years. I just got a quote from a few places, and can't believe the cost!! I have an unblemished record.""

Will a speeding ticket increase the insurance rate on car?

I got a ticket and i dont want to tell my parents. The officer said i could send the check to pay it off through the mail or by email.

Should medical insurance be only for childrens?

I am doing a paper on medical Insurance for my class project I have 10 question that I need answers too.

Insurance.............?

cheap bike insurance for a scooter in uk,any ideas?""

Cost to insure a 1987 Fiero GT?

Hi, I'm 16 and I currently drive a 1999 Honda Civic sedan and I'm wondering how much more money it would cost to insure me driving an '87 Fiero GT? My dad won't let me get it because of the up in price, any suggestions from you guys to persuade him???""

Insurance will not pay for storage?

I reside in California, and I was recently involved in an accident. The other party accepted 100% fault for the accident. My vehicle has been in storage since November 19th. The other party's insurance says they will only pay for storage up to the 23rd because paying more is not a reasonable amount. Can they really do this? If I do pay the storage that they will not cover, it will still cost me over $500! I mean they accepted fault, and it is their client's fault that I have been without a car for so long. It is their fault that my car had to be towed and put in storage. They are the professionals. They should be able to negotiate with the company, and not put the responsibility on me. What is the best way to handle this?""

Car insurance?

I opted to pay my car insurance by monthly direct debit and due to some error by my insurers it was never set up and neither I or them notieced the error for months. They are now asking for the arrears to be payed off,am I liable to pay or as the mistake was their error am I within my rights to refuse.""

Car accident with no insurance?

I hit a car in Alaska, no damage to the cars except a tiny tiny dent on the other car's back bumper that barely can be visible within 20 inches distance if a person keeps looking very good. I gave all my details to the other guy and I am legal in everything. he showed me an insurance on his phone that expired on May 2012. Because I did not pay attention, right now I just found out from the VIN # that the insurance is for a different car but in his name. So I am not sure if the car I hit was insured or not. Could I get him in trouble if he tries to abuse me later? For example if he tries to go to the hospital and cause me problems, or if he calls me wanting money, or having me fix his engines issues that I never caused, because that is what he said is going to do. If he gets insurance hours later, could that save him? or he still can be in trouble with the law?""

Whats the cheapest car insurance company in Michigan?

I'm moving out of my parents house in a few months, and am at the point of looking at car insurance rates. I've always just paid my fees on their shared account, which was only about $25. Friends in Ohio that also live on their own pay about $80 on their own plans per month, and they have accident histories. When I ask for quotes with a clean history, Progressive gave me a $350 quote! What's the best company to go through? Or at least top 3? I just want minimum coverage because that's all I can afford for now.""

Young mens experiences of high insurance premiums?

Im a 18year old male that has a full Uk driving license but I don't have a car because of my insurance being quoted at 2500. Just wondered if any else had similar experiences and is it any wonder lots of young men go around without insurance.

Am I getting a bad deal from the Car insurance Company?

Back in October of 2010I was involved in a Hit and Run Accident. The Guy that hit us was found a few days later and we filed against his insurance. Me and my Fiance both went through Physical therapy for our backs. Medical bills totalled about 5K for me and about 8K for her. There were times when she was in tears because her back was hurting so bad. She Couldnt work some days either and she is self employed and works from home as a graphic Designer. I missed some days of work too but my pain was not near as much as hers. State Farm Called and offered a settlement with me to pay the 5k to the Doctor and then a $1000 check to me for my pain and suffering. They called my Fiance to settle but she did not answer. My guess is they will probably offer her the same. Is Paid medical bills plus $1,000 fair? We missed work from it. Delt with stress and Physical therapy for about 3 months and not to mention all of the inconveniences associated with getting the car fixed and also dealing with insurance stuff. The guy that hit us was found a few days later but never offered a good excuse as to why he hit us and then ran. He originally filed a false claim with State Farm and said that he hit a tree and not another vehicle. It was all overturned against him once Geico called them and submitted the police report. Should I get a lawyer? I honestly feel like we should be getting more. Especially my Fiance but if it's fair It's fair. Can anyone help?""

How come Americans can't afford medical insurance?

Yet we seem to have PLENTY of money to blow on Ipods, Itunes, Iphones, lap top computers, DVD players, flat screen TVs, designer clothing, fast food, porn, alcohol, cigarettes, and concert tickets?""

What is the best insurance?

car insurances like Alstate,Progressive,etc.""

Short Term health care insurance plan in California?

I am looking to get insurance for a short period of time - 2 months. Which plan and provider be appropriate ?

What would be the cheapest car insurance company to go to for someone who gets insurance for the first time?

Car insurance question?

If i have my own car titled in my name, could my parents put me under their insurance so my car is insured, or does the car have to be titled in my parents name? It would be alot cheaper for me that way. Thanks.""

Car insurance for a 16 year old girl?

I will be getting my license in march. I will be driving a 1998 4 door buick regal. I was wondering how much insurance may be. My parents have clean records and excellent credit. I maintain a 3.8 GPA but the insurance company doesn't give rebates for that.

Are friends and relatives covered under my California auto insurance plan?

Occasionally a friend or family member which is not in my household will drive my car but they are not insured under my car. Will my insurance company in California cover if such an accident happen?

Why has my car insurance gone up?

My question is about my car insurance renewal quote. I got my renewal quote from esure, last year I paid 357 with 7 years no claim discount, and with full uk licence held for just under 4 years. In whole year I haven't made any claim, same car, same address, still the new quote I got is 627. I am almost shocked. Last year also I had same problem, my renewal quote was about 40-50 pounds higher. I checked for new quote with different insurers but not getting anything cheaper than 460, still way above what I paid last year. Does anyone know why does it go up? I remember last time when I spoke to call centre guy, he told me that it depends on number of claims in your area etc. Is that true? Also somewhere I read the article that insurance companies are paying more than what they collect as a premium and they are raising premiums by up to 20% but still in my case the premium is almost double. If anyone has any knowledge on how this industry works please let me know. Any help is appreciated. Thanks""

""Where can I get cheap car insurance for a vw golf 1.4 51 reg? Im 17 and just passed, I'll b on parents policy?""

I will be on my parents policy, with a parent as the main driver and me as the named driver? Ive looked at tesco value and its coming up as 2500!!! i was hoping more along the lines of 1500""

What car would you get between the 06-07 scion tc or the 06-07 mitsubishi eclipse ?

Ok i know this question has been asked a million times on this, so let me be the million and one person to ask and hopefully for the last time. Thing is , i need to buy another care and is between those 2 cars and i just dont know which one to get. I don't know much about cars and so on so i would like some decent answers on which one i should get and why, my third choice was taken out of the equation when i read up on it on the kbb website, thrid choice was an audi tt but alot of people complained about how often it needed to be fixed for something The factors that most concern me are -Realibilty -Insurance cost -How much would it cost for maintance and repairs -which one is built better -which one of the two do you think looks better -which one will last me longer in the long run for those who would ask , i live in florida , and would like an automatic just incase those things are taken into consideration tours making my decision. i know this has been asked a million times but i really need to just settle for one or the other so please help me out thank you in advance for those who answer.""

Cheap car insurance? and cars that are cheap to insure?

sorry forgot to mention im in the uk! sorry so any uk based advice would be great, but thanks for answering anyways

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/affordable-health-insurance-my-husbands-work-does-pay-michael-mann-1/"

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cullen80523252-blog · 7 years ago

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YouTube Ads 2.0 Review and Bonus

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tessatechaitea · 6 years ago

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Team Titans #17

Team Titans is an anagram of Fuck Donald Trump.

The joke in the caption relies on regular readers knowing that I keep doing anagrams of the title except this time the anagram isn't an anagram at all! I know some people probably didn't even have to double check, especially the really observant ones who instinctively knew that "Team Titans" did not contain an "F". But the other point of that caption is to make readers who both enjoy Donald Trump and the stupid shit I write about comic books suddenly realize that they don't like what I write at all. In half a second, they'll realize how stupidly wrong they were about their opinions of this blog. In a half second after that, they'll admit that they've always thought I was a dumb asshole who has never written anything clever in his entire life. A few seconds after that, they'll probably be jerking off to another Hillary Clinton rant by Sean Hannity. We all have to face the consequences of our beliefs and actions. One of the consequences of supporting the modern GOP lampreys attached to the tits and ass fat of Donald Trump is that you don't get to enjoy myriad entertainments. Pretty much all you've got is Last Man Standing and reruns of Home Improvement. Of course, you could try to ignore what you've now learned because I probably won't mention it again for quite some time. But it's also possible I might pull at your victim status trigger again by the next paragraph! Speaking of triggers, the NRA can eat their own filthy asshole. Unless they like doing that! They seem like the kind of organization that would like doing that! And I don't mind kink-shaming people who love to eat their own filthy assholes because the Venn Diagram of people who can eat their own assholes and people who love to eat filthy assholes is nonexistent.

This whole nineties Teen Titans thing went off the rails a tiny bit when they introduced a rapist version of Nightwing with a nipple ring.

Is it weird that I have an unrepentant love for Lobo and a slightly repentant love for Deathstork but I feel like I'd be crossing a line having any kind of love for Deathwing? I get why people love Lobo because he's over the top and his space jeans craft a nice package in his nether area. Plus the chains! So penis stiffening! And Deathstork was cool enough to have gotten an underage girl he fucked killed without the entire comic book community feeling disgusted by him. I think his old age helped. Deathstork is like a beloved grandfather who tells such incredible stories from his youth that nobody minds that 23% of them are racist. But if somebody told me Deathwing was their favorite character, I'd be frightened. Although I guess they could mitigate that fright by explaining they like the Rebirth Deathwing and then I'd just be, "Oh, sorry. I didn't know you were gay. Cool!" That probably came across as me using gay as a synonym for lame but it was meant to express my feelings that Rebirth Deathwing should be a gay icon, if he isn't already. Like the Babadook. In that picture above, Deathwing is coming out of a clockmaker's closet (so maybe he's a gay icon too?), probably to rape the clockmaker (Oh yeah! He's totally rapey, so probably not a gay icon!). Now I'm wondering why Superman doesn't stop more rapes? Or why he doesn't commit himself to stopping all rapes? He could end rape forever with his powers! I guess he just doesn't have the commitment to end rape. You know how fast rape would have been stopped if Bruce Wayne's parents had been raped in that alley? Considering how many murders still happen in Gotham City even though Batman has dedicated his life to stopping injustice, I'm guessing it wouldn't have been fast at all. Batman is a huge failure. Meanwhile back at the Long Ranch, Nightrider (as opposed to Deathrider, his rapey twin), recovers from being shot by the neighbor. Granted, the neighbor also tracked down the wounded vampire to rescue him. He didn't realize he was shooting a living, feeling creature. He just thought he was killing a stupid bat! I hope no bats read this blog! They might think I'm being insensitive to bats! And, I mean, I am! But I don't want them to know that! They might start sending me memes of their creepy little faces saying things like, "Bats have rights too!" and "Bats cry more than most human males!" and "Today is the worst day of the rest of your terrible life, motherfucker!" That last one would make a good motivational poster for the lunchroom at most offices.

Wait. Is "vampire" a derogatory term?!

I just watched a Kids React video on YouTube about whether or not "hell" was a curse word. Sydney took the opportunity to say as many near curse words as she thought she could get away with. I'm pretty sure if I were young or hip or with it (which I obviously am not as noted by my usage of "hip" and "with it"), I would now use the word stan somehow. Why is there a Kids React for "How to Cure a Hangover"? What the fuck is wrong with the Fine Brothers?! Here are some more great ideas for your dumb Internet show: "Kids React to Joe Pesci's Death Scene in Goodfellas" "Kids React to Satanic Rituals" "Kids React to Seeing Their Parents Murdered" "Kids React to Goat Testicles" "Kids React to Their First Blow Job" I should stop listing these because I could do it all day and also I think some of them would actually work. The "How to Cure a Hangover" video isn't actually a Kids React; it's an advice episode featuring all ages of reactors. The first question they must give advice for is "How do I get someone to kiss me on New Year's Eve?" According to a lot of the answers, nobody seemed to give much of a shit about consent in 2016. Although my stan Sydney is all, "Get your parents to kiss you!" Oh my God she owns the world. The next question Sydney answers is "How do I touch a rainbow?" She says to get the biggest ladder in the world so she might be kind of dumb. I mean, a ladder doesn't have to be that big to touch a rainbow! Although she is just a kid so I'll let her slide on this answer. I suppose it's more important that she gives a cute answer than a correct one. For "How do I cure a hangover?", Sydney says, "Why are you asking me this question?" After which, I'm assuming, she walked off camera and kicked both Fine Brothers in the balls at the same time. Okay, back to Team Titans! The neighbor tries to apologize by explaining that he wouldn't have tried to murder the bat if he'd known it wasn't a disgusting bat. Terry Long, the worst character in a comic book full of terrible characters (and I'm including Deathwing here!), blames the victim and Terra's angst meter tops out. She goes into a blind Tumblr rage without any regard to the neighbor's apology, explaining how Nightrider was only acting on his true nature. The row disturbs Donna's baby which becomes the worst issue of the night.

"Whith"? I've never noticed Donna's weird accent before this issue! I also love how she thrusts her baby at the others to show that they've upset it.

While the majority of the team take Nightrider to STAR Labs for treatment (can't they just let him suck the baby a little bit?), Mirage and Terra stay behind to protect Terry and the baby. Well, Terra stays behind to protect them. Mirage still suffers from the trauma of being raped while none of the others seem to give a shit. She's decided to run away and have her baby somewhere else. Hopefully she won't have the baby in the town where Deathwing grew up because you know what that would mean, right?! Ugh, I can't even type it! Mirage was raped by her own time traveling son! Okay, it wasn't that hard to type after all.

Out in the yard, four elementals are approaching to kill Terra: an elemental of glaciers, an elemental of shit, an elemental of men's farts, and an elemental of lady's farts.

Over at STAR Labs, Doctor Velcro determines Nightrider's life can't be saved because he's already dead. He's a vampire! And Doctor Velcro knows because he's a not just a vampire specialist but a vampire himself! He's one of the Creature Commandos! His prescription to keep Nightrider alive is human blood. At this declaration, the rest of the Team Titans begin acting like Nightrider is a goner. So their first thought is that he's going to die if he doesn't drink human blood? Not one of them is all, "Drink from my veins, buddy! As much as you need! Well, maybe not too much! You know, just a taste! But there are like eight of us, so you can probably get your fill by sampling us all!" Fucking jerks.

The 90s had some pretty fucking nihilistic AIDS public service adverts.

As Terra protects New York as a Team Titan by defending herself against elementals that want to kill her, the rest of the Team Titans defend New York by battling a bunch of electric beings in thongs that want to kidnap Killowat. I laugh in your face, Councilwoman Alderman! Look at all the good these Titans are doing for the city! The energy beings easily kidnap Killowat because he only had the majority of the Team Titans and Battalion defending him. Terra, all alone, just barely manages not to die in her battle right before a newly human Prester Jon (back from the Terminus Agenda!) manages to save her.

This might be my favorite panel from 1994. In case you couldn't tell by his idiotic hands or his stupid baby, that's Terry Long under the clock.

The person who kidnapped Killowat turns out to be the clockmaker's old beau, the one that taught her to work on futuristic Titans' communicators. He was a member of the Team Titans named Lazarium but he seems to have been a spy working for Lord Chaos. The leader of the Team Titans (identity still unknown!) sent him and his team back in time to die. But he survived and now he owns a good chunk of the media world. His name might as well be Rupert Murdoch because he has a media empire that's trying to turn the world against heroes and he has his own sexual harassment problems in his organization, seeing as how Deathwing works for him. Team Titans #17 Rating: It took seventeen issues but I'm finally interested in this comic book! The Lazarium story arc has momentum and ties in to the overall history of the team, hopefully finally separating them from the Titans book for a bit. I know it still relies on garbage time travel theories but it also threatens to expose Killowat as a huge racist piece of shit! That should be exciting! It's also slightly heavy on implied rape which I didn't mean to add as one of the reasons I'm enjoying the book but just as a simple fact to say, "Look. This was a comic book from 1994! Rape was an important plot point to raise tension and pull on the emotional heartstrings of an audience that didn't quite understand how writers were just using rape as a lazy way of creating drama and emotional tenstion!" What I'm trying to say is: B+! Good work, everybody!

#Team Titans #DC Comics #Teen Titans #Comic Book Review

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grizzlefur · 8 years ago

Text

WWEm - Mr Harper And His Amazing Magnified Wood

Transmission date: Monday 8/Tuesday 9 May 2017

Probably weirdly similar to last night's Eurovision, it's SUNDAY AFTERNOON RAW!

cold open on dean walking backstage and getting a call

it's kurt

and dean makes an implied joke about sending him porn

naturally

kurt tells him something, he starts offering unsolicited advice, kurt hangs up

dean apparently has an announcement, goes to the ring

oh jesus, this is the london episode

should be interesting

booker's still here, more's the pity

dean opens with a bad cockney accent, the crowd love him for some reason

announces that kurt isn't here tonight

so he's named dean acting GM

this is a totally sensible move that can have no possible ill effects

starts talking about how much he hates talking, miz interrupts

which seems fair

his future monk robe has got retooled a bit, looks slightly less dumb

but he's still standing next to his phenomenally-dressed wife, so it's hard to tell

miz is here to complain about dean being in any position of power ever

dean tries to give miz a match, he interrupts by saying he's had a call from steph

london crowd respond with delete chants for some reason

and steph has named miz co-acting GM

such a job title

to make sure dean doesn't leave the show in a skip in greenwich

dean's like yeah whatever i'm still gonna murder your ass at extreme rules

miz manages an aggressive counter-promo about how great he is while hiding behind his wife

dean offers a magnanimous handshake, whBRRRAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH

with his arm in a sling

i really hope this injury is a work

it feels like it

dean and miz are both like ummmmmm ok

british crowd love them some braun

braun doesn't give a fuck who's GM

you'd think he would, if only to keep track of who he needs to intimidate

braun isn't finished because roman is still walking/alive

and after him, he wants brock

now that'll be a hell of a match

and braun gets interrupted by...?

oh, that's kalisto's new music

he's back, still in his cool new moulded gear

kalisto still has beef with braun after the dumpster debacle

which is totally the terrible sequel to the final deletion

kalisto wants one of the gms to give him a match with braun

it won't end well

braun rashly says he could beat kalisto with one arm, dean's like fuck it sounds good

so yeah, this shoulder injury's a work

"So TONIGHT, it'll be the mountain of a man Braun Strowman, versus Kalisto, the world's greatest tiny little man!"

Like, I like his wrestling well enough, but dean needs to be on the mic like all the time

braun's like well fuck

guess that was probably my own fault

but i'm still gonna murder everyone here

miz's like grats dean you've killed a small mexican are we making this into czw or something

dean responds like ooh good idea, but first up you're fighting finn

have fun

this is what miz gets when he comes to a promo wearing his ring gear

fifteen minutes in, cole adds his first extraneous 'the' to tower bridge

so yes, here is everyone's favourite possessed irishman

at least, according to possessed irishman quarterly

i should really sort out my subscription list

*does the arms*

crowd loves finn, you can barely tell because the crowd acoustics in the o2 are for shite

corey's like sure i'm the heel announcer but fuck me finn's amazing

bell rings, miz leaves

if you needed me to tell you that

fuck's sake, london, don't do the 2 sweet thing

you're more creative than that

this match is like 93% finn dropkicking miz to death

and 7% miz running away

with trace elements of maryse being a distraction

miz tries for a finale, preceded by his old superhero poses

although to the average current viewer, it probably just looks like he's stealing noam's shit as well

miz's strategy in his offense phases so far seems to be actively trying to rip finn's head off his body

unconscious pele kick, both go down

giving the crowd a chance to remind us why we hate the number ten

we watch the london episodes for interesting new chants, guys

finn kicks miz off the to rope, he takes the softest bump ever to the floor, finn does a crap baseball slide, we are all saddened

finn brings it back by doing his running headpunt again

miz throws finn into the ref, gets a mic to call for the dq in his capacity as co-acting-general-manager-type-situation

they go with it, miz leaves in triumph while looking like a twat

dean walks out like what the fuck is a disqualification start the match again get that woman out of here

miz comes up the ramp to complain, bell rings again, finn rockets up the ramp to take him out

throws him into the ring, sling blade, coup de grace, end

and this is what happens when you entrust your flagship show to two men who both hate each other and are also different kinds of shitheel

but now, alexa gets cornered by nia backstage

nia wants to know why she was the only one alexa didn't insult last week

alexa's like oh hey nia i get that you're awesome

nia's like if i'm so great give me a title shot after bayley

alexa says she doesn't make the matches

nia responds with "Well then, until we sort this out, looks like you've got a new best friend."

slaps her on the back, leaves, alexa is left looking equal parts smug and terrified

and now we're back in the ring, and here comes alexa

flanked by the large samoan woman who's on this show

okay, shut up, she's from hawai'i

but she's an anoa'i, so that totally fucking counts

mickie turns up looking smug, bayley's music hits

so it looks like mickie's got a friend as well

i think in both these partnerships, the woman in the ring should probably be the one on the outside running hype

can you imagine bayley/nia, with alexa and mickie only there to talk smack?

alexa hides behind the referee because she comes up to his thighs

gets kicked in the face anyway

london crowd take a break from singing hey bayley to sing mickey, for reasons that we totally cannot fathom it's not like it sounds like anything else get out of my office

mickie does a rana, it looks really strange thanks to the combination of her legs for miles and alexa's entire body for yards

also, note that alexa is back to being toni stark

this is a good match, the crowd are far more interested in the fact that bayley's in the room

mickie heads to the top rope, nia grabs her leg long enough for alexa to punch her in the face

bayley goes for nia at ringside, alexa gets the dirty pin, end

well, end the match

alexa runs away, bayley pursues

leaving nia here with an injured mickie

massive corner splash, elbow drop, walk off because this bitch ain't worth my time

but now, dean is backstage with a production assistant

miz turns up like what the fuck is even going on

dean tells him to see him in his office, miz is like what the actual fuck why does this trashpile get an office and i don't

dean's apparently planned the entire show, tells miz to go home

miz wanted to do miztv with one of one direction, but dean's been too busy making matches

miz comes back like you like matches so much, you're fighting bray wyatt fuck you bye

next, it's bralisto

but first, charly tries to interview joe

but half a sentence in, he sees an opportunity for a philosophical yet angry villainous monologue

he does it so well

promising again to break every ligament in seth's body

so seth blindsides him

you would

turns into a backstage brawl, seth hits joe with a ladder

i wonder where this could be leading

officials tear them apart way more effectively than usual, fade

but actually next, we have braun/tiny man

after a recap of the dumpster shenanigans

dumpstranigans?

probably not

this recap sponsored by just 4 men moustache and beard, so braun may be older than i thought

booker and corey trade what i think are boxing references?

kalisto breaks in with his new theme, its intro played on one of those weeeeeeeeooooooooo sticks you bought in gift shops in the 90s

braun goes for a mic, which is out of character

tells dean to shove it, refuses to have this match because he's injured

also because roman is a coward, which i don't get

bell rings anyway, braun kicks kalisto's face entirely off

starts choking him into the turnbuckle, hit roman's music

roman's wearing more shoulder tape than cesaro

referee's stood there like um guys what the shit is going on

roman has apparently just come here to stare at braun

so sweet

comes into the ring, ref is like seriously guys do not do this s2g i will TURN THIS CAR AROUND

braun punches roman's bad arm, he takes him down with three superman punches

nobody rings the dq for some reason

roman tries to spear braun through the barricade, he just lifts one leg to chest height

roman bullfights him into the post, rips his sling off, beats him into the post a bit

hits his bad arm into every surface available

the o2 crowd are not the hugest fans of roman, let's say

roman goes for a chair, does a bunch of shots with it, still somehow a babyface

braun does the sensible thing and leaves

london is less than impressed

especially when roman poses in the ring

where the fuck did kalisto even go?

apparently later we have joe/seth

such imaginative booking, new managers

but now we're in the locker room, with truth singing along to his music

goldust comes in to be like dude this is big can we maybe be serious and actually win a fucking match

goldust says they can be a better blast from the past than the hardyz

i'll be honest, i'm not sure i want old goldust back

or at least, don't go too far back

that match next, but first, a video to remind you how amazing shinsuke is

oh, also backlash is happening

and an advert for supercard, which makes it feel like champions has already shit the bed

and let's have a recap of braun/roman from literally minutes ago

look at your franchise babyface, everyone

jojo gets her title card as she explains how tag turmoil works

it's not the fucking brawl for all, i think we get it

so yeah, this is the contendership match

first up, greasy and big

corey makes a chav joke

we love you corey

enzo has sprung for a union jack loincloth

thanks crowd guy, apparently matt is a letdown

take that, matt

enzo makes a poop joke, take a shot

okay, don't play that game, because this intro would leave you with cirrhosis

so much poop

at least they're rhyming today

been a while

london loves them, because of course they fucking do

corey: "I'm officially done with this. Enzo Amore just celebrated incontinence."

oh, but here come the KKB to kill them dead

still rocking the aviators of evil

i like their jackets, in a we brought fourteen knives through customs kind of way

crowd tried something new i didn't catch, then go back to seven nation armying for enzo

oh, it's the sheamus and cesaro thing, to...do the conga?

is that what that pattern is?

anyway

pan out to the hardyz watching the match, sadly from the locker room and not in a river taxi or madame tussaud's or a wetherspoons or something

sheamus hits an irish curse on enzo, cesaro tags in to just stomp the shit out of him

the man can take damage

enzo bullfights both of them sequentially, which mostly just insults their intelligence, goes for the tag

cesaro grabs his leg, goes down to the worst dragon screw ever seen on tv, sheamus murders cass at ringside

cesaro locks in a sharpshooter, enzo taps

and next up, slater and rhyno

who have come dressed as the consituent parts of last night's croatian entry

(they haven't, but that'd be great)

sheamus and cesaro run up the ramp to kick the shit out of them before the bell can ring

they really get these proud english traditions

people finally get back in the ring

all of london do the i got kids chant, cesaro doesn't give a fuck, kicks him in the crotch, the crowd change it to no more kids

okay, as testicle jokes go, that was pretty good

heath tries for a hot tag, rhyno still isn't conscious

finally makes it to the apron, sheamus boots him off it at mach 4

and then returns to choking heath to death

heath gets out, tries for a hot tag to someone who still doesn't exist, cesaro uppercuts him into the corner, tags in sheamus, assisted brogue for the pin

next up, gallows and anderson

sheamus's hawk is the only hair in this ring

the club do their backbreaker elbow drop on cesaro, pan out again to matt hardy like hmm i appreciate that manoeuvre and jeff like yes i am also here

sheamus tags in against gallows, this match just turns into a bar fight

if you've seen the first ep of american gods, that what this is like

brief spot of everyone running in and hitting big spots on each other, all four go down, no ten-count because fuck your rules

sheamus hits white noise on gallows for a near-fall, london forget to do the thing

thank god

the timing all goes slightly dodgy, as the club set up a magic killer and then calmly wait for cesaro to get back to the ring and break it

and the brogue to anderson for the pin

and now, finally, the fucking golden truth

they explode onto the scene and open just enough asskickery on them to make you briefly consider that they might win

not sure where they're going with this

probably turning goldust heel again?

cesaro does a weird tag in from ringside, atomic drops goldust onto the barricade

ouch

truth gets a what's up thing going, apparently not giving a shit that his partner's in a submission

such teamwork

as ever, heels are the organised ones

cesaro beats the shit out of an old man in a vinyl bodysuit, pauses to casually punch his partner off the apron

goes for another sharpshooter, truth manages to break it

hot tag to truth, and he's actually looking in pretty good condition

lie detector to scissor kick, near-fall

welp, truth, that was your chance

and then cesaro gets a rollup off...what the fuck even happened there?

it just looked like truth accepted that he'd spent all his finishers and given up

sheamus and cesaro beat on them some more after the bell, cue some avenging weirdos

matt does two delete arms, call your lawyers

they run to the ring, sheamus and cesaro are just like whatever fuck this noise and leave

matt stands in the ring doing even more deletes, cesaro backs into the cameraman

if you have a thing for swiss kidney areas, boy do i have a timecode for you

and now for a recap of joe/seth

jeth?

fuck that, i'm not saying 'jeth' for the sake of three letters

so yes, we have that match next

after an advert for the mania dvd

because we need mania adverts backward through time, apparently

so yes, we have a match i don't have a portmanteau for now

here's seth, being slapped by random british people as he goes down the ramp

occupational hazard in london, really

joe glowers so hard the camera guy forgets how focus works

bell rings, punch party starts

booker sagely informs us that joe has feet as well as hands, corey counters that "every one of his appendages is a weapon"

and then goes mysteriously silent for a time

lovely sling blade from seth, but this really shouldn't surprise anyone

and a big blockbuster, but it looks like the main casualty of it was seth's left hip

and then joe returns to working seth's allegedly-bad knee

which will heal around the same time as cesaro's shoulder

joe pauses mid-beatdown to stare into seth's soul and ask if he can hear his ligaments yet

CAN YOU HEAR THEM

CAN YOU HEAR YOUR LIGAMENTS ROLLINS

seth counters out of a coquina clutch, hits two suicide dives and a top rope elbow, joe doesn't give a shit

sets up for something else, joe counters into his freakishly fast snap powerslam like fuck you peasant i am your king

london is split on who to support, cos they're both great and this match is great

joe goes for another suplex, seth hits a really complex counter into a falcon arrow

goes for a coquina clutch, seth does a beautiful spinning enzuigiri out of it, goes for a muscle buster, seth grabs the rope and pulls the turnbuckle pad off "accidentally"

and joe whips him into it oh what a shock

the ref tries to fix it, joe takes the pad and throws it to a lucky fan, whips him into the corner again for a dq

and then does it again, because fuck you i'm samoa joe

and coquina clutches seth into the calm embrace of morpheus

morpheus, in this case, being represented by a 300-pound polynesian man

cut to the announcement that miz is actually getting his title match next week, not at extreme rules

and a reminder that we've got dean/bray coming up

but first, an advert for bring it to the table

sure, whatever

but now, here comes neville

i was wondering when we'd break out the purple ropes tonight

cut to a facebook video of neville telling tj to murder jack gallagher to prove his worth

so neville's just here to spit angry geordie fire on announce

jack comes in, neville is enormously bitter about his crowd reaction

tj has changed to being billed as just 'tjp'

clearly neville has bestowed upon him the dark rite in which he traded his name for power

bell rings, tj doesn't give a shit, just sits on the turnbuckle chewing gum like a twat

does jack's v-sign, so jack dabs

jack stealing a dance move that tj invented back through time enrages him, so he comes down, only to get immediately chinned

throughout all of this, neville is just ripping every kind of shit out of cole

and it's great

tjp drop toe holds jack into the ring steps

jack is getting some ENGERLAND chants, and i feel like i can picture every person doing them

tj doesn't care for jack's corner handstand tomfoolery, gets a shoe in the face as a result

and tj gets a fistful of rainbow pants for a rollup out of nowhere

goes back in to fuck up jack's knee, austin runs out of the crowd to take it back to him

he's got one of the kneebraces that seem de rigeur this season on

so that was a really short cruiserweight segment

next up, sasha banks does a thing

after another backlash advert, actually focusing on someone other than shinsuke for once

so yes, here's sasha

against alicia, who's already in the ring

and has also come as the cyan ranger this week

cue the slapfight

alicia hits a northern lights like two moves in

way to keep your finisher special

the crowd are very worked up over something entirely external to the match, which is a shame, cos this is pretty good

and also because fuck's sake, guys, you paid for these tickets

and sasha hits her double knee drop to the face for the jankiest pin ever

that was so awkward that i wonder if she got hurt

corey calls out the weirdness of the pin, because only heels get facts

and then we get a several-angle action replay of how much of a pin that wasn't

but up next, main event time, with eternal fire of damnation vs trash fire under a bridge

and miz is on announce, which is nice

wyatt cut to bray's intro, which cole slightly ruins by not shutting the fuck up

have i mentioned on here how much i like bray's kraken shirt?

because it feels like i must've

dean enters immediately, so we don't even get to hear bray talk

boo

did...did miz just call dean a sloth?

a think he might have said slob, thinking about it

that would probably make more sense

but i prefer my image

bray proclaims his godhood, london are completely behind him on this

if the man ever wanted to stop all this wrestling bollocks and set up a demon church, we know which side of the atlantic it should be on

dean hits bray with a suicide dive, bray responds by suplexing him out of the ring from ringside

meanwhile, miz is just piling the trashtalk on cole

poor guy, having to be insulted by neville and miz within like half an hour

it's just a mercy kevin's not on this show any more, i guess

dean does his rope catch bounce thing, bray just smirks and gives him a lariat to run into

as expected from these two, this is just the trashiest fight

dean lines up an elbow drop, bray rolls out of the ring, dean says screw it and does it to ringside instead

dean's trying to amp up the crowd, but they are just behind bray for miles

miz announces that he wants a closer look at the match, waltzes down the ramp

bray goes for sister abigail off the distraction, gets countered, just uranages him through the floor instead

the crowd are doing a randy savage chant, because fuck actually watching the match, i guess

i've seen some long-ass superplex setup spots in my time, but dang

dean eventually wins it, goes for an axehandle on bray, jumps into a fist to the chest

miz starts interference, dean starts going for dirty deeds but then suicide dives miz instead

miz takes advantage of the ref's colossal blind spot to coldcock dean with his belt

bray goes for a quick pin, doesn't get it, so sister abigail for the win

miz announces bray's victory with a strange level of glee

oh my god

how good would it be if they started working together, with the angle that miz was actually falling for bray's teachings

just imagining squeaky-clean devil preacher miz is making me happy

miz beats on dean some, then does an enormously hot promo over his body

including insulting britain, so i'm kind of on his side

and fade on miz and maryse being that insufferable couple and dean lying in the ring, growling and plotting his revenge on happy, successful people

downs will be smacked later, but in the meantime, here's a screaming Ukrainian drag act to keep you amped up

----------------------

well, i hope you all enjoyed that 19-hour verka break

god knows i did

but now that the important business is out of the way, let's squeeze in some MONDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN!

as long as we all accept that i've had 2 hours of sleep, so this is probably going to be 90 minutes of mass effect jokes that don't quite go anywhere, shitty pwr bttm hot takes, and "oh look a wrestle happened"

by continuing to read, you are accepting these terms and conditions

(daniel assures me that's how it works)

that aside, on with the show!

we open on a dramatic recap of the ongoing saga of jinder mahal winning a thing

and reminding me how hard i find it to boo him for shouting at americans for not accepting diversity

and also how shitty the resolution of the HoH match was

the new day are in the titles, despite having not yet appeared on this show

okay, we're still in london

wonder if we've got a less shit london this time

oh hey, randy's here

maybe he'll enlighten us as to when exactly he learnt to FUCKING TELEPORT

shane seems to have given him his belt back

two sentences in, randy talks shit about the evil fridge

three and a half sentences in, here comes jinder to save us from randy trying to emote

flanked by his loyal day-glo shirts and the bollywood boyz they abducted

ooh, we get to see the promo shots he was doing before shane took the belt

that is certainly a set of photos of a man with a belt

apparently when jinder wins, the grateful nation of india will build a statue of him

so apparently what we've got this time is the casually racist london crowd

fuck off, guys

just before jinder can do a promo in punjabi, kevin comes in to remind them that nobody should be giving a shit about people that aren't him

gets cheered for saying india ain't shit, wins his heel heat back by reminding the crowd that england ain't shit either

so he's here to talk about how much he killed jericho and is going to kill aj at backlash

and then after that, he's coming after whoever has the top belt

restates his promo in french, gets boos because this fucking crowd, reminds me once again how fucking strange québécois vowels are

and now we have styles now

i smell a curtain-jerk tag match

london might not like people who speak different languages, but damn if they don't fucking love aj styles

tells kevin he ain't shit, and now here...comes...baron corbin?

gets about six words in before getting coldcocked by sami

brief brawl ensues, the heels get chased away, the crowd have stopped giving a shit

so that was certainly a segment

later we have dolph confronting shinsuke, and next it's becky/nattie

and confirmation that the main event is going to be a 6-man tag with all those guys

cut back to the ring, and carmella and tamina are here, with ellsworth doing hype for them

opens by calling the crowd plonkers, goes well

and then carmella takes the mic to do a hype intro for nattie

fuck me, but this is some byzantine hype power structure we've got here

how many people have to die before tamina gets the mic?

and now...naomi is here?

so looks like we're having another one of those entire division in one segment things

naomi is here to do another bad cockney voice and run hype for becky

seriously, can we all stop doing the bad cockney cheap pop?

becky and nattie square off, cue charlotte's music

presumably to be like excuse you why was i not invited

points out how she doesn't need someone else to hype her, but neglects to address the matter of why the fuck she's here in the first place

jbl takes the opportunity now that he's actually in england to start making mainstream american sport references

sort it out

london start doing the give it up chant pattern for becky, but something about those vowels makes it feel off to me

but then, thinking too much about phonology is my 3rd-7th middle names

some kind of heel distraction happened there, charlotte and naomi came at cross purposes, nattie scores a cheap pin off the distraction, end segment

wow, this show doesn't feel rushed at all

but apparently next, we have fashion files: special london unit

after another burlana video

fuck, but i hope she's not russian any more

and i kind of like her shitty jazz music, but that just says a lot about me

but now, charlotte and naomi argue backstage

naomi has personal space issues, charlotte's still kind of an unlikeable bitch

becky bursts in to be like jesus ladies sort your shit out we need to actually work together if we're going to beat these asswipes

charlotte like sure i can bond i'm THE GREATEST at bonding

remember when she got to have friends in nxt?

so they're going for a 6-woman tag at backlash

but now, fashion files

*tonk tonk*

which they've replaced wth fandango just making the noise

they've come as an english policeman and sherlock homes

they find spilled paint, a sure sign of the usos, who no longer wear paint

fandango dips a finger, tastes, "Yep. That's lead paint."

they hear screaming, bust down a door, and it's just the ascension screaming at each other

like they do

tyler is getting too old for this shirt

so yeah, that happened

and now we have mr harper and his amazing magnified wood

fighting erick rowan, after this exciting ad break

rowan's music is still fucking great, and his new mask is...yeah

thoughtfully puts it on one ring post staring at the crowd as the match starts

harper single leg dropkicks rowan in the face, because fuck you i'm luke harper i know 1437 moves

rowan takes a moment to commune with his mask

i am down for weird totemic rowan where the mask is channeling the voice of bray or something

and next up in esoteric angles that would please your author and basically nobody else...

mildly terrifying sideslam from rowan, aided by the fact that harper can clearly jump like fuck

rowan uses the mask to distract the ref, austins harper in the eye, weird spinning slam for the win

i love how after the ref took rowan's mask off him, he considerately put it back on the post

end segment, no words

on to dolphamura buildup no. 735

inb4 dolph makes a joke about ugly british people

oh, no, he just goes traight in ranting at the crowd for ignoring him for eight years and jumping on shinsuke immediately

apparently we treat dolph like a contagious disease

indeed, i do have a general policy of not letting dolph ziggler into my bloodstream

dolph goes on about how shinsuke hasn't had a match, nxt chants deafen

dolph: "Well, this'll all be edited out, so."

he's another good one for actually having the quickness and composure to react to crowd shit

talks shit on shinsuke for calling himself 'the artist', despite the fact that he never actually has

dolph does this whole impassioned speech, the whole crowd just do nakamura chants, and he just stands there oozing bitterness

calls shinsuke out, cue the drop guaranteed to make me flail like an electrocuted trout

turns out this crowd do like people who speak another language, but only if they also happen to be the smoothest motherfucker on god's green earth

shinsuke gets in the ring, just stands there charismaing at dolph and waiting for him to speak first

he does, dolph mocks, shinsuke takes his mic

tells him to shut his fuck up, says they can have a match now

they square off and remove jackets, dolph's just like nope i'm a douche we do this when i say so

and then coldcocks him anyway, because, once again, douche

it ends about as well for him as youd expect

i.e., dolph gets his dumb topknot puched off

retreats from the ring with his majestic mane flying free

and cut to the locker room, where sami is once again trying to chair a meeting of his teammates

randy and aj are both just stood there like who's this talky motherfucker

calls randy the heavy artillerary

boom shakaloo

they both leave while he's doing a visualisation exercise

okayyyy

a new day video in which they take to the medium of old-school arcade games to call everyone else in the division booty

let's be honest, i could follow those first six words with literally anything else and you'd have no reason to doubt me

but speaking of teams who just got bootied, it's fashion police/ascension now

one of these teams is on the card for backlash

just gonna leave that there

far more interesting than this match is tom's slow descent into total aphasia and inability to go a sentence without corpsing

viktor gets to punch tyler in the face some, but goes down to a leg drop from fandango

that sentence accurately conveys how complex and interesting that match was

but here are the usos to talk shit

and do their version of the how you doin list thing

during which jimmy catches tom's corpsing sickness and jey makes some mildly homophobic jokes

so yeah, that segment happened

is it me, or is this like the least inspiring episode of smackdown since the split?

on which note, talking smack has dolph, mojo, and the usos

one of these men has not even been on screen this week

but now we have a 205 advert, in which kendrick elucidates us as to how much shit akira tozawa ain't while making far too many twitchy hand gestures

not gonna be able to unsee that now

but now, mojo is taking some adorable children on a tour backstage, and teaching them a valuable lesson about tolerance through the medium of stories about andre the giant

...okay, sure, whatever

that was literally the entirety of the segment

but now, a twitter video of rusev ranting at shane for not responding to his weird out-of-nowhere ultimatum

apparently he will actually deign to come to his workplace next week for once

but now we have the big tag match now

as far as this crowd are concerned this match is just aj styles+5

randy nearly rko's kevin, jbl gleefully informs us that "It only takes one!", having apparently never watched a solid 50% of randy orton matches where it does not

kevin tags in, baron immediately holds his hand out to tag

holds it there a really awkward length of time while kevin has no interest in him whatsoever

we've arrived at the 'sami zayn gets his face punched concave' section of this match

also the 'singh brother dayglo sleeve temporarily covers half the camera' section, apparently

sami tries to do a springboard splash before having absorbed enough punishment, baron just punches him the fuck out of the air

can't tell if baron's pointedly keeping his hands off sami in their corner or stealing randy's pose

sami somehow manages to rip baron's shirt off while getting the shit beaten out of him

that just smacks of poor manufacturing standards

hot tag to aj, who punches everyone in the face

sets up a styles clash on baron, loses it but transitions into a calf crusher

kevin breaks it, general brawl happens punctuated mainly by sami topeing everyone

aj tries to do a phenomenal forearm on baron, having neglected the customary checks to see if KEVIN OWENS IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU OH GOD

kevin shouts about it being his title while applying a master headlock so hard it looks like he's trying to compress aj's head into the world's first georgian farm-fed organic diamond

randy tags in, kicks everyone until he gets distracted by the singhs

and then everyone does their finishers on everyone, culminating in jinder cobra slamming randy for the pin

there's no way in hell he'll win at backlash, but it'd be cool if he did

him and his cohorts stand halfway up the ramp, all shouting in punjabi, randy lies in the ring with this bewildered look of what is losing i don't lose things i'm randy orton

and scene

so that was a pair of really shitty london matches

good job, guys

and we still haven't addressed how RANDY SHITTING TELEPORTED FROM UNDER AN EVIL FRIDGE TO SOMEWHERE WITH CONVENIENT FOLDING CHAIRS AND THENCE TO THE RING

sigh

hey, maybe it's not that hard

lemme try

*pop*

#WWE #WWE Raw #wwe smackdown #Wrestling

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tractionmagazine · 8 years ago

Text

147. Stine Deja

Stine Deja, ‘Cyphoria’, 2017. Installation View. Courtesy the artist and Annka Kultys.

Denmark-born and London-based artist, Stine Deja talks with Charlotte Barnard for Traction about her recent solo exhibition ‘Cyphoria’ at Annka Kultys, marking her first with the gallery.

Deja utilises an artful manipulation of video and digital media to create synthetic realities composed of highly polished and skilfully rendered architectural spaces and human avatars. These act as an interrogative tool, examining the ways in which the techno-sphere and digital technologies have altered human connectivity and understanding of self.

Through navigating the interstices between virtual and real worlds, in ‘Cyphoria’, the capitalisation of human emotion by the techno-bubble has been laid bare. In the staging of an immersive installation, physically resemblant of an airport departure lounge, Deja invited the audience to acknowledge their complicity in this contemporary extension and subversion of human existence. Encouraged to actively participate in becoming a ‘cyber traveller’; from the ‘irl’ physical acts of taking a seat, a drink of water, adding to the rubbish in the bin; to the virtual experience elicited through the visuals and voice-over, the viewer is forced to confront and be cognisant of the ways in which we transfer value and recognise ourselves through the screen of digital media.

'Cyphoria' at Annka Kulty's, is the first time I have come across your work. You use digitally rendered video to pose questions around the growing dependence of human connection on digital media. What interests you so much about this area of contemporary life?

In an age of digital dependency and mass migration to ‘virtual’ spaces, I find it super interesting to explore the overlaps and gaps, the malleable borders of the ‘real’ and the ‘virtual’. Digital technologies are now almost ubiquitous in every part of our lives and as they become more advanced and integrated they become more invisible.

In the Western context at least, we are continually occupying hybrid spaces, where people are simultaneously off and online, using objects that are technologically attached and detached. This has affected intimacy as people try to come together whilst maintaining their connection to everything else. I love observing and participating in this (contemporary) life.

Stine Deja, ‘Cyphoria’, 2017. Installation View. Courtesy the artist and Annka Kultys.

 We are welcomed into a physical space resemblant of an airport departure lounge. The imagery in the video also references this and we are informed by the voice-over that we are going on a 'journey'. Could you discuss what interests you about this space as a platform for what is discussed in the work?

I chose the airport because I see it as a transient space with boundaries (and borders) that react to the person crossing them. I wanted to try and overlap this metaphor with the ways in which humans now ‘travel’ on and offline as part of their daily routine. The internet, when constantly accessible, offers infinite ‘destinations’ and each of those routes is unique as it is defined by the imagination of the person navigating it. I thought that the airport aesthetic was appropriate for this reason and it interests me because of it’s muted minimalism and futurist metallic accents that also are woven through the video. I thought that simulating the airport in the space as part of the installation would both mirror the environments in the video whilst also putting the audience in the apprehensive and adventurous frame of mind that airports sometimes put you in.

Stine Deja, ‘Cyphoria’, 2017. Installation View. Courtesy the artist and Annka Kultys.

I was struck by your complex overlapping and intertwining of motifs found in the comprising elements of the show; the video, voice-over, print and installation. It creates an extremely immersive and visceral experience for the viewer, where we are pushed to be 'active' participants. Was this the desired effect and, if so, why was it so important to you that the viewer be so implicated in the work?

I definitely wanted to create a space that allowed the participant to give themselves away to the thought experiment. We are so used to watching videos and pictures on our screens all the time, most of which we don't really digest or take in. We are experts in filtering relevant pixels, therefore I hoped that creating an airport lounge would optimise the relevance of the video and give the viewers a more full sensory experience. Upon arrival at the exhibition participants are actually preparing for a departure and are forced to do the familiar rituals of checking for a flight, waiting, absorbing the environment and other strangers in the space, take a drink, throw things away - perform your private waiting room rituals in the public space.

Stine Deja, ‘Cyphoria’, 2017. Installation View. Courtesy the artist and Annka Kultys. 

The print in the show was created by 3D printing your personal items, which was then (if I'm correct?) photographed and digitally manipulated to form the final image. I found the lengthy process you undertook, taking 'irl' objects and transforming them into the digitised and flattened, yet still 3-D, end image fascinating. Could you discuss your motives for choosing this process?

The print was created by 3D scanning body parts and personal belongings, such as my toothbrush, underwear and also myself. After digitising those, I put everything into a composition in a 3D software and then it went to print.

The idea behind the print was to prepare myself to be uploaded into cyperspace, I wanted to see what the representation would look like. In the print the objects have shifted, they are suspended and hyper-real. I can easily call upon them when transitioning from the real world to the virtual world. By translating my everyday fixed existence into digital objects I have achieved a deeper nomadic quality, with which I can move. The print is also related to the exhibition as it could be taken as a metaphor of how one's luggage could look three dimensional but completely flat, like a screen.

Stine Deja, ‘Cyphoria’, 2017. Installation View. Courtesy the artist and Annka Kultys.

Throughout the video piece, and within the installation, you engage water as a motif, here I refer to the Davidoff 'Cool Water' advert, the water-based animated text that is used within the video, the reference to 'floating' in the voice-over, as well as the water cooler that the viewer is invited to use. I'm interested as to why this element is of such prominence in the work? What interests you about the relationship between this natural element and the digital sphere?

To be honest, before you listed it out, I wasn’t really aware how prominent the water motif was, it happened somewhat unconsciously. I am certainly interested in reflections and playing with ideas of screens as mirrors or portals into environments beyond them. There is a clear narcissism in the ways in which we interact with glossy devices. Whilst a mirror displays back exactly what sits in front of it, a screen on the other hand can alter a persons identity both on and off line, perhaps more like a mirror illusion. In other works I have explored these ideas further and I think that water has become an extension of that.

Davidoff ‘Cool Water’ is a product that to me is inextricably linked to airports in the sense that it is always available in flight and in Duty Free shops. It was intended as a kind of timeless symbol of airport advertising, I just feel like it is something that you could find in any airport in the West for the last decade and the next decade to come. 

Stine Deja, ‘Cyphoria’, 2017. Installation View. Courtesy the artist and Annka Kultys.

Carrying on from this question; through aligning the reference to bodies of water with your over-arching engagement in, as said in the press release, "...investigating the extent by which genuine emotional feeling within this virtual domain shapes us as social beings", I was drawn to inferring elements of hydro-feminist thought onto the work. This was reinforced by your choice to use a female avatar, 'Alena', as our guide. Is this an area of research that you are interested in?

I only recently discovered the work of Astrida Neimanis, so need to read more about hydro-feminism before I can answer that really. It certainly wasn’t a direct inspiration because I didn’t know about it at the time! But I am interested in gender and feminism so the choice of Alena wasn’t entirely unconscious.

 Stine Deja, ‘Cyphoria’, 2017. Installation View. Courtesy the artist and Annka Kultys.

There is much humour in the work, found as moments of parody and irony. Why do you use humour and what do you feel its value is as a tool?

Sometimes I feel like things become more apparent by highlighting a detail or a contrast, especially if it's something I find intriguing/weird/funny. Unlike computers we remember something best if we learn it in a context that we understand, or if it's emotionally important to us. For me humour is a way of emotionally engaging the viewer and its also a way of balancing a lot of information.That being said, I actually don't think too much about how I use humour in my work whilst making it, I guess it's more a natural flow of thoughts that luckily sometimes happens to be funny.

Stine Deja, ‘Cyphoria’, 2017. Installation View. Courtesy the artist and Annka Kultys.  

Interview by Charlotte Barnard.

‘Cyphoria’ was on view at Annka Kultys Gallery from 22 March - 22 April, 2017. More at http://www.annkakultys.com.preview13.oxito.com/exhibitions/cyphoria/

To find out more about Stine Deja’s work follow http://stinedeja.com/

You can next view Deja’s work in ‘Synthetic Seduction’ (May, 2018), a solo show at SixtyEight Art Institute, Copenhagen. http://www.sixtyeight.dk/

#contemporary art #technosphere #virtual #real #illusion #reality #feminism #gender #digital art #video #techno-social #digital technologies

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