#still she draws the wrong conclusions; shes convinced everyone is selfish at heart. rather than poisoned by societal expectations.

[sporesgalaxy]

in your post about vlad and silence being super normal you said they both had medical problems, what medical problem did silence have? also i love her

I don't mention it directly much because I don't think SHE would mention it, but she was physically unable to have children. and thank you!!

[oveliagirlhaditright]

Defining Perfection - A KHUX Fic

Summary: A request by a user who chooses to remain anonymous. They wanted me to write a fic where the Foretellers used darkness instead of light, and Ava became the Master of Master's second over Ira: this is what I did with that idea. AU.

Author’s Note: So, a quick warning now: at the end of this fic—though only in the last little bit—the Master of Masters has feelings for Ava (she also has a bit of a crush on him, but that’s harmless). I KNOW that it’s problematic and messed up, but that’s sort of the point: the Master of MASTERS is problematic and messed up. But even while this is here, nothing inappropriate happens between them. He only tells Ava this to try and sway her from a suicide mission, and then tries to save her when she’s dying. That’s it. But still… if that’s too much for you, and you don’t want to read this, I understand. But the story just developed this way via the prompt: if the Foretellers are using darkness, something opposite of what they did in canon, that means a lot of other opposites that you wouldn’t expect from them should be happening with the characters. And since the theme of this story is darkness, go figure that it got a bit darker. But Gula and Ava is still the center pairing in this, if you can even say there is one here. And Ava does refer to everyone in her life as her new family—so sorry if it seems weird, then, that she has feelings for Gula and arguably the Master—but as no one’s actually related… and this happens in other media, I went with it. Also, once again, they’re dealing with darkness. So this is kind of a dark fic. Also, I know I sometimes write Sora as the Master of Masters or Gula in fics, and Kairi—as Ava—but I’m not doing any of that here. The Master of Masters, Gula, and Ava are all their own characters in this. And Gula and Ava get into a sad confrontation in this, because of a misunderstanding and the darkness but I swear it gets better! But enough yammering from me… Defining Perfection Ava’s PoV The Master of Masters sat stood before his Foretellers, in the tower that they called home, telling them what was presumably the truth of the land: a truth that Ava was having a hard time digesting. She supposed it made sense what he was saying now—that what they actually needed was a balance between light and darkness, since some of the medals from the future had darkness in them and apparently the world survived in some form by partly residing in the Realm of Darkness… And since the Master was now saying that since the Keyblade wielders had the light covered, that then meant that the Foretellers needed to be the darkness now. Aced was deeply upset by this, begging the Master of Masters to take it back. And while Aced was clearly the most vocal about his displeasure, it was clear that the others were unhappy, too: Gula was pacing back and forth, Invi was biting on her lip, and Ira had a hand reached towards their dear Master. But Ava, breathing a quick sigh, decided to be brave: this was what the world needed in order to survive, and she'd always choose that. "We'll do it, Master!” Ava said, in a far more chipper tone than she thought she had any right to. “We won't give up on our light entirely, but we'll work on the darkness." And this was how Ava became the Master of Masters' second-in-command. … In the end, giving herself over to the darkness—even just somewhat—ended up being harder than Ava thought it would be. But since she had been the first  to agree to this, she threw herself into her research to be a good example for her fellow Foretellers (especially Gula, who meant so much to her)… but it was still too much. Though Ava was loath to let it show. …She hated how cold darkness felt when one used it. If you used it to attack anyone—as she’d learned when she’d sparred with her adopted siblings, or whatever they were—the target would feel like you were freezing them to death. And even though heat hurt, Ava missed the burning effect of light much more. Warmth was everything good in the world, wasn’t it? Sometimes it was actually hard for Ava to think back to the perfect relationship she’d had with her friends and family, before they had been taken away from her… but she was glad that she had those memories (recollections of scrapbooking, jest skiing, and video editing with the family she chose, that was). And they made Ava glow, the way a star did—as one was supposed to feel—and made her even moreso think she’d maybe made a mistake in giving up on the light so easily… But the Master of Masters had insisted… And no matter what, Ava listened to what he had to say. So what was Ava trying to do right now? To create a barrier of darkness that would keep her from being harmed by anything, such as an icy feeling… something that felt somewhat ironic to Ava, because she still thought that darkness did the harming. But it was what it was… “What feeling?” the Master of Masters asked now, as he came into their gym to inspect her form, “do you think of when you draw upon the power of darkness, Ava?” And while everything else in her life might not have been easy anymore, this answer at least was. “…Selfishness,” Ava admitted, just as some hair fell loose from the bun she’d put it into, and it landed on her face. “…My brother, Atom’s, selfishness when he convinced me that he and I were aliens when we were little, just for fun… And my own there, for believing it—and wanting it to be true—and dreaming of leaving our perfect parents for something ‘better’. Not even caring how it would hurt them.” Ava was certain that her Master was staring at her now—though this was never an easy thing to tell, of course, because his face was always hidden beneath his hood. But Ava could still gather this by how he stood facing her, without moving or saying anything—and she thought she knew why… Even what she was “complaining of,” was still near perfection: so unlike the other children the Master of Masters had taken in. She had had it the best out of anyone in Daybreak Town… So did she really deserve to teach others about darkness, then? And she also guessed he was staring, because… this was arrogance on her part, she knew—another bit of darkness in her heart, so perhaps she had more to her than she knew—but Ava imagined that most people wouldn’t have even thought how such a dream could hurt their guardians… or give thought to anyone else at all, when it came to their passions. "Ava, I think you should go back to the light," the Master of Masters said out of the blue, just like that. And Ava knew that he sometimes used reverse psychology to get them to do what he wanted them to, so maybe that was what he meant for here… Except that he didn’t. He actually meant it. And it completely took Ava aback. "But... wouldn't that ruin all your plans?" Ava asked helplessly. Her respect and trust for the Master of Masters was one of the only constants she still had in this life. And she was doing what she now was—even against some of the other Foretellers' own ideas about it--for him. So to have the Master hinting that what she was doing was maybe now wrong, she didn't know what to do. And seeming in deep thought about the words he had just said himself—not at all like the always joking man that Ava knew—the Master finally voiced, "…Then I guess for now, just do what you think is best, Ava." And so she did... And since she hated quitting anything, and feeling like she was falling short, Ava threw herself went even further and nearly submitted to the darkness completely. …It would be the greatest mistake she had ever made. ... "…I like your pink dress, because it looks like your skin," Gula blurted out to Ava—rather ungracefully one day—when they were holding each other’s hands, after Ava had nearly fallen on Gula when they’d tried to get a box of keychains from the storage shed for the wielders. Gula’s outburst wasn't completely unexpected, because she and Gula were perhaps moving closer to taking the next grand step in their relationship: the physical, probably. And Gula was a guy, so of course he wanted her…. But for whatever reason, even though there was a part of Ava that wanted every part of Gula like nothing else in the world, she somehow couldn't help feeling hurt by what he’d just said: and that his mind seemed to be more on her body than her heart. So that was why she even blurted something out herself, "Gula, I’ve got to ask… do you think you’d want me so strongly, if we weren’t all experimenting with darkness now?" Ava instantly regretted this—especially when she took in the look on Gula's face—because lust was an emotion everyone felt. And though it could lead to darkness (or be caused by it), it didn't always. Wasn't that exactly what they were learning now? That emotions that they'd once associated with that element didn't have to go hand-in-hand? And as the own darkness in her heart called her many things here—for being so cruel, and probably a hypocrite—Ava found herself accepting that she deserved Gula’s harsh rebuttal, as he pulled away from her as if she’d burned him: "And because I was the loaner of the Foretellers--the dark one from the get-go—I assume you just think all I feel for you is lust. And that I felt it early, because I’ve always had darkness in my heart, huh?” But what Ava knew she didn't deserve, was Gula summoning his lightning bolt Keyblade to try and attack her with it. He aimed for her head. "Well, then, I’m ending the insulting idea that I want you in any shape or form right here!” "Gula, what is this?!" Ava cried, as she easily parried his blade. A hurt, lost part of her wondering if he was acting this way just because he thought he wouldn’t let him touch her… even though she knew that wasn’t the case at all. He must have just thought she was saying he’d always been evil, or something. But even that wasn't enough to warrant this overreaction in her eyes. "Gula… I swear I'm not just jumping to conclusions and hating on you here. I know what partners feel for each other. I’m just wondering if darkness could increase that… and am worried if you’re really yourself here. Gula, please! See reason!” But apparently Gula didn't believe Ava and didn’t want to see reason. He hit her Keyblade, with his own so hard, that he almost broke it. And he sent a thunder spell her way, that she thankfully easily blocked with water… and kicked her legs in, so that she toppled over and now couldn’t follow after him. She needed a cure first, but she was out of ethers and magic at the moment and she knew that he wouldn’t heal here. "Gula!" Ava exclaimed, tears streaming down her eyes now. Why- why was this happening?! She loved him! And things had been speeding up between them so much lately—in a good way—that they should have been getting close to saying their vows. But now- "It's over, Ava!" Gula growled out. "And since it's over with you—the only Foreteller I actually cared about—it is for me and the rest of them, too. I'm on my own now, like the Master originally wanted, so don't come near me!" But even with his bizarre spiel, Gula turned around once—to kiss Ava on the head one last time, it seemed—and then he was gone. And Ava wasn't at all surprised when she heard the next day, that he was trying to get more lux than anyone else was. ... On said next day, Ava went to see Invi in a secret room of the Foretellers'. And Invi was sitting in the throne that was stationed there and trying to summon a dark fire to her hand.: since they'd all realized they could somehow use the power of darkness better in this seat. Especially dark fire. “Inv…, do you think the Master made this dais to help us learn how to use the darkness better, when he eventually leaves us? Like he said he would?” Ava demanded, eager to know the truth. Because if she was now going to lose the two people most dear to her in her life… she honestly didn’t know what to do. Invi breathed heavily at the question, and Ava knew why. She, perhaps more than any of them, hated the idea of the Master of Masters leaving them. “…I don’t know, Ava,” Invi finally sighed out, willfully getting up from where she’d just sat and striding towards the room’s exit. Ava followed her. “It seems to me that he just made it for himself… which concerns me a bit. Because if that’s the case, what does it mean that he was always using the power of darkness? Ava… what if Superbia was never trustworthy, and we were fools to trust him?” At Invi’s complete and total act of betrayal here, Ava almost wanted to summon her own Keyblade and fight Invi, the way Gula just had her. But she kept herself from doing so, because she was better than that…for  she was the one the Master of Masters had once tasked with the idea of “Dandelions”. But she did still have it within her to question, “what are you saying, Invi?!” The two girls were in Invi’s favorite place in the world right now: the tower’s kitchen. And it actually grieved Ava, to know this because it seemed to her that Invi was almost getting rewarded for saying sacrilegious things. “If that’s the case- then what? He wanted to destroy the world?! Why would he do that? He lives in it, too!” Clearly, Invi had just been completely consumed by the darkness or something. That was the only thing that Ava could figure here—perhaps via the place they’d just been in, that  better connected them to the darkness. And if this was the result of that, it just had to be an oversight on the Master of Masters’ part… right? As Invi pinched the bridge of her nose, looking as though she had a migraine coming on, she only had this answer for Ava: “You haven’t been through what I have, so you probably don’t know how good parents can go bad. But since I do, let me tell you-“ But Ava wasn’t taking this patronizing tone. She knew well of what Invi had been through. They all did: her parents had essentially disowned her for allowing her racehorse to get injured. And that was horrible, it really was. And Ava had nothing but sympathy for Invi because of it… but Invi had no idea what she’d been through. And to say that the Master of Masters was anything like that- Ava wouldn’t believe it. Couldn’tbelieve it. Ava’s Keyblade had come to her hand now—since she was clearly so agitated—but it kept blinking in and out of existence, since it was as lost on what to do as she was. Ava could barely hear her own voice when she talked next, because she didn’t want to remember any of this… but at the same time, she did… and needed to, and that was that. “Invi, I do have an idea of your situation… I’ve never told anyone how I came to live here with you all… I had a golden life… I really did. With all walks of life—and things—in it, since my parents were always bouncing back and forth from middle class to higher class. But even when we were in the middle class, it was still higher middle class… But this was because my aunt, but mainly my uncle—my real legal guardians, after my real mother had me out of wedlock and wasn’t ready for me—was doing some illegal things: fraud, not paying his taxes. You name it. And all of that really isn’t so bad, right? …Except he did this to keep my brother—who- who now has died—and I at higher class, thinking it made us better that way. That we would end up being hellions, as I guess ‘all other children are’, if we got a taste of the lower-class life. My ‘dad’ went to jail, my ‘mom’ killed herself because she couldn’t handle it, and my brother was murdered by someone who hated my ‘dad’ for how he’d robbed him: the start of evil darkness in the world, probably. I was on the street for a week after that… that’s when the Master found me. “So, Invi: I know all too well what it’s like to be betrayed by an adult. But I swear the Master of Masters isn’t like that at all. He-“ “But what if I am?” came a sudden voice that seemed very close to the girls, but nowhere near them all at once… It was the Master of Master’s voice, no doubt. And since it was, Ava absolutely dreaded what he’d just said. The women looked around this way and that, trying to find their beloved Master. They even summoned their Keyblades to hand (it no longer blinking away from Ava now), thinking that maybe them doing so would make their senses more alert. And they closed their eyes, just trying to listen. But nothing. Though out of the corner of her eye, Ava thought she saw a white version of the Master’s robes billowing out the window. But if she had, the image was gone in a flash. But Invi must have seen it too, for the next day she was completely against the Master of Master’s ideas and stopped doing anything at all—thinking that perhaps he had died, and that had been his regretful spirit telling them he’d been wrong. … “Ira… do you think we did the right thing in trusting the Master of Masters, and deciding to use the power of darkness?” Ava asked, when she couldn’t stand the silence anymore… Not that it had been an uncomfortable silence in the slightest. But the weight of everything that had happened recently, with Gula, and Invi leaving (and Gula had taken her heart with him), was clearly heavy on their minds. And Ava hadn’t wanted some sort of disaster to happen between them, too, just because they were choosing to remain silent about these hard topics. At first, Ira seemed to have the same kind of mindset that Ava had had. He actually pricked his finger on a thorn—when Ava so greatly shocked him—and looked at her accusingly for it… Or so Ava thought he was, anyway, even though she couldn’t see his face from beneath his mask. “Ava… I would rather not believe anything heinous about our Master… But then again, hindsight does exist. And since the Master just disappeared, it’s impossible to know. “But… I feel like no matter what, we had to try something. If we had stuck with our original idea of gathering light as the Keyblade wielders are, would that have ended any differently? Or could we have eventually fought over lux, as noble as our intentions were, and doomed ourselves that way? …But we learned that the future has darkness and needs it, so we would have been fools to not try and created it now. Right? So even if that ends up destroying us, or our method before it would have done the trick, no one can say we didn’t try to find a peaceful solution or to weigh out our options. And if a world still manages to exist after our own one here, surely history will remember us for that.” It was a moving speech. And maybe in some way, Ava attempted to tell Ira just that as she put some of the dandelions into a flower crown around his head. It even made Ava believe that maybe she could avoid hating herself, and dreading everything, if the worst should come, and she raised a Keyblade against a fellow wielder herself. But she still couldn’t help feeling that too little was happening here. “Ira… I mean this with complete respect towards your character, of course, but it seems like you’re as willing to be inactive as I am now… and Invi is. Me, the person who started all of this, is now rooted to the spot because I don’t know what’s best or who to trust… and I despise having to say that. But I am just keeping a sharp eye on everything—so I’ll hopefully know when to intervene, if I have to—and praying for the best, I guess.” Ira, as her curled his lips in a look of disgust, definitely seemed insulted by Ava’s words at first. And Ava thought she knew why: before she’d risen as leader, in agreeing to use the power of darkness before anyone else had, there had been rumors of Ira being the one chosen to be the Master of Master’s right-hand man. So of course, it would kill him that Ava was saying he wasn’t being proactive. But thankfully, Ira swiftly recovered and told her with a rather shy smile, “Well, with Gula and Invi already flying off the handles—and us losing them that way—maybe staying calm is actually for the best.” And when out of the corner of her eye, Ava saw Aced essentially curb stomping new recruits to choose whoever was best for his new “power brigade”, or whatever it was called—his version of the Dandelions the Master of Masters had once tasked her with, but that hadn’t happened after he’d changed their roles—she couldn’t help but agree. “…Also, Ira… I actually don’t know if Gula’s out of the count yet. Yesterday, he sent me a letter—telling me he’s somewhere else and has figured everything out—and it had smiley faces all over it, which isn’t like him at all.” And as both Ava and Ira exchanged a look at this, she knew they were both confused… but Ava was also so very grateful. … Aced was the one who approached Ava the next day, when she was trying to be zen in clipping her Bonsai Tree. The situation that was growing between the other Foretellers now was horrid, it was, but you only lived once. And if it was true Ava was going to lose her life soon, she was going to make sure this little plant could survive even beyond her. “Ava,” Aced said, as he came into her room uninvited and slammed the door—almost hitting her—as he did so. He was completely unperturbed. “Since it seems like this War is inevitable—with Gula collecting so much lux before he ran away, that it’s ridiculous… and how I want to beat him for that, and Invi for skirting her own responsibilities—I want to at least be fair and tell you that all of my Key Kids, even the ones in a different Union than mine, will wait at the fated place on the morrow… and if none of you show up there, I’ll hunt you down here.” Tears stung Ava’s eyes, but she didn’t let them show. If this was the kind of person Aced had really chosen to be, he didn’t deserve the luxury of seeing her emotions. But she couldn’t believe Aced was doing this! Sure, some of the other Foretellers had had bad things to say about him—and even Ava had had her own issues with him, when he’d wanted to kill any Dark Chirithys before they’d opted to use the darkness—but he’d still held one of the purest and most beautiful hearts she’d ever known: that she might have even once said was brighter than any of theirs. So… why? Why did it end up like this? But seeming to see Ava’s feelings on the subject, despite her best effort to cover them up, Aced smiled at her sadly and even seemed near tears himself. “It’s just inevitable at this point, Ava. Deep down, we all knew that it was. But I have a plan here: I’ll make sure I win and summon Kingdom Hearts. Whoever opens Kingdom Hearts is said to be revived as a god. I’ll then use those powers to, perhaps, rewind time and make certain we don’t end up like this again. I’ll find a way. That’s a promise.” Ava wanted to slap him—or hug him, even—and explain that there were a lot of “what-ifs” in this scenario, so why was he trying to egg things on now? But she didn’t. Because as messed up as it was, Aced was the only one who’d deemed to give Ava any sense of hope through this inevitability. And if that was all she had, then she would heartbreakingly take that over the alternative: that eventually they had the Keyblade War, anyway, but with absolutely no promise there. So Ava was certain she’d try and help Aced and his pupils win the Keyblade War… but a returned Master of Masters, wearing the white robe that she and Invi had seen before, would try and stop her. … It was when Ava was suiting up for the Keyblade War—thinking of trying out this armor that she’d just heard about—that the Master of Masters approached her by grabbing the end of her coat sleeve… something that was so unlike him, that it instantly took Ava’s breath away. The Foretellers were the ones who usually hugged him in adoration. Or if he did touch any of them, it was usually a hard clap on their shoulder or something. This act of… love definitely seemed off somehow. Ava would have been lying if she said she hadn’t had a crush on the Master of Masters in the beginning—as messed up as that was—and though Ava had lied to herself about their being signs between them back then… only now—as he actually showed her his face and gave her an imploring eye)—was he really giving her one. “Ava, don’t do this.” She was shaking right in front of where her Bonsai Tree was now. And Ava fell into a deep depression, when with those movements she knocked it onto the floor and shattered the vase… Was there no chance it would survive now, either? Sure, she could probably have replanted it, but she didn’t have a vase or time! Which was why she began to sob, when she whirled around on one who she loved so much. “I- I have to, Master! Maybe you could’ve stopped this if you hadn’t disappeared… but it’s too late now! If we don’t go to the fated place, Aced will bring the War here… and I don’t want that. I’ve allowed those who are too afraid to fight, to bow out of going to the Keyblade Graveyard. But if Aced comes here, they might still get swept up in-” “I mean don’t fight in this War at all, Ava! Find a way to avoid it! And don’t listen to anything I ever said in the past. Kingdom Hearts above, don’t listen to any of that… I’m the villain of this story, Ava. I wanted Kingdom Hearts for myself… to turn the world to pure darkness. And I decided, in the end, that turning you guys to darkness would speed that process up and probably give me the X-Blade to open it, when you clashed with the light-wielding Keybearers… “But it was seeing what darkness did to you, how it turned those I did care about—despite myself—into completely different people… you especially, who was always too good for any of this… it made me change my mind about all of it. So stop it now, Ava. I’m begging you.” Tears probably streamed down Ava’s face in a torrent here, and she was humiliated because she was sure her face must have just looked like waterfalls—and the part of her that had once wanted to be the model specimen for this man, hated her lack of poise here—but she couldn’t care about that now. Instead, she had to go up to the Master—no, Superbia’s—face, and try to cover his mouth as he spoke because she couldn’t hear any of this. Because if any of this was at all true, then it meant Ava’s entire life was a lie… and actually, maybe in that lied the answer. She couldn’t livelike this anymore! And when she began laughing hysterically, as her life completely fell apart all around her, that she should have taken a step back and realized that she was in trouble. “Ava… the look in your eyes right now is one of craziness. And that’s coming from someone who’s fruitier than a fruitcake. What are you planning?” Was Ava imagining it… or was Superbia—no, the Master of Masters—trying to hug or restrain her now? No, that couldn’t have been it! Hadn’t she already established that none of this could be happening with him? Not when the Master was aloof with everyone who existed, even her… So that could only mean one thing: surely that was it, because her life couldn’t be this bad. It just couldn’t. “This must be a dream,” Ava whispered rubbing her eyes, largely to try and stop herself from seeing her fallen tree again and her Master’s handsome face. “Or it’s a trick of the light—perhaps our true enemy, like maybe you were getting at before--because you… you left, like everyone I’ve ever loved has done. You left us for good, for some reason… And you being here now is too good to be true. So that must mean nothing has changed, and I must go fight in this God forsaken War to keep to your ideals now. Goodbye, Dream.” “Ava, don’t.” This man, whoever or whatever he was—because he wasn’t the Master of Masters, he wasn’t—grabbed onto Ava’s wrist again to halt her. But it wasn’t enough… Because this thing didn’t want to hurt her, it seemed—which meant she could get away from him far too easily, whereas the Master would have made sure to leave a mark on her if he hadn’t wanted her to move. Ava escaped with her wits intact—or were they?—and headed towards the fated place with her Union members instantly understanding and following suit behind her…. and Ava swung, swung, swung her Keyblade there on autopilot: not really knowing or seeing anything. She did think she must have been bleeding a lot, though, and perhaps others were, too… how she missed Gula: perhaps the only ray of sunshine that she’d ever had in her life. And Invi and Ira’s logic. It was only as she laid down dying, that everything came to Ava with sudden clarity and she could greatly regret her actions. The “dream” hadn’t been that at all. That had really been the Master of Masters, looking for her to repent him of his sins… and she hadn’t listened to him, because she was too afraid to… and now the world was ending, with all these hearts going up to Kingdom Hearts, for no reason! None at all! During the battle, the Master of Masters did show up on the battlefield—completely unarmed (Luxu, too, surely under the Master’s command. But he didn’t do much)—and he did more than just try to stop Ava. Like, he tried to halt Invi—who had come back with a vengeance—but eventually he did get to Ava. And of course he would—a now cynical part of her thought—he “loved her”, whatever that meant… And that was disgusting, as everything else he’d done was disgusting. So when he was hovering over her, looking for a pulse, she found a last bit of strength within herself to rise up and stab him in the heart. So, in the end, they would die in some vein of Romeo and Juliet… So perhaps they had some sort of star-crossed lovers’ thing going on between them, after all. …Or moreover, she and Gula did. Because Gula—unlike what she’d thought with Aced—was the only good thing she could cling to as she died. Gula cradled her body and apologized profusely for the way he’d treated her in their last encounter together. He said he’d actually realized right away that he’d been wrong to treat her as such, since in his own words “she was always right”. Gula had then found pages pluralmissing from the Book of Prophecies, that spoke of the only one who could have saved them from all from his catastrophe: Sora. So Gula’d actively looked for a way to get to the future and reach to him—and he’d only pretended that he was after lux, to throw off the Master of Masters who Gula had begun to doubt—and he had gone and gotten Sora and brought him here… but it was too late. He’d gotten back too late. But Sora was needed to see the world to a better future, and now that he was here with Gula… they would make sure that happened and see to the survivors. Ava was sure of it. So maybe she could rest in peace, after all. Ava closed her eyes, squeezing Gula’s hand like she had always loved doing, and wished that she could get a millionth chance to do it. But she didn’t. But from the final resting place, Ava saw that Gula reaching his hand out to where she was in the sky—clearly, he’d understood her last wish and felt the same—and Ava was able to smile in perfection again.

[onisionhurtspeople]

Sorry I just ran into this blog, Lainey said on Twitter they're an ISFJ awhile back. I can see both them being an unhealthy INFP that thinks their Si is stronger than it actually is due to looping and them being an unhealthy ISFJ. They could be in an Si-Ti loop where they dont let new ideas in and believes their experience/conclusions are always correct without looking further than that for information. (1/3)

They’re also very tactful (auxiliary Fe) which makes them seem innocent and wanting group harmony instead of drama. An unhealthy Fe user sweeps issues under the rug to live in their ideal “peaceful” world. If an ISFJ is gripping, their inferior function is Ne. This may cause them to think of all the ways life could be and using it as an excuse that nothing could go wrong due to the likelihood (they think) of it in their life (ex. bringing 18-20 year olds into an unhealthy relationship, believing Onision didn’t cheat due to the fact many things could happen since there are infinite truths in the world and Si-Ti may think that their POV is the most correct from what they gathered). I can see INFP but I do want to see what you think of this. 

Sorry it took so long to respond! I knew this was going to be a long one, so I’ve been avoiding it because tbh you will never meet a lazier INTJ than me. I apologize in advance for the poor quality of this message, because my brain fog is really shitty today and I’m feeling not nearly as sharp as I usually am. My arguments will probably not be as convincing or wordy as they usually are.

Anyway, I believe she actually said she was INFJ. I remember because I was the one who asked her to take the quiz. >_> (Unless we’re thinking of two different incidences? This was, if I recall correctly, around the time that Billie had just left for the final time, so I want to say September or October of 2016.) Anyway–tbh, the fact that she got INFJ just confirmed to me more than anything else that she really was an INFP, because let’s be real, I’m pretty sure no INFP has ever existed who didn’t first mistype themselves as being an INFJ. (I’m mostly joking, but like.. only mostly.) Of course, ISFJs also frequently mistype as INFJs, so this is an idea worth exploring.

Anyway, I shall try to explain why I see her as an INFP rather than as an ISFJ or INFJ. I apologize in advance if you’re an INFP; if I end up saying anything rude about them, please understand that I’m not making disparaging comments about INFPs in general - I’m just evaluating Lainey, who is (I believe) a very unhealthy version of her type.

So, first and foremost: Fi. Sooo much Fi. But Fi in the most unhealthy way possible: incredibly self-righteous and self-absorbed, and excessively concerned with interpreting and relaying her own individualistic, unique identity to the world. She needs to be acknowledged for her differences. If you look back at all of the arguments she’s ever had with Greg on social media (in other words, the times when he says something that aggrieves her enough that she’s actually willing to confront him over it), they all have the same theme in common: they’re always about her feeling affronted because he invalidated her values or sense of self somehow. For example: the last fight they got in was because Greg referred to himself as being in a straight relationship, which offended Lainey because she interpreted that as him undermining her gender. I can think of a few other examples of their arguments on social media off the top of my head, and they all follow that same theme: Greg being insulted that she was hero-worshiping a musician who didn’t like him (also an Fi user); Greg arguing with her about eating fish; Greg calling her filthy because her room was dirty and she hadn’t cleaned it; Greg insulting her family (especially her mother and sister). When Lainey gets involved in Greg’s debates or ongoing feuds with other content creators (Jaclyn Glenn, Joy Sparkle BS, Blaire White, etc), it’s never to weigh in with her opinion, and only ever to express her irritation over them misgendering her, either accidentally or on purpose. When she’s rude and condescending towards her fans, it’s typically because they questioned her sense of self somehow (usually in regards to her gender, internal motivations, or relationship with Greg). It’s rarely in defense of anybody else, which I feel like would happen more often if she really was an Fe user.

I think the tactfulness and willingness to sweep things under the rug that you’re interpreting as being aux Fe may actually be a combination of Fi seeking harmony in relationships (high Fi users can do this too, just like Fe users can; the difference mainly lies in when, and for what reason, their feeling function becomes triggered when somebody crosses the line. For Fi users, this tends to be when something strikes a personal nerve or attacks and invalidates their character or sense of self; for Fe users, this tends to be when somebody rejects, abuses, or takes advantage of their warmth and care, or when somebody expresses a lack of concern for the collective (family, friends, neighborhood, club, church group, society, etc) - other words, selfishness. If you dismiss their overtures of affection after they’ve put effort into displaying warmth and consideration, then they may become offended when that same person then takes advantage of those polite gestures, or refuses to reciprocate them), and also Lainey just generally not caring enough to say or do anything to counter Greg that might rock the boat in their private life. 

Secondly: Ne. In Lainey’s case, her Ne is not as overt as I’ve observed it in other INFPs, and I’m not sure why this is. I apologize if this comes off as rude (and it really kind of is, but I don’t know how else to say this in a non-offensive way), but I think it’s really just because Lainey is an INFP of average intelligence, whereas most INFPs (that I’ve encountered, anyway) are in the gifted range, and so their Ne is much more readily apparent. Ne and Se share many qualities (being that they’re both Pe functions), including that they both have a preference for wanting to live life by their own standards, a strong dislike of feeling constrained or held back, feeling compelled to seek novelty (Se in a more physical, concrete way, and Ne in a more abstract, conceptual way), and wanting to learn through experience. Se and Ne both feel driven to be seen as cool–but in different ways. Se wants to be seen as cool in a more physical and conventional sense - for example, by being entertaining, or by dressing in a manner that is immediately impactful in a sensory way. Ne, on the other hand, wants to be cool by being unique, different, iconoclastic - it wants to be regarded as quirky and iconoclastic, cool for being “uncool”, if that makes sense. And so many INFPs are drawn to countercultures (hipsters, for example) who are unconventional, but still have a certain mystique and draw to them; and I definitely think Lainey fulfills that aspect of Ne.

Ugh. I’m sorry, my brain power is running low. Brain fog is super bad today. I think we both see Si in her, so I don’t think I have to explain that. Mainly where I see Si in her (especially in the form of Fi-Si loops) is her inability to let go of people from her past. She even did it with Billie: brought her back over and over again because she would find herself looking back on the good times, and minimizing the bad ones. She makes the same mistakes repeatedly because she reviews her memories of them (memories which are attached to emotional experiences), and feels compelled to relive them, no matter how painful they were. 

Please don’t make me write something for Te. My Te is all pooped out today. :C

Anyway, it’s lovely running into somebody on here who’s knowledgeable about the cognitive functions! =O I’m guessing you’re an INFP as well? Sorry for this shitty argument, I  might try to redo it in a few days when my brain fog dissipates a little.

Edit: I just went back to the the post; and yeah, she scored as INFJ-T on the 16personalities test (admittedly shitty and has nothing to do with the cognitive functions). In the comment section, I left a link on how to differentiate between INFJ and INFP, lmao.

Edit #2: Oh, one last thing: here’s a description of what a destructive INFP looks like from one of my favorite MBTI sites, Psychology Junkie. Doesn’t it remind you of Lainey?

Destructive INFPs are self-absorbed, self-righteous, and waver between being passive and extremely judgmental. They enjoy living in their fantasies, but care little for the practical realities of daily life. They may neglect their loved ones and family members and instead prefer to live in a world of their own making, in essence abandoning everyone who holds them dear. They may consider themselves more morally superior or “righteous” than others, married to their idealism to such an extent that any and everyone in the real world seems flawed and disappointing. They may retreat from the world and silently judge everyone they see. Over time, they may become increasingly harsh and condemning of people in their lives. They may become so obsessed with their own emotions and fantasies that they shun or berate anyone who tries to find a way into their hearts.

Healthy INFPs are extremely empathetic, gentle, and compassionate individuals. They care for the persecuted and marginalized people of the world, and strive to help them. They are honest and driven by their morals to live a life that adheres to their values. They are creative and insightful, slow to judge others yet holding themselves to a high standard.

Also, just for the keks, here’s the description of destructive ESTJs, the type that I suspect Greg is. (I do believe that he actually took an MBTI test and scored as ESTJ, which he hilariously tried to use to “prove” that he wasn’t a narcissist or psychopath. Really shows how much effort he puts into researching his “facts”.

Destructive ESTJs are dictatorial, aggressive, and controlling. They believe that they know what’s best for everyone, and that their way is the only way. They suppress their moral compass and disregard the feelings and values of other people in exchange for their own rigid views. They push forward to achieve their goals, but instead of taking time to reflect on their decisions, they steamroll over everyone in their path in order to accomplish tasks without considering alternate viewpoints or the moral implications of their actions. They may be loyal to a corrupt system or authority and suppress anyone who stands against that authority or questions it. They trust their own personal experience and disregard other people’s experience. They scoff at the emotions and values of others while they allow themselves to have their own temper tantrums and emotional overreactions.

Healthy ESTJs: Healthy ESTJs are hard-working, trustworthy, and loyal. They see the world logically and push themselves to live up to a high standard. They don’t ask other people to do things they wouldn’t do themselves, and they uphold traditions they see as morally right and effective. They are intellectual, practical, and usually outgoing. They are very supportive of their communities and families and want to make the world a better place.

(Source)