#still need a catchy tag for this project

[everything-changes-once-again]

Over the past several weeks, I wrote a dissertation boiling all of my research work over the past five years into a few succinct conclusions.

What I didn’t realize during those weeks was that in the background, my brain was processing another set of data. The data I’ve gathered in therapy about my mind and soul, lessons and discoveries about life and the future and the world and my role in trying to change it, over these same five years. It is a level of clarity and full honesty with myself that I've never experienced before, brought on in part by the total breakdown of mental walls that comes with writing 12 hours a day for several weeks.

And some of these realizations, I really liked. I have grown so much since starting grad school. Others, not so much. I’ve identified several patterns that I want to break and new ones that I want to take their place. And conveniently, I’m about to have at least a few weeks post-graduation where my only tasks are to find a job, and to exist.   So, I’m going to use that time for a brain reset. I will try to actively rewire my brain by catching and halting these decade-old thought patterns and replacing them with new ones. Obviously, this is the point of therapy and what I've been trying to do the whole time. But I've never dedicated specific energy to it, never had time to, until now.

There are two key rules:

Eat food. Enough food, every day, for an entire year. No matter what the rest of my life brings. In the 10+ years I've bounced between recovery and relapse, I have never actually committed myself for a full year to giving food the attention that it deserves. In treatment in 2020, I didn't understand how long of a process it really is to change your brain. Now I have more respect for the reality that these things take time.

No quick dopamine hits and no numbing out. I've seen this described as a "dopamine detox." No social media scrolling, no mindless TV or podcasts or video games, no substances, no tools that I use specifically to block out my thoughts. I am going to retrain myself how to be bored and how to be alone with my mind and how to feel.

I’ve created an extensive list of other ways to generate dopamine without the quick hits and have summed them up into the themes of connection, novelty, community, and creating safety to be weird. This means reading fantasy books and letting myself acknowledge the way the make me feel. This means picking a coffee shop to become regular at, and then actually forcing myself to talk to the baristas and wave to familiar faces when I'm there. It means focusing on my values and figuring out what I really want to do with my life and how to best position myself in the world to make effective change.

It also means sitting with feelings that I've pushed down for a long time - that's the part I'm most afraid of, and I'm working to create structure in my life so I don't fall into a pit in my attempt to grow.

The duration of this project is unclear. The food part will last for a year, but the intense focus on rewiring my brain can only last as long as it takes to get a job. Then, we restructure the plan and we reassess. Because this is about flexibility. This is about recognizing that there is no “end” to growth. There may be another intense period like this someday, or there may just be a gradual shifting and re-touching as I fine-tune myself into the person I want to be.

This has been a long, long time coming. I have gathered so much information over the past five years. Now I am going to integrate it.

[athforskz]

More Random Ult Kpop Group Questions: SKZ Version!

I did something like this a while ago when I first started this blog. So it’s time for another round! Questions below the cut I'm marking as MDNI. Like before, feel free to use this template of questions for your own ult group & tag me (and some friends if ya like). I love to see everyone’s responses 🤗

Dumbest thing you believed as a new fan?

Oof… there’s a few things I fell for as a baby stay, technically I still am a baby stay I think, BUT here’s my uhhh list: 

I thought Hyunjin had an identical twin brother.. 🫣 wait WAIIIT before you come at me, there was a rumor/joke going around at the time and obviously I didn’t know any better, so I believed it. There were even really good edits of Jinnie and his “twin” too. Then when I watched interviews where Hyunjin said he was an only child I was like ???? but eventually I figured it out.

I thought the sunshine twins were legitimately twins (they are) . Like biologically. Wtf is up with me believing twin things??

At first, I could NOT for the life of me tell the difference between Lee Know and Jeongin. No joke thought they were the same person. Which looking back on this one… how could I ever have trouble with them? They literally look nothing alike in facial structure and sound completely different in the way they talk & sing. Only thing they’re the same in is their menace behavior. 

2. Favorite duo/ship?

Usually not a shipper type of person but in regard to favorite friendship dynamic in skz, it’s gotta be SeungChan. Just watch this and there’s my reason why. Jilix is a close second because, again, sunshine twins. Followed by MinChan because watching Lee Know with his only hyung is so precious.

3. Favorite Racha (or other mini group within the whole group)? 

MeanRacha (Minho, Seungmin, & I.N) One of these 3 is literally always up to something. Causing chaos when you least expect it. The phrase “Lee Know is linoing” has become a favorite of mine because it always means he’s doing some menace antics again.

4. Favorite unreleased song?

There was a song that Hyunjin and Chan recorded years ago that Chan supposedly lost. We got a snippet of it and when I heard it I went feral because like Red Lights part 2???! PLEASE I NEED THIS SONG LIKE I NEED AIR! Chan like wtf do you mean you lost the track?! FIND IT. RECORD IT AGAIN. 

Also, all the solo performances they did at the opening concert in Seoul for the DominATE tour. Yeah, I need all those unreleased songs to be RELEASED right tf now. Give us another Replay album! And Chan… ykw let me shut up and be good for once, but I just wanna say THE GRASS AINT WORKING 

5. Favorite old song of theirs? Favorite song from their most recent project?

HEYDAY by 3racha. The whole song is a vibe but Jisung’s lazy rap when he first starts his part just does something to me 😩 

In regard to the whole group, I’d say the song 'YAYAYA' is one of my go-to jams from their older stuff. I love the tempo changes, scratches my brain in a good way.

Now as for the new album “ATE” this may be controversial to say but “I like it” is my favorite. It’s just so catchy!

6. Has your bias/bias line changed?

Since the last time I did this, yes and no? I mean as I’ve grown more as a stay I can confidently say OT8! But if I was forced to choose I say Hyunjin no surprise there and Minho.

7. What about your wreckers?

Chan continues to wreck me every. single. day. Like it’s truly insane, that man KNOWS what he’s doing. I’d also like to add that I.N has been wrecking me left and right the last few months which I blame his hyungs for that. 

NOW FOR THE UNHINGED QUESTIONS!

Please skip this portion if it makes you uncomfortable. This is the delulu brain talking. 

8. Which member are you attracted to the most physically? What about emotionally?

Physically I’m going to say OT8! Like have you seen those MEN?! I would be lucky to even get a crumb from them like bffr. Changbin, Hyunjin & Minho

Emotionally probably Changbin & Chan. From the glimpses we get of their true feelings & perspectives on things I relate to them the most. Honorable mention for this one will be Hyunjin because he’s such a romantic and I wanna say Seungmin too. I feel like before we didn’t get to see a lot of Seungmin ‘off camera’ per se, but with his [Song by] series we get to see more of his real personality and thoughts.

9. If you ever actually had the chance, who do you think you’d work out in a long-term relationship with (please remember the first rule of Kpop)? 

Probably, Changbin. Mans is a walking green flag. He’s a good listener, considerate of other’s feelings while still being honest. Always there for you. Funny af too. Overall, considering how I am as a person I think, Changbin would just be a good match for me. Like in my delulu brain me and Binnie would have that friends to lovers trope going for us. Even my dearest honey bun thinks so, she did write about it for me afterall💕 

10. A favorite kink of yours and member to fit that kink?

To keep it somewhat light in the kink department I’m going to go with hands. And a member to fit it the best, aka who I think has the most attractive hands will go to Jeongin. Innie has giant and such well structured hands. Rings sit so pretty on his fingers too which makes me feral. Like AHHDKSISVJKDW please grip my wrists and throat sir! *ahem* I mean, please let’s hold hands 🫶🏽 

Honorable hands mention will go to Minho because the veins on that man’s hands are just so ✨🥴

11. Favorite sluttiest choreography/move they’ve done?

Damn do I have a lot for this one *cracks knuckles*

The choreo for Silent Cry. Need I say more?

Anytime Hyunjin body rolls

Every single hip thrust/roll from Minho

The “POPPIN 🗣️” part in Maniac, especially when Binnie does it.

That one part in Charmer. Y’all know exactly what part I’m talking about.

Red lights. Need I say more, pt 2

The entire choreo for Taste. Bonus points to Minho when he did the special stage where he’s fucking hip thrusting from the side (I hope y’all know which one I’m mentioning here)

12. Most unhinged fic or edit you have enjoyed of them?

There’s a lot for this question too but I’ll keep it short. I’ll start with unhinged fics. I enjoy dark themes because let’s face it. Trauma. Please be warned these fics aren’t for the faint of heart, so if you read them, be warned. Some are lighter than others, but please read warnings!

Game Over feat. Seungmin & I.N by @sanakimohara

Games feat. I.N by @dandelions-143

Chemical Infatuation feat. Han by @hanjisick

ABANB series feat. OT8! by @doitforbangchan

The SKZ House series feat. Chan & Hyunjin by @writeonwhiskey

As for edits, there are even more that I enjoy. But I’ll only choose 1 for the sake of time and it’s only letting me attach one video.

Alright, that’s it! Thanks for reading if you stuck it out this far! I really didn't intend for it to be this long but it was so fun that I got carried away. Now for tags, I’ll go with my typical beautiful babes @doitforbangchan @jehhskz @torialefay + anyone else who wants to join!

[yunarim]

hello if you can still ask, I'm interested in asking for headcanons for pomefiore reacting when his mc fem decides to interpret nxde from g-idle in a karaoke night at the cafe de azul or well wherever, you decide the place if you want xd that would be all Thank you and take care <33

・┆✦ʚ I don't give a love ɞ✦ ┆・— yes, i'm nxde

⌞summary⌝ — pomefiore reacting to fem!reader interpreting (g)i-dle's 'nxde' during the karaoke night

⌞tags⌝ — female reader (she/her pronouns but none were actually used), sfw, reader wears an outfit similar to shuhua's (that black and red one girls wore during the chorus), octavinelle makes a cameo in the intro because why not

“Hey, Shrimpie!~”

You turn to Floyd, still sipping your drink, and tilt your head.

Apparently Azul called for him while you two were chatting, and there he is, looking absolutely exhausted after the discussion they had. You actually wondered what that was about since everyone seemed rather hyped up for an unknown to you upcoming event.

“Now now, Floyd,” Jade approached you, refilling your drink as you threw a quick suspicious glance at them, grinning slightly. “Don’t rush it.”

“It’s boring,” Floyd replied, taking a seat next to you. “Plus, Shrimpie doesn’t like it when we’re just throwing hints and such. Right, Shrimpie?”

“Right you are,” you nodded. “So, what’s the deal?”

“Azul’s going to hold a karaoke night!!” Floyd announced quite excitedly, waiting for you to react, and attempted to squeeze you once glimpses of interest appeared in your eyes, but you quickly dodged.

“Sounds nice,” you answered. “You want me to perform or what? I don’t think I can pull off any of Twisted Wonderland songs though, they’re still rather unfamiliar, but if you give me some time, then…”

“Quite the opposite, Prefect,” now it was Azul who appeared before you, giving you a project plan, perfectly neat and nicely arranged as always. “We would like you to sing something from your world.”

You pressed a finger to your chin, lost in thoughts. The idea itself was quite appealing but that meant you needed to translate a song to Twisted Wonderland language, moreover, which concept exactly should you consider, and what about outfit, makeup and—

“Of course we’re not putting any pressure on you!” Azul announced, adjusting the glasses on the bridge of his nose. “If you’re worried about the cost, then leave it to us. Also regarding the translation of the song, we can help you too. Just choose something catchy and remarkable, you’re our rising star, after all.”

“Great then,” you agreed, putting your sign on the contract he pulled out of nowhere, much to Floyd and Jade’s delight. “I’ll leave everything to you then, but… I’ll translate the song myself. Just provide me with some amount of money after I calculate everything.”

“It’s a deal then~” Azul hummed. “I’m awaiting your performance.”

Next day you show up a bit earlier than expected. Octavinelle trio turns to you, as if questioning why you came up when it’s literally two hours before the show starts, but you reassuringly smile. 

“Good evening, everyone. If you’re wondering why I came that early, then well…” you show them a heavily-looking bag you brought with you. “I need to get ready. Oh and please make sure no one enters the dressing room while I’m there, alright? I don’t want to ruin a surprise.”

“Don’t worry, Shrimpie!~” Floyd reassures you. 

“Good luck today, Prefect,” Jade nods.

“Oh I won’t disappoint you.”

And with that you enter the dressing room, ready to impress.

・┆✦ʚ did you think i'd just laugh as if?

—♡ VIL SCHOENHEIT praises your outfit choice and makeup skills the very second he sees you getting up on the stage. It’s dark, and the music has no instrumental intro, so you’re just standing there, waiting for the lights to turn on, and the moment you say the very first word of the lyrics, he’s immersed into your performance.

—♡ He saw the pamphlet, a song from your world translated to their language sounded quite intriguing, but he couldn’t even think you would choose such an… idiomatic song. 

—♡ He also assumes there’s a dance to this song, but you don’t move much due to the outfit and because there’s karaoke night being held after all, not an idol-like show. But he still catches what he guesses is supposed to be signature moves. 

—♡ He’s a performer himself, so he’s highly concentrated on your devotion, and needless to say you polished this song to perfection. 

—♡ He wonders if you’re implying some message to students, given you’re the only female in this school, and the way you grin slyly makes him realize that you definitely are trying to say something through the song. 

—♡ “The way I talk is kinda dumb But I’ve got a sexy, sexy figure” is definitely an allusion to how people preserved you when you first got here, and Vil’s ready to make sure you’re not getting unwanted attention and any misconceptions. In case you wish to know how to handle such situations, you can always ask him for a piece of advice. —♡ The moment you start singing the chorus part, he’s smirking proudly.  —♡ You’re absolutely stunning. He wants you to release this song officially, would you like to work under the label he models? 

—♡ “I’m born nude and you’re the pervert" line makes him notice someone in the Lounge coughing out of embarrassment because you’re being incredibly sharp. 

—♡ After the performance ends, he joins you in the dressing room, praising you. He also asks why you choose the song with such lyrics, and tells you if there’s someone or something bothering you, don't be afraid to ask him for help. 

—♡ You appreciate it, but there’s actually no need, given you feel extremely confident after delivering the message through the song.

—♡ Ends up rewatching fancams someone took and uploaded on MagiTube the next day right before going to sleep. 

—♡ Wants you to release the song with the MV provided so badly.

・┆✦ʚ put on my beautiful self

—♡ It's obviously ROOK HUNT who's ready to collapse the very second you make your way to the stage.

—♡ The way the fur layer on the black corset emphasizes your collarbones; the way fishnet stockings suits you; the way the scarlet satin ribbons on your skirt glisten and follow your movements like the waves of the sea; the way your hands look immensely elegant enveloped in silk gloves; the way the jewelry shines in the dim warm light of the Lounge… 

—♡ Sevens, just how stunning can you be? Spare him and his poor weak heart and—

—♡ “Twisted Lorelei that don’t need no man” part makes him want to clap the second you sing this line, but he manages to refrain from doing that in order not to ruin your performance. 

—♡ Your gaze aimed right at the audience is sharp and piercing, he wonders if you’re trying to deliver the message with the song to a certain someone. He also hopes there’s no one who actually hurt you by saying something inappropriate. Otherwise he would ask if you need his help.

—♡ He also feels like you don’t, given how enchantingly beautiful you look now, your confidence radiating from your every move and every line you sing. 

—♡ “Baby, how do I look?” — ah Sevens, great you asked!! He’s already filming a fancam to appreciate it once more later (not just once though–). And you do look like you’re about to crush a lot of hearts today, as well as end up breaking someone’s unwanted comments about your behavior and your looks. 

—♡ “Excusez-moi, to all of you who are sitting here, if you were expecting some rated R show” line is the moment Rook thinks one bouquet of splendid flowers isn’t enough to show his gratitude for your braveness and confidence he absolutely adores and respects. 

—♡ The amount of appreciation he radiates actually equals all the audience’s adoration. 

—♡ As your performance ends, he’s the first to stand up and rush to the stage, presenting a bouquet of flowers to you. He then gently takes your hand in his, as if escorting you to the dressing room. 

—♡ He’s pretty sure people would make malicious comments about the meaning you tried to deliver, but worry not — Rook knows exactly who these people are, and he’s here to reassure you that you did the right thing.

—♡ (Also please consider Vil’s offer to record a music video—)

・┆✦ʚ you're welcome to throw those dumb popcorns —♡ It's EPEL FELMIER who screams out loud when you appear on the stage even before the song actually starts.

—♡ First years introduced cover dance festivals to him, he knows how important it is to show the support for the ones who perform.

—♡ He catches you throwing a quick smile at him, and he screams once more, saying you're literally the best!! Epel’s actually the best hype boy out there.

—♡ “The audience booed and shouted ‘You tricked me, you’re a liar!’” YES CRASH THEM, MAKE THEM DEVASTATED, RUIN THOSE STEREOTYPES!!

—♡ He enjoys the song so much, oh Sevens, you’re so brave and confident, he’s SOOO invested. And yet the more he listens, the more he wonders if you’re speaking from experience. If you are, then spill the tea, who’s been bothering you so much? He’s ready to throw some fists—

—♡ “I feel sick of those prejudice made by themselves” NO BECAUSE you’re being so real and true, he can’t stand it either when people misjudge someone because of their looks. 

—♡ He’s the first one to start screaming when the choruses come, and the audience just repeats after him. He respects you so much, not only your devotion, your outfit, makeup and voice are admirable, but you’re also confident, a truly self-made woman.

—♡ “Think outside of the box” JUST HOW TRUE YOU ARE!! Epel no longer sitting, he’s standing and even jumping, showing his appreciation as much as it even possible and causing the others to catch on his excitement. 

—♡ When the song ends, he shouts out “STAN YUU FOR CLEAR SKIN YOU MORONS!!”, not even caring for Vil’s reaction and upcoming scolding.

—♡ He can’t be stopped on the way to the dressing room, Epel literally can’t shut up for at least a moment, praising you and going all ‘you did so well’, ‘you’re so cool’, ‘you’re my ultimate bias forever’ and so on.

—♡ Feel free to tell him if there’s someone who’s bothering you, he can help. You’re not sure about his methods, but appreciate his good will. 

© yushiiae 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝. 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭, 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲, 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐲, 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧.

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

WIP Questionnaire

Thanks @buffythevampirelover for the tag! This game looks fun!

Rules: answer as few or as many as you'd like!

1. What was the first part of your wip that you created?

TSP: Lexi was! TSP started out as a school project, and we had to create a character sheet for our first person narrator! That was "Alexia" who is now just "Lexi" (but her full name is still Alexia).

SOTL: The concept! "School for fairy tale characters" was basically it. I got discouraged a bit when I found out this concept already existed, but that didn't mean I couldn't do my own take!

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

My favorite types of intros for TV shows are original theme songs or very catchy instrumental music. 30-60 seconds is a good length. I'd hope that for TSP and SOTL. Hope this isn't a cop-out.

3. Who are your favourite characters you've made? Why?

TSP: My favorite characters to write for are Lexi, Gwen, Akash, Robbie, and Carmen. Lexi because the arc I gave her is an exaggerated version of something that speaks a lot to me. Gwen because I wasn't expecting her to be as interesting as she ended up being planned to be. Robbie and Akash because of how funny and sweet their dynamic is. Yes, I love them separately, but they're a package set. Carmen because she's just so damn interesting I love studying her under a microscope.

SOTL: I am barely into writing it, but it's Jack at the moment. Shocker, he has three chapters while Tierney and Úrsula have one each! But the reason is that he is average at everything, but he doesn't let that get him down! He's funny and relatable and a dork.

4. What other pieces of media do you think would share a fan base for your story?

TSP: Hm, good question. The only thing coming to mind right now is Young Justice (the cartoon). Starts out with this fun group of kids, becomes extremely dark. Ensemble cast. Sneaking around. Superpowers. Fight scenes. Drama.

SOTL: Insert fairy tale retelling here.

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your wip?

TSP: Juggling everything. The world building, I guess. Making all the characters distinct was something I struggled at for a while, but I'm getting much better at it. Trying to figure out how the world works is challenging, but I am having fun. But juggling all the moving parts to make it cohesive is a challenge.

SOTL: What is plot?!! Also battling my ambition to do every fairy tale ever. I'm gonna have to make a lot of background characters that will get their own side stories separate from the main series to get all that I want. I probably will do that.

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

TSP: Yep! Alium has a lot of fantasy creatures, animal hybrids, and fun things I just made up. Custos the dragon is the only truly prominent one right now. He's a blue fire dragon and is adorable. I also have kitsunes. Animal hybrids include unibison, ferretsnakes, cowyotes, beaverducks. Things I made up include the elemental foxes and blue hedgehogs.

SOTL: Hofiwi is an anthropomorphic bear! She was cursed to be anthropomorphic, this is not a normal thing in this world. I love her and she's just planned at the moment. Can't wait to do more.

7. How do your characters get around? (ex: trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

TSP: Hovercrafts, dragons, teleporting, trains, and some other power-based travel

SOTL: I'm still figuring this out no one has gone anywhere yet. Dragons or carriages would be cool. Maybe I can mix them with something modern to fit the setting.

8. What part of your wip are you working on rn?

TSP: World building! Specifically the power database since that will be the backbone for everything.

SOTL: Reading fairy tales... I need to do that more

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe?) of your wip do you think will draw people in?

TSP: Powers, diverse cast, queer/disability rep

SOTL: same as TSP but fairy tales!

10. What are your hopes for your wip?

If I see one (1) fanart between either my life will be complete.

This was fun!

Softly tagging @mk-writes-stuff @jezifster @blind-the-winds @little-peril-stories @sleepywriter00 @mysticstarlightduck @sarahlizziewrites @writernopal @gottestod-writes + anyone who wants to join!

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites - giving a slightly harder nudge than usual cause I really want to see what y'all have to say! Still optional obviously

Blanks below the cut!

1. What was the first part of your wip that you created?

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

3. Who are your favourite characters you've made? Why?

4. What other pieces of media do you think would share a fan base for your story?

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your wip?

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

7. How do your characters get around? (ex: trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

8. What part of your wip are you working on rn?

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe?) of your wip do you think will draw people in?

10. What are your hopes for your wip?

[telomeke]

Current Tag Game

Tagged by @colourme-feral in this post – thanks dearie! 💖

Current time: 9:59am (when I started this! it's now much later but I'm not gonna re-write...).

Current activity: Had a work deadline last night so tidying up the aftermath (deleting unwanted files, etc.).

Currently thinking about: How the project submission for work went. Annoyed that I skipped gym this morning just in case there were last minute changes to the project submission and we'd have to re-submit today; but now that's not needed I'm missing legs day. Also thinking about munching on something extra because breakfast was too light (hardboiled eggs, grapes and blueberries – all originally meant as a post-swim snack, re-purposed to become breakfast since gym was canceled). Maybe fry up an omelet and sausages, or grill some salmon? 😋 Or shall I just munch on some creamy Whittaker's milk chocolate since lunch will be soon and anything heavier might spoil it? 🤔  

Current favorite song: I don't know if they qualify as favorites, but songs will enter my brainspace and then swirl around in there for a while, refusing to leave. So I'm constantly listening to them (on YouTube, not Spotify; don't have a smartphone) and/or singing along in an effort to exorcise the earworm. At the moment the playlist in my head is:

I Don't Think That I Like Her Anymore (Charlie Puth)  Charlie constantly amazes me with his superhuman ability to churn out catchy melodic turns and unusual aural takes on percussion sounds for his backing rhythms (e.g., the light switch in Light Switch). This song continues with his quirky stylings, and I'm loving the pounding bass coming in to frame the heavyweight sock-it-ta-ya message of the song's chorus after the light plaintive vocals of the introductory and intervening verses. The second (melodic) line of the chorus ("Cause they're all the same") is so simple and yet so perfectly fitting after the bold hook of the first line – I find myself asking each time I hear it how could anything else ever fit better? And then it builds and builds to a big finish, at the end of each chorus and also at the end of the song – that key change from B Major to C# Major is quite a genius step, retro yet so fresh. (But still... C sharp? 👀 OK if your electronic thingamajig can auto-transpose but hell on a trad keyboard.) I know this song is from a year ago but I'm not simply wallowing in nostalgia (oh all right, so yes I am a bit) – there is nonetheless a BL connection that first got me hooked on this. The cast of my current fave I Feel You Linger in the Air did their own take on the TikTok Kpop dance challenge of this song (linked here, with other TikToks here) and they're just so cute dancing along. Nonkul attempts a little elbow jab in homage to the original choreo, while Bright gives up after a couple of bars and just goes on doing alternating wrist twirls like those you sometimes see in Southeast Asian dance… 🤣 Alee and Tian seem like they're having fun, as does Attila, but who knew Khun Robert could actually look this good, all goofy and charming when he smiles doing a silly little jig?

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All I Want for Christmas is You (Mariah Carey)  Ever since Ms. Mariah broke her icy containment after Halloween (see this video here 😂) I've been singing along, getting in the mood for carols, fruitcake and Christmas decorations because it reminds me of time spent with (departed) family. Happy because those are happy times worth recalling, but also bittersweet because those loved ones are no longer around.

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One of Your Girls (Troye Sivan)  While I tend to feel a pinch of resentment whenever Aussies of European origin seem to get opportunities in the West more easily than non-white people do, I have to remind myself it's the system and not the talent that is at fault. So credit where credit is due and I'm a fan of what Troye has done with this and his earlier releases (like his video with PP Krit 😃😍). One of Your Girls is just so beautiful and languid as it teases with its message, and consistently Troye is breathtakingly beautiful and languid in the video, teasing us with an offering of the forbidden. I'm feeling things I never thought I would. 😮 The choreography is pretty daring too. (Especially that crotch flare – where did they tuck the dangly bits? I'm wincing as I watch.) Also shout-out to all the different representation with the models. 😍

‌

Then I'm Gonna Give You Up (Rick Astley)  This is Rick Astley spoofing Rick Astley (more explanation linked here) and just so funny. Especially since the original song is already iconic on Tumblr.

‌

Fast Car (Luke Combs)  Another nostalgia trip, this is an absolutely stellar rendition of the already phenomenal original by Tracy Chapman. Almost like Marc Cohn's Walking in Memphis with its sense of urgency and of bottled emotions about to explode, maybe just a shade less of Marc's full-throated growl in Luke's voice, but earthshaking nonetheless. In these 21st century times (and in my corner of the world where BL and queer rep cross my dash all the time) I love that Luke (a married man with a wife and two kids, looking for all we know like the straightest of the hets) didn't change Tracy's line "So I work in the market as a checkout girl", paying homage to the original and smashing at the gender-obsessives everywhere in a quietly powerful way.

‌

Currently reading: My language study textbooks; not much time for anything else though I do miss having a good work of fiction to keep me company whenever the slate of Thai drama dips in quality.

Currently watching: I Feel You Linger in the Air – a really impressive work, solidly-grounded in its universe with overhanging familial, social and political intrigue that threatens to overshadow (but never really does) the chemistry between Khun Yai and Jom.

I've fallen in hard love with this and just hope that Tee Bundit will display the wisdom associated with his name (for those as linguistically-obsessed as I am, Bundit is the homologue for pundit in English, pandit in Hindi and pendita in Malay) and wrap up the finale with more finesse than he has done on his other shows. (Something tells me though that the sense of foreboding you get while watching IFYLITA is partly due to the dread that Tee is going to rush and stumble through the last bits, leaving viewers less than satisfied with the ending like he did with Lovely Writer, Hidden Agenda and Step by Step.) However this goes, I'm a new fan of Nonkul and Bright's acting, and can't wait to see more of them.

As to what else I'm watching – I'm still trying to finish Only Friends, if only to be able to say that I've finally watched a Jojo show all the way to the end. It's not for me, though it has some moments that shine (like Neo's performance, and all the shirtless scenes) but I struggle to find anything that satisfies on a more cerebral level. I'm not opposed to sensuality and messy drama being foregrounded over more intellectual underpinnings (all hail KinnPorsche) but for me it doesn't go earthy and raw enough to make up for whatever else it doesn't do.

Current favorite character: Pat and Pran from Bad Buddy will always be on this list, but because I'm currently enjoying IFYLITA I'm sure I've been visited by Por Jom, Khun Yai, Khun Ueangphueng, Ba Prik, Ming and Khun James in my dreams lately (and also a certain racing piglet 🤣).

Current WIP: All in my head, but I have a final wrap-up post on Bad Buddy locations percolating, as well as one on the graphics in the show (that give us hints of Pat and Pran's interior worlds).

Tagging names I've seen more than once cross my dash and/or notes:

@neuroticbookworm @airenyah @alexis-mika @belladonna-and-the-sweetpeas @wen-kexing-apologist @twig-tea @pandasmagorica @respectthepetty @dribs-and-drabbles @waitmyturtles @dimplesandfierceeyes @writerwithoutsound @bengiyo @grapejuicegay @lamonnaie @lurkingshan @callipigio @italianpersonwithashippersheart @recentadultburnout @kattahj @theheightofdishonor @fiddlepickdouglas @dc-alves @brazilian-whalien52 @slayerkitty @silvercrystal1 @dudeyuri @ranchthoughts @suni-san @chawarin-panich @lurkingteapot @solitaryandwandering

and anyone else who'd like to play. 😍 Apologies if you've already been tagged; point me to your post if so! And apologies if I've forgotten to mention anyone; if I follow or if you follow me please know you are loved and do play along if you wish! 💖

Also a special tag carved out for the lovely @visualtaehyun as a part-apology; you've tagged me before on a couple of other games and I wrote out about half of my replies – but then work deadlines became urgent and got in the way. Ruefully I had to abandon those posts (especially since they're now weeks out of date). So this is my way of saying thanks for tagging me on those tag games, sorry for not replying, and I hope you'll play along with this one because I love getting to know like-minded people on Tumblr! 💖

[xuminghao-de-qingren]

Part 1

One Friday night, your friend suddenly cancels your supposed Girls Night Out. So you decided to play around with the dating app while doing your self-care routine.

Pairing: the8 x freader; minghao x freader

warnings/tags: explicit sexual content, oral, face-fucking, unedited so there may be missing words or typos

-------------------------------------------

You were just finishing your day at work, excited to clock out when your friend suddenly cancels your GNO. You were so pumped up and ready to party because recently you've been so stressed about your projects and you need a release but the introvert side of you somehow found joy in it.

As you arrived at your apartment, you decided to relax and meditate in the bathroom. While preparing your bath tub, you were at the kitchen preparing your mini cheese board and pink moscato wine tray. You lit up some scented candles and put your lights at a dim, got into the bath tub and start meditating.

You were not a fan of doing this kind of thing because, honestly, you think its impossible to find peace living in a fast paced influenced society in a middle of a super busy city. You recently were curious about meditating because of your favorite idol, Xu Minghao, from Seventeen.

"Ah, Hao, I sure hope this works." You washed you face a little to feel the warm of your bath water. You enjoyed the soothing fragrance of your bath bomb and scented candles: berries and roses. You hear traffic sounds and some noises from outside your apartment as you keep your mind clear and move along with your meditation process.

5 minutes later, you're done meditating not sure if it worked but this a first so you thought "oh, wells". You grabbed a piece of cheese as you open your phone and browse through a dating app.

"Let's see..hmm" as you swipe left several photos in a few seconds. There's this one guy who caught your attention. He's wearing a white weird looking hoodie, face mask almost reaching the lines of he's eyes while he's trying to make an effort opening them more for a selfie, and eyeglasses, sitting somewhere doing a weird peace sign like a hippie.

"Should I?"

"Umm, sketchy"

"He's photo is unique, tho!"

"His description is a bit catchy too: 🖤🎱"

"NOT!!"

Just when you're about to swipe left, your fidgeting thumb accidentally swiped right.

"Oops" as your face showed an exaggerated regret. "I'll just have to get on with it." You stowed your phone to the bathroom shelf beside your tub and finish off your first glass of wine.

After a relaxing bath, you fancy nothing but to feel sexy for tonight's sleep so you wore your one and only-slash-favorite Victoria's Secret nighties. "Huhu, your're so expensive." As you try it on while looking at your body mirror. This is your kind of self love, while everything else in your mind is chaotic you still manage to prioritize your mental health. "Gotta make the most of this weekend, ugh, sad though I've really wanted to go out." Suddenly you heard a "ding" from your phone and a notice came from the dating app came.

A message from "🖤🎱" came:

🖤🎱: "I'm just wondering how'd you find me attractive after seeing my photo here 🤣"

You: "Well, I think its a fake photo. Lol"

🖤🎱: "Heeey, come on!"

You: "🙃"

🖤🎱: "So what do you need my damsel in distress?"

You: "Guess."

🖤🎱: "Sex"

You giggled quietly. "Of course I'll be looking for sex. Why else would I be pampering myself right?" You reply in thought.

You: "Duh. Lol"

🖤🎱: "Unfortunately, I can't go out to have one tho. 🥲"

You: "Why?"

🖤🎱: "It's a secret."

You: "Okay."

🖤🎱: "Wow, you're a savage one."

You: "Sorry, the truth is I suck at this. I really don't know how to respond. Lol"

You: "Can you teach me, sensei?" - your famous flirting line. Lol

🖤🎱: "Well, first, tell me what are you wearing?"

You: "Wow, what are you? A teenager?!"

🖤🎱: "I'm kidding! I'm kidding! 🤣"

🖤🎱: "But seriously tho, I do wanna know. 🥺"

You sent your selfie that you took a while ago after changing showing your back side.

It took him a while to respond.

You: "Are you still there?"

🖤🎱: "Yeah, sorry."

He calls you through the video call portal of the dating app. You answered. He's wearing a bucket hat, chic glasses, and face mask. You were a bit shocked coz he looks very familiar to you but you did not bother because you were trying to maintain your confidence and flirt around some more. Also, you were bothered why he covered his face so much and positions his phone away from his face so you can see side part of his face and shoulders.

He tries to check your face again.

🖤🎱: "Wait, is that you? Y/N?!"

He sounded so familiar.

You: "Huh? What? You sound so familiar. I How'd you know my name? Stop moving your camera, I can't see you!"

🖤🎱: "Huwaa, it is you! Wow, you're still hot!"

Just when you heard his voice again, your heart skipped and was running fast as you respond.

You: "Hao?!"

---------------------

Yep, it was Xu Minghao, he was your high school fling. It was a short while before he started training in his agency then. After that, you lost contact.

You remember your first hook up at your bed room when it was supposed to be a study group session. You were both curious about the deed until it became a fling.

You covered yourself with your blanket as you go on with you video call with Hao.

"Hey, how have you been? And why are you in a dating app?!" You asked.

"Y/N, why are you covering your body. Come on now, I already saw them." His clicks his tongue as he reacts to your body language.

"Oh shut up." You giggled.

"Boo." He replied with disappointment.

"You must be in town since you showed up in my list. Where are you staying now?" You asked him while checking google for Seventeen updates.

"Oh just somewhere, we're currently on a work break." He said while removing his covers and fixing his hair. Then smiled at you looking like a kid who's excited to see his playdate.

"You sly sly sly dog! Why are you in a dating app? Are you trying to get girls vajected tonight? You're so mean." You tease him.

"What are you saying, stop talking and show me those nighties please." He pouts at you.

"No! We're adults now and we're friends. Hold on, I'll wear my robe." You stood up away from your phone.

"No!" He laughs "Don't change please."

"Stop it, Hao." You laughed while walking back to your phone and try to focus on catching up with him.

He clicks his tongue in disappointment again. "Yep, I'm here in town for a while and I decided to spend my break with my family."

"I see." You smiled back. "Then, welcome back, Hao!"

"Thanks." He replied. "So how are you? I assume you don't have someone right now since you're in this dating app we're using." He giggled teasingly.

"Yup, there's nobody right now." You laughed. "Can you introduce me to Jeonghan or Joshua? Hihi"

He replied in a fake smile ignoring your request. "You still look the same! It's like you did not aged. A bit of maturity showing which is a good thing, I think?"

You both feel excited as you try to catch up with each other's life recently.

"Hey, I'm glad to see you today." He said. It seems he's trying to end your call soon.

"Me too." Smiling back at him. At the back of your mind you remember the times you play around. As you feel hot and try to maintain composure, there was an awkward silence.

You heard a long sigh from him and asked: "Are you sleepy?"

"No, I still need to finish these." As you turn your camera showing your serving tray on you bed.

"Shall I join you?" He asked looking like a happy puppy hoping you say yes.

"Sure, you haven't changed at all, Hao. I know what you're up to and I do hope it's not gonna happen. I'll send you my address." Hao laughed at your sarcasm. You ended the call and sent your details through chat. You got up from your bed and changed into your casual clothes. You were so lazy to change so you just put up an oversized sweater enough to cover your night wear.

After an hour, your doorbell rang. "Gosh, it's still 8:30pm?" You walked to your door to see if it's him. He was fully covered in black outfit to make sure no paparazzi could manage to see him. You open your door and greeted him. "Woah, you brought food! You shouldn't have." You took the take-out from his hands and lead him to your kitchen. You busy yourself preparing your wine and snacks.

Meanwhile, Hao's checking out your place while removing his coat and covers. "Nice place you got here. Very you."

"Thanks!" Smiling back at him while carrying the food you prepared on your food tray and putting it on your living room's coffee table.

You both sat down and you enjoyed the rest of your catch up while having dinner and drinks. You reminisced about your silly friends and the things you've done during your high school days and laughed so hard about it.

"I'm glad we stayed friends after 'all' that." You told him still giggling from your last topic.

"Yeah." Hao agreed taking a sip from his wine.

An awkward silence filled the room and your speakers started playing: Fallin' all in you by Shawn Mendez

"You know, we can still do it again. I mean if you want to." Hao breaking his silence in a small tone almost a whisper while looking away.

"What?" You asked shockingly.

"Only if you want to! I'm not gonna force you. You know I'm not like that." He immediately retreated after saying those words.

"Are you asking me to be your fuck buddy just now?" Asking him again.

"Well, hmm.. Ye-es?" Then he paused. "I just thought, what's the reason we're both in a dating app a while ago?"

"Hey, you're an idol and I don't know what you were doing in that app but as for me my reason is valid." You explained in a laughter.

"I'm just looking for a hook up!" Hao reacted childishly.

"While wearing a face mask?!" You tease him.

"No, just someone who I can talk to through a video call.. And uhm, if I get lucky someone might show their hmm.." He bashfully explained while making a gesture of removing clothes. "So you know, I can get my needs.. you know satisfied."

"I see.." nodding your head sarcastically pretending you listen to his bullshit but really he's telling the truth. "Sucks to be you." You laughed at him.

"Hey! Huhu" He said while pouting.

You both laughed. "Let me think about it for a second."

Knowing you, the fact that he's an idol rising to stardom, you don't really care about his status. He's just looking for someone for release with no strings attached. To you, he's just "Hao", the one you met from high school and your friend. It would probably run for a short while since he's just here for a break. He'll definitely go back to Korea for work.

"How long will you be staying here?" You asked him.

"2 weeks? I'm on a break this week and have a few shoots here and there.." Hao replied.

"And this "fling part 2" should only be valid for this schedule?" You asked again.

"Hmm, that depends.." he replied.

"What do you mean?" You asked back.

"Let's just focus on our time right now." He whispered slowly grabbing your hand for a kiss. He rest your hand on his toned shoulder as he kissed your lips and play around with your tongue. He kissed your cheek down to your neck. You can smell his scent, that familiar scent you used from your bath and once again, you felt high on his touch. You definitely remember the feeling, the ecstasy that this thing gave when you were both in high school.

It's getting a bit steamy so you stopped him gently because you can't take it anymore. You stood up and pull him as you lead him to you bed room. You pushed him to your bed. Hao giggled and sat while undoing his buttons showing his well-toned torso. You removed your over-sized sweater and showed him personally your nighties. His tongue clicks in excitement as he pull you and place you on him, sitting on his thighs, and kissed you. His hands are all over the place and enjoys the touch of silk on your body. He touches your back, your waist, and your butt. He moved his lips away from yours and kissed your chin as look up making his way to your firm breast. He moved a bit of your clothing to gain access from your firmed nipple. You moved your arms and hugged him from his head as you enjoy his lips playing on your breast. You brush his hair back and you catch his wild eyes looked at you then looked away enjoying every bit of your soft skin. You focused on rubbing your hands all over his head and shoulders. He moved your body over to his side and dropped you on the bed panting. Your heart raced as you looked at him examining your body once more. He positioned himself over you and kissed you intensely. He removed your top over your head and pulls your panties down until you're completely naked. You placed your arm over your eyes covering it from him, the same thing you did first time with him.

"Hey, really? This again?" He said. "Like I said from last time: don't worry I'll be gentle." He tracked soft sweet kisses from your lips down to you neck, chest, belly button, then down to you clit. You released a soft moan as he started to play around with your pussy. He's so good you shake softly while biting your fingers to avoid making a noise from his licks. "Ni tài shīle, Y/N." He whispered back at your ear.

"Put it in, Hao, please. I want more." You begged. You looked at each other panting as you trail your hands on his torso down to his black denim pants, you felt his erection as he pushed it towards your hand giving you permission to cup it. His eyes locked on you. You undid his zipper and pull down his pants. "Can you show me the way please." He requested. You rubbed him once then lead his hard thing inside you. Hao dropped his face beside yours as you both moan and pant up and down. He likes it slow at first enjoying every inch inside you. You release this kind of heat that makes him so crazy that eventually accelerates your pace.

"Oh my, Hao~" You screamed softly.

"More please, more." You whispered.

"I'm near, Y/N." He said.

"No, let me go first." Asking him to relax.

Hao slowed down his pace. You turned over riding him. He sat down so he can easily kiss your lips while fucking you. You lead him on to your pace as you race to cum first. He's holding you by your waist to assist you as you fuck him. "I'm coming, Hao." You moaned. "Yeah, babe, cum for me please." He replied. Then finally you look up breathlessly as you feel your warm release over him. "Oh, shit." Panting and feeling you. He's still hard inside you. You kissed him and moved out of his erected cock. You went down to his pelvic area and sucked him. "Y/N, you're making me crazy." He said as he enjoys your mouth. He bit his lips as you pace your blowjob well. Your tongue swipes around his head teasing him. "Mmm.." he moaned. His entire length inside your mouth. He can't help but fix your hair up so he can control your face the way he wants to. From here on you thought nothing but to satisfy him and making him cum inside your mouth making you both excited. "I'm coming, Y/N." He moaned and you moved a bit faster. Suddenly, you felt that sweet warm flavor inside your mouth as he holds you on your head while releasing making his leg twitch. You wiped your drools and moved back up beside him tired but satisfied. You both laughed it off and Hao kissed you. "Your so hot, babe." You closed your eyes still awake but resting. You giggled to his flattering comment and replied: "You too. I'm glad to see you back, Hao. Thank you for today." He moved you placing you on his shoulders to a hug. "I'm glad to see you too."

[sam-glade]

Happy STS!

Have you ever gotten decently far into a story and realized that your title made no sense? How much does your initial premise mean to the development of your story?

Hello, hello! Happy STS!

Oh wow do I have a story for you.

In general, I struggle with titles. It's one of these things I don't feel like I can judge well, whether it's corny, or catchy, or just boring.

So. I've written close to 400k words of Days of Dusk (just going by the latest completed drafts of all three books), before realising that the oldest, the very first title that I'm super attached to, no longer works.

This is going back... 12? years, when I started the first draft of Aftermath. Bear that title in mind. The concept/premise was: the typical YA fantasy teenage hero needs to deal with consequences of being a hero. Basically, put the arrogant guy in his place. Defeating the villain doesn't give him any actual leadership or strategy skills, and he's going to learn it the hard way.

I've written Aftermath and Prodigal Children, its sequel, as a duology. I've redrafted Aftermath about three times. I've then decided maybe I'll try publishing it, since it's a shame to keep it to myself. I wanted to share it with people!

Aftermath was never supposed to have the story that had led to it written down. The backstory was meant to be so typical and predictable that it didn't need writing down. A few friends have read Aftermath and have always known it as that. That's what it's always been.

And as I was polishing it, and trying to get it under 125k words, I started realising that the backstory of the hero's great deeds was becoming too nuanced and complicated to weave into the main plot.

All right. Fine, let's find another project to write, considering these lessons learnt.

It just so happened that I was off-work for health-related reason for all of January this year, and I was bored. So I wrote Gifts of Fate, as a self-indulgent, this-will-never-see-the-light-of-day story. I'm still incredibly proud to have completed a draft of 107k words in 6 weeks - sure, a lot of the behind the scenes work was done ahead of time, the setting and characters were developed already, but come on, putting over a 100k words into a doc in a month and a half?

And you know what, it worked better as a novel, in terms of structure and just craft. It was more focused, the themes were clear, it was shorter... It worked. Ok, it may be a little bit of a typical hero's journey, but still, it's a cohesive story, with hopefully enough of an individual take to be interesting.

I've started this blog in February, and I've started talking about the now-trilogy. And only then it struck me, Aftermath no longer works as a title. It looses the oomph. It's just a second book in a trilogy now, obviously it's an 'aftermath' to something.

It really didn't help that all the friends who've read it and been informed that a prequel now exists, unanimously and independently started calling the prequel (Gifts of Fate) 'Premath'😅

It took me until early June (as in, a couple of weeks ago) to come up with a new title for Aftermath (The Prince's Shadow), because titles are hard.

(I'm going to tag @writernopal who's expressed some interest in the injoke-y title 'Premath' and also add Days of Dusk taglist for the meta-lore: @acertainmoshke @another-white-hole @poetinprose )

[the-wip-project]

The WIP project - commit

Hello writerly friends!

How the hell is it June already? Wasn't it April just yesterday? 

In the beginning of this leg of the WIP-Project, I decided for myself that I wouldn't make this once-or-twice weekly letter a whine-fest. But friends, I have to whine a bit today.

How is it June already and how is the novel not even halfway done? Why is this writing thing so slow? I wrote over 10k words in May, but those just made the fanfics grow, not the novels. And then I heard a podcast with Sasha Black talking about writing a novel in thirty days and she had a guest on who writes a novel in a week! A week! Granted, he dictates, which made me and my friendly carpal tunnel feel a little bit better, but still. A week!

Writing a novel that fast has another advantage too. No more reading back "where was I going with this?", "did I foreshadow this already?". No more wondering if I keep telling the same story twice in two novels/fics. 

It's obvious where this is going, right? I mean, I'm obviously not going to write a book in a week. Writing is fun, yes, but there are limits. I'm also not going to write 50k in a month, done that, won that, paid the price in writer's block for that. 

But for June and July, before the big summer vacation descends on me, I need to get at least one novel done. One. Not two, not three, not fifteen fanfic WIPs. Just one novel. So that's, what, 40k in 50 days? Catchy.

40k in 50 days. That's 800 words per day. Sounds doable, doesn't it?

The reality though is — and I'm a huge fan of working in reality and not in Barbex's writer dreamland — that I write only on four days out of seven per week, give or take a few days. So that gives me roughly 30 days in those 50 days where I actually get to write, brain- and time-wise. That pushes the wordcount on those days up to 1333. That's not too bad though? I was honestly expecting worse. 

This is the WIP-Project, where we want to finish our WIPs. 

40k in 50 days. Can we do it? Who's with me?

You're picking your own starting point and your own reality average wordcount. And then you commit. Are you with me?

Make a post and shout it out.

--

@quilleth, @theoriginalladya, @kmlaney, @coffeewritesfiction, @mareebrittenford, @lilliebellfanfics, @keyboardandquill, @fontainebleau22, @kinetic-elaboration, @wildwrites, @rhikasa, @inkvulture, @heroofshield, @bad-at-names-and-faces, @sabels-small-sphere, @annaofthenorthernlights, @sarahawke

I'm sorry but tagging seems to be broken, apologies if the mentions don't work.

[fabien-euskadi]

Thank you very much to the wonderful @betterthannonfiction for the tag.

My music list? “Alright, Detroit - you wanted the best, you got the best”:

One Night in Tokyo - by Beast in Black (when Melodic Power Metal mixes with Eurobeat - this is simply awesome and devastatingly addictive)

While Your Lips Are Still Red - by Nightwish (this ballad, sang by Marko Hietala alone, is deeply touching, but that’s not surprising coming from Nightwish)

Hootsforce - by Gloryhammer (catchy, catchy, catchy)

Diggy Diggy Hole - by Wind Rose (more than a Folk Metal band – all their songs are about dwarves and that alone reaches unseen peaks of greatness)

Werewolves of Armenia - by Powerwolf (remember: “never trust a werewolf from the East”)

Is There Anybody Out There? - Beyond the Black (I am still addicted by this song - and by Jennifer Haben; and so should you)

Holding On - Skeletoon (I can’t get enough of this Italian Power Metal band – the most melodic band you will ever listen… and by a country mile)

Loveletting - VV (Basically, Ville Valo’s new project after the end of HIM; and it sounds a lot like HIM, although with a slight pop-ish flavour)

You Are - Light & Shade (probably, the best song from this side project of Marco Pastorino and the superb Adrienne Cowan)

Unspoken Words - Temperance (dedicated to all the hypocrite cowards who left me in the cold without speaking all that needed to be said, without even saying a word - please, get cancer and DIE, for I shall piss on your graves)

Now, I shall tag: @midnight-express @unknownwonder @a-wren @normaleva  @tiremascriancasdasala @sampedrodeluna @a-crime-scene  @beforevenice   @into-shadows  @paris-romance

[doobledabbadoo]

HUG ME!

(Bring it in!)

WHOOO!!!

Would ya loosen up, would ya?

[noa-nightingale]

Gay Oars Donation Project

It is happening!

The Gay Oars Donation Project is officially starting.

I am excited! :D Please don’t be intimidated by all these “rules” - personally, I like to know exactly how things work before I do them and I want to give you a clear idea of this project. <3

What is the Gay Oars Donation Project?

It is pretty simple: You request fan art from me, I draw it for you and in exchange, you donate some money to a cause of my choice.

What do you draw?

Anything Watcher and Buzzfeed Unsolved. I specialize in puppets and anthropomorphic foodstuff but I will accept other requests too. Keep it clean, though!

I don’t only draw the gay oars, I just needed an at least mildly catchy project name and, apparently, that was the best I could come up with. (I also used them because I draw them a lot and because they got me into drawing more.)

I draw traditional and digital.

Where are the donations going to and how much do I donate?

Right now, these are the options:

Tonya Kay’s GoFundMe

Hate Is A Virus

GoFundMe for @queerunsolved​‘s mom (I hope it is okay to include this here, I saw that it is still open and that it has not reached its goal yet.)

I will probably add more options in the future.

The amount of money is flexible. I picked 15$ to give you an idea of the range BUT a) if you want to donate more, you are more than welcome and I encourage you to do so and b) I will draw stuff for you for less too - not everybody can afford 15$. So, the amount of money is VERY negotiable.

If you use another currency, it will be in the same price range after being converted, of course.

How will you know that I really donated?

I would like to think of this as a gentlemen’s agreement, so to speak. I don’t want to ask for excessive proof. When you get a confirmation email for your donation (or similar), a screenshot will be okay (with your personal info blocked out, of course). I really don’t want to make this more complicated than it needs to be.

Is there a minimum age I have to be?

Apologies in advance but you have to be at least 18.

Art first or donation first?

Please don’t donate right away! I probably won’t be able to tell you exactly how long I will take with drawing your request - I don’t want anyone to donate and then have to wait for their art.

I will let you know when the art is done, please don’t donate beforehand. Once you donated, you will get your art. (If you are not entirely comfortable with doing it like this, we can talk about it. Again, i don’t want to make this too complicated.)

What happens with the art work?

I will post it on my tumblr, twitter and insta, and you will have permission to re-post it on your own social media (with credit!). Other people do not have permission to re-post it.

Why are you doing this?

I want to help people, and I can’t give a lot of money on my own. The idea here is that we come together to support others.

If you have questions, ask me! I want to keep this as barrier-free and informal as possible. I am not a professional artist and this is not meant to be a big scary thing, just a little project to help some people out.

And after all, this is meant to be fun! I get to draw! You get to help some people in this big cold world and you will get a little drawing out of it! That’s neat, if you ask me. :)

Thanks for reading. Reblogs are very appreciated! 💖

But wait! What kind of art will I even get?

Here is my art tag.

And here are some examples (three digital, one traditional):

[doorbloggr]

Friday 1/10/21 - Media Recommendations #20

Contents: Deltarune

I'd been meaning to get to this one for ages, so once again, I think to make it easier on myself, and my readers, today I am only recommending the latest videogame creation of Toby Fox. This ended up being quite an extensive article, so I split it into sections:

MY CONTEXT

OVERVIEW/PREMISE

GAMEPLAY

PRESENTATION

CONCLUSION

Deltarune (Chapter 1+2)

Toby Fox

1. MY CONTEXT

So context for my own gaming experience going into Deltarune, I have never actually played Undertale. Back when Undertale was getting big, it was only a PC game I think, and I just don't play games on PC. I probably should but yeah nah. Soon after it got popular however, I watched a comprehensive Lets Play of Undertale by Rubber Ross and Barry Kramer, and their voices for Sans and Papyrus are still to this day how I imagine those characters. Through that Lets Play, I experienced both the Pacifist and Genocide runs, and got intimately well acquainted with the characters and world Toby Fox had created, and how the actions of the player can shape how we save or ruin that world.

As a general context, I have always been a person who likes the idea of turn-based, random encounter fantasy RPGs, but the deepest I really got was Pokémon. I've been trying to change that recently, and after beating Monster Hunter Stories 2 a while back, I wanted to try more of the genre. Turn based battles are a lot more my speed than pure skill, like fighting games I've become sick of, and RPGs seem to be big on story, so when I heard the Deltarune demo had an update, I thought this is finally the time to jump into that world.

Going forward in this review, I'm gonna try and stay broad and unspecific with my descriptions, so as to not spoil. I may discuss some gameplay themes and characters, but I'm avoiding giving specifics away. I really think you need to experience all parts of the game yourself first.

Minor Spoilers for Undertale and Deltarune Ahead

2. OVERVIEW/PREMISE

Deltarune is a project of love. Pure charm and personality ooze from every aspect of the game. Dialogue is clever and snarky, and that charm even leaks into item and location flavour text. The setting and themes are fun, but with a bloodstained silver lining that is best appreciated by mature audiences. I guess I should just explain the premise?

Deltarune puts you in the shoes of a human named Kris. For unexplained reasons you live in a world of monsters and you are the only human. And by monsters, I mean curious looking critters of a variety of shapes and sizes, since, there is really nothing monstrous about them. One day at school, Kris and classmate Susie end up being transported to a whole different world where dark fountains construct monstrous subworlds, and it is up to the chosen ones, the lightners Susie, Kris and darkner (dark world native) Prince Ralsei, to seal the evils of this dark alternate world.

Deltarune is still a work in progress, and as the subtitle of this article suggests, 2 Chapters of a possible 7(?) have been released, and it is unknown at the time of writing if the rest will come out when the game is done, or as more standalone chapters.

3. GAMEPLAY

Deltarune borrows a lot of theming and game loop premise from its parent game Undertale. The tag line of Undertale was: the RPG where noone has to die. This is because the encounter based battle system is built on two courses of action to take. You may FIGHT enemies and reduce their HP to zero, or you may ACT, and talk the enemy into leaving the battle. Deltarune is built on this same system, but with extra layers. Kris is the stand in for the Undertale MC, who has the options to FIGHT, ACT, ITEM, SPARE, or GUARD. Most of those options were in Undertale too, but Guarding is a new addition where you earn Tension Points, or TP, for not engaging the enemy at all.

This TP is used for extra powerful ACT actions, or for special moves of the other party members. This is the main big difference in gameplay loop. Since the player controls a party now rather than just one person, each party member can specialise in different action types. Kris's ACT can incorporate input from other party members; Susie for toughness and Ralsei for softness, in general. Susie is the powerhouse, and if you chose the violent route, she does more damage. Ralsei is the Mage, and can heal allies, as well as use magic to resolve fights peacefully. Those extra abilities use TP.

In most turn based RPGs, there is a back and forth, where the player chooses actions, and sometimes there is a timing aspect to how well those actions perform, and then there's the enemy's turn, where most of the time you just have to wait and let it happen. Undertale and Deltarune have this truly unique system where the soul of the party members, represented by a heart, is directly controlled on the enemy's turn. It's a mini game unique to every enemy type, where you must move the heart around to dodge their attacks, and how good you dodge will decide whether you take a lot of damage, or even none at all. Deltarune adds an extra layer onto this, where if you make the dodge closer, so that the enemy only JUST misses, you earn TP, and open up more options for your next turn. I found this extra detail really endearing, and I made a lot more riskier moves than if there was no incentive to.

I probably mentioned it above, but just to close out this section, the option to either ACT or FIGHT opens up two types of play. Chapter 1, being a sort of intro part, does not differentiate, but the distinction becomes important later. ACTing to SPARE an enemy earns you money, and in Chapter 2, will lead to befriending monsters. FIGHTing will also earn you EXP in Chapter 2, making your options to hurt enemies more powerful. In Undertale, this difference in playstyle actually changed the ending in real time, and from what we know of Deltarune, it is likely going to be the same case.

4. PRESENTATION

Undertale had this unique visual charm to it that may have been a limitation of its Independent Development, but it was probably also a stylistic choice. Deltarune builds on the same type of artstyle, adorable pixel sprite graphics that bring a lot more colour and depth than its predecessor.

Many, but not all characters have little character portraits in their textboxes, and they change expressions to match the situation, and its so cute.

Character and enemy design are so top-notch. A team of designers have been brought on this time, and every one of them have brought gold to the table. Every random battle encounter is dripping with personality, as you learn how best to sweet talk your way out of battle, or how to best destroy them. Most recurring NPCs are lovable, and those who you hate, you love to hate. Dialogue is witty and hilarious, and the writing is fun.

The chiptune style soundtrack is phenomenal. Although I think Undertale's common enemy battle them was more memorable, that may just be that I have become more familiar with it. All character and boss battle themes are so catchy and energetic. Toby Fox is a master of high energy... fun music. It gets stuck in your head, and your brain bounces around at high velocity.

5. CONCLUSION

Ok so this review is already like 3 times longer than a normal Media Recommendation Article, and like 5 times longer than I planned it to be for this one game, so I should probably wrap it up here. Deltarune is a game experience I put off playing for way too long, and now I can't hold my excitement for when the next part comes out. And important to keep in mind, it is essentially a demo, in that it is just a taste of what's to come, but it is a damn meaty demo that will keep you engaged for many hours.

Chapters 1 and 2 are packaged together as a free game on most game platforms at this point, so there's nothing really stopping you from giving it a try. I don't usually rate my recommendations, but since I wrote this more like a review, I might as well...

Deltarune Chapter 1+2: 9/10

Please play it!

[wiltingpierrot]

Gem Glow: Part 1

Welcome! Well, this isn’t really made to entertain. I’m just doing this to recover from trauma and get a good grasp of the show’s lore while having my girls react with me. Feel free to tag along.

We’ll be watching four episodes a day and react only to the major events as tackling all of them is a toughie.

 Sharpie: “I want to see real tears, Wilt.”

Wilt: “Tears? At the very first episode?”

Sharpie: “Yes. Otherwise I’ll make you cry by some other means.”

Wilt: “I have these tear marks. Those count, yes?”

Sharpie: “Real tears, I said.”

Wilt: “Ahh, how iconic.”

Spinel: “The area around the lighthouse is lacking a lot of flowers. That’ll change someday!”

Sharpie: “Yes, after a lot of blood, ink and tears had been shed first.”

Spinel: “Here we have a shot of the show’s hero, lamenting the discontinuation of a certain ice cream snack brand.”

Sharpie: “Is this triggering your PTSD yet?”

Wilt: “Not really. I thought it would but surprisingly I’m still okay.”

Lars: “Well, if you miss your wimpy ice cream so much, why don’t you make some with your MAGIC BELLY BUTTON?”

Spinel: “Hey Sharpie, let’s make foodstuff with just the energy in our gem.”

Sharpie: “And you still owe me 86 years’ worth of happiness.”

Wilt: “What is this civil conversation you’re having? That’s not how I wrote you two.”

Sadie: “Uhh Steven? Do you want to take the freezer with you?”

Spinel: “Think what would’ve happened if Sadie didn’t let him take that freezer home.”

Sharpie: “Does… does the cat’s face looked different to you?”

Spinel: “I love the lighthouse. The view up the top is always so breathtaking.”

Sharpie: “I’m not so happy with our roommate though.”

Wilt: “…I might have to draw this someday.”

Spinel: “Don’t you just love it when your pets greet you as you enter your house? I wish you would greet me whenever I fall asleep.”

Sharpie: “You’re just my nightmare.”

Amethyst: “’Sup, Steven.”

Spinel: “AME!!!!”

Spinel: “I AM IN LOVE.”

Sharpie: “You can stop replaying this 5 seconds worth of Pearl now.”

Spinel: “It’s 4 seconds worth of Pearl, you heathen.”

Spinel: “HOOO MAMA. Remember when Garnet kicked our ass?”

Sharpie: “She kicked your ass. She kicked your ass so much I had to start a switch to intervene. Now that I think of it, I shouldn’t have done that.”

Sharpie: “Being sliced open is one thing. Being pulled apart is another.”

Spinel: “It’s good that we’re stretchy.”

Sharpie: “I can disable that function and tear you apart like that, actually. Ever wondered why it doesn’t hurt when others pull at you like taffy but I can?”

Spinel: “I can do the same and prevent you from escaping my hugs.”

Sharpie: “*sigh*… I hate you.”

Spinel: “Ahaha! Pearl is so cute!”

Sharpie: “Ahaha! I love this technique.”

Wilt: “It’s good for breaking a hole through walls in maximum security prisons, yeah.”

Amethyst: “Uhh you guys, these things don’t have gems.”

Garnet: “That means there must be a mother somewhere nearby.”

Sharpie: “That’s a fascinating thought.”

Wilt: “It’s similar to how Pearl can project figures that can maintain itself while independent of the source. In this case, the main centipeedle can project independent but smaller versions of itself.”

Sharpie: “How come 2nd Projections aren’t like that, I wonder. Like we can’t have separate bodies or anything…”

Wilt: “Probably because the 2nd Projection has a personality of its own and it stems from the original gem, while Pearl Projections and mini-centipeedles are pre-programmed projections that would act accordingly to the original’s commands. Like, if Spinel makes a projection separate from her, it wouldn’t be you.”

Sharpie: “Fair enough.”

Spinel: “Speaking of Pearl Projections…”

Sharpie: “No.”

Pearl: “Steven, until you learned to control the powers in your gem, we’ll take care of protecting humanity. Okay?”

Spinel: “I want Pearl to snap my neck like that.”

Sharpie: “As if impaling you wasn’t enough.”

Spinel: “PFFFTT-“

Amethyst: “We went out and stole a bunch!”

Spinel: “That’s my Ame.”

Pearl: “I went back and paid for that.”

Sharpie: “That’s…. that’s very Pearl of her.”

Steven: “He left his family behind!”

Spinel: “AHAHAHAHAHA”

Sharpie: “What’s so funny about that?”

Sharpie: “Oh my stars. I hope we don’t have to bear another one of those.”

Wilt: “It’s catchy. I like it.”

Sharpie: “What a happy little family. It’s a shame that they’re doomed to a life of madness onwards.”

Amethyst: “Quick! Try and summon your weapon!”

“Awww, no weapon.”

Wilt: “He’s struggling. A sign of a well-rounded character. The progress is dramatic if we compare this episode to the last ones. And it only took him a few Earth years.”

Sharpie: “And it took us like what, 86 years to get this far and we’re still inferior to most we meet in our travels.”

Spinel: “God I love Pearl.”

Sharpie: “Can you even pay attention to anything that isn’t Pearl?”

Spinel: “I’m capable of paying attention to a lot of things and to nothing at the same time, Sharpie. Be amazed.”

Steven: “Can one of you just explain how to summon a weapon?”

Pearl: “Oh! I’ll go first.”

Wilt: “I love Pearl.”

Spinel: “I love Pearl.”

Sharpie: “…”

Spinel: “AUUGH! Pearl is so beautiful.”

Wilt: “This is so anime.”

Spinel: “This scene makes me wanna stand underneath a cherry blossom tree with her in a Friday afternoon and confess my love.”

Sharpie: “God both of you disgust me.”

Pearl: “Pay attention to these petals, Steven.”

Pearl: “The petal’s dance seems improvised, but it is being calculated in real-time based on the physical properties of this planet.”

Wilt: “HELL YEAH, I LOVE PEARL.”

Pearl: “With hard work and dedication, you can master the magical properties of your gem, and perform your own dance.”

Pearl: “Like so.”

Spinel: “HELL YEAH, I LOVE PEARL”

Sharpie: “So… Pearl’s approach is tuning into the technical reality of the universe to tap into her gem’s energy,”

Amethyst: “Listen Steven. All that practice stuff is no fun. Whenever I need to summon my weapon, it just happens.”

Sharpie: “And Amethyst’s approach is just winging it. Considering Ame is a gem made for war, of course summoning a weapon is natural instinct. Pearl however… She had to learn serious fighting, something most Pearls aren’t made for.”

Spinel: “We’re the same, ain’t we? Spinels ain’t made for violence but we can whoop butt just fine.”

Sharpie: “We just got lucky… and incredibly unfortunate at the same time.”

Sharpie: “Gems are such nuisances. So much that in other places of the world, a group of humans actually built little Distortion Bombs capable of disorienting corrupted gems to a point of repelling them away. Unfortunately those things are powered by tiny bits of gem shards, which is obviously not an easily obtainable source of power. The project was discontinued.”

Spinel: “The invention worked on us, too, which is kind of impressive!”

Sharpie: “The best those little bombs done to us were to irritate us, or temporarily disable our senses. Corrupted gems have warped sentience I think, so they would rely more on instincts and run away from the source of irritation as much as possible.”

Sharpie: “They say if enough energy is given into the device, it’ll have high enough amplitude to potentially dissipate a gem’s physical form. But this is just a fever dream. There’s no way they have access to that amount of energy without slaughtering a Diamond first. Still, props to the engineer who thought that was a good idea.”

Spinel: “So instead of using gem shards, he decided to use us by writing the function into Springy. If we poof, we can give bad gems nearby a head ache and make them go away. We can protect people even if we die in battle! He basically turned us into heroic suicide bombers against corrupted gems.”

Sharpie: “Necessary, considering every time we poof we somehow cause part of a building to catch on fire, killing the people we’re supposed to protect in the process.”

Spinel: “Uh huh… yeaaahh….. I mean, where else is the excess energy supposed to go?”

Sharpie: “I dunno. Some other harmless form of energy apart from heat? The sparkly dust clouds were already perfect and you just had to change it into something deadlier. Thanks to you, seven people that stood close to us turned into soup.”

Spinel: “Well, there was that one time where the fire storm actually saved us from a meanie who wanted to crush us. We can’t just ignore that.”

Sharpie: “Seven people died, Spinel. Seven people that happened to be our allies.”

 Wilt: “Please stop. We have to finish this episode.”

Steven: “So I’m supposed to work really hard and not try at all at the same time?”

Garnet: “Yes.”

Garnet: “Or…”

Garnet: “You can link your mind with the energy of all existing matter, channeling the collective power of the universe through your gem.”

Garnet: “At least that’s my way of doing it.

Spinel: “C’mon, kiddo. It’s not that hard to understand. It’s how Springy lived for the past 40 years. If she can do it, so can you.”

Sharpie: “I bet this makes the most sense to you, huh Wilt?”

Wilt: “It does. Considering we are all just ripples of energy on the surface of the large lasagna we call the observable universe.”

Sharpie: “What a nerd. Also we’re half-way through the episode. You better cry, Wilt.”

Wilt: “I’m saving this shot for reference.”

[bangtan-madi]

Top Albums of 2020

I was tagged by the amazing @joonni to list my top nine twelve albums of 2020! This was honestly so hard, but so fun. I love any tags to do with music xD (Your music taste was amazing btw! Sorry I went a little crazy and did a few extra lol.) Thanks lovie 💓

I went with the albums that I loved as whole (aka I loved most, if not all, of the songs) and listened to the most this year. Some choices have deeper meanings, while others were just flat-out enjoyable. I also stuck with albums that came out this year only, but I wasn’t sure if that was inherently part of the challenge. I wasn’t too picky on the criteria, just went with the ones that made up the score for my 2020. All albums have Spotify links incase something catches your eye! (Apologies for my extra-ness; I added recommendations from each album and a brief...ish explanation as to why it made the list.)

Also, they’re in no particular order, because this was difficult enough...

Map of the Soul: 7 by BTS

Explanation — This album was my first comeback as part of the BTS Army. There are so many tracks that I adore, and I honestly can’t remember the last time I was so excited for music. It breathed life into my Spotify, it was the album I listened to the most this year, and Black Swan was my most listened song. The differing music genres that they played with, all the way from orchestral to trap to hip hop and synth pop, left me more and more excited as the songs progressed. If there was a #1 on this list, it would be MOTS:7.

Highlights — Interlude: Shadow, Black Swan, ON, We Are Bulletproof: The Eternal

Zero: Fever Part.1 by Ateez

Explanation — This was the soundtrack to my summer. I hadn’t heard much from Ateez, but what I had heard, I wasn’t a huge fan of? Maybe I hadn’t been grabbed yet, but oh boy. Zero: Fever definitely did that. Every track is such high energy and memorable, so it was so hard to pick favorites! I’ll always think back on this one for summer, and will be transported back to plenty of sunset commutes.

Highlights — Fever, Thanxx, One Day At A Time

The Dream Chapter: Eternity by Tomorrow x Together

Explanation — Until this mini album, I had only listened to TXT in passing. I liked their stuff, but I feel like this is where they really found their stride. TDC:E caught me totally off-guard, in the best way possible. To me at least, this one is a work of art. Each of the six tracks is so entrancing, and so different from each other while still working together as a cohesive story. And don’t even get me started on the MVs! This is an album that I listen to for feels and fun, which to me, TXT are just brilliant at. 

Highlights — Fairy of Shampoo, Maze in the Mirror, Eternally

Dystopia: The Tree of Language by Dreamcatcher

Explanation — It took me forever to find a girl group that I could really stan, like hardcore. This comeback for Dreamcatcher was when I realized they were it for me. This album in particular is so diverse. Their voices are both haunting and beautiful, and the way they interweave rock/alternative elements into their music has always turned my ear. They are so different from so many other girl groups out there, from the sound to their stage presence to their aesthetic. I will never stop talking about them, and this album really shows the best of their work thus far.

Highlights — Red Sun, Sahara, Paradise

BE by BTS

Explanation — How could BE not be on this list? What a perfect end to a shitty year. There’s something so comforting yet uplifting about this one, and I will happily admit I cried when I first heard Blue & Grey. Who am I kidding, I still do. There’s only one other artist I have listed on here with two albums, so BTS is in good company. What more is there to say other than BE was the warm hug we all needed.

Highlights — Life Goes On, Blue & Grey, Dis-ease, Stay

Heng:garae by Seventeen

Explanation — This is another group that I hadn’t listened to much before this album. I was so surprised and excited. Every song that passed, I found myself smiling more. Their voices are astoundingly beautiful, and the songs are sickeningly catchy. Another album that I go to just to have fun. It’s one of my favorites to just put on when a day is good, but doesn’t Seventeen make it a little better regardless?

Highlights — Fearless, Kidult, I Wish, Together

The Untamed by various

Explanation — If you’ve seen the Chinese drama The Untamed, then you know exactly why this is on there. This album is a collection of songs that are themes for the characters in the show, most of which are sung by the actors themselves. Let me tell you; I don’t know a lick of Mandarin, but these are some of the most stunning songs I’ve ever heard. It’s one of the things that drew me to the drama to begin with; everything, including the music, is breathtaking. The classical Chinese sound plays so well with the character’s stories and singer’s vocals. They tell stories all on their own and give the drama so much depth. Even if you’re not a fan of the show or webtoon it’s based on, give this one a listen. You won’t be disappointed!

Highlights — [Wen Qing] woodland, [Wen Ning] Chi Ni, [Lan Xichen] Bu You, [Jiang Yanli & Jin Zixuan] Yong Ge, [Interlude] Yi Nan Ping, [Nie Minghao & Nie Huaisang] Qing He Ju

Humanity (Chapters I & II) by Thomas Bergersen

Explanation — If you know anything about me, you know how important orchestral music is to me. It’s been a huge part of my music journey ever since I was in middle school. Thomas Bergersen has been my favorite composer for years; the way he integrates the classical with the modern is just...there are no words. These two albums cannot be listed separately; they’re part of a seven-part project titled Humanity. Chapters I & II came out in 2020, and honestly, I have no words. The way he tells a story through almost entirely lyric-less work is just immaculate. I’ve never felt more powerful, emotional, or inspired than when listening to these two. I cried when I first heard Your Imagination and Materialize. No matter how I am feeling, whether I need inspiration or hope or just some peace of mind, I go here. I’ve never felt more healed than when listening to his work. If you take a chance to listen to anything on this list, PLEASE. Give these a try. 

Highlights — We Are One, Wings, Humanity, Your Imagination, Materialize, Innocence, The Stars Are Coming Home

Brightest Blue by Ellie Goulding

Explanation — I don’t listen to a ton of western music that isn’t orchestral or lofi, but I used to adore Ellie Goulding. Halcyon was my entire teen-hood. When I saw she came out with a new album this year, I gave it a listen for sentimentality reasons. And boy, I still love her. Her voice is both angelic and haunting, and her sound is so unique. The messages given in these songs are powerful, potent, a tad bit bittersweet, and especially valid for young women navigating adult life. Also the instrumentals backing her vocals are often big and grand and symphonic, filled with piano and violin. That’s enough to get me to listen. And to top it all off, the collabs she has on this album are so fitting for each track, it’s absolutely beautiful.

Highlights — Start, Cyan, Ode To Myself, Woman, Flux, Overture, Slow Grenade, Hate Me

Beneath Your Waves by Sleepy Fish

Explanation — If there’s one kind of music that shuts off the little anxiety bug in my brain and gets me to work, one that isn’t as intense as orchestral music and that doesn’t put me into sensory overload like orchestral sometimes does, it’s lofi. And Sleepy Fish does it so freakin’ well. This album that came out this year is one of my most often repeated over and over. When I’m struggling with sensory issues at work, I put this one repeat and my mind just...goes...quiet. It’s like medicine. And the tunes are so catchy and sweet. I’m instantly transported to someplace magical, some seaside city straight out of a Ghibli film, and far away from the things that are troubling me. Then I can finally get some work done, get to sleep, or just quiet my mind. If you struggle with sensory issues or anxiety like I do, give this album a shot. Also, the album titled My Room Becomes The Sea from 2019 is excellent.

Highlights — Velocities, Sunbreak, Swimming, Nights Like These, Winter Winter

WOOPS! by Woodz

Explanation — Another mini album that is just a blast to listen to, but it also has such a soft side that hits me in the feels. I don’t see a lot of people talking about Woodz, but you all should give him a listen. He’s so talented, and his voice on this one is just *chef’s kiss* everything. The mixing is also impeccable and pairs so well with his vocals.

Highlights — Bump Bump, On my own, Sweater, Tide

D-2 by Agust D

Explanation — I mean, we all knew this one was gonna be dope. Yoongi did not disappoint. This mixtape is so different from most of the stuff I listen to, but I absolutely adored it. The truth and rhythm and pure talent in each and every verse stuns me still. I find myself especially drawn to this one when I’m frustrated (not exclusively, but often, ‘cause 2020.) Both his truth and sound give me a safe place to feel that frustration and anxiety and vent/work through it. I don’t know what it is about Yoongi, but to me, all of his work is like a comforting friend going, “Hey, you’re totally valid and okay for feeling this way...but it sucks, doesn’t it?” 

Highlights — Daechwita, People, Dear my friend

Now, I’ll tag these lovely people! Only if you wanna :)

@kooala​ @cultleaderyoongi​ @yoontopia​ @hobicomeholla29​ @helenazbmrskai​ @moon-write​ @dreamcatcherjiah​ @ditttiii​

[ayeonz]

Top 10 Kpop Debuts of 2020, According to Me

This originally was a list of 15, but Tumblr has a word limit for some fucking reason, or something so I had to delete 11-15 from this. However, you can find the lists here on Spotify (1-15), or here on YouTube (15-1).

10. "SO BAD" - STAYC (November 12)

This was a very solid debut, but it felt too polished. Everything about it was great and engaging, but there was no true "Wow!" moment. I feel like the music video could have done with looking a little cheaper, as to be true to what the song itself invokes. Negatives aside, I really enjoyed it and have nothing but praise for their talent. I love the girl with the deep voice. It was a fine addition to the retro revival trend in Kpop.

9. "BOSS" - KIARA (January 20)

I might be biased, because I'm kind of in love with her, but for a nugu soloist, her debut was very well executed. All of her vibes are perfect, and her comeback "TOMBOY" was honestly even better. It's such a good example of doing the best with what you have and if you don't look too closely, this song and music video could have been dropped by any major Kpop artist.

8. "Nun Nu Nan Na" - cignature (February 3)

Mark my words, cignature are going to become a force to be reckoned with in the future. I honestly think they outdo ITZY in terms of chaos. This group is insanely talented, and carry more energy than a puppy overdosed on caffeine. Their songs feel like pure insanity. I could totally see them becoming one of my ult groups in future.

7. "Black Mamba" - aespa (November 17)

Oh my god, this was good. The quality is immaculate, the song is so catchy and powerful, the choreography is memorable and they're such talented dancers. I'm pointedly ignoring their AI concept and hope it makes even less of an appearance in future. I do feel like there's something missing, but I couldn't tell you what and I still believe this is definitely one of the finer debuts of the year.

6. "DDALALALA" - XUM (September 13)

What the hell is this music video? It's so addicting and has no right being in this quality. It's everything I love about nugu girl group music videos, except with a unusually high budget. Dayeon stole the show. I couldn't place this any lower if I tried. It deserves to be lower and higher at the same time; what the fuck.

5. "OH YA YA YA" - LUNARSOLAR (September 2)

No because this really is so good. It's super addicting and catchy and super well produced, I really hope this group lasts. Minus points for white people in the music video, but otherwise I'm totally in love with the whole thing.

4. "BOY" - TREASURE (August 7)

I had zero expectations for this debut after how meh most boy groups were this year, but that was my own fault. This was flawless and feels so unique. I'm absolutely bewitched by both beat drops; this was so up my alley.

3. "ICE AGE" - MCND (February 27)

I really forgot how damn good this was. Definitely the best boy group debut, and also the best choreography. Super catchy, super fun, super powerful, super talented. The only downside is the hair styling. They remind me of Block B a lot.

2. "@Me (Tag Me)" - Weeekly (June 30)

I'm still obsessed with this. It has no business being this good and Weeekly are the new queens of cute concepts. It's one of the most creative choreographies I've seen in a while. If you didn't know anything about them, you'd think they'd been out here for years.

1. "NUMNUM" - DAYDREAM (February 23)

First and foremost, this song hasn't aged a minute and I've been playing it all year. As for the music video, they knew what they were working with and they absolutely owned it. Like, the video editor and director and whoever else did NOT need to go that hard on a $3 budget. They didn't try to be something they weren't and it's deliciously self aware. RIP DAYDREAM, shortlived though you were, you own me with this song. I can't wait to see what comes of Alim, Sorin and Chaeha's (who now goes by Xindy and is set to redebut in ZeroSix next year!) future projects!

[jemfisch]

⌠ MASON GOODING, 21, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, JEREMY “JEM” FISCHMAN II! according to their records, they’re a SECOND YEAR year, specializing in ADVANCED ENCRYPTION & “MACGUYVER” SURVIVAL SKILLS AND NAVIGATION; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (old hip hop blaring from headphones, a broken crtv with the cords ripped out and repurposed, the smell of spray paint graffiti, brightly colored shirts with 80s patterns). when it’s the (cancer)’s birthday on 06/23/99, they always request their ICE CREAM SANDWICHES from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ kati, 24, she/her, est ⍀ @gallagherintro

STATS / PINTEREST / CONNECTIONS / CLASSES

INSPIRATION

fox mulder (the x files)

hogarth hughes (the iron giant)

will turner (pirates of the carribean)

robin hood

george weasley (harry potter)

aladdin

spike spiegel (cowboy bebop)

mark watney (the martian)

BACKGROUND + CLICK FOR BIO

his parents were high school sweethearts and married just before they attended college at harvard together, securing careers at the kennedy space center. 

jeremy fischman sr dies under mysterious circumstances in a lab accident and ellen is twenty-eight and left alone to raise baby jem. things only go downhill from here. jeremy was the love of her life and she becomes obsessed with his disappearance and all kinds of conspiracy theories, blows a bunch of her money. it doesn’t take long for her to be fired, savings blown on expensive equipment or sunk into internet hoaxes

they move to a rough neighborhood in gainesville where jem grows up. he likes jem, not jeremy, jeremy is his father. he’s never experienced the perfect life his parents used to live, the white picket fence, the shiny space shuttles. he’s only got this, and honestly, he doesn’t hate it. 

the neighborhood’s rough, but there’s a lot of fun characters, and his mom is practically his best friend – aside from his next-door neighbor, NOAH WARD.

jem’s mom does odd hacking jobs from the comfort of their home. some of them are shadier than others, she makes connections with a lot of private investigators in town and looks into people’s cheating husbands and tracks down birth parents and missing people. she does pro bono work too, a kindhearted woman, she can never say no to those in need, even if she’s not so fortunate herself. as jem gets older, he learns everything that he knows from her

every summer vacation growing up, jem and his mom would pack their bags and make home in a camper van, traveling across the country. in some ways, this was great mother-son bonding, but this wasn’t why they did it. his mom never gave up looking for the truth about her husband,  but hacking into secure, top-secret government databases is nothing like hacking into the gainesville city hall, it’s hard work, and they travel around the country methodically so that their signal cannot be traced. every summer they get close, but never close enough.

when noah moves away for college, jem stays home. he’s not comfortable leaving his mom. 

he keeps up with hacking jobs and keeping up with looking for his dad on the side. he doesn’t think they’ll ever find him, his mom holds out hope but jem is eighteen years old and a bit more jaded now, he figures the guy’s just really dead and well, the conspiracy of it all matters less and less when he knows that either way, he’s still grown up without him. 

a lot of jem’s social life is online, whether it’s friends from hacking forums or via soundcloud.

when he’s not hacking, he’s making music. his passions of technology and music mix and he creates his own beats and soundcloud, mashing together songs, and even putting together a popular meme track or two used on tiktok. 

it’s actually a bit lucrative, but that’s not why he does it. doesn’t even really use his name, catch him on soundcloud…username? uncutjems.

every time he and his mom get close to finding his dad, there’s just more to do, and it’s almost like someone KNOWS what they’re doing. 

jem’s right about that – he is being watched. since noah’s admission to gallagher, recruiters have been aware of the boy who taught her everything she knew. 

when gallagher makes the choice to start allowing male students, an agent shows up at his door offering him a once in a lifetime chance at a free education. 

jem doesn’t have any strong ambition to go into espionage, per say, but he won’t say no to advanced classes taught by some of the world’s brightest minds – and a chance to reunite with his best friend. however, he hasn’t stopped trying to get into the government’s records and still has ambitions of going into music production.

PERSONALITY. 

INTUITIVE. jem has a natural intuition about things and he trusts himself and his own opinions about things. i suppose you could perceive this as confidence, but honestly he’s just really SMART, good at absorbing facts even subconsciously and putting things together about people or situations. in a sense, he has a habit of being correct – he definitely comes off as intelligent, even though his grades in school have never been very good. he just has different priorities. 

LOYAL. make a friend out of jem and you have a friend for life, he’ll take your secrets to the grade and he’s pretty trustworthy. he’s the type of guy that gets along with pretty much everyone but he has a few select, close friends because he is somewhat intentional about the company that he keeps. he’s friendly and kind, but he keeps his inner circle of people he trusts close and somewhat exclusive. 

PROTECTIVE. kind of has papa bear energy, you know ? maybe the dad friend of your friend group, but in a laid back way, he might not seem like he’s the type to spring into action but call someone close to him a rude name and you’ll see his fist coming at your face. he’s protective but not possessive, i guess is how i would describe it, but i think he gives pretty good advice as well because he’s really hoping the best for ppl. 

MALINGERING. jem is kind of a SLACKER! at least, that’s what teachers have called him in the past, he simply does not dream of labor. he’s just kind of doing his own thing, will fake sick to skip a class, whatever else, even though he likes producing music he doesn’t really have a great ambition for anything, spy or otherwise. as long as he has a good computer setup, then he’s fucking chilling. 

MOODY. he’s laid back to the umpteenth degree when it comes to work or obligations, but he does have sort of mood swings, i guess he’s the sort of person that you would describe as grumpy at times ? definitely NOT a morning person and when he’s in an off mood, he can be hard to interact with or snap out of. 

DISORGANIZED. the sort of person to throw his stuff across the bed or leave piles of clothes on the floor to deal with later, maybe he’s not your favorite roommate for this reason. he has a habit of losing things that he just set down or whatever, things like that. 

HEADCANONS.

tbh you can think of him like...beca in pitch perfect ! he’s here bc he was offered a free education and he’s cool with that, but he’d rather be pursuing a future in music. a damn good hacker, though, and the gallagher recruiters are hoping that with some ‘ambition’ he’ll want to work for the government someday. 

played baseball throughout middle and high school and he’s fairly athletic – he can get pretty competitive when he plays, it kind of brings out a side in him that most people don’t expect to see because he’s fairly chilled out most of the time 

a boss with a slingshot. there is no reason for this, but he had one as a kid and he used to chase squirrels away from the bird feeders outside their home. he has great eyesight and his aim is great, but it’s literally the only weapon he’s proficient in

he’s not tiktok famous for his face, but he has two tiktok famous songs...he’s made like 12k in record deals for selling the rights, it’s just the kind of shit that he does goofing around in music software and he has a good ear for what is going to be catchy

he’s NOT a morning person, definitely a late night kind of guy, will stay up until all hours just fucking around on the computer and then he’ll sleep until 1 or 2pm, at least. getting up for morning classes is a struggle for them and he has slept through them on occasion.

funky sweaters, crazy socks, fun-patterned shirts, he dresses a bit like a circus tent at times, but you can’t say that he doesn’t have style – he dresses well, but it’s like he’s stepped out of a 90s cartoon or something

if he makes u a playlist he either wants to be ur friend so fucking bad or he’s head over heels in love with u

really likes making new things with old technology, he loves taking the macguyver courses and learning new things and he’s actually built his own computer and a lot of his own musical instruments 

usually has a couple bandaids because he’s a bit accident prone or can lose his focus when working in the lab. when he gets in his own head while working on a project, he literally cannot hear anything else – sort of selective hearing

likes fucking around with spray paint, if he can, he’s got a bit of an artistic streak and he doodles stickers on sticker paper sometimes. you can probably catch his tag around campus or even stuck to the latops of his close friends, it’s just a little man with a tv for a head. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

HACKING JOBS – if you STILL need a hacker for any of your wild backstory connections, jem is a great bet. he’s been doing paid jobs for people professionally since he could type, and he’s sort of an ace at getting in and out without leaving a trace...and he’s no gossip. so, your secrets would be safe with him. 

SMOKING BUDDIES – people that he can smoke up with, talk about life, talk about the bullshit of gallagher, but also people he can laugh with that don’t make him feel stressed or concerned about the future. 

MUSIC MAKING BUDDIES – if your character makes music, maybe they can collaborate on something...we’re about to drop the hottest mixtape of all time right here at gallagher academy i will teach myself garageband for this shit...jk but maybe

EX ON BAD TERMS – someone he dated last year...i’m imagining it was their first year and things were really great for the first semester, but shit fell apart second semester along with the school. maybe all the drama on campus caused distance, maybe he wasn’t there for them when they needed it, or maybe they got jealous of the way he always prioritizes noah ? a combination of things, we can hash out the details since i know some of you had some pretty angsty things going on second sem, and maybe it’s awkward now because it feels like there’s unfinished biz. 

EX ON GOOD TERMS / LOVERS TO FRIENDS – maybe someone that was a rebound and things didn’t really work and they saw that, maybe he wasn’t over his ex or whatever but they were able to stay friends ? it’s up to you how your muse feels about it but i want an ex that jem also has no hard feels about and actually is maybe sort of protective of them and cares a lot about them finding happiness, they bonded hardcore. 

EX-FLING – idk maybe they were hooking up for a while and then one of them started seeing someone else or one of them caught feels so they don’t hook up any more but it was super fun when they did !! also down for it to have been like a summer fling and once the summer ended. 

BROS – idk i would like for him to have a squad or something for him to just fuck around with <3 but it’s wholesome and they respect women

ONLINE FRIEND (ANONYMOUS) – he spent a lot of time on forums online and stuff so i’d love for him to have an online friend !! maybe cute if they just know each other by their screen names rn and we can do a bunch of text chats and maybe they both know they go to gallagher but they simply. haven’t met idk

ONLINE FRIENDS – also friends he met online that aren’t anonymous they could’ve met through any number of forums but probably have similar interests like music or hacking so they’re long time homies , someone he’s known almost as long as noah

ONE NIGHT STAND – self explanatory. maybe they’re super good friends and now it’s kind of awkward now and they want to get back to a place of normalcy but it’s simply not normal, maybe they fucked things up by breakin the tension on like. halloween or some shit. 

FRIENDZONED – someone jem accidentally friendzoned and maybe he doesn’t even realize it himself but they had a thing for him and he really just didn’t realize it bc he can’t tell unless you spell it out for him.

CLASS RIVALS – someone who tries really hard and cares about class a bunch vs. jem who doesn’t give a fuck but he keeps making the grade without really trying, so they’re ? bitter about it ? and so the two really do not hit it off because of that and they go back and forth , i just rly want a classroom rivalry. maybe even this rivalry and them nagging him actually motivates to try in the class just to piss them off 

 ENEMY – this person shared a secret with jem and then it somehow got out on the gossip blog idk ! they think jem told and now they hate him. 

anything pls let’s chat !