#still havent watched the clip but my friend explained it to me and this was the FIRST thing that came to mind HAHA

[gooptroupe]

ctommy loves 'ggots!

[mrtreesnek]

A, U, and Y for that ask meme you reblogged :)

A. Favorite ship

big fan of Garashir and Spirk right now, but my fav. its like. Guardian and Baladin. they're so cute. my reasons why are so far into headcanons its impossible to explain,but just trust me theyre freaking it

U. 3 dif fav characters from different fandoms and why

Elliot from Stray . i mean seriously....? look at him.hes so cute and hes called Little wizard by grandma and jacob says "hes a little.. well, you'll see" IMCRYING its so good.and his voicelines are so cute. the sound of his voice makes me giggle and i love the music that plays in his flat

Julian Bashir from Ds9, his expressions are so silly, and i havent watched ds9 yet but im watching clips of him and hes just. so homosexual.. and he's very me too. from what ive seen at least... very transgender too. "i stopped going by jules when i eas 15' or whatever the quote is. i know what you are.. julianbashir...

and from a completely different style of fandom, i forgot.her name..because i havrnt read the book in a while, but Septimus heap's grandmother.. the one in the cottage..shes so cute. the message rat is nice too, i just love that series..i haveny been able to finish it. But i like her because shes just really quirky, the way she makes the cabbage soup thing and the eay shes friends with the bog creature and it just comes up to her door sometimess...and how silly it is.fending off the other lake creatures......

Y. second hand fandoms

Final Fantasy ! Quaid is very into it❤️ and i see their posts about their WOL on my Twitter a lot

i still dont know much about it unfortunately.. i would like to learn though.

[angstics]

a long introspective post because i know with time i will forget this and i want to remember it all.

night of june 30th, technoblade's death was announced. i didnt believe it for a few minutes because i couldnt watch the video (i still havent). but it was true -- he passed away age 23 from cancer he discovered *less than a year* before his death. i keep quiet about how much i liked minecraft youtubers 2020 - 2021 because that turned out to be a DISASTER. but technoblade was one of the shining beacons. genuinely always the best, completely outside of post-death rose-tinted glasses. always.

before that, i was kind of getting into my chemical romance. id known of them my whole life. from dan and phil references to annoying ass g-note jokes to the twenty one pilot's cancer cover. i heard the Big Three hits but couldnt tell you what they were (except for "welcome") before listening to three cheers for the first time at the end of june. i dont know why i decided to start them. i wasnt really into music -- my top albums the last couple years included burnham's inside, starkid's twisted, and falsettos (2016). i wish i remembered better. if listening to them for the first time isnt a core memory, this is:

after 6 months of relative stability, i understandably hit a depressive episode in july. i would lie on my couch into the early morning for no reason. i wasnt trying to distract myself from his death ... there were no thoughts to be distracted from. it isnt a headspace i understand, especially since i never left it.

but for another unknown reason i thought to watch those mcr live shows. mind, at this point id only listened to three cheers. no exaggeration, i was betwitched by their performance. i most vibrantly remember gerard's eyes. crazy fucking eyes.

i'd forgotten cancer was an mcr song. when top released their cover, i listened to the original. i decided i liked twenty one pilots' more. i switched on that when i saw my chem on snl (i didnt watch BPID all the way through til a week later). it's the stripped down song, it's the direct lyrics, it's the crazy eyes. like he's trying to communicate EVERYTHING through his eyes.

the intro to BPID was like that too. when he ripped the hospital dress off and did the ghoul scream. had that feeling when i saw frank perform vampire money in glasgow. just. completely uninhibited. performace to say something truthful. unlike anything ive ever seen. from someone who wasnt very into music or live performance or theatre, much less the mechanics of it, i suddenly understood it all.

that screenshot is an abridged version of my actual search history. this is how it went.

june 26 i watched ->

side bar, thinking about it now, my interest in pink floyd directly lead to my interest in mcr. early morning july 1st, this is what i was watching (alan parsons project great reccomendation from my friend bink bonk):

july 2 i was watching videos a friend of techno's publicized to commerate him. the mcr video was in the reccomended tag -- a combo of the live pink floyd video and the im not okay mv. crazy how influenced my life is by where youtube leads me.

then i saw a LITTLE bit of BPID before seeing my chem in 2022 for the first time. this was just weeks after bonn. i didnt watch the full eden either. but i did watch all of "welcome" at milton keynes, based on the time stamps

this whole fucking day spent watching mcr videos. reading 2011, zack sang clip frank iero explains reading 2011 drama, mcr iceberg explained, "mcr best perfomance", "mcr best moments", mcr on letterman, mcr snl, "understanding the black parade" (i had not listened to black parade) -- then i left at 4pm. probably to sleep.

july 2nd was The day. i remember while watching these videos a realization hugging me. i knew that i was struck. from july until november, the majority of my conversations had something to do with my chem.

at the very beginning, i texted people about them to gage modern attitudes. growing up, they were adjacent to bands i thought sold out or lost their spark -- panic!, twenty one pilot, fall out boy. as ive said a million times, there is a Reason i didnt get into my chem earlier. just the other day on a SPECIFICALLY EMO SUBREDDIT there were people talking about how they "weren't ashamed to like mcr". where does this shame come from!!!!!! too mainstream for punk, too punk for mainstream. everyone knows this.

well anyway, july 2nd was just the first layer: the performance. july 11 (/early july 12) was another big day. the second layer: gender and sexuality. literally my tags on the first mcr post i reblogged ->

then i saw the great collection by flockofdoves and. well.

same day i found out about "i wanna be your joey ramone" and sleater-kinney, though i wouldnt listen to the song for a short while. that's layer 4: branching out to other music.

layer 3 was music appreciation. i listened to each of their albums in full sequentionally (KIND OF since i relistened to bullets 3 times were i only listened to the others in full 2 times max), purposuefully holding off for weeks between each album. i remember the first time i sat down to listen to black parade. i was buzzing at like 12:30 am because id decided that was the night. the end -> dead rocked my whole world. never got the instinct to bang your head around til those songs. the whole album was fucking amazing but something aboout famous last words got to me. id be sitting in the car with my sister and singing the bridge over and over. the perfect string of words -- with words i thought id never speak: awake and unafraid, asleep or dead.

i used to hate live performances because the music sounded worse than the studio version while giving me nothing performance-wise. id never wanted to go to a concert in my life. but not only did they sound GOOD live, it was a whole different experience. an adaptation that added to the experience in ways entirely different to what is lost. like i said, crazy eyes. and smiles like flowers and the audience louder than the amps and movement led by sound and memory. like. like nothing else. you cant understand this unless youre in love -- completely dedicated to it.

sometime in august i discovered they were coming to my town the next month. the first concert i ever wanted to go to. my parents were a nightmare about it the whole month until i got the permission to go. ive said also said this a million times: it was like rapture.

i dont understand why you would want to do anything that doesnt work towards that same feeling. my parents didnt get that feeling and i couldnt go to another show. it's been months and it still drives me insane. it drives me fucking insane. it drives me insane.

so those are the core memories related to my chem that got me here. it's a lot of love. love so big i cant even hold. it's belief. something close to religious. it's a lot of fear too -- fear the feeling will go away, that i'll "wake up", fear that they'll be taken. one reason i dont like music is the feelings i attach to it are so profound that i cant listen to it without feeling what i felt in the past. it's why i limit how much i listen to my chem. that's another fear -- though i attach positive feelings to the band, im engaging in it while depressed. more than engaging, obsessing. i cant focus on much else.

i hope as i get better mentally, this doesnt leave me. i got into it to cope. it showed me another dimension of art and life and emotion. it's a hard thing to navigate. i want the good, healthy parts of this to be my life. i hope i can figure that out. i hope it works out.

july 26 2020, i looked this up:

i have no memory of this at all.

the night before, i was on a technoblade binge that ended with me watching one of his seminal videos that i remember beat for beat.

i love technoblade forever. i cant watch his videos right now, but i hope i can someday. i love my chem forever. i hope-

[emmiewtf]

omg i'm so glad i'm not in the minority in my opinions on the sk8 dub bc Nothing makes me cringe more than reki and langa's voice acting 😣 (i haven't watched much of it only some key scenes out of curiosity + matchablssm bc they're The Only redeemable thing about it) it's like you said, they try to do these very cartoonish voices and it just doesn't fit?? e.g. langa who sounds like he's trying So Hard to sound soft spoken and dead inside that it just feels forced and reki who sounds like The Most Annoying protagonist in the world omg i need to rewatch the entire og just to cleanse my ears whenever i hear even one line from the dub hfjdh i mean japanese vas are always gonna be Superior, but this dub is rlly smth else (you don't have to answer/publish this btw if u think it's too negative or smth, i just felt the need to Let It Out 😅)

omg its not just me!! yeah like the joe and cherry stuff is fun and its cool that their vas are so invested but the whole tone of reki and langa's relationship feels off? to me? like where's the tenderness and the yearning like i know ppl like to joke that the dub is gayer than the original but every one of reki's lines sounds like it's been run through a dudebro translator i can FEEL him saying no homo after every line and he sounds like 30 the dub really feels like completely different characters i can't take it seriously😭

which like maybe thats why ppl like it? like as a joke? but that just makes me sad cause theyre doing the original show dirty😔

[bucksbisexual]

got a secret, can you keep it?

also on ao3

Summary: Tine and Sarawat kiss and their friends didn’t know they could do that.

Words: 2164

Tags: #there’s alcohol involved, #(dw the kissing is consensual), #tine is Not the panicked gay, #hes not even the disaster bisexual, #post ep7, #there’s a moment from a clip of ep9 teaser, #i couldn’t resist sOrry, #not a spoiler tho i havent read the novel, #kisses !!, #soft!!!!

You know, it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise to Tine. He, for starters, was really bad at drinking, and to add to that, Sarawat looked really, really hot. So, when Sarawat openly flirted with him with his face that close, Tine couldn’t stop his drunk self from kissing him in front of everyone.

Which wouldn’t have minded either of them if they were, you know, out as a couple.

Now, I know what you think, these two have been flirting (although it was mostly Sarawat saying the cheesiest and most cringey things Man had at least used once and making Tine blush) for so long that everyone was getting suspicious of their relationship status, but ever since they started dating, they had decided to keep it secret to adapt to it before being out to everyone and having thousands of people judge them, and Tine in special. So, basically, it was kind of like taking care of a cat before being thrown to hungry tigers, and neither Tine or Sarawat wanted to be eaten alive, thank you very much.

It seemed logical at that moment. Sarawat had been openly flirting with Tine since the start of the year and no one would suspect anything if he kept it up, Tine could blame the blushing in his cheeks, his neck and his ears on the heat or the sun hitting too hard. All probable possibilities of slipping out had been thought of and talked about, they wanted to be serious and not have their relationship invaded by others.

The only one they overlooked was both of them being drunk which cost them, well, a drunk make-out session in front of every single one of their friends, who were, by the way, very shocked (on Tine’s side) and cheering them on (on Sarawat’s side).

The couple, completely unaware of their surroundings, separated to breathe. Tine wore a small smirk on his face and Sarawat found himself a little dumbfounded because holy shit, Tine was so hot.

“That-” Sarawat tried to say. No words other than hot, really hot and the hottest thing ever came to his head. Tine really outdid himself and made him the speechless one.

Tine kissed him one last time and smiled. “Yeah.”

If Sarawat was honest with himself, if he really wanted to, he knew he could spend every second of his life kissing Tine’s lips and never get tired of them. But he needed oxygen and he definitely a drink to calm himself.

Although, when he turned his head to get his drink and drown it, he didn’t expect to see his friends and Tine’s friends looking at them with a face that very clearly had “What just happened here?” written on it.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh shit.

Sarawat turned his head towards Tine, who somehow was still unaware of the stares of both of their friends and was looking at him like he wanted to keep doing what they were doing minutes before for the whole night, and if Sarawat didn’t physically feel his friends trying to unlock his brain to get the answer with their eyes burning on the back of his head, he would’ve definitely complied and spend their whole stay on that bar kissing the life out of him.

But, as of that moment, Sarawat was panicking, and even a drunk Tine could notice something was wrong because he frowned at him. Look at your right. Sarawat said with his eyes, trying to point at their friends. Tine’s frown deepened. Sarawat slightly moved his head towards the direction where their friends were looking at them, still waiting for an explanation. Tine, still frowning, followed his head and saw his friends.

What was so shocking about their friends? Yes, they had started to hang out together more ever since a very sober Sarawat kissed him and they both confessed to each other that night but they didn’t know-

Oh.

Oh.

Oh shit.

Tine’s eyes grew comically bigger and turned his head to Sarawat, who was already looking at him with the same expression. Tine was suddenly sober and felt his ears and cheeks get even redder. Sarawat would’ve caressed his cheeks (and maybe even kissed them) if their friends weren’t watching, but they very obviously were, and seeing how the couple didn’t say a word, they had decided to start asking questions.

“So,” Man started, getting the attention of everyone on the table. “Since when have you two been together?”

Tine and Sarawat looked at each other. Who should start answering? Tine asked with his eyes, which Sarawat answered with You start, I can’t barely form a single sentence right now without needing a break. Tine looked like he got the gist of it.

Tine cleared his throat. “Two weeks ago.” His voice barely reaching Ohm, who was sitting furthest from him.

“What? Did the cat get your tongue? Or was it Sarawat?” Ohm teased and everyone in the table laughed. Tine’s blush now reached his chest and he cleared his throat again.

“Two weeks. It’s been two weeks. I asked Sarawat,” at that, both Boss and Man looked surprised at Sarawat and it was Sarawat’s turn to feel hot rising to his cheeks. “and I kissed him afterwards. Just like they say, third time’s the chance.” Tine couldn’t stop the smile that came to his face, that was one of his proudest moments and Sarawat’s reaction had been the cutest.

“Wait,” Peuk said. “Third? What about the first and the second? Why is this the first time I hear about a kiss?” Ohm and Fong agreed with him.

“They kissed at Tine’s while Sarawat was drunk, that’s definitely the first!” Boss half-yelled at them and Sarawat could feel the stares of Tine’s friends on him. Sarawat understood, he wasn’t particularly proud of their first kiss since he couldn’t remember how Tine’s lips felt the next morning.

“And the second?” Fong asked Boss and Man, who looked like they knew more than them.

Boss and Man looked at each other with a I have no idea face and facing the couple, Boss said “I have absolutely no idea.”

Everyone in the table turned to them and Sarawat took a sip of his drink. He was about to answer when Tine started to speak.

Looking at his friends, Tine said “You guys remember when I was really sad and weird for, like, three days, right?” Ohm, Fong and Peuk nodded.

“Oh, so you were all depressed because of Sarawat?” Ohm interrupted. Peuk hit his head.

Tine blushed, “You could say so. Sarawat told me he was the same, as you guys probably noticed,” he said, now looking at Man and Boss.

“Well, he was more mopey and angry than usual-” Sarawat hit Man’s head. “Shut up.”

“Before those three days started, Green came into my apartment and told me the truth about him having a boyfriend and-” I have no problem with that but Green kind of does. Tine remembered P'Dim’s words and stopped himself. He took a deep breath. “Well, the day after that, I told Sarawat that now that Green was out of the picture that we, uh, could stop the fake flirting. Which then lead to those, uh, bad days.”

Tine felt Sarawat’s hand on his thigh and slightly smiled at him. “That we all know, now tell us the interesting part.” Boss expressed and everyone voiced their agreement.

Sarawat rolled his eyes and Tine took a sip of his drink, this is going to be embarrassing to explain.

“I saw Sarawat’s post and I decided to go to his house to talk, but then I found Man,” Man nodded when they all looked at him, “and he told me the story behind the photo and told me that Wat liked me since last year’s Scrubb concert.” A tiny smile appeared on Tine’s lips as he heard his friends teasing him for using Wat. “He also told me where Wat was so I went to where he told. On the way there I found P'Mil,” Tine felt Sarawat’s grip on his thigh tighten and he put his hand over Sarawat’s. “And he touched my head for some reason, which made me really uncomfortable and I don’t know what could’ve happened if Wat hadn’t appeared.” Tine’s friends looked at him with a hint of worry in their eyes but Tine smiled at them, hoping it would reassure them that he was okay. “Anyways, Wat and I got into a bit of an argument and to, uh, shut me up, he, um, kissed me.”

“Now, that’s the Wat I know!” Man exclaimed as he patted Sarawat’s shoulder, the smile in Sarawat’s lips nothing but smug. Tine couldn’t help but blush again when his friends whistled.

“That’s the second kiss then?” Ohm asked.

Tine nodded, “Pretty much.”

“Nothing else happened?” Ohm insisted.

“We talked about our feelings after the kiss, if that’s what you’re asking,” Sarawat added.

Boss boo'ed, “You guys are no fun, you should’ve kept kissing and had sex somewhere.”

Tine choked on air. Sarawat patted his back, and if Tine wasn’t literally choking, he would’ve told him that he had to pat his chest, not his back, saraleo.

When he stopped coughing, Sarawat gave him his drink and while Tine breathed normally, he took the turn to talk. “I wished I could’ve kissing him more but it was all that was needed in that moment,” Sarawat smiled.

“Tine, my friend, you turned Wat into a whole sap.” Man commented and everyone on the table laughed.

“Wait, I have another question,” Fong said and the couple looked at him, already expecting the topic of the question.

“Is it about the third kiss?” Tine asked.

Fong nodded. “It happened two weeks ago, at my apartment.” Sarawat answered.

“No more details?” Boss asked, obviously disappointed at the lack of information.

Sarawat sighed, “I asked Tine to stay over because it was late and since Phukong wasn’t staying that night, I told him he could sleep on my bed-” Man opened his mouth to say something but Sarawat glared at him and he closed it, “but he preferred the sofa. So when I thought he was asleep, I went to lie down with him and sleep with him, but he was wide awake. He let me lie down with him and after a few minutes, he asked me the question and when I said yes, he kissed me.”

He said it with such a calm voice that the blush on his face and chest looked out of place. Tine knew why Sarawat had decided to change and omit some parts of the story, those were for them only, so when their friends looked at him, he nodded with a smile on his face.

“Interesting… Well, now that we know about that, it’s time to ask Tine something,” Man looked at Tine and Tine got nervous.

Sarawat felt Tine tense and intervened. “What is it?”

“Wat, it’s okay,” Tine mumbled.

“So we all know that Wat likes you since that Scrubb concert last year, but since when do you like him?” All their friends voiced their wonder.

Tine thought about it for a few seconds. “I can’t really pinpoint it, but I remember that the first kiss made me feel a type of way that was really similar to the feeling I got when I kissed someone I had dated before. I guess it wasn’t until I spent days without any contact with Wat that I felt somehow heartbroken and understood that my feelings weren’t a seeing a dude and thinking he was hot or handsome, even if that’s not the case here, but more of a I want to kiss and date that dude.”

“Has it ever happened before?” Peuk couldn’t stop himself from asking.

Tine shaked his head. “Never with a man and never like this. It’s weird, so many feelings and so extreme, but it feels nice.” Sarawat looked at Tine and smiled. He was happy to be Tine’s first (and hopefully last) boyfriend.

“I don’t have any more questions,” Ohm confessed and everyone agreed.

Man poured the rest of his beer onto his cup. “Well, I say we cheer for the new couple. Who’s with me?” He raised the glass.

A chorus of “Me!” and empty beer bottles accompanied it.

Sarawat filled both Tine and his’ cups and they both raised them.

“Cheers!” Boss yelled and started to clink everyone’s glasses.

“Cheers!” All their friends followed just as loud (and maybe even louder).

“Cheers to us,” Sarawat told Tine, with such softness in his smile and happiness in his eyes that, on that moment, Tine swore to himself he would always try to make him at least half as happy.

“Cheers to us,” Tine told Sarawat, with such fondness in his smile and cheerfulness in his eyes that, on that moment, Sarawat swore to himself he would protect him until the very end of the world.

[taliel-strykidz]

Alternative Ending Pt 1

The internet over the three months she'd been in an induced coma was full of love and support. Everyone had either been praying online or had actually visited the hospital personally for her to fight through this. Flowers and plushies were lined up across the hospital wards not only for Huannie but for the nurses and doctors that were working 24/7 to aide her recovery. But one person hadn't left the hospital since she arrived, he hadn't left for even 10 minutes scared that even in that short period of time he would miss something important. He'd even called her relations in China who'd rushed out the secobd they got the call.

Later on in the third month given that her extensive injuries had healed up the younger NCT boys were given access to visit her. Only Jaemin and Chenle managed to make it further than the reception, the others couldn't bring themselves to go in. But all of those closest to Huannie couldn't have been more prouder of the fans, the fan wars had come to a halt and the fandoms had come together to pray.

"She's okay Jaemin-ah." Jinyoung's voice spoke up softly for the first time in weeks, he'd usually just sit quietly reading a book in his designated chair whilst people visited, usually keeping to himself. "You can come closer you know."

He'd hesitated initially but moved to her un occupied left had, he'd reavhed his other to touch her cheek, shivering at how cold she was to the touch. "Hyung, she doesn't like being cold- can we get her another blanket. She doesn't like-"

"We have her uder six blankets Jaem, she's alot warmer than she was a couple of weeks ago." Jinyoung, after three weeks of sitting on his chair got up to wrap his arms around Jaemin trying to compose himself, recently he'd been crying everyday. The two boys began mindlessly talking until Jinyoung suggested talking to her, he explained how the doctors told him that there was a possibility that she could hear him. He even offered to leave the room so he could talk to her.

And that's exactly what he did.

"Yah, Noona. I miss you. I miss how you smile when I forget the choreography or when we tell you that you're pretty and you blush like a high school girl. I miss your singing when you cook. It doesn't feel the same anymore Noona, but when you wake up i'm going to do all those things all the time until you get sick of it because I took you for granted when I saw you everyday.  Keep fighting for us Huan, and shall we see eachother again okay?"

Jinyoung was left in the quiet room once again and sat in the seat that was solely his, grasping her hands.

"How much longer are you going to lay there and make me beg you to come back to me? I will wait for you until the day both of our breaths stop. But I can't keep lying to our friends- Our family. JYP visited you the other day jagiya, he comes in with flowers everyday. You have to wake up Ai-Huan. You can't leave everyone behind." In his mind he knew no one could hear him.

"Where's my queen gone? It's been three months now, you have my heart in there with you. You've taken the industry's smiles. Jaemin came to visit, why couldn't you wake up to smother him like usual. Why havent you woke up Huan?"

He broke down after the room was just filled with the desolate silence he'd been surrounded in for months.

"I know you can't hear me but Chenle wrote you a note for me to read. It says: I know I don't tell you much, but you're my person Noona. You're the big sister of all of us and... We all want our sister back. I want my person back Noona.." A tear slipped down Jinyoung's cheek as she lay still not moving.

Unbeknownst to Jinyoung at the time but Johnny and Jaehyun had persuaded Mark Lee to enter the room. Poor Mark Lee had been tearing himself inside and out ever since he left the hospital three months ago. As he walked into the room he played with a sunflower clip and placed it shakily in her hair. It was majorly crumpled from the weeks on end of it being in his pocket whilst he told himself to come visit.

"You know you told me that it was your favourite flower, because you said that sunflowers grow facing the sun but they have to go through alot of dirt before becoming such beautiful flowers. You also told me that if I ever feel sad to draw a sunflower and think of you. Well i've drew over three hundred sunflowers but why haven't they made me as happy as they used to?"

Mark was guided out of the room by Jaehyun who refused to look at his best friend. Taeyong ended up entering the room to force Jinyoung to go home and have a shower.

And he really was greatful he didn't leave that night, for he would have missed her last moments.

==

Jinyoung watched his wife in the bed, so deep in ten shades of pain that the nurses weren't sure she could be reachable. Where was the doctor when they needed him? He pressed the call button and paced the room, then pressed it again. The burse appeared, tired but still smiling like usual. She took one look at her VIP patient and paged the main doctor.

It had seemed that her heart was going under arrest and the doctors piled in one by one to start ressusation.  Jinyoung stood in the corner panicking, kowing that whatever Huannie was going through was tearing her apart but she didn't show it, the coma made sure of that. Instead he just stood and let the doctors do their job.

"Mr Park, i'm sorry- there's not really much we can do anymore." Were the words of Dr Lee. Thirteen words constructed of imple letters, spoke courteously through his soft Daegu accent, that cut through Jinyoung.

His eyes began to burn with an ache to sob as his stomach rocked back and forth on the harsh waves of grief. There was something in Dr Lee's sentence that had told him that Huannie had let go of the world. He watched as her chest weakly rose and fell. Then he knew. The anger he once felt was nothing but a sheild of grieving for the love that he missed.

Once again his emotions were too hard for him to control. He sobs out to those in reach, "please, please help her. Fix it, she doesn't deserve something so cruel."

They say your emotional pain seeps out into your words and it hurts to hear them, hurts to reply to them. The crash had taken the thing he held so dear. As his eyes skimmed the doctors faces his heart sank in his shoes. He'd tried being in denial about the outcome, yet reality settled in like a hurricane . But what could he have done different? He'd held out hope that she would wake up and their past fight would be nothing but a blip in their timeline.

"She's in there I know it. Please it's not hopeless just bring her back to us!" He sobbed holding Dr Lee's hand in his home in a desperate plea. "Please, she belongs here."

"I'm sorry Jinyoung."

--

"Hey hyung." Taeyong's voice came through the reciever and it tore Jinyoung's heart out of his chest. Taeyong was one of the people who took it one of the hardest, and here Jinyoung was about to give him the sentence that no one wanted to hear.

"Hyung, turn the speaker off." Jinyoung stated monotonelessly, the NCT leader did as he was told and left the group to recieve the news he'd been dreading.

"She's- She's.."

"She's what Jinyoung?"

"She's gone."

[sohvi]

I’ve watched the og skam!!! :-) And yeah I thought I could improve my french by watching the french one but yeaaaaah

ok soooooo basically my dislike rn is more towards the actual fandom than the show bc ppl r just being weird abt the guys basically that just rubs me the wrong way and like shipping the actors and whatnot and im just like can we not but i know its always gonna happen and whatever i mean u can ship them but hey heres a suggestion: dont be gross abt it lol!!!! but lets put that aside and talk abt the actual show lol!!! for the record i havent watched season 1 or 2 so i started with season 3 which is v smart lmao but i just havent had the time to watch those but im thinking ill go back to those after they finish this one…but this might be why i dont rly have a connection to the characters as much and well thats on me obvsly but yeah

and its like i love the OG so much it will always have a special place in my heart and i watched the whole series and like isak is my literal son like i am his mother(this is starting to sound weird lmao i know) and i love that boy so much but like im finding rly hard to connect with lucas(french isak) idk how to explain rly like i can def feel his confusion and everything and hes sweet but also kind of a dumbass bless him lol well theres still lots to happen and for him to rly shine i suppose

now what rly sold it for me to watch this season of skam fr was when i saw the guy who plays eliott so even obvsly but like not to be that bitch but hes stunning like not rly sure if hes actually human like thats some outer space other realm beautifulness u feel me? jk jk but im rly loving him on this season like they gave him an ig that kinda gives us an insight that we havent had b4 when it came to even and the ppl on the show dont know abt it so im rly liking that and he just has that like super mysterious and intense vibe or maybe thats just being french?????? but like somehow to me like things between them have kind of escalated quick or maybe thats just me idk i try to think how it felt during og but also i dont wanna compare and they shouldnt be compared like thats not fair but im a slow burn gal what can i say lol also i dont wanna say too much if u decide to watch so im not out here spoiling but yeah the pacing is kind of off imo 

im kinda jumping from thing to thing here but also they r kind of underusing the boy squad i feel like and the magnus character is disgusting like he needs to never talk lmao ugh but i like the other 2 but they havent been around much and for example the boy squad in the italian version i wanna adopt all of them like wow such good friends and just well written lol def my favorite thing abt skam it BUT all these things could be done on purpose idk maybe its to show the isolation and what lucas is feeling like not close with his friends bc of him not fully being able to be his true self u know? im hoping that will change after he comes out to his friends sometime soon 

hmmmmm things that i have issues with also….so there was that clip that was like when isak&even 1st kissed and they spend the night and theres the morning after scene where they just smoke and talk and be qt and the french version was like fuck that lets go from 0 to 60 and like it just made me super uncomfortable to watch and im no prude lmao far from it when it comes to watching saucy things sdfghjhgfdfghjhgh but like just how it was filmed super sensual and like softcore porn like lmao oh and like its like not that they did stuff but just how the scene was set and again that just might be how the french operate like thats the mood lol but like bringing that sort of intimacy to the table that soon when theyve known each other for such a short period of time hmm idk lol but yeah then i was thinking also like with eliotts mental illness this kind of behaviour is like to be expected like im not trying to diminish their feelings for each other but obvsly its a lot in a short time I NEED TO HONESTLY SHUT THE FUCK UP AND IM EMBARRASSED OTHER PPL WILL SEE THIS LMAO but maybe i still have smth to say or like ending words lol 

so where im getting at basically is that i dont hate the show but there r def things that bother me but i will keep watching bc i rly love eliott i think hes rly bringing smth new to the even character(and also hes fucking hot and i know ive mentioned this but looks so much like a crush i had a decade ago……so thats fun) and there has been some rly quality clips that ive enjoyed and like if u wanna improve ur french thats amazing go for it!!! i studied french back in school so this show is rly making me wanna hit up duolingo lol also i need someone to talk abt it pls lmao 

[phaltu]

Hey, just curious, why do you not like d/stiel? I havent even watched the show but i know a little bit about them, not tryin to start shit I swear

hey no worries at all!! i don’t mind talking about it, though i’d have to do a time warp to give a fully formed answer LOL. I don’t hate it; when I started SPN i actually was so ready for it. All my online friends shipped it, including my closest one, but they hadn’t been pushy about it just��“Hey, this show’s good and this is my favourite pairing from it!”. Then I watched it and…. It’s really not the earth shaking love everyone thinks it is? At least for me. They undeniably have a strong bond and connection but it never clicked for me as a romantic one. And I scraped hard to see it as one but I really couldn’t. 

I also thought Sastiel was a better ship. They were my OTP for the show actually, though I didn’t ship much to begin with. They had lesser moments, but I thought those moments were significantly more poignant. The one that stood out most that I still remember was s7 when Cas absorbed Sam’s trauma from spending what I think was the equivalent of almost 500 years trapped in a cage with Lucifer (and I think Michael?) and being their chew toy. Cas knew the pain would break him, and it did, but Cas had told something to Sam that still rings with me which was,

“I was lost until I took on your pain.” 

And I think that did more to indicate Cas’ growing humanity than most of his interactions with Dean. Also, despite the moment being extremely awkward, the music and the way Cas looks when they first see each other in this scene also really made me ship Sastiel. IDK how to explain it, just listen to it with good headphones on and maybe you’ll see OTL also to follow this up please watch a clip where they do hug and even tho Cas is awkward like he is for his entire existence Sam still pats him on the face…

anyways this is such a long winded answer im so sorry LMAOOOO  the rest of the reason is I was just  17 year old who hated seeing D*stiel invading every space for that show ever. and i could barely find any s*stiel and half of them were just ship positivity posts. like good nice but give me ship content

On a little saltier side it still gives me hives when I see people lump it in with st*cky and sh*ith LOL I JUST DONT SEE IT ON THE SAME LEVEL!!!!

[uniformbravo]

“quick” life update while i wait for my ipod to charge

(do ppl even still use ipods in this day & age. whats spotify)

i never made any posts abt it but i started the new semester & im taking 2 classes, it’s funny actually bc i waited even more til the last minute than i usually do to figure out my classes & spent the 1st week of school trying to see a counselor to find out if i still needed classes and that’s a whole other story for a whole other day but long story short the answer was no but i decided to take a couple anyway

mainly because every time im not in school The Depression takes over & i just needed something to Do so im taking intermediate painting (even tho painting 1 made me want 2 die every day) and animation (even tho i’ve already decided i don’t want to be an animator????)

so heres the thing, okay, since these are classes i don’t need in order to fill any requirements or anything i had to pick them based on nothing, really, like my main reason for taking classes this semester was to give myself something to do, right. i picked painting because my friend had told me she was taking it so i was like yo i’ll just do that too bc we had fun last time & it’s a good way to stay in contact. originally that was gonna be my only class bc i knew it’d be a lot of work and time but then i talked to my school’s art counselor about transferring to another school after im graduated from here and i’d said i was maybe interested in storyboarding so we looked at schools with animation programs and i decided super last minute to just take the animation class here and Boy what a mistake

last semester i was talking on here about a computer art class i had considered taking but dropped bc it seemed kinda... shitty?? because i hated the way the teacher taught and i felt like i wasn’t gonna gain anything from the class??? well animation is taught by the same guy and hhhhhhhhh he’s so fucking unhelpful it’s such a nothing class

see i was hoping to learn some hand-drawn animation basics like timing, squash & stretch, the fucking bouncing ball assignment, shit like that, right. the teacher was like “today we’re gonna go over the 12 principles of animation” and i was like “sweet i’ve heard of that this’ll be good” & literally he brought up a list, read off most of the names, briefly described a few, and told us to google it if we wanted more info like?? holy shit dude????? thanks for nothing oh my god

i’ve been taking a lot of time practicing animating in flipnote studio on my 3ds and watching youtube videos and i’ve been learning so much more from that than anything explained by my teacher bc godddd. basically what the class boils down to is like. flash animation. so far we’ve been working in adobe illustrator and animate & i cannot stand illustrator. i know it’s a good and useful program and if i wanted to i could learn how to use it & eventually get used to it but just the way he teaches it makes me want 2 slam dunk my computer

the computer art basics class was strongly recommended to be taken before this class but tbh i don’t even think that’s the issue here because i tried to take that class and his method was the same; he does a demo on screen that you’re supposed to follow along and do with him and he explains what hes doing as he goes but he goes so fast that if u miss a step ur fucked 

and it’s not just that he goes fast, it’s also that theres no understanding of the program itself, like ok u know how in math there’s all these formulas where if u just plug numbers into them it gives u the right answer? i always understood formulas better when i knew what each variable stood for & why the values were being added or multiplied together because then it made it easier to extract the information i needed from word problems and also helped me memorize the formulas themselves easier because i could make those associations between numbers and purpose. i had the groundwork of the formula, so i could apply it to all kinds of situations

this class is like, he only gives you the very specific formulas required to accomplish very specific tasks in the programs so i can’t make the connections to figure out how to perform other tasks and i get super lost every time & it’s super frustrating & i could ask for help because he comes around and helps people who need it but i sit in the back corner so he never really even looks my way so i feel like i can’t get his attention w/o speaking up or getting up to go get him & i get lost so often that it’s really just a pain to ask him every single time

i just hate when i have a problem in one of the programs & i just have absolutely no clue how to fix it or even work around it? im used to photoshop and illustrator is just so opposite that my brain doesn’t want to work with it so im. 100% floundering in this class

we have 2 assignments during the whole semester, the first was a group project where we hand draw a 3-second animation (~30 frames) and that was literally the very first thing we did in the class with no prior guidance and honestly i suspect that the only reason he assigns it is to fill the requirement for a group project (which i know is a thing bc a lot of my past teachers have talked about it being a thing) so it was literally just. a nothing project

the second assignment is our final which is a 90-second animation (~1080 frames) and we have basically the rest of the semester to work on it, so about a month and a half-ish? and all we’ve learned how to do so far is motion tweening in animate, basically. i mean we did a ball-and-string thing which was kind of different but it mostly involved a lot of copy+paste bullshit in illustrator & also like automatic shortcuts & stuff, there was really no drawing involved at all

also it’s one of those classes where everyone just kind of messes around and does their own thing like?? i saw one girl reading manga on her computer & these two dudes at my table were comparing yugioh cards & i hear like 50 thousand conversations about anime every day & i mean im not one to talk tbh but it’s just the atmosphere, it feels like u either know what ur doing or u just fuck around w/ ur friends and im in the “neither of those” category and the girl who was reading manga is in the “both” category bc every other time i’ve looked over there she’s got this amazing masterpiece on her screen that she made in illustrator & i die inside every time what the fuckkc 

he showed us examples of final projects from last semester and i noticed that some of them were done traditionally or in programs that were obviously not illustrator so i asked him about it & he said it doesn’t have to be done in illustrator/animate as long as it’s 90 seconds long so Guess What i think i’m just gonna make it somewhere else lmaooo i mean i feel like it’s a missed opportunity bc i have these programs at my disposal & im not even using them but god amn. god fuckign damn

im thinking of animating it in flipnote bc that’s what i’ve been using & im pretty familiar with it by now but im not sure because there are some important things im not sure i’ll be able to accomplish with it like backgrounds (which are another requirement for the assignment) and i don’t want to back myself into a corner, especially with how little time i have to do it, so idk for sure. my other idea was to use clip studio paint but i have the pro version which only lets u use 24 frames per animation which totals out to a whopping 2 seconds so idk if i want to have to deal with that bullshit either. right now im considering making the rough animation in flipnote so i can figure out the timing & shit and then slapping it into clip studio to finalize everything (or technically i could even do that in photoshop, since im more familiar w/ it & can probably work faster there- from photoshop it’d be a matter of copying the finished frames into clip studio to export into 2-second clips & then compile those in movie maker & then bam finished animation)

so!!! it’s a lot of shit im dealing with in this class & im just like. if im doing it this way then why do i even need to show up for class. what am i even in this class for im just basically making an animation on my own time with my own resources using none of the techniques taught in the class. im only doing this animation because it’s an assignment for the class im not gaining anything from. it just seems so pointless & the only thing getting me through it is the thought that i could possibly put this in a portfolio somewhere down the line, and for that i’d want it to look nice and not rushed so im thinking that for the sake of finishing the assignment i might just use my rough animation so that i can spend more time on the “nice” version afterward

aaaanyway it’s um Late for me & i went on about this for too long but i needed to get it off my chest tbh, i’ve been thinking abt making this post for like 2 weeks so there u go. i didn’t even talk about my painting troubles good lord. if you’ve been wondering why i havent been online as much lately This is why. also bc im a huge loser and 100% of my free time has been going into watching anime bye

[shiningjoy]

thanks for the reply !! it really made me consider things even more

yes, having a lot of characters itself isn’t a bad thing but the way it was executed definitely was. maybe it was even harder for them to seamlessly fit them in bc free always focused more on the core 5 characters than others (they never even pay attention to other teams besides samezuka) (and the reason haikyuu is able to do it well is that they pay attention to other teams from the start? and also give them development when it’s actually relevant lmao) but they definitely could’ve done better at least with establishing the characters that were already given basis in high speed/starting days. like seriously they were already given great source material and they changed so much of it that starting days/s3 had only a shell of the interesting dynamics/plot the characters had in high speed2. esp with ikuya and haru- the dynamic we got in s3 was so shallow bc they really just repeated harus plot line with rin even having hiyori act in as sousuke as u described but with much less buildup and tension. instead the tension was just oddly forced by hiyoris unnecessary protectiveness and the conflict solved easily with a race. without the buildup that conflict makes less sense to me every time i think about it and makes me wish they actually explored something new and created ikuya and harus dynamic based on high speed 2 rather than repeat rin and harus bc their dynamics are fueled by something that they can’t replicate with others and haru and ikuyas past tgt is just so different from the past he has with rin that having the same conflict and resolution makes no sense (esp since ikuyas past wasn’t related only to haru; the whole team had left him but they hyperfixated on haru anyways)

oh yea i didn’t even think about the rin crying thing until u pointed it out- i think what was so powerful about certain scenes in s1 and s2 is that they’d be RARE occasions where the characters are showing extreme emotion and and it increased the impact of rin crying, haru smiling, haru yelling, rin laughing specifically with his eyes closed, etc. i totally agree that what they were also trying to do with making rin and haru so loose in their emotions was to make up for the lack of emotional impact the scenes of s3 had bc like u said they just shoehorned old tropes into the new characters/relationships except without having the build up and development they had in s1&2 so the scenes still felt empty :/

to your second point, god you had me thinking even more how much they did those three wrong esp makoto.

what i’m upset about regarding rin and haru is that haru is still hung up over the incident that happened the first winter rin came back from australia (as shown by how affected he was by hiyori saying that everyone who swims with him gets hurt, which i already explained was dumb in my original post) and they never really addressed that after ? honestly if they were gonna have that still haunt haru despite rei telling him rin’s actual feelings at the end of s1 they should’ve had rin and haru talk about it which would’ve been a nice way to show how they’ve grown and fit in interaction naturally into the season but no they never even had rin meet ikuya and hiyori until the road to the world movie which led only into a comedic scene (i havent watched the movie only clips but i’ve heard that it’s better than s3 at least)

man but i really hate that line hiyori said and also how he said haru was an inferior copy of ikuya when haru is the one ikuya looks up to and based his freestyle on and what a surprise that i found out that those two lines were direct suggestions the director kawanami gave. :/

anyways, i also really wished they kept asahi and rin being childhood friends because of their dads having done the relay tgt back then. that could’ve also fit rin back into the storyline more and would be interesting to see their dynamic

and also why isnt the fact that sousuke/kisumi/rin were childhood friends explored more ?? i feel like they barely even have any interaction

besides rin, makoto and harus relationship really took such a disappointing turn. his character regressed from all the development he had in s2 just to go thru the same development he already went thru but this time worse. and when it seemed like they were going to explore a new dynamic between makoto and haru bc they were going from being next door neighbors to going to different colleges, they like u said put him back as the never changing supportive character. it wouldve been so nice to see how they developed on their own and not being attached to the hip but instead they just made makoto an accessory to haru. im convinced that had utsumi stayed the director we would’ve gotten the interesting “even we change” development we wanted bc unlike s3 she implied in an interview that she didn’t see makoto and haru meeting often tho she didn’t go into the details bc she wanted to keep it open at the moment :( but yea makoto’s role really regressed in the series to being just a shipping item bc tho he appeared pretty often he never really seemed to do anything besides shallowly support haru from the side (and i say shallowly bc he never stood up for haru or even comforted him) which is really an injustice to him and his previous goals

just generally the lack of focus on the core relationships just made s3 feel even more like filler bc the plot is (or at least it used to be) mainly driven by those main friendships. but instead like u said they tried to give everyone even small side characters bigger parts in the story than necessary

What u said also really made me realize that probably most of what happened in s3 was for the sake of more ships. hiyori’s whole existence was really just a whole thing just to be able to neatly give ikuya his own ship. makoto regressed prob to keep the original dynamic that shippers are used to with makoharu. haru acted ooc so that they could force development between him and other characters for more ships. really there’s prob more that i cant think of out of the top of my head

s3 just really was so shallow and even when they had the opportunity to make it heartfelt they never took it. like in the scene after haru lost the first race at the invitational and he confides in makoto and rin and they just laugh off his worries? what the heck was that

offhand but i also really disliked when azuma said that the reason haru slowed in the race was that he was scared that he was feeling himself overtake his limits in swimming. that just made no sense to me that haru would be scared of that when he has a competitive spirit even if he likes hiding it sometimes. the original implied reasoning that the reason he wasn’t doing well was bc he didn’t want to give up his relationships to reach the top just made much more sense since the basis of free is the friendships, even more so than the swimming (though that is what connects many of those friendships together) they could’ve addressed that and have rin appear to tell him that he was going to compete and keep his friends (since in s2 that’s what he fought sousuke on; that both friendships and swimming were important to him and that focusing on his friends wasn’t a waste of time) because what he gets strength from to swim is his friendships so haru could definitely do it too. and also have the rest of iwatobi sc reassure haru that he’d never lose them/they’d always be there for him and thus bring back the point of free! really i think the director forgot what free was about and that’s why the most s3 actually felt like free! was when haru and rin left their training camps and spontaneously ran to see their old highschools compete at nationals

god just seeing what free has turned into makes me so sad. i want to be excited like i originally was for new content esp the movie coming this year but with how bad the writing is now idk if i can bring myself to feel excited anymore bc i feel like i’ll just end up being so disappointed and this just makes me wish they just ended it at s2 instead

so i’ve finally watched s3 of free! and i wanted to put my thoughts in about it and hopefully also get some ppl to reply (respectfully) with their own input? also sorry if my knowledge of free seems spotty or incomplete since i don’t obviously have all free lore burned into my head so pls inform or correct me on anything i’m missing!

anyways before even watching s3, i noticed it was pretty widespread that s3 was rather disappointing or at least fell short to s1&2. and not only that, but i could see that s3 was likely going to be a bit disappointing just bc of how many less ppl were interested in it or even knew about it (ofc popularity=/=good but i doubted that the loss in numbers was just bc time had passed) sadly, the season actually exceeded my expectations of the worst.

first of all, i think way too many characters were introduced without any need of them being there. ofc not all of them seemed worthless to being there, but i think at least half of them didn’t have a need of being there (or at least didn’t need to appear as much as they did) or they could’ve at least waited to introduce them. don’t get me wrong, i loved characters like isuzu and albert, but with how little they appeared or added to the plot, i don’t think they were necessary at all. they introduced so many characters and kind of tried to forcefully endear them to us but it just seemed really shallow and random. i was really uninterested in the new iwatobi hs sc tbh (i love rei and nagisa, but i just don’t feel anything for the new members tho it was funny how the new manager is interested in fat instead of muscles) i don’t think isuzu was worth introducing, but i do get why they introduced albert at least. he was supposed to serve as their first rival introduced strictly from the professional world, and to emphasize there are many people above them not just in japan but the “world stage” but i definitely think they could’ve waited on that until the free 2021 movie tbh. plus i felt that any conflict he brought to haru was resolved within 1 maybe 2 episodes so yea they definitely didn’t really need him bc he hasn’t had much impact (yet) if anything, they could’ve just had him briefly appear at that training camp haru was at to race him and beat him to remind him that he still has a long way to go to get to the top. but all other appearances of albert were so extra and unnecessarily emphasized how inhumanely talented he was (the arcade scene, the thing with the chopsticks,etc) it just felt like really weak foreshadowing

also, the main conflict in s3 was just way too prolonged and solved unsatisfactorily. first of all, i don’t know why the blame seemed to be shifted by ikuya and hiyori almost solely to haru, like yes he was the one who quit first but it wasn’t an attack specifically to ikuya and the rest of them left too, so they should’ve held more grudges on haru makoto and asahi rather than just haru (or if anything at least have more blame on asahi bc makoto at least talked to ikuya beforehand) like did he just forget asahi also made a promise to not move away? honestly from the content they gave us, i’d argue that asahi and ikuya were actually closer than how ikuya and haru were, since i feel like most of the latter relationship was based on ikuya admiring harus swimming.

second of all, hiyori was another character i found so unnecessary and just weirdly protective over ikuya. he repeatedly gets in the way between them and ikuya when ikuya never said he didn’t want to talk to them (and it’s not like talking to them is gonna give him a health relapse) and so he just seemed to be there to prolong the conflict between them which was irritating. not even natsuya, ikuya’s actual brother, was that obsessive over him so i really don’t get hiyori. even sousuke, who was actually friends with rin before haru and the others were was not that possessive over rin, and there was actually pretty good reasoning why he had a grudge against haru (he didn’t see haru taking swimming as seriously as rin and thought that would cause him to hold back rin who looked up to haru, and was jealous that haru who had the talent to swim the world stage with rin wasn’t taking advantage of it when sousuke wanted to but couldnt bc of his injury) and like what right did he have to say to haru that his swimming hurts others when it didn’t even affect ikuya negatively (instead it inspired him and led to him wanting to swim like haru) like how haru originally thought it did to rin and how it did to asahi in high speed 2?

third of all, like i said before the way they solved the conflict between ikuya and the rest made little sense. like yes harus swimming is magical but i don’t get how swimming IM with him could instantly solve all the problems between them. (ik that it was based on the promise they made to race each other but i’ll get into that part and how shallow it felt later) if anything, i think what would’ve been more impactful was something happening to ikuya that made him realize that he can/should rely on/trust others, (maybe a more serious accident?) and enjoy swimming with a team and not just alone since his personal conflict was that he thought swimming alone was better than swimming with others when actually he was lonely (at least it was in starting days). and that wouldn’t even have to be with haru and the others that he learns that lesson. it could be with his own university team and hiyori, which would give hiyori a much better purpose of being there. (or they could’ve just not had him exist) if they were so inclined to have closure between ikuya and the other boys by having them resolve ikuyas personal conflict, i feel like it should’ve been at least haru AND asahi (maybe even makoto too but idk how thatd work when he’s no longer competing) racing him in the same race (if not them doing a relay but i guess they didn’t want to make it too obvious than they already were that they were just recycling the plot of s1 (lol)) if anything i think they could’ve even waited for them to reconcile while they were on the olympic team, but ig kyoani didn’t want to wait that long to reintroduce ikuya and wanted to use s3 to warm ppl up to the idea of ikuya being on the olympic team which they didn’t do very well considering how bad the development was

also what was with ikuya saying he swims his own way while obviously taking sm inspiration fron the way haru swam? it was so contradictory and even as kids haru told ikuya to swim his own way when ikuya told him that he wanted to be like haru and he understood that obviously but didn’t apply that to his actions at all? and i’m surprised haru was ok with ikuya blatantly copying him when i vaguely rmb that he’s been shown to get annoyed with even makoto when he seemed to be doing that?

another fault in having all these characters was that haru’s actual personality seemed to be taken away for the sake of these characters.

they wanted to establish a deeper relationship between ikuya and haru, but it just seemed so off the way they went about it in free! haru promising ikuya to race him just felt so ooc to me and had little emotional impact tbh bc of the lack of reasoning i felt haru had to agree to such a thing besides him promising ikuya that just bc he asked rather than bc he actually wanted to race ikuya. (while it took rin weeks to get haru to warm up to him and then agree to the relay, and seeing the process of haru getting used to the idea then openly enjoying swimming with the others was really touching) i think they just added that to make harus quitting have more impact on ikuya but i don’t think it was necessary at all when they already made plans with the rest to swim the relay again and win. if they wanted to make it seem like ikuya and haru had more of a one on one relationship with each other they should’ve gone into more about how haru saw the same darkness in ikuya that he did in himself like in high speed 2. make them bond over their similarities since i’m pretty sure ikuyas purpose as a character is to give haru a rival that is like how sousuke is to rin is; which is being rivals while being two of the same person. (in contrast to haru and rin who are very different and are rivals that inspire each other) but the way they try to establish the relationship between ikuya and haru pales sm in comparison to sousuke and rin that it’s a bit laughable, even more so in those occasional moments where they try to act like ikuya can measure up to rin’s impact on haru

another much more obvious event where haru’s character is forced to act ooc for the sake of the establishment of another character is with albert. yes, haru has grown a lot from the beginning of the series and has gotten a lot more open, expressive, and friendly, but that’s mostly just to the friends around him, but that’s not even to all of them (he still seems to find kisumi irritating and in TYM tries to leave at the sight of him lol) so him noticing, randomly approaching a stranger he doesn’t know a single thing about to help them order food and then even going far as to have lunch with him was the most blatantly ooc thing in the season. i think he may be polite enough to help him order his food but i don’t get why he even noticed albert in the first place. they should’ve just left him noticing albert to be at the practice race. like i said that scene was just there to emphasize albert’s skill with the chopstick thing but i think saying he was the world record holder and also being way ahead of haru in the race was already enough

besides haru’s character, another character i felt they did wrong was makoto. besides the plot of s1 being recycled, s3 makoto seemed to just repeat the development he went through in s2. by the end of s2, he already establishes that he wants to coach swimmers. and at the end of s3 he comes to that same realization but acts like it’s something completely new to him introduced by nao that he never thought of before?? the only difference was that he said in s2 he wanted to help kids realize how great swimming is, which was sweet and suited his personality, but in s3 he says he wants to do it for athletes on the world stage. tbh i like either way, and the latter one would help him be able to stand with rin and haru who in s2 he was afraid of being left behind by (hence why he swam the free against haru in s2) but saying that being an olympic trainer can also help him inspire kids and show them swimming is fun makes no sense. choose a path you want for the character already and make it consistent does he want to help athletes in the world stage or does he want to help kids fall in love with swimming? bc i doubt any kids pay attention to the coach or trainers in the olympics rather than the actual athletes so that reasoning like i said didn’t make sense.

and after haru lost what i think was the 200m (?) free at the All Japan Invitational, i found it weird that they had makoto there after to talk with haru and rin about the race? idk to me it just feels like it’s tradition for it to end up just being rin and haru talking when they’re struggling with swimming (in s1 was their fight in front of the tree that looked like the one by their elementary, in s2 it was the australia trip) his presence didn’t even feel necessary either, he just randomly interrupted the moment by saying his future plans after haru had that angst yell lol. it felt like just an appeal to mh shippers which is not a good enough reason at all

the last point i can remember at the moment is that the ending was so underwhelming. i don’t understand why they couldn’t have shown the ending to rin and harus 100m free race when the movie trailer already confirms that they’re going to the olympics. why cut to albert watching them on the tv?? all this build up to not even show the results of it? I think this ending really just confirmed that s3 was so unnecessary and just there to warm ppl up to the olympic movie but not actually give us anything good or plot moving

anyways sorry for this dump. besides all these criticisms, i want to say there were parts of it that i enjoyed, i just didn’t go into it bc this post is already so long, and me bagging on ikuya was not hate; i actually like him and the only time i teared up in s3 was in his race with natsuya lol. i’m afraid that at some parts i may have not expressed my thoughts exactly so please don’t be too harsh if you engage, but i’d love to hear other ppl’s analysis of s3 and the characters as well !!

[kurasmaniac-blog]

#it needed to be more violent, I’m going to burry you, you don’t have magic.

In the hospital

daddy dropped me

there are historical figures and concubine queens

they chose me as martyr for my workout regime and as reward for my honesty

little girls resemble solid black babies who try and eat your face openly

tried to fix their dented heads when they got dropped from their cribs

syringles full of things slightly acidic

they opened my trachea

i was unconcious and interrogated

i begin smacking them around

TELLING them how stupid it was to do a thing like that

still managed to tell them a few things they didn't know

at home

finger nail clipping troubles

black widow bites

white python with yellow rings

they think they can abandon me if not completely financially

put hom outside

generaly not there very much

where?

pedophile

brother

no tv

on and off one way then the other

they refuse to feed me

two faced talking to kids who would have been my frinds

i don't get hurt very much i guess

tee ball

pedophiles

dented a kids head for harassing me

coach thinks he can fuck my little butt

i knocked half his teeth out

one swing

no damage initially but as he tries to go back to get my poor little butt hole

i was three

they all talk to eachother about what a bad little shit i must be

pedophile kids in day care #1

moved on to a second

fought every kid who asked me

knocked a kids teeth out for being a little mexican and trying to give everyone HIV

teacher knew the two intruders and tried to drug me

one single cop shows up somehow tries to break one of my wrists

i can see he is full of crying and try to assist him mentally

i continue fighting kids relentlessly

residual growing from the drugs

in and out seeing it all conciously

people try to break my legs

their wish dreams begin manafesting showing me broken memories and arguing that they had done what they said

im still 100% in tact

my grandmother on each side trys to rape me

assorted shit they try and feed me

elementary school starting with kindergarten

i rip a little girls broken arm off basically

a few more kids say they have fought me

little girl tries putting paper clips in my head

i bend her jaw with two punches

she loses her mind and says "i just got that off"

my soul smiles up at them openly

first grade second grade the cops had already seen me

i loved jumping off swings

but i had hurt so many people god came down and put my face in the ground

as high as the roof landing solely and flat on my face

i bled crainially

a puddle of clear liquid on my face and desk they would have licked me

stop defending yourself you're fucking the kids up

kid thinks he is hercules and wants to help everyone by trying to break my nose

i lie to him like they had lied to me

my nose is clearly not broken

i lose more of the kids its like they're just not there

i lose the ability to run without pain

dentistry

teeth filed

suppposidly removed for breaking the coaches face

second set is given to me

i had only walked into school twice even at that point

ultra decked a kid because a girl said he was a little fucker "stop raping me" they said

more drugs for beating so many of their children

kids who had been to my house lose it and go after things pets and family

there was supposed to be a funeral at some point they tried to kill me

i broke a toe walking down to the kitchen for a drink

i was sent back home from hell and scared the shit out of everyone royaly

im no longer capable of hearing them try and explain their reasons to me

one night i woke up having to remind myself to breath

brother and girlfriend kill parents

they go after me

putting cigarettes out in my nose

trying to cut

and failing horribly

the girl was daughter of a police officer whose face i had also broken right after his daughter

at a friends house other dad and second son come hope after going to the hospital having tried teaching the boy fighting and yanking his neck breaking the spine they

they had refused treatment and his head falls off in my arms

i had still only used violence defensively

i refuse to take karate for fear of perminantly damaging a student then instructor in that order

on anotyher night the dad of the dead boy tries to fuck my poor little butt hole

my only explanation is i simply don't and can't have the fucking of my butt magically

loss of memory

cop dughter girl has doctors try and cut off my arms and legs leave a for fork in my chest and chain me to my bed

the chains are broken i manifest new arms and legs which i use a bit to grab the girls face a bit and i notice they urge me to not hurt the girl by fading in and out

there are too mny things in my list here for me to just be full of shit believe me

sixth grade camp for 2 of the 7 day week a proctor dissapears for judging me and another kid and trying to put shit on at least my ear

he dissapears

my pants and broken belt fell off in front of a girl and i notice she has trouble not noticing my nuts

jr high first new friend trys to hold me under water but i didn't like it and shattered one of his testicles he has one

at a girls party somehow i overstayed my welcome so they try and cut my face off paint it with tatoo ink burn bitch at then shun me

before i can get out i find myself inside the house and the girl freaks out she wanted me to leave because my mother followed me in and i had to bitch slap her

drugs

i make a big scene talking to my mom on a cell phone they don't like me

the girls dad carrys me outside by the shirt and puts me directly into mothers car

pipe bomb

met tiesto he lived there i guess

the girl was rape/fucked because people knew my parents thinking of them poorly

i would have to have at least one of these mentioned having this many

havent done homework since second grade

little herculese still thinks of bending one of my arms so i shove a foot right up under his girlfriends butt in a class

on an extended field trip a fat kid drugs me and i hear i defiled a sanctuary but don't have memory of crying myself to sleep much less living with it like a mistake at all actually

kids had put shit in their pockets and thought of me

i don't get to go to the girls second party

on the final days of school field trip i miss the buss call but find some kids who stayed also find myself out by a buss and rape a police officer to get myself put home

i had robbed a crain game and grabbed at least 15 stuffed toys

i was punnished for not doing the monkey bars right and dislocate a sholder but still manage to get to the top the climbing pole

teleport frisbe

a bee flies right up into my shorts and didn't seem to want to leave

im debating not going back to add in all the other things for elementary school typing this is tiresome in itself

high school

staying late after school eventually turns to my brother throwing my dad a surprise party where i had died in the bathroom party girl put magnesium on my hed and it melted its way right through me

the bathroom is a mess and my dad watched me die

i pop back up and walk out into the living room naked not having clothes some mexican kids tried to piss all over my room

there must have been something wrong with my dad for refusing reason like he did i hear i knocked teeth out of his face for my poor little butt holes honor

barbeque injector to the heart

huge trap door spider made a snack of me

people tried to kill my cat

loss of vision but there were people who tried talking to me

the police had investigated the corpse in the bathroom and say it wasn't me

i smiled

stabbing for my method of provocation

soemthing fucked me

someone cut the skin off my left arm and tried to wear it

the next day i walk back to the hangout just fine

people threw rocks at my mother i didn't make it all the way home conciously

i thuroughly haunted a school performance and broke a girls face for their indirectivity

my bend in my jaw is still there

i don't go to my fathers house anymore after that party

find myself at my mothers and know not much more than that her housband breathes heavily when hes angry

when im at another house with one of his kids i end up staying for a week strait

when they wre drinking they poison me

on another night i make it too the bathroom after drinking heavily and think of it as a victory

i wake up in the bathroom with my left hand clutched around a puking girls pony tail shes screaming WAKE UP WAKE UP don't put my head in the toilet

as i take it off my hand responds slugishly with each finger prying itself off individually starting from the left pinky

i clutch my hand and call back to sleep

residual

i have a few short visions one of a neck readjustment i enjoy pranoidly

another of my mother and her housband trying to get me to leave that house why not just put me outside

i get a car

i drift around this same turn in my city 10 times having looked at the reason and ignoring my good way out i slam one front left axel into the curb breaking it loose then take a right turn and make it to a spot to park

the tire stayed on and they cannot police me

im gifted a few dips in the road and scrape part of a plastic under carrige piece off partially but being half an inch thick it cannot have happened

i was smoking at a church and let a guy try my manual car without me i hear a loud crash but the car seems fine later i realize he must have tried to blow the transmission seeing how the car acted just after

the car now runs on me

another set of people tests me at first mostly with steroids in a single spot cutting drugging

when someone threatens me i still just tell them to hurry the fuck up

drugs

a few long trips drugs found a girl with "tongue fur" which i cant have because earlier i was given a yellow funguns that was "if you're not dead in a week that's not what this is" i lived and the fungus formed a line around the horizontal rim of my tongue

there is a tackle box on every corner and everyone is on a foreign telephone netowrk

one night i appear just in front of my drive way pull in and am followed throught the door shot up and left unconcious

earlier there had been mexican workers broght from a separate city so many that step father is shuned "you never bring them back"

if a person fails it is clearly their fault or literal mind rape possibly

i made the girl who showed interest hot and for a while she thinks of it as raping me until she gets HIV

the last mentioned group of people one night summon me with wishes to go and have a rave far away and by the end the only thing i can say is they couldn't afford what I bought them by being there

a girl of them is kidnapped and raped supposidly

i tried many times after being shot up maybe 10 times taking pills and not smoking to pull her ass back to my car but the best i can do is offer my sholder for stabbing

the brakes became clogged with sand

we were moved and i took people home

the girl is recovered by one of the group and her authority father she had jondis

the now hot rape girl and a guy had given HIV to many people including both their families

i got a job

i somehow broke the computer system at that restourant but i had been driving my car with parifanalia and a broken tail light for long enough to get the idea i should use this chance to continue my high school work of being there weather anyone liked it or not

the cop whos sons head had fallen off in my arms tied to put a harpoon slug in my left eye

one morning on the way to school my windows had been rolled up and the frost was heavy on my windshield

i back out at a point of defrosting thinking it would clear up but find myself in the same place as before looking right at the answer clearly but not able to act

i passed throught a pillar my mother having been pushed into the drive way and proctor on the corner of my mountain rode street where there were some kids waiting for a buss i had never noticed

hercules had killed one of my cats for raping his home and i end up running over a kid who was playing in the street

the proctor pulls a boi knife and puts it through my face i have a vision of POW soldiers being hydrolically injected so i say no

one of the kids starts yelling about how a little gir had started crying and i pull off to make more magic

parts of the kids body were stuck to the bottom of my car and i took all of it strait to the closest parking space at the school to the school

there were police waiting but they just shoot so i vanish again losing memory not really knowing

the puddle was hercules' little cousin and my cat was at home

i did mushrooms up in the mountains and played car pinball all the way down to a friends house

the police showed up there but i had already fallen asleep from eating too many mushrooms

at the school graduation there was a special surprise for me in the form of some guy holding my diploma who the just ran thinking i didn't have it but did

father was there and tried to rip it in half i vanish again

my year book had been handed around the whole school

i didn't see it at all i'll make some wish for that later as long as not too much is a staged story

many people have HIV at this point

one final night after work i had been drugged for a week or so by the guy who brought the HIV back from cuba

i cant do anything but hurt people

she stood there in the hall unable to call me a bitch without explanation and I finally understood psychology

that part of their face is bent, so is mine but if it actually matters i wont ever care

i don't have HIV but i like to think that maybe some had been let go

i don't know how much of that acid they gave me but i drove home parked turned the music up as my brain dried out

if anyone had an objection i didn't hear of it right then

brother and the second cop had the second cops dad take drills to my teeth at a party i was summoned to

the damage wasnt immediate but later and just some

if that kid was hercules then my tee ball coach was zues whose lack of teeth have fucked my head up for years

i went to the planned parenthood and almost was raped but found myself outside

i was taken to two 5150's where by the end one had missing people the the other had seen me inside a secret wall room

i end up in the mountains one night and a kid with heppatitis shoots me up

everyone has a fucking needle

historical figures all around along with a zues and herculese makes me think there once was an after life but they refused to take responsibility and leave it there before showing up here to rape little boys

i raped and took a walk through the rave in LA one night on invitation apparently party girl told me i was a fagot

i didn't pay but i still even got inside after tiesto himself had failed to just walk up and beat me

once inside i was split into five went everywhere then took a seat up in the top section

they asked me to leave twice played me part of a song saw my brother and floated down to a door across the crowd from where I was

ruffles?

i landed on the other side near the enterance to the VIP section but just walked out into the fog

oh

went the wrong way and found myself home turned the music up and began wrenching around my bent faw right side

finally once i headed around to the back drive way it was loud again but i had a magic barrier that kep the high school kids away and the kids kept the other people away

my head started screaming at me and i was alone with it to beat as time went on

my psichiatrist heard me once say that the human trafficing people couldn't do anything about me either so they decided t kill me

one night i was sick with the flu had a heart attack

another day i went out to mow the lawn but i had gotten so clogged by the medications there was some pain

a while after i see my drivers license picture looks just like the kid from terminator two after he beat that hooker

on walks i found things i had never seen a mushroom that reminded me of a lamp shade red fat butt spiders like a black widow and small tube scrap that looked like it had been cut

i was going to use it as a blunt crutch but thought it might be metal lit one end and held it at the other

it was hot in less than 1 second and probably cold before i dropped it

i think about it having the mark of being cut and a piece left from it being broken off but i don't think people have anything like it

i threw it away thinking nobody would ever give a fuck who cares i found it on a walk no you don't have it

i have the kings crown magnet still

on the way i had broken kids cops an fbi agent but who gives a fuck i was born in a hospital

the phich meds were good for a while and i had gone back to laughing then suddenly it turned drastically to extreme discomfort the word for which people still don't acknowlege

it was that way for at least a year of painful discomfort not being able to sit still or stand

until one day i decided to give a bit and stop taking the medication

then the drugs quietly gently turned back a few different attempts later

but the yelling i had done in my room and the music had attracted me attention again i didn't hear of any of it from a person at all

nother guy dances down my hallway uninvited bounces into my room and tries to flip the light switch but the bulb breaks and im sitting there blinded by the light of my computer screne

they cant hear me thinking

someone got the little girl at the end of the street the tongue fur right the fuck up in the top end of it

i herd some people outside my window even my land lord so i guess they cant get the fuck out of my house either

i got my new house of my own in a mobile home park and in the first few days someone had assigned a hagared lady to try and do "something"

once the pandemic hit in the first few days there was a guy in a truck and not knowing well enough to stay away i talked to him

my casual manerisms concerned the people from down the street

but after the builders tried to crack the house in half and the HIV kids spitting at my father

[fandoms-funnies-etc]

The World Knows (Post FFH)

SPOILERS Taking place right where Far From Home left off, Peter has to deal with the immediate consequences of his identity being exposed by none other than Mysterio and J Jonah Jameson. Luckily Happy is there to help him through it and the decision he must make. 

(2378 Words)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19738093

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13332813/1/The-World-Knows-Post-Far-From-Home

All the eyes in New York City turn towards Spider-Man. The words of J. Jonah Jameson still echoing through the streets, across just about every internet connected device in the city. 

Spider-Man turns slowly from the 10-story-tall screen that had just shown Mysterio’s video from London, exposing his identity. His gaze locks with MJ, her mouth hanging slightly agape as a crowd starts to fill in around her, pushing past her to get closer to him up on the lamppost. MJ mouths, ‘Go, get out of here’, as she also starts to back up out of the scene.

Frozen, Peter takes a few moments to make his limbs move. His mind is clouded, running the clips he had just seen over and over again in his head. 

The shouts from the people below break through his daze: “Is it true?” “Will you be using these ‘attack drones’ more?” “Why did you kill Mysterio?” “Is your name really ‘Peter Parker’?”

He wavers on top of the light post, trying to block out their questions. He stammers, “Uh, uh, gotta, gotta stop that crime, over there...” before finally swinging away.

He stops short of his apartment building when he catches a glimpse of the crowd of people and reporters already surrounding the building. He quickly takes out his phone and dials May. It barely rings once before she picks up, “Peter! Peter are you okay?” she asks frantically.

“I was just calling to ask you the same thing.” He replies, taking off his mask and keeping in the shadows of the rooftop across the street. 

She sighs in slight relief, “I’m fine, don’t worry about me. Happy and his security team are keeping the trespassers out.”

Peter closes his eyes, exhaling, the reality of the situation crashing down on him, “May, I’m so-”

“Don't you apologize! This isn't your fault. We’ll figure something out. For all that the public knows, Beck could have been lying about Spider-Man’s identity. Nothing has been confirmed, or denied to the public by you, which is the only voice that matters now.” She says in a level-headed tone, attempting to keep Peter’s and her own fears at bay. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Peter mutters anyway into the phone, his eyes still closed, hoping that when he opened them the whole situation would just stop. 

May pauses, “This isn't your fault, Peter” she reiterates, trying to soothe him through the phone. “H-Happy just wants you to lay low for a bit while he gets the media under control.” She relays, faltering, her worry creeping into her voice.  

He clears his throat, “W-where should I, where can I go? My face is all over the city, oh, no, what about Ned and MJ?” He realizes, “They’ll be connected to me like you, I’ve gotta-”

“Happy already has teams looking after them,” she assures him, “he also said you can hide out in the old Avengers tower. Nothing’s moved in on the top floor yet, and no one can get in there either.” She explains, and Peter can tell that she’s pacing, “Just try and make sure no one sees you.”

He nods, “I’ll try.” He peeks out and sees the familiar abandoned building along the skyline. “I love you, May. Have Happy call me when anything has changed.”

“Be safe, Peter, please,” she softly begs.

“You too.” He hangs up and puts his mask back on, shooting a text to the group chat with MJ and Ned: ‘are you guys ok?’, before slowly and carefully making his way towards the Avengers Tower. 

His suit scans the area around him, pinpointing the best time and place for him to swing to keep out of sight. 

He makes the final climb up and over the railing of the balcony. He looks for a way inside, crawling up to one of the glass doors and pulling, “Stark tech confirmed. Welcome.” Friday’s voice chimes, followed by the sound of the lock releasing. 

“Guess they didn't remove everything on moving day.” He whispers as he enters the lounge. The door locks behind him and the glass wall tints automatically. Peter’s shoulders relax a bit. He removes his mask and looks at his phone which has grown warm from the influx of notifications suddenly bombarding his social media, texts, and voicemails from people he’s never met. He wades through the noise to get back to his group chat:

MJ: ‘besides the small crowd of reporters that followed me home, i’m great’

Ned: ‘ur asking if we’re ok?? are you ok??? Taht jerkwad Mysterio blew your identity to the world!’

MJ: ‘where are u, peter? I’m watching the news for any word about u and they havent seen u’

Peter texts back, leaning up against the glass, looking out over the city:

Peter: ‘Happy told may to tell me to hideout till he gets a handle on things. I’m at avengers tower’

Ned: ‘woah that’s cool at least, what’s it like up there?’

Peter: ‘it’s mostly empty. Some of the tech is still integrated into the building tho, it let me in. happy said he sent people to protect you guys, are they there?’

MJ: ‘yeah, a couple large white dudes escorted me home and i think are still outside my door’

Ned: ‘same.’

Peter holds his phone down, sighing with relief, replying:

Peter: ‘i'm so sorry this is happening guys,’

Ned: ‘Don't worry about us, bro, but like are you gonna like confirm or deny what mysterio and that jameson guy said?’

Peter: ‘what do you mean?’

Ned: ‘i mean i'm sure we can figure out the whole peter parker and spiderman seen in the same place at the same time together/ cover up if we need to, it’s one of my favorite tropes’

MJ: ‘he’s got a point, can't be that hard to pull off’

He considers this for a second, watching the sun begin to set behind the skyline. 

Peter: ‘you think that kind of thing works in real life?’

MJ: ‘well i guess people know spiderman has stark tech which can manipulate the public to seeing what ever you want, so who knows’

Ned: ‘yeah might want to keep that on the DL’

His phone starts to vibrate as Happy’s face takes up the screen with an incoming call. Peter accepts the call and puts him on speaker, “Happy, tell me some good news, please.” 

Distant shouts of reporters call out from Happy’s side of the call, fading into the background before he speaks, “Well, we’ve got solid perimeters sets up around May and your friends. We also got our data-blocker finally up on everyone as well, basically hiding your personal accounts from the public for now.” He states, “Did you get in the Tower fine?”

Peter nods, “Yeah, yeah, super easy”

“Good, good. So, our next move is going to be based off you, kid.” Happy informs followed by the sound of a door closing, the crowd noises fully dissipated. 

Peter rocks on his heels, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, we can squash this. We can get our cleanup and recovery teams clearing your name as soon as you give the word. No guarantees your life will be exactly the same, but we can get pretty close.” He overviews, “Or, we set up an official press conference, a controlled setting, where ‘Peter Parker’ can introduce himself as Spider-Man to the world.”

Peter absorbs this carefully, “And, uh, when do you need this decision by?”

“Well I don't want to rush you but sooner would be better than later.” He confides. 

“Cool,cool,cool,cool,cool, so, uh, wow, so should I make a pro/con list or what should I do?” Peter starts pacing around the room, dim lights flicker on as the sun gets lower.

Happy hesitates, “I-I can't really make this decision for you, Pete. Do you have any gut-reaction either way?”

“Honestly, my gut-reaction is to be unsure about everything.” He flusters, cracking his knuckles nervously before a sudden calm rushes over him, “How was... Mr. Stark sure when he wanted to tell everyone he was Iron Man?” He asks quietly, putting his phone down on the bar, leaning forward over it.

Peter remembered that day, well, just barely. He was only a few years old when May turned on the news with that press conference as the biggest story of the night, probably of the year. Over the years he had rewatched Tony’s reveal several times on YouTube, just mesmerized by how confident and cool Tony Stark was, and loved the press’s sudden reaction to his words: “I am Iron Man”.

He can tell Happy is collecting his thoughts before answering, “I-I honestly don't know. I could never predict what Tony had going through his head at any given moment.” He chuckles to himself quietly, “I think he just had a feeling that it was something he needed to do in the moment. He didn't have to think about the consequences, because he knew that whatever came his way, he could handle it.”

Peter nods, “Well, of course, he’s Tony Stark.”

“But the consequences were that it strained his relationships, it delayed him starting a family because he feared putting more people that he loved in danger,” Happy adds sincerely, “But it also allowed Tony to live truthfully with the public, which he needed when he realized where his old weapons were ending up. Despite what it seemed like, he wanted to be held accountable for his actions as Tony and as Iron Man.” 

“So, he never regretted letting people know his identity?” Peter stops pacing, looking at his mask in his hand.

“I’m sure he had regrets once and a while; like everyone else, Tony had doubts, even though he didn't like to show it.” Happy says knowingly.

Peter presses his lips together, putting his mask down on the bar next to his phone. “So what does that mean for me?”

“I don't know. What does it mean for you?” Happy prods gently, not trying to sway him either way, but to make his own decision.

Peter stares into the eyes of his mask, his reflection looking back at him through the lenses. “I think... I think, Mr. Stark said, he wanted me ‘to be better’. And I think that means, deciding what’s best for me, and not just following his example.” He inhales slowly through his nose, “I’m not ready. I’m not ready for the world to know my identity. Not yet. My relationship with MJ is still new, and when Beck targeted my friends in London, that... t-that was the scariest moment of my life. I’m so lucky that you were there to help protect them, but what if in the future you’re not.” His voice breaks a bit, “It would fall on me. The less people who can connect my friends and family to Spider-Man, the better right now. I want to be a ‘normal kid’ a bit longer, if that’s okay.” 

“That’s perfectly fine, Pete. I’ll get my crew on it right now.” Happy turns from the phone, saying a code into another device that Peter can’t make out. He returns to their call, “They’re clearing your name as we speak.”

“Thank you.” He sighs with relief, finally feeling his muscles fully relax.

“And Peter,” Happy cuts back in, “this doesn't make you any less of a hero, by the way. Admitting your limits is one of the hardest things heroes have to do. Trust me, I know a lot of super people.” 

Peter smiles, “Thanks, Happy.”

“Any day, kid. So just stay low for a bit longer until I give the all-clear and you can come home.” 

~

By the next morning, anonymously sent in footage someone took of Spider-Man chasing after bank robbers that clearly showed ‘Peter Parker’ watching from the sidelines as Spider-Man swung overhead, was playing on every news network and social media page. Other anonymous tips came in from ‘experts’ explaining how the footage sent in by Mysterio was doctored, a prank against Peter Parker by one of his classmates that got out of hand. 

Even J. Jonah Jameson dropped the story on ‘Peter Parker’, but still held onto the rhetoric that Spider-Man was a menace to the city, and not without faults. 

But the worst was over for Peter. He accepted the teases from Flash who taunted how anyone could ever believe that ‘Penis Parker’ is Spider-Man, the only time he’s ever been grateful for Flash’s relentless bullying. 

“Told you you could pull the old ‘can't be in two places at once’ bit in real life.” Ned nudges Peter as they and MJ settle down on the couch in Peter’s living room. 

“Yeah, gratefully people aren’t very critical of what the media tells them is real.” MJ says sarcastically before Peter and Ned give her a look, “I mean I’m actually grateful for people’s ignorance this once.” She amends. 

“Same.” Ned and Peter say in unison. 

MJ leans forward in her seat, “If you’re ever thinking about telling anyone else your identity, run them by me, I’ll be able to tell if we can trust them or not.” She points her finger at Peter, punctuating her words. “We’re gonna keep your secret on lock-down”.

“Totally.” Ned agrees, “If they want Spider-Man, they’ll have to go through us!” Ned pounds his fist into the palm of his other hand. “I should also make an official set up so I’m ready to be your guy-in-the-chair whenever you need me.”

Peter leans back and smiles to himself, “I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.” 

Ned sticks his hand out between the three of them, “Team friends-with-spiderman” he declares.

MJ puts her hand on top of his, “Friends-with-spiderman”, she smirks at Peter.

Peter hesitates, “Do I put my hand in? Because technically-”

“Just put your hand in,” MJ shoves him playfully with her shoulder.

He chuckles, “Team friends-with-spiderman” he states, adding his hand to the top.

“Team friends-with-spiderman!” May pops in from the next room and rushes over to add her hand on top of Peters, pushing down and then throwing her hand in the air excitedly.

The three kids burst out laughing but follow suit, exploding their hands from the center and into the air beside May.