#still got things i wanna finish drawing but better to pace myself than injure myself further :P
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lagomorphics · 23 days ago
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pain has been a lil worse i think its time to finally get started on the several switch games ive been meaning to play lmaooo
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winchesters-imagine · 5 years ago
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Infected - Pt 5
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Imagine you and Ellie meeting a strange man called David.
Warnings: swearing, david, violence Word Count: 5.8k Estimated Reading Time: 20 minutes
___________________________________________________ A/N: Wow, I have neglected this series. I think there’ll be one more part to this, before I move on. Maybe do a different game? Maybe we’ll revisit when TLOU part II comes out? Let me know! Feedback is gold!
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A small, abandoned town is what you found with Ellie. You found an empty frozen yogurt store in a mall and with high concerns for Joel, you all rode in. It was cold, and maybe not ideally hygienic, but it had to do. You had fished in your bag for something to keep your wrist in place - it wasn’t a huge injury, just a little sore, and would feel better in a few days.
You hopped off of your horse as soon as you saw what looked like a stretcher tucked away in the corner of the frozen yogurt shop, which you pulled out and set next to Callus. Ellie slides off as you clutch Joel’s jacket, sliding your hands under his arms to help him off, using all the muscles you can as you strain against his weight. Ellie helps his legs gently away from Callus and helps you put him on the stretcher. 
There had been a heavy snow storm over the past day, and you were all left cold and desperate. Your fingers are so cold that you can barely grip your gun, and Dean shivering into your shoulder concerns you. 
You help Dean into a chair, taking off your jacket and throwing it over his shoulders. He begins to protest, but you put a finger to his lips before he could and rush over to join Ellie in the search for something, anything. 
“Shit! C’mon, gimme something...” You hear her as draws open harshly and proceed to slam shut. “Fuck!” You heart beats a million miles a minute as you swing open cupboards and drawers before you find a stash of fabric in the corner of a cupboard, only about the size of your palm.
Both of you rush back at the same time, having found something useful. Your fabric is too small for Joel’s wound, so Ellie pulls out her old shirt from her bag to use with the duct tape that she found. 
“Okay, we’re gonna put you on your side,” You say to Joel, nodding to Ellie as you carefully roll Joel over with your good hand. Ellie lifts up his shirt and you both stare at his wound in shock, before snapping out of it. There’s much more blood than you’re used to, and as Ellie seems to be very much in control, you turn to Joel.
His breathing is shallow, he’s shivering, and when you put a hand to his forehead, he seems ice cold. “Now, what do we do?” Ellie breathes out harshly while rolling Joel back over after taping her old shirt over the hole in Joel’s side. 
“I’ll go out to find something to stitch him up with - there’s gotta be a first aid kit around somewhere,” You say, passing Ellie the white fabric you found earlier for Dean’s shoulder.
“With a broken wrist?” She shoves it back.  “I don’t want you to go! It’s not broken!” You insist. 
“This place is abandoned. Probably only a few infected around. Watch Joel. Keep him alive. I’ll find the stuff. Okay?” Ellie offers.
You huff a cloud of breath, not too sure. But then again, she was fine in the game, right? 
“Just, come back in one piece, okay?” You say softly as she stands up, swiping a padlock and key from the counter. 
“I’ll be back in a flash,” She replies lightly, lifting up the garage-like door and lowering it slowly. You hear her lock it from the outside and sigh.
Feeling a headache coming on, you take your hair out of its ponytail as you peel away Dean’s shirt from his wound. 
“Took your time,” He teases.  “Sorry, De. Is the bullet still in your shoulder?” You ask. “No, I think I dug it out on the road.” “Oh my god.” You grab the tape and place a strip over the fabric on top of the wound, looking up at Dean afterwards. 
“So, what’cha gonna do with a ganked wrist?” He asks playfully. “You’re talkin’, Winchester. How’s the knee?” “I was bein’ dramatic. It feels okay now.” Some light has returned to his eyes, and you feel guilty that the same can’t be said about the man on the floor.
You move to check on Joel, worriedly looking down at him. 
“Are you holding up okay?” You ask softly. Joel grunts softly. “Sure,” His voice is barely above a whisper, and tugs at your heart like the moon does the sea.
“Hang in there, Joel,” You pat his shoulder softly before spotting a blanker stashed behind the counter of this store, placing it over him.  You move to straddle Dean’s hips, but you don’t put your weight on him. More like a hover.
“Dean?” “Hm?” He looks up, eyes full of - love? Admiration? Happiness? You wish you were better at identifying people’s emotions. But they sparkle. Dean’s eyes always sparkle. You drop your voice and lean forwards so that only he can hear you. “Later in the game, something happens. I don’t think I can tell you, but you and Joel have to find a way around it. Maybe that’s when we can call Gabe. I miss Sam, the Bunker, my bed...” You begin to complain, but cut yourself off. “I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, Y/N. Okay? The next time I see Gabe, I’m gonna kick his ass all the way to Kentucky. Trust me on that.”
I’m not worried about myself...
You smile, heart pounding and losing yourself in his eyes. So much so that you don’t realise you’re going to peck his forehead until you did. Dean Winchester, the man you could always count on as he could on you. You gently pull him in for an embrace, staying there for a few moments.
You spend the next few minutes, hours? Pacing up and down, chewing your lip and almost biting your nails. Your heart dropped when you heard bursts of gunshots, not knowing whether or not Ellie made it out alive. Being trapped in this store with nowhere to go sure gives you a lot of thinking time. 
“Y/N, stop worrying. She’ll be back, she’s a tough kid.” Dean offers, cradling his shoulder to keep it as still as possible. You look over at him in worry, absolutely certain that you’ve just heard screeches of Infected in the distance. Obviously, Dean can see the panic on your face every time. “Seriously. She’s small and fast, and you can’t move your wrist more than twenty degrees in any direction.” You aren’t sure whether he’s reassuring you or digging himself a metaphorical hole. 
Until you hear something hacking at the metal padlock on the door. Callus is irritated as usual, whinnying loudly. You rush over to him to calm him down, shushing and stroking his nose.
“Hey! I hear the fuckin’ horse over here!” 
Shit.
“Help me get this door open!” “Yeah, yeah, we’ll get the door open. You guys keep searchin’. I don’t wanna get ambushed.”
The noise resumes and you can see the metal door shaking as the hunters throw all of their strength at the little lock. You exchange a worried look with Dean, who tries to get up, but you push his good shoulder down gently to keep him there. Ellie will take them out, but in the meantime you tie up your hair and check that your guns are loaded.
“Yeah, I think it’s about it give! Keep at it!” 
Your heart drops as you bite your lip, testing your grip on the pistol. You support your bad wrist as you aim your gun on the door, ready for anything. Some muffled grunts are heard, before silence. You hold your breath as you hear some fumbling at the lock. “Ellie?” “Yeah! It’s-”
The wshh of bullets knock against the metal of the door while the hunters yell at each other about Ellie and the door, “Down there! By the door, we got her pinned down! Finish her!” followed by gunshots. Another hunter? How many were around here? 
“Fuck you!” You hear Ellie yell back. More bullets are sent flying. You cross your fingers that she’ll make it.
More gunshots and yells ring out, and you stand ready by the door to help her in. Dean seems to sit up straighter in his seat, and you wait for the last shot. 
It comes in about ten minutes, followed by, “If anyone’s still alive, don’t even think about surprising me! You’ll end up like your friends, you hear me?” 
And a weight was lifted off of your shoulders when you hear the padlock click, and see the door being lifted. You hold it with one hand so that she can get through, before dropping the cold metal to the floor. 
You hugged Ellie as soon as she stood up, which she understandably resisted; her thoughts were only of Joel. 
“Are you okay? Did they shoot you?” You ask, kneeling down next to Joel with her.  “No. Fucking pharmacy had an empty kit lying there,” She pulls off Joel’s blanket with shaky hands, “I jumped into a military helicopter to find this,” She pulls out a full first aid kit from her backpack.  “Nice going, Ellie,” You assure her. “Do you know how to stitch a wound?” 
She thinks for a moment. “I’ve done this before, so I’m kinda an expert... ish,” She replies. “Good thing we do it for a living, then,” Dean mumbles, having been bleeding like Joel since the university. Though, not the same volume; the adrenaline wearing off now. “I’m going to stitch Dean’s shoulder real fast with this needle - just watch and, I guess, learn,” You say, pulling up a knocked down stool with your good hand.
You pull Dean’s shirt down, revealing the damage again. Working quickly, you show Ellie how to disinfect, and stitch it properly, finishing with a dressing. Dean lends you a hand in place of your injured wrist, holding the thread where it needs to be to tie knots, and things like that. She notes, and you watch her pack, stitch and dress Joel’s wound as you give pointers while she does.
Once that was done, she pulled the blanket back around his shivering figure, tying it securely around him with a piece of rope she picked up on her outing, which she cut with her knife. 
Ellie seems relieved, falling back onto her heels as she relaxes a little. “Where do we go from here? Other than just, out of here?” She wonders aloud.  “My vote is to find a village or town nearby - the houses are gonna be abandoned, and if we’re lucky we can find supplies. Take one of their basements as shelter,” You suggest. 
                                                            *
The thick blanket of snow crunches beneath your feet as you lock another one of your arrows into your bow. “I’m just sayin’ Ellie, Dean will look after him. He’s almost healed anyway - the only reason we’re both out here is for some girl talk,” You say, focused on making sure the bow string is still surviving.
“He’d better. Otherwise he’d have me to answer- holy shit, food!,” Ellie says, leading Callus through the woods. She’s just spotted a rabbit, and you could tell that she was not going to give up this opportunity. “Your move,” You say. Ellie slides an arrow onto her bow, slowly pulling it back. The tip of her tongue peeks out of her mouth as she ever so gently, carefully, increased the tension. And then she released it.
The arrow flew straight through the neck of the rabbit.
“You’re a good shot!” You smile. Ellie gets up and starts running to fetch it. You catch up and see her frown after picking up the result of your hunt.  “Oh,” She sighs. “This won't last very long.”
You scan the surrounding area and can barely contain an excited gasp, spotting a deer about ten feet to your left. Ellie follows your gaze and also grins. You leave Callus tied to a tree and follow the deer, taking it in turns to send arrows in its direction. However, time after time, the deer would spook and keep running. It was beginning to get tiring as you both chase it through the woods, trying to be quick but also quiet. 
After many curses from both you and Ellie, you turn the corner and see down the bottom of a hill, an old mining camp. The wooden cabin was huge and falling apart - holes in the roof and walls making it look drab and abandoned. The blood stains in the snow go through the cabin, and you exchange looks with Ellie. 
“Oh, great,” She rolls her eyes, jumping down to find the deer. You follow, treading cautiously as you gaze around the rotting wood, damp with snow. On the inside, the entire roof has collapsed in, and the winter wind makes the fragile foundations creak.  “Everything's cool. This place is not creepy at all,” Ellie says sarcastically. “Trust me, I’ve seen worse,” You joke lightly. Ellie doesn’t acknowledge the joke because she’s spotted the deer, dead on the other side of the cabin.  “Oh.” She says, surprised that after all this running, it’s finally dead. She goes to check on it, but you’re put on alert when you hear the soft crunch of leaves beneath somebody’s foot. 
You raise your own weapon, hunter mode kicking in.
“Who's there? Come out!” You make your voice as tough as you can, despite straining against all of the tension you’re putting into the bow. Probably not supposed to do that, but with your heartbeat picking up you hardly care.
Two men appear from behind the trees. Well, one man. A boy who looks about nineteen is by his side. 
The man looks rough, maybe in his mid-to-late 40′s, with longer hair and a beard. You shiver, realising that if it were a little longer, he’d have the same hair as Sam. The boy just looks ...young. Just following the leader.
“Hello...we just want to talk,” He walks with his hands up, a rifle strapped to his back and gravelly undertones to his voice.  “Any sudden moves and I put one right between your eyes,” You threaten. “Ditto for buddy boy over there. What do you want?” You switch between the two of them with your bow, hands flying up whenever it’s pointed at them. You mutter under your breath to Ellie, “Stay behind me.” She does.
“Um, name's David, this here's my friend James.” You’re already disliking his story. “We're from a larger group - women, children. We're all very, very hungry.” You know that this guy is bad. But, you can’t remember why.
“So am I - women and children - all very hungry too,” You lie, breathing deeply to keep your cool. “Well maybe we could, ah, trade you for some of that meat there,” David tries to negotiate. “ What do you need? Weapons, ammo, clothes-” “Medicine! Do you have any antibiotics?” Ellie interrupts. You cringe slightly. “We do. Back at the camp. You're welcome to follow us-”
 “We’re not following you anywhere. Buddy boy can go get it. He comes back with what we need, the deer is all yours. Anyone else shows up-” You scowl, raising the bow a little higher, fingers beginning to ache. “-You put one right between my eyes.” “That's right.”
David turns to the boy. “Two bottles of penicillin and a syringe. Make it fast. Go on.” He turns and runs.  
“She'll take that rifle,” You say, motioning to Ellie.  “Of course.” His easy compliance doesn’t sit well with you. It’s making you nervous. Years of weeding out disguised vamps gave you good practice in identifying the creeps. He steps forward and places it on the ground in front of you.
“Back up,” You let Ellie take the rifle, so that she can hold him at gunpoint as you rest your aching shoulders.  There’s an awkward silence. Uneasy glances shared between you and Ellie, hands rubbed together to warm up. “He's probably gonna be awhile.” Of course David is the one to break the silence. “You, ah, mind if we take some shelter from the cold?”
You ponder for a moment, before shivering yourself. “Bring the deer with us,” You say, and you all end up in a smaller cabin that was probably the entrance for the old miners. David lets go of the deer. You gather some sticks and wood lying around before building them up in the middle of the floor. Ellie watches David as he stares at you making the fire. “Yeah, thanks for the help tough guy,” You mumble, searching for a hard rock. You pick one up with a relatively sharp edge in the corner of your cabin. You pull out your knife and drag the rock across the spine several times until you produced sparks. Blowing on the glowing wood ever so slightly, the fire grows.
“You know you two really shouldn't be out here all by yourselves,” David says, a slight edge to his voice as he warms his hands by the fire. Following your lead, Ellie does the same. “Don’t work well with anyone else,” You shrug. David glances over Ellie.  “I see. What’s your relationship? Sister, in-law, daughter?”  You scoff. “Like that’s any of your business.” “What’s your name?” “Why?” “Look, I understand it's not easy to trust a couple of strangers.” David tries to be empathetic. “Whoever's hurt, you, especially the girl, clearly care about them,” You swallow thickly. “I'm sure it's gonna be just fine.”
 “We'll see,” Ellie says.
As always, you hear it before you see it. The ear-grinding squeal, infused with clicks and painful-sounding cries. Everyone is on their feet in seconds, when a clicker enters the house. All of your joints lock up and you stop breathing. It lingers in the doorway for one, two, three seconds before releasing a stomach churning cry and charging. Straight for Ellie.
As if somebody had slapped you, your arm flies for your bow and arrow, successfully pulling out the bow, but the arrow gets caught on the way out of your bag. “No!”
Flashes of light go off in front of you, accompanied by bangs. David shoots it down with a pistol, again and again in the head. You jaw falls open.
“You had another gun?” Ellie asks, face falling.  “Sorry,” David shrugs. God, just the sight of him makes you feel sick. He’s a liar, and you can’t trust him. 
But more infected are on the way, and the more guns, the better. David peers out of the doorway.
“Okay, I'd really like my rifle back now.” David says. “No, you have your pistol,” Ellie argues. “I hope you know how to use that thing.”  Ellie shares a knowing look with you,“I've had some practice.”
You shut the heavy metal door to the house and throw a nearby tarp onto the huge deer. You pull out your bow again and ready an arrow. You frown at the very obvious blood trail to the deer, before remembering that the clickers are blind! Great.
“We have to keep them out,” You say, half to yourself. “Let's hope they don't find him. Cover the windows,” David instructs, and you roll your eyes.
Standing near the half boarded up windows, you peer out, doing the best you can to shoot the incoming clickers with your bow. It clunks against the wood, and you sigh in frustration. At least Ellie’s getting some good shots in, you can see the corpses collapse and slide the rest of the way down the hill. 
“You weren't kidding. You're a better shot with that thing than I am,” David comments. You cannot for the life of you control your distaste for this man.
“Gimme a hand with this,” He says to you. Reluctantly, you help him shove some heavy metal cabinet in front of some windows, straining and gritting your teeth due to the weight. You slump against the hard wall of it when you were done, panting heavily. 
Until a high pitched squeal rips through the air right next to your ear, and you get pulled into the wall by the window - a clicker leaned in, throwing an arm around your shoulder and chest. You scream, its mangled features too close up. All of the fungus is leaking out of its face, and you’re petrified. 
David pushes your head out the way and you hear a loud gunshot. You’re pushed away before you see the lifeless body slump over the wall. You rub the part of your neck that it was so close to biting.
“Holy shit,” You and Ellie say together. “You okay?” She asks. You nod, still slightly dazed before you ready your bow to start shooting again. But you’re almost out of arrows.
Every shot you take goes straight through the head. You’re so focused on your aim, so grateful for everything that Dean has taught you, that you freeze when you feel that you’ve only got three arrows left. Gritting your teeth, you put your bow away and just feel that there’s something in your pocket. You reach in, fingers closing around a slim metal object. You pull out your pocket knife, almost screaming in happiness. 
Didn’t you leave that in the Bunker?
“Oh lord, there's a whole lot of 'em comin' at us,” David’s voice pulls you back. Can you trust him after he saved you?
You peer between the wooden planks on one window and view about twenty to thirty clickers approaching. “Screw it. We're gettin' outta this room!” David yells, looking for an exit and settling on an old boarded up door. With almost impressive strength. “Alright, ladies. This way.” 
You both follow him through the fragile passages, a couple of infected smashing through the windows that you quickly push Ellie away from. “Fucking infected,” You hear her mutter. You sprint up two flights of stairs and David pauses, grabbing Ellie and then you by the upper arm and pulling you forward. “I'll block their path. Cover the stairs!” 
You don’t have any ammo to help, so you rush next to David and push the old metal shelves across the doorway. You exhale sharply. “Follow me. Through here,” David rams his shoulder into another pair of metal doors and they fly open. 
“Do you know where you're going?” You ask, knife clutched tightly in your hand.  “I've never set foot in this place.”  “Oh! Great,” Ellie says sarcastically.
You enter a new room full of metal catwalks and broken machinery. Your breath is still coming out in puffy clouds of smoke.  “It's clear. This way.” You run through the maze of machinery and to a huge flight of stairs climbing the wall to get to higher ground.  “How you holdin' up?” You hear him say to Ellie.  “You don't need to worry about me.” She says. You suppress a smile. A beat. “Alright. Stay close.”
You’re running across the metal catwalk next to Ellie, hopping over a barricade that reaches mid-thigh. But the metal creaks beneath your feet, and you’re falling, arms flailing above you. To your surprise, your fingers catch on the edge of the catwalk.
“Oh shit!” Ellie yells.
You look down and see her on her back on the floor. “Shit,” You mutter, trying to pull yourself up. Seeing your struggle, David grabs your arms and yanks you up with surprising strength. 
“Hey, kid - you alright?” David calls. You look behind you with a gasp, seeing two clickers approaching. “I'm fine...” Ellie sits up, shaking the haze from her head.
David pushes you lightly in front of him, trying to get you to run. “More clickers. Get outta there!” He calls down.
You both take off, swerving around corners. You flinch at the sound of David’s gunshots, which surprised you. You haven’t flinched like that since you first started hunting. After a few corners, David grabs your elbow and pulls you to the floor. You gasp in surprise before realising that the clickers up ahead are few and far between. Easy to knife. 
You crouch and shuffle forwards, to a clicker leaning forwards and panting heavily. Taking a deep breath, you straighten up and leap onto it, shoving the knife into its face, neck, where the eyes would be, anywhere you could without getting bit. It collapsed underneath you and you fall on your feet, panting heavily and wiping the blood off of your hands.
“Didn’t know you had it in ya, kid,” David claps you on the shoulder as you breathe deeply. First time stabbing a clicker. You scan your hands and wrists for bites and grin to yourself when you find nothing.# “She’s climbing up there, let’s go,” He gives you a tug, spotting Ellie climbing up a yellow ladder tucked away.  Upon arriving, you see a clicker turn to a wall, and neither you or David hesitate to shoot. One of your arrows and several of his bullets take it down, and Ellie appears around the corner.
“Oh! There you are,” Ellie says. You pat her shoulder as reassurance, glad you’re here to watch out for her.
“C'mon - door's this way. There, look. That ladder could work.” David says, to himself or you, you aren’t sure.
You climb the ladder second, behind Ellie. David follows. You run through another doorway and jog through a rickety bridge until you come into an open room.
“Alright, let’s see what we’ve got,” You take a look around, up the stairs and onto a ledge, where two corpses lay. “Geez. Looks like someone already fought those things and lost,” Ellie’s voice creeps up behind you. You swallow back a horrible feeling rising in your chest. “Ah, Lord,” David appears. “I've been lookin' for these boys. Doesn't matter. Grab their gear. I'm gonna look for an exit. Keep your eyes open for anything we can use!” 
You find more arrows for your bow, as well as a rifle strapped to the back of one of them. Odd. If they were being attacked by these things, why was the weapon still strapped to their back? Maybe they were set up?
Christ, Y/N. That’s so stupid. Focus, you think.
You pick up tin bombs, throw pistol bullets in Ellie’s direction, and find a lighter with some bottles.
“See anything?” You shout. “It's a dead end. How on earth did they use this building?” David responds. “So what do we do?” Ellie asks you, eyes glinting with fear.  “We fight them off. Stay put,” You suggest, running a hand down your face. “Is there any other choice?” She asks. “We die. Get ready.” David strides past.
Haunting squeals almost make the building shake. You load the rifle and hold it still, not hearing what David and Ellie are yelling at each other. Sure, you’ve dealt with vampires, shifters, werewolves. Nothing compares to this, seeing the undead crawl from the roof into the room. 
Any of them where you can get a clear shot, you take it. Shouts between all of you communicate where you are and how many are around. 
“Behind you!” Ellie yells, staring at you with wide eyes. You bring the rifle around without looking, swinging it across your body until it comes into contact with what you identify as a runner. You shove it back with the gun and shoot exactly three bullets into its torso. Thumbs up to Ellie before you continue shooting the rest.
“How many of these things are there?” Ellie shouts, fighting the recoil of the rifle.
“I have no idea. Just keep at it!” David is scoring plenty of headshots, taking infected down in a few bullets. A strangled, deep cry draws your attention to the abandoned elevator. 
“It’s a bloater!” You and Ellie yell at each other. “A what?!” David is clearly out of the loop.
“One of those big fucking guys,” Ellie takes aim with her bow as you stuff your bow into your bag, pouring some alcohol into a bottle with a rag, et voilà! A Molotov cocktail. 
You light it and quickly throw it at the bloater. It screams and flails, and claws at thin air in pure rage. In your experience, fire was the best weapon you have against these guys. You make two more of them, throwing them with Ellie and David shooting in between. Before long, the big ugly lump fell forwards in a charred heap. You lean forwards on your knees, catching your breath. Dean’s not gonna believe this. 
“You know, I think we did it,” You only barely register David’s cheerful comment. 
“Like we killed all of 'em?” Ellie’s still recovering, too. When you get out of here you just want to get back to Dean and Joel, forget about the deer. “Don't sound so disappointed.” “More like disbelief.” “I'll check the bridge.”
Ellie tugs at your arm and you follow her to the bridge.  “Listen,” You say.  “No infected,” Ellie sounds relieved. “What'd I tell ya? Alright. Let's head on back, check on that buck of ours.” David nudges Ellie’s shoulder and sends you a wink. Friendly? Or not? You look away as he returns to your dead fire.
This time, you can relight it with the lighter you found. 
“You two handled yourselves pretty nice back there. Ha, whew, I say we make a pretty good team,” David pokes at the fire as you all crouch to get warm. 
“Psshh. We got lucky,” You scoff. 
“Lucky? No, no...no such thing as luck,” David has a different tone to his voice now, and if you’ve ever been in this situation before with a monster, you know that shit’s about to go down. 
Your hand tightens on the rifle by your side.
“No. You see... I believe that everything happens for a reason.” “Sure,” Ellie says.
“I do. And I can prove it to you. Now, this winter has been especially cruel. A few weeks back, I ah...sent a group of men out - nearby town to look for food,” David says, staring wistfully into the fire. You begin to feel sick to your stomach. “Only a few came back. They said that the others had been, ah, slaughtered by two psycho men. And get this; they’re traveling with a little girl, and a young woman.” You knew it. You shouldn’t have trusted him, and you did. Idiot.
Why didn’t you just run?
“You see? Everything happens for a reason.” You stand up and put him at gunpoint, Ellie shoved behind you.
“Now don't get upset. It's not your fault. You're just protecting your girl,” He says to you. Calmly, too calmly. Your breathing threatens to waver. “James, lower the gun.” You turn your head to see buddy boy aiming right at your head. Ellie lifts her rifle up at him.
“No way, David. I'm not gonna let her go-” You swallow thickly, fingers tightening on the trigger. “Lower the gun.” Why is David so calm? “Now give her the medicine.”
James tosses the parcel to the floor, closer to you and Ellie than them, thank god.
 “The others won't be happy about this,” James says to David. “Yeah, well, that's not your concern.” David is speaking with a business-like edge to his voice, but you can only feel your fight or flight kicking in. Today, it’s flight. Ellie picks up the parcel of medicine as you both make your way to the door, gun held tightly on your shoulder. “Move the fuck out of the way,” You move around James, anxiety in your voice presenting itself as agitation. You make it to the door before David’s last words as you leave. “You won't survive long out there. I can protect you.”
You almost throw up in your mouth. His voice, it’s just- wrong. Too fake.  “No, thanks.” 
You leave with Ellie in tow. Retracing your footsteps through the blistering cold, eyes watering as they’re hit with the icy air. You ignore the slips you occasionally get, only concerned with getting the fuck out of there. 
You pull yourself onto Callus and then Ellie. Making sure that she’s securely holding on, you ride as fast as you can before making it back to base - which, you figured out weren’t just your average houses. It was a lakeside resort, and you were hiding out in one of the cabins.
You make it back through the garage, closing it behind Callus. Entering the basement, you feel a weight lifted off of your shoulders when you see Dean casually sitting against a wall on a worn mattress, humming to himself. Ellie makes a beeline for Joel as you sit next to him, heart still hammering against your chest.
“Hey. You took a while,” Dean looks over at you with a smile. “Yeah, we ran into some infected. Found this though,” You motion towards the rifle on your back, inhaling deeply as you ignore the concern on Dean’s face as his head jerks up to scan you for any injuries, eyes landing on your hastily wiped bloody hands. You instead watch Ellie talking to Joel and injecting him with some penicillin.  “Uh, I’m sorry, what?” You smile. “Relax, tough guy. We’re fine. A bloater even decided to join the party.”
Dean looks as if he’s going to pass out. “Hey. I’m okay. Promise. Fire is a surprisingly good weapon.”
You realise that your hand is tapping your knee uncontrollably in an attempt to shake out your nerves. Dean slowly takes your hand, his warmth calming you slightly even though your breaths come out shaky. “Y/N/N. I know you. What happened? You’re worried.” You turn and see how serious he is as he watches you intently.  “De, I just- we saw a guy,” You drop your voice so that Joel and Ellie can’t hear you. Ellie is beginning to lie down, probably to sleep. “A guy?” Dean’s hand tightens around yours. “Yeah. At first I had mixed feelings but now - he’s a bad guy, Dean. I have this awful feeling that I can’t shake, and I think something bad is gonna happen but I don’t know because I can’t remember!” A tear slides down your cheek, a result of your panicked energy. You did know what happened here, you’re sure of it. So, why can’t you remember?
Dean rubs circles around your knuckles as you speak, and when you finish he throws his good arm around your shoulders and pulls you tightly into him.  “Listen, I know you’re scared. So am I. But Gabe wouldn’t put us through anything where we couldn’t handle ourselves. As soon as my shoulder’s healed properly, I’ll be right there with you.”
You exhale sharply, slightly calmer although not very much. Gabe’s probably wiped all of your knowledge of this situation, all to ramp up the agitation and suspense. You begin to lie down, taking Dean’s good arm with you until you’re both on your side. You shift closer to him for warmth, but also the feeling of safety that he always gives you as you fall asleep.
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cosmosogler · 8 years ago
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ok! phew!!!
this morning i woke up a LOT. i had so much trouble staying asleep that i wasn’t even that bummed when my alarm did go off.
i spent the morning doing a crap ton of stuff. i organized my desk, scanned my paperwork, figured out what i need to do to finish my welcome packet, made an anxiety jar, filled the anxiety jar with stuff that needs to get done in the near future but not today specifically, and watched a couple youtube videos. because i got up at like 9:15 and i didn’t have therapy until 1. i also made some leftovers for lunch and started washing my bedsheets and blanket.
in therapy i was a little more open-ended... not more than usual, but less focused than i felt i should be. the therapist offered to bring perseverance worksheets next time and i said that would be helpful. i didn’t really get to work on my short term goal, but i got some worksheets to get started. i said i had a lot of problems that need work, and that i would like to focus on, like, underlying problems more than things that might go away if i address the big problem.
now i gotta figure out what those underlying problems are and what i wanna do about them.
my therapist said that “finding out who you are is a lifelong process.” i find that odd... isn’t that one of the first things you learn? you spend all your time being yourself. but man i’m not always even sure what my opinion of, like, morning is. i guess that’s not a unique problem. i guess that’s good to know, since i was kind of feeling like i had been set back in that regard from so many years of... you know. having my thoughts overwritten by jerks like mom.
after therapy i dropped off my sister’s old meds at the police station and also found my childhood doctor office to ask them to fill out the ufl-approved paperwork instead of printing out their own form. all the buildings in that area look the same so i had to wander around a little bit. but the receptionist was helpful and polite, and she said the office would give me a call when it’s ready to be picked up.
when i got home i think i watched youtube videos for a while and not much else. mostly took a break. oh, i was doing my laundry. i cooked a new thing for dinner. i made “black bean ramen.” it needs to be cooked with something else though, by itself it smelled weird and didn’t taste like much. i put in some hot sauce and that livened it up a bit but it really needs, like, some kind of vegetable. the egg wasn’t enough.
after dinner i pulled out some of my note from the anxiety jar and resolved to spend ~15 minutes on each. i spent a lot more time than that... basically five hours.
what i did first was acquire all the study materials my classmate suzanne had uploaded for me. there were 38 files... so that took a bit. i haven’t read anything physics related yet though. that’s a separate note.
then i blew through a ton of stuff i needed to fill out for the welcome packet. that took maybe an hour and a half to two hours. i got really frustrated when i found out i was using the wrong browser and it wasn’t going to let me submit the forms i had just filled out.
the orientation videos are separate. but i did all my health insurance stuff, set up my student profile, and looked up a bunch of stuff about starting grad school. i will get more information about the physics program specifically and the classes i’m taking in july or august. there’s not a lot i can do right now about that, but i do feel less unprepared.
then i spent the other 2 and a half hours reading through the rest of the help posts i loaded up the other day. i put like 20 of them in my queue. i have even more in my bookmarks so i can come back to them when they become relevant in august. gotta organize my bookmarks though, i’ve got like a million on my bookmarks bar not sorted into folders.
when dad got home from work we let the injured mouse go in the backyard. his eye was looking a lot better when i saw him running around. also, he was running around. he should be fine, barring any horrible catastrophe. like falling back into the pool filter. or being found by an owl while getting back to his nest.
i was so busy with all this stuff that i forgot to do my pokemon stuff. i will have to try to catch it early in the morning again so i’m not up waiting until 1 to pick up berries and junk. the daily stuff isn’t lined up with the poke pelago.
i still need to do my self esteem journal. that’s only three sentences though so i can just do it when i’m done with this.
tomorrow i need to probably get started with dusting the house. mom is assigning us “chores.” by which i mean she will be bossing me and my sister around while my brother plays league of legends. i also gotta pick up the immunization form. and... do the orientation videos when i get the authorization email. do my therapy homework. mom asked me to bake some cookies, so i’m going to do the macadamia nut mix. asher is allergic to nuts so if i make them while he’s not in town then i won’t be tempted to share any with him haha. i can make the snickerdoodles when he gets back. i want to brush the dogs for a while so eve doesn’t shed all over the bedding i just washed. maybe i will see about getting some exercise first thing in the morning since i haven’t been doing a lot with wiley (it’s over 100 even in the evenings). i will also try to do “self care” and use more stuff in the shower than i usually do. my sister brought home all sorts of weird stuff and i’ve got a lot of christmas presents i haven’t used.
i also need to figure out what i want to eat tomorrow. i think mom had the rest of the leftovers for dinner. 
hmm, ok, that is a lot of things. i will try to pace myself a little more carefully going forward. i don’t want to tire myself out right away. i read so many tips and articles tonight that words stopped meaning anything for a little while.
i didn’t have time to color the owl picture today since i read all the way through my scheduled drawing time. i got some ideas from my group mates though so it won’t be hard to continue working on it i think.
as always, i feel like there is something else, but i do not know what it is. maybe i am just not getting enough sleep. i will try to limit myself to 1 jar note tomorrow so i have more time for something more relaxing instead of exhausting.
the kid i was doing an art trade with posted her picture today. it is basically a trace of the mouse reference image i gave her. she’s got a good shading instinct though. hopefully in the future she will feel more confident about making up her own poses.
ehhh i’ll think more tomorrow. i am tired now, and my head hurts.
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