#still feelings Vaguely Unloved by proxy of having a solid total of zero (0) close friends!
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brw · 4 years ago
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well i’m gone again
#vent in tags#i don't know how long#still uh having a Heated Gamer Moment#still feelings Vaguely Unloved by proxy of having a solid total of zero (0) close friends!#its so weird#because again. nobody to blame this on but me! i cannot blame people for moving on when i am not there and make no effort to be#but like. i had more close friends when i was severely depressed and having anxiety attacks basically every night#like despite feeling like Utter Shite and not going thru life well i still like? had close friends i could vent to?#and now i have none! 😁#and i really am just thinking abt how bad a friend i was to people and honestly still am#like then my friends would be feeling absolutely horrendous and i'd do next to nothing#i had a friend who was s//f h//ming consistently and i? did nothing?#like beyond. ''that sucks'' or whatever... nothing#i was so bad to them i am just.#and now obviously ppl try to reach out and i MEAN to talk to them i just. do not#i forget and then weeks go by and at first its ok but i can't keep doing this#pretty sure i've lost... at least 2 friends via this#they just#give up#and fair enough#but i'm still upset about it#anyway if you are reading this for whatever reason#a) i am sorry for this i just had an anxiety attack for the first time in ages#well not ages i had one earlier this week but. beyond that it has been? almost a year? so like i am#discombobulated#and b) please don't worry i'm probably just being overdramatic again#or whatever#idk every time i freak out or go into another fit my brain keeps telling me to stop attention seeking so like dbacdbwrbhscfbsfbh#real gamer hours#i'll probably be fine i just. i don't know
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