#still dunno how i confused the romantic orient. for a different one but either way love bringing this fact up

[chaoticallyfuckingstressed]

scrolling through "couldtransitionsaveher" and saw ur suction cup man submission and WAIT SHES CANON ACE PANRO???

YEAH THERE WAS A PIEMATIONS TWEET FOR PRIDE MONTH AGES AGO THAT BROUGHT IT UP! HAD TO SEARCH A LIL TO FIND IT AGAIN BUT HERE:

[natsunoomoi]

Diving Further In

So just going deeper into this SVSSS rabbit hole. Still in earlier chapters because I work, but just poking around online again because again I really just like looking at Shen Qingqiu’s face and also Liu Qingge’s look isn’t so bad either.

But like I came across some stuff that’s spoilers for me and it said that they are a popular ship together? But like also a lot of people question if Qingge is straight which the author said and I found curious that a lot of people seem to dispute that? So then I looked more and it seems people are citing an extra story where the two of them go to fight some succubi in a cave. I read the story, and I don’t really see it myself? Like I can see how some people could read that it implies that he is actually interested in Shen Qingqiu and maybe a little jealous, but also I can also see how it doesn’t necessarily and also aligns with the author saying that he is straight. This isn’t to say that I want to kill anyone’s ship or anything, but just want to point out how what MXTX is saying isn’t exactly crazy either.

I’m not really sure, but I think it might be because I’m asexual myself so even my own experience going through life there’s a lot of things that maybe other people who aren’t ace interpret as more romantic that I don’t think so at all and it’s gotten me in trouble sometimes where I feel like I’m just having pleasant conversation with people but people think I’m flirting? I’m just being nice and talking? I don’t understand?

But just the same like even for me if someone says something that could possibly suggest that I’m involved in something or that I like someone even if I don’t, I still get flustered and blush because people are talking about my private life even if I don’t actually like the person. And then they become convinced that that’s the person I like because I’m blushing as we are having a conversation about if I like someone.

Like truthfully, in the 4th grade I had an interaction with a classmate that I had that I thought I had an amicable friendship with. During the first week or so of school a bee came into the classroom and landed on my desk and my classmate killed it for me and I was scared and eternally grateful, so at a later date later I gave him like a small gift or something as a thank you. My classmates thought it meant I liked him or something and I was VERY CONFUSED. I was literally just grateful for the help with the bee and he’s always been kind and helpful to me in class so I didn’t really think anything of it, and just simply you do nice things for people who are nice to you right? It’s a very simple and pure thought, but I learned from that experience and misunderstanding that normally people don’t do that for people who are just your friends. I think they also thought I did because apparently I was staring at him a lot when we were on a field trip, but like during the field trip he was also goofing around and jumping on the bus and stuff. How do you not look at someone making a ruckus?

So basically, in reading the succubus story, I kind of thought about something like that for Qingge. Like if I were him, I would be a little surprised also that the description sounded a bit like me and like I’m sure just as Shen Qingqiu is going through all the women he knows, Qingge is also running through all the people who knows that Qingqiu hangs out with and realizes that he is with him an awful lot. I’m somewhat serious as well, and even though I’m focused on getting the job done, it’s not like I’m not trying to look out for my friends and their interests so I’d want to still listen too to learn more about them as a friend and even to find out how I can be a better friend to them or like encourage them in the future. Plus like nothing else was happening in the cave, so you just get bored and listen to what's happening. Same as me on the field trip. Space out staring out the window or turn in the direction of the commotion on the bus.

I also think that part of Qingge’s alarm is that the succubus mentions that the person is his junior, and I think most people would normally exclude anyone who was a student or disciple of theirs. He probably didn’t even consider someone who was from a younger generation as he was running through the list of people in his mind, and the description does sound like him and to me it reads like because he is straight and doesn’t think of his friend in that way exactly, he’s having a kind of panic attack and questioning himself internally trying to discern if it is him and his own feelings. But at the same time, he doesn’t want to say any more or explain himself because its not like he wants to be mean to his friend either. 

Like I’ve had times like that too where people apparently maybe liked me, but I just didn’t like them that way or I was emotionally unavailable because I liked someone else. And then when you’re in grade school you do those fortune telling games where you write the names of different boys in your class and stuff and it’s not serious, but sometimes you don’t want to be mean if like the fortune tells you it matched you to one person or another. Like even if you’re friends and it’s just that you don’t feel them that way, if you played that game and got matched with them and then shouted, “Eww! Gross!” Isn’t that awful? So like, I think he thought that the succubus was talking about him, so he said it was inaccurate, but also just like got really flustered because it’s a private topic like I would, but at the same time tried to keep his eye on the ball and complete the mission while also balancing trying to not to be a dick to his friend. Like even asking the other questions to me sounds like panicking and trying to find out more info to check if it is him, because he isn’t aware of Binghe’s future either. It’s kind of a mess of emotions and trying to balance everything he’s taking in his actual personal feelings and trying not to offend his friend. All that together I think would make me embarrassed and give me a stormy look too.

So I dunno, I kind of feel like if I was in his place I would react much the same even if I didn’t have feelings for Qingqiu. The idea of Qingge being straight sounds totally reasonable to me, and Qingge is like the traditionally virtuous macho guy of Chinese lit. Incredible martial skill and stoic and very work-oriented. Like I like looking at Qingqiu’s face a lot, but when I was young a stoic and work-oriented guy like Qingge was my ideal man because I thought they would never cheat on me because they would have the self-control to keep it in their pants. As I got older I started to realize that such a person was not actually realistic and I became disappointed as I came into middle school and realized my ideal was most likely a Buddhist monk who could not get married to my utter disappointment. A lot of other characters I like in my fandom often have the same trait where they canonically don’t seem to show any kind of attraction to almost anyone really because of my fear. Guys who chase skirts all the time are the least appealing to me.

But like also, Qingge being the stereotypical manly man kind of character leads me to remember other stuff about Chinese culture as well that maybe blur the lines that perhaps other readers don’t pick up on because it’s not part of their culture? Like Chinese culture is very heavily influenced by Confucianism and even more classic lit that has a history that actually pre-dates Confucianism is written to have a Confucianism bent because it was a popular thing by the time it was actually written down to paper. It was already so pervasive in society by that time so there’s a lot of stories where we don’t know their “original form” but the Confucian ideas in it are highly influential and if that story is particularly notable or influential in itself, it trickles and affects the thoughts and ideas of the entire culture and all of our stories. Like Journey to the West is probably one of the most influential of the classics in all of East Asia, and while it’s mostly a Buddhist allegory, it does have bits and pieces of Confucianism in it and upholds the cardinal relationships. All this is to say, that this philosophy is pervasive and needs to be taken into consideration if we’re looking at how people behave in a Chinese story. Sometimes character actions can be affected by it, and sometimes they’re not. Binghe being a stallion novel protagonist with a traumatic past that involves demons is probably way beyond the scope of Confucius’ ideas, but Qingge being the traditional man’s man so to speak, absolutely falls within it. He is that kind of character because he follows those ideals and mannerisms.

That is important because Confucianism highlights very strongly loyalty. It comes in the form of filial piety and so on and so forth, but being loyal to your community, your ruler/boss, your family, and so on was really important. Spousal loyalty you can throw a side eye at and question because it’s mostly only one way if we wanna be real, but even though it was one way there was a prescribed way to behave still. So then some people kind of criticized Qingge’s sexuality because he dedicated himself for so long to doing something for Qingqiu. But that like doesn’t necessarily mean anything either because of loyalty to help your friends or someone who specifically helped you or even to your clan/sect/family especially which Qingqiu falls into. You do that for people you have obligations to. Bear in mind, I also gave an actual gift to a boy who just saved me from a bee landing on my desk and had all of my classmates completely misunderstand that, so Qingge’s meta situation is a mood for me.

The other thing is, what is considered to be acceptable male behavior is probably a lot wider traditionally in Chinese society also because of Confucianism. Specifically because Confucius was very, VERY, misogynistic. There’s a lot of merit to think about into the things he thought about for some bases of the cardinal relationships, but any time he delved into anything regarding gender relations he was pretty much full of shit. Like in principle, a ruler is the head and the ministers under the ruler are like the body making the ideas from the head happen. That sounds like a pretty sound metaphor to how to run a country or a company even. Like maybe if you’re the CEO as the head of the company you don’t do something that benefits your head only and spites your workers equivalent to like cutting off your own feet (like making them work if they have coronavirus). That sounds like a horrible way to keep your company going, right? How would a "body" last and succeed without feet? (It should be noted that this metaphor also works for why Binghe's punishment of the original Qingqiu via human stick was super appropriate for his mistreatment because disciple Binghe was a subordinate and should have been treated better according to the rights). So Confucius’ ideas in things like that seemed pretty reasonable. His ideas on women, however, were not.

As a base, we should probably start with Taoism which is the source of all the cultivation lore in this book anyway. But the very simplest and most well-known symbol from Taoism is the yin-yang symbol. Yang is a positive male energy and yin is a negative female energy. Positive and negative are not actually good vs evil in terms of contrast, but are more like photons and electrons. Just two kinds of energies that coexist in the world and create a balance and cannot fully stand on their own without the other, and there’s a little bit of each in each one. Black is not pure black, but has a little white. White is not pure white, but has a bit of white, so basically nothing is perfect. This alone could be misogynistic too, but not necessarily. Depends on how much a person runs with that.

Confucius really ran with it though. He really thought and it was popularized that women were “inherently evil” because of their genitalia. Absolutely full of shit, but I think he was trying to point out how a lot of men act the fool over trying to chase skirts and get laid. It’s really shitty that he blames women for just inherently being temptresses just because they have that genitalia and it spreads to their overall oppression and lack of rights, but at the same time he does to an extent tell men to be accountable for falling into the temptation. Dalliance with women was only necessary to continue the family line and otherwise was thought should be avoided because our ladies are just too tempting and distracting. He warns men to stay away and control themselves, but unhappily for the wrong reasons. With that backdrop, he even went as far as to say that sex between men was better than with a woman because well, you’re not messing with that “evil”. In that respect, he heavily, HEAVILY encouraged relationships with other men and boys clubs including ones where people get drunk and make paintings and poetry with each other. So some level of intimate closeness between even straight men was normal too, so you have to kind of alter your perspective to look at this and find "signals".

These kinds of teachings were thought of to an extent in China, but didn’t really affect the LGBT scene of ancient China because the filial piety part of ensuring the next generation was top priority. Homosexuality as a word even didn’t exist in the Chinese language until more modern times as an import from Japan because the above teachings we just discussed *really* took off in Japan where I guess filial piety was less important. A huge amount of pre-modern same-sex lit came out of Japan including lover suicide themes because damn, I love you so much but we can’t be together because one of us isn’t a woman and we have obligations. Let’s drown ourselves in the river and hope in the next life we can be reincarnated together as a couple that can actually consummate our love. This was a thing in Japan. Onnagata in Kabuki were also to an extent another level and extension of this. In China, it wasn’t like same-sex relationships didn’t happen, but it wasn’t openly discussed because of filial piety. Generally everyone just got married and basically had a cover family and after you had a child to pass on the family legacy, people could not care less what you did privately. If you can imagine it, there were likely some shady dealings here and there with how to deal with this problem too because I can’t imagine that everyone was really down with forcing themselves to be intimate with someone no matter how much they wanted to get their parents off their back, but that kind of family secret was probably deeply buried. It’s also not like people didn’t talk at all about relations with the same sex because people looked at temples with a bunch of men together all practicing Buddhism and thought surely something must be happening, but obviously none of that would be officially recorded or openly discussed. The whole scene was just under the surface and not talked about because it was important to keep appearances and the appearance was that you had an actual family and fulfilled your filial duty. It’s only been recently where the idea of homosexuality as an orientation and  being talked about openly as something beyond a secret you do after fulfilling your family obligations, and that’s why the word had to be imported in in modern times.

So with all that in mind, actual bromances that aren’t even actually romantic at all between straight men totally seems normal in the context of this culture. Relationships with other men were very highly valued, and if Qingge is a basically traditionally perfect Chinese man he would basically follow this ideal and would likely have some behavioral traits that seem questionable to a modern audience.

I would also think Confucius would have a problem with romantic relationships between a master and disciple. It's thought to usually be similar to a surrogate parent-child situation, so awkward. But original Qingqiu had some designs on Yingying and while that's kind of a violation-ish too, Yingying is also female and you're expected to obey your father, husband, and son so eh.... not that weird because they aren't actually family. The specifics of two men though is a different matter not commonly discussed obviously. Generally you sought a master to better yourself and grow virtue, but if you start a romantic relationship with them it equalizes your dynamic and they become more of a peer than someone you learn from, so in Qingge's mind because he is traditionally virtuous Binghe was likely not on the radar at all because why would anyone mess with that mentor-student relationship? It has to be from among the other leaders in their sect that the succubus is talking about to his mind.

This is probably circular, but I’ve been writing this up for over an hour late at night. XD

Sources: life, heritage, reading classic lit books, and at least 3 courses discussing gender representation in East Asia at UCI (arguably almost all my coursework covered these ideas to a degree)

[sureenink]

You aren't broken. Quoisexuality is just not as well known compared to pan, bi, or ace. And there are many other sexualities that you and I may have never heard of because they aren't as well known. What's important is that you're so adamant about making quoisexuality known, if it weren't for you identifying as such I wouldn't have known about it. If it helps, I'll help you spread awareness about quoisexuality for Pride Month, because by all means, it's important to you.

Thanks. That does make me feel a bit better. I know that bis, aces, and pans all have a lot of issues and are struggling to make themselves known as it is... It’s just... -sighs- Like... it feels like no one cares about mine, you know? I know it’s not well known to begin with... but I try to make posts about it, I ask questions, and people just shrug me off or ignore it. It feels like “Look, we’re trying to deal with asexual and bisexual awareness right now. You, Quoisexual, will just have to wait your turn, if that even is a real thing. After all, if you don’t feel romantic attraction, that’s just aromancy.” But it’s not that I don’t feel romantic attraction... at least I think I do? I DON’T KNOW is the problem...

Like, I literally do not know how a person can be friends and not have desire for being close, hugging, etc. And even going beyond that... I sit here and I hear about “I don’t feel sexual attraction, and I hate sexy characters in games” and it’s like... yeah, I get that a lot of games do put sexy female characters in for eye candy. Legit, that’s 100% absolutely the truth... but I don’t see a lot of it that way? Like... when the new design for May for ORAS was revealed, I was like “Holy crap, I love her design” but I have ALWAYS been torn between whether I just liked it cause it was cute, or if I thought it was sexy in some way.

It’s not even a showy or revealing outfit at all... and she’s canonically 11, I guess? I know the SM protags are anyway... But like... I dunno... I just don’t feel that way. I can’t differentiate between “this is cute” and “this is sexy”, just as I can’t differentiate between “this is platonic” and “this is sexual” and even “this is purely romantic”. I honestly have no idea how any of those feelings could possibly not feel the same way.

And then... I try to ask about these things. I try to understand... and people just blow me off. “That’s not a real orientation” even from LGBT+ people... “You can’t feel a difference? That’s fucking stupid.” Yeah, I know it’s stupid... but it’s not like I can control it? “Well, just date a bit, you’ll realize the difference then.” I HAVE DATED. I have dated about 6 people! Every one of them... EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMN ONE OF THEM was the same way. I sat there wondering “Do I really love them? Do they really love me?” because how the hell do I feel romantically interested in a person without there being sexual ties involved in that?

And then... “Do I actually love this person? Cause, you know, I feel this same way for these other three people, too. Maybe I’m just wanting friendship? I’ve never had friends... so maybe I’m confusing friendship feelings with romance?” But then I talk to the person I’m dating and they feel the same feelings for me that I do for them, and they’re all like “Yeah, that’s obviously romantic love” and it makes me go “Oh yeah, obviously...” even though in my head I’m going “If it’s that obvious, then obviously I’m just stupid and broken.”

I just... I literally cannot describe how I feel to people because they just shun me. They make me feel like I’m stupid because of how I feel. I even tried being in an open relationship once, and that just fell apart in a matter of weeks because I kept looking at the other person I was with going “Well, we do say we love each other, but do we? We wanted this open relationship, but now that we’re in it, I still can’t really tell if I’m actually in love with any of the people I like...” And it’s just... -sighs- I don’t know... It’s so frustrating, and I tend to almost cry a lot about it... and I wrote Allea from my comic to be my own orientation, but then wrote her facing the same issues I’m facing and I just... I DON’T KNOW how to resolve them in the comic because I DON’T KNOW the answer myself... And it’s spiraling out of my control now... And I want to give Allea a resolution on the matter, to show she’s not broken, to show she’s okay and right in her own feelings... but I can’t do that when even I feel like I’m a fake piece of shit and am just an idiot for not knowing something as simple as the difference between platonic, romantic, and sexual feelings...

I mean, they’re so different, right? That’s what Alexis says when she learns about Allea... They’re such different feelings. How can someone NOT feel a difference? Like, yeah, I get not feeling one of those. I totally get that. But how can someone like me possibly not know what such very different feelings are like and how to distinguish between them? I can only assume it’s because I’m either stupid or broken... and I just... I don’t know what to do... and no one can help me... I feel like I’m alone in what I am because everyone I know is either pansexual, asexual, bisexual, or straight... I don’t think I know anyone who is straight-up just gay... and even people who can feel different attractions for multiple people... even they just look and go “They’re so different, how can you not know?”

... Sorry for the rant... I just... This is how I feel every single day... and I just want some help... I want to not feel alone and broken... but no one is there to help me... No one is like me... Even though I have a name for my orientation... it’s apparently so rare an orientation that like... 0.00001% of people are it... so there’s probably only like... 5 people like me in the whole world... and I don’t know any of them...

[the-backspin-alchemist]

all of the above!

Oh gods, how long has this been sitting in my ask box?

My apologies, Anon, I missed this while I was on mobile...

ANYWAYS

1. Zodiac sign

Capricorn

2. Sexual orientation

Grey-ace (Hetero-romantic grey-ace, to be specific)

3. Relationship status

Single

4. Someone you miss

Kinda wish I still talked with Nat. She’s cool, but we kinda just lost contact halfway through high school...

5. Person who’s arms you’d like to be in

*shrug*

6. What you find attractive in Men/Women?

I don’t have a very good answer for this, mostly because I haven’t figured it out myself yet (each time I end up with a new crush it throws me for a loop). But mostly a positive personality, I suppose...

7. How tall are you?

5′8

8. What you love about yourself?

That I can basically pass myself off as an audio engineer at this point.

9. What you’re doing tomorrow?

I WAS gonna be babysitting my siblings, but that got thrown out the window, so I have no idea.

10. What are your future plans?

Move out of Jersey, make a living doing something I like doing.

11. Your last night out in detail

I went to go see Sarah Davachi in downtown Burlington at the Signals concert. I volunteered to help be Soundtoys’ doorman, and then got to sit in on the performance. Live drone-music on analog synths is something, let me tell you...

There was also a lot of wandering around downtown preceding the concert, mostly with Pokemon GO open.

12. Your favourite book

I’m rereading Dune right now, and it’s re-cemented itself as my favorite book so far.

13. All of pets you’ve ever had

Three dogs, a cat (not counting my brother’s cat and my sister’s cat), plus a gazillion fish and the one hamster I had when I was twelve.

14. Something that changed your life

Studying audio as part of my Creative Media degree. Did not know I had the potential for it until I was basically forced to give it a go (I had to pick three areas to study, only came in wanting to do two, so I picked audio because I thought it’d be fun to learn on the side).

15. Do you remember your last dream?

I do not.

16. What your last text message says?

“Either works.”

17. Do you respect your government and the way your country is run?

In some ways, yes. In other ways, no.

Depends on the section of government and how they’re managing things.

18. Where you would like to live?

Not Jersey. Probably also not Vermont, for that matter, but I’d still prefer VT to NJ.

19. Your  favourite flavour of ice cream

Sweet cream.

20. Last thing you ate

A cinnamon-raisin bagel.

21. Which swear word do you use the most?

Used to be “fuck,” but given that I’m trying to curtail that, “god(s) damn it” has been my expletive phrase of choice of late.

22. Your plans for summer

??????????

Find a job

Make audio stuff with @coryschneiderisahugenerd​

Obtain Fire Emblem: Echoes and maybe possibly a Switch

Aside from that I have no idea.

23. Any upcoming concerts?

Yep. the next Signals concert from Soundtoys. Happening in April. I have no idea who the performer is, but the Signals shows have always been interesting.

24. Something that you’re proud of

That I can actively pass for an audio engineer.

25. Do you still talk to your first crush?

God, I wish. Steph was a wonderfully cool person to hang with. Alas, we lost contact when high school started.

26. What language do you want to learn?

A few. German, Japanese, Gaelic...

27. Where you  have lived before?

Hawaii, technically (for the first year of my life, so I don’t even remember it). Other than that, just different parts of Jersey.

28. Eye color

Dark brown.

29. Favourite style of clothing

I dunno. A lot of friends have described it as “anime” but that just confuses me, since it’s basically just cargo pants + graphic tee + a bunch of dumb pendants and bracelets.

30. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

~40 minutes, an hour tops.

31. Where did you go today?

Nowhere, I have been stuck at home all day so far.

32. Where are you right now?

In my dining room.

33. How many countries have you visited?

0, I have sadly never been outside the US.

34. Something old

Rush’s 2112

35. Something new

My sudden ability to make halfway-decent music

36. Something inherited

My dad’s old-but-good stereo system that he gave me when he bought the new system.

37. Is death more scary than life?

In the sense that I’d rather not leave a lot of my stuff unfinished, yes.

38. Experience you’ll never forget

Bamboozle 2012.

39. What’s your favorite part about today so far?

Scaring the bejeezus out of the AI factions in Endless Legend.

40. Who is your hero?

I have five currently, three are Vaulters, one is a Broken Lor––oh, you meant real-life heroes, not–right...

Daft Punk have been at the top of my list of role models for a long time, and I doubt they’ll be moving from that spot anytime soon.

Honorable mentions go to Skrillex (for doing what he enjoys and still doing well for himself), CGP Grey (for being able to make meaningful stuff and still find time to have a life and make a living off of it while not having much crazy technical knowledge on having to animate things and the like), and most of the Achievement Hunter crew for showing that you can, in fact, love your job and still HAVE a job if you tackle things the right way.

41. Are you happy with where you live?

Gods no, Jersey’s run by a bunch of idiots who raise the taxes each year and make it near-impossible to live here.

42. Do you like your handwriting?

Not particularly. It’s pretty messy.

43. What do you wear to bed?

Pajama shorts and a shirt.

44. Tea or coffee?

Tea.

45. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Vanilla

46. Are you excited for anything?

Fire Emblem: Echoes, getting some more music stuff out at some point soon, and pushing the stuff that @coryschneiderisahugenerd and I have planned.

47. How late did you stay up last night and why?

10:30 PM, which is pretty early for me, because I had to get up at 6 AM today.

48. What’s your ringtone?

Default iPhone ringtone, I believe. Haven’t bothered to change it.

49. Did you have a dream last night?

I did, I just don’t know what it was about.

50. What keeps you going each day?

The notion that at some point, something new and/or cool and/or enjoyable is going to happen that day.

Well, that and caffeine.

51. Picture of yourself

...Welp, okay then.

Lo and behold, a very, very tired me with AKGs and way too much hair gel that I haven’t felt like fixing.