#still a struggle session though since i am not 100% sure whether i heard everything correctly

[ctl-yuejie]

meeting the parents ™️

[mikeconphoto]

"FIT FEATURE: ALLYSON FRANCO" #WEARORANGE -BY MIKECON PHOTOGRAPHY

This is dedicated to Evan, all of the survivors and the victims of senseless gun violence.

I’ve been meaning to write this blog for a while about this phenomenal athlete, wife and mother named Allyson Franco. With current events in play, I figured that today’s that day. Before I share the interview with Allyson, let me tell you a bit about her.

Allyson and I met in 2016 at a gym in Castle Rock, Colorado. She was working there as a Personal Trainer, and I hired her to help me get back into better shape. As she trained me, we began to talk and get to know one another, and eventually became really great friends. Coincidentally, we’re both from Georgia, close in age, and appreciate family, food, and running. After some major convincing between myself and her husband we FINALLY got her to do a photo shoot with me. Allyson is a natural in front of the camera!! Not once did she ever tense up, or give up on the all day marathon shoot we did.

On May 7th 2019, the Highlands Ranch, Colorado community was forever changed when a shooting occurred at the Highlands Rance STEM School. There were 8 students hurt and 1 was killed. For me this hit pretty personal because Allyson’s one and only son is currently a student there. Living here in Germany, I rarely see the news going on in the U.S., however Allyson made this post on social media that she shared with me, and has allowed me to share with you all:

“I rarely post very personal things on Facebook, but what happened today is bigger than just my family unit. There was a shooting at Evan’s school today, STEM. He was in the classroom next door to where one of the shooters opened fired. At least 3 bullets came through the wall into his room and one grazed a boy in his class on the leg. His soccer coach was the teacher leading class at that time. One of his teammates was actually in the room where it happened (his teammate is physically ok). He knew the student that did not survive his injuries and, though not very well, he knew the 18 yr old shooter. This is a small school, everybody knows everybody on some level. Our son heard and saw things today that nobody should ever be exposed to, least of all someone his age whose biggest concern should be his upcoming game and what he’s going to do on Friday night. He heard all of the gunshots that happened in that room. He heard a student yell “He has a gun!” He heard the confrontation that happened between a shooter and an officer. He heard the confrontation stop after more gunfire. He helped gather his classmates into the area where they were supposed to be during a lockdown, including collecting two classmates who were hiding together in a deemed unsafe spot, which left him positioned on the floor in the middle of the room instead of up against the wall where, he was supposed to be because he was one of the last two people to take cover. He saw blood pools on the floor and blood on the wall as he was evacuated from the school by armed officers. To the depths of my soul I mourn what happened today. I mourn the loss of life, I mourn for those that suffered injuries, I mourn the lives of the shooters and I mourn for their parents, and I mourn for the rest of these kids that should never have been exposed to everything that happened today. I am immensely proud of how our son handled himself today. Yet I am devastated at his loss of innocence. I am an adult, yet I am unsure of how to deal with the feelings I have. How do we as parents help our kids through this who, at this age, struggle with simply processing their regular daily emotional load? 

I worry every time this boy gets in his car and leaves my sight. So much so that I make fun of myself in my head for being such a ‘mom’. Every fear came to life today when I got the text that said “don’t call me because my phone can’t ring...there is an active shooter...which is where I am...” I’m surely going to freak the eff out when he leaves home now. 

I’m not looking to be political. That’s not what this post is about. I’m heartbroken. So many children are hurting. I cannot thank God enough for the moment when I was able to hug my son after hours of  standing in a gymnasium with hundreds of other scared parents. Honestly, I don’t really know why I’m posting this other than I need a place to ‘put’ what I’m feeling (imagine how all of these students feel). And that feelings about what happened today should not be kept inside. 

Hug your kids for me. I love them all. “

As a Marine that has experience in combat zones I hate the fact that this happened to these kids, or anyone that has had to deal with this when they’re supposed to be safe on our own soil. I’m not here to politicize this, however I will bring awareness to this as the rest of the world has by wearing orange today to honor gun violence victims and survivors. Now, here’s more about Allyson. #wearorange

Describe your life before you started training. I grew up being uncomfortable in my skin. I was always the “skinny girl”. In fact, the mom of my best friend while I was growing up used to say I looked like a “refugee from Guam”. She didn’t mean any harm behind it, she loved me almost like a daughter, but it still stung and it definitely stuck. I spent some time trying out different types of dancing in my youth, and while I enjoyed it, it wasn’t my “thing” so I didn’t stay with it as I got older. I spent my high school years trying to come to terms with myself as a whole, just like everybody else did. I feel like I didn’t really start coming into my own until after I graduated. I’d have to say that the best I’ve ever felt about myself was in my early to mid twenties. Whether it’s related or not, that’s when I began to dabble in the gym. My then fiancée and I joined Lifetime Fitness and started working out to get ready for our wedding. I wasn’t nearly at the level physically that I’ve since become, and there have been many evolutions in my fitness journey since then, but after I started that one gym membership, I haven’t stopped.

How different do you feel now compared to then? Night and day. But sprinklings of that very insecure girl still show up more often than I’d like. There are moments when being a 45 year old, pre-menopausal mom and wife catch up with me. But my time that I spend training is what helps to keep those demons at bay. I’ve learned to appreciate my strength and the feats my body has been able to accomplish over the years.

Was there is pivotal moment that motivated you to start training? If so, what was it? Not really. At the time, John and I joined a gym in preparation for our upcoming wedding. It just seemed like the thing to do. We didn’t realize that we had begun what was to become one of the biggest parts of our daily lives.

Do you remember your first training session? How different is your training today? I remember when I first joined a gym after having my son. That was more significant to me than my first time ever training in a gym was. I was a new mom and needed to get out of the house and find a community. I found it when I came back to the gym. (I’d had to give up the gym during my pregnancy due to complications.)

What has been the most rewarding aspect of training for you? Why? By far, my sense of self. I feel more confident and secure in my station when I have my outlet. I am a better wife and mother when I’m able to get my training in. My personal fitness evolution also lead me to becoming a personal trainer, which became my career passion the minute I started.

What has continued to motivate you throughout your training? Why? Setting a good example for my son is a huge motivation. I want to show him that just because we have to age, it doesn’t mean we have to get old. And also to show him that taking care of yourself is a foundation to leading a good life. Training is also my outlet. I’m a better version of myself when my training is on point. My family and my clients deserve my best.

What are your qualifications - why did you set out to achieve these? Professionally, my personal training certifications are through NASM - National Academy of Sports Medicine. I have my Certified Personal Trainer certification, Corrective Exercise Specialist certification, Fitness Nutrition Specialist certification, Weight Loss Specialist certification, Women’s Fitness Specialist certification, and Youth Exercise Specialist certification. NASM is one of the most highly regarded institutions from which to become certified. I figured that I’d be wasting my time, and my clients’ time, if I didn’t set high standards for myself from the beginning. Each new certification I acquire makes me a more effective and  well rounded personal trainer. My clients deserve my best effort, and that includes not only my attitude, but also my knowledge. Beyond my professional certifications, I try to practice what I preach. I have tried to be accomplished both professionally and personally. I have finished multiple 30 hour adventure races, completed multiple marathons, completed a 50k ultramarathon, finished two 70.3 distance triathlons, and also crossed the finish line at the inaugural Chattanooga Ironman 140.6 triathlon.

What have you had to overcome to get to where you are today? Did that change you in any way? If so, describe how. I’ve been blessed that my road to becoming a personal trainer has been a fairly smooth one. My husband has supported me 100% since day 1, and he’s my biggest fan. He has trained along my side and in many of my personal endeavors too. We trained together and held hands as we both crossed the finish line in the Chattanooga Ironman. My son has also been consistently positive about everything I’ve done. My support system is strong.

What is the number one lesson you have learned about health and fitness through your training? Sustainability is key. Each person has to find a nutrition and training regimen that they can stick with long term. Health and fitness should be a lifelong endeavor.

What do you wish you had known when you were 16? That great things happen when I push myself outside of my comfort zone, both mentally and physically.

Describe how training makes you feel. Strong. Capable. Beautiful. Centered.

Do you have a quote that you live by? If so, why this one? “If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.” We all can become complacent in a blink if we aren’t paying attention. This applies to all areas of life - physical,  mental, social, professional....Nothing progresses if we are stagnant and comfortable.

What was your reason for taking health and fitness to the level you have? Why is it so important to you? It’s been an evolution for me. As I gained more confidence in what my body could do, I kept pushing my limits. Every time I completed a race, even though I was beat down and exhausted, I felt strong and accomplished. I also want to be strong and healthy for my family. I try to lead by example so they will be encouraged to be strong and healthy as well.

What advice would you give to women wanting to get into the best shape of their life? Don’t get discouraged. No one thing works for every person. Don’t be afraid to try different avenues of exercise.

What is the most important thing women need to remember when training? Why?   That it’s ok to take that time for yourself. We tend to feel that by doing something that seems like it is for us alone, we are taking away from the people that we love. That’s not the case. The truth is, this small amount of time that we take, makes us better for the people that count on us.

We all have days where motivation is low – how do you overcome these? Have you always been able to do this? I am a “doer.” I’m very task oriented. If something needs to be done, and I’m the one that is supposed to do it, I complete the task regardless of how I feel about doing it. The same principle applies for me with regard to my training. If it’s on the schedule for the day, I do it. That said, there are occasional days where I might be particularly low energy or run down. Perhaps those will turn into unscheduled rest days. I’m trying to listen to my body more. I was not very good at doing so a few years ago. My last line of defense, though, is my husband. If I’m really failing to get myself moving, he’s very good about stepping in. He’s been known to create a butt-kicking workout for me so that I don’t  have to think about it. I just show up.

Do you enjoy training alone or with a partner? Why? Really, it depends on the day and what I’m doing. There is something great about being in my fitness studio alone, my music turned up loud, and doing my thing. But I also have fun when my friend comes to join me and we help push each other. I love the times when my husband and I can get in the gym together too. My son will come workout with me sometimes as well, especially during summer vacation. Those are great opportunities for us to spend time together.

What would you like to see change in the health and fitness industry? I’d like to see some regulation on vitamins, proteins, and supplements. So many people think that all supplements are created equal. They’re under the impression that these products are all safe because they’re sold over the counter. That’s not true and it makes it difficult for the average person to make informed decisions about what they are putting in their bodies.

What would a perfect Sunday involve for you? A perfect Sunday would come at the end of a successful training week. There would be snow on the ground, I’d sleep in with my husband, stay in sweats all day, there would be a big pot of homemade spaghetti gravy on the stove, and I’d finish off my evening with a couple of glasses of red wine.

Contest history - do you have a highlight? Why? I’ve completed multiple 30-hour adventure races, several marathons, a 50k ultra marathon, two 70.3 distance Ironman Triathlons, and the Inaugural Chattanooga 140.6 Ironman Triathlon. The highlight would have to be the Chattanooga Ironman. My training had been sidelined by a few unexpected surgeries I’d had at the beginning of that year. I had come to terms with not being able to participate in this race that coming September as I hadn’t been able to train at all for the first 6 months of the year. But at the last minute, I decided to go for it. I trained hard for two months and, while my time wasn’t as good as it would have been if I’d been able to train properly, I crossed the finish line next to my husband. Running down that finisher’s chute was one of the highlights of my entire life.

Diet/Workout week:

[Please outline a typical day’s meals and your workout]

Monday

Breakfast - Isagenix IsaLean Strawberry shake, coffee

Snack - small handful of raw almonds and an apple

Later lunch/ post workout - 2 Mediterranean grilled chicken skewers, 2 tbsp hummus, cucumber slices

Dinner - roasted chicken, roasted red potatoes, and a salad

Tuesday

Breakfast - Isa shake, coffee

Snack - 2 slices sharp cheddar cheese and an apple

Later lunch / post workout - Just Shredded Chicken from Sprouts, 2 tbsp Frank’s Red Hot wing sauce, and baby carrots

Dinner - baked salmon, brown rice pilaf (made from scratch), steamed asparagus

Wednesday

Breakfast - Isa shake, coffee

Snack - beef jerky

Late lunch / post workout - one of the two lunches described above

Dinner - chicken stir fry with carrots, baby bok choy, and bell peppers, served over brown rice

Thursday

Breakfast - same

Snack - same

Lunch / post workout - same

Dinner - baked chicken breasts, roasted potatoes, baked Parmesan squash and zucchini “chips” (dipped in Greek yogurt ranch dressing)

Friday

Brakfast - same

Snack - same

Lunch / post workout - same

Dinner - chicken tinga tacos from Yolanda’s

Saturday

Breakfast - avocado toast on Ezekiel bread with 2 eggs and a sliced tomato, coffee

Lunch - 5 marinated mozzarella balls and a chopped tomato with a drizzle of balsamic vinegar

Snack - almonds or beef jerky and an apple

Dinner - sweet and spicy honey-sriracha chicken thighs with honey-soy glazed carrots served over brown rice

Sunday

Breakfast - scrambled eggs (made by my husband), Ezekiel toast, coffee

Lunch - turkey and cheddar flat sandwich from Pot Belly with all the toppings except mayo and oil

Dinner - either some form of leftovers from previous dinners, or homemade spaghetti gravy over whole wheat pasta

QUICK QUESTIONS:

Describe yourself in three words. Stubborn, dependable, feisty (Editor’s note: Allyson is half Italian and Puerto Rican, so those three words might make better sense!)

What is your favorite food to indulge on? How often do you treat yourself? I love cheese! I don’t think I’ve ever met a cheese that I didn’t like. I don’t eat it as often as I’d like. Maybe once a month I’ll put together a big tray of cheese and charcuterie and my husband and I will have that for dinner with a couple of glasses of wine.

What is your favorite non-cheat food? Tomatoes. I’ve had an obsession with them the last few months.

What is your favorite home-cooked meal? Who cooks it? Homemade spaghetti gravy with handmade ravioli. We make the ravioli by hand as a family, but I make the gravy. This is what we have for Christmas dinner every year.

What are the staples in your fridge? Just shredded chicken from Sprouts, sliced cucumbers, romaine letuce, we always have lots of veggies, Perfect Bars, Organic Valley 2% milk, Silk soy creamer, eggs.

What is your favorite body part to train? Why? Legs, because I’ve always felt that they require the most work for me. If I’m not training them hard, then they become too skinny.

What is your least favorite body part to train? Why? Chest, because I hate push-ups.

Do you prefer to train outdoors or indoors? Why? Indoors, but my training studio is in my garage so I love to have the big bay door open. I get the best of both worlds that way.

Describe the atmosphere in your favorite place to train – what can you see/feel/hear etc.? The lights are low and the rock music is loud. The vibe is strong and positive. I must have some personal space too, and be able to see outside.

Do you prefer cardio or weights? Why? I used to be a cardio junkie. I’m not like that now though, At this point, I’d have to say that I prefer weight training. I think I burned myself out running 10 miles a day, several days a week for such a long period of time. I just don’t have it in me to do that anymore. I also discovered that I prefer the way my body looks when I’m doing more lifting and HIIT training than the way it looked when I was running so much.

Do you have a favorite book? Why this one? ‘The Outlander’ series by Diana Gabaldon, because I’m a sucker for a good romance and strong lead characters.

What is your favorite feature? Why? My skin. I try very hard to take good care of it and keep it healthy and youthful looking. I was blessed with good genes. My mother and my grandmother both have beautiful skin. I have big shoes to fill in that regard.

Name five (5) things you can't live without. Other than my guys (John & Evan)? Blue jeans, boots, wine, my pets, and my workouts.

Name three (3) things most people don’t know about you. I don’t like crowds, I sang in the chorus in high school, and I love to cook.

What is on your bedside table? Water, hand lotion, Burt’s Bees lip treatment, 2 pictures of my son as a baby, and a lamp.

What is your best beauty secret? Eye cream! I’ve been using it since I was in my 20s. And serious sunscreen on my face.

Who inspires you? Why? My son. He exudes a quiet, but fierce confidence that I wish I’d had at his age. Or that I wish I had even now! The intelligence and maturity that he possesses is inspiring to watch grow.

Who is your fitness and body role model? Why? I can’t actually say that I have one. I just try to be the best version of myself that I can put out there. I spent too many years dangerously comparing myself to other people out there. I try not to do that anymore.

What do you have in store for the future? What do you want to improve on? Looking towards the future I’ll be focusing on expanding my business model and figuring out how to do that while not falling short on the daily running my household. I want to improve upon my ability to do both.

I'm currently preparing for: Nothing physical. I am working on building my brand professionally, while keeping my own training consistent.

Website? www.afitlifeforyou.com

[itsyourturnblog]

Using external accountability to tap an endless source of energy

For years I’d been complaining to my girlfriend about how unmotivated I am to strength train. For months I had been talking to my boyfriend about how I had to clean out my closet.

I had heard the advice to pay people for the things you don’t want to do. I just have such a strong distaste for making other people do my dirty work. Plus, why in the world would I pay for someone to do something I can do myself?

Then it hit me. Just because it’s technically possible that I, as a human, am capable of cleaning out my closet doesn’t mean I will ever, ever do it. In fact, if previous experience counts as data, it just isn’t going to happen. I finally gave in.

Experiment 1: Pay a friend to take me to the gym

I didn’t want to pay the high price of a personal trainer because I didn’t need personal training. I needed someone to get me started. To make sure I showed up. That’s it.

I had a teacher friend who was looking to make some extra cash in the summer for a trip to Europe. I pounced. We agreed that I would pay her $20/hour to:

Pick me up on Tuesday evenings at 5:30 pm(when my willpower is rock bottom and my craving for happy hour is through the roof). She would take me to the bark trail for a 20-minute interval run and then drop me off at the YMCA for a 20-minute weight workout.

Meet with me for an hour at the coffee shop next to the YMCA on Fridays after work (again, when I am maxed in the stress category) and debrief the week with me. I had to be in my workout clothes for the meeting and I had to go to the YMCA after and text her when I was done.

Outcome: 100%. This was 100% effective. THIS WAS 100% EFFECTIVE!

For a month I lifted weights twice a week and did an interval run. I did not start drinking at 5:01 pm and make a series of stress-fueled bad decisions to start the weekend.

There were also two additional benefits that surprised me.

The first was how much of my day I spent arguing with myself about whether I would do the evening workout. Talk about decision fatigue — I was re-deciding all freaking day whether to work out and it was stressing me out and draining me of willpower. When I knew my friend was coming, there was no other decision to be made. I stopped thinking about it and had less stress and more energy. I never would have noticed this if I hadn’t completely removed the decision.

The second was the HUGE boost I got from moving from being ashamed of myself to being proud of myself. The shame wasn’t terrible — I already know that I have zero willpower at 5 pm and to expect myself to workout was ludicrous. In contrast, the feeling of being proud of myself was a drug. It spilled into the rest of my choices for the night and even the next day.

Experiment 2: Pay a friend to help me clean out my closets

Same friend, different goal. She came over for two hours every Tuesday for a month to help me. Closets are totally cleaned out with nice clothes bagged for the resale shop and anything that can go to charity has gone. She took it.

I hate running errands, so she would leave after an hour and fifty minutes to do drop offs. She also got two pairs of my shoes resoled. I never would have gotten around to that.

None of this was hard. Starting was hard. Carving out the time and date for it and having to stick to it because she was coming over was key.

Outcome: 100% Effective!

The Post-Experiment Dip

Then she went to Europe.

In the two months after the experiment I have lifted weights twice, done no interval training and I still haven’t taken the nice clothes to the resale shop.

Right around the time I had my realization that I would never clean out my closet, I found Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies Quiz. She is an author keen on optimizing the human experience. Her work is pretty non-scientific but she reads everything including scientific research. I feel like her judgments are worth listening to.

With the tendencies, her framework is that we have certain ways of responding to internal and external expectations. There are four groups and the largest is the Obligers. These are people who are great at meeting other people’s expectations but not-so-great at meeting their own.

So, it’s not just me…

I am an Obliger through and through. I am there for you. For me, I’m on the couch drinking a bucket of wine careening down a shame spiral. Even though I might want it to be different.

There is, however, an upside to this — a superpower. The superpower is that even if I’m out of energy for myself, I have an unending reserve for other people. Not only is this good for those folks, but if I can tie my commitments to them to goals for myself, I can make anything happen!

This is called external accountability. It’s my new go-to that I’m trying to apply to all my goals.

New Experiments in External Accountability

Since this epiphany, I have been trying to 1) Get over myself and ask for help and 2) Find win-win situations for external accountability. I have a lot of goals and I can’t afford to pay long-term for the external accountability.

Here are a few things I have done:

Started GoGoDone, where anyone with a goal meets in a zoom room to work for 90 minutes. Since I’m running it and it includes other people, I’m great at showing up and getting started.

Built an accountability group at work. I wrote in depth about that here.

Found an accountability buddy to meet me at a Tuesday morning yoga class (she is an obliger too). So far we’re 2/2.

Found an accountability buddy to check our food/exercise app daily to be sure we’re filling it out. So far, so good.

Started a Facebook Group for some friends who want to do a weight loss challenge for the fall. This is in its infancy and I hope to use these folks for more experiments!

Here are a few things on my agenda to experiment with:

I want to go big and invite my friends to a challenge where if I don’t meet my goal, THEY miss out on something they want. And vice versa. For example, I am obsessed with the salad at this barbecue place. It’s appropriate for my diet and delicious. I go once a week. If my buddy doesn’t meet their goal, I don’t get to go. Similarly, if I don’t meet my goal, they don’t get something they want.

Start GoGoWrite — a play on a GoGoDone session but to get me blogging regularly.

Experiment with pre-made home delivery meals. I like to cook but if I could do one fancy dish on the weekends and have the rest delivered to my door, it’s at least worth testing.

Find a Friday evening friend to close the week out with and de-stress.

Find a couple of people in my town to play “clutter police” with once a month. I’m thinking we de-clutter each other’s houses — an hour at each. Then we go somewhere fabulous to eat in celebration.

Obliging as My Reluctant Superpower

Yeah, I have more than one superpower!

I still struggle with the fact that I can’t always just decide to do something and then do it. I keep having to change my inner monologue from “I wish I was a stronger person,” to “Get someone else involved and you can be superhuman!”

It’s a good lesson for me about humility and interdependence.

How about you? Are you someone who thrives on that external accountability?

What have you done that works? Have an idea for an experiment for me to try? Please leave it in the comments. I am on a mission to embrace my superpower.

I turned the thing I hate the most about myself into a superpower was originally published in It's Your Turn on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

by Heather Chavin via It's Your Turn - Medium #itsyourturn #altMBA #SethGodin #quotes #inspiration #stories #change #transformation #writers #writing #self #shipping #personaldevelopment #growth #education #marketing #entrepreneurship #leadership #personaldev #wellness #medium #blogging #quoteoftheday #inspirationoftheday

[consulting-celiac-in-the-tardis]

5 Ways My Chronic Illnesses Have Made Me Be a Better Person

New blog post! When you're living with chronic illness, it's easy to focus on the drawbacks. Even after I went gluten free, celiac disease almost killed me - and I still battle some stomach issues. Similarly, although going gluten free greatly reduced my fibromyalgia pain, I still have my fair share of fibromyalgia flare ups and bad days.

I always try to focus on the positives, though - and this post is no exception! Today, I'm sharing five reasons why being diagnosed with two chronic illnesses (before the age of 18!) has made me a better person...and how you might be able to say the same thing.

1. I know the difference that a few kind words or the support from a stranger can make. 

Can one person really make a difference? That's a common enough question, and the answer isn't always obvious. However, my experience with celiac disease and fibromyalgia implies a big Y-E-S. When I was hospitalized due to celiac complications, Gluten Dude shared my story and hundreds of people from all over the world sent me healing thoughts and kind words. Sure, those words didn't "heal" me; however, they did keep me from feeling so alone in my hospital bed. And when I'm having a fibromyalgia flare-up or a "fluffy" (aka super bloated for no reason) day, a silly meme from my best friend or a short phone call with my mom never fails to make me feel a little bit better. 

Kind words can't solve everything, but you never know how much of a difference they can make. So the next time you see someone struggling - whether due to chronic disease or everyday challenges - why not send some positive vibes and encouragement their way? 

2. I've felt wrongly judged by my appearance - and I try to not do the same. 

One of the biggest challenges of having an invisible illness is that you look "normal," but your body doesn't always behave that way. If you have celiac disease, this may mean that people assume you're a gluten free fad dieter ditching bread out of misinformed vanity when you ask for a gluten free menu. Or, if you have fibromyalgia, you might get disapproving looks when you use a handicapped parking spot but look "just fine."

The truth? Being wrongly stereotyped based on your appearance, well, hurts - and I try to use my own painful experiences as motivation to not do the same to others. 

Of course, it would be a lie to say that I never judge anyone by their appearance. Stereotypes - harmful, or otherwise - are one way that we organize and make sense of the world around us. We see homeless people and think, "They're so lazy! Why can't they just get a job?" instead of considering the mental and invisible illnesses that they could be facing. Or, we spot gorgeous men or women and assume that their life is perfect...even though their medical history may be anything but. However, being aware of your own assumptions and stereotypical thinking is a step in the right direction.

Like this post? Then tweet me some love by clicking here: "This #celiac gets real about how my #chronicillness has made me a better person. #fibromyalgia #selflove http://bit.ly/2xfM1Pi"

After all, the more aware you are of your own assumptions, the more intentionally you can examine how accurate these assumptions really are. At least in my experience, the world needs less judgment and more empathy - and you can help lead the change. 

3. I've learned that, sometimes, not listening to your body isn't an option.

You've probably heard the phrase, "No pain, no gain" - and, at first glance, there's nothing wrong with that mantra. After all, I'm all about striving for improvement. However, if my fibromyalgia and celiac disease diagnoses have taught me anything, it's the importance of listening to the messages your body is sending. 

For instance, I remember that a month before my celiac diagnosis, I suddenly started craving my mom's chicken and rice bake. "It's so weird," I remember telling her. "But I feel better after eating that than most other things." Little did I know that the bake was lower in gluten than most of the other foods my family ate...and that my body was hinting at my need for a gluten free diet a few weeks before I received the life-changing phone call from my doctor.

Similarly, living with fibromyalgia means paying close attention to my daily pain levels. If my muscles are especially tense, I've learned that a yoga session is more helpful than weight lifting. And, after a few months of experimenting, I've realized that eating corn in large doses often means extra painful joints the next day. 

Sure, sometimes you need to reject your body's wishes to just lay on the couch all day and listen to your brain and do a workout or go to class instead. Other times, though, listening to your body can literally transform - or even save - your life. 

4. I've discovered the importance of advocating for myself...and I try to teach others the same skill. 

When you think about living with chronic illness, the term "limiting" might come to mind. Surprisingly enough, though, chronic diseases can also be empowering...and I have my chronic illnesses to thank for my loud and proud advocacy. 

Fibromyalgia has shown me that doctors don't always know everything - and that you might need to fight for the diagnosis and treatment you need. Meanwhile, celiac disease has helped me realize that I'm not "bothersome" or "annoying" for giving extensive explanations and instructions to restaurant staff. It is not my fault that gluten can literally kill me, and it is my right as a customer to receive safe, delicious food. If a restaurant cannot accommodate me, that's fine; tell me, and I'll go somewhere else. However, I refuse to endanger myself to be an "easier" customer or lunch date.

Yes, I still have moments of self-consciousness when I'm the only person eating who needs a "special" meal. But I also know that I'm special for many more reasons than my chronic illnesses - just like everyone else!

5.  I've accepted that I don't have to be perfectly "healthy" to be capable of success and worthy of love.

On a similar note, my chronic illnesses have also shown me that I'll probably never be "typical" - but that I'm no less awesome because of it. 

I was diagnosed with celiac disease a few weeks before my first date. Of course, I promptly glutened myself on movie theatre popcorn and felt less lovesick and more, well, gluten sick in the following days. Since then, though, I've had my share of successful dates. I've learned that needing a guy to brush his teeth before kissing isn't a mood killer and that bringing my own food to a "meet-the-parents" brunch is less of a big deal than I worried.

I've also seen that, with the right determination and planning, my chronic illnesses can't stop me from chasing my dreams. Despite the hospitalization, the food prep and the bumps along the way, I graduated college with a 4.0 GPA. Despite my unique "employee" needs, I worked my first full time job with a kick-ass feminist magazine called Entity. And, now, I'm teaching my first college course and attending grad school to receive an MFA in Creative Nonfiction. 

Like this post? Then tweet me some love by clicking here: "This #celiac gets real about how my #chronicillness has made me a better person. #fibromyalgia #selflove http://bit.ly/2xfM1Pi"

I've always grown up hearing the phrase, "Everything happens for a reason." And while that can be harder to believe with certain events than others, I 100% believe that it applies to my journey with chronic illness. Why? Sure, fibromyalgia and celiac disease come with plenty of challenges, and I complain of those more on some days than others. However, they have also helped shape me into the empathetic, determined, strong and confident woman I am today...and for that, I am grateful.

And I hope that when you reflect on your own life with chronic illness, you can find a few positive points that make you say the same thing. No questions today - just tell me your thoughts!

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Therapy 4/25

We started out talking about my face (I have a really nice black eye from a high block at practice last night). She thought that Bruise needed consequences for it, but its roller derby, and i know she wouldn't have hit me in the face on purpose. She asked me if I made a list of things to talk about,and the rest of the session we went through the list. It was very businesslike to be honest.

I started with saying that its ED week, and that I’m going to see a nutritionist at the end of the week, and that she specializes in sports nutrition and eating disorders. She asked what I was hoping to find out, and I wanted to know what the end goal should actually be. She asked what I would do if she wouldn't tell me, and I said at that point I would find someone that would. She told me that I was really stubborn, and I retorted that I know that already. She also said that I’m a bit of an elitist when it comes to treatment, that I think I know better. And that I could just keep looking around and at some point I would find someone who would agree with me and tell me what I wanted to hear, but it didn't mean I was right I argued that if I was shown the science behind what they told me, that I would listen, but started to get really annoyed and then went numb. She said she assumed that I would want to stay at the calories I was at until I met with the nutritionist on friday. I said I would probably want to stay at where I was at anyways, and she commented that I would find any excuse to not have to increase my intake. That hurt, and it was really hard not to get defensive. I didn't respond to her comment.

She asked what else was on the list, and I told her about retaking the equipment exam and how I would've had 100%. It sucks that I still will have a 7% on it. She commented that at least I know I would get through it, and I said that Dr. Hellyer mentioned that he’s not worried about me being on clinics, so that's good at least.

We moved on to the next thing on the list, and I told her about my little freak out of whether or not people could tell if something was going on with me.I had 3 different doctors ask me between Friday and saturday how I'm doing, in that voice people get when they're genuinely asking, and they're people that normally don't. I've worked with Dr Kawcak for like 3 years and he's never asked me (or anyone else that I've seen) if everything's going ok before, but he asked me on Friday. And I had 2 different clinicians on saturday when I was on call ask how everything is going/ if everything's good. And Pounder asked me saturday morning if everything was alright with me. And holly asked friday at lunch If I was ok. Maybe it's just a coincidence, but since I can't accurately evaluate my appearance because my eating disorder distorts the image, I never truly know what I look like. I was probably making a bigger deal of it than it needs to be, but it's stressing me out. Jessica said that she only sees me twice a week in her office, so she couldn't really say. I told her that  I texted Megan about it, and read her the reply: "I don't think there is anything that makes you 'look' like something is wrong. That being said those who have spent some time knowing you can see when you may be having an off week or days that are not great. I would say it is more in your actions than appearance. Like you zone out more and are not 100% engaged when you are having a bad day. The only thing appearance wise that people can probably pick up on is if you look tired because you have gotten less sleep than normal. In that case, anyone could then ask and if they ask, it is out of genuine concern because they care about you and value you. It isn't a bad thing when someone asks, it is more likely they want to help you if you have a problem that you want to share. She asked if maybe they heard about the anesthesia exam and asked about that, but I don't think that would really spread around the hospital like that, to different departments. She said that I didn't look tired to her, but again she only sees me in her office twice a week so she couldn't be sure. She asked why it matters so much, and I actually wasn't 100% sure. I just don't like people to know I’m struggling, not like I am at least. She asked me how my mood has been. I said its been up and down. Well not really up, but neutral and down. That I’m exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally. She asked if I thought I still needed to go to treatment. I said that I honestly didn't know. There’s a lot of times that I think I need to, but I’ve had moments that I’ve been okay. And I haven't been quite so bad as I had been. She asked what I thought contributed to feeling better, and the only thing I could come up with was that I’ve been getting more sleep. She thought that contradicted with what I just said about being tired, but even though I’m getting more sleep than I was i’m still not getting a lot. She left it at that, and asked me what else was on the list.

I asked if I actually had borderline personality disorder too, because that's what TK had told me. She said that factitious and bpd are intertwined, as both are the attention seeking behavior, but with my relationship issues I also fit the criteria for bpd, and it's hard to tease apart. She did say that most people for factitious don't actually seek treatment, so tk probably just assumed bpd. I got really hard on myself about being attention seeking, but also didn't say anything because I know its true. I’m an attention seeking little prat. She said that diagnoses aren't what's important though, it's more just being aware of what I do. She asked what I felt about it, and I didn't really feel anything about it. I just was thinking about it and wanted to know. She asked if I still talk to a lot of people from TK, and I said there’s a few that I talk a lot with- molly, jenna, corrine. She asked me where everyone lives, and I mentioned that corrine might be coming to denver for an internship this summer. When I told her she was looking at being a nutritionist, she commented how many dieticians and nutritionists have had or still have eating disorders. I said that it makes sense- at least with me, I obsess about food. I obsess about the nutrition and how it affects my body and I want to know as much about it as possible. I want to know the science behind it. So it doesn't surprise me.

We moved onto the last thing on the list, and I said how I was talking to sarah and she was complaining about someone hitting on her, and I got to thinking that I don't even know what it's like. I know I don't really put myself in situations that it could happen, and I don't even really know if I want to date. Like I feel like I’m missing out on something I should be doing, that normal people are doing, but other than that I don't really feel the need. She said that maybe I should start putting myself out there and figuring it out, but I’m terrified of datingt. She asked me what I was afraid of, and I guess the main thing is the physical aspect of it. Even just saying the words out loud made my stomach drop and my chest tighten. She said that she thinks that because I like hugs so much that with the right person, it might not actually be as scary as I think, and that I might actually really enjoy it and take comfort in it. That I wouldn't have to do anything I wasn't ready for. But the thing is, I’m such a people pleaser and want so badly to be socially “normal” that I’m afraid that if I’m pressured that I would, even if I'm not ready (I didn't know how to say that though). I was so uncomfortable talking about it. I also didn't say how I’m wondering if i should just find some random tinder hook up and screw someone to just get it out of the way, so I don't end up the 40 year old virgin. She asked if I ever talked with Megan about it, which I don't really. she told me I should ask her, and tell her I’m thinking about giving it a try. I said okay, but I’m definitely nervous about it. She suggested waiting until summer, and getting through the end of school first, which I’m all for waiting on it. In the meantime, she wants me to notice what I’m attracted to. just notice for now, and then once summer starts, begin figuring it out. God, I hate talking about it. I hate thinking about it. It's just so uncomfortable. Really, anything sexually related makes me uncomfortable, and I don't know why. It just always has. I didn't tell her that either though. I can't imagine someone actually wanting to do anything physical anyways.

We just chatted like normal people at the end. (I learned that she loves mini animals).  Thursday is EMDR day, she wished me luck with giving blood. I wanted to ask when her wedding was, but wasnt sure if it was appropriate so I didn't.

I couldn’t stop thinking about her calling me an elitist for the rest of the day though. I feel like I’m just done putting up with bullshit that I don't think is going to help, not an elitist. Amanda texted me later on that night about having multiple professionals tell her she needs to go back to treatment, but that her ED voice is so strong and she so badly wants to hold onto it. I responded to her: “I can understand that. ED is an asshole, but he’s a very convincing asshole. And its so hard when you’re the one fighting him 24/7. Sometimes you need some people to help you fight, and treatment is where you’re going to get that. But when it comes down to it, it is always going to be your choice. but I do want you to know that ED is a liar. you are worth recovery, you deserve to live a long, healthy, happy life. but fighting day after day wears you down, and its hard to believe that all the time when you have that voice in the back of your head that is telling you differently. In my experience, living with an eating disorder is paradoxically much easier when I am sicker. Then, my aims in life are, essentially, to restrict and lose weigh, get rid of fat, t. Nothing else matters much. , all the loneliness, guilt, fear are shoved under the rug by the overwhelming drive to starve, the only clear thing in my fuzzy, food-deprived mind. It’s a bleak, joyless existence, but so straightforward. This all changes, though, when I try to recover, or even just get a little better. Suddenly, things matter again. I feel. I want. I empathize. I care. There are too many decisions. I hate myself for eating and I hate myself for not eating. My body is a massive burden I have to drag along with me. It’s intensely uncomfortable, when it isn’t painful. It’s scary. It’s complicated. It makes me want to go back to my ED, and sometimes I do. But I’m trying to believe that it will be worth it in the end. Because a life with ED isn’t actually living.” It made me decide that what jessica had said earlier was right- that I wouldn't listen to a dietician unless they told me what my eating disorder wanted to hear. So I decided to cancel the appointment on friday, and up my calories for the week. I texted her wednesday morning and also told her to up the contract to 1725 this week. I also said how much I hate it when she calls me out on stuff and she’s right. I said it lightly (i added lol at the end), but I really am frustrated with her. But maybe its more my eating disorder brain that's frustrated with her?