#stella said like 5 minutes later that actually the cars just shit right now

[p1-norris]

this is going to be a rough triple header

[matbaerzal]

Agree To Disagree | M. Barzal

Summary: Mat isn’t really an animal person, but his new neighbour loves dogs.  A/N: This all started when Mat said he didn’t like small annoying dogs, and I wrote a post joking about an “enemies to lovers” fic, and then I actually started writing it and it got way out if hand..  Warnings: PUPPIES!! accidental slowburn, awkward silences. a very non specific timeline (?) Words: 5,5K Copyright © @matbaerzal 2020 All Rights Reserved Tagging: @bluebarriemuzzins​ @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69​ @zuucc​ because why not??

When you first saw your new neighbour you were intrigued. He was wearing a suit, looking important, he gave you a polite smile as he walked past you. He was handsome, and he held the elevator door for one of the movers that was going down to get more of your belongings. It seemed like the two of you would get along as neighbours. Unfortunately first impressions aren’t always right.

When Mat first saw you he was intrigued. You were carrying boxes, moving into the apartment across the hall from his. You looked tired, but you had a smile on your face nonetheless. You were wearing an old The Office t-shirt, so you had that in common. You were really polite to the movers helping you. His first impression of you was that he’d get along well with you. Unfortunately first impressions aren’t always right.

You were by no means new to New York, you’d grown up in Manhattan, and as you were looking for a new apartment, you happened to find the perfect place in Brooklyn. It was close to your new job, had a nice kitchen and most important, they allowed pets in the building. Your old building had a strict no pets policy, and Zoe, your Golden Retriever, had to stay with your parents. Now, she could finally move in with you, and you could open your home to shelter dogs too.

You loved dogs more than anything in the world, so to be able to foster dogs and help them find loving homes had been a dream of yours for a long time. You got in touch with the local shelter even before you moved in, because you were so excited. Your job as a writer for a magazine luckily allowed you to work from home a few days a week, so you could spend as much time as possible with the dogs.

---

The second time you see your new neighbour is the day Zoe finally moves in with you. It’s also the first time you actually speak to him. You were about to take Zoe for a walk around her new neighbourhood when he exits his apartment, he’s wearing casual clothing this time around. Zoe is a well behaved girl, but she can be very curious so when a stranger joins you in the elevator it’s natural she wants to introduce herself. You don’t expect everyone to be a dog person so you hold her back until you see him smile at her as he walks into the elevator. Much like anyone else, he greets Zoe before he introduces himself to you.

“Hello” he says in that high pitched voice most people get when they see a cute dog, he reaches his hand out for her to sniff it before looking up at you. “Hey, you’re my new neighbour” he says matter-of-factly. “Hi, yeah” you say, reaching out your hand telling him your name as you shake hands. “I’m Mat, who’s this?” he says, referring to the dog before scratching her behind the ear. “This is Zoe” you laugh as the elevator dings and the doors open. Your interaction is cut short as you exit your building, going in separate ways, giving each other polite smiles. “I’ll see you around,” he says.

Bruiser

After living in your new building for two weeks your paperwork to start fostering dogs is finally done and approved. Your main job would be to socialize the dogs and make them ready for adoption. The first dog you take in is a little chihuahua named Bruiser, you and Zoe have met him a couple times at the shelter, and you’ve been told he’s usually not too fond of strangers.

You walk into your building with Bruiser in your arms. As the doors are about to close you see Mat enter the building, his steps rushing towards you. You hold the door for him, and he gives you a small smile. “Thank you” he says, before looking down at Bruiser, the expression on his face unreadable.

“What happened to Zoe?” he asks eyeing Bruiser suspiciously. “Oh I left her at home whilst I was picking up this guy” you say lifting the little dog up slightly. “This is Bruiser, Bruiser, this is Mat, our neighbour” you say. That’s when the elevator dings and the doors open, Mat shoots out and into the hallway, suddenly in a rush. “See you later” he throws over his shoulder, he unlocks his door and then he’s gone. “That was a bit strange, huh?” you look down at Bruiser, walking over to your apartment door

You go about your day, forgetting your interaction with Mat. Spending the day introducing Bruiser to his new temporary home, and for the most part it goes really well. You notice he has a tendency of barking and getting restless whenever he hears something outside your door, so you take note of that, so you can work on making him more used to unfamiliar noises.

---

A couple weeks later, Bruiser has already improved a little, he’s much less timid and has even made some friends in the dog park you liked going to. You’re about to take him and Zoe there, and you see Mat in the elevator. You make eye contact with him, so you’re hoping he’ll hold the door for you. His eyes shoot open when he sees the little chihuahua and instead he presses the button to make the doors close. You frown, looking down at your dogs, “that was a bit rude, no?” you say. You think, maybe he was in a hurry, or maybe he accidentally pressed the wrong button.

The next few weeks, similar things happen and he keeps avoiding you. Barely says hi to you in the hallway, and on the rare occasion that you’re actually in the elevator together he is practically pressed into the corner, his head buried in his phone. You’re not one to impose yourself on someone who obviously doesn’t want to be around you, so you start avoiding him too. If you’re about to leave and you hear him in the hallway you wait until you can’t hear him anymore before you leave.

Your co-worker had mentioned her aunt was interested in adopting a dog. And eventually Bruiser moves out of your apartment. You’d grown fond of him, so obviously you're a bit sad as you make your way home with Zoe next to you. You don’t even notice Mat walking up to the elevator as you’re stood there trying not to cry. The doors almost close before he stretches his hand out to stop it. “Are you avoiding me or something?” Mat says with a laugh, a little out of breath. You frown, it’s your first time interaction in who-knows-how-many weeks. “Me? Avoiding you?” you scoff

The doors close and an awkward silence fills the space between you. Zoe stays by your side, pressing her head into your hand. You can see Mat looking at you in the corner of your eye. “Where’s the little one? Bruce?” he asks, his tone cautious. You look up at him and so does Zoe, a scowl on both your faces, and as if the universe was on your side that’s when the elevator dings and the doors open on your floor. “His name is Bruiser, and why do you care?” you snap and stomp out. You quickly find your key and get into your apartment before he can even react.

A few more weeks go by and you notice Mat isn’t trying to avoid you anymore, though he never says more than a small hi to you and he almost always looks a bit guilty. You still try to avoid him sometimes, you’re not sure why. Maybe it’s the inevitable awkward silence that follows whenever you see him. Maybe you’re a bit embarrassed by how you snapped at him when he asked about Bruiser. All you know is that sometimes you like to check if you see or hear him in the hallway before you leave your apartment.

Stella

The next dog you take in is a Beagle, Stella, she doesn’t bark as much as Bruiser, but she growls if you approach her when she’s eating or playing with a toy. She’s also been known to bite if she gets cornered. She’s warmed up to you and Zoe a bit more, but she’s still cautious around other people.

You’re out walking the dogs when it starts raining, you’d been to the dog park to try and socialize Stella. The weather had been really nice when you left, so it catches you off guard.

You try to find cover under a tree in the park, but you’re still getting some rain on you. Your building is about a 10 minute walk away so you’re dreading the thought of having to walk that far in the pouring rain.

Just when you start considering just running for it, a car pulls up next to you. The window opens and there’s Mat with a worried look on his face. “Hey, do you need a ride home?” he shouts through the rain. You look around weighing your options, ultimately you look back at him and nod. Sprinting over to the car, he gets out and opens the door for Zoe to get in the backseat and you run to the other side, picking up Stella before getting in the passenger seat. You sigh out a breath as you close the door, “thanks” you huff out, trying to get Stella to settle in your lap.

You see Mat in the corner of your eye looking at Stella for a moment before he starts driving towards your building. “You replaced Bruiser pretty quickly, huh?” Mat says and you see him instantly cringe after the words leave his mouth. “What do you mean?” you frown at him, “shit, I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just you got a new dog, and it’s not long ago that Bruiser, you know-” he trails off at the end, leaving you confused. “You know-, what?” you ask him to clarify, “died” he almost whispers. 

You laugh in surprise, “Bruiser’s not dead, he got adopted” you say. “What do you mean adopted, wasn’t he yours?” he asks, glancing over at you before looking back at the road. “No, I was just fostering him, like I’m fostering Stella here” you say, Stella is still wiggling in your lap.

There’s a moment of silence before Mat speaks up again, “are you fostering Zoe too?” he says. “No, I’ve had Zoe for about 5 years now” you say just as he pulls into your building's parking garage. He parks and turns the engine off, but just as you touch the door handle he turns to you.

“So, just to be clear, the chihuahua and Stella aren’t yours?” he says. “Not really, no” you say, “you sound very relieved by that” you laugh. “I’m not really an animal person, especially small overly energetic dogs, I don’t like those” he says, eyeing Stella who, to prove his point, is still trying to wiggle out of your lap. “Zoe is great though” he rushes to add. “You’re just saying that to be nice now” you tease him. “No! No, I really don’t mind Zoe” he says and you hum, you don’t really believe him.

As if she could understand what you were saying Zoe suddenly sticks her head in between your seats making Mat jump. You roll your eyes at him with a smile on your face as you open the door. You keep a hold of Stella as you get Zoe from the backseat, walking over to the elevator where Mat is standing waiting for it to arrive. Silence fills the space between the two of you and you can’t help but think this was a one time thing, after this you’ll go back to the awkward silences.

The doors open and you internally cringe as you steal glances at each other and he motions for you to go in first. The doors close and Mat presses the button to your floor, the moment just before the elevator starts going up feels like an eternity. You clear your throat “thanks again for the ride” you say “and sorry if your car smells like wet dog for a few days” you add with a small laugh as Stella squirms in your arms. “It’s no problem, really” he says, and the space is filled with silence yet again. 

The elevator comes to stop as you reach your floor, the doors open and you step out, Zoe following after you, you finally put Stella down and she tries to pull you towards your door. You laugh at her, but follow after her regardless.

Mat walks a few steps behind you and speaks up again just as you reach your door. “I’ve been kind of a shit neighbour, haven’t I?” he admits, you turn around to face him, not sure how to reply. “I swear I wasn’t avoiding you, I just- Chihuahuas and I don’t get along” he says and you can’t help but laugh out loud. “You avoided me because of the dogs?” you say and Stella pouts and scratches at your door with a small bark. Mat looks at her pointedly as to say see what I mean?.

Ignoring his look you quickly open the door so Stella can go inside, Zoe calmly follows after her. “I realized how stupid I was being after a week, but I guess I’d started a pattern and I didn’t know how to break out of it” he says, his hand scratching the back of his neck. “Maybe we could start over? Could I make up for being a bad neighbour somehow?” he says. You take a moment to think before you get an idea, “you could help me with Stella, come with me on walks and all that” you reply. For a brief moment you see regret in his eyes before he swallows it, “yeah, sure” he says hesitantly.

“Are you free tomorrow?” you smirk at him and he shakes his head, “I’m actually going away for a couple days for, uh-, work” he says. A pang of disappointment hits you, so much for making it up to you. “I’m back again on Thursday, though” he rushes when he sees the expression on your face that you failed to hide. You hesitate for a moment before nodding, “I can do Thursday”. You hear a suspicious noise from inside your apartment, “I should-” you say pointing behind you. “Yeah, I’ll see you Thursday” he says and starts walking backwards towards his door with a wave goodbye.

---

Thursday arrives before you know it, and you realized you never set a time to meet up. Around 3PM you decide to just go over with Zoe and Stella and knock on his door. He opens his door almost immediately, already dressed to go out. “Hey, you going somewhere?” you say, “I was just about to go knock on your door actually” he chuckles. You smile and offer Stella’s leash to him, he eyes it sceptically, you roll your eyes at him “fine, you can take Zoe” you laugh.

You get to the park pretty quickly, on the way Mat explains what he does for a living, and you realize that’s why he’s away a lot. Once you get there you tell Mat to let Zoe off her leash, and he looks towards you. “What about Stella?” he says, “she’s got a tendency to get territorial, and could bite if someone tries to take something from her” you say and Mat takes a small step away from you and you laugh a little at his reaction. “My job is to help her get out of her bad habits, so that someone will adopt her” you explain.

“You get paid to do that?” he asks, and you shake your head “no, I volunteer”. He looks at you with wonder in his eyes. Zoe comes running back to you carrying a stick, instead of going to you she surprises you and goes to Mat. With the way he acts around Zoe you would have never guessed his dislike for small dogs. He fakes his throw once before throwing the stick as far as he can, Zoe runs to get it back.

The following weeks he comes with you for walks whenever he can, and Stella takes a liking to him, much to his dismay. You could see Stella get more and more comfortable around strangers, and she doesn’t put up much of a fight when you want her to let go of a toy. You’re comfortable enough to let her off the leash at the park now, and she plays catch with Zoe without any conflict. Whenever Mat comes with you to the park Stella refuses to play with you,  it’s as if she can read his mind and she’s doing it just to annoy him.

---

It’s getting warmer out so you and Mat decide to pack lunches with you and spend the day at the park together. He’s become a regular part of your life now, and the time you were ignoring each other seems like an alternate reality. You’d even caught a few of his games from the comfort of your living room and whenever the camera closed in on him your dogs would perk up and look at the TV. Sitting close to him on your picnic blanket, leaning your head on his shoulder whilst watching the dogs, feels natural.

“Do you want to come see the game on Sunday? We’re playing the Rangers” Mat says out of the blue and you lift your head off his shoulder to look at him, “I’d love that” you say with a smile. “Cool” he says and leaves it at that. “Cool” you say laughing at him, “It’s just, everyone wants to meet my cute neighbour” he says and you swear you see a small blush on his cheeks. “Cute neighbour, huh? You invited Mrs. Davis too?” you tease, referring to the sweet old lady living a couple floors down from you. He breathes out a small laugh and looks down, definitely blushing this time. “Oh yeah, she’s a huge hockey fan” he laughs. You shove your shoulder against his lightly, “she’s probably only in it for the cute players though” you say.

The flirting wasn’t entirely new, but your heart beat still raised whenever he used his charms on you. And you always felt nervous whenever you would flirt back, but you couldn’t help yourself. You were too in your own bubble to notice the change of the weather and when the first couple rain drops fall on you it catches you completely off guard. You quickly gather your things and call the dogs over. The second you get the leashes on the sky opens up, and Mat grabs your hand with his free one and drags you to the nearest tree.

The tree doesn’t give you much cover, it’s barely even enough for one person. He sets the picnic basket down and pulls you close so you don’t get rain on you. “I can’t save you with my car this time” he laughs as you’re both looking around at the downpour. When you look back at each other you realize how close the two of you are, chest to chest, his arm tightly around your waist. A couple of hair strands are stuck to his forehead and you instinctively move your free hand to brush them away, your cheeks going warm as you do, resting your hand on his shoulder afterwards.

Mat is studying your face, as if he’s looking for something. Stella, ever so mischievously pulls on your leash bringing you impossibly closer to each other. You’d looked at his lips before, but they had never seemed as inviting as they do now. Mat takes a breath before he leans in, your noses brushing together as he hesitates in his actions. You move your hand to his neck as you lean into him closer, closing your eyes as you take a deep breath. The world stands still and it seems like you stay like that, lips almost touching, forever. Until, Stella pulls on your leash again, this time pulling you away from Mat.

You almost drop the leash from the pull, and you have to move yourself away from Mat completely to settle her down. You hear Mat swear under his breath and he’s scowling at Stella when you look back at him. You give him a sympathetic smile before turning back around to calm Stella down. The rain doesn’t last long, and you start making your way home, keeping the conversation to a minimum, the air between you filled with disappointment because of a ruined moment.

---

Mat leaves for a road trip the day after, and when he comes by to say goodbye he hugs you a bit longer than normal, and your eyes linger a bit longer before he walks down the hallway to the elevator. You know you won’t be able to see him until Sunday at the game and time moves so slowly the days leading up to it. You text back and forth a little, but neither of you mention your almost kiss. You can’t stop thinking about it though, and you keep wondering if he’s thinking about it too, but you’re too afraid to actually ask him.

He’d texted you where to go, and you’d heard enough about the other players girlfriends to not be so nervous as you go to find your seat at the arena. You’d gotten Amy, a friend from work, to look after the dogs in your apartment, just to be safe. Just as you’re looking down at your tickets to check if you’re in the right section you hear an unfamiliar voice speak up, “are you here for Barzy?”. You look up to see a blonde woman looking at you with a smile, “he did invite me, yes” you stutter shyly.

You learn her name is Grace and she takes it upon herself to introduce you to all the other girls. Your first observation is that watching a hockey game on your TV is very very different from seeing it in person. Sure, you would celebrate some goals in your living room, but not like this. You blame it on the atmosphere, but you have to admit to yourself that you were enjoying yourself. The game was tied for most of the third period, and after the Rangers scored a flukey goal near the end, the Isles weren't able to respond.

It’s quiet between you and the girls as you walk to where you’re meeting Mat and the rest. His hair is still damp, a frown on his face, and there are a few strands of hair stuck to his forehead, bringing you back to the moment in the park. Your heartbeat speeds up as he meets your eyes, he gives you a small tired smile. He stops in front of you, a respectable distance away, you take another step towards him and he looks relieved when you do. Before he can say anything, who you assume to be Anthony steps up next to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. “This must be that cute neighbour” he says with a smirk, making Mat blush.

Mat introduces the two of you as you make your way towards where their cars are parked. You’d taken public transport to the arena and Mat was “obviously driving you home”. You say goodbye to everyone before getting into the car. On the way home you talk about the game and the past couple days. You tell him a couple people have shown interest in adopting Stella, and you can see in his eyes that he’s not as excited as he pretends to be.

As you’re walking up to the elevator your hand brushes against his accidentally, but he takes a hold of it, without saying a word. In the elevator you lean into his side and he puts his arm around your shoulder, without saying a word. It’s a comfortable silence, but it leaves your mind running. The feeling of his thumb rubbing back and forth on your shoulder making you warm. Wishing you’d just went for it in the park, wishing you knew how his lips felt against yours. You’ll kiss him tonight when he says goodnight, you think.

His arm stays around your shoulder, your arm around his waist, as you walk down the hallway and to your door. He turns to face you as you arrive, keeping the embrace you’re in. “Thanks for coming tonight” he murmurs, his hand moving down your arm, he goes to take a step away, but your arm on his waist urges him to stay. “Thanks for inviting me,” you say. The moment feels oh so familiar as he studies your face, his eyes finally landing on your lips as you lean in even closer. Your noses brush against each other as you close your eyes. Then, just as you're about to lean in the rest of the way, Amy opens the door.

She swears, and you break apart from each other as she apologizes, going back into your apartment. Again, the moment is ruined and Mat clears his throat awkwardly, your whole body is flush with warmth. Amy emerges again, her movements sneaky, “dogs are sleeping, see you at work” she says in a hushed voice, she looks at Mat and gives him an awkward smile. “Nice to meet you” she says, before walking fast over to the elevator, pressing the button several times before the doors open.

The comfortable silence the two of you had earlier is now filled with frustration, and when you hear an unidentified noise from your apartment you know there’s no saving the moment. You can’t help but groan, “it’s ok” Mat says, giving you a sympathetic smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch?” he asks, “yeah” you say, hesitating as you open the door behind your back. Mat takes a few steps backwards towards his door. “Good night” you say in unison before slowly getting into your apartments.

Stella runs up to you as you lean against the door, leaning your head backwards hitting the door with a thud. You flinch slightly and swear under your breath at the impact, your hand going up to rub the back of your head before leaning down to Stella. Zoe is peacefully asleep in her bed as you enter your bedroom. You put Stella back in her crate, figuring Amy must not have closed it properly before she left.

As you go back out to the kitchen to get some water there’s a soft knock on your door. You furrow your brows, wondering who it could be, before going over and opening the door. Before you know it Mat is pushing you back into your apartment and against the wall next to the door, he stops for a moment as he’s leaning in before shaking his head, “fuck it” he mumbles. Then, his lips are finally on yours, his hand on your waist pulling you closer as you kiss him back.

 One of your hands grip his arm, the other hand moves to his neck, threading your fingers through his hair. His lips soft, moving against yours as you get lost in each other. He breaks the kiss, letting you catch your breaths for a moment before he leans in and gives you another short, firm kiss.

His forehead rests against yours and you feel his lips break into a smile before you open your eyes, leaning back a little to meet his eyes. “I couldn’t wait any longer,” he grins, his voice hushed. You bite your lip as you look up at him, breathing out a laugh. “I’ll see you tomorrow” he repeats his words from earlier and you nod eagerly, leaning up to give him another brief kiss, not able to help yourself. He chases your lips as you lean back again, he breathes out a laugh before forcing himself away from you, grinning as he walks back to his apartment.

---

He greets you with a kiss and a blush the next day when he meets you at a cafe after his morning skate. It feels a lot like a first date to you, but you’re not sure what he wants or what this means to him. “Is this our first date?” you burst out and he looks surprised for a second as he looks up from the menu. “I’d say we’re way past our first date, no?” he smirks making your cheeks flush with color. 

“Yeah?” you manage to let out and he reaches his hand over the table finding yours. “All those walks in the park- do you really think I’d put up with Stella if it weren’t for you?” he jokes making you roll your eyes. “I’m trying to be serious here” you laugh. “Well, I seriously really like you” he smiles, his eyes genuine making your cheeks even redder. “I really like you too” you shyly admit.

On your way back to the apartment after lunch, he holds your hand, his thumb rubbing back and forth on your skin. He’ll be going away for another few days tomorrow, so you make plans to have dinner together when he comes back. You tell him you’re meeting a potential couple to adopt Stella, and he goes a bit quiet.

When he’s been gone three days you’ve met Stella’s potential new parents, and made your decision. You call him right after you’ve dropped her off at her new home, and he’s sweet about it. You wonder if you hear some sadness in his voice, but you don’t ask him about it. 

He keeps the focus on making you feel better. When he comes home he gives you a long crushing hug, and when you’re in the kitchen getting you something to drink you overhear him talking to Zoe. “I miss the little bother, too” he whispers as she cuddles closer to him on your couch.

Zoe

A few weeks later you’re in the park with Mat and Zoe. You’d been there for a few hours already, Zoe was taking a little break, lying peacefully next to you and Mat. You’re seated between his legs and resting your head on his chest, the sound of birds chirping and people having fun filling the space. 

You’d teased him about wearing shorts when you left, but now, as you’re running your hand mindlessly up and down his thighs, you’re grateful for his choice. Eyes closed, basking in the sun, you can't help but hum in content as he kisses your shoulder. You automatically lean your head to the side as he kisses up your neck.

“Do you think it’s going to rain later?” he murmurs, and you hum in a questioning tone, “Wouldn’t mind a redo on our first almost kiss” he speaks against your neck, leaving another kiss there as you laugh. You lean forward a little to look back at him and he’s got a content smile on his face. He leans in and kisses your lips, not able to help himself. You smile into the kiss, “If I remember correctly, we were under that tree over there, not on the picnic blanket” you tease. He raises his eyebrows before getting up, offering his hand to you.

Zoe picks her head up as Mat drags you up, leading you over to the tree. His arms wrap tightly around your waist, pulling you close to him. You hum as you move your hand to brush away hair from his forehead that isn’t even there before moving to his neck. 

Mat leans in, brushing your noses together stopping just before your lips touch, your eyes closing as you stay like that for a moment. Then you thread your fingers through his hair at his neck pulling him the rest of the way. The world melts away as your lips touch, your heart beating rapidly in your chest. You’re left breathless as you pull away, smiles plastered on your faces. He gives you another short kiss before leading you back to the blanket.

You sit just like you were previously, your head resting on his chest, hands on his thighs. You sit in silence watching Zoe play around with a little chihuahua. “There’s a new dog at the shelter that needs a foster home” you tell him with a smirk. “Please don’t say it’s a chihuahua” he groans, you laugh barely able to finish your sentence “No, don’t worry, it’s a Pomeranian” you say, making Mat groan even louder.

[cilldaracailin]

Heaven For Everyone

Merry Christmas Eve!

Hope everyone is having a lovely day and getting ready for Santy to come! Make sure you are all tucked up in your bed or he won’t come down the chimney!

Here is a little early Christmas present for you all!

Suze xxx

5

"Over the years I have learned that what is important in a dress is the woman who is wearing it."

Taron silently fumed in the conference room in between skype calls. His mood quietly spiralled downhill once he sat in the car with Lyndsey on the way to the hotel where the panel was taking place later on in the morning, using a cornered off area in the conference room for the phone and skype interviews beforehand. She had quickly informed him about some social media scandal that had appeared overnight, calling Robyn out for being a bitch by the girls who had snuck into the pool, saying she was extremely vulgar and rude and the story had spread through the internet quickly. Taron was straight into an interview once he reached the hotel and hadn’t the time to talk to Lyndsey properly or even process what happened, only getting a quick text through to Robyn before he had to put his frustration to the side and concentrate on the questions being asked to him.

It was only twenty minutes later that he finally got to speak to Lyndsey and he was livid as she was able to go into more details about the tweets.

“Surely there is something that can be done about this. It’s a total breech of guest privacy.”

“Taron…”

“They got into the pool for fucks sake Lyndsey!” He roared, pulling his hat off and throwing it to the ground. “The receptionist gave out my private information to her niece who snuck into the hotel and as Robyn stands up for me and herself, those girls just fucking plant disgustingly shit rumours online because they didn’t like they were caught out! I can’t even stay in a fucking hotel now with the woman who saved my life because fucking idiots out there think they can pull shit like this and it is not fucking right Lyndsey!” His voice was loud and very angry, his hands moving with speed as he spoke and he immediately turned to face Lyndsey as he realised he was ranting at the wrong person, his publicist sitting patiently waiting for him to finish venting. “Shit sorry, I am sorry Lyndsey. Sorry.” He repeated. “Sorry.” He said again a bit more quietly.

“I know. I get it and I have already called the hotel to speak to the manager.”

“It’s all over the internet Lyndsey.” Taron sighed heavily sitting back down. “She doesn’t deserve any of this.” Raking his hands through his hair, he then dragged his hands down his face. “It’s such a load of fucking shit.”

Lyndsey reached over to place a hand on Taron’s shoulder. “I know Taron and believe me I didn’t go easy on the hotel. You and Robyn will be checking out of there once Stella is finished and I want you to go back to your flat tonight. I know you had your heart set on the hotel stay for an easy life but not now. You both need the security of your home.” She could feel how his body was completely deflated under her hand. “You and Robyn have nothing to prove to anyone Taron and those girls have spread ugly rumours about you both, and they will be immediately squashed, the actual story of what happened already in the works.”

“She doesn’t need this Lyndsey. Not this weekend. Not right now.”

Lyndsey took Taron in for a hug and hugged him tight. He went from angry to concerned in a matter of seconds and she immediately knew something else was on his mind. “What’s going on Taron?”

“She was already worried but is running on no sleep, she has hurt her hand and spent all Wednesday night in hospital and all she can still think about is me and those girls just snuck into a hotel to try and find me but found Robyn instead and because she was defending me, once again, these girls feel it is right to slate her good nature and just be cruel to someone who gives everything she can to me.”

Lyndsey rubbed Taron’s back in slow soothing circles. His life was always made harder by people who didn’t understand or even care about how their words could hurt and sting and once again he faced another media storm, caused by stupid little girls who knew no better.

“And with the fucking premier tonight, it is all the bloody press are going to ask about.”

“What does Robyn always say to you?” Lyndsey asked into his ear softly. “About the media.”

“To tell the truth.”

“Exactly. I have already been working on the press Taron. It is not your fault that these girls were given information from the hotels receptionist and snuck into the hotel and you know they twisted whatever Robyn said to them.”

“Jesus Lyndsey, they made it sound like she was horrible to them. She doesn’t have a horrible bone in her body.”

“I think her actions have shown the media that Taron.” She felt his weighty sigh against her and the cough that came from deep in his chest. “Please don’t get yourself in a state over this Taron. I am going to sort it all out for you. I already have started.”

Taron’s chest stung a little and it was the first time he had felt the tightness from his cough since Wednesday. He was utterly devastated when Lyndsey told him that the girls who had snuck into the hotel had taken to twitter to insult Robyn and himself too but more so Robyn and he was almost shaking with anger. He had to hold himself together as he had his first interview but his anger quickly subsided and he was hurt and prayed Robyn hadn’t touched her social media or got his message so she was forewarned.

“Take a breath for me.” Lyndsey instructed. “Would you like five minutes to call Robyn?”

After Taron had taken his breath, he shook his head. “Five minutes won’t be long enough. I will text her again to make sure she is ok and then see if she needs a phone call.” He took another long breathe. “I just want one weekend without drama Lyndsey. One weekend where we can just not have anything to worry about.”

Lyndsey’s heart broke a little for Taron. She knew the secret the other one was holding and if they just admitted how they felt to each other, a lot of hurt emotions and worrying could have been avoided.

“You sure Taron?”

“Even if Robyn was feeling a little unsettled by it all, she wouldn’t tell me until later on anyway. She just wouldn’t want to worry me when I am working.”

“She always looks out for you, doesn’t she?”

“Always.” Taron ended the hug with Lyndsey. “I am very happy to head back to mine later on.”

“Good. I could organise for you both to get ready somewhere else Taron.”

“Let’s just leave it Lyndsey. I won’t have the hotel think we are spooked by what happened, that they have driven us away. Robyn is probably sleeping anyway.”

“You said something about her hand?”

“She caught her hand in a metal gate in her work and hurt her hand badly and was in the hospital all Wednesday night. Been a serious struggle for her.”

Lyndsey shook her head. “I see what you mean about having a drama free weekend.”

“Just one Lyndsey. It’s all I ask for.”

“At least when you are in Belfast, you will be closer to each other. Get a few more visits in.”

Taron nodded sadly, his hands going to his face again. His morning had been perfect and with the click of a finger, everything had gone wrong and he was tired of his time with Robyn always being disturbed and interrupted.

“You ready to carry on with the interviews? I am going to prep some answers for you for the panel this afternoon ‘cos I have no doubt a question will be asked.”

“Yeah sure.”

“Text Robyn quickly and I will sign you in for the next one.”

Pulling his phone from his jeans, Taron sent Robyn another text, slightly worried that she hadn’t text him back but made sure she knew her call would be answered by him or Lyndsey if she needed to make one, giving his phone to Lyndsey when he was done, changing his face to as happier a one that he could muster up as the skype interview began.

It was her alarm that woke her up and Robyn was startled as her eyes opened, jumping up a little, groaning as she put weight on her right hand, still cringing as she tried to slide her screen to turn off her alarm. Once she had managed to turn off the cheery tune, she threw herself back into the pillows and sighed. She didn’t even remember falling asleep and she squinted as she looked to her phone, her eyes immediately seeing the four text messages and missed call from Taron. She pulled herself up and unlocked her screen, her eyes scanning the text messages before she called into her voicemail.

‘Hey Robyn. Lyndsey has already released a statement for us and the hotel has made their own statement too and that receptionist has been dealt with accordingly. I figure you are asleep but please don’t be worrying about what was said because we both know it’s a load of bollocks and you have been nothing but my best friend in every way possible. I will see you in a while. I love you.’

Without even thinking about it, Robyn quickly logged into her Twitter app and didn’t even need to search for Taron because her feed was full of tweets and threads from fans discussing what had happened in the hotel and it was a real mixed bag. While some were very much in agreement that she was using Taron, others replied with equally as firm opinions that she had been nothing but a wonderful friend to Taron and she had every right to stand her ground considering the girls had snuck into Taron’s hotel.

A link led her to the statement made by Taron’s management as well as the hotels and it honestly explained the truth of what happened, Taron’s own words being used at how he felt betrayed by the hotel, his privacy breached beyond belief and that Robyn had every right to defend the two of them.

Robyn locked her phone and lay back into the pillows again but opened her phone once more and quickly called Taron. She was met with his voice mail, knowing he had just begun his panel, she left him a message anyway as well as a text. He would get them when he was finished and hopefully her calming words would ease his busy mind. She could only imagine how angry he would have been, how his mood would be tense and completely wound up at the story and what had been a lovely morning of building excited nerves had quickly become edgy and overcome with a setback.

Her head turned as there was a knock at the door and glancing at her watch, it had just gone one. She had spent half an hour trolling through comments and words, her mind in a whirl and her body filled with a mix of emotions that the half an hour had sped by and she was sure it was Taron’s stylist at the door waiting to be let in.

Rolling off the bed, she ran her left hand through her hair, trying to tame it a little. Not being able to dry it straight properly left it with a slight wavey kink and frizz which she detested but it was something she was going to have to deal with until she could hold a hairdryer steadily in her right hand again.

There were four more sharp raps on the door, Robyn opening it on the fourth one and there outside the room, stood Stella dressed in a deep purple pants suit, her hair immaculately curled.

“Jesus Christ do both of you have an aversion to sleeping lately?” Stella asked as she brushed past Robyn and into the bedroom. “And you can leave that open. My team are on their way.”

“Your team?” Robyn questioned opening the door again after she went to close it.

Stella walked back to Robyn and lifted up some of her hair. “My darling, this is a movie premier. Whole different ball game to a party at Elton’s. What is this?”

“My hair?” Robyn asked confused to which Stella puffed.

“I knew I should have come over earlier but would Taron let me? Oh no. Didn’t want to overwhelm you. Didn’t want to scare you away from going. He just doesn’t understand, does he. Easier for a man to get ready.”

Robyn smiled as Stella spoke to herself, her eyes showing a little frustration with Taron’s request which Robyn was very thankful for.

“Did you even sleep? Has Taron slept? Please tell me he had gotten some rest and shaved off that beard.”

Robyn chuckled. “I like the beard. It suits him.”

“Of course you would.” Stella stood back to look at Robyn. “Still as beautiful as ever though. Well stand back dear, let’s not block the doorway.”

Robyn turned her head to look over her shoulder to be met with three more stylists, two women and man, waiting patiently at the door to get into the suite.

“Penelope, Millie and Miles.” Stella introduced the others are they walked past, each one pulling a small suitcase behind them, Miles also carrying two large garment bags very carefully too. “Well let’s get started then. Let me have a look at you.”

Stella walked around Robyn twice, Robyn raising an eye brow her way as she made a third circle. “Show me your hurt hand?” Robyn lifted her right hand and Stella took it carefully. “Taron called me to tell me what happened. Wanted to make sure I knew so I didn’t jostle it too much. He also told me you missed a hair appointment yesterday because you were stuck in the hospital.” Stella saw the surprise in her eyes. “Don’t you worry darling. I have it all under control.” Stella stood in front of Robyn again and ran her hand through the young woman’s long hair. “Highlights?”

“Yeah.” Robyn replied still wondering when Taron was speaking to his stylist.

“I say we lift them a bit. Coming into the summer, it is nice to have a brighter look. Let’s add some layers too.”

“Don’t cut it.” Robyn replied instantly. “Please don’t cut my hair short.”

Stella placed her hands on Robyn’s shoulders. “I won’t. Don’t worry. The length is beautiful. Just a trim to get rid of the ends and then a subtle cut. Nothing extreme at all. I don’t want to change you Robyn. I will only do what you are comfortable with. I understand tonight is so much more than anything you have faced with Taron so I want you to be you and thoroughly comfortable.”

“Thank you Stella.” Robyn felt the relief seep from her. It was exactly what she wanted for the evening.

“So, want to see the dress?” Stella asked, her lips in a full grin. “Taron told me he has been keeping tight lipped about it all. You know nothing.”

“I don’t even know if I believe him when he says it is still green.”

“It’s still green. Come on.”

Stella led Robyn towards the wardrobe where one of her team had hung the garment bag. The zip was still closed and the three stylists stood at the bed, a look of excitement on their faces as they waited for the reveal of the dress.

“Why don’t you take the honour Robyn.” Stella insisted.

Taking a step closer to the bag Robyn used her left hand to hold the zip and drag it down, opening it completely. Her eyes picked up the green colour immediately and it wasn’t just a boring green but a stunning dark green with a shimmer. She slipped her hands in behind the garment bag and tried to get the material out but stopped as her right hand ached and she realised there was a lot of material in the skirt of the dress and with one hand she couldn’t quite pull it out.

“Let me.” Miles, the male stylist came over to help her and eased the dress from the bag, hanging the dress up, taking the garment bag with him.

Robyn stared at the dress, her mouth dropping a little and she turned to Stella. “So, you said you wanted me to be comfortable.” Stella nodded. “Ok, well where is the rest of the dress?” Robyn turned back to the incredibly beautiful dress in front of her. She felt her question was valid as the front sweetheart neckline of the dress dipped down in the back to leave a completely backless feature. She felt Stella come and stand beside her. “I think it is a valid question.”

“I knew you were going to question it. I told Taron you would question it but he insisted.”

“Taron?” Robyn looked to the stylist, her face in a slight frown.

“He wanted something different, something that would just blow everyone away. I told him it was a risk, the backless design, that you preferred more subtle in every way possible but he said to trust him.” Stella took the dress down and held it out closer to Robyn. “The colour is called peacock green. The top of the dress is the same sweetheart style of the burgundy one from January. Decorated with green and clear crystals, they are swirled around in lines and spirals, meeting in a dark green crystal belt around the waist.” Stella turned the dress around. “It is backless Robyn as the front runs around and down the side before meeting with the belt which sits neatly in the middle of the back. Under the belt, there is a beautiful flow of material that may seem like a lot but with the fitted part of the top of the dress, the extra material just adds to the luxury of the dress and when you walk in the dress, it just drifts and moves as you do.” Stella turned the dress around again. “It is lined inside with velvet on top so will be cosy and comfortable and the crystals won’t snag or pull your skin.”

“Stella how does it even stay on?” Robyn questioned as she reached forward to hold the top of the dress in her hands.

“Little silicone gel strips along the inside seam of the dress.”

Robyn looked inside and saw the clear strips, similar to that on the inside of a strapless bra. Fingering over the bodice of the dress, it sparkled in the lights of the room and as she picked up the dress skirt, she could feel her heart racing. She could never pull off such a dress and found herself shaking her head. “Please tell me you have a second option Stella.”

The stylist could see and feel the hesitation coming from Robyn. “Just this one.” She replied. “It is stunning Robyn and perfect for tonight.”

“I can’t wear this.” Robyn replied with clear sadness in her voice. “I could never wear this.”

“And why not?” Stella demanded.

Robyn looked to the dress, then to her own body and then to Stella. “I just can’t.”

Stella handed the dress to Miles and took the two steps closer to Robyn. “Now you listen to me. I don’t know what is going on in that head of yours but stop it. You have already stepped into a beautiful figure-hugging dress twice before and did you read anything bad about how you looked? How the dress fitted? In fact, if I do remember correctly, your dress from Elton’s was complimented many times by numerous fashion magazines.”

“It was?” Robyn asked quietly.

“It was. You are a woman Robyn, with curves in all the right places which men appreciate. Tell me Taron hasn’t taken advantage of it.” She saw Robyn’s face lift in a tiny smile. “Now tell me you hated it. Hated that he cuddled into you and you can’t because you know as much as he loved it, you did too. Trust him and maybe he wants you in this dress for a reason.” Stella wiggled her eyebrows which Robyn laughed at. “He knows how nervous you are, he knows what these events are like and while he is doing everything he can to keep you close and make sure you are comfortable, he also wants to almost show you off, to show the world that you are in his life and fuck anyone who thinks different. You put on this dress and you walk out on that carpet with him and watch the media stop for a second and maybe just a little bit of you just wants to try it on?”

Robyn bit her lip and lifted the dress again. “It is stunning but that backless feature. I can’t pull that off.”

“Honey, don’t forget I have your measurements. I know it will fit and fit you well and stay on.” Robyn looked doubtful. “And you won’t be going braless either. I have that sorted too.” Robyn felt like Stella could read her mind. “Please just try it on. If it is just the backless feature that you don’t like, we can fix it. If you hate the entire dress, I will figure something out but at least just try it on.”

Robyn ran her hands over the dress again. “He helped with the design?” She asked.

“He chose everything to do with the dress with some help. He picked the colour and asked about something that would stand out, something that would make you shine suggesting backless. Also, he said something about a connection with your back. No idea what he meant.”

“I do.” Robyn saw Stella waiting for an explanation. “In Florida, he cleaned the wound on my shoulder and I had to take my t-shirt off so he could do it.”

Stella smiled. “Try it on.” She said handing Robyn the dress.

The material felt soft and silky in her hands and not too heavy either. “I might need some help getting into this.”

Stella smiled widely. “That is what we are here for.”

After finding out that Miles was happily married and living with his husband of five years, Robyn was happy to strip down in the room and with a lot of help slipped into the dress. Stella had initially told her to stay in her black bra but it ruined the effect of the dress so Stella helped Robyn into the bathroom and into the backless bra and then the dress, Robyn at the mercy of the stylist as she ensured the dress fitted her body seamlessly.

“How does it feel?” Stella asked once she stepped away from Robyn. She ran her hands down the sides of the dress, making sure it was sitting comfortably and right with nothing on show that shouldn’t be.

“It’s actually ok.” Robyn admitted. “It won’t fall off Stella, will it?” She asked, her own hands running up and down the side of the dress, feeling the bare skin of her back too.

The stylist smiled softly. “No darling it won’t. Though I think I might need to bring this waist in a little bit.” Stella pinched the belt a little. “An inch, I think. Robyn Quinn, you are wasting away before my eyes.” Robyn smiled a little. “No more, you hear me?” She warned, letting the material go. “I can fix that easily.”

“Stella are you sure it won’t fall off or down?” Robyn placed her hands on the neckline.

“It’s not too low Robyn and it won’t fall or slip or go any lower. It is perfect.”

Robyn had yet to look in the mirror of the bathroom, her eyes avoiding her reflection as soon as Stella re-dressed her. Her stomach was in bits and her heart was thumbing rapidly. Taking a quick breather, she turned to the large mirror above the sink and her eyes opened wide. Taken back by the person staring back at her, she took a step closer to the mirror. Green had always been one of her favourite colours along with blue and the shade was perfect. Not too bright but still obviously green, the crystal details shimmered in the high lighting of the bathroom. The neckline was a little higher than the burgundy dress which she was glad off as there was no lace for extra coverage on her shoulders. She turned a little and tilted her head as she took in the backless design of the dress and immediately her heart began to race and she felt a little heat rise to her cheeks. It wasn’t too low and nestled nicely against the middle of her back and looked secure and well fitted. She could see the belt sitting perfectly in position highlighting her figure before the material fanned out right down to the ground.

“How does he do it?” Robyn turned to Stella. “Every time. It’s perfect. Stella it is so perfect.” Robyn found herself in a hug and she laughed a little. “I love it.” She let Stella go and ran her hands down the dress. “Can I get a sneaky look at his suit?”

Stella laughed. “No.” She answered still laughing. “That is a surprise. Now let’s go back out to the bedroom and I can pop some pins in and alter this dress so it is more than perfect.”

Stella had Robyn stand very still so she could pull and pinch and alter the dress in three different places, either side of the belt and at the back, the dress hugging Robyn effortlessly with the alterations.

“Ok let’s get you out of this dress and then Miles is going to start your hair.”

With the distraction of trying on the dress, Robyn hadn’t the time to think about the media or press but as she showered before she had to get her hair done, Robyn had all the time she needed for her mind to over think the story and the more she thought about it the more she could feel herself getting annoyed. From the moment she was greeted by the receptionist, she knew she didn’t like her and her initial feelings had been right and everything had swirled from there. Social media was such a dangerous platform for people to spread rumours and she was so thankful for Lyndsey’s quick work once again in squashing the story, explaining that it was Taron who was actually the one who had been left hurt over it all. It was definitely going to be an interesting evening on the red-carpet and Robyn could feel the butterflies in her stomach as the time ticked closer. After rubbing her favourite and most expensive body moisturiser in, and wrapping herself up in the one of the hotel’s dressing gowns, Robyn made her way back into the bedroom and sat in the chair ready for her, Miles carefully applying the colour to her hair while Millie painted her finger nails the same shade of green as her dress.

It was a little awkward to try and wash the colour out of her hair using the shower head but Robyn didn’t mind the unconventional hair wash technique and once was seated back in the bedroom, Miles combing her wet hair through, she heard the door in the other side of the suite open with a bang, Taron almost running into the bedroom.

Robyn could see the slight panic in his face, the worry in his eyes and she stood up from the chair, Miles’ comb falling from her hair and she walked to meet him and the two embraced in a hug.

“I am so sorry Robyn.” He breathed into her shoulder.

He was so thankful for the stress-free panel with Colin and Matthew and all of the questions were asked about the movie and the filming process rather than the newest media story and he found himself enjoying the jokes and laughs with the group he sat with and the rest of his skype interviews were a breeze too. It was only as he sat in the car on the way back to the hotel that his fingers twisted nervously and his legs bounced too as he thought through the hurtful and cruel words trailing on the internet about Robyn. He understood the speculations and gossip around him, it just was part of his job but when it was about Robyn, he was less sympathetic and more angry. He had the door of the car open before it pulled to a complete stop outside the hotel and power walked in through the glass doors, ignoring his name being called from reception, heading straight for the stairs, taking them two at time the whole way up the six flights to the third floor. He ran towards the end of the hall and in his rush to get his key from his pocket, dropped it on the floor. He cursed and struggled to pick it up, cursing again. Once he got the door open, he headed straight for the bedroom, and saw Robyn sitting in a chair, dressed in one of the hotels pristine white dressing gowns, one of Stella’s team brushing her hair.

It didn’t take her longer than two seconds to get out of the chair and hug him tight and he felt left hand on the nape of his neck, rubbing little deep circles on his skin.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” She whispered to him. She caught Stella’s eye who was sitting at the table by the window, altering the dress.

“I think it is time for a coffee break.” Stella stood up and motioned to her team. “We’ll be back in a few.”

Once the stylists had left the room, Robyn hugged Taron tighter to her. “Thank you for your texts and calls.”

“I was so worried you would have gotten the notifications from your social media and seen them before I got to talk to you. Robyn I am so sorry for the shit storm.”

“Not your fault Taron and I have already seen the statement Lyndsey sent out.”

“They said such appalling things about you Robyn.”

“And we both know they are shit Taron. Most of the fans are on your side over this whole thing. They are really disgusted at what the girls did, what they did to you.”

Taron took a long deep breath. “Just not what we needed this weekend.”

“Are you really gonna let this shit get in your head Taron? After everything we have been through? After every story that has been wrote about us? This actually turned to our favour when you think about it.” Robyn took her hands away from his back and neck and moved away from his body, placing her hands on his face. “Lyndsey has already sorted it. This is not going to spoil your evening. It is not going to take away from your excitement, my excitement of seeing this movie, of sharing the amazing work you have done and I am not letting stupid immature girls ruin your night or mine or that beautiful dress I cannot wait to wear.”

Taron’s lips pulled into a small smile. “Saw the dress then?”

“Still waiting for a glimpse of your suit.”

“Do you like it?” He asked a little shyly, his eyes deepening in their colour.

“Your suit? I don’t know. Stella won’t show me.”

Although he didn’t want to, Taron laughed and threw her arms around her to hug her against him again. “We will have one drama free weekend. I promise.”

“I don’t know what we would do with ourselves if we had a drama free weekend.” She murmured into his warm shoulder. “How were your interviews?”

“They were good. The panel was actually a good laugh and the questions were about the franchise and the filming process.” He ended the hug with a light squeeze. “You haven’t run away from Stella yet.”

She smiled and shook her head. “Almost.”

“The dress?”

“That dress…” Robyn stalled. “Is beautiful Taron.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I am sure.”

“Everything else ok?”

She nodded. “Thank you for asking Stella to fix my hair.” She blushed a little.

“It’s the little things, right?”

The door of the suite opened and Stella walked back in carrying a tray of coffees. “I need you in that other room in the next ten minutes.” She said pointing the coffee’s Taron’s way. “You seen a bed at all or a razor?” Both Taron and Robyn laughed a little. “Am I ok to have her sit back in that chair?”

With a nod, Taron leaned in to kiss her cheek. “We are going back to mine tonight.” He explained to her.

“Fine by me.” She agreed.

“Can you pack up your case before you are back in the very capable hands of Stella please? We will bring them with us when we leave to go to the premier and Clive will keep them in his car until we are back at mine later.”

“Sure of course I will. It won’t take me too long.”

“Me neither and if Stella will let me, I am going to do it right now.”

It took Taron less than two minutes to gather his belongings and close his case over, wheeling it to the door between the bedroom and living room. He then went to help Robyn who had taken just as quick to collect most of her things and they left her case next to his.

“All ready to go.” She assured him, taking his hand and giving it a light squeeze. “Means you can have along lie in tomorrow. We don’t have to check out of your flat, do we?”

He was always to thankful for her way with words, for reading his mind and easing his worries in a split second. “No we don’t.”

“Coffee.” Stella walked toward them and handed Taron a cup. “You couldn’t have even tried to get some more sleep?” She placed her hands on his cheeks.

“I spent four days sleeping Stella.” He smiled under her hands.

“This is going too mister.” She ran her fingers along his jaw, making him smile more. “Adds too many years to your face.”

“You sound like my mother.” He chuckled as Stella took her hands from him.

“Robyn you can sit back in that chair, Miles, is going to finish your hair. Taron you can make your way into the other room and take a seat. We have two hours to get you both ready and that is just not enough time for me.”

Giving Robyn a little grin, Taron turned on his heels and walked into the living room of the suite and dropped his body onto the couch, sipping the coffee in his hands. He would never come to understand the inner strength Robyn had, how she always managed to talk him down, use her words to comfort him. Closing his eyes his lay back against the cushions of the couch. He could feel his stomach churning a little with nerves but perhaps his apprehensions about the evening were not as troublesome as they had been.

Stella closed the door between the bedroom and living room and saw the frown on Robyn’s face.

“You think I am going to let him see you or vice versa? Not a chance in hell. You can ring him if you want him.”

“Ring him? He is about ten meters away from me.”

“Ring him.” Stella confirmed. “Now Miles, get that toner in her hair. We are cutting it tight on our time and there is still a lot to do.”

Once the toner was washed out of Robyn’s hair, Miles moved across into the living room to defuzz Taron, Millie now taking over Robyn’s hair. Stella had already discussed with the hairdresser what way she wanted Robyn’s hair styled and once it was dry, Millie got to work on curling sections of Robyn’s newly highlighted hair, pinning each curl up with a clip.

Stella pulled another chair over to sit beside Robyn. “So, make up. I don’t want to go too bold with your look. I am sticking with a very natural look. Something to make your eyes pop even more, adding a tiny bit of shade of green to take in the dress.” Robyn nodded. “You don’t need much anyway, maybe some highlight too.”

“You know more than I do Stella.”

While Robyn’s hair set, Penelope started to prime her skin, getting it ready for Stella’s preferred look. A little foundation just to even her skin out, she set to work on creating a subtle green smokey eye with a dash of black for some depth. A thin line of black winged eyeliner along with two coats of mascara, Penelope added a dash of contouring with some bronzer and a touch of lightness with a highlighter on her cheek bones. Once she had blotted the nude lipstick from Robyn’s lips, she handed her a mirror, smiling at the surprise on her face.

“Perfect.” Penelope said.

Robyn moved her face from side to side, taking in the simple yet effective make up on her face. Everything was so subtle but worked together to enhance her blue eyes and Penelope had even managed to cover the tiredness in her face flawlessly. As she put the mirror down, she saw Stella standing in front of her holding the dress.

“We have an hour left to get you ready and it is just not enough time.” She ushered Robyn into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. “Bet you Taron is laying on the couch asleep right now.”

Robyn chuckled as she opened the tie on the robe. “Possibly.”

As Taron was side-lined to the living room, he had been laying on the couch with his eyes closed, taking a little snooze. The door of the bedroom opened and he turned his head to see the hair stylist walk in with his belt of hair accessories and a little case.

“Come on Taron. You know Stella likes to keep to a schedule.” Miles said to him as he pulled out one of the chairs from the table to the left of the couch.

Taron stood up and walked over and sat in a chair as directed by Miles.

“Do you think she would be pissed if I told you not to do this?” Taron asked Miles after a few minutes as he gently rubbed an exfoliation scrub into his jaw and neck.

Miles laughed. “You want a telling off from Stella?”

“Not at all.” Taron reflected.

Miles didn’t answer but continued to massage the scrub into Taron’s skin, washing it away with a warm wet cloth once done. He felt the tickly bristles from the brush as his face was coated with a generous amount of shaving cream. Taron would happily have shaved himself, but he knew Stella would never let him so sat back and closed his eyes, letting someone else worry about giving him a clean shave.

Once finished, Taron took his time in the shower, in no rush to get ready. He knew there wasn’t as much to his preparation as Robyn’s and he hoped she was ok in the other side of the suite and not overwhelmed by all the attention she was getting. Throwing on a hotel bathrobe, he sat back in the chair for Miles who smoothed some moisturiser onto his jaw and neck before the hairdresser started to style his hair, dragging some gel through the strands, giving it some body and height. With a light fritz of hairspray, Miles smiled at Taron.

“All good to go. Don’t touch the hair or Stella will have something to say.”

With a grin Taron nodded and watched Miles make his way back through the door to the bedroom, being very careful to keep the gap small so Taron couldn’t see in. It was half an hour before he knew they had to leave and Taron opened the bag with his suit on the coffee table and smiled. The velvet jacket matched the colour of Robyn’s dress exactly and the velvet waistcoat added a little extra to his suit. Black slacks and shoes alone with a crisp white shirt and dark green tie, he knew it was easier for him to get dressed for the evening and he hoped Robyn wasn’t feeling any major jitters. Walking over to the couch he picked up his phone and called her.

“This is a terrible time to call me.” Robyn answered his call as she walked out of the bathroom and back into chair to sit.

He chuckled. “I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t tried to escape through a window.”

Robyn looked down to the dress she was finally fitted into as Millie took out her curls. “You think Stella would have let me do that?”

“No but still, are you ok? Do you need a hug?”

“Oh dear God desperately but if you even think to open that door, I will be attending your premier by myself.” Taron laughed. “How are you doing rocketman?”

“Just about to get changed and clean shaven.”

“Stella will be pleased.”

He ran his left hand across his smooth jaw. “My face is cold.”

Robyn chuckled but it was Stella who spoke to him next. “Taron you know I love you but I have twenty minutes before you both need to leave and Penelope is on her way over to you now to try and hide those dark circles.”

Taron looked to his phone as his call was ended and the door opened, Penelope walking through it, closing it behind her.

“Do you want me to tell Stella that you are not dressed yet?”

With a grin, Taron lifted his suit and headed into the bathroom to change quickly. The suit fit him like a glove and he walked back into the room holding his tie, taking a seat back in the chair, Penelope placing a make-up cover around his shoulders to keep his suit clean. It took her five minutes to tone down the dark skin under his eyes, adding a little powder for a shine free face.

“All done.”

“Is Stella finished with Robyn?” He asked as he stood up, throwing his tie around his neck.

“Should be but I wouldn’t go through just yet in case she hasn’t.”

Taron didn’t heed Penelope’s words and walked to the connecting door and opened it, walking right into the bedroom, to be met with Robyn’s back. He could feel the stares coming from Stella as he stood behind Robyn, his eyes wandering down her bare back to where the green crystal studded belt sat on her waist, the flow of material from the skirt of the dress all around her. A light dusting of freckles still decorated her shoulders, even after being home from Florida for so long and her skin was flawless apart from the small scar on her left shoulder. Her hair in fell in a sheet of perfect waves over her right shoulder and the newly blonde colour shone in the lights of the room.

“Taron!” Stella’s voice was stern but the Welshman didn’t hear it as Robyn looked over her shoulder to him.

Stella had insisted on completing the finishing touches on Robyn herself and was just adding a final lipstick coat to her lips, when Taron interrupted them, looking as handsome as always in his perfectly tailored suit but as she looked to his eyes, she could see the honest love and compassion in them and admitted defeat, nodding at Robyn.

Her heart was beating wildly in her chest and when she had looked over her shoulder, she had caught a glimpse of a very dashing looking Taron but lifting the skirt of her dress with her hands, Robyn could turn around and fully take him in. His tie hung around his neck, yet to be made, but his jacket was perfectly matched to her dress, his waistcoat too. Her lips lifted in a half smile and she walked over to him, taking her time in her green heels until she stood in front of him. The green colour of his suit jacket made his eyes stand out and Taron wore the designer three-piece suit with ease and faultlessness. Looking to his face, she supposed Stella and his mam were right when they said a clean face took years off him but Robyn was partial to his scruffier look and she smiled as he watched her look him over.

“Can I?” She asked touching his tie.

“Please.”

She pulled it slowly from around his neck and took a step closer to him so she could lift the collar of his shirt. Placing the tie around his neck. Robyn took her time as she worked a double Windsor knot into his tie knowing that Taron’s dark eyes were watching every move she made.

Taron hoped she couldn’t see his heart beating hard in his chest because he felt that at any moment it was going to burst through his skin. He just wanted to grab her and pull her close, kiss her cheek, her head and her lips, let his hands run up and down the warm skin of her back and it took everything he had not to just do that. She matched his height and she was stunning. He was so nervous about the style of dress, the daring backless design and was so worried Stella would have to change the dress at the last minute but Robyn had stepped into the dress and he found himself biting his lower lip as he looked her up and down. It was everything and more and the fitted top outlined her curves and he could only imagine how the skirt would move as she walked.

Robyn could see his eyes go for a little walk as she tied his tie and if he was allowed to look then she was certainly going to take advantage too and as she pushed the knot of his tie to the top button of his shirt, she pulled lightly on his waistcoat with her right hand, using her left to smooth his tie behind the velvet material, running her hands over his chest once more before fixing his collar.

“All done.” She said taking her hands from him. “You look very much a perfect Kingsman.” She joked.

“Robyn you are a vision of beauty.” His words left his mouth before he could stop himself and while he knew his cheeks blushed, hers matched his too. He cleared his throat and took a little step back. “I mean… I just…. I…” Taron stuttered and was so relieved as Robyn stepped closer to him and gave him a hug.

“Thank you Taron. You look as handsome as ever.” While she ran her hands soothingly up and down his back, Robyn felt him just rest his very tentatively on the bare skin of her back. “Hey you wanted this dress; you need to be prepared to give proper hugs while I am wearing it!” She scolded him.

With a slight nervous chuckle, Taron moved his hands slowly around her back and to her waist, pulling her against him a little tighter. “The dress is perfect. Robyn you look so beautiful. Not that you need a dress to look beautiful but I mean the dress just makes you look even more beautiful than you already are and I know you don’t care about this stuff or need any of this stuff to be…”

As Taron rambled on Robyn’s smiled turned into a grin and she moved away from him a little, taking her hands from his back and placing them on his cheeks, titling his head down to place a soft kiss on his forehead, followed by one on each cheek and then his nose. “Thank you Taron and breathe a little ok?” She rubbed her thumbs over his smooth jaw. “So soft.” She whispered to him. “I miss the beard.”

With a nod under her hands, Taron finally smiled and then laughed a little. “Me too if I am honest. You look lovely.” He whispered to her. “And I like your hair.” He raised his hand to touch her hair but stopped as Stella called out in a shout.

She had been watching the sweet interaction between the two, her lips in a smile as she saw nothing but pure love between the them but as Taron went to touch Robyn’s perfectly styled waves, she wouldn’t have it. She stepped over to them. “Don’t even think about.” She scolded him. “And if you are going to kiss him then you need to bring this with you.” She held up the lipstick tube to Robyn. “No kissing while on the red carpet.” She instructed.

Robyn smiled and took the lipstick. “Sure Stella.” She walked away from Taron and to the bed where a bag which matched her dress had been laid out for her and she popped the lipstick in. She took her phone from it and made her way back towards his stylist. “Would you take a picture for us please?”

“Of course.”

Stella made them pose in various different ways and when she had Robyn turn to face Taron with her back to the camera, her head looking over her shoulder, the two ended the sudden photoshoot.

“We really need to go Stella. The car will be waiting outside for us.”

“Yes yes of course. A movie to promote and all that.”

As Taron made his way back into the living area to get his phone and wallet, Robyn tuned to Stella. “Thank you so much Stella. I can’t say enough about how I have actually enjoyed the makeover. Thank you for listening to me and making sure I was completely comfortable.”

“You are going to make heads turn on that carpet.” Stella gave her a hug. “You two are delightful together. He hasn’t taken his eyes off you.” She winked. “He might be keeping his distance now but believe me, he will be glued to your side in a while.”

Robyn rolled her eyes as Stella let her go. “Thank you Stella.”

“Robyn you have everything you need? Your case ready to go to?” Taron came to stand beside her. “Clive is waiting outside for us.”

“Yep.”

“Stella a pleasure as always.” Taron walked over to his stylist and gave her a firm hug. “Thank you for looking after her.” He kissed her cheek.

“I look forward to our next meeting Robyn. I think we might work with a pants suit the next time.”

Robyn’s face lit up. “Now that I can definitely agree to.”

“I have the most perfect one in mind.”

With another thank you from both of them, Robyn and Taron grabbed their cases and made their way out of the hotel room, leaving Stella and the others to tidy up their gear before they left too.

“I am sorry we have to drag our cases with us.” Taron apologised as they stood waiting for the lift. “It definitely wasn’t in my plan. Lyndsey thought it was the best course of action going back to mine, away from here after the premier.”

“I don’t mind Taron. I think it is actually a good idea to go back to your flat. It means there is no rush on us now tomorrow to get up and go.”

Stepping into the lift, Taron pressed the button for the ground floor. “You ready to be stared at as we walk through reception.” He asked her.

“Might as well start in the way we intend to continue our evening.”

As the lift dinged with their arrival on the ground floor, Robyn went to take her case but Taron already had his hand on it. “I got it.”

She didn’t argue with him and allowed him to take both cases. As the lift doors separated and opened, they were met three people waiting to use the lift, who stepped back to let them pass, Robyn sticking very close to Taron as they walked. They definitely caught the attention of many of the hotel guests as they walked through the tiled lobby and Robyn definitely heard whispers of their names echo through the grand foyer. Before they reached the glass doors of the exit, Taron’s name was called and they stopped and turned to see the manager of the hotel walking their way.

“Mr Egerton, Miss Quinn, could I have a moment of your time please?”

Robyn instantly felt Taron freeze and tense up beside her and she hooked her arm through his. She turned her head toward the manager. “I am so sorry, but we actually don’t have time to stop. We are on an extremely tight time schedule.”

“I understand that but I would just like a minute to apologise to you both. I am appalled by the behaviour of one of our employees and can only apologise again for the trouble her actions have caused you both. If you ever would like to stay here again, please know we will put you up in our finest suite and will cover all the expense.”

Taron was ready to tell the manager exactly what she could do with her offer but Robyn got there before him. “Thank you for your apology.” She began. “But Taron and I will not be returning to your hotel. His own private information was given by one of your trusted employees to their niece who in turn snuck into the hotel in search of Taron to take photographs of him while he used your hotels facilities. Your employee’s niece then took to social media to slander my name as well as Taron’s and put us both through an agonising few hours of worry and stress. I think you can understand our reluctance to stay here again. We will stick to the Premier Inn from now. At least we can go to and fro from there without watching our backs constantly.” With a pull on his arm, Robyn started to walk out of the lobby of the hotel, Taron following her, pulling their cases as he walked.

[chris-evanslover]

Captain Patriotic

Summary: OFC Samara is invited by her friend Carly to a patriots game where she meets Carly’s brother Chris Evans

Word Count: 2.2k

The autumn chill floated through the room as I stepped out of the en-suite bathroom wrapped in a fluffy mint green towel. My (now clean) bare feet padded across the hardwood to the beige, brown and white aztec patterned rug that sat on the floor in front of the painted white wood dresser.

What the fuck do you wear to a football game? I stood in front of the drawers with my hands on my hips contemplating giving my coworker and friend Carly an excuse as to why I couldn’t make it to the game she invited me to with her family.

Speaking of her family, I have met her younger brother, Scott and her mom, Lisa but no one else from the Evans family, even though with all the stories she’s told me about the clan, I feel like I know them already.

Shaking my head I decide this is the perfect opportunity to get to know her family, it’s in public and I can leave if things take a turn for the worse right? (which I highly doubt would happen but i’m prepared just in case). Carly invited me last week to come to the Patriots home game since her husband was away on business and in the spur of the moment I thought it would be fun, but now i’m just downright freaking out.

I pull out an off white cable knit sweater with dark wash skinny jeans and start to change. After changing I put on some light makeup and blow dried my hair before throwing on some light brown booties and a brown jacket, grabbing a banana with Nutella and a to go coffee cup, I got in my car and made my way to the stadium.

Frantically arriving 45 minutes later (thanks to Boston traffic) I park my car and shoot Carly a text that i have arrived. Yay! Waiting for you at the Main Entrance, I’m wearing a red shirt, see you in a few! she replied.

‘Main entrance, main entrance, main entrance’ is all that’s running through my mind as I walk from the parking lot to the larger than life stadium. AHA! I found the huge sign that says main entrance as I roll my eyes not knowing how i had missed it while I was scanning the stadium for the past 5 minutes. As I draw closer I start looking for Carly in a red shirt and I see her already looking at me waving with her left hand, and holding her daughter Stella with her right arm, next to her I see her brother Scott who looks like he’s taking a very serious phone call.

I finally reach the pair, smiling wide giving Carly a hug and one to Stella too who ends up jumping into my arms which makes me stumble a bit but gratefully my clumsiness stays in check, for once. I give Scott, who just got off his phone call, a one armed hug saying our hellos and we’re off walking to the box seats they were telling me about on the way.

Scott turns to me while we wait for the elevator up, “So Samara, have you ever been to a patriots game?” “No actually I haven’t been to any football game, my family was really big on Baseball” “oh really what team” “Yankees, being from New York you have to be a Yanks fan or you’re not a ‘true’ new yorker” you replied with air quotes around ‘true’. “Oh boy, don’t mention that team around Chris, he might just kill ya” Carly muttered.

Ah, the ‘famous Chris Evans’ if you will, Carly has told me a lot about her brothers career, even I’ve checked out a couple of those Captain America movies (for science, had to see if he was worth all the hype). There was no doubt Chris was an attractive man which is why my nerves shot through the roof as the elevator doors opened. The four of us walked into the elevator and were ascending to the box level of the stadium. I tried to calm my nerves silently in my head repeating the mantra ‘he’s just a guy spending the day with his family, don’t be weird’.

The elevator ding shook me from my thoughts as I followed Carly, Scott and Stella as we walk down a long hallway to box 35 with a plaque under the numbers that reads

‘America’s Greatest Captain’

Chris Evans

Audibly swallowing I follow them as they open the door to loud conversations and drinks being poured. I spot Miles and Ethan hanging onto their grandpa, Carly’s dad who I’ve yet to meet but have seen pictures of. Scanning the room I see Lisa coming towards me with open arms, I happily return her hug.

“I’m so glad you could make it Samara! We’re gonna have a great day but just a fair warning, Chris and Scott tend to get a little rambunctious at these games” she winks at me. Speaking of Chris, I see his tall figure behind Lisa facing away from us and towards the field talking to Scott. Jesus Christ his shoulders are the widest i’ve ever seen in my life. Lisa ushers me over to Carly and Shanna who are busting drinks out for everyone.

“So great to meet you! Half of my family loves you so it’s great to finally meet the girl who stole their hearts” Shanna laughs. I laugh with her and tell her that she’s prettier in person and she waves me away telling me something along the lines of she already likes me and i don’t have to be polite. I laughed with her and we were interrupted by her father Robert who comes over to say hello, which I graciously reply to and before I know it were talking about my horrible braces experience, seeing he is a dentist after all.

Chris hadn’t even looked my way since I got here and honestly I was very intimidated by him. I talked to the kids for a couple minutes before Scott waved me over, “Samara, meet Chris, he might look tough but he’s all fluff trust me” with that Chris punches Scott in the shoulder in a friendly way and Chris looks up to meet my eyes. Of course his eyes are just as blue in person. I clear my throat and extend my hand, complimenting him on his wonderful family. I think he was kind of shocked by my gesture because it took him a second to register what I had said to him. He laughed and shook his head and opened his arms for a hug.

“Haven't you met my family, we’re huggers” he laughs. I laugh along with him not knowing how long I should hug him for. I settled on a quick 5 second hug because on the inside I don’t know if my poor heart could handle more than that. I needed to put some space between me and mister Broad Shoulders for the sake of my mental health.

When I pulled away I smiled and looked at Scott who raised his left eyebrow at me and smirked. I shook it off hopefully not sabotaging myself by blushing harder than I already was. C’mon Samara get a grip. He’s a huge Hollywood actor, he hugged you to be nice. sit your ass down and enjoy the game.

The cheers from the stadium started picking up as the game began and everyone took seats, I went to the bathroom quickly before the game started and when i came out I saw that there was a seat open in between Carly and Chris. Great, my plan to distance myself from Chris was coming along swimmingly.

I sat down in the seat and tried to calm myself down so that Chris couldn’t see me mentally bugging out. Carly was a blessing in disguise as she started up a conversation about the players and who to watch for. Chris however had the same idea as his sister. “Are you a patriots fan?” How the hell do I break this to him. “Uh-Um not exactly, I didn’t really grow up around football so I admit I don’t know much” I laughed, slightly nervously. “I’m actually very glad to hear that, now I get to make you love the Pats” he winks at me. Yeah you read that right, he winked at me. Cue the dramatic subconscious faint.

I laughed along with him while he told me about his favorite players and what he likes about the game, Me being, well me, hung on to his every word and watched in admiration as his face lit up talking about the sport. Drowning out his voice I noticed I was staring at his lips. Again for science just, making sure they’re uh, there. I noticed his lips turned up into a smirk and that he was no longer talking about football but smirking at me daydreaming about his lips. Shit. I snapped out of my head and nodded, clearing my throat. “You’re very passionate about the game, You ever play?” He laughs and says he tried but he’d much rather watch than be knocked around out on the field.

The game was in full swing at this point, at the end of the second quarter, Chris stood up and asked if I wanted one of his special cocktails. I told him only one since I drove to the stadium to which he replied “I could always give you a lift and you could get your car tomorrow”. Yeah I didn’t know what to say to that either. I laughed and told him “Depends how good this drink is”. He smiled and got to work at the bar, 2 minutes later he handed me probably the tastiest cocktail I've ever had but when I asked what was in it, “That’s for me to know and me only”

Out of the corner of my eye I glanced at Scott who looked at me then Chris and winked at me. I rolled my eyes and decided that if Chris was going to get flirty, two can play that game. Fake it till you make it right, pushing all my nerves down, “I might have to take you up on that deal after all” taking a sip of my drink while staring at Chris through my eyelashes, I turned on my heel and made my way back to my seat.

Chris made his way back a minute later, drying his hands on his jeans and took his seat next to me. Throughout the game, we talked about football and my life since i’ve moved to Boston. At the end of the game, The Patriots won and the Evans family couldn’t have been more excited. The energy they gave off was infectious and I found myself smiling all the way out of the stadium. Chris had made me two more of his drinks and promised to drop me off at home, although I had the drinks hours ago and could’ve passed a sobriety test with flying colors, I wanted to spend more time with him. I saw what Scott meant when he said he’s all fluff, he really is a genuine guy.

Saying goodbye to the Evans family as everyone went their separate ways to their cars, I followed Chris to his, making light conversation about the game. Chris, ever the gentleman, opened the passenger side door for me and went around the front of the Audi to the drivers side and slid in, starting the ignition. He peeled out of the parking spot and did that thing where he put his and on the back of my headrest to back up and I swear I couldn’t jumped his bones right there but managed to keep myself in check.

I gave Chris directions to my house and found out he doesn’t live that far from me, only about 10 minutes. As we pulled up I gathered my things and turned to say thank you but he was already coming around the car and opened my door, holding his hand out. God, why is he the perfect man? I take his hand and open my arms for a hug which he returns, “Thank you for your chivalry Chris, and for the ride home” “it’s my pleasure, I was thinking-” he scratched the back of his neck, looking slightly nervous. “maybe tomorrow, if you’re around we can get breakfast? I can also bring you to your car so you don’t have to get a cab to the stadium”

“only if we go to iHop” He let out a loud laugh clutching his left pec, they’re really so defined, Okay stop it Samara, you’re probably starring again. “you drive a hard bargain Samara, it’s a date, i’ll pick you up at 10” I started walking backwards towards my front door. “I guess I’ll see you at 10 then” “Have a good night Samara” he smiled and got back into his car while I walked up to my front door and unlocked it, I turned and waved once I was in the doorway and he did the same before driving off.

You closed the door behind you and slid against the door to the floor, you were going on a date with Chris tomorrow and you really couldn’t believe it. You went about the rest of your evening, a smile never leaving your face.

A/N: this is my first fic in a while treat her with love! constructive criticism always welcome, send me requests or just to chat💓

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[zoeykaytesmom]

What is Life? (Chapter 5)

This will be my last update tonight. Hopefully I can get the masterlist figured out before tomorrow lol.

@lyssa1385​ @sweetsummertime99​ @esparza-army​ @gibbs274​ @tropes-and-tales​ @jramirezblogs​ @thatesparzacrush​ @xemopeachx​ @celebsexual-stardust​ @barbafan69​ anyone else just ask

Senior Year was beginning which meant college application deadlines would be looming, Prom would be in the spring, then it would be graduation time. They all knew it could go by in a flash.

After their little make-out session during the summer, Rafael and Izzy were more nervous and awkward around each other. Both of them were shy and it was like they wanted to ask each other where they stood but were too afraid.

It didn’t help that as soon as school started, Yelina was draped all over him, all the time.

“Just tell him you like him,” Erin told her during lunch. “And that you always have. No, screw that. Tell him you love him.”

“Erin…”

“Tell me I’m lying. The only reason you don’t have ‘Mrs. Rafael Barba’ scribbled all over your notebooks is because he uses yours to compare to his.”

“And I’m not in the 7th grade, either.”

“What are you trying to say?” Erin asked as she held up a notebook of her own with the initials “E.H + N.A” with a big heart around it.

“I’m not saying a word,” Izzy laughed as she took a bite of the chili cheese fries she had gotten for lunch.

“Lauren seems to be getting a long with Bradley pretty well,” Erin mused as she looked across the cafeteria.

“Yeah, she does.”

“You could have that, too, you know.”

“It’s not like that. I mean…I just don’t want to talk about it anymore, really.”

“Talk about it to him.”

****

“Okay, I can do this,” Izzy said to herself as she walked up to Rafael. “Hey, Raf.”

“Hey, Izz,” he smiled when she walked up to him at his locker as the school day had ended.

“You got a minute?”

“For you? I have 5.”

“Thanks. Uh, you know, what happened…back in the summer?”

“Yeah,” he said with a half smile.

“We’ve kinda…it doesn’t seem like we’re as close as we used to be.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Look, I like you, Rafael. I have for a long time. I’ve just been scared to say anything.”

“Uh, I…uh…I liked you, too.”

“Liked?”

“I mean I still do but Yelina and I are…kind of…you know,” he told her as he swallowed hard.

“Oh, okay.”

“I’m sorry, Izz.”

“No, don’t be,” she smiled as much as she could. “You guys look good together.”

“You’re still my best friend.”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I’m gonna be late for practice so I should go.”

“Okay. Hey, maybe we can hang out Saturday or something.”

“Sure. Bye.”

As soon as she turned, he felt an ache in his stomach. If he had any idea that she felt the same way, he would’ve spoken up.

“You okay, Rafi?”

“Yeah, fine, Yelina. You ready?”

“Of course,” she said with a big smile as she looped her arm through his and they walked out of the building.

Izzy made it to her car before breaking down in tears. Why hadn’t she told him the truth? She couldn’t be mad that he was dating Yelina now. He had wanted her since he was 12 after all. She was just lucky to have at least been a contender at some point. That was the first time she had ever purposely missed a practice.

****

“Izzy!” Stella called upstairs one evening a couple of weeks before Christmas Break ’92.

“Hang on, Erin,” she said as she covered her phone. “Yeah Ma?!”

“You need to get downstairs…IMMEDIATELY!!!”

“Ugh, my mom is telling me I need to come downstairs. I don’t know what I could’ve done this time. I’ll call you back?”

“Nick’s coming over. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

“Got it. Later,” Izzy said before she hang up the see-through phone and headed downstairs.

“Okay, Ma. What is it that’s so…Rafael?”

It had been a while since her best friend had showed up at her house, unannounced. They weren’t as close as they used to be and were never going to be as long as he was with Yelina. His lip was busted and he had a cut above his eye.

“Rafa what happened?” She asked.

“My dad,” he shrugged.

“Izz why don’t you take him to your bathroom and get him cleaned up?”

“Yeah, okay, Ma. Come on, Rafa,” she said as took his hand and led him upstairs.

Anthony grabbed his keys and started for the door.

“Where are you going?” Stella asked her husband.

“Just…out.”

****

“Rafa, what happened?”

“I was trying to shield Mami...oooh,” he winced as Izzy dabbed the cut above his eye with alcohol.

“Sorry,” she half smiled.

“It’s fine, cariño.”

“What set him off this time?”

“He started in on how I think I’m better than him because I’m going to Harvard…”

“You got in?!”

“Yeah. Full scholarship.”

“Rafa, I’m so proud of you.”

“Yeah well. He said that I thought I was better than him. Mami said all I was trying to do was get a good education and a good career. He kept going on and on about how I would never amount to anything. Mami…she just kept trying to explain to him but it wasn’t doing any good. I snapped. I told him that I was trying to be better than the wife-beating, alcoholic, deadbeat that he is,” he told her.

“Rafa…”

“Maybe if I would’ve just kept my mouth my shut…I couldn’t let him touch my mom again,” he said as he broke down in tears and wrapped his arms around Izzy’s waist. All she could do was rub his back and run her hands through his hair. Stella had come up to check on them but saw what was taking place in her daughter’s bathroom and just decided to leave them alone.

****

“Anthony? What are you doing here?” Luis Barba asked as he answered the door to their apartment. Without a single word, Lieutenant Anthony Rossetti slammed a right hook into Rafael’s dad, knocking him on his ass before he grabbed him off the floor.

“I’m going to tell you this one time and one time only: You lay another hand on that boy and I swear to God, I’ll have my whole Fire Battalion with me the next time and your body will never be found. Do you understand me?”

Luis was scared sober at that point and all he could do was nod.

“If you think I’m playing, just fucking try me, Luis,” Anthony seethed before he let him go. Luis walked away only for Lucia to walk up.

“Anthony…”

“Lucia, go pack some of Rafael’s clothes and his books.”

“Anthony.”

“He’s going to stay in Brooklyn until he wants to come home. Is that clear?”

“Sure, Anthony. I’ll be right back.”

He waited for Lucia to come back. She came back with a small suitcase, school uniforms, street clothes, pjs, bath stuff, shaving stuff, toothbrush, the works, plus his backpack.

“He’s not as bad as he seems, Anthony.” “You keep letting him get away with this, you or Rafael are going to end up dead. Neither of you deserve to deal with this shit.”

“Here’s everything Rafael should need for a week or two,” Lucia said, changing the subject.

“Fine. Thank you,” Anthony told her as he grabbed Rafael’s things.

****

As they sat in her bathroom, Rafael went into detail about the abuse from his dad he had endured over the years. He took his shirt off and stood up to show Izzy scars he had kept hidden for years.

She knew things weren’t good but she never knew the extent of the actual abuse he and his mother had suffered at the hands of his father since he was a child. His lightly tan skin and slight chest hair made him look so sexy, even if that wasn’t the intention.

As he explained each scar, from his back to his stomach, Izzy slowly grazed her fingers over them. It got to the point they were just staring into each other’s eyes. Their hearts were beating at a record pace until they heard the front door slam.

“Rafael?!” They heard Anthony call from downstairs, taking them out of their daze. He quickly threw his shirt on and headed downstairs.

“Yes, sir?” He asked Anthony.

“Here’s your school clothes, other clothes, pajamas, and anything else you might need. You can stay here until you want to go home.”

“Anthony I can’t impose.”

“It’s not an imposition if I tell you what you’re doing.”

“I guess not,” Rafael laughed quietly.

“You know where the guestroom is. Put your stuff in there and then meet me in the garage.”

“Yes, sir,” he replied as he went back upstairs.

Rafael met Anthony in the garage to be handed a beer.

“Anthony I’m only 18.”

“So? You think I don’t know that my daughter and son haven’t had a drink on occasion? You’re friends with them so I know you do, too.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Rafael told him as he took the beer from Anthony.

“You know my father…he was a mean son of a bitch.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really,” Anthony responded. “He beat the hell out of my mother if dinner wasn’t to his liking. My brothers and I got it, too. Most of it was because we were trying to protect our mother; much like I’m guessing you were doing.”

“I was. My dad thinks because I’m going to Harvard that I think I’m better than him.”

“And you are. My kids are completely better than me. Izzy has a scholarship to USC, Tony’s going to Brown. Not that I would trade my job for anything but my kids are gonna get a better education than I ever could have and they’ll have careers that I could’ve only dreamed about having. But you know what? I couldn’t be prouder of either of them. They had goals and they’re meeting them.”

“My dad would be happy if I went to work at the garage with him, I think so he could be my boss.”

“Son you need to live your life how you want to live it. I don’t know what your plans are for the future but the fact that you got into Harvard says you’ve got some big ones.”

“I want to be a lawyer, actually.”

“I have faith that you can do it. Why don’t you go upstairs, take a shower, and get in bed? I think staying at your Guidance Counselor’s house might give you an excused absence.”

“Eh, I’ll be alright in the morning,” he shrugged. “Thank you, Anthony.”

“Anytime, son.”

*****

After her shower, Izzy got dressed in her favorite Yankees t-shirt and blue pj bottoms, blew her hair dry, and peaked in on Rafael watching TV in the guestroom.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” he looked over at her with a smile.

“I’m done, if you want to take a shower.”

“Okay, thanks.”

“Do you need anything? I’m gonna go downstairs and get a soda.”

“I’m fine, Izz. I…uh…I could use your company though.”

“Sure.”

She sat on the bed, keeping a distance between them. The silence was awkward at best, other than a repeat of “Cheers” playing in the background.

“Hey, Raf?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why did you come here and not Yelina’s?”

“Because…she would’ve have just said if I had kept my mouth shut, it wouldn’t have happened. I didn’t come here looking for sympathy. I just wanted someone that would listen to me. I knew you were that person. You’ve always just listened to me when I’ve had problems with my dad.”

“If she’s like that, then why are you with her?”

“I’ve liked her since I was 12. I mean, say Robert Downey Jr went to school with us and you liked him that long and he decided to give you a chance, wouldn’t you take it?”

“But you deserve so much better. You don’t need to be with someone that makes you feel like what you have to say…”

“Can we just not talk about it, please? I have a headache and just want to put this day behind me.”

“Yeah,” she answered quietly.

“Thank you for being here for me.”

“Anytime.”

“I think I’m gonna take my shower so I can get ready for bed.”

“Okay.”

He gathered his things and went to the bathroom while Izzy went and got him a glass of water, two Advil, and ice pack sitting them on a nightstand with a note on a piece Lisa Frank stationary telling him to take the medicine, put the ice on his lip, if he needed anything she was next door, and that she hoped he got a good night’s sleep.

He found everything as he began to get in bed. He just smiled as he took the Advil and drank the water before covering himself up and turning off the lamp.

He laid there for what seemed like hours. “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” had came on and off while he laid awake. He thought about what Izzy had said. Maybe she was right. Yelina did criticize him it seemed.

The last time he and his father had an altercation, he went to her place and all she said was, “I don’t know why you think you have to say anything to him. You know how it’s going to end and yet, you still run your mouth.” Didn’t offer to clean him up or anything. As if it was his fault that his dad was abusive.

About halfway through Letterman, Rafael had enough of tossing and turning, got out of the bed and quietly knocked on Izzy’s door. Surprisingly, she was still awake herself. She had actually been on the phone with Erin until Leno was almost over.

She got up and opened her door.

“I can’t sleep,” he shrugged as he ran his hand through his dark brown hair, a usual sign he was apprehensive about something.

She motioned for him to come in and shut the door once he was.

“You hungry?”

“Did you seriously bring the rest of the pizza up here?” He laughed.

“I had to get it before Tony did. Come on, grab a slice.”

He laid on her bed and grabbed a piece out of the box that sat on the ottoman between the bed and TV stand.

“Are you seriously gonna go to college in California?”

“USC is offering me a scholarship. We can’t all get one to Harvard,” she stressed with an affected accent.

“Stop,” he kind of blushed. “I’ve got to get out of New York and away from dad.”

“What did your mom say about it?”

“Mami was happy about it, really. That’s the only thing that worries me about leaving. I’ll be leaving her here to fend for herself against him. Maybe she’ll finally leave him, though.”

“What about your grandparents?”

“You should’ve seen Abuelita,” he laughed. “Clapping and jumping up & down. Abuelito had to tell her to calm down before she got her blood pressure up. Speaking of, they asked about you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Wondered why I haven’t brought you by to eat all the leftovers.”

“You make it sound like I just raid their fridge every time I’ve been over there.”

“Abuelita thinks you’re too skinny and makes you eat, I know. She does the same to me. Maybe we can go over there after school tomorrow?”

“Uh, sure. I have an idea.”

“What’s that?”

“Okay, I would never do something like this in a million years but how about I sneak out to the garage and get a case of beer?”

“Izz your dad would kill us!”

“All we ever do is study. We never let loose. I’ll get a 6 pack instead.”

“Peer pressure is a bitch. Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah but don’t tell Erin or anyone.”

“It’ll be our secret.”

Izzy quietly snuck out to the garage and grabbed a 6 pack of Killian’s Red of the fridge and started to walk back inside.

“Shit, Tony! You scared the hell out of me.”

“What are you doing, sis?”

“Nothing.”

“Stealing Dad’s beer?”

“It’s only 6. Don’t be a snitch.”

“Oh, I won’t be, cause you’re gonna go back in there and grab another 6 pack and I’m coming to your room.”

“Ugh, fine. Take this and I’ll be in there in a few.”

******

The next morning, Stella went to wake the three of them up, only to find them all asleep in Izzy’s room.

Rafael had taken her two bean bag chairs and made a bed while Tony was in a pallet on the floor.

The truth was, they weren’t asleep. 4 beers a piece and they had gotten drunk. Passed out was more the case with them. Stella looked all around the room, finding the one bottle Tony didn’t get rid of.

“OKAY!!! UP!!! ALL THREE OF YOU!!!!” She said as she started flipping the light off and on.

“Ugh, Ma.”

“We have a little party last night, guys?”

“No,” Tony lied.

“Then what’s with the empty beer bottle, Junior.”

“Good job, Tony,” Izzy said as she threw a small square pillow at her brother, missing and hitting Rafael instead.

“Ow!” He moaned.

“Meet me downstairs, kids.”

The three of them moved with the speed of snails as they got up from the places they had slept.

Stella had had enough time to tell Anthony what had transpired in their daughter’s bedroom before the three of them got in the kitchen. The smell of eggs cooking made all three of them sick to their stomachs.

“Have fun?” Anthony laughed.

None of them wanted to even try and answer for fear of vomiting.

Stella and Anthony both just sort of laughed. Their twins were good kids for the most part. Sure, growing up they had caused their share of trouble, been grounded because of their mouths on occasion but they really didn’t party, miss curfew or anything like that.

“Okay, since it’s Friday and Rafael obviously needed to blow off some steam so to speak, the three of you go back upstairs and sleep this off.”

“Seriously, Pop? We’re not grounded?”

“Oh, you’re grounded, Junior, for sure and Rafael as well as long as he’s in our house. You three will be putting up the Christmas decorations this weekend, including the ones on the roof.”

“Can I at least invite Erin over for some extra help?”

“No, ma’am. Just the three of you. You’ll want your rest cause you need to start around 6 in the morning if you have any chance of getting them done by Sunday.”

“Well, can Rafael and I at least go visit his grandparents today?”

“That I will allow,” Anthony said. “He probably needs to go see them, especially after yesterday.”

“Thanks, Anthony. Sorry about…”

“It’s fine. I was young once, too. Oh, and kids, your allowance is paying to replace the beer you drank. How many did you get?”

“12,” Izzy answered her dad.

“And you got that drunk off of 4? Drinking isn’t any of your strong suits, thank god. Now back to bed.”

*****

The three of them marched back upstairs and to their respective rooms. “Izzy I swear you get smaller every time I see you,” Rafael’s grandmother, Catalina laughed as she hugged her.

“I have a mouth and always end up running laps at basketball practice,” she shrugged.

“I read where you scored 15 points in your last game,” his grandfather, Eduardo mentioned as he walked up.

“I was pretty surprised myself,” Rafael teased.

“Dejar a esa chica sola (leave that girl alone),” his grandfather laughed as he playfully smacked him in the back of the head.

“Well, sit down and eat you two. Wait a minute, why aren’t you two in school?” Lina asked.

Rafael told her why they weren’t and she just shook her head.

“No quiero que te hagas el borracho como tu padre (I don't want you becoming a drunk like your father).”

“No voy a la abuelita. Sólo estábamos divirtiéndose un poco (I won’t. We were just having a little fun).”

“Bien. No sé por qué tu madre se queda con ese hombre. Me alegro de que tenga un lugar seguro para aterrizar cuando sea necesario. ¿Por qué no fuiste a casa de tu novia (Okay. I don't know why your mother stays with that man. I'm glad you have a safe place to land when needed. Why didn't you go to your girlfriend's house)?”

“Larga historia, Abuelita (It’s a long story).”

“Sabes, siempre puedes venir aquí si lo necesitas (You know, you can always come here if you need to).”

“Lo sé, abuelito. Gracias pero no me gusta ponerte en el medio más de lo que ya eres (I know, abuelito. Thank you but I don't like putting you in the middle any more than you already are).”

“Estamos siendo groseros. Hablando en español frente a Izzy así (We're being rude. Speaking in Spanish in front of Izzy like this”.

“It’s fine, Lina,” Izzy laughed.

Eduardo and Lina looked at her and both chuckled.

“I’m in my fourth year of Spanish and it is the ‘Honor’ level.”

“Well, excuse us,” Eduardo teased.

“I didn’t understand everything but enough. I asked him the same question.”

“Well, he’s better off staying at your place.”

“My dad grounded him,” Izzy laughed.

“For your little fiesta last night?”

“Exactly, Eduardo.”

“I swear,” he shook his head. “I’m starting to believe you’re a bad influence on my only grandchild.”

“Abuelito,” Rafael groaned.

“She’s knows I’m kidding, nieto.”

The two of them ate way too much before heading back to Brooklyn.

“Why you’re not with her, I will never understand,” Lina whispered as she hugged her grandson.

[as-be-low]

Time Has Changed Me, Chapter 4

You know how it feels, you understand What it is to be a stranger In this unfriendly land Here's my hand Take it, darling And I'll follow you Lead Me On—Bobby Blue Bland

AO3 | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7

When Stanford returned with Stella in tow, he looked somewhere between confused and pissed off. Stella, on the other hand, looked quite content to be hanging onto the other man’s trench coat lapel.

“Didja have fun, little bit?”

“We found the shiny!”

Stan let his eyebrows shoot upwards. “You found the shiny? Was it pretty?”

“Kinda!”

“Well, I’m glad.” He pointedly ignored Ford’s glare as he reached for his kid. He was surprised to find that the man’s arms tightened protectively, automatically, before he relaxed enough to pass her off. Stan smiled despite himself as the girl’s head came to rest against his shoulder. “Was it pretty, Uncle Ford?” he challenged, raising an eyebrow.

“…Remarkably so. Though I must admit, it came as quite a shock, as I was given absolutely no forewarning to process such a sight.”

Really? Was all this because he cried just now? Stanley rolled his eyes. “Don’t see why you’d need it, but at least the two of you had fun, I guess.”

“That would imply a more welcome surprise.”

Stan set his jaw. “You sayin’ it’s bad?”

“No. No.” Ford shook his head vehemently and sighed, running a hand through his fluffy curls. “I just… I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, okay? Least of all—

“Finish that thought later.” Stanley cut the man off, turning slightly away. He would have turned and walked away completely, but it wasn’t as though he had anywhere to actually go, other than his car. Can’t just invite yourself into another man’s house. Not when you’re arguin’ with him. He heard the man shuffle his feet.

“Right. Right. You’re right. Apologies.” Stanley’s nostrils flared briefly and he jerked his chin in acknowledgement. Even he could hear the distinct lack of sincerity.

“You’ve got glitter in your hair.” He mumbled, running a hand across Stella’s head to pick out the flecks. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Stanford aggressively muss his hair and shake his head back and forth, making his hair stand on end. Stan snorted.

“It appears the leprecorn makes its own form of dust. Awful creatures.” Stan was just gonna ignore that.

What in the fuck was a leprecorn, though? No, y’know what, I’m not gonna give him the satisfaction of asking. He settled for eyeing the man until he caught on and had the decency to look sheepish.

“Well. I suppose we should go inside?” Stanley let out a noncommittal grunt but followed behind him all the same.

≈

Ford led his brother through to his—he supposed it could be called a living room, now that he’d removed his equipment—and gestured to a chair. Maybe he should invest in furniture other than his book-laden worktable. It doesn’t matter. He reminded himself as his brother pulled out an empty chair and plopped the child down. He forced a stilted smile; it was bad form to fight your long-estranged brother in front of his toddler, that much he knew.

“Stella, sweetie, I’m gonna go get your crayons ‘n stuff out of the car, okay? Think you can hang tight for a minute?”

“ ‘Kay.” Stan gave Ford a vague jerk of the chin as he walked out. He followed his twin outside, taking care not to slam the door.

“Stanley—”

“Alright, here’s how this is gonna go. Make my kid feel bad about her hands and I’ll punch you in the face. Got it?”

“Punch me in the face? What the actual fuck, Stan? Are you out of your mind? First you treat this like some kind of a—some kind of a joke, and then you have the audacity to talk about me?” Ford bristled.

“Joking? You think I’m joking? I—”

“You turned this into some sort of a game for you to play, because you can’t—”

“My child is not a game, and don’t you dare act otherwise.”

“Stanley, you’re the one who—”

“Oh, I get it. You’re pissed off because I didn’t walk in and go ‘oh, gee. Hello, Ford, this is my daughter and guess what? She’s got hands just like you!’ Well, I’m not gonna make ‘em into a big deal for her, because they’re not. I’m not gonna teach her otherwise by making a big deal about it and having you or anyone else react badly to it, like you are now, and showing her ‘oh, there’s something wrong with this,’ because there isn’t. She’s absolutely perfect the way she is.” Stanley paused, running a hand along his face before gesturing towards Ford, the fingers of one hand straightened and pressed together as he pointed to him. “It’s not a big deal, and people really don’t give a shit about anyone else unless you make them care. Everyone’s more worried about themselves than anyone else. See? You didn’t even notice she’s got the same hands as you because you were too busy worrying about what a baby would think of you. As if she cares. So don’t… Y’know, no one in the diner said anything about your hands, either, ‘cause nobody made it into a big deal for them to notice in the first place. So don’t… Don’t even go there.” With a glare, he turned away from Ford and fumbled in his pocket to unlock the car.

Ford was speechless. His eyes followed Stanley slowly as he rummaged through the backseat, reemerging with a fistful of half-used crayons and various crumpled sheets of paper. He kicked the door shut with his heel and silently stalked inside.

Ford leaned against the side of the car, his hands folded in front of him. He stared down. The door creaked, then slammed shut behind his brother. Damn it. Had he just fucked up? It was likely. He didn’t want to think about that. So Stanley was more cognizant of things than he’d initially thought. It was unsettling. Why, to think that he was capable of any sort of rational thought or foresight?

He was wrong, though. Stanford had never thought poorly of his hands until they’d entered school-age territory and his brother’s nonchalance was drowned out by absolutely everyone else. The world was full of cruel children who grew up to become cruel, ostracizing adults, who then went on to complete the cycle and produce more cruel offspring. Nothing would change. She’d be just as shunned as he was, with the added insult of her father’s casual disregard. It wouldn’t make a difference.

Maybe it would. Had his own parents made it into a non-issue? Or had they preemptively consoled him about his unformed insecurities, as if they themselves needed the reassurance? Who was he kidding? His father didn’t care about consoling him. The man had always made it clear that he had the utmost disdain disinterest in his children, especially if they “served no use” to him. Like Stanley. The number of digits mattered as little to that man as his sons did combined. Fuck. His gaze trailed up towards the front door. He still wasn’t sure that his brother was doing the child any favors. He still wanted to punch him. But why, though? Was he still mad at him? He couldn’t tell. His feelings of anger and betrayal, followed by guilt and shame had colored his perception of the man for years. They probably wouldn’t fade any time soon. Would that I were colorblind, in that respect. He snorted. He should probably head inside.

Ford eased the door open and shut, then headed directly for the kitchen. I’m not avoiding Stanley. Really, he wasn’t—he just needed to clean the mess he’d made earlier. Truly. After all, he did promise to inspect the fridge. He’d also need a list of supplies to gather from the grocery store. From the looks of the fridge, he really hadn’t properly handled grocery shopping in quite some time. Despite his resolve, the sounds from his living room—he’d really have to get used to calling it that, he supposed—lured him to distraction. Faint giggles mixed alongside his brother’s low voice, his words blurred and obscured by the soft, gentle tone he spoke in. Ford didn’t think he’d ever heard Stanley speak so gently. He’d always been entirely rough-and-tumble in his mannerisms, with the boisterous voice to go along with it. He couldn’t imagine Stanley doing anything gently. It was disconcerting. He found himself leaning against the kitchen threshold, peeking across the hallway into the room. Stanley sat hunched, leaning over the table as he watched the child scribble over a sheet of paper. A grin broke across Stanley’s face.

“That’s real good, kiddo. Real nice.”

“Yeah!” The child beamed up at her father, climbing to her knees to bounce in the chair. She picked up a stubby red crayon. “This is gonna be a chicken.”

“A chicken, huh? I bet it’s gonna be the best chicken.”

“Mmm hmm.” She scribbled what looked like a jagged-edged blob from Ford’s vantage point, then dropped the crayon, satisfied. “Daddy, how do you draw a horse?”

Stanley sat up a bit, blinking. “Oh, geez, I dunno, sweetie. Daddy can’t draw as good as you can.” It took all o Dord’s willpower to refrain from correcting him from a distance. “I mean, it’s kinda round like an egg, but with legs?” Yikes, Stan.

“Egg legs?”

“Yeah, somethin’ like that.” Okay, no. That was decidedly not going to fly with Ford. He inched closer to the pair, but stopped short in the proper doorway. Such an intrusion was likely unwelcome. He shouldn’t intrude. But then again, his niece did want to learn to draw a horse… Oh, fuck it, it’s my house. I can go where I want. He eased his way inside the room, clearing his throat.

“I could…help you. To draw a horse. If…If that’s okay.” His eyes eased over to Stanley as he did his best to affect an air of nonchalance, which quickly dissipated as he noticed the smile fade from his brother’s face and the tension ease back in. Shit. Stanley remained quiet for a long beat.

“Whaddya say, Stel?”

“Yeah!” the baby chirped. Ford let out a small sigh of relief. He sidled up to the table why Stanley rearranged the girl’s papers and crayons. He cocked an eyebrow. These weren’t coloring pages, or even blank paper, like he’d initially assumed. These were the backs of various flyers and menus.

His observation was clearly unwelcome, judging by the glare he felt melting the side of his face. He cleared his throat uncomfortably as he leaned into the table. “Let’s see,” he mumbled, “first, we’ll need to work on the body. He took his index finger and pantomimed tracing an oval. She doesn’t want to draw a realistic horse, right? Certainly not. This was a toddler. He watched her scribble a lumpy, oblong shape where he’d traced his finger. Nope. No realistic horses here. And now, you can add in the legs and tail…” Three roughly-hewn lines descended from the lump. “And—” Stanford was cut off by a giggle as his niece wiggled in her seat, reaching for something. A pink crayon? She hastily scribbled over the partially-finished equine, then drew in a smiling face. Does it even have a head? The girl climbed down from the chair to run the few short steps to Stan. She shoved the paper at him, then preoccupied herself with balancing her weight on the leg he’d crossed over his knee.

“Ow. Let’s see what we—ow. Ow. Ow. Okay.” He made a show of examining the paper. “Seriously, Stella, that kinda hurts.”

“Sorry.”

“S’okay, sweetie. Hey, is this a pig? I thought you were gonna draw a horse!”

“No,” she huffed, slapping a small hand against his knee. “It’s a pink horse. ‘Cause it’s magic.”

Ford was appalled. It wasn’t even finished.

“Oh, I get it now.” He hummed appreciatively. “I have to say, this is one for the Stella Book.

The child beamed. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!” She began to chant, bouncing on Stanley’s leg once more. Ford took a wary step back. What in the hell was happening here? Was she normally this active? Was that normal? She’d been much quieter earlier, and when he’d first seen her. Stanley stood and lifted the child, who quickly complained, little legs flailing.

“I wanna get down!”

“I know, kiddo. We’re gonna go outside so you can run around, okay?”

Ford jolted. That was decidedly not a good idea. “Stanley, it’s not safe—”

“You think I can’t watch my own kid?” Something dangerous lingered behind his eyes.

“No. No, I mean—”

“I’ll watch her. Like I always do. I saw you freak out about the woods. I won’t let her go that far out. It’ll be fine.” He gave the child in his arms a quick heft. “Now, c’mon. Let’s burn off all that sugar from breakfast. Hit you faster’n I thought it would.” He headed for the front door, with Ford on his heels like a distraught puppy. This wasn’t a good idea. This was terrible. He’d have to extend the boundary lines out much further than they already were. It’d be a pain to gather the necessary supplies, what with Stanley repeatedly leaving the house without any sort of protection to begin with—

He was brought out of his thoughts by a shriek. His body tensed and he reared up, his posture harried and defensive as his wild eyes darted around their surroundings. "Oh." It was just Stella. Of course. "Running in circles?"

Stan grunted. "Doesn't take much. I lucked out on that one." He stepped off of the porch and stood in the browned grass, feigning an attempt to grab the child as she zoomed by. She looks happy. I guess that’s what’s important here. Peals of laughter filled the air as Ford watched her dart back towards his brother, who scooped her up and held her upside down by the ankles. He doubled over, blowing raspberries against her cheek.

He put on a good front, but Stanford could see the quiet resignation in the lines of Stan’s face. He may not have seen his brother in years, but he knew that look. He saw it often enough in the mirror, if he cared enough to pay particular attention to his reflection. No, Stanley’s face is different now. Certainly not so much that they weren’t easily recognized as twins, but Stanley’s face bore the evidence of several years of hard living. He heard his brother chuckle, bringing his attention back to the identical stranger in his front yard. He doesn’t have to stay a stranger, though. Ford couldn't help the hesitant smile that played at the corners of his lips. Maybe these things could be resolved. It would certainly take time, but he hoped despite himself that the issues between he and Stanley were not insurmountable.

Stanley put the child down and cheered on her attempt at a cartwheel before sidling back up to the porch, leaning a respectable distance away from the other man. Ford held back a sigh, opting to worry his lip between his teeth for a few long moments.

“So…” He trailed away. No. If Stanley had wanted to share anything with him, he would have. As it were, he seemed more than willing to ignore him indefinitely, were that an option. Ford let out a sigh after all.

“No, Ford. You can bring the Spanish Inquisition later.” Ford gaped.

“I wasn’t… At least allow me to ask a few questions. I’m completely in the dark here.”

Stan sighed in response. “Fine.”

“So…” Ford drawled again, searching for a question Stan would likely answer. “How have you been?” Ford winced as soon as the words left his mouth. Stan let out a dry laugh.

“Yikes. Busy, I guess.” He inclined his head towards Stella. “Those things take a lot outta ya.”

“I can imagine.” Ford began drumming his fingers against the side of the porch in a nervous staccato. “Is it…where was she born? Please don’t say New Jersey.” He added the last bit as an afterthought. Stan snorted.

“Hell, no. She was born in San Fran. June 22nd of ’87.” That fond smile returned.

“She’s quite small.” The smile left again.

“Yeah, well, not everybody can be tall, Ford.” He shifted, his hackles rising as Ford raised a hand in placation.

“I didn’t mean anything by it, Stanley, really. She’s just…smaller than I thought?”

Stan sighed. “Yeah.”

Ford had to get this back on track before Stanley shut down completely. “I take it you were there when she was born.”

“You kidding me? I wouldn’t ‘a missed it for all the money in the world. Almost punched the orderly who wouldn’t let me through.” Ford could see that happening.

“Do you have any pictures? I mean… What’s the Stella Book?” He hoped that was amenable.

A long beat of silence followed. Ford brought his hands together and cracked his knuckles, rhythmically lacing and unlacing his fingers as he fidgeted. “I’d love to see what she looked like.”

Stan leaned forward, as though he contemplated not responding, then nodded. “Yeah. Can’t believe you were payin’ attention to all that.” He mumbled under his breath, lingering for a moment longer against the side of the porch before pushing off to amble towards the Stanleymobile.

Well, why wouldn’t I pay attention? Stanford’s eyes tracked his brother as he made his way back to the porch. That car has certainly seen better days. Stanley returned, a worn notebook tucked protectively under his arm. He sat down on the front step, his chin tucked close to his chest as his fingers passed almost reverently over the frayed spiral-bound notebook in his lap. Ford eased himself down beside him, sparing a quick glance at the child currently tugging up his grass. Good. Less to have to have cut come spring. I should probably invest in a goat. He turned his attention back downwards as the notebook was carefully placed into his lap.

“Here.” His brother’s voice was gruff and he quickly looked away. Why was Stanley so uncomfortable? What was there to be uncomfortable about? It was just a baby book, albeit an unconventionally bound one. Ford studied the nondescript front, letting a finger trail along the warped and frayed edge.

“Well? Open it, if you’re gonna.” Stanley groused, one hand on the back of his neck as he stared down at the bottom step.

“…Right.” Ford thought it wise to hold his tongue for once. He cracked open the notebook and a smile slowly spread across his features. “D’awwww,” he teased, gently nudging the man beside him.

“Give it back if you don’t like it.”

Ford blinked. “That’s… That’s not what I meant. At all.”

“Yeah, well…”

Ford paused. Should he give the notebook back? Or would that be considered an insult? He couldn’t understand why Stanley was so keyed up over something so inconsequential. His curiosity won out, ultimately, and he began to pore over the pages in front of him. He studied a slightly younger Stan cradling a little pink bundle in his arms, looking equal parts lost, terrified, and thrilled. In another photo, his brother’s eyes watered as the newborn in his arms opened her eyes, presumably for the first time, and stared up at him. Beside it, tears streamed down his brother’s scruffy, bruised cheek as a miniscule hand pulled his pinky to her mouth. Was that a black eye he spotted? Why is he bruised up here?

“Quit lookin’ at the sappy ones. The nurse took those.” Stan interrupted with a grunt, unable to hide the affection in his voice despite its brusqueness. Ford ignored his directions and laughed at his brother pulling faces as an unimpressed and sleepy infant ignored him. He watched Stanley’s expression shift to sheer panic in the next photo as a tiny fist latched on to his long hair while a second pair of hands entered the frame, trying to coax the little hand open. I bet that must’ve been a handful. Ford snorted to himself.

He shuffled through more photos, stamping down his feelings of concern as the buckled notebook paper crackled with each turn from the cheap glue that bound the photos to its pages. He paused to frown at one photograph in particular. Stella was strapped into the backseat of the Stanleymobile, seatbelts crisscrossing across her as she slept, suckling on a hospital-issued pacifier.

“You took her home without a car seat.”

Stan had the gall to look affronted. “She’s fine. Look at her, she’s buckled up twice and she’s covered in pillows. Obviously she’s fine, since she’s right over there, and all.”

“Stanley, it’s important that young children have car seats to ensure proper safety. And that’s one pillow.” He scolded. Stanley rolled his eyes and turned away, mumbling under his breath.

“Since when did you become a baby expert? She’s got a car seat now, ain’t she?” Ford frowned, but bit back on his reply. He needed to change the subject to something…something else.

“What’ve you been up to? I mean, you’re living in San Francisco? That must be nice.” Ford couldn’t help the hopeful tone that crept into his voice. Stanley shook his head.

“Nah, Stella was just born there.”

“So where are you now?”

“Gravity Falls, Oregon.”

Ford let out a huff. “You know what I meant.”

Stanley shifted his weight, resting his arms on his thighs as he stared out. “All over the place. Been moving around a lot, picking up odd jobs here and there.”

“Jobs like what?”

“Does it really matter?”

“I’d like to think so.”

Stanley sighed through his nose, a long, drawn-out noise. “Just… Little odd shit here and there when I find it. Nothin’ special, nothin’ in particular.” He shrugged.

“But where are you living now?”

“Ford. Just here ‘n there, like I said, I move around a lot. Never stay in one place too long. Doesn’t matter.”

“I think it does.” Why wouldn’t he just tell him?

“Not to me. Just… Let it go, alright? Please.”

Ford blinked away his frustration. “Alright. Okay.” Something was wrong. He would find out what. Of that, he was certain.

“Sometimes I box.” Stanley added after several long moments.

“You still keep it up?”

Stan shrugged again. “It’s what I’m good at.”

“…Right.” Ford looked back down and flipped the page of the notebook, causing a lone sheet of paper to flutter out. He caught the page and held it out, frowning as he turned it upside down. “And what’s this supposed to be?”

“Shit if I know. She was like two.” Ford flipped the page over. Sure enough, in the margin of a diner’s menu, Stanley had carefully written Purple Cloud Thing by Stella, 1y 8mo. He put the sheet of paper back and continued to flip through the pages. Bath time in what looked like a dingy, generic tub. What might’ve been first steps or a first attempt at standing, with Stella clutching a stiff, mass-produced bed spread. Stella on a green patterned carpet with what looked like spaghetti in her hair and across her face, and a plastic microwave dinner tray in front of her.

Ford swallowed. His tongue was thick and dry. He flipped through more pictures of Stella grinning from her backseat seatbelt prison. “She’s absolutely adorable.” He managed a chuckle despite his growing alarm. These were all motel rooms. His brother’s child was growing up from the backseat of a car. Fuck. His worries were worse than he anticipated. His brother was homeless. But you already figured as much. That his brother had a child, who was, by extension, also homeless, left him with a sharp ache he hadn’t been prepared for. Couldn’t have been prepared for. He turned the notebook’s cramped pages and stared without seeing as his mind raced, his eyes unfocused as they trailed slowly over iterations of his homeless niece’s face. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.

He heard Stanley shift, letting out a puff of air. “Spit it out.”

“I—What?”

“I can see that brain ‘a yours goin’ a mile a minute. Whatever it is, just go on and ask it already. You’re gonna do it, anyway, so go on.”

“Where were these pictures taken?” Ford saw his brother’s hackles rise in his peripheral vision. “I mean, where were you living here?” he quickly amended.

“Don’t really remember. Like I said, we move around a lot. Don’t make this into a big deal.” Stanley warned.

“Can’t I just want to know what you’ve been doing for the past several years? Is that so unreasonable?”

“Kinda, yeah, considering.”

That stung. That really stung. Ford wasn’t sure how to respond to that, or if he should. He’s probably right, though. Ford slumped slightly and leaned forward on his haunches, sparing a glance at his brother from the corner of his eye. The man had taken to hiding behind his hair, sitting similarly hunched.

Ford let out a huff to cut through the silence.

“I still forgot to get groceries.”

Stan snorted. “Seriously? You just... You had the ability, but you just managed to not buy food? Do you have anything?”

“I…may have used the last of the viable options this morning in my unsuccessful attempt to prepare a suitable breakfast.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Ford.”

“You say that as though it’s completely unusual.”

“You think it’s not?” Stan shook his head as though to clear his mind. “Y’know what? Never mind. Just…get in the car.”

“What?”

“Whaddya mean, ‘what?’ You got a car?”

Ford wrinkled his nose. “Well, no. You know that.”

“Then I’m drivin’ you to the grocery store.” He paused, eyeing Ford oddly. “You do know how t’get us there, right?”

Ford sighed. “Yes. Yes, I do. I can get us there.” Stan wasn’t going to let him live his isolation down, was he?

“I’ll hold you to that.” Stan buried his hands deep into the pockets of his ratty jacket and stood, various joints cracking and popping as he moved. Both twins let out a hiss. How had that thing not fallen apart by now? Ford thought it impossible for the thing not to have dry rotted by now. No, this one is different. There isn’t a…a burn hole in the shoulder. One that I put there.

Ford’s expression quickly darkened in shame. He did that. He’d branded his brother. He’d—

“Well?” Stanley shifted his weight from foot to foot, keys jingling in his pocket as he wiggled his hands in agitation. “Are we going or not?”

“Right.” Stanford stood with a mild grimace of his own. They’d have to choose better seating arrangements in the future, though he’d have to worry himself with that later. For now, he’d focus more on keeping his foot out of his mouth and the tenuous relationship with his brother afloat. That, and not getting them lost on the way to the supermarket. It really had been a while.

This took a looot longer than I wanted it to, but life happens that way sometimes! As an aside, I should make a playlist of the songs I keep putting in the chapter titles and summaries. That would make sense. Yeah. Also, I somehow managed to post this to here but forgot to post to AO3. Too busy getting ready for Valentine's Day, I guess.

[winstonhcomedy]

“Dope A-F” - 5/15-5/26 - “Saving The Environment, A Raffle, Woman Of The Year, Fire In Pittsburgh, Canon and Draw, The After Show, Punk Rock and The Winstmas Games, and Annapolis”

Boom another week down and another round of shows to write about. Don’t you wish you comedy was hot like me! OOOOOOO WEEEE LAYDEES! It is time to get down to the nitty gritty of it and talk about some hot ass shows!

5/15

I had a few shows this night. I was not ready for one of them even a little bit. Sarah Ahmed had booked me to do a set in front of the league of conservation voters. She told us to do political/environmental based material for 5 to 7 minutes. I took this to heart and worked really hard to try to come up with something. So I planned to propose a New Green New Deal with a primary focus on farts effects on the environment.

The show was at Blue Bee Cider and it was gong to be early in the night at around 5:30. So I got off work and headed straight there. When I got there Sarah pulled in behind me and I helped her set up. I also got to meet her father in law, and we all had a good conversation. I told her how nervous I was and she told me it was going to be fine.

I relaxed for a bit as more comics showed up. Anne Meng, Grace Manno, Kate Carroll, Jesse Hill Jr, and Mu were all on the show. Grace and I both had a drawing component in our bit, so she decided to tell a story about her crazy upbringing by eco warriors.

The conservation voters started to show up, and it actually started to fill up pretty nicely. Sarah is dressed as Earth. The show starts and they are definitely not an audience into comedy. Sarah does a bit where she is complaining about how hot it is and she is smoking a cigarette.. Each comic goes up and keeps trying to crack them open. No one does horribly, but it is just weird. Everyone was trying ecological humor, and some of it hits, but then they’d transition into their acts and it just felt weird and off. People got laughs, but they deserved more than they got.

Mu went up before me and he did what I should have done. He did about 45 seconds of ecological material and then said screw it and just did his act. They definitely responded to this better than anyone else. He had the best set of the night, and a lot of that was due to him not really restricting himself to doing 5 minutes of jokes he wrote that week. Definitely a solid set.

I went up next and by all outside accounts I did well. It felt horrible to do. My bit involved me pretending I just found out about climate change so I had to do something drastic to try and fix it. I came up with a taxable fart chart of all farts we should tax. This color coded pie chart included, old people farts, dog farts, cow farts, my farts, queefs (female only tax but only at 70% of regular tax), and Donald Trump’s farts. This got a laugh and was silly, but the tags I did after didn’t really work. I think they truly believed I didn’t know what climate change was.

I then went into another part where I explained that since we can’t tax cows we needed to murder them all to save the planet. This would create jobs since I would be training highly skilled assassins to kill the cows (Calf Team Six). I then had a drawing of a cow farting with a birthday cone hat on. Then I showed another drawing of me killing the cow with a series of guns, swords, and a nuclear bomb. I had also stolen the birthday cap in this drawing. All in all I am very proud of it. I did 5 minutes of environmental material, and even though it didn’t hit as hard as I wanted at all. People paid attention, and on the video it got some nice laughs.

I then just did 5 minutes of my material. That started off weak because it switched up the energy. I closed strong with a teaching joke, and every time I shit on myself and the room for not liking comedy it got a laugh as well. This is the most solid of a C I can give myself. I challenged myself to write and do something different and it succeeded. I now have more confidence to accept and do gigs like this. I could have gotten a better response if I had just done material and crowd work, but I am so proud I didn’t.

Some people talked to me about the show afterwards. They seemed to enjoy it quite a bit. Sarah reassured me it went better than I felt it did. I truly did not feel good at all about it until I rewatched it later. While on stage it felt like I was drowning in the water from a million melted ice caps. After I packed up I found out the second mic I was going to go to was cancelled, and that the other one I could have done had already started.

So I decided to head over to En Su Boca to eat with Bryan Williams and Alex Castagne. Bryan and I talked for about 40 minutes while we waited for our table to be ready. We sat down and Alex showed up about another 30 minutes later. I ordered some delicious wings, and chips. They got a burrito and tacos. After this Alex headed back to his place and Bryan and I headed to the only mic left tonight at Home Sweet Home.

I get there and it is the first night Jason Kusterer will be hosting. It is a pretty good turnout of comedian, but there is almost no audience. He decides to start it about 20 minutes late while waiting for comedians to get there. A lot of people show up including John Thomas, Bryan, Brandon, Alex, Tom Hall, and a lot of others. It is a super fun hang, and Jason has the meeting and asks if I mind going first. I tell him sure, and get my set ready.

We go upstairs and the comics fill in the room. There are a few new faces, and maybe three or four noncomics. Jason goes first and does ok before bringing me up. I go up and work on new stuff. Everything gets a good response, and I am really loving how these jokes are working out. I think I am a few weeks away from getting these jokes kind of done. I’d give this set a B. Everything worked even though it was just comics. I get off stage and watch the next few comics.

There was a queer German born comic who was on her way back from doing a comedy festival down south. She had some good stuff, and you could tell she was doing her tightest five. It worked and the people really dug it. This was shaping up to be a good ass show.

I grab my stuff and head downstairs. I said my goodbyes and handed out some hugs. I then hopped in my car and got out of there asap.

5/16

The next night I was returning to Kindred Spirit Brewing out in Goochland. My friend Stella who came and checked out my headlining spot a month ago was on this month’s show. I had asked for a guest spot on it since there were no open mics this night.

I get there super early and I have no idea how the show is going to go. It is a benefit for the Leukemia, and Lymphoma society. They are expecting a pretty big crowd so I am ready for it. My buddy John Marg is hosting it so I know it will at least be a fun hang.

Mike Ward runs the whole thing and he shows up and says one of the other comics has dropped out so he asked me to close out the show. I humbly obliged. We are getting closer and closer to show time and people are starting to pile in. I think at the show’s peak there was about 100 people in there.

They were also doing a raffle to get people to donate money, and buy tickets. People were also a little rowdy. This was a benefit, but they definitely came to have fun. John goes up first and sets the mood. He has a good hosting set, and draws a few raffle prizes. He makes sure everyone is paying attention before he brings up the first comic.

The first dude is some guy who used to do comedy a long time ago. He goes up and does 15 and gets a really good response. A lot of the jokes are things that I feel like I have heard or seen on memes, but honestly that doesn’t really matter to this crowd. He gets some really big laughs, and had them going throughout the set. He did well.

After this Mike goes up and he struggles a bit. He has a hard time getting them to pay attention. His set goes for about 20 minutes and people just seem kind of disinterested in the show, and are getting pretty loud in the back. He is working hard, and gets some laughs, but you could tell people had come to specifically see the previous dude.

Then Stella goes up. She was supposed to do 17+ but she ended up doing about 12 or 13. This was a completely different type of room for her. It was a big crowd, they were drunk, rowdy, and you had to be able to work to get them. She definitely learned a lot, and some stuff worked. Super dope she took this gig though. These are the types of gigs I used to take all the time when I started. Low or no paying, rowdy, crowd not really into comedy, and just having to work your ass off. It makes you more versatile and helps to make you bulletproof.

By this point it is looking bleak. People are leaving, it is towards the ned of the show, they have a few raffle prizes left, and it is getting late. I am foaming at the mouth to get on stage and just get it over with. I told John to light me at 15 because I only had to do 20 and I wanted to be able to get off as soon as I was ready.

I go up and just go right into crowd work. I address how loud everyone is. I start talking about how people change during raffles. How it makes you want to kill the people who win. Especially if they win more than one thing. This gets people involved. I directly address the people in the back, and the people talking and that gets some laughs as well. I am kind of on a roll. So I use the first 10 or so minutes only on crowd work. It is destroying.

After this I get the raffle girl who was named “woman of the year” for god knows what. I then draw two raffle tickets. They are both won by the same dude. I am selling my surprise and it is destroying. He actually poses in front of me to take pictures and I give the camera the finger. My fake frustration is really selling it all.

I then draw one last raffle ticket and read everything up until the last number. I then put it in my back pocket and make them wait for the end of my set. I then do 15 minutes of new material with a few pauses to keep crowd involved. Everything works, and honestly it was a great set. I finish and get a good response. I’d give this set an A. I really rose to the occasion and am super proud of this set.

Afterwards I talk comedy with Stella and John for a bit. I then get everything together and talk to some people. We take some photos and I find out they raised a good amount of money which feels awesome. I then grab my stuff and head home because I am exhausted.

5/17

The next night I am booked to headline a show in Charlottesville at The Guerrilla Theatre hosted by Heather Kilburn. The lineup is Heather, Ben Wasserman (NYC), Sam Padgett, Kate Carroll, Brandon Beswick and myself. I get there early to set up my camera and chill.

It is a small black box theatre. People started to show up and we realized it was going to be a fun, lively, and intimate show. We are all hanging in the back and you can tell Heather is nervous because it is her first time hosting a standup show.

We get about 30 people in a room that seats 40, and she decides to start the show. She gets the crowd in the mood, and feels them out. Then she brings up Ben. Ben does mostly audience participation/crowd work. He also started his set off with a song parody. Def had an alt vibe, and the audience seemed to enjoy it. It was a good opening set.

After him went Sam and then Kate. They both weaved in and out of having home on their side, losing them, and then getting them back. It was fun to watch. Then Brandon went up and had a really strong set. He had some bit hit harder than I’d heard them hit for a long time. He closed crazy strong and I knew I had to bring it.

I went up and had to work to win them over up top. Stuff was going over ok, and each joke did better than the last. I finally started to do really well in the middle. I had a hot first 25 and then I had to start checking my notes because of how much old and new stuff I was doing. People were really enjoying it and the last 10 went well as well. My closer hit pretty hard and I’d give this whole set a B-. Cool I was able to do 25 without crowd work, and without checking my notes. It was also cool that some of the newer bits are really coming into their own.

After the show all the comics and audience left, but Heather had made pasta for anyone that wanted any. I hung out with her, her step dad, her sister, and some of her friends/fellow improvisors for about an hour. It was a really fun way to unwind. I then decided to drive straight to Fairfax to stay at Tjs place since we were leaving in the morning to go to Pittsburgh.

5/18

The next morning I woke up and TJ and I went to go grab lunch while we waited for Kevin Tit (DC comic) who was going to ride up with us to Pittsburgh. We decided to go to Freddy’s Steakburgers, and I absolutely fell in love. I got a bacon cheeseburger, a half and half shake, and a large fry and some fry sauce. I ate every last piece of it. TJ and I both destroyed our burgers. I hadn’t had a fast foot burger that good in a very long time.

During this time Kevin messaged the group chat and said he wasn’t going to make it so TJ and I grabbed out stuff and headed on the road. It was about a four hour ride up there. We talked comedy, listened to music, I napped a bit, and we stopped for some candy on the way up. The time went by pretty quickly. The craziest thing I saw was on the side of the road near Pittsburgh there was a car engulfed in flames. I had never seen anything like it in person. You could see the smoke from like a mile away.

We got to the venue and parked in the garage before going inside of the Arcade Comedy Theatre. We were there super early. We went in the green room  and just chilled. TJ passed out and I started dumping video files from my camera, and clearing off space on my laptop. The dude working the sound booth gave us a tour of the venue and it is a killer space with an upstairs and a downstairs room.

The first comic showed up. Her vibe was throwing me off. She was nice, but seemed aloof. Was making comments that honestly were stressing me the hell out. She was saying things like I always run the light, I don’t know what I’m doing, and stuff like that. I don’t know, but I was fraeking. Then she mentioned how new she was to comedy and it made me feel instantly better. My knee jerk anxiety had now subsided, and I was just super excited for the show.

The rest of the comics showed up including Robert Punchur and the host Ed Bailey. They usually have a brewery sponsor the show and have some free beer for the audience but apparently some comics and the brewery bailed. So we all got to do a little more time. Two other comics showed up to hang out and they were pretty cool too. It was a fun hang.

the show started and there was a pretty good crowd there. They were tight and you had to work. Ed went up and did well with some crowd work. Then the female comic went up and got some laughs as well.

I went up and had a super fun set. I was able to crack the audience. I did 15 without notes and crowd work. I was able to float in and out of my material and got some super good pops. Some things didn’t kill, but they did get the audience looser. I’d give my set a B.

After me was Robert and he did about 20 and did well. Then TJ went up and worked his butt off. He closed with like 25 and worked new in with old. It was a super fun show. Afterwards we hopped right in his car and headed back. We arrived at his place at like 3 am and we passed right out! A super fun trip.

5/20

This night was pretty laid back. I was doing the Southern’s open mic. I got there a little early. I wasn’t feeling great but I got some hanging out in. I grabbed a burger with Alex, Paige, and Chris.

I was going up fifth. I tried some newer stuff and it worked ok. Nothing killed. There wasn’t a huge crowd. some of the new stuff I tried to work out. I’d give my set a D.

I left pretty quickly after this because of how bad I was feeling. All in all it wasn’t that memorable of a night. It was pretty disappointing, but I was excited for our show there Friday.

5/22

I had a couple shows this night. I was booked by Melissa Harris and Dylan Vattelana for their first showcase at Canon and Draw in Richmond. I was super stoked. They were going to be using my PA system for the show so I headed right over after work.

I got there about 4:15 and brought all of my stuff in. I then did some video editing while I waited for Dylan and Melissa to get there. Once they arrived we set up the PA and she took a few pictures. Then we just hung out and waited for the audience to get there. Dylan and I played Mario Kart Double Dash, and people started to come in.

The format was going to be Dylan hosting then Anthony Thompson, myself, and then Kate Carroll for the showcase. Then after that there would be an open mic. By the time Dylan went up there was a really good sized crowd there. This was going to be fun. There was two people who were there when we set up and said they were staying for comedy since they were from out of town (Austin). They then they left almost immediately when Dylan started.

The only problem was that you could barely hear Dylan. We had done  a sound check at the beginning, but we had done it with both speakers set up. Melissa and Dylan had taken one down because they wanted the logo in the pictures. This is fine, but we didn’t recheck sound.

So after Dylan’s set we adjusted it, and Anthony went up. He had a very strong set. He got people’s attention, and his jokes were hitting which is a killer combo. The show was really rolling at this point.

Then it was my turn. I went up, and tried to get the crowd back into my rhythm. I started a little slow, but I didn’t want to do crowd work for this set. I wanted them to like my jokes. Luckily they did. I was able to get all of my material going. It was all hitting, and I managed to close pretty strong. This was a solid B set. I did about 16 minutes and I wish I could have gone longer.

Kate went up after me and she had her lulls, but she was able to get them back. The open mic was next. From what I heard everybody on the mic was having a solid set. The audience stayed, and that’s always a good sign.

I went outside and some audience members came outside and talked to us about how good the show was. They gave us a lot of compliments and it was a good vibe.

Anthony and I had a nice long talk about comedy. What we want to do with it, and where we want to go. It was nice to catch up and just shoot the shit for a while.

When the show ended a table talked to me about my set. I got some follows on social media, and they mentioned wanting to do a brunch show sometime and I told them they definitely should. I said my goodbyes and turned around and saw that Dylan and Melissa had already packed up my stuff. I got John Marg to help me take it to my car before heading over to McCormacks.

I get to McCormacks and it is an ok crowd. The comics in the back were all mostly knew and were already kind of in a conversation so I sat off to the side. I got my set ready because I was going first.

Jessie went up and had an ok set. The crowd was paying attention but they were small. I just wanted to get some new stuff out and see what worked. He calls me up and I was really pleased with my open mic set. It was all you can ask for in a mic. I’d give it a B-. People paid attention, I got some good pops, and I know where to take my jokes. I said goodbye and headed straight home.

5/23

My mental health was taking a deep dive all week. This was when it started to get really rough. I had wanted to get caught up on the blog this day, but I kept telling myself no one wanted to read it and I should just give it up. So I put it off another day.

I had two open mics this day though so I had to keep my head up and be ready to work through some material. The first was at The Camel. Jameson was hosting, but was letting Patrick Buhse host the second half of the show.

I got there early and did some writing. Francesca, Jarvis, Buhse, Muñoz, Jameson, Kusterer, Richard Woody and a few others showed up. We were all hanging out, and I really needed it. They had no idea how these interactions really were helping my mental health.

Kusterer and Jarvis were the headliners, and there was a couple comics before them. I was so in my own head that I didn’t get to enjoy Jarvis and Kusterer’s sets the way I wanted to. Kusterer kept pretending to be the bouncer, but the crowd was kind of dead. He got some pops, and he kept playing with the light Jameson was using. Jarvis then went up and did his act, but the whole crowd was just weird.

Buhse started the next part and then it was my turn. I went up and bombed my dong off. I got maybe a few laughs. I couldn’t connect, and I was just trying to get the wording right.  I’d give this set a D-. It felt like absolute shit.

I then headed over to Penny Lane to hang out and destress. Eventually a few other comics showed up. Anthony and Beswick were there. Along with Stella. We were all shooting the shit and enjoying it. Then out of nowhere Jericho Davidson (NYC) showed up. He’s a super dope dude and comic. He was down for a show that weekend and came in a night early to hang. It was super dope to see him and joke around.

The show started and Muñoz said I was after him. Muñoz did some crowd work and got a lady on stage with him and had her singing. it was incredibly crazy and weird. I could tell this was going to be a rough show. When I went up I couldn’t connect. I felt like half of my stuff worked. None of it hit as hard as it should have. The only joke that worked was the one I closed with about rough sex. I get off stage and go in the back. Then Beswick goes up and has the same luck. He didn’t do so hot either.

We then both watch Stella. She bombs too, but the best part was some woman said she wasn’t funny so she just started talking about how she thought the woman had on an ugly dress. The audience hated her for it. It was her first experience with that and she felt terrible. We told her it happens, and it was a learning experience. After shooting the shit a little bit more I headed home. I had a long day at work the next day (subbing in a different program), my head was in a shitty space, and I needed rest.

5/24

This was a show I had been looking forward to until this week. Honestly I was in a horrible place all week and was worried this show was going to be terrible. Tonight was The After Show. This is the politically focused show hosted by Chris Alan. I am the fact checker, and the dude who gives them the topics. 

The lineup was a fun one. We had Anne Meng, Kenn Edwards, Sam Padgett, and Will Jones (local barber/small business owner/activist). I got to the show early because I was in a bad headspace. I was super nervous because I had a falling out with a comic over a sensitive issue. Luckily we made up shortly before the show started. So that relieved a lot of my anxiety.

I was nervous because it was Memorial Day weekend that we would not have a very large crowd. I was right. It was the most poorly attended show we have put on in the main room. I would say we had about 30 people there. Which isn’t awful, but was extremely disappointing. 

We finally decided to start the show. I brought everyone out and we jumped right into it. The first ten minutes or so it was weird. Honestly the vibe in the room was everyone was super uptight. it felt like this was going to be a super shitty show. We couldn't get a single big pop, and Chris was rubbing people the wrong way. I don’t think the audience knew what to make of the show.

I finally broke through and got a huge pop when we were talking about Ayesha Curry’s comments. This led to the show turning out to be amazing. It was equal parts hilarious, heartfelt, informative, and important. We covered a lot of ground. We talked about the KKK coming to Dayton and tied it back into what happened in Charlottesville last year, the Alabama abortion bill, gay rights in Africa, and a lot of others. I’d give the whole show a B. It was way better than it had any right to be. the crowd bought into it and we had a blast. 

After the show I got a lot of compliments from people about how I did. I was able to get a lot of pops on my jokes, and still able to steer the conversation. It felt really good to do. Also got told that like 15 minutes into the show a dude tried to get his money back. He was a Trump supporter and he thought the show was going to be way more focused on comedy instead of half and half. The crazy thing is I think we said Trump’s name once during the whole show. He wasn’t the focus. 

Chris and I both try to not make this a show of division. We almost never talk about political parties at all. We just talk about our own opinions, and the issues. We have guests of different backgrounds on to make sure multiple sides are represented. Just really funny to have a Trump guy be a snowflake for once. On a side note I am not mad he left. He did the right thing. If you don’t like the show leave. He didn’t interrupt, and he wasn’t rude. Which is a lot more than I can say for a lot of the SJWs who get upset at a joke. 

We hung out outside for a little bit, and I talked to Kenn therapy. I need to get my head better, and honestly this week was the final straw. I have a lot of work to do in my life. I don’t want to miss out on some of the best things in my life just because I am stubborn and not seeing a therapist who can actually help me. 

5/25

The next day I feel like dogshit. The only positive is I have a show at Castleburg Brewery in RVA. I am getting to do an episode of The Winstmas Games which I am super stoked about. Then that will be followed by a concert by The Alex Jonestown Massacre.

I get there pretty early and start to get everything ready. I am just trying to distract my brain from all of the bad thoughts so I do some video editing and writing. Eventually Kenn, Pat Miller, and Mike Engle (comics/members of AJM) show up and set up for the concert. 

There isn’t a crowd at all, but I am still hopeful it is going to be fun. I help set up, and get the games ready for the podcast. The teams are AJM vs Brandon Beswick, Amita Rao (improviser), and Jason Kusterer.

Brandon has to leave by 8 to get to his Improv show. So that meant we couldn’t do a super long episode, which honestly was ok with me. At around 7:15 we got started because we actually had about a dozen people there. Which is a fine sized crowd for me. At 7 we had nobody other than a couple coworkers who came out. It was dope to have their support. 

The show was actually insanely good. It was one of the funnier episodes I had done and it made me wish I could do it live every week. It was about a 40 minute episode and it got laughs all the way through. Everybody did really well, and I had some true belly laughs. It is such a fun feeling to get this show to work. I’d give it a B+ all the way around. 

I then hung out and watched the concert. It was really fun. I hadn’t seen them in a super long time. It was just so nice to not have bad stuff on my mind. Unfortunately as soon as the show ended they all came rushing back. After the show Kenn talked to me about this meditation app. I decided that it was worth a shot. He told me what to email them and I got a free year to use it. Hopefully I am able to make an even bigger change in my life. I am determined to be ok with myself, and work towards fulfillment. I am tired of feeling this way. 

I say my goodbye’s and head home. I have one more show this weekend and it is in Annapolis. I know it is going to be a long day tomorrow

5/26

The next day I wake up at around 9. I do my first day of meditation and I actually enjoy it. I know it is going to take al to of work to maintain it, but I am willing to do anything to help.  I then go take a nap for an hour or so. I wake up and head to Chris Alan’s house. He is going to drive us up to Annapolis for our show at Harvest restaurant hosted by Matt Brown. 

I get to Chris and we head out. We have an argument about Albanese gummy bears. He had posted online they were terrible, but I told him that his favorite gummy bears (7-11 brand/Sheetz brand) is just repackaged Albanese. He didn’t believe me. So we bought a bag of each and I made him do a taste test in the car. You have no idea how satisfying it was for him to eat them both and have to begrudgingly say they are the same and he actually likes Albanese better than Haribo. 

He always makes food posts on fb to upset people. So he told me he was going to do an apology one which I can’t wait for. So now I have something to look forward to for the next  few days. 

We talk about music, life, comedy, my depression, and all other things on the way up there. It is a nice peaceful drive and we don’t hit a ton of traffic. Then we get into Annapolis it is giving us a bit of anxiety. The streets are all really narrow, there isn’t a lot of parking, and there are a ton of people out. 

We finally get a spot right in front of the venue and we walk around,. We go look at the shops, restaurants, and the water. After walking around a bit we meet Matt at the venue. We go in and order some food. Chris got wings and fries, and I went with the carne asada. They both looked really good, and mine tasted good too. We then head upstairs to get ready for the show. 

It is crazy hot this day, and the venue’s air conditioning was not working at all. So it was brutal upstairs. We wait an extra fifteen minutes for the show to fill in and then we start it up. Matt goes up and gets the crowd going. IT takes him a bit, but they start to warm up. Then there is a female comic who I don’t remember who goes up, and she is followed by a dude I’ve never met before. The girl doesn’t do too hot, and the dude had a pretty strong set. He got the ball rolling. 

After him was Jamie Benedi who I think is a super funny/weird joke writer. I was curious to see how this day drunk Memorial Day weekend crowd would dig him. They did not vibe with him at all. The jokes were great, but they just didn’t get on his wave length and couldn't connect. 

After he got off it was my turn and I used the first few minutes to kind of rest the room. I just did crowd work, and got them to get on my side. I was working my ass off. I was getting laughs all the way throughout, but there was one dude who seemed super drunk and seemed to not care about what I was saying at all. My material did ok, and I was doing really well in the middle. I closed weaker than I wanted, but it was all in all a pretty good set. I’d say it was a solid B. 

After me Chris went up and had a super hot one. He leaned in with his material and did a lot of crowd work. I always feel so dumb when I don’t do crowd work for my whole set, because I know I could have killed harder. All of Chris material and crowd work went over great. He is a killer comic and always a blast to watch.

There was supposed to be a big storm so we left as soon as he got off stage. We had a nice and peaceful drive back. We talked about the show and his upcoming show doing Tuesdays With Stories live at the Comedy Cellar at Village Underground. It was a great ride, and helped me stay occupied. After getting back to his place I drove home, and tried to fall asleep. Although I was having a hard time. I eventually passed out

I DID IT I DID IT! I didn’t let my depression keep me from doing the blog. I had the next two days off. They weren’t the best days, but I am so hopeful for my mental health. I’m taking a lot of the right steps and trying to make things right in my life. 

The meditation is really helping me a lot. I also exercised. I think I have decided that until I figure out these issues a move isn’t in my best interest. I need to fix me before I start moving hundreds of miles away from my support system. This was a tough decision to come to, but I came to it for a ton of reasons. This is what I need to do and I am very happy with that decision. 

Thanks for everything. I love you all very much. I am not going to miss out on the dopest thing in my life. So I’ve got to get this right. LOVE YOU LAYDEES!!!!