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[logansargeantsbabymom]

None Of This Is Your Fault.

Brian "Otis" Zvonecek x Fem!Firefighter!Reader

A/N: Sorry that I've been so inactive, I know this is no excuse but I school started and my job is starting to get into it's busy season and to my luck I managed to tear my meniscus and I've been in so much pain so writing has been the least of my concerns. I am getting surgery on Thursday so I will be writing more soon. For now, please enjoy my new fic.

This is a 20 chapter story and I've put 10 chapters in one fic. It's a lot but this is my apology for being inactive.

Chapter 1:

Five years. That’s how long I’ve been with Brian. It feels like a lifetime and just a blink at the same time. We met in the most unconventional of ways—running into each other during a late-night call, both of us soaked in sweat, soot smeared across our faces, the smell of smoke thick in the air. It wasn’t the most romantic setting, but maybe that’s why it worked. There was no need for pretenses between us. We were both drawn to the fire, the adrenaline, the chaotic beauty of our work. And somehow, through the chaos, I found him.

Brian “Otis” Zvonecek—my partner in every sense of the word. He’s not the guy who sweeps you off your feet with grand gestures or sweet talk. No, Brian is the guy who shows up every single day. He’s steady. Kind. Funny in the way that only he can be, with those ridiculous puns and the way his face lights up when he thinks he’s landed a good one. It’s impossible not to laugh when he’s around, and God, that’s what I love most about him—he makes everything lighter, even when the world feels heavy.

But these days, the world is feeling a little heavier than usual.

We’ve both been working nonstop—Firehouse 51 is like a second home, though lately, it feels more like a first. There’s something comforting about the firehouse, the constant hum of activity, the sound of the trucks rumbling to life, the distant chatter of my crew—no, my family. And Brian? He’s always been at the center of it all. Our relationship bloomed in this place, surrounded by the people who understand what we go through every day.

I remember the early days with him so clearly. It started as a few casual glances across the engine bay, nothing serious at first. Just an awareness of him. His laugh was what caught me. The way he threw his head back, completely unguarded, while the rest of us were tense and wired after a tough call. He had this way of letting it all roll off his back, and I admired that.

It wasn’t long before we were partnered on every shift, making excuses to grab dinner after. One night, after a particularly tough rescue, he suggested we go for wings. I was exhausted, drained, and covered in soot, but something in his voice made me agree. I needed that—something normal, something grounding. We sat in that little corner booth, devouring spicy wings, laughing about the ridiculousness of our lives. It was simple, but it was the first time I felt like I had found something real. Something worth holding onto.

That’s how we’ve always been—just us, grounded in the simplicity of being together. No grand romantic gestures, no pressure to be anything other than who we are.

And for five years, it worked. I always felt secure with Brian. Sure, we’ve had our share of arguments—what couple doesn’t?—but they were always small, petty things. We’d bicker about who forgot to fill the gas tank or who left the towels on the floor, but those disagreements never lasted long. We were always able to laugh it off, make a joke, and move forward.

Lately, though, I’ve been different. Not us—me. I feel it deep inside, like there’s something pulling me away, pulling us apart. I don’t know why, but these past few months, things that shouldn’t bother me do. Things that used to make me laugh now irritate me. And sometimes, when the irritation boils over, I lose control in a way I never have before.

Brian doesn’t say it, but I can tell he’s worried. He’s always watching me now, his brown eyes searching for some sign that I’m still the same Y/N he fell in love with. But the truth is, I don’t feel like the same person anymore, and that scares me more than I care to admit. The outbursts come out of nowhere—sudden, violent flashes of anger—and then, just as quickly, they’re gone, like they never happened. And the worst part? I can’t remember them.

It’s terrifying.

It started small. A broken plate here, a slammed door there. I chalked it up to stress. Firefighting is a tough job, and we’re no strangers to pressure. But as the weeks turned into months, the episodes became harder to ignore. They were no longer just occasional moments of frustration—they were frequent, and sometimes, I wouldn’t even realize something was wrong until I saw the look in Brian’s eyes. That look of concern, like he didn’t know how to help me, like he was afraid to say the wrong thing. I hated that look. It made me feel like I was losing him, losing us.

But I kept telling myself it was fine. I was fine. If I just pushed through, if I worked harder, the episodes would stop. I thought if I ignored it, I could outrun it.

I was wrong.

Tonight, as I lie in bed next to Brian, listening to his soft breathing, I can’t shake the feeling that something big is coming. Something we won’t be able to ignore. I stare at the ceiling, the weight of it pressing down on me, my chest tightening. The love I have for him is overwhelming, and I don’t know how to protect it anymore.

Brian stirs beside me, his arm draping across my waist as he pulls me closer in his sleep. I close my eyes, taking in the warmth of his body, the familiar scent of him. He feels like home. But the fear of losing that—of losing him—is more than I can bear.

Tomorrow is another shift. Another 48-hour stretch. I tell myself things will get better, that I just need to push through. But deep down, I know something has to give.

And I’m terrified that when it does, it’ll be too late to save what we’ve built.

Chapter 2:

The first time it happened, I barely noticed it. Looking back, that should have been my first clue. It was such a small thing—a flash of frustration that I thought was just stress from work. We were off-duty, Brian and I, sitting at the kitchen table after a long day. We’d been talking about the usual—our shifts, the next firehouse event, Cruz’s latest terrible joke. Brian had a way of making everything feel easy. Comfortable.

But that night, something was different.

I don’t even remember what set me off. One minute, we were laughing, and the next, I felt this surge of anger bubbling up inside me. It wasn’t anything Brian said or did, not really. It was more like a wave crashing over me, completely out of my control. I felt like I was drowning in it, and the next thing I knew, I was standing over the kitchen sink, my hands trembling as I stared at the shattered remains of a glass I didn’t even remember throwing.

Brian was standing a few feet away, his face pale, his eyes wide with shock.

“Y/N… what just happened?” His voice was quiet, careful.

I blinked, trying to piece together the moment, but it was like a fog had settled over my mind. “I—I don’t know.” My voice sounded distant, unfamiliar. “I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s okay,” he said quickly, stepping forward. He placed his hand gently on my arm, his touch grounding me. “It’s okay. It was just a glass.”

But it wasn’t just the glass, and we both knew it. Something had shifted inside me, something dark and uncontrollable. And the worst part was, I couldn’t explain it. I couldn’t tell Brian what was wrong because I didn’t know.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my throat tight. “I don’t know what happened.”

Brian smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s fine. We’re both tired. It was just a glass.”

I nodded, but as I swept up the broken shards, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something had broken inside me, too. And it wasn’t going to be as easy to put back together.

Chapter 3:

Weeks passed, and the tension in the air between Brian and me seemed to grow with each passing day. It wasn’t just at home anymore—my outbursts were starting to creep into our shifts at the firehouse. It wasn’t anything major at first, just little moments where I’d snap at someone or lose my temper more easily than usual. Everyone chalked it up to the stress of the job, and I let them. It was easier than admitting something was wrong.

But inside, I could feel it building—this pressure, like a balloon swelling inside my chest, ready to burst. I thought I could handle it. I thought if I kept myself busy, if I focused on the work, I could push it down. But firefighting isn’t a job where you can afford to lose control.

I remember one call in particular. It was a standard house fire, nothing we hadn’t seen a thousand times before. The flames were manageable, but there was a lot of smoke. We went in as a team, each of us with a role, moving in sync like we always did. Brian was with me, like he usually was, our movements so familiar we didn’t even need to talk to communicate.

But something was off that day. The smoke felt heavier than usual, the heat more oppressive. My helmet felt like it was pressing down on my skull, making my head throb. I tried to push through it, focusing on the task at hand, but my mind was racing. Every sound—the crackle of flames, the muffled voices over the radio, even my own breathing in the mask—felt like it was closing in on me.

“Y/N, you good?” Brian’s voice crackled through my radio.

“I’m fine,” I muttered, though my vision was starting to blur at the edges. We were almost done, just a few more minutes. I could make it. I had to.

But then, out of nowhere, the frustration hit me. I don’t know why—it wasn’t a particularly stressful call—but something inside me snapped. I felt a surge of anger, irrational and uncontrollable. I swung my axe harder than I needed to, cutting through debris with more force than was necessary. I heard Brian call my name again, concern clear in his voice, but I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. I was too focused on the pounding in my head, the rage bubbling just beneath the surface.

When we finally exited the building, I ripped off my helmet and tossed it to the ground, breathing heavily. My heart was racing, my hands trembling.

“What the hell, Y/N?” Brian was at my side, his voice sharp. “You could’ve hurt yourself in there.”

“I’m fine,” I snapped, my voice harsher than I intended. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing,” he said, his brow furrowing as he looked at me. “You’ve been off lately. This isn’t like you.”

I turned away, not wanting to hear the concern in his voice. I didn’t want to admit that he was right—that something was wrong with me. “I told you, I’m fine.”

But I wasn’t. I knew it, and Brian knew it, too.

Chapter 4:

The firehouse had always been a place of comfort for me. It was where I felt in control, where I knew I could make a difference. But lately, even that had started to feel like a burden. My outbursts were becoming more frequent, and I could see the strain it was putting on everyone—especially Brian.

At home, things were getting harder. Brian tried to be patient, but I could see the frustration in his eyes whenever I lost my temper. He’d always been the calm one, the one who could smooth things over with a joke or a smile. But even he couldn’t keep pretending that everything was fine.

We had one of our worst fights a few nights after that call. I don’t even remember what started it—something small, something stupid. But it spiraled out of control so fast. One minute, we were sitting on the couch, watching a movie, and the next, I was yelling at him, accusing him of things that didn’t even make sense.

“You don’t even care about me anymore!” I shouted, the words spilling out of my mouth before I could stop them. “You’re always at work, or with Cruz, or doing anything but being here with me!”

Brian looked at me like I’d just slapped him. “Y/N, what are you talking about? I’m always with you! We work together, we live together—how much closer can we get?”

“That’s not what I mean!” I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I didn’t care. “You’re here, but you’re not really here. You don’t look at me the same way anymore. You don’t—”

“Stop,” he cut me off, his voice calm but firm. “That’s not true, and you know it. I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

His words should have soothed me. They should have made me feel safe. But instead, they only made the anger flare hotter. “Then why do I feel so alone?” I whispered, my voice breaking.

Brian’s face softened, and he took a step closer, reaching for my hand. “Y/N, I’m right here. You’re not alone. But something’s going on with you, and you won’t talk to me about it.”

I yanked my hand away, refusing to meet his eyes. “I’m fine,” I muttered for what felt like the hundredth time.

But I wasn’t. I wasn’t fine, and I was pushing him away without even meaning to. I could see it in his eyes—the worry, the frustration, the helplessness. He didn’t know how to fix this, and neither did I.

That night, we went to bed without saying another word. Brian turned his back to me, and I lay there, staring at the ceiling, feeling the weight of my own silence pressing down on me. I wanted to reach out to him, to tell him I was scared, that I didn’t know what was happening to me. But the words wouldn’t come.

All I could do was lie there and wonder how much longer we could keep pretending that everything was okay.

Chapter 5:

The firehouse was unusually quiet that night. It was the kind of quiet that crept into your bones, making you restless. We were on the second day of a 48-hour shift, and exhaustion hung in the air. Normally, a shift like this didn’t faze me—adrenaline and routine kept me going. But tonight, my head felt like it was being squeezed in a vice. The migraine was pounding behind my eyes, a dull, throbbing pain that no amount of coffee could fix.

I rubbed my temples, trying to will the headache away. Brian had noticed it earlier in the shift and offered me some Tylenol, but I turned him down. There was something about this headache that felt different, heavier. And I was already on edge—there was no way I wanted to dull my senses while on duty.

I kept my distance from the crew tonight, choosing to sit quietly at the kitchen table, nursing my coffee and staring blankly at the TV. Normally, I’d be laughing with the rest of them, especially Brian and Cruz, who were busy trading ridiculous jokes and stories. But I couldn’t focus on any of it. The migraine had lodged itself deep in my skull, making every sound feel like nails on a chalkboard.

I was counting down the hours. Only eight more hours of this shift. And then, finally, Brian and I could go home, grab food from the new Wingstop, and just unwind. It had been a long week, and I was craving something normal, something that would remind me of the simplicity of us. I clung to the thought of getting those wings together. It was the one thing keeping me grounded, the one thing I was looking forward to after the chaos of the last two days.

As if on cue, Brian wandered over to me, his smile easy as always, though I could see the concern lingering in his eyes.

“Hey,” he said softly, sitting down across from me. “How’s your head?”

I forced a small smile, though I knew it didn’t reach my eyes. “Still there, but it’ll pass. Just need to get through these last few hours.”

“We’re almost done,” Brian said, his hand reaching out to gently brush mine. “And then it’s Wingstop time, right? I’m starving.”

I nodded, feeling a small flicker of relief. “Yeah, can’t wait. Been thinking about it all day.”

Brian paused, his brow furrowing slightly. “Actually… about that. I just grabbed Wingstop with Cruz an hour ago. Didn’t realize you’d still want it tonight. You cool with grabbing something else?”

The words barely registered at first. They came out so casually, so matter-of-fact. But as they sank in, I felt a sharp, searing heat rise in my chest. My fingers tightened around the coffee mug in my hand as the rage swelled, unbidden and uncontrollable. I blinked, my vision blurring for a moment as my heart pounded in my ears.

“Wait, what?” I could hear the edge in my voice, sharp and venomous, even as I tried to keep it together. “You just had Wingstop? You knew we were supposed to get it together after shift.”

Brian’s eyes widened, taken aback by the sudden shift in my tone. “I didn’t think it’d be a big deal. We can still get it if you want. I’ll eat it with you, no problem.”

“No,” I snapped, the word flying out before I could stop it. “I don’t want it anymore.”

Brian frowned, confusion and concern mingling on his face. “Y/N, what’s going on? It’s just food. If you want Wingstop, we’ll get Wingstop. It’s not a big deal.”

But to me, it was a big deal. It felt like everything—the headache, the exhaustion, the tension between us—was boiling over, and this one tiny thing had pushed me over the edge. I could feel it happening, the anger building into something unstoppable, and I hated it. I hated that I couldn’t control it, couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out.

“You always do this!” I shouted, my voice breaking as the room seemed to close in around me. “You say one thing and then turn around and do whatever you want! Do you even care about what I want anymore? All I wanted was this shift to end so we could finally go home and have a normal night together. But no—of course you couldn’t even wait for me to get the food we talked about!”

“Y/N,” Brian said softly, reaching out to touch my arm, “I didn’t mean—”

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” I jerked away from him, my heart racing as the room fell silent. Everyone was staring now—Cruz, Mouch, Sylvie, Herrmann. Even Chief Boden, who had been standing by the door, was watching with furrowed brows.

I could feel my hands shaking, my vision blurring as tears welled up in my eyes. “All I wanted,” I choked out, my voice trembling, “was a little quality time with my boyfriend. But instead, I get stuck on this miserable shift with a migraine and a boyfriend who only cares about himself.”

The words hung in the air like poison, and as soon as they left my mouth, I felt something inside me shatter. My heart was pounding, my breath coming in ragged gasps, and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face. I didn’t even recognize myself in that moment. This wasn’t me.

Brian stood there, frozen, his face pale with shock and hurt. “Y/N, I…”

But before he could say anything else, it was like a switch had flipped. The anger drained out of me as quickly as it had come, leaving me feeling hollow and confused. I blinked, wiping my tear-streaked face as I straightened my posture, suddenly aware of the silence in the room.

“Why… why am I crying?” I asked, my voice soft, bewildered. I looked around at everyone’s faces—confusion, concern, shock—all eyes on me. The pressure in my head eased slightly, the migraine fading as quickly as it had come.

Without another word, I turned and walked to the bathroom, the weight of everyone’s stares pressing down on me like a heavy fog.

Chapter 6:

I spent a long time in the bathroom, splashing cold water on my face and staring at my reflection in the mirror. My face was flushed, my eyes red from crying, but it wasn’t the physical exhaustion that scared me. It was the blank space in my mind, the way the anger had flared so hot and fast, only to disappear without a trace. I didn’t remember half of what I’d said, and what I did remember felt like it had come from someone else’s mouth, not mine.

I leaned against the sink, gripping the edge of the counter so hard my knuckles turned white. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but it was getting worse. And I was terrified.

When I finally stepped out of the bathroom, I saw Brian waiting for me by the door. His face was etched with worry, but his voice was calm and steady when he spoke. “Chief wants to see us in his office.”

My stomach dropped. I nodded silently and followed him down the hall, my footsteps heavy, my heart pounding in my chest. Chief Boden rarely called anyone into his office unless it was serious. And this? This was definitely serious.

When we stepped into the office, Chief was sitting behind his desk, his expression unreadable. He gestured for us to sit, and the tension in the room was thick as we did. Brian sat next to me, close but not touching, his hands resting tensely in his lap.

“Y/N,” Chief Boden began, his deep voice gentle but firm. “Brian explained what’s been going on with you lately. I need you to listen carefully to what I’m about to say.”

I nodded, my throat tight.

“I’ve seen my share of stress in this job. I’ve seen how it can affect people—physically, mentally, emotionally. But what happened out there today wasn’t normal, and it wasn’t safe. For you or for anyone else. You’ve been one of the best firefighters on this team, but I can’t have you putting yourself or others at risk.”

I swallowed hard, the weight of his words settling over me like a cold blanket.

“I’m not asking,” Chief continued, his eyes locking onto mine. “I’m ordering you to go to Chicago Med. You’re not coming back on shift until the doctors clear you.”

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. “Chief, I—”

“This isn’t up for discussion,” he said, his voice softening but still firm. “You need to get checked out. Something’s going on, and you can’t ignore it anymore.”

I felt Brian’s hand brush against mine, a silent show of support, but I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t face the disappointment in his eyes. All I could do was nod again, feeling a wave of helplessness crash over me.

“Take the rest of the day,” Chief said. “Go to Med. We’ll be here for whatever you need, but you’re not coming back until you get answers.”

Brian stood up, helping me to my feet as we left the office in silence. I could barely process what had just happened—how quickly everything had spiraled out of control. As we walked out of the firehouse and towards the car

Chapter 7:

The ride to Chicago Med was eerily quiet. Brian drove, his hands gripping the steering wheel a little too tight, his gaze focused on the road. I sat in the passenger seat, staring out the window, my mind a blur of confusion, guilt, and fear. Every bump in the road sent a fresh wave of pain through my skull, but it wasn’t just the migraine anymore—it was the uncertainty gnawing at my insides. Something was wrong with me. Deep down, I knew that now. But the thought of facing it, of having a doctor tell me what was happening… I wasn’t sure I was ready for that.

Brian didn’t say much during the drive, and I was grateful for that. I wasn’t sure what I would have said if he’d asked me how I was feeling. How was I supposed to explain the emptiness inside me, the way I felt like a stranger in my own body?

As we pulled into the parking lot of Chicago Med, Brian finally spoke, his voice soft but steady. “I’m coming in with you.”

I nodded, unable to find the words to argue. I didn’t want to do this alone. I didn’t want to walk into that hospital and face whatever it was that had been slowly unraveling me. And as much as I hated feeling vulnerable, I needed him with me.

The bright lights of the hospital stung my eyes as we walked through the automatic doors, the sterile smell of antiseptic hitting me like a wall. Brian led the way, his hand resting on the small of my back, guiding me through the bustling halls. We didn’t have to wait long before we were ushered into an exam room by a nurse, who took my vitals and asked the standard questions.

Then, there was more waiting.

I sat on the exam table, swinging my legs back and forth, my hands folded tightly in my lap. Brian stood next to me, close enough that our arms brushed every now and then, but he didn’t speak. He didn’t need to. His presence was enough—steady, calming, even though I knew he was as scared as I was.

After what felt like an eternity, the door swung open, and Dr. Will Halstead walked in. I knew him well—he’d treated me a few times before, and he was a friend of ours outside of work. But today, he didn’t greet me with the usual smile or lighthearted joke. His expression was serious, concerned.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said, glancing between me and Brian as he took a seat on the stool across from us. “I hear you’ve been having some… unusual symptoms.”

I nodded, my throat tight. “Yeah. I guess you could say that.”

Will frowned, his brow furrowing as he flipped through my chart. “Brian filled me in on what’s been going on. The headaches, the mood swings, the memory loss… we’re going to run a few tests to get a clearer picture. I know it’s scary, but we need to figure out what’s causing all of this.”

I swallowed hard, my heart pounding in my chest. “Do you have any idea what it could be?”

Will hesitated, and that hesitation sent a chill down my spine. “There are a few possibilities,” he said carefully, “but I don’t want to jump to conclusions until we have more information. We’re going to start with a CT scan to get a look at what’s going on inside your brain.”

Inside my brain.

The words echoed in my head, sending a fresh wave of panic through me. I glanced at Brian, who was watching me closely, his expression unreadable. He reached out, taking my hand in his, and I squeezed it tightly, my pulse racing beneath my skin.

“Okay,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “Let’s do it.”

Chapter 8:

The waiting was the worst part.

After the CT scan, they sent me back to the exam room to wait while the results were processed. Every second that ticked by felt like an hour. I sat there, nervously tapping my foot on the floor, while Brian paced back and forth in front of me. His anxiety was palpable, and it mirrored the panic building in my chest. I didn’t know what was worse—the not knowing, or the fear of what we were about to find out.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Will came back into the room, holding a manila folder in his hand. His expression was serious—too serious. My stomach twisted into knots as I watched him sit down again, the air between us heavy with tension.

“Y/N,” he began, his voice low, “I’m not going to sugarcoat this. The CT scan showed something concerning.”

I felt Brian’s hand tighten around mine, his grip almost painfully strong. I couldn’t breathe. My chest felt tight, my heart pounding in my ears. “What is it?” I managed to ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

Will took a deep breath, his eyes soft with sympathy. “You have a tumor in your brain. It’s located in the frontal lobe, which explains the mood swings and memory lapses you’ve been experiencing. It’s putting pressure on the surrounding areas, which is likely causing the migraines as well.”

A tumor. The word hit me like a freight train, knocking the air from my lungs. I stared at Will, uncomprehending, as if he’d just spoken a foreign language.

A tumor. In my brain.

I felt the world tilt beneath me, everything spinning out of control. My heart pounded in my chest, and I was suddenly aware of every sound, every breath, every sensation. Brian’s hand in mine, Will’s steady gaze, the sterile scent of the hospital—all of it felt too real, too overwhelming.

“I—I don’t understand,” I stammered, shaking my head. “A tumor? How…?”

Will nodded gently, leaning forward, his tone careful but honest. “It’s a lot to process, I know. But the good news is that we caught it early. It’s operable, which means we can remove it. We’re going to need to schedule surgery as soon as possible.”

Surgery. Tumor. The words swirled in my head, but none of them made sense. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I was healthy. I was a firefighter—I fought through flames, saved lives. I wasn’t supposed to be the one lying in a hospital bed, waiting for a doctor to cut into my skull.

I felt my hands start to tremble, and suddenly, the weight of everything came crashing down on me. The months of mood swings, the fights with Brian, the outbursts I couldn’t control—it all made sense now. There was a tumor inside me, something foreign and dangerous, controlling me from the inside out.

“Oh my God,” I whispered, my voice breaking as the tears started to fall. “Brian… I’m so sorry.”

Brian’s arms were around me in an instant, pulling me close as I sobbed into his chest. “No,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “You don’t have anything to apologize for, Y/N. None of this is your fault.”

“But I—” I tried to speak, but the words were lost in the sobs that shook my body. All the anger, the fear, the guilt—I couldn’t hold it back anymore. “I’ve been awful to you. I didn’t know…”

Brian held me tighter, his hand running through my hair as he pressed his cheek to the top of my head. “It doesn’t matter,” he whispered. “None of it matters. We’re going to get through this. You’re going to be okay.”

I wanted to believe him, but all I could think about was the word that Will had said: tumor.

Chapter 9:

We left Chicago Med in a daze. The world outside felt too normal, too calm, compared to the storm raging inside me. The sky was still a brilliant blue, people walked down the street, completely oblivious to the fact that my life had just been turned upside down. Brian drove in silence, his hand resting on mine, squeezing gently every so often as if he was reminding himself I was still there. I couldn’t get the word out of my head—tumor.

It felt like some terrible nightmare, one that I hadn’t woken up from yet. Except this wasn’t a nightmare. This was real, and no amount of blinking or pinching myself would make it go away.

We pulled into the firehouse parking lot. I didn’t want to be here, didn’t want to face the crew and see their reactions when they found out. But we had to. They were my family—they deserved to know.

As soon as we stepped inside, I could feel the weight of everyone’s stares. They knew something was wrong. Cruz and Mouch were sitting on the couch, glancing at us with concern. Herrmann, sitting at the table, stood up as soon as he saw us, his brow furrowed.

“Everything okay?” he asked, his voice cautious.

I looked at Brian, but the words got stuck in my throat. How was I supposed to tell them? How was I supposed to explain that everything I’d been through over the past few months wasn’t just stress or exhaustion, but something far more terrifying?

Brian took a deep breath, his voice low and steady. “We went to Chicago Med. Will Halstead ran some tests on Y/N.” He paused, his grip on my hand tightening. “They found a tumor. In her brain.”

The room went silent.

It was like the air had been sucked out of the firehouse. I could see the shock ripple across their faces, the confusion, the fear. Cruz’s mouth opened as if to say something, but no words came out. Boden stepped forward, his eyes filled with quiet understanding.

“A tumor?” Herrmann repeated, his voice barely above a whisper. “What does that mean? Is it… is it serious?”

I took a shaky breath, trying to keep the tears at bay. “It’s operable,” I said, the words sounding distant, as if someone else were speaking them. “They’re scheduling the surgery soon. I’ll… I’ll be okay. That’s what Will said.”

But as I said it, I wasn’t sure if I believed it. The fear gnawed at my insides, making it hard to breathe, hard to think. How could I be sure everything would be okay when nothing felt okay right now?

There was a long, heavy pause before Boden spoke. “We’re going to be here for you, Y/N,” he said softly, his voice steady and full of quiet authority. “Whatever you need—whether it’s before, during, or after the surgery—you’re not going through this alone.”

The words should have brought me comfort, but instead, they only made the knot in my chest tighten. I didn’t want to be the one who needed help. I didn’t want to be the one who was weak, who was sick. I was a firefighter. I was supposed to be strong, to take care of others. Not the other way around.

But now, everything had changed.

I couldn’t hold it back any longer. The sobs broke through, my chest heaving as I tried to breathe, to speak. “I’m sorry,” I choked out, my voice breaking. “I’m so sorry.”

Boden stepped closer, his hand resting gently on my shoulder. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” he said softly.

But I did. I was sorry for everything—for the outbursts, for the way I’d lashed out at Brian, for the times I’d scared the crew with my unpredictability. I felt like I was falling apart, unraveling at the seams, and I couldn’t stop it.

Brian pulled me into his arms, holding me tightly as the tears streamed down my face. I felt everyone’s eyes on us, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t hold anything back anymore. I cried for everything—the fear, the uncertainty, the guilt.

“I don’t know how to do this,” I whispered into Brian’s chest, my voice trembling. “I don’t know how to be this person. I don’t know how to… how to be weak.”

Brian’s voice cracked as he held me even closer. “You’re not weak,” he whispered fiercely. “You’ve never been weak, Y/N. You’re the strongest person I know. And you don’t have to go through this alone. We’re all here for you—for whatever you need.”

I shook my head, pulling back just enough to look up at him, my eyes red and swollen. “But I’ve been so awful to you. I pushed you away. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I—”

“Stop,” he cut me off, his voice thick with emotion. “None of that matters now. None of it. You were scared, and you didn’t know why. But we know now. And we’re going to fix it. Together.”

I wanted to believe him. I wanted so badly to believe that everything would be okay. But the fear was still there, lurking in the background, whispering that things might never be the same again.

The crew stepped forward one by one, each offering words of support, hugs, and quiet reassurances. It was overwhelming—feeling so much love and care when all I felt inside was fear. I wanted to tell them how much it meant to me, how grateful I was, but the words got stuck in my throat.

Finally, Boden spoke again, his voice gentle but firm. “You need to rest, Y/N. Go home, get some sleep, and prepare for the surgery. We’ll be with you every step of the way.”

I nodded, though I wasn’t sure I’d be able to sleep with everything swirling inside me. But I appreciated the sentiment. I appreciated all of them.

Brian took my hand, and we started to leave. As we walked out of the firehouse, I looked back at the crew—my family—standing there, watching us with worried eyes. They believed in me. They believed I could get through this.

I just wished I could believe it too.

Chapter 10:

The night before the surgery was the longest night of my life.

Brian and I went back to our apartment, and for the first time in what felt like forever, the silence between us wasn’t filled with tension or misunderstanding. It was just… heavy. There was nothing more to say, nothing more to do but wait. I could see the worry etched into Brian’s face every time I caught him glancing at me. He tried to hide it, but I knew him too well.

We made dinner, but I could barely eat. The thought of surgery, of having someone cut into my brain, was too much to bear. I pushed the food around on my plate, my stomach churning with anxiety.

Brian eventually took my hand, pulling me into the living room. We sat on the couch, and I rested my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes as he gently stroked my hair. His touch was soothing, grounding me when my mind started to spiral.

“I’m scared,” I admitted quietly, my voice barely above a whisper.

“I know,” Brian whispered back, his voice soft and full of love. “I’m scared too. But you’re going to get through this. We’re going to get through this.”

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to hold onto his words like a lifeline. But the fear, the uncertainty—it was all-consuming. I couldn’t shake the thought that something could go wrong, that I might not wake up after the surgery, that everything could change in a matter of hours.

“What if…” I started, my voice trembling. “What if something happens? What if I’m not the same after?”

Brian’s hand stilled in my hair, and he pulled back just enough to look at me. His eyes were filled with so much love, so much emotion, that it took my breath away.

“No matter what happens,” he said softly, “I’m here. I love you, Y/N. Nothing’s going to change that.”

The tears welled up again, and I blinked them away, trying to stay strong. But Brian’s words broke something inside me, and before I knew it, I was sobbing, my whole body shaking as I clung to him.

“I don’t want to lose myself,” I cried. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t,” Brian whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “You won’t lose me. You’re not going anywhere, Y/N. You’re stronger than this. We’ll face whatever comes next together.”

I buried my face in his chest, feeling the warmth of his arms around me, and for the first time that night, I allowed myself to believe him.

[witchygagirlwrites]

Stella Kidd x Reader

Everyone wants the new Paramedic at 51. She wants one person and sets out to get her

The new paramedic at fifty one caught quite a lot of attention when she first started, among those was Stella Kidd. It wasn’t that she was beautiful or well, it wasn't just that she was beautiful, she was full of life and sarcastic and not afraid of much. She was sweet as sugar when the situation called for it but the devil himself would cower when her temper flared. 

Everyone wanted just a bit of her attention, she seemed unaware for the longest until about four months in. It was a Friday night at Molly’s. She was at the bar, chatting with Hailey and Kim while she sipped a beer. Stella’s eyes tracked the movement, finding herself jealous of the damn glass bottle getting to taste the lips she desperately wanted to. “Kidd!” She heard Herrman call her name and shook herself out of her stupor to go back to work.

__________________

You watched Stella move around the bar, a smile on her face as she passed drinks out. She was so damn gorgeous. Hailey assured you she was single, that she had been since a bad marriage ended but how the hell were you supposed to approach someone like her? She was directly under Matt and Kelly in the hierarchy of the house, brilliant, brave and well everything you had ever wanted.

You took another swig of your beer as Stella glanced back your way, a smile playing on her lips. Damn she was gorgeous. You raised the bottle and she walked over “Does my favorite medic need another drink?” you raised an eyebrow “Favorite medic huh? I think Brett may get jealous” she shrugged “It’ll be ok” you felt your cheeks warm and shook your head “Actually I was wondering what you were doing tomorrow night” 

A grin split her face “Why do you ask?” you rolled your eyes but smiled “I was going to take my favorite firefighter to dinner” she grinned further “Kelly?” and you shook your head “Dammit Kidd, quit teasing me!” she laughed lightly “I’m free” you grinned “Good, I’ll pick you up around seven?” she nodded “Seven is good”

Did seeing you and Stella together shake up the firehouse a bit? Maybe. Did either of you care? Not in the slightest. She was everything you’d ever wanted and you would be damned before you’d let her go now. Seeing her geared up heading into a fire scared the shit out of you but seeing her come out of a fire? Yeah that did something completely different to you.

You knew that you were already head over heels about a month in. You had it bad for Stella Kidd and just hoped she felt the same. 

__________________

Stella watched you in the bay, helping Sylvie restock your rig. The two of you had been together for a few months now and she’d never been happier. From the first time you kissed her she was addicted to the feeling of your lips on hers. You were everything she’d never experienced in past relationships. You supported her when she needed support and let her do her own thing when she needed it. You never made her doubt herself and would always be watching when she walked out of a fire and she’d see the little breath of relief you’d take when you saw she was unharmed.

She was already in love with you, it just felt so damn right being with you. She was yours well and thoroughly.

You were sitting at the bar in Mollys next to Matt as Stella worked the bar. She cut her eyes at you every now and then, a smile slipping onto her face. Once she cleared the drink orders she walked back over in front of you and leaned on the bar “Hey beautiful, what can I get you?”

You leaned over and tugged her into a kiss. When she pulled away you smiled “That was all I needed. I love you” a smile split her face because that was the first time you said that. Your eyes widened when you realized but she just winked at you “You can order however many of those you want. I love you too” then headed down the bar when a couple people from the twenty first were waiting to order.

[sevasey51]

I recently dyed my hair back to my normal color( dark dark brunette).

Connor leaves for work and goes to meet her at Molly’s after shift. She has cut her hair just below the shoulders and got her hair dyed a dark cherry cola color. Stella, Kim, Hailey and Sylvie all knew. They were the ones to talk you into it.

A Fresh New Look

Summary: Connor is pleasantly surprised when he meets Y/N at Molly’s after work to find she’s cut her hair and dyed it a deep cherry cola color, a change she made with the encouragement of her friends. He is in awe of how beautiful she looks, reaffirming his love for her as he admires the new look and admires her even more for making the change.

Connor had kissed Y/N goodbye that morning, like always, but he’d noticed something different. She’d been a little more quiet than usual, something in her eyes suggesting a secret she was keeping from him. He didn’t think too much of it as he left for his shift, the morning rush in the ER keeping him busy. Still, he found his thoughts wandering back to her more than once during the day.

By the time his shift ended, he was eager to see her. He’d made plans to meet her at Molly’s for a quiet evening, just the two of them to unwind after the chaos of their respective shifts. He walked into the bar with a smile on his face, eyes scanning the room for his wife. He spotted her sitting with Stella, Kim, Hailey, and Sylvie, who were all in deep conversation, a soft hum of laughter echoing around their table.

Connor’s eyes immediately landed on Y/N, but something wasn’t quite the same. She looked… different. Her long hair, the one he’d grown so used to running his fingers through, was now cut just below her shoulders, framing her face with a fresh new look. And the color—oh, the color—her hair was now a deep, dark cherry cola hue, the shade almost glowing in the dim lighting of the bar.

It took him a moment to process the transformation, his heart skipping a beat as he slowly walked towards her. The women at the table all looked over to him, their grins telling him they’d been in on it, and Y/N? She was looking at him with a mixture of excitement and nervousness, like she was unsure how he would react.

“Con,” she said softly, as he reached her side, her voice almost unsure. “I, uh… I did something today.”

Connor stopped in front of her, staring down at her in disbelief. “I can see that,” he said with a small laugh, his eyes scanning her from head to toe before landing on her face, where he saw her waiting for his reaction. “You… you cut your hair.”

Y/N nodded, biting her lip, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of her sleeve as if bracing for the impact of his reaction.

“You didn’t just cut it,” he said, his voice softening with affection, a smile tugging at his lips. “You went all in, didn’t you?”

She nodded again, her face flushing with embarrassment as she tried to gauge his response. “Do you like it?”

Connor���s hand came up to gently lift her chin, guiding her gaze to meet his. “Sweetheart,” he whispered, his voice thick with admiration. “You are absolutely stunning.”

Y/N felt a rush of relief flood over her as Connor stepped closer, cupping her cheek with his hand and gazing down at her with so much warmth in his eyes. She could feel her heart flutter at the sight of him, his smile making her feel like the most beautiful woman in the room.

“You look gorgeous,” he added, voice laced with affection, his thumb gently brushing over her jaw. “I didn’t think it was possible, but you’ve somehow made me fall in love with you all over again.”

Her cheeks flushed at his words, and she felt a wave of happiness wash over her, knowing that even though she was nervous about the change, Connor was there, offering nothing but love and support.

“Thank you,” she murmured, a soft smile forming on her lips as she leaned into his touch.

Connor kissed her forehead before looking at the others, who were watching the two of them with knowing smiles. “I think we might need to steal you away for a bit,” he said to Y/N, his voice teasing but filled with affection. “You’ve got me so distracted, I don’t even know what to do with myself.”

The group chuckled, and Y/N playfully rolled her eyes, still feeling giddy with his reaction. “I’m not going anywhere, Con,” she said softly, reaching for his hand. “I’m just happy you like it.”

Connor pulled her close, his fingers threading through her new hair as he smiled down at her. “I love it, sweetheart. I love you.”

And just like that, everything felt right. It was a small change, but one that seemed to hold so much meaning—because at the end of the day, it was about Y/N feeling confident, beautiful, and, most importantly, loved.

[timothyslucy]

[twistnet]

sights to behold [ stella kidd ]

⋯ SUMMARY ; there’s something absolutely magical about getting to see the woman of your dreams come around from behind the divide to show you her wedding dress for the first time -- and to think in a little less than an hour, you’ll get to call her yours for all eternity

⋯ WARNINGS ; female!reader + fluff [ weddings, loving and soft moments, some tears -- all happy, hand holding + sweet kisses ]

you stood in front of the floor-length mirror, hands brushing down the front of your dress almost as if to smooth out any wrinkles. letting out a nervous breath, you couldn't help but feel a sense of wonder. dressed in a breathtaking ivory gown, intricate lace detailing accentuating your every curve. the gown flowing down behind you gracefully. all made just for you. it was a symbol of your love and commitment, and the embodiment of your dreams.

just down the hall of your dressing room, sat all your friends and family gathered together in one room mingling with the murmurs of excited anticipation. as today was the day you would exchange vows with the love of your life, stella.

violet had only exited the room moments ago to grab your soon to be wife from her own dressing room. the bridesmaids face bright with a smile at the prospect of the two of you getting to see each other’s dresses for the first time.

a gentle knock interrupted your thoughts and with a fluttering heart, you turned to see stella standing in the doorway, a nervous smile on her face as she step further into your dressing room. she wore a pristine white wedding dress, a perfect match to your own, but with a touch of her own unique style. the dress hugged her figure elegantly, and her radiant smile outshone any sparkle in the room."hey, beautiful," stella whispered, her voice filled with awe as she drank in your breathtaking appearance. "i can't believe we're getting married today."

you couldn't help the tears that gathered in your eyes as you smiled softly, "i feel the same way, stella. this is a dream come true."

stella takes a step closer, her eyes never leaving yours. "may i?" stella asked, gesturing to your dress. you nodded, letting her approach and watching as her fingertips lightly brushed the delicate lace on your gown. marveling at the craftsmanship, her eyes shining with admiration."it's perfect," she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. "just like you."

a surge of warmth filled your heart, and you reached out to take stella's hand. "and you are the most beautiful bride i could ever imagine," you replied, your voice filled with love.

stella's eyes shimmered with unshed tears, reflecting the depth of her emotions. "i am the luckiest person in the world to have found you, to be able to spend the rest of my life with you."

as your eyes locked, time seemed to stand still. the world around you faded away, leaving only the two of you, connected by an unbreakable bond. in that moment, all doubts and fears melted away, replaced by a profound sense of certainty and love. "you're my everything, stella," you confessed, your voice trembling with emotion. "today and always."

with tears of joy glistening in her eyes, stella drew you into a tender embrace. in that embrace, you knew that your wedding day wasn't just about the fancy decorations, the flowers, or the guests—it was about the love you shared, the promises you would make, and the lifelong journey you were embarking on together.

leaning back just enough to hold your gaze once more, her lips spread into a smile as she asks, “are you ready?” and once she has your confirmation, hands link together and are brought up to allow her to press a soft kiss to the back of your hand -- too afraid to ruin all the hard work violet had done with getting your ready this morning.

hand in hand, you both stepped away from the mirror, ready to begin the next chapter of your lives. your families awaited for you down the hall, filled with the promise of forever. and as you walked down the aisle, side by side, in your matching wedding dresses, you couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude— for the love that had brought you here and for the love that would carry you forward into a future. 

blog navigation ⇢ [ one chicago masterlist ]

[sailingfireshipz]

My starting 4 Chicago Fire female character edition. Reblog with who your starting 4 would be. I'd like to see something 🤔 👀

[spexialvixtimxunit]

A Special Moment

500 Follower Special

Part 2 from - Eating out

Warnings: Top!Stella Kidd x Black!Afab!Female!Reader,

Masterlist

Note: It's been a while since I posted and I forgot I had this in my drafts and was supposed to post this a while ago, I hope you enjoy this.

*there are writing mistakes in my works, I don’t proofread!*

。　♡ 。　　♡。　　♡. 。　♡ 。　　♡。　　♡ 。

“Tonight is all about you.” You whispered as you examined her body. Her hair was spread out all over the bed, her body hugged a black dress tightly to her figure.

You began your hunt, pushing her dress up to her waist, spreading her legs as you pulled off her underwear. She studied you, watching your every move.

You found what you were looking for, going down on her, devouring her wet area. She let out a moan as she grabbed onto your head, pushing you close. You moved her hands and grabbed onto her wrist.

You shook your head no as you could hear how frustrated she was. “If you move, you can’t cum.” You said while removing your mouth from her area.

She let out another whine, wanting you to touch her, having you to touch her. You could tell she was getting slightly angry as you continued to tease her by edging her, ever so slightly.

Stella let out a moan, figuring that she was about to cum, you pulled away, edging her once more. “Baby stop, please. Please let me cum. I need, I need to cum baby please.” She mewled.

You chuckled, "Only because today is about, I'll give you what you want only for today." You continued to devour her, savoring every feeling and flavor spilling out of her.

You allowed her to pull your face close to her as she came all over your face. You giggled as you could hear her soft panting as she whined in pleasure. "Oh fuck, baby." She whispered.

You got up and pulled up your dress to straddle her waist, leaning in to plant soft kisses on her flushed cheeks. Nothing could compare to the feeling you had felt every time you made her cum.

Naturally, her hands placed themselves on your waist. "How was that for a birthday gift?" She laughed at your comment. "I guess that was surely a surprise for me and I definitely enjoyed myself." She flirted.

"If you think that was the rest of your gift, you are wrong." You readjusted yourself, lining both of your clits up, pushing your hips together. "I want us to cum together." You whispered, letting out a moan as you could feel the wetness of your area slip all over her.

Soon enough all the excitement spilled over your bodies and you both came. "Oh my god, that was something else." Stella said sheepishly. YOu smiled, "Happy birthday Stella, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself tonight."

。　♡ 。　　♡。　　♡. 。　♡ 。　　♡。　　♡ 。

[sailingfireshipz]

The fact that he gave her a hard time about it just for him to have tried it to begin with lmao.

[witchygagirlwrites]

Run run

[callsign-dexter]

Heatwave of Emotions 18+

Request: Hey hooooo my dear ❤️ I love your blog sooooo much that I cannot resist to send in a Kelly Severide idea for my bday on Monday 🫣🥰 but of course you can write it whenever you have time !It would be something where you're just moved to Chicago, working at 51 and everyone immediately loves you, especially one grumpy Lieutenant. So after some weeks adjusting to everything and even getting closer with Kelly, which everyone notices and sees how happy you make each other, you finally agree on a date with him. Which turns out absolutely great and you're about to kiss as some random chick disturbs you both (she's been a one time thing with him at some point but not something serious) and you leave him standing there, being hurt and sad. The next days you barely talk with him and don't get him any chance to explain, so the rest of 51 tries talking in your mind that he's never been that serious about a girl until you showed up and stuff. Sooooo on a free day you show up at his apartment, wanting to talk with him, but as he opens the door you notice he just came out of the shower and you cannot get your thoughts together, so you kiss him, which he gladly returns and the situation gets into his bedroom, getting away all doubts of you🔥😉

Pairings: Kelly Severide x Paramedic!Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, smut

Masterlist

A/N: Happy Belated Birthday to the anon who sent this in! I hope you enjoy it!

A/N 2: @talesofreading and @imagine-all-the-fandoms here is some Kelly Severide for ya!

When you moved to Firehouse 51 in Chicago from your old house back in Colorado, who wasn’t the best towards women, you thought this was going to be the same way. Boy, were you wrong. When you walked in you saw several women and the house and when they saw you, they immediately welcomed you and made it feel like home. Sylvie Brett, Stella Kidd, and Gabriela Dawson became your immediate friends and you couldn’t ask for anyone better to hang out with. When you were introduced to the rest of everyone, they were quick to make you feel welcomed and that made you smile. There was one person that caught your eye and you could tell that you had caught his eye as well. Once everyone cleared out and it was just you and him in the room, he approached you. “Hi I’m Kelly Severide. I work on Squad 3.” He said and smiled a dazzling smile that had you swooning and you smiled back at him.

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N. I’m gonna be working on Ambulance 61 with Sylvie and Gabriela.” You said and he smiled and nodded.

“You’ll be with the best. So, what made you move here?” He asked and you could tell he was actually curious and not looking for small talk.

“My firehouse back in Colorado wasn’t the best towards women and my ex-boyfriend cheated on me and he worked in the same house. I was the laughing stalk and needed a new start.” You said and he looked like he was actually pissed that happened to you.

“That is no way to treat someone as beautiful as you.” He said and you actually blushed and you were going to say something else but the bells rang for Ambulance 61 and he looked at you. “Well, it looks like it is your time to shine.” He said and you nodded as Sylvie came and motioned you to come and you did as you were walking towards the ambulance and got in the back, she turned to you.

“You and Kelly, huh?” She said with a smirk and you just bowed your head and smiled while blushing.

“Ohhhh, what is this about?” Gabriela asked and Sylvie turned to her.

“When I went to get her, she and Kelly were talking up a storm and he was smiling like actually smiling.”  She said

“Are you saying that Kelly and Y/N have a crush on each other already?” She asked and you just blushed furiously because yes it was true.

“Exactly what I’m saying.” She said

“Stop it guys.” You said but you were smiling and they laughed.

“In all seriousness, this is the first time I actually saw him smile an actual smile.” Sylvie said

“Really?” You asked and she nodded and turned back to look at you.

“Yes, he doesn’t smile a lot and he has been a grouch for a while.” She said but you didn’t get to ask any more questions because you had arrived at the scene. You three worked perfectly together but you couldn’t stop thinking about Kelly and he couldn’t stop thinking about you.

——————————————————————

4 weeks had gone by and you were loving your new house and they were loving you. You fit in well with the group.  We were close with all them but you were very close to none other than Kelly Severide. You won’t admit it but you had a crush on the handsome Squad 3 member whenever you were in the room together. Both of you could not stop smiling and making heart eyes with each other.

Not many calls were coming in so you took this time to tidy things up and get to know more of your coworkers. You had just come back from using the restroom when you heard Casey's voice and stopped where you couldn’t be seen, especially when you heard your name. “Ever since Y/N came, Kelly has been a lot nicer.” He said

“Oh absolutely, he is smiling a lot more and it's creepy but it’s nice.” Stella said and everyone agreed this made you smile to yourself. You had noticed that his mood had changed and to be honest it was nice to have a male being so nice and making you feel noticed. It had gone quiet so you had walked away with a smile on your face. You walked where the trucks were and found Kelly sitting there and that just made you smile even more. You walked over to him and sat down and he looked up and smiled.

“What are you smiling about?” He asked with a smile.

“Oh, nothing really. I just love this house and it’s nowhere near my last one and I’m so grateful for that.” You said and he leaned up further.

“We absolutely love having you here. I know I do most of all. Speaking of knowing you. I have to admit that I do have a crush on you.” He said and that made you blush.

“I do too.” You said shyly.

“Well, if we feel the same way then maybe go out on a date with me. I know you have turned me down in the past.” He said, this hasn’t been the first time that he had asked and each time you had politely turned him down and he understood and didn’t push but that didn’t stop him from asking a few weeks later. You looked at him thinking, this is the first time that you both had admitted that you had crushes on each other.

“Ok, fine. I’ll go on a date with you.” You said and the biggest smile appeared on his face.

“Really?” He asked and you nodded.

“Really.” You said

“What kind of food do you like?” He asked

“I really love Thai food.” You said and he smiled and nodded.

“I know this really good Thai place. I’ll pick you up at 7 tomorrow night.” He said and you nodded.

“Sounds like a date.” You said

“Indeed, it does.” He said and then the bells went off. You all were heading out onto the call.

——————————————————————

The day of the date started the few days you had off and you were somewhat looking forward to it but not really, you had really just wanted to be with your crew because being alone in a house by yourself sucked. You had spent all day getting ready for your date that you had even called Stella, Sylvie, and Gabriela over to help. When they asked why and you told them they practically squealed and dragged you to your room and started going through your closet. After finally settling on a pair of jeans that hugged your legs and accented what they needed and a nice red shirt that once again accented everything it needed to, you were ready. While you waited, they did your hair and makeup and then you all gossiped. It was mostly about Kelly but you didn't mind not in the least bit. They left around 6:30 PM and now you just had to wait.

7 PM rolled around and Kelly was knocking on your door. During the weeks everyone had exchanged phone numbers with you and some of them, mostly the 3 females that had become your friends, knew you address one being Kelly. You walked to your door and opened to find him on the other side holding some flowers and that made you smile. “These are for you.” He said and handed you the flowers which you gladly took.

“Thank you. Peonies are my favorite.” You said taking them and bringing them up to your nose to smell them. “Come inside while I put these away.” You said and stepped aside and he did just that. 

“So, our reservation is at 7:30 PM.” He said “It doesn't take that long to get there.” He added and you nodded as you finished putting the flowers in a vase. When it was close to 7:30 PM you both started to head that way. It turns out it was a walking distance but he insisted on driving and you let him. He found a place to park and then he was shutting off the engine and walking over to your side of the car and opening the door for you and that made you smile. 

“Thank you.” You said and he smiled.

“You’re very much welcome.” He said and when you were plenty enough away from the door, he shut it and locked it. You walked in and straight to the desk “Reservation for two under Severide.” He said and the hostess nodded and smiled.

“Right this way.” They said and you followed them. You both were led outside to a semi-private area and Kelly pulled out the chair for you. The date was going well and you two got to know a lot about each other. When the date was over, he paid for it and then you both left. As you were walking to his car that was parked a few feet away, the both of you stopped at a little park that was close by with a fountain. 

“I really had a nice time with you.” You said looking up at him and he smiled.

“I did too. Do you wish you would’ve gone out with me sooner?” He asked and you chuckled.

“I think I was right to turn you down those three other times. It just helped make this night even more perfect.” You said and he chuckled.

“I get it. I’m just glad you said yes, this time.” He said and then turned to you and the both of you stood there staring at each other and you both slowly leaned in. Your lips were almost touching when a female voice sounded.

“Kelly? Kelly Severide?” The voice said and that made you both look up and over at the voice.

“Alexa.” He said and your stomach dropped. Everyone told you about his flings and relationships that didn’t work out. You expected to meet them sooner or later but not now.

“Why haven’t you texted me back? I wanna hook up again.” Alexa said and that made you feel even worse.

“I told you we were done.” He said and he shook his head and looked over at you. 

“Baby, I promise we are done.” He said and you just shook your head. Alexa put her hands on his biceps and got all up and close. 

“It’s only been a week. A week too long. Ditch this tramp and come back to my place with me.” She said trying her hardest to work. Kelly didn’t say anything.

“I can’t believe I actually fell for this. I should’ve known better. You’re just as bad as my ex, you were hooking up with her when you were talking and trying to go out with me. You know what? I’m so done. Never talk to me again, Severide.” You said and he cringed and started to panic. You only called him Severide while at work all the other times it had been Kelly. You pushed past them and started to walk away. You heard some talking and the fact he wasn’t running after you right now broke your heart and tears fell. “I was so stupid.” You told yourself you were almost home when you heard your name.

“Y/N, please stop.” Kelly said and you did but didn’t turn around. “I haven’t talked to that girl in months and when you came into the house all communication stopped. You have to believe me. She was lying.” He said and you shook your head and turned around and when he saw the tear tracks running down it broke him. 

“I can’t. I’m sorry. How do I know she’s not lying?” You asked and he hesitated and you let out a watery chuckle. “Do me a favor and lose my number. The only time I will speak to you is at work but that’s it.” You said and walked the rest of the way to your home leaving him standing there. You shut the door and slid down it and sat there and sobbed. 

Kelly was distraught. Since you had come into the house, he hadn’t hooked up with anyone, he wanted you and only you. You made his days better and his drinking had cut down tremendously. He just hoped that he could talk to you and let you know that but right now you weren’t listening to him. He immediately pulled out his phone and sent a couple of text messages to you and called you but the messages went unanswered and the calls went straight to voicemail. 

——————————————————————

When it came time for you to go back to work you were dreading it. You didn’t want to see him at all. You told him all about your ex and how awful men were to you. When you had arrived at the station the only spot available was by Kelly’s car and you sighed but parked next to it. You killed the engine and got out and walked into the nearly silent station. You walked into the locker room and got changed and then you were heading to find everyone else. As you were searching for anyone, Kelly rounded the corner and you stopped and so he did. He looked like hell. He had bags under his eyes and his eyes weren’t as bright. “Y/N.” He said your name with a breathless whisper but you just shook your head and walked away.  

Each time he tried to talk to you, you would just back away or make up an excuse that you had something to do and leave. You felt bad for doing so but he did break your heart and most importantly your trust. You still love him but you had built walls up and they weren’t going to come down anytime soon. You had to put up with him for 3 days while you worked and it was gonna be difficult but you were going to pull through no matter what. 

Over the next few days, you avoided him like the plague and each time he tried to corner you and tried to explain the bell had rung each time saving you. You honestly didn’t know if you were going to give him another chance or not. Everyone had settled into the kitchen while Squad 3 was out on a call. While you were there, they got to talking about anything but the subject of Kelly had come up. “Gosh Kelly has become so irritable in the last few days. He’s even more grumpier and pretty much has gone back to his old ways.” Stella said and then she turned to you. “How was the date?” She asked.

“It was great and he was a gentleman. Afterwards we went to a little park near my house and as we were talking some girl came up named Alexa. She said that they hadn’t hooked up in weeks. She started touching him and he didn’t even try to stop her. He knew my history with men and how I was cheated on.” You said and everyone was quiet. 

“You know he has certainly changed since you came here. He started to become happy and friendly. His attitude has changed drastically.” Sylvie said and everyone nodded in agreement. 

“You’ve changed him for the better.” Gabriela said and you just sat there quietly taking it all in. 

“This Alexa girl he hasn’t talked to in months, almost close to a year.” Casey said and you looked up surprised.

“So, he was telling the truth?” You asked and they all nodded and now you felt bad for not giving him the time of day to actually explain. 

“He was. He is so in love with you that it is almost sickening.” Herrmann said, you thought about it and then the bells were ringing and Ambulance 61 and Truck 81 was being called out. As you were walking to the ambulance, the Squad 3 truck was pulling into the station. As Kelly got out you both made eye contact with each other but you had gotten in and shut the doors and you were off.

——————————————————————

When you got off shift you had debated on going straight home but you needed to see Kelly. You walked out to your car and noticed that he was already gone and you sighed. You got into your car and started the engine and headed over to his apartment. You knew where it was because you had been over there several times just to hang out and that was the first time you had admitted to yourself that you were absolutely in love with him. 

You pulled into a space and parked and killed the engine. You started your way into the building and walked to the elevator and pressed the button and it immediately opened. You got in and then pressed the button for his floor. You waited anxiously for it to arrive at his floor and when it did you knew there was no going back. You got off and walked to his door and knocked. There was no answer. You debated on going back home or not but didn’t get a chance to turn around because the door was opening and it was revealing Kelly with a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair was wet. “Y/N?” He asked and you couldn’t think of anything to say as you looked him up and down. 

After a few minutes you finally had enough and no words were coming to you so you just smashed your lips onto his and he returned it. He was so surprised that it had pushed him back but he had grabbed your waist and pulled you inside and shut the door. He pushed you up against the door and the heavy make out session continued. You finally pulled apart when air was needed and you could feel his erection from underneath the towel. “I’m sorry. I believe you and should’ve let you explain.” You said and he shook his head.

“That doesn’t matter right now. Jump.” He said and you did so and then he was back to kissing you, hard. He walked his way to his bedroom and gently laid you down. You broke the kiss and pulled the towel off and your mouth watered at the sight, he was huge and you loved it. “You like what you see?” He asked and you nodded.

“Very much so, but I’m wearing too many clothes.” You said and he chuckled and then started to slowly undress you while caressing every part of your body and kissing it. Soon you were completely naked and showing all of you to him. 

“You’re absolutely beautiful.” He said and you blushed. He laid down on the bed and gently spread your legs and dove in. When his mouth met your hot core, you moaned and grabbed onto his head and pushed him more into you.

“Kelly.” You moaned out and he smirked, he circled your clit and then he pushed a finger into and you were throwing your head back. He thrusted into you and then added a second finger “Oh my gosh.” You moaned out that the rubber band feeling was starting to get tight and you were close. “I want to come on your cock.” You moaned out and he nodded and licked one more broad stripe up you before he was lifting his head and pulling out his fingers. He crawled up to you and kissed you, you tasted yourself on him. 

“You ready, Baby?” He asked while pumping himself twice and you nodded.

“I need you inside me.” You said and he nodded and positioned himself at your entrance and he pushed in. You both moaned together as he did so.

“You’re so tight.” He said and when he bottomed out you felt so full and he stretched you in all the right places. He stayed still for a minute letting you adjust.

“Move.” You moaned out and he nodded and started to gently thrust into you. Your hands went to his back and your fingers dug into his shoulder blades.

“You’re perfect.” He said and started to thrust faster making you moan louder.

“Right there.” You said as he hit your g-spot. “Oh my gosh, I love you.” You moaned out and that just made him go faster.

“I love you too, Baby. You’re the only one for me.” He said and dipped his head down into your neck and sucked on it. He gently bit it and that you were clenching around him. 

“I’m close.” He said and you moaned out.

“Me too. I want you to cum in me.” You moaned out and that just seemed to make him go faster. 

Kelly’s thrust was becoming sloppy and you knew he was close. Your fingernails bit into him making him hiss. He reached a hand down to your clit and started to rub vigorously which helped you get closer. “Cum with me.” He moaned out and then he was bending down, taking one of your nipples into his mouth and sucking on it. When he gently bit it is when you came and you clenched around him which made him cum. You both came while calling out each other’s names. You both were coming down from your highs when he pulled slowly out of you and laid next to you. You both panted out of breath but a smile was on both of your faces. “I wasn’t lying when I said you’re the only one for me.” He said and you turned to look at him.

“I know. Everyone talked to me. I’m sorry for not letting you explain.” You said and he smiled at you.

“It’s ok. I’m just glad we’re here with each other now.” He said and you nodded “I love you.” He said and you smiled.

“I love you too.” You replied

“Will you be my girlfriend?” He asked and you sat up leaning on an elbow.

“Yes. I would love to.” You said and he smiled and he leaned over and kissed you.  You were his and he was yours and that is all that mattered. Nothing was going to change that not now or ever. 

Tag list:

@kmc1989

@els-marvelvsp

@atarmychick007

@nyx2021

@grandstrangerphantom

@angenu01-blog

@talesofreading

[timothyslucy]

oh, i thought stella's star "girls on fire" recruit took that training manual from stella for some diabolical scheme, whoops. 😅

[sailingfireshipz]

The fact that we never saw Aunt Laverne & Uncle Ray again. 😔 😟

CHICAGO FIRE (2012 -)

– 09x10, One Crazy Shift

[sylkiddsey]

Prompt: “I could’ve helped.”

Set in season 12

She’s frozen.

She’s actually physically stuck in front of the tv in the common room. Stella or Violet is behind her, bracing her shoulders.

She can’t move. She can’t think. Her heart is free falling in her damn chest. The tv is broadcasting a breaking news story about a recent shooting.

A shooting in Portland at a firehouse. The firehouse Matt works at. The station her fiancé went to this morning for one of his last shifts.

The one where the reporter has announced multiple injuries on site. The one a gang member walked into and fired shots.

“Brett.”

The voice is muffled by her internal panic but then Severide is kneeling next to her. He looks worried but also confident. “I’m sure he’s okay. He probably wasn’t involved.”

It’s the probably that is tearing her soul. She can’t help but think about the last firehouse shooting at 51. She witnessed him take a bullet, but it was different then. They were friends. They hadn’t fallen in love yet.

Now, she’s the most in love with him (and anyone) she’s ever been. Now he’s the man she’s marrying and building a family with.

She’s white knuckling her phone, willing for Matt to call her back. The second Kidd flagged her down when she got back, Sylvie called him. She called him once, twice, three times and a few dozen after that.

He won’t answer.

“I…this isn’t real,” she whispers, tears filming her eyes. She looks at Severide, then behind her at Stella and the rest of 51. “Right? Tell me this isn’t happening.”

Obviously, no one can.

She doesn’t know if he’s okay. She doesn’t even know if he’s alive. Her head is spinning, and her heart physically hurts.

Mouch places a hand on her back from his spot beside her on the couch. His reading glasses are perched on the edge of his nose as he scrolls on an iPad. “I’m going to find you flight, okay? Just in case.”

Oh god, this isn’t happening. She’s going to pass out.

Severide squeezes her knee. “Boden is making calls. He’ll find something out. It’s going to be fine.”

She appreciates his comfort, but he doesn’t know that. Her voice shakes when she speaks. “Severide, I can’t…”

Lose him.

He nods. “I’m sure he’s fine.”

She’s about to point out the facts but then her phone vibrates in her hand. She almost breaks her neck checking the ID.

She springs from the couch and instantly answers, pushing her way past 51 towards the kitchen. “Matt.”

She hopes it is him and not someone calling from his phone to deliver the worst news possible.

“Hey, I’m okay.”

The sound of his voice breaks her resolve. She lets out a sob and covers her mouth. Her relief, however, worries all of 51. Severide looks panicked from her reaction.

She gives them all a thumbs up to communicate he’s fine. All of 51 looks relieved too.

She’s probably going to be a wreck over this phone, so she wants privacy. She exits the common room and heads towards the locker area.

“Oh my god,” she cries. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he assures. “I’m sorry. I just got my phone. I would’ve called you sooner.”

She’s just glad he’s calling now. She sits on the floor against her locker. “I’m just so relieved you’re alive. I…I can’t even imagine what I would do if…”

“Hey, don’t go there,” he whispers. “I’m perfectly okay.” He pauses for a second. “Well, more or less.”

Now that she thinks about it, she has heard a lot of voices in the background. It doesn’t sound like he’s home.

“Are you in the hospital?”

He hesitates which gives away the answer.

“Baby, what happened? How bad is it? How could you not lead with that? What hospital?”

He chuckles. “It’s nothing. It’s just a graze.”

What does that mean? What kind of graze?

“Did you get shot?!”

“No, not technically,” he says. “I was grazed by a bullet. I’m fine.”

She’s equally terrified and furious. Matt downplays his injuries. She has no idea what he’d define as a graze.

“You’re not fine. You were shot. Where? Has a doctor seen you yet? Have they disinfected the wound?”

“Honey.” His voice is full of fondness. “I’m okay. A bullet grazed my arm. I barely lost any blood and I needed only a few stitches. Now I’m just waiting for discharge papers. I swear to you, miss paramedic, I’m fine.”

She has a hard time believing that but she’s going to try for her own sanity. “Okay. Okay, you’re fine. How is everyone else?”

He sighs. “Everyone is going to make it. The guy who fired the gun definitely isn’t though. We’re all okay for the most part.”

That’s a relief. She’s gotten to know the people he worked with while in Portland. She likes everyone there.

“I wish I could’ve been there,” she whispers, shutting her eyes. A tear rolls down her cheek.

“I don’t. Sylvie, I don’t want you anywhere near that. I’m just glad you’re safe in Chicago,” he replies. “Plus, there isn’t anything you could’ve done.”

She’d argue that.

“I could’ve helped. I’m a paramedic and you’re, you know, my man. I could’ve taken care of you.”

He laughs. “Your man, huh?”

Sylvie grins. “Yes.” She glances down at her engagement ring and blinks back tears. “I just…I really thought I lost you, Matt.”

“Hey, that’s never going to happen,” he replies. “Do you really think I’d let a little bullet get in the way of making you my wife after all these years?”

She smiles because she knows he’s right. He’d fight like hell to come home to her but that doesn’t mean terrible things can’t happen.

“I love you so much,” she says. “And if you were here right now, I’d kill you for doing this to me and Severide.”

“Well good thing I’m in Portland then. I know what you’re capable of and it’s scary as hell.”

He’s such a dork.

“Hey, I love you so much too, baby,” Matt says. “And I’m genuinely sorry I scared you. I’ll make it up to you when I’m back in Chicago.”

She’ll hold him to that.

[alittlextrathatway]

Line: "I close my eyes and the flashback starts." Location: hospital

This is not how Matt envisioned spending his first day home. He truly believed the worst was over now that he was back on Chicago’s hallowed ground. He and Sylvie made it through. They were together again and planning a life together. What could go wrong?

Everything. The answer is everything.

In all his time working for the CFD, he had never once heard of a bomb being mailed to anyone. But especially not a firehouse.

And now Sylvie is in the ER. He wasn’t at 51, he didn’t watch it happen, but he got a call from Stella afterward. She wasn’t sure of Sylvie’s condition. The scene was chaotic, she never saw her, but she knows she was loaded into an ambo and driven away.

Fear squeezes his heart like a vice. The waiting area is full of first responders, already wanting to know how to support 51. Thankfully, the bomb didn’t go off inside the firehouse or this could have been a lot worse. It’s all the comfort he can manage until he sets his eyes on Sylvie.

He storms through the waiting area and passes the double doors into the ED. Everyone else may be waiting patiently but he isn’t. His fiancée is through those doors. The mother of their newly adopted daughter is in danger. He’d take a sledge to the hospital wall to get to her if he had to. There’s no stopping him.

Maggie must have predicted he would barge in as he pleased because she’s waiting for him in front of the nurse’s station.

“Kidd said Sylvie’s—“

“She’s fine, Casey. She’s okay.”

“No offense, Maggie, but I’d like to judge that for myself.”

She points behind him to Trauma 3 and Matt hurriedly spins around. The flashback hits him with as much force as a halligan to the head. It takes him back to that day, years ago now, where she fell through the floor. The day he had to watch her cry through tears of physical pain. The day they lost Otis.

Because sitting on the hospital bed, feet dangling over the edge, is Sylvie. Her arm in a sling, her face covered in dust, and tears in her eyes. She looks small and scared but whole. Blessedly whole.

“Thank god,” Matt mutters, taking a deep breath as he steps into the small room.

“Matt!” Sylvie exclaims, throwing her good arm around him.

“Hey,” he says, pulling her as close as he can without jostling her arm. The same arm she broke in the Arnow collapse. “I’m here.” He leans back and frames her face with his hands, thumbs swiping at tracks of tears on her cheeks. “Are you okay? What happened?”

“That poor delivery driver,” she says, with a shaky inhale. She pauses to exhale, willing herself to calm down. “I don’t think it was supposed to happen that way, Matt. He picked up the package and turned to face the house and then…all of a sudden I was thrown into the back of the open ambo. My elbow slammed into the stretcher and now I’m here. God, it happened so fast I don’t even know if — oh god, how’s everyone else? Do you know? Have you talked to anyone?”

He closes his eyes, imagining all the ways today could have cost him everything, and then forces the images away. Right now, Sylvie needs him and panicking over how close he came to a life without her won’t help. He kisses her grimey forehead and then presses his against her temple, pressing her to his side.

“Just Stella. She didn’t know much either. The scene at 51 is chaos and she’s working with Boden to try and get a head count.”

Sylvie rubs her good hand across her forehead as she takes in the only new information he has. “Well,” she says meeting his eyes with a loud sniffle. “Welcome home, I guess. Some first day, huh?”

“Any day you’re with me is better than most,” he assures her. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she replies, relaxing into his arms. “God, I’m glad you’re here. I don’t know if I could handle this without you.”

He’s glad he’s here too. He can’t imagine hearing about this from the other side of the country. Now, more than ever, he’s glad he came to his senses and proposed. From here on out, they’ll never have to deal with a crisis like this alone again. They’ll always figure it out. Together.

***

This is kinda based on some things I’ve seen and heard about 12x01 filming. As usual, I’m probably wrong lol.

Send me a Taylor Swift or Kelsea Ballerini lyric and location to my ask box! I’ll write you a Brettsey fic too! 💗

[sailingfireshipz]

I know we always talk about Kelly's character growth throughout the years, but can we also yap about Stella Kidds? Rewatching a lot of episodes from S5 has me emotional because she's grown so sooo much over the years. Like wdym she's an officer at a firehouse she loves & is respected at? With a community outreach program helping young girls across 4 different cities & states. A husband who absolutely adores her, who would move heaven & earth to protect her from the horrors of the world. Who wants to start a family with HER! Who the only other person before her he committed to doing so with was his platonic best friend. And if all of that wasn't enough, she still never abandoned her mission of helping or advocating for the underdog. I could write a list of victims she's helped but also members of Firehouse 51 - Something we've seen her do since S5.

Like the girls been through so much trauma at such a young age, she had every right to let her circumstances define her, yet she chose a different path. A path forward that's afforded her the love & community she never truly had growing up.

Forever grateful for Miranda Rae Mayo & the beautiful work she's done to curate & bring this lovely character to our screens. I simply could not imagine anyone else being Stella fucking Kidd!

Thank you for coming to my yap session. 🫶🏼

[sailingfireshipz]

Ooooooh, you're beautiful mind! It's happening

y’all here me out for a second. in the infection crossover we got kelly telling stella that he’d go in bed with stella, their kids, and grandkids surrounding him. what if in this crossover we get stella telling kelly she’s ready for kids