#stayed up late to finish holiday projects as much as I could and nearly forgot to look at the page!

[lizasweetling]

I'm headcannoning that 'Mechanicsburg Annual' is a local news (and research) magazine based in Mechanicsburg

I theorize that the Mechanicsburg annual used to publish layman reports of the old master's conquests and technological achievements for the past year- it's important to Show Them All when you do Science! after all

and after the boys restructured Mechanicsburg's economy, they persisted, though to keep up with greater demand generated by tourism, they started producing more editions each year and spending more time on town festivals, public works and attractions, and a greatly expanded restaurant guide.

[imaginesandinserts]

Irreverent Pt. 40 - New York

Title: Irreverent Pt. 40 - New York Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader Rating: M Words: 7070

Irreverent Series Masterlist

You'd spent four weeks on and off in a cramped apartment in Paris with only Clyde for company when you swapped shifts. The two of you were becoming very comfortable with one another, and to his credit he had yet to try and make any sort of move.

The surveillance you were running was a long term operation, so you found yourself with an excess of time with nothing to do. You had mounted a punching bag to the ceiling so you could stay in shape. Derek would kill you if you spent four weeks eating nothing but croissants and undid all of your (his) hardwork.

In your time off, you lived out of a  hotel room. You'd debated simply buying a property in Paris to replace the one you'd handed off to your mother, and had even spent two long afternoons with a realtor. However, you found yourself really wishing Aaron was around to help you pick the one - any place you got now would really be meant for the two of you. Maybe Christmas in Paris with Jack so that the three of us can find a place we all like. Something away from the tourist traps - in the Trocadéro perhaps, something with a balcony.

You video called Aaron and Jack any spare moment you had, in between your visits back home every ten days or so. You swore Jack looked bigger between each visit. If Aaron was anything to go by, you were convinced Jack would be taller than you any day now. Aaron had pointed out that you were just exceptionally short, before lifting you with ease and throwing you onto the bed.

Clyde was prepping another round of surveillance but could tell you were as close to burnt out as possible, so had recruited another agent at Interpol under him, to take the next couple of weeks. He'd seen you off to the airport with strict instructions to recuperate and come back with your head in the game.

You arrived back home to an empty house. Jess and Andrew had taken the kids to the lake house to catch the last bit of summer, which you'd only remembered once you were already halfway across the Atlantic. Had you remembered earlier you would've swapped with Clyde and taken off a week when Jack would be home as well. As it was, you spent your first couple of hours doing laundry and repacking a new go bag. Aaron was flying back from a case in North Carolina and would be arriving later that night.

After showering and changing into loungewear, you slipped on Aaron's old law school hoodie (which pretty permanently lived in your side of the closet) before going back downstairs to put something together for dinner. With all three of you gone for the past few days, the groceries were meager. You debated running out to the store but if Jack was gone and you and Aaron got called in on a case the next day, that would be a waste. Settling for defrosting one of the lasagnas you'd made the last time you'd been back, you ended up snacking on Jack's fruit gummies in the meantime.

When Aaron got home, you were asleep on the couch with a blanket covering you. He carefully walked past the foyer and went upstairs to shower and change. You'd finished the laundry it would appear so at least he had fresh clothes to choose from and pack his own go bag. When he got back downstairs, you stirred slightly, catching sight of him dressed in pajamas with his hair still wet from the shower.

"Hey." Your voice was soft and sleepy and you made no effort to get up from the couch. Instead, you opened your arms, raising the blanket with you. Aaron smiles just slightly, before quickly joining you on the couch, his head on your chest, arms wrapped around your waist. He mumbles a hello against your breasts, gently nuzzling while your legs entangle with his and you bring the blanket around to cover him as well.

"Are you hungry?" you ask. You'd been waiting on him to come home before you would actually put the food in the oven. You'd eaten two packs of the fruit gummies and a handful of almonds before exhaustion from the time difference had caught up with you and you hadn't been able to resist laying down on the couch with the late afternoon sun warming you up.

He shakes his head at your question. The team had grabbed food before boarding the plane and eating felt like too much effort. You're soft and warm against him and he finds himself drifting away to the feel of your fingers running through his damp hair, your other arm wrapped around the top of his shoulders.

"Was it a bad case?" Your question is hesitant, as if you're not certain if he'd want to talk about it yet if it was.

He tilts his head up to look at you, meeting your warm regard. "Aren't they all?" he manages with a grimace. He hadn't wanted to complain to you right then, but you also knew. If the team was there at all, nothing good was happening. No case was ever really good.

"I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

He shakes his head. Talking wouldn't do much.

You lean down, your lips just barely reaching his forehead before grazing against him.

He takes in a small breath before turning back. You feel the press of his lips against your chest and his hands drawing circles along your waist and stomach. He takes a deeper breath, letting himself be held by you.

*------------*

You had a morning meeting with McKinney to update him on the progress being made on the case with Interpol. He'd been please with everything you reported and brought up a few things he wanted you to consider.

"Agent Hotchner has been many things in your life - a boss, a mentor, and now the two of you are in a relationship. There will come a time where you have to make some concrete choices about the future and choose which roles you'd like for him to keep."

"Are you and your ex-wife still friends?" you ask.

McKinney seems surprised by your question, but he nods nonetheless. "We are, yes. For our daughter's sake."

"Same for me and Aaron. He doesn't need to be my boss or my boyfriend. But he'll always have to be my friend because of Jack." Not that you could even fathom a future without Aaron in it, but were it to ever happen you knew that you and Aaron would forever be in each other's lives. For Jack.

He nods understandingly. The two of you had formed enough of a relationship for him to understand that you were as ready as you ever would be to make the move more permanent.

"I'll sign off on some paperwork and have you designated as a temporary consult for the BAU then. I'm assuming you'll still want to participate in cases when you can."

"Yes, thank you sir."

When you got to the bullpen, it was to find it nearly empty with only Spencer, and even he appeared to be leaving.

"Hey, where is everyone?"

"Got a case. Need to ask Garcia to run something. Emily, JJ, and Morgan left already because she forgot her go bag," Spencer explained as he hurriedly grabbed his own stuff and made his way to the elevators. "Hotch should be in his office, still," he throws over his shoulder as he walks off.

"Thanks Spence."

You quickly make your way upstairs and knock on Aaron's office door before entering. He's seated in his chair, making a phone call, but gestures you in as you close the door behind you. You walk to his side of the desk and make yourself at home on his lap, your arm wrapped around his shoulders. He's obviously not very happy with whoever is on the other end but still smiles at you, wrapping an arm around your waist to hold you steady.

If everyone was going on a case, you didn't want to sit at home and do nothing. Surveillance in Paris had been boring and you needed something mentally stimulating. "Can I come on the case?" you whisper, your other hand resting on his chest.

He quirks an eyebrow at you. He had thought you'd use the week off to properly rest. However he ends up simply nodding. He knew you wouldn't do well at home with neither him nor Jack around. You'd probably end up finding some sort of project that would exhaust you. He'd just have you take it easy during the case.

Aaron hangs up with a frustrated sigh. He puts his phone down on his desk, bringing both arms to wrap around you.

"What's wrong?" you ask, shifting to face him better

"There is not a single hotel in the city with more than two rooms available," he explains.  He'd been on the phone since the briefing ended and he'd had absolutely no luck.

You realized you had no actual information on the case at all. "Where are you looking?"

"New York."

"Like, New York, New York? We finally have a case in Manhattan?" Your face lights up. In all your time with the team, you'd never had a case in the city. Since your life had pretty much revolved around work for the past few years, you hadn't been back since your first holidays at the Bureau.

"Yes," Aaron smiles at your obvious excitement. He knew you had a special connection to New York. "And absolutely nowhere to stay, so we'll all really get to enjoy the Big Apple at night from the streets."

You laugh at his dramatics. "We can just stay at my place."

"Your place? You still have it?" he questions, his head tilting in confusion. You hadn't lived there in years, he couldn't imagine why you'd maintained a residence there.

"Yeah, I never bothered selling, and its big enough," you reply, shrugging your shoulders.

Of course you had a place big enough in Manhattan to comfortably host seven people. Aaron had to resist an eyeroll. He was really starting to do that a lot more and Prentiss had called him out on it, saying it looked unnatural on his face.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah, of course. I'll make some calls," you reply, placing a quick kiss to his cheek before standing to head to the airport. "You can brief me on the case on the way. I have no idea what I'm walking into."

The two of you grab Rossi and Reid (with a quick hello for Penelope along with a delivery of croissants) and make your way to the airport. The three of them together fill you in on the details of the case. New York had had a rash of arson cases across the city and each time they'd uncovered bodies - male and female - tied up ang gagged. By the time firefighters arrived and put out the fires, the bodies were half burnt, however the Medical Examiner's report revealed that the victims had been alive at the time of the fire. Most of them had died from asphyxiation and smoke in their lungs before the fire ever got to them.

Apparently Emily had been a total disaster magnet, as her go bag hadn't been at her house either. She'd had to pack an entirely new bag while Derek and JJ waited for her, so the rest of you had managed to make it onto the plane before them. When they finally arrive - with Emily throwing apologies all around and grabbing a croissant from the box you'd left in the middle for everyone - the plane finally takes off.

"How many pastries did you eat every day?" Derek asks disapprovingly, poking at your stomach as he settles in across from you.

Damn it. You'd hope he wouldn't notice. "I told you," you muttered to Aaron, who only shakes his head. You'd lamented the fact that your six pack was turning into a four pack that morning while the two of you had gotten ready for work. He'd tried reassuring you that you were still in good shape and a few pastries weren't going to kill you. But what did he know? He managed to go on a run once in a blue moon and still look great.

For his part, Aaron had noticed of course that you were the teensiest bit softer from a whole month in Paris, but he didn't mind at all. A little more to hold and most of the weight had gone right to your ass so he really wasn't complaining at all. Plus, Aaron Hotchner was a smart man. He wasn't about to be the one to tell his girlfriend that she'd gained maybe five pounds from a month in Paris, surrounded by her favorite food and stuck in an apartment with very little to do.

"Probably a few too many," you admit guiltily. "Wanna work out again once we're back?" You figured you might as well put that out there so he'll be nicer to you.

"Yeah, but we aren't waiting till we get back. You and I are going on a run. Early tomorrow morning." His voice is full of threat of bad things to come if you complain, so you nod meekly, knowing you're in for a heck of a workout if he has anything to say about it.

"I can't believe you let him say that to you," Emily remarks, stuffing a second croissant into her mouth, looking every bit the picture of perfection.

You laugh. Derek wasn't being intentionally mean. "I told him he has to be mean to me," you explain. "Otherwise I'll just let it slide and do the bare minimum to pass the physical exam. Honestly I didn't even eat that many pastries and if I had been doing cases like normal here I would've been fine. Sitting in an apartment all day long is killer."

They all agree with you - no one enjoyed surveillance cases. The team chats a bit more about Paris, the case, and what everyone had been up to while you were away.

"Wait, Derek, I almost forgot, when're you going to ask Savannah?" You turn to Derek, eager to know what he'd decided for his proposal to Savannah. Him and Penelope had gone to pick out the ring a few weeks back, video calling you during, and he'd managed to pick out a gorgeous ring for her.

"Our anniversary is coming up, so probably the day right before if we're free. That way we can celebrate the actual anniversary properly," he says, waggling his eyebrows.

You laugh. "Well, just make sure it's the kind of proposal she'll like. Nothing big and public."

"Yeah, probably just the two of us actually. I'm planning on picking her up from work and taking her to that new property I've been working on to show her properly," he says. Derek had shown you all photos of the place that he was remodeling and you knew it was his vision of his forever home. The fact that he was choosing to propose to Savannah there spoke volumes.

"That's actually cute," Emily remarks, impressed that he'd managed to put together something that wasn't entirely cringe inducing.

"Hey don't sound too surprised." The two of them rib at each for a bit as you watch fondly. You'd missed this.

"What was your first proposal like?" Emily asks, turning away from Derek and glancing quickly at Hotch beside you, bent over a stack of paperwork as usual. However by now, you all know that that means nothing - he hears everything.

Aaron listens in as you tell Emily about how Matthew had proposed at Thanksgiving your last year of college, in front of everyone. He cringes internally, knowing that definitely was not your style. You'd want it to be private - something special that only you could have. He has a hard time not looking up at the baggage stowaway where a small box has sat, hidden in a pair of socks he never wears, just waiting for the right moment.

"You should've dumped him in public - revenge for the public proposal," Emily says, a dark smile marring her face.

"I pretty much had to," you reply. "I broke up with him earlier in private, returned the ring and everything. But he found me, out at a bar later and went totally ballistic, accusing me of all sorts of things. My friend Ricky ended up punching him in the face."

Aaron chuckles, looking up finally and revealing that he had, of course, been listening the whole time. "I think I'd like this Ricky kid." Anyone punching Matthew in the face was good in his book.

You share a look with Derek and there's a smirk dancing at his lips. He knew exactly who Ricky was.

Smiling, you lean into Aaron ever so slightly. "I think you would too."

You'd felt him tense earlier as you told Emily about Matthew's proposal - you weren't sure if it was because of Matthew or the proposal. You'd had to resist peaking over at him while you spoke with Emily, knowing he'd notice that for sure. You didn't want to send the wrong impression. Not that you were expecting a proposal anytime soon. It hadn't even been a whole year since the two of you were together, and with Aaron, you weren't sure if a proposal was coming at all.

You knew if you voiced this to Emily or anyone, they'd tell you were crazy. That of course Hotch wanted to marry you - how could you think he wouldn't. But Aaron had already done the marriage thing and it hadn't gone so well. After Haley, you were surprised he wanted to risk his heart again at all. Your relationship was already more than you could have ever imagined or hoped for. You didn't need to be married to him if that wasn't something he could give to you. He'd already given enough.

You looked across the aisle and saw that JJ looked a little pale. She hadn't grabbed a croissant like everyone else, which was fine of course. However she also had an unopened bag of Cheetos in front of her and that was definitely not normal. The plane gets some turbulence and her hands fly to her mouth. The next second she's up and rushing to the bathroom.

You share a look with Emily. That definitely wasn't normal. The two of you get up and walk towards the back of the plane to wait for her.

As JJ exits, you hand her a bottle of water which she accepts gratefully.

"Are you okay?" Emily asks, reaching out to smooth her hair in place.

JJ looks apprehensively between the two of you before nodding. "Yeah," her voice is soft as if she's trying not to be overheard. However something passes over her face and you can see her steel herself. Raising her voice, she draws the attention of everyone on the plane. "Actually I have some news to share. I'm pregnant," she announces, smiling slightly.

"Oh my goodness, congratulations." Emily quickly wraps her into a hug.

You hug her next as the three of you walk back to your seats and everyone else also congratulates her. Rossi kisses both her cheeks and tells her he's excited for a new bambino in the family.

You settle back down into your seat next to Aaron as everyone pulls JJ into baby talk. Aaron's hand finds its way to yours, intertwining your fingers together and giving you a light squeeze.

You look over at him and he's giving you a look. The look that asks, Are you alright?

You glance towards JJ and smile, before looking back at him. I'm not going to fall apart because JJ is pregnant and I'm not. I'm alright. He can read your looks well enough by now.

He nods hesitantly but doesn't push the matter. The two of you weren't even trying for a baby but Aaron felt a dull ache in his chest at the subject on your behalf. He worried that it affected you more than you let on, despite how you engaged with JJ and asked her when she was due and started discussing throwing her a baby shower with Emily.

He keeps his hand intertwined with yours the rest of the plane ride.

*------------*

Hotch assigns out roles to everyone - sending Prentiss and Morgan to the latest crime site and Reid starts working on a geographic profile while Rossi and JJ go to speak with the victims' families. He keeps you with him at the precinct to go meet with the lead detective on the case.

You'd made a phone call on the car ride over, speaking in accented Russian with a woman named Tatiana, and he realized he hadn't actually known you spoke Russian. French, Spanish, and Urdu he'd known about. He briefly wonders what else he doesn't know about you.

When he was still moving into the house, he'd come across some photos of you in a sleek white dress looking ethereally beautiful, dancing with a boy who looked barely old enough to drive. The white gloves and other kids dancing in the background suggested it was your cotillion. There were a few more photos - photos of you dancing with your father and brothers and then another of you dancing with a blonde man who towered over you. Finally there were the polaroids of what was obviously an after party to the same event. Your dress was the slightest bit wrinkled in those and you were mostly photographed with Julian and the blonde man, your young, age-appropriate date nowhere to be seen. The photo that had really caught his eye was one of you draped across both men, leaning against Julian with your legs on the blonde man's lap, your white dress splayed around you. You'd seen what Aaron was looking at and told him how you'd exchanged your original white dress for one that was more adult and had an open back and how you'd been the scandal of the season. He'd laughed, looking back at the photo in his hand. Julian was looking at the camera while you drank straight from a bottle of champagne. That blonde man however, his eyes were trained on you and you alone.

The two of you arrive at the precinct and are directed to the conference room where, through the windows, he could see a black man in a suit speaking with a uniformed officer. Aaron walks to the conference room with you at his heels and knocks on the open door to announce your arrival.

The black man looks up at the knock. "Agent Hotchner," he greets, walking over to the two of you, his eyes trained on Hotch before he catches sight of you and his eyes get wide. "Y/N! What're you doing here?" he exclaims, leaning down to give you a slight hug.

You smile wide, returning the gesture. "I'm with the BAU," you explain.

"You're a Fed?" He seems very surprised at that and Aaron watches as you chuckle.

"Hey, you aren't Officer Lewis anymore, you're a detective. So looks like we both moved on up in life," you tease, giving him a friendly shove.

Detective Lewis laughs at that though he still appears surprised.

Hotch looks between the two of you, eyebrow quirked up in question. "You two know one another, I presume."

You nod. "Yeah, back when I lived in New York, the then Officer Lewis helped me out with a little stalker issue I was having. He was the only one that believed me," you explain with a slight smile on your face.

You had had a stalker? Aaron starts to ask for more information on the matter, however he's interrupted by the uniformed officer telling you that the evidence you'd asked to see on your way in was available. You quickly excuse yourself with another smile at Detective Lewis and himself.

As if sensing his need to know more, Detective Lewis turns to Hotch, to explain how you'd had a stalker who had been following you around for the better part of two months and when you'd reported it, no one had taken it too seriously until the guy had cornered you with a knife one day and cut some of your hair to take with him. "Nasty piece of work. Her lawyer got the judge to issue a warrant and they ended up finding child porn on his computer so they got him for that. The whole place was like a shrine to her though. There were photos of her everywhere, even inside her apartment. Completely nuts dude who was probably on the path to do something much worse than cutting some hair."

Aaron nods grimly as he watches you speaking with the officer across the room. Even in heels you stood a head shorter than most people. Sure, you were strong and could fight now, but he knew that hadn't always been the case. He could just imagine some terrifyingly large man cornering you at night and shoving you against a wall before knifing hair off of your head. The thought alone made bile rise in his throat.

"Anyways," Detective Lewis continued, "there was a prison riot a month after his arrest and he died during that. Good riddance I say."

So much for the small blessings.

*------------*

Later that evening once the team had made some headway in the case but it was far too late to do much more, everyone headed out to drive to your place. Aaron pulled up to the address on the GPS - an older building just across from Central Park and close to the Midtown precinct the team was based out of.

Everyone exits the vehicle, Morgan and the rest in the car that had pulled up right behind him. An older man dressed in a plain yet well-fitted suit had exited to meet you.

"Petyr!," you greeted, meeting him halfway and kissing both cheeks.

The man - who appeared to be Eastern European - respectfully returned a smile. "Hello Miss. It is lovely to see you again."

You hand over both of the car keys to Petyr and ask that they be fueled and ready by eight in the morning, before leading everyone inside. Aaron can sense the collective mixed energy of the team - excitement and apprehension and exhaustion from the day they'd all had. It was rare for the Bureau to put them up in a nice hotel and as they entered the lobby of the building, it was clear that this was nicer than any place they'd ever stayed in prior.

They all follow you, past a desk of similarly suited men - all of whom are carrying firearms, Aaron notes - seated in front of screens monitoring the location. You wave at them and Aaron sees one of the screens populate with the entire team's names and faces as the security personnel glance over the group.

He expects you to lead them to the elevators behind the desk, however you open a door to the right just past the security desk, revealing a second set of lifts. You enter last, pressing the only button available and the elevator begins to rise. And rise. And rise.

The team spills out of the elevator, directly into a large living room with floor to ceiling windows, of what is quite obviously the penthouse. The gasps from Prentiss and JJ as they walk towards the windows to get a view of the city and park below are telling. Even Dave seems impressed.

Aaron looks around and he can tell it is your place - the deep navy blues and forest greens of the throw pillows on the large couch, the grand piano sitting in a corner (You'd recently began teaching Jack on the smaller one that sat in the living room at home.), the large marble kitchen island with a bowl of lemons sitting at the center. It was the wall art which truly stood out however - a lot more Warhol and Basquiat rather than the watercolors he was used to with you. It was a dialed up version of your home now. Your place in Georgetown was a muted version of this - a more grown up and less ostentatious version which spoke to how you'd tried to fit in early on with the team and underplay exactly how wealthy you were.

The team mills about remarking at the place as you point them all to rooms down the hallway to the left. From down the hallway he hears Morgan's voice. "There's a mint on my pillow!"

JJ walks to the kitchen and opens the fridge to reveal that it is fully stocked - drinks of every sort. The cabinets were stocked with snacks and Aaron notices that there were Cheetos for JJ and the pretzel sticks that Reid munches on mindlessly when he's deep in thought. The wet bar to the side of the kitchen has Rossi's brand of scotch. You point to an intercom machine and tell them they can order food using it.

"We can't have restaurants deliver here directly," you explain. "There's some people in the building who are sensitive about revealing their address, so the guys downstairs will handle it. Just ask for whatever you want from any restaurant in a reasonable distance. They'll take care of the check and everything."

"At some point, we're going to have to have a talk about how much money you have exactly," he mutters to you as you come to stand by his side at the edge of the kitchen.

You laugh, that laugh that causes his heart to skip ever so slightly every time. "Oh honey, we're gonna need lawyers for that conversation," you respond, your eyes twinkling with amusement.

He had a feeling you weren't joking.

He moves to head down the hallway towards the bedrooms but you stop him, indicating a different hallway to the side of the kitchen instead. The two of you say good night to the rest of the team, leaving Prentiss and Rossi sitting on the couch with identical glasses of scotch poured, JJ munching on whatever snacks she could carry with her, and Reid browsing through the bookshelves lining the corner behind the piano. Morgan had already retired for the night.

*------------*

You led Aaron down the hallway and to your old room. It was weird having everyone here, especially since you hadn't been back here yourself since you'd started with the BAU. The one time you'd come back to New York after joining the Bureau officially had been that first holiday season, and you hadn't stayed here then.

You couldn't deny that you were a little apprehensive about Aaron's reaction to the place. It was definitely a more vibrant and rebellious version of you - the version that had just found out about Julian and just broken it off with Matthew and had sought only to escape. Your entire apartment was a testament to that idea - a stark contrast to the Connecticut old money roots that you'd grown up in.

You watched as he looked around the bedroom. This was perhaps the room which would feel the most familiar to him. Your shared room back home was a near mirror copy, down to the mirror in the corner. You'd never really compromised on how you wanted your bedroom to be, though you couldn't deny that it fit in a lot better with the Georgetown house. Here it felt washed out compared to the rest of the apartment.

You see a smile appear on his face as he sees the mirror in the corner. "Never took you to be such a creature of habit," he remarks, undoing his tie.

"Only when it comes to the bedroom. I don't play around with where I sleep."

You find yourself watching as he removes the tie with a soft pull and the jacket comes off right after, followed by the belt.

"I'm going to take a bath," you tell him, heading towards the door to the bathroom. You hope he'll decide to join you but don't bother asking.

After turning the water on and finding the bath bomb you like, stocked to the side, you drop it into the large tub. Quickly taking your clothes off, you climb into the tub and let the hot water envelop you. It had been a long time since you'd really enjoyed a bath, and the warmth from the water seeped into your bones as you relaxed against the back of the tub, the smell of gardenias wafting around you. Tatiana was about to get a wonderful tip for her work today. The bath bomb had been an unasked for extra.

You're so far blissed out that you barely hear the sound of the bathroom door opening as Aaron enters. He sees you with your head leaned back and eyes closed, the bubbles in the tub grazing the top of your chest and hiding the rest of you beneath.

"Hey." His voice is soft so as to not startle you.

You open your eyes to see him taking off the rest of his clothes, before he dims the bathroom light so that the two of you are bathed in a warm yellow glow. You shift forward and give him a hand to help him climb into the tub and slot himself behind you. His long legs nearly touch the other end as they stretch out on either side of you. Aaron pulls you back to lean against his chest. The water is too warm for his taste but he knows you run colder than he does. There's a view from the tub of the entire city and he can see the Empire State Building entirely lit up.

"Are there any other homes I should know about? You're not hiding a chalet in the Swiss Alps, are you?"

You chuckle, tilting your head back to look at his face. "There's a few more properties that I kept. I handed off most everything in Europe to my mother, besides my first place in Florence."

"Your first place?"

"I helped my father with a business deal when I was fifteen," you answer, tilting your head up to look straight out into the city. "He told me to pick a city and he'd buy me a place there if the deal went well. I always loved Florence."

Aaron takes note of the slight conflict in your tone. Your father is very much a touchy subject and he knows you find it difficult to enjoy the things in your past that are still linked to him. He doubted you'd been back there since.

"We should go to Florence then," he whispers, placing a kiss to the side of your neck and resting his head on your shoulder.

You smile, bringing your hand up to touch his cheek. He kisses the edge of your palm, the only part his lips could reach. "Maybe you can grow out the beard again then," you joke. There was a small part of you that was curious and regretted having been on the outs with him for those two weeks when he'd been back and had a full beard. It had never happened again. Jack hadn't been a fan apparently.

Aaron breathes out a laugh, the sensation causing goosebumps on your skin. "You liked the beard?" He sounds amused and a little bit…cautiously curious.

"Mm I think I just regret having missed out on that experience. We should've just had hate sex or something when you got back from Pakistan."

This time his laugh is deeper and he pulls you back against him tighter, drawing a squeal from your mouth. He cups your face towards him, capturing your lips in a sweetly insistent kiss, causing a moan to escape from you. His touch is gentle. It always is with you. A reminder that hate sex isn't really a concept between you. Even in the moments when you're rougher with one another, a touch more aggressive, pushing boundaries and testing limits, it's never hate. Frustration, sure. Anger, maybe. But hate? No. Never.

You lean back against him, allowing his body to hold you up entirely. His hands roam. Past your arms, brushing the underside of your breasts, moving lower. He peppers the top of you shoulders with soft kisses and you allow your eyes to flutter shut and simply enjoy his touch.

You dance your fingers against his thighs, feeling the thick muscles there flex and unflex as your touch moves back and forth.

His hand cups you under the water, one finger grazing against your opening, then two. With his other hand he cups your breast, his thumb brushing back and forth over the nipple, each graze sending the barest of sensation rushing through you, as he gently coaxes it into a peak. You know you're growing wetter and its not just the bathwater.

His light touch is dizzying in its barely thereness. He enters you with two fingers, softly exploring. He crooks his fingers just barely, finding the rough patch inside and grazing over it as his thumb finds your clit, rubbing it in languid circles. He continues the light touches until he's drawn far too many soft and wanton moans from you. The water is warm and your head is heady from the perfume that sits over the entire room and Aaron is solid behind you, taking his time working you up to the edge. When he finally lets you come, it is almost as an afterthought. His lips have never once left you in their devotion.

Hate never really was an option.

*------------*

Derek had been an absolute drill sergeant, knocking on your door at five thirty in the morning. You'd forced yourself to get up so he wouldn't wake Aaron, grabbing the workout clothes from your bag and taking them outside with you. Derek had turned around as you quickly got dressed and the two of you had run five miles, after which he made you do burpees and push ups in the park. You had gotten back to your room completely exhausted, promising yourself you wouldn't even look at a croissant again. Yeah, right.

Aaron was already up by the time you had returned. He'd managed to figure out the coffee machine in the kitchen after realizing it was a slightly older version of the one you had at home and had made you a latte just how you liked it. He handed it to you as you exited the bedroom dressed in a suit he hadn't seen before. It looked like you'd gone shopping in Paris, the dark green suit fitting you like a glove. You'd paired it with black stilettos as you were going to be spending most of the day at the precinct anyways.

"Good morning," he says, smiling appreciatively at the new outfit.

You hopped up onto the kitchen island as you usually did on mornings when it was just the two of you. He leaned against the counter across from you, drinking what was sure to be his second cup. You took a sip of the latte he'd made and it was perfect. Sometimes you wondered how Haley had dealt with him, because while Aaron was certainly capable there was a lot of stuff which he did automatically now that you'd had to teach him - making the perfect cup of coffee being the most important one. Though it hadn't all happened over the course of just your relationship. The coffee thing, he'd learned for you much earlier.

It appeared you two were the first ones ready, though you could hear sounds coming from down the hallway, indicating that the rest of the team was at least awake. The early morning sunlight was streaming in through the large windows, reminding you why you'd chosen this place. It hit Aaron just perfectly, creating a halo around him.

You reach out drawing him closer to you by his tie, intent on saying good morning properly. He looks back towards the hallway, before allowing you to pull him down to meet your lips. He's slow and methodical, kissing you just so, before his tongue darts out to lick your lips, prompting you to open your mouth to him. Your hands are still clutched onto his tie and his hands run up your legs, your thighs, and your waist. He can feel your legs instinctively start to wrap around him, the heel of your stiletto digging into the back of his thighs. You let go of his tie to wrap your arms around his neck, drawing him in even closer as he releases you with a gasp. You barely have a second to draw a breath before he returns, the two of you lost in your own world.

Only the insistent clearing of a throat accompanied by Emily's claps are enough to break you apart. You turn to see Rossi, Derek, and Emily standing at the edge of the kitchen. Rossi appears unbothered, Derek seems embarrassed, and Emily is exuberantly thrilled as she congratulates you for getting a morning makeout session in, before stealing your coffee. You and Aaron quickly adjust yourselves, however you're glad to note that he appears mostly unaffected as well. Life was far too short to be embarrassed by having your coworkers (who were staying in your home) catch you kissing your boyfriend.

To be honest, it was probably good for Emily to see this on occasion. She'd been convinced that Aaron was, in her words, the human equivalent of vanilla pudding. She figured that between both of your lack of a wide range of sexual partners, that the two of you only fucked in missionary. She couldn't be further from the truth, however you didn't really care to clear up her misconceptions. Not everyone needed to be bound up and choked to the brink of death in order to feel something.

[ice-ice-taeyong]

Three Perspectives on Vampires

Okay, I wrote this as a prompt fill for @sumigakure ‘s Halloween Event and it took forever because writing just wasn’t happening but I finally finished! It’s about 1k words longer than expected, and this is the short version. Oops.

Title: Three Perspectives on Vampires

Word Count: 2034

Prompt: Normal Character Meets Supernatural Creature/Being

Summary: Naruto thinks something’s up with Sasuke and Sasuke thinks something might be up with Naruto and Sakura is sick of their shit. (Aka there’s really minimal spook and I meant for more but the  fluffy writing goblins weren’t having any of it)

Naruto/Sasuke, warnings for orphans and slightly dark themes, modern highschool!au, fluffy

Ao3

“Pssst.

Sakura” Naruto whispered across the library table, eyes fixed on a figure made of pale skin and dark hair and equally dark clothes. “Sasuke is here.” He says it like it’s a conspiracy. Sakura rolls her eyes and looks up from her textbooks.

“Yes. He is known for leaving the compound every once in a while. Like every day we have school and such.” She whispers back. It wasn’t all that strange for Naruto to point Sasuke’s appearance in random public places out. Sakura was sometimes convinced that the last Uchiha was a little odd but he lost his family, both immediate and extended when his brother suffered a psychotic break and killed them. Anyone would be a little messed up after that. So Sakura generally ignored Naruto’s ramblings. But it was October, and that meant Naruto was more persistent than ever.

“Sakura! It’s after dark! I’m telling you, Sasuke’s not human!” Sakura tried not to sigh too loudly. She had once been as enamored by Sasuke as Naruto is but then she learned better. They were acquaintances, could hold a conversation without it being too terribly awkward, and she had a few class with him. They were acquaintances and she was fine with that. Really, it wasn’t too bad, and she definitely didn’t like him anymore. But Naruto, Naruto was still so obsessed. Sometimes, she wondered if it was…. no. Naruto would tell her about something that important. Speaking of the devil, Naruto hissed again.

“Sakura, I’m not joking. He’s a little creepy, dont'cha think? Oh! He looked over at us. Do you think he’ll say something?” Naruto seemed a little distressed at the thought, straightening his garish jacket and running a hand through his messy blonde hair. Sakura was confused. She shook her head and after giving him a vaguely threatening gesture with her fist she returned to her studying. After all, the two idiots would eventually stop eyeing each other and either Sasuke would join them or he’d do what he came to the library to do and then leave without a word. Not her problem, no matter how much Sakura wished he’d do the former. They worked well as a group and he was so good at calculus and this homework was stumping her.

The next time Naruto saw Sasuke was at school the next day. He’d been, um, carefully observing Sasuke for the past few months. Naruto knew that this behavior could be categorized as stalking, but it wasn’t like he had any malicious intent. He just found Sasuke so very alluring. They sat next to each other in practically every class, oh why did teachers insist on alphabetizing the class? It was all their fault really, sitting next to Sasuke had alerted him to the fact that Sasuke was actually really nice. Not that you could tell from any amount of first (and second and third and fourth and fifth) glances, and pretty much all of Naruto’s attempts at friendship during elementary school hadn’t worked. In middle school, he tried a handful of times more before giving up. If Sasuke wanted to be all mysterious and brooding and hot and lonely then he could. Naruto didn’t care. (So maybe he did, just a little. And that was only because he also understood just how much it hurt to lose all the family you’ve ever known.)

But in high school he was given no choice but to communicate with Sasuke. And Naruto slowly found that as appealing as Sasuke was from a carefully maintained distance (on the Uchiha’s part in the beginning, but Naruto soon caught in and also stayed away) he was so much more interesting up close. Wow, that sounded really stalker-y. Naruto had been cold to Sasuke at first, the sting of his rejection to Naruto’s attempts at friendship time and time again had left their mark, but after a month of being in proximity, Naruto relented and asked to work with Sasuke on a project together. He’d been a little surprised to hear Sasuke mutter a quiet “sure” and jot down his number on a small red post-it. Naruto had sat in shock for minuted until the warning bell for his next class rang and he had to sprint to his next class, which just happened to be the single course he didn’t share with Sasuke. He hadn’t been able to focus.

But on the day after the library, Naruto was determined to get answers. Not only to whether or not Sasuke was something not human (come on, no human person could be that hauntingly pretty. It’s just not possible, okay?) but also to the question of would he like to go to the Halloween dance together? Because somewhere in between working on a project together for the first time at the library to the first time Sasuke let Naruto into the Uchiha compound to when Sasuke spent the night with Naruto in his small flat that his godfather Jiraiya pays for (because there had been someone killing loners for a stint in May and while both boys would loathe to admit it, they were both scared) to celebrating birthdays and holidays and good grades together or with a small group of friends; somewhere in between all of that, Naruto fell in love with Sasuke. It’s a thought that still scares Naruto a little, but there’s not much to do about feelings like that except to face them and act on them. And so he fiddled with his zipper and worked up the courage to cross the hall and enter first period.

Sasuke was having a hard time categorizing his emotions on Naruto. On one hand, he annoyed Sasuke. Always hanging around and clinging and stalking him to activities and the like. On the other (much larger) hand, Sasuke nearly preened under the attention. He didn’t truly like the attention, has always shied away from the eyes of others, but Sasuke did like Naruto’s attention. He knew the blonde boy had lost his family too, that all he had left were godparents he didn’t meet until junior high. Sasuke found he also didn’t hate having to put up with the idiot in their classes either. Naruto provided comedy to dull lessons and brightened up dreary days. If Sasuke was being truly honest with himself (something he hated doing because the realizations it would lead to were always scary and not fun) he had been harboring a crush on Naruto since he finally gave up on trying to befriend him. Sasuke has always chalked up the flutter he got in his stomach when Naruto popped into his line of sight as irritation but he soon discovered it was attraction. Really, the only reason he refused to act on his feelings was because it could endanger Naruto. Sasuke was a vampire, the last in the town after his brother suffered from a powerful Suggestion and killed their clan. People tend to hunt vampires and the thought of losing Naruto hurt too much to entertain the idea. But Naruto had been acting weird lately, asking strange questions and appearing at his regular hunting grounds and Sasuke was terrified the fool had figured it out. Supernatural families tended to flock to Konoha, Sakura was a dryad, whether she knew it or not, and Naruto had always smelled like fox so maybe he already knew. Sasuke shrugged to himself and looked around the mostly empty classroom. Strange, it was early, but Naruto usually showed up around now pleading to copy his homework for some class that he forgot existed. Sasuke checked his watch and then closed his eyes. It was getting close to when he needed to feed and he was tired. He rested for a few minutes before smelling Naruto approach and he opened his eyes slowly, careful to keep the eyes his family has hidden.

Apparently, he wasn’t careful enough because Sasuke watched Naruto’s eyes bug out of his head and his mouth drop open. Sasuke felt his stomach tighten and willed the red tint away.

Naruto blinked twice before grabbing Sasuke’s hand tightly and pulling him up out of his seat. “Talk. We need to…shit. I need to talk to you.” He stammered out, voice pitched high with nerves. Sasuke was confused but nodded his permission? Is that what Naruto wanted? Sasuke didn’t know why the blonde boy wasn’t running in the other direction but well, he wouldn’t complain. Naruto led them to a rarely-used side hallway along the side of the auditorium. Sasuke was surprised about the privacy, but again, he wouldn’t complain. Naruto finally dropped his wrist (had he not let go? Sasuke hadn’t noticed) and took a deep breath. The hallway was barely three feet across and with the boys leaning against opposite walls, there were only a few inches of space between them. Naruto dropped his head to rest against the wall and looked down the bridge of his nose at Sasuke. He didn’t speak though, and silence from Naruto was scary. He was always bubbling and loud, not speaking was worse than any harsh words. He must be disgusted, Sasuke thought. He opened his mouth and took a shallow breath before speaking.

“Naruto, I don’t want you to hate me. I know this town is pretty liberal, but what I am…. I just can’t lose you. I need you. As a friend.” He tagged the last part on hurriedly. They were talking about vampires, the emotions could be sorted out later. Naruto’s eyes went wider than before and pushed off the wall so he was looking straight at Sasuke.

“Sasuke…how could I hate you? I’m different too. And if anyone in Konoha says something to you about that then I’ll beat ‘em up!” He exclaimed, striking a “Nice Guy” pose. Sasuke let out a sigh of relief. Then he gave a small, grateful smirk.

“Thanks, idiot. It feels good to tell you I’m a vampire.” Naruto goes very pale all of a sudden. He doesn’t back away, to his credit, but he wasn’t expecting that.

“What?” Naruto said softly. “ I thought you were hinting you were gay.” Sasuke flushed and looked away, turning to leave.

“Oh, then, um, forget what I just said.” He took half a step before Naruto grabbed his wrist again (why were his hands so warm) and pulled him back. Sasuke felt his back brush the front of Naruto’s jacket and he stood board stiff.

“Dumbass. Are you? Gay, I mean? The vampire thing would actually explain a lot.” Naruto’s voice is warm against his neck and Sasuke likes the sound and feel. He shivers slightly and leans back, his hand finding Naruto’s and loosely linking their fingers. He grunts softly, not wanting to answer. Naruto makes a happy, sighing sound and drops his head onto Sasuke’s shoulder. “Can I tell you something?” Naruto whispers.

Sasuke hums, and attempts to turn and face Naruto, but Naruto keeps him facing away. Sasuke can’t blame him. It’s easier to say important things like this. “Of course, idiot. We’re friends or something, right?” Sasuke can feel Naruto’s grin and it makes his heart beat a little faster.

Naruto takes a breath and then blurts out. “I’m not all human either. Not sure exactly what but Jiraiya told me once. And I want to go to the Halloween dance with you.” Sasuke could feel Naruto’s tension and he turned around finally, looking Naruto in his eyes and smiling a little. He only really smiles with Naruto, Sasuke realizes. More thoughts to examine later. Right now he has things to say.

“I’d love to go with you. And I thought I smelled something on you. Guess that’s why you’re not flipping out?” Sasuke asks and Naruto nods, uncharacteristically shy. Sasuke grips both of Naruto’s hands and feels like he’s at home.

“I think I love you…” Naruto whispers, quiet and maybe even a touch desperate and Sasuke agrees. He hums softly and Sasuke feels like he could fly, and that’s all that matters right now. Well, that and how Naruto is leaning forward a little and Sasuke is too and they’ve already missed the beginning of first period, they can miss more.  

[sherlocklexa]

Now Is the Time for Buying Faux Plants

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself over the years of owning the UDH, it’s that I can kill a lot of plants.

And even though I can keep a few alive, like around the sink in the kitchen, buying some faux ones for certain parts of the house is best!

Legalese*: This post contains affiliate links, which helps to support this site. If you’re at all curious why these disclaimers are being seen so much on blogs lately (and near the top of content instead of the bottom), scroll to the bottom of the post for details. If not, continue reading and carry on! <3

I’ve realized that some spaces in my house, I just forget to water. I still like green things, though, so I compulsively buy plants, even when I know their potential fate (my trash can is nice and all, just not a spot I hope for plants to end up)…

…and then they die from neglect, and then I buy replacements, vowing to do better this time…

And then I forget again. On and on the cycle goes… until I realized I should just buy some faux plants for the areas that I forget. As long as I can find some realistic-enough-looking ones, I can still have greenery in tough areas that might not otherwise tolerate my watering forgetfulness (or lack of enough natural light… this house can be a little dark sometimes!). Through a little trial and error, I’ve picked up a few tips:

The best places to find them

The best times to find them (since seasonality can play a role on selection)

Ways to make them look more realistic

Since I just had a “Homegoods haul” and found a bunch of new ones to add to the house, I figured now was as good of a time as any to cover some of these in more detail.

Where to find good deals on realistic faux plants

I first started out by buying a few to replace the plant graveyard on the laundry room’s back shelf. The room doesn’t get much natural light from this small, hexagonal window, so the only things that still managed to stay alive during my makeover project this winter were things like aloe and other succulents (the ones I put directly in front of the window and forgot to water, pretty much).

During the holidays, local stores didn’t have much to offer, and as many of you know, finding faux plants that look even a little bit real can be kind of a crap-shoot if you buy online, so finding realistic photos of the product were key. I found that the best “real” photos I could find were from a few Etsy shops, which I’ve now favorited so I can go back for more when I’m decorating future rooms (for instance, two of my bathrooms are windowless, so I’m just going to go with faux in there).

Good Etsy retailers with faux plants: VividPetal, SimplySierraFloral (be sure to check their clearance), dirtcouture, LemonLeafMarket (for finished arrangements), HeavenlyHomesFlowers

Search keywords: faux ___ (plant name), real touch, realistic faux

You can also check my curated Etsy list here: f a u x p l a n t s

I found through online reviews that West Elm had a good faux trailing succulent, so I picked that up for the side shelf (and maybe for bathroom placement when that makeover is completed). I will say, though, not all of their plants are consistent in quality (so be sure to read reviews whenever possible!).

What to look for

In nature, plants tend to have imperfections. So, in order to find a good fake, you need to look for the same perfectly-imperfect elements:

not too perfect — variation in color, size, length (especially when buying faux stems that you’ll later create your own arrangement with)

lack of glossy shine — a great deal of plants do not have waxy leaves, or leaves that are sort of waxy and sort of not, and this one is probably my #1 complaint about stylized photos; a glossy look on plants that you know aren’t naturally that shiny is a dead giveaway that the plant is made of plastic, and this sheen can easily be Photoshopped out of catalogue-type product listings. So, I look for imperfections and have found that “dusty” plants or ones known to have super-waxy leaves (basically, one end of the spectrum or the other) look best. In nature, even the waxy-leaf varieties don’t typically look like they were covered in poly!

plant types — I’ve found that the following plant varieties often look pretty good when faux: fiddle leaf, rubber, boxwood, snake plants, eucalyptus, succulents & cactus (of all kinds – sedum, aloe, etc.), ferns, spider, Dusty Miller, Lamb’s Ear

“real touch”, “nearly natural“, or “UV protected” product descriptions — granted, it’s not always the case, but these descriptions yield more realistic-looking results when I shop online; they tend to be better quality, have better ratings, and are less plastic-smelling, too.

greenery vs. flowers — I find that flowers are harder to look real than bunches of greenery. To each their own, but I’d rather buy an inexpensive flower bouquet and switch those out while having greenery as a staple.

DIY-friendly — sometimes it’s not about the plant that makes it look fake; it’s what it’s sitting in, or how smushed together the leaves are, or other details that can be changed with just a little tweaking (more on that below). Make sure you can bend/twist the stems around or break the item down with a few gentle tugs (don’t dismantle it in the store… I’m just saying look at the base, see what’s attaching it, etc. to know if you can later break it down!)

More Faux Plants I Like

Turn on your JavaScript to view content

Best times to buy faux plants (or find the most selection)

Spring (aka, right now), or just as winter is drawing to a close, seems to be the best time for the most selection in retail stores. A lot of what you see in some of these photos came from a recent trip to Homegoods and TJMaxx, though I’ve also found that Target and West Elm are good when things start to go on clearance or have a big sale.

Other projects: DIY Dog Bowl Stand – Counter Bar in Breakfast Nook

What about dried plants/stems?

It’s a personal preference, but I don’t like dried plants or stems as much. I find that they always look a little dead and I prefer realistic faux with more color. I also hate dusting dried plants because they sometimes break apart (and I am not a gentle enough duster, it seems).

DIY for a better faux

I find return trips to be an avoidable hassle. If you find that you’ve ordered something that is too shiny or looks too unrealistic, you can often DIY a fix!

If the item is too shiny — spray a matte sealer on the leaves to tone down the sheen; if you don’t get every single nook and cranny, that’s ok! The lack of consistency in the leaves will actually help to make it look more real.

Rearrange — I tend to look for good deals on an entire sleeve of faux stems (like the box of faux Lamb’s Ear in the pictures above/below). Usually, stems are only stuck in place with the end of the stem in a floral block (or a little hot glue), so they can be yanked out and rearranged with ease! You can also break the original arrangement down completely to individual stems and come up with entirely separate groupings, then toss/donate/repurpose the decorative box they came in. The only reason why I might do this instead of buying a bunch of stems in bulk is because the arranged ones at discount stores (like Homegoods) can sometimes be cheaper than buying 20 stems from a retailer.

Repot — the problem might not be the plant at all, but what it’s sitting in. Young House Love recently found a great faux fiddle leaf fig at Target that looks pretty fake at first, but by repotting and rearranging the individual leaves, it looks believable enough to keep. More often than not, the problem is that the pot is not in proportion to the plant’s size, which makes the whole thing look dinky and emphasizes its flaws.

Put them next to real plants — intermixing faux and real (like I do in my laundry room) makes the fake ones look more like they belong… just be sure not to put the real version and fake version of the same plant next to each other.

Surround them with other natural elements or warm metals — wood, straw, and brass/copper can add the earthiness vibe that real plants put off, so repotting to a planter that has one of these elements will help a fake look more realistic. You can also add dried moss or rock to the potted area to hide any visible floral styrofoam.

Do you have a favorite go-to faux plant that you like? Or any of your own tips to share?

  *P.S. You guys have probably been seeing me post more disclosures of “affiliate links” lately, and the gist is that the FTC has been asking bloggers to make more and more explicit mentions in posts these days. The blog world has changed a LOT in recent years, and the FTC just wants any “material relationship” to be clear, regardless if the post is expressly paid for/in conjunction with a brand or not — anything where I might earn ad money, commission, etc. needs to be disclosed in the post and BEFORE I start linking to stuff I’m recommending (which in the past, bloggers just pretty much just linked to stuff they recommended and usually with a disclosure at the bottom, but the rules have been changing over time). So, I don’t mean for it to be annoying or to repeat myself AT ALL, but I also want to be as much on the up-and-up with doing things “the right way” for everyone involved — especially if there are new guidelines for doing so, and if it’s more specific on where I have to place such language and whatnot! But, as always, I would never recommend something I wasn’t personally interested in recommending, or stuff I’ve purchased myself, or a brand that I really like, etc. I’m not much of a rule-breaker by nature, so whenever you see me saying “hey, there are affiliate links” in a post, this is why! I know not all of you guys know the behind-the-scenes rules with blogs in general or how that world changes day to day, so if you’ve been seeing this on the blogs you love to read, I just thought I’d let you know why you’re seeing it more!

The post Now Is the Time for Buying Faux Plants appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

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[chocdono]

Now Is the Time for Buying Faux Plants

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself over the years of owning the UDH, it’s that I can kill a lot of plants.

And even though I can keep a few alive, like around the sink in the kitchen, buying some faux ones for certain parts of the house is best!

Legalese*: This post contains affiliate links, which helps to support this site. If you’re at all curious why these disclaimers are being seen so much on blogs lately (and near the top of content instead of the bottom), scroll to the bottom of the post for details. If not, continue reading and carry on! <3

I’ve realized that some spaces in my house, I just forget to water. I still like green things, though, so I compulsively buy plants, even when I know their potential fate (my trash can is nice and all, just not a spot I hope for plants to end up)…

…and then they die from neglect, and then I buy replacements, vowing to do better this time…

And then I forget again. On and on the cycle goes… until I realized I should just buy some faux plants for the areas that I forget. As long as I can find some realistic-enough-looking ones, I can still have greenery in tough areas that might not otherwise tolerate my watering forgetfulness (or lack of enough natural light… this house can be a little dark sometimes!). Through a little trial and error, I’ve picked up a few tips:

The best places to find them

The best times to find them (since seasonality can play a role on selection)

Ways to make them look more realistic

Since I just had a “Homegoods haul” and found a bunch of new ones to add to the house, I figured now was as good of a time as any to cover some of these in more detail.

Where to find good deals on realistic faux plants

I first started out by buying a few to replace the plant graveyard on the laundry room’s back shelf. The room doesn’t get much natural light from this small, hexagonal window, so the only things that still managed to stay alive during my makeover project this winter were things like aloe and other succulents (the ones I put directly in front of the window and forgot to water, pretty much).

During the holidays, local stores didn’t have much to offer, and as many of you know, finding faux plants that look even a little bit real can be kind of a crap-shoot if you buy online, so finding realistic photos of the product were key. I found that the best “real” photos I could find were from a few Etsy shops, which I’ve now favorited so I can go back for more when I’m decorating future rooms (for instance, two of my bathrooms are windowless, so I’m just going to go with faux in there).

Good Etsy retailers with faux plants: VividPetal, SimplySierraFloral (be sure to check their clearance), dirtcouture, LemonLeafMarket (for finished arrangements), HeavenlyHomesFlowers

Search keywords: faux ___ (plant name), real touch, realistic faux

You can also check my curated Etsy list here: f a u x p l a n t s

I found through online reviews that West Elm had a good faux trailing succulent, so I picked that up for the side shelf (and maybe for bathroom placement when that makeover is completed). I will say, though, not all of their plants are consistent in quality (so be sure to read reviews whenever possible!).

What to look for

In nature, plants tend to have imperfections. So, in order to find a good fake, you need to look for the same perfectly-imperfect elements:

not too perfect — variation in color, size, length (especially when buying faux stems that you’ll later create your own arrangement with)

lack of glossy shine — a great deal of plants do not have waxy leaves, or leaves that are sort of waxy and sort of not, and this one is probably my #1 complaint about stylized photos; a glossy look on plants that you know aren’t naturally that shiny is a dead giveaway that the plant is made of plastic, and this sheen can easily be Photoshopped out of catalogue-type product listings. So, I look for imperfections and have found that “dusty” plants or ones known to have super-waxy leaves (basically, one end of the spectrum or the other) look best. In nature, even the waxy-leaf varieties don’t typically look like they were covered in poly!

plant types — I’ve found that the following plant varieties often look pretty good when faux: fiddle leaf, rubber, boxwood, snake plants, eucalyptus, succulents & cactus (of all kinds – sedum, aloe, etc.), ferns, spider, Dusty Miller, Lamb’s Ear

“real touch”, “nearly natural“, or “UV protected” product descriptions — granted, it’s not always the case, but these descriptions yield more realistic-looking results when I shop online; they tend to be better quality, have better ratings, and are less plastic-smelling, too.

greenery vs. flowers — I find that flowers are harder to look real than bunches of greenery. To each their own, but I’d rather buy an inexpensive flower bouquet and switch those out while having greenery as a staple.

DIY-friendly — sometimes it’s not about the plant that makes it look fake; it’s what it’s sitting in, or how smushed together the leaves are, or other details that can be changed with just a little tweaking (more on that below). Make sure you can bend/twist the stems around or break the item down with a few gentle tugs (don’t dismantle it in the store… I’m just saying look at the base, see what’s attaching it, etc. to know if you can later break it down!)

More Faux Plants I Like

Turn on your JavaScript to view content

Best times to buy faux plants (or find the most selection)

Spring (aka, right now), or just as winter is drawing to a close, seems to be the best time for the most selection in retail stores. A lot of what you see in some of these photos came from a recent trip to Homegoods and TJMaxx, though I’ve also found that Target and West Elm are good when things start to go on clearance or have a big sale.

Other projects: DIY Dog Bowl Stand – Counter Bar in Breakfast Nook

What about dried plants/stems?

It’s a personal preference, but I don’t like dried plants or stems as much. I find that they always look a little dead and I prefer realistic faux with more color. I also hate dusting dried plants because they sometimes break apart (and I am not a gentle enough duster, it seems).

DIY for a better faux

I find return trips to be an avoidable hassle. If you find that you’ve ordered something that is too shiny or looks too unrealistic, you can often DIY a fix!

If the item is too shiny — spray a matte sealer on the leaves to tone down the sheen; if you don’t get every single nook and cranny, that’s ok! The lack of consistency in the leaves will actually help to make it look more real.

Rearrange — I tend to look for good deals on an entire sleeve of faux stems (like the box of faux Lamb’s Ear in the pictures above/below). Usually, stems are only stuck in place with the end of the stem in a floral block (or a little hot glue), so they can be yanked out and rearranged with ease! You can also break the original arrangement down completely to individual stems and come up with entirely separate groupings, then toss/donate/repurpose the decorative box they came in. The only reason why I might do this instead of buying a bunch of stems in bulk is because the arranged ones at discount stores (like Homegoods) can sometimes be cheaper than buying 20 stems from a retailer.

Repot — the problem might not be the plant at all, but what it’s sitting in. Young House Love recently found a great faux fiddle leaf fig at Target that looks pretty fake at first, but by repotting and rearranging the individual leaves, it looks believable enough to keep. More often than not, the problem is that the pot is not in proportion to the plant’s size, which makes the whole thing look dinky and emphasizes its flaws.

Put them next to real plants — intermixing faux and real (like I do in my laundry room) makes the fake ones look more like they belong… just be sure not to put the real version and fake version of the same plant next to each other.

Surround them with other natural elements or warm metals — wood, straw, and brass/copper can add the earthiness vibe that real plants put off, so repotting to a planter that has one of these elements will help a fake look more realistic. You can also add dried moss or rock to the potted area to hide any visible floral styrofoam.

Do you have a favorite go-to faux plant that you like? Or any of your own tips to share?

  *P.S. You guys have probably been seeing me post more disclosures of “affiliate links” lately, and the gist is that the FTC has been asking bloggers to make more and more explicit mentions in posts these days. The blog world has changed a LOT in recent years, and the FTC just wants any “material relationship” to be clear, regardless if the post is expressly paid for/in conjunction with a brand or not — anything where I might earn ad money, commission, etc. needs to be disclosed in the post and BEFORE I start linking to stuff I’m recommending (which in the past, bloggers just pretty much just linked to stuff they recommended and usually with a disclosure at the bottom, but the rules have been changing over time). So, I don’t mean for it to be annoying or to repeat myself AT ALL, but I also want to be as much on the up-and-up with doing things “the right way” for everyone involved — especially if there are new guidelines for doing so, and if it’s more specific on where I have to place such language and whatnot! But, as always, I would never recommend something I wasn’t personally interested in recommending, or stuff I’ve purchased myself, or a brand that I really like, etc. I’m not much of a rule-breaker by nature, so whenever you see me saying “hey, there are affiliate links” in a post, this is why! I know not all of you guys know the behind-the-scenes rules with blogs in general or how that world changes day to day, so if you’ve been seeing this on the blogs you love to read, I just thought I’d let you know why you’re seeing it more!

The post Now Is the Time for Buying Faux Plants appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

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[petraself]

Now Is the Time for Buying Faux Plants

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself over the years of owning the UDH, it’s that I can kill a lot of plants.

And even though I can keep a few alive, like around the sink in the kitchen, buying some faux ones for certain parts of the house is best!

Legalese*: This post contains affiliate links, which helps to support this site. If you’re at all curious why these disclaimers are being seen so much on blogs lately (and near the top of content instead of the bottom), scroll to the bottom of the post for details. If not, continue reading and carry on! <3

I’ve realized that some spaces in my house, I just forget to water. I still like green things, though, so I compulsively buy plants, even when I know their potential fate (my trash can is nice and all, just not a spot I hope for plants to end up)…

…and then they die from neglect, and then I buy replacements, vowing to do better this time…

And then I forget again. On and on the cycle goes… until I realized I should just buy some faux plants for the areas that I forget. As long as I can find some realistic-enough-looking ones, I can still have greenery in tough areas that might not otherwise tolerate my watering forgetfulness (or lack of enough natural light… this house can be a little dark sometimes!). Through a little trial and error, I’ve picked up a few tips:

The best places to find them

The best times to find them (since seasonality can play a role on selection)

Ways to make them look more realistic

Since I just had a “Homegoods haul” and found a bunch of new ones to add to the house, I figured now was as good of a time as any to cover some of these in more detail.

Where to find good deals on realistic faux plants

I first started out by buying a few to replace the plant graveyard on the laundry room’s back shelf. The room doesn’t get much natural light from this small, hexagonal window, so the only things that still managed to stay alive during my makeover project this winter were things like aloe and other succulents (the ones I put directly in front of the window and forgot to water, pretty much).

During the holidays, local stores didn’t have much to offer, and as many of you know, finding faux plants that look even a little bit real can be kind of a crap-shoot if you buy online, so finding realistic photos of the product were key. I found that the best “real” photos I could find were from a few Etsy shops, which I’ve now favorited so I can go back for more when I’m decorating future rooms (for instance, two of my bathrooms are windowless, so I’m just going to go with faux in there).

Good Etsy retailers with faux plants: VividPetal, SimplySierraFloral (be sure to check their clearance), dirtcouture, LemonLeafMarket (for finished arrangements), HeavenlyHomesFlowers

Search keywords: faux ___ (plant name), real touch, realistic faux

You can also check my curated Etsy list here: f a u x p l a n t s

I found through online reviews that West Elm had a good faux trailing succulent, so I picked that up for the side shelf (and maybe for bathroom placement when that makeover is completed). I will say, though, not all of their plants are consistent in quality (so be sure to read reviews whenever possible!).

What to look for

In nature, plants tend to have imperfections. So, in order to find a good fake, you need to look for the same perfectly-imperfect elements:

not too perfect — variation in color, size, length (especially when buying faux stems that you’ll later create your own arrangement with)

lack of glossy shine — a great deal of plants do not have waxy leaves, or leaves that are sort of waxy and sort of not, and this one is probably my #1 complaint about stylized photos; a glossy look on plants that you know aren’t naturally that shiny is a dead giveaway that the plant is made of plastic, and this sheen can easily be Photoshopped out of catalogue-type product listings. So, I look for imperfections and have found that “dusty” plants or ones known to have super-waxy leaves (basically, one end of the spectrum or the other) look best. In nature, even the waxy-leaf varieties don’t typically look like they were covered in poly!

plant types — I’ve found that the following plant varieties often look pretty good when faux: fiddle leaf, rubber, boxwood, snake plants, eucalyptus, succulents & cactus (of all kinds – sedum, aloe, etc.), ferns, spider, Dusty Miller, Lamb’s Ear

“real touch”, “nearly natural“, or “UV protected” product descriptions — granted, it’s not always the case, but these descriptions yield more realistic-looking results when I shop online; they tend to be better quality, have better ratings, and are less plastic-smelling, too.

greenery vs. flowers — I find that flowers are harder to look real than bunches of greenery. To each their own, but I’d rather buy an inexpensive flower bouquet and switch those out while having greenery as a staple.

DIY-friendly — sometimes it’s not about the plant that makes it look fake; it’s what it’s sitting in, or how smushed together the leaves are, or other details that can be changed with just a little tweaking (more on that below). Make sure you can bend/twist the stems around or break the item down with a few gentle tugs (don’t dismantle it in the store… I’m just saying look at the base, see what’s attaching it, etc. to know if you can later break it down!)

More Faux Plants I Like

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Best times to buy faux plants (or find the most selection)

Spring (aka, right now), or just as winter is drawing to a close, seems to be the best time for the most selection in retail stores. A lot of what you see in some of these photos came from a recent trip to Homegoods and TJMaxx, though I’ve also found that Target and West Elm are good when things start to go on clearance or have a big sale.

Other projects: DIY Dog Bowl Stand – Counter Bar in Breakfast Nook

What about dried plants/stems?

It’s a personal preference, but I don’t like dried plants or stems as much. I find that they always look a little dead and I prefer realistic faux with more color. I also hate dusting dried plants because they sometimes break apart (and I am not a gentle enough duster, it seems).

DIY for a better faux

I find return trips to be an avoidable hassle. If you find that you’ve ordered something that is too shiny or looks too unrealistic, you can often DIY a fix!

If the item is too shiny — spray a matte sealer on the leaves to tone down the sheen; if you don’t get every single nook and cranny, that’s ok! The lack of consistency in the leaves will actually help to make it look more real.

Rearrange — I tend to look for good deals on an entire sleeve of faux stems (like the box of faux Lamb’s Ear in the pictures above/below). Usually, stems are only stuck in place with the end of the stem in a floral block (or a little hot glue), so they can be yanked out and rearranged with ease! You can also break the original arrangement down completely to individual stems and come up with entirely separate groupings, then toss/donate/repurpose the decorative box they came in. The only reason why I might do this instead of buying a bunch of stems in bulk is because the arranged ones at discount stores (like Homegoods) can sometimes be cheaper than buying 20 stems from a retailer.

Repot — the problem might not be the plant at all, but what it’s sitting in. Young House Love recently found a great faux fiddle leaf fig at Target that looks pretty fake at first, but by repotting and rearranging the individual leaves, it looks believable enough to keep. More often than not, the problem is that the pot is not in proportion to the plant’s size, which makes the whole thing look dinky and emphasizes its flaws.

Put them next to real plants — intermixing faux and real (like I do in my laundry room) makes the fake ones look more like they belong… just be sure not to put the real version and fake version of the same plant next to each other.

Surround them with other natural elements or warm metals — wood, straw, and brass/copper can add the earthiness vibe that real plants put off, so repotting to a planter that has one of these elements will help a fake look more realistic. You can also add dried moss or rock to the potted area to hide any visible floral styrofoam.

Do you have a favorite go-to faux plant that you like? Or any of your own tips to share?

  *P.S. You guys have probably been seeing me post more disclosures of “affiliate links” lately, and the gist is that the FTC has been asking bloggers to make more and more explicit mentions in posts these days. The blog world has changed a LOT in recent years, and the FTC just wants any “material relationship” to be clear, regardless if the post is expressly paid for/in conjunction with a brand or not — anything where I might earn ad money, commission, etc. needs to be disclosed in the post and BEFORE I start linking to stuff I’m recommending (which in the past, bloggers just pretty much just linked to stuff they recommended and usually with a disclosure at the bottom, but the rules have been changing over time). So, I don’t mean for it to be annoying or to repeat myself AT ALL, but I also want to be as much on the up-and-up with doing things “the right way” for everyone involved — especially if there are new guidelines for doing so, and if it’s more specific on where I have to place such language and whatnot! But, as always, I would never recommend something I wasn’t personally interested in recommending, or stuff I’ve purchased myself, or a brand that I really like, etc. I’m not much of a rule-breaker by nature, so whenever you see me saying “hey, there are affiliate links” in a post, this is why! I know not all of you guys know the behind-the-scenes rules with blogs in general or how that world changes day to day, so if you’ve been seeing this on the blogs you love to read, I just thought I’d let you know why you’re seeing it more!

The post Now Is the Time for Buying Faux Plants appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

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