#stay mad homophobes. but also you are all so fucking stupid lmfao does this not sound exactly like satire

[the-way-astray]

homophobic goodreads reviews of unraveled genuinely sound like a satirical tumblr post making fun of homophobes

like this is goofy-ass behavior. just saying there's definitely a tumblr user who has made fun of homophobes by satirically saying something eerily similar to this

[confusingawkwardness]

Some personal shit I had to write it down....

Ok, so I need to write this down like last time so I don't forget a single detail...

I woke up at 6 on a Sunday (pretty much early for me) and when I was taking a shower I was like, I can't believe I am doing this good lord, but well at least it's not Vienna, it's fucking Budapest...

So she texted me when I was already on the train, for a moment I just thought that maybe she was gonna let me down since I didn't go to Vienna last time, but just when I was about to leave she texted me that she was also on her way to the train station.

I couldn't sleep the whole way there. Besides the excitement of doing something that seemed so wrong at the moment and the expectation of meeting her once again after 6 months, there was a guy drinking beer in front of me, making me uncomfortable. Thank God the train was at least partially full so he couldn't take advantage of me.

I got to Buda later than I had planned. First I took a toilet stop because I wanted to look good and not like I was getting off of a train, better late than ugly. I bought my daily transport ticket and I went to the other train station to pick her up. When I got there, it was literally full of people, I think there were several trains arriving at the moment, so lots of people (mostly tourists) were crowding the station. I couldn't find her anywhere and to be honest I was getting anxious and nervous about so many people in that place.  I freaked out. In that moment, she appeared out of the blue, told me hi and proceeded to hug. She held me tight and from a moment a bit longer than I was intended so I think she could perceive my awkwardness right away. She didn't go for a kiss, neither did I and on top of that, I got a red face as always. 

After such an awkward moment she told me she had to withdraw some money from an atm so we went to a near one and she got some money. I must be honest, the moment I saw her I suddenly remembered her how she really is, and she didn't look so attractive to me. I thought omg what a fucking mistake I did, but it was too late, she was already there.

After that, we went to the train station and I was starting to feel awkward and anxious again. Being the angel she always is, she didn't care or tried not to care too much, and make up my awkwardness for constant chatting, always asking questions about my life. I swear to god that girl can make me talk like no one else. I told her on the spot my dilemma with my master and the job offerings I got. Just like that.

Anyway, we kept talking and got on the metro. Actually, I had a plan for us to do but we messed it up. We kept talking and talking, we missed the metro station twice, we even got to get off at some place so we could grab a coffee at a McDonald's but we kept talking non-stop. We got outside and tan a bit. If I might say I am a bit proud of my arms, they are not as buffed as I would like but the gym is doing some magic. I caught her staring at my arms and my cleavage sometimes (the sneaky me wore a necklace with a hint of a cleavage, I swear she couldn't keep her eyes off me, score!)...

Anyway, after a long conversation (again, where did that shit about my mom's boyfriend come??), we decided to return to the metro to follow our original plan. Of course, we failed again, so instead, I took her to Margaret island. It was a nice walk, always talking but no kissing and no hand holding. She didn't seem to care (God why am I worth of such an angel?).

We got to Margaret island, walked a bit, laid on the grass exactly like how I imagined us and talked and talked (why are things so easy with her jfc???).. we took a couple of photos, walked to the nearest WC and kept talking  (again where did that shit about my crazy aunt come? ?? Not even my closest friends know about this wtf?)

After a while, we took the tram and got to the vegan restaurant  (she loved it, score for me!). We had some of that vegan food of hers (Jesus does she love it) and talked and  talked (She said that she loves I am such a nerd and I almost lost it). At some moment I thought she wanted to kiss me or at least hold hands but being the awkward fuck I am I didn't have the guts to do it (or at least try to show her it was ok for her to do so).

Then for the 11th time that day, we tried to follow the initial plan and failed miserably. We walked to the Budapest castle but we didn't go inside. Actually, on the way there we saw two girls holding hands AND STILL I DID NOTHING. We kept talking and talking, I really wanted to kiss her in that castle, God why am I so fucking awkward??

But I didn't, I couldn't fuck why oh  why am I so stupid and awkward God just kill me already... we talked about her life, her friend Doris and how she is dealing with cancer, our Christmases, our nye's, religion (or lack of it), politics in my country  (gay adoption anyone?), even my roommate was a topic for conversation, dude, it's always a nonstop with her and it's always so fucking easy...

Then we got back to city center, got some chocolate and espresso and sit down on the basilica.

Fuck and she told me she felt so lonely and that also fucked me up.  Like she doesn't have friends like she doesn't have anyone to share things together and fuck to do shit like this kind of stuff she loves to do with me fml...

Funny thing,  two guys approached us and tried to flirt with us while we were sitting in front of the basilica. LMFAO obviously it was a disaster, and I think I got a bit jealous, I mean of course they didn't notice we were together-together (kind of) and I seriously wanted to tell them to fuck off we're lesbians (yes sitting in front of the fucking basilica this is the 21st century fuck you very much). Anyway, since she's the polite angel she is she didn't turn them down but oh boy I am another thing, I practically told them we were leaving and that was it (fucking fuck boys and their Pablo Escobar cliche)...

We went to this local market and on our way there she suggested she didn't have to go back home that day,  she insinuated that I should skip German class (she could teach me better than all those fuckers anyway) but I couldn't bring myself to it. Fuck and it was so tempting  (she started rambling at some point and said "this is not a one night stand, is it??" and I told her but then we would have to make the walk of shame the following morning so she kept teasing me and me reacting as the awkward fuck I am)..

In this park, where they were having a local market or something, there was a wheel like the London wheel and I decided to go there, fuck this homophobic country and try to kiss the girl up there. I couldn't, FUCK I COULDN'T MANAGE IT, I COULDN'T BRING MYSELF FOR THE BILLION TIME THAT DAY FUCK!!! (50k huf and you did nothing gut fucking gemacht!!!). To be honest, what really stopped me was that in the cabin in front of us there were 3 black girls (looked pretty much spoiled and homophobic to me) and a guy with his son. It was like the two main reasons why I didn't do coupley stuff with her on the streets. Because I was afraid of homphobic people and people saying it is bad for children to see two women together.

It was almost time to go back to her station so we got there, she went to the toilet, we found her train and decided to sit in the fartest bench on the platform. AND FUCK THINGS GOT SERIOUS IN THE LAST 15 FUCKING MINUTES WHY GOD WHY??? I told her everything I was feeling  (for the whole fucking day) I finally collected some courage to hold her hand, I asked her for forgiveness that I felt scared of Budapest people and hungarian homophobia and of fucking course she was the perfect angel she is...

She told me it was ok, that she didn't want to pressure me, that indeed she tried to move on and hooked up with some girl but it didn't work out BECAUSE SHE COMPARED HER TO ME ALL THE TIME AND SHE IMPLIED SHE COULDN'T FORGET ME  JFC WHY DIDN'T I KISS HER ON THAT SPOT FUUUUUCK. With that she destroyed me. Literally. She told me she was willing to wait until I was ready, that we could figure this out together and a bunch of other stuff that fucked me up for real. Oh boy I almost cried in that platform but thank God I contained the tears and tried to be strong for her. At some point she asked me if I think we're friendship (relationship?) was at the getting physical stage and I couldn't look her in the eye BECAUSE DEEP DOWN I THOUGHT IN THAT MOMENT THAT I WANTED TO FUCK HER SO BAD BUT I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ELSE...

At the end (fuck why did I have to tell her 15 fucking minutes before her train left fuuuck) we hugged (oh boy I realized I missed her smell). We didn't kiss but I asked her for forgiveness once again for not giving her all  (because she deserves it all fuck). She kept repeating that we would manage this, that we would find a way to be together..

.

Of course, she left me being a mess. I don't know how I got to Nyiugati, how I bought that ticket back to this hellhole of town, how I endured the trip back home, how I got home safe but I did (I met this old lady she was so nice speaking in a mix of english-hungarian-german, and we shared a taxi back home). While I was in that cabin in the ride back home I imagined so many crazy things, I kept staring at the window and imagining things like it was a movie, I envisioned how my future life next to her would be, how my family and friends back in Colombia would react to me being gay, fuck I even thought about naming our girl Lucy HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT...

But now I'm in bed and I think I can sleep in peace knowing that these details won't be forgotten FUCK I AM SO FUCKING SCREWED!!!! I wondered what would have happened if we stayed together one more night in Budapest. We would have probably found a hostel room, or an Airbnb and fucked for sure (she had an extra pair of panties come on!)...

And to make matters worse, I forgot to call my mom for mother’s day (my phone died and it was really late)... I think she’s mad at me for not calling her, but well at least I texted her very early before I met Vienna girl fml...