#startingoverseries
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Mostly Bitter
No one here at the airport knows that I had just lost my twins at birth three days ago. No one here knows I’m tearing my back wearing this brace thingy around my waist just so my back would stop collapsing because my legs are falling off. My head is about to explode, and I just want us to get out of here. My family thinks I’m crazy for leaving, but I hope they understand after all of that.
It’s bittersweet. Bitter, mostly.
We cried yesterday. We cried our heart out. When he cried like that, I realized how it had hit him just as hard as it hit me. They were his children too, you know. He was so happy, he was so positive the girls were going to be healthy, and they were, and that in probably three months from now, we’re going to have twenty fingers, twenty toes swaddled in a travel cot, all dressed up in twin strollers, strolling around the park, two baby carriers over his shoulders, one on his front, one on his back. I would be with my camera, can’t decide whether to film it all for memories or just live in the present because the present would’ve been too beautiful for us to take our eyes away. He was so happy dreaming about it all and just so, so quickly, our dream turned out to be our worst nightmare.
We went to see the place where they’re resting. He held my hand so tightly because he knew how nervous I was. For a moment, I felt completely disconnected. I was trying to feel them, but I couldn’t. One moment they’re kicking me so hard, and one sudden moment later, they’re gone. The only connection we had was that one thing, their kicks. When I can’t feel them anymore, I feel so lost, so empty.
I saw their graves, just two stones without names, and my head went blank. I didn’t know what to say.
But,
”I’m really sorry you had to go. I’m sorry I couldn’t hold you longer. You were there, weren’t you? Why can’t we keep you? Why did you have to go too soon?”
I don’t know.
Only if I knew.
I guess I could’ve known. I could’ve known not to do too much. I didn’t know how too much was.
Should’ve just stayed in bed, shouldn’t have done all that. Shouldn’t have run errands, should’ve cooked the cats. Maybe, I shouldn’t have come back after all. Maybe it was all my fault. Maybe all of it was wrong.
I still don’t know.
All I know is that, if I want to start over, I have to know what went wrong, or why, or will we be okay again?
Because right now we’re a mess.
Everyone at home keeps reminding me to rest, take it easy, don’t do anything, just lie down, drink tea, sleep, live.
I feel like I just woke up from death. I feel like a ghost.
I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.
Back in Medalla I had it all figured out, but I’m back here, still can’t decide whether to take a rest and fix my broken back, or to start cleaning the kitchen counter, or the boxes in the bedroom, clothes on the toilet floor, or to unpack the bags, or to do dishes, or sleep, or eat, or shower, or cry. So many possibilities, none of them interesting.
I don’t know when we’ll be okay again.
“But hey, I wish I could stay awake to welcome you. I was so weak I passed out on your birthday. But when we last said goodbye, we stood there under that black umbrella in the sun, looking back at you, your dad and I. How are you real? It feels impossible. Sad you had to go too soon, good thing is we will never forget you. I hope you know that I will think of you everyday and every night until the moment I die. And even after I die, when this is all over, I hope I know how to get to you. I hope we will see each other again. I really hope so because how do I love you forever already when we had just met? I thought you were mine for a while. I thought I had you. But I really can’t lose you now so, please come find me later, if you can.”
#thirtyandsurviving#bkk2024#ideomix#vlog#entry2024#startingoverseries#my2024#medalla#puchong#mutiara
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New Release - Starting Over Series, Book 2 - Eat Your Heart Out by Shirley Goldberg Buy Now: https://amzn.to/3eOnYMO @RABTBookTours #RABTBookTours #EatYourHeartOut #ShirleyGoldberg #StartingOverSeries #RomCom #ChickLit @shirleygoldbergauthor https://www.instagram.com/p/CMk9wKJBmFj/?igshid=huj6xhmyheo
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#NewRelease Tour
Title: Losing Control
Series: Starting Over Series
Author: Erin Cristofoli
Genre: Contemporary Romance
I’m going to win you over, Audrey, you just wait.
Unlike her corporate brothers, Audrey Hyde has known since she was a little girl that she was meant to stay on the family farm.
Now a grown woman, Audrey is ready to take over the family business. She just has to convince her father that despite his hesitation, she is the right woman for the job. When a medical emergency halts everyone in their tracks, the family pulls together and Audrey steps up to keep the farm running.
As a favour to his boss and friend, Blake Levington arrives at the farm to help. He is immediately drawn to Audrey’s strength and determination. Audrey, on the other hand, is determined to show the city boy that he is in way over his head.
Much like the trees in the orchard, a friendship begins to bloom between the two. As Audrey teaches Blake about farm life, can she find a way to open her heart to new possibilities or will she let Blake walk away?
#losingcontrolerincristofolinewrelease #losingcontrolnewrelease #newrelease #tbr #erincristofoliauthor #startingoverseries #author #reading #contemporary #romance #junerelease #enticingjourney
@ErinCristofoliAuthor
Hosted by Enticing Journey Book Promotions
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What do you do when it all falls apart? Your career, your marriage, your dream . . . . How do you pick up the pieces and begin again?
A website hosting the sermon series my church is running right now (I actually want to write about my church and why I like the way they’ve done expanding over the way other (mega)churches do it. Tomorrow maybe?).
I love the way Andy Stanley teaches. I need to try to emulate his layouts a little in my own writing and stuff.
Anyways. This series is about starting over after a relationship or a job or an education or what have you falls apart; it’s about how to recognize the mistakes that were made, how to realize that most of them were (probably) made by you (obviously there are circumstances where this isn’t true, and Andy does make the mistake of not acknowledging that really), and how to refrain from making them again the next time around.
The first sermon is a great overview of the concepts and it’s fairly...agnostic, I guess is the right word? Andy doesn’t tie these points to a lot of Scripture, just “common sense”; there’s one verse and a few minutes of relating things to God at the very end to tie everything together for the church, but the points stand on their own and are probably worth checking out regardless of your religious leanings.
The later sermons are apparently much more “Christian”-based, and thus probably passable if you’re not into that.
--Wolfesbrain
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March 17th is the release of a new Romantic Women's Fiction book. Starting Over Series, Book 2 - Eat Your Heart Out by Shirley Goldberg Preorder Now: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08VHWN56S @RABTBookTours #RABTBookTours #EatYourHeartOut #ShirleyGoldberg #StartingOverSeries #RomCom #ChickLit Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/midagedating Twitter: https://twitter.com/mylifeasadate Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shirleygoldbergauthor/ https://www.instagram.com/p/CL-Y8iWBEEB/?igshid=13q85lai5k7u3
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