#started december 25th 2022

[ruohosta-nauttija]

Holy shit i just experienced the most wellwritten naruto fic ive ever seen my brain doesnt even have words i tried ro compliment the authro but all my brain could come up woth was amazing and holy shit i have been my brain is completely in shambles

[flightyalrighty]

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT CH 1 PG 36

Infested will return on June 27th. --- Thank you to the following Ascended supporters: @chaogongoozles, @fiiresiidefrfr, @elizard4227, @grogar, Ezzoh, @susivoi, @calculuscacophony, Eros, @ivycorp, @summersdale @borrelia, @mizukiz, @sanicdetails, @combinegrunt-echo-1, Pica, @veeceear, @quackenburt, ItsmeMonarch, @memendoemori, @trans-girl-sonic, & savarsenic

Content Warnings | Store | Ko-Fi (Discord!) | Read On Comic Fury! DISCLAIMER: "Infested" is a horror comic ft. content not suitable for those under the age of 17.

A long-winded looking back on things below the cut:

The first few pages of Infested were uploaded to this blog on March 2nd, 2023 -- Over a whole year ago! I was so busy, too, that I completely missed its birthday (Sorry Infested). Looking even further back than that, the original story was was something I began writing on December 25th, 2022 (Merry Christmas).

It took two years to get to this point.

And hey, not to toot my own horn about it, but completing even one chapter of a webcomic is a big deal. Especially for me. My first webcomic, Fight/Flight, didn't get very far. I completed the prologue, started Chapter 1, and then had to drop it for a number of reasons (I didn't really agree with what baby-me had to say, politically, anymore).

This comic was born from a lot of intense feelings. The story, itself, too. Some good. Some bad.

I had been forced to move away from my hometown, and with that move, I lost the physical connection that I had to all of my friends. I lost the familiarity of a place I'd known for most of my life. I'm now stuck somewhere... Worse. It felt like a cage. Still does. Disconnected from the life I thought I would be living after college. I didn't have health insurance, either -- Got kicked off of it because of the move -- And as a result, I was off my antidepressants.

So there I was, at a pretty low point in my life. I miserable and lonely and every single day dragged on. And on. And on. And I felt so disappointed in myself. That disappointment became self-loathing, and it all kinda spiraled.

Have I mentioned that I'm a huge Sonic fan? I don't think I need to. I'd say it's pretty obvious. But for the sake of this story, I'll say it again: I'm a HUGE Sonic fan. I've been that way since 2003 with Sonic Heroes. The franchise has been in my life for over two decades. I had a monthly mail subscription to Archie's Sonic the Hedgehog. Sonic the Hedgehog was something that I truly loved more than any other piece of media. It brought me endless joy. Until I didn't.

I had dropped Sonic after Lost World was... Itself. I had already felt pretty irritated with the Meta Era, and Lost World was the final straw. The last bit of hope that the series could recover was snuffed out when Forces was released. It was over. I was done. If Sonic was truly that embarrassed by itself, if they had truly lost touch with what made the series so great, then I wouldn't waste my time any longer. I was so sure that I had to just... Grieve and move on. My beloved childhood game series was dead. Long live the king or whatever. I'd just bitterly read IDW Sonic and think about what could've been. I was lucky to have that comic, at least. Archie had been canceled, too, after all. I was lucky to have my scraps.

Then Sonic Frontiers came out. And it changed everything.

And my god, it was everything. It was everything to me. Flaws be damned, it was everything. To. Me. The spectacle. The serious tone. The vastly improved writing. Kellin Fucking Quinn. It was FUN! It was actually FUN to PLAY. He was back. I was back. Sonic pulled me by my hand out of the ocean of misery I'd fallen into, and he looked me in my eye and he said;

"Hey. You're gonna be alright."

Metaphorically speaking. Sonic The Hedgehog didn't actually literally speak to me -- And sure, okay, maybe it's a little dramatic to describe a game as this great Depression Annihilator but I'm dead serious when I say that, for that time, before I was able to get back on my meds, I was self-medicating with Sonic.

Sonic was all I was thinking about. I reread the Unleashed arc in Archie Sonic, which got me sorta realizing something, and which led to my post where I said something along the lines of "Sonic would hide a zombie bite."

Archie Sonic would, at least. Because he basically did do that in the Unleashed arc of that comic. He let that problem fester until it became an even bigger problem because, ironically, he didn't want to be a problem.

So one thing led to another. I thought more about Sonic becoming a zombie. Bada-bing, bada-boom, Infested was born.

I didn't expect it to get the attention that it did. I felt lucky when the first page I drew Rouge on (Page 6 I think?) blew up. The right people saw it at the right time. I'm extremely grateful for that.

I'm extremely grateful for all of you.

So yeah, one chapter. Woo! Here's to many more.

[milligramspoison]

Timeline of events from December 26th, 2022 to January 25th, 2023

December 26th

Pete Wentz posts of photo of himself baking with a photo of a pregnant Sarah Urie in the background

Pete quickly deletes said photo

Rumors of Sarah being pregnant start

January 10th

Oli from BMTH gets a package from FOB, hinting at the lead single for So Much (For) Stardust

Rumors of a new FOB song start

January 11th

FOB officially announces Love From The Other Side

Promotion for the single starts

January 17th

Snippets from the music video are posted

Cryptic messages once again begin

January 18th

Love From The Other Side officially drops

Bands are referenced in the music video, P!ATD being one of them (despite no longer being a band)

January 20th

Mysterious box is left by FOB at the iconic Field of Dreams house

A fan’s father retrieves said box

The fan and their father reveal the next single, Heartbreak Feels So Good

January 23rd

Snippet of Heartbreak Feels So Good featuring Nicole Kidman

January 24th

Brendon Urie announces the ending of Panic! At the Disco after nearly 20 years together (despite being a solo act for the last few years)

Brendon confirms Sarah’s pregnancy, ultimately confirming that Pete did in fact leak Sarah’s pregnancy

More snippets of Heartbreak Feels So Good

January 25th

Heartbreak Feels So Good officially drops

FOB on twitter confirms more big news coming soon

Moral of the story? All hail Pete Wentz. Pete giveth and taketh away.

[evie-sturns]

ɢᴇᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴍᴇ!

MASTERLIST

TAGLIST

about me: hi! my names evie.

i downloaded tumblr 25th of december 2023 after seeing sturnfilmed's tiktok story, i instantly started writing fics as soon as i joined (my debut was chris and matt headcannons) i started watching the sturniolo's in early 2023 and my fav triplet is nick although i would pay matt to run me over.

i live in new-zealand, my favorite color is pink and i go to a private school. i love concerts, music and my friends. i have criiiiipppling anxiety which i've had since like 10 years old buts its okay. i have an older sister.

i have brown curly hair which i straighten and green eyes and relatively big lip, i'm a very social person and i'd say i'm quite popular which makes school quite a safe place for me i have strict parents so i'm really good at lying, and sneaking around behind their backs. my rice purity score is 72😔

celebrity crushes:

christian anthony, billie eilish, matt sturniolo, chris sturniolo, RODRICK HEFFLEY?!??!??!???!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?, nathan doe, fiona gallagher, carrington, vinnie hacker 💀💀💀, louis patridge, LOOORRENNNZOO ZURZOLOOOO, jared padalecki ONLY IN THE 2000’s, ned menlove 

biggest fears: loosing loved ones, alligators?!??, being murdered, embarrassing myself.

my favorite youtubers are: the sturniolos, norris nuts (my guilty pleasure BYE), dizzydyl, benoftheweek, any kind of true crime omg, eleanor neale, baylen livene.

my favourite shows/movies: SHAMLESS (all time favorite), gilmore girls, 10 things i hate about you, the worlds a little blurry.

my favorite artists are: billie eilish like if you think your a bigger fan than me your NOT(kidding), chase atlantic, brent faiyaz, sza, frank ocean, childish gambino, and clairo but sometimes im a slut for songs like slut me out and geekaleek LMFAO. i've been to billies concert in 2022 which was the best night of my life, i went to sza last week which was life-changing.

my favourite songs as of right now are: confident - justin bieber and chance the rapper, les - childish gambino, drugs & money - chase atlantic, church - chase atlantic, overheated - billie eilish, bitches broken hearts - billie eilish. ivy - frank ocean

what i wont write: weird kinks (r@pe, like piss and shit stuff tf, big age gaps), nick x fem!reader if its not platonic even though i dont really write for nick in general. anything that i dont want to write so dont pressure me.

what i will write: requests, smut, angst, fluff, series's if im dedicated, one shots, almost anything apart from what i listed above.

i love writing on here and i love each and every one of you who like what i write, thank you guys for supporting me! i take requests and i'll do them if i like it so dont be shy to request!

here’s the tag you can go on where i answer things in my inbox exzexpf for requests

#evie-sturns inbox

also writing and reading on here got my english and humanties grade up like crazy so thank you guys.

-------------

[ask-serendipity-sky]

1108: Facts and observations

•Day 0

1108 started on the 8th of November of 2015.

Jimin uploaded a video of him and Jungkook to twitter:

On the 26th of January 2016, Jk uploaded a small snippet of a song he was covering.

•Day 100

And on the 15th of February of 2016, Jk uploaded the entire song Nothing Like Us and noted to listen to the lyrics as they were expressing what he wanted to say:

In Korean culture, parents celebrate 100 days after a child is born. This is to indicate that the child made it through the first vulnerable phase in their life. In the same manner, the 100 days are celebrated by Korean couples.

And this is what Jk had to say 100 days after the 8th of November of 2015:

There's nothing like us There's nothing like you and me Together through the storm There's nothing like us There's nothing like you and me together, oh

•Day 366 (1 year)

On 08/11/2016, a year later, Jimin posted another video of them:

•Day 732 (2 years)

On Oct. 28, 2017, Jungkook treated Jimin to a trip to Tokyo. It was because of this trip, that Jungkook released gcfTokyo on Nov. 08, 2017.

A fan used the images in the video and was able to determine the hotel and room jikook stayed at. It was room number 1108.

The video also used the song There For You by Troye Sivan:

Boy, I'm holdin' onto something Won't let go of you for nothing I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you There was a time that I was so blue What I got to do to show you? I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you

Day 811

On the 26th of January 2018, in a Japanese fancafe, Jimin gifted Jungkook a drawing of a set of champagne glasses and a bottle. Note the details of the glasses.

•Day 900

On the 25th of April 2018, a day before the 900 day milestone, Jimin had a vlive where it was obvious he wasn't alone in the room. He kept looking to the side, laughing shyly and explained:

After he said this, you can hear someone whisper, "Jimin."

Day 1000

On August 3rd 2018, Jk posted a selfie while they were all filming BV3:

During BV3, jikook were able to look around the city alone, and have a boat date under the moonlight.

Day 1013

As you all may know 10:13 is also known as Jimin ssi, or Jimin time. It only makes sense that this day would be special to jikook too.

On the 16th of August 2018, Jimin tweeted a series of 3 tweets:

Jungkook was the only member that appeared in the photos with Jimin. It is also interesting to note the 2 butterfly temporary tattoos he had on his hand.

This is the same time when they had the photoshoot with the inflatable unicorn:

The next day, Jimin uploaded a tweet with the caption "Love Ya", and one of the photos was him and Jk.

•Day 1141

On the 22nd of December 2018, when fans uploaded their selfies on fancafe, the fans let Jk know that Jimin had uploaded his own:

This prompted Jk to type "JIMINNNN" and he signed off. He later uploaded a song that he stopped at 1:18:

You take my mind away When you touch me that way This place, your face It gets hard to breathe I know you're feeling me now You're all I see Almost like we're dreaming

•Day 1394

On the 1st of September 2019, Jk made 2 tweets. One in which uploaded a snippet of Decalcamonia, which he also ended on 1:18:

•Day 1500

On the 16th of Dec 2019, Jimin posted a good night tweet:

The time he uploaded this was at 1:50.

•Day 2300

On Feb 22, 2022, Jk uploaded a story on insta where he is in a car, listening to So Good by Joan. The story was labeled 23:08 even though he uploaded it at 1:24 am.

You and me Got a lotta tension, not even to mention Ooh, that night, just two weeks ago It was half past ten Thinking about living, suddenly when you walked it You took my breath away

•Day 2315

On March 10, 2022, during the Permission to Dance Concert, Jimin used the 2315 numbers and stated the following:

2315 days had passed since November 8, 2015.

•Day 2545

On the 26th of October 2022, Jk uploaded a photo of himself while he was in Qatar. He uploaded the photo at 11:08 Korea time and, 5:08 Qatar time.

•Day 2643

On the 2nd of February 2023, Jimin answered a question on weverse at exactly 23:08. The question is now deleted.

•Day 2684

During Jungkook hosted a series of lives on White Day, 14th of March 2022. His first live was started at 8:11 pm:

During these lives, Jk changed to various outfits and had an extensive playlist. One of the songs that was included was There For You.

•Day 2855

On the 1st of September 2023, Jk hosted a short live to thank the fans for being present with him during so many birthdays. He ended his live quickly and it lasted 8:56 minutes:

My impressions

Based on Korean customs, celebrating different day milestones is typical in a Korean couple.

While some may think that jikook started dating on the 8th of November 2015, I think that's when they decided to be intimate with each other.

I feel like a jikook kiss had already happened since the last time Jimin asked Jk for a kiss publicly was in September 2015 for Jk's birthday. From there, one can only think that things proceeded quite quickly.

I think that in recent years, we have observed less mentions of 1108 because of BTS' popularity and so many fans expecting something from jikook.

It's possible that jikook has decided to not make these milestones known like they did before, but every now and then, they still reference that number. Who knows when they will do it again.

But who is counting, right?

[newsfrom-theworld]

On international women's day let me introduce you to some of the victims of ''Isr@el''

1. Shireen Abu Akluh

On 11th of May 2022 around 6:30 the prominent American Palestinian Journalist was killed by Isr@eli snipers; they also attacked her funeral.

The shaky video, filmed by Al Jazeera cameraman Majdi Banura, captures the scene when Abu Akleh, a 51-year-old Palestinian-American was killed by a bullet to the head at around 6:30 a.m. on May 11.

She had been standing with a group of journalists near the entrance of Jenin refugee camp, where they had come to cover an Israeli raid.

While the footage does not show Abu Akleh being shot, eyewitnesses told CNN that they believe Isr@eli forces on the same street fired deliberately on the reporters in a targeted attack.

All of the journalists were wearing protective blue vests that identified them as members of the news media. ​

2.Farah Omar

A Lebanese correspondent of Al-Mayadeen TV, was killed by an Isr@eli strike on Tayr Harfa, south Lebanon, on November 21, 2023, according to Al-Mayadeen.

4. Heba Sami

Dr. Heba Sami Al-Jourani who was known for her intelligence and determination lived elsewhere she could have been working in a very important hospital as a physicians to help those people who were wounded in wars and accidents, But unfortunately Heba had to put her dreams aside and stand face to face with death.

Heba’s family home in Rafah was targeted by Isr@eli warplane, minutes ago before she lost her life, Heba was sending messages and checking telegram groups to know where is the bombing she’s hearing, unfortunately that was her last scene,

Heba’s family became the breaking news at 11:48 am, on November

5. Walaa Saadah

A passionate filmmaker, writer, and blogger normally work day and night, travel, sometimes receiving awards but not if its a Palestinian woman in lives in Gaza and that’s the story of "Walaa Saadah, who was born in Beit Hanoun, Northern Gaza, in 1990.

Walaa since 2010, with too much passion worked in cinema and filmmaking, starting as a screenplay writer, she also worked in civil society organizations as a coordinator who directed several films that shed light on the suffering of the people of Gaza to the world.

Walaa was killed on March 2, 2024, in an Isr@eli airstrike on displaced people in Deir al-Balah city. walaa dream ended before having any chance to raise and shine as prominent filmmaker

6. Asmaa Hamdan

Asma a beloved 22-year-old, brought joy with her infectious smile. In high school, she was the heart of our large group. After a beautiful love story, she married Shadi and welcomed Sham, the light of her life. As an engineer, she graduated days before war disrupted everything.

Despite the hardships, Asmaa's resilience inspired us. Tragically, on December 25th, Asmaa and her daughter Sham were martyred in a massacre caused by Isr@eli occupation rockets, which claimed the lives of 100 martyrs in Al-Maghazi refugee camp, leaving behind a painful void.

7. Nagham Abu Samra

Nagham Abu Samra, 24 years old, was a professional karate player before Isr@el deprived her of that. She suffered from a critical head injury, and her leg was amputated after her home in Gaza was bombed by Isr@el.

Her uncle was pleading with the world to intervene and help Nagham travel abroad for treatment, but no one responded. Nagham was martyred, succumbing to her injuries from the Israeli bombing on January 12, 2023.

8. Talal Baalusha

A high school student, creative in traditional dance (dabke), and a member of the "Asayel Watan" group She also owned a clothing store.

She bid farewell to her family after they were martyred, then others mourned her.

She was martyred with her mother.

9. Hind Rajab

After she appealed to the world for help to save her, 12 days passed without communication.

On the 10th of February, the body of the martyr, the child Hind Rajab, and 5 members of her family were found.

Her Grandfather said: “We found the body of Hind and the rest of the family decomposed”.

10. Ayat Khadoura

Ayat, a Palestinian freelance journalist and podcast presenter, was killed along with an unknown number of family members in an Isr@eli airstrike on her home in Beit Lahya in northern Gaza, according to the Beirut-based press freedom group SKeyes, the news website Arabi 21, and London-based Al-Ghad TV.

Ayat shared videos on social media about the situation in Gaza, including a November 6 video, which she called “my last message to the world” where she said, “We had big dreams but our dream now is to be killed in one piece so they know who we are.”

Ayat was killed on November 20, 2023, at the hands of the Isr@eli occupation.

They aren't just numbers.

The UNRWA said 9.000 women where killed in this genocide.

Your feminism is trash if you aren't speak up for the women of Gaza, who are using pieces of tends as sanitary pads.

And always,

Free Palestine

[ishipmutualrespect]

The peace ring Materpost / Timeline

The peace ring

was first seen in 2013 when Harry and Louis left Rosso after a dinner there. For this reason it’s head canon that this is one of the rings that Louis gave to Harry.

For years he wore it on the middle finger of his right hand. Harry wore it all the time and he very rarley took it off, aside from when he was working out/running or travelling/working (he didn’t always wear the peace ring for photoshoots but he wore it more often than not - for example the ring was there during Gucci or Vogue photoshoots)

For a long time he used to wear the peace ring in a special combination with his rose ring (here you can read about how Louis started following “The Great Frog” - the ring was from this shop - on Twitter just before Harry started wearing the rose ring):

This combinations symbolized Louis’ dagger (with the red spot on top) going through Harry’s rose.

In 2019 he started to wear the peace ring on his left hand instead of his right hand.

One of the first times that he wore the peace ring on the left hand was at the ONO for Fine Line on December 16th, 2019. On his other hand made his first appearance the Crown ring (Stevie Nicks gifted this ring to him that same night)

The crown ring became then one of the rings that Harry kept on wearing the most in combination with the peace ring.

For example he wore both rings (peace ring on the left hand) during Watermelon Sugar and Falling MV

And at the Brits on February 18th, 2020.

It’s at the Grammy’s on March 14th, 2021 that Harry stopped wearing the peace ring. He started to wear the Bird ring (it’s a ring with a similar antique style as the one that Alessandro Michele loaned to him in 2018 but it’s a different ring and with a different bird art) instead and alongside the Crown ring. The same thing happened at the Brits on May 11th, 2021.

During his tour in the USA (here there’s a rings on tour post) a large stone ring made his appearance and Harry wore it on his left hand alongside the Bird ring on his right hand. SO STILL NO PEACE RING.

The only 2 exeptions were:

- in Denver on September 7th, 2021 when he wore the peace ring (!!!) after many months not wearing it at all. And we’ll see later how this will become very 👀👀👀

- in Boston on October 25th, 2021 when surprisingly he didn’t wear any rings

After that night, another 8 long months passed and finally on May 19th, 2022 the peace ring was back but that was for just one performance in New York

And we never saw the peace ring anymore until …

September 7th, 2022 (EXACTLY 1 YEAR AFTER Denver in September 7th, 2021!) during his show in New York. After this date Harry wore the ring 5 times (during his shows on September 8th, 10th, 14th and 15th, 2022 and at the My Policeman Premiere in Toronto on September 11th, 2022) making it a total of 6 times in a row (after a very long time)

We don’t know the reason why Harry wore the peace ring exactly 1 year after the Denver show on September 7th but we sure know that the number 7 is something that is becoming more and more seen lately (here a post with some of the many times).

In conclusion I just wanted to point out a couple of things:

- the first time he wore the peace ring again on September 7th, 2022 was after the Venice Film Festival (when he didn’t acknowledge Olivia at all and he totally didn’t see Louis who was in Italy as well) where he wore the bird ring and the stone ring (his latest usual combination, see also the tour)

- he didn’t wear any rings in a couple other occasions (the TPWK and Golden music videos)

I created a separate timeline post where I keep track of every time Harry wears the peace ring so that this masterpost will only be updated when/if things change. I also created this sideblog to post the pictures of every time Harry wears the ring (it’s gonna be easier for me to update the timeline post that way)

[jilychallenge]

Hi everyone,

As we are nearing the last month of the year we would like to inform you about the December Jilychallenge.

We loved seeing all your Jily messages, art, moodboards and holiday inspired fics, as well as the heartwarming full tree at the end of the month!!

We are excited to do something like last year again and we hope you are as well. (for a little taste and to see the tree fill up, check the tag #djac 2022) Our starting date this year depends on how many of you will want to participate, we plan to finish on the 31st!

Instructions :

To sign up, please fill out this google form before the first of December. In the form you'll find the deadlines for your works to be finished. We'll be in touch as soon through here or Discord, never hesitate to let us know if you need more time or if there's a special date you'd like your work to be released on. Everyone can pick from the prompt list, you can have as many as you like, combine them, ignore them, follow them to the letter. We welcome any festive jily fics so if you've got a holiday end of year tale you want to tell, don't hesitate if your exact idea has no prompt to fit it ;-)

This is not about rules but about having fun!

That being said if you’re writing a fic, the minimum words must be 100, and should only be a one shot. (or finished multi-chapter (for multichaps please contact us so we can figure out the best way to post them!)

If it’s an artwork/playlist/moodboard then… anything goes!

Week 1 (due before the 25th of November) Week 2 (due before the 3rd of December) Week 3 (due before the 10th of December) Week 4 (due before the 17th of December)

You can submit your work earlier, but since it will take us a bit of time to organise the calendar we ask you try not to submit later, don't hesitate to contact us should you need more time or if you think you want to do more than one creation in a certain week.

Please note that the sign up weeks could be very different from when your fic or artwork will be revealed.

The fics can be posted to the December Jily Calendar 2023 collection on AO3. For any help with posting don't hesitate to contact us. Once you've posted to the collection it might take a little while for your work to be accepted (we don't live on AO3... 😘 you can always let us know you posted. NB we can't reveal a draft, so please be sure your work is posted before the date of reveal) If you don't have an ao3 account please tell us so we can post your work as a part of the Calendar here on Tumblr. (send us a DM or ask) .

This got long... DLDR come join the fun in December!!

[solar-net]

My yearly redraw!! I love this ship so much, they mean everything to me!! This is also post-canon and Iris loves watching her girlfriend preform <3

[Start ID: A two drawings of Iris and Serena from the pokemon anime. Iris is in her champion outfit and Serena is in her Journey's preforming outfit which is white, yellow, orange and red. The first drawing is a simple flat doodle at the top left corner, Iris is looking excited and saying "Don't forget your good luck kiss!" Serena is looking at Iris a little shocked. The second drawing is shaded and has lighting, Iris is holding Serena's face and smiling as she kisses Serena, who also looks happy while she holds Iris's wrist. There are glowing read hearts around the two. End ID.]

The three other redraws are under read more!! Also I changed accounts frequently so that's why the usernames don't line up-

December 25th, 2020 | May 7th, 2021 | January 24, 2022

[Start ID: A shaded and light drawing of Serena and Iris from the pokemon anime. Iris has her arms wrapped around Serena's shoulders while Serena is holding Iris's back while Iris kisses her cheek. Serena has long hair that's put into a ponytail and Iris has her hair tied into a thick braid Both appear to be in a school uniform. End ID.]

[Start ID: A shaded and light drawing of Iris and Serena from the pokemon anime. Iris has her arms around Serena's shoulders kissing her cheek, Iris's hair is pulled into a ponytail. Serena is smiling and has long hair that's pulled into a ponytail, they seem to be in school uniforms. End ID.]

[Start ID: A shaded and lightened drawing of Iris and Serena from the pokemon anime, Iris has her hand on Serena's shoulder and bringing her down to kiss her cheek. Iris's hair ia pulled into half a bun, she has blunt bangs and a yellow headband, Iris is wearing a pink shirt without a back and simple black pants. Serena's hair is long and pulled into a ponytail, one of her hands is on Iris's back while the other holds Iris's elbow. She's wearing a plain white dress-shirt with a pink vest. End ID.]

[neverwanttofallasleep]

I Never Want To Fall Asleep - Chapter 8 (Part 1)

Word count: 7,299

For pairings, warnings, and disclaimer - see Masterpost

Sunday, December 25th, 2022

Frankenmuth, Michigan

Karen greets you and Josh at the door with warm hugs as you all exchange Merry Christmases. She doesn’t ask you where you’ve been, and she’s just as gracious as the minute you arrived. You’re relieved. 

As he walks under the threshold, Sammy gets a smack on the back of the head.

“You could’ve at least sent me a text message, Samuel! I was so worried when I didn’t see your car this morning!”

Sam winces. “Mom! I knew Josh would tell you. And I’m here now.”

She huffs. “Breakfast is almost ready. Take your coats off and go sit at the table.” You all go to comply, but she pulls Josh aside.

“Go and wake up your brother, baby.”

You feel your stomach turn. You know Jake is awake, he just texted you. He just hasn’t come out of his room yet.

Josh nods, removes his coat, and heads upstairs.

You take off your scarf and hang it over Sam’s coat by the door. You’re just left wearing Jake’s sweater over your clothes. You suddenly feel very exposed.

You follow Sammy into the dining room, where Kai and Ronnie are sitting at opposite sides of the table, showing each other TikToks. 

“‘Morning, family.” Sam greets them.

“Merry Christmas!” Ronnie jumps up and hugs you both. You’re definitely starting to feel more comfortable with her now, despite the circumstances.

“Happy Christmas, guys.” Kai smiles at you both.

“Happy Christmas, Kai.” You return. You move to take the empty seat by him, opposite from Ronnie, and you give him a kiss on the cheek. “I never got to tell you how fucking delicious that thing you made the other night was. You have to give me the recipe.”

He laughs. “My mom would be happy to hear that! I’ll text it to you.” You exchange numbers.

You hear creaking on the stairs, and sure enough, Josh makes his way into the dining room. Jake is a few steps behind him. When he sees you, he gives you a meek smile, and leans against the door frame, watching his family banter.

He looks like he’s in surprisingly better shape than he was last night, though the circles under his eyes are a dead giveaway. His long hair is pulled back into a low bun, a few pieces loose around his face. He’s wearing a black linen shirt, mostly unbuttoned, and almost matching trousers. His Atocha pendant is hanging around his neck. You’re a pair, both dressed in black. You may as well be going to a funeral. He’s definitely not dressed appropriately for the weather, but he never is.

Sam gets up to give his brother a hug, and whispers in his ear. About you, you’re sure. Sam rubs Jake’s arm as he goes back to his seat next to Ronnie. 

Josh comes over to give Kai a kiss, glancing at where you’re sat, and then goes back to sit down on Ronnie’s other side, opposite Kai. This leaves three free seats for Jake and his parents. The one at each end of the table, and the one next you. You curse internally. It’s almost like his siblings are orchestrating this.

They might be, for all you know. They’ve got no idea how hard you actually rejected Jake last night.

Karen and Kelly come bustling in with plates of food and pots of coffee. You remember Jake telling you that the Kiszkas always had a traditional Polish breakfast of apple pancakes on Christmas.

“Something Dad’s family always did. He makes them the best. It’s the only time Mom will let him near the kitchen, y’know, unless it’s to wash the dishes.” He’d told you.

Karen has supplemented the spread with some kind of fluffy scones and jam, fresh fruit and scrambled eggs. It all looks and smells delicious.

“Happy Christmas, my babies.” Karen coos. “Go on, dig in.” She gestures to the plates and cups and you all move to fill your plates at once. She looks to Jake. “Grab the milk and cream for me, will you, sweetheart?” He nods and heads into the kitchen, as his parents take their respective seats at the heads of the table.

Everyone begins to eat and chatter as Jake returns, placing the jugs on the table next his mother before making his way ‘round to sit by you. He pulls the chair out and silently raises his eyebrow as if to ask your permission. You give a small nod and he sits. It’s not like you have a choice.

Sam clears his throat to get the table’s attention.

“So,” He clasps his hands in front of himself, very much like Josh does. “What’s on the agenda for today, then, momma?”

“Well, honey, it’s up to you guys, really. But I was thinking we do presents after breakfast,” the Kiszka kids giggle excitedly at this, “and then I thought I might put Ronnie and you, Sammy, on dishes duty.” They nod. “Kai and Josh might be kind enough to get some more firewood from the shed, and Jake and Y/N can help me set the table and get lunch started? I think after breakfast, we probably won’t eat till late, maybe 2 or 3 o’clock. So you’ll all get some time to hang out in between, maybe we can watch White Christmas?” You remember Jake telling you that this was Karen’s tradition. She loves old movies and musicals, and she always watched White Christmas with her sisters growing up.

There’s a chorus of nods and hums of agreement around the room. You see Jake’s fist clench on his thigh, his knuckles whitening. You swallow. You’re sure Karen isn’t doing this with ill intention. If anything, you imagine she thinks she’s being kind, however misguided it might be.

“What about Dad?” Ronnie pipes up.

Karen smirks, and Kelly clears his throat. “I made the pancakes, Ron. And I’m on Santa duty. After all that, I reckon I’ll need a nap.”

You all giggle.

Karen shakes her head, laughing. “I’m sending your dad out to shovel the driveway. He’ll be plenty busy, don’t you worry.”

Ronnie looks satisfied with this.

Sam looks happy with this plan, too, until he remembers something. “What about the Christmas concert?” 

Karen beams, but Josh groans. “Aren’t we too old for that? Mom and Dad and Ron have seen us play arena shows, do we really need to bash out terrible Christmas songs in the garage? I need vocal rest.”

Everyone laughs.

“C’mon, love. I want to hear you sing.” Kai looks at Josh with the most adoring expression, it almost makes you feel a bit sick. Josh immediately blushes and takes Kai’s hand across the table.

“Well, okay. For you, anything.” 

Kai turns to Karen and gives her an over-exaggerated wink. She giggles.

“It’s not a Kiszka Christmas without some music.” She smiles broadly.

Sam nudges Ronnie. “Besides, one of us has yet to play an arena show. Reckon you can keep up, sis?”

She rolls her eyes. “I can sing Christmas carol circles around you idiots. You’d better watch out, or I’ll be the one in the jumpsuit come January.” She pokes Sam in the ribs with her pointer finger, and he winces. “Jake and I look enough like twins, no one’ll be able to tell the difference.”

Sammy chuckles and smacks her away. “Hear that, Josh? She’s coming for your gig.”

“Not unless she plans to sing ‘Jingle Bells’ in Las Vegas, she’s not.” Josh retorts, poking his tongue out at his sister. She flips him off.

Sam gestures to you and Kai. “You two are in for a real treat.”

You giggle. “Can’t wait.”

“Me neither.” Kai nods enthusiastically.

Jake has been quiet throughout breakfast. When you glance over at him, you see that Karen has her hand resting on his on the table, rubbing circles with her thumb.

She knows.

You feel a different kind of guilt bubbling up in you. You’ve hurt him, you know that. He’s hurt you, too. But you have all the power now. You know how you feel about him, and if he feels anything remotely close, sitting right next to you under the circumstances would have to be painful.

You have to resist the urge to reach under the table and place your hand on his thigh, like he’d often to for you if you were anxious or sad. Despite your treatment of him last night, you still want to comfort him. You hate being the reason he might be having a shitty time today.

When breakfast wraps up, you all begin to stack your plates and clear the table. Karen waves you all off. “We’ll do it after. Everyone in the living room in ten minutes for presents!”

Jake is the first to get up, quickly disappearing upstairs. When you can, you make an escape to the downstairs bathroom, pulling out your phone.

10.04am You: If I’m trying to enjoy it, you have to, too.

You don’t wait for a reply.

You leave the bathroom and wander to the kitchen, finding Karen refilling the coffee filter.

“Can I give you a hand?” You ask.

She looks up at you. “That would be great, honey. Can you grab the mugs from the table and bring them in here to rinse?”

You nod, and follow her instructions.

When you’re back in the kitchen, rinsing and stacking the mugs next to the sink, Karen breaks the silence.

“Are you alright, sweetheart? We missed you, the last few days.”

You decide to bite the bullet. “Yeah, I’m good. I’m so sorry I left so suddenly, I didn’t mean to take advantage of your hospitality like that. Jake and I just had a bit of a disagreement, and I felt like it would be better if I had my own place to stay for a few days.“

She hums. “I’m sorry to hear it. Jake’s been all out of sorts since you left. Sammy, being the gossip that he is, told me that he and Lily had ended things. I think I’m beginning to understand why.” She gives you a knowing look from the corner of her eye as she turns on the coffee pot.

Your cheeks bloom. What were you supposed to say to that? Anything that wouldn’t make you sound like a home wrecker.

“It’s complicated, I think. He’s my best friend.”

She nods. “I know, honey. And that’s usually the best foundation for a relationship.”

You feel tears pricking in your eyes. You’ve cried more in the past few days than you can ever remember crying in your life. “Are you upset with him?”

She looks up at you. “What for?”

“About Lily.”

“Of course not. Why would I be? I love her like a daughter, and she’ll always feel like family. But sometimes love just runs its course. They were just kids when they met, they didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. Most people have many loves in their lifetime, some stronger than others. It’s rare, when it’s real. And you’ll know if it is. If you find it, you gotta hold onto it. Don’t let it go.”

You nod. “Thank you, Karen.”

She gives you a smile so warm it almost hurts. “You’re welcome, Y/N. And I’m glad my boys have been looking after you, while Jake couldn’t.”

You smile back. “Me too.” 

She takes the pot and heads out to the living room.

You follow her with the stack of clean cups and put them down on the coffee table. You turn to grab your purse from the hooks by the door, and head back in to take a seat on the ottoman, next to the Christmas tree. You’re hoping to avoid any further awkward seating arrangements.

You fish through your bag for your gifts, bundling them up under your seat to keep them out of sight. Just like Danny’s, none are wrapped, so you’ll have to give them out as is. You sigh.

Everyone filters in after a few more minutes, taking their seats around the living room. Kelly sits in the recliner, a Santa hat on his head. You giggle.

Jake returns, too, and heads straight for the record player. He puts on a Christmas album, and it’s very quiet, but after a few bars, you make it out to be Rosemary Clooney.

Karen grins from her perch on the arm of Kelly’s chair. “Thank you, baby.” She nods to Jake.

He gives her a warm smile, the most you’ve seen from him all morning.

You let out a deep breath. He’s trying.

Once he’s sitting down, on the couch next to Josh, you peek a glance at him. He looks just as gorgeous as ever. His eyes are lacking that signature sparkle, but he’s smiling, so that’s a start. You can’t help but look at his lips. The lips that were on yours last night, in such a frenzy that he’d left you a little swollen today. The memory is not as painful to relive as you were worried it might be. It’s actually kind of nice, and you find yourself wondering what would’ve happened if you hadn’t called it off.

You see him lick his lips absently, and you’re instantly transported to the night before, reliving the feeling of his tongue on you. You shiver.

You’re broken from your confusing daydream by Kelly. “Alright, then. Ho, ho, ho. Who wants to go first?”

Everyone laughs, and Josh puts his hand up. “Me, Santa! I want to go first.”

“Okay, then, Joshua. Give Santa your presents and I’ll hand them out for you.”

Josh gets up, and Ronnie cackles. Everyone looks at her. “Dad, if you’re gonna make us all get up to get our gifts, isn’t it easier if we just give them out ourselves?”

Kelly thinks it over for a second, then he nods. “Yeah. You’re all too old for this now. Give out your own presents.”

Karen laughs and shoves his shoulder. “Kelly.” She scolds.

Josh begins to hunt through the pile under the tree for his gifts, and hands them out one by one, starting with his parents.

Sam nudges your leg from his spot on the floor. “Be thankful it’s not Oliver Reed’s year to give out the presents. Those are much more exhausting.” He snickers.

“Oi, Samuel. Don’t you be talking any shit about ol’ Oliver. Be grateful that you get to have the privilege of his presence.” Jake puts on his terrible British accent, and in spite of yourself, you giggle.

Jake looks at you, surprised. Then, much to your own surprise, he smiles, and winks.

You feel yourself blushing, and you quickly look away, diverting your attention to Ronnie, who’s now opening her present from Josh.

“Wow! An Eiffel Tower keychain! Just what I’ve always wanted!” She sticks her tongue out at him.

“Shut up, Ronnie. Look underneath it.”

She pulls out a gorgeous French silk scarf, and gives him a genuine grin. “Thank you. It’s beautiful.”

“I am a man of many talents, and one of them is having impeccable taste.” He retorts, as she gets up to give him a kiss on the cheek.

Josh gifts you a large piece of fabric, on it a reproduction of a black and white Italian lino-print, which you’d seen in a gallery together on one of your days off. You tell him it’s too much, but he waves you off. 

“I knew I had to get it for you when I saw it. Was gonna give it to you when we got back to New York. You’d better make something beautiful with it.” He tells you.

Your gift from Karen (and Kelly) is a framed postcard of the Frankenmuth Memorial Park Rose Garden, a beautiful image of a bed of pale pink and white flowers.

“So you can put it up at home and think of here.” She smiles at you. You feel like you might cry again.

More gifts are exchanged, and as if in silent synchronization, you and Jake get up at the same time to pour the coffees and pass them around. More than once he makes eye contact with you, and you find yourself feeling a little giddy under his gaze. This is not how you expected to feel today.

When it’s your turn, you retrieve your pile of presents from under the ottoman, and begin to hand them out to Jake’s family. You’re met with a chorus of ‘thank you’s and compliments on your talent. You blush, insisting that they’re just little things.

When you get to Sammy, you make him close his eyes and hold out his hands, like you did with Danny. He’s met with a red, knitted fisherman’s beanie, which you’re especially proud of. He gives you the biggest goofy grin and puts it on straight away, sitting up on his knees to give you a hug.

“I love it!” He exclaims, and you giggle. You didn’t expect any less enthusiasm from him.

Josh is next, and he gives you a soft smile as you hand him the narrow, white and gold scarf you made for him. He wraps it around his throat and tosses one end over his shoulder.

“How very Parisienne of you.” You giggle.

“I’m really embracing my inner European after the tour.” He smirks. “Thank you, Y/N. It’s gorgeous.”

You smile. “It suits you.”

You’ve saved Jake for last. Maybe out of fear, or maybe something else. You’re not sure now. You get up, and move to stand in front of him.

“Do I have to close my eyes, too?” He asks quietly.

His family begin to chatter around you, as if to disperse the tension. You’re relieved.

“Only if you want to.”

He does, and it’s different from when his brothers did it. It doesn’t feel silly. In fact, there’s something intimate about it.

You place the small gift into his outstretched hands. He opens his eyes, but instead of looking straight at the gift, he looks at you first. Your face warms, again.

When he does look down, he gives a smile so broad that it suddenly makes you feel embarrassed, like you shouldn’t have done this here. The gift itself isn’t extremely exciting, but seeing his reaction, it suddenly feels intensely personal.

He slides the black, fingerless gloves onto his hands, admiring them, before looking at you again.

“So I can play guitar in them?” He asks.

You nod shyly.

“They’re perfect.” He murmurs. “Thank you.” It’s so earnest.

You blush deeply, and quickly return to your seat. He takes the gloves off and places them neatly on the arm of the couch.

His family pretend to be oblivious to the interaction, which you’re immensely grateful for. Sammy can’t help himself, and gives you a sly look as you sit back down.

Sam’s next, and his gift to you is a beautiful robin’s egg blue mug, speckled with what looks like sand.

“Sam, this is gorgeous.”

He smirks. “It’s from me and Lennon. Her sister made it, you know how she’s got a pottery studio.”

You nod. “Thank you.”

The rest of his gifts to his family are all also handmade pottery, and you sense a theme.

“Did Lennon send you here with a suitcase full of breakable items?” Ronnie teases him. “She’s a brave girl. How much did you spend on bubble wrap?”

Sam puffs his chest. “Yes, she did. And I didn’t break a single one, thank you very much. Bubble wrap is very expensive.”

You all chuckle at him.

Jake gives out his presents last, and in the hustle and bustle, no one seems to notice that you don’t receive one. You’re not upset, you figure he either didn’t get you anything, or he decided not to give it to you after last night. Fair enough.

After everyone’s done with presents and you’ve all had your fill of coffee, you and Ronnie are left to wrapping paper pick-up duty, while the rest of the family starts on the chores Karen has assigned them.

You hold the trash bag while Ronnie picks up the paper and cards and dumps them in. You ask her to save the ribbons for you, so she lays them in a neat pile on the coffee table. You’re quiet for a few minutes as the others meander in and out of the room.

Once you’re alone, she speaks. So matter of factly, it takes you a second to catch up.

“Did it get too much?” She smirks, but she’s not making fun of you. She might as well have said ‘I told you so’, but you feel like you deserve that at this point.

“Yeah, I guess so. It’s complicated.”

“I bet. He’s been pining over you for the last three days. It’s been unbearable.”

You feel your face go red. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry about it.” She smirks again, but this time you feel like you’re in on the joke. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Y/N. I don’t judge you, or him. I like you. And Jake is in love with you, I saw it on his face from the first moment he talked about you. I’m glad he and Lily have worked their shit out. First love rarely lasts forever, unless you’re our parents. Now you just gotta decide if you wanna be with him, too. ‘Cause he’ll do anything for you. He’s the best person, Y/N. Don’t hurt him.” She really is her mother’s daughter, but she has a bit of that Sammy spunk in her. Relentless, honest, protective. She’s a good sister.

“I know.” You say honestly. He is the best person.

She nods. “Good. Then I won’t say anything else about it.”

“Thanks, Ronnie.”

“It’s all good.” She smiles, not a smirk this time. A genuine, toothy smile. God, she looks like her brothers.

Preparations for lunch go by smoothly, and fast. You and Jake keep your interactions to a minimum while helping in the kitchen and setting the table, but when you do speak, or hand things to one another, you struggle to keep your chest from fluttering. You don’t know what could possibly feel so different from last night, but even being in his proximity today is enough to give you butterflies. It feels like a school girl crush, a single glance or brush of his hand is enough to make you swoon.

Once the food is in the oven, Karen dismisses you both and instructs you to put on the movie for her. The two of you sit on the couch while the others flit in and out, watching bits and singing along to the songs. You’re not sitting right next to each other, but you’re not on opposite ends, either. There’s maybe a foot of space between you, and you can feel the electricity radiating from his body to yours. It makes it near impossible to focus on the TV, but when you do, all you can see are magnificent costumes.

The only time you speak is during ‘Count Your Blessings’.

“This was always my favourite song, you know.” He says, without looking at you.

“Mine too. Why’s it yours?”

“It’s so romantic.” Is all he says. “You?”

“I think it’s hopeful.”

You risk a glance at him, and he’s staring straight at the screen, but you see the sparkle starting to return. You smile to yourself.

At lunch, you don’t sit together, and you breathe a sigh of relief. You’re sat next to Josh, Jake kind of diagonally across from you. Every time you chance a look at him, he’s staring at you. It feels so intense, like you might shatter under the weight of his gaze.

You decide you have to talk to him, today. You have to apologise. You need him to know why you pushed him away, and that it’s not for lack of feeling on your part. Things are just too messy right now, and you need time, if he’ll even give it to you.

Once you decide this, you start to feel a bit more relaxed. You’re two glasses of wine in, and you start to itch to have the conversation over with. You just want to clear the air. You want to be able to be friends again. You want things to go back to how they were, before.

After lunch, Sam rallies the Kiszkas for a quick concert rehearsal in the garage, and you and Kai help Karen with the clean up. Kelly really does go upstairs for a nap.

The three of you chatter about anything and everything, trading recipes, talking about old movies. You’re definitely feeling more comfortable now, the wine has loosened you up. And now you’ve got the awkward conversations with Karen and Ronnie out of the way, you’re actually having a great time.

You wipe down the dining table as Kai and Karen bring out the desserts.

“I don’t know how I’m gonna fit any more food in.” Kai whispers to you when Karen’s in the kitchen.

You giggle. “Me neither, but it looks so fucking good.” You swipe some whipped cream from the top of the trifle with your finger, and put it in your mouth.

Of course, the Kiszka kids find this the opportune moment to walk in, and you make direct eye contact with Jake as you remove your index finger from your mouth with a wet pop. He goes beet red, and quickly scurries into the kitchen.

Kai giggles. 

“That was hot.” Sam comments, totally oblivious.

You blush, too.

Everyone agrees that they’re far too full to fit in dessert right now, so Sammy declares it time to wake up Dad for the ‘Annual Kiszka Christmas Concert Extravaganza’. Josh teases him for not being very creative with names.

You don your scarf, and you all trudge through the snow to the garage, where someone (presumably Ronnie) has thoughtfully set up some extra folding chairs for the audience. You take a seat on the far left, Kelly and Karen on the couch, Kai on the other side.

Sammy takes his seat behind the tiny electric keyboard, Jake on his guitar stool the far right, acoustic in hand. Ronnie and Josh sit on two camping chairs in front of the drum kit.

As soon as Sam and Jake play the first notes, you immediately recognise the song, and you grin. When you look over to Jake, he’s grinning back at you. He’s taken his hair down, and he’s wearing his glasses. You’re not sure if he really needs them to play guitar (in fact, you know he doesn’t), and you can’t help but wonder if he’s worn them because you told him you liked them.

Josh and Ronnie begin to sing, a pitch perfect rendition of ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’. They giggle with each other as they sing, it adds to the atmosphere. Jake and Sam give the song a little bit of a bluesy flair, and it’s amazing.

When the songs ends, the four of you give as raucous of an applause as you can manage, whooping and hollering and cheering for the Kiszka family band.

“Encore! Encore!” Karen cries.

They all laugh.

“Maybe later, momma. When Daniel is here.” Sam bargains.

“Alright, alright.” She concedes. “Let’s go inside, then. It’s so cold!”

Everyone follows Karen and Kelly up to the house, but Jake hangs back. Now’s your chance. You lean against the garage door and wait for him to notice you. When he does, he smiles.

“Did ya like that?” He takes his glasses off and hangs them on his shirt pocket.

You grin. “Not your usual style, but I can appreciate it.”

He chuckles. “Gotta pay respect to my roots.”

You nod, and it’s quiet for a moment as he fiddles around with the guitars on the rack.

You take a deep breath. “Can we talk?”

He looks up at you, and nods. “Yeah, okay. What’s up?”

“I’m sorry about last night, Jake. I didn’t mean for things to go down that way.”

He sighs. “I thought we weren’t gonna talk about it today.”

“I think we have to. I’m having a hard time.”

“Why’s that?”

You shake your head. “I think I’m just confused.”

His brow furrows. “Last night, when you said you couldn’t. Did you mean you couldn’t at all? Or you just couldn’t then?”

“I don’t know.” You sigh.

He looks almost, relieved? He takes a deep breath. “I know what I want, Y/N. I want to be with you. If you don’t want that now, I’ll wait. But I don’t think I’m ever going to change my mind. I don’t know when it happened, but all of a sudden I can’t imagine my life without you in it. And not just as my friend.”

Your heart is pounding. “I do want this, Jake. I’m just scared. This is all happening so fast.”

“Please, don’t be. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. And I don’t think it’s happened fast at all. Five months ago, y’know, when I saw you at that fitting, I felt it. Like a magnetic pull. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew then that you were gonna be important to me.”

“You remember the fitting?”

He nods. “You were adjusting the button on my rose suit pants. You barely said a word to me. I couldn’t get the feeling of your hands on my waist outta my head for a week.”

You shake your head. “But, at the party. You said you didn’t remember.”

He chuckles. “I felt like I’d made a terrible first impression. I’d spent the whole of our first interaction attempting to pick my jaw up off the floor. That night, I was so nervous, I got drunk before I even saw you. I, uh, I was trying to be smooth.”

You can’t help but giggle, but you feel warm tears running down your face.

“Do you really love me?”

“I don’t remember ever feeling this strongly about anyone. I spend every minute of every day wanting to learn more about you, to know you inside and out. You’re the most interesting, passionate, and smart person I’ve ever met. And you took my breath away, when I first saw you. I’d never seen anyone as radiant as you.”

“You took my breath away, too.”

He looks surprised. “Really?”

You nod, your hands shaking. “Yeah. I felt the magnet, too. I thought it was just me.”

He breathes a heavy sigh of relief. “No. Not just you.”

He steps close to you. You’re both standing just inside the garage, out of view of the house. He reaches up to brush his fingertips down your cheek, catching your tears.

“That night in London, when I was drunk, and you helped me in my room. I almost told you everything. Things were complicated, and somehow I found the self-restraint not to. But God, I wanted to. So badly. You looked so beautiful.”

You nod. “The next night, when you kissed me. I never wanted you to stop.”

A small noise leaves his lips. It almost sounds like an elated laugh.

“I should’ve asked you, then. And last night. I didn’t, and I regret that.” He takes a deep breath. He looks nervous. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes.” You breathe, and he does.

It’s different from all the other kisses. It’s slow, but not hesitant. He wraps his arms around your middle to hold you to him firmly, his hands sliding under your sweater, his thumb rubbing your spine.

It’s so intense, it makes you shiver. It feels right, this time.

You press your tongue against his lip, and you feel his surprise, but he lets you in. Everything feels like it’s moving in slow motion, you’re tasting him, really savouring him, and it’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt. This feels like a life-changing kiss. Things won’t be the same after this.

You knot both of your hands into the hair behind his ears, pushing it back off his face, while pulling him closer to you. Before you can get too heated, he breaks contact, leaving a final, soft kiss on your lips. He rests his forehead on yours, your eyes still closed. You sigh.

“I think I love you, too, Jake.”

He pulls back to look at you, his hands still gripping your waist, eyes flicking between yours.

“You don’t have to say it just because I did. We can take this slow. We haven’t even slept together yet.” He chuckles.

You shake your head. “No. I’m not saying it just because you did.”

He beams, and gives you another soft kiss before pulling you into him. You bury your face in his neck. He smells like home.

After a few moments, you pull away. “We should head back inside.”

“Yeah.” He smiles, sheepishly. “I don’t want to.”

You giggle. “Me neither, but I can’t disappoint your mother again.”

“Fair enough.” He nods. “Danny and his parents will be here soon. We’ve probably got a few more hours to get through.”

He takes your hand in his, and you realise he’s been wearing your gloves all this time.

You grin.

You step outside as he closes up the garage, and you follow him up to the house.

The rest of the afternoon goes by in a blur. The Wagners arrive at some point, without Josie, as she’d gone off to spend time with her partner’s family. You all eat dessert, and more drinks and gifts are shared. You’re dizzy with adrenaline.

When you’d arrived at the back door, Jake had dropped your hand, giving you a sly smirk, before opening the door for you and ushering you inside.

You’d received questioning looks from his siblings, but you just let it lie. Right now, this was just for the two of you. They’d know soon enough.

For the rest of the day, you couldn’t keep your eyes off of each other, even if you’d tried. Which you didn’t. You found yourself swooning over the simplest of things, him bringing his mom a cup of tea, or helping Ronnie do up the laces of her new sneakers. He even spent a minute straightening Sam’s collar, and you thought that was adorable. They were grown-ups, but they still cared for each other like siblings should.

At one point, he caught you coming out of the guest bathroom downstairs and pulled you into a corner just to plant a hard kiss on your mouth and walk away with a snicker. You were positively giddy. 

It’s dark now, early evening. Everyone is scattered around the dining and living rooms, nursing their drinks and laughing together. You’re perched on the arm of the sofa by Sammy and Josh as they play a very heated game of Mario Kart, Kai whispering pointers in Josh’s ear. This is what you remember of your family Christmases. You feel happy.

Jake appears from nowhere and taps you on the shoulder, tipping his head toward the front door. You raise your eyebrows and he just smirks, pulling you up from your seat and ushering you outside.

Your teeth start chattering the moment the cold air hits you. He pulls the door closed behind himself, leaving you both standing in just the dim porch light.

“What are you doing? It’s fucking freezing out here!” You rub your arms, hoping to cause some friction between your bare hands and the wool of Jake’s sweater.

He chuckles. “This’ll only take a sec. Close your eyes.”

You frown, but you comply.

“Hold out your hands.”

You feel something small and square drop into your palm, and you chance opening one eye to give him a quizzical look.

He laughs. “Okay, you can open.”

You look down, and see a small, silver box in your hands, tied with a yellow ribbon. You look up at him. “What is this?”

He rolls his eyes. “Just open it.”

You pull the ribbon and it falls undone into your fingers. You reach forward to shove it into his pocket, and he smirks.

You feel a little nervous, but with shaky hands, you pry open the lid of the box.

Inside, you see a small, gold pendant, on a matching delicate chain. You touch it gently, before sliding your fingers underneath it to lift it out.

It’s a bow and arrow. Like his suit. Exactly like it.

You gasp, and look up at him, your eyes already brimming with tears.

“Jake.” You breathe.

He smiles. “Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

You clutch the pendant between your fingers so as not to drop it and lunge for him, wrapping your arms around his torso and burying your face into his chest. Your heart is pounding in your ears.

You feel him chuckle as he reciprocates the embrace, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and kissing the top of your head.

“I’m glad you like it.”

You pull back to look at him. “I love it, Jake. It’s perfect. Thank you. You didn’t have to.”

You smiles warmly and takes the necklace from your hand, gesturing for you to turn around. “I know I didn’t have to. I wanted to.”

You lift your hair for him as he wraps the chain around your throat and clasps it for you, using the opportunity to brush his warm fingertips over the back of your neck. You shudder.

When you turn back around, you lift your hand to run your own fingers over the pendant. It feels like it was made for you.

He takes a step back to look at you, admiring the addition.

“I saw it in London, when I was out the day before the show, before I’d decided to wear the suit. It’s what made me do it, actually. I thought of you instantly.”

You sniffle. “When we were fighting?”

He nods. “Well, we were never really fighting, y’know. I was under the impression you’d accused me of having a crush on you, so I was, uh, avoiding you. I guess I lived up to that by buying you a necklace when I didn’t know if you’d ever want to speak to me again.” He steps forward again, putting his hands on your waist and resting his forehead against yours.

You giggle through your tears. “You thought I was mad at you for having a crush on me?”

He nods, his hair tickling your cheeks.

“How could I have thought that? You never said it.”

He smirks. “I thought that’s what you were saying to me, outside your hotel room in Manchester.” 

You think back to that night, everything suddenly clicking into place. “Oh, Jake. That’s not what I meant.”

“Well, yeah. I know that now.” He shrugs. “What did you mean?” He asks you slyly, although you’re sure he already knows the answer.

“I meant that I had feelings for you.”

He hums. “Thought so.”

He lifts his hands to cup your face, and plants the softest of kisses on your lips.

When he pulls back, you sigh, your eyes still closed.

“Thank you for waiting.”

You open your eyes, and he's looking at you questioningly. “Waiting for what?”

“Until you sorted things out with Lily. I know I reacted poorly last night, but I know you were trying to do the right thing. Not hurt anyone.”

He hums. “I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner.”

You shake your head. “No, don’t be sorry for that. She deserved to get the chance to talk to you in person, before things got complicated. You did the right thing.”

He nods. “I know.”

“Are you okay?”

He nods. “I’m okay. I wasn’t surprised, or anything. And I would’ve done it, if she hadn’t. Maybe I’m still processing.”

You continue. You want to get this off your chest. “I’m a bit worried about that, if I’m honest. I know it’s over between you two, but I also know it’s fresh. You might be grieving that relationship for a while. I just want you to know that it’s okay. We’ve jumped into this really fast, already professing our love for each other. If you need to take a step back, or hit pause, while you sort things out, or if you need to be on your own for a while, I want you to have that chance.”

He looks at you confusedly. “Do you want to hit pause?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. But I’ve been single for a while, and I’ve also had a crush on you for a while,” you blush, “so it’s not the same for me. I just want you to know that I’ll wait for you, if that’s what you need.”

He grins. “I don’t wanna wait for you anymore. When we were young, my mom always told us; when we found love, real love, to never let it go. I don’t plan to.”

You giggle. “She said the same thing to me.”

“About me?”

“I think so.”

He pulls you into him again. “I’m not gonna let you go.”

When you make it back inside, most everyone pretends not to notice you’d slipped away, except Danny. As Jake brushes his hand over your back to head to the kitchen, Danny gives you a subtle look across the living room, and you nod. He grins.

You walk over to him and sling your arm around his waist, not saying anything. He just rests his chin on the top of your head and smiles.

He whispers into your hair. “You worked it out, I take it?”

You blush. “I’ll tell you one day.”

He chuckles.

You whisper to him. “What’s going on with you and Jules?”

He snickers, and without looking at you he says, “I’ll tell you one day.”

You smile.

As the evening comes to a close, the boys bring out their guitars one last time, and Josh and Jake sing a melancholy song you’ve never heard before. Danny stays close by your side as he strums one of Kelly’s old acoustics, and you and Jake make the most intense eye contact, you start to feel your head spin.

When all is said and done, Kelly announces that it’s time for him to go to bed, and everyone giggles and makes their rounds, kissing and hugging one another, and wishing everyone a final Merry Christmas.

The Wagners clear out, and Josh and Kai head to the basement for bed, but not before Josh gives you a drunk, sloppy kiss on the cheek and a tight squeeze. Kai gives you a big grin and ushers his other half down the stairs. Karen gives you a warm embrace and thanks you for coming, and she and Kelly head upstairs to retire, too. Sammy and Ronnie are still curled up on the couch, some old action movie playing softly on the TV.

As you stand in the entryway, Jake takes your hand and threads his fingers through yours.

“Do you want me to take you back to the motel?” He asks quietly.

You nod.

His face falls imperceptibly, but he takes your scarf from the hook and wraps it around your neck, pulling on his own coat, too.

You grab your bag, and head over to give Sammy a kiss on the top of his head, squeezing Ronnie’s shoulder.

“Merry Christmas, you guys. Thanks for having me.”

They both look up at you with sleepy smiles, and Sam’s eyes flick to Jake in the doorway before coming back to rest on you.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He mutters, a cheeky grin plastered on his face, and Ronnie smacks his arm. 

You blush. “Goodnight, Sammy.”

“‘Night, Y/N. Glad you came.”

You smile. “Me too.”

Chapter 8 (Part 2)

@ohgodthefeeling-gvf @profitofthedune @sinarainbows @klarxtr @jakesgrapejuice @gretavangroupie @mackalah @clairesjointshurt @writingcold @alwaysonthemend @jakekiszkasbuttsweat

happy early birthday @klarxtr! sorry i couldn't reply to your comment on this account - but consider this my gift to you xx

[johnnyraine]

Next to Me - Ch. 3

Ch. 1, Ch. 2, Ch. 4

Words: 977

25th of December, 2022

~~~~~

You feel Niragi’s back against yours, his shoulder blades dig into you, but you don’t care, your blood is pumping.

You two are "unfortunately" surrounded. Students from another school had decided to challenge the two "beasts." You forget who started the fight, but you know who's gonna end it.

Niragi seems to be just as excited.

"HAH- Ah!"

"Niragi?"

Hearing him cut off, you look for a second and he’s already back in the fight. You turn back to your opponent and are met with his fist.

~~~

"-as the others," A deep voice says.

"You said he fought the tagger." Another voice points out.

Whatever they are talking about is put on pause as they notice you waking up.

"You're up earlier than we thought."

Blinking away the blurriness, you are greeted by… a guy in beach shorts. He has a colorful robe and sunglasses as well. Overall, a strange thing to wake up to.

Not far off, you recognize Buzz-Cut from the game.

"Where am I?"

That seems to make the Beach Goer happy. Arms stretched out, he steps back as if to give a speech.

"Welcome to The Beach," He says grinning.

You stare at him, bewildered.

He continues, "I am Hatter and the one who brought you here is Aguni."

You look at Buz- Aguni. You now have a name for your reven-

'No, no. That'd be stupid,' You think to yourself.

"I'll keep this short since I'd like to go to sleep."

Hatter takes a breath, "In The Beach, you are free to do whatever you want, drink, do drugs, have sex, go ahead. But there are three rules. Rule one: You must wear a swimsuit, you can't hide any weapons. Rule two: All cards you collect belong to The Beach for our goal."

He stops and you assume, gives you a look. But you don't ask.

Sighing, "Speaking of cards, we searched you but couldn't find them. Where are you hiding yours?"

You say the worst possible thing.

"I don't have any."

He loses his smile.

"It's true, I didn’t see a reason to keep them. I have better things to carry than cards."

You sit in silence for an uncomfortable amount of time.

Hatter looks at Aguni, "He's not joining."

Aguni looks the same, but you feel like he's disappointed for some reason.

Focusing back on you, Hatter says, "We collect those cards, so we can go home. That is The Beach's mission."

"From now on, you'll bring those cards back here."

He tries to leave, likely too tired to deal with you right now.

"What's the third rule?" You ask.

He looks over his shoulder, "Death to all traitors." And he leaves.

~~~

The following days are filled with you learning more about your new "home," and playing games.

You find out it's not just your room, but all rooms that have no lock. You also find out that you have purposely been given a shitty room. Apparently, the more cards you contribute, the better room you get.

The Beach has working electricity and water. You nearly cry. This place has food as well.

When Hatter said you can do whatever, he truly meant it.

You've seen people smoking, snorting, drowning in alcohol, and loudly "bumping" in some of the halls. You spent most of your time away from such people.

One finding that is interesting is the Executives. The Beach apparently has a council of sorts, you don't know all who sit on it, but you can guess Hatter and Aguni. One council member did approach you, however.

Chishiya.

You two met in passing during the Tagger game, but you barely remember him.

You two talk for a while, he seems fine, if not a little, "I'm smarter than you and we both know it." But, you also get the feeling that he wants something. So, you've been avoiding him since.

Today is one such day. Outside, everyone is loud and partying. You believe he doesn’t come to these parties, but it's not like you can confirm. You don't come to them either.

You pass the time mostly by yourself or chatting with the more insistent drunks.

The music stops and you turn to see the reason why. Aguni and his militia are crashing the party.

“Alright." You start turning to leave.

…But you stop, your mind catching up to what you saw. Your head snaps to the guy in the leopard shirt. He has a cocky walk. With the gun resting against his shoulder, you can see why.

‘That’s a challenge.' Your heart races. 

And finally, the piercings. One in his eyebrow, the other on his nose.

You think you know them, but you need a better look.

The group stops before three people, two of which you vaguely recognize before you look back at your target, missing most of what’s said.

With a clear enough look, you can tell, even after all these years, you can tell.

Shocked, you utter,  “Nira-”

Before you finish though, you hear a part of their conversation that makes you refocus.

“Bring that woman over,” Aguni says and you see him, your old friend, move to grab the woman you recognize.

“Hey!” The man you recognize stands to stop them as the woman next to him tries to stop him in turn. 

Yet, he still stood. Your old friend stops, now looking at the woman you recognize.

“Our boss says he wants to have a taste of you,” He says before grabbing her. “Come.”

That’s enough for you, though admittedly you were already seeing red, and, with the resolve of an idiot, you yell out.

“NIRAGI!”

And you charge at him. Ignoring how everyone turns to look at you, how he looks at you, not even hearing him say your name.

You punch Niragi in the face, knocking him to the ground.

← Chapter 2 - Chapter 4 →

[astralscrivener]

✨ fic directory ✨

i’ve created a post to keep all of my fics in one place. all fics can be found on ao3. (last updated may 4th, 2024)

major ongoing works

STEALING OUR OWN PLACE IN THE SUN

- voltron: legendary defender: a rewrite of vld seasons 4-8. - team focus, broganes, klance, adashi, romellura - rated M, graphic depictions of violence + other warnings in author notes - 22/45 chapters, 251k words (december 25th, 2022) - last posted: chapter 22: season 7, episode 3: elliptical orbit

AT SKYFALL

- voltron: legendary defender: canon-divergent au in which keith and shiro are captured by the galra at a coalition gala. things become more complicated when the team’s search for shiro turns up someone else: adam, shiro’s fiancé.  - broganes, klance, adashi - rated M, graphic depictions of violence + other warnings in author notes - 8/? chapters, 25k words (september 2nd, 2023) - last posted: chapter 8: division and discord

ABCS OF KLANCE

- voltron: legendary defender: oneshots, one prompt for each letter of the alphabet, focused on keith and lance’s relationship - variety of aus, some overlap with squad up (2017-19 modern au), mostly established relationship klance - 18 works, 87k words (may 4th, 2024) - a: artistry • b: brutality • c: comfort • d: defeat • e: elegance • f: faithfulness • g: grief • h: homelessness • i: information • j: jealousy • k: knell • l: loyalty • m: mercy • n: need • o: opportunity • p: pain • q: quest • r: rumor • s: sleep • t: trust • u: uncertainty • v: victory • w: worry • x: xenon • y: yearning • z: zero - last posted: lightning in a bottle (y: yearning)

other ongoing works

THESE 20S ARE RAWRING AND THESE DUNGEONS ARE DRAGONING

- voltron: legendary defender: modern au + d&d series started in 2020 as a stress response to quarantine - team focus, klance, adashi, romellua, hunay

• main work: the rawring 20s XD - chatfic that only updates if i think it will be funny - rated M, no archive warnings apply + other warnings in author notes - 5/5 chapters, 17k words - last posted: chapter 5: there is no easter bunny, there is no tooth fairy, (september 8th, 2022)

- other works include klance-centric oneshots + snippets of the group’s ongoing d&d campaign - 5 works, 37k words - last posted: midnight into morning coffee (february 7th, 2024)

VLD FIC REQUESTS

- voltron: legendary defender: oneshots across a variety of aus written in response to prompts from friends and followers - variety of ships, but mainly klance and adashi - some overlap with squad up  - 15 works, 92k words (july 8th, 2023) - last posted: distraction

major completed works

DECEIT SO NATURAL

- voltron: legendary defender: canon-divergent trilogy in which lance and keith fool their way behind enemy lines and onto lotor’s ship to steal vital information on the galra empire—only for lotor to become far more dangerous than anyone anticipated. - mainly klance, extremely one-sided lancelot - written before gay shiro reveal + age discourse, contains side shallura - 3 works, 315k words - completed june 15th, 2018

• WHERE PEOPLE GO TO DIE - lotor mistakenly believes that lance is a galra soldier spying on the paladins, and invites him to return home. keith follows him undercover as a prisoner, and quickly draws lotor’s ire as things spiral rapidly out of control. - rated M, graphic depictions of violence - 14/14 chapters, 49k words - completed july 9th, 2017

• DYNASTY DECAPITATED - lotor becomes vindictive after having been played for a fool by team voltron, and the team struggles to hold the voltron alliance together while fending off his rapid advances. meanwhile, keith and lance explore a new stage of their relationship and learn exactly what the other means to them. - rated M, graphic depictions of violence - 18/18 chapters, 67k words - completed august 7th, 2017

• STARS GO DOWN - lotor has captured lance and sentenced keith to death halfway across the universe. lance struggles to hold onto himself as he plays the role of an amnesiac, while keith attempts to fight his way back to the team, alone. meanwhile, the team, down two lions and two paladins, scrambles to bring keith and lance home amidst betrayals and tumult in the voltron alliance. - rated M, graphic depictions of violence, temporary major character death + other warnings in author notes - 37/37 chapters, 198k words - completed june 15th, 2018

SQUAD UP

- voltron: legendary defender: modern au written from 2017-19 to cope with the horrors of being in high school and the transition into college - written before gay shiro reveal + age discourse, contains side shallura and shiro/allura/matt - 25 works, 561k words - completed may 10th, 2019

• main work: squad up - chatfic chronicling the gang’s last year of high school - rated M, no archive warnings apply + other warnings in author note - 140/140 chapters, 327k words - completed june 15th, 2018

• main work: a midsummer night’s meme - chatfic chronicling the gang’s last summer before college - rated M, no archive warnings apply + other warnings in author note - 27/27 chapters, 79k words - completed august 31st, 2018

• main work: because guys like us are cool in college - series of oneshots/snippets following keith and lance’s freshman year of college - rated M, no archive warnings apply + other warnings in author note - 84/84 chapters, 83k words - completed may 10th, 2019

LIGHT UP THE PATH (THROUGH A SKY FULL OF STARS)

- voltron: legendary defender: 28 oneshots completed for klance au month february 2019. - klance - variety of aus, including but not limited to modern au, canon-divergent/other paladinsverse, fantasy au, and more - rated M, creator chose not to use archive warnings + other warnings in author note - 28/28 chapters, 49k words - completed february 28th, 2019

additional oneshots not mentioned here can be found on archive of our own ✨ other writing (including drabbles, snippets, and prompts from tumblr ask games) can be found in my writing tag ✨

happy reading!

[a-magpie-in-gravesfield]

There'll be dialogue added here but I won't spoil that for now :3 Copy pasting and updating the text :) How long will the animation be ? 2 mins 20 seconds When is it coming out ? No clue just yet ! Tho I'm now aiming for before the next TOH episode (January 21st) I'm hoping to get the animation out the day before at the latest, tho considering how quick I've been so far maybe earlier, who knows ! When did you start ? December 25th 2022 What softwares do you use ? Clip Studio Paint for backgrounds, Toon Boom Harmony to animate Do you have a ko-fi ? yes ! https://ko-fi.com/magpievraven Progress update : Refined animatic is 100% done 1 min 38 seconds fully finished (21 scenes so far) Voice acting : not recorded yet (I already have actors) Music : 90% done, only mixing left Sound design : not added yet When are you streaming next ? No clue, streaming takes a bit of energy out of me so I like to keep them at random times and whenever I'm in the best mood for it :) Which characters are in the animation ? Mostly Philip, but also a lot of Caleb, and the Collector makes an appearence too I hope this answers all the main questions :) I'll try to re use this template for every post so information doesn't get lost over time XD

[leasstories]

Lea’s Advent Calendar day 16 – You had a crush on me?

@writerthreads writing prompt for Christmas (2022), prompt 16:

[family invited an old crush/first love to a dinner party]

Eddie x gn!reader

No trigger warning.

WC: ≈ 0.9K

December 25th, 1986

Your brother got the brilliantly stupid idea of inviting your high school crush for Christmas. As you were supposed to spend Christmas just the two of you, Steve told you he’d invite another family: Eddie’s.

Steve and Eddie became really close during the event of the upside down that happened while you were at university. You know everything because you are Steve’s confident, and you also experienced the upside down before.

You’re currently in your room, freaking out. You don’t know how to dress, and you don’t know how to style your hair. You really want to make a good impression. You’ve always had a crush on Eddie, you were initially on the same grade and you’re one of the few people who never called him “freak”. You don’t know about it, but Eddie was grateful you never did, he always had a soft spot for you, despite being Steve Harrington’s sibling.

Steve comes into your room panicking, calling your name.

“Calm down bro, I’m not deaf! What?!” you ask.

“Do you have a comb pretty please?” Steve almost pleads.

You hand Steve your comb, rolling your eyes. Steve and his hair are an entire story, you could write pages and pages about it. Steve runs to his room to tame his hair while you put some perfume on.

The ringing of the doorbell startles you. It can only be one person, as the only people you invited are Eddie, his uncle and Max and they are all coming together. You quickly style your hair again while your brother opens the door and greets your three guests. You get downstairs and greet Max with a gentle hug before shaking Wayne’s hand. When it’s Eddie’s turn, it is awkward, none of you knows how to greet the other. In the end, Eddie shakes your hand. You’re a bit disappointed but try to hide it.

You knew seeing Eddie again would be awkward, but you thought your crush on him was over but apparently not. Your hands are clammy and your heart beats fast, you are wordless in front of him. You all sit in the dining room, and with your luck, Eddie sat next to you. You try your best to act calm and normal. You get up and asks everyone what they want to drink.

“A beer” Wayne and Eddie answer.

“Any fruit juice.” Max answers.

“A beer as well” Your brother tells you while sitting down.

You go to the kitchen and try to compose yourself; Eddie makes you feel a million things. Your heart is fluttering, your hands are clammy, and you have this unexplainable want to impress him.

You come back to the living room and give each beverage to the person who asked them. You sit back next to Eddie, and when you sit, your knees touch. You quickly squeeze your legs to create distance between the two of you again. You start drinking and everyone starts talking amongst each other, except you. You’re unusually quiet and two people in the room noticed it. One of them is obviously your brother, who looks at you with questioning eyes and the second one is Eddie himself. He gets closer to you and whisper. “Are you okay?”

All you can do is nod. Eddie being this close to you creates goosebumps in your neck. You decide to take a big gulp from your beer and gets up to bring the starters.

Everyone eats and you keep being silent, noticing that Eddie keeps glancing at you, which makes you even more nervous and hot in the face. At the end of the meal, you excuse yourself and go up to your room.

Eddie goes toward your brother and asks him if you’re okay to which Steve answers that Eddie should check up on you. Steve noticed how Eddie kept glancing at you and he knows you, he knows you were flustered by Eddie.

You hear a knock on your door and answer.

“Stay with the guest Steve!” without raising your head from your pillow.

“It’s Eddie.” Eddie answers “Are you okay Sweetheart?” he then asks.

“Oh Eddie…” you say, surprised. “Yeah, yeah… sorry…” you say, all nervous to be alone, with him, in your room.

“Did I do something wrong?” Eddie asks, thinking he might have scared or offended you.

“Oh no… no it’s not that Eddie…” You say, trying to be as vague as possible.

“Then what is it?” Eddie asks, getting closer to you and putting a stray hair behind your ear.

“’s weird to see you again…” you admit.

“You too, but in a good way.” Eddie tells you, sitting next to you on your bed.

“Did you know I had a crush on you?” you blurt out.

“No way!” Eddie says, his big brown eyes getting rounder by the second.

You shake your head as if it would erase what you just told him. Eddie takes your hand in yours.

“I had and still have a crush on you.” Eddie tells you. “There is nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I didn’t know before today, but I never got over my crush on you.” You admit, smiling softly.

Eddie smiles back and kisses the back of your hand.

“Eddie Munson? Would you like to be my date for my brother’s new years party?” You ask.

“I would gladly be your date” Eddie says smiling. For the first time since the Upside Down incident, Eddie didn’t feel like a monster because of his scars. You made him feel like after all, he isn’t a monster.

[maya-chirps]

Simbang Gabi: The 9 Days Before Christmas

An image of a red parol from Peakpx.com

The Philippines is well-known for its extremely long Christmas celebration that a lot of foreigners often look at with confusion. Traditionally, Filipinos may start putting up their trees, playing festive songs, and counting down to the 25th as early as September in a season that's colloquially called the "ber months" or the "ber months season" (Petrelli, 2021). This period often lasts up until January or February where some houses may still keep their trees and decor pushing as far as March.

Even with this technicality, however, you'd be hard-pressed to find Filipinos truly celebrating from the very beginning of September genuinely ending it by the end of February. Most often, actual celebrations start after Undas, a period encompassing All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day on the 1st and 2nd of November respectively to commemorate the dead, similar but a lot more subtle than other Catholic countries own Day of the Dead like in Mexico's Dia de Los Muertos and Italy's Giorno dei Morti. This time period is often the start of people doing more Christmas-y things such as Kris Kringle activities leading up to the main Christmas party.

The main markers of the true start in itself is the Advent season, which starts on the Sunday nearest to the 30th in Western Churches like Roman Catholicism and leads up to Christmas ("Advent", n.d.). This is where Catholics would go to Church every Sunday leading up to Christmas to light the Advent Wreath until the final candle on its center on Christmas day on the 25th. As the Philippines is heavily influenced by Roman Catholicism, Filipinos follow the Western start of Advent and most celebrations often fall in the middle of this time period. Even the middle of Advent, however, Filipinos have a waiting period to count down before Christmas - Simbang Gabi.

What is Simbang Gabi?

Simbang Gabi (en. night mass; going to mass at night) is a Philippine Christmas tradition wherein Roman Catholic Filipinos would attend mass nine days every single morning or night before the actual Christmas celebration. Traditionally, the masses were held every morning at 4:00 AM from the 16th to the 24th which would then be capped off by Christmas Eve Mass at night or Christmas Mass on the 25th with its early schedule earning it the name Misa de Gallo (en. mass of the rooster) (Lazaro, 2020). In most dioceses, however, they often have an anticipated mass schedule that start a night earlier than the morning masses (Hermoso, 2022).

Besides being called Misa de Gallo, I had also heard the celebration being called Misa de Aguinaldo (en. mass of gifts) in some places. This shares the same name as the similar Puerto Rican tradition Misa de Aguinaldo which is also a nine-day mass held in the morning, typically at 5:00 AM which is also deeply-rooted in Puerto Rican Christmas traditions (Álvarez, 2018).

History

A vintage greeting card posted by the Facebook group Vintage Philippine Islands 1920-1959 (2020)

Being a Christmas tradition, it is not surprising that Simbang Gabi could trace itself back to the Spanish colonial period.

A common misconception of its origins states that the practice first started in Mexico. Hermoso (2018) states that it started on the year 1587 by Friar Diego de Soria of the Convent of San Agustin Acolman when he requested the Vatican to allow church service to be held outdoors because of an overflow of attendees during the Christmas time. Pope Sixtus V later approved of this request and even decreed that these kinds of masses be held in the Philippines at the dawn of the 16th of December. What this doesn't account for was that the practice of going to church for the Eve of Christmas dates back to even earlier than the 16th century.

The cover for an English translation and compilation of Etheria's writings by M.L. McClure and C.L. Feltoe, D.D. (1919)

The first recorded instance of Christians celebrating Christmas by going to early mass leading up to the actual date was first written by Egeria (also called Egeriae, Etheria, or Aetheria), a Christian Galician woman who first recorded it during her travels to the Levant where she notes the early morning masses and festivities from the time of the Epiphany to the Nativity. She writes in her letters later called the Itinerarium Egeriae (en. The Travel Guide of Egeria; The Pilgrimage of Etheria).

"Octave of the Festival. On the second day also they proceed in like manner to the church in Golgotha, and also on the third day; thus the feast is celebrated with all this joyfulness for three days up to the sixth hour in the church built by Constantine (...) And in Bethlehem also throughout the entire eight days the feast is celebrated with similar festal array and joyfulness daily by the priests and by all the clergy there, and by the monks who are appointed in that place (...) and immense crowds, not of monks only, but also of the laity, both men and women, flock together to Jerusalem from every quarter for the solemn and joyous observance of that day." - Egeria, 381-384; The Pilgrimage of Etheria (trans. McClure & Feltoe, 1919):

The practice of attending early morning masses up until the main festivities of the Nativity was later adopted by more Western Christian communties during the time of Pope Sixtus III when he celebrated what is widely considered the first Midnight Mass at the Basilica of St. Mary Major in Rome, not only stemming from the popularity of the Christians from Jerusalem but also the popular belief that Jesus was born at midnight (The Pillar, 2021).

The prayer spoken within the midnight vigil was then called the "mox ut gallus cantaverit" which translates to "when the rooster crows", aptly named because of the early hours the vigil tended to last which then coincided with the crowing of roosters ("Misa del Gallo: origen, historia y por qué se celebra en la madrugada del 25 de diciembre", 2022). The practice was continued by the Spanish with the name Misa de Gallo (also called Misa de Aguinaldo)which later spread throughout the Spanish Empire and could now be seen practiced in countries like Bolivia, Puerto Rico, Venezuela, and of course the Philippines.

There seem to be two variations of this: the nine-day series of masses before Christmas (found in the Philippines, Puerto Rico, and Venezuela) and the single early morning mass before Christmas day (found in Spain and Bolivia). It isn't clear if Spain and Bolivia simply dropped the nine-day tradition or if the nine-day tradition was restarted in these other colonies, however.

In the Present Day

An image of crowds outside a church during Simbang Gabi uploaded to Wikimedia by Erwin Malicdem

Today, the Simbang Gabi continues to be a popular tradtion for most Filipino Roman Catholics, even those who aren't typically as religious most parts of the year. This is given the fact that a popular belief is that when a person completes all of the nine days, they may receive a wish to whatever they desire. This is such a common belief that Bishop Broderick Pabillo, a Manila auxiliary bishop, had to remind people that the point of the tradition is to remember Jesus and his nativity (Punay, 2016). Besides this, it is also a common challenge among Filipinos to try to complete it as is or see how many days out of the nine could they actually attend.

It is not uncommon for churches these days to hold an "anticipated" mass the night before the actual date starting instead on the 15th and ending on the 24th with a Christmas mass, instead of starting on the 16th and ending on the 25th. This newer tradition had come from the reign of Filipino dictator President Ferdinand Marcos Sr. during the Martial Law years in the 70s, when Filipinos were not allowed to go out after a curfew until 4 in the morning (Macairan, 2023). This allowed more people and especially those who may not be able to start their day early or those who may have other obligations in the morning to attend masses at night time, typically at around 6 PM - 8 PM.

The only large controversy that I could remember about Simbang Gabi was back in 2011 when the event was banned from being conducted within the Philippine Center in New York City. The ban came about because of it supposedly violated Canon Law which prohibits religious worship in unconsecrated ground or in other words places that aren't seen as places of worship. In an article by Adarlo & Pastor (2014), Rev. Dr. Joseph G. Marabe, the at-the-time head of the Chapel of San Lorenzo Ruiz and a priest-in-residence at St. Patrick's Cathedral where the ban took place, explains in an interview with news site The FilAm:

"It’s not allowed by law to have Holy Mass in an unconsecrated place. Worship should take place in a sacred place. That was an explanation but not a decision. The Archdiocese decides." - Rev. Dr. Joseph G. Marabe, head of the Chapel of San Lorenzo Ruiz in Chinatown, New York (2011)

The ban was later lifted on 2014 after community leader Loida Nicolas Lewis wrote a letter to the diocese to reconsider the ban which led to the return of the almost 30-year-old tradition that year (Balitang America, ABS-CBN North America Bureau, 2014).

Besides being a huge part of current traditions, a lot of Filipinos, and especially Filipino youth, use the event as an excuse to go out during the night to hang out with friends and even go on dates with their partners. It is not an uncommon sight to see a group of teenagers, often wearing maybe less than typical church clothes, by the edge of the Church seemingly attending mass. Whether or not they're actually being attentive is hard to decipher. Either way, this has led to an explosion of memes almost every year just mocking these kinds of people or making fun of their own.

A screenshot of the "Simbang gabi starter pack" posted by user rhapido on 9Gag.com (2022)

Earlier versions of this meme could be seen posted throughout Filipino social media during the early 2010s

A meme posted by the Facebook page FEU Memes (2012)

The barkada (en. friend group) going to Simbang Gabi had been an older tradition that has found a lot more popularity in the contemporary era because of social media. My mother had told me that she used to use it as an excuse herself back in the 80s to hang out with her friends at night time. This may be a continued past time for especially younger people for years to come.

There's also many street foods associated with Simbang Gabi that may not be unique to the event itself but are nevertheless heavily associated with the event due to their widespread sale during this time period. Foods like bibingka, puto bumbong, kutsinta, and other popular rice cakes dominate the scene which definitely satisfy the hungry parishioners who had, most likely, not eaten breakfast or dinner before going to church. With their strong associations with Simbang Gabii and Filipino Christmas as a whole, I might discuss these on a later date.

Simbang Gabi, from my experience

Growing up and living in the Philippines and especially being raised Catholic within a Catholic town named after a Catholic saint and going to a Catholic school named after another Catholic saint, it probably won't shock you that I, myself, had tried to complete the nine days of Simbang Gabi myself. I had attempted it several times with only maybe trying seriously by myself once in my life. It was quite the experience to just try to dedicate yourself into completing a goal to do something for nine consecutive days straight.

My first attempt was when I was in Junior High and it was with my sister and two people who worked for my parents and had helped watch over us. It was something that I always wanted to try doing and especially since I was gaining a lot more independence at the time so what better to try it out without the rest of the family? With adult supervision, of course.

Since we lived quite away from the actual church, the place was already packed even an hour before the actual mass started. There was barely any seats left and even less standing room leading to a huge overflow of people stuck outdoors, only hearing mass from the outdated speaker system that they had erected in place of the old bell tower.

The mass in our church was often done in the dark during the night out of an deliberate and probably aesthetic choice with only the alter being illuminated by the lights. The rest was lit up by the scattered about Christmas decor throughout the church and the church patio. It always felt like going to some liminal space that other nights at church just doesn't give.

Once the mass has been concluded, people rush out of the doors in thick crowds to find their way into the footpaths leading on to the main town streets. Some opt to stay behind to enjoy the food stalls that had pop-up for the night to eat bibingka, puto, sapin-sapin, and palitaw among other things. Some of the teens had decided to raid the nearby small park and playground as a hang-out spot to talk the night away before they rush home for their curfews. Meanwhile others were just rushing to get home as soon as they can, with people lining up to go to the rudimentary parking space that the church created while the others who didn't own their own vehicles forced to compete for the very few commuter vehicles still riding through the night, hunting for passengers.

This was before we had our own car, so we were with the latter crowds of people, trying to peer through the dark streets only illuminated by the scant Christmas lights that still refused to turn off as the night progressed. Every so often, two headlights excite the crowd and a swarm of them start running in anticipation with not care or tact if they would crush children or separate families all to take a seat on the night jeepneys, some the few commutes left after 9.

My sister was an expert in finding her way through it, reaching out to the doors to form a barricade for herself and the rest of us to prevent others from taking our seats before letting herself in. I still think I would've been left behind if it weren't for her doing that out of sheer competitiveness with the crowds.

We settled into our seats and squeezed in tightly to allow other passengers in so we could all go home as soon as we can. It was a tight but otherwise uneventful commute every night with nothing but tired people waiting for their stops and slowly emptying the once packed vehicle. Since we live in the outskirts of the town, we were often the last few and at times, the drivers would transfer us to other jeeps just so they can go home themselves. This had sometimes instead left us to walk the remainder of the way there through unpaved highway sidewalks.

After a few nights of it, I became more and more reluctant to continue because of the frenzy that it had almost every single night and it was extremely inconvenient for my time and the time of those with me. I didn't complete it then and I hadn't seriously tried until 9th Grade, which honestly was more uneventful.

That attempt was mostly my siblings and I staying in Makati City and Taguig City and going to easily traveled to churches that we could walk to by foot, and high-end malls that have annual Simbang Gabi masses for their shoppers, facilitated by the local diocese and the local fancy church. I was able to complete those easily because I was often dragged either by my siblings or my grandmother who used to never miss a day of church when she was still more active.

It was less about the challenge at that point and more of an obligation which isn't a bad thing and honestly is probably closer to how it should be celebrated.

I hadn't gone to Simbang Gabi since 2019 and I don't have any plans to try this year either. Not really because I don't want to necessarily, but specifically because I physically can't. I still think its pretty fun to do and honestly maybe a good excuse to meet with my friends that I haven't seen in a while. Sadly, I just simply cannot do it now nor in the near future.

Maybe one day I could once again go out at those cold December night to meet my friends and maybe eat some bibingka on my way home but I guess I'll just leave every one else to it.

Sources

Introduction

Advent. (n.d.). In Britannica. Retrieved on 13 December 2023, from https://www.britannica.com/topic/Advent

In The Philippines Christmas Eve Includes A Late Night Street Food Feast, Filipino Christmas, HD wallpaper [image]. (n.d.). Peakpx. Retrieved on 15 December 2023, from https://www.peakpx.com/en/hd-wallpaper-desktop-wxdle

Petrelli, M. (2021, December 20). The country that celebrates Christmas for more than 4 months a year. CNBC. Retrieved on 13 December 2023, from https://www.cnbc.com/2021/12/21/philippines-the-longest-christmas-celebrations-in-the-world-.html

What is Simbang Gabi?

Álvarez, F. (2018, November 22). Una tradición matutina la Misa de Aguinaldo. Primera Hora. Retrieved on 13 December 2023, from https://www.primerahora.com/noticias/puerto-rico/notas/una-tradicion-matutina-la-misa-de-aguinaldo/

Hermoso, C. (2022, December 15). 9-day ‘Simbang Gabi’ begins on Dec. 16; anticipated masses to begin tonight. Manila Bulletin. Retrieved on 13 December 2023, from https://mb.com.ph/2022/12/15/9-day-simbang-gabi-begins-on-dec-16-anticipated-masses-to-begin-tonight/

Lazaro, J. (2020, December 11). The Christmas tradition of Simbang Gabi: After five centuries, this Filipino Christmas tradition lives on. U.S. Catholic. Retrieved on 13 December 2023, from https://uscatholic.org/articles/202012/the-christmas-tradition-of-simbang-gabi/

History

Hermoso, C. (2018, December 15). ‘Simbang Gabi’ a manifestation of the Filipinos’ strong faith in God, says bishop. Manila Bulletin. Retrieved on 13 December 2023, from https://mb.com.ph/2018/12/15/simbang-gabi-a-manifestation-of-the-filipinos-strong-faith-in-god-says-bishop/

Etheria (1919). The Pilgrimage of Etheria (McClure, M., & Feltoe, C. Ed. & Trans.). Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge. Retrieved on 13 December 2023, from https://www.ccel.org/m/mcclure/etheria/etheria.htm (Original work published 384 C.E.)

McClure, M., & Feltoe, C. (1919). [An image of the book cover of "The Pilgrimage of Etheria"]. Retrieved on 15 December 2023, from https://www.ccel.org/m/mcclure/etheria/etheria.htm

The Pillar. (2021, December 21). What time is Midnight Mass?. The Pillar. Retrieved on 15 December 2023, from https://www.pillarcatholic.com/p/what-time-is-midnight-mass

Misa del Gallo: origen, historia y por qué se celebra en la madrugada del 25 de diciembre. (2022, December 24). Marca. Retrieved on 15 December 2023, from https://www.marca.com/tiramillas/actualidad/2022/12/24/63a6c106268e3e7c468b45e8.html

Vintage Philippine Islands 1920-1959. (2020, December 25). A Vintage Greeting Card showing Philippine Christmas… Maligayang Pasko from Vintage Philippine Islands 1920-1959 [image]. Facebook. Retrieved 15 December 2023, from https://www.facebook.com/510513375695362/photos/a.1701322009947820/3595821097164559/?type=3

In the Present Day

Adarlo, S., & Pastor, C. (2014, November 3). Fr. Joseph Marabe breaks silence over Simbang Gabi ban (Part 2). The FilAm: A Magazine for Filipino Americans in New York. Retrieved on 15 December 2023, from https://thefilam.net/archives/16127

Balitang America, ABS-CBN North America Bureau. (2014, September 19). Simbang Gabi returns to NYC after a brief ban. ABS-CBN News. Retrieved on 15 December 2023 from https://news.abs-cbn.com/global-filipino/09/19/14/simbang-gabi-returns-nyc-after-brief-ban

FEU Memes. (2012, December 15). eto yung mga madalas ko makita sa gilid ng simbahan e [image]. Retrieved on 15 December 2023 from https://www.facebook.com/PIYUMEMES/photos/a.210778985704527/317211885061236/?type=3

Macaira, E. (2023, December 15). Simbang Gabi: It’s the mass, not the time. Philippine Star. Retrieved on 15 December 2023, from https://www.philstar.com/headlines/2023/12/15/2318980/simbang-gabi-its-mass-not-time

Malicdem, E. (n.d.) The Bamboo Organ Church or the St. Joseph Parish Church of Las Piñas City in the Philippines during "Simbang Gabi" or Night Mass on Christmas eve. Photo was part of Schadow1 Expeditions coverage of Las Piñas during Christmas season. [image]. Retrieved on 15 December 2023 from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simbang_Gabi#/media/File:Las_Pinas_Church_during_Simbang_Gabi.jpg

Punay, E. (2016, December 19). ‘Simbang Gabi’ won’t grant wishes – Bishop. Philippine Star Global. Retrieved on 15 December 2023, from https://www.philstar.com/headlines/2016/12/19/1654920/simbang-gabi-wont-grant-wishes-bishop

rhapido. (2022, November 30). Simbang gabi starter pack [Screenshot]. 9Gag. Retrieved 15 December 2023, from https://9gag.com/gag/a5Xnzgr

[cadiacore]

pic credit: @azriels-angels

every day, starting on December 1st, 2022, I will post a fic that correlates with the chosen Taylor Swift songs with different characters from different fandoms!

playlist here!

LINEUP:

❀ anti-hero | poly!nessian x fem!reader {dec.1st}

❀ afterglow | azriel x fem!reader {dec.2nd}

❀ willow | azriel x fem!reader {dec.3rd}

❀ i know places | wrath x fem!reader {dec.4th}

❀ the lakes | nash hawthorne x fem!reader {dec.5th}

❀ ivy | poly!nessian x fem!reader {dec.6th}

❀ bigger than the whole sky | ruhn danaan x fem!reader {dec.7th}

❀ starlight | grayson hawthorne x fem!reader {dec.8th}

❀ you're on your own, kid | cal calore x fem!reader {dec.9th}

❀ heartbreak prince | wrath x fem!reader {dec.10th}

❀ begin again | cassian x fem!reader {dec.11th}

❀ enchanted | azriel x fem!reader {dec.12th}

❀ love story | cardan greenbriar x fem!reader {dec.13th}

❀ lavender haze | ithan holstrom x fem!reader {dec.14th}

❀ long live | connor holstrom x fem!reader {dec.15th}

❀ paper rings | azriel x fem!reader {dec.16th}

❀ wonderland | cassian x fem!reader {dec.17th}

❀ this is me trying | hunt athalar x fem!reader {dec.18th}

❀ you belong with me | ruhn danaan x fem!reader {dec.19th}

❀ mad woman | nesta archeron x fem!reader {dec.20th}

❀ vigilante shit | azriel x fem!reader {dec.21st}

❀ haunted | tristan flynn x fem!reader {dec.22nd}

❀ tied together with a smile | azriel x fem!reader {dec.23rd}

❀ dear reader | nesta archeron x fem!reader {dec.24th}

❀ long story short | cassian x fem!reader {dec.25th}

*send in some more of your favorite taylor songs and I'll create extra chapters to them*