#star is SO lucky that none of stars friends can understand latin

[t4tdanvis]

travis writes poetry in latin because, well, i said so

[tonystarkbingo]

Tony Stark Bingo Party Prompt Meme

http://generatorland.com/usergenerator.aspx?id=25057 -- we took tags from this random generator and then made up more detailed prompts from them. These prompts are open use, even if you’re not participating in the bingo, but please tag us if you write one, we’d LOVE to see what you did with it! nonsense + everyone is gay + denial : Tony+harem - Tony, while an incorrigible flirt, does not believe that anyone actually likes him, let alone as many as do. They come up with increasingly ridiculous ideas to ask him out or at least let him know they like him, while he innocently thinks they're all just such awesome friends superpowers + bodice-ripper + sad Stuckony - something set in the Regency(ish) era but with secret superpowers as an added bonus. Let’s of angst over trying to hide their secret powers, and wanting to save people without revealing themselves and also cause they’re gay. clones + nighttime + wishes Coulson/Strange (StrangeAgent? AgentStrange? DrAgent?) - Coulson ends up spending the night in the NY Sanctum. Some of the artifacts happen to be particularly sensitive to subconscious fantasies... and isn't it lucky that cloning himself happens to be one of Strange's powers? cruising + flashbacks + bad boys Winteriron possible future Stuckony - small warning for drinking mention - Tony is driving around to distract himself so he doesn't get drunk. He gets in an accident because he is not actually in a state to drive. The accident is comparatively harmless, the flashback to his convoy being attacked in Afghanistan is less so. When Tony wakes up in the hospital he learns that the person who dragged him from his car to safety is one James "Bucky" Barnes, resident motorbike riding bad boy heartthrob and friend/visitor of Steve "regular ER customer" Rogers, who's his hospital roommate. room service + lifeguards + sharing Tony is a lifeguard who takes his job very seriously. He's attending a convention-slash-training seminar at a posh uptown hotel, but then there's a knock at the door. He opens it to find two room service carts, both with order slips on them that indicate they're actually destined for another room. Rather than call the obviously harried and beleaguered bellboy back, he pushes them down the hall himself and knocks on the door... which is answered by none other than the hot beefcake fellow-lifeguard that's been distracting Tony all day. They end up sharing the enormous amount of food... and then maybe some more. :wink: overthinking + pity sex + customer service Tony just turned 40, he's been friends with Bucky and Nat for forever, and they'd been each other's marriage backups for the longest time, like, if they weren't married at 40, they'd marry whoever wasn't married either in their little trio. Only, two years prior, Buckynat became husband and wife and so he's having a little pity party on his floor at the Tower, drinking virgin mojitos and seriously consider a particular customer service to cheer himself up in one way or another - might as well get an orgasm, as shitty and sad as it may be, it's his birthday ffs - but then Bucky and Nat appear in his elevator, and they pull him off the couch he's been sprawled on for three hours, and Nat is the first to kiss him, and he's too stunned to react much but when he does question wtf is happening, Bucky shushes him and Tony lets him. The next morning he is evidently convinced it was all just pity sex, or a kink of theirs or whatever.... certainly nothing to do with the fact that they've been courting him forever and got tired of waiting for him to step out of ObliviousStarklandia. Of course not. wolves + romantic friendship + wigs Okay, so, someone has been doing an excellent job of hiding his baldness from someone else, with whom he's been in a long term best-friends-but-in-love not-quite-relationship. He's got an elaborate series of wigs, and over the years he's gradually been replacing them with slightly more grey ones so that someone else doesn't realise. Aaaand then someone gets bitten by a werewolf, and when he shifts for the first time he is completely bald and the secret is out. accidental relationship + butt dialing + warlocks Tony Stark is not happy with today's mission, not like there's an occasion to enjoy dealing with magic. But now he's in a relationship with Bucky, which is not bad, that man is gorgeous, but this is not the way. He's ranting about it to Jarvis and doesn't realize that he sat on his phone nor that he dialed the other supersoldier in the team until he hears a muffled laugh beneath him. He's going to kill that warlock smuggling + fear + road-trip okay, a Star Wars AU. Farmboy Peter is fleeing from stormtroopers who found out his parents were Jedi. He runs into smuggler Tony and they take off in Tony's ship for an extended road trip in space. possession + loving marriage + gardens & gardening Pepperony, Morgan insists there's a spirit possessing the garden because she's seen the plants dancing. Turns out they've accidentally created sentient plants and Tony is like nope, call somebody else, I do mechanical engineering and they call Dr. Cho to fix it. The marriage is in there somewhere I promise  idiots in love + bonding + resurrection Ironhawk - Clint tries to get Lucky back after he goes over the rainbow bridge, but he can’t actually read latin and ends up bringing back Tony from the 18th century.  And poor Tony gets Clint as his guide to the 21st.  Shenanigans and eventual fluffy ending improv + cultural appropriation + shield maidens After the Battle of New York, Tony's interviewing Thor about Asguardian tech and learns that they have all kinds of shielding devices, and gets interested in trying to replicate what Thor describes just in case aliens decide to pay a call on Earth again. Thor, for his part, is kinda shocked that Earth doesn't have any such shields, though on the other hand it is Midguard, so. You know. Tony gives it a shot and a couple weeks later he's launching the satellites into orbit for a preliminary test of the shields. He intends to test them with SI tech developed from seized Chitauri tech, but before he can get the chance an alien army shows up, guns blazing and very mad about something. The shields hold, thankfully, and the aliens send a strongly worded letter informing him that he has infringed upon their religious and cultural traditions by putting the Stark logo on them. Their planet was visited centuries ago by time-travelers that greatly influenced their culture, religion, government, etc. These time travelers carried devices with that same Stark Logo on them. The Stark Logo has become a complex cultural symbol over the centuries, and they don't appreciate him using it on war tech, even if on shields. Eventually, they figure out that the time travelers' tech was Tony's tech, and agree to leave in peace, but only after Tony spends a terrifying couple of days trying to improvise his way through a diplomatic disaster with an alien power. vampire family + slapstick + loss WinterIronWidow: So, Natasha's been a vampire for a long time, and she's lonely, so she decides to take on some mates, enter established relationship WinterIron. She vampirises them, which leads to Tony having fits about GARLIC and my god, I'm ITALIAN, you horrible woman!  And Bucky's like "I'm... CATHOLIC?? OM-- I can't even say G-- now??" awkwardness + chatting & messaging + shyness Tony doesn't understand why everytime Bucky comes into the lab, Dum-E tends to drop whatever he's holding and go hide in his charging station. Dum-E's always a bit clumsy and silly but this is more than usual and Tony's worried that Dum-E doesn't like Bucky or something like that. Anyway after much discussion, with JARVIS as translator and go-between, it turns out that Dum-E has developed a bit of a crush on Bucky's fancy robotic arm. Which ends up of course being a hilarious & awkward situation for all involved. candles + explosions + blind date tony gets bullied by pepper to go on a blind date to get out of his funk, she insists that this Matt Murdock character is the perfect date and Tony will like him. reluctantly tony goes to fancy restaurant and meets Matt Murdock and they hit it off instantly the little snarky assholes. they have a nice dinner by candle light and it's all going so well up until dessert when they order some kind of chocolate lava cake which was tragically not cooked properly and ends up exploding on both of them and bam they fall in love and live happily ever after skeleton puns + reincarnation + deus ex machina A snap, that was all it took to snuff out something so bright amidst the rubble of what was once New York City, and, with Tony gone for good, the living seem rather, well…dead. Until, one day, someone they all thought long dead returned to them, a blue cube glowing in his grip and a sweet promise of a new beginning dripping from his lips. But of course, no new beginning comes without a price laundry + tenderness + dialogue “I hate laundry,” Morgan declared after trying to refold her sweatshirt for the seventh time. “Me too kiddo,” Tony whispered back, sneaking a glance over his shoulder to Pepper who was putting clothes into the wash. “But that’s why we do it together. It gets done and we don't have to do it alone.” world domination + paranoia + everything hurts Tony knew what was coming, he knew. He’d seen the future and he knew. The Kree were coming - why would no one believe him? Not his husband, not the team, not even his own son. He kept convincing them they had to suit up and defend the planet and Steve and Peter kept telling him that a engineering professor from Cal Tech can’t do that, that this suit he talks about is only in his delusions. But he’s not paranoid. Or crazy. Or any of those other words. He is Iron Man. He just has to convince everyone else. feels + useless lesbians + Santa's workshop Toni doesn’t think anyone could accuse her of overflowing with Christmas spirit. That hasn’t stopped the rest of the Avengers from turning the “festive cheer” dial up to eleven, and Toni thinks she might just have to spend the whole next month hiding in her workshop. (Hey, she let DUM-E wear a Santa hat – that has to count for something.) Too bad Jamie Barnes – cyborg superassassin extraordinaire, Captain America’s best friend, and Toni’s big gay crush – has gotten the exact same idea. Now the rest of the team thinks they’ve got a “thing,” and Toni can’t decide which is worse: putting up with the Avengers’ not-so-subtle attempts at matchmaking, or spending all her time with the woman she loves and who she is absolutely, 100%, totally certain doesn’t reciprocate. Getting through this holiday season without having her heart broken might just take… a Christmas miracle. shapeshifting + secret organizations + nurses “C. Barton - Orderly.”  That’s what his tag said.  But only a very few people knew exactly what kind of hospital Saint Natalis actually was, and just how busy they could be during the full moon. kissing games + pirates + book stores Tony always thought that the shop had a mind of its own. The books were one thing, whispering their secrets to patrons who managed to find their way to it. Jarvis always did warn him not to touch any of the artifacts. The "DO NOT TOUCH" signs plastered all over the crates. So maybe it was his fault that he managed to summon 'Buccaneer Barnes' after touching the shiny pirate sword. "Let's play a game. If you win, I'll help you put all those runaway monsters that jumped out of the books. If I win, you owe me a kiss. Whatdaya say Stark?"

[thebiasrekkers]

No Words - Interlude

Pairing: Taehyung x OC

Type: Interlude [Flashback]

Genre: Idol, Poly, Interracial, Tall Female, Smut, Angst, Fluff [if you squint]

Warning: None.

A/N - Felt the need to roll back before moving forward. So, you’ll get two releases this weekend! This is the first two of 5, Thank you for reading this mess of a story!

Words:  3712

---

2 Years Ago.

Lucky.

You couldn’t have asked for a situation to be luckier.  Her heartbeat could have doubled as a production drum track. One of her classmates, another girl from the inner city, looked bored as they sat in the auditorium. They both wanted to make music, good music - exciting music. They wanted to be at the forefront of technology and techniques for producing. They wanted the keys to the kingdom of hit songs.

The college decided that they could only get that experience - by working with the best of the best. They had invited a range of performers to come and discuss their methodology. Each had a formula that worked for them. Each performer had a story to connect to their songs. It wasn’t about the number one hit, it was about making honest music. About being true to themselves in the best way they can. Especially in an industry, and a country, that didn’t always accept differences.

She had been listening to various music styles, genres, and languages from a young age. It started in Jr. High, taking Spanish in 7th grade. She followed that throughout her High School time. She’s not embarrassed to say that Ricky Martin was apart of her foray into the Latin sounds. She listened to older songs, love songs, the music, and the story enthralled her.

Japanese animation spurred her love for J-Rock and J-Pop. X-Japan dragged her into the world, Dir en Grey kept her attention. She was in love with Visual Kei. Old rock, alternative rock, a smidge of country, and anything with a beat that caused her to lean her head toward it. She was an audiophile, plain, and simple.

Lead by a thin thread of melody until she had to devour the whole discography of an artist. She wanted to know all the ins and outs of the industry. Granted, there were other worthwhile fields to explore, so she was told. There was almost an expectation of finding easy money in business or even medical fields. She wrote poetry and song lyrics as long as she could remember. Music had been apart of the highs and lows of her life. She could associate a song for every pivotal moment of her life. The playlist spanned generations and the globe. It started when someone introduced her to Super Junior. Then it spiraled into 2NE1, Shinhwa, and the list went on and on.

She was so thankful her family didn’t try to limit her. Her parents expected her to be open-minded to the world around her. It was something instilled in her upbringing. That open-minded was the bane of her existence during her high school years, unfortunately. In a place where anything different made you strange or weird. She didn’t care for the urban selections that most of her friends were into.

There were times when her father put on his old school albums that she felt a connection. She wanted the story of music. She wanted the lyrics to strike her heart. That’s what she wanted in her music. She tried to write music, make music like that. All the artists she admired took chances, grew, and came back with something new.

And now?

She was sitting in an auditorium waiting for the most significant thing in music to come speak to their group.

She had a plethora of questions, worries, and fears. Everyone on the planet had heard about BTS at this point. There were a few of them who had managed to jump on the train early. Especially finding that they were working with legends in the rap community. Some watched expecting a spectacle - and to a degree? It was a spectacle.

Some wanted to see the thinking process of pinnacles of music that filled many a block party or high school dance. Let’s not forget backyard BBQs and family gatherings. Songs that whether you cared for the genre or not? Still managed to cause your body to move.

An elbow dug into her side as her friend stared wide-eyed at the line of men entering the auditorium. They were all seated semi-circle on the stage. BTS stood in front as the students clapped.

The boys had soft, quiet, smiles waving as RM straightened with a smooth phrase. It was almost military in precision as they saluted, bowed, and introduced themselves. They each took a moment to say hello in English at that. She tilted her head as they spoke.

It’s always a treat to hear a singer’s speaking voice. Some sharply contrasted their sounds. Others were no different from one to the other. She enjoyed the vocal textures, rich, or light tones as they spoke. Her friend saw her grinning like an idiot as her eyes rolled.

“Girl, get yourself together!” Tasha finally whispered to her. There was a thick swallow as she realized what she’d been doing. The boys were provided seats and microphones. They were treated to an acoustic version of one of their songs. To see the look of shock on the other student’s faces was an absolute treat.

She could only smile as time seemed to zip by. Filled with questions and curiosities. She asked all the questions she could. Always sure to ask for clarification, examples, and advice. RM was ready with a smooth, dimpled smile as he translated.

They all had solos under their belts at this time. So it was interesting to hear their thought processes. They all had one thing in common, though. The need to tell a story and convey emotion. To make sure that those who heard their music heard a message. It had been the most successful tactic thus far.

“So that ends our time. Everyone lets give BTS a round of applause!” The professor stood, the students followed. The boys bowed again and joined in the applause. They all gathered to shake hands, thanking them for taking time out of their grueling schedule.

RM raises his hands, spreading them wide. “Thank you for your time! We’ll see you tonight!” Everyone stared blankly at him, then their professor, who smiled widely. “Oh, I forgot to mention. We have permission to go backstage and watch operations for a tour.” To say that the sound that rose from the sudden silence was almost choral? It echoed off the walls as hands shook vigorously, shoulders were clapped - and the excitement caused tears.

“Alright, let’s get a picture!” The professor tried to get them all to find a spot. She managed to shake hands with most of the boys. Before she got a chance to shake Taehyung’s hand, they were being herded for a photo. She wound up, almost stepping on his foot as she tried to find a comfortable position. She wanted to shrink into nothingness. There was a bit of jostling before they used the bleachers to get them higher. She remembered one of the first words of Korean she’d learned. An apologetic smile as she mumbled an apology. Tae gave that infamous boxy smile with a wave of his hand. Tasha pulled her close as they sat on the bleachers smiling as the picture was taken. “Alright, you guys, meet back here in an hour - we’ll get shuttled to the stadium. Make sure you have your IDs..” The professor went on about etiquette, decorum, and rules. Nobody was listening - there was too much of a buzz about the show. They dispersed, waving the band members off. She bit into the bottom of her lip as they disappeared.

“Oh. My. God!” Tasha grabbed her and spun around. They laughed as she eyed her friend.

“Wait a minute, you were unimpressed just about an hour ago.” Tasha’s brow shot up with a devious grin.

“Girl, we get to go behind the scenes of the hottest tour yet! I may not understand anything - but I’m happy for the opportunity.” Tasha laughed as she tapped the base of a high ponytail. She pursed her lips, swinging its length. “Honey, that RM, though?” Ah, how many times had she heard that?

“Come on, I have to make sure you don’t embarrass me,” Tasha smirked, yanking her by the arm.

“W-what? That’s mean, Tasha!” She frowned slightly as the other woman rolled her eyes.

“It’s the truth.” She quipped as they hurried across the campus to her dorm.

“We’re going backstage, there’s nothing to dress for.” She kept the frown on her face Tasha bouldered into her apartment and pulled her in.

“Hush! Shower, now!” Tasha was taking no excuses as she pointed to the bathroom.

She grunted, rolling her eyes trudging to the bathroom.

Tasha respected her need to stay ‘practical’ about everything. She preferred oversized shirts, nearly formless skirts, and pants. Her friend wasn’t about that tonight. Tasha stuck her in a pair of jeans, a button-down shirt slightly tucked. She wore a pair of ankle boots accented with a silver chain. And by the time Tasha finished with her makeup? She hardly recognized herself.

“T-Tasha, I think you went a little overboard?” Her friend had just finished her own face. The subtle smokey eye with lower-liner really made her eyes pop! Tasha smirked as she grabbed their bags and pushed her out of the door.

“You’re not used to wearing makeup. Of course, you’d think it was too much.” The other woman rolled her eyes as they sprinted back to the meetup spot with minutes to spare. They all clambered on the shuttle.

All of a sudden, they were there. This was real.

They were walked through the various crew hiding spots. The makeshift dressing spaces underneath the stage. Everything was centrally located for the ease of the members.  The head PD was showing the group the setups, the chasers, and they finally arrived in ‘Monitor World.’ The place that was basically production HQ.

Some took notes, some lingered in the back looking around. Not her, no. She wanted to know what buttons did what. She wanted to know how they were sure that the upper-level fans could hear appropriately.

There were a few people with her curious about various other things. They could hear the crowd until they queued the chase pattern for the opening song. The boys rose from a floor lift. The group went wild as they started in on Blood, Sweat & Tears.

Walkie talkies were going off left and right. Every time something could possibly go wrong? It was pointed out, corrected, and communicated. It was a tight run ship. They moved along to the area under the stage, just as the boys were lowered for a set and costume change.

They were breathing heavy, sweating, and peeling their costumes off. There were people on the sides taking them, ushering them into the makeshift spaces. The students stayed back out of the way. The transition was so fast the students couldn’t help but stare wide-eyed. They made it back to the control hub.

As if to make sure they were paying attention? The Head PD asked them to point out what they remembered. Tasha nudged her with a thumbs up. You got this, she mouthed. Everyone shifted on their feet as they fought to not being first.

She straightened her posture as she stepped forward. “I’d like to give it a try.” The Head PD double-blinked as stood next to him. Ah, it was probably her height. She offered a gentle smile and nod, “If that’s ok?”

“Please do. The routine is the same as before.” He smiled with his walkie talkie in hand. She took a deep breath, stepping closer to the operators at the panel. A headset sat on her head as the plethora of voices filled her ear.

The Head PD let them know that a student was making the calls, but he was overseeing. Two more students joined the panel board, the techs looking over their shoulders and pointing out controls.

She counted them down for each new element.

The lights went dark as the chase pattern activated. They could do this - she could do this.

45 very long minutes later?

“Holy fuck, you did it?!” Tasha grabbed her in a frantic hug. “Y-you really fucking did it! I was scared shitless, man!” Her mind was still hazy over what just occurred. Tasha looped their arms together as the concert sailed to a close. They stood in the back eyes trained to the fireworks display above them.

“I thought I was going to vomit.” She admitted quietly. Tasha moved rainbow-colored braids from her face.

“You should be proud of yourself.” They shared a smile as the professor rounded them up again. They followed the road crew as the stage was broken down. The last fans had long gone, and they were all alone again. The trucks, vans, and equipment checked and secured. She had followed the equipment with a few other students. They watched the breakdown and helped to carry pieces to be stored. There were, of course, a few quips of concern as she hauled a miniature subwoofer to the van.

She politely reinforced her ability to contribute and promptly turned with the item in hand. She rolled up her sleeves, forearms contracting as she moved along the corridor. Ah, why did she let Tasha try to doll her up? The familiar burn in her muscles ebbed away as she handed the equipment to the technical director. She was at home when she could tomboy her way through situations.

She offered a bow turning to make her way back to the main group. A moment too long of watching everything around her left her in an area she didn’t recognize. A frown as she spun in a circle taking the next left turn under the created passageways - and she slammed into something.

“Ah!” A voice, male exclaimed as she staggered backward.

She stumbled, and that someone, thankfully, pulled her arm hard to keep her from landing on her rump. She sucked in a breath as her gaze lifted. “Shit! I’m sorry! I wasn’t watching where I was-” A grunt rumbled through the air as her eyes went wide. “Oh.”

Kim Taehyung was plucking the final buttons from his shirt. His gaze lowered to the floor as he fought off exhaustion. They had to get changed to meet up on the stage again. It took him a little longer to get the cramps out of his legs. He barely made out a shadow before his body collided with it.

He saw her bounce from foot to foot before he pulled her arm. He heard the remorse in her voice as she rambled. His brow furrowed as she spoke too quick for him to pick out words. He still had his fingers wrapped around her forearm as she looked up at him.

She smelled … magnificent. His lashes lowered, nostrils flaring, on an inhale. She watched the perfect heart shape of his mouth part softly. She lowered her gaze to the expanse of flesh in her face. He was one button away from a cheesy romance novel cover.

They stood in silence, trading body heat before she glanced at the long fingers burning into her skin. Their gazes locked again, “You should be more careful.” He rumbled softly. Her lip caught between her teeth as she nodded rapidly.

“R-right. I’m sorry. Thank you.” She coughed softly, stepping away from him. His fingers still lingered until they loosened. Her eyes were wide as she turned on her heel, trying to get back out to the main walkway without that hint of desperation in her steps.

Tasha came rounding the corner at that very moment. “Hey! They’re waiting on us on stage for a final picture. Come on! I’m not missing this because of you.” Her friend yanked her along with a stupid grin on her face.

“Tae, Hyung, come on!” Jeongguk showed up as Tae went in the opposite direction. The maknae let him in their makeshift space. He helped Tae peel out of a sweaty costume. “I can’t wait to get some food and a beer.” Tae shrugged on a turtle neck, an oversized sweatshirt, and black slacks.

“That makes two of us.” The visual croaked tiredly. “Come on, then.” Jeongguk gave that bunny-like smile as he dragged Tae toward the stage. Tae sulked, “What are you doing?”

Jeongguk’s brow shot up as they walked into the wings. “We have to take a picture with the class from earlier!” Tae rolled his eyes as he was dragged out. They made it in time for Namjoon to address everyone.

“It’s been an absolute pleasure to meet you all. Good luck in the future. Please wish us well - and maybe? We’ll see you backstage with us someday!” There was a round of applause as everybody tried to find a spot to fit in the picture. Tasha winked as she made her way over to squeeze near Namjoon.

The betrayal of it all! She laughed as Tasha found a sweet spot to brag about later. She, on the other hand, wanted to just kneel down the front. The professor frowned with a wave of her hand, “Come on, you know you’re too tall up here! Stand back there.” There was a grimace on her face as she moved to the back. They were staged in layers again.

“Everybody in!” She felt jostled as arms pulled against her shoulders. Before she had a moment to register anything? Jeongguk squeezed on one side of her, his arm around Taehyung, who squeezed on the other.

Students, Staff, and Band were connected in the joy of a show well done. The camera flashed, and she smiled on autopilot. A few flashes, more applause, and she was quick to escape the trap she found herself in.

Jeongguk had caught a whiff of something pleasant, tilting his head curiously at the tall female. Both he and Tae seemed to find each other’s gaze as they flitted looks at the woman between them.

She turned to shake their hands with a quiet thank you. Both of them seemed to take TOO LONG to let her hand go. She beat feet in Tasha’s direction as soon as she could. Tasha had this dreamy look on her face after speaking to Namjoon for a few minutes.

“Is this what heaven is like?” Tasha’s eyes were glassy and hooded. You’d think the girl finished smoking an exquisite bouquet of the studded sticks.

“It could be, Tash. It could be.” She smiled, turning to look at the empty stadium. The students have all huddled together once again. The professor was talking with the TDs and PDs, even Namjoon was there. There was a look of stern concentration on various faces. A cellphone in the middle of the group seemed to be the main focus.

The chill in the air didn’t phase them as they spoke of their experience. They lamented their mistakes. They reveled in techniques to apply later. They were buzzing with excitement and a renewed appreciation for following their current educational path.

“Ok, everyone, listen up!” Their professor walked back over with a massive smile on her face. Tasha was rambling with her arms wrapped around her frame. She could see the heat of breath wavering in the air. The professor’s excitement was palpable with a gesture back to the team behind her. Suddenly, she could feel her heart thundering against her rib cage. Maybe the others could hear it too? They all got quiet.

They were all staring at each other, then at her. Her mouth was half-open as white noise filled her head. Her brow furrowed deeply as others around her wore looks of shock and disbelief. Then there was more applause.

Tasha grabbed her, jumping up and down, her voice pitched to shrieking. She felt her body shake as she turned the dazed look to her friend.

W-wait, what?

Tasha cupped her face and looked ready to cry. She blinked down into her friend’s face, prepared to be violently sick.

She turned back to the professor, catching the end of her statement as her hearing filtered back in.

“…you passed…” Her eyes went wide. “…intense work-study opportunity…” She was surely going to be sick. “…traveling with the tour…” More applause. “You’ll still need to complete courses, you’ll be provided with online links.” She staggered into Tasha, who laughed even louder.

“We wanted to see how this first run would work, and you surpassed all expectations. Congratulations, you’ll set the tone for the future students of the program.”

You blinked back tears as you engulfed Tasha in a hug. Not only were you all going to be able to get the first-hand experience? You’ll get it with BTS. It all made sense as to why they required a passport as an admission qualification. The professor stepped away to join the technical team while you all rejoiced. Namjoon and the rest of BTS gathered to shake your hands, and offer their congratulations.

Comments expecting good things ahead were traded. She was happy. This was unbelievable - a stroke of luck.

Tasha managed to steal a hug from Namjoon, crying almost harder when she turned around. A firm hand landed on her own, leaving her with a beaming Jeongguk. A half bow, a smile, a nod of thanks as he lingered. Taehyung all but moved the maknae aside to get her hand in his again.

He had that arrogant tilt to his head. The tip of his tongue caught between his teeth as he lifted her hand. The light caught the dark chocolate of his gaze as he let his breath ghost across her knuckles.

He eased up, flashing a boxy smile before grabbing Tasha, doing the same. She shook off the strangeness of it all, turning to her friend with open arms.

“We did it!”

Their arms looped as they finally made their way off stage. The shuttle was waiting to get them to a small celebration. She still couldn’t help looking over her shoulder. For just a moment, she felt something staring a hole into her shoulder from the shadows.

Her brow furrowed as Tasha pulled her attention forward.

…just missing the two silhouettes lingering in the wings.

[gruffgriff-blog]

MORE INFORMATION:

About Griffin “Gruff Griff” Murdoch

GENERAL INFORMATION

Full Name: Griffin Campbell Murdoch 

Nickname(s): Griff, Gruff Griff, Doch

Age: twenty-seven

Date of Birth: august 23, 1693

Hometown: salem, massachusetts

Current Location: tortuga

Nationality: american

Gender: cis male

Pronouns: he/him

Sexual Orientation: pansexual

Occupation: fisherman / ship navigator

Living Arrangements: currently between brothels and sleeping outdoors

Language(s) Spoken: english, irish celtic, latin

Accent: american

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Faceclaim: sam claflin

Tattoos: a protection sigil between his shoulder blades and a peace sigil over his heart

Piercings: n/a

Scars: one long scar spanning from the back of his knee to just above his achilles heel, one from his right side of his rib cage to his left hip, and another across his left palm

HEALTH

Physical Ailments: n/a

Neurological Conditions: n/a

Allergies: n/a

Sleeping Habits: if he’s sleeping, it’s a very light sleep. but once he’s tired enough he can knock just about anywhere.

Eating Habits: he loves to eat everything and anything. chances are if you put food in front of him, it’ll be devoured within seconds.

Exercise Habits: he doesn’t do too much exercising but he’s used to hauling heavy nets and such so he counts that as his working out.

Emotional Stability: a joke. he’s not happy anymore and he’s unsure if he ever will be again. he’s afraid he might snap again at any moment and that scares him because he was always so chill and happy.

Sociability: he’s a bit of a loner these days but he still enjoys the company of others. he wants to make friends but he’s afraid that he’ll spill all his secrets in a drunken haze one night if he gets too close to anyone.

Addictions: n/a

Drug Use: n/a

Alcohol Use: he drinks a decent amount. it’s the same as food; if it’s in front of him, it’ll be gone soon enough.

PERSONALITY

MTBI: infp

Label: the pagan

Positive Traits: steadfast, passionate, dauntless

Negative Traits: morose, impulsive, resentful

Goals/Desires: he wants to find peace, find a family, and maybe become navigator one day.

FAVORITES

Weather: he’s a sucker for a foggy, rainy day on a ship. sure it’s not the best fishing weather but it brings him peace.

Colour: navy blue or forest green

Music: there are some old songs he used to sing with his father as a child and the songs they’d sing on his old ship. but he prefers the sound of rain to most music.

Movies: n/a

Beverage: water or ale

Food: any kind of fish really, potatoes, just about any stews 

Animal: sharks and seagulls

FAMILY

Father: campbell murdoch, deceased

Mother: saoirse murdoch, deceased

Sibling(s): n/a

Spouse: n/a

Children: n/a

Pet(s): n/a

PIRATE STUFF:

Weapons: he prefers none as he’s generally nonviolent but he has a dagger on his hip at most times.

Former ships/crew/companies: he worked on a fishing vessel but never on a pirate ship.

Treasure they keep on their person: he keeps amethyst and obsidian on him at all times as well as a bundle of lavender. 

Curses: n/a

Are they wanted by the navy?: not for piracy but he’s wanted for murder back in the colonies.

STATS:

Wisdom: 6/10

Intelligence: 7/10

Strength: 8/10

Charisma: 6/10

Dexterity: 8/10

Constitution: 7/10

MORE QUESTIONS

Has the character begun his/her own family? Would they like to?

He hasn’t started his own family yet but he would like to settle down for one one day. Griff would like to pass his family ideas and religious beliefs down to his own child one day but he’s not sure he’ll ever get that lucky.

How do they picture their life after piracy(if they ever plan to settle down)?

Griff would like to settle down in a small hut near the shore or maybe in a little cottage in the woods. He wants a partner and maybe a kid or two. But the life he wants is simple, nothing of extravagance. Sure, some money would be nice, but he’s not looking for any insane riches.

How does you character hope that they’ll die?

He’d like to die quickly. Whatever it is, he hopes it’s fast and if he’s lucky, painless too. Both of his parents went down in horrible, torturous ways and it’s not a tradition he hopes to carry on. In his sleep would be ideal, or doing something he loves.

If they were not a pirate what would they be (realistically)?

He’d still be a fisherman, maybe with his own vessel one day. It was a simple life and he enjoyed it. The only reason he’s not still fishing is because he had to run after murdering the man who killed his father.

What would they dream of being if not a pirate? (This does not have be rational, it can just be a fantasy.)

Having his own boat with a fishing crew, maybe a partner and a kid or two. Being able to openly practice his religion without fear of persecution. Happy, healthy, and living his best life.

When or how was the character educated?

Griff never went to an actual school. Instead, he learned through reading books as well as being taught by the fisherman on the ship he grew up on. It wasn’t everything he should’ve learned, but he has more life skills than most.

What are the character’s political and religious beliefs?

He believes that people should be free to practice whatever they wish as long as it harms none. It’s their life, not his, so why should he have a say in it? Religiously, he follows paganism and it’s a huge part of his life. One of his biggest secrets actually.

What is the character’s moral code? Where do they draw the line if ever? Are they more likely to make moral judgements towards others or themselves?

He’s generally very nonviolent and hopes he never has to mortally wound another living soul again. Killing that man took more out of him than he gained and that’s something he can never change. He tries not to judge others unless they’re terrible people but he does find himself judging his own character often.

Does your character have any prejudices?

No, not really. His father taught him that he should love all people. All living things, really. Everyone and everything is worthy of respect.

How shallow is your character? How much do they judge based on appearances? What would make them wary and what would make them interested in another person?

Griff tries his best not to judge people passed on looks because who is he to judge? He bounces between brothels and the times when he’s not staying there, he sleeps on the beach. He’s dirty more often than not with messy hair and torn clothes. He understands the struggle. Anyone who gives off strange vibes will make him weary, and anyone with a reputation of harming others might make him keep them at arms distance. He’s a sucker for a good smile and people who can laugh. Anyone soft, happy, and caring is someone he’s likely to keep close by.

Who is the one person your character trusts the most?

Nobody. Himself, but just barely. He tells his secrets to the moon when everyone is asleep and she’s never let him down yet.

How would your characters parents describe them?

His mother never really had much of a chance to meet him but she would describe him as a happy baby. His father would call him intelligent, a happy man who only wants the best for others. But if you asked Griff himself, he’d say he just wanted to be as good of a man as his father was.

What was the best moment of the characters life? Worst?

The best moment of his life was when he became navigator on his old fishing vessel. The pride in his father’s eyes was something he’d never forget. The worst was when he saw the light leaving his father’s eyes as he held him in his arms, becoming covered in his blood. Second worst was when he watched the same thing again with his father’s murderer, knowing he’d never be able to change his actions and that he’d taken a life.

What is the character’s “big secret”, and what will happen if it is discovered?

Griff has two major secrets. One being his faith, which he practices in secret, and he’s afraid that he’d be killed just like his mother if anyone found out about his worship. The second is that he’s killed a man. The guilt from that one is something he’ll carry around every day for the rest of his life. He’s not sure what would happen to him, maybe jail or being killed. Both possibilities scare him.

What is her first reaction to a situation? That is, does she run in, swords-a-swinging, or always attempt a peaceful parley, or examine every fact and mitigating circumstance in great detail before making a decision, etc.?

Griff prefers a peaceful approach but depending on the moment, he could run in with dagger in hand. He would like to say that he thinks most things through but that’s not always true.

What would be the worst curse this character could ever receive?

Probably that he’d always have to say what was on his mind for the rest of his life. Maybe never being able to catch his own dinner again, or never be able to see the moon and the stars at night. He’d feel even more lost than he usually does.

Are there certain things the character just cannot do?

He doesn’t like hurting others but if he absolutely has to, he might be able to do it. Anything that could seriously harm another person.

What is their weakness or what will paralyze them with fear?

If someone threatened to have him hanged, he wouldn’t know what to do. It’d remind him too much of his mother and that’d scared him witless. A ginormous wave would also scare him because honestly, he’s terrified on drowning. It’s a strange fear seeing as he’s grown up on a ship for most of his life.

What do they plan to do with their share of the treasure?

He would buy his own ship and then build himself a home. If there was leftover money after that, he’d most likely give it to others who need it because he’s been in their place. Treasure isn’t too important to him but it’d help him acquire a comfortable life.

[aethertorn-blog]

@scienceisweird If you don’t delete this I swear you and Ian are goners.

i. BASICS. Given / Birth Name :  Jane Foster. Nickname / Preferred Name : Dr. Foster, Jane.  Alias(es) : N/A. Birthdate / Age : June 10th, 1989 / 29. Place of Birth : Jackson County, West Virginia. Current Location : Brooklyn, New York. Gender Identity : Cisfemale, she/her. Sexual / Romantic Orientation : Biromantic Bisexual. Ethnicity / Race / Cultural Heritage: Caucasian-American, French + English. Marital Status : Single. Occupation : Astrophysicist + Researcher at the Avengers facility. ii. CHARACTERISTICS. Height : 5'6”. Weight : 118 lbs. Body Type / Build : Slim, pear / a “weird, but cute fruit” as Darcy says. Eye Color : Brown. Hair Color / Texture : Brown, occasionally blonde, and more on the fine side in terms of thickness — sometimes straight, sometimes curly ; depending on how much she goes into doing it. Sometimes it’s just combed bedhead, hard to tell. Recognizable Features / Scars : Her smile, whenever she manages to over something silly + a few small scars from being injured while making her own scientific equipment, mainly on her fingers. Speech Patterns / Accent : Speaks in science terminology as if it’s universal and tends to ramble when she’s excited, has a slight Northern accent though one can hardly notice it. Languages Spoken : English and Latin. She can off and on understand Spanish, but languages aren’t her main focus. Powers / Skills / Abilities : Beyond her intelligence in the science department and ability to host a reality stone (and live after), none. Overall Health : Normal? She guesses. iii. RELATIONSHIPS. Order of Birth : Only child. Number of Siblings : N/A. Father’s Status + Relationship : Edward Foster - deceased; Jane’s best friend at some point in her life. Growing up, Edward was Jane’s inspiration and motivator for most of the choices she made in life and continued to be post-death. Her following in his footsteps to graduate from Culver and even her connection to Erik were thanks to her father and his nurturing, and her love of science wouldn’t have come to fruition without him. Mother’s Status + Relationship : Lorraine Foster - deceased; Jane has few memories of her mother. Having passed while she was still in elementary school, Jane’s relationship to her mother was practically nonexistent — save for any stories her dad would often say the stars told him about. She has a few photos hidden somewhere in her place whenever she moves, but Jane doesn’t talk about her mother all that often to not butcher the mental image she has of her. Sibling Status + Relationship : N/A. Loyalty / Affiliation : Does Thor count as an affiliation? If not, then S.H.I.E.L.D. and some partial Avengers standpoint despite the current happenings. iv. PERSONALITY. MBTI : INFJ. Hobbies : Designing new equipment/experiments, drawing, learning, reading, bonus points if any pertain to science. Beyond that, sometimes napping and eating if she remembers to do either outside of her work. Bad Habits : Can come off a bit stubborn and rude at times, unknowingly so. Not the most confident romantically or emotionally, but she tries her best. Can be rather closed off, finding it somewhat difficult to talk about the past: be it her parents or her exes. Three Positive Traits : Curious, warm and optimistic. Three Negative Traits : Reckless, impulsive and awkward. Moral Alignment : Neutral, though she sometimes bounces between lawful and chaotic depending on the scenario she’s put in. v. ASSOCIATIONS. One Song : Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order. One Quote / Piece of Art : “In my life I have found two things of priceless worth - learning and loving. Nothing else - not fame, not power, not achievement for its own sake - can possible have the same lasting value. For when your life is over, if you can say 'I have learned' and 'I have loved,' you will also be able to say 'I have been happy.’” - Arthur C. Clarke. One Fear : Getting sick. She can be a bit closed off when she gets something as common as the cold since she’d rather be alone than be tended to like a baby. One Strength : Her perseverance, which is both a strength and a weakness at times. One Object : Her notebook, full of all her scientific endeavors/designs and akin to a teenage girl’s diary. Without it, she’s at a loss. One Place : It’s a cross between Puente Antiguo + Asgard. One Food : Cereal, not too picky on the kind since she eats it everyday. One Scent : Leather. One Lucky Charm : A necklace she has of her birthstone that her mother gave to her as a child. It looks tiny on her now, but she tends to wear it daily without realizing it’s a part of her morning routine to put on now.

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Brooke you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Bellatrix Black!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

Bellatrix is such a complex character, so it was a delight to get an application that explores so many different sides of her personality! Her possessiveness, her addiction to torture, the vestiges of insanity, her love for her family -- it all came through beautifully in your app. I know she’ll be a much wanted addition to our mix, and I can’t wait to see how you explore her characteristics and allow her to grow depending on where the plot takes us. Congratulations and welcome!

application beneath the cut ( tw: death, torture, blood )

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Hi, my name is Brooke. I’m 26 and go by she/her. I live in EST time zone, USA.

ACTIVITY

I’m a teacher so my activity during the week can be a bit spotty if I have school functions, however I am active on weekends. So my number is anywhere from 6-8 given the day of the week. I also have the app on my phone and can post during my lunch breaks and when out and about.

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

I was RPing here a while back as Lucius, but RL got away from me so I had to drop him. My friend Orlik is still here as Umbridge so I felt like coming back now that my life is more settled.

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

I love Luna. She is someone so utterly full of life and she gives no fucks in the best possible way.

ANYTHING ELSE?

I am a devoted Ravenclaw!

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Bellatrix- Means “female warrior” in Latin. This is the name of the star that marks the left shoulder of the constellation Orion.

Eris- Eris was the goddess of strife and discord

Black- a nickname given from the earliest times to a swarthy or dark-haired person

FACE CLAIM

Eva Green suits me fine! She has a wild beauty about her that fits my view of Bellatrix.

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

Ah, Bellatrix Black. The infamous zealot for Voldemort’s cause. Wielder of the power of Occlumency. Bringer of pain and destruction. What’s not to love about our resident crazy witch? She’s wild, full of blood lust, and evil. These types of characters are a blast to play! It is a small chance to drop the modern niceties and bring out a wilder side of you. Yet, Bellatrix is a character who is not one dimensional. Yes, she’s mad, but there’s also passion, loyalty, and even love.

Bella (I’ll call her that even though I imagine she’d allow no one but her sisters and Voldemort to call her that) is passion incarnate. Every action she does is done with her full self. Nothing is half assed with her. At any moment she is ready to kill for her cause and kill she will, with brutal skill and violent strength. Such is her passion that she utterly defends her cause, her blood purity, and family.

This brings us to her next point. Loyalty. She is of course loyal to the Death Eaters, but I would even say her loyalty to her family comes before that. She loves her sister Narcissa and I think, deep down, even Andromeda, though her passion would never allow her to admit it. ��The loyalty for the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black is so deeply ingrained in her that she’d stop at nothing to make sure it’s honor is upheld to the highest. Merlin help the person who dares sully their good name. This of course means Andromeda, which brings out a heavy struggle in the two sides of Bella. Loyalty and Passion conflicting at once.

But let us not forget love. Bella has memories of her sisters that are not easily forgotten, even in throes of passion and madness. She loves them dearly as she does her master. She may not understand her feelings as love however. She might see it more as possession. They are HERS and must be protected at all costs. How she manages her love among her other traits as the war develops remains to be seen, but it is clear it will be a struggle for all involved. Nothing will stop her from her goals, not even herself.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Bellatrix uses sex as a means for power. Whether it be to sleep her way to the top or to get someone hooked on her extensive bedroom skills, Bella has no qualms about working what she has. She is bisexual with a heavy lean towards women. Women are so soft and delicate and so fun to break.  The sight of blood, dark and wet, makes her hot and she loves to break out the knives for a little fun. The feel of steel on flesh, lightly touching and teasing as it raises goosebumps on the skin makes her dizzy. But it all becomes clear once she plunges the blade into her unfortunate lover’s flesh. Muggles are particularly fun to play with, so innocent and trusting. You know that Bellatrix has been around if attractive young muggles begin to disappear at a frightening speed.

Bella does not feel love, per say. She feels possessive and things that she marks are hers are just that. HERS. Her sisters. Her master. All hers. The thought of her beloved Andromeda in the possession of anyone else fills her with rage. HERS. NO ONE ELSE’S. Andy will return, even if it means she returns to Bella in her burial shroud.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

-A MOODBOARD-  http://www.gomoodboard.com/boards/P2Bme_9I/share

-A PLAYLIST

Starset- My Demons (theme song)

“I cannot stop this sickness taking over It takes control and drags me into nowhere I need your help, I can’t fight this forever I know you’re watching, I can feel you out there

Take me high and I’ll sing Oh you make everything okay (okay, okay) We are one in the same Oh you take all of the pain away (away, away) Save me if I become My demons”

The Offspring – You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid

“Slowly out of line And drifting closer in your sights So play it out I’m wide awake It’s a scene about me There’s something in your way And now someone is gonna pay And if you can’t get what you want Well it’s all because of me”

Nancy Sinatra- Bang, Bang

“Bang bang, he shot me down Bang bang, I hit the ground Bang bang, that awful sound Bang bang, my baby shot me down

Seasons came and changed the time When I grew up, I called him mine He would always laugh and say “Remember when we used to play?”

Lana del Rey- Ultraviolence

“He used to call me DN That stood for deadly nightshade ‘Cause I was filled with poison But blessed with beauty and rage”

Imagine Dragons- Thunder

“Just a young gun with a quick fuse I was uptight, wanna let loose I was dreaming of bigger things And wanna leave my own life behind Not a yes sir, not a follower Fit the box, fit the mold Have a seat in the foyer, take a number I was lightning before the thunder”

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

The following section should be looked at like a survey for your character. Answer them in character and feel free to use gifs. Or, if you’d rather, answer them in third person or OOC without gifs. Answers do not have to be extremely lengthy.

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

Skin is full of holes, you know. Did you know that? Little tiny holes. Openings. Entry ways. There’s a phobia for that, you know. Imagine. A fear of itty bitty little tiny holes. It makes one think of something sick. Infested. Infected. Trypophobia. Foraminissanguinem is my spell. Imagine a geyser. So beautiful. Now imagine three trillion of them erupting. Each from a point nearly invisible to the naked eye. So beautiful, no?

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you: There is one object I have always admired since I was a tiny pip of a girl. The Staring Glass Eye in Borgin and Burke’s. It’s quite a simple object. Unassuming. Small. Shiny. Yet it does so much more than meets…well, the eye. It resembles a glass eye. Of course, it does. A small, round, shiny glass eye with a blue iris. Pretty little thing. Would match my collection. I do so love the color blue. Once held, its owner is alerted to anyone or anything that attempts to sneak up on it. It sees through all things, solid or otherwise. Organic or otherwise. Such a useful tool, no? I believe I’ll inquire about its whereabouts. If lucky, it will remain at the store for my purchase.

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

None. What a ridiculous question. Next!

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

That I were not the very image of blood purity. I am Bellatrix Eris Black, eldest daughter of Cygnus and Druella Black, of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black. The blood of my veins is that of a pure blood witch. My lineage is pure and superior. To declare otherwise is to meet the end of my wand.

WRITING SAMPLE

The echo of footsteps reverberated around the abandoned alley. The man, breathing heavy, pulled himself along the wall with one hand. The other was wrapped protectively around his broken ribs. Each footstep was a burning agony. Each intake of breath threatened collapse. Yet, he continued on. The safe house was near. Just a bit further and he’d be with the others. They weren’t expecting him, but he’d be welcomed. The information he’d acquired…he shivered slightly, feeling cold. Was it the chill weather or the rapid loss of blood that brought on the shiver? He couldn’t say. A high feminine giggle echoed somewhere nearby. He paused, barely breathing. It faded in the night, leaving a haunting silence in its wake. He shivered again. Must keep moving.

Behind him, stalked a predator. The metallic scent of blood wafting in her nostrils. She shivered as well, yet for a wholly different reason. A sigh followed by another high pitched little giggle. What fun! Stooping down, one long finger reached out to touch the crimson liquid splattered on the cobblestone. A pianist’s fingers, he father used to tell her. In happier times, that is. The blood was still warm. The coated finger was raised to the woman’s lips. A fine color to match her already ruby lips. A tip of pink tongue darted out to taste the salty liquid. Another sigh, like one offered to a sweet-talking lover. Oh, this was fun.

So close. He just had to make it. She was closer, he knew. But there was no rush in her pursuit. She knew as well as he, that he was not going to make it. A tear slipped down his face, falling to mix with the blood on the stone. If he could just get close enough. If he could just find some way to alert them, then it would not be for nothing. They needed to know. He needed them to know. Another step. He stumbled and then fell. Black spots danced before his eyes, blacker than the night. The sound of footsteps drew nearer until they were right upon him. She tutted, sadly, before straddling the man. Her weight upon his broken ribs brought gasps of pain. She nuzzled him gently. Her finger, still coated in the man’s blood, stroked his stubbled cheek. A smear spread upon it, barely noticeable in his already bloodied features. She smiled, which tore a sob from the man’s lips. It was too wide, too toothy. She leaned in close, her lips almost to his ear, and whispered gently. His sobs came swiftly. “Did you really think I’d let you go so easily?” She pressed her lips to his cheek before sticking out her tongue. She licked the side of his bloodied face and shuddered heavily. “We’ve only just begun our fun.”

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews… Orange is the New Black (S05E05) Sing It, White Effie Airdate: June 9, 2017 @oitnb Ratings: @netflix Score: 8.75

**********SPOILERS BELOW**********

OITNB has a habit of having white folks tell black folks’ stories… Normally you can kind of sense it right away, but after watching ‘Sing It, White Effie’ I had to look up the primary writer. I’ve talked about this a few times but never on this grand of a stage. I know that this has been addressed by many in previous years including Essence Magazine (which, yes I do read). It’s true that we as human beings, of blood and guts and organs and bones, are for the most part the exact same, sans a few genetic defects that only affect a certain race… And it’s true that some of us in different parts of the world have very different experiences due to environment. For instance, for over a decade in Miami, my only friends have been ones of color… Literally 98% Latin & Black… Despite how other parts of my family live, I live very differently. Growing up a 'sexually fluid’ ginger with a mother who was a very young teenager in high school gave me a vastly different experience than most. I’ve always celebrated my fucking weirdness. In high school I was literally a walking oxymoron, wearing 90 inch GAT pants I stole from the mall or borrowed from my friend, GlowGirl (yeah in the late 90s we all had Rave Names, didn’t you know?), paired with an oversized button up I found in my step-dads closet and a vest from Structure and Brooks Brothers eyeglasses that my Grandmother bought me on a visit… Not to mention spiked up Backstreet Boy haircut (that may or may not have been blue), tousled in the front, and fucking candy and jelly bracelets from the base of my thumbs up past my elbows. What the fuck, right? You’d think I’d look back and hate it, but all I see is a RAD fn’ Rave Star with 'anti-anti’ 90’s culture embodiment… Serving up Rave-Tastic Soccer Playing Prep Freak “on a Lemonade budget”…. Thank you, Shea Coulee!

Diversity has always been a part of my life in one way or another. I love to trade perspectives. I ask questions and offer up personal experiences instead of telling people their way of thinking is wrong, because I want people to understand me and I want to understand them. I truly believe that if we all at least tried to understand each other instead of this 'This opinion is right. This opinion is wrong,’ divisive mindset so many have seem to have adopted as of late the world would be a much better place. That being said, I just wrote a few articles on the 3rd Season of '60 Days In’ and stated there were certain topics I couldn’t completely speak on, even being a diverse ginger gringo faggot or whatever anyone wants to throw my way. On the internet today I was told I have a PHD in Cock Sucking (and other things that literally just look like letters on a page to me) and on the bus just last Monday, I let Snapchat take a quick, disappearing peak at a woman attacking my partner and I on the bus with an umbrella who called us 'stretched out asshole faggot cock sucking mother fuckers that will fry in hell’, I couldn’t make this shit up even if I tried. She had gotten a glimpse at my partner helping me on the bus because I have some issues moving around on Monday’s due to some disc issues in the upper parts of my back and went in for the kill when my partner asked if she could please turn the music down that she was blasting from her phone like she wasn’t aware that one can totally sonically invade someone’s space. None of these experiences give me the proper perspective needed to make a complete series featuring an episode that looks through the lens of a woman of color’s standpoint on Culture Appropriation on an all white 'DreamGirls’ production at the 'White School of Rich Bitch Privilege’.

Don’t get me wrong, this is probably the best take on racial issues I’ve ever seen on OITNB. I was moved, accomplished NYC playwright and television writer & editor Molly Smith Metzler, whose worked on two of my favorite Streaming Only series (OITNB & Hulu’s 'Casual’) is a raw talent that streaming networks would be lucky to have work on their exclusive series… But it all still felt like it was missing something. Some might tell you that the 'diversity’ plays itself out in front of the camera, but I assure you as a writer that it takes a village. When it comes to television particularly, everything is filtered through a lens after a lens after another lens…. As the showrunner draws out a storyboard with producers and then oversees the writing of a script which is handed to an editor and then off to a director which directs the actors who have their own interpretation of that character who are then filmed and framed by a cinematographer who hands over the multiple takes to an editor, who then slices and dices and puts together the final product that the network may possibly need to approve and by now I’m out of fucking breath. And I didn’t even mention the composers, casting directors, production designers, art directors, set decorators, costumes, makeup, the fn’ art department, sound department who collaborates with special effects people, not to be confused with the visual effects crew and the dozens and dozens of others who’s lens it funnels through to make a finished product. Did I make a point yet?

'Sing It, White Effie’ is by far the best of #OITNB5 but just like the tears that filled my eyes during the final moments when a young Janae has an epiphany when she realizes what her trip to a private school that has a trio of rich white girls playing the main characters of 'DreamGirls’ truly represents…. Just like Taystee’s beautiful, enthralling speech that I’m sure we all applauded and were worked up over emotionally… It just could have been better. No matter what you know, no matter what you’ve seen, no matter how intense your empathy radar is, no matter how many shoes you have traded with other people… We can write out someone else’s story, we can do our research, we can firmly believe the things we say, we can identify pieces of a puzzle of someone else’s story through idiosyncratic experiences, but we’ll never be able to put the entire puzzle together without the missing piece.

I don’t want it to seem like I’m complaining, I’m only imagining that a fantastic show could be even bolder, even more intense, even more 'on the nose’ with it’s ironic comedy style, that’s sometimes dark so that it fades into the drama with more ease. I love OITNB, I do. I would go as far as to say that this is the most bingeable show ever created. The hardest thing I’ve had to do in the past few months (thank god) is to decide to go to sleep instead of watching and writing about another episode of this very show. Slowly but surely, the inmates of Litchfield are shown to notice little things that are waking them to the impending consequences that are sure to devastate these women in a major way.

Right now it’s the little things, like Suzanne (Uzo Aduba), the usual most 'out of touch’ resident of Litchfield, observing the fact that she’s not being fed during regular hours. Gloria (Selenis Leyva) has come to a point where she is completely overwhelmed, she can’t carry on her normal duties anymore. Her genuine concern for Daya (Dascha Polanco) as well as her inner turmoil she’s experiencing for generally losing control paired with the backfiring of attempting to steal the gun from Daya to impede the takeover is a weight she can no longer carry. Her phone call to Diaz (Elizabeth Rodriguez) was another truly successful, relatable, and dramatic moment that puts the audience inside Litchfield for an oh-so important instant. I think we can all relate to a point in time where we are completely at a loss for what to do in a situation, maybe we want to ask for help, but we don’t know how, or even where to start, or even if we could be helped at all… So you just need a familiar voice on the other end of the line. The family dynamic is so strong with this one, and as a person who lives in a Latin Dominated city, there’s a certain way that pride is carried here that I see in these characters. These actresses are truly amazing to bring their distinct perspective into a script that is not their own, essentially that is what makes this show so special in these dramatic points of reference. It is bigger than the writers, who are great, but just not as diverse as we would like.

If it’s one thing that a talented white woman would write with a pristine birds eye view, it’s satire of a what it would be like to be a rich white woman turned into a slave by white supremacists… Oh yeah, and one white nationalist. Judy King (Blair Brown) looks completely insane with her messy hair, ketchup stained face, and belt leash around her neck. I literally can’t stop laughing as I write this. The image will be forever stored in the memory banks of my brain. Taystee is PISSED. The Helicopter Press snapping a photo of Judy King tied to a cross on top of a roof by skinheads wearing hijab’s has interfered with Taystee’s intentions, which means everyone’s intentions, but most importantly… Justice for Poussey. She means to buy Judy off of the skinheads and grab 'The PR Guy’ Josh (John Palladino) to issue a statement, but the skinheads make Taystee & Friends work for it, holding a ridiculous auction, which doesn’t really work… But for the sake of moving the core narrative onward in what is as close to real-time as possible, I suppose it’s fine…. I’m just not sure where everyone else came from considering in one scene they were alone and the next minute the area is full of potential bidders. Just goes to show you even some of the best shows are fat from perfect.

Pensatucky (Taryn Manning) has yet another memorable moment, again the drama is really what is setting this season ablaze. Big Boo (Lea DeLaria) catches Pensatucky & Coates (James McMenamin) making out. Of course, this not only enrages Boo for obvious reasons, but it also has her worried for Pensatucky’s safety. A lot of people seem incredibly uncomfortable with this subplot, but Manning delivers the true Pensatucky 'thought process’ in a 'methamphetamine metaphor’ that’s just divine. 'No matter how much I wanted different, I had to respect the chemicals… Because Lye doesn’t feel anything until it touches ephedrine’, Pensatucky means this… And even if you don’t understand the white trash chemistry behind the metaphor, she delivers it in the most earnest & steady manner. There’s a beauty to it. She continues… 'Have you ever wanted somebody that you shouldn’t?’ Boo doesn’t have it, 'Of course. It’s called masturbating. Now say goodbye and walk the fuck away, son.’ Pensatucky is a character that we’ve already explored so much throughout the past 4 ½ seasons, but there are so many notes to this character and to Manning’s delivery that they could literally go on forever. This is the very opposite of Piper (Taylor Schilling) who literally seems like a new person, someone completely alien to the Piper who kicked off the show in S1. Even her interactions with Alex (Laura Prepon) feel off key. Maybe prison is changing her? Or maybe they have no idea what to do with the character. They certainly know what they want to do with Alex, as she has started a bit of an 'outdoor prison’ revolution… Grass Roots, if you will!

We should mention that Coates escapes by way of Pensatucky stealing the gun from 'The Incompetent Queens of White Trash’, Angie (Julie Lake) and Leanne (Emma Myles), who don’t even realize that their 'secret hiding place’ they stored the gun while on a massive DXM trip is actually the back of the belt that Angie had no idea she was wearing. Coates actually takes the gun with him… All of these events have me worried for Pensatucky and there is really only so much that Boo can do. Right before his grand escape, Taystee and company lead Judy out for a press conference. Taystee begins and Danielle Brooks delivers her words like a Viola Davis or Meryl Streep in the making. She hands it over to Judy but pulls back when she realizes that Judy lying about her ill treatment will only hurt their cause… And to roll back to my original point, which I rolled off on a bit of a passionate tangent… Taystee literally says the words that I positioned that first point around… Judy King cannot speak for Taystee or any of the inmates, for that matter. This isn’t exactly a Pensatucky 'Methamphetamine Metaphor’ but dammit… In the face of previous controversy the show, particularly the writers room, has been accused of, you’d think that they’d hire equally as talented women of color to write this speech, portions of these episode, entire episodes. Once again, I take nothing away from the talented Molly Smith Metzler, she did an excellent job here… I just think that this scene, as well as others, could pack so much more power and benefit from the proper frame of reference.

[trendingnewsb]

Salma Hayek: Trump couldn’t build a wall without illegal Mexicans’

Her new film, Beatriz at Dinner, already has Oscar buzz. But on top of the acting, Salma Hayek is also saving animals, running charities and beating the hell out of a Trump piata. Johnny Davis meets Hollywoods busiest firebrand

It was after a neighbour shot her dog that Salma Hayek realised Donald Trump would become president.

I thought it was a crazy thing, that it would never happen but then something really tragic happened to me, she explains. I have a ranch in America and a neighbour of mine killed my dog. Hayek, who owns around 50 animals, including 20 chickens, five parrots, four alpacas, two fish, some cats and a hamster, says that Mozart, the tragic German Shepherd in question, had never attacked anyone. And the authorities in dealing with the neighbour, and what he did How is that legal? [Police have said the neighbour shot her dog after he found it fighting with his dogs in his garage.] Just to understand what was the normality of things. I realised in this moment, Oh my God: hes going to win.

Hayek, a Mexican immigrant to America who identifies as half-Spanish and half- Lebanese, lives in London and is married to a Frenchman who happens to be Franois-Henri Pinault, billionaire CEO of the company that owns Saint Laurent, Stella McCartney, Gucci is perhaps uniquely placed to have firm views on Trump, Brexit and immigration, and well get to them.

Hayek is primarily here this morning to talk about her new movie, The Hitmans Bodyguard. We are at a press junket for the film. Elsewhere on the first floor of this smart London hotel are Samuel L Jackson, Ryan Reynolds and Gary Oldman, answering questions. Junkets can be dispiriting, and rapport can be in short supply. That is, unless youre Salma Hayek, whose personality could light up a funeral. She arrives in a riot of black and red polka dots, tottering shoes and glossy hair, 5ft 2in and somehow 50 years old, although agelessly beautiful. She plonks herself into an armchair, hoists her legs up, and proceeds to tug the small table between us towards her. Do you mind? Theyre bringing me food. I like my food.

Hasnt she had breakfast?

I did but Im still hungry, she grins.

A round of avocado on toast is spirited into the room, accompanied by a mystery shake in a plastic container. (A second round soon follows.) Famous since she was a soap star in Mexico in her 20s and with 40-plus Hollywood films to her name, Hayek has done literally thousands of interviews. What does she make of the publicity circuit?

Im good! she says. I just pretend Im having a conversation with a new friend.

Other half: Hayek and her billionaire husband Franois-Henri Pinault. Photograph: Tony Barson Archive/WireImage

Indeed, Hayek proves impossible not to like. She may be the perfect chat-show guest: various presenters have hooted along as shes shown off pictures of her Donald Trump piata, discussed her experience as a late-developing teen immersing herself in holy water and praying to Jesus for breasts, or confessing she accused Monsieur Pinault of having an affair after discovering text messages from Elena, only to discover Elena was a language-teaching app.

In fact, we have Pinault to thank for Hayeks turn in The Hitmans Bodyguard. The comedy-action caper is basically a mismatched buddy movie for Jackson and Reynolds, hitman and bodyguard respectively. Hayek is only in a few scenes, but as Jacksons imprisoned criminal wife she matches him profanity for profanity.

I think Salma steals the whole movie, says director Patrick Hughes. I challenge anyone not to fall in love with her because (a) shes a polymath and (b) she kicks ass.

I have to tell you: action is not my favouritest [sic] genre of films, Hayek says. But I married a man who really likes them. So I became an expert. So I see them all!

The image of fashions most powerful CEO spending his downtime like this is intriguing. What is his favourite action movie?

Oh, its like Sophies choice for him, I think.

What about Die Hard, I suggest.

Oh, he loves Die Hard. But we love Bourne. She claps her hands. Sometimes he doesnt even like [a film], he says: Oh my God, that was so bad! But he still has to watch the whole thing.

Its a man thing, I say.

Yes! My brother likes that one, my father likes that one and because of that, when we were doing [The Hitmans Bodyguard] I was able to say it was going to work, because it had a lot of the stuff that the good ones have.

Mexican heroine: Hayek playing Frida Kahlo in Frida with Alfred Molina as Diego Rivera.

Similarly, do actors always know when theyre making a turkey?

Oh yeah! Hayek says, crunching through her toast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know. And unfortunately Ive never been wrong!

Her CV is mixed. The first Mexican actress to break into Hollywood since Dolores del Ro in the pre-sound 20s, shes played a lesbian taco in the kids film Sausage Party and so-so roles in films such as Spy Kids 3D and Wild, Wild West. But she also earned an Oscar nomination for Frida, her 2002 portrait of Frida Kahlo, and The Hollywood Reporter has just tipped her for 2018s awards season for Beatriz At Dinner, in which she plays an immigrant who clashes with a self-made billionaire.

At first, she says, she hated being famous. This was terrifying because in Mexico when you do a soap, at this point she leaps out of her chair and heads for the door Dont worry, Im not escaping Hello? Her security guard appears with a pack of American Spirit cigarettes. My soap was seen by 60% of the country, so its every day, in their house. Do you mind? Do you want one? she says, offering the smokes. So you become very familiar, like youre their cousin or something. Ive never been so famous since. I kind of hated it.

Taking aim: Hayek in The Hitmans Bodyguard. Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock

If she hated the attention so much, I wonder why she headed for Hollywood. But Hayek is battling with the curtains while she attempts to heave open a sash window so that she can smoke, unlit fag in her mouth. Not relishing the idea of Hayek tumbling on to the streets below, it seems only polite to help. For a few seconds she holds back the curtains, while I struggle to wrench the window.

Oh my God, that was so easy, she says. I really did want to be an actress, not just be famous. Its a different thing. Because I was famous on a soap! That doesnt make you a great actress. So I went to America to start all over again.

This was the 90s. She played extras and enrolled in the Stella Adler Academy Of Acting in LA, alma mater to Marlon Brando and Robert De Niro. And this is how old I am, she [Adler] was still alive! She was 90 and she was still teaching and flirting with the young boys. She was a tough cookie but she was brilliant.

Hayek could barely speak the language – My English sucked worse, there werent any parts. Mexican women played maids or gangsters wives. And thats if you got lucky.

Hayek threatened legal action against one director.

I was screen-testing for the lead in a film and they said that it was not written Latin, but they wouldnt mind changing it. I learned the script but when they sent me the pages [for the audition] there was none of the things I had learned, it was another role. So my agent called them and they said, Are you crazy? Shes Mexican. We can change [the race of] the bimbo, but not the lead.

Fashionista: at Stella McCartney, spring/summer 2016, Paris fashion week. Photograph: Bertrand Rindoff Petroff/Getty Images

She got her agent to call back. Would they please just give her five minutes to audition for the part shed learned?

And they said, Absolutely under no circumstances. So I said, OK, you tell them that they either see me, or Im going to sue them. And they said, Theres no point in her coming, even if she had been the best audition she would have never gotten the part but now we hate her. Does she want to come knowing that we detest her? They kept her waiting for five hours. They wondered why would she do this to herself.

Ive never said this to anyone, the name of the director, but it was Ivan Reitman. And I said, Well, I thought that the director that could see Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito as twins [1988s Twins], and Arnold Schwarzenegger giving birth to a child [1994s Junior] maybe could see a Mexican as a fashion editor. I thought I owed it to the new generation of Mexicans. That if I got this right, maybe something will shift.

Years later, she bumped into Reitman and he apologised. We had such a lovely conversation, he was so elegant, Hayek says. He said, I was wrong.

All of this pales next to the hill she climbed for Frida.

I was obsessed, Hayek says. I was endeavouring to do a film about an artist in a time when all the films about artists had failed. Already [the studios] were going, Oh no. Then Id say, Its a period piece about Mexicans! And theyre communists! Its a love story between an overweight man and a woman that limps and has a moustache!

Committed: Hayek campaigning for womens empowerment with Guccis Frida Giannini and Beyonc. Photograph: Ian Gavan/Getty

One studio did eventually take it on, Edward Norton (her partner at the time) rewrote the script for free and Hayek called in favours from co-stars including Ashley Judd, then one of Hollywoods most bankable faces. It opened in two cinemas. Its success, I suggest, must have been all the sweeter.

Yes, she says. Because [the studio] dismissed it. I didnt even have a poster!

It may not surprise you to learn that Hayek is a committed activist: her list of charitable endeavours is too long to go into here, but it includes her own foundation helping women and children in Mexico, and the feminist charity Chime For Change, founded with Beyonc. Its so massive I dont even know what to tell you. I dont just do awareness, I actually do strategy. Im on the board. It takes a lot, a lot, a lot of time.

Other projects receiving the full force of the Hayek commitment include her range of nutritional juices, and a beauty line which she created herself. She also has her own production company, which helped turn the TV show Ugly Betty based on a Colombian telenovela into a worldwide hit. I ask where this drive comes from.

Its been there since Ive been a child. A sense of justice and responsibility for the human race. How can we be better? Because a lot of people dont think that way. They think: How can I pay less tax? And so when I see things that make me think we are degrading and degenerating mentally it makes me want to do something.

She has been hugely successful. Shes married to one of the worlds richest men. (Their daughter, Valentina, attends school in London.) She could just put her feet up. Of course, its a cheap question we already know the answer.

Why would anybody want to sit around and do nothing?

Hayek says that she made it clear she would always remain financially independent from her husband, whose net worth is around $17.3bn. Which may explain money-job films like Sausage Party.

Mirror mirror: Hayek guest stars in Ugly Betty with America Ferrera. Photograph: Danny Feld/ABC

At the time I met him, I had already decided I didnt want one of those [ie a husband], she says. I had set myself up for a completely different life. I was ready to live on my ranch that is a sanctuary for abused animals. I would come to LA and work a little bit. I was not planning on spending. I had no interest in jewellery or clothes or cars. I had everything I wanted. Maybe I had a guy here or there. I also thought I couldnt have children. Then he [Pinault] came along, swept me off my feet, changed my entire universe and knocked me up.

Can she remember what they first liked about one another?

Yes. I asked him, if he had not been doing what he was doing, what would have been his dream? And he said an astronaut and that was my dream! Then we started talking about different theories of physics, which is my secret passion. And soccer! Im a huge soccer fan [she supports Arsenal]. Just random things that nobody knows I like. It was just magical.

As a global citizen at a time when the world seems to be closing in on itself, is Hayek optimistic for the future?

Very optimistic. I have to look for the positive about everything.

Hayek campaigned for Clinton. Hows it going to end for Trump?

I can promise you hes not going to build the wall. You cannot build it without the Mexicans that are illegally in the country. That is what makes the economy so strong because they are paid less than half, with no benefit. Its just not going to happen!

Hayek is banging her fist on the table.

His days are numbered! Even if he becomes a dictator and rewrites the constitution and now the presidents can stay 12 years! Still his days are numbered!

Salma Hayek: activist, actor, producer, juicer, businesswoman, friend to the animals and all-round proper laugh. You wouldnt mess.

The Hitmans Bodyguard is in cinemas on 17 August

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[trendingnewsb]

Salma Hayek: Trump couldn’t build a wall without illegal Mexicans’

Her new film, Beatriz at Dinner, already has Oscar buzz. But on top of the acting, Salma Hayek is also saving animals, running charities and beating the hell out of a Trump piata. Johnny Davis meets Hollywoods busiest firebrand

It was after a neighbour shot her dog that Salma Hayek realised Donald Trump would become president.

I thought it was a crazy thing, that it would never happen but then something really tragic happened to me, she explains. I have a ranch in America and a neighbour of mine killed my dog. Hayek, who owns around 50 animals, including 20 chickens, five parrots, four alpacas, two fish, some cats and a hamster, says that Mozart, the tragic German Shepherd in question, had never attacked anyone. And the authorities in dealing with the neighbour, and what he did How is that legal? [Police have said the neighbour shot her dog after he found it fighting with his dogs in his garage.] Just to understand what was the normality of things. I realised in this moment, Oh my God: hes going to win.

Hayek, a Mexican immigrant to America who identifies as half-Spanish and half- Lebanese, lives in London and is married to a Frenchman who happens to be Franois-Henri Pinault, billionaire CEO of the company that owns Saint Laurent, Stella McCartney, Gucci is perhaps uniquely placed to have firm views on Trump, Brexit and immigration, and well get to them.

Hayek is primarily here this morning to talk about her new movie, The Hitmans Bodyguard. We are at a press junket for the film. Elsewhere on the first floor of this smart London hotel are Samuel L Jackson, Ryan Reynolds and Gary Oldman, answering questions. Junkets can be dispiriting, and rapport can be in short supply. That is, unless youre Salma Hayek, whose personality could light up a funeral. She arrives in a riot of black and red polka dots, tottering shoes and glossy hair, 5ft 2in and somehow 50 years old, although agelessly beautiful. She plonks herself into an armchair, hoists her legs up, and proceeds to tug the small table between us towards her. Do you mind? Theyre bringing me food. I like my food.

Hasnt she had breakfast?

I did but Im still hungry, she grins.

A round of avocado on toast is spirited into the room, accompanied by a mystery shake in a plastic container. (A second round soon follows.) Famous since she was a soap star in Mexico in her 20s and with 40-plus Hollywood films to her name, Hayek has done literally thousands of interviews. What does she make of the publicity circuit?

Im good! she says. I just pretend Im having a conversation with a new friend.

Other half: Hayek and her billionaire husband Franois-Henri Pinault. Photograph: Tony Barson Archive/WireImage

Indeed, Hayek proves impossible not to like. She may be the perfect chat-show guest: various presenters have hooted along as shes shown off pictures of her Donald Trump piata, discussed her experience as a late-developing teen immersing herself in holy water and praying to Jesus for breasts, or confessing she accused Monsieur Pinault of having an affair after discovering text messages from Elena, only to discover Elena was a language-teaching app.

In fact, we have Pinault to thank for Hayeks turn in The Hitmans Bodyguard. The comedy-action caper is basically a mismatched buddy movie for Jackson and Reynolds, hitman and bodyguard respectively. Hayek is only in a few scenes, but as Jacksons imprisoned criminal wife she matches him profanity for profanity.

I think Salma steals the whole movie, says director Patrick Hughes. I challenge anyone not to fall in love with her because (a) shes a polymath and (b) she kicks ass.

I have to tell you: action is not my favouritest [sic] genre of films, Hayek says. But I married a man who really likes them. So I became an expert. So I see them all!

The image of fashions most powerful CEO spending his downtime like this is intriguing. What is his favourite action movie?

Oh, its like Sophies choice for him, I think.

What about Die Hard, I suggest.

Oh, he loves Die Hard. But we love Bourne. She claps her hands. Sometimes he doesnt even like [a film], he says: Oh my God, that was so bad! But he still has to watch the whole thing.

Its a man thing, I say.

Yes! My brother likes that one, my father likes that one and because of that, when we were doing [The Hitmans Bodyguard] I was able to say it was going to work, because it had a lot of the stuff that the good ones have.

Mexican heroine: Hayek playing Frida Kahlo in Frida with Alfred Molina as Diego Rivera.

Similarly, do actors always know when theyre making a turkey?

Oh yeah! Hayek says, crunching through her toast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know. And unfortunately Ive never been wrong!

Her CV is mixed. The first Mexican actress to break into Hollywood since Dolores del Ro in the pre-sound 20s, shes played a lesbian taco in the kids film Sausage Party and so-so roles in films such as Spy Kids 3D and Wild, Wild West. But she also earned an Oscar nomination for Frida, her 2002 portrait of Frida Kahlo, and The Hollywood Reporter has just tipped her for 2018s awards season for Beatriz At Dinner, in which she plays an immigrant who clashes with a self-made billionaire.

At first, she says, she hated being famous. This was terrifying because in Mexico when you do a soap, at this point she leaps out of her chair and heads for the door Dont worry, Im not escaping Hello? Her security guard appears with a pack of American Spirit cigarettes. My soap was seen by 60% of the country, so its every day, in their house. Do you mind? Do you want one? she says, offering the smokes. So you become very familiar, like youre their cousin or something. Ive never been so famous since. I kind of hated it.

Taking aim: Hayek in The Hitmans Bodyguard. Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock

If she hated the attention so much, I wonder why she headed for Hollywood. But Hayek is battling with the curtains while she attempts to heave open a sash window so that she can smoke, unlit fag in her mouth. Not relishing the idea of Hayek tumbling on to the streets below, it seems only polite to help. For a few seconds she holds back the curtains, while I struggle to wrench the window.

Oh my God, that was so easy, she says. I really did want to be an actress, not just be famous. Its a different thing. Because I was famous on a soap! That doesnt make you a great actress. So I went to America to start all over again.

This was the 90s. She played extras and enrolled in the Stella Adler Academy Of Acting in LA, alma mater to Marlon Brando and Robert De Niro. And this is how old I am, she [Adler] was still alive! She was 90 and she was still teaching and flirting with the young boys. She was a tough cookie but she was brilliant.

Hayek could barely speak the language – My English sucked worse, there werent any parts. Mexican women played maids or gangsters wives. And thats if you got lucky.

Hayek threatened legal action against one director.

I was screen-testing for the lead in a film and they said that it was not written Latin, but they wouldnt mind changing it. I learned the script but when they sent me the pages [for the audition] there was none of the things I had learned, it was another role. So my agent called them and they said, Are you crazy? Shes Mexican. We can change [the race of] the bimbo, but not the lead.

Fashionista: at Stella McCartney, spring/summer 2016, Paris fashion week. Photograph: Bertrand Rindoff Petroff/Getty Images

She got her agent to call back. Would they please just give her five minutes to audition for the part shed learned?

And they said, Absolutely under no circumstances. So I said, OK, you tell them that they either see me, or Im going to sue them. And they said, Theres no point in her coming, even if she had been the best audition she would have never gotten the part but now we hate her. Does she want to come knowing that we detest her? They kept her waiting for five hours. They wondered why would she do this to herself.

Ive never said this to anyone, the name of the director, but it was Ivan Reitman. And I said, Well, I thought that the director that could see Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito as twins [1988s Twins], and Arnold Schwarzenegger giving birth to a child [1994s Junior] maybe could see a Mexican as a fashion editor. I thought I owed it to the new generation of Mexicans. That if I got this right, maybe something will shift.

Years later, she bumped into Reitman and he apologised. We had such a lovely conversation, he was so elegant, Hayek says. He said, I was wrong.

All of this pales next to the hill she climbed for Frida.

I was obsessed, Hayek says. I was endeavouring to do a film about an artist in a time when all the films about artists had failed. Already [the studios] were going, Oh no. Then Id say, Its a period piece about Mexicans! And theyre communists! Its a love story between an overweight man and a woman that limps and has a moustache!

Committed: Hayek campaigning for womens empowerment with Guccis Frida Giannini and Beyonc. Photograph: Ian Gavan/Getty

One studio did eventually take it on, Edward Norton (her partner at the time) rewrote the script for free and Hayek called in favours from co-stars including Ashley Judd, then one of Hollywoods most bankable faces. It opened in two cinemas. Its success, I suggest, must have been all the sweeter.

Yes, she says. Because [the studio] dismissed it. I didnt even have a poster!

It may not surprise you to learn that Hayek is a committed activist: her list of charitable endeavours is too long to go into here, but it includes her own foundation helping women and children in Mexico, and the feminist charity Chime For Change, founded with Beyonc. Its so massive I dont even know what to tell you. I dont just do awareness, I actually do strategy. Im on the board. It takes a lot, a lot, a lot of time.

Other projects receiving the full force of the Hayek commitment include her range of nutritional juices, and a beauty line which she created herself. She also has her own production company, which helped turn the TV show Ugly Betty based on a Colombian telenovela into a worldwide hit. I ask where this drive comes from.

Its been there since Ive been a child. A sense of justice and responsibility for the human race. How can we be better? Because a lot of people dont think that way. They think: How can I pay less tax? And so when I see things that make me think we are degrading and degenerating mentally it makes me want to do something.

She has been hugely successful. Shes married to one of the worlds richest men. (Their daughter, Valentina, attends school in London.) She could just put her feet up. Of course, its a cheap question we already know the answer.

Why would anybody want to sit around and do nothing?

Hayek says that she made it clear she would always remain financially independent from her husband, whose net worth is around $17.3bn. Which may explain money-job films like Sausage Party.

Mirror mirror: Hayek guest stars in Ugly Betty with America Ferrera. Photograph: Danny Feld/ABC

At the time I met him, I had already decided I didnt want one of those [ie a husband], she says. I had set myself up for a completely different life. I was ready to live on my ranch that is a sanctuary for abused animals. I would come to LA and work a little bit. I was not planning on spending. I had no interest in jewellery or clothes or cars. I had everything I wanted. Maybe I had a guy here or there. I also thought I couldnt have children. Then he [Pinault] came along, swept me off my feet, changed my entire universe and knocked me up.

Can she remember what they first liked about one another?

Yes. I asked him, if he had not been doing what he was doing, what would have been his dream? And he said an astronaut and that was my dream! Then we started talking about different theories of physics, which is my secret passion. And soccer! Im a huge soccer fan [she supports Arsenal]. Just random things that nobody knows I like. It was just magical.

As a global citizen at a time when the world seems to be closing in on itself, is Hayek optimistic for the future?

Very optimistic. I have to look for the positive about everything.

Hayek campaigned for Clinton. Hows it going to end for Trump?

I can promise you hes not going to build the wall. You cannot build it without the Mexicans that are illegally in the country. That is what makes the economy so strong because they are paid less than half, with no benefit. Its just not going to happen!

Hayek is banging her fist on the table.

His days are numbered! Even if he becomes a dictator and rewrites the constitution and now the presidents can stay 12 years! Still his days are numbered!

Salma Hayek: activist, actor, producer, juicer, businesswoman, friend to the animals and all-round proper laugh. You wouldnt mess.

The Hitmans Bodyguard is in cinemas on 17 August

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