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ahundredtimesover · 1 year ago

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I Want You to Stay (04) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: boss!JK x assistant!reader; idiot strangers to lovers; slow slow burn; k-drama feels; angst, drama, fluff, smut

Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, unhealthy coping mechanisms; family drama; minor injuries; power dynamics (JK starts off as a jerk); work-related anxiety, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; childhood traumatic experiences, nightmares; sexual harassment, prior incidence of domestic violence (PLS PLS BE CAREFUL WHEN READING); arts and business/property devt talk that’s probably inaccurate; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; cold and detached JK; explicit sexual content (specific warnings stated per chapter) (18+)

Chapter Word count: 11.4k

Series Masterlist

Status: Ongoing

Series summary: Working for Jungkook isn’t the same as working for Hoseok. For starters, Jungkook doesn’t smile, he doesn’t appreciate you, and he gives you too much work. It doesn’t help that he’s incredibly handsome and has women at his beck and call. But as the tension grows, it becomes impossible to resist him. You’ve dedicated yourself to your job for 8 years so when you finally decide to put yourself first, he asks you to reconsider. And while you know that leaving is difficult, you learn that when it comes to Jungkook, staying is always so much harder.

Playlist 🎶: on the way home

A/N: Hiii I'm getting slower with editing and writing so please bear with me moving forward! Also pls remember, this is a slow burn haha. But anyway, been loving your replies (I see you) and messages, thank you. I hope you enjoy this one!

And as always, my biggest thanks to @wonwoonlight 🥰

PS. If I can’t tag you, pls fix your settings!

The events of last weekend remain in your mind, as you approach Jungkook’s apartment the next Monday and feel like your heart will leap out of your chest.

You remind yourself that he wasn’t angry at you; he’d even tried to apologize and didn’t make a fuss when you left the restaurant last Saturday. But still, the whole incident would make anyone feel agitated, and you know his capacity to feel and express that. He was inconvenienced and put on the spot, after all.

You enter, and shortly after, Jungkook exits the gym then greets you with a nod when he sees you. He looks more tired than anything. He doesn’t have a hint of frustration in his eyes, and you could only hope that he’d forgotten about what happened or, like how he is when it comes to personal matters, he’d chosen not to acknowledge it.

You bow in return, sneaking a glance as he walks towards his bedroom, with your throat drying up when he removes his shirt, briefly gracing you with a view of his glistening toned back right before disappearing inside. You wait half a minute before you follow him to prepare his clothes, giving yourself time to breathe before you have to face him again. You return to the kitchen and prepare his breakfast, looking up when you hear him walk in.

You approach him to do an act that’s become a routine for you, and for him as well, as he stands straight and unmoving while you tighten his tie and make sure he looks fine. Even when your fingers only graze his clothed chest, the memory from last Saturday becomes vivid, as you recall wiping his wine-soaked top, feeling the taut body underneath.

You shake your head at the thought, realizing that there are more things about that night that you should not acknowledge at all, including the heat you felt at seeing him in the washroom, a little exposed and definitely sweaty. There was that tension and the dropping of formalities that felt too foreign and quite disorienting. You don’t know him as anything other than the ‘Mr. Jeon’ you assist; seeing him as just ‘Jungkook’ was different. But you suppose that that’s the man you help everyday, and you wonder how much of himself he leaves behind in the office and how much of him now is just… him.

As you go about your routine during breakfast, you’re reminded that for Jungkook, there doesn’t seem to be a difference. How he is at work is the same as how he is elsewhere - serious, quiet, and detached. Except maybe when he’s with those women he meets at clubs, though. Perhaps the thrill and pleasure inject a bit of emotion and passion in him. You wouldn’t know, but at least it’s a way for him to take a break from the responsibilities he carries.

You scold yourself internally again. You’re not supposed to be curious; you’re not supposed to care. So you shake all of them away and remind yourself of who you are and your own distance that you should observe.

You get to your senses and proceed accordingly. You go about as usual in the morning with his meetings, and then he shuts his office so he could focus in the afternoon. You see his furrowed brows from the window, as he works on what seems to be the Arts Center again, given his requests for financial and marketing reports of the company's non-residential projects from the last five years.

You’re busy with organizing his Singapore trip and coordinating with the CEO’s office about the upcoming Appointment Dinner to formally introduce the new appointees, when he exits his room and looks through the folders lined on the shelf behind you.

“Where are the portfolios of our collaboration projects from 2017?” He asks.

“They’re in the archive room,” you answer, standing up to head there.

But he does it first, beating you to the corner area just off the hallway to the left. Your steps are obviously not at pace with his, and he’s tiptoeing to reach for a large folder by the time you get there. He’s able to retrieve it, laying it on the ledge as he goes through some pages.

“I could’ve gotten that,” you say softly, and Jungkook turns to you and wishes he hadn’t, as your pout makes his insides melt.

There’s something about your disappointment that you didn’t get to help him that makes his heart race a little, and while he knows it has everything to do with you thinking that he’d think you’re not doing your job properly, he still likes to keep the thought that you’d wanted to help him in the first place.

“It was heavy,” he explains.

“I’ve carried and pulled and pushed things way heavier than that folder,” you scoff.

“Really?” Jungkook cocks an eyebrow, trying not to show amusement on his face. “My cousin let you do all those things, huh?”

You frown at his attempt to catch you slipping. “I do many things in the background during events, Mr. Jeon, things that get everything functioning properly while Mr. Jung engages with the guests.”

Jungkook can only imagine how much work you put into getting those events hosted by the VP’s office running. Perhaps retrieving heavy folders is no big deal for you. But still, he doesn’t want to come across as a jerk for making you do something he can do on his own. He already was, he reminds himself, and you also definitely think he is; he doesn’t want to add to that any more, not after everything that’s happened.

So he just nods. “It’s a simple task I can do.”

Jungkook looks at the labeled boxes and folders. He’s got materials and design points to finalize by tonight. There are some more past projects he wants to go through to take inspiration from, and he finds another one he wants to look at, underestimating its weight, which is why he jerks in surprise when he feels how heavy it really is.

You’re there on cue, as if you knew it was gonna be too much. And if he’d asked you, you probably would’ve told him so.

You’re standing much closer to him, your fingers grazing against his as you hold onto the folder. It’s almost familiar, only because you stood this close to him that night at the restaurant, too - when you cleaned him up, and then when you handed him his clothes in the washroom. You actually stand this close to him everyday when you fix his tie. Perhaps after all that, it’s only dawning on you just how little space between you two there are sometimes, and you’re suddenly hyper aware - of the distance, of his scent, of the way he’s looking back at you when you turn to look at him.

“It was heavy,” he admits.

And for some reason, you laugh. Maybe it’s the slightly embarrassed look on his face or it’s just your defense mechanism when you feel tense but you let out an amused sound, with it fading as the time goes by and you realize you’re actually laughing at your boss.

“Making fun of me, Ms. Cho?”

“I… I’m sorry, Mr. Jeon,” you stammer, stepping away.

You’re about to mentally curse yourself until you see his slight smirk, and the thought of him making fun at you by scaring you like that makes you feel better. He may have some sense of humor after all.

Still, you bow in apology, and there’s a moment when you meet his eyes, with something not anger or frustration in them, that you both linger, as if there are things both of you feel that need to be said; you just don’t know what they are.

“Did the dry cleaners get to remove the wine stains?” You manage to get some words out, turning away now as you bring up last Saturday night.

“Uh, yeah,” he responds. There’s a pause before he continues. “Did… did you get home okay?”

You’re too stunned to be able to answer right away but you eventually do. “Uh, yeah. Jimin, Soomin, and I just bought food and then went to my apartment. And you?”

“I did,” he nods.

“Did… did Hajoon bother you again after we left?”

“No. Well, he just kept giving me the death stare but he didn’t do anything else,” he says.

“I really don’t know what got him so worked up,” you sigh, feeling bolder at having to share this much. “He’s not usually confrontational and he knows I hate it. That shouldn’t have happened.”

“People have their reasons for getting angry. They’re not always valid, though, and definitely not always warranted,” Jungkook replies, briefly looking away. “Whatever it is, at least he didn’t throw a punch.”

“Oh, if he did, that is it for me,” you chuckle, feeling unfamiliar with being able to talk to Jungkook so casually like this. “Goodbye, job; goodbye, Seoul. I will probably just work as a librarian somewhere.”

Jungkook wants to say he wouldn’t accept your resignation for that reason, that he doesn’t want you to go anywhere, actually. But that’s too much and probably inappropriate to say given the circumstances. So he just hums and turns back to the folder and looks through them.

“I’ll need these back in my room,” he says, carrying one while you take the other.

You appreciate the topic change, knowing you won’t know how to handle more if the conversation deepens. You both walk back quietly, as it dawns on you that the casual nature you both talked to each other is a little disorienting.

You’re not used to him sounding concerned.

He’s not used to you being honest and open.

Perhaps seeing a different side of him isn’t all that bad, you think.

Jungkook wants to believe it’s your way of forgiving him, too, even if he hasn’t actually apologized for anything.

The minute it takes to return to your respective desks ends, and Jungkook is back to focusing on his designs while you get back to making reservations. You peek inside his room every once in a while to check if he’s okay, if there’s anything else he needs, if there’s anything you can do for him.

The frustrated look on his face isn’t new, but the fact that it isn’t directed at you, is. So is the worried feeling you have for him. You’re a mix of emotions from everything that’s happened this past month, so you can’t deny that the way he’s been acting towards you has left you confused, maybe even doubtful. You have to be cautious, you think, and not fall into a comfortable dynamic with him so easily.

The next day, he’s back to being serious once again, as you sit to his right in the restaurant that will be catering the upcoming VP event. Jungkook decided for both of you to have the food tasting for lunch, and so a spread has been prepared for him to make the final decision on the menu.

You’d like to think that you’ve developed quite a sophisticated palate, all thanks to the numerous events that Hoseok asked you to organize in your three years working under him. With this upcoming dinner party a sort of introduction of Jungkook and the project to the art world, he wants to make sure that he serves only the best to the guests, which is why he carefully tastes each dish, trying to determine the best combination that’s both delicious and creative.

You give your comments, some of which he acknowledges, and you feel like you’re both making headway in terms of the menu, as well as with his disposition for the day, given that he’s looking more comfortable and relaxed than he was half an hour ago.

That is, until he sips his wine for the first time, and clears his throat.

“I believe I specifically said that lunch today is a work matter, Ms. Cho,” he says sternly. “You’re on the clock and this isn’t a break.”

“Y—yes, Mr. Jeon,” you answer, curious as to the reason for his statement.

“Then why is your boyfriend waiting outside the restaurant, trying to catch your attention?”

“What?” You exclaim, turning around and spotting Hajoon standing by the lamppost, his sullen eyes getting a bit of light in them once they meet yours. “I… I don’t know,” you respond. “I haven’t spoken to him since Saturday.”

“How did he know you’re here, then?”

“His restaurant is just up the street,” you sigh. “He must’ve seen me when he was walking there. This area is his usual route. Please just ignore him.”

“I can’t when he’s in my peripheral vision. He’s still the man who got in my face the other night. He clearly wants to speak to you and I don’t think he’ll go away,” Jungkook reasons.

You look at him, waiting for his instructions.

Jungkook doesn’t like that Hajoon is there and he also doesn’t want you to speak with him during work hours, especially if it’s going to affect you for the rest of the day. But the man seems desperate and persistent; he really doesn’t seem like he’ll just let this moment of seeing you pass.

“You have five minutes,” Jungkook says.

You don’t exactly want to go out there; there’s a reason why you haven’t returned Hajoon’s texts or calls these past days. But you can imagine that it’s a worse look for him to be staying around; a distraction during this work matter that you know Jungkook would not appreciate one bit. So you stand up and tell him that you’ll be back shortly.

Jungkook returns to the dish in front of him, noting that the Japanese mushroom risotto is a good addition to the set menu. The event his office is planning includes a sit down dinner and then an offering of canapés and champagne while guests walk around the venue to see the presentation of the Arts Center in large boards and on screens. It will be a good way for him to socialize - something he’s incredibly nervous about because it’s not his strongest suit, nor is it something he enjoys, unlike his cousin. The primary goal, though, is to introduce the project. Jungkook needs important people on board so they can be involved in the launch and the succeeding special activities.

He tries to think about that night and how he wants to design the place. He tries to think of other things, too, like the music and decor, even if he’d said that’s for both of you to plan next week. He’s even thinking of a follow up already, even if his management support team is in charge of that and would be dependent on how this first one is gonna go.

Jungkook tries to think of anything, really, just so he won’t constantly be glancing at you in his periphery, as you talk to the man from the other night and possibly make up. You did leave him at the restaurant last Saturday; you also did clarify that you’re not together. You just said you haven’t spoken since then, so it’s safe to say that both of you aren’t in good terms.

Jungkook can only assume, though. He doesn’t know the story, nor would he ever; he reminds himself he shouldn’t be thinking about it in the first place. He was never one to be privy to his staff’s personal lives; he spent most of his time with Lucas but didn’t know more than his family's composition. Jungkook doesn’t even recall knowing if Lucas had a partner, or if his then-assistant even mentioned it.

But clearly, Hoseok knows more about you than Jungkook would’ve expected. Perhaps it’s just how his cousin is, or maybe the time spent together just created that environment where it’s natural or normal. Maybe it’s the culture that his father encouraged; his old man is quite close with Mr. Ri - his former chauffeur and bodyguard - and Mrs. Myung - his executive assistant, after all.

But it’s not what Jungkook is used to; it’s not how he spent his few years in the Singapore office because like always, all he did was work and party. His mentor in graduate school also advised him that professional lines are ones he shouldn’t cross. Though Jungkook never really knew what exactly those were, he just dared not get close to anyone or be remotely interested at all, and that never caused him any problem. He’s always been safe where he was, guarded and unbothered.

But ever since you walked through those doors at Hoseok’s office that first Friday, Jungkook has been finding himself skirting near the boundaries far too often, and it’s only been a month. It began with making sure you’re eating well and that you’re safe on the way to work; he convinces himself that’s human decency, although he never really bothered much before.

And between wanting you to get proper rest before your trip to your hometown, to seeing you with that man from last weekend and being so bothered by it that it caused a scene, Jungkook’s internal alarm bells are ringing, telling him that he’s getting too interested, too close. It doesn’t help that he finds you attractive, something he doesn’t have control over. What he does have a say in is how he responds to it, and that has been incredibly tough, especially given the weekend he’s had.

He’d spent the rest of it trying to keep his mind off you - the way you looked in that outfit, the way your touch sent shivers down his spine, the way you’d looked at him worriedly… And when you walked out of that restaurant, he wondered what you were thinking, how you were feeling, how you’d be spending the rest of the night, and if you were gonna be home okay. He hasn’t really stopped since.

Even now, as he stays in his seat and tightly grips his glass of wine at the scene unfolding outside.

You’re standing with your arms crossed - setting the boundaries, and perhaps signaling your detachment, though he can’t see your face. The man, on the other hand, seems emotional, the tinge of sadness evident on his face. But there’s a mix of frustration and anger, too, as his arms flail around. He points at you, then at himself. His voice seems raised; Jungkook swears he can see the veins from the man’s neck popping out while you… you’ve got your head turned to the side, your body not eliciting much of the emotion the way the man’s is.

Jungkook stops himself from making an excuse for you to come back inside, just so he can pull you away from a conversation that you don’t seem to be wanting to have. But he knows it’s not his place, and the man might make a scene again if Jungkook decides to step in. You know how to stand up for yourself; you’d done it to him, he reminds himself. You’ll do what you need to do, whatever it is.

The man heaves, as whatever monologue he was giving ends. He reaches out to you, perhaps making a final plea, but you step back, widening the distance. It’s what prompts him to bow his head and turn around, leaving you by the lamppost on your own.

Jungkook sighs in relief now and he waits for you to return, but he’s surprised when you stay rooted in your spot, your arms wrapping around yourself despite the heat outside. He worries when you enter, your head bowed down and unable to look at him.

He wants to ask how you are, but he’s unsure if he’s ready for your answer, knowing that there isn’t much he can do anyway. So he goes with what he knows - detachment.

“I’ve chosen the last two dishes,” he says. “They’re serving the desserts soon.”

You turn to him immediately, your misty eyes painted with worry meeting his own.

“I didn’t think I was away that long,” you state, worried about the time you left your boss waiting while dealing with a personal matter that for the first time made you wish you were stuck with Jungkook instead. “I’m sorry, Mr. Jeon.”

He didn’t expect you to look so upset. He’s terrible at comforting people, but even if he wasn’t, he doesn’t know if he’d manage to comfort you. So he just shrugs and says that they were straightforward dishes.

You both try the desserts then the canapés, exchanging thoughts about all the options before shortlisting your chosen dishes. By the time the food tasting is over, you’re stuffed and set for the rest of the day.

You try not to look at Jungkook. You don’t know if he’d seen how your conversation went with Hajoon, but if he had, he could probably tell what was going on even if he couldn’t hear anything.

He’s had his moments, but you’ve never seen Hajoon look that upset and emotional, and you stood there, afraid to face all his feelings that you didn’t know what to do with, all those words that you didn’t know how to take. You’re usually one who’s able to let negative things said to you just go over your head, but something about what he’d said today hit you; you know it’ll take you until tomorrow to get over them.

But you try to get through the rest of the day the way you usually do - going through reports, organizing schedules, finalizing tomorrow’s presentation, and then working on the revised interdepartmental guidelines that Jungkook tasked you to do.

There are draft letters you send to him, thinking that you’ll work on some administrative matters while he reviews them, but you’re surprised when he calls for you 10 minutes later, saying the letters are approved and you can send them in the morning. You’re left wondering, given that anything you submit to him usually goes through intense scrutiny. Perhaps you’re not used to this easy pass, but you try not to overthink it, given the day you’ve had.

“You can go home, Ms. Cho,” he says as he types away.

It’s 5:30 PM. Usually this time, he’s still handing you things to review or instructing you on what else to do.

He seems to pick up on your silence, as without looking at you, he clarifies. “I don’t need you to do things you can do tomorrow. We’ll have meetings all day so I understand if you want to stay behind but you don’t have to.”

He doesn’t seem like he’ll be finishing soon, and you’re really not in the best mood so you nod and bid him goodbye.

The conversation with Hajoon stays in your mind all night and lasts until the next day. You’re in Jungkook’s penthouse the next morning, preparing his breakfast while he takes a shower.

With your phone snug under your neck, you relay to Soomin what happened yesterday. She was too busy last night for a call and she’s been bugging you since you got in the car - that you continue to ride as per your boss’ instructions - so you finally picked up, knowing how long it usually takes for Jungkook to finish.

“It started with him apologizing, then wondering why I haven’t been picking up his calls, then justifying his actions from last Saturday as him, standing up for me,” you narrate. “Obviously, I didn’t take those too kindly. But he said he wanted to be with me, like, have an actual relationship. And I said I didn’t want to then he just… he kinda just said everything he’s been keeping in.”

“Which is what?” Soomin asks.

“That I’m selfish, that I don’t think about what my actions may mean to others, which is silly since I was clear from the start about what I wanted from him,” you sigh. “He said that I act independent but that’s just a front, that deep down I’m a lonely woman who’ll probably push away every person who’s shown me they care until I have no one left and that’s why I’ll be alone forever, which he says is a deep fear that I have because I apparently told him that when I was drunk. And even after all that, he said he still cares about me, that he wants to try to be something for real this time, that if I just let him, he’ll love me right and make me happy and I just backed away, like, why would you—”

The clearing of the throat cuts you off, and you nearly drop the expensive plate due to panic once you look up and see Jungkook standing by the kitchen.

“I’m so sorry for taking a personal call, Mr. Jeon,” you say immediately, putting away your phone. “It won’t happen again.”

You bow your head down in apology, which is why you don’t see the way Jungkook’s eyes soften as he looks at you. Words like that hurt, and he can’t imagine what it must’ve felt like for you hearing them. Still, you went about yesterday with your accomplished tasks and completed deliverables like it didn’t happen, displaying a kind of strength that he could only hope to have.

“Yesterday was a tough, I suppose,” he states, choosing to ignore your apology.

“It was a normal one,” you brush off, walking towards him to fix his tie, not meeting his gaze.

Jungkook doesn’t reply, knowing you don’t want to acknowledge that he’d overheard your conversation, which he didn’t mean to walk in on. It did bother him, too; he suddenly wishes he’d fought back if that man was just going to speak to you that way.

There’s a sadness in your eyes that he tries not to mind and which you try to trivialize. Perhaps the man matters that much to you for you to be feeling this bad; Jungkook doesn’t really know what to do with that thought. So he tries to brush it off, too, telling you instead to be ready for today’s meeting with his father.

You ask if he’s checked the presentation you worked on, as you added things from the last time. He nods and says he only added minimal details that he came up with last night, and you check to find that he indeed just made minute changes, another thing that you’re thankful for yet wary of, especially given how critical he was about your work in the beginning.

You continue with your morning routine of debriefing about yesterday’s meetings, then you finalize the Arts Center event’s menu in the car. When you arrive at the office, you wait patiently as he goes through some reports that you’ve checked, then he reviews some memos that he asked you to work on.

The last one finishes faster than you expected. It seems now that his comments are what you look for, only because it reminds you that he hasn’t changed; somehow that seems like a better thought to have than him suddenly being lenient or lowering his standards for you for some unknown reason. He’s definitely witnessed some of your low moments; you don’t want to think those have anything to do with how he’s been lately.

The meeting with the management support team ends before lunch time, and you work on the minutes and the other things Jungkook had asked of you during the time that he meets with Yoongi in his office. That takes another half hour, and by the time they’re done, you’re done with your tasks, too, so you send those documents to Jungkook for checking in the afternoon.

Another one off the list, you think to yourself. At this point, you’re just going over all your deliverables with a focused mindset and waiting for the day’s end so you can spend time for yourself, just on the couch watching variety shows and movies until the weekend comes when you can do that for longer hours.

Having your friends over or traveling to Daegu are the only other things you look forward to. You used to look forward to spending the night at Hajoon’s, too; you could at least feel something pleasurable - the closest you could get to any form of intimacy that didn’t require you to bare yourself other than your body. But that’s a thing of the past now - there’s that amazing life-changing toy that Soomin got you last Sunday that’s got you thinking that you’ll be fine being alone for the rest of your life.

“Long day, huh?”

You look up and see Yoongi, his curious eyes scanning your desk full of papers, folders, and half-eaten biscuits.

“It has been,” you sigh.

“I see. It’s also only just 12 noon,” he points out.

“What a shocking revelation, Min Yoongi,” you grunt. “I don’t need to be reminded that I have another six hours here.”

“Hmm, just like me. So, what are you looking forward to when you clock out?”

“My leftover stir-fry for dinner that I’m going to add beef to,” you respond. “And The Zone. I missed it last Monday.”

“You and your variety shows,” he chuckles.

“What other reason do I have to laugh, hmm?”

“I’d say me, but you don’t find me funny.”

“You aren’t, sorry,” you smile, your first of the day, and Yoongi smiles back, knowing you haven’t been doing it the past few weeks.

“So–”

“Ms. Cho,” Jungkook’s voice cuts Yoongi off, as your boss stands by his open door with curious eyes that flit from you to the man in front of you. He recovers though, as he instructs, “the minutes are fine. Send it to the team now so they can work on their tasks.”

“You’ve read it?” You speak too soon, realizing a second too late that the words didn’t stay in your head. Your widened eyes don’t help you though, as Jungkook scowls at you.

“Are you asking me if I’ve read the file that I just approved and instructed you to disseminate?”

Yoongi purses his lips to hold off a laugh, and you glare at him because his teasing isn’t really what you need right now.

“I meant, uh, you’ve reviewed it already, sir? I… thought… you were going to prepare for the lunch meeting instead,” you reason, which isn’t even a lie.

“I have. Father hasn’t called me up so I just reviewed the minutes while waiting.”

You look at the file and see that nothing has been added. “And? That’s it?”

“Ms. Cho, are you questioning my ability to review?” He asks, his eyebrows furrowed as he starts to look displeased, although they seem harmless compared to his frustrated expressions from the past.

“No, Mr. Jeon, I apologize,” you say. “I was wondering if you didn’t have anything more to add, that’s all.”

“There’s none,” he clarifies. “Just send it to the team and uh… get ready for the meeting.”

He glances at Yoongi before closing the door.

“Questioning your boss’ ability to review now, huh?” Yoongi teases.

“Shut up. He’s just been weird,” you pout.

“That’s new. How so?”

“He hasn’t been an asshole for a few days.”

“Well, that’s quite the standard but I get you, I guess,” Yoongi hums. “In what way has he been out of character?”

“He just… hasn’t been pointing things out and correcting my submissions or asking a lot of questions about the reports I review,” you say. “Or just… you know, he hasn’t been him. He makes Mr. Ri pick me up every morning, he doesn’t email on the weekend, I get to leave on time, I get to eat properly…”

“In short, he’s been a decent boss recently?”

“I guess… I mean, it’s been two weeks since my mishap. He’s been quite tolerable these past few days. Maybe he hit his head and some loose screws tightened. Maybe he had a bad dream and the ghost of the future me visited him. Maybe he had a change of heart… though that’s highly unlikely. Maybe he–”

“Realized he hasn’t been good to you and doesn’t want you to go through the horror of another Mrs. Byun,” Yoongi interjects.

Your curious eyes prompt him to continue. “We had a meeting the other day and I saw a folder on his desk with her name on it. Formal complaints are only available in physical copies; other personnel files are stored in the server, so the only documents he’d have of her are the ones of her investigation. And he’d only be interested in that because of you. Those include your written statements.”

“As do you yours,” you point out.

“Yes, he’d totally be interested in how his design lead witnessed a manager’s abuse of power three years ago,” Yoongi sarcastically says.

You sigh to yourself. You’ve never told Jungkook about your experience with Mrs. Byun, but you wouldn’t be surprised if Hoseok or even Yoongi has mentioned it to him. It’s an experience you don’t like to think about; you were a young woman who had everything to prove, who had a lot to lose, and conceding to someone taking advantage of you seemed like the only way to survive. Not once did you put your foot down, and not once did you stand up for yourself. You experienced all those then went home to an empty house and found comfort in your own warmth and your own breathing.

You don’t want that experience to determine how others would treat you after. Hoseok was all things gentle and warm and you know that whatever you went through wouldn’t have determined how he treated you.

But Jungkook… Jungkook is different. This isn’t his default state. This isn’t how he normally is. This isn’t how you started. The last thing you want is for him to feel pity for all that you went through - in the past and recently - and then treat you differently because of it. He’s been less critical, less judgmental, and less doubtful of your capabilities. You only wish it isn’t for anything that he’d read or seen you experience.

“I doubt it,” you shake your head. “A man that perpetually displeased doesn’t just decide one day that he’d give the bare minimum of decency to his assistant.”

“Look, ___. Jungkook is a lot of things. He has a lot of feelings that he doesn’t want to deal with, and a lot of emotions he doesn’t know how to express,” Yoongi tries to explain. “I wouldn’t be friends with him if I didn’t believe there’s an ounce of goodness in him. And there is. Maybe him showing it just isn't good timing. He’s terrible at that, too. In fact, he’s terrible at a lot of things, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t try. It doesn’t mean he isn’t capable of kindness.”

“Kindness,” you huff. That’s quite a reach, but Yoongi’s always been a good judge of character. You do want to believe what he says about Jungkook; it’s just not an easy switch to flip. “I’m just trying not to care much at this point,” you sigh. “I come to work, focus on my tasks, do whatever I’m asked, go back home, rinse and repeat.”

“Is it satisfying, though?”

“When was work ever satisfying, Yoongi?” You laugh bitterly.

“Well, I could at least recall seeing you enjoy organizing those events for Hoseok and even joining him in some,” Yoongi points out. “I… I saw you smile a lot. There was a bit of satisfaction there, yeah?”

“Somehow, I guess. But I just had to make do. Hoseok was great, but this is also my job, really the only thing going for me.”

“What are you working towards, then?”

“I don’t really know. Maybe at 30 I should know but I really don’t.”

“Then why are you still here?” He asks, softly, desperately. “Why do you stay?”

“And find out who I am outside of all this?” You wonder out loud. “What if I don’t like her? What if she isn’t good?”

“Then this place hasn’t been good for you if you doubt who you are outside of what you’ve done here,” Yoongi says. “You’re just 30; there’s a whole world out there where you can learn who you are and be someone you actually like. I don’t know what’s stopping you.”

A lot of things, you think to yourself. But when you find comfort in discomfort, when you find security in chaos, and when you find companionship in loneliness, it’s not that easy to leave all this behind, even if deep down, you know it’s what you have to do.

“I don’t know, too,” you lie. “Maybe I’ll find a good enough reason one day and that would be it; I’ll be out of here and then I can find out if I like myself outside of everything I know.”

“I think you would.”

I did, Yoongi thinks to himself. He knows you’d laugh and agree; he’s moved on from you and things can’t be any better than how your friendship is right now, but he also knows you’re not the best at feelings, a similarity he realizes you have with the person you supposedly dislike.

“I won’t know until then, I guess. So I just gotta bear with who I am now,” you say.

There’s so much of you that Yoongi doesn’t know. It’s why he wanted to, why he asked you out for coffee and why he felt a bit of a heartbreak when you turned him down. But there are parts of you that he does know, that you let him see, and sometimes he finds himself wishing you’d find someone you’d feel safe enough with to share everything else you keep to yourself.

He keeps these things to himself, too. He’s learned that the only way to keep you close is to keep his distance; you’ll reach out if you need to, even if it’s something you rarely do. But what’s important is that he’ll be there just in case; what matters is you know that there’s a hand available when you need it.

So he just nods and takes your word for it. You’ll find yourself somehow, in whatever way you will. And you’ll find a reason to leave, whenever that is. He could only hope it’s a decision you’d make on your own, one that you won’t regret, and one that’ll lead you to find whatever it is that you’re looking for.

“So what, they want to put a stop to the Arts Center? They’re not the ones working hard for it. And quite frankly, I don’t need their help in any way to make it happen.”

Jungkook shakes his head in disbelief, anger manifesting in the way he clenches his jaw and groans repeatedly. It’s a sight you’re familiar with by now, and for the first time, you feel for him. It feels as if with this project, he doesn’t seem to have anyone on his side, aside from Hoseok, who’s been encouraging and helpful in many ways.

“They don’t want to stop it, son,” CEO Jeon says. “They’re merely questioning some of your decisions about the prices you’ve set out.”

“In short, they’re undermining me,” Jungkook groans. “This is my project. We’ve done the necessary research. If they read the report, they’d know. But clearly, they just want reasons to doubt all this, to doubt me.”

“It’s just the first project of its kind,” his father reasons. “The arts institution from 2017 was a collaboration and it wasn’t this big. The Arts Center just isn’t the usual commercial establishment that the VP office undertakes. The Board just wants to be clear about the profits because it’s not as straightforward as the others. They want to know how the property will earn.”

“Exhibition entrance tickets, bookings, rent,” Jungkook replies. “What’s not straightforward about that? Might as well say they don’t understand or even value arts and culture because that makes money, and if done right and respectfully, it can make a lot of money. I know what I’m doing.”

“It’s not like I didn’t make those points, son. It’s your first big project. I think they just—”

“Don’t believe I can manage it on my own.”

“They don’t think you can make the necessary connections on your own,” CEO Jeon finally says. “We all know how important that is. They doubt you’d be able to forge good relationships with professionals in an industry we don’t really have strong connections to. And with a project this big, it’s the company’s resources and reputation on the line.”

There’s silence in the room, as Jungkook seems to process the core issue that the Board has with him. You can tell it’s affecting him so much, as the anger in his eyes slowly turns into resignation.

It’s no secret that Jungkook’s way of engaging with others leaves a lot to be desired. From what you can see, he’s used to thinking more, envisioning, planning - the concepts and designs are amazing in his head and there are others tasked to sell that idea, to make it connect with people, to express why it matters, and to make sure it earns. That’s what Hoseok is good at; Jungkook never seemed like the type who enjoys that aspect of the work.

“You should’ve thought about my outstanding interpersonal skills before appointing me as Vice President, then,” he says bitterly. “Clearly that’s what the Board and everyone else value more than anything.”

“Hey, Kook. We know you’re good for this role,” Hoseok comforts. “And we believe in your project, we really do. Just focus on that. Make sure you’re constantly adjusting and refining the plans, and remind the Board that your ideas are even better when they’ve come to life. You’ve done it with your other projects before. Eventually you’ll be able to show them that you’re more than capable of forging relationships, too. That’ll come naturally. But in the meantime, you just have to give them something to make them believe it’ll be good for the company and our image in the long-run. Make them envision it.”

“I have,” Jungkook argues. “And I’ll keep doing that. I just need father to be on my side. I just need him to back me up, to trust me and every single one of my decisions.”

You’ve never heard desperation in Jungkook’s voice until today and you’re surprised with how much it’s affecting you, not just because you know how much effort he’s put into conceptualizing the place but because you’ve come to believe in it, too.

“Ms. Cho.”

CEO Jeon’s voice pulls you away from Jungkook, and you turn to the older man and ask if there’s anything he needs.

“Your thoughts,” he responds. “What would the Arts Center mean for the company? Do you think it will yield profits?”

They’re not questions that are new to you. Hoseok would often ask you these things about the smaller projects that go through him. CEO Jeon has asked you the same things in informal situations before, not so much to gain new insight - although he claims that your thoughts are interesting to him - but to gauge your belief in the project. He has a good read on people; you’ve observed him ask questions and pick apart not what they said but how they said it. You suppose that’s what he’s doing now, too.

“You’ve mentioned a few times that you want to expand the company’s market, Mr. Jeon,” you start. “And if I remember correctly, the Board agreed. Efforts to cater to expats and the middle class have been successful, but perhaps another type of expansion is in engaging the field of the arts and culture and its creators and consumers. More people from all walks of life and all over the world are gaining interest in Korean art and culture in all forms and the company has the resources to create a space for it. Like what the Vice President said, there’s an opportunity to earn from it while, of course, respecting it.”

You see CEO Jeon and Hoseok nod, a sight you’ve seen before as well. But Jungkook looks at you with curiosity, with a look of anticipation, as if he’s hanging onto every word you’re saying.

“The Arts Center was conceptualized and designed to be a hub for all things creative,” you continue. “Making general admission free makes the arts accessible to people, and once that appreciation grows, they’ll pay to see it, to experience it. Just go to any online forum and you’ll see that the public wants to experience art, not just observe it. They’d travel for it. The Center has spaces for that. I think that’s the ultimate goal - for anyone to be immersed in it. And that can happen through art pieces in a gallery or in a garden, through books, music, or spoken poetry, or even a photoshoot. Patrons can book rooms for private events, they can buy from the gift shop, they can do art themselves. It’s like a canvas and they can take part in creating meaning for the space. That’s what we’re selling. And that’s something people are willing to buy.”

“I see your point, Ms. Cho,” CEO Jeon says, nodding satisfyingly at you. “And it’s a good one.”

“It’s what Mr. Jeon has been saying all this time,” you counter. “It’s easy to understand and to buy into the idea… if only the Board would listen to him. If only they’d open their mind to what he envisions.”

“Well, that’s one way to get through to them, then,” Hoseok voices out. “Invite them to the arts event, treat them like creators and consumers, not as Board members.”

“That’s a good idea,” CEO Jeon says. “Maybe then they can see how you engage with the guests, which I hope you’re working on. And while you’re at it, work on your relationship with them, too. That means initiating conversations, seeking them out… It's part of the job, son. The Board are our stakeholders, too, you know this.”

“Aren’t some of them based in Japan and Singapore?” You wonder aloud, hinting at another suggestion that you want would come from Jungkook himself, given his scheduled plans to fly there.

“Yeah. Maybe I can meet them the next time I go,” he says, picking up on your thoughts.

Jungkook isn’t really fond of engaging with them. He always just left the socializing part to his uncle who used to head the Southeast Asian office. When Jungkook would be in Seoul, he let his father, Hoseok, and Ji-woo deal with them, with nothing but an acknowledgment on his end. He tends to stay at the bar on his own just to drown out the sounds. Yoongi sometimes joins him but most times, Jungkook finds himself alone even during such events; being with a lot of people is tiring, lonesome, isolating. With this new role, he’s started to accept that he has to do more. It doesn’t mean he’ll enjoy it though.

“I’ll have that arranged for you,” you tell him.

“Well then, that’s one way to revamp your image,” the older man smiles. “You just have to keep that up moving forward. That’s why Ms. Cho is there. She’s used to these events and these engagements with them. You’ll be fine.”

You give a reassuring smile to Jungkook - a genuine one, as you see it’s what he needs, given all that you learned from today’s meeting. He merely nods, and you think that should be enough of an acknowledgment from his end.

Hoseok wraps it up, going through a few policy-related items and then reminding the other men about upcoming social gatherings that they all need to attend. He asks to briefly speak with Jungkook, whom he pulls aside, while the elder Mr. Jeon approaches you.

“Thank you for standing by Jungkook, Ms. Cho, especially since I haven’t been able to show my support the way I want to,” he says. “I know it hasn’t been easy.”

“It hasn’t, but he made me believe in his vision for the Center,” you respond. “I’m starting to see what he sees. And it’s quite beautiful.”

Jungkook overhears the exchange, as he zoned out on Hoseok once he heard his father address you.

It’s something that his cousin picks up, as he repeats what he just said, totally unbothered by it.

Hoseok, of all people, knows how important it is that you have Jungkook’s back. He also knows how difficult that must be for you, given how the man has been towards you all these weeks.

But you’re unwavering. You’re able to withstand the challenges, and while Hoseok knows that you do have a tendency to also allow yourself to suffer through it, he also knows you’ve learned, and you’ll stand your ground if you need to; he’ll back you up, and he can only hope you know that.

You all exit the private room of the restaurant and head back to the office across the street. It’s 4PM by the time you return to your desk, given that Jungkook called for a meeting with the management support team after what transpired during lunch.

You immediately work on the minutes and action points, finishing two hours later and then deciding that you’ll work on your next deliverable tomorrow.

Jungkook exits his room, informing you that he’ll be leaving for an early dinner with Hoseok at a nearby restaurant, and that Mr. Ri can drop you off at your place. You’ve contested the service that was offered to you, and you and Jungkook settled on a compromise that you can go home on your own except for late nights.

“Mr. Ri will just be waiting for me anyway. No harm in driving you home tonight,” Jungkook says, knowing you were about to turn down the offer.

“Okay, sir,” you reply.

You do last minute things and pack up immediately to go home, taking this chance to get proper rest because you know the last two days of the week are going to be tiring.

The next day, Jungkook does conference calls and closed-door meetings, leaving you to do summary reports and other administrative backlogs that have your eyebrows scrunched the entire day. If it wasn’t for Do-hyun reminding you about lunch that you promised to have with her, you would’ve totally forgotten.

You’re in the zone as you go through the afternoon - two meetings straight that have Jungkook rubbing his temples constantly and you doing the same. But you pop in some aspirin and ginseng jelly next to his cup of tea, feeling satisfied when he takes them.

You go home on time, not wanting to be offered a ride for a consecutive night, and you get proper rest to face the final day of the week.

It’s all going well, as you find a rhythm early on as you work on your deliverables while Jungkook remains focused on his own tasks. You’re the one who reminds him now to eat his lunch, and seeing the blueprints sprawled on his desk, you offer to buy him one yourself.

He nods in appreciation as you state his usual order for confirmation, and you eat your sandwich while waiting for his curry rice bowl in the food hall. You get back to your tasks, thankful for the unusually quiet and uneventful Friday.

You see now how hyper focused Jungkook could get. He’s got his blinds closed but you can tell that he’s immersed in his designs and proposals and plans. He’s not allowing calls or visitors, and he only rings you to ask for coffee, which you’ve given him four times so far. Towards the end of the day, you’re the one who asks to go in, informing him that the Board meeting has been moved to a week earlier than scheduled; it’s two Fridays from now, which means his team has to finalize everything soon.

It’s his first one since becoming Vice President, and given how he used to question you, you’re surprised when he asks your proposed timeline to prepare for the meeting.

“Manager Lee is already consolidating all the departmental reports,” you respond. “You can instruct him to finalize the VP report with all those by Wednesday; the presentation can be due on Friday so you can go through all of them. We can submit the report for CEO review the Monday after that and then you can prepare for your run through until the meeting.”

“Sounds good,” he replies. “I’ll send them an email with the instructions shortly.”

“Noted, sir,” you say. “I’ve also submitted the minutes of the past two days’ meetings as well as the policy guidelines you asked for.”

“Oh, right,” he says, taking his iPad. “I’ve looked through them. The minutes are good; you can disseminate them accordingly. I’ve highlighted the parts for the condensed version you’ll send to the CEO and the President. I also have minimal corrections and remarks on the policy guidelines and I’ve edited them directly on the file. Just proofread again and then affix my signature once you’ve finished.”

“Y—you’re done?” You ask. You hope he doesn’t pick up the shock in your voice.

“Yes, and I’ve read them. Thoroughly,” he answers.

You smile in embarrassment after the other day.

“Does that bother you?” He follows up.

“N-no, sir,” you say, knowing he’s waiting for an answer. “I guess I was expecting you to take longer because, you know, more comments. And you’ve been busy all day, too.”

“More comments… Is that what you’re expecting?”

“Sort of,” you admit. “I mean… you made a lot of them before.”

You pout in reflex as you realize how you sound. You’re basically pointing out how critical he used to be, and if you’re being honest, you do wish he still was. At least that tells you that he’s still the same, that no knowledge of your past experience with your former boss has made him change his disposition towards you.

Jungkook sees your pout, and he crosses his arms and legs to keep himself from doing something as stupid as wiping it off you. It’s a little disarming for him, if he’s being honest.

“I didn’t mean that in a bad way,” you clarify.

Liar, you think to yourself.

“Well, if I used to do it a lot and I still do that after a month in, wouldn’t it reflect poorly on you and me if you still haven’t learned from all that?” He asks.

You think about it and eventually nod. He does have a point.

“You’ve adapted. I’d be worried if you continued to do things the way you used to,” he adds.

You nod again, taking in all his words. Much as you appreciate them, there’s another thought still bugging you.

“May I be honest, Mr. Jeon?” You ask, your heart beating fast now as he looks at you curiously.

He nods anyway and asks you to continue.

“I don’t think you’d lower your standards or anything when it comes to my work,” you start. “So I don’t want to believe that you pity me just because you know what I experienced in the past.”

He looks at you questioningly, as if to ask what you’re talking about.

“I spotted Mrs. Byun’s files on your table,” you lie. “I assume you’ve read about how she treated me. And I… I don’t want to be pitied, Mr. Jeon. If it’s that, please don’t. Please don’t let it affect how you’d treat me. It wasn’t even that bad—”

“It was,” he interjects. “This company doesn’t tolerate people who abuse their power. I only knew about your case because I’m thorough with my work. And that includes looking into my staff and their past. I did it for everyone,” he lies as well.

Hoseok and Yoongi had mentioned something about a past experience and Jungkook did dig deep. It was so he could help you professionally, he convinced himself.

“You should also know that I don’t make compromises when it comes to the quality of work of my staff and that means I don’t pity people if they fail to meet my standards. But I suppose you think that I do because of how I was in the beginning,” he continues, surprising you. “I admit I was being too critical. And I don’t have an excuse, just that I absolutely hate change. I’m not good at managing it and I reacted in a way that I’m used to, which is not a good way at all. I know now that I was not fair to you.”

The apology doesn’t come, but you know that the admission means enough already. It’s definitely taken a huge burden off of you. You didn’t dream up all those incidents and it wasn’t entirely on you. That itself gives you relief.

“My father and cousin were right. You’re a fast learner. You pick up on the comments, work on them immediately, and adjust accordingly. It’s a good trait to have, Ms. Cho.”

“I appreciate that, Mr. Jeon.”

“May I be honest, too?” He asks, surprising you again.

You nod, anticipating what he’d say, knowing he’s never been this quiet nor looked this nervous in all these weeks you’ve known him.

“What you said to my father about the Arts Center the other day, I appreciate that, too,” he says. “I guess you could’ve said something general or basic but you didn’t.”

“Your father wouldn’t have minded what I said,” you reply. “What mattered was how I said it. I guess as the person who’s privy to a lot of things about the project, he sincerely wanted to know what I thought about it, if I genuinely believed in it.”

“Well, it was a good way to convince him. And it seemed like he believed you.”

“I’m not a good actor, Mr. Jeon,” you chuckle. “He believed it because I meant it. And he saw that I was on your side. As I should. I still meant it, though.”

“That’s… encouraging,” he huffs. “At least one person is.”

“I’m sure he does, too.”

“It’s ironic that people like Mr. Ri think that my father and I are so alike, yet we don’t see eye to eye most of the time.”

“It’s because you are alike. You both think you’re right all the time,” you joke, teetering on the edge and sighing in relief when he laughs, a sound you don’t think you’ve ever heard.

“You make a good point,” he smiles a tiny bit, something you also don’t think you’ve ever seen him do. “But I’m still adjusting to working directly with him, and in a bigger role, too. We'll probably butt heads a lot.”

“You will. I already know it. In fact, I can already see it,” you laugh again.

It’s a moment you share with him that you didn’t imagine you ever would. He’s being honest about his concerns and you’re giving comfort in the way you know how and neither of you seems to mind.

“I’m… I’m gonna need your help, Ms. Cho,” he says so softly, his eyes turning away from you. “I’m gonna need your assistance. Not just in seeing the Arts Center through but in everything - navigating this role, dealing with my father, dealing with people. I… I know what I’m good at. So I don’t really focus on the things I don’t do well in but this position forces me to confront those and I… I’ll need help.”

For someone who doesn’t seem to like being vulnerable in front of others, seeing this side of Jungkook makes you sympathetic. The soft tone of his voice, the lack of eye contact, the crossed arms… they’re familiar because it’s how you are, and you know it’s difficult to be this honest with another person, especially when it’s about what you need.

More than wanting to help him because it’s your job, you find yourself wanting to see him succeed, too, to see him manage it all. That way, when you do eventually leave the company and search whatever it is you’re looking for, you can rest easy knowing that he’ll be okay, that the team will be okay, that the Arts Center will be all that he imagined it to be.

“I’m here, Mr. Jeon,” you assure him. “I’ll do my best to provide you with the assistance you need.”

“Thank you,” he mutters, and you don’t think you’ve ever heard him say those words with such sincerity to you, too.

You bow in acknowledgement and head out, leaving Jungkook in a haze, as he realizes that in your presence, he’d done what he's been trying to avoid ever since you walked in his life - be honest. He’d told you his concerns, his needs, and it seems that his honesty is something you appreciated as well. There was that acceptance that he wouldn’t have expected from you, not because you aren’t the type to give it but because he hasn’t given you a reason to. But you gave it regardless; you let him feel that it was okay.

It’s another half hour before he’s packing up to head home. It’s been a tiring week and he just wants to have a long bath, watch sports, and drink a cold beer over grilled meat. He’ll probably get some work done but maybe he’ll drive to some resort out of town, have a good workout, get in a sauna, and have a massage. He’ll have a nice meal with his friends and then go to a club. Or maybe he’ll just stay in. There’s something about being honest that makes him want to keep to himself for a while. He’ll start with that tonight, as he turns down Taehyung’s invite to another one of his client’s party.

Jungkook walks out and sees your desk empty, but he does hear your voice coming from the management support team’s room, telling them about your weekend plans as well.

“I’m going to the film festival in Incheon,” you say. “And probably just stay at a hostel.”

“Are you going by yourself?” Do-hyun asks.

“Uh, yeah,” you reply.

Hajoon was supposed to go with you. He invited himself, actually, and you should’ve read into the fact that he’d wanted to experience your interests with you. You hadn’t minded, and that’s clearly out of the picture now.

“I usually go to them by myself,” you add.

“Well, if you decide you want to invite one of us or hang out, you can always let us know,” Chin-sun teases, knowing you probably won’t.

“Let’s wait until we’re not too tired and busy, okay?” You chuckle. “That way, we can afford to do whatever we want on the weekends.”

“Yup, that’ll probably never happen,” Do-hyun pouts. “When are we not tired and busy? It’s probably worse this time because we don’t get to laugh and joke around like we used to. Are we even getting a holiday? Will we have an out-of-town team building? Or dinners and karaoke like how Mr. Jung used to treat us to?”

“The team-building is budgeted so yes, we’ll have it,” you tell them. “And dinners? I can maybe suggest that to Mr. Jeon. And come on, no one’s stopping you from laughing or joking around. You can still do all that.”

“Yeah, but sometimes I feel like I’m not allowed to because it might seem like I’m not serious about my job because our boss is too serious and it doesn’t seem right,” Do-hyun whines.

And for the first time, you feel genuinely bad for how they think about Jungkook. You don’t blame them though, but the man you saw earlier who broke into a small smile is definitely capable of laughter; you just don’t know how to elicit it from him again.

“He’s just been under a lot of pressure, but he doesn’t prohibit you from finding joy in anything,” you say. “Just… give him some time, okay? He’ll come around. Let’s just focus on our work and then focus on ourselves when the weekend comes. So all of you, pack up now and go home to your families and your pets. We’ve got a long few weeks ahead.”

Jungkook hears a collective okay then heads out right away, the initial thought of saying goodbye to the team having dissipated. He can’t blame them for voicing out their frustrations over the change in how they’re being managed. Hoseok was loved. He built a competent team whose spirit Jungkook is afraid he’s now breaking. But he’s not like his cousin, and he doesn’t know how to reach out to them in a way that’s genuine. He let the pressure get to him too much early on and while he’s not the type to forge connections with his staff, he’s seeing now how important it is for him as Vice President to do that.

But it’s too much to think about for today. He’ll let this affect him a little bit and then figure things out. Based on what he heard though, he’s not on his own. You were on his side again, even when you thought he wasn’t around. There’s something about the way you stand up to him and stand by him that’s refreshing. There’s honesty there, too, and he’s learning that it’s what he needs.

He makes it to the elevator but then holds the door once he hears rapid footsteps. You mutter your thanks as you enter, and he feels the tension build as you’re together after the exchange earlier. He hasn’t gotten over that yet, so he’s unsure how to talk with you.

It seems like so are you, as you drum your fingers on the strap of your bag and focus on the door while you both wait to make it to the ground floor. Jungkook is tempted to offer you a ride with him but he decides against it. Even then, he slows his steps so he could walk alongside you, as you both head out the main doors.

“Get some rest, Mr. Jeon,” you finally say. “And have a good weekend.”

You look at him with sincerity in your eyes, your smile soft and assuring, something he’s never seen you direct at him before. It’s even different from earlier. There’s more understanding, he thinks. Perhaps there’s care.

“You, too, Ms. Cho,” he replies before entering the car. “Get home safely.”

You bow to him and wave at Mr. Ri before walking down the pathway to the street that leads towards the bus stop.

Jungkook lets himself be comfortable in the seat while he forces the image of your smile out of his head. The sun has set and it’s Seoul at its busiest on another hot Friday evening. There are more cars than usual and so movement is slow, but that’s how he sees you - walking down the sidewalk in the midst of all these people. And there you are, somehow looking at peace. There’s an air of isolation that surrounds you, but you don’t look lonely. Just… alone. There’s still that warmth in your eyes and your smile that he finds himself wanting to see more of.

This is when he realizes he might be in trouble. There’s a line he shouldn’t cross, but there’s this desire to get to know you, to know your thoughts and your feelings and your words. He reminds himself that he needs you, in a way that an authority figure needs support and assistance. He needs you to be focused and capable, and he needs to be the same.

With his attraction that he can’t get over, he knows that the only way to make sure that he keeps things professional is to keep his distance - not just physically, but more so emotionally. You’ll definitely be spending more time together and he needs to constantly remind himself of who you are and who he is. That much as he feels safe and honest with you, he can’t go any further; he can’t let you get any closer. He doesn’t know how he’ll do it, but that’s one other thing he’ll figure out.

Series Masterlist

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#jungkook fic #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook angst #jungkook x oc #jungkook series #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #boss jungkook

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pretty-little-mind33 · 3 months ago

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Congrats on 3K! Thats amazing! Could I please request "Not to be dramatic, but... I would jump off a cliff for you." with James Potter?

SKY'S 3K CELEBRATION

thank you!! 🫶💗

~ 🎶 ~

"Not to be dramatic, but I would jump off a cliff for you," James says matter-of-factly as you and your friends sit around the fire in the Gryffindor Common room. Lily and Mary are curled up on the couch, with Mary tracing patterns on Lily's palm and they look down at James.

He has your head in his lap as you rest your eyes, humming.

"Why would you need to jump off a cliff, Potter?" Lily asks, confused.

James shrugs, his cheeks a little pink from the fire-whiskey. "I don't know. Do I need a reason?" He says and continues to play with your hair. The girls look even more puzzled.

Sirius laughs from beside you, knocking over one of Peter's pawns as the latter groans. He always looses against Sirius in chess. "You said you aren't trying to be dramatic, Prongs, but that's the most dramatic thing I've heard all day."

Remus, who is in the armchair closest to the fire doesn't even look up from his book. "He doesn't actually mean it. It's a hyperbole."

James sits up a little, bothering your rest and you slap his leg. "It isn't! I do mean it!" he slurs. You smile, turning around so your ear is resting on his thigh as you open your eyes and watch the fire for a moment.

"I don't want you to jump off a cliff for me, love," you yawn, enjoying his hand in your hair. You know he's a little tipsy and when he gets tipsy, he gets even more dramatic than he usually is.

James rolls his eyes. "That isn't the point! The point is I would! I'd die for you!"

"Very Romeo and Juliet of you, James," Lily laughs and James looks like he doesn't understand. "Nevermind," she adds and turns her attention back to Mary.

You sit up on your knees, fixing your hair and pressing a kiss to James's flushed cheek. "I appreciate it, Jamie," you say and your boyfriend beams. He looks like a love sick fool the moment your lips hit his cheek.

"I just love you so much, I'd do anything for you," James says and squeezes your hand. His pupils are super dilated and you tilt your head. He needs rest now. He looks like he'll pass out.

"So would I, love," you smile and stand, yawning as you help him up to. James's attaches himself to you and you gasp, falling over onto the couch next to Mary and Lily, who look equally amused and annoyed.

"Jamie," you laugh as he nuzzles into you.

"I love you," James whispers breathlessly. He's holding onto you like his life depends on it. You lay his head and run your hand on his curls.

"I love you too," you tell him honestly and gently push him off you. You help him up as he clutches at your robes and inhales your hair.

Sirius laughs and sends you a wink. "Your boyfriend is a mess there."

You stick out your tongue at him and kiss James's cheek again, which earns you a happy hum.

Yes, James is a mess. But he's your mess and you wouldn't change it for the world.

#sky's 3k celebration #pop music #james potter #james potter x reader #james potter imagines #james potter x fem!reader #james potter x y/n #james potter x you #james potter drabble #marauder james potter #mauraders #marauders imagine #marauders harry potter #aaron taylor johnson

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baxndaid · 7 months ago

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sal fisher x sick! reader ?????? pls i will take any crumbs i can get why is sally face fandom so dead

sal fisher x reader 🖤🎶♟️ -- sick reader+sal!! hc

a/n ; i need this fandom to be alive again bc wtf hes so perf, short!!

do NOT by any means tell him that he cant visit you while your sick because he does NOT gaf

he'll kiss you, he'll cuddle you, he doesnt care if he gets sick, he just wants to make sure you feel loved and comfortable

both ashley and larry do the same, bringing you flowers and chocolates, todd texts you best wishes but he would rather die than get sick

he might come in with a full nuclear suit just to be safe

sally likes taking care of you, but he gets a little sad whenever he sees you suffering

even if its a common cold, he'll some times over-think and worry about your wellbeing, "what if its something serious? what if they die?" type shit

reassure him you feel fine pls he needs it

he will stay over if his dad lets him (which he does, he finds your relationship cute) and sleep with you to make sure your okay during the night

unless hes really worried, he wont skip school since hes been skipping a lot often due to ghost hunts and the usual sf group shenanigans and the school doesnt really take lightly to absences

lord knows theyve given up on larry though

after spending time with you, he wipes his prosthetic with a disinfectant so he doesnt accidently make anybody else sick

after you get better, he'll fall sick

youll scold him with a "i told you so", and take care of him like he took care of you

ashley would spray sally's entire room with a disinfectant spray before entering, a hand over her lower face to be as dramatic as possible, larry following right after

sally feels bad whenever you take care of him when hes sick, especially because you have to deal with... well, his face

because of the lack of flesh near his mouth, he would drool a lot, especially because he was sick, he would struggle with mucus too, due to his destroyed nose

its not like he couldnt deal with this himself, since hes been like this since childhood, but he feels embarrassed that his own s/o helps him with something that would be an easy task for anybody who wasnt him

but you gently remind him that you do this because you love him, not because you pity him

he'll warn you that you'll get sick if you interact with him which is hypocritical since he literally did the same thing...

kiss him better pls he wants it

keep a massive box of tissues next to his bed stand AND WATER because he always forgets to hydrate even when he isnt sick

in conclusion, you both treat each other well whenever the other is sick, even if it meant that you'd also fall ill after <3

#x reader #reader insert #xreader #larry johnson #sal fisher #sal fisher x reader #sally face x reader #sally fisher #sally face #ashley campbell #sally face fandom #sally face fanart #sally x reader #fanfiction #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader

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fleuriieu · 30 days ago

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𐙚👟 . . . 𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐒 ? 𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ [ pt. one ]

001. SYNOPSIS ― katsuki hates your old, raggedy white jordans. 002. GENRE ― fluff ( ☁️ ) 003. LINKS ― navigation . . . masterlists . . . taglist currently playing 🎶 :: " kilby girl " - the backseat lovers

katsuki 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 your old, raggedy white jordans.

they're so worn down he could practically see the soles coming off, the laces gray and dirtied from the constant wear and tear they go through. it angers him to no end how you won't do anything about them. "when the hell are you getting new shoes? pisses me off starin' at that shit everyday." he grunts, motioning his head towards your feet.

you look up from your textbook, a confused expression shown on your face. you two were currently at a cafe studying together, as you asked him to help tutor you for the next test. what he had just said were the first words after maybe an hour or so of quiet reading. "um...one, why are you staring at my feet all the time? two, not all of us are filthy rich, dummy. and three...they're not that bad." you say, lowering your head to look at your shoes too. sure they were sort of falling apart, and yeah, maybe they looked like they've been through three world wars and a hurricane. but you could still walk in them. and that's what shoes are for, no?

"i'm not staring at them all the time!" bakugou snaps, feeling his face flush red at the accusation. "jus' happen to notice them."

you roll your eyes at his reply, picking up your book to turn the page.

"yeah, yeah, whatever you say. don't blame me if theres a new rumor going around that you have a foot fetish, though." you say, a smile tugging at the corner of your lips.

"don't you fucking dare." bakugou glares.

the rest of the study session continues with you two bickering, forgetting about the homework and flashcards as the sun begins to set.

"ugh, see! we couldn't get anything done 'cause you kept yapping the entire time!" you groan, shutting your textbook closed and slumping down on your seat.

"i kept yapping?! you're the one who was startin' shit!" bakugou exclaims, shoving his stuff into his bag.

"was not." "were to" "was not!" "were to!" "wa--" "alright, just shut up and lets go home! gotta walk you or else ma would smack the shit out of me for letting a girl walk home alone in the dark." bakugou huffed, standing up and slinging his bag over his shoulder.

you laugh, getting up and walking out the door with him.

"oh, how kind of you. almost makes me think you actually have manners." "keep talkin' and i'll fuckin' punch you!" "...i take it back."

a/n :: this was originally gonna be just one long fic but i decided to split it up so it's easier for me (´ ∀ ` *) lmk if you'd like to be tagged in the next parts ! ♡

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ. . . [ part two ] [ part three ]

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xiao-come-home · 9 months ago

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💫 anon here - i think it would be incredibly funny if boothill's s/o (especially stonefaced s/o) secretly installed a soundboard function without his awareness. like they just finished a mission and suddenly a building explodes in the distance while they stand on a cliff or something and reader goes "boothill, sad trumpet" like he's a pokemon. he turns to them but in the same moment on command his jaw falls open and you just hear the "wah wah waaaaaaaah" soundbyte while he stands there in horror, a hand coming up to touch his lips.

"this is so sad. boothill, play despacito"

"STOP- 🎶"

YES 🤧

Boothill can be your Isabelle. He can be your portable charger AND a soundboard too.

Let's be honest, he's not mad or anything - but the moment he hears something coming out of his mouth that's not his voice, he's slightly panicking and covering his mouth. His eyes dart at you as he turns around, the hat almost falling off his head.

"Jus' what did ya do to me again?!" He whisper-yells, blinking rapidly, "ya promised it's something fun!"

You walk up next to him, caressing his cheek, and giving him a soft smile, "Boothill, play "Barbie girl" by Aqua."

"NO, STO— Hiya, Barbie!"

"Hi, Ken!" you sing along happily, "who said it's not fun for me?"

He'll have his revenge on you, don't worry. Well, after he stops singing...

#honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail #hsr x reader #boothill #boothill hsr #boothill x reader #.thirst #.💫 anon

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bluebeary-jay · 2 years ago

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How easy you are to need

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: Joel notices that the peaceful life in Jackson has its consequences. he is not happy about it (based on this wonderful ask!)

Tags: TONS OF ANGST, but also FLUFF, established relationship, ahh intrusive thoughts (how much i hate them), Joel is probably ooc but i don't care anymore, also he's soft and insecure and vulnerable

Warnings: body dismorphia and lots of self-loathing on Joel's side, at one (two?) points borderline on smut ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) hihihi, swearing, drinking (just mentioned), suggestive stuff bc apparently i can't help myself 😌

Word count: 8K ! (8028 specifically woah)

A/N: the next fic will definitely be shorter bc i really need to start caring less about the quality of my work, it takes way too long for my liking. buuut anyway as always 🎶i hope yall will like it🎶 this is my birthday gift for you guys 💕

Joel looked at himself in the mirror with furrowed brows.

He pulled in his stomach and tried to zip his pants. It still fit, but barely. He undid the zip, turned to the side and looked at his reflection again, just to make sure.

Yeah. This pair was definitely loose until a while ago.

He glanced at the door, but didn’t hear you coming, so he sighed and looked in the mirror again. Joel was never particularly muscular, but he could no longer see those thin lines which accentuated his torso before. There was also a bit of fat above the hem of his jeans, and his frame seemed somehow heavier…

Good thing his left ear was directed to the door, because he heard the moment the water in the shower stopped running, which meant you were coming back from the bathroom. Joel spared himself one last wary look and zipped up his pants before turning around to your shared bed where his shirt lay discarded.

He was putting his arms into the sleeves when you entered. A couple of light steps, and then Joel smiled when he felt your arms wrapping around his torso. He glanced over his shoulder at you.

“You took your sweet time in the shower,” he pointed out, and he could feel your smile when you pressed your face to his back.

“We finally have hot water, so I’m gonna use it every chance I get.”

“You left some for me?”

You huffed a laugh and went around him, moving his hands away and starting to button his shirt yourself.

“There would be, if you took a shower with me.”

“Next time, sweetheart,” he chuckled and leaned in to kiss your forehead softly, combing his fingers through your wet hair. He hummed. “Your hair smells nice.”

“It’s that shampoo Ellie didn’t want.” You shook your head with a smile. “I have no idea why, it’s fantastic.”

You buttoned up the last button and smoothed your palms over his chest and down, lastly resting them on his waist. Internally Joel furrowed his eyebrows, wondering if he could always feel this fold when you put your hands in that place.

“You look handsome,” you whispered, looking up at him with twinkling eyes and such a soft, love-struck expression on your face that Joel felt his throat constricting. Everything but the sight of you faded from his mind, and he joined his hands behind your back, pulling you closer into his chest and basking in this precious smile you blessed him with. “Especially with the bed hair.”

“It’s your doin’, you know,” he murmured in response, nudging your nose with his and reminiscing how you tugged and raked your nails through his hair the night before. “You gotta be careful with it, sweet girl. If you continue doin’ it, m’gonna go bald soon.”

You hummed noncommittally and leaned against his chest, standing on your tip-toes. “I’ll take it under consideration. No promises, though.”

Joel lifted his hand to the back of your neck and kissed you slowly, reveling in the soft sigh that left your lips. You rested your palm above his heart, leaning forward to the point that you would fall over if he wasn’t supporting your weight.

But Joel held you tight and close to his body, gladly steadying you as you deepened the kiss, once again tugging on his graying hair in that way he adored. He wanted to tease you about it, but his thoughts strayed to the image of his body again when you lowered your hand from his chest to his side.

“You remember that tonight is this party?” you asked suddenly, pulling him out of his thoughts. Joel gave up pondering about his physique and sighed heavily at your question, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Yeah, I remember. Regrettably.”

“I don’t want to go, either,” you whispered with guilt, as if someone would hear you both. “But Tommy really wanted us to come and… Just don’t make me go alone.”

“Hey, darlin’.” Joel took your face in his hands and looked deeply into your eyes. “I promised, didn’t I? M’not gonna leave you there on your own.” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, smiling against them. “And mind you, I gotta make sure no one will try to seduce and steal you away from me.”

You giggled, and you were standing so close that Joel could feel your eyelashes tickling his skin. He held you close when you tried to take a step back, and your lips collided again.

“That is the one thing you don’t need to ever worry about,” you murmured quietly into the space between you two. “How could I even look at other people when I have you all to myself?”

Joel’s reflection in the mirror flashed across his mind again and a small wave of uncertainty rippled through him, but it quickly disappeared when you opened your eyes and looked at him with this raw love radiating from them. Your every word, every affectionate gesture only confirmed his conviction that you meant every word you said.

So why did he still feel so uncertain?

*****

Life in Jackson was perfect. Considering the state of the world right now, living here was like winning a lottery.

Joel had a lot to be thankful for, he was well aware of that. No longer had he any fears or sense of guilt about going to sleep and leaving you and Ellie defenseless if something were to happen. He didn’t have to count rations anymore, worrying that the kid would be forced to march all day hungry. There was now no need to keep a watchful eye for new clothes if someone’s worn off, ripped or got soaked from walking in the rain, posing a threat of you or Ellie catching a cold.

Back in Boston it wasn’t much different, though he and you had at least a bed to sleep in, as uncomfortable as it was. But there was never enough food for all those people Fedra kept there, and the winters were cold as hell, leaving at least one of you a bit sick every year.

None of those things were keeping him awake at night anymore. The only people he had to take care of – you and Ellie – were safe and comfortable. None of you had to starve or freeze, and you all didn’t have to continue walking across the country for days and days without end, struggling to survive.

Maybe that was the problem.

Joel wasn’t stupid. He knew that those luxuries he had an access to now were at the root of his problem. Before you all settled in Jackson, you were constantly on the move, fighting for your lives in one way or another, so of course he was… leaner and more fit back then. It was never something he paid attention to, though, never something he concerned himself with.

But now you three were living here, surrounded by more people than Joel could count, and he couldn’t help but… notice things about them.

Especially about all those men and women who looked at you in a different way.

Due to the nature of the party Tommy invited them to – mainly consisting of dancing and talking in the biggest bar in Jackson – Joel had a lot of time to ponder about his situation, all while nursing his drink and looking at you from across the room with his elbows resting on the table.

You were chatting with one of your friends near the counter, laughing and smiling so beautifully. No matter where Joel’s eyes strayed, they always came back to your person, as if you were the moon against the pitch black sky, reflecting some imperceptible light.

Some guy he knew by sight – Chuck? Bart? – walked up and tapped you on the shoulder, and from what Joel could tell, he was offering you a drink. He was standing way too close, though, and you took a step closer to your friend, shaking your head. Chuck – or Bart – persisted for another half a minute, but eventually shrugged and shuffled off, his movements tense.

Joel didn’t move. He knew from experience that you’d let him know if you needed his help.

As if sensing his gaze, you turned your head and sent him a radiant smile. He mirrored it, lifting his glass slightly like he was toasting you, which made you do the same before resuming the conversation with your friend.

His smile disappeared as soon as you stopped looking at him. Joel sighed and rubbed his eyes with his fingers, feeling a headache coming from the dull lights and loud chatter all around.

It were moments like this when it hit him just how old he was compared to you.

You were a sweet, young thing. Funny, sharp, drop-dead gorgeous… No wonder some people were seeking your attention. That guy was just one of the half a dozen he saw or heard about since you moved to Jackson.

Joel knew you were a loyal sort – God, he knew that, he knew you for so long now – but every time he saw you talking to someone else, his treacherous mind started to wonder if he wasn’t somehow keeping you chained to his person.

It was probably alcohol talking, but Lord, if he wasn’t reminded of how old he was compared to you every time he saw you next to your peers. You still had so much life ahead of you, and he was pushing sixty, for fuck’s sake. Before long he’ll be old and decrepit, unable to bring something useful to the table or help you in any way, and you’d still be as pretty as ever, trapped in a relationship with an old man.

For example, that guy – Chuck, or whomever – was way closer to your age, had handsome features, and Joel knew for a fact he was working at tree felling, so he had to be muscular, too.

Joel was once, too. Once.

He subtly ran his hand across his stomach under the jacket, his brows furrowed, and leaned back on the bench to get rid of those damned fat folds.

He sighed and downed the rest of the liquor in his glass, trying very hard not to think about it, not to put himself down like that and let those cruel thoughts fester in his mind, but no matter what, he couldn’t stop comparing himself to this guy, and also… how you looked next to him.

Shit. What if he was doing you more harm than good by continuing to stay with you?

“I could pickpocket you and you wouldn’t notice.”

Joel looked up, abruptly pulled out of his thoughts. You were standing over his table with your head tilted and still that beaming smile on your face.

“What are you thinking about, handsome?”

He opened his mouth, glanced in the direction of the bar, and closed it. There was no sign of any of the people you just talked with.

“Nothin’,” he replied, maybe a little too dryly, so he quickly changed the subject. “You havin’ fun?”

“Yeah, it’s nicer than I thought.” You looked around and then spotted the empty glass on the table in front of him. “Do you want me to bring you another one?”

“No, there’s no need,” he grumbled, but you had already put your drink down and sent him a wink.

“I'll be right back, baby.”

Joel hissed your name but you just looked over your shoulder with a smirk, swinging your hips provocatively to the music and ignoring him completely. He sighed heavily, slumping in his seat.

He needed to get his shit together. Fuck his insecurities, he didn’t want to take his frustration out on you when you were nothing but a ray of sunshine in his life, always so good and affectionate.

Joel’s thoughts came to a sudden stop when he searched for you in the crowd and noticed another man, this time one he didn’t know, swinging his arm over your shoulders while you waited at the bar. He tried to read your body language from here, but you didn’t seem particularly uncomfortable with the man’s actions. Joel furrowed his brows, a pit of uncertainty forming in his stomach again... but then you threw the man’s heavy limb off your shoulders and went back to Joel’s table as soon as you got the drink.

“Thanks, darlin’,” he murmured, taking a large gulp despite telling himself earlier that he was done drinking for today. “Were you okay back there?” He pointed his chin towards the bar.

You sat down next to him and smiled innocently. “Whatever do you mean?”

Joel knew you long enough to recognize when you were teasing him, and he smirked despite the doubts swirling in his mind.

“Was that guy givin’ you any trouble?” he asked lazily, deciding to play along.

“Would you beat the shit out of him if I said yes?” you asked with your eyebrows raised, and Joel shrugged, acting nonchalant.

“Probably.”

You giggled and bumped his shoulder with yours playfully.

“Then no. Peter’s a good guy. Just a little,” you seemed to be looking for the right word, “uhm, persistent.” When Joel sent you a dubious look, you rolled your eyes and made a face. “He’s politely hitting on me, but doesn’t get that I’m not interested. He works at the same place I do.”

“If he keeps makin’ you uncomfortable, that’s not very polite.” You squinted at him and Joel lifted his hands in fake surrender. “M’not sayin’ anythin’. You can take care of yourself, I know that.”

You hummed melodically and glanced at the bar, then back at Joel. Then back at the bar again where that Peter guy stood. Joel noticed you biting the inside of your cheek, so he gently nudged your knee with his.

“What’s on your mind, sweet girl?”

“Maybe you could help me make it clear that I’m taken?” you blurted out quickly, making him crack a smile and chuckle under his breath.

It was so very easy to forget about all the problems in the world when you were there, sitting right next to him and warming his soul and body with your mere presence.

“Come ‘ere,” he breathed and tugged you gently to sit on his lap. You faltered, but he gave your hand another light tug, and finally you let him guide you, putting one arm around his shoulders and making yourself comfortable.

Joel’s hand mindlessly went to rest on your thigh and he rubbed it comfortingly. That Peter guy, as he noted with satisfaction, was staring right back at you, eyeing the way your body was pressed flush against Joel’s with a twisted face.

Once the eyes of the both men met, Joel leaned in and kissed your neck, keeping eye contact the entire time. Peter turned away, taking a large swig from his glass.

Joel felt your muscles relaxing, and you giggled adorably next to his ear at his antics, hiding your neck between your shoulders when he nibbled at your skin lightly. Then your hand covered his, the one lying on your thigh, and stroked his skin lovingly.

Maybe Joel was keeping you chained somehow. Then again, he was but a selfish creature after all. He didn’t know if he could bring himself to ever truly let you go.

*****

The next few days – which then turned into weeks – Joel spent wondering. Mostly about what to do with his predicaments.

He had a couple of them.

The first problem was the nights. They became more difficult since he noticed… details about himself that weren’t there before, and which bothered him more and more with each day.

Joel used to love the nightfall, especially since you all settled in Jackson. In those evening hours no one bothered him, he could finally relax, spend some time alone with you, and later collapse on the bed to get a good-night sleep.

Well, not anymore.

The bedtime unexpectedly became the most stressful one for him. He was so fucking mad at himself, because laying down and having a chance to hold you in his arms was something he treasured for the longest time, but now his own insecurities stood in a way of it.

You loved cuddling and being close to him in your sleep, and Joel was never bothered by it – hell, he initiated those moments more often than not. But now he started noticing more and more how this layer of fat on his stomach moved and looked like when you draped your arm around him or snuggled closer to his chest, and it became all he could think about.

It bothered Joel so much that he started wearing a t-shirt to bed, even though he hated it with all his passion. When you asked about it, he lied that he’s cold, but in reality he was always sweaty by morning. It didn’t seem to make any difference to you, though, and you didn’t shy away from pressing your body close to his, and even slipping your hands under his shirt when you were spooning him. Some days Joel was waking up with you lying on his chest or having your arm slung across his belly, and every time it caused a lump in his throat.

He knew you didn’t mean anything bad by it – for God’s sake, you probably didn’t even have any idea that he had a problem with himself – but what once was a wonderful start of the day, now became a bitter reminder of all those things he was insecure about.

Recently he built a habit of waking up before you – he did it often before, but he always stayed in bed and waited for you to open your eyes, too – and carefully disentangling himself from your embrace. It wasn’t like it didn’t feel wonderful to be enveloped by you in this way, but once he stirred awake, lying still was a herculean task. No matter how much he tried to ignore it, his skin was itching and buzzing, he was sweating from nerves and a lot of horrible, self-depriving thoughts were flooding his mind.

So once he woke up, he’d go take a shower, trying to be a little bit louder than necessary in hopes that you’d already be awake when he gets back – so that he wouldn’t feel so guilty about not laying back down next to you.

The second of his problems was that you began to watch him more closely.

He didn’t know when it started happening, but in hindsight he realized it was just a matter of time – he was acting weird, after all, and you knew him too well not to notice anything.

A couple of times in the last few days only, Joel caught you staring at him in silence. Your eyes were solemn and your forehead sad, though you were quick to smile and act like nothing was amiss as soon as he turned your way.

You must have known something was wrong, but Joel didn’t ask about it. Honestly, with all that was happening in his own head, he didn’t want to know.

But at the same time it was as if nothing odd was happening. You were your usual self, a blessing in Joel’s life, and you still sought to be close to him and spend as much time together as possible. You still told him you loved him, surprised him with unexpected gestures of affection…

Just like today – you hugged him from behind while he was dressing up, started kissing his shoulders so tenderly and murmuring sweet nothings into his skin… In those moments Joel could almost forget about everything that was nagging him. It was easy to believe that you still liked the way he looked, that he was deserving of you, when you treated him with nothing but overwhelming love.

But the itch in the back of his mind never really disappeared. Even though he wanted it to.

Those thoughts filled his mind while you were sitting on his lap, telling him some story from work in a soft voice. You two were at Tommy’s, waiting for him to get back from helping his wife with something, and the day was so beautiful that you all went out onto the patio in front of the house to enjoy the unusually warm weather for this time of the year.

Joel’s hand was on your thigh, stroking it absentmindedly, while he nodded to whatever you were saying, but for the life of him, he could not focus.

Has your physique changed as well? Joel didn’t care about those things, of course, and in his eyes you were as breathtaking as ever – maybe even more, since so many of your worries disappeared and he got to see your smile more often. And you still felt perfect under his hands when he was holding you at night, still looked like a goddess every time he got to admire your naked body.

But even though he wouldn’t have cared either way if you gained some weight or looked any different, his body still bothered him.

You rested your head on his shoulder, and Joel fixed his attention to the wind-blown tree crowns in the distance.

Maybe he should start exercising.

Joel never liked the idea of waking up early and running down the streets in a sweat-soaked t-shirt, or going to the gym where everyone seems to stare and judge you, but it was never necessary.

With how much traveling, heavy-lifting and working he had to do, he never concerned himself with the way he looked. Hell, these things are the last on your mind when you’re fighting for your life in this god-forsaken world. But here, in Jackson, it was different. Life was good, and you were happy. And as stupid as it sounded for him, Joel wanted to look good for you.

Maybe he should ask Maria to assign him to extra patrols. He already volunteered for the morning ones, but perhaps…

“You’re quiet.”

Joel didn’t realize you stopped telling your story. He pressed his lips together and his hand on your thigh stilled.

“Sorry.”

“No need for that,” you reassured him quickly. Then you cupped his cheeks and lifted his head gently. “I don’t mean ‘now’, though, I mean… lately, in general.” Your eyes were flickering across his face, like you were hoping to read the answer from his features. “Is there something you wanna talk about?”

No. Hell no. It was bad enough that Joel himself was aware of his issue, he didn’t want to make it even more noticeable by pointing it out to you.

Which reminded him – he moved his torso away from you only a few millimeters.

“No, babygirl,” he answered. He brushed some hair behind your ear, smiling softly even though inside he despised himself for lying to you. “Everythin’s fine.”

You didn’t seem convinced and still were studying his face with concern. Joel resumed petting your thigh, wanting to put you at ease. He could worry about himself, but he didn’t need to concern you with his problems, too.

“I promise,” he added. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”

That look in your eyes didn’t disappear, but you hummed and dropped your hands. It didn’t take a genius to know you didn’t believe him.

“If you say so,” you answered at last, and then covered his hand on your leg with your own. “But remember you can talk to me whenever you want. About anything.”

Jesus, your kindness was only confirming his concerns if he was the right person for you. Joel shook his head with a crooked smile.

“You’re gettin’ sappy.”

“It’s because I’m worried,” you shot back without skipping a beat, swatting at his chest with the back of your hand. “And you’re not making it any easier.”

“There’s nothin’ for you to worry about,” he repeated, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. But he failed.

You pressed your lips together and then made a move to get up from his lap without a word. Joel held onto you delicately, not letting you stand up.

“Wait, darlin’,” he sighed, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. “Didn’t mean to say it that way. I just… feel tired. Sorry.”

Your eyes softened when you took in the regret and weariness on his face. Joel felt your fingertips on his jaw, but before you could question him further, Tommy returned from the inside of the house with a grin.

“Age is a heavy burden, eh, ol’ dog?” he teased, apparently having heard the last bit of their conversation. The younger Miller placed three bottles of beer on the table, and winked at you. “That’s just how it is for us now. Enjoy your youth while you still can, punk.”

Joel felt a sharp jab in his ribs, not unlike being stabbed. He couldn’t find it in himself to look at his brother, less alone laugh at his teasing.

Of course Tommy didn’t mean anything bad by it, but his words were just a bitter reminder of the ever-present pit of Joel’s stomach.

The weight of you on his lap suddenly felt a lot lighter, and he himself felt so, so very heavy and tired.

Old.

Joel could feel your eyes boring into his face, but a second later you turned to Tommy, taking the burden of filling the uncomfortable silence.

“It’s already started for me. Sometimes I feel like my bones want to kill me prematurely.”

“M’sure Joel won’t let that happen. He’d fight your skeleton if you said it’s botherin’ you.”

You snorted and shook your head, but your smile faltered when you turned to Joel again. He almost broke down right then and there from the guilt and tightness in his chest.

And the dark feeling inside him just grew when your eyes stayed sad and concerned for the rest of the day.

*****

It had to end.

Joel could no longer pretend everything was alright like he wasn’t dying on the inside every time you did as much as hold his hand. He felt horrible about lying, avoiding spending time together and denying you affection he knew you so loved receiving.

If he was being honest with himself, he wanted this affection, too. Undisturbed with self-doubts and guilt.

He fucking craved it.

Those last few weeks, his evenings were mostly spent away from you and the warmth of your shared home. The nights, on the other hand, when he would sneak in and quietly lay down next to you (but just a little further away), became full of intrusive thoughts and wallowing in self-loathing.

No matter what excuse he came up with, you were persistent in holding and being close to him during the night, and Joel discovered that the only way to prevent you from doing it was to come to bed after you’ve already fallen asleep.

But it was a damn torture.

The worst part was when he was coming home to the sight of you lying amongst the tangled sheets and blankets in his bed. No matter if you were drooling or a pillow has imprinted itself on your cheek, every time this sight made Joel weak in the knees. You looked like a gorgeous, priceless painting, and it pained him to disrupt your rest with his arrival.

He tried to volunteer for evening patrols, because then he’d have a real reason to come home late, but not only Maria didn’t want to pair him with anyone during those hours – she also suspended him from all patrols whatsoever. Joel was understandably furious, but the damn woman threatened to tell Tommy about it if he kept being ‘a stubborn pain in her ass’. She sent him back home, murmuring something about spending more time with you, which he tried to pretend he hadn’t heard.

Joel sighed, sitting up on the edge of the bed and hiding his face in his hand.

If Maria of all people could see that there were some problems in your and Joel’s relationship, then you had to notice, too.

Christ, he was the worst.

Joel didn’t want to push you away, of course not. He wanted to stay with you more than anything, but that desire did nothing to diminish the guilt suffocating him. For some time, he felt like the luckiest man alive, having the privilege to call you his and every day come home to you. But now with all those little things he started to notice, he felt like a fraud.

It wasn’t even about him not deserving you anymore – it was that you didn’t deserve this fucking treatment he was giving you these past few weeks.

Fuck, he had to tell you the truth. About the patrols, sneaking out, distancing himself, all of it. He couldn’t bear lying to you a day longer.

Joel stood up and pulled his sweaty t-shirt over his head. He wrinkled his nose at the smell and patted himself under his armpits and on the back, then reached for a clean one.

He’ll figure it out. He just needed some time to come up with a way to–

“Morning, handsome.”

Joel flinched and turned around quickly, not having realized you were awake, but whatever excuse he had in mind, it fell dead on his lips.

You stretched with a groan, reaching one arm high above your head and rubbing your eyes with the other hand. A sleepy smile danced on your lips when you looked back at him with sparkles in your slightly puffy eyes, and Joel didn’t have any other word to describe you than ‘ethereal’.

“What are you doing?” you asked groggily, relaxing against the pillow and looking him up and down.

“Uhmm…” he hesitated, clutching the t-shirt that was in need of washing close to his chest. His gaze was drawn to the window. “Goin’ out, actually. I’ve got some work…”

“No, you don’t,” you interrupted him and swung off the covers from his side of the bed. “Get back here.”

Joel looked at you with surprise.

“What?”

“You heard me, Miller. Get your ass back on the bed.”

He crumpled the shirt in his hands, hesitating, but his eyes softened as soon as he looked back at you and your raised eyebrows – like you were challenging him to just try and refuse you.

But how could he, when you looked so pretty lying in his bed and demanding to have him close to you? How could he ever deny you anything?

With a defeated sigh, Joel started putting the t-shirt back on, but the sound of you humming in protest stopped him. Your face was grumpy when he glanced up.

“Nah. No shirt.” You extended your hand in his direction, making a grabbing motion. “Come here.”

Joel didn’t move. “Why?”

You rolled your eyes and dramatically flopped down onto the pillows, looking up at him with an adorable pout.

“Because it’s been a long time since I got a chance to admire my handsome, sexy man,” you answered with sincerity, and then grinned. “Now come here. If you ditch your shirt, I’ll consider ditching mine.”

He still didn’t move. You were patient, but when it became clear that he wasn’t going to do anything, you sent him a small, sweet smile. “If you get cold again, I promise to do something about it, love.”

Joel physically felt his heart softening at your words and at the sight of you.

With a silent sigh – and only a split second of hesitation – he took off the t-shirt and quickly laid down on his back next to you. He felt a bile rise in his throat, though he had no idea why, and it became almost choking when you shifted closer to him, putting one hand on his chest.

“You’ve deprived me of this beautiful view for too long,” you whispered, kissing the place below his collarbone, and then going up to the base of his neck. “I missed seeing you like this.”

“There’s nothin’ to miss,” Joel muttered, not moving a single muscle. He had his hands entwined on his stomach and to look in your direction was the biggest effort anyone could demand from him now. “We sleep next to each other every night, sweetheart.”

“You know what I mean,” you breathed into his neck, leaving love bites wherever your lips strayed. “You’re going out so early these days. And you work late.”

“Patrols,” Joel grunted with gritted teeth, his muscles tense and breathing ragged as your warm palm caressed his waist. “Sorry.”

“You work too hard, love.” You sat up and swung one of your legs over his lap. Joel actually shivered when you took his hands in your own and placed them on your hips. “Let me help you relax.”

Oh, fuck.

Jesus fucking Christ, Joel was sure he was going to drop dead at any second now.

“Darlin’…” he began, but you made a noise in your throat and leaned in to kiss him deeply, pressing your body to his. Joel loved when you initiated those moments between you two, and you looked so fucking hot sitting on top of him – but for the life of him, he could not relax.

“It hits me every once in a while how lucky I am to have you,” you whispered in such a sweet, adoring voice, like you didn’t hear him. You pressed your lips against his stubble again, igniting every inch of his skin with your touch. “Let me enjoy you. I love you so much, you know that?”

“I…”

I love you, too.

Lord, he loved you so much. Why was it so hard to return your affections, then? Why did he feel like the biggest crook by letting you love him?

Joel let out a shuddering sigh he didn’t know he was holding when you pressed your lips to the edge of his jaw, before capturing his mouth in a kiss. It was sweet, but heated at the same time and, without even thinking about it, he found himself wrapping his strong arms around you, bringing you closer to his chest. You smiled against his lips and murmured something he didn’t quite catch.

A groan escaped him when you bit his lower lip lightly, your soft palm going down, from his chest, to his stomach, down…

He couldn’t do it.

Joel abruptly rose to the sitting position and grabbed your wrist, his eyes sad and painful.

“I’m sorry, baby” he said with furrowed brows, gently setting you aside and off his lap, before standing up quickly. “I’m so sorry, babygirl, I love you, I promise, but I can’t… I don’t feel good today. I’m sorry.”

“Joel…” you started, but he shook his head, putting his t-shirt back on and turning away from you not to let you see the absolute wrecked expression on his face and wetness in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he kept saying, feeling like he’s about to throw up from the nerves and the burning shame. He cursed himself internally, wanting to turn around, to take your face in his hands and kiss you deeply, but he… he... “I’m so…”

All strength left him in a blink of an eye and suddenly he slumped on the bed, hiding his face in his hands. Joel desperately tried to get a grip on himself, but his chest felt so tight, and all the worry, all the guilt and fear, and self-loathing came crashing down on him all at once.

“M’sorry, darlin’,” he whispered hoarsely, his lips trembling and that damn muscle in his cheek pulsing when he felt the mattress dipping and your tentative touch on his face.

“No, no, baby, it’s alright,” you started saying quietly, trying to take his cheeks in your hands, but he didn’t let you. “Oh, Joel… Come here.”

You gently pulled him into your arms, guiding his head to rest in the crook of your neck. Joel hid his face in your skin, realizing with dread that his own shoulders were shaking.

For God’s sake, he needed to stop, he needed to put himself together and not show any weakness–

But it was you. It was your warm embrace and your loving hands brushing his hair, and your quiet whispers while you held him. It was your kindness and understanding, and stubbornness coming from love. You weren’t someone he had to hide from.

So he let you in. He let you hold him.

“Joel, please. Talk to me,” you spoke up after some time, and though your tone was soft, it somehow sounded too loud in the silence of the room. “I need to know what’s going on with you, you’re worrying me.”

“Nothin’ is goin’ on,” he answered out of habit, not even moving a muscle. “I just… fuck, sorry.”

“Stop apologizing and talk to me.” Joel pursed his lips, while you massaged his back gently. “Whatever it is, we’re gonna get through it together, okay? It’s gonna be okay, love, I promise.”

He planned on telling you. He wanted to tell you and get it off his chest, but… he wasn’t ready. Not now. Not when he broke down in front of you, for fuck’s sake.

But you deserved to know. If not to help him, then at least to make you aware of what you’ve gotten yourself into. It wasn’t fair to keep you in the dark and at arm’s length because of his absurd fears.

He wetted his lips and inhaled softly, but no words came out.

You gently lifted his head and Joel immediately squeezed his eyes shut, knowing there was no way he’d be able to say anything if he looked at you.

“You can tell me, baby,” you whispered sadly, touching the side of his face. “Anything. I promise everything will be alright.”

Joel was silent for a couple of moments, before he swallowed and took a deep breath, trying to calm down his pounding heart.

“I don’t have any extra work,” he started very quietly, so his voice wouldn’t break. “I was lyin’ to you, and I… I’m so sorry about that. I don’t get sent on any patrols now, actually…”

He shook his head and sighed heavily, faltering. He knew that wasn’t the problem, and although lying to you was one of the things he was guilty of, it wasn’t what started all of it. And you must’ve known it, too, because you kept looking at him, not saying anything.

“The thin’ is, I… God dammit,” he murmured, turning his head away from you and hiding his face in his hands, still keeping his eyes closed. “I can’t… I don’t– I have a problem with myself,” he finally blurted out, not even caring now if you understood his muffled words. “I keep…”

Fuck, man, just say it.

“I’m… I’m not as fit as I used to be,” he murmured, not moving an inch in fear that you’ll spot the wetness on his eyelashes. “I don’t want to do you harm, darlin’, keepin’ you from… Jesus, I don’t know. From livin’ your life, happily and to the fullest.”

“Joel…” You whispered with pain in your voice. “Is this what it is about?”

Joel shook his head, letting out a shuddering breath, still as quietly as he could.

“I’m old,” he said with tiredness he didn’t know he had in himself. “And you… You’re so pretty and young, I…” He lowered his forehead onto his hand, rubbing his temple. “I would like nothin’ more than to spend the rest of my life with you, darlin’. But I’m afraid I’m not… not good for you. You could do so much better–”

“Hey. Hey, none of that.” You forced his hands away from his face by cradling it in your own palms. “There’s no one else I’d rather share my days with.”

Joel just shut his eyes tighter, trying to contain the tears that started to gather in them.

“I know, sweetheart,” he whispered. “But in a couple of years I’ll be… God, I’ll be fuckin’ sixty, and you–”

“Do you really think I care about that?” you asked softly, brushing your thumbs under his eyes, but he shook his head, like you didn’t understand. “Joel, I love you more than anything in this world. And I know you love me.” He heard the faintest smile in your voice, and it made him feel so, so terrible with himself – that you were trying to make him feel better when you shouldn’t have, he shouldn’t have been another one of your worries… “So where’s the problem? I want to be with you. Only you.”

Joel pressed his lips together and before he could stop himself, he draped his arms over his lap, like he was trying to hide the evidence of his insecurities from you, even though his torso was already covered by the t-shirt.

“You’re young and beautiful,” he repeated, still unable to find strength in himself to look you in the eye. “And I’m anythin’ but. I just don’t wanna…”

Joel didn’t know what else to say.

He didn’t want you to leave. He didn’t want to spend another night apart from you. He didn’t want to push you away.

“Just don’t want you to be unhappy,” he finally murmured.

You let out something between a short chuckle and a stifled sob, and your fingers found Joel’s, still wrapped around his stomach.

“Do I look unhappy to you?” you asked, almost in disbelief. Joel finally willed himself to glance at you, if only to see for himself – which turned out to be a mistake. Your eyes were sad and teary, but not full of hurt or distaste like he feared, and you still had this faint smile on your face. He quickly turned his head away and you must’ve realized how you looked because your hold on his fingers tightened slightly. “Not right now. In general, did I ever do something to make you think I’m not happy with you?”

“No,” he answered quietly, not even having to think about it. “But it doesn’t…”

“I told you before, how can I even look at anyone else when I have you?” you spoke up when he faltered. “You’re beautiful to me, Joel, even if you don’t believe me right now. You’re amazing and kind, you’re fucking hot, and yeah, maybe you’re stubborn at times, but I love you so much, and every day I find another reason to fall for you all over again.”

Joel met your eyes again, looking for any hesitation or deceit – but he didn’t find any. As always, you were sincere in everything you said.

He realized, with another wave of tears threatening to roll down his cheeks, how much he missed your affection that he alone deprived himself from. How much he longed for this intimacy that once came so easily to him.

“M’sorry,” he muttered at last, lifting his hand to your face and trying to ignore those damn tears spilling from behind his eyelids. “Never doubted you, babygirl, but I just didn’t know how… how to tell you.”

“It’s okay, Joel,” you nuzzled your cheek into his palm, planting a kiss on the inside of his hand. “It’s alright, c’mon here.”

Not letting go of his hand, you tugged him gently and leaned back on the pillows. With great effort he refrained from fighting you, and instead let you pull him down, laying his head on your chest.

And in an instant, everything was alright again. The moment Joel heard your heartbeat under his ear and felt your gentle hands on the nape of his neck and his back… it was like coming home. This feeling of warmth spreading across his limbs made him feel safe for the first time in weeks.

It was so long since he fully let you hold him.

Maybe that’s what he’s been missing.

“I adore you, Joel Miller,” you whispered into the top of his head, holding him close to your heart. “All of you, and just the way you are.”

Joel couldn’t help it – a small smile crept onto his lips.

“Called it,” he murmured. “You’re gettin’ sappy.”

You snorted and kissed his hairline. “I think you need it, handsome.”

“Maybe I do,” he conceded, not moving his head from your chest, and sighed tiredly. “Dammit, missed holdin’ you like this, babygirl. M’so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” you countered, but he continued.

“I just didn’t know how to talk about it… How to tell you that I feel bad. About… the way I look.”

Joel felt your hands on his cheeks, and although he really didn’t want to move from the position he was in, he let you lift his head.

“I love the way you look,” you said quietly, in a tone that made Joel’s old heart flutter. “And our bodies change, there’s nothing wrong with that. If anything, I’m really happy that both of us can enjoy this kind of life.” You leaned in and nudged Joel’s nose with yours, closing your eyes. “Every change of our bodies is a sign that we’re finally safe after all we’ve been through.

“But you look gorgeous as ever, sweet girl.”

“M’glad to hear it, Mr Miller,” you teased, but then your smile turned wistful. “But you know, I was insecure about my looks, too, not sure if you noticed. My stomach and thighs, and,” you rolled your eyes, “well, my butt.”

Normally Joel would throw a playful remark, or try to make you giggle, but this time he stayed silent. He just listened to your soft voice, drinking in your features.

“It worried me for some time. But you still put your hand on my leg when I was sitting with you, and you never shied away from telling and showing me,” you stressed this word, a teasing note in your tone, “how much you like my body.”

“‘Course I do,” he murmured quietly, lifting himself on his elbows and leaning over you despite your huffs and efforts to keep him in place.

“So I thought that maybe you didn’t care about this extra weight, or even didn’t–”

The rest of your words were swallowed by Joel’s lips when he kissed you deeply and hungrily. So many strong emotions were swirling inside his chest, he didn’t know anymore what to do with himself. At first you tried to continue your train of thought, but soon gave up, erupting into giggles when Joel latched his lips onto your neck and wrapped his arms around you in an attempt to bring you in even closer.

“I didn’t care,” he was whispering into your skin, leaving a trail of wet kisses in his wake. “I don’t.”

“Then you see– Joel, stop it!” You squealed when he carried on with his assault, not giving you a second to gather your thoughts.

“M’so lucky to have you,” he whispered while peppering your face in soft kisses. “Thank you, babygirl.”

You finally managed to free your arms, and you cupped his face in your hands with a huge grin that Joel decided he wanted to see every day. Another adorable giggle escaped you when he snuggled his scratchy cheek into your palm.

“I know it will take time,” you said gently, but firmly, looking deep into his eyes. “But no matter how long it’ll take, I will make you understand how incredibly attracted I am to you.” Joel hung his head low to hide a bashful snigger, and your smile grew. “Understand?”

“Yeah, yeah. Understood, ma’am.”

“Good.” You pulled him closer to plant a slow kiss on his lips, and asked seductively: “I can start right now, if you’d want to. I don’t want my handsome man to feel insecure about any part of him.”

God, he loved you so much.

Joel hid his face in the crook of your neck again, his heart squeezing with adoration and disbelief at how it came that he’d been blessed with someone like you.

“Y’know what, sweetheart? I think it’d do me good.”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #joel miller #joel miller x y/n #joel tlou #i will actually be taking a break because i have uni stuff to do which i REALLY neglected on behalf of this fic #i really got carried away with this one and the final scene took me so long to write omg #i really tried to approach this topic with respect and understanding and i very much hope it's alright #soft joel miller #joel miller fluff #the last of us fic

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spidermans-l-o-v-e-r · 8 months ago

Text

Strawberries and Cream

Paring: Eddie Diaz x Reader

Word count: 7.1k

Notes: 🎶 is that a baton in your pocket or are you just happy to see me🎶 please understand I’m gonna shoot myself in the face if I ever have to edit this chapter again it is what it ISSSSS

Episode 6: Blueberry Pie

This entire chapter be like

Eddie calls you around 10 pm, asking you to pick him up so he can take you somewhere special. He’s still got a day or two before he’s allowed to drive with his shoulder and you’ve been taking him everywhere lately, just to spend time together.

You show up a little after 10, he’s on his front porch, just chilling, waiting, playing some random game on his phone while he waits for you.

“You’re late Sugar Cube,” He says as he pushes off the wall, walking to the Jeep

“It’s 10:04 you big baby” You stick your tongue out as he gets in, and he leans over and kisses it right back into your mouth

“Are you always late?” He buckles his seatbelt and watches you blink slowly, processing what just happened

“Huh?”

“I said,” He kisses you again, a little slower this time

“Are you always late?”

“Ehh??” You shrug, unable to form a sentence and he snorts, taking your phone from the stand and typing in an address for you

“I hope you don’t mind…” He holds up a pink pouch “I bought you a little something”

He won’t tell you what it is, or where you’re going. He just keeps ignoring those questions and asks you some instead. How was your day? What did you do? Did you miss me? Little things but it’s cute the way he’s interested in these things

You pull up in front of a large house, the lights are off. You shut off the car and look through the windshield

“What are we doing here? Are you gonna kidnap me??”

“Yeah I made you drive Buck’s Jeep to my super secret kidnapping hideout” He gets out of the Jeep and comes around to your side, opening the door for you. You hesitantly hop out, narrowing your eyes at him

“I have friends okay? They’re out of town and they asked me to housesit. Said I could use whatever I wanted… that includes the pool and hot tub”

“We’re going swimming?! Night swimming!? That’s the best kind of swimming!!” You squeal excitedly as he brings you inside.

It’s a very nice place, these people clearly have money. He brings you to the pool house, handing you the little pink pouch

“I bought you a new swimsuit… I hope you like it. Buck sent me the size of the one you have now. I hope that’s alright with you”

“A new swimsuit? You didn’t have to do that I have a perfectly good one” You take the bag from him, opening it up to peek inside

“I know, but I just really wanted to… I wanted to see you in this. If you’re uncomfortable in it I’ll just give you my shirt okay? That’s always an option”

“Thank you, Eddie, I’m sure I’ll love it. Or you know, absolutely hate your guts for it, who knows!”

He rolls his eyes at your sarcasm and flicks you off

“You change in there, I’ll be on the other side” He shuts the curtain and goes into the little cubicle next to you to change too

You pull the swimsuit from the bag, and honestly? It’s not that bad. It’s a pretty, black, two-piece with the sides cut out on the bottoms and ties and a short-sleeved low-cut top. You’re pretty sure he wanted those sides on purpose just to be able to feel you up.

He lets out a low whistle as soon as you walk out and you roll your eyes, doing a little spin

“How do I look?”

“Good enough to eat” He winks and takes your hand, leading you over to the pool. You step back a little, letting go of his hand as he walks in, he goes under for a minute, swimming out a bit before coming back up

“Aren’t you coming?” He tilts his head, and you shrug a bit

“Awww what’s wrong pretty girl, don’t wanna get wet?”

You cross your arms over your chest “No…no it’s not that!”

“So what is it?”

You roll your eyes, looking down, and shrug “I can’t… I can’t swim” You mumble

“Don’t worry about that, mi vida. C’mon the waters warm” Eddie reaches for your hands, water droplets flowing down his body. His gorgeous…sculpted-

“Earth to Y/N. Come on. I’ll hold you” Eddie smirks as you step down into the water, the water is warm and you narrow your eyes at him

“You know the pool chemicals will tell me if you peed”

His head falls back laughing as he pulls you into his chest, floating backward with you in his arms

“That’s so childish oh my god”

His body feels good against yours, your arms wrap around his neck and you bury your face in his shoulder. He runs his hands down your bare sides and squeezes your hips. You feel his hands slide over your ass and your breath hitches in your throat

“See? Safe and sound…” He says quietly, nuzzling against you “And I didn’t freaking pee”

You snort into his shoulder and push at him “You’re so annoying oh my god”

“You literally started it!” He gives your ass a swat and your mouth drops open. Ever since the beach…and the drive-in, he’s been openly affectionate with you, there are no labels yet. For you two at least. Buck however is losing his mind every single second of every single day.

He nuzzles into your neck again, his favorite thing to do. You smell like summer and strawberries and he’s addicted to it

He carefully lets you go, holding you by your hands and pulling you slowly around the pool. You let him drag you through the water and he goes a little deeper. He pulls you closer, his hands firmly planted on your waist and your hands on his shoulders

“I could teach you to swim,” He says, continuing to walk you around

“Yeah, but then you wouldn’t have an excuse to hold me”

“Oh sweet girl, I don’t need an excuse to have my hands on you”

He dips his head into yours, kissing you softly. He pulls away slowly, smirking at the little dazed smile on your face.

“I don’t need an excuse to want to taste you either… just waiting for when you finally let me”

“I let you kiss me all the time”

“That’s not what I’m saying”

There’s a long pause while he stares directly into your eyes, he’s daring you. Practically begging you to take the bait, god it should be illegal for his voice to be that deep, that sultry when he’s saying things like this. His heart flutters at the way you swallow and your lips part, like you’re really considering it and he wants you to be considering it. He wants that pretty little head of yours to think about being with him like that

He walks backward until his back hits a wall and pulls you into his lap. Your legs automatically wrap around his waist and his hands settle on your ass

“Watcha thinkin' about” He grins wickedly and you roll your eyes

“Nothin…” you feel shy in his lap, suddenly a little self-conscious.

Maybe a bikini wasn’t the best idea. And it had nothing to do with your image at the moment, you’d worn that with confidence

But right now? You wish you were wearing one of those old-timey dress-type bathing suits. His hands feel good, they’re strong and a bit calloused from work. His biceps are… something else as your hands rest on them for a moment. Every little thing about Eddie is driving you crazy right now, especially the way his hair curls a little when it’s wet.

“Nothin'?” He mimics your voice and you frown at his teasing, he kisses your nose making you giggle

“Come on… use your words, Princess”

“God, do you really have to tease me that much?”

“Do you not like it?”

“I hate it!” You make a little face at him and he chuckles, nuzzling his nose against yours

“Oh come on baby girl no you don’t”

“Okay, I don’t… but can’t I be the one to make you nervous?”

“You do make me nervous Y/N” he scoffs, laughing.

“God since the minute I set eyes on you like two months ago…I can’t seem to do anything right. I literally had my shirt on backward the other day because you called me when I was getting dressed before work!”

You giggle and run your fingers through the back of his hair as he talks, your cheeks flush and he sighs, leaning into your touch, his body glistening with water in the moonlight

“I had to sign off on the chore sheet…and I wrote “Y/N Diaz” on it”

He cringes at that one and you snort, shaking your head

“Okay that one’s embarrassing”

“You know what was really embarrassing? When Chim found it in the trash and sent it to the group chat. God they still haven’t let me forget that and that was like a week ago or something”

You feel a little bad, giggling at his cringy misfortune, but it feels good to know you make him just as nervous even if he doesn’t show it as much. Maybe it’s time to give him a little taste of his medicine. It had been a back-and-forth game the entire time you’d known each other and now it was your turn.

His eyes are still closed and you take the opportunity to kiss him, he breaths out through his nose, laughing a little as he kisses you back, not bothering to open his eyes.

You run your fingers through his wet curls, tugging his head backward to expose his neck

“Thanks for bringing me here,” You say sweetly, and he opens one eye, peeking at you

“We can come again tomorrow night if you want, make use of that hot tub” He moans softly as you kiss his neck, scraping your teeth against his soft skin

“Yeah okay,” you whisper against his pulse point as you bite down. He hums pleasantly, kneading your hips with his hands, as you give him a necklace. His hands trail up and down your sides slowly as he relaxes into your kisses. He may be quiet on the outside, but you can feel just how much he likes this.

“Can’t wait to go back to work, wear these with pride” He purrs, his voice gravely and deep. “Gonna wear my collar open just so they can see them” His breath hitches at the end of his sentence and he bounces you in his lap, thrusting his hips against you

“You should stop” He whispers in your ear “Before I bend you over this pool wall”

Moving in with Eddie is something that’s been on your mind for days. You guys weren’t actually in a relationship yet… but all your stuff was there anyway

After your little hickey attack, he’d kept a small distance between the two of you as you both floated around, you pouted like a little brat and he laughed about it, cooing and teasing you. Eventually, he’d brought you back into his lap, squeezing you as tightly as he could until you laughed and smiled and told him to let you go before he crushed you.

“I want to move in with you,” You say suddenly, your forehead against his now as you kiss him. Man, there’s a whole lotta kissing going on for just friends.

“Three days at your place, three days at Buck’s, and alternating Sundays. When we get together maybe I’ll do four at your place. But I just. I need a home… and I’m ready for it to be with you. You know- sort of.

“On one condition” He mutters against your lips, you can feel his moving with each word.

“I want you to move into my room, please?”

Your heart pounds in your chest, pulling back a little to look at him. He’s serious about it too. He tilts his head cutely…giving you those irresistible puppy eyes

“Eddie…” you groan “I’m not-“

“You and Buck sleep together”

“We’re cousins!”

“And we’re friends!”

“What if I need space?!” You protest and he rolls his eyes.

“Fine. You can move into the guest room,” He pecks your lips “But you sleep in my room-“ he pecks them again “With me” he kisses you a little slower this time, tasting the sweet summer strawberry he loves so much “-In my bed”

How can you possibly deny him when he’s kissing you like that?

You spend the rest of the time splashing and messing around in the pool, shushing each other loudly to avoid disturbing the neighbors It doesn’t work.

Eddie is launching you into the pool when the doorbell rings. You both freeze and Eddie gets out of the pool, pushing the button on the wall to open the side gates. You quietly “Ooooooo” him from the pool and he flips you off.

Two police officers come around back and you shrink down a little, coming to the edge of the pool

“Hi, I’m officer Nolan this is Officer Juarez. We got a noise complaint? Said the people living here are supposed to be out of town”

Officer Nolan looks pale as he introduces them, it’s just a noise complaint…

Eddie runs his hand through his wet hair and you get out of the pool now, walking over to your towels

“Uh yeah, no uh, my friends let us use the pool I’m sorry, we didn’t realize how loud we were being”

“Yeah we’re really sorry, we can leave now” You walk over, handing Eddie a towel and he takes it, giving your body a lingering look. Your cheeks flush and you roll your eyes, gesturing to the literal police officers in front of him

“No that’s okay. We’re sorry for interrupting your night. It’s just your neighbors are old” Officer Juarez shrugs

“Was it the Schumacher’s?” Eddie rolls his eyes

“Actually we can’t-“

“Sure was,” Officer Juarez says, putting her hands on her hips and Eddie groans drying off his hair

“My partner shouldn’t have told you that I apologize. But yes it was them and it would probably be helpful if you left… honestly we get a lot of noise complaints from them but since it was so late we decided to check it out”

“They’ve done this before” Eddie sighs, turning away to collect your stuff

“You’ve done this before?” You scoff a little “with who?”

“Oop” Officer Juarez whispers and Officer Nolan glares at her

“No, no, no, baby I meant like. During the day, I’ve never brought anyone who wasn’t Buck and the team here before at night or any other time of the day, I swear. It’s just you Y/N. Not to mention Buck would totally tell on me if I was lying”

You sigh and narrow your eyes, you totally believe him but you just want him to be a little nervous

“I promise” He pouts at you, with the sweetest face he can muster and you hear Officer Juarez's breath hitch

“Oh god I know right” You say turning to her and she snorts

You haven’t even left Eddie’s driveway before he’s immediately calling Buck. He slams the front door as you drive away and goes to his bedroom, crashing into bed. He doesn’t bother changing yet he’s too excited

“Eddie? It’s like 1 am Is everything okay? Do you need me to come over?”

“No, no I’m okay. Thanks. I just needed to talk to you right away”

“Okay, yeah what’s up?” He can hear shuffling and a click as Buck sits up and turns on the light

“Is Y/N sleeping over?”

“No she’s on her way home, I have to be quick. Buck- she’s moving in with me”

“She's moving in with you?!”

Buck screams into the phone and Eddie has to pull it from his ear for a minute as he squeals loudly. He shouldn’t have told Buck before you did but he’s his best friend and he had to tell someone before he burst.

“Yeah, but just part time! She said she’d live with you the other days of the week but I’m totally going to convince her that staying with me is the best option. It’s gonna be so good”

“Have you been by the pound lately?”

“There’s a German Shepherd puppy!!” Eddie practically squeaks when he says it, kicking his legs as he lays in bed “He’s cute, he’s very sweet. He’s the perfect future, Captain Barkley Diaz”

“Aren’t you moving a little fast?”

Eddie sends Buck a picture of the puppies listed on the humane society’s site

“Nope!”

Buck laughs as he looks at the adorable little puppy. He scrolls through the other animals too

“What about a rabbit? She loves rabbits”

“Why not both!” Eddie starts looking through the site again and Buck giggles

“Eddie… you can’t just spring an animal on her”

“I won’t! I swear. We’ll go pick one together” he sighs dreamily “We’ll hold hands while she pulls me down the aisle looking at all the cute little dogs

Buck fake gags and rolls his eyes

“Hey, maybe you should get an older dog! they deserve some love”

“Maybe even two dogs. That’s such a good idea!”

“Okay, not. Not two dogs Eddie”

“But I want Captain-“

“Don’t say it”

“I want Captain Barkley Diaz to have a friend! Maybe I should see if there’s a dog park nearby…”

“Yeah see! He can make friends… oh my god I’m starting to agree with this. Eddie! You guys aren’t together yet and she’s only living there part-time you gotta rein it in!”

“I’m trying, Buck, I swear. But she’s all I can think about… I just. I want a life with her so badly”

“So why don’t you just freaking ask her out” he sounds so strained when he says it and Eddie chuckles

“I’m working on it. I just… I’m gonna need some help”

Eddie has no damn right looking that fine when he pulls up to the studio to help you move. It’s not like you even need that much help it’s just like three to five boxes. And with his shoulder, he technically shouldn’t even be helping. You finally got him to agree to be on team “folding” with Maddie

He never comes empty-handed, he brought a cake this time. Strawberry cake with whipped frosting.

“A cake?” Buck asks as he sets it on the counter

“I was craving okay. Shut up, you know you’re gonna eat it all”

“You’re not wrong”

He leads Eddie up to his bedroom where there’s a tiny mountain of clothes on the bed. You and Maddie are sorting through it, so they can be folded

“Hey Sugar” He smiles, coming over and kissing your head before he plops on the bed.

Admittedly you do stare at him, his tank top is flowy and lower than normal. He claims it’s his moving shirt. More like his porn star shirt Okay, not really.

But his arms look so delicious in that tank top and you’re tempted to bite his bicep. Which is completely normal.

“Mads” He winks and she smirks, tossing a shirt at him

“Took you long enough, where have you been?”

“Well I had to make sure the guest room was clean” He shrugs as he takes one of your mini skirts, looking at it.

“That room has been spotless and you know it. What were you really doing?” Buck narrows his eyes and Eddie glares at him

“It’s a surprise alright?”

You perk up immediately, looking over at him

“Surprise? What kind of surprise?”

“Oh god please tell me it’s not what I think it is. Eddie you promised!!” Buck whines as he puts a box together and throws it down the stairs

“Oh my god, It’s not that. Shut up” he pulls out his phone and hands it to Buck, who snatches it from his hands

“Oh my god… Eddieeee” He pretends to blink back tears “That’s so sweet!”

“What’s so sweet?!” You try to reach for the phone and he holds it out of your reach

“No, you’re gonna ruin it!”

“Wait I wanna see!!” Buck hands Maddie the phone and you try to look over her shoulder

“Uhhh that’s my property and I’m not comfortable with you looking?!” Eddie gestures awkwardly and your mouth drops open

“That’s not fair!! Of course, I’m gonna respect your ass!”

Buck points at you, laughing “Ha!!! You’re the only one who can’t see it yet, sucker!! Eddie, I dare you to send it to the group chat”

“Bet”

“I’m already on it” Maddie sends the photo and you get up, throwing down the shirt you were holding

“Oh come on!! I hate you guys!”

“Awww don’t be like that Sugar cube I’m sure you’ll forget about it in like 10 minutes”

“She has ADHD so yeah I’m pretty sure she will too” Buck snickers as he tosses a pair of panties at Eddie.

“Buck!!” You dive across the pile snatching them from Eddie’s hands and stuff them back into the pile closer to Maddie. Maddie puts her hand out in front of her, pushing herself up gingerly

“I think she’s gonna cry” Buck snorts and Eddie can’t help but giggle with him. They sound like an older brother and his annoying friend. Buck might as well be your older brother at this point

“I am not!!” You throw a skirt at him and he ducks, it knocks over an empty cup on his nightstand that falls and knocks over his AirPods. He gasps loudly, picking them up off the floor

“Oh, you’re gonna get it!” He goes to dive for you and you squeal, stumbling backward off the bed

“Alright okay!”Maddie yells and you and Buck freeze.

“Since you want to be children. Buck and I are going downstairs, you and Eddie toss the clothes down to us okay? Okay. Buck, now.”

She walks past them down the stairs and Buck follows, sticking his tongue out while you flip off him and Eddie.

Eddie looks at you, putting his fingers up to his lips in a V shape and you throw a pair of pants at his head before he can finish his lewd gesture. Really you’ve got a whole arsenal here if he wants to be nasty.

“You perv!”

“I don’t see clothes coming down!” Maddie calls upstairs and Eddie laughs, grabbing your waist and yanking you into him, he nuzzles his face in your neck and takes a skirt, throwing it over the balcony

“Sorry, Mom!” He yells down and you giggle in his arms trying to wriggle your way free

“I swear to god if you guys have your first time in my bed I’m gonna cry happily but also slice Eddie’s balls off with my katanas” You launch a few more clothes over the railing while Eddie kisses your neck

“You have katanas?!” You yell, looking around for them

“Yes, he does” Eddie whispers in your ear, his hands sliding up under your shirt. He feels over your torso as he nibbles your ear and you whimper quietly. One of his hands comes up and covers your mouth, keeping you quiet

Suddenly that little promise he made in the rain pops into your head and your eyes nearly pop out of your head

“Of course I do! They’re super sweet I’ll show them to you later! Maybe we can fight with them!”

“Absolutely not” Maddie immediately vetoes it, and Buck whines.

Upstairs, Eddie’s busy kissing your neck and handing you clothes to toss over the balcony. His hand slides from your torso down to the top of your pink sweatpants. He toys with the drawstring and your heart pounds in your chest

His fingers slip under the top of your waistband and you freeze in his lap, as his fingers slide down over the front of your panties and tease your clit like that, you gasp quietly and he smirks, putting his head on yours.

“Be a good girl and keep your mouth shut” He whispers in your ear as he pushes your panties to the side, sliding his fingers between your folds and collecting some of your wetness. He lets out a deep sigh as he drags it back through your folds, getting them nice and slick.

He lets go of your mouth and keeps handing you things to toss over the railings, making sure you stay quiet at the same time. It’s quick, it has to be with them right below you both but it doesn’t make it any less hot. His fingers work deftly, your legs spread wide for him as he toys with your clit. He drags his fingers down your folds again, circling your tight hole with his finger for a moment

“Hey! I gotta go get some more tape from the store, Maddie is gonna come with, either of you wanna come?” Buck calls up the stairs and the moment is shattered… for you at least. Eddie doesn’t move at all, keeping your legs open for him.

“Nah we’re good, might start in on that cake while we wait!”

Buck gasps dramatically as he and Maddie head out “You better not touch that without me!!” You hear the front door shut and Eddie immediately adjusts your bodies, laying you down at a better angle for his fingers to sink deep inside you

“Can you take two?” He whispers in your ear, his voice is breathy and a bit strained… you can feel why, pushing into your back. He doesn’t have time to stretch you properly like he’s aching to do, he doesn’t know when they’ll be back.

“Your hand is a lot bigger than mine,” you tell him, looking up. He takes his other hand, holding it up to yours, and smirks a little

“Yeah, it is… isn’t it?”

“I want to try anyway”

He doesn’t hesitate in the least and you feel his fingers teasing your clit, smearing your wetness over your lips. His hand comes back over your mouth in case they walk back in as he slowly slides his fingers inside you, allowing you time to adjust a bit before he curls his fingers upwards.

He slowly works his fingers in and out, following the curves of your body. You pant harshly, whiny and needy for him.

“Can’t wait to get you home” He bites his lip, and you feel him shift against your back.

“Can’t wait to have this sweet little cunt wrapped around my cock. Look at how good you’re taking my fingers baby girl… imagine taking this cock instead”

He tilts your head down, making you watch the way your pussy grips his fingers as they thrust in and out of you. They’re coated in your slick more and more with each thrust. He has to bite back his moan as he watches you cum on his fingers, your pussy clenching around them. He chuckles lowly, watching your hips move on them as you fuck yourself on his hand

“That’s it pretty girl” He purrs “That’s my good girl” He doesn’t stop until you’re whining from the overstimulation and you look exhausted. He pulls his fingers away, his eyes roll back as he sees how sticky and wet they are. He smirks as he stares you down, sucking your juices from his fingers. His eyes flutter closed after a moment, savoring your taste and it’s downright dirty.

“Fuck I knew you would taste good, from the moment I saw you I knew my sugar cube would be the death of me”

Buck and Maddie come back to you and Eddie folding clothes together on the couch while watching TV. You’re sat as far apart as you can be

“Did I miss something?” Buck asks as he puts together another box

“What do you mean?” Eddie’s tone is nonchalant as he folds one of your skirts

“You guys are like 10 feet apart. Did you fight??”

“Buck they’re like a pillow away” Maddie sits in between you two and starts folding with you guys

“Okay but you know them” Buck puts his hands on his hips and you get up from the couch, tossing your shirt into a box

“Come on let’s go upstairs and toss more clothes down” You walk past Buck and Eddie doesn’t even look

Buck looks at you, and then back at Eddie, and then back to you again, and one more time at Eddie

“Later” Eddie mouths and Buck glares at him but shrugs it off because he’s one thousand percent getting the story out of one of you.

It doesn’t take long once you all stop goofing off. You and Buck take all the boxes to his Jeep and awkwardly fit them all in. Eddie sits in the backseat next to two boxes and you sit in his lap, so the front seat can also have a couple of boxes, and because Buck says you have a way less chance of being pulled over that way.

“I swear to god no funny business back there” Buck threatens and you look at Eddie, who can’t help but lean his head against your arm and burst into giggles. You face forward, you back against his chest and lean into him, turning your head to kiss his cheek

“Gonna keep me safe?” You ask and he shrugs

“Or I’ll throw you out the window, haven’t decided yet”

Your mouth drops open and he snickers

“I’m moving back in with Buck!” You hiss and he smirks, nuzzling into your neck and kissing it

“Oh no you don’t, you’re stuck with me. Besides it’ll be fun to live with your best friend and not your brother”

“Since when are you her best friend” Buck snorts as he looks at you two in the review mirror

“Since this afternoon,” He says with a shit-eating grin on his face and you elbow him in the ribs

Eddie stands in front of you now, his hands on his hips as you set the last box down in the spare room, your new bedroom. Buck left to go visit with the Bennetts after piling your boxes on the front porch and Eddie helped you drag them inside, even if he shouldn’t have. He kicked a couple of them slowly down the hallway and into the spare room while you picked up what you could.

“All moved in,” He says, not bothering to hide his excitement and you smirk, walking over to him and wrapping your arms around his waist. You look up at him, your chin on his chest as you smile

“Uh huhhh, all moved in. Just me and you roomie. And again, thank you so much for the raised garden bed, you didn’t have to go through all that trouble”

“Hey, it was nothing. I know how much you love your plants. I wanted you to have something that would make you happy every day you saw it…”

Your hands trail over his torso, just like he’d done to you. He watches you as you tilt your head down and look at his belt. You work it open, nuzzling your head sleepily in his chest

“Watcha doin' there sweet girl?” He chuckles, letting you continue your little expedition

“Nothin..”

“Nothin' huh?”

“Uh huh” You let his jeans pool around his feet and he actually steps out of them, kicking them to the side

“Doesn’t feel like nothin”

“Oh?” Your hand slides down the front of his boxers, your fingers brush over his cock and he gasps softly, feeling your hand wrap around him

“S-shit” He breathes out heavily and your cheeks flush. You give it a couple of tentative strokes, feeling his precum get on your hand too. You look up at him, your eyes softly hooded

“Is that okay?” You keep stroking him, tortuously slow, enjoying the way he whimpers into his knuckles. He pushes you backward with his body, your hand never leaving his cock. Your back hits the wall and you squeak, he braces himself on the wall, his hand above your head

“Yeah” His voice is deep and husky “Yeah that’s okay” He tilts your chin up and kisses you, it’s a bit rough and needy and your hand starts to speed up. He growls against your lips, trying to keep from thrusting his hips up into your hand.

He grabs your wrist, pulling it from his boxers for a second, and holds it up

“Lick” he instructs you and you do as he says, tasting him on your hand. He shoves your wrist back down his boxers, and your hand slides easier now, wrapped right around his cock. He groans loudly, and you feel the tiniest snap of his hips. You pick up the pace, watching his mouth fall open in an O shape as you jerk him off His head falls to your shoulder, and you listen to his soft pants, and his quiet little whines… he sounds absolutely pathetic and you giggle, turning to kiss his cheek

“Come on baby… I wanna hear you” You whisper in his ear and his whimpers get louder. He does start to frantically thrust into your hand, pinning you to the wall and getting off on you.

“Wish it was your pussy” He says, his voice cracking a little in desperation

“Wish I could fuck you right against this wall an watch your ass shake from how hard I’m pounding it”

Your hand speeds up again and he cries out, cumming all over it and the front of your shirt. He thrusts into your hand a few more times as you milk his cock, spilling out every last drop.

You do your best to support his shaking frame, but he’s a lot bigger than you. You hold him up, pulling your hand away from his limp cock, and start licking your fingers. He looks at you like he can’t wrap his head around what he’s seeing. You stare into his eyes as you lick your hand clean with a satisfied little smile and his eyes roll back as he pushes himself off the wall.

“I’m gonna make you pay for that, Sugar Cube”

Eddie lays in bed staring up at the ceiling. He can’t get over that surprised look on your face as he came all over your hand. Honestly, he can’t get over the feeling of your hand. He can still feel it, the way your nimble fingers wrapped around his cock… his hand doesn’t compare in the least. He strokes himself slowly, dreaming about what you would look like on your knees for him. You’d look so pretty staring up at him with those sweet doe eyes, his cock tapping heavily against your sweet lips

“Eddie?” He’s startled out of his daydream by your small knock at the door, he covers himself and sits up, running his other hand through his hair

“Uh… yeah, yeah babe what’s up?” His voice is strained as you open the door and poke your head into his room

“Uhh…it’s kinda childish”

You scoot into the bedroom and shut the door, looking around suspiciously

“What is it??” He looks around himself, for whatever the heck you’re looking for

“I had a bad dream” You sigh, letting your head fall against the door and he smirks scooting over in bed and patting it

“Come on you”

You bounce on the bed as you get in, immediately snuggling into his arms and curling your body into his. It’s a perfect fit, it always has been. He leans down and kisses your head softly, wrapping his arms around you protectively

“I’m uh… I’m sorry if earlier was a little forward” You blush as you lay your head against his chest. His pecs are smooth and squishy and the perfect pillow

“You’re saying sorry?? When I literally touched you while your family was right downstairs?” He snickers, shaking his head

“Oh Sugar Cube, you’ve got a funny sense of guilt”

“I should honestly kick your ass for that one” You glare at him and he smirks, you feel him push you back a little so you’re laying flat on your back

“I said I was sorry” He grins, not sorry in the slightest. You feel him rest between your legs, his favorite place to be it seems

“Maybe we can… finish something we started?” He asks quietly, and you can feel his hardness poking against your panties

“It’s not really sex if you don’t put it in?” You snicker, quoting him and he brings your thigh up and hooks your knee around his waist. He rubs your smooth thigh, squeezing it in his hands and massaging it

“See! Now you’re getting it!” He puts more weight on you, his cock heavy between your legs, you gasp softly, letting your eyes flutter closed and he smirks

“This cool?” He asks softly, nuzzling your neck as his hips start to roll in those delicious little circles.

“Mhmmm” you hum in his ear “So cool” you shudder as he picks up the pace, he reaches down between the two of you, pulling your panties to the side, and grinds against your clit. Your hips jerk up into his and he chuckles, kissing your neck

“Down, Baby” he purrs condescendingly in your ear. He smirks, feeling the front of his boxers get wetter

“Oh… you like that, don’t you?” He squeezes your cheeks together in his hand making your lips pucker. He kisses them lightly

“You like when I’m a little mean to you, huh?” He asks softly, turning your head and kissing your neck, not really giving you time to answer any of his questions

“You just wait until you’re mine… I’ll show you what a good girl like you deserves”

You didn’t know Eddie knew Spanish, okay maybe you did know and just forgot. But he’s whispering something in your ear as his hips pick up a bit more speed and press down into you harder and you’re praying you can control yourself and not flip him over and ride him until your legs give out.

He doesn’t waste any time as he pulls his boxers down, sliding his cock between your soaked folds, very carefully not inserting himself, and at this point, you’re about to just shove him down and do it anyway.

“Fuck, such a needy little thing aren’t you?”

His moans are angelic. He’s not afraid to let you know just how good you’re making him feel. This isn’t going to last very long if he keeps moaning like that, saying whatever dirty things come to his mind. Your hands fly up to his face, cupping his cheeks and kissing him heatedly. You run your fingers through his fluffy hair and tug a bit, causing him to groan against your lips

“Come on sugar… I know you can do better than that” He whispers tauntingly, his eyes dark and cloudy. His breath hitches as you tug harder, pulling him away to look at you “Better?” You tease and you feel his hips stutter, he stops for a moment, a smug little smirk on his face

“You’re gonna end this way too quickly”

“You have so much audacity blaming this on me Mr. I know you can do better than that” “

“Are we really gonna have this discussion right now?” He shakes his head chuckling

“I think you’re using it as a distraction”

“And you don’t? Need a distraction?” He scoffs

“Okay. Nice to know”

“That’s not what I me-“

He covers your mouth, pushing you back in the pillows, he slaps your clit, and your body jolts as you cry into his hand

“Oh, bite my finger if you want me to stop okay?” He lifts his hand for a second, rubbing your reddening cunt

“O-Okay” You nod slowly and he smiles, it’s not sweet in the least, there’s nothing “cute” about him right now. He’s a man on a mission with that devilish look in his eyes

“That’s my good girl” he coos softly

He covers your mouth again, as you moan and whimper pathetically on his fingers. He’s merciless with the way they plunge in and out of you, his palm slapping against your clit with every thrust of his fingers. This is nothing like it was earlier, no he wants to make you squirt now that you’re in his bed. His knuckles shine with your juices as he laughs evilly in your ear, his voice deep and molten as he watches you come undone all over him.

“Holy shit” He whispers in your ear and your eyes widen, as he keeps going, pulling another orgasm from you. It’s like he can’t get enough of the way you keen and cry out his name, cursing at him over and over like a broken record. His long fingers stroke over that spongy spot one more time and you’re squirting, your hips rising off the bed while crying out loudly.

You manage to push him away before he does it for a third time. He pulls his hand from your mouth and slides his hand down your body, keeping your legs spread for him.

“Fuck I wish I was recording that”

He likes watching the way you’re lying there now, an overwhelmed, dazed little smile on your lips. He wants to take a picture of you like this, with your hazy afterglow and shaky thighs.

Instead, he takes your hand, using you to stroke his cock. You squeeze a bit while biting your lip as hot, thick, white ropes coat your sopping cunt. It takes everything in him not to drag it over your clit with his tip and stuff it back in you, making you take each drop.

“One day…” He promises, panting harshly after finishing like that and using his fingers instead of his tip to tease your overstimulated body with his cum.

“One day I’m gonna stuff your pretty pussy and take pictures of the way it drips from you”

He taps your lips with his fingers “Clean up, honey” He tells you, grinning wickedly when your lips wrap around his fingers and you eagerly lick them clean, he loves how sleepy and cock drunk you look. He’s even more excited to find out how you look when he finally gets to fuck you dumb.

“We’re going to need to discuss limits sometime soon Sugar Cube… I wanna know just how far I’m allowed to push you”

#words by rhys #eddie diaz #911 x reader #eddie diaz x reader #rhys writes #911 fox #strawberries and cream #evan buck buckely #the rookie #maddie buckley #athena grant #bobby nash #howie han #hen wilson #Eddie Diaz smut #john nolan #celina juarez

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jadeoru · 3 months ago

Text

SMUDGED LIPSTICK

20: dissipating fear -> prev / mlist / next

now playing: deep red - movements 🎶

The doorbell rang once, twice, and when she showed no sign of answering, it rang a third time. Confused by the insistence, she slowly sat up from her couch. She tugged all 3 blankets off with mourning burning in her chest. It was far too cold. She wanted to crawl back under the warmth and enjoy her second nap of the day. Unfortunately, curiosity got the better of her. She stood up, pulled the cuff of her sweatpants leg, that hitched up as she tossed around in her sleep, down and made her way to her front door. She didn’t look through the peephole. Why didn’t she look through the peephole? How different would the outcome of that afternoon be if she had looked through the peephole? She unlocked the door, and slowly pulled it open. Peeking her head from the side, she would have screamed, only her shock kept her at bay. Standing in front of her, on her own porch, was him. He stood there as if it was all too familiar, reminding you of many things: rainy days spent under the porch, trying to light her cigarette. Her hands were always too shaky from the cold. She never had to worry about burning herself, because he would always end up lighting it for her. He stood on that porch as if it were a monument; a symbol of which he loved and worshipped. Her stomach felt sick.

He looked distraught; his curls were slightly messy, almost frizzy. Her Omi was never like that. He wouldn’t leave the house without making sure each individual curl on his head was perfect. Maybe that was a slight exaggeration, but her Omi cared too much to leave his house looking like that. His haphazardly styled hair was accompanied with dark circles under his eyes, which was also unlike her Omi. Sleepovers. Whenever they had sleepovers he made it abundantly clear that he needed more than eight hours of sleep, never settling for less. - He always made sure she did too. He barely looked like he slept a second. His clothes looked lazily chosen too, he had a plain dark grey jumper on, with black sweatpants to match. He was without a doubt Sakusa Kiyoomi, but she struggled to see Omi. She swallowed the lump in her throat and it didn't go away; like a pill swallowed dry.

“Sakusa? What the fuck are you doing here?” She asked, but it wasn’t a question. He could tell; almost reading her mind. What she meant to say was: “Go. Get out of here - Far away from me, and don’t come back.” He knew he wasn’t welcome, part of him wanted to turn on his heel and listen to her unspoken plea. But he knew that was pointless, he’d always come back. “I need to talk to you.” he spoke sternly. She could hear the desperation that stained his tongue - it only served to fuel her anger. “I don’t want to see you.” she spat, her face twisting with a mix of anger and disgust. Her heart was searching for a reason to forget everything and take him back. Something, anything, but she found nothing. She gave him enough chances, and he wasted them. She wasn’t going to let it slide. She found no reasons to let him back into her heart, but she found a million to slam the door in his face. As her hand pushed the door, he stuck his foot out, preventing it from shutting. He stepped inside, to stop her from shutting him out. He called her name like a prayer, and she couldn’t count the emotions heard in his tone on one hand.

“Please listen to me. Let me explain everything.” He pleaded, his tired eyes were filled with sorrow. She had no more fucks to give him. Her arms crossed, fists clenching as she struggled to keep her volume at a normal level. “I don't want to hear shit from you!” She shouted, her voice trembled slightly. He took a step closer, his hand reaching out to her, she pushed it off of her quickly. “Everything will make sense if you just let me explain!” He shouted back, but quickly regretted raising his voice. He mentally kicked himself, trying to remain calm. “No! I don’t need your explanations! I gave you a second chance, and you fucking blew it!” she began. Her hand pointed at him angrily, enunciating each syllable that left her lips with pure disdain. He tried to cut her off, saying her name to get her to listen, but she kept going. “I just don’t understand you, Sakusa! We were finally on good terms again - great terms! But, no! You just had to fuck it up, didn’t you? Now that you finally had me on your side, you got bored, huh? Was that it? The chase was over? Was I boring you?!” she yelled, not once listening to any excuse he had to explain himself.

“Why did you just disappear again? We were finally good again! Was it because we fucked? Is that it?” her eyes were wide and her eyebrows were furrowed. He quickly shook his head. “Of course not! I just-” she cut him off, unbothered to hear his shitty way of redeeming himself. “What? Was I getting in the way of your little girlfriend?” she asked, disgust on her tongue She wasn’t stupid. She saw all of the news accounts - him going on dates with a girl at their cafe. His eyebrows furrowed, his face scrunching with pure confusion. “What? What are you talking about?” he asked, desperate to understand. She scoffed. “Don’t play dumb! The girl you keep bringing to the café! Is she so insecure that she can’t handle us being friends?!" Oh. Now he knew what she was talking about; Kiyoko. He met with Kiyoko for advice - to help talk to her. The situation was diving from misunderstanding to misunderstanding. But, he had the patience to stay, waiting for his chance to clear everything up.

“Girlfriend? Don’t tell me you believe those news accounts - They call anyone I look at my girlfriend! They’ve said the same thing about you for fuck’s sake!” He yelled, trying to get her to just listen to him. “Then why the hell have you been avoiding me? I thought we were fine- i thought we were fucking incredible! But then one day you just fucking changed! You just left me like it was nothing! Just like last time! I don’t understand why-” her voice was filled with emotion, and she desperately fought back tears. He let out a shaky breath. Clenching his fists, he cut her off. “Because I fell in love with you!” he shouted, louder than her - louder than the thoughts that whirled in both of their heads, effectively silencing everything.

Everything went quiet, and for a second Sakusa almost turned around and went home. She stared at him, pure shock evident in her eyes. His knuckles were white from clenching his fists so hard, but they slowly regained colour as he looked down to the ground. “Again.” he added quietly, filling the silence, and adding to the confusion that lingered in the atmosphere. She blinked, dumbfounded. All of the rage slowly dissipated out of her. Not because she forgave him, - it was replaced by a need for answers; an explanation. “What?” she asked, her voice was shaky, and weak from shouting. She couldn’t believe the words she heard. He had to be joking right? Love was an arrow to the heart, that pierced through any worries or insecurities; it pushed through any obstacle, and surrounded the heart in joy. Love wasn’t a bullet to the head, a wound that reopened after years of trying to heal. None of his actions made any sense to her. If he loved her, surely the logical thing to do would be to tell her, right? She needed the peace of understanding. He took a deep, shaky breath, struggling to find the right words. “I… um.. This sounds so unbelievably stupid but please just let me explain.” He pleaded; his usual stoic, unbothered appearance was long forgotten. It was strange to see him so… expressive. Everything about him lately had just been so strange. She didn’t respond, she stared at him, waiting for him to continue.

“When we were younger… um.. before we fought, I really liked you. And… it scared me.” He paused, the room quickly filled with silence. “You were just so… perfect. You were funny, kind, caring, pretty and I couldn't help but want to be yours. And.. then we got closer, and I started to think that maybe you liked me back… and I got scared. There were so many other people you could’ve been with - so many people that could’ve given you the happiness you deserve. I didn’t want you to choose me. I mean, I'm a mess. I can’t love you like someone else could. You deserve so much better. So I panicked and.. Well, I left. I know it was stupid, I really shouldn’t have done that. And you’d think I'd learn from my mistakes, but no! I went and did the same thing again!” he clenched his fist as he spoke, his knuckles turned white again and his fingernails were scraping his palms painfully. But that was the last thing on his mind. “When we became friends again I was the happiest I'd been in a while. But, then the feelings came back, and… I left you again. But I swear I tried to apologise. I realised how stupid it was but by that point you had me blocked and I didn’t know what else to do.. So, I met up with your friend Kiyoko for advice, because I really value our friendship and I don't want to lose you again. I thought that leaving you would help the feelings go away but they only got worse. When you’re gone it’s like.., there’s something missing. I can’t function properly without you near me. It sounds pathetic but that’s just what you do to me. I can’t even sleep anymore without thinking about you. You’ve made me into this mess of a person and I should hate you for it but I just can’t. I could never hate you.” He spoke frantically, letting all of his thoughts out, some of which were kept inside since they were younger. His voice cracked as he reached the end of his final sentence, gradually quieting as he tried to calm himself down. “I regret hurting you, and I regret never telling you how I felt. I understand if you never want to see me again, but I can’t live the rest of my life without telling you how I feel.”

She didn’t realise she had been holding her breath until she involuntarily gasped for air. She had never felt so many emotions in a single moment than she had then. He looked at her in a way that made her want to both punch his face and kiss it. She let his words process in her mind, trying to figure out an appropriate response. She was beyond conflicted, and although she hated to admit it, the sight of him so vulnerable; desperate to make things right between them made her heart flutter a little. She was still struggling to grasp the concept of him liking her back. She had so much to say, and yet no words left her mouth. He spoke up again before she could, desperate to fill the silence before it consumed him whole. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving you.” He almost whispered, the regret in his voice was loud, despite how quiet he spoke. She was silent again, which made him unbearably anxious. He couldn’t stand the aching feeling inside of him; the guilt and regret that surrounded him, leaving him no opportunity to escape. Every breath he took caused the pain to sting a little more. He was slowly crumbling apart under her gaze.

She took a few steps towards him, until they were only a few inches apart. She looked at him with intentions he couldn’t quite put his finger on; he had yet to decipher. He stood there, confused, waiting for her to say something, anything. Despite her confident exterior, not even she was fully sure what she was doing. She was undeniably pissed off. She was also sad, strangely relieved, and ultimately frustrated at her rapidly beating heart. She didn’t trust herself to speak, knowing she didn’t have the right words to say to him - so she let her hand do the talking for her; slapping him across the face with a loud clap. It hurt, and she didn’t hold back; the sharp pain that rippled through his face did a good job at establishing her anger. He stood there and took it without a single complaint. The second her hand left his face his eyes immediately found their way back to her.

“You deserved that.” She said, a shadow of a smile on her face. “I know.” He admitted, breathlessly. He didn’t care about the stinging pain that danced on his cheek, he was just glad she was even acknowledging him to begin with. Months of painful silence really does something to a person.

A part of her was annoyed that he didn’t react to being slapped. The selfish part of her - that wanted to bring him the pain that he inflicted on her. But in all honesty, she didn’t expect him to react any differently. Even though there were times she wished it wasn’t true, she knew him more than she knew herself. The fluttering eyelashes that decorated his harsh, angry eyes, which seemed to soften around her, were as familiar as a morning breeze. He wasn’t just some ‘what could have been’-relationship, he was her Omi. Even after all that came between them, he was hers.

He waited for her next move, not knowing what else to do. He could tell there was something else she wanted to do, or say. He could sense the hesitation in her eyes. His heart banged in his chest; a syncopated rhythm of anticipation and admiration. He found himself struggling to stay in place, his body unconsciously trying to lean in to her warmth. He searched her for a sign of anything; her body language, her eyes, - he tried to find any hint to what was going through her mind. He could see the temptation in her heart, it matched his own. There was something she wanted to do, badly. It was an urge; an itch that she couldn’t scratch unless she went through with it. She knew she shouldn’t, and she was fully aware of the consequences if she did go through with it, but her lips were pressed against his before either of them could fully realise what was happening. Bad decisions were the foundation of their relationship anyways. Bad ideas were a fluent language when it came to them; There was no harm in adding another one to the mix. She pulled him towards her by his shirt, and kissed him like it was what she was born to do; letting all of the love she felt for him out into the air without saying any words. Her anger slowly faded away with every passing second spent with their lips connected. He was caught off guard at first, tensing up with wide eyes as he realised what was happening. He quickly melted into her touch, cherishing every second of it like it was the last time he ever could. It was quick, and anything but perfect. But it perfectly encapsulated how she felt. It did a better job at conveying her feelings than words ever could. She was mad at him for what he had done to her, but she could never hold a grudge against him when he looked at her the way he did. A single moment has never felt so right.

The kiss was the best and worst thing that ever happened to him. He knew this. She probably knew it too. It was everything he ever wanted, and that was the problem. If he couldn’t push his feelings for her aside then, there was no chance he’d ever be able to from then on. The bittersweet sensation of her lips pressed against his was one he found himself addicted to. As their lips collided, he couldn’t help the fear that loomed over him. The fear he found himself used to; familiar. Now that he got a taste, he knew he’d never want to let her get away, which only served to make his fears worse. But strangely, he had a weird feeling that things would be alright.

After what felt like both the longest and shortest moment of his life, she pulled away from him reluctantly, staring into his eyes. Silence fell over the two of them, as they caught their breath. Their faces remained inches apart, as if an invisible magnet was keeping them together. He gulped, still struggling to come to terms with everything that’s happened. He cleared his throat. “Does.. does this mean you forgive me?” he asked, a genuine tone in his voice. He sounded exhausted. She couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her lips. Unfortunately. “Would I have kissed you if I didn’t?” She asked rhetorically, a smirk on her face. Her mind still struggled to process what had just happened between them; reeling at the close distance between them. “Fair point..” he muttered, finding himself smiling slightly. Despite all of the worries and fears that plagued his mind for years; a loud constant in his life that festered deep within him, one look into her eyes made it all go quiet. The way she smiled at him had him thinking that ‘yeah, everything would be alright.’

They were quiet again for a moment, this time it was comfortable. It was a nice moment of peace, where they mutually enjoyed the fact that things were finally good again - again. She was quick to fill the silence again after a while. “So you’ve had a crush on me since High School, huh?” She teased, relishing in the way his face quickly grew flustered. He looked down to the ground, a wave of slight embarrassment washing over him. “Maybe..” he admitted, looking up at her hesitantly. “Quit looking at me like that, idiot.” He added, and her smirk only grew. “What? It’s cute! Who knew that Mr. Serious Pants was capable of feeling this kind of thing!” She chuckled, watching with pleased eyes as her teasing had a visible effect on him; even if he tried to deny it. “Don’t call me that.” he stated sternly, stepping back from her with an agitated pout. She laughed. She laughed and he hated how it was the one sound he had wanted to hear for the three months. But he told her all she needed to know, he wouldn’t tell her that. Not if he wanted to be a victim to her endless teasing. “Shut up.” He tried to remain a calm, uninterested tone, but his voice cracked slightly; flustered.

She was quiet again, before stepping closer to him and pulling him into a hug. He had a vague idea, but he didn’t know just how much she had missed him. Even if she disguised her yearning with anger. He was taken aback, but quickly adjusted to her warmth, awkwardly wrapping his arms around her and patting her back. She chuckled. “I’ve liked you since High School too, y’know.” She confessed, leaning her head to the side so he wouldn’t see her face. He let out a huff of amusement. “Oh really now? Are you saying that you still like me now?” He asked, beyond desperate to hear her answer, but he didn’t make it obvious. She laughed again, pulling away from him to look at him. “Mm, and what if it does?” she asked, a goofy smile on her face - The smile he would spend late nights thinking about. “Well, I'd probably ask to kiss you again.” He admitted, sheepishly. “Well in that case, I really like you, Omi. - More than just a friend…” She looked up at him with doting eyes, her smile spreading out to her cheeks. She knew that it was stupid to be nervous, especially since she knew he felt the same. But she couldn’t help the anxious butterflies that tore her apart from the inside. She couldn’t prevent the lump in her throat that didn’t want to go away. His eyes softened, trying his best to ignore the blush that crept onto his cheeks. “I..” he began, mentally hyping himself up to continue. “I really like you too.” His voice was quiet, but she heard every word, and clung onto each syllable that left his lips with love and desperation. The smile on her face never faltered, only increasing in size.

He leaned in close to her, something he could never get used to, and paused when they were only a breath apart; their noses almost touching. “I believe I owe you a kiss.” A small smirk filled his face. She chuckled, “I believe you do.” No other words were uttered, nothing else needed to be said. He leaned even closer, before he finally connected their lips again. His lips moved gently and tenderly against hers. It was sweet and unhurried, wordlessly expressing the love for each other that they had to keep to themselves for so long. All of it seeped through their lips and into the other’s. He was inexperienced, and struggled to figure out where to put his hands; opting to place one at the back of her head. She placed her hands on his cheeks, stroking it lovingly with her thumb. He hummed into the kiss, slowly losing his mind at the pure satisfaction that coursed through his veins. The only reason he pulled away was to catch his breath, and even then, he immediately missed the sensation of their lips pressed against one another. She looked into his eyes with a lovesick smile, seemingly drunk on love. He wasn’t aware that he was looking at her in the exact same way.

“Omi?” She asked, quietly, removing her hands from his cheeks, and nervously fidgeting with her fingers. He could’ve whined with annoyance as her hands left his face, but for the sake of his dignity and pride, he didn’t. He noticed the sudden change in the atmosphere, and couldn’t help but feel like he knew where this was going. “Yeah?” he asked, reluctantly. She hesitated, swallowing and taking a deep breath. “Could we.. maybe give this a try?” She asked him, a hint of nervousness and yearning spreading across her features. He was silent, and she could practically see the mental contemplation he was facing in his mind; a silent battle between his love for her, and the lack of love he had for himself. “Are you sure you won’t regret it?” he suddenly spoke up, his voice quiet. She smiled softly, placing her hand on his shoulder in an attempt to quiet his whirling mind. “The only thing I regret is not asking you sooner, dumby.” She tried to lighten him up, but she could still see the guilty fear that silently tore him apart. She noticed how his eyes strayed from hers, looking down to the ground. “I know I won't regret it.” She reassured, and his eyes reconnected with hers. He spoke up again, his voice was barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry that I won't be able to love you like you might want me to..” His eyes were clouded by a guilty melancholy. “I.. I don't know what I’m doing, but I can try.” He added, a tone of promise and determination laced in his words. He might not be able to love her the way a normal person could, but he wouldn’t go down without trying. He tried to move on twice, and it didn’t work out either time. He couldn’t just stand there and let someone else take his place. He needed to grow up. He wasn’t sure if he could make her as happy as someone else could, but the selfish part of him couldn’t even handle the idea of seeing her with someone else. He was gonna try, - and he was gonna try hard.

“It’s okay. I can teach you.”

The way those words left her lips fed him with a new confidence, and suddenly the tormenting fear began to disappear. Things were gonna be okay. His lips curled up into a wide smile, and it had her heart pounding in her chest.

“Then.. will you be my girlfriend?” He asked, and a chuckle left her lips.

“Of course I will, Omi. You big idiot.”

She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck, and pulled him in for another kiss; full of relief, passion and devoid of fear. Fear was left behind - An old friend whisked away into the night.

He was going to love her like it was what he was born to do.

bonus thingy for the funsies:

“Hey you left your door open dumba-” Nishinoya stood there in shock; eyes flicking from Sakusa to her as they quickly broke apart from their kiss.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” He yelled, eyes wide with disbelief as he stared at the scene in front of him.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” She asked, a rush of embarrassment crashing over her like a tidal wave.

“I DITCHED THE PARTY TO SEE IF MY BEST FRIEND WAS DOING OKAY!”

“WHY DIDN’T YOU KNOCK?”

“WELL I FIGURED YOU WOULD BE TOO LAZY TO OPEN IT FOR ME - NOT CANOODLING WITH THE ENEMY! Hi by the way..”

“..Hey Nishinoya.”

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@dazqa @yoshit-he-dinosaur @chaotic-nat @solaqes @crimcriminal @am-i-ok-no @myromanempiree @jaynawayna @h0neybunni @sunakeiji @zazathezaer @lordbugs @sillygooseymood @zq13 @cat-seltzer @thatonecroc @kuroosfavkitten @beckxisxinxlovexwithxjin @navymacaroons

a/n: i typed a wholeeee sappy speech and tumblr fucking obliterated it this was my last straw

we're done!!!!! it's finally finished!!!! sorry this took so long my life was literally insane i was homeless at one point lmfao BUT WE PERSEVERED!!!! thank you so much for being patient and thank you for the love and understanding i hope all of you are well and taking care of yourselves!!!!1 shoutout to the lovely @eggyrocks ! i made a cheeky reference to their smau maneater (the dj and bouncer enemies to lovers) ITS SO GOOD PLEASE CHECK IT OUT !! THANK YOU FOR READING!!! THEY'RE FINALLY TOGETHER!!!! HAPPY EVER AFTER!!!!!!

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