#sry about the quality of this but like..........

[uptownhags]

x

[mikesbasementbeets]

mike wheeler in stranger things 2 + girls, girls, girls

[himemiyasanthy]

rescuing cloud from hojo in nibelheim 

[bunnieroth]

[possession1981-moving]

just jacob gifs (7/?)

[cgogs]

*draws c!dream and baby briar 1 million times to cope* i might actually color this later ^_^

[higgs-the-god]

.

[rueclfer]

heyy there can i request some more touya headcannons? i really enjoy your way of picturing him because it’s just so canon and he’s kinda a lovely dick y’know. whatever comes to ur mind. thank u so much!!

weelll since you gave me so much freedom here r some touya as a housemate hcs ANNDD a moodboard bc i enjoy the visualization <3 since we talked abt this the other day too !! (i yapped so hard here sry sry this is so indulgent)

bakugou's and sero's version too hehe

housemates // touya todoroki

touya hates the idea of living with a complete stranger or one of his siblings, so what other option does he have other than forcing his best friend (crush) on a lease with him?

the newfound freedom definitely puts him on his ass for a few weeks. barely sleeps. eats like shit. trash is scattered everywhere. several unpacked boxes. it stays like this until fuyumi comes over to check our the place and gives you two a hard scolding to get your shit together.

more often than not, you'd end up waking up on the couch with your legs sprawled out across his lap and his upper half leaned over the couch arm rest in deep sleep. staying up so late was probably one of his favorite things about living together. being able to talk as loud as you wanted, watch movies late into the night, look over the city from your balcony- he found solitude in existing with you.

if he wasn't already codependent before moving in together, just know his ass will be GLUED TO YOU. you'd be doing work in your room and he'd barge in and flop down on your bed without a word. maybe he'd gotten a bit too comfortable.

if he's feeling extra annoying that day, he'd bring in his guitar and amp and keep asking you to rate his riffs until you entirely give up on work and give him some attention.

is it obvious his love language is quality time? not only that, gift giving too. he's like a fucking crow.

"look what i found. it's a rock. for you."

makes him soooo giddy to see your display of the rocks, feathers, and dried up flowers he picked up for you on his walk. sometimes you'd come home and there'd be a new addition to the ever growing collection.

ofc you'd return the energy in a different way. touya will not cook for himself. ever. he eats like shit as an internal rebellion against the healthy diet he was forced upon as a kid, but you will not allow that boy to rot himself from the inside out!! he can expect several tupperwares of portioned out meals with notes attached to the lids if you know he'd be home all day by himself.

"to t <3. if you don't eat every last bite i'll find out and it'll hurt my feelings and i might combust into flames or something idk don't risk it!"

i can also imagine him holding back tears whenever you ever come into his room to hand him a bowl of cut up fruit. the first time you do it he'd be speechless like jaw dropped taken aback. has he ever felt love like this??? i think not.

despite all of the kind gestures, he's still touya todoroki. hides your keys if you annoyed him that morning by rushing him in the bathroom and makes you a few minutes late to class/work. chronic door slammer. pisses with the door wide open. no sense of privacy and do not gaf to knock. always locking himself out -> i feel strongly about this like imagine coming home after a long day and he's sitting out in the hallway with a pouty face waiting for you hehehe.

i don't think he'd realize this crush until a few months after you've moved in together. how could he when you two practically already act and bicker like an old married couple?

yes- peanut butter belongs in the fridge. no- it doesn't. stop leaving your socks everywhere. you forget to flush again. stop slamming the doors. you ate my chips, didn't you? don't lie. did you really need to put the mugs up that high? (he does it on purpose, and tightens the lid to every jar too.)

it wasn't until one late evening when he comes home to find you frantically mixing a doughy substance in a large metal bowl. you never bake, but you have your own oven now, so why not?

"god, finally. help me, my arms hurt." you groan, shoving the bowl in his hands. "i think i fucked up."

he sees the hurricane aftermath of your kitchen- flour everywhere, egg shells left on the counter, every single jar imaginable opened and scattered around. he could be teasing you about the mess, but god you looked so beautiful with that stupid wrinkle in between your eyebrows as you read over the recipe, and the streaks of flour across your pant leg from wiping your hands, and the way you swipe away the stray pieces of hair falling in your face with the back of your hand- oh fuck.

he thinks he's falling in love with you.

he swallows it, but he starts acting kinda weird around the apartment.

like he's.... avoiding you?

living with his best friend whom he just so happens to develop a crush for, would eat him alive. he locks himself in his room and chain smoke out his window while he's stressing the fuck out. he told you he'd stop smoking, but he's sure you'd understand the need for it right now. he hopes you can't smell it.

i also think he'd be a stress cleaner lmaaoo he cannot sit still with his thoughts for too long, so the headphones are ON and blasting and he'll definitely use that as a scapegoat + the loud ass vacuum for ignoring you if you try to talk to him while he's on this cleaning frenzy.

you think he's sick LMAO imagine the pain he feels when you come knocking on his door and calling out that you're leaving a bowl of soup and cough medicine outside his door for him. he doesn't tell you that yeah he's sick but *not in that way*

lovesick. that boy is lovesick!!!!!!

how do you avoid your housemate while you figure out how to control your feelings?

he confesses via note that he leaves on the kitchen counter. really simple tbh nothing too extravagant, but he signs off by telling you that he's staying crashing at fuyumi's for a couple days.

you text him a string of obscenities to get his ass back home and he does (he's scared of you).

he CAANNOOTT talk about his feelings in an adult way. he is sitting on the complete opposite side of the couch, twiddling his thumbs, and staring down at his feet like a child while you reread his confession note out loud to him. you find his discomfort hilarious but endearing. he finds you unbearably insufferable.

jesus the amount of times in that apartment where he would storm off to his room whenever you two got in an argument or you pissed him off...old habits die hard, you guess, because this isn't the todoroki household anymore and you aren't scared to lose that deposit and kick a door down.

once you corner him and get him to open up about his feelings the air in the room suddenly shift!! the clouds are clearing and the sun is shining woooowww look at what good communication can do.

sharing an apartment with your BOYFRIEND is no different than sharing one with your best friend. i think he'd like to keep your separate bedrooms to have your own space, but you'll rarely sleep apart.

so! many! new! traditions!

helping him dye his hair on the first saturday of every month. biweekly horror movie marathons. counting the communal piggy bank ever couple months. trying new takeout spots until you find THE spot for every category- chinese, pizza, ramen, etc etc.

and finally, an everlasting mark on your first apartment together: a small carved out heart around your initials left on the inner corner of a kitchen cabinet done with his pocket knife on a random weekday evening while you two are cooking dinner together.

-

touya tag: @moonchild701 @kaldurahms-lover @themultifandomgirl @devilslittlehelper @porusuniverse @ratatellie @katbug37 @ggriwm

[1-49]

bare sugars

╰► that’s my baby, that’s my sugar, i don’t need no honey on the side . . . that’s unconditiona-nal.

pairing: f!reader × jaehyun ⁝ tags: motel. lotta tension. jae likes to show skin lol. history i allude to but never explain sry. short scenario inspired by this teaser photo. diabetes keep away 5k

It ’s a place in between places, on the outskirts of some sunbaked desert town. What began as a hopeful promise, somewhere in the chaos of the last seven days , has faded into obscurity.

When this road trip kicked off, the entire crew was pumped on the : ‘No one’s getting ditched; everyone ’s got to be part of ─── no matter how intense the next adventure gets.’ Yet, here you are , left behind with the one person you were hoping to dodge.

A velvety green sofa sets the scene & the honey glow of golden hour falls on wood - panelled walls ─── Lying on his back , Jaehyun rocks yet another one of his 250+ crumpled print tees, retro lettering in: ‘The Grateful Dead.’ Its fabric hiked up , intentionally or not , giving his casual style a little extra edge.

─── This specific old shade of blue denim jeans, those grey Calvins, the belt that struggles to keep the outfit together ... His belly that just kind of vacuums in whenever it wants ... A plush land really ... The faux freckles on his cheeks which mimic sunflower seeds, and his hair that shines like a field of gold ...

A babe , though the design guilt he wears in his dark eyes remains as you capture yet another moment with your camera.

The two shy cuties in his cheeks and his keys lying abandoned on the pink carpet. His languid binks & perpetually movey lips. His Converse’s loose laces.. The unhurried. The lazy. The slow...

It’s all captured on film & as you pull the camera away from your face, he still keeps an eye on you, not necessarily looking for a reaction but... 

Well, you better... drop that feedback, or things might...

take a turn for the worse... 

And—

And they do... with him tucking his hand under his head & his shirt riding up thoughtlessly even more...

And it’s bad. It’s—It’s like he’s in charge of how you feel and is directing the scene. Like as if he’s your television & there’s no turning him off.

This almost ever so present paradoxical quality to him—a blend of approachability and impenetrability that’s hard to elaborate. Or his lazy attractiveness which simply defies logic: for he’s simultaneously doing nothing and everything, drawing you in completely without lifting a finger.

Or... how these are just a few of the countless reasons why you’ve never asked him to bring you the horizon, or, hell, dared to dream about having him.

Of how the four walls and the door close on you and how looking at him strikes you with a funny fear, making you want to melt deep into the contents of the floor.

Oh, to fuck with that...

-

Gently, you adjust the fine black lace along the hem of your brown silk dress; draw in the fluffy cardigan tighter around you; and to escape the perfect features of his perfect face, you walk up to the window. 

Yet, no matter how hard you search for a way out, the four walls of this claustrophobic room offer little in the way of escape. You’re fucking stuck... Counting your fingers anew whenever gets nothing done, and flipping through the channels on the tiny TV does nothing to clear the monotony. The minutes drag on endlessly, and no matter how many board games you play or photos you take, the clock seems to mock you. Each moment drags as if the world has hit the pause button, leaving you with him in this quiet space.

“Uuggh, coome oooon!” You stomp your feet, looking out the window. “The losers promised they’d be back by six!”

Jaehyun blows a bubble that bursts with a loud snap, grinning at you. “Ummm—You realize promises aren’t really being kept here anymore, right?”

Yeah, right... Fuck promises! You told yourself you wouldn’t get attached to him but look at you now...

Rolling your eyes, you glance out the window again, right as he asks,

“Why? Are you hungry?”

And sure, they were supposed to be the ones bringing the food, but it seems their adventure has taken a detour into yet another town at the end of the world; said, ‘This is what happens when you skip out—So, you two sort it out.’

“Some sweets would be nice. But no, um,” you tensely pull at your cardigan’s sleeves, clenching the ends in your fists. “Are they okay? I’m a little nervous.”

Though all he does is just casually burst another ridiculous bubble...“I’m sure they’re fine.”

Right… So next you’re left to watch him scrape bits of pink gum from his lips, and before you know it, a wave of irritation pulls you back to his side.

You’re barely balanced on the edge of the sofa, aiding in his clumsy efforts. Your thumb brushes against his bottom lip, and the air around him gets to your head just instantly, thick with the sugary scent of the sticky residue that you find yourself obliged to help remove... It’s so sugary that it borders on being revolting! Or perhaps it’s your sweet tooth that’s igniting this feeling?

Silly, cause you feed into this quirky theory that butterflies taste like bubblegum, and now that notion takes on a funny twist, well... considering the butterflies dancing in your stomach.

As you pull your fingers away from his lips, a rush of blood roars in his ears and he quickly adds, “Might have something in my bag, let me see.”

And totally! The bag that somehow collected a ton of pendants during this road trip does sit by the sofa, and with Jaehyun lounging back, stretching his arms overhead to grab it, his shirt gets pulled up even higher, & just like that, it becomes the cause for another thing you wish you never said.

Definitely not the sight you were hoping for... The tee hiked up, way above his ribs, exposing a good portion of his slim waist as he giggles, showing off that boyish grin while rummaging through the bag behind... still looking at you.

The eye contact ****

The fcking gum that just so erratically becomes his plaything, getting relentlessly crushed beneath the pressure of his teeth, repeatedly transforming into a sticky mass that fills his mouth, stressing the rugged contours of his strong jawline...

His fucking belly...

The happy trail...

Godsent personal hell!

Your heart is thumping away in your chest and your ribs aren’t exactly doing much to protect it. The stressed thing seems ready to pop like one of his balloons and leave you in an ever-sticker mess...

“Mmmmm...” he hums, trapping his bottom lip between his teeth and pulling a handful of candies from the bag behind him. “Let’s see what we have.”

Placing each treat onto his stomach as if the world were about to erupt in a frenzy of sugar-fueled chaos, Jaehyun carefully begins to arrange each piece, making sure they’re spaced out just right and sorted into rational portions in case such an outbreak actually happens. In no time, a vibrant array of treats sprawls across him and his funky-ridden shirt, everything from lollipops, chewy gums, gummy bears, and sour candies, to little chocolates.

Imagine a carnival! The flashy colors are super distracting, and those chocolate bars are practically begging you to grab them. Still, you can’t help but tease him a bit to annoy him, specially since you’ve been going back & forth for the past three days.

“Really,” you pout cynically, “You took this many?? You’re such a…”

With a burst of laughter that is hearty & sweet, Jaehyun sends the poor candies resting on the very sides of his waist to tumble down onto the sofa as if that earthquake had REALLY made its presence felt.

“Mmmmm- Why would I want to spend money on fancy treats? Besides...” He spaces out for a bit... then remarks with a smirk, “My theory is basically sweets are sweets.”

And he tightens his lips to seem all serious, but honestly, it just makes everything worse. The dude doesn’t even lift a finger to be funny; it’s like humour just radically appears around him, and the stuff he comes up with...

Poof! A total goof or a creative thinker? It really just comes down to your mood at the time.

You grimace once more, shaking your head at him, and subtly shift your weight to your legs rather than sitting on the sofa, your body ready to leap away at the slightest hint of contact.

With an adorable, surprised expression his eyes grow round as he stares at you, “What!?” His brows shoot up too in effort to justify himself.

“That piñata was there for everyone to go wild and, umm- grab whatever they could!” Lifting his hands defensively, he pouts, “Not my fault!”

Aaaand that fucking shirt of his?

Isss at it againnnn!@#£%^*

Your mind is reeling as the candy mountain spills over in a fun avalanche.

No, because why go through all that trouble to arrange them perfectly just to wreck it himself!?

Yeah,

anyway, you find nothing to match that, indeed it was up to anyone to snatch whatever they wanted, it just looks like he had deeper pockets than the rest of you idiots to stash all that stuff, that’s all there is to it. So you give in to the urge to ‘screw it,’ let out another eye roll, and grab a tiny bag of gummy bears.

-

As if he’s achieved something, Jaehyun’s hands find their way back beneath his head, and the flirtatious smile continues in his eyes. He just basks in the moment until your frustration—the sting of yet another cheeky defeat—causes you to fumble to open the bag and so all the gummy bears go flying everywhere. 

Add chaos?

Check!

Is he into it? 

Also, check.

The pack is but what that piñata was a few days ago, bleeding in beautiful colors and gushing all things sweet.

“Ugghhh!!” Tossing your head back, you groan dramatically.

And understandably so!!! While Jaehyun?

He beams as he sticks his tongue in his cheek, and snatches the empty bag from your hands. He casually spits his spent pink gum inside it, takes a pair of gummies from his abs, and gently runs them against his lips before sliding them in...

And t

And it’s so fucking frustrating that this guy has no clue about the importance of breaking eye contact! You’re always left searching for a word that’s stronger than ‘insufferable,’ but really, the dude just constantly goes all out with everything. Legit! 

It drives you crazy. He—

Munching on them playfully, Jaehyun thinks for a moment, swallows, & then quirks an eyebrow, smirking,

“Wanna hear what the gummies just whispered into my mouth?”

What the gummies have what??

You shake your head at his nonsense but arch a brow back. Because if you had to be honest, those jelly babies aren’t the only thing looking to spill some secrets in his mouth... So, yeah, you’re JUST listening! As a matter of fact, you’re all tuned in to catch what absurdity he’s about to dish out next.

Pushing his lips together, a bratty shape that just begs to be kissed, he sits with his answer. There’s something very precious and terribly frustrating about how he keeps his responses close like they’re the best puns ever. Then he eventually smiles, “Thank you for releasing us.”

........ Woaah, they’ve at least been honest with him! Which is... cool...

Cool! Great! Awesome! You next!

“Mmm-hmm,” for dummies, some skeptical eyes and a cynical head nod are all you have...

When the magnitude of his languid x menacing should be studied!!!

Really, a quirky cotton candy man! A sugar. A delicate toxic substance.

Like, fuck! He—He’s just- unbeatable. 

That’s an overwhelming amount of power for him to have... Like, that’s too much hot... Too much sweet… It’s no good… 

Like-

Like the doses got all jacked up when he was made... Accidentally spilled too much of each, and now he’s just a walking health risk.

Catch it!

-

The disease spreads just like it always has—quickly and definitely. This earthtone babe just knows exactly how to get under your skin.

So hard to resist... So hard to not take a bite...

It’s just how it goes, you know?

Things...

Eyes...

Fingers...

& before you realise it, your fingertips glide past his jeans, over to his skin, igniting a rush of sensations with each line you draw across his abs.

Inevitably, the air gets charged with an energy... that’s not innocent. You feel the sparks. Not the good kind of sparks, but the sinful ones... The—

-

It’s like a dream at first, experiencing the thrill of someone yearning for your touch so badly.

Jae is every bit as tough as he looks, but the moment your fingers brush against him, that narrative shifts entirely. It feels like he’s been craving your touch, and those days without it have been an unbearable! fucking! stretch!

Gentle, sensual skin, a supremely royal shade of luxury milk. Everything that’s connected with a beautiful sweet, sweet & touching is associated with him. 

He’s just spot on! And your stomach is growling. And you’re looking for a bite to eat...

In fact, you’re so down bad, your sweet tooth’s at an all-time high; honestly, you’d probably go as far as to start licking him right now.

In a straight line? Curved? In any manner that sparks your creativity? Anything real—

...The hot transference from his skin onto your hand? The way he teases his lip!?? The way he shyly and discreetly raises his hips against your touch as if silently pleading for

Thisss baddieee!!

Reading into all these crazy action bits has you all jittery that you completely jump when his hand lands on your bare thigh, right at the lace border.

nononono-

With a gulp, you instantly! rise from the couch. How—Just why did you end up falling back so e

-

Fast, desperation kicks in- just- again like those moments ago... and you’re back to pacing this same motel room, seeking an escape from him. Except every aspect now feels as if it’s been cranked up to ten times the difficulty.

The reddish-brown timber panels on the walls give off tough prison steel, and the pink carpet feels all squishy and weird under your bare feet right when you need a stable solid... All while Jaehyun is- just- there... planted in place, now seated, legs all spread, on the green sofa. There’s really nothing you can do but hope he stays right where he is. 

But! once something’s set in motion, it stays in motion. Like a wildfire racing thru dry lands, fierce and unstoppable. And you just happened to let a match slip past your fingers a heartbeat ago, screwing everything up...

Naturally, he gets up. Also, that belt of his really accomplishes nothing... it’s just there to be there, so he’s just got to pull up his baggy jeans himself before he can even take a step forward.

& what his rising does is kick off a frantic chase as you two whirl around the room in a relentless spiral, & he’s hot on your tail... The very thought of him catching up on you sends dopamine through your veins, making your pulse quicken.

Plus that stunning smile? Plus his unconditional happiness? Well, both make him even more irresistible but both also complicate things for you. The excitement mounts as he approaches in the chase, each heartbeat making the thrill even stronger; that once he abruptly stops, the sprinting exertion takes its toll.

His breath comes in heavier gasps, his cheeks are flushed with a pinch of peach, and his bangs are a tousled mess, dancing around him like dandelion fluff does in the wind. Just a pure, natural and effortless elegance. He’s so incredibly attractive it almost hurts to look at him.

The tension though peaks as his words build to a sharp climax of a fact.

“You-um- You’ve been avoiding me this whole trip.”

...That sinking feeling in your heart like a rock just hit it? Yeah...

Yeah, you wish that voice of his didn’t resonate through your very being, scraping against every nerve ending, but that’s what it always does. It freezes you in place, making you overwhelmed and powerless. 

It’s kind of wild how bringing up a heavy topic during a playful moment can make it feel that much more sincere. With so many choices, he went right for the thing that drives him crazy, and that should show you what’s on his mind... at least-

But, you-you

Instinctively, you pull the same fuzzy cardigan around you, clinging to it as though it were a barrier against him, and softly slide your hand from your sleeve, unveiling a lollipop—the only item you managed to pocket earlier.

And this should sweep everything away, right?

-

“Mhmmmm,” Jaehyun hums, back on trend —

acting like he didn’t just mention something that could spark a whole conversation...

— though this time he picks up the bat resting by the bedstand which at the beginning of the week tore through that heart piñata...

And currently, with the sun set, the moon in the sky, and the desert sky glowing a delicate lilac blue, his eyes narrow and his sly grin comes in the same old style as he twists the knob of the yellow lamp, teasing, “So... a thief, huh?” 

...It’s as if he’s putting you in the spotlight, pointing out your crime, and calling you out for being a naughty girl.

& sure, he’s got you in that tight spot he wants you in, okay? But you still tilt your head and nibble on your lip, still going at it, “Maaybee.”

-

& as you start to walk backwards, everything is still beside your breath and the gentle thud of the bat as he taps it against different surfaces. Only muted noise of what seems to be Spanish drifts in from the neighboring room, but neither of you pays it much mind.

His hands fist around the bat tightly, consumed with angry adrenaline, & veins bulge along his smooth skin, sending filthy pulses up his arms. 

It’s a sight that attracts goosebumps all along & across your skin, igniting a warmth that curls from your legs to your belly. The same very electrifying rush of adrenaline wraps around you as if he’s pulling you into the grip of that wooden bat... 

Hiss, twist, loosen, and turn, just like how his hands manipulate that wood...

And you know... it doesn’t take much to find yourself backed up against that mahogany wall.

At once, ‘trapped’ takes on an even greater weight than what it meant before. You feel twisted and turned in advance, completely taken apart by the sheer passion in his deep brown eyes.

Jaehyun lifts a brow. He’s all about this vibe. That big toothy smile of his. The way he’s locked in on you. The ‘Just a couple of steps away, baby.’

Uh-huh, but what about that horrible, horrible crave you’ve told yourself you CAN’T have!??

The itch sits on your tongue, fruity in flavour—perhaps strawberry or raspberry—you aren’t sure. A tang that lingers in your memory, the same as of candy gum that had been in the air around him earlier and one which grew bolder with each step he took toward you. This sickness makes you wish that your tongue is already wrapped in his, tightening for a deeper inspection. 

Yikes! Please, let’s just avoid that!

-

To drive away the feeling, you look down to your toes in the cotton carpet, shift your weight, and then peel away the wrapper of the lemon lolly, seeking a bitter flavor to replace the trace of his scent.

Then eventually, accept the proximity between you two as it is - as you let your back land against the wall, hoping the tension will melt away. 

Feeling the lolly along your lips, you grimace at the acid but take it...

And as you look down, even in your peripheral view, it’s clear that Jaehyun is still watching you, & you realize he’s focused on your mouth. & after giving the lollipop a couple of spins on your tongue, you proudly look up, thinking you’re good and that you’ve totally neutralized the crave for him...

-

Because the suddenly too sure of itself face?

Your neck, your collars, the hard candy prodding at your cheek?

The sleek brown silk and the intricate black lace trim which ascends higher on your thigh as you shift your weight to one leg, elegantly placing the other in front as you find your stance? And then the glossy black polish on your toenails as you draw them from a point in the carpet, just barely hovering above it, & in a straight line with him... As in ???

Yeah, absolutely not; that’s far from a quiet invite...

No! You’re totally not just ‘asking for it.’

On the spur, the dynamics shift... As you let the lemon hang in your mouth, Jaehyun abruptly brings his bat up & uses it to delicately move a piece of your hair aside, and then the very tip of the bat makes a gentle tap at the heart of your collars.

Your breath catches in your throat, a fragile spectacle he zeroes in on as your cords constrict, and then, with knitted brows you swallow in the sour juice of the sucker. 

Really!?? What more does he want of your sorry soul when you’re just trying to get through each breath?

But no! You certainly didn’t ask for it… Just remember he’s not one to give up when told to quit. So, either pack your things or choose a better design, Sugar.

Though that’s the very thing... You can’t deny the magnetic pull of Jaehyun’s game...

Sure, you’re feeling the heat from your toes to the top of your head, but let’s keep things in check, yeah?

Feeling the groove, as you pull out the lollipop to give your lips a little lick, your eyes wander down to what could be seen as a ‘dangerous tool’, and you smirk.

Jaehyun sucks in on his lip, very slowly, very cheekily. The guy’s clearly amused with you. 

“Are you seriously just going to keep looking at me like that?” you ask eventually, taking a moment before adding, “I’m not a fan of it.”

“Mmmmm,” he gives his hundredth low hum, tilting his back head just so, & flexing that tight jawline that always seems to be up for something... something explicit and offensive.

However you pout and slide the lollipop right back in your mouth.

“Tasty?”

...You had to know that was coming, right? And so, as the duel continues, you shrug, allowing a slight grimace to escape your lips, piquing his curiosity about the taste he’s missing out on.

& it runs like a charm.

As Jaehyun lets his eyelids droop in the slowest blink imaginable, &, in his infamous deep voice, says, “I waaanna taste.”

Nuh-uh, even if you tried to reject, it wouldn’t make a difference since he’s right in your face; his mouth hanging agape, eager for absolutely, really absolutely! anything you might have to offer... Cause, there’s always room for a shift in sentiments, wouldn’t you agree?

Though the ‘weapon’ somewhat still stays pointed at you...

Take notes!

For sure! But being the fantastic person you are you tap into your generous spirit & pull out the candy with a satisfying pop while Jaehyun stares at you, mischief even spilling out of his open mouth.

With only inches between you, you gently slide the bad sugar in, pushing it along his tongue and unconditionally savoring the moment and the view.

-

His slightly downturned, sultry eyes as you still hold onto the other end of the white plastic, & he keeps sucking on the lemon in his mouth.

Those damn sunken cheeks of his. The tiny scratch on his nose from a few days ago which has mostly healed, but you can still see it.

The dense, dark brows in disagreement with his bleached hair with a still lingering odor of ammonium hydroxide... Really, a look born from a reckless bet on a chaotic road trip—a decision that seemed utterly foolish but now is somehow working in his favor...

In a way, it’s even funny how the flashy hair is soooo out there… but it’s there, being just one aspect of him. Still, you have to admit its impact is real. A gutsy choice that jazzes him up a notch. This new arc he’s projecting, where it seems, he’s flirting a bit more with his impulsive side? Yeah...

Somewhere between handsome and creamy tabby cat... He’s just bursting with the most obnoxious playfulness, and he’s paired with a smile that raises up his dimples.

The way he’s making you curious and wild >>>  He’s so sexy, it’s unmatched...

And you understand the gravity of wanting such a fine man! The—

(!) The despite knowing, yet failing... or at least in what you think you know and what you think is better.

-

You’re completely focused on his lips, and in an instant, reality just seems to melt away like it’s under a spell.

Tis a state... A mood! The ninth cloud where you can’t feel the air or the ground... All there is is his insane eyes scrutinizing your reaction to what he does to the lolly, and it’s honestly the worst kind of pressure.

Finished savouring, Jaehyun’s tongue casually circles his sensuous lips, collecting all possible leftover like he’s just finished you in style.

“Ummm…” Scrunching his nose at the flirty, piquant taste, he takes a step back. Mulls over the candy choice; pushes his cooked bangs; and hesitates before he says, “Nah, this isn’t the one... I-um... I bet there’s something better out there... It’s likeee” suppresses smile in advance of saying it, “It’s just on the tip of my tongue.” His brows flatten too, mans serious! “Help me think?”

OH, Sir!

A treat that can out-beat this bittersweet taste? A goodie that packs an even bigger surprise?

Your always rambling mind goes thoughtless, & that burning need to press on drops off like a light switch. The coming panic. Your gotcha moment. You go quiet. It hits you that this is the first time your playful teasing has backfired and that maybe you can’t be bailed out of what’s to come.

Worse, as it’s one of those silences that just hangs in the air, making things feel more tense. Your self-imposed rules about ‘what you think you know’ and ‘what’s better’ dissolved, leaving you fully present and stimulated.

& Jaehyun digs right in, spreading the cavity...

He lifts the bat again, its tip gently pressing into your belly, and it’s like you can almost feel his warmth seep through it, then past the fragile silken fabric to your skin. 

You get so hot. This bizarre ripple from your legs to your tummy as you tightrope between pleasure and unease, joy and hesitation... It’s like you two are finally on the same wavelength, knowing what the other is about to say before the words even come out.

A delicate crease develops between his bushy brows which deepens as he tenderly whispers, “I’m sorry.”

“Jae- don’t.” you murmur, your lips curving into a sorrowful pout as you gently shake your head ‘no.’

Needless to say, something nuanced only you and him know...

The result of everything that’s happened...

The ‘this whole trip has messed up the trajectory of our friendship.’

The reason why he chose to hang back today...

The tactics which kicked in since everyone piled into that Jeep truck this morning & sped away. 

The from ‘getting schooled’ in all the board games to the countless Polaroids he let you snap of him, to that little “I’m sorry” hand peck he gave you that had you making the death stare, and the “Don’t ever try to do that again!”

The rude ‘skin-feeding’ masked behind the pretense of a ‘generous’ food provider.

And how you slipped past every move, pushed back, and resisted until he has put you up against this wall... and now ‘the-no-escape’.

Still and all- your pushback’s like a sport. Be afraid of what follows...

-

For Jaehyun gnaws into the very walls of your sensitivity as if sensuality were his chosen medium. Each deliberate motion of the bat becomes a brushstroke in the masterpiece of your downfall...

He glides it along the contours of your waist, teasingly skimming over your curves, trails it down your legs and inners, and even lifts the hem of your dress just enough to make your skin hurt in anticipation.

Then, it finds its way to your stomach yet again, as if to indicate something deep & unexpressed, before tracing a direct path up your sternum, sweeping along your collarbone until he’s made your cardigan slip down your arm, taking the delicate strap of your dress with it...

So much of ‘Jae, don’t,’ huh? Oh, sweetheart… 

-

Certainly, the last thing you hope he avoids is the very thing Jaehyun does...

Trailing the bat along your jawline, ultimately he rests it under your chin... Something something about a ‘clear display of dominance.’ His insane eyes about render you completely motionless as he insists on glancing between your eyes and your lips the way one searches a dictionary for definitions. Again and Again... And then gravity happens...

In an instant, the bat slips from his grasp and tumbles to the floor, making you flinch as his lips finally find their way to your bare shoulder, where seems like he’s achieved something.

Oh, the bite-

An insidious heat stroke as you moan the most promiscuous hiss there is.

“Jaee, we shou—”

“Baby-”

Vibrationssssssssss...

It comes out even more whiny as he gets all of that word muffled against your neck. It roughly cuts into your focus, seeps into your ears, and goes straight to the wrong place.

The very last thing you feel yourself do is slide left against the wall, scraping for any last escape routes, but he just moves in sync with you.

Up to the moment he—

The sound of yearning?

Jaehyun’s palms slamming into the hardwood, spreading out like wings on either side of you, creating a cage of flesh. Brushing off the idea of consent, his hot body presses against yours.

With his hands up, that whimsical teddy bear tee yet again peels from his jeans. It constricts around his arm sleeves, flexing the impressive curve of his biceps. His veins, too, scrumptiously pushed in motivation: ‘All mine! You can’t outrun this, baby. I’m keeping you right where I want you.’

Really, the rest it’s all in your perception—either a trap or a safe spot.

-

A little motel inside a world of sand... you’ve never felt smaller than you do now with him towering over you—not literally, size in drive and ambition.

You watch yourself fade&wilt in his unsettlingly lazy eyes like Valentine’s flower petals from their vase falling onto the white desk dirtied with graphite from pencil shavings and candy wrappers. 

It’s so desertly calm, that your nails accidentally strike a chord in tune as your hands casually fall past his belt buckle...

A beautiful melody that makes his dimples grow deeper, though he still tilts his head, frowning adorably as he perpetually continues to figure things out just for the sake of figuring things out...

Yeah?

Cos, what is the motive here? As your hands do settle gently at the hem of his jeans, fingers teasingly dipping into the softness of his navel?

Hook + Pull = Gravity.

Oh, man, do you make him feel insane things? Cause you’ve been on your guard for the whole day, some goals are hard!

Are you coming ahead of all his sneaky schemes? Are you a baddie too?

Cause now you’re just holding up a higher card like you’ve been doing in every game today. Maybe you... are... on top of your game... The candy of victory is better when it’s hard...

Gravity... Your lips inch closer. 

Your slightly parted lips & that parched swallow might just give Blondie a hint of how desperately you want him to melt on your tongue. And you’re over worrying about it. You even yank at his necklace.

The way his hair falls over your lashes creates a delightful distraction as your noses nearly collide. And the best you can pretend in this intimacy is filthy, “I still haven’t forgiven you.” 

“Ummmmm...”

On brand! Disturbingly sexy hum that flows like honey—a sugary glaze, coating your lips in a deliciously gooey way. You’re hit with the sting & the toxin even before Jaehyun has a chance to consider kissing you or taking any steps. He smiles, he’s just that awful...

“You will.”

-

Alas,

the abrupt grating noise of tires screeching to a stop cuts through the dull ambience outside. A lively group seems to spill out of the truck, loud and as if they’ve just been recharged. A voice you both instantly recognize calls out, saturated with sarcasm and clearly wanting to grab ‘someone’s’ ears. 

“Greeat! We’ve just rolled into ‘Losers Place!’”

-

What a Dullass Bullshit Scenario... for Losers.

Jaehyun scoffs lightly, giving a flimsy half-eye roll, his lips pursed in a way that shows just how unimpressed he is with the moment... Inexplicable urgency drives his body into yours one last time, likely a final act of connection.

He hadn’t even had the chance to pin your hands above your head or hold your jaw in a way that would leave you feeling completely—

There was no pulling of hair, nor did you wrap your arms around his neck to-to—

Nor did your tongue map out the crossroads on his stomach...

Or—

Clear anger paints your temple, too, each line bearing frustration... Just there’s something about keeping it a secret that bodies the danger factor, making everything feel so much more smoky and intense.

& you pout as much, nudging your nose against his as to where you feel all deprived but electrified by simply- just- doing that, softly whispering against his lips, breath all drenched,

“Do you think they know?”

Girlie, Fuck! Do you know what you do to him?

© 𝟭-𝟰𝟵. do not copy, translate, repost, and modify my works.

[leclsrc]

like you should ✴︎ cl16

genre: just. Like. sexual tension…, reader is max’s gf, no explicit smut but heavy innuendos so just beware, everyone is Morally Bankrupt so turn away if u dont fancy that

word count: 11.3k  

If you don’t learn from history, it’ll stick around and find a way to repeat itself – even if the history is with your boyfriend’s rival, and its repetition happens behind his back.

auds here… hi hi hi!!! not proofread sry; i wanted to write something like this for a while haha, i had a bunch of reqs from january(!!!) that served as the basis for it. title from this it was this fic's inspo savior. full disclosure this is fiction n doesn’t at all reflect how i view max/charles :) love love love u all sorry for being mia so constantly & enjoy this jumble of sexual tension haha. happy june friends!!!

Monaco is always an affair in itself. Humid, music blaring, and full of celebrities, you pose for a few paddock pictures, exchanging no words with Max. He’s idle beside you, cap drawn over his dirty blond hair, hand on your waist, the other scrolling through emails and Instagram. Your dad’s somewhere here, too, if you remember right—he texted you about being with Christian, at a meeting somewhere about Checo or something. You can’t be arsed to remember. You flew in two hours ago after a days-long inner turmoil, trying to decide if you wanted to come at all.

Max didn’t sound too eager for you to arrive, either, but you theorize it’s because you’ve both been tired with work lately. He’s leagues above everyone else now, but the demand of work snatches what little quality time you could’ve spent with him. You suck it up, lacing your fingers together and hoping this is a dry spell—physical and emotional—that just needs to be waited out.

How’s the weather? You ask casually when you’re inside his room, burying your face into his shoulder. He presses an absentminded kiss to your head. “Should be fine.”

“Anything you’re worried about?” You make yourself busy rifling through his closet. It’s more of the same. Polos proudly showcasing the logo of the team that’s brought him to the top. He usually keeps three spare ones, but there’s an extra smaller one that you unfold and dangle in front of you. “Whose is this?”

He glances. Kelly’s. When you gesture for elaboration—Nelson Piquet’s daughter? Christian asked me to give her one. You don’t pay attention to it, folding it neatly and placing it inside again. He pipes up to answer your earlier question, voice light as it is solemn. It’s Charles’ home race.

“So?” It comes out sharper than you intend, considering Max is more a friend than his rival. You turn to try and soften your hostile phrasing. “I mean. It’s… you’ve been dominating the leaderboard.” No way you’ll show him you’re worried for Charles, too. “Their car is horseshit.” It is and it worries you.

“Yeah, yeah. I think I’ll talk to him for a bit. You’ll be okay alone?” He’s getting up already.

“Wait—” You pause when he’s kissing your cheek as a goodbye. “I thought we were getting lunch.”

“Make it dinner, then.”

“No,” you protest weakly. “I’m going to be with my dad.”

“Drinks.” He leaves no room for argument and leaves with the door shutting softly behind him. You exhale loud through your nostrils and shut the closet door, leaving to explore the paddock. It’s familiar grounds for you, not just because of Max but because of your dad, who began insisting you attend races again a few years ago. You should know Red Bull, he’d said then. The team I’m sponsoring. The team I give millions to.

Purely to appease him, you gave in and attended a race for the first time in a long stretch, just a few years ago. You’ve attended almost every race since then, and those have often blurred into one homogenous memory (sitting, watching, cheering, hugging, drinking), but the first race remains clear as the day your driver dropped you off at the entrance to the paddock, a VIP lanyard slung over your neck and sunglasses perched on your nose.

You stare at the just-closed door, his bag still abandoned on the bed, his dismissive tone, the polo you’ve just folded up. Max is hiding something—you just can’t put your finger on it.

—

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Monza 2019! The host goes, a reporter-esque smile greeting the crowds on the big screens. Monza is intimidating. You’re being guided around the ups and downs of the paddock by somebody whose name you’ve forgotten and remembered and forgotten again, short in stature with a posh English accent. Your dad is somewhere, in a meeting perhaps, which means your re-introduction to the world of racing is up to this man alone.

“Christian!” Someone says behind you, and oh right his name is Christian. Christian—Hormut, or something. You’ve blurred his last name from memory, too. Christian ends up having to excuse himself to attend to a pressing practice problem, and he leaves you with one of his drivers.

Max is his name. He’s funny, charming, and vulgar in the way all Europeans are (you’re not at all surprised when he tells you he’s Dutch), and handsome, moreso when the topic gets to racing and he starts talking quick and with passion. It’s something you admire.

“You don’t know what quali is?” He asks when he hands you a vodka soda.

You laugh. “My dad was always insanely busy with work as a kid, so I liked not knowing anything about it.” You always wanted to remove yourself from the racing and just be your dad’s daughter. “I’ve only been to a handful of races, and even then I was way younger.”

“You’ll like this one.”

You squint onto the paddock and recall the motif that’s been teeming around you all day long—red. Red, red, and more red. There are fans whose faces are painted red, bold and shiny against the unrelenting sunny weather. Internally, your curiosity is piqued. Red Bull, perhaps? “Are those your fans?” 

Max follows your gaze curiously. “Oh,” he says when he sees the crowd of red. He sips his beer. “No, that’s for Ferrari. They always attract a proper crowd in Monza.”

You hum, the name more than familiar to you. “Red sea.” You spot a few signs in Italian, a few fans taking pictures, and finally your interest wanes, eyes gravitating back to Max. “You nervous?

“Rarely am.” He smiles. “Will you be watching?”

“Probably,” you respond, momentarily searching the surrounding area for your dad. “I’ll be with my dad someplace.”

“You owe me a congratulations,” says Max as he gets up, his name being called from somewhere behind you. “Okay?”

“Sure,” you giggle. “I’ll save it.”

You’d spaced out mid-race and watched from a flatscreen TV inside instead, but lost the plot at some point, so you ask around for who the winner is. The winner ends up not being Max, you’re told by one of your dad’s assistants, Ben, when you emerge from his office after the flag is waved.

Everybody, however, is talking in a secondary racing jargon—they say things like P1 and front wing and strategist, failing to dumb things down for you. You piece things together and realize the winner is a Ferrari driver—but, if your memory serves you right, there are two drivers. You don’t know which one it is. Then again, you don’t know the drivers themselves, either.

You reunite with your dad and Christian Harper (you think) in the garage, where Ben hands you a pair of giant headphones that transmit scratchy, loud radio audio; you remove them and ask him a million questions instead. Nearby, the Ferrari garage is exploding with screams, but they don’t come close to the roars of the red crowd, which almost seems to breathe collectively, scream collectively, celebrate as one. You’re almost transfixed with how loud they are, how passionate they are, with their winner. Their golden guy. Your dad’s mouth is set in a straight line.

“Who won?” You ask, voice raised to try and become audible despite the cheering.

Ben points, squinting under his eyeglasses. You follow the direction of his finger to the finish line. There, parked beside the first place sign, is somebody standing atop his car. He’s wearing red. Showered in red. Surrounded by red. It’s tantalizing, the way his win has commanded the entire area. Your mouth is half-open, lips parted in soft shock.

You tap Ben again. “Yeah, who is he?”

“Leclerc,” he says, pinching his nosebridge. “Ferrari’s new guy. A friend of Max’s, but a rival, too.” He sighs lowly. “Your dad’s biggest problem.”

Christian Harris makes a quip about you having to go find and comfort Max, but you space out, still staring at the winner. Leclerc. You’ve got no face to his name, just the opaque visor of his helmet and the two proud fists in the air, inciting even louder cheers from the crowd. You focus harder, as if that would somehow reveal his face to you.

But he’s faceless, a winner of mystery for now—and for the rest of the evening as you’re ushered back to Red Bull alongside your dad. 

—

“Do you want to come to an afterparty?” Ben asks, tapping away on his phone. Emails and texts crowd his notifications. “We need to know if you’ll need a car tonight.” He follows you around, exasperated with your quick pace that even he can’t keep up with. “And if so, which car.”

“No, no car.” You respond, walking. “Which afterparty?”

“Any, really. There’s, uh… a Red Bull one, a few yacht ones, Max mentioned dropping by APM Monaco’s and—”

“No afterparty,” you say with tense finality once you hear the option. “All the drivers do is drink and get sleazy.”

“O-kay,” he taps. “I didn’t realize you had such a… vendetta against the drivers?”

You laugh a little, peering over the lens of your sunglasses to try and spot familiar faces. Actors, models, drivers’ relatives—the place is packed, and the weather is hot. “When did I say that?” You ask, looking around at hyper speed. 

“It was implied.” Ben pauses and eyes you, curious but already on the brink of suspicious. Your gaze is darting everywhere, clearly trying to find something to catch on. “What are you looking for?”

Caught red-handed, you slow down the speed at which your eyes scan over the paddock and settle them on your watch, pursing your lips. You clear your throat and raise an eyebrow, turning the questioning back to Ben. “I’m not looking for anyo—”

“Hey,” comes a voice from right behind you, a hand coming up to tap against your shoulder. You don’t have time to turn and identify the culprit because he moves to stand in front of you, effectively stopping you in your tracks with a teasing smirk. “Max did not tell me you would be here.” He crosses his arms. “Excited? I know I am. Home race and all.”

You swallow but your throat is dry. “I’m excited to cheer for my boyfriend.”

Charles smiles, satisfied that he managed to get on your nerves. With curiosity and anticipation, Ben keeps to himself and watches the exchange unfold, arms crossed. Charles presses on. “Are you coming to the party later?”

“I might,” you say, mind changed.

“Alright, see you.” With the sun weakening the tint of his sunglasses, and his hair raked back by his backwards cap, you have a clear view of the way his left eye drops into a smug wink. He smiles again, boyish, before he’s turning to leave you with Ben, who turns to you.

“You’re friends?”

The most decent answer leaves your lips dismissively. “Acquainted.”

—

You lose all sense of inhibition (and navigation) as soon as you step a heeled foot into the club, but it’s nothing you haven’t experienced before. Years of clubbing and fake IDs have prepared you for the tactics used to snake your way through the crowd of people, eventually finding yourself at the VIP area of the Monza afterparty, where one look at your face is enough to let the bouncer let you through wordlessly. 

“The team’s finest!” Christian greets jokingly with a smile. Why he’s here, you’ve no idea—you had an impression he had a family to go home to. “A drink?”

“I’ll explore for a bit,” you say warmly, smiling as he brings you in for a friendly hug. You peer at faces and over shoulders, taking shots off trays and flutes of champagne off tables to feel less stiff and out of place. You’re looking for Max.

But you catch somebody else’s eye, one who seems to beckon you over with a look. He’s laughing at something, decently tipsy, and—when you near him—he introduces himself as Charles. “Leclerc,” he adds, and suddenly everything clicks. The face you’ve finally matched to the name is handsome, chiseled and devilish and charming, with a warm smile that doesn’t match the dark in his eyes. He’s in the same kind of getup everyone is wearing—a tight black tee, blue jeans. But he makes it look insufferably attractive, unfortunately.

“You’re the winner,” you state, not lifting your tone to sound like a question. He is the winner. The champion of today’s race.

“Right I am.” He nods once, matter-of-factly. “You’re Red Bull’s princess, aren’t you?”

“I wouldn’t call myself that,” you say, blushing inwardly. Your face is warm and you feel flustered, but you play it cool, feigning a casual laugh. “Congratulations, by the way.”

“Thanks.” He takes a gulp from his drink, dark and potent looking. “Max mentioned you earlier.”

“Oh.” You’d completely forgotten you were looking for him. “Is he here?”

“Around. Hey, listen,” he says, turning to collect the makings of a shot, “I’m the winner, and I make the rules. Take a shot with me.”

Your eyes close in a laugh, nodding along. You’re already tipsy, anyway—what’s another shot? You take a wedge of lemon in between two fingers and a pinch of salt, smearing it along your hand as you grip a shot glass of something. You’ll know once you taste it, you suppose; no time for questions.

“You got the last lemon slice!” complains Charles across you, and you laugh, shrugging as if to say deal with it. Your glasses clink, and you throw back the liquid; it’s ten times stronger than you anticipated and for a moment you lose control over your motor skills, squeezing the lemon wedge a tad too strong so it dribbles down your chin, through your throat and the last of it trickles through your cleavage. You manage to get some, licking the salt off before the taste becomes nauseating.

Your grimace is ever so obvious, as is Charles’ inability to take his eyes off you. Fuck, he thinks. You’re exactly his type. Pretty, eyes twinkling and half-lidded with the alcohol. Your lips are bitten, caught between your lips—it’s a habit, he guesses from how puffy they are. He might have to kiss you now.

“Still need lemon?” You ask, leaning in. “I’ve got some on me.” It’s a joke but your tone suggests otherwise, eyes lingering on his parted lips for any sign of assent. Your breath smells of citrus and wildly expensive tequila. He could kiss you now. He would. He will. He has to.

You tip your head backwards, smiling and dancing lightly to the music, your hands wraped loose around his wrists, dragging him, coercing him closer. So he does, allows himself to give into it and smiles into the skin of your neck, licking over the remnants of lemon that remain. He kisses a lovebite onto the side of your throat, one dark enough that he knows—he just knows—at least one person will ask you about it tomorrow morning. 

When he parts, smiling, he asks, “Wanna smoke?” He produces a cart and waves it in between you, taking a hit and blowing grassy smoke into the air. You nod, encouraging him to take another and blow the smoke into your parted lips. All the while, he notices, your hand is rubbing over the lovebite, the soft, sore skin there.

He thinks of what you might say. The flustered explaining, the hand coming up to cover it or the sponge dabbing concealer over it. He thinks of you lying. Oh, just a guy. No, a Ferrari driver. And you’re all his, if just for tonight. And he’d be right. You were somewhat his—just for that night. The day next, Max took you to breakfast, didn’t notice the blotch of concealer, and all settled into a messy pattern of history.

—

The race is about to begin, preparations in the garage reaching their stunning crescendo. “Good luck,” you say as a sendoff, pressing a kiss to Max’s lips. He smiles appreciatively, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. You wonder absently what’s been going so wrong, but you suppose it’s a two-person job. 

You watch him board the car, your dad coming up beside you. “I still can’t believe how lucky it is that you ended up with one of my drivers.”

“Dad,” you say, warningly. 

“Just saying, honey.” He smiles. “Can you imagine anything else?”

—

“I am sure I cannot be up here.” Charles’ voice is amused, deep and echoing in the empty space of your dad’s vast office. It’s dimly-lit because he’s not here—yacht dinners have become the new venues for business deals, leaving big offices like these ones woefully empty. And yours for the taking, you’d told Charles over text when he asked what you were up to tonight.

You hum teasingly, turning. “You won today, so consider this your prize. Provided generously by a friend.” The term embeds itself into the atmosphere of the empty office and you clear your throat, turning your back to him again and walking to the window. 

The awkward air between you had, for some time, dissipated, giving way to a series of texts and calls that, for the sake of clarity and concision, you don’t tell Max about. Plus, you’re not even dating Max, you tell yourself. It’s just a fling right now, no commitment, no crazy heavy labels. You met only, what, three races ago. And to be fair, you’re not even dating Charles—you’re just friends.

“It’s crazy to think this office can be folded up and shipped halfway across the world,” you say honestly, eyes zeroing in on the city. “I mean, all this.” 

“It is just four walls,” he simplifies, nearing you, staring at the way your hair falls over your back. He’s scared to explore around and touch things—touch you—so he settles on nervous looking. “I don’t understand how this is a prize. I’m in an opposing team’s high-level donor’s office with his daughter.”

“It’s not just four walls,” you say when you turn, ignoring his second statement. “It’s a couch.” You lay both hands on the leather sofa, pointing to the two matching loveseats beside it. “It’s… a desk.” You walk over to it and prop yourself up against it, your feet tiptoeing with the height of the surface. Charles, amused, watches your long-drawn out rebuttal and takes a seat on the couch.

“It’s a lamp. A carpet. A display of Seb’s old race suit.” You point at each. “It’s a drawer.” You pull it open. “…Filled with Red Bull porn.” An assortment of hats and tees meet your eyes, all displaying the same emblem. You tug out a team polo, the same one Christian and Max and Daniil wear—and you whirl around, unfolding it in the air so Charles sees what you’re holding.

An idea enters your head. “Try it on,” you suggest, a teasing lilt in your voice. He shakes his head, laughing. Still insistent, you near him, leaning over where he sits and pressing the polo to his figure, aligning it to the best of your ability to his shoulder and chest so it looks like he’s wearing it. “Looks nice.”

He makes a noise of dismissal. “Never happening.”

“Can’t a girl dream?” You inch yourself forward so your faces are flush of each other’s. When his gaze switches to your lips, smiling and bitten, it no longer leaves. You think of how he’d look all donned up in one of these polos, these suits. The dark of the suit. He could use a break from all that red. You could give that to him.

“Okay,” he says, but it’s soft and distracted. His hand comes up to wrap around your wrist, craving for a form of your touch.

“We’d better go,” you respond, your voice decimated to a whisper. “Before my dad comes.”

“Come on, then.”

Your lips just barely ghost over his before you heave yourself back up, smiling teasingly. “Alright. Let’s go, then.”

—

You watch the Monaco race like a hawk. Ben doesn’t ask why, but internally he rumbles with questions. Why are you so invested in this one race? He chalks it up to the prestige of Monaco as a whole, and settles for that. But still—you’re interested. You watch from the garage, almost with an unrelenting stare, unwavering. Surely you shouldn’t be worried, he thinks. Max has won before. 

And Max wins again, raising the totem like it’s a crucifix. The camera focuses on your wide, proud smile and shows it to the world—there, it seems to say, there she is, the one Max goes home to! Max wins the Monaco Grand Prix—but what will become of the native hero?

You watch Max win with a proud smile, and accompanied by a nasty feeling that lines the pit of your stomach, you find yourself wishing somebody else had taken his place.

—

You never did like dabbling in racing. Your dad often encouraged you to try karting, driving, even something like PR or marketing—he’d fund it all, he promised—but you grew to almost hate the career that robbed your dad of so much time. Perhaps if you thought about it, there was one upside, and it’s sitting down across you to eat lunch.

“What brings you to the paddock?” Seb smiles. “Rare occurrence.”

“It’s part of my bid to get you back to Red Bull in 2023.” You beam back, observing his Aston Martin-green getup. “I’ve got signs and speakers loaded up in my car.”

“You always were advocating for my return.”

“You’re my favorite,” you joke. But it’s an honest quip. “My favorite Aston driver, and back then, my favorite Ferrari driver.”

It’s a statement you regret as soon as it escapes, because it gives Seb leeway to start intense interrogation. He’s always known. He’s always been observing, picking up quirks and details until he forms his own crude recreation of the big picture.

“Not Leclerc, then?”

You chew slowly, eyes narrowed. “Seriously?”

He says your name solemnly, and you pause. Sigh. “What?”

Sensing your irritation, he tries a different tactic. “How are you and Max?”

Seb’s ability to almost always see through you is unrivaled. He’d been one of your closest companions back when your dad would force you to attend races and hail Seb as one of the team’s greatest. Kind as he was, he was a stellar driver, which came with the fortunate gift (and unfortunate burden) of observing everything, and being right about almost all of his hypotheses.

It’s bullshit, and you know it. He doesn’t want to know about you and Max. He might as well could’ve asked how is the weather in Wales? It’s just that farfetched—a question so unlike what usually occupies your conversations with him.

He doesn’t want to know about Max. He wants to know about you—your feelings, your turmoil, your decisions. He wants to know what’s going on with you and Max’s rival-friend-then-rival-again-then-friend. “We’re okay.”

“All good?”

“Amazing, actually.” You smile, tight-lipped.

“I met with him last night.” Yeah, you heard, you say—a party with a few notable figures. “Yeah. Him and Charles.” Jesus, Seb always finds a way to get the topic right where he needs it to be. You prepare yourself for some serious advice-giving.

He inhales, exhales. “Charles asks about you. Are you two close at all?”

No, you tell him. We know each other and that’s all.

“Well”—he says, shrugging—“I just. I don’t want you to betray anyone, not even yourself.”

It’s despicable. All you need are two couches and you’re in free Formula One therapy. They should do this to the Ferrari fans, you think. “Do you hear yourself, Seb?” Your mouth is set into a straight line.

“I’m just saying that there’s a difference—there is always a difference—between what you think you want and what you really want. Now, I can’t tell you either. Neither can your dad, or Max, or anybody. It’s all in you. You’ll know you have what you want when it’s right there.” He jabs a gentle finger onto your open palm, laid on the table. “In your hands.”

“I have what I want,” you say. 

“Do you feel it?”

Seb is met with silence.

—

“Dad?” You call, voice loud to try and capture his attention. Outside, the Monaco festivities carry on. “Simon’s just brought the car around. Are we still on for dinner, or—?” You freeze when you fully enter the office, seeing your dad on the couch pouring a bottle of Scotch. Your blood runs cold almost, and your stomach could’ve dropped right beside your sandals right then.

“Hi, honey. I was just having a drink with Mr. P6.”

Charles smiles charmingly from his seat. “Hi. You’re his daughter, yes?”

You open your mouth but nothing comes out, so you shut it and nod instead. “Good race,” you say dryly, hiding your disdain under a façade of politeness as you move closer to your dad. Then, in a lower tone to him only, will you be long?

“We were just finishing,” he says with a professional smile. “Was telling Charles here that luck just wasn’t on his side today.”

“Sure,” you say, clipped. “We should go if we want to make dinner. Max wants me to visit the afterparty later, so.” You make sure to look at Charles after you say it, so you don’t miss his sudden eyebrow raise and clenched jaw. He downs the Scotch and, with a smile as warm as it is fake, excuses himself for the evening.

“Well, you two should get acquainted. Who knows what his future in Formula One holds? Once that contract’s over, it’s a bidding war.” He claps Charles on the back. “One I might like to win, eh?”

Your dad makes a signal for you to shake his hand, which you do. Like always, the touches between you, however small and indetectible, are electric; you try your best not to look at him when his hand wraps securely around yours, giving it a brief shake. You feel he’s burned you. Everything burns. “We’ve met before,” you say with a polite smile.

“Lovely to see you,” he says bluntly, acting like you haven’t had him lick salt off your neck before.

“You too.” You reply. He’s departing now, collecting his phone and keys.

He turns and smiles. “Hope I meet you again soon.”

“Nice fella, isn’t he?” Your dad asks when it’s just the both of you.

“Yeah. Nice.”

—

The APM Monaco party is the only one you end up attending. Max drives you both there and gets valet to take care of his Ferrari, leading you both inside. It’s not long before you split into separate directions—you’re looking for a friend, and Max is looking for his team, who have showed up to get drunk, too. You heard Kelly was around, if that mattered. Lets leave @ 2, you suggest. Good? You both discussed it en route, and neither of you wanted to stay late. A thumbs up and heart emoji greets you back.

It’s the same text you stare at at 2:45, antsily waiting for Max at the basement parking. The lobby parking—the main entrance to the place—is swarming with people; influencers, residents, YouTubers, anyone and everyone trying to gain access and catch sight of the lucratively famous drivers.

Thumbs up. Heart. Received 1:08. 

See you at parking? Sent 1:55.

Video FaceTime Call. Missed 2:02.

WHERE ARE YOU? Sent 2:15.

Voicemail, voicemail, and more voicemail. The exit swings open and you’re 100% expecting it to be Max, profusely apologizing for forgetting your mutually-set curfew. Instead you’re faced with, as your father called him, Mr. P6.

He is, of course, smiling. Charming as ever. “I heard from my assistant that you wouldn’t be showing up to any parties. Then I hear Max wanted you to come and cheer for him,” says Charles, his usually jubilant voice low and only a little teasing. His accent is stronger here. It’s less of the English-French-Something he usually uses when speaking English and thick, more natural. “You are one good girlfriend.”

You look up from your phone and the unanswered texts—Maxie where are u? Are u bringing the car? Answer me—and narrow your eyes, mouth coming up into a frown. “What is your problem?”

“Problem?” He laughs. “I don’t have any.” He’s leaning against his car, content to watch you. Another car passes by without pausing to pick you up, leaving through the basement exit instantly. Not Max.

“Okay, then get back inside. You have a whole crowd of fans to appease.”

“I prefer it here.” He looks around the stale garage. “So peaceful.”

“It smells like gas and sweat,” you shoot back with a grimace.

He presses. “You should be happier. Your boyfriend got first place at a prestigious race.” For a moment, you pulse with empathy—you recall the beaten down look on his face when his car and his team failed him again and again and again. But you blink and swallow it.

“Yeah,” you say pointedly. “He always wins. Can you imagine if he got sixth place?”

A flash of something—something hurt, something shocked—surges in his green eyes. But like you, he blinks and it’s gone, replaced with a smile. 

“Can you imagine if he didn’t go home at night?” He teases coolly.

“Right, right,” you say, letting him win that round. “And what’s all of Twitter saying about how all your flings look ‘exactly like Max’s girlfriend’?” You raise two delicate air quotes.

He gaze hardens, then flits down to your phone, open to the unanswered exchange. You quickly shut it off but it’s incentive enough for a continued conversation. “He’s okay?”

“Getting the car.” And like divine timing,  a text from one of Max’s strategists dings in your inbox—a picture of your boyfriend, passed out on the floor of someone’s (you presume his) car. Should be fine by morning we’re about 5 min from his flat. But you don’t have a key to that flat, you realize, because Max suggested you both stay at a hotel for some “much needed relaxation” (you are anything, anything but). 

Can you leave the key? You type, then stare. Max’s girlfriend for almost four years and you have no key. To his home. Embarrassed, you try rephrasing the text but nothing works. You’ll just sleep at the hotel, you think.

You delete the text and press a hand over your face. Fuck’s sake. You’re going to have to ring your driver—thus alerting your dad—at three in the morning for a car because your boyfriend is piss drunk.

“I’ll bring you home.” You look up, almost forgetting Charles was there. He pats the front of his car. “Hotel or Max’s flat?”

“Hot—hotel,” you say, breath catching from stress and embarrassment. “Hotel. Sorry.” You’re embarrassed. You’d gotten that dig on him for being P6 less than two minutes ago, but now you’re climbing into his car, meek and with small, unassuming movements. You almost want to apologize, but that might worsen the awkwardness of it, so you purse your lips and stay relatively quiet.

He doesn’t gloat, like you expect him to, like you maybe would if you were in his position. He does, however, sport a insufferably self-satisfied smirk, like he knows he won tonight somehow even if he didn’t even snag fifth. You grumble quietly from the leather passenger seat, opting to admire the lit-up nightlife of Monaco, alive as ever even as the night wears on.

“Is Max home safe?” He asks, stifling an even bigger smile.

“Oh, go fuck yourself.” You scroll through your many notifications, and find no text from your drunk boyfriend. You look up, finding you’ve turned away from the city centre and into the darker, less populated area. “Where are we?”

“A shortcut.” He revs faster.

“Yeah. Okay. Like, where, specifically?” Your eyes analyze your unfamiliar surroundings. You’re not familiar with Monte Carlo at all to begin with, so the lack of buildings is setting off every internal alarm bell.

“Well,” he chuckles, sensing your apprehension, “it’s a shortcut. Cuts six minutes out of the drive to your hotel.”

“I thought everything was close together here,” you quip, relaxing a little. 

“Not to a native. I know places.”

“Sure.” Your voice wavers. “Charles, I’m going to jump out of the car window if you’re shitting me, I sw—”

Charles throws his head back to laugh, like he can’t even believe you just suggested that. As if deep in thought, he sticks his tongue into his cheek and laughs a little, with exasperation almost. This girl, he seems to think. You stare, transfixed with all the little flexes his face makes.

You break contact when his eyes flicker to your figure, looking at the console first then the window, as if caught stealing a cookie from the jar. “Sue me for being concerned,” you add, for an extra layer of defense.

“You are like your dad.”

Your face warps into one of disdain. “Never say that to me again.”

“Just in the way that”—he waves his hand around to get his point across, laughing as he focuses on the road ahead—“you two are always serious, always working. I mean, you never attended races, even before.”

“You don’t know shit.”

“I like to think you and I know more about each other than we let on.”

He’s right, but you won’t say it. You two have a connection so unlike what two acquaintances, friends, share. It’s undeniable and thick and impossible to uproot, an easy and intense dynamic at the same time. You know so much about him. You know how to make him laugh, hurt his feelings, get his eyes to flutter all pretty. But he knows those things about you, too.

“You only attend races for Max, yes?” He adds.

The utterance of Max’s name gives you mild whiplash—it reminds you you’re on the way to your hotel, to check if your boyfriend’s okay, and not on some drunken joyride with his friend-rival. You clear your throat and try to segue out of the topic. “I just—I take work seriously. I take everything seriously.”

“You shouldn’t.” His eyes flit over to you again, up and down, the low cut of your dress, the way your crossed arms are effortlessly pushing your tits togeth—

“You should loosen up,” he says with a cough, looking back up.

“Thanks for the tip, Leclerc.” You smile phonily, eyes still out the window. “I’ll be sure to put it to good use.”

“Okay.” He says lowly. Then, as if to set a challenge—“Put it to good use now.”

“Now?” How? You almost add, parting your lips to let the question slip past. You stop yourself before you can, though, letting your still hazy mind run through your own fabricated answers. How do I loosen up? Then, to yourself again, for you?

It’s dark outside, and even windier when you roll down the window of his car. He drives fast, steadily but scarily fast—with the kind of control he’s built over a career around a car. You peek out, facing the dark hilly terrain, spotting the city lights in the far distance. Your hair flies over your face when you turn, finding more empty road. Everyone’s in the city. In the thick of the partying.

You dip out of the window more, letting yourself feel the breeze—it whips at your face, cold and smelling of the coast. In the car, you maneuver your legs to keep yourself upright properly, and more of your leg shows as a result, the material riding up on your thighs.

Charles maintains composure, his pace slowing so your hair brushes against your face more gently. Still, a soft, high-pitched yelp of excitement and nerves escapes your bitten lips. He wishes he could watch—he wants nothing more—but he has to focus on the road. He does allow himself fleeting, hot glances at you—your legs, your lithe hands on the window’s base keeping yourself upright, the way your dress hugs your waist. He might die.

“Careful,” he says, raising his voice firmly. He is genuinely concerned for you when he spots one of your hands lifting to rake the hem of your already short dress further down. It’s cold, you’re thinking, but you let your flimsy grip tell him the same story.

Still focusing on his next turn, he drives one-handed, reaching his other one over to help you out. Out of his immediate sight, you shut your eyes and allow yourself to shiver from the feeling of his hand, warm and calloused and big, on your knee, inching higher and higher upward and eventually wrapping loosely around your leg just above your knee, holding you steady.

A shaky breath leaves you, and you’ll say it was because of the wind, but you’ll know you’re wrong. Your hand moves down, to meet his, to let your fingertips skate over the expanse of his hand until your fingers are wound tightly around his. It’s dark. It’s intimate. It’s all you’ve ever wanted.

Your mind is buzzing, red hot and clouded, when you begin to lead him upward, higher, until your interlocked hands are just under the hem of your dress, dangerously close to where you need him most. An invitation. 

But when you crack your eyes open again you see you’re near the city, abandoning the safety and darkness of the shortcut, and the illusion is shattered.

“Get back in,” you hear, and when you feel the tension of his hand pulling yours, you let him tug you back inside. Your hair settles by your face, and you almost reach up to comb it neat before realizing your hand’s still caught in his. Slowly, your gaze meets his—his eyes bore into you, dark as the night outside. They don’t flicker when you hastily pull your hand from his grip, sighing shakily.

The next turn brings you back into the city, structures gaining a semblance of familiarity. The window, still open, is chilly against you, your cheeks cold with it, your shoulders inflicted by a mild wash of goosebumps. “Have fun?”

You clear your throat. “Not much,” you lie through your teeth, chewing on your lip. 

“We are near the hotel.” The hotel, the party, the grand prix, Max. Reminders of what you’re supposed to be paying attention to ripple through your head as the car snakes through the city. It’s one of his other cars, so it’s not distinct enough that people are peeking inside; still, he rolls up the window for your sake.

He drops you off at the basement parking, not at the lobby. Privacy reasons, he says. He’s sick of parking outside. You bite back a quip about his nasty parking and stay still, heart beating quick.

“Thanks,” you say softly. “For driving me.”

“You’re welcome.” A hand rests on your thigh and you don't feel the resolve to jerk it, instead relishing in its warmth there. “Get there safe.”

“Safe? It’s one elevator ride,” you say tersely, rolling your eyes. He squeezes, his touch feather light, and your breath hitches. You need—

“I hope Max is okay.”

You blink and then move your thigh so his hand slides off; he doesn’t put up a fight, and you don’t encourage him to. “So do I.” It’s right as you’re closing the door when Charles says see you? You meet his eyes, eyebrows furrowed, and shut the door fully.

—

“Yeah,” you say after a period of silence. “I feel it.”

Across you, hair raked back by a headband, Seb maintains lack of conviction. You’re not telling him the truth.

“How’s it feel then?”

“Just… good. Like thrilling.” Like danger, in a good way, peaceful and calm and patient and not complicated. You know what you want. You want the ring-clad hand wound around yours, on your thigh, stubble against your jaw. You want that. You know you want that.

But do you have it?

—

Max’s agenda in Barcelona starts on the eve of quali day. He arrives at your hotel and is greeted with music—it flows from the bathroom, where, upon his inspection, he finds you, swiping a dark line of eyeliner on in the mirror. You meet his eyes briefly, but you say nothing before continuing, humming softly to the Drake song that plays from your phone. He can tell instantly: you’re pissed.

“I’m leaving,” is all you say, dismissive and standoffish. You provide no follow-up.

Still, he tries to apologize. “The meeting ran late.” Silence. “Your dad discussed budgetary stuff.” Silence. “I’m optimistic for pole tomorrow.” And again, silence. “Come on, babe. I’m sorry. Really.”

“Okay.” You pause. “What was Kelly doing there?”

His mouth opens and then closes. “Wh—”

“Ben told me.” You wave a wand of mascara around.

“She was listening.”

“What’s her business?”

“Listening,” he emphasizes.

“Bullshit.” You’re on—he guesses—eyeshadow now. “Every time the topic gets to her, you get all skittish. As fuck. You think I don’t notice?”

“Babe,” he says, defensive, “it’s only because I couldn’t even stomach the idea of being with someone else.” And it’s cheesy and corny, but it must work, because your eyes flicker with something. Love, perhaps—clarity. Realization that you’re being irrational (are you?)

“I think I’m just,” you croak. “Just. Missing you. We never spend time together anymore—and after the stunt you pulled in Monte Carlo—” You press two delicate fingers on either side of your nosebridge to emulate your disappointment. “Do you have any idea how worried I was? You were in someone’s car, blacked out. And no apology. Nothing. Just invited me to lunch the next day with your dad.” A topic you hate and a man you detest spending time with.

“I know. I’m sorry, baby.” He comes in to hug you from behind and thanks the gods that you let him, your hands encircling his wrists. “I was being stupid. Won’t happen again.”

You just nod along, still annoyed but enough that it’s beginning to melt off. Max is sated. But even then, he should’ve known that the flicker of something in your eyes wasn’t love or clarity, the flicker he catches again in the mirror when he presses a kiss to your cheek.

It’s neither. It’s guilt.

—

Quali is relatively uneventful—Max gets pole, and Charles gets something something. A good place, front row you think, but you fail to remember. Ben told you the standings, but you weren’t focused; you’ve been spacey, distracted, mind irreversibly stuck on something else during the session. Max can tell, and offers to take you out to dinner, but you decline so he leaves you by yourself nursing a Tylenol. The night is almost over, and you’re collecting your car keys and slinging your bag over your shoulder—but the evening is punctuated by a familiar English accent.

“Come on,” goads Lando, voice petulant and whiny as he tugs on your wrists. “Max said he’d be busy so he needs a proxy. He sucks at the game, anyway, you’re not filling big shoes or anything.”

The tradition (you use the term loosely) of drivers’ poker, started by Lando’s desire to master the game, is apparently so important it demands your attendance. You’ve had your run-ins with poker before, so you feel assured, but none with a volatile group of competitive guys like this one, so it’s on the fence.

“Where?” You suppose, though, that your mind could use a little clearing. A game, a win of sorts.

“My hotel room. I’ve just”—he types rapidly on his phone and presents your text exchange with him—“sent you the number.”

“Who’s playing?” You walk to your car and he follows, still insistent.

“The yoozsh,” he says, shortening usual the way a prepubescent boy might. “Alex, me, Charles, Carlos, Lance. We play a good game. The stakes can get pretty high. And I’ve won a couple times, so beware.”

You laugh a little, raising your brows skeptically. “Sure.”

“I’m dead serious, mate.” He says solemnly as he waves goodbye, standing idly and watching you start your car through the half-rolled window. “See ya. I am going to kick your ass.”

—

“Is this the part where you kick my ass?” You laugh, everyone peering at Lando’s shit hand that he’s presented to the table. “Out!” The game’s since been decimated to just you, Charles, a pool of money, and a thick atmosphere of slow, deliberate silence.

The rest of the players watch you and Charles, conveniently seated across each other, entranced by the easy back and forth that swings between the both of you. You peer down at your cards, then half-lidded, back up at him. His eyes bore into you, challenging, amused.

Tense, you hear faintly. Lando’s unsolicited commentary. In between you both is a scattered pile of creased bills of varying currencies, chips, a condom thrown in by Lance, and a few spare coins. It’s a huge pool despite how random it is, and even if it doesn’t cost much to anybody in the room considering how much you all earn, the prestige of calling yourself a winner still takes precedence.

Underneath the table, your foot brushes against his, the tip of your heel to the side of his sneaker. You poke your tongue into your cheek to conceal a smile, refusing to meet his eyes again.

“You seem nervous,” he says, trying his best to elicit a reaction out of you.

“Could say the same to you,” you quip, tracing the hem of his jeans with your foot. His breath hitches and you take it as a win, smiling to yourself.

“I’ve had a four game winning streak.” He fans his cards out. “Nothing to lose.”

“Oh?” Your legs continue to intertwine out of sight of everybody else, the friction of your bare calf to the denim of his jeans a warm addition to your already intense match. “Say bye to five.” Lando deals the final cards and the tension hangs heavy, palpable in the air as you both calculate your next moves. Carlos eyes the two of you, sensing something else is at stake here. The air is just too heavy.

“We’ll see,” he whistles, revealing his cards. The group seems to hold one collective, bated breath, waiting for you to take your turn. You do so with a self-satisfied smile, your foot still intertwined with his calf as you begin laying your cards down on the table. You slowly reveal a stunning winning hand, and Lando is the first to get up and cheer loudly. 

Charles shrugs and hands you your victory with a handshake, pushing the pool of winnings in your direction. “Congratulations.”

“When you’re with a winner,” you tease lowly, just in Charles’ earshot, “you are a winner.”

He snorts. “Whatever you say.”

You both miss Carlos and Alex exchanging a glance first with you and Charles, smiling teasingly at each other—and the way his eyes go from yours, to your lips, and back to your eyes—then with each other, eyes half-wide and half-puzzled.

—

The race is intense, and Max suffers damage in the middle of it. It’s a rare occasion, but it costs him place after place until he’s vying not for P1, but P4. He doesn’t win today. You watch Charles cross the checkered flag yourself, watch the footage of him throwing his fists up in the air.

You’re there to watch the Red Bull engineers grumble, mutter dissent, wish themselves luck for the next weekend. You’re there when your dad says Charles is the team’s biggest liability. Imagine if we had him, he’d said. You imagine Charles in a Red Bull suit, but the image is cut short by your boyfriend’s arrival to the garage.

The video feedback on your father’s TV, of Charles spraying champagne all over everywhere, his green eyes meeting the camera with a brilliant charm, is abruptly cut off and you turn to find Max entering. His demeanor is stormy.

“P6,” you say immediately, sensing the pending grumbling. “Not so ba—”

“It’s a shitshow,” he retorts, disgruntled. But he’s at the top of the standings, leagues above the rest; he has nothing to worry about. Driving-wise, at least. “Fucking shitshow.”

“Max,” you comfort. “You did well. The damage was out of your control.”

But he’s pissed, and in the thick of his emotion, he pays your sentiments no mind. To him. it’s all the same regurgitated bullshit. Eventually, though he calms down, finds you in the motorhome and wraps you in a loose hug. “Love you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” You smile. “Love you, too.”

He leaves early for a meeting—so many meetings, these days—and promises to meet you for dinner, requesting you text him. You watch him leave, slip into his car and drive off, and then call yourself a car to the hotel. You figure it’s high time you spend quality time with Max, what with all the instances you’ve been fighting or ignoring each other.

You leave at six, taking the elevator to the basement to get to your own car, parked there. You’re optimistic. A dinner. A date. Finally, some time with him. This is what you want. The coil in your belly, though, and the congratulatory text left unsent, tell you a different story. It’s one you choose to ignore.

The elevator has a bar slotted across the back wall that you lean on, typing updates to Ben and Max. The drive shouldn’t be long, you hope. You can’t navigate the new city fast enough. The door dings open and you make a move to exit, but you’re stopped by a figure across you.

Charles, in his Armani tee, arms crossed and eyes flashing with recognition when the doors reveal you. He’s still fussed up from the race, probably forced to stick around for promo pictures and interviews. His hair’s damp still. You notice the imprint of his balaclava is only just starting to soften and fade.

Your words tangle in your throat. “Congratulations,” is all you can muster when you see him. You don’t inch close. He, too, remains stagnant, standing perfectly still. Not even a smile. Like the tension between you forms a barrier as physical as it is emotional. “You drove great.” Your hand tightens around your phone, where you’ve just texted Max that you’re leaving the hotel.

“We should really stop meeting in parking garages.” He says lowly, with a small smile. 

You step forward twice. “I was just leaving anyw—”

“Wait.” For a second, his voice breaks and he sounds—desperate, almost. “Remember Monaco? Last week. You told me you liked winners.” Somehow you find yourself allowing him to near you, stepping backwards for every step he takes closer, even if you realize you’re hogging the elevator, and that people might be waiting to arrive to this floor. “You told me… imagine if he got sixth.”

He steps into the elevator with you, and the doors automatically close behind him; it remains still, but he presses the stop button for good measure. He’s right in front of you, tired eyes and stubble and tall, broad, big. He sees right through you. He knows you. Your buttons, your quirks, everything.

“It was a joke,” you say, attempting to establish composure as you pocket your phone. You fail. You always fail. It’s him. Still, you try, hard enough that he thinks you don’t want him to come even closer, to cage you against the back wall of the tiny basement elevator. “I apologized.”

“Nevermind that.” A hand on the bar of the elevator, just by your waist. His grip is tight. He needs to channel all this want somewhere. “What do winners get?”

“Charles.” Your voice comes out shaky.

“Just this once,” he says. He needs it so bad. You’re so pretty today, eyes looking right up at him, lips bitten the way they always are. He’s taller, he’s bigger, he’s got the upper hand physically—what, with the way you’re crowded up against the wall, nearly having to go on your tiptoes if you want to maintain distance. Your eyes flutter. Just this once. Four years. Just this once. Break a rule. But this isn’t a rule, you remind yourself woefully—it’s all the rules. “I care for you, you know.”

Your silence grants elaboration.

“You’re too serious. But everyone around you is, too.” Closer. “Max, your dad, your coworkers. You just need someone who can calm you down. Help you get peace of mind. No complications, you know.” Closer, even closer. “Someone who’s patient. Calm.”

You stare up at him, your hands unmoving until they’re slowly coming up to press against his abdomen, the hard surface there. You could push him away. You should, in fact, push and forget and walk away and apologize for the delay. But they remain planted there, eyes still meeting his. They’re so green, green and staring right into you, his parted lips just a little chapped, his stubble uneven and getting longer. You want to feel it rubbing your chin raw. Your inner thighs. 

He steps closer and now you’re on your tiptoes, legs spreading a little to accommodate him. His hands are still on the bar. Yours, on his abdomen. You miss the way he squeezes the bar, so strong and with so, so much pent up feelings you’d think he bent it out of shape. He wants so badly for you to be his. And more than that—if that were even possible—for him to be yours. 

Lightly, you bunch up the material of his tee, cotton wound in-between your fingers. Push him, you tell yourself. Push him away. Let go. You’ve had your resolve tested before. But you know better. You know that it’s never come to this. Again, he steps forward, and this time a hand leaves the bar and rests, gentle as it is firm, on your waist, just below it—his thumb presses against your hip. Your breath hitches.

Push him.

He comes closer and you’re fully pressed against the wall, half-seated on the bar, half held up by him—your skirt’s ridden up, legs spread and dangling on either side of his figure. Silence. Your breathing. Your eyes, big and anticipatory, staring into his, dark and desperate. 

Push him.

“It can be—”

You adjust your grip around his tee, ready to loosen it and let go and—and for a second you feel the solid plane of his abs—

“—my prize.”

Push him. You tighten your grip, and pull him in to slot your mouths together. 

His lips are warm, and soft, and he has another hand on your jaw now, but it’s so big it’s at your neck too. You part your lips to let his tongue slip in, and the kiss is nothing if not desperate. He’s wanted this for so long, to feel you like this, have your lips pressed against his. And you’d be dishonest if you said you disagreed. You don’t want to part for air. You feel like this could satiate you enough, just the movement of his lips, the scent of his cologne.

He needs to be closer to you—so he places two hands on your waist and naturally, it lets your legs wrap around him. You can feel how hard he is, and the reminder is dizzying. He wants you. But there is no upper hand here. If he lets his hands wander, he’d feel the damp of your panties and realize you’re just as bad as he is.

But for now it’s a kiss, messy and hot—passionate and just one big breath of finally. Your hands go from his abdomen to his face, cupping him on either side. It’s romantic, fuck—but you’ve craved this for so long, you cherish every second. His stubble rubs your chin raw. You trace patterns on his face, find indents of moles with your eyes closed. The kisses are searing. 

Even if you both want it, and even if this creaky elevator grants you a semblance of the privacy, you both know this won’t be leading to sex. Just this—just this. It’s all he’s ever wanted. Your hands on his jaw, his shoulders, the nape of his neck. His, on your waist, your throat, your hips. Your gasps mingling with his. 

The kiss takes and takes and takes, and it’s long, but you take and give four years’ worth of want and tension and frustration. You part, forehead pressed against his, and the absence leaves you empty—you inch forward and kiss him again, let it consume you, before you part again.

His eyes won’t stop staring. In the way they always look at you. With want. With something. A glint.

“First and last,” you say, lifted against the wall of the elevator, your hands around his face. Your thumbs roam over his face. He sets you down, breath heavy, and still his hands are on your waist and yours on his face. It was your cue to leave. But you can’t. Not yet.

Your thumbs go over his eyebrows, his eyelashes so his eyes flutter; the mark of his balaclava, the indent there; his nose, his cheeks, wiping the sweat there, then lower, finally to his lips. One thumb rests softly in the centre. Just seconds ago those lips had been pressed to yours, bringing a type of clarity you never knew existed. Everything, for just those moments, made perfect sense.

“You lie.” He repeats.

You tiptoe to kiss him again and he can’t seem to get enough, his eyebrows furrowed—so much he almost looks angry, anguished—when you kiss. “First and last,” you say breathlessly when you pull away.

He shakes his head. “You’re going to come right back to me,” he says, with so much finality and conviction it’s almost a fact. “You always will, you always do.” His eyes are shut even when you don’t kiss, relishing in your proximity. 

And when you part, he watches you leave, with something between desperation and anguish. You don’t realize, he thinks, just how deep he is in his attraction. His connection to you. It consumes him, burns him alive, and it’s leaving him for someone else.

You ring the elevator open again, wiping your lips. He lets it close, leaning against the wall himself. And you both realize, with a heavy breath as you climb into your car and he disembarks the elevator: there is no way either of you will resist it anymore. That was the first, yes. But to say it was the last would be stark, stark lying.

—

You’re still licking syrup off the corner of your lip when you walk out of the hotel breakfast buffet, letting Max explain the fundamentals of a race to you. He’d apologized earlier, for not meeting you at the Monza afterparty last night—he’d gotten caught in something or other. But he’s kind, and inserts a few jokes here and there to get a laugh out of you, your eyes crinkling under the heavy lens of your sunglasses, sandals clicking against the outdoor garden cement floor. 

He’s talking, and then trails off. Oh, he says, this is a mate of mine. You look up to make small talk and smile politely, but your face falls faster than you can pick it up. Tall and in sunglasses, too, is Charles Leclerc. You thought they were colleagues, not friends—this is chaos. You reach out to shake his hand, your free hand coming up to press against the splotch of concealer. Just in case.

The handshake is stiff and it reminds you of tequila and lemon, salt and teeth and kitten licks down your throat and right to the crest of your cleavage. But you blink and shake once, up and down. Firm.

“Nice to meet you.” He says, smiling. Then, to Max: “Girlfriend?”

“Hope so,” jokes Max, eyeing you. You laugh.

Charles smiles to himself, smug. He eyes you through his sunglasses with something caught in longing and want. “I hope so, too.”

—

Dinner is short and, despite your best efforts to make it a good one, boring. The food is good and sufficiently expensive, the way all European restaurants are. But nothing flows, ebbs. You talk of the same things: Red Bull, Red Bull, and if you have time, Red Bull. You ask about work, but it’s nothing you haven’t already heard. Max doesn’t ask about work, so the conversation descends into a limbo of silence and sips of rosé. “I’m pretty sure the next race is going to be great.”

“Charles drove great today,” says Max. “Didn’t he?”

You pause, then nod. “Yeah. Yeah, I mean, objectively so.”

“I was going to congratulate him… lost him on the paddock though.” He sips, drawing it out. “You seen him?”

“No,” you say, pithy. “Haven’t.”

“Okay.” He waves his hand upward to signal the bill. “I’ll drop you off and head out for the night. Helmut stuff.” 

You’re torn between feeling suspicious and recalling the events of the elevator, so you nod tersely instead and make the necessary small talk from the table to the car. His hand on your waist, the same place Charles’ was just hours ago. It sends you into a cloudy mental spiral. Just thinking about it—about the way he’d gasped your name in between kisses, like he’d die if you didn’t kiss him again.

“I’m sorry,” Max says when he pulls up at the hotel entrance. “For all the work stuff. And for inviting you to lunch with my dad.” A weak laugh escapes you and you find his hand to squeeze it. It’s okay, you convey, and hope it’s enough that he lets the topic quell for now.

Your silence is permissive, so he continues. “I’ll make it up to you, okay?” Leans over and presses a sure kiss to your cheek. “As soon as I can.”

You nod and climb out, praying he didn’t see you shudder. The trek to the elevator, eyes skittish and searching for a sign of Charles, is tiring, and you find reprieve only when you’re pushing the door to the penthouse suite open, toeing your sandals off and dropping your bag just by the entryway. You freeze when you hear a glass clink from the living area. You’d gotten this suite for you and Max, and definitely nobody else.

Brandishing a bunch of keys in-between your fingers, you tiptoe into the area and find, to your confusion and shock, your dad. He’s seated on the couch toying with a glass of whiskey, eyes lighting up when he sees you, even if you look like a psycho with claws.

“Hi, honey.”

“Dad.” You drop your keys on the coffee table as you near him, and exchange a kiss and hug. “Wh—did you get a key from…?”

“Ben.” He smiles. “I thought I would surprise you.”

“Yeah, you more scared me.” You quip, laughing. Then you recall a detail and follow-up on it. “Max—um, he said you had a meeting?”

“Meeting? None scheduled tonight,” he says, frowning and opening his Calendar app. Nothing.

A dry quiet creeps up into the room and settles.

You pour yourself a glass and seat yourself beside him, drinking. You share a conversation for the duration of two glasses and then he’s leaving. The kiss he stamps on your forehead, you notice, is more meaningful, conveys a deeper message, lasts longer. He knows what you know now.

The usual sleepiness that comes with alcohol doesn’t arrive and you fall into an uneasy sleep; it doesn’t help that Max calls in past two, saying he’s crashing at the hotel room he bought for his dad instead of your hotel. You listen to the slurred voicemail, eyes shut and nose buried in the pillow. Eventually you lull yourself to sleep, awaiting the promise of morning and clarity.

—

Morning brings a day off. A break. But your mind does not cease to be cloudy, instead becoming even more muddled with questions and pivots and forks in the road. It helps, you suppose, that Max isn’t home. It might’ve worsened everything. You wrestle your way through a glass of water and a cup of tea, try out yoga, and even attempt going back to sleep. But it’s no use; you’re antsy.

So instead of suppressing the thoughts, you theorize, it’s better to lean into them. Succumb to them, the tempt and guilt of them. It might help you navigate the confusion of everything. So you do—you think of your years-long history with Charles, your relationship with Max. The hiding, the suppression, the pretending. Fleeting touches.

You think of how well Charles knows you, inside and out, of how good he kissed you even if he hadn’t ever kissed you before. His hands, the way he said your name, the hitch in his breath when your hands dared to venture just a little lower. The want, the pure want—the want so unadulterated even one kiss was enough. Images of close calls fill your head. All the times you were high, giggly and leaning into him, on the edge of flirty in some dark corner of a club. Your connection has always been, and will always be, completely and absolutely undeniable. No matter how hard you try.

Guilt fills you at the same time. And with the guilt—confusion. Where is Max? He wasn’t at a meeting last night, and you suspect you know exactly where he is. Who he’s with. Can you really be angry, though? Is it a feedback loop of the same thing, the same morally grey actions? Is this all your relationship has been reduced to? Questions, questions, and more questions flood the corners of your head.

Thoughts are put to a standstill when the door shakes with two knocks. 

You rake your hair back and climb out of bed, into the main room, still in your lace pajamas. It might be the complimentary hotel breakfast or Max arriving, you guess. Maybe your dad—he’s apparently in the business of keying himself into your hotel rooms.

So you don’t bother looking through the peephole, undoing the latch with haste and dexterity before you’re hauling the heavy door open and staring breathlessly at the other side.

—

Abu Dhabi greets Max and you with fanfare, with a plethora of paddock paparazzi and even a few gossip rags asking questions. Some journalists drop a check-in, cameras zeroing in on your intertwined hands and your shared smiles. She’s the World Champ’s! seems to be the pervasive headline lately, and your pictures from today will no doubt exacerbate it.

He squeezes your hand when you finally gain semi-privacy, entering the motorhome. Your dad sees you, sees Max, offers a wave that you both return. Your eyes go from wide and smiling to a little blank and dismissive, a change minute but noticeable. “You okay?” He calls after you when you enter his room.

You drop your Kelly—the bag—on the seat by the door and gather your hair to rest on one side. “Fine. You nervous?”

 “The planned strategy was horseshit.” Max is right and for the sake of your dad, it worries you.

“Yeah, yeah. I think I’ll talk to Dad for a bit. You’ll be okay alone?” You’re getting up already.

“Wait—” He pauses when you’re kissing his cheek as a goodbye. “I thought we were getting lunch.”

“Oh.” You pause to think. “We can get dinner, then.”

“No,” he says. “I’m going to be with Jos.”

“Drinks.” You leave no room for argument and leave with the door shutting softly behind you.

He stares at the just-closed door, your bag slung over the chair, the way you keep pressing against a certain spot on your neck. You are hiding something—Max just can’t put his finger on it.

[my313]

spring cleaning ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ choi beomgyu

now playing 𝄞₊⊹ sukidakara - beomgyu (og: yuika)

⋆ pairing: high school sweetheart!beomgyu x gn!reader

⋆ summary: in an attempt to declutter your home for the spring, you find an old camcorder filled with beautiful memories of your first love.

⋆ warnings: fluff, mentioned past heeseung (enhypen) x reader, jealous beomgyu, established relationship, italics are flashbacks, beomgyu is a musician? so technically kind of an au, insinuated that beomgyu and reader were high schoolers in the 2000s

⋆ word count: 2k

a/n: LISTEN TO HIS COVER NEOOOWWW!!! god i love him so bad...... this is also not proofread sry i wrote this out of pure delusion LOL. stuff might sound bad omg i just wanted to write fluff 😭 banner by @/saradika <3

it's nearly midnight when you decided to rummage through your drawers, cabinets, and now, your closet. while dipping your head into the various sets of clothes, you reach for a heart-shaped box with a matching pink ribbon sitting on the lid.

inside, you find an assortment of trinkets from your days in high school. lilac envelopes with silly faces drawn on the seal, addressed to you; postcards from your distant relatives; your university acceptance letter; even a nasty tube of your favourite (expired) strawberry lip balm.

what really distracts you from your spring cleaning antics is the silver camcorder that sits in the very middle of the box.

the clunky piece of technology is covered in dust and mismatched stickers, obvious once you bring it out of the black hole that is your closet and into the warm light of your bedroom.

you don't expect it to start up with the way it's been abandoned for years, but the familiar jingle fills the silence and you're met with a pixelated view of your carpeting. you habitually click on the gallery, immediately flustered with the thumbnail that greets you.

a fond smile makes its way to your lips as the video plays. it's shit quality, as expected, but even with all the pixels distorting the boy's face, you recognise him. it comes easy, with beomgyu's round eyes nervously shifting from the falling cherry blossoms and onto the lens.

you recall this specific spring. the one right before you were set to graduate. you remember how odd beomgyu seemed the entire walk back to his house until he clumsily led the way to the little park a few minutes away from his childhood home. your impromptu shoot now becoming a memory to savour.

beomgyu keeps his distance from you as you take the longer, more scenic route to his house. he had it all planned out. today would be the day he'd tell you that he liked you. the first week of spring, the cherry blossoms falling perfectly; it was as if the universe and the gods of romance were aligning everything to his favour. he even got your favourite strawberry yogurt drink on-hand, poking the straw through the film and handing it to you proudly when you gasp and proclaim your gratefulness to him.

unfortunately, that didn't play out the way he fantasised the night before, sprawled out on his futon with a dopey grin on his face until morning came. even so, he didn't let his sleep deprived self peek through for a minute since you exited the school gates.

that was until you mentioned lee heeseung.

"heeseung asked me to the internet cafe this weekend," you begin, harmlessly conversing about your day like you usually do. you take a sip of your drink, then extend it to beomgyu, offering a taste.

he leans down to catch the straw between his lips, heart fluttering ever-so-slightly at the thought of your lips just being on that flimsy plastic a few moments ago. clearly, that gesture wasn't enough to keep his mind distracted from the mention of lee heeseung.

beomgyu tries to remain calm. internet cafe? surely, a thing friends do. you've tagged along with him and soobin a few times.

"he said it was a date."

which explains your current predicament. it's obvious that beomgyu is upset, lips jutted into a pout and brows furrowed. his hands stay stuck in his pockets as if they'd been glued there, so unlike his usual behaviour. on days like this, beomgyu typically links arms with you, or tugs on the top hook of your backpack to ease the weight off you, or even sling his arms around you with a mischievous grin. right now, you're sure this is the farthest beomgyu has been from you.

the silence drapes over you two like a stuffy blanket. you're thankful for the loud honks and bicycle bells in the background, even appreciating the yelling of the street vendors as your typically boisterous peer is quiet.

a bike chaotically speeds through your side, the rider repeatedly hitting the bell as they make their way to you. beomgyu quickly grabs your arm and trades places with you before the bike catches up, him on the road-side and you by the fences. once the bike passes with a hurried apology, beomgyu lets go of your arm and maintains the former distance.

"...sounds like a shit date, to be honest." the silence shatters. he mutters, huffing out a breath as he walks just an inch closer to you, as if trying to be a barrier between you and the road.

you blink at him, lips flat and eyes unassuming. just relieved he's talking to you. "you think?"

"yeah, why would you wanna be inside when the streets look like this.." he motions towards the cherry blossom trees surrounding you both. "..right now. d'you even like him enough to say yes?"

"i dunno. he's cool, i guess. isn't he your friend?"

"just played a few games together."

his responses are straight to the point. none of his beomgyu bullshit spinning your conversations through circles, which you admittedly did enjoy.

"is something... wrong? did you guys fight? i can beat him up for you if i go." you try to joke, your eyes never leaving beomgyu's face to catch his reaction.

he winces, "uh, no, not really. that- that's not the problem..."

your silence prompts beomgyu to keep talking, but his eyes don't meet yours. instead, he's staring at the pavement, picking up the creases on his shoes he'd never seen before, distracting himself by counting the petals he comes across. none of it calms his heart or clears the lump in his throat though.

he abruptly lifts his head and stares back at you. a pleasant surprise that causes you to blush at how his eyes sparkle so brightly. he sighs defeatedly, not wanting to be upset any longer. with one look at you, beomgyu's stubbornness weakens, a small smile on his lips as he closes the distance between you both.

his shoulder purposely clashes into yours, "it's really pretty at the park near my house right now. wanna see?"

you pause the video upon hearing the doorbell ring. with a knowing grin, you take the camcorder with you to the door. once you pull it open, the comforting sight of your boyfriend floods your vision.

"m'home~" he greets in a sing-song tone, arms spread wide awaiting your welcome home hug that he always craves after hours at the studio.

beomgyu's eyes travel from your sunken but excited eyes to the familiar thing in your hold. he blinks repeatedly, craning his neck up stiffly to look up at you again. comically, he brings an accusatory finger to the front with a nervous chuckle.

"is that...?"

"yup!" you beam enthusiastically, like you had waited for him to step foot into your shared apartment to eat him up.

knowing what was inside the camcorder, beomgyu could say it was similar. his face feels warmer despite the late night breeze still whisking him away from behind. you tug at his outstretched arm and pull him inside, shutting the door.

usually, you'd ask how work was, or pester him to let you listen to a new song he worked on. tonight though, none of that.

beomgyu sits next to you on the sofa, cheek nuzzled against your head. his downward gaze is alert to every button you press on the camcorder, cringing slightly at the memory of his partly successful confession.

beomgyu leans in closer to have a better look at the viewfinder. he chooses to focus on something else entirely even as you're sucked into the pretty pinks of the sakura flowers and the shaky footage of his round head.

the wind was just slightly unforgiving that day, petals swirling around the park. you're a few steps behind beomgyu. he's biting the inside of his cheek, stare stuck to the pavement, desperately wishing you'd speed up and start walking beside him.

impatient as ever, beomgyu decides he'll just slow down for you. he's not very subtle about it though, opting to halt entirely and turn his head in your direction. beomgyu wants to see the surprise in your face; eyes wide and cheeks pink. instead, what greets him is the lens of your camcorder, a hand-me-down from your relatives that you couldn't stop talking about over text just the other week.

beomgyu strides forward and you stay still in your spot, tightly gripping the camcorder. "beomgyu, say hi to the camera!"

your voice echoes with excitement, beomgyu doesn't have to peer beyond the camcorder to know that your lashes are kissing the apples of your cheeks with the way you're smiling widely. he wants to be the one to keep you beaming like this for years and years on end.

you're about to back away as beomgyu gets too close for the camcorder to film him and the view. then, you feel beomgyu's lithe fingers over your own, tugging on the camera, extending your arm by result, and raising it to his eye-level. beomgyu makes sure you're looking at him through the viewfinder. with a lopsided smile and head cocked to the side, beomgyu braces himself for what's to come, "hey, i like you."

your arm falls limp as he releases his grip on you, shocked by his confession. he doesn't let you process it, though, running towards the opposite direction. it takes you a moment to run after him, camera long forgotten. "choi beomgyu..! you!"

"why are you running away from someone you like, huh?!" you huff out, catching your breath.

when you look up, you can't help but point the camera at beomgyu again. with plenty of cherry blossom trees in the background, beomgyu center in the frame, wind trying to pull his necktie away, how could you not? the boy you like, the one that just confessed to you on one spring day, looked too beautiful.

the camcorder manages to pick up your words amidst the scratchy noises of the wind. in a whisper, one can hear your voice, "i like you too, beomgyu."

"wow, i was really handsome since birth, huh?" he poses confidently, his lips and warm breath kissing your hair as he speaks.

you roll your eyes with a smile, and you don't disagree. you never do and it makes beomgyu blush and grin. if he wasn't too comfortable in your warmth, he would be laying down on his stomach with a coquettish smile and his feet kicking up and down.

"yeah, s'why i'm engaged to you, no?" you blow a raspberry at him.

an exaggerated gasp paired with a dramatic drop of his jaw has your stomach hurting from laughing too hard. "i thought you loved me!"

"i do!" you giggle, biting down your lips to stop more fits of laughter spilling out. you squish beomgyu's cheeks together, lips pursed and begging to be kissed. so you do. "you and your pretty face, baby."

your laughs settle down into echoes of contentment, beomgyu's palm rubbing against your belly as if soothing your self-inflicted ache. plus, beomgyu would stick his limbs to your body if he could.

he presses his cheek against your head, "did you know i liked you even before that spring?"

you hum in thought, resting your hand atop the one on your tummy and filling in the gaps between his fingers with your own. you smile even harder upon feeling the cold metal band of your engagement rings. "nah. i thought it was impossible, honestly,"

"didn't even really think you thought of me like that until then, bomu." you admit shyly, playing with your interlocked fingers. beomgyu's lips purse in thought, "i thought i was pretty obvious though,"

"was buying you strawberry milk everyday and carrying your backpack home even if we lived in opposite directions not obvious enough for you, honey?"

"well... it's obvious now!"

"yeah," he beams that sweet, silly, sly beomgyu half-smirk that you've always loved. he releases your hands momentarily to raise his fingers to the light, showing off his ring. "we're so locked in now."

[toxicanonymity]

Cinemax.

2.5k, boyfriend's dad!Joel x f!reader

SUMMARY: PWP, you catch him watching porn. you get on top, then ride his arm then sit on his face.

WARNINGS: 18+ unsafe P in V, creampie, infidelity, boyfriend's dad, jacking off, arm riding, face sitting cum eating, pinky up the ass, filth, use of "daddy," risk of getting caught, reference to you blowing jack but no detail. unedited fuck it we ball.

A/N: Request from arm riding anon, last night of vacay anon can't find u sry.

After a long day shopping, you give your boyfriend Jack a blowjob he doesn’t deserve, just to knock him out. You think about his dad Joel while you do it—his short swim trunks, his shades, his fluffy hair, his gold chain. The way he looks at you, the way he whispers in your ear.  The way he drools over your body.  Jack dozes off about as quickly as you expect, and soon he's snoring. 

You slip out of bed in your thin tank top and loose, short shorts. The air conditioning hits you hard but you don't put on a robe. You intend to slide right into Joel's bed anyway. You quietly open your bedroom door and creep into the hallway.  Joel’s door is cracked open, which you’d like to think is a subtle invitation.  But when you push it open, the bed is unmade and he’s not in it.  You walk down to the common area of the suite and blue lights are flickering from the tv. The volume is low, but it sounds like an action comedy. 

Joel moans and your breath hitches. You hug the wall with your back as you creep closer, trying not to make a sound or a shadow. The closer you get, you hear a deep, breathy “ohh.” He sighs and moans, and the unmistakable wet stroke of skin on skin has you clenching your thighs. Next thing you know, you're feeling your breast.

“Ah, fuck,” he sighs, and you moan audibly. Your hand covers your mouth too late. He pauses the movie. Reflexively, you think about hiding, feeling guilty about the intrusion. But then you say, fuck it, and walk in. You stop when you can see the screen and he can see you.  He’s on the pull-out couch, sitting back against the cushion.

His voice is deep and hushed. "was just thinkin' about ya. " 

He shifts to face you. He’s got a pillow sitting loosely in his lap. He’s shirtless, nothing but pastel green boxers and his gold chain and a pinky ring. Bed head. He scratches one side of his beard as he checks you out with half-lidded eyes. "Can’t sleep?" 

You look at the TV and do a double take.  “Is that... Is that Manuel Ferrara?” (porn star)

“You know this joker?” 

“Oh, I know him. What is this? How old is it?”

“Pirates II, quality cinema.” 

You raise your eyebrows and put your hand on the arm of the sofa closest to you. You kneel onto the pull-out mattress, trying not to make a loud creak.  He wets his lips as you slowly approach on your knees, springs quietly accepting your weight. The way his eyes dance down your body remids you your hard nipples are poking out from  your thin top, loose shorts riding down below your hips.

---

He watches your legs flex as you sit next to him, partially facing him to your right, with your shoulder resting on the middle cushion against the wall and your right knee bent, between you.   You look at the pillow in his lap, then grab the corner. He shifts to face you, and his chest expands under his chain.  He watches you darkly as you slide the pillow off him and put it out of the way on the mattress. 

You suck in a deep breath as you observe the massive tent in his boxers.  He wraps a hand around it, the shape of his stiff cock covered by the pinstripe fabric under his fist and pinky ring. 

He whispers, "yeah, come to daddy," clothed cock still in his hand as he lunges toward you.  

You lean toward him and close the gap. You're on your sides facing each other. He looks from your eyes to your lips, and you whisper, “I need this,” and grab the shape in his boxers before your lips meet. His hand brushes yours as he leaves it to you. It sends a wave of need through your chest. He cradles your head and kisses you feverishly, plunging his tongue into your mouth.  Meanwhile, you grope him and open the slit of his boxers to free his rock-hard length, sticky with saliva or lube. He hums "Mmm" into your mouth at the touch of your hand on his naked cock. You break the kiss to look at it and use your thumb to smear the precum leaking from his tip. 

“You were close, huh?” you tease him. 

He laughs. “I dunno if I can last, baby.” 

“You’ll make it up to me if ya don't.” 

"Ohh yeah."

“Guess I better get on this fast, huh?”  you ask with a squeeze of his cock. 

“Wanna go to bed?"  

You shake your head no. 

“That’s my girl.” 

“Wanna sit on daddy’s cock right here,” you whisper. 

“Fuck yeah,” he breathes. He adjusts the cushion then lays back on it, facing the tv again, mostly lying down, with his head and shoulders elevated by the cushion. You take off your shorts and push a blanket out of the way.  You begin to straddle him and he lifts his head off the cushion slightly to reach between your legs and feel how wet you are.  “Damn, this all for daddy?” He sits up enough to grab your ass and pull you toward his cock. "good girl."

You straddle his hips, notching his cock at your entrance. Your clit twitches. As soon as you begin to sink down, he thrusts up, impaling you with a deep sigh as his girth pushes you open. The momentum sends his chain to his collarbone. “Yeah, c’mon baby.” You begin to roll your hips at a slow rhythm and he sighs “Ohhh, fuck, just—ohhh”  He ties to hold you still. You indulge him.  Then he punches his cock upward “Fuck yeah--ohh,” you meet his cock but let him drive things mostly. 

“Daddy,” you whimper. 

He pulls your tanktop down below your breasts and watches them move with each thrust. Meanwhile you watch his pecs flexing and his chain moving with each movement. You tilt your hips and grind your clit against him. He sighs.  “Fuck, just like that.” 

“Yeay, daddy-ohhh.” 

He wraps a muscular  arm around you, bringing your chest to his. The strength of his arm holds you still, and he holds your ass with his other hand.  He fucks up into you, “Oh yeah,” he pants. “Fuck, ahh,” the power of his hips has his gold chain moving on his flexing pecs.  You kiss and suck his neck as he rails you from the bottom. “Takin’ it so—so, mmm, so good for daddy.” 

“Yeah, take it—nnngh,” He’s so. . . he’s so good at this. Your front is grinding against his pubic hair just right, then he ups the pace and your heart skips a beat. “Oh fuck, baby–mmmm– yeah” he pounds you from the bottom, his arm holding you down. He pants, “Yeah, take it,”  his breath becoming ragged, chain lazily sliding on his strong, sunkissed chest.

You whimper on the cusp of coming and he says, “C’mon, baby–ohh, fuck—come for daddy c'mon—-ohhhhhh, fuck, baby.” Agony spreads across his face. "Can't wait, baby--ohhhh."  Then he pulls you down hard on his cock and erupts with a shudder, shooting his warm release into you. It almost sends you, And if you grinded himself on him as he came, you'd probably get there, but frankly you don't want this to be over.

----

“You close?” he reaches for your clit and thumbs it.  

You nod. 

“Sit on my face.” 

He nudges you up with a thrust of his hips and says, “c’mon, let’s get you off.”

You dismount him, one knee to each side of his left arm, the arm towrd the back of the couch. He moves so he’s lying with his head about a foot from the arm rest.

You can’t take your eyes off his body. You’ve been staring at these arms all week. Bulky, sunkissed, strong, so strong. They flex and glisten in the sun. He reaches for you with his closest hand and sides his fingers along your puffy, throbbing cunt. He rubs your clit with a deep breath and gives a low whistle. “C’mon, I ain’t leavin’ ya like this.”

He reaches between your legs to your ass and palms it to pull you closer. You grab his bicep with both hands and he freezes. You put his arm down on the mattress, running your thumbs over it in admiration of the muscle. He watches you practically salivate over his arm. Then he slowly lifts his forearm, nudging you forward, with his hand on your back and his elbow between your legs. His cum trickles out onto his bicep and he sucks in a deep breath. You lower yourself so your clit meets his warm skin, and he hums “Mmm. This what ya want?”

You nod. “So strong, daddy” You grind yourself on his hard bicep and watch his chest rise more peacefully, his chain glimmering. The way he looks at your body makes you swoon. Like you’re a work of art. The tension swells in your lower belly as you grind on him.

"Hold on, baby.” He turns on his side, facing you. He makes eye contact as he sucks the pinky of his free hand, getting it reallly slobbery. Then he adjusts the arm under you, giving you a wave of arousal as the muscle flexes between your legs. His hand on your back pushes you down so your upper body can feel the heat of his. He teases your asshole with his wet pinky, "Hmm?” he asks. You nod, then he slides the pinky in, sucking in air thruh his teeth. “Fuck, you're so hot, baby.” His pinky is fatter than your index finger.

He pushes the digit in just far enough so the chunky ring is nudging but not entering your asshole. You begin to grind on his bicep again and he moves his pinky in tandem with you. You twitch and throb and the hand on your back brings you further down toward him. His head lifts off the mattress and his lips latch onto yours. You moan “Mmmm” as you grind on the slippery mess of his arm and he fingers your ass. He flexes his bicep again and you whimper, “Daddy.”

“Yeah, come for Daddy,” he encourages. You really dig your clit into his arm and he flexes again at the same time, and the tension bursts. You take in shallow, audible breaths, trying to come as quietly as possible. He covers your mouth with his again and you whimper, slowly grinding on his arm, riding out your orgasm, with his pinky still in your ass.

When you stop convulsing on his arm, he takes his pinky out of your ass and sucks it.

-

“You got one more for daddy?” You do, you can feel it, you’re throbbing. Your only hesitancy is the mess between your legs. The mess of his own cum. Fuck it, he doesn't care.

He moves so he’s lying down flat where you can straddle his head.  “Be a good girl,” he  murmurs. “n’ sit on daddy’s face.” 

You straddle his face, facing his eyes and the arm of the sofa.  

“Fuck, shoulda done this first,” he laments. “Look so fuckin’ hot.” He sighs. “Use me, baby,” he begs, “Don’t hold back.” 

“Say stop,” you whisper. “Or tap out. Don’t wanna suffocate ya.” 

As you spread your thighs wide over his face, your combined fluids leak out of you and he breathes, “fuck yeah,” his warm breath hitting your cunt.  You hold onto the arm of the sofa for leverage.  You’re facing his eyes and he looks up at your tits hanging over him.  . He lifts his head enough for his lips to latch onto your dripping seam, and he begins to kiss your clit, then lap at your entrance, swallowing his own cum. 

“C’mon, baby,” he begs as he pulls you down on his face. His mouth feels like heaven, and you’re already close. His beard scratches your inner thighs in a pleasant way. You begin to grind on him, using his nose to massage your clit, still hanging onto the sofa’s arm as he licks and sucks.  He lifts his hands to palm your breasts.  You fist his hair and he moans into your cunt. 

“Oh, daddy,” you whine as quiet as you can, “Daddy, I’m gonna–” 

He moans and grabs onto your ass again and his fingers dig into your flesh as he eats you hungrily. You grind against him again, your fingers digging into the arm of the sofa, and you silently gasp as your orgasm seizes you. Then you sputter, “D-daddy, ohhh.” 

“Mmmm,” he moans and watches you tremble and jerk with your spine arching, your thighs quivering against his cheeks.  You lift yourself off him as soon as you finish.  “So fuckin’ hot,” he repeats in a whisper. You dismount him.  The bottom half of his face is all red and soaked, some of his cum stuck in his beard.  

-----

“You might wanna,” you gesture on your own face to show him.  He goes and gets two washcloths, one for  you.  Your inner thighs are a little scratched up. When you’re cleaned up, you grab your shorts to put back on.

You settle back into the sofa again and catch your breath.  He lays down with his head on the cushion again.  His chest is still rising and falling with deep breaths.  He extends an arm for you. You put your face on his chest, cheek on his chain, and his arm wraps around you. 

“Guess we’re going home tomorrow,” you mumble, tired. 

A minute or two of silence pass, and his breathing is so steady you wonder if he’s planning to fall asleep like this. 

“You should dump him,” Joel whispers into your hair. Then his heart rate increases under your ear. 

Your chest tightens and you feel defensive, like he’s implying it’s wrong, when he started all this. “I. . .” you’re not sure what to say. You don’t know if Joel would want to be with you, or if he just thinks Jack doesn’t deserve you.  It’s hard to imagine Joel wanting to be with his son’s girlfriend.  “What are you saying?” you ask. 

“Wanna know why I came out here? Wasn't for the mattress,” he laughs. "Got cinemax in the room."

“Why?” 

“Cause I could hear y'all,” he admits. "Or, him."

Your heart skips a beat. Joel was jealous?  “I–we weren't fucking, sorry, I thought--” Wait, you’re apologinzg for blowing your boyfriend.  You think better of explaining, even if you were doing it so you could get him to sleep and sneak into Joel's room.

Joel chuckles and covers his face with his hand, peering through his fingers. He mumbles into his palm, “Well, it was gross.” 

You look at him and he slides his hand off his face. There’s something casually needy in his eyes. You don’t say anything, just look at each other.  You squint at him, trying to read him. He breaks into a smile and laughs quietly. 

Then it fades and he gets pensive.  He looks at the tv for a few seconds, then back at you.  He turns on his side to face you completely, then takes your hand.

“Lemme take ya out or somethin'." He brings your hand to his lips and kisses it gently. "Promise we'll have a good time.” 

—-------

Follow @toxicfics for notifs 🖤

—------

he could prob use some thigh riding too, naturally 😁

Thank you so much for reading and engaging. Your interactions really motivate me. 🥹🖤

More of this joel/reader:

Sky's out, thighs out (1.5k)  He gives you a good time at the rooftop pool.

at the beach (300)

sun's out, guns out (2.3k) pool

shopping (1.3k) fitting room mirror

blow job (200?)

-------

[ceruleansx]

for eternity | jack champion

↳ pairing : beachgirl!reader x actor!jackchampion

↳ warnings : nothing much but pure fluff, insecurity, comfort

↳ summary : after a long year of filming for scream 6, you, jack, and the other cast members decide to take a trip to one of their beach houses along the coast. you two spend some time together on the beach, only for him to end up confessing his love.

↳ a/n : hey guys!! sry its been a while, but i would really love if any of you guys dropped some requests!!

------------------------------------------------------------

"okay okay!!" jenna screamed as she looked around at everyone. "there's gonna be two cars."

she started naming everyone's assigned seats (just for fun), but you weren't paying attention. you were paying attention to jack. he was there in a little puffy jacket, since he got cold so easily.

his curls looked perfect that day. but not like they always were. you loved his hair. sometimes you just wanted to hug him so tight and mess around with his curly hair.

"and in the backback seat is gonna be y/n and jack!" jenna gave you a smirk.

she knew that you had the biggest crush on him ever since you two started filming. you were his 'love interest' and the directers told you that you guys had to spend quality time together.

but you and jack enjoyed each other's company, without any of the directors orders. sometimes you thought that jack liked you, but you were just too delusional.

you nodded as you walked over to jack. he looked and smiled back at you. now it was his turn to stare.

jack liked you for forever. he started liking you when he saw a movie that you were in. he was practically in love with you. in his eyes, you were basically the only girl living.

but he didn't know how to show it.

---------------

jack insisted that you went into the very backseat first. your tummy flustered at his action, but he was just being a gentlemen you thought.

the backback seat was very tight for some reason. so now, you two were basically squished. it wasn't awkward or anything, you two were very close.

"hope your not claustrophobic." you laughed.

his face looked like he was gonna puke, "now i am because i'm next to you." he joked.

you opened your mouth, about to say something, but he covered your mouth with his hand.

he could feel your cheeks burning through his palm, and he smiled softly at the expression and feeling. he patted his lap.

"cmere.." he said softly. "it's gonna be a long drive."

you rolled your eyes playfully. "dude the drive is an hour."

he chuckled softly. "so? lay down, cus when we get there i'm throwing you into the ocean."

"cant wait for that." you said as you laid your head down on his lap.

he was honestly so comfy, and so warm. he smelled good too. he was surprised at his own demand of making you lay down on his lap, but he wanted more.

he laid his hands down on your head and started to massage your scalp. you adjusted yourself to be more comfortable, trying to avoid him seeing your face completely red. the others in the front and other back were too busy talking to notice. but jack liked it. he liked being alone with you, just the two of you.

you eventually dozed off to sleep, and jack did too. his hands were now placed on your waist and shoulder, keeping you safe and secure, even though no one was there.

---------------

"cmon sleepy head." jack teased as you stumbled of the car.

everyone finally arrived to the rented beach house in time. the house was just in front of the beach, the type where the backyard door just led to the ocean and sand.

"i'm weak jack!! i'm done forr.." you groaned, pretending that you bag weighed 1,000 pounds.

he rolled his eyes and ran over to help you. he grabbed the strap of your backpack and lifted it up with no effort.

"the hell?!" he laughed.

he heard you snicker in the back of him. "you little liar!!" he grabbed your waist and picked you up.

"jack!! what the heck-" he put you over his shoulder, "oh my gosh jack if you drop me!" you screamed playfully.

"i won't" baby. he almost said it. he practically thanked the gods that he stopped saying what he was gonna say.

you gave up your efforts of trying to get down. but deep down in your heart, you really enjoyed being so close to him all the time. first the car ride, now this? it had to be a dream for you, but you always were overthinking. jack was just being a good friend. nothing else.

but it wasn't like that in jacks case. jack adored you. his eyes were only for you and forever for you. he would practically worship the ground you walked on. or he would paint every sunset you saw. he really hoped you felt the same way.

after everyone got into their rooms, you and jack started to unpack. the room was a good size, and there was one big bed.

"can you unpack fasterr??" you begged as jack folded every single piece of clothing.

"patience y/n.." he laughed inside as he saw that all you wanted was to go to the beach.

everyone was already unpacked, and they all decided to order panda express and play mario kart. but you nor jack wanted to. you begged him to go to the beach with him and watch the sunset.

he folded his last hoodie and he closed the drawer. "done!" he sighed, seeing a big grin on your face.

"finally gosh." you looked at his outfit.

you were already in your bikini. it was jack's favorite one, but you didn't have to know that. it clung your body so perfectly. sometimes jack wished that you saw yourself in jacks eyes. so beautiful.

"what?" he stared confused.

"where's your bathing suit?"

"oh! yeah." he grabbed the end of his shirt and took it off.

youve seen him shirtless before at the pool parties, but boy he was mesmorizing. his abs were toned so perfectly with his skin.

he caught you staring, and he couldn't help but turn a bright shade of pink. he cleared his throat. "my eyes are up here.." he teased.

you blinked before meeting his gaze. "i just zoned out jeezzz, don't worry, those crazy fan girls will take you all for themselves." you rolled your eyes playfully

"hmmm but what they don't know is that theres a special someonee." he hummed.

you gasped. you tried to pretend that you didn't like him, so he could spit out his crush. theres a part of you that was praying that it was going to be you.

"whoo?! who is it who is it." you started to punch his chest softly.

"stop-pp-" he giggled, since he was so ticlish. he blushed strongly again.

"let's just go to the beach you little baby." he ruslted you hair.

you rolled your eyes, "finee."

-------------

the sunset was beautiful tonight. jack thought for a moment. for some reason, whenever he saw a sunset, he thought of you. you were his sunset. his light.

he turned to you, seeing the colors of the sky through your pupils. you turned to him and met his gaze. you two held eye contact for which seemed like forever, until you heared a two shrieks.

"o-m-g!! jack champion!!" some two girls near you and jack's age came running offer.

"that's me..!" he said as he cringed to himself.

he looked a little uncomfortable. he was. a perfect moment with his girl ruined. well, in his mind you were his girl.

"can we pleasee take a photo with you??" they begged.

before jack said yes, they both gave you nasty looks. jack noticed their gaze towards you, and he also noticed you reaction. he saw that you were hurt, and that you were looking at one of the girl's bodies.

'she was really pretty' you thought. jack mustve liked her or something since he did a little pose with her, you also thought.

jack didn't though. ever since he met you, he never liked anyone else. and he knew it was going to stay like that.

after a few more pictures, they finally left. he gave a big sigh and sat on the towel next to you again. "told you." you said.

he turned, his curly hair moving along with his head.

"told me what?"

"those fans girls are gonna snatch you up quick."

he chuckled softly, saddened that you thought like that. "nahh, what makes you think that?"

"they were very pretty. perfect bodies too." you brought your knees to your chest and hugged them tight.

jacks eyes turned into guilt and sadness. "well your pretty too.." he said softly.

"yeah but-" you pointed out, "how could a guy not go for girls like them? they got the whole package and stuff."

he paused, scared off what to say next, hoping that it doesn't ruin your friendship. "but maybe.." he whispered.

"maybe some guys don't want annoying girls like them."

you turned your head, finding jack already admiring you. "y/n i-" he stuttered.

why was it so hard to speak? maybe it was because he was confessing his only one true love towards you.

"i'm in love with you. and i know it doesn't make sense because were not even dating, so im not really supposed to say-" he rambled before his words were cut off with your lips.

his breath stopped before he accepted the lustfull kiss. his lips were soft, but filled with such need that hes been keeping. his hands cupped your head as you two started to learn each other's movements.

you finally pulled away and pressed your forehead to his. "your so perfect.." he whispered.

"jack i-" you gulped. "i love you so much, words can't even explain."

"words can't explain how beautiful you are in my eyes y/n. i will love you for eternity." he said.

and with that, you pulled his face towards yours for another deep and loving kiss.

[moonveiltarot]

<!-- sry for crappy image quality D: bummer. -->

Quote: “I will only get prettier and richer.”

★ About This Reading:

Your Next Glow Up!

Here are the sections for the reading. It’s gonna be kinda long, so buckle up and enjoy!

We will be going over:

what your haters think

what your supporters think

areas of life impacted by the glow up (self + how, house/home, relationships, love and sex, career and money)

extended version was will gonna be a patreon exclusive, but nah. freebie!

★ 𝕯𝖎𝖘𝖈𝖑𝖆𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖗:

▸ This is only for my and your entertainment. Not intended to be any kind of advice. I am not a professional.

▸ 18+ Only, please. I don’t want kids in my business or readings. Shoo.

▸ Not every part of every collective reading will resonate. Please understand this! Take what resonates and leave the rest.

★ Trigger Warning: Pile 4 mentions k*nky stuff potentially! 😌

Choose an image from above for each portion of the reading and go on to your pile!

𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔢 1. ★

★ Songs

treat me - chloe. my kink is karma - chappell roan. problem with you - sabrina claudio. summer bummer - lana del rey. west coast - lana del rey. good thing - zedd ft. kehlani.

★ Charms & Astro Dice

★ Astro Dice*: 4th house. moon. pisces. 11th house. uranus. libra.*

★ Charms: black heart lock, big black star, pliers, teeny plastic moon (blue), party hat, plastic blue star, pink flamingo, pink heart balloon, plastic flower, bunny wearing a sweater, red heart with love written across it, plastic purple star, moon with tiny black star (overlapped 2 sections)

On The Charm Board:

Finances / Wealth / Assets / Inheritance: plastic purple star. moon with tiny black star.

Career / Biz / Money: moon with tiny black star. big black star. black heart with lock.

Social Life / Others: pink flamingo. pliers, pale blue plastic moon.

Love Partnerships: birthday hat. plastic blue star.

Advice / Guidance: empty.

Spirit / Self: empty.

Home / Family: red love heart. plastic blue flower. heart balloon. bunny with sweater.

Health / Wellbeing: empty.

Skull Dice*: 66, 6, 33, 444, 55, 111, 11, 2, 44*

★ What Your Haters Think

manara ero oracle: The Garden at the Top of the World. The Truth Behind the Illusions.

animal oracle (wild unknown): Lizard. Snake. Frog.

Your haters, Pile 1, see that they are shut out. You see through their bullshit. They want to tell you that they find you slimy, deceptive and a liar. Don’t worry, I’m seeing that this is not the truth. You're so gorgeous that you are untouchable. It’s true, so look in the mirror and realize that you are physically very attractive.

I feel like your haters think you should cover up and hide away. Hide your body because it makes them feel jealous. Whatever your appearance is, you wear it well and with pride. This is off putting and intimidating to some people around you / who view your content (in case you post online a lot). It makes them feel intimidated — they have gone to the ends of the Earth (or they think they have) to hide what they’ve been told are flaws.

Unfortunately, their perceived flaws are just their own projections of their insecurities onto themselves. They see you being confident no matter who says what about you, no matter what they think, and it’s triggering. They see you living life expecting no less than what you deserve and it triggers them. They wrongfully believe they deserve more and better because they think they have worked harder to maintain a false image. They have a group of people feeding them this BS and they believe it.

You shattered their illusions. It triggered all their inner demons. They are angry and spiteful at your glow up. At who you are and who you do have the absolute right to be.

Your haters feel like you’re in your own world and they can’t reach you. They can’t see what you’ve been up to, as you only show a little or what you want people to see. They can’t help but to feel affected by it. It’s like you are showing only the good part of yourself and your life. They can’t get close to you, so they can’t figure out how you did it.

They want those things too.

I am getting a feeling of you being at ease, embracing all that you are and accepting life as it comes. It’s like you know life is going well for you.

Your haters can’t stand that you are creative and can bring things into existence. They aren’t creative like you. Standing next to you, you put them to shame. This causes some haters to be jealous.

I just saw 729 twice in a row and it’s a special number to me, so it might resonate with you in some way or be relevant here. I also am randomly hearing “like blisters.” So maybe that’s for someone? I am seeing the lizard on this card … if some of you have a skin condition, know that it doesn’t matter.

The beautiful wellspring of creativity and manifestation you have inside you is attractive as hell. It’s sensual, other worldly and beautiful. For the majority of readers, though, this is about creativity.

Your creativity triggers people. I am getting v heavy Neptunian energy. Like a creator of illusion, but it’s beautiful. It delights others, indeed. Your haters feel like you’re untrustworthy.

★ What Your Supporters Think

**manara ero oracle. **The Purity of Freedom. The Fire of Desire.

animal oracle (wild unknown). crow. eagle. peacock.

Interesting note: On the fire of desire is a dragon. All of your animal oracle cards are birds, aligned with the element of air. I just wanted to point out the winged creatures and how aligned with air your energy is. This may be a confirmation for you.

Your supporters love that you’re living your life to the fullest. They see you having fun and want to join in. They are inspired by your energy! They see you as someone who goes for what they want, uninhibited, and you look good doing it.

Your supporters find you very enthralling. To them, you seem to have a spiritual understanding that comes from a magical source of some kind. You also seem calm and like you just know your next move. They want to be like that too.

You are confident and most of all, to them, you are a kind person. You are a beautiful and magical being. Your supporters love this about you. Your energy can shift an entire room / area. It’s awesome! How mystical.

You’ve stepped into your power. While it kills your haters and makes them wish they could have you or be you, it makes your supporters feel immense joy. They love seeing you be in your power. It makes the world a better place, after all!

💅 Areas of Life That Are Leveling Up

★ Self:

believe your own magic. sun. evil queen. confidence.

personality archetypes. saboteur. dilettante. liberator.

the citadel oracle. the patron reversed. the pilgrim. the miser.

There may have been a disappointing situation you experienced, but I’m seeing that you’re taking control of your life. In fact, you’re not letting opportunities pass you by. This situation could have been a breakup, but maybe for some of you it wasn’t.

You are taking control of your finances. No one will be having any hold over you in life at all anymore. You want to be free from the control of others, so their opinions be damned!

You deserve to be treated with respect and like a literal goddess — if anyone approaches you and lack the understanding of this, they will be cut off with a quickness. You are no longer allowing others to use you as a door mat. This is your villain era, but it’s actually your most powerful glow up of all.

🎮 How To Level Up:

the sacred self care oracle. soak in a bath. look to the stars. connect with crystals.

the wild unknown animal oracle. otter. bear. raccoon.

the modern witch tarot. strength. 2 of cups. justice. the high priestess. 5 of wands. the star

Pile 1, you need to make something. Create a art. It doesn’t have to even be for anyone else to see. Take your tools for whatever you used to be skilled at and start learning again. Feel the tools, get used to using them. Start creating. Even if you think others aren’t seeing your artwork or if only people who don’t “get it” are commenting on it / seeing it, keep going anyway. There is an audience for you.

There are people out there waiting to see the beautiful art you haven’t published yet. Your entire life is supposed to be your own work of art. You are supposed to create art and share it.

Physical movement is a big thing too. You need to move your body more. You can go on a little walk to the local convenience store or just around your block if you want. You could dance while doing chores or anything you like.

Just. Get. Moving. Even if it’s a lot of effort. You have inner strength that you must draw on to keep going. You’re entering your happiest period of life yet pretty soon. It will pay off in the end.

Zoom out and view things from a higher perspective. Ground yourself. Being stuck inside all the time will drive you nuts and make you overly emotional or too numb. Get outside and soak up some vitamin A or something …

Your vibe needs to mellow out. I’m sure you will in time. Anyway, this portion of your glow up is about taking control of your life. Once you’ve successfully done this, you will be at peace 90% of the time, if not more.

You will have the means and confidence to go out on your own, create and publish content and make things your own. This is a powerful glow up!

You are going to make intuitive moves and navigate competitive spaces like a pro. Even if it’s difficult at first, you will come out on top. You truly are inspiring to others! Your life is supposed to be lived like you are a muse. Your entire life should be beautifully and uniquely crafted to suit your own tastes. You are meant to embody joy and fulfillment, to walk the earth with a sense of calm and playfulness. You are meant to be elusive, not available for anyone and everyone to disturb.

Once you start to embody your archetype with confidence, you will manifest great things and experiences.

You are truly meant to inspire others. ✨ I love this pile! You’re the kind of person I want to spend my time around more often.

★ House / Home:

modern witch tarot. the empress. the high priestess. king of swords. 2 of wands. temperance.

You know exactly what you want, so don’t bend for anyone. There is no need to rush either. You might be ordering things for your space online. In one card she’s got a laptop and is sitting, the king of swords is sitting there holding the sword that shipped from amazon, the two of wands is shopping on their phone and waiting for the payment to go through, the empress is sitting in her new chair with some cute pillows she just got.

Order what you need, then patiently await it’s arrival. Your space is going to be filled with your own art in no time. It’s can even have all the merch you wanted as a kid but never got.

Alternatively, you’ll decorate your space like it’s a sacred and magical place. Your space will be filled with things you adore and that mean something to you. The more you know yourself and confidently embody that energy, the more easily you will find items to add to your home. You know what you’re here for and that’s great.

Your style will likely be feminine, as the figures on the cards are mostly in their feminine energy. You will receive things from different sources that are meant for you. You may even have a space where you display (or hide lmao) gifts from masculines or suitors.

★ Relationships:

You will be very carefully choosing who to socialize with. You will be particular about who you entertain or interact with from this point forward. This is a good thing. You’re in your feminine energy now, so you will easily attract the right people to you.

You have the pick of the litter, though. I’m not feeling a whole lot of energy for this group. You’re going to be picky and remain poised about it. <3

If it isn’t a spiritual connection, you may not seriously entertain it. Your intuition will be guiding you and you’re going to trust it. You will be intuitively choosing the right people to allow into your circle and your life. You will know when something is maybe off about a person or their intentions, even if not overtly obvious. You will handle the situation gracefully and “pluck” that person out of your social circle without causing any stir.

★ Love & Sex:

modern witch tarot: 4 of cups, 8 of swords reversed, the devil, the wheel of fortune. 6 of swords, 9 of wands, ace of cups, ace of pentacles.

You will be or currently are off the dating market. You are focusing on other things. I see you freeing yourself from a karmic situation, mindset or addiction. You are now enforcing your boundaries and, unless you are approached correctly, you won’t be engaging.

Casual hook ups look like a no-go, as you’re moving away from cycles and addiction. You may have one karmic in particular that you are moving away from. It could also be unhealthy sexual behavior or situations that aren’t giving you the love and care you deserve.

You may end up moving toward someone else who has something substantial and real to offer.

★ Career & Money:

modern witch tarot. the fool. justice. 3 of pentacles. 7 of cups. 2 of wands. 7 of wands. botd: 6 of wands.

I see many options for you in terms of streams of income. You also may be set financially and enjoying retirement or something like that. I see that you have financial freedom and acknowledgement for something. You are free to embark on a new adventure and will likely do so. This may be in regards to money or it could be something money gives you the freedom to do.

There is public recognition of some sort. You may be an influencer. You will likely get brand sponsorships or free things from them.

You are living life freely, as you desire. You continue to inspire others! 💗

★ Conclusion

You are the muse archetype. You are a goddess / god among mortals. The rest of us are lucky to be on the same planet as you. You are meant to be given things, literally handed things from God, the Universe, Suitors, Loved Ones and so on. You are in a place or will be moving into a place of receiving all you desire and being free. You are joyful and truly happy. You are entertaining to be around. You are a great person, but beware of sabotage. There are envious and jealous haters lurking.

𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔢 2. ★

★ Songs

what they say - tilden parc ft. katori. like woah - nbhd nick. twerk it like miley - brandon real ft. christopher. the most - xavy rusan.

★ Charms & Astro Dice

Astro Dice*: 6th house. aquarius. jupiter. 6th house again. taurus. uranus.*

Charms: pink carriage. bunny with pink bow. white crucifix. angel aura quartz. pliers. big white star. astronaut. saw. blue star with hollow center. pink whale. black star with hollow center. saturn. big black star.

On The Charm Board:

Finances / Wealth / Assets / Inheritance: big black star

Career / Biz / Money: pliers (overlapping the next house too)

Social Life / Others: pliers. bunny. white star.

Love Partnerships: astronaut (almost flew all the way off the board), saw.

Advice / Guidance: blue star. pink whale.

Spirit / Self: black star. saturn (yellow).

Home / Family: empty.

Health / Wellbeing: empty.

Skull Dice*: 666. 22. 44. 444. 1. 3. 5.*

★ What Your Haters Think

animal oracle (wild unknown). bee. shark. tarantula.

manara ero oracle. the promise of unending love. the temptation of pleasure. the roads to regret or remorse.

So, there are some vindictive b*tches hating on you.

They are like “pile 2 is going down the wrong path in life” but this is not true.

They don’t even believe that themselves, they just simply hope it’s the truth.

They want you to fail, but you cannot fail on your current path. You are determined to see it through. The only failure is giving up. I see that you are not letting this go and you are not giving up. You have belief in yourself.

Your haters think you need to be exposed. These are most likely some people who no longer have access to what you are doing in your life and they are mad about it. They have been blocked out. They think you’re really on to something and some of them are angry that they can’t ride your coattails so to speak.

I’m seeing someone pull up a notes app on their phone and it’s a list of people who did them wrong and how they did it. This is a note to some of you that you may want to make a list of reasons certain people have to stay blocked.

They think you’re hiding from them specifically and again, want to expose what you’re doing. They see that you are going after your purpose in life and they know for a fact it’s your calling. They can tell you are seeking what is meant to be yours and that you’re serious about it.

No worries, you and your goings-on are private from these people. What ever they wish they could dig up on you and expose you for, they wont find it.

Now, just from the imagery on the cards, your haters are scared. They think you’re going to sneak up on them or hide in plain site basically and then hurt them. The shark silently stalks its prey. The bee stings if you get too close. The tarantula is creepy and hairy and stares at you with 8+ eyes (probably).

They are scared of you. This could be just your aura or even your physical presence. Intimidating is an understatement.

★ What Your Supporters Think

animal oracle (wild unknown). dragon. worm. moth.

manara ero oracle. the purity of purpose. the flow of inspiration. the feelings of an awakened heart.

Like I stated above, you’re following your purpose. You’ve become aware of what you’re supposed to do and are going to do it. You are stepping into a leadership role and taking control of your life. Others will do as you say or be removed accordingly (this isn’t a bad thing).

Those who support you can see that you are doing what you believe in. Some of you are leading a cause that’s important to you.

They feel like you’re cutting out all the weirdos and anyone who tries to get you f*cked up will absolutely find out.

💅 Areas of Life That Are Leveling Up

★ Self:

believe your own magic. mirror. potion. spaceship.

the citadel. the orator. the hunter. the mascareri.

personality archetypes. the beggar. the queen. shapeshifter.

On two of the cards, there were music notes and the orator is about communication.

For those of you who resonate: I feel that music is important to you. You may be in the music industry and learning new skills, or this is a form of therapy and motivation for you.

I’m going to link a hottie playlist so you can listen.

You are hot A F. It seems like you’ve found your voice and using it to better your life. You also have a sense of purpose moving forward. You are learning how to voice healthy boundaries.

You’re making boss moves that are going to be shocking to others. You’re taking control. This makes some people around you down right terrified. You aren’t doing anything cruel or mean to them, you’re just laying down the law. This could be the first time you’ve taken on a role of authority for some of you.

Either way, I’m seeing an absolute bad b*tch who is very much crafting life to be the way they want it to be.

You’re becoming more honest with others, shedding the mask that you created to keep others placated. Screw that! You’re finally leveling up in the way you communicate. You’re making your wants and needs known and you are not wavering on them.

Play the music you like as loud as you want it (just don’t burst out your ear drums).

🎮 How To Level Up:

sacred self care. dance. pleasure. connect with earth.

Since you’re finally feeling yourself and you know who you are and know your purpose, put on that playlist and move your body! You can close the curtains and lock your door if you’re self-conscious.

Honestly, get in tune with your body. Learn how each muscle feels when you move it, learn what sensations make you feel amazing. Learn what you find pleasurable. You need to please yourself before anyone else and I think you realize this.

In fact, I feel that you could be pursuing a dancing career if not a music career. For those of you who resonate with this, an artist called Grimes (you may have heard her music!) said before that she wanted to dance while making one of her albums. She wanted to make music that people could dance to! This could be your goal or Spirit is encouraging you to try this.

In fact, get out in nature too. Don’t just lock yourself up for hours and hours or days on end. Go outside and give yourself short, but much needed breaks. This is not to say that you should interrupt the flow of your work. If you’re in the flow state, go along with that.

It’s important to get sunshine though, as the sun feels really good on your skin. You probably don’t want to hear this, but never be afraid to touch grass. It’s a great way to ground yourself.

Spirit says to really, really give yourself what you feel you deserve. Your desires are your desires. The fact that you want those things means that they are yours. You can desire it, you can have it.

You deserve to have things that make you happy.

★ House / Home:

modern witch tarot. the devil. six of swords. knight of cups. ace of wands. two of cups. 5 of swords. 10 of cups.

Ooooh. I see. Now I see why the messages were confusing me a bit before.

Your home will be your new pleasure chamber. Kinky things will be going on here. I see that there may someone who will disagree, but you will be able to run them off in no time. This is your space and it’s for fun, sex and pleasure.

There will be plenty of equal give and take. I’m seeing that the person on the 6 of swords has their back turned on the knight of cups and is heading toward the devil card. The imagery is giving: the knight is chasing a woman with a love offer, little does he know that in chasing her back to her home, he’s being led carefully into her lair.

She will use him for her own pleasure, there will be orgasms as well as mind games. Grappling for power and control, confusion about who is really in charge here, wondering if one if truly trapped or can they leave at any time? Plenty of power play.

And you, pile 2, have the power. You may be taking on a more dominant role here, dominatrix vibes kinda.

The 2 of Cups initially was reversed, but I felt confused like “Should it be upright? Should it be reversed??”

That was because it was out directly before the 5 of Swords. This is part of the confusion your targets will feel when in your grasp. Are they getting somewhere with you? Are they not? I’m taking the ace of wands as a phallic symbol here. When you reject these Knights and their fake generous love offer, it turns them on. They love being rejected. They would never tell you this, though.

On another note, if you aren’t into this sort of thing, it’s probably saying your home is your sanctuary away from karmic relationships.

But, while this is true for all readers, I am getting 100% sex dungeon vibes.

There could be knife play as well. The imagery of chains, fire, the devil, swords, more than one person on most of the cards … it’s giving “I’m taking you into my dungeon, you will leave after we both orgasm a billion times, you will keep it quiet and you will be confused about our relationship … if we even have one.”

So yeah. You could be inviting or luring targets into your bed chambers to have fun and pleasure. In fact, you seem to be pursuing this sexual exploration relentlessly. You are getting in touch with your receptive energies, as well as your giving energies.

Regardless, this is about your sexual expression and pleasure. You are being selfish and there is no shame in this what so ever.

★ Relationships:

Not much about familial or friendly relationships for this pile. Probably just not a huge area of focus for this reading, like the empty portions of the charm board. It’s just not a lotta energy going into this.

You’re being ultra-careful and ruthless about who you socialize with, work with and so on. The same for job opportunities.

★ Love & Sex:

manara ero tarot. 6 of pentacles. king of wands. 3 of wands. 6 of wands. queen of swords. death.

You are very carefully selecting who to allow in your personal space and who not to allow. You will cut people off with a quickness if they act a fool or if you’re done with them (iykyk).

I see you being kind of mean to your pursuers, pile 2. Lol!!

I see that you are going to demand equal give and take or you will breadcrumb and lead them on, let them buy you things and then cut them off if they act a fool.

You have men wanting to follow you around, magnetized by you, aggressively pursuing you and trying to act right. Desperate to get into your panties. They want you and you know how to drive them mad with lust.

It’s like people gambling at a casino: they keep getting closer and closer to winning, so they keep giving their money and, eventually they end up feeling stupid and backing out or they give until their well runs dry.

This is what you are doing to your suitors, Pile 2. And this is a beautiful way to set the bar for the other women in your family, for generations to come. Other than that, it’s how to get what you want.

You’re shamelessly using the assets you’ve always had, but maybe were hidden. You are letting yourself be seen. There are plenty of offers and you’re going to take all you can from them. This is your gift from the universe: getting sexy and confident has given you these opportunities. You have the okay from the universe to be as greedy and picky as you want.

★ Career & Money:

I was thinking music or dancing of some sort, but given the turn that this reading took in the house & home section, I’m thinking about pole dancing. This could be something you do, or maybe you’re a stripper. Which is fine. <33

My eyes are drawn to the word “Gucci” on this wall art I bought a while back. You are very very carefully selecting material possessions, opportunities, partnerships for business or your job and you will not back down. Once something proves it won’t be useful to you, you’re cutting it out.

I don’t think you will have to work very hard to get money.

★ Conclusion

Sexuality and sensuality are important aspects of this next glow up. You could be into sw or porn or smth? I’m not sure lol. Anyway, get in touch with your sensual side and be careful out there. This glow up makes me feel like you’re gonna be manifesting quickly and the happier / more blissful you are, the faster your manifestations will come in.

𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔢 3. ★

★ Songs

eat me - demi lovato. heathens - twenty one pilots. me, myself, my money - iggy azalea. burgundy - atlas in motion. bluntly - ktlyn. fahrenheit - azee.

★ Charms & Astro Dice

Astro Dice*: taurus. 9th house. south node. capricorn. 10th house. moon.*

Charms: red ring. big white star. pink star of david. little daisy. black star of david. large daisy.

On The Charm Board:

Finances / Wealth / Assets / Inheritance: big white star.

Career / Biz / Money: red ring.

Social Life / Others: empty.

Love Partnerships: empty.

Advice / Guidance: small daisy. pink star of david.

Spirit / Self: large daisy.

Home / Family: black star of david.

Health / Wellbeing: empty.

Skull Dice*: 11. 222. 6. 33. 333.*

★ What Your Haters Think

manara ero oracle. sweet sobriety in feelings. loving and trusting yourself. instinctual bliss.

animal oracle (wild unknown). crow. frog.

Oh, to be a fly on Pile 3’s wall. Your haters see you as vulnerable in this new spotlight. They see you as someone who sits on their ass and enjoys themself while the rest of the world (themself included) toils away miserably.

They feel that you insert yourself into their spaces and you so easily pull the attention away from them. They think you are enjoying the attention they should receive. They think you are overbearing with your presence and others must look your way.

Some of them hate that they can’t look away from you, glowing in your luxurious light, emanating this beautiful light from your very soul.

They think you are self-absorbed and a narcissist and they can’t wait until someone finds out who you REALLY are. According to them.

They hate seeing you living blissfully, in childlike wonder. It triggers their shadow side and they see how vulnerable you are.

They may be plotting to exploit you.

OR they are just thinking of how they can teach you to stand up for yourself.

They feel like you have divine gifts. They are jealous of your connection to your intuition.

★ What Your Supporters Think

manara ero oracle. purity of purpose. reaching outward. the pain hidden by luxury.

animal oracle (wild unknown). eagle. whale. snake.

Your supporters see you putting yourself out there and they want you to do so with pride. they want to see you confidently sharing your life and your pursuits. They wouldn’t change you for the world and want you to keep on keeping on.

They see you as someone who is giving and kind, someone who wants to help others and will get off your ass to do so instead of sending only thoughts and prayers (which do help, by the way, just not in a strictly practical sense).

It helps that you are beautiful on the inside along with your physical appearance. You’re beautiful inside and out.

You are divinely led and you have a strong intuition. Your psychic abilities are stronger now than ever.

They have seen you say or do something that only someone in a specific position or of a certain ranking would know. They know you must be psychic. You know things and it kind of scares them. It also excites them.

💅 Areas of Life That Are Leveling Up

★ Self:

believe your own magic. protest. wings. homeward.

the citadel. the brawler. the poet. the scholar.

You will be learning about yourself and what you like. You will be taking yourself out on dates and you will start where you are. You are ending these karmic cycles (bad habits / behavioral patterns) that keep you stuck. You are upgrading yourself and growing as a person. You will step out of your comfort zone.

I see that you’ve “bossed up” and aren’t afraid to put people in their place. While you are willing to be vulnerable and open up to someone, you’ll be cutting them off with a quickness. You will be able to emotionally detach if need be.

Something you felt was confining you will no longer be able to do so. You are taking control of the narrative and writing the story your way.

You are going to be watching, taking notes and taking names. You will make moves accordingly. Ruthlessly. If you have a bad reputation now, you’re owning it. If you don’t yet, you’re going to have one. Probably on purpose.

There is nothing stopping you from reaching your goals. I keep seeing a person who is fit making a smoothie in the morning and working out. Your mind is disciplined.

I even see you working out in your office. It has a huge window overlooking the city. It’s like you will do what needs to be done (in regards to fitness or whatever your goals are right now). You’re like a person possessed. You know what you want and nobody and nothing will get in your way.

You may be doing this to empower yourself and build a stronger body to make sure no one will ever mistake you for an easy target again. You are going to “toughen up” mentally and physically.

♥ How To Level Up:

You don’t need to be told. You’re driven and practical. You’re going to be making all the boss moves. You’re going to be a millionaire in your lifetime.

Cutting certain people off is part of the game. You have the ability to shake foundations and simultaneously achieve your goals.

If I could give you advice it would be to take that paid webinar (not the scammy ones, the ones that are legit, and I feel you’ve looked at a few already). Follow those classes, but really do take them seriously and put in the hours to get things up and running. You will, though. I’m seeing that anything you pay for right now in regards to studies (of any sort) you are taking seriously. You may even be a college student.

★ House / Home:

You will likely keep things clean, clear and organized. Minimalist lifestyle. This makes things easier for you to reach your goals, as the clutter and bullshit won’t be distracting you anymore. I see someone waking up early or it’s evening time. It’s dark out, it’s dark in this room. I can see someone doing a workout. There’s a punching bag. There is not a lot of distracting stuff around. It’s so clean and sort of “sleek” if you could call it that.

You have no room for anything that isn’t directly on the path to your goals being achieved. Even your fridge is stocked with only what you need and it’s going to suit your daily caloric intake perfectly. Probably even your macros.

I’m seeing that you know where everything is and it makes your life efficient. You might not spend a lot of time here, but it’s like you don’t have excessive decor or anything. It would only be more to clean and who tf has time for that? Maybe when you can afford a maid …. until then, you’re sticking to your schedule, routine and busy life. You don’t have time for anything else.

Because you want it this way.

It will still be your place of comfort. The greatest comfort will be in knowing that you are reaching your goals. You will push through every obstacle in your way.

★ Relationships:

modern witch tarot. eight of cups. queen of cups. knight of pentacles.

You’ll be very picky, careful and smart about your relationships. You won’t let others in unless they are deserving of what you offer. Nurturance, guidance and an abundance of intuition.

These are invaluable gifts. If anyone isn’t letting you in or is bringing less than you deserve, you’re taking your cups and walking away. You’ll leave anything on the table if it isn’t what you need at any point.

You lose who you lose. Your new boundaries are non-negotiable. It doesn’t feel easy to you to let these people go.

You are also choosing to put more focus on your business, career or financial goals.

★ Love & Sex:

modern witch tarot. king of wands. knight of wands. the devil. 6 of cups. 3 of cups. 8 of swords rv.

You are going to be in a fwb situation and it will be liberating from conventional restraints. I’m seeing that you are the player and you may be playing those who would otherwise play you,

You will be revisiting your past. You are befriending your past demons. Integrating them. They will help you along your journey. Your breaking free from being held down by them. In some way, your shadow side is going to lift you up.

Your love is your partner in everything. You are manifesting this person into your life. A Divine Counterpart! This is your king, your masculine, your other half. No pressure. You are willing to take it slow with them so you can both feel ready. The love is already there, now you’re going to grow together, even if you’re apart. You belong together. Power couple vibes.

If no one fits the bill, you’re not taking them seriously and you’re not using them.

★ Career & Money:

Your money has immense spiritual protection along with your assets. Whatever you do to make income is a strong habit or pattern — you will not be easily accessed. You may go through some growth-challenges at this time with your finances and you will be encouraged by spirit, perhaps even forced, to go through a tough time to break routines and habits that no longer serve your financial goals.

Spirit will not put you through financial turmoil, so no worries. You are getting rid of what no longer serves you. You will learn from karmic people and patterns in regards to finances, all the while, Spirit will catch you if you fall. You’re ready to fight through it all and you will succeed. You know just what to do in these situations. You will face business or career challenges that will help you grow. You’re going to just barrel through it.

You may go through brief phases of “fuck this” in regards to your finances, but your drive and “keeping the vision” is going to put you right back on the track to manifesting your millions. I’m not kidding when I say that, either. There are tons of millionaires in the world, we just don’t hear about all of them. You definitely will be, as long as you stay on your destined path, that is.

You are breaking a karmic cycle or generational pattern that has plagued your family for centuries. It’s time to fix that. You know it’s true. You have the metal to get through this, don’t worry.

★ Conclusion

This is your Boss Up era. You’re growing as a person in all aspects, but you are mostly taking your finances more seriously. You are taking up your mantle as the black sheep, the scapegoat, the underdog. The loser. The forgotten. The unwanted.

And you’re going to be so high above those who did you wrong that they will cry when they remember your face. You will haunt their dreams. You will seep into their every waking moment. They will despair, they will rejoice, they will go on existing where they are. You will be out of touch for them, but right there when they close their eyes.

When they were cruel to you, they went on to justify it. Now you have their ticket and you don’t even care about it. They still live in terror, in fear, of what you know about them. The things you’ve seen and heard them do or say. They are terrified you will tell — you might as well be god himself.

Some of them may try to silence you. Especially the ones with political pull. They will pull those strings and you will be ready this time.

𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔢 4. ★

★ Songs

oh no - marina. murda. bizness - iggy azalea. where i go - nxworries. giveon - make you mine.

death - melanie martinez. this hell - rina sawayama. never be me - snow tha product.

★ Charms & Astro Dice

Astro Dice*: virgo. 10th house. pluto. south node. 12th house. taurus.*

Charms: astronaut. black flower w/ rhinestone in the middle. white half-heart. crescent moon with black star. yellow crescent moon and star. dagger.

On The Charm Board:

Finances / Wealth / Assets / Inheritance: astronaut.

Career / Biz / Money: black flower w/ rhinestone in the middle. white half-heart.

Social Life / Others: crescent moon with black star. yellow crescent moon and star. dagger.

Love Partnerships: empty.

Advice / Guidance: empty.

Spirit / Self: empty.

Home / Family: empty.

Health / Wellbeing: empty.

Skull Dice*: 333. 222. 11. 5. 3333.*

★ What Your Haters Think

manara erotic oracle. sharing tales of love and romance. the naked self. protecting your feelings.

You are closed off from them. They feel like you’re flaunting the fact that you were 10 steps ahead and simply let them “hang themselves” so to speak. You were able to be ahead of the games they tried to play and they didn’t realize you would be able to do that.

You were underestimated and they showed their whole ass, meanwhile you just peeped the games they were playing and kept it pushing. These people can’t stand being outsmarted. They are dumbfounded and embarrassed by their own behaviors and your ability to make them show their hands by staying out of the drama.

These are people who lied on you and slandered you, they keep digging the whole. People are getting exhausted hearing your name in their mouth. They are clinging to the idea that you were definitely in the wrong and they could do no wrong, ever.

This makes me think of those women who are always pushing Christianity on others, meanwhile being the biggest hypocrite you’ve ever met. They run their mouths, sabotage others at any opportunity and think their shit doesn’t stink. They were petty with the wrong one and God said “let them catch thy holy hands” and they did. Meaning, they received and will continue to receive bad karma until they straighten the fuck up and learn the lesson.

They know what they did to you was fucking wrong. You know it too, which is why you “let go and let God” so to speak. You may actually be religious in some way. I’m not slandering you or your religion. I’m just using this example.

I was raised Christian, but ended up going my own way. I think there are some who chose this pile whose family are your enemies. Because you won’t conform anymore. At this point you’re just like “fuck it, they can say what they want to.” You’re on your own spiritual path and they may not like it. You’re tired of putting your gifts on the back-burner, staying shut up and letting others shine instead of anyone ever standing up for you.

You were expected to take the back seat and, because you’re taking your own place in the spotlight to FINALLY fucking give yourself what you deserve, are now being shunned. Relatives, friend groups, colleagues … fake ass people who don’t even truly adhere to what the status quo is. These are people who think they’re better because they let someone else think for them. You think for yourself and you are happier without them.

They are seething and will continue to seethe. You aren’t going back to them. They couldn’t pay you to go back to that Hell Hole they mistakenly call home.

★ What Your Supporters Think

manara erotic oracle. loving and trusting yourself. the fire of desire.

These people are in your corner. They see you leveling up and are glad you are no longer hiding yourself. They are incredibly happy for you. They are few and far between right now.

You’re walking a lonely path, but your guides and anonymous onlookers are supporting you. I’m supporting you too from here. You are protected and loved by your guides. You have great spiritual protection for choosing your own path.

They see you pursuing your passions and are in 100% full support.

💅 Areas of Life That Are Leveling Up

★ Self:

You are prioritizing your health and, most of all, your look. You may be trying to lose or gain weight or get body modifications to fit a certain standard — and it’s not a bad thing. This is what you want to do and, if you are careful about it and truly well-researched on the subject, go for it. Use your best judgement, though.

You will be reaching this goal of yours and you will be elated when you finally have your signature look. You may have a capsule wardrobe which is casual and professional, with a few select pieces for special events, sexy time and so on. I see you wearing incredibly sexy lingerie under your normal outfit. Others might look at you and think “model, but off-duty” when really you’re wearing a matching set with straps or clasps of some sort.

Your life up to now might have kicked the absolute shit out of you, but you are pulling yourself out of the mud. You are refusing to lay down and die, even if others have looked at you like that before. You are taking all the darkness and transmuting it into power.

I always thought that term was too vague for collective readings. “Transmuting” in this sense means using the pain and fuel to reach your goals, but it’s spiteful. You’re taking your power back. You are using your physique, intuition, sad backstory, all of it completely to your advantage. You know what makes men weak and you are going to become that.

I’m getting “Female Manipulator” and I would never shame you for this. Use the patriarchy to your advantage and get what you want out of this life. Out of this fucked and broken system that has abused you and enabled the abuse over time. You’re using it to your advantage and not giving a damn who gets hurt in the process. It is your turn to get what you want out of life.

🎮 How To Level Up:

You already know what to do. Fit the bare minimum standards of conventionally attractive and use it to your advantage. Your appearance is tactical.

I would suggest learning to emotionally detach from others. Glamorize your pain, the past, no matter how gritty or dirty it was. Like how Lana Del Rey made her trauma so beautiful with her art. There are really painful things in life that happen to us all. Sometimes, there is no amount of therapy that can help us.

Using the system and destroying it from the inside is the most beneficial thing to us. Instead of showing the world who you really are, your truest self, cloak her. Hide her and protect her. You know what to do. Get out on your own for a little while. Travel. Get out of your home town. Befriend a local truck driver (don’t get SA’d, dammit!! please use your brain and better judgement when reading these things). Get the fuck out of town.

You are meant to walk this kind of path. You are meant to see the darkest parts of the world and destroy those structures. There is a lot of cruelty, abuse and corruption in the world. You are a protector to those who need it. The defenseless.

★ House / Home:

One place to call home? Not likely for you. Your home is you. You are always with you. You need to experience more of the world, even if it seems scary. You can leave in the night and sneak away at any time. I see you staying in apartments or hotels, maybe even a camping van / rv or something like that.

You will be getting what you “want” out of others though. I see you using wealthy suitors for their penthouse apartments or 5 star motel rooms. You’re going to be traveling a lot, so “home” will be far away for awhile. It’s okay to miss it.

With your no strings attached style, you are wise to have something to go back to.

★ Relationships:

You may have been in a karmic relationship before, but you’ve cut them off. Now you’re going to use people as pawns until you truly find the one. The one person who is home to you, no matter where you are. Until you find them, you’re living a wild and free lifestyle.

You will have no inhibitions in regards to using people. If you can get what you want out of a social circle or situation, you will. You are going to have all the experiences you held yourself back from and other people will be a part of that process. Your intuitive nature allows you to pick up on people with herd mentality.

You have lived, loved and lost by now. You are going to get everything you wanted in life. If no one will hand it to you, you’re f**king taking it.

★ Love & Sex:

Your sex life is going to be used to your advantage. You may do sex work on occasion, but this only to get you to where you want to go. In fact, it may be part of your career. I’m getting Cardi B vibes.

Anything they like until you get them inebriated. Like not going all the way, then they’re drunk or too high to know what’s going on. You pretend to be and you’re actually sober. Then everything you like, bb. Whatever is in their wallets is yours for the taking. You get gone ASAP.

When you finally find the one person you want to build a home with, you’re going to have a very passionate dynamic. Power play. They will be like you. Doing what it takes to survive and live the life they want. You will be very much alike in this way and they may become your future spouse. They will be the one person you have a soft spot for. The one person you want to protect and who will want to protect you. They’re your dream come true. It’s mutual. You are good together.

You may be entering into a financial agreement (legal or not) for someone you love or because you know someone you love will respect you for it. It could also be because they burned you and you wanna get them back. You don’t hate them, if this is the case, you just want to show them what they are missing before you let them go.

And you are willing to let them go, but not until you set their wings on fire.

You aren’t in love with your rival / enemies in this field of work are you?

Whoever has their eye on you has some “punishment” they want to dole out and you’re their target. They couldn’t be more aroused by your badassery. Honestly, no one has ever made them as flustered as you have. They keep a poker face and most people wouldn’t notice, but they want you. You may have had intense eye contact with this person.

Your kinks are aligned with this person. I see one of you provoking the other on purpose. Sexual tension is high. One or both of you like it rough — maybe beyond rough. PSA: be safe, obtain clear consent, use a safe word, use common sense.

Very punishing energy though. Like a Dom and a sub dynamic. There is trust and affection there.

It could also be a power struggle type of dynamic that you both like, but don’t overtly say it. For the kinkier ones who chose this pile, I see that primal play comes naturally to you both. They will pursue you and take you, you will like it and take it. If you aren’t into this, obviously this portion isn’t into you.

★ Career & Money:

Your job isn’t stable, but not in a bad way — you are perfectly independent. I see you traveling the world and experiencing things you want, but your jobs vary from place to place. You could end up driving an uber or lyft in one place and sell or pawn jewelry in another. That sounded bad? I didn’t mean it to.

Basically, your job could be getting transferred from one place to another. Your job, for some of you, may not be 100% legal, but it pays the bills and you love it. I don’t judge. Do you, babe.

You will be making bank regardless, but you won’t stay in one place. Your job will require you to travel and you will be in the air a lot.

Side note: You will probably also take those paid helicopter rides once in a while and post it on socials. If you’re not on socials, you’re definitely doing it for the experience.

★ Conclusion

Are you … an assassin? Or a real life femme fatale / dom fatale in some way? I’m getting “revenge is a dish best served by me.” Hmm. Just be careful. Obviously, we don’t go around un-aliving people. I still get gangster vibes. You may be drawn to characters like this. The people you link up with might be like this.

You have the grit and metal to get through anything in life now. You are longing for more and finding your purpose.

You seem like a thrill seeker, or this is the phase of your life you’re entering. Bikes, helicopter rides, jets, travel. All the things. Sky diving for some of you? Fun!

Your mentality is like “we all are going to die, so I might as well do it having fun” when doing your activities. Zip-lining in Quebec? Hell yeah. I can see you looking like you’re chill and stoic af, which is giving really fucking cool vibes. Like you could meet God and not be impressed. Anyway, people are gonna find you sexy and cool basically, because you are.

𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔢 5. ★

★ Songs

F Myself - Queen Herby. Miracle - Bayside. Lindsxy Mesenburg - Divine. “Supervillain” - Jakobs Castle. Savage - Megan Thee Stallion.

✨ Charms & Astro Dice

Astro Dice*: 3rd House, Aquarius, Neptune, 1st House, Moon, Scorpio. Mercury.*

Charms: White diamond. Pink Rose. Green Star. Cherry Blossom Flower. Butcher’s knife with bl**d splotches. Pale Blue Starfish. Dark Blue Planet with Ring (saturn dupe).

On The Charm Board: i forgot to fill it in for this group…

Skull Dice*: 22, 66, 1, 5, 4.*

★ What Your Haters Think

modern witch tarot. king of wands. eight of wands. seven of wands. 4 of cups.

For some of you, you rejected or have to repeatedly reject / turn away a king of wands. It could be several men with this energy. Passionate suitors are wanting you and you have people being so jealous. They think you should be grateful, but they see you being unimpressed and turning away these sexy suitors.

You have to defend yourself against all of the unimpressive offers, but your haters only see someone who “looks good” or “makes money” and don’t consider whether you’d be happy or loved properly. They don’t see that you are able to see the truth of these potential mates and are so revolted by them. Even if they check every conventional box it means nothing if they aren’t like you — or liked by you in a particular way. They have to be outside the box and as unique as you are, or they have to worship the goddess your are.

If they aren’t grateful for you and to you, you won’t entertain them at all.

This goes for all suitors.

★ What Your Supporters Think

modern witch tarot. two of swords. queen of swords. the devil. the hanged one. king of pentacles. three of pentacles.

Some of your supporters want to work with you. They see you working with others to get what you want. Your supporters see that you are cutting people off in a cold way, but only if you have to. Once you detect the fuckery, you cut them right off. Anyone suffering with attachments or addictions would only bring you down. You are able to see when someone is of two minds and can’t make up their mind about you. You are shutting those people out.

For some of this group, you had a person who was treating you v badly. You kept being strung along. Your supporters wanted you to stand up for yourself. You might come off as bitchy to this person, but this is the kind of cut-off they deserve.

They are cheering for you as you lay this dusty to rest (metaphorically). They know you deserve so much better.

💅 Areas of Life That Are Leveling Up

★ Self:

I’m seeing right away that you’re highly psychic. You are probably very much connected to your intuition. I feel that you used to play it small and sacrifice too much of yourself to others. You weren’t putting your own oxygen mask on first, were you? (I hope you get the reference.) Now, you’re moving into your “celebrating my awesome-self” era. You are more confident in your energy and psychic abilities.

I can see you staring at a phone that’s on vibrate from the tub across the room. Don’t let anyone disturb your peace. You are making damn sure that you get the care and treatment you need.

You are so confident in yourself — you know you’re special! You enter a room and are like “That’s right, I am a unicorn.” And you just glow and look amazing and allow others to stare in wonder.

You are in your princess treatment phase of life and you love it. It suits you. You look as amazing as you feel on the inside.

You are confident to be seen and be spiritual, because you know your gifts are no fluke. You know you are blessed with a connection to the infinite wisdom of our universe, whatever that source may be called.

You are who you are, shamelessly and anyone who doesn’t like it can kick rocks.

You have gained so much confidence in yourself and you’re putting it into practice. You realize that you, unique as you are, belong on the same level as others you looked up to or admired. Even people who may have put you down in some ways.

You see now that you have your place among a certain group, even if you have a different aesthetic. “Taking your place among the greats…” crossed my mind, but I’m not sure what that means to each of the people who will hear this.

You have decided to bring all the personality and all of the colors to your life. You have fully embraced who you are and you’re expressing that on that outside. You’re a leader and a guide to others to embrace their authentic self and do what makes them happy as well.

★ How To Level Up:

I feel that you are naturally inclined in this direction, but you may be playing it too small.

Your psychic abilities and intuition make a much larger impact than you are giving yourself credit for. Give yourself the roses. Get cute, go to the local florist or market, get yourself the flowers.

Stop doing too damn much just because others don’t feel like it. You don’t have to do all the dirty work anymore. You’re not everyone’s maid — unless that is your profession, in which case, you must still make time for romanticizing your own life. Take care of you and prioritize yourself. Be SELFISH.

Set a strong boundary for when you actually do your spiritual practice. You are blessed with gifts that the world around you needs. In fact, be ruthless with your boundaries. Your energy is worth protecting.

You may be too go with the flow or too rigid. Either way, find a balance between what you can be flexible about and what you aren’t willing to be flexible about. You do not ever have to put yourself on the back burner to please another person. Make a task list or schedule that has set times for self care and spirituality. You can choose which activities to do here, but definitely set hard boundaries that protect this energy.

You need to really notice within yourself that you are the sht.* Truly! You’re a literal mythical creature. Not everyone can do the things you do. You don’t need to put your gifts on the back burner or put off working on your spiritual practice and abilities. You’ve done the work no one else was willing to do, you might have even been put in roles where you were doing the dirtiest work and no one was helping you. You were just assigned the role and you accepted it, maybe even took pride in it.

Somehow, something made you realize your true worth. You are your own person and you deserve all the beauty and glamour you want in life. You will get it.

You are protected, so you don’t have to hide anything about your gifts. You are unique, even if others avoid you because of some bullshit judgement against you. Even if they don’t recognize how great you truly are, you know how amazing you are. Despite their judgements against you, you’re owning your abilities and gifts now.

Others have taken you for granted, possibly while not supporting you. Those people will not matter on your journey. They are merely tools for you to use to teach and guide others along the way.

By embracing the truth of who you are, you heal the world a little at a time. 💗

★ House / Home:

Sacred Spaces is what I’m getting. Feng Shui may or may not be a part of making your home as mystical, magical and divine as you are. I’m seeing your divination tools in one area, a clean desk area for studies or work and I’m seeing peachy tones. Gold, peach, light brown wood and white are colors you may be considering or drawn to lately.

Salt lamp? Singing bowls? I feel that you’re investing in your spiritual practice to get healing items. Are you going to be teaching reiki or crystal healing?

When you or others enter this space, you will breathe a sigh of relief. ☺️

This could be a space that is healing to your inner child. If you like plushies or figurines, they will find their way into your home.

You will go here to relax and chill out. It’s your sacred, bright happy little space. And no one bad may enter. No bad intentions whatsoever. <3 You might watch cartoons here and snuggle up in blankets or a cozy chair. You will probably sketch or draw or read books in this space. I see you having your beverage of choice in your hand in a really cute mug. You will probably have one if not fifty special little mugs that make you happy.

This magical sacred space will uplift your spirits and cleanse you of the bs. I see you investing in the prettiest and best smelling cleaning supplies to keep the vibes good here. I see high-end candles too. Aroma therapy is a thing you will be doing, whether intentionally or not.

I just saw someone doing a cord-cutting ritual as well, so you might have a little corner where you do that for people.

★ Relationships:

modern witch tarot. the tower. ace of swords. 3 of pentacles. the magician. 5 of swords.

You will be hurting some feelings and not feeling any type of way about it. Anyone who manipulated or betrayed you in the past or is planning to do it in the future will be cut out, like the rest.

I see you gaining knowledge that someone did betray you and you will be learning this information if you haven’t already. This information causes a foundational shift, which will lead you to better relationships in the future. You will see the manipulation against you, finally, and how everyone had a hand in keeping you in a certain belief system.

If this already happened, allow yourself to grieve. It’s okay. This was a painful situation.

★ Love & Sex:

modern witch tarot. king of pentacles. nine of wands. the three of swords. the hierophant. the wheel of fortune.

Something fated or karmic is going on here. You are healing from something that hurt you and are in your king of pentacles energy. You’re still generous, but less so. You are guarding your finances, assets, heart and so on. You will be more protective moving forward. You may be divorcing or it’s finalized.

You’re putting up new boundaries after the most recent relationship betrayal. You are going to meet your counterpart in time, but for now, vet carefully and do not rush into any relationship. You are practically a mythical, magical creature amongst human beings and we don’t deserve you. You are truly so amazing.

You may be kicking someone to the curb as well, causing them heart break and a sending them into another karmic cycle. Ouch for them, but if they were taking advantage of group 5, then forget that mothafucker.

The people you reject are descending into their childhood wounds. Ouch. That’s the worst thing you could ever do to someone… being a catalyst to their healing. Don’t shy away from this lol.

★ Career & Money:

modern witch tarot. justice. judgement. ace of pentacles. the empress. the lovers.

If some legal thing is going on here, you’re winning. It’s going to be a fair and just outcome, winning you a nice little pay out. You’re gonna be living comfy.

If you need to still file for divorce (and were already planning to), spirit is encouraging you to ask for alimony. That or the financials will grant you something to be grateful for. Especially if you’re getting out of a toxic and abusive marriage.

Otherwise, any legal case you have will go in your favor.

Your finances will be improving due to someone passing judgement and making things fair for you in regards to career. Hell, your company or boss could promote you or something.

With the lovers, you could be meeting someone who will worship you and is going to financially provide for you.

★ Conclusion

This is a mystical and powerful group. You’re incredibly magical and strong. I’m proud of you for standing in your power and letting others react to the way you glow. You really do shine and your energy is missed and craved by those around you. Your energy

𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔢 6. ★

★ Songs

up - cardi b. cult leader - king mala. everybody knows - sigrid.

friends - v. nut quick - glorilla. gangsta - kehlani.

★ Charms & Astro Dice

Astro Dice*: saturn. capricorn. 9th house. leo. moon. 3rd house.*

Charms: birthday hat. shell w/ pearl. heart w moon and stars. angel aura quartz. chunky birb. white star. pink rabbit.

On The Charm Board:

Finances / Wealth / Assets / Inheritance: heart with moon and stars.

Career / Biz / Money: pink rabbit.

Social Life / Others: empty.

Love / Partnerships: shell w/ pearl. birthday hat. white star.

Advice / Guidance: chunky birb.

Spirit / Self: empty.

Home / Family: empty.

Health / Wellbeing: angel aura quartz.

Skull Dice*: 33. 22. 66. 333. 222. 1.*

★ What Your Haters Think

manara ero oracle: loving and trusting yourself. creative intimacy. the naked self.

Instead of obsessing about your flaws, you are focused on your best traits. You are putting them on full display, maybe even bragging. Your haters see you bragging about these amazing qualities you have. They feel like other people are obsessing over your amazing qualities too.

They feel like you know how amazing you are, you’re bragging about it to others and others agree, then others are showing you off and bragging about it too.

This may even be an accomplishment or maybe you got a new tattoo or piercing? Either way, you are being talked about in a good light and your haters are seething.

You’re not putting your insecurities at the forefront and letting that drive you. You’re focused on a talent or skill or trait you have and running with it. This is a good thing, but it fuels your enemies’ jealousy and self-hatred.

★ What Your Supporters Think

manara ero oracle. belief in your beauty. confidence in the power of healing.

Your supporters have seen a change in you. You find yourself beautiful and anyone who disagrees will get kicked out of your entire life. They love that you’re healing and learning to love you. Anyone who doesn’t see it can get fucked.

They feel like they don’t know this new you, but they want to. Some of them may have been watching you from afar, maybe secret admirers. You may not have been their typical type or you weren’t someone they could talk to without getting ostracized.

They may have felt there was a “taboo” element to you, but regardless of others opinion’s, they were your number one fan. They kept it hush hush though.

If they come back in, know that they got humbled. If they didn’t like you before, they like you now. Something happened and they are in your corner. Nothing could change that now. They stand up for you. They want you in their life, they want you to be in their life. 💗

This person or these people stand up for you now. They have “protector” energy. They see that you came out of this cycle as a whole new person and are fucking happy. They could cry.

Can you forgive their past? Maybe they’re a new person too. Be cautious, of course. They want the best for you in life, even if they can’t be a part of it personally. I want to say they love you, but maybe weren’t able to express it in a healthy way.

💅 Areas of Life That Are Leveling Up

★ Self:

manara ero oracle: the freedom to be yourself. the muse living in my dreams.

modern witch tarot: three of wands. the magician. the moon. the page of wands. queen of wands. the sun.

the citadel oracle: the witch. the runaway. the painter.

I am channeling anger in this reading. I feel like you all are enraged or very angry about some situation.

You are the baddie of the piles. Like, you’re truly becoming a baddie or becoming more of one. You’re learning to be mean to former bullies or troublemakers. You’re going to fuck them up if they try you ever again. They’re too cowardly to try it, so no worries.

Anyone who wants to spin the block might get their ass kicked. They know it and are a little afraid of you. People don’t want to fuck with the new you. They don’t want to catch those hands, the want that smoke. Hard pass for them.

You are leveling up your look. You are more “extra” with the fashion and makeup. Wigs, piercings, tattoos, hair cut and dyed, new fit, new body. New you. On the outside… but really, you’re matching the aesthetic to the inside. Now people can see who you are and always have been, but upgraded.

I’m seeing a “fall time” aesthetic, and alternative kind of fashion. Selfies incoming! You’ll be posting more on socials and your selfie game is on point. Your follows and likes are going up and up and up.

You will be learning your best angles, features, lighting and so on. You will likely receive sponsorship deals or pursue them. You are going places and getting stuff for free. You will be traveling. Road trip with fun pit stops along the way. Zip-lining over some huge chasm in the ground? … Hmm. Giraffe rides? Wine tasting? Anything you find fun and want to do, you’re going to do it.

You are a badass, to be honest. You have no room for kissing anyone’s ass or being anyone’s subordinate. People in those positions are easily triggered by you. You are doing your own thing and will give respect to those who earn it. You’re too authentic to kiss up.

How To Level Up:

manara ero oracle: the flow of inspiration. for better and for worse.

the citadel oracle: the forgotten. the muse. the shepherd.

To level up, you’re going to be putting yourself in the forefront of your life. You will be the top priority. Your own life story may inspire you moving forward. You are becoming the person you want to be. The person you’ve always needed. The person everyone said you couldn’t be.

You are going to inspire others and lead them from afar, of course. I’m getting heavy online stuff for this pile. Getting in shape, working out, eating well … self care basically. You will be showing off your results online. Tiktok, insta, x … wherever you choose to share / be active online the most.

So get back online and glamorize the shit out of everything you can. You don’t need to post everything, but any time you can get a good selfie, try to do so. And good photos of your surroundings as well.

★ House / Home:

modern witch tarot: 6 of swords. 5 of pentacles. 9 of cups. 6 of pentacles. ace of pentacles.

I see you leaving an old situation or living space for a new one. The new one seems to be a fixer-upper so to speak. You will be satisfied with it, even if you are investing in making it better. It will be your sacred, wonderful space. This is your own thing.

You could be kicking some people out or leaving them in a situation where they can’t stay without your help. That’s for them to figure out. If you feel a pang of guilt, don’t you dare. Spirit is helping you along your life journey. If others have treated you badly it’s their karma. If they just don’t understand you or where you’re coming from, that’s for them to deal with. If you are on amicable terms, spirit will help them out in their own time.

As for you, you will be following your intuition and the synchronicities and signs you see along your path. Your new living space will be a place where no one can tell you that you are wrong or you need to live a particular type of way.

No one can tell you shit in your new place, basically. You’re going to be living on your terms and anyone who disagrees can gtfo. You’re going to be showing them the door and happily so.

You are no longer a door mat. Your space. Your life. Your terms.

Maybe you’re a bully in the eyes of others, but so what? You’ll treat them accordingly. You’re entitled to everything you want and tailoring your life exactly to your own liking, no matter who doesn’t like you.

If you got kicked out of your last place or have to depend on others, I’m seeing this is coming to an end. You’re going to be offered a place to stay or receive an opportunity to get a new place, one that you like and is better for you.

You will have enough to support the person you’re worried about, if this applies to your situation, as well as yourself.

If you owe someone money, you’re going to be able to pay them back. This could be someone who helped you out or it will be someone who you owe a loan to or something.

Anyone who kicked you out previously and sat there with a smirk on their face… spirit has a b*tch slap waiting for them. Their little smug ass is going to end up homeless. This is for someone in particular.

You might also travel a lot and invest in an RV or something where you can just get up and go at any time.

★ Relationships:

modern witch tarot: 3 of wands. 10 of cups. Queen of cups. 5 of cups. Strength.

The people who lost out on having you in their lives are going to depressive and crying. They want you in their life, pile 6. They really want you to be around … too bad, so sad. You’re meeting your soul family now. You’ve got your back turned to unappealing offers of friendships, family ties and collaborations. You’re only accepting people who will be good for you.

And they are on the way. You will have your girlfriends who are loyal to you and have compassion for you. Instead of using your or abusing you, these people will be lifting you up. You’re going to have the support you need, even if it’s in an entirely new situation than what you’re used to.

If they don’t celebrate you and your life, they can’t be in your circle, period. You’d do it for them, so they better step up or gtfo. <3

★ Love & Sex:

tarot: 6 of wands. the empress. the 7 of swords. the devil. 10 of pentacles.

For this pile, you all will be secretly hooking up with a sneaky link. They are sexy as Hell, but you’re both keeping this private. To maintain your appearance of being single or the “ideal person” in your family or community.

You will be financed, cherished and cared for. You can take care of yourself, but you may be taking assets of this sneaky link from them… hmm. More like, you’re using your sex appeal to secure your own cushy life.

You will have sexy time with them, sure. But ultimately, you aren’t going for anyone or anything that doesn’t secure your future financially and materially.

You know you can be emotionally fulfilled on your own anyway.

Not a lot of cups, so love may not be your focus. Securing yourself and being well-off on your own sure is though. No matter what it takes.

★ Career & Money:

tarot: ace of swords. death. 6 of pentacles. 10 of cups. 4 of cups.

You will be putting an end to a stagnant situation for yourself. You are going to find emotional fulfillment in this area of life. You aren’t letting anyone tell you what to do or how to do it, either.

Unless you are. Like if you find a sponsor.

I see you following your bliss to make money and, once again, putting yourself and your joy first. Any unappealing job offers or disappointing job offers will be ignored or turned down. You will be doing work where you are equally compensated for the amount of work you put in.

★ Conclusion

I am getting some vibe from this group like you’re into being an escort or sugar baby for wealthy suitors only. I also see that you’re turning a little Machiavellian. I encourage thinking this way at times. Especially when it comes to your well being and quality of life. You’re a badass and embracing the title of “villain” instead of playing it safe.

𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔢 7. ★

★ Songs

icognito - bludnymph. crazy woman - cloudy june. i’m bad at life - falling in reverse. stealth - judgement day. kerosene - miranda lambert.

★ Charms & Astro Dice

Astro Dice*: sagittarius. sun. 5th house. libra. sun. 6th house. aquarius. jupiter. 8th house.*

Charms:

On The Charm Board:

Finances / Wealth / Assets / Inheritance: empty.

Career / Biz / Money: empty.

Social Life / Others: empty.

Love Partnerships: empty.

Advice / Guidance: empty.

Spirit / Self: empty.

Home / Family: empty.

Health / Wellbeing: empty.

Skull Dice*: 33, 555, 11, 333, 6, 5, 3, 2, 1, 66*

★ What Your Haters Think

starspinner tarot. the queen of wands. emperor. the hermit.

Your haters can see that you’ve gone on your own path and are kind of “hermit-ing” yourself away from the world. They realized you disappeared off the face of the planet, but kept stalking your socials for a hint of what you were keeping secret.

The secret was your glow up. You disappeared, got hot and sexy and came back to the scene with a lot more self-control and power. You’re more of a loner now.

You will entertain them, but with a “polite” facade. They won’t have any reason to dis you for the way you’re responding to them, but they can tell you’re completely detached and they mean anything to you.

I randomly drew the page of swords off the top of the deck after shuffling. I feel like they are gossiping about you more now than ever. They cannot deny how gorgeous and hot you are. Jealous.

They may think this was caused by a relationship gone bad or someone who was not good for you.

★ What Your Supporters Think

starspinner tarot. the magician. 3 of cups. queen of wands. 2 of swords. the tower. ace of wands.

You, once again, have people feeling your hotness. They find you extremely attractive. You have a circle of friends who support you as well and more people want to be your friend.

Some of your friends find you incredibly attractive now. Like, your glow up was so shocking it made them get an erection (I’m seeing a group of friends where the nerdy dork girl/boy glows tf up hard and the guys all start pining for them immediately).

They find you incredibly gorgeous.

For the platonic relationships, they want to celebrate your glow up with you. They see that you manifested real physical change.

💅 Areas of Life That Are Leveling Up

starspinner tarot. queen of pentacles. queen of wands. 4 of wands.

★ Self:

You are finally, finally getting back out there after a really time. You may even be apologizing to those who need it most. If you get a chance to apologize to someone, you will take it.

If someone gives you a genuine apology you will appreciate it. If you get a fake ass apology, you’ll just brush it off and say “it’s cool.” You’ll be kind of chill about it. I’m seeing you making right your past wrongs. That’s awesome. I’m inspired by you, Pile 7!

You have a lot to celebrate. Your entire life is all about joy and happiness, celebrating your wins and getting other people back into your life. Relationships worth repairing will be.

Others will be kicked to the curb.

I can’t believe you had a glow up that made you that fucking hot. Others are going to be running from you, but in the best way. You are going to be teaching some players a hard lesson — breaking their hearts instead of them collecting yours. You’re gonna have them

It’s giving major weight loss or new tattoos / piercings … maybe cosmetic procedures. New wardrobe and everything. You have found your new style. You are giving people a run for their money.

You’re going to maintain your newfound hotness, so expect other women to try and get you out of character and to start bullying you in public. It’ll be very obvious that you triggered their insecurities violently.

I see you sitting at a little table and having a beverage like tea or coffee, reading something or watching youtube videos on your phone. Someone walks up with a smug little smirk on their face and starts saying insulting things, but you never look up once or acknowledge their existence. You don’t even adjust your posture. You laugh under your breath, but are entirely comfortable while this person stands there awkwardly until they have to walk away, embarrassed by their own actions. Enjoy the show, Pile 7, your glow up has made you one force to be reckoned with.

I see you having the mentality that “no one is coming to save you.” So you are being your own hero.

Very many people are attracted to you.

You are incredibly powerful too. If you are into magical / occult things, you will be becoming more powerful in that. If not, your presence will be very powerful. Others can feel this in your presence.

I see you not caring to hurt other peoples’ feelings too. You will let men court you, spend money on you and then ruthlessly cut them off. Because they wouldn’t have looked at if you were still heavier, so. No harm, no foul. Let ‘em give you what you deserve. You will be teaching these small-minded suitors to not objectify people like you so much. If they are going to treat you like an object, you might as well let them buy you things and spoil you.

How To Level Up:

You have a determined spirit. You’re going to manifest your desires, by force if necessary. You’re going to be prioritizing yourself.

★ House / Home:

the wild unknown alchemy oracle. chaos (rev). raven’s head. resin. smoke.

starspinner tarot. 2 of pentacles. king of wands. the chariot. ace of wands.

The chaos card appeared reversed. With the smoke card, this indicates clearing out chaotic situations and decluttering. I’m seeing someone cleaning and dusting a big empty room and only putting back what they truly enjoy. Marie Kondo method.

Raven’s head and resin suggest taxidermy to me. Like maybe you’re going to collect dead bugs and hang ‘em up or put them in resin. Maybe you’ll collect animal skeletons and skulls. I do this too! I love taxidermy and find it very cool. I couldn’t tell you why I love those things. They are just so neat. 🕷️

You could also get resin pyramids or something with photos of your loved ones in them.

You’re going to have a little treasure trove of oddities that you enjoy and you’re gonna love it.

I am seeing cat and bird imagery. You will probably have your space set up to be easier for them to navigate. Or you’ll just be getting some new pet supplies or new pets! Yay, new animal friends!

It could be for some of you who have pet birds or cats that passed away, you’ll be having them stuffed so you can keep them close and continue to care for them … just in a different more macabre way now. Very cutesy. Very demure.

Anyway, aside from the neat gothic and “creepy” (not to me, just the aesthetic).

You might away from home or living on the road. Either way, your pets are going with you. I do see a lot of travel for pile 7 in general, but if the rest of this pile isn’t for you, then you’ll just be traveling a lot. Maybe you’ll make-over a bus and live in it? Like a tiny home out of a vehicle type situation.

Living out of a suitcase by choice for some of you.

You may have a hard time deciding whether to put down roots or living alone and free. Part of you wants to do both at different times. Finding a balance between the two isn’t impossible. It’s fine.

You will probably be letting someone else pay for your dwelling, your living situation, while stacking your cash for whenever you feel like leaving.

★ Relationships:

starspinner tarot. the lovers. the 3 of wands. the king of pentacles. 5 of cups. 6 of swords. knight of wands.

You will probably be meeting people who want to take care of you and who offer you stability while you live your life all care-free like. I see that you, personally, aren’t sticking around for a long time. Perhaps during your travels you’ll have flings or trists or what-have-you.

I think you’re really dedicating this time of your life to live creatively and freely. You aren’t getting chained or caged to anyone right now, since you’re on your own path. Any heart ache that arises, you’re back on the road. You aren’t going to be letting the past or sorrow or grief hold you down. You’ll process it for a bit, but then you’re back out there having more fun.

You aren’t letting heartache and missing others stop you from living life to the absolute fullest.

Your frienships might not last very long and you’ll probably have relatives who miss you.

You might be making lots of new LGBTQIA+ besties on the road and during your travels though.

You may have been in a same sex relationship or the two people in it were in their feminine energy. I see you walking right past this person in pursuit of your creativity. You are leaving this person and focusing on you.

★ Love & Sex:

starspinner tarot. the lovers. strength. the star. the tower.

This part is only for some of you: Something unexpected and possibly traumatic happened to you. Despite this, you have the strength to push forward. You are still hopeful and have faith in yourself or that things will work out better next time. For now, you’re on your own journey and are working on making it through the difficult times.

I clarified with some personal cards. I’m seeing that you thought you’d met the one or a trust-worthy partner. They came in like a hero to save the day, offer assistance, but you found out they were just using you. They were a dictator and began to control everything.

For everyone who selected this pile: You’re determined to never ever be controlled again. You are out from under their control, believe me, and you are free. You are doing your own thing and living life on your own terms. You don’t want them anymore and they can’t hurt you. You have complete autonomy over your life.

I don’t see you immediately seeking a new relationship, but rather stability in yourself first. Then, if you meet someone, you’re so open to that.

★ Career & Money:

starspinner tarot. the hierophant. the king of pentacles. temperance. 6 of swords. ace of wands. 9 of pentacles. 6 of pentacles. 5 of pentacles. judgement.

You are financially well off, maybe because of suitors or a trust fund. Maybe you got some money from a lawsuit? I dunno, but I’m assuming you will be vetting your suitors based on whether they can financially provide for you and how you can live your best life. At the same time, you’re going to pursue something creative to have a little money save up.

Maybe you were burned before by being loyal to someone who kept you in poverty, but now you’re running very far away from it. You can make better financial decisions at this point in your life. You are making sure you’re taken care of period. No more poverty, ever. You are taking whatever help you can get, getting your financial independence and moving forward with this mentality.

Things are going to be very good for you.

★ Conclusion

Black cat energy for this pile. You may have some things in common with pile 3 or 4, or have been drawn to those piles. If not, it’s okay. There’s a huge emphasis on personal independence for this group.

You are entering your hot girl era, but you’re going to put in the effort to get it. This means it is change that will last. You get tired of being the old “you” and your old excuses, so you’re putting that version of yourself in a grave. After laying her to rest, you’re going to get your shit together and get back on track.

𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔢 8. ★

★ Songs

begin again - taylor swift. hey, soul sister - train. the wanted- chasing the sun. crowded house - don’t dream it’s over. phil collins - another day in paradise. junior senior - move your feet.

★ Charms & Astro Dice

Skull Dice*: 55, 22, 2, 4, 6, 1, 44, 444, 11*

Astro Dice*: Taurus. Jupiter. 8th House. Moon. Aquarius. 9th house. 5th House. 10th House. 6th House. Saturn. Uranus. Cancer. Gemini.*

Charms: astronaut, yellow cuddly chick, bloodied meat cleaver, white star, saturn, pink flamingo, white heart half filled and half empty, red heart, white kitty with huge eyes, pink perfume bottle, pink merkaba / star of david.

On The Charm Board:

Finances / Wealth / Assets / Inheritance: astronaut, yellow cuddly chick

Career / Biz / Money: bloodied meat cleaver.

Social Life / Others: pink perfume bottle, pink merkaba / star of david

Love Partnerships: empty.

Advice / Guidance: red heart, white kitty with huge eyes

Spirit / Self: white heart half filled and half empty.

Home / Family: white star

Health / Wellbeing: saturn, pink flamingo

★ What Your Haters Think

starspinner tarot. the hierophant rev. 9 of pentacles. page of swords. 9 of cups.

manara ero oracle: purity of freedom. pain hidden by luxury. feelings of an awakened heart.

Your haters’ energy is difficult to channel, so I whipped out the tarot cards too. Haters suck, so I’m not trying to embody this energy lol.

They think you’re going home and crying because you’re lonely or they think they broke your heart and destroyed you. You may be heartbroken or grieving, and this could be because of a break up or the loss of someone or something you loved dearly.

But they are incorrect in thinking that you just buy stuff to drown your sorrow and hide behind your luxuries and nice things.

You are poised in public and you are the life of the party — your haters or hater can’t stand this, so they cope by assuming your life is shit behind the scenes. Your supporters have a more accurate view of what you’re doing behind closed doors.

They know you’re free and starting to explore just what freedom means — especially financial freedom — and it is destroying them that you have the opportunity to do this. They want you to stay stuck and stagnant with them. You may have actually had something.

★ What Your Supporters Think

manera ero oracle. purity of purpose. promise of unending love. secrets and discoveries.

Your supporters see how you’re curious about life. They watch from afar and don’t disturb you while you’re doing little things. You may not even notice them watching you. Your supporters love you. Adore you, even. They watch and admire you as you pursue your goals and liven things up.

They love to see you out and about.

They enjoy feeling your warmth. Being in your presence and engaging with you is their greatest pleasure, but seeing you innocently minding your business and doing your own thing like reading or drawing and giggling to yourself? That makes them incredibly happy too.

Your aura and energy could soften the hardest of hearts. At least, they think so. You are just like a small child and others delight in how you go about enjoying life. This makes your haters upset and they won’t acknowledge that you are truly healing to be around.

Your brilliant light irritates their demons. You are genuinely a precious soul. Someone is not going to have access to you anymore and you don’t care. It’s not even a thought in your mind now. You’re on your spiritual path and your guides are making sure you have everything you need and want.

Your haters think you are buying things for yourself and over-indulging to hide that you’re grieving over them. I need to clarify real quick that you genuinely are not a dislike-able or hate-able person. This is, for most of you, one person who has some kind of problem.

Probably because they aren’t on your level anymore, as they are not an energetic match.

💅 Areas of Life That Are Leveling Up

★ Self:

starspinner tarot. 9 of cups. the hermit. death. queen of cups. 5 of cups rev. page of cups.

Pleasure seeking and partying. Not the dangerous kind. You’ll be traveling and just doing anything you can get into. Bongo drums on the beach, random ass dance classes in Italy or whatever. You’re being creative and traveling for it. You’re living for yourself and enjoying your life on your own. 9 of cups, aka wish fulfillment for you is doing whatever brings you personal joy in each moment.

Being creative and explorative is your next glow up. I’m inspired by you! You will be just doing really fun things that you want to do for your inner child or just ‘cause it looks fun.

You are going to indulge in catharsis because, as wonderful as you are, you are going to be incredibly structured. You are highly disciplined in this new era of your life. You carry yourself with grace and poise. You may be learning to do yoga or teaching yoga.

You will have a self-care routine too. This requires discipline as well.

You will be treating your physical vessel as though it is a temple, like it’s a shrine. You will be taking immense care of yourself. You will be close to having the mental discipline of a monk. You will be pouring into yourself after something negative that happened.

Someone may have hurt you horribly, but this is your spiritual journey right now. Your focus is on loving and pouring into yourself. I am seeing someone moving on from grief. You are giving yourself compassion and moving forward into your new life.

This is kind of like a rebirth. There is a highly spiritual element that isn’t overtly spoken or seen, but it is felt by those around you. The peace others feel in your presence is incomparable to anything they’ve felt. It is dense, but it is calm. You will carry this self love and your power with you everywhere you go.

You will do things that make you love life and yourself again. You are healing and nurturing yourself in ways that are exclusive to you.

You’re going to start seeing the magic in everyday life again.

Your social life is going to be okay too. Others can sense that you’re spiritual and the other spiritual people will be interested in getting to know you. You will be making spiritual connections with others.

On another note, you will be finding your signature fragrance or others may inquire about it. You will probably be told that you smell really good. Others may gravitate toward you because of this.

You are transitioning from heart-broken to healed and happy, ready to move on with your life and fill whatever void was left from a recent betrayal or trauma.

🎮 How To Level Up:

Discipline and routine are important to you. You work hard to maintain a good physique. As good as possible, anyway. Saturn is going to reward you for this.

You will be nurturing your inner child. I see you being outside in nature a lot more. Enjoying the grass, the streams and creeks and rivers, the bridges, the trees … just everything. I can see you playing with puppies or feeding stray cats. The weather is so good. Even if it’s bad there’s something to feel and explore and learn about. You’re enjoying every aspect of life again. You aren’t burdened by things that suck the soul out of you.

You are going to enjoy all the small things. All the little details that are often overlooked will become a source of comfort or idle entertainment. You will be glad you remembered how the grooves in the tree bark looked like small valleys and how the veins on the leaves looked like long skinny fingers.

Your attention to detail will be like that of a child again. You will be seeing things with new eyes. You’re not going to let the past hold you back in any capacity. You will realize that it cannot be changed and isn’t worth revisiting. You’re safe now.

★ House / Home:

Your home is going to nourish and nurture your soul.

For those of you who have family, they are going to be such a source of relief for you. They are going to help you out. you can rely on them when you’re in trouble or in pain. A parent, a grandparent, a pet or a child even. Your family is who your heart says it is. There are people around you really do love you.

Oof that made me tear up. I almost sobbed like one time.

Your home is going to be your sanctuary and will be a great source of comfort for you. You may get a special light to make things more calm in your bedroom or anywhere in your home. I think you’ll have a cozy little book nook with a really cute blanket, books on shelves or a small shelf near a window or bed. You will probably have a nice comfy chair or sofa to relax in while you read. You may sit here and journal with a manifestation journal and a cute ink pen. You probably will have a beverage of choice on hand in your favorite mug.

You might have a Brita water filter thing. I can see you “purifying” things in your home, especially things that you consume.

Your home will be your guiding light. In your family unit, you are their north star. You give them hope and make them feel safe. You are the embodiment of the term “Home.” Not just to your family. You make people feel so good and calm, free to talk about whatever brings them joy and happiness. You’re so wholesome I’m about to cry for the third time during your reading.

★ Relationships:

Others will love being around you. They will really enjoy your high vibe. You will be fun to be around and entertaining. You will likely have people throwing their head back laughing or hype them up when they need it. I can see you making others feel so much joy. It feels so good to be in your energy. I could start cry-laughing just being in your energy.

Note: I just thought of the song “Begin Again” by Taylor Swift while I was doing your reading. You’re going to be incredibly healing to others. I can see that other people in your life will likely offer support, even if you don’t see it now. They will uplift you too. But you are the light here. You are so sunny and cheerful. I started crying. You’re going to have people belly-laughing like when they were just kids.

You will be remembered as the person who said the most iconic line with the perfect delivery for years to come. This isn’t just one moment, but many moments like this. You’re going to feel so naturally in your element too.

You bring cheer and happiness to even the most boring or depressing places.

★ Love & Sex:

This is not an area of focus for your glow up. You may already have these things or they simply won’t play a huge part in this next phase of your life. It’s all good. Spirit doesn’t want you to stress about this. Relax. Spirit doesn’t want you to feel deprived of anything ever, but is suggesting to be celibate for a time. Until you’re healed from the most recent heartache and are truly ready with all your body and soul.

★ Career & Money:

There is a brief stint where you’re going to be the villain — ruthless and cunning, ensuring you cut this person / thing out of your life with a crushing blow. This could have been someone who was absolutely doing everything in their power to destroy you. You may have been victimized by someone and you finally have the means to stop it.

You may also be this person, or have been in the past to get your bag and ensure your future is as comfy as you’d like it to be. You don’t have to end people’s careers or be evil, ya know. Innocent people could end up getting crushed under your feet.

I feel like most people who picked this pile are not the bad guy here. But if you are, I suggest making amends if the other party is open to that. If not … just don’t go around destroying people who have done nothing wrong to you.

Scenario 1: You’re going to actually be making a harsh, cut-throat decision and something in this area will be ended permanently. It can be easy to lose your humanity in exchange for status and material gain. I know it is, because I’ve been on that path too. It never leads anywhere good. The higher you climb, the longer you will have to fall.

For this, you will have a financial cushion to fall back on. Some inheritance or assets are coming your way (if you do not already possess them). Regardless, this is a decision that must be made.

Do not carry this energy with you after the cut-off. Just a one and done kind of deal will be enough. You do not have to identify as a monster, cruel evil **shole or anything you don’t want to. Everything will ultimately be okay if you do this.

Scenario 2: I feel that someone may have done this to some of you who selected this pile. There may have been some workplace drama or cruelty where you were victimized. The ten of swords paired with the meat cleaver charm indicates this was the case: you were treated unfairly and it was a huge loss. This may have even been a traumatic betrayal.

Whoever they were will see you in your Empress energy. They will be lost in the dark and all alone. They will have no place on your journey with you and will feel angry. They won’t be able to do anything to you except kick rocks. They tried to take your money, but your spirit team has an inheritance or assets of some sort to give you, if you haven’t got them already.

Regardless, for some of you, something was taken wrongfully in the money department but will be given back.

And for others of you, you have to make a hard decision to cut someone off, but it will unblock your finances. This person or situation is holding you back or hurting you.

And for a small portion of you, you may actually choose to be ruthless needlessly and stomp your way to a cushy life, but spirit is cautioning against this if you have any conscience at all.

★ Conclusion

Your path will still have ups and downs, but you’re prepared for the tough feelings and events that happen in life. You are held by spirit, your spirit guides, the earth, your loved ones, your furry friends and yourself. You are strong and resilient. You have maintained and nurtured your childlike wonder and innocence (not complete innocence, as you are an experienced human being, but fostering your innocent side will be a focus for now).

You will be okay here. <3 Spirit has you, like your light envelopes and nurtures others. You’re so beautiful inside and out. Your soul is incredible.

You are going to be that person who lights up the room because you are so full of light. You pour into yourself and that shows outwardly. You may even physically have a radiance and glow about you.

That's all for this reading! It took me months to finish. Over 2000 words per reading... not bad, right? Anyway, my asks are open! Please send your tarot questions or astrology questions. I'm no pro, but I'd love to interact with people in the tarot and astro community some more.

And foster positive connections as well. ✌️💖

[changbinsboobs]

haii can you do skz ideal types? like physique and personality. thank youu

Hi:) since i want to do those readings properly im gonna do them one by one and since i already have some for individual members i'll use this ask to start with chan:)

So, i originally started doing an Ideal Type reading but it got hijacked😅 so i guess im reading on his current energy. I'll try to still add something about his ideal type if i manage getting past the bitter energy but i think ill have to redo it some other time since i believe his opinion would be very influenced by his current feelings right now.

Take it with a grain of salt!!!

Chan's current energy / Ideal Typ

For his physical type i got pretty weird cards ngl, 3 of them are the tower, 5 of cups and 5 of wands, the 4th one's queen of pentacles. Tbh i didn't really get any hints about anything physical. He seems angry and bitter.

I think this reading is gonna be hijacked by something else he wants to talk about. I sense he has had a bitter experience thats still fresh in his mind, i think he got dumped tbh!

Like im seeing a situation with lots of bickering. Ogmg ok wait i have so much to say about it this situation has so many layers!

He feels like he lost something great and regrets his stupid actions.

At the same time tho he thinks its that persons fault and if they were better he wouldn't have acted in a way that would get him dumped.

But then again he feels like he's at fault and regrets it a lot.

But he's also so angry cuz they kept having fights, and she kept exhausting him and he kept not being enough. He feels horrible when he's not enough! He doesn't want to feel like that. He wants to live up to her expectations, to peoples expectations. But he just couldn't in this situation with that person.

It seems like he actually got himself a high quality girl - the he couldn't keep obviously. And he's in so much distress with all his conflicting feelings and thoughts. Im sry but im getting a bit angry at him here🙄 its that male stupidity with lack of accountability whatsoever! You cant expect to give the bare minimum, to be an excuse of a "man" and except to get all the perks real man and masculinity gets you! Deal with the consequences bro🙄 -> not necessarily meaning him, im just seeing the picture from his view, so idk how "horrible" he actually was, i was rather talking about the general population of useless men that just have the audacity to expect the best when they themselves aren't worthy of it and then get mad when they can't keep it.

Anyways back to chan - im also getting mommy's boy vibes here omg its getting worse😩😭 i feel like with this situation he's like "forget her bro, she's not worth it. Your mom used to cook and clean, and take care of 3 children and do everything by herself and she didn't whine and was always so giving. I want a woman like that! This girl wasn't lie my mother - she's not worth it, get over her and stop feeling guilty." Don't take that monologue word for word i was rather training to paint the feeling behind his thoughts.

So yeah we have that...tbh i didn't expect him to have a reaction like that like with the comparison to his mom. The rest i expected, but this? Damn🥲

Also this whole situation seems very dramatic, but what I've noticed in the male population overall is that they tend to blow things way put of proportion, and so knowing chan and his tendencies for a victim-complex, pick me, delulu and stuff - im pretty sure this situation might've been not dramatic at all. Just 2-3 little discussions (not full blown arguments and fights as he depicts it) or even just opposing opinions, where he just felt attacked in some way just by her disagreeing or something...and then after a few dates or weeks of dating she politely told him she doesn't want to see him anymore cuz they don't see compatiable and he broke down.

Again idk how things are for real cuz i haven read the other girls energy nor have i read just the energy itself, im just reading HIS energy and perception, but it feels really needy and excagerated so thats whats leading me to believe that it might not be nearly as bad.

So i managed to get some cards on his ideal types personality only and i got those: 3 of cups, 6 of pentacles, page of cups & king of wands.

His types a younger, more innocent and inexperienced girl he can take care of and teach and lead.

She likes a girl that's social but shy. Someone he can take with when meeting his friends and show of. But as i said - social enough for him to be able to do that - but but also shy so he stays sure that theres no risk of her "going wild" (goddamn bro u forreal?🫠)

Im actually getting something about physical appearance - slender, middle hight, like just a bit shorter than him, prefferably forreign with lighter skin and ginger or light brown or dark blonde hair. Im also seeing big head? Like yk this type of body with very slender narrow shoulders, long lanky arms and legs, but a bigger head where it also seems disproportionate to the body? Its so specific i almost think thats what his last girl looked like.

And he also wants a girl thats submissive and will see up to him and make him feel like a boss or a king or a ...daddy (🤢 im sry i just cant hold in the cringe)

In conclusion - i think this ideal type i got from the cards isn't his true ideal type but rather something that came out of spite. Like if i had to guess he's describing the girl he lost, but without her empowering qualities so that he doesn't get hurt.

Judging on the energy of this reading and previous ones ive done i think he has had a think for strong dominant women because he's fascinated with inner strength and power and always wanted to conquer a woman like that because in his head it meant he has that amount of power and strength the said woman had and even more - since he has managed to tame and conquer her. Now that he's tried tho he got met with the cold reality and got a slap in the face realizing he might not be fit for the task just yet and is just sour about it😃

As weird and unexpected this reading was i really enjoyed it cuz it was really shocking to me actually and even gave me a bit of a slap in the face, reminding me how he's just a man...and that he apparently does stupid things like any other guy too.

[haikyuubby]

Hello! I hope ur having a great day/night! I would like to request a Obanai x fem reader, and the reader gets jealous and insecure of mitsuri since Obanai always seems to prefer her over reader. Reader and Obanai are dating, and reader feels like she isn’t good enough. Angst to fluff please! Sry if it was way too specific.

Ty!!!<33

great request! i appreciate it :)

jealousy, jealousy ; 𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐢 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

❆ , ❀ - 𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 , 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘥!

you loved your boyfriend, obanai. you’d do anything for him, but you felt that he wouldn’t do the same for you.

you always noticed how much he hung out with mitsuri. they were both hashira, so it’s understandable. eventually though, you started to get jealous. you realized that he was hanging out with her more than you.

what really did it for you though, is when he canceled plans with you to hang out with mitsuri.

“Obanai, are you serious right now? We’ve had these plans for two weeks! I’ve waited and waited until you had a day off to spend some quality time with you!” you yelled, tired of him.

“I know, but Mitsuri-“

“Mitsuri this, Mitsuri that. God, you never shut up about that girl. I’m starting to think that you have a crush on her!”

“…What?” he sounds genuinely confused, but you were too angry to even hear him out.

“Don’t go playing dumb, you always hang out with her! It’s like your mind has shifted completely from me to her. Incase you forgot, I AM your girlfriend.” tears starts to fill your eyes, but you stand your ground.

“The only reason that we “hang out” is because we’re both in the Corps. Don’t be like that...” he says.

the tears in your eyes are begging to fall, but you quickly wipe them away.

“…and I’m one of the only people that waits for her to finish eating her meals. She eats a lot, we both know that. That’s the only time that we hang out, and I wait out of respect.” he admits.

“Still, that doesn’t explain why you’re canceling our plans now! Am I not good enough for you or something?!” you say, letting all the tears fall.

obanai walks up to you and grabs your hand.

“Y/n. Look at me.” he says while gently grabbing your face.

“You’re more than enough for me. I didn’t think you cared if I canceled our plans because you’ve seemed distant lately. Is that why?” he asks.

you take a minute to process what he said, before responding.

“That’s exactly why. She’s so beautiful too and cool-“

“Stop. I think you’re beautiful. You’re the only woman I see like that. You should’ve came to me sooner about all this.” he says.

“I will make more time for you, y/n. I’m sorry.” he says while holding your hand.

“I’ll accept your apology if you cancel those plans you had with her.” you say.

“I already did after you said I had a “crush” on her. Really, y/n?”

“You’re one to talk. Anytime I talk to one of your little pillar friends you always get so jealous. It’s only fair.”

“I’ll work on that, but next time,” he starts while pulling you into a hug. “come to me as soon as you feel that way, about anything or anyone.”

i hug him back with a small “Okay.” and we start to get ready for our date.

The plan was to go into town, and find a nice restaurant to eat at, then back home to spend some good quality time together. (😊)

After you two got into town and found a nice restaurant you realized that he cares for you a lot, but you were still a little upset about earlier.

“Obanai” you say.

“Hm?”

“When we get home, I think you owe me something. To make me feel better for earlier.” you innocently say.

“What do you mean?“

“I think you know exactly what I mean.”

he turns away so you knew that his face got red.

“Don’t say stuff like that to me in public, y/n…” he says, barely above a whisper.

you moved closer to him and whispered “I hope you’re not tired, Obanai.”

you loved making him flustered like this. plus, now y’all got something to look forward to in a few hours.

let’s just say that that night, you made sure that he would never crush on another woman that’s not you.