#srsly i remember seeing those statements

[deathbirby]

Ezra brought it up in the comments but "one of their kind"? "trying to invade us"? That's not just radicalization rhetoric, it's also racist rhetoric too.

Yup! "One of their kind," "Invasive species," "Trying to invade us," and so much more. They claim it's all out of context, but the context makes them look a thousand times worse.

And even then, you don't get to spout your fucked up rhetoric and hide behind "muh context."

[elvencantation]

weird things i don’t know if i can attribute to trauma or adhd or social anxiety:

-super sensitive smell and taste. carbonation hurts my tongue

-sometimes brain decides perfectly good food is bad (usually if i’ve had it too many times or its too bland) and if i make myself eat it i’ll have a stomachache (also sometimes i just don’t have the energy to try new foods)

-subset of this: i am very sad when my tomatoes or nectarines (or anything else that i love to be firm) is soft or otherwise unusually textured. like if i can see they’re wrinkly or lumpy i will not eat them. i am currently staring at some sad tomatoes being like. will my mouth accept them or will they be too soft

-unspoken social rules i don’t know and anxiety about new social situations i have no context for, no list of example responses and what it leads to

-i have two social modes that its very hard to find middle ground between: stranger and person who is safe

-bothers me when people are wrong about something and i am often not able to stop myself from correcting them

-very blunt and bad at subtext, take things way too literally especially when im tired

-let me expound on that. even when i know the question isn’t meant literally, usually i answer it literally first, then as they meant it. i play it off as a joke but it’s hard to resist being totally and completely honest if there isn’t a reason (like info about myself i think people don’t need to know)

-no understanding of peer pressure and why someone would change themselves to fit in (like srsly how do you find genuine friends with common interests and stuff if you’re hiding who you are?)

-annoyed by overly self-deprecating statements. have dealt with this by being overly sarcastic like- OH MY GOD. HOW DARE YOU HAVE HUMAN EMOTIONS AROUND ME, ANOTHER HUMAN YOU TRUST AND WHO CARES ABOUT YOU???

-constant over analysis of myself and how new people perceive me, esp coworkers (since they’re not friends, they don’t choose to spend time with me) UPDATE: i’ve mostly stopped doing this. turns out it was social anxiety and the fact that i had to meet like over fifty new coworkers at once

-i logic my own emotions. i can logic myself out of them sometimes if they’re negatively affecting me. usual example: i can usually set aside my anxiety at something if there's nothing i can do to change it. or more accurately if i've taken a step towards fixing whatever triggered it

-very slow reflexes/processing time

-can’t stand pet hair on my clothes or stuff

⁃very fluid sense of opinion. very influenced by the opinions of those im close to. to the point where a dress i loved, i couldn’t bear to wear because my mom said it looked trashy. to the point where my best friend said she didn’t like a song, so i didn’t really like it (i just listened to it, and its not a bad song. i think i do like it? idk) i think this used to be more severe when i had less self confidence but still happens now sometimes

-secondhand embarrassment can become so unbearable and i have to plug my ears and want to hide. sometimes will literally hide if possible if the situation is happening irl

-dissociating after 2+ hours staring at a screen

-if there’s no background noise i can hear my ears ringing and that’s not fun

-i never get angry. upset sure. anger or rage? i can remember feeling properly angry like. once. when my brother was young and traumatized and did something totally stupid and fucked with my sweet cousin. that’s… pretty much it. but mostly it was my protective instinct and i think i was scared cause i didn’t understand what was happening

-the sheer panic and frustration that happens when someone misunderstands my words consistently. like if you cannot understand what i am saying how do i communicate with you? in the time honored words of dr seuss: "i meant what i said and i said what i meant"

-this might be a mom trauma thing but- when someone's less emotive and quieter around me, they are mad at me. but if they smile at something i said, they are no longer mad at me

-i need a wide information on all the ways a certain social interaction will go before i feel confident participating

-i tend to dominate conversations with my interests and am very bad at asking questions without a jumping off point. usually i just try to encourage people to do what i do and tell me their interests my association

-i need like at least five business days to be emotionally prepared for a day trip/social events in general

[theghostbunnie]

what's the worst camp camp fandom story you heard? or, what are some bad or wild ones?

You wanna see the longest lists of trigger warnings I've ever written? here we go

TW: ⚠️R*pe, S*lf H*rm, S*icide, Pregnancy, Violence, death, Gr*oming, Abuse, all mentions⚠️ hopefully I'm not forgetting anything

I was recently told a story about this person who was stuck in a ongoing roleplay(s) that just kept getting worse and worse. It involved Max, trans FTM teenager involved with Snake but he was abusive and they were constantly cheating on each other and Max had multiple children with him, Preston, had other partners even. Snake had children with Erin. Alot of it was Max facing alot of abuse and troubles, and physical bullying at school even while pregnant. There was always either a baby on the way or a newborn. David kicked Max out for being a teen parent, turned to alcoholism, Max was constantly going back to Snake, abandoning the kids. David being mad at Max despite doing the same thing. Gwen acted like David, accidentally crashed the car into a hospital with the main cast inside. Snake kidnapped a baby with no consequences. I was just appalled reading them telling me this.

Then there's like the typical "here's like 5 artists that got popular then called out for drawing werid shit of kids or doing werid shit to kids" heard a lot of those stories. Recently had to leave a server bc another one came out, jfc.

I don't have the attention span for fics but I've heard of some from other people that're like "Daniel 🍇 ing David but David is still in love with him," "Jasper 🍇ing David and Daniel comes and kills him and saves David" "Gwen abusing David and Daniel kills her and saves him" I group read a fic when Wattpad was getting streamed on a discord call and it mentioned Nikki Neil and Max all had cellphones and Max decided to run away bc his mom was kinda rude to him and made him do some chores and he's like "I can't take this anymore" and told his friends to runaway with him without actually telling them what they were doing and they weren't even missing for 24 hours and none of their parents called them but it hit the news and the news/even Max's father making a statement was like "yeah Max probably kidnapped those other kids" LIKE HE AIN'T TEN YEARS OLD AND MISSING HIMSELF 😭 the fic was probably written by someone very young along time ago so I don't wanna dig into it too hard but omg

Personal experiences I have are like, on Kik actually when I was first in this fandom my only exposure was basically a public chat on Kik and then later amino. Max fangirls had little to no boundaries with Max RPers and I had a problem saying no as a kid so it got me into some wacky adventures!!/neg

Like a problem we had in that GC was people coming in with their OCs and like the most openly triggering backstories ever speaking on them loudly and like making their OCs cut n stuff and a friend I had at the time literally blew a fuse and basically told them "you are RUINING my one safe space do you srsly have to bring that in the RP"

We had a Nerris RPer who would make her have full violent breakdowns and I don't even remember all the details but it got so bad and us being all young and stupid tried to handle it THROUGH RP IN CHARACTER TO AVOID DIRECT CONFLICT 😭 I remember Rping as Nerris' parents getting called to pick her up and take her back home bc she couldn't control herself. It made things worse.

This one person had an OC who was Daniel's and David's baby they found in a dumpster and throughout the course of that RP they kept ageing her up and she went from being a baby herself to being a teenage mom of two. I remember my friend rping as the social service worker who came and took her kids after I had Max call her in.

Same OC did the "storming off dramatically" thing and I tried to be nice and have Max follow her and they had her respond "turns around with a bow and arrow and shoots you directly in the eye and doesn't miss" and jasper and Gwen got their date interrupted to take Max to a hospital and recon that it ALMOST* got his eye bc he would've IMMEDIATELY DIED realistically.

On amino there was this one max fangirl RPer even my current friend now had a run-in with and at the time I had even heard stories about how she would go into group RPs and cause a stir.

Like wanting Max to date her and when he refused she killed herself and then started rping as her OCs brother and berating and harassing Max for "killing his sister"

She joined MY rp once and I panicked bc I always delt with things THROUGH my character or ignoring it. But this RP was a personality swap and Max was a really sweet kid and she always wanted to be right on his hip, trying to interact with him.

So I made him, (who was currently in the mess hall attic) fall through the ceiling and onto a table so I didn't have to talk to her OC

[charkyzombicorn]

What did I walk in on?? Part 2

Kiribakudeku soulmate au

Part one HERE

Eijirou tried to work out the situation, he really did. From what Izuku and Katsuki would tell him, the two have known eachother since they were toddlers. He also knew that Izuku never looked him in the eye when he talked about Katsuki and Katsuki didn't seem to like Izuku.

All in all, it was a Mina-approved shitshow.

Without really knowing what to do, he tried to make friends. He unconsciously gravitated toward Katsuki, though, Izuku didn't really talk much and what he did say was nervous and second-guessing. By the end of the day, he had acquired a nickname from his soulmate. 'Shitty hair' wasn't exactly peak romantic but he guessed it was better than Deku, or maybe Deku had a good meaning, seeing as Uraraka started calling him that.

He started calling Katsuki 'Bakubro', and seeing as he wasn't exploded, he thought it was an acceptable nickname.

Day two was...interesting, to say te least.

Training was a heroes vs villains exercise, and Eijirou got a sinking feeling in his gut when he saw his two soulmate's names on opposite teams, pitted against eachother. He shifted uncomfortably at the glare Katsuki shot at Izuku before they went out of the observatory into their respective positions.

Katsuki was definitely bull-headish during the test, he completely ignored Iida and went straight to attack Izuku. Katsuki looked so pissed, his glare made half the students shiver, even through the screen.

It seemed Izuku had a plan, though. He was almost mesmerized as Izuku led Katsuki around like a bull tamer, flawlessly getting Uraraka to go for the real goal.

"HOW LONG?!" Katsuki snarled, slamming open the door to yet another room. "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN PLAYING ME?!" Izuku tripped a bit, catching himself but being cornered by Katsuki. "NO ONE JUST GETS A QUIRK AT 15!" He growled, a hostile look in his eyes as he poised his hands to fuel his explosions. And Katsuki swung at Izuku.

And Izuku grabbed him, flipping him in one fluid movement until he lied on his back, winded. Kirishima had to say, that was one of the manliest things he'd ever seen. The fight after that was brutal, and a small part of Eijirou was bothered by how Izuku barely reacted to the burns that were wracking up.

The grand finale left everyone speechless. The high-tech cameras perfectly capturing the horrendous third-degree burns and severe bruising on the boy's broken arms.

Katsuki looked about as terrified as Eijirou felt. Izuku was carried out in a stretcher on the second day of school.

A week had passed since then, and everyone was pretty much acting normally again. The only problem was that Eiji couldn't look his shorter soulmate in the eye. Every time he saw those wide green eyes all he thought was how easily he had broken himself over the most trivial training exercise. He had nightmares about Izuku dying trying to save people, which, from what little Eiji had come to know of his green-haired soulmate, would most likely actually be how he would die.

He went to his dorm (because srsly dorms should have been implemented earlier) and tried not to think about it too much.

He woke up at 2:32am to a knocking on his door. He quickly got out of his bed, opening the door to reveal a surprising head of sandy blonde hair. Katsuki's entire body was tense, his knuckles white and his hair covering his eyes, he just stood there.

"Bakubro?" He quickly whipped the sleep out of his eyes.

"We're soulmates." It was a statement, and Eiji simply nodded. "Deku's your soulmate too." The redhead pursed his lips a little. "Yeah, he's our soulmate." Katsuki tensed a little further.

"So you know how fucked up that was, during the training exercise a week ago." Eijirou sighed in relief, finally having someone say it out loud. "Yeah, how the hell did he get so tolerant to burns?" He asked, and Katsuki seemed to almost curl in on himself, before inviting himself in.

Eiji awkwardly shut the door before turning back to Katsuki, who was sitting on the floor leaning on the side of his bed. His eyes were still on the floor, and his knees were pulled toward himself.

"Do something." The blonde demanded weakly, his voice less sharp that Eiji had ever heard it in the week and a half he'd known him. "What should I do?" The redhead asked softly, trying to set up some boundaries before trying to comfort him.

"I don't fucking know!" He raised his voice, it was gravelly and he sounded like he was about ready to cry. "My parents are soulmates and my dad always helps mom when she's like this, so just work your soulmate magic or something!" His voice was cracking and he clutched his legs closer to himself. Eiji nodded and sat next to the blonde.

"I'm sorry, but I need to know what's wrong so I can try to fix it, bro." He said gently. Katsuki sniffled. "You know, if you didn't say 'bro' all the time, you'd soul just like the old man. It's weird." Eijirou let out a hum but didn't say anything.

"...deku." Katsuki growled, answering Eijirou's question and making him wilt a bit. He never did understand their relationship.

"He almost fucking listened to me, if it weren't for him-" he cut himself off, glaring at the floor like it was the wood's fault. "We've known eachother for as long as I can remember. The nerd followed me around like a lost puppy, and when we figured out we were soulmates..." he let out a small chuckle, a hollow one. "...we argued over who would wear the dress when we got married." Scarlet met crimson. "We decided on you wearing the dress."

Katsuki whent back to burning a hole into a spot on the ground with his eyes. "I'm a fucking idiot." He muttered. Eijirou would have argued, but he wanted to hear everything Katsuki had to say.

"I fell in a pond once, we were walking on a log to get over it and I fell. It hurt, all the gravel and shit, but the extras following me just laughed so I laughed with them." His knuckles turned white gripping his pants. "But deku, he fucking climbed down to the pod to make sure I was okay. I smacked his hand away, I thought he was looking down at me, so I yelled at him until he cried." He but his lip.

"He still followed me around though, looking at me like I was amazing even when I yelled at him, cussed him out, pushed him around, he'd always pick himself back up and start following me again."

"Middleschool and he was still following me sometimes, even though I'd kick the shit out of him if I saw him." Eiji couldn't help the sharp intake of breath. "I told him I hoped you were better than my other soulmate, and that he'd better not get in the way. Now deku can't even look at you without those big sad puppy eyes because I'm a fucking idiot." His voice got a little louder at the end.

"He always did everything I fucking said because piece of shit thought no one else would love him like he deserves!" He'd uncurled himself at this point, still glaring at the same spot on the floor. "I knew he did everything I told him, why did I tell him to swan dive off the fucking roof!!?!!!" He was yelling at this point, tears streaming down his clenched jaw and onto the floor. Eijirou was stunned into silence.

"He almost did it to, said so himself. But he didn't." The anger had fizzled into horse whimpers. "He didn't because I was fucking in trouble. If he didn't help me get that breath of air out of the slime fucker, I could have died, I would have died." His whole face was scrunched in so many different emotions before settling on anger.

"Then he gets a quirk a decade late?! Was he lying to me?! And then that bullshit during the training and he breaks both his arms for no fucking reason, like he's disposable." He gripps his hands into his already messy hair. "It's all my fault he's quiet and nervous and self-destructive, but here I am whining to the soulmate I tried to take from him."

Eijirou would process that truth bomb later, at that moment, Katsuki needed a hug and Eiji was but a humble supplier. He wrapped his arms around the blonde, and to his surprise, Katsuki melted immediately.

The blonde gripped onto the back of Eijirou's shirt and buried his face in his chest until he fell asleep from the emotional workout. Eiji, weak to cuddles, also fell asleep soon after.

[tellywoodtrash]

kasautii zindagii kay 25.09.18 lb

don’t expect these regularly. pehli ep dekh rahi hoon toh kar rahi hoon. first impressions and all. will be watching this show veryyyyy sporadically.

also, i went and watched the first ep of the original before this to revive memories and do an accurate comparison.

lmaoooooo i’d forgotten and kinda missed ekta’s predilection to start every show with SUCHHHHHHH gratuitous shots of bhagwan.

show kolkata mein based hai toh mumbai ka siddhivinayak mandir kyun dikha rahe ho?

but also some durga maa shots and the bengali ululation to reassure us ki haan haan, kolkata mein hi hai.

lol just look at the sizeeeeeeee of that “middle class” house.

watching an ekta show after agessssss and discovering all the little balaji quirks are still intact is a trip and a half.

waah re, exaaact same aarti as the original they’re using. nice.

oh i realllllly appreciate the little captions telling us the name of each character. coz this show has tooo fucking many. and i could never keep track of them in the original.

idhar already attempt to establish anurag as hero. ki dekho dad takkkkk is late to aarti, but bhai apna has already started.

MAN THESE FAMILIES ARE TOO BIG. HOW MANY DAMN KIDS YOU PPL BE HAVING??????????????

oh ho ho shekhar has a cuteeeeeeeee smile.

mohini ji toh abhi bhi 2002 paro waale hangover mein hain.

i really love this actress (shubhavi chouksey) tho. she plays balance of bitchhhhh and weepy bits quite well.

also lol i still remember her “mihirrrrrrrjiiiiiiii” from kyunki.

really relate with her being 1000% done with her husband. excuse me sir, aap bhi late hi aayein hain. you get no moral superiority points.

this chick is still asleep????????

there’s no fucking way you ppl (prerna, and whoever this jogging chick is) can get ready in time before aarti ends. 

oh no. jogger girl does notttttttttttttt look good. waaaaaaaaayyyy too OTT. like not in a fun way like mohini or komolika. in a fire your stylist way.

oh it’s nivedita.

wtfffffffffffff is anupam wearing my god. it’s like one of those silver rescue blankets but in florescent orange. jesus.

anupam still a dgaf cartoon here also. cool. 

tapur’s just rolling innnnnnnnn. also lol at her passive aggressive snark smile.

MY GOD THIS AARTI IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. IT’S CLOCKED IN AT OVER 6 MINUTES ALREADY. MATLAB BHAGWAAN KO AUR BHI KAAM HAI MY DUDES, POORE DIN TUMHARI IS AARTI MEIN HI BAITHE RAHEIN KYA??????

also what kinda fucking upper body strength does anurag have to keep going like this????? need no arm workout for the rest of the week.

um prerna, wearing paayal jhumka and all that is not the priority rn. JUST GET YOUR ASS DOWN THERE SO THIS NEVER-ENDING AARTI CAN FINISHHHHHH.

poooore suit se zyaada kapda iske dupatte mein lagta hai.

yeah these two are just toooooooo bland looking for my taste.

blah blah blah waqt issues.

ok so these guys don’t even have to do any work in writing the show. literallly just taking alllllllllll the dialogues from the original, huh.

anurag is a real stick in the mud, taking the ladoo back from his dad. asshole.

yeah i can already tell shubhavi is gonna act circles around the rest of this cast. multiple times.

this show is just maaaaaaade for the negative characters to shine, over the boring goody-goodies.

ok i’d forgotten how irritating erica’s voice is. she sounds like she’s perpetually phlegmy.

CHEATER PRERNAAAAAAAAAAA. original mein phool apne aap gira tha. chal jhooti. koi khaas dosti nahi hai teri bappa ke saath.

weird how they didn’t bother covering up erica’s cross tattoo. prerna sharma would never have a tattoo.

props to daddy sharma for being progressive papa and not seeing beti as bhoj.

blah blah blah humaari beti kitniiiiii pyaaari hai nonsense.

pft moloy and his dumbassery.

lmao “classes. business management.” who talks like this? who says the name of their degree/major when their mom asks where they’re going?

............ which parent in this day and age would resist their kid going to fucking college????? lol get real. a business family like this would push their kid to get an mba for fucking sure.

ok his voice is just as, if not even more, annoying than erica’s.

i won’t be surprised if mohini spits in moloy’s chai every now and then. he’s kinda asking for it.

bhaaaaaaaaaari cgi on college building. achcha hai, anyway script likhne mein paise ki bachat hui hai, toh ispe hi kharch kardo.

prerna’s friend is a horndog.

lol “JERSEY mein dikhta hai” as if it’s something great. kabhi aarti ke time jao uske ghar pe. tab shirtless hota hai.

ok this is creeeeeepy as fuck how all the girls are peeping into the boys’ locker room. just think how it’d look if it was reversed.

pehchaan waala hai toh why is she looking at him like it’s the first time??? yaa pehli baar “jersey mein” dekha hai?

jeeeeee bhar ke taadne ke baad, bol rahi hai “mujhse nahi hoga” lol, ok.

prerna’s friend has acquired another suitably horndog companion.

oh greatttttttttttttttt, casual homophobic statement. first of many, no doubt.

why is this chick getting SOOOOOOOO hyper about prerna/anurag talking? calm thy tits, madam.

OH GOD THEY’RE EVEN RECREATING THIS NONSENSE SCENE FROM THE ORIGINAL, WHERE THIS RANDOM DUDE PREDICTS THE CONVERSATION. IT’S SOOOOOOOOO DATED AND LAME AS A STORY-TELLING DEVICE. CRINGE!MAXXXX

wow, bothhhhh their annoying voices together is truly mind-numbingly grating.

ALSO MY GOD THIS IS THE MOST BORING CONVERSATION EVER.

prerna has the same oh god kahan phas gaye face that i have rn watching this.

ouff random expository dialogue on aane waala toofaaan.

this random bystander needs to shut up with his commentary and predictions. mostly coz he’s so wrong.

annoying horndog’s name is saloni. and she’s being annoying some more, this time towards prerna.

my god who the fuck is like ‘omg don’t tell me you DIDN’T fuck him’ to a total random stranger, in the very first convo they have with them??????? saloni needs to learn how to interact with ppl in polite society.

prerna like sorry, i don’t like rational men. lol good luck with that. it should reallllllly serve you well in life.

AND NOW SALONI’S LIKE CAN YOU FIND OUT IF ANURAG’S STRAIGHT?????? OMFG THIS CHICK IS REALLY ASKING FOR A JHAPPAD. 

AND PRERNA’S LIKE OK I’LL TRY. JFC.

seems like papa sharma has seen band baaja baarat too many times, ki anushka ki “vyaapaar aur pyaar” waali baat kuch zyaada hi dil pe le li.

15 lakh ka loan for what exactly?

ouff khudddaari dialogue. itniiiiiiii khuddaari hai toh loan bhi mat liya karo?

yeah mohini is srslyyyyyy just taking all her styling inspiration straight from 2002 devdas.

moloy is getting on my last damn nerve. 

the dubbing of this show is really bad. at some points the mouths are just moving completeeeeeeely outta sync with the sound.

i really like prerna’s mom. 

yes yes we got it, sabse bada pandaal yahi hai. you have convinced us.

i don’t get ppl who live in india and have zero patience for random things like roadblocks. like.... this is just how life IS here????? stop being a dick. itni jaldi hai, toh fucking get out and walk the 3 extra steps.

ouff prerna and her manic pixie-ness. i’m so tired of this HAR WAQT PHUDAKTI MACHALTI type heroines, who are unable to keep the ~~~excitement of lifeeeeeeeee~~~~ inside themselves and are constantly squirming.

lol the way mohini’s face instantly changed on having to interact with middle class person.

lmaooooooooo i’ve read a lot about erica and her weird way of saying “auntyji” and i finally get it.

.... why is she interrupting mohini’s conversation with her friends with her random tippani on anurag? unka beta hai, jo chaahe kahe; kissi ne tumse raaiii maangi?

damn, that was cold how she just abruptly walked away tho.

chandrika looks like SHE’s the one who came here in the back of a tempo, instead of prerna, who has not oneeeee hair outta place.

lol prerna’s mom is like hmph my daughter is soooo much better.

some more time waste on establishing just how big pandaal is.

pregnancy ki complications ki wajaah se mummy is STILL babying onuuuu, like 25 years later. waah bhai. jai ho aisi moms ki. inka bas chale toh umbilical cord kaate hi na.

nivideta waali actress’s hair and makeup is really doing nothing for her. esp. the hair. it’s making her forehead look bizarre. like i get she’s supp to be OTT, poonam was too in the original, but it suited her. this here is just not working.

some more casualllllll misogyny from moloy.

foreshadowing regarding prerna being anurag’s own personal toofaan.

mohini cannot stand a middle class girl even being within a 10 ft radius of precious baby boiiii. kahin uske exhalation par middle class waale co2 molecules na pad jaaye mere onuuuuuu pe!

they really need to put a flashing images warning on this show.

lmao tapur’s sheeeeeeer discomfort at being made to do aarti. #relatable

mohini’s not happpppppy ki prerna kahin se ghus aayi hai to do aarti. aadat daal lo AuNTyJiiiiiiiii. ab toh yeh har jagah ghusne waali hai.

ppl pray for peace of mind and this dumbass here is asking for a toofaan in her life. well i hope you’re ready, miss thang. coz this is going to be the last peaceful day of your godforsaken life. good luck.

thank god mohini didn’t see raja beta touching the hand of a mere commoner.

ANJALI IS STILL CAUGHT UP ON THIS BS.

AND OMG PRERNA ARE YOU SRSLY GONNA DO THIS???????

prerna, are you trying to find out if he’s straight, or signal to him ki you’re gay???? coz your opening line on how many cute girls there are here sounds like the latter.

.... i can’t believe she just asked him that. srsly. how the fuckkkkkkk is it any of your business?

god her verbal diarrhea. girl please stop.

yeah i really won’t be able to watch this show because her voice is just.... intolerable.

“haan mujhe ladke pasand hai. i like boys.”

pls. i wish. this would be an infinitely interesting show then. those would be some real kasautiiis. trying to navigate indian society in every way as a non-hetero.

“gooooood choice. baaaad luck.”

lol at least he has a sense of humour.

pffffffffffffffft.

i don’t like these nonsense gay jokes but this kinda felt like a befitting reply to her dumbass intrusive question.

mohini really rude af. but i also kinda admire her attitude of not dealing with ppl she doesn’t want to. i wish i had it.

LE YEH PHIR AA GAYI ISKE PAAS.

at least she’s apologizing.

WHAT IS WITH THESE TWO AND ONLY TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER. JFC. SO BORING.

some pretty heavyyyyyyyyyyy handed exposition re: mahishasura.

who dis character tho??????

ouff too much dramatics with the sharaab ki bottal phodna and pandit ki commentary and the chunari over those two. it’s alll TOO MUCH.

lo shahrukh bhi aa gaya gyaan dene.

MY GOD WHY IS HE AGING LIKE THIS JFC IT’S LIKE WITNESSING MY CHILDHOOD DECOMPOSE IN FRONT OF MY VERY EYES.

overall impression

production values and all are amazing, as expected. the two actresses playing the moms are the best. the fathers are that special desi dad brand of benevolently annoying. the leads have zeroooooooooooo personality and appeal for me though. they’re just too bland and boring (like, that ~*SPARK*~ shweta tiwari had???? sorely missing.) too early to tell about chemistry right now, but they both really need to work on their dialogue delivery, because my god, it’s truly the worst (esp. erica’s.) the only draw of this show for me personally is mohini and komolika’s bitchery, and that isn’t a good enough reason for me to watch it regularly and put up with the rest of these characters. like i’ve said before, maybe someone who hasn’t watched the original would enjoy this, but i’m mostly meh. i’ll keep up with updates and like, check in and watch an ep or two occasionally but overall, naaah.

[ralfstrashcan]

I call bs on that Downworlders-appealing-not-serious-Statement from Izzy in 3x06

Here's why.

Warning: Contains extended talk about how sex is referenced on the Show, so probably nsfw? But nothing graphic.

“I think the reason why I find Downworlders appealing is because those issues prevent things from ever getting too serious.”

Without context this statement can be interpreted two ways:

1) She is secretly scared of a committed and serious relationship and so just dates Downworlders so she doesn't have to worry about things getting to intense.

2) She isn't interested in a committed and serious relationship and Downworlders are the easiest way to have some kind of relation where both parties are aware that it's not going to go anywhere serious, so she doesn't have to deal with the fact that her partner gets overly invested which would lead to complications and possibly hurt feelings.

I honestly don't believe it's 1) because Izzy isn't the person to get scared of anything that affects her herself (meaning she'd of course be scared of her siblings dying a horrible death, etc.) She is incredibly courageous and one of the strongest characters on the Show, she is brimming with self-confidence and in contrast to Jace's it's 100% genuine and not to cover up some complex and twisted self-esteem and self-image issues. She is passionate, in fact her passion is probably her most defining character trait. So to think that she's scared of a committed relationship is just odd. Also, taking her relationship with Meliorn into account, it was clearly not going anywhere serious, but she obviously cared for him (and he cared for her) so if she was scared of any kind of commitment and her goal was to avoid getting feelings involved and eventually hurt (which is exactly what happened in S1), that wasn't a success, and she must have known that even before it all fell apart. Did she seem overly concerned during her affair with Meliorn, angsting over her attachment to him? No.

Whether you go with option 1) or 2), they both imply that Downworlders are the easiest (if not the only) source to access casual relationships / hook ups. And that's simply not true.

Let's take a look at the Shadowhunters' sex life. There's not overly much to go on, but there is enough.

- Alec: Zero sex life before Magnus, though that has probably to do with him not being outed and homosexuality being extremely frowned upon, so he's not really representative. He does check out Jace and some other Shadowhunter Dude in 1x12 though, so there's that.

- Jace: We see Jace rolling around in bed with Kaelie once and out on a date / friendly evening with four Seelies (both in 2x07). Besides that he states in 3x02 that he's been with tons of people (and it was never serious). So, a promiscuous Shadowhunter with loads of no strings attached sex.

- Lydia: Lydia's been engaged to John, and after he tragically died (RIP John, I so ship you with Lydia in any and all AUs) she decided that “in this line of work, the only thing worth falling in love with is the work itself” as she tells Alec in 1x08. There's nothing known about her sex life, but she was willing to marry Alec, knowing that nothing would ever happen between them, so she was either expecting him to be fine with her having an affair on the side or she was okay with the prospect of never (again?) having sex in her life. Of course she was probably still mourning her love and also she's incredibly ambitious and wanted that Institute no matter what, so I think the fact that she didn't prioritize sex in her life plan doesn't necessarily mean she's generally not that interested in having sex or that the society she lives in would condemn a sexually active person.

- Raj: Yeah, it pains me to even think about that, too. Whatever, for Science! In 2x04 he mentioned (talking about a corpse with its heart torn out, srsly, that guy) “I thought I was having a rough weekend. [...] I'm just saying, I've been in his shoes before. Except my demon's name was Kathy.” so he clearly had some relation with that Kathy person that ended in a broken heart (or bruised pride) for him. Also, considering that Raj is pretty racist towards Downworlders and dating Mundanes is forbidden I think it's pretty likely that Kathy is a Shadowhunter as well. In 2x08, which doesn't take place too terribly long after 2x04 he claimed to have been “this close to lining up a three way.” Disregarding the fact that I find it hard to believe he'd find one person willing to get with him, let alone two (sorry, I just hate him and his douche-y attitude and I can't imagine you wouldn't notice those after 3 seconds of talking to him and would be instantly turned off) wasn't that at Max's Rune Ceremony Party? Where there were exclusively Shadowhunters invited, hosting warlock excluded? So this indicates that a) after a short amount of time after a failed relationship / whatever he was open for a sexual adventure and b) Shadowhunters participate in threesomes, something that you probably wouldn't easily and openly mention in a reticent society.

- HELL EVEN ALDERTREE admitted to having dated a Downworlder and was also hitting on Izzy, which, considering she's younger than him and his subordinate should be frowned upon in an uptight society.

- Aline: In 2x15 it is mentioned that she was secretly seeing a girl named Carolyn and since they were in Alicante this Carolyn is most likely a fellow Shadowhunter. Also since that relationship is talked about in past tense it has probably ended. So she has a dating life.

- And then there's Izzy herself, of course. On-Screen she's only ever been in a relationship with Meliorn, but in 1x06 Maryse declines her offer to marry in Alec's place, saying “You can't do this. You and your Downworlders have seen to that.” referring to the tons of affairs with Downworlders Izzy has had. Not to mention Izzy's comment about jewels in 1x04. There's also the fact that she openly hit on Simon in 1x02 and when Alec rolled his eyes she commented “It passes the time.” Whether she meant flirting or the resulting possible hook up is anyone's guess, but I don't think I'm seeing things when I say it could very well be both... considering she and Alec both talked about Simon as 'it' in that scene (which, rude). So long story short, Izzy too has an active sex life.

Of course dating and casual hook ups isn't the same, but. Since of all known Shadowhunters there are apparently several with an active sex drive and associating with Downworlders is pretty frowned upon, associating with Mundanes is absolutely unacceptable because they can't know about the Shadow World and at least dating is apparently no problem between Shadowhunters, I find it pretty reasonable to assume that hook ups between Shadowhunters are fine as well.

(Taking into account that “Nephilim love once, fiercely” it would make it even more logical that everything that's not True Love is casual, thus making it even more plausible that not-serious relationships between Shadowhunters aren't uncommon. I'm personally not a fan of that line (see here somewhere at the end if you're interested) but the line is canon and therefore deserves consideration.)

Conclusion: Downworlders aren't the only source for casual hook ups.

This, of course, brings up the question why Izzy would choose to hook up with Downworlders at all if she could bed other Shadowhunters just as easily, without commitment being an issue, especially because associating with Downworlders kinda ruins your reputation. When Maryse explains in 1x06 why Izzy can't take over marrying for Alec she says “You can't do this. You and your Downworlders have seen to that. You can't possibly attract the caliber of husband who could help us restore the honor to our family name.”

Of course Izzy is rebellious and doesn't care what other people think of her, but she's not stupid. She knows that falling out of favor with the Clave can have serious consequences and upholding the Lightwood Image is important, a calculated move, a leverage, an insurance. So why would she do it anyway, if it's not out of necessity?

Because it's political. She is very pro-Downworlder from the start, she's interested in their ways of life (that butterfly thing in 1x05) and she's against the narrow-minded, racist ways most Shadowhunters display. This explains why she is simultaneously more interested in Downworlders and less interested in Shadowhunters.

To claim that Izzy just dates Downworlders because it's easier (or because she's scared, which, again, pffffff) takes that whole political and revolutionary aim out of her character and that's just reducing this action to something self-oriented instead of something she does with the awareness that it sends a certain signal to Shadowhunters of her and the older generation. It's really not called for, contradicts canon in my eyes or at least doesn't really make sense, and I really don't like it.

Also, just something to think about while we're talking about Izzy's sex life, more specifically all her alleged Downworlder Conquests.

- Vampires: The fact that she asked Raphael in 2x10 if being a Vampire has made him uninterested in sex implies that she doesn't know being a Vampire doesn't necessarily equal no interest in sex, so she probably never hooked up with a vampire.

- Warlocks: Remember that flashback from 2x18 when Magnus said he'd loose all his street cred if his people found out he “let a Shadowhunter spend the night”? And we're talking about spending the night at his home, not sleeping together. Makes it sound as if Warlocks kinda hate Shadowhunters and want nothing to do with them. So it's probably not Warlocks either.

- Werewolves: Before Luke became the Alpha I got some seriously Anti-Shadowhunter-Vibes from the pack as well (still do, honestly, but because of Luke the pack mostly behaves) so I find it hard to imagine any of those wolves would be willing to hook up with a Shadowhunter. Then again, Maia hooked up with Jace and she doesn't really like him. Then again, this could be a Maia-thing.

- Seelies: Can we talk about the fact that Seelies are like the Sex Tourists of the Downworld? They seem to only leave the Seelie Realm to get their mack on. Anyway, I clearly remember that one Scene in 1x03 where this dialogue happens

Alec: Downwolders are slaves to their impulses.

which, to me at least, implies that Izzy first and foremost mingles with Seelies. This dialogue could of course be because she was with Meliorn at the time, but consider that while Alec had to marry, Izzy was declared the one and only Shadowhunter with “ties to the Seelies” who could possibly convince the Clave that the Seelies aren't on Valentine's side. If Meliorn was just the latest of her flings who happened to be a Seelie I don't think that would make a good enough argument with the Clave; also why wasn't Jace also considered a Shadowhunter with ties to the Seelies? Because I don't believe that Kaelie was the first ever Seelie Jace has been with.

- Mundanes: First off, Mundanes aren't Downworlders, so there is that. Secondly I honestly doubt she has a dating / sex / whatever history with Mundanes because the way she says “Shadowhunters don't date Mundanes” in 3x04 sounds to me as if Charlie is the first Mundane she interacted with. It makes sense, because Mundanes aren't allowed to know about the Shadow World. (Simon in 1x02 was an exception because he was already involved in Shadow World business.)

Of course talking about “Seelies” or “Seelies and the occasional Werewolf” instead of “Downworlders” in that Scene mentioned at the beginning doesn't have the same nice ring to it, so I get why it was scripted that way. Still. Ugh.

[jade4813]

Hi, Jade! I remember watching Smallville but not really being in fandom and being in tune with how people received characters. I also remember you speaking about fandom during Smallville and how they treated Lois Lane. How vitriolic was the audience, especially the fan girls, when she arrived? How was it when she came back and started having more of a role in Clark’s everyday? What excuses would they use to negate Clois? And how you you compare the treat of Clois/Lois with Westallen/Iris.

I pulled out my computer for this one because DO I HAVE THINGS TO TELL YOU.

I’m going to go ahead and put a cut here. I’ve written all of two sentences and I just KNOW this is gonna be long.

Okay, so. I wasn’t actually involved in fandom when Lois first joined the show. (And yea, but those were happy days, full of innocence and faith in humanity.) But I UNDERSTAND that things were...generally fine for those first few episodes. If she got any hate, it wasn’t much. By comparison, if nothing else. Mind you, it was known that they had only gotten the rights to use her for a few episodes, so it seemed unlikely she would be around after that. She wasn’t really a threat to any ship at that point. I mean, sure she would be. In the post-Smallvillian future. But if she only ever had those three episodes, then the rest of the show could run its course and whatever ship the show did could happen and the post-Smallvillian breakup could remain largely theoretical. Or to be left to the imagination even! It’s fine!

But then. Oh my god. Then.

Then it was announced Lois would be around for more episodes. (13 with an option for more! An option they not only never used but they didn’t even always give her the episodes she was paid to do!)

At first, I think there was tension between Clana and Clois shippers. I feel like that started from the jump. And I suppose that makes sense. Chlark fans and Clois fans got along at first. Well, Chloe and Lois were cousins, so that might have helped. And also, it was no secret that there were restrictions that prevented anything romantic happening between Clois. So Clois wasn’t a threat to Chlark. At that time (season 4), even for Clois fans, Chlark seemed more likely to happen than Clois. (Really, Clois fans genuinely were as shocked as anyone that we were actually getting our ship developed in S8. We’d been told for years it wasn’t going to happen. That Lois would be, direct quote, “out in the cold.”)

But Clana fans and Clois fans didn’t really get along. Which...if you think about it...even if you knew that Clois wasn’t going to happen on the show, TPTB did still say that was Clark’s future. That when Smallville ended, it would be at the beginning of the story we all know - Lois and all. So even if Clana lasted the whole show, TPTB were basically admitting that Clana wouldn’t get the happy ending they so longed to get. Clois would. Whether or not we’d see it on screen. That fate was reserved for Clois.

One might ask why this didn’t bother Chlark fans at that time. I think - again - they knew that in S4 there was more chance of Chlark happening than Clois. Not a GREAT chance, given TPTB obsession with Clana. But comparatively better. In that Clois had absolutely zero chance. Even in a dream sequence. So whatever threat we might pose EVENTUALLY, we weren’t the biggest problem for them at that time. Their biggest problem was that the show runners made it very clear that Clana was their jam, and that didn’t seem likely to change.

So, S4 was...comparatively...pretty smooth sailing for Chlark and Clois fans. At one point, we even did art/fic exchanges for each other. Things with the Clana fandom were...less great. They even started the whole Rock The Mythos campaign (I think that year) - they petitioned DC to break up the marriage in the comics and put Clana together. (And, frankly, there are those who believe that it got more traction than it should have done. I think Didio at the time disliked Clois, and I remember reading that he green lit the story where Lana put her panties in Superman’s bed - and Lois was written as an unreasonable bitch - to set up the end of Clois. It didn’t go over well, so DC abandoned that idea and that arc ended. Now, I would have to go back and compare dates to see if there really was a correlation between one and the other. But I BEG you not to do that to me. For obvious reasons, I’m not a fan of that arc.

... Oh, god. I had to do it. I had to know. The panties thing happened in Action Comics #822. Published February 2005. Smallville’s “Crusade” introducing Lois aired September 22, 2004. So, depending how long it takes for comics to get through the editorial process...it is possible the two are linked. Just saying.)

ANYWAY. SO THERE WAS TENSION THERE. Obviously, Clois fans didn’t take well to the Rock the Mythos campaign. Clana fans didn’t like that they were told Clois would get their happy ending. And Chlarkers and Cloisers got along...all right...because the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Right?

But then. Lois continued to stick around. She continued to have scenes with Clark. Scenes that kind of hinted to their future. And...those restrictions? The ones that made it a better bet Chlark would happen than Clois? Those seemed to disappear. At that point? The shit hit the fan.

Clana fans hated Clois fans. Clois fans weren’t too keen on Clana fans, not generally thinking the ship was written terribly well. Chlark fans hated Clois fans. After all, Clois fans would get the happy ending they “deserved.” What was more, it seemed at least possible that they would get something on the show. They at least got those hints that they WOULD BE together, while Chlark had no such promises. So Chlark fans started tearing down Lois, which obviously didn’t make the Clois fans happy. Chaos reigned.

By season 5, any tentative truce that had ever existed was GONE. Chlark fans came up with the Chlois theory - the theory that Lois Lane on Smallville wasn’t the “real” Lois Lane. She wasn’t Iconic Lois Lane. She was...a placeholder. Chloe was the REAL Lois Lane. And at some point (they hoped soon), Lois would die and Chloe would take her “rightful place” in the mythos.

They made arguments like...the fact that Lois didn’t start off as a reporter meant she could never be one and would never be worthy of being one. The fact that she didn’t go to college meant she was too dumb to deserve her iconic story. The fact she wasn’t a virgin meant she was a whore. (They called her Hois. And Nois. And the town bicycle.) The fact she was shown drinking alcohol once meant she was an alcoholic. She was a bimbo. A tramp. A bitch. Emotionally abusive! Toxic! Bringing down the show! Propped up to be more important than she should be, and taking attention away from the “Core Four” (the original OTF/A/etc.)! REAL Lois Lane would never put her life on the line for a story! That’s dumb and reckless! REAL Lois Lane would be more cautious! (Srsly? Have they read a comic?) She was just stealing the storyline and focus that should have been Chloe’s!

As an aside...do any of the above statements sound oddly familiar? Like things Westallen fans hear all the time about Iris? At least Lois didn’t have the incest argument.

At the time it started, I still loved Chloe. But the more I had to argue against the idiots who would tear Lois down and prop Chloe up for the same stuff, the more I nitpicked Chloe’s behavior, characterization, etc. to point out they were being dumbasses. And my enjoyment of the character took a hit. (To be fair, I think I would have come to hate her regardless. But it certainly got that ball rolling.)

They called for Lois to be written off the show. Killed off. Some told ED to her face that they hated her character and she should die so _________ could end up with Clark. Hell, shortly after getting the job, ED went online to see what people said about her. And apparently what she read was bad enough that she admitted in interviews that she avoided the internet as a whole for YEARS after.

Of course, the comments weren’t just made about Lois. They were made against Durance, too. Death threats. Saying she got her job via the casting couch. That she was a whore. All those lovely things.

And all of it got WORSE as Lois was around more. Particularly after Chlark didn’t happen post-Vessel kiss. And when Chloe started dating Jimmy. And when Clark and Lana lived together but weren’t shown in those lovey-dovey scenes their fans wanted. And when things like Red K Clark hit on Lois. 

Theories abounded about how Lois was going to be killed off. Some truly awful fanfic was written. Some deplorable fanart was made. And on the biggest fansite at the time, it didn’t help that the site runner was initially against Lois (calling her “grandma” in a caption under a promo photo - that was another thing they said about her. That she looked like an old lady). Whether he was genuinely a Chlark fan or whether he knew that the biggest portion of fans on his site from the beginning to Lois’s entrance were Chlark fans and thus he was in their corner, I don’t know. But a disproportionate number of mods were Chlark/Chlois fans in that day, and I distinctly remember coming across a LiveJournal discussion amongst them in which they made a list of prominent and/or vocal Clois fans on the site, with the stated intention to target them and get them banned. (My name was on the list.)

Eventually, the site runner met Durance and she was nice to him. He told me that he met Mack and she was less nice to him. Whether or not that’s true, I don’t know and I don’t care, really. The point was, he all of a sudden became much more friendly to Lois and Lois fans. A few Clois fans even became mods. It became slightly better - in that I was warned a few times by said Clois fans “please please please be careful what you say because my fellow mods want to ban you and we aren’t right now, but if you get another warning, they’re going to do it.” (To which I say “okay, cool. If the Clois threads are supposed to be for Clois supporters only, tell the shitty Chlark fan who keeps posting fanart of Lois and Chloe’s servant and other anti-Clois art to stay the fuck out of the thread.”)

It was ugly. TWOP was a fucking cesspool. You have no idea. I went there once and there were 100 pages bashing Lois to every 1 praising Chloe. It was vile. But because there really weren’t that many places to go - KSite, TWOP, and DI (our private Clois message board which has a special place in my heart always) - it was hard to avoid the worst of fandom.

So as far as the comparison of Clois/Westallen treatment? In many, many ways, it’s very similar. With the exception of the “incest” argument, I haven’t heard many arguments against Westallen that I didn’t hear against Clois. It was boring. It was predictable. She didn’t deserve him. He and Chloe belonged together because they were similar. He needed Chloe/Lana; he didn’t need Lois. Blah blah blah.

That said, Iris does also get a lot of racist attacks, which Lois obviously never got. That adds a whole new dimension to the hate - sent about the character and to the actor.

Clois did have the Chlois theorists. Who are still some of the worst people I’ve ever encountered online. As far as I know, SB fans have skirted that level of theorizing, but they’ve never gone all in like they did in Smallville. I mean, there are some WACKY FREAKING THEORIES out there. But I have yet to see the wholehearted commitment to the internal CERTAINTY of a Chlois-like theory in the works. (Once the show ended, I still saw theorists SWEARING that had been the original plan of AlMiles and would have happened if they hadn’t left the show. Like AlMiles would have had any other ending but Clana and a hint of Clois, if they had ANY say in the matter. And if they didn’t, it would have been because their bosses wanted Clois. As they ended up pushing for, actually.)

I could probably come up with more if you want. But this has gotten long and I might have scared you off already! Does this help answer your question, though?

[artificialqueens]

Dress Up in You (Trixya) - Chapter Eight

Summary: In which Trixie gets by with a little help from her friends.

AN: Sorry for the delay getting this out, and thanks for all the great feedback! You can find previous chaptersin my tag or search ‘Dress Up in You’ on A03.

Trixie summons an Uber with shaking fingers, hot anger coursing through her limbs as she waits, pacing agitatedly, for her car to arrive. The driver must pick up on her mood, or be freaked out by her 'slutty scarecrow goes to the circus’ look, because he doesn’t try and make small talk with her on the short journey to her side of town. She feels unsettled and shaky, fizzing with the aftermath of the argument, and this sustains her until she gets home, keeping her eyes mostly dry and her overdrawn upper lip stiff until the door to her apartment is firmly bolted behind her.

She doesn’t even want to look at herself, knows her makeup will be terrible and wants to spare herself the added embarrassment of knowing just how shitty she looked while she argued with Katya. Right there in the hall, Trixie slides off her PVC dress and stockings, realising in slight mortification that her panties must still be on the floor of the studio as she does so, and then unclips her knotted extensions, tugging them free with a rough yank that pulls at her scalp. She shoves her clothes into the laundry basket in her bedroom and her extensions on her bedside table to brush out later when she’s thinking straight. Careful to avoid the mirror, she enters her en-suite bathroom and turns on the shower, stepping into water so hot she can barely stand it.

She holds it together long enough to scrub her face with makeup removal cream, getting the worst of the caked-on crap from last night off as she begins to cry. In the scalding stream of water, Trixie lets herself lose it – all the anger and the shitty feelings, her annoyance at Katya for not being clear, her annoyance at herself for lashing out when she felt hurt. Trixie feels so many things at once, but largely what she feels is pathetic. Why did I assume she’d want me? she thinks bitterly and why did I make it her fault that I got too attached too fast?.

The wind now fully out of her sails, Trixie can’t believe how righteously angry she felt just an hour ago. Who the fuck does she think she is to be angry at someone she’s been on one date with for politely explaining her stance on relationships? What does Katya actually owe her? She feels like a little girl who just had a foot-stomping tantrum in the grocery store because her mom wouldn’t buy her the candy she wanted. Just because you let yourself imagine her being your girlfriend, she tells herself, doesn’t mean she ever said she wanted to be.

Miserably, a now clean Trixie wriggles damply into her onesie and sinks into the safe haven of her sheets, laying on her side under the covers and glumly flicking through Instagram on her phone. She has a few texts in her inbox but she doesn’t feel up to the sick swoop of embarrassment that runs through her when she thinks about talking to Katya, and what a baby the other woman must think she is. She turns off notifications for texts, so that she won’t be disturbed by any more incoming messages until she’s ready for them, and opens WhatsApp:

Trixie: You there?

She’s hoping and praying that Kim isn’t busy, because she’s never needed a friend more. Her former housemate isn’t too experienced with dating but she’s super smart, and Trixie knows that her friend would never judge her for her feelings, rational or not.

Kim: When have u ever known me not to have my phone in my hand? [hair flick emoji]

Trixie: I did something dumb I think

Kim: Tell me something new, bitch

Kim: But srsly are u ok?

Trixie: I dunno :( girl stuff, I kinda messed up my date thing and I feel shitty

Kim: Want me to skype u?

She thinks about it for a second. Trixie’s sure she looks like absolute, puffy-eyed crap right now, but curling up in bed with her best friend’s digital company seems really comforting right now.

Trixie: I look like garbage but sure

Kim: That never normally stops you tbh

Kim’s friendly shade makes Trixie smile, and she accepts the incoming call, wincing a little at the little image of herself in the bottom corner of the screen. Thank the lord for dim lighting.

“Hey Trix! Do I need to come and kick someone’s ass for you?” Kim opens, doing a campy little martial arts pose at the camera.

“No, girl. But you can come karate chop some sense into me in a minute” she answers, her voice sounding tired and defeated, even to her own ears.

“What happened?”

“Uh, well, after the date when we sort of ended weird, you remember?”

Kim nods in recognition and makes a little humming noise.

“Well I went out with Violet from work and her friends, they’re super nice actually, and I bumped into… her… on the way home,”

“Bumped into, or like, bumped into?”

“It was totally a coincidence! Her art studio is really near the bar, and we went back there and ended up hooking up, and then this morning she was all 'I don’t do relationships’ and I sort of flipped out at her and now I feel dumb as fuck” Trixie summarises, making a little frowny face as she finishes and looks to her tiny, palm-sized Kim for guidance.

“Aw, honey. Are you ok?” Kim asks, her face sympathetic.

“Yeah, I just feel like a loser I guess. Like, I’m 24, I don’t get why I even feel so bummed, you know? Not everyone wants to be like, married and settled. Especially at my age.”

“I mean, that’s true, but not everyone doesn’t want to either, you know? Like you can’t assume someone is a certain way, but that goes for both of you. You’re not weird for being like, emotional about sex, and she’s not weird for not being. I think you’re being too hard on yourself”

Kim’s words are comforting, but Trixie doesn’t feel much better. She and Kim are similar – Kim’s still a virgin, so she doesn’t hook up at all, and she and Trixie are both disappointingly traditional about just wanting a simple, straightforward relationship. Neither of them are really about fucking around – and Trixie knows cause she’s tried. She enjoys sex a lot, and likes having fun, and it took her a long time in college trying to enjoy casual flings and feeling shitty and sad before she learned that it’s just not for her, much as she’d like it to be. She gets pretty insecure about it sometimes, like it makes her uncool and babyish, and knowing Kim’s the same way makes her doubt the validity of her friend’s statements.

“Is Pearl there, babe?” she asks, hoping for a second opinion from someone more 'normal’ – Pearl is totally cool hooking up with boys and girls without feeling weird about it, and is probably in a better position to judge whether Trixie is being irrational or not.

There’s a brief clattering and the sound of Kim shouting at Pearl to turn off her music and come help with Trixie, and she closes her eyes, imagining for a second they all still live in the same noisy, friendly house. When she opens them, two girls are peering back at her from her phone screen, and Pearl winks, drawling in her flat monotone that she heard Trixie was looking for a 'slut’s opinion’ on her current romantic entanglements.

Trixie runs through recent events for Pearl, with Kim chipping in to give her opinions and add in any bits Trixie misses out. When she’s done, Pearl chews her lip for a second before responding.

“Well, it’s totally fine for her to not be about like, dating, you know? I know that’s not your issue though Trix. It’s not like, slut shaming or anything to want to date and stuff. She should have talked to you before it went that far, but things do happen, you know, like in the moment. Nobody’s perfect. I think a lot of you being angry is 'cause you were like, hurt and disappointed maybe?”

“Wow, Pearl, I think that’s the most words you’ve said in a row this year!” Kim mocks, and Pearl gives her an affectionate shove. It makes Trixie’s heart ache to be with her friends, and Pearl’s considered opinion makes her feel a little better.

“Yeah, you’re totally right, girl. I guess this is just one of those 'suck it up and move on’ things, you know? Like, sucks for me, sucks for her, get a new bus stop and get on with life?” Trixie surmises, resignation in her tone, and her friends both nod in agreement, adding that she shouldn’t feel dumb for being sad that someone she likes doesn’t want to be with her.

The three chat about random crap for a while, and it’s so familiar and soothing that Trixie finds her eyes fluttering shut with increasing frequency as they float plans to see each other again, talk about reality TV (this one guy on the new ANTM is so extra, and they all have conflicting feelings about boys being on the show at all. Tyra Banks is serious business) and just generally catch up on each others’ lives. Kim and Pearl have so many small embarrassing stories to tell Trixie about one another, and Trixie just relaxes in their company, letting their chatter flow over her… until she dozes off, waking up a minute or so later to two very amused women making fun of her slack-mouthed napping face. (“We took screenshots”, Kim informs her gleefully).

Trixie says her goodbyes and spend the rest of her Sunday napping, waking up to snack and restart the podcast episodes she’s sleeping through. It’s an okay way to spend a crappy day, and she feels a little better by the time Monday morning rolls around, her commute only ten minutes longer with her new bus-stop detour in place. She tries to put things out of her mind, succeeding partially, until Violet rolls into work around noon for an afternoon shift, pulls out her headphones and says to Trixie “Hey, bitch, you never said your date was with Katya!”.

Oh, shit.

[bishiglomper]

I should really stop looking up all the different mental health disorders.

If I were to self diagnose, I’d say I have: general anxiety disorder, depression, social anxiety and/or avoidant personality disorder and OCD.

I was trying to find a specific term. I still haven’t found it lol. Might have to look further into ADHD/autistic things. Depression maybe. Executive dysfunction. Dunno. Someone said there was a term for this thing I do that’s annoying so I’m determined to find it.

I’m more confident in claiming OCD now because I do have more than just the inclination to make dozens of lists and have a compulsion to organize. I know those claims aggrivate true OCD peoples.

I might’ve had selective mutism. I know they stuck me with the slow kids when I was little because I didn’t sing the abc song… they thought I didn’t know it. They also stuck me in speech therapy. (for some reason I hated to say woman? I dunno. I think I associated the word with sex, and that word was taboo. So “woman” was uncomfortable)

They even tried again in middle school to see if I had issues like “can you say (millenia)?” “can you read this? (Phenomenon)”

I was highly offended. And very confused.

I’ve always contributed nearly all my social issues to my being deaf. It’s really hard not to panic when you never know if the next time you hold a conversation it’s like a pop quiz held in “mad libs”.

People can only stand “what?” so many times. Even the deafie. Lots of winging it. Smiles and nodding. I can’t imagine the hell if someone deaf/hoh couldn’t read social cues.

(I once laughed politely, misreading a sad statement. They weren’t facing me. wHOOPS. That was uncomfortable. For the both of us. Like srsly, she squirmed)

Mumblers suck. And thick accents, omfg.

The worst of them all? A mumbler with a thick accent.

I ran into one the other day, thank god I was just a bystander, holy shit. Little east Indian woman. Wanted to tell us all about… God only knows what. I caught maybe 20 words in a 5 minute conversation.

And you know something else? It does absolutely no good to tell people to speak up. They’ll try for like, a sentence and then go right back to their natural level. Understandable, but frustrating.

I’ve noticed how often I precisely turn or angle my ear toward people like an adjusting receiver dish. I place myself strategically in public places. Like restaurants.

And I have a permanent head tilt. Didn’t know until freshman year when the photographer started yelling at me.

Then there were the times I was actively picked on. Mostly by teachers.

You know I passed my first hearing test? I remember it, I was like 4-5. They said it was a test. And I realized when there was a silence, it meant it was in “my bad ear”. So I clicked the button for the other side. I wanted to do well.

Didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to do that lol.

[misomilk]

Stole this bec id rather procrastinate atm. Feel free to steal from me, too, and lmk if you want me to read answers? XD

Objective: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag somebody

LAST

drink - water. but alcoholic? margarita phone call - home text message - my phone number to my niece. song you listened to - PMJ’s Tomorrow. SO GOOD. time you cried - internally, this morning. literal crying, probs over waifu or her writing.

EVER

dated someone twice - nope kissed someone & regretted - no, but /not/ kiss someone and regretted - yes. been cheated on - never been in a relationship so lost someone special - hmm almost been depressed - yes. not clinically, but, yes. gotten drunk and thrown up - drunk - yes, drunk and throw up - no xD

FAV COLOURS

green. teal. pastel or flamingo pink.

IN THE LAST YEAR, YOU…

made new friends - ...........no hahahaha so sad. i kinda made the effort not to fallen out of love - yes, thank god laughed until you cried - yes found out someone was talking about you - no met someone who changed you - i met her 3 years ago, so no. not last year found out who your friends are - no kissed someone on your facebook friends list - no..?

GENERAL

how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - most. rather, i dont have much ol friends on fb do you have any pets - a digital dog unfed for many years now (im sry nintendogs) do you want to change your name - no what did you do for your last birthday - i remember crying bec dad was being awful lmao just had dinner, i think what time did you wake up today - uhhh 7:15? then went back to sleep til 7:30am HAH what were you doing at midnight last night - uhh probs reading bl manga lmao what is something you can’t wait for - May or June this year so I can finally be with my other half again what are you listening to right now - still PMJ’s Tomorrow. have you ever talked to a person named tom - uhhh if a greeting counts, yea? something that’s getting on your nerves - uhhh nothing atm most visited website - tumblr/twitter hair colour - black with tints of brown, probs bec it gets burnt when im in sunlight long or short hair - SHORTHAIR!!!!!!! is best but rn my hair passes my shoulders TWT do you have a crush on someone - yeaps what do you like about yourself - that im able to appreciate other people’s efforts want any piercings - some more on my ears seem cool, but nah. id rather waste that money on djs haaha blood type - A nicknames - lea. i have always just been.........lea. i guess some friends call me lei. relationship status - single. zodiac - monkey pronouns - she fav TV shows - OOFURI. #whereisseason3 i also really love Hoozuki no Reitetsu. wait, do those count as tv shows? haha. Brookyln Nine Nine tattoos - i wish, but none right or left handed - right ever had surgery - no sport - BASEBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! i mean, i dont play, but i love the sport. also football, but i understand baseball more. piercings - one on each earlobe. vacation - LA with waifu. Japan. just once, i really want to go see Venice or Santorini trainers - ... what does that mean

MORE GENERAL

eating - i just finished eating a box of Tokyo Milk Cheese sabrel. this is why im getting fatter drinking - water waiting for - waifu to wake up and come online later want - way too many fandom goods. get married - to my soulmate. 😍 but that’s impossible ahaha career - translator. but i already missed the chance to translate for xv, so that’s part of my dream torn away. hahaha. kingdom hearts pls dont end yet til i get there hahahahaha OR voice actor in Japan. I SRSLY WANT TO.

WHICH IS BETTER

hugs or kisses - both. hugs a little more, but i dream of kisses more often lips or eyes - eyes shorter or taller - same height? older or younger - older nice arms or stomach - dont care hookup or relationship - relationship, definitely troublemaker or hesitant - dont care

HAVE YOU EVER

kissed a stranger - nope drank hard liquor - yasss lost glasses - shades yea LOL turned someone down - nope sex on first date - no broken someone’s heart - uhh not in a break-up sense. but yes (siiiighs OTL) had your heart broken - yes been arrested - no cried when someone died - yes fallen for a friend - yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

yourself - not so much. but if people love me, then i guess there’s something in me worthwhile miracles - yes love at first sight - yes that it happens, but no it doesn’t last santa claus - i used to hahaha kiss on a first date - why not? angels - yes

OTHER

best friend’s name - katherine eye colour - really really really dark brown, gets lighter in the light fav movie - Howl’s Moving Castle fav actor - ALL OF ARASHI HAHAHA but rly hmm Ohno Satoshi