#srb: confused

[thesecretravenblu]

Why not just make a new character?

I love fandoms and I love the work they can produce, but it has always left me confused when people would change so many traits that it no longer feels like the same character (sometimes it is just clearly someone stealing the popularity of the character to increase their own popularity). Connecting to a character and projecting some of your traits onto them is one thing, but reforming all the characteristics except the hair or an interest or some other small but general trait makes no sense to me.

For example, I know putting non-humans/non-human-looking-characters into Human AUs is popular and also allows for a lot of personal liberties. However, I've seen people just slap the name and relationships on completely knew characters with different personalities and designs.

For me, a good example of this is Mina from BNHA. I've seen artists draw her as a black girl with afro-styled hair. Mina doesn't present as typically human in the series so her design is up to your imagination in a (typical) Human AU. Plus, in BNHA, she has a mutation quirk, which we are shown can lead to discrimination in that world. For many people who are minority races within their own communities, they may see that correlation and build a bond with her character. Adding these traits don't take away from her character, they add without deleting other characteristics.

Unfortunately, I've seen this perspective be corrupted, for a lack of a better word. Instead of making a small adjustment to the original character or a completely new character that barrows traits from the original character, people just make a new character and slap the name on them.

Why not make a new OC and state that you were influenced/inspired? Why do some people feel the need to add traits that would realistically change the character fundamentally? If you want representation from a character, why slap it on an old character instead of making a fresh, organic character?

Like I love imagining, for instance, Cater from Twisted Wonderland just using queer slang. There is nothing funnier to me imaging him grimacing, scolding you gently but directly, and ending it by calling you girly-pop. It fits his characteristic of being chronically online as well as his canon laid-back-but-fun personality.

Honestly, I don't really have any bad examples in mind right now, but I do remember them popping-up here and there. As a whole, I definitely know the difference between a headcanon, canon, AU, and just a whole new character using a popular name/body.

Please, if you feel like you are missing representation, make a character with that in mind. That character you are projecting onto will never fully be able to give the needed representation the justice its deserves if the original character never had that trait in the first place.

Heck, pull a Spider-verse (or, well, Comic Books in general) and make a new AU where your whole new character is in place of the original character. Remember the main concept of that whole series: Miles Morales is NOT Peter Parker. Miles Morales is Spiderman.

[applesandbannas747]

listen. i love Fence. I love Fence TOO MUCH and that has always been my problem. the biggest mistake the comic made was leaving me alone for 18 months to play with my little blorbos between Issue 12 and Volume 4 (issue/chapter 13) because I got TOO attached to my original idea and understanding of the comic, the tropes, and the characters.

Will I get over it? No. Will I shut up about it? Also probably no. Am I done bitching about it for a minute? yeah probably

[flockrest]

     "Why can't I go?"

     It's the wrong question to ask. Kido knows it even before Auntie Cecili sighs. He winces as she turns to him from where she's remaking one of the down beds, 'cause now he's gonna have to sit through the same sort of lecture he gets hit with every time the grownups bring him back from Hebra's mountains or Tabantha's tundras.

     He's right.

     "You can't go because we can't trust you not to throw yourself back out there," Auntie Cecili says, quiet and deliberate, but not gentle. Like she's reminding him of something for the hundredth time and trying to be real patient about it. "You can't keep doing this, Kido. How many times has it been?"

     He doesn't know. He hasn't bothered to keep count when none of his attempts have gotten anywhere. "I just wanna go home." He fixes his gaze on the wooden beam behind her, a little over her shoulder. It's a deeper brown beneath the light of lanterns. "I promise I won't leave."

     Auntie Cecili sighs again, heavier. She makes a slicing motion through the air with her wing, the one she gives Uncle Verla when she wants him to stop talking, before she returns to her bed-making. "You're staying here. You're not changing anybody's mind on this."

     Kido looks down at the blanket draped over his legs, at the wingtips clenched and hidden in its folds. It stings more than all the aching in his muscles. More than it should.

     "You can't keep me here," he tells her, voice barely louder than a whisper. It rushes outta him like a nasty secret, harsh and annoyed, and he almost doesn't want her to hear him.

     She does, though. "I can, actually."

     "No you can't."

     "Yes, I can."

     "Nu-uh."

     "Don't push it—"

     "You can't!" He lifts his head, eyes blazing. "You're not— you're not—"

     "You're not leaving," she cuts in, not even glancing back at him as she moves onto the next bed, "until I say you can."

     Oh, so pretty much never! Yay. "When's that?"

     "Not now."

     "When?"

     "Kido."

     He doesn't screech 'cause he knows better, knows it won't do him any favours when he's stuck here, but the sound lurches in his throat: dense and thickened with want. He sits there for a few seconds just to breathe through everything, and swallows it down with a practiced ease. He tries a different path. "I can't even go play?"

     Auntie Cecili pauses. "You can," she carefully says, "but the other children aren't awake now, are they? And Fyson should be free tomorrow, I'm sure he can watch over you then."

     Wh— really? Fyson's fun, but he's so old now he doesn't feel like a kid anymore, and he's not afraid to complain about exactly that sometimes when the grownups make him do stuff with Kido and the others. Besides, Kido hasn't needed any watching over in ages — not since he fledged. "M'not a hatchling."

     "You aren't," she agrees, lifting a blanket to flare it out. "Keep flying headfirst into danger like one, though, and you have to prepare to be treated like you are."

     That—! "That's not fair!"

     "You think so?" Auntie Cecili asks in low tones. She sounds like rumbling thunder on the horizon — and that isn't fair, either. It's not fair how she can make him feel tiny with just her voice. It's not fair that he suddenly feels like the worst kid in the world for talking back. "If it keeps you here where you're supposed to be, safe and sound, then I'm sorry, Kido; you'll have to get used to us being unfair."

     He falls silent.

     Here? Where he's supposed to be?

     The boiling beneath his feathers nearly has him tossing himself out of his roost purely on principle.

     Each single time he leaves these peaks for the colder Windlines of the outside, Kido's doing what she and all the other adults aren't doing — what they should be doing. He's— it's their job, it's their responsibility as flocklings to never, ever leave anyone behind, and he's getting in trouble for doing it for them. Why's that? Why's that? If they're not gonna search for Dad for him, why do they get to say anything about it? Why do they get to stop him?

     Why do they get to try to make him give up, the way they did winters ago?

     "My dad's still out there," Kido whispers, wings squeezing his blanket so hard that they're quivering.

     Auntie Cecili stiffens.

     "He's still out there, and I'm— here. You're keeping me here."

     Why? Why had they— what suddenly made it okay, all that time ago, for them to give up? To strand his dad to the ice, to let him go: drifting further and further away from Kido?

     "You're keeping me here."

     He was— he was a good boy about it. He's being a good boy about it, 'cause searching for his dad is lots better than what he could be doing, what he could be feeling about everything and everyone. And they won't allow him this. Why won't they allow him this? Why?

     "He needs my help out there and you're just—!"

     All of a sudden, there's a warmth surrounding him, wrapping him up in white-maroon wings. The bed dips at his side beneath Auntie Cecili's weight, the tang of old fabrics and crushed herbs wafting along his next breaths. His heartbeat rings in his head. When did she get so close?

     She murmurs, gentle now, soft and strained like her heart's hurting too: "I'm sorry."

     Kido feels it like stones dropping out the bottom of his chest into his stomach.

     There it is again. Sorry. Like it's some amazing word that magically makes everything better. And maybe it does for Auntie Cecili — maybe it does for every other grownup who says it to him, who've only ever heard pretty things from Kido in response. Who've only ever gotten his encouragement, his reassurance, his permission to stop feeling so bad. It's okay. You'll find him next time. I'm not mad. You can talk about this. It's alright. You don't need to say sorry. I'm not upset.

     I forgive you.

     And now, here, he has to do it once more.

     He—

     He...

     Kido lets her push his face into the crook of her shoulder. He does not lift his wings to clutch at hers. He clings to the blanket under his touch with a wobbly desperation, to the silence that tumbles over them like clumps of snow shaken loose from tree branches.

     He can't. Not this time.

[mazeinthemiroh]

i'm sorry HOW MANY NOTES???????

[5:23pm] "you're pretty." you commented, staring at your boyfriend with intense interest.

seungmin lifted his head up from the book he was reading and gave you a half-hearted exhale in response to your compliment.

then he went back to reading, his eyes furrowed as he concentrate on he words before him.

"so handsome."

he lifted his head up again, licking his dry lips as he put his book down ever so slightly.

"can i help you with anything?" he questioned, an unamused look on his face due to your interruptions.

"not particularly, no" you responded playfully, staring at him with a dreamy look in your gaze. he rolled his eyes.

"then be quiet," he groaned, but in the same breath he was wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you close to him. he knew, he just knew, that you wanted to be a little bit closer to him.

and immediately, you snuggled down into his grasp, head on his chest as your curious eyes looked at the pages he was reading as he lifted up the book again.

"read to me, pretty boy."

seungmin grinned gently at the nickname, one hand holding the book upright and the other coming up to play with your hair. then he read to you, his voice soft and almost musical.

you fell asleep soon after.

[thesecretravenblu]

What does feeling like a person feel like to you?

I do not think I understand what it is like to feel like a person. I know I am a person, but I feel like a void more than anything. I do not even feel like I can make a concept of what it feels like to be a person.

Is it a feeling or is it a state of being that does not really have a feeling along with it?

I am so confused and lost.

[thesecretravenblu]

some dude is telling people ur calling this ao3 blog a pedo jsyk

I am incredibly confused. Perhaps you have the wrong person?

If not, I am afraid I do not know what you are talking about - I have no memory of mentioning anything nor anyone surrounding any AO3 blog.

Please do provide further context if you can.

[jaimeski]

JAIME HI!! :^D

Its okay if you don't to respond but: WhatsApp the best time to post drawings here on tumblr? Sometimes tumblr its so confusing

🐢 anon

Honestly i don't even know HDSVJWWHSIWHSJS i always post when the art is done and just srb the shit out of it

[layraket]

excuse me but what the actual fuck happened for this to get 1000 notes

i have lost control of my life so i drew big brother wars

[mossymenagerieart]

🌱pinned post 🌱

🇵🇸I stand with Palestine! Zionists and Israel supporters get the fuck off my blog 🇵🇸

🌱my kintypes🌱

•Mackenzie valley wolf •werewolf • vampire/vampire demon • domestic cat • golden eagle • red shouldered hawk • deinonychus • angel (not religious, I’m just a tall many-winged being) •unicorn

🌱headmates- system members🌱

Wolf- he/him- me! I basically run everything and draw and blog on here, no one else really does that I think (kin list is for me, other guys aren’t really alterhuman, just nonhuman or human)

Valentine- they/he/she - human (?)

Emil - he/him - vampire - (not to be confused with Emil the oc)

Puppy - he/it - border collie/ puppyboy - little guy (he’s basically everyone’s adopted kid)

Ambrosius/ the Angel - he/hymn - guardian angel

Kayne- he/they/it - eldritch guy from Malevolent

🌱fandoms and stuff I’ll probably post🌱

Malevolent art goes on @arthur-lesters-topsurgeryscars now ^^

-TMA

-my ocs

-kintype/alterhuman related stuff

-fursuit stuff

-occasional selfies

-headmate stuff

🌱tags🌱

#my art - self explanatory

#au-🌌 / #alieneyes - malevolent alien au

#au-🌊 - malevolent mermaid au

#howl in the night - my self reblog tag for when I srb stuff late at night so I can show it off again and because I probably forgot I made it

#wolf caught on trailcam - my selfies tag. Mostly my fursuit or public therian gearing!

#my barks - ask tag

#wolf’s inbox - ask tag but more friendly silly stuff like mutuals goofing off in my inbox or friendly messages and nice words :]

#wolf’s personal stuff - more journal style art that’s all about meee :3

#irl wolf/#irl puppy/#irl emil- headmate stuff

(different from oc: wolf and oc: emil)

LINKS below the cut

alterhuman sideblog: corvidcanidae

ToyHouse acc: MossyMenagerie

if we’re mutuals you can dm me for my nsfw art acc

[sgdlr-asdfghjkl]

Link Click Musical update 143

(March 10th wyh&srb and 11th tcp&dgy encores)

Big big thanks to @chocolatexiaoshi and @/bhd322418 ('钵🐼' on twt) my lovely consultants who translated parts from encore videos 💖🙇‍♂️

I wanted to know what the actors said at certain moments as ad libs and in closing speech, so I asked my fellow Chinese fans for help 🙏 So let me share what I've learnt ^^ (links to both vids I'll be refering to are in the replies).

March 10th, night: Wu Yihan, Shu Rongbo, Qian Anqi

During 'Guiding light', by the end of CXS&LG part, Wu Yihan wishes Shu Rongbo 'Happy birthday!' and hugs him :>

They laugh a lot (more than usual) during the closing speech >< I recommend you watch it, because Qian Anqi starts talking in English at some point (to srb's utter confusion) and along with Guo Zhenyan they insist on singing 'Happy birthday' together, it's cute :>

Around 8:50 timestamp, Shu Rongbo jokes 'If you like our musical, you can help us promote it more. If you don't like it, please send me a message quietly 🙏'

Then Wu Yihan explains they are going to take a picture together (forbday post on musical's weibo). It goes: 'Please turn on your phone's flash and take a photo with us', but according to 钵🐼 he said wrong words. As in being too excited and stumbling on a formula (?), that's why they laugh ^^'

March 11th: Teng Chunpeng, Du Guangyi, Wu Hanglu

Here I was curious about the changed lyrics that were picked in a Valentine's Day Project (@chocolatexiaoshi explained 🌟). The whole song is based on a word play, so it's hard to fully grasp by non-chinese speakers BUT I'LL TELL YOU ANYWAY BC IT'S COOL 😤🔥

The deal with 'Words can't convey the love' is that CXS is possesing Chen Xiao and is supposed to confess to Liu Meng. He starts saying 'I like'-/Wǒ xǐhuān/我喜欢' and backs off by saying a different phrase with similar pronounciation to '喜xi'.

In original lyrics he says sth like 'To do laundry and cooking/ Xǐyī zuò fàn/ 洗衣做饭' in first verse. In second verse it's 'I like your outfit today/Xǐhuān nǐ jīntiān de chuān yī dǎbàn/喜欢你今天的穿衣打扮'.

The special encore version was: 1) 'Scrambled eggs with tomatoes/ Xīhóngshì chǎo jīdàn /西红柿炒鸡蛋', 2) 'I like to add three bowls of rice/Wǒ xǐhuān zài jiā shàng sān wǎn dàmǐ fàn/ 我喜欢再加上三碗大米饭'. It's a reference to how Cheng Xiaoshi loves delicious food, so it looks like he's panicking and starts babbling about food ><🧡

HOWEVER at the very end, Teng Chunpeng says full 'I like you/Wǒ xǐhuān nǐ/我喜欢你'. Which doesn't happen in a main plot script, only this one time (coincidentally when Lu Guang's actor is in place of Liu Meng hmmm).

I hope the translation was comprehensible >< As a reward look at Shu Rongbo and Wu Yihan covering the candle flame with their hands 😭💖 I really really like the imagery, it fits shiguang so well ;w;

Once again, thanks to choco-xiaoshi and Bo🐼 for explaining things to me 💕

Okay byeeee :>

[late-to-the-party-81]

To wait for you is all I can do

AN: It’s another Tower fic, yay!!! 

Doesn’t have to be read as related to my other tower fic, but could be seen as a prequel if you wanted. And yes, the title is taken from Against All Odds.

Beta’d by the lovey @drabbles-mc

Likes are loved, reblogs are golden

Dividers by @firefly-graphics and moodboard by me

Bingo fills: @buckybarnesbingo  U4 - Tower

@stuckybingo  I1 - Drinking Games

@steverogersbingo E5 - Suck and Blow Game

Join my tag list here

Master list | BBB Master list | Stucky Bingo Master List | SRB Master list

Relationships: Steve x Bucky

Word Count: 2.5k

CW: Alcohol consumption, Asgardian Mead, Teasing, Flirting, Avengers as Family, Drinking games, Pining, Angst, Second First Kiss, Getting back together.

“Ho, my brothers…and sister… I am here and the festivities can begin!” 

Saturday night in the Avengers Tower, and Thor had just arrived for one of his sporadic visits. 

Tony met him, arms wide and a grin plastered to his face, and the Asgardian Prince caught him in a bear hug, lifting off the floor.

“You’re here, Point Break. I thought you were going to disappoint us.”

“Never, my friend. I was just delayed trying to find some of this.”

With a flourish he pulled a bottle from his shoulder bag, eliciting a cheer from everyone except Steve, who groaned, and Bucky who looked confused.

“What is that?” Bucky asked. Thor walked over and clapped him on the shoulder before passing him the bottle.

“This, James, is a bottle of the finest Asgardian Mead. It is stronger than your Midgardian drinks and with it, we’ve previously managed to get the good Captain to 'cut loose'.”

Bucky snorted. “Stevie, drunk? I haven’t seen that since 1943. You think it will work on me too?”

“Assuredly,” Thor confirmed. “I have no doubt that you will feel the effects as much as the good Captain.”

Steve walked over, a serious look to his face. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Buck. No-one has to drink.”

Bucky pulled the stopper from the top of the bottle with a pop and gave the amber liquid a sniff. “Woah! And I know that, Steve. But I do want to. It’ll be fun.” With that, Bucky took a swig, shuddering as the alcohol heated him from the inside. He turned to Thor. “That is good shit. Let’s round up the others. We should play some games.”

Steve watched him walk off across the room with Thor and couldn’t help the small twinge of jealousy at how close the two were standing together. Bucky’s recovery was going well. Excellent in fact. But he still had some gaps in his memory and they’d been told they could come back at any time or never. A brain injury such as what Bucky had sustained was unprecedented and the doctors and specialists were uncertain about what could happen. All they knew was that they couldn’t push it. All of which meant that Steve felt as though he was in purgatory.

Because it appeared that Bucky had no memories of them. Together. Of them curled up in bed during a Brooklyn winter finding ways to keep warm. Of the furtive moments together in the forests of Europe. Steve remembered every stolen moment, every quiet intimacy and held them protected in his heart, hoping every day that Bucky would remember them too. He was happy that Bucky was free. Happy that he was recovering and making friends and adapting to life in a new century - and, he thought, doing that much better than he had - but he was sad too. Sad that their relationship was more like that of brothers. Like the best friends the history books painted them as. But there was nothing he could do to change that. Either Bucky would remember and they’d have the chance to pick up where they left off, or he wouldn’t and Steve would just have to live with being the best friend he could be.

“Steve!” Bucky shouted across the room, pulling Steve out of his head. “Get your ass over here. Sam’s got a game for us to play.”

Steve squashed the urge to roll his eyes. This was no doubt going to descend into complete chaos, and he didn’t know if he was in quite the right mood for it. But he felt he owed it to Bucky to at least try. Joining the circle of his friends, some sitting on sofas and some on beanbags, Steve found himself a place next to Bucky. Bucky gave him a warm smile and Steve was struck with the bittersweet urge to kiss him knowing that he couldn’t.

“So, as our fossils and our out of towner here,” said Sam, gesticulating to Bucky, Steve and Thor, “never got to have the college experience, or play pretend at the college experience,” he nodded at Nat, “we’re gonna have some good old drinking games. First up is ‘Never have I ever. The rules are simple. We all take it in turns to say something that we’ve never done, but if someone else has done that thing, they have to take a drink. I’ll start. Never have I ever destroyed three city blocks.”

Tony and Bruce groaned and both took a swig of the beers they were holding. Nat was next. 

“Never have I ever purposefully trolled someone by shouting ‘On my left.’” She smiled slyly.

“Hey, that was one time,” grumbled Sam before taking a mouthful of his drink. “And someone pass Steve the mead.”

Thor obliged, passing the bottle and Steve took it warily, putting it to his lips and having the smallest sip he thought he could get away with. 

“Okay,” Tony announced. “My turn. Never have I ever stolen something.” He took a big drink of his beer and Bucky furrowed his brows. 

“I thought we were supposed to say something we hadn’t done.”

“Only if you don’t want to drink, Buckaroo,” Tony replied with a wink. “And now I think everyone here needs to drink, because not one of you, not even Cap, is as pure as the driven snow.”

“It’s called borrowing Tony,” Steve snarked back.

“Only if you actually return it. Drink. You too, Legolas. I don’t think there’s enough booze in this place to account for you and Romanoff.” Everyone took their drinks, Steve, Thor and Bucky passing the Asgardian liquor and Clint and Nat clinking their bottles together before they did so.

The game continued around the circle with some general statements - Never have I ever failed a maths test, Clint, Sam and Thor drinking - and some more pointed statements - Never have I ever almost ended the world by creating a robotic child, which Steve was very proud of - and the mood was mellow. Steve was even starting to relax and enjoy himself. And then Thor happened.

“Never have I ever had a crush on a comrade in arms.” Tony, Bruce and Sam knocked back their drinks straight away, and Steve… Well, Steve could have lied. He could have sat there innocently, except he faltered. He started to reach for the mead but then stopped, drawing everyone’s attention to him. Bucky looked at him, head cocked and Nat just raised one defined eyebrow. With nothing else for it, Steve resumed his move towards the only alcohol that could affect him and poured himself a healthy measure.

“Aaawww, Capsicle,” Tony drawled, “I didn’t know you cared.” Steve just glared at him and the billionaire just chuckled. “But really, who hasn’t had a little crush on Nat at some point or another. You’re only human.”

Steve could feel the blood rushing to his face, but there was also no way he was going to correct Tony’s assumption. Nat continued to observe him for a heartbeat more and he gave her a wan smile.

“Okay guys,” she said. “Time for a new game. I need a pack of cards, or rather just one from a pack. It’s time to Suck and Blow.”

Tony started to laugh raucously before standing up and going over to one of the many sideboards and rifling through the drawers. “This is going to be so good.”

Steve was confused, and a glance at Bucky showed he was the same, but luckily it was Thor or voiced the question. 

“Pray tell, Lady Widow. What is this game of sucking and blowing? I do not believe it can possibly be what it sounds like.”

At the moment, Tony returned to the group and passed a card - the Joker, or course - to Nat. 

“So,” she explained, “I will put the card to my lips and suck it to hold it in place. I then move towards the person next to me and when the card touches their lips they suck and I blow to transfer it. They then pass it along to the next person. If you let it drop you both drink. Easy. Like this…”

Nat put the Joker to her lips and held it there with suction, leaning towards Clint and passing it over as if it were nothing. Clint passed it to Sam, who giggled a bit before managing to take it and Clint high-fived Nat.

“Do I have to?” Bruce questioned and the card fell from Sam’s mouth as he ran out of breath.

“Dude!” Sam exclaimed. “What the hell?” and he took a drink. Bruce followed, looking chagrined, and then Sam put the card to his lips again and passed it over. Bruce turned and that’s when he realised he was facing Tony, who had a mischievous glint in his eye. Bruce tried to pass him the card, but it was obvious that Tony ‘forgot’ to suck. The card fell down between them and Tony cupped Bruce’s face, planting an over the top kiss on the scientist’s lips. Clint spat out his drink, Thor laughed out loud and even Bucky’s lips twitched in amusement. 

Tony drew back, peering at Bruce as if he were an experiment gone awry. “Hhmm, no Hulk. I’d thought for sure he’d have wanted a piece of that action. Oh well.” He shrugged and took a drink. 

Bruce glared as he tipped back his bottle, but he then put the card to his lips and effortlessly passed it to Thor, who passed it onto Bucky with an amused glint in his eye. The Bucky turned towards Steve and Steve? Steve couldn’t breathe. All he could see was Bucky’s blue-grey eyes getting closer and closer. The card touched his lips, Bucky blew and Steve forgot to suck.

The card fell away and their lips brushed together.

Steve felt as though he was in one of those cheesy romance movies Tony had made him watch, where the main couple kiss and there’s fireworks and bird singing, because Bucky’s lips felt the same as they always had, and his heart was thudding in his chest, and - oh shit! - he should pull away, he’s not supposed to keep kissing Bucky who doesn’t remember them, and…

Suddenly Bucky was gone. He ripped his lips from Steve’s, stood and bolted from the communal room. Steve knew the others were staring, wondering what on earth had just happened, but he didn’t care about them, Bucky was his priority. 

He scrambled to his feet. “Buck! Wait!” he called and then followed Bucky out of the room.

“Well,” said Tony. “That was unexpected.”

Nat turned and cocked her head. “Was it?”

“Buck, please can I come in? I’m sorry.”

Steve rested his head against the door to Bucky’s room, feeling like the worst friend in the world. He’d violated Bucky’s trust at best, and disgusted and scared him at worst.

He hadn’t been surprised to find the door to Bucky’s room, inside their shared apartment, shut. Steve didn’t know if it was locked or not, but he wasn’t going to step in uninvited. However, he couldn’t walk away either, so with his heart beating harshly in his chest and his breath ragged in his lungs, Steve turned and slid down the closed door, head in his hands as he tried to work out what to do - how to make this right.

Steve had no idea how long he sat there, mumbling to himself as he tried to work through the answer in his head. But he was so caught up in his thoughts he was oblivious to movement from within Bucky’s room, until he was falling backwards, staring up at Bucky’s upside down face. He blushed.

“Umm, hey there, Buck.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, which Steve took as a good sign. “Get up, punk.” 

“Uh, yeah.” Steve pushed himself up, with far less elegance than he was capable of, and faced Bucky properly. Without a word Bucky walked back into his room, but he left the door open, so Steve followed him in. 

Bucky was standing with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall and Steve stopped a few paces away, feeling awkward and full of anxiety. Bucky stared at him.

“Bucky, I…”

“Shh.”

Steve’s mouth snapped shut as Bucky’s command, and he began to twist his hands together. Bucky continued to observe him and when he pushed away from the wall and started to walk around him, Steve started to feel like a bug pinned to a board. He felt as though there was an electrical current running through him, making him vibrate with fear. Or was it need? Bucky was so close to him right now, his eyes hooded and dark as he just looked at Steve.

“We used to do that all the time, didn’t we?”

“Huh?” Bucky’s question caught him off-guard.

“Kiss. We used to kiss all the time. Back, before. When you were small. But also when you were big, like this.”  Bucky stopped in front of Steve, close, but still guarded.

“Uh, yeah,” Steve croaked. “We did.”

“And more than kissing too.” A statement, not a question.

Steve coughed, nervously. “Yeah, that too.”

“But we haven’t done since I came here. Since you found me. Why?”

Steve shuffled and shook his arms out, unsure what to do with his hands.

“Well, because you couldn’t remember it. It wouldn’t have been right. And I thought you might not want to, you know. You’re different now. I’m different now. We’ve both been through a lot and it would be understandable if feelings changed. And I didn’t want to put you under any pressure, because you mean a lot to me…”

“Steve…” Bucky interrupted his rambling. “Shut up.”

In the next second Bucky closed the distance between them, his mismatched hands coming up to cup Steve’s face, and then pressed their lips together. Instinctively, Steve’s hands came up to grip the front of Bucky’s shirt, leaning into a kiss that was altogether more purposeful than their accidental brushing of lips earlier. When Bucky ended it, all too soon for Steve’s liking, his smokey eyes were alight with amusement.

“I don’t remember it all, but I do remember the face you’re making now. It’s like you’re drunk, and I have to say, it’s still pretty cute.”

Heat flooded Steve’s face once more. “Jerk,” he muttered under his breath.

“I still wanna take things slow,” Bucky added, “but I think I might still like kissing you, Stevie.”

Steve nodded vigorously. “Absolutely, Buck. Happy to be led by you. And it’s okay if you wanna change your mind…”

Bucky interrupted him once again. “Shut up and kiss me again, punk.”

With a request like that, how could Steve refuse?

Tag list: @christywrites, @alexakeyloveloki, @doasyoudesireandlive, @galactusdevourerofworlds, @crayongirl-linz, @mrs-illyrian-baby, @km-ffluv, @wheezy-stucky

[cable-salamdr]

I posted this onto Pinterest too and everything underneath it is just au Sanses I’m gonna cry

Me when skeleton child finds her deer mom again (Ft. Some wonderful commentary from Cole and Zane)

[mllemaenad]

Wait, I'm confused - if the Institute succeeded in the goal of the original FEV trials by creating synths, why on earth are they still doing FEV experiments right up until Dr Virgil leaves?

I mean, you're not any more confused than the people doing the research. The terminal entries all contain complaints about how pointless this is. :)

But okay. What's actually going on there? Two things, I think.

First off: just because you've successfully completed a project doesn't mean it's done forever. They first rolled out power armour in 2067, but people keep making new kinds of power armour (I wish they'd stop. I hate power armour. But they do.). Research and development on synths is still ongoing – it's just handled by the Robotics department. They're likely still using FEV, but it's just one tool in their kit, rather than the focus of their work.

Nothing new. Always the same. Have entered formal complaint with Directorate; these tests are not bringing in any valuable information. The organics project was spun off decades ago. Why do we insist on continuing this? – Virgil's notes, Progress Reports, Fallout 4

So why are they doing anything with it? Well, I think the first clue comes from the entry from Virgil's predecessor, Syverson:

Latest round of testing complete. Results are all within expected parameters. Informed Dr. Zimmer directly, as he had ordered the tests personally. He seemed annoyed with the results; unsure what he was looking for. He declined to specify why he wanted the tests run to begin with. – Syverson's notes, Progress Reports, Fallout 4

We know Zimmer. He was the head of the Synth Retention Bureau. More importantly, he's a character from Fallout 3. Zimmer was part of the quest The Replicated Man, and was specifically in the Capital Wasteland hunting down an escaped courser: A3-21, now going by Harkness. And Harkness is apparently a unique prototype:

This particular android… Designation A3-21, is… different. Special. The most advanced synthetic humanoid I've ever developed. The others, like my escort Armitage there, are all older models. Easily replicated. Ah, but A3-21… it would take years to recreate him! So you see, this android MUST be located. At all costs. The others are all… acceptable losses. But A3-21, he is… irreplaceable. – Dr Zimmer's dialogue, Fallout 3

Zimmer ordered a round of FEV tests, apparently shortly before taking off to Rivet City to attempt to recapture Harkness. What were they for? Well, we can't know exactly, which is kind of the point. FEV research at the Institute has been thoroughly sidelined in favour of "the organics project" so these people are being treated as lackeys and very much left out of the loop. This is at minimum a Robotics project, and may even be some courser-specific SRB-only thing.

We can make some guesses, though.

One possibility is that they were being used as an early phase of testing. Synths in general are valuable: the Institute aims to recapture any gen-3 synth who escapes. A courser would be more valuable still. And Harkness is apparently unique.

We do know that the Institute uses synths for medical testing, but there have to be some rational degrees of risk. Kill a synth, and you will need to use resources to replace them. Kill a kidnapped wastelander and ... well, from the Institute's point of view that's no great loss. If this was a project aimed at improving their more expensive synths (the coursers) then there would be a strong argument for limiting their risk.

This could have been a strain of FEV modified to do something in particular, and they were dosing wastelanders with it first to see if it was lethal or not before they tried it out on a synth.

If this is the case, Zimmer clearly did not get the results he wanted out of the test.

Another possibility is that they were a control group. This was just a normal round of FEV testing, and it's meant to be contrasted with some other thing Zimmer is doing. Again, he clearly didn't get the results he wanted from the tests – but we can't know exactly what he was doing, beyond the fact that he seemed to be working to enhance courser ability and had created at least one prototype.

So, yes, I think that's part of it. The FEV department was being used as a secondary lab for the now more valuable Robotics department, but they largely had no idea what they're doing or where their work fit into the larger picture. This would, yes, be terribly unsatisfying work to be involved in.

But they clearly continued doing these tests even after Zimmer's disappearance, and we don't have strong evidence for SRB involvement once he was gone. So that's the second thing. Because, well, making super mutants was sort of an end in itself, wasn't it?

One of the Institute's major strategies is keeping the Commonwealth in a permanent state of disarray so they can't unite against them. The Sole Survivor eventually pulls at least one faction together enough to do just that – and unless you sell out to them, they go boom.

They use synths for specialist work: Gen-3s to go in and replace wastelanders in order to either spy or run experiments; Gen-1 and Gen-2s to harrass, or to retrieve specific tech, like at University Point. But if you don't have a specific mission in mind and just want to give everyone a very bad day ... well, super mutants are great for that. Low cost to the Institute, because they already have the FEV and kidnapping does not seem to be difficult for them. Maximum grief and chaos for the people on the surface.

And yes, this too would be deeply unsatisfying work. Even setting aside how morally abhorrent all of this, you're not even doing science anymore. You're just in manufacturing. Collect human; dip human; release super mutant. That's got to be an exercise in misery.

But that's exactly how this played out, didn't it? Virgil rebelled after failing to get the project shut down any normal way, and the whole thing was shuttered.

So I do think "confusion" is a reasonable response to the Institute's continued FEV research – but I do think they were doing something with it.

[saelterlude]

link click musical list pt.6, (longer bcs i keep accidentally posting these early, gotta make up for the short pt.5)

also hi, this one took a while bcs i keep getting sad over not finding a Wang Yifei-Zhu Hanbin LG uppies clip :')

(pt.1, pt.2, pt.3, pt.4, pt.5, pt.7 here)

81. 24/03/2024 night, Zhu Hanbin wore his shirt inside out lol, there's a good chance it was like that the whole performance since LG actors don't change costume. Also, I love how Zi bowen shouted his name, it's cute.

82. Cai Lu's short vlog, includes Guo Hongxu and Ji Xiaokun karaoke, JXK being bad at basketball, and chilling in the dressing room.

83. 28/03/2024, Cao Muzhi getting manhandled by Cai Lu (I drew it hehe) and also giving the biggest laugh when he won first round of RPS against Zhu Hanbin plss.

84. 01/04/2024, Wu Hanglu bullying Bai Zhuoming, Du Guangyi being aggressive, and BZM being confused and overwhelmed in RPS. If you're asking why DGY shouted his line, it's bcs BZM and WHL were too busy bickering to beckon him to the couch like they're supposed to do. Also, they sing 'Dive Back in Time' together.

85. 29/03/2024, Wang Yifei, please stop bullying Wu Hanglu, don't squish her, look at her, she's tiny. See? Now she's bullying you back.

86. 05/04/2024 night, piglet is back!! Wu Yihan, Cai Qi. WHY ARE YOU BOTH SO MEAN TO THE PIGLET?? WYH does not let CQ play around with RPS (by not doing them at all)

87. 05/04/2024 night, bonus to the performance above. WYH does not hug in "Pursuing Light" for once.

88. 06/04/2024 day, New Cai Qi pair unlocked with Guo Hongxu. Awkward eye contact and GHX just assumes he won RPS when he didn't lol, don't you know CQ cheats? Also, Zuo Yiping looks so short between them, helpp.

89. 30/03/2024 night, Wu Yihan going *finger points* "whos singing the sofa song?", and Qian Dongyue's birthday!

90. 13/04/2024 day, I think, Wang Yifei scared Guo Hongxu with that overly enthusiatic jump hug.

91. 13/04/2024 night, Jing Yanqiao 21st birthday!! Let's go! There's actually a full video of your encore now.

Also, #90 and #91, both GHX and JYQ caught off guard by WYF and ZHB's mic cupping habit during 'Dive Back in Time'

92. 06/04/2024 night, I can't find a clip showing Wu Yihan drinking vinegar, but I can show you Cao Muzhi being cute as he walks across the table. And saying 'be careful' in 'Dive Back in Time' bcs something happened with WYH offscreen, i think he hit a camera.

93. 06/04/2024 night, nevermind! Shimmer to the rescue! Here is Wu Yihan drinking vinegar! (he Du Guangyi-ed himself (#19 and #31))

94. 14/04/2024 day, Guo Hongxu has successfully been influenced to cup their mics. Also, I'm now declaring that Guo Hongxu and Wang Yifei is the perfect disgruntled cat-oversized puppy duo, just look at their hug.

95. 14/04/2024 day, another POV of the performance above so you can see Wang Yifei nod approvingly once GHX uses his method.

96. 14/04/2024 night, just a shortclip of Wang Minhui putting Cai Qi in a headlock.

97. Event clip, mostly just explaining the basketball event itself but I wanna show you all Du Guangyi being bad at basketball in the last 10 seconds.

(speaking of event, the theatre is gonna count which actor scores the most during basketball scene/"Faith of Friendship". me and the musical brainrot gang over in the lc 18+ server are doing bets on which actor is scores the most by the end of the month)

98. 19/04/2024, poor Deng Xianling just wanna tie her shoes, stop bothering her lol.

99. 19/04/2024, same performance as above. English boy Teng Chunpeng is very excited abt basketball.

100. 20/04/2024 night, have Jing Yanqiao, shamefully losing 2-8 to Zhu Hanbin

101. 21/04/2024 day, Bai Zhuoming won the match, he teases Wang Minhui about it the whole encore to the point he messed up the entirety of RPS song lol. (Also, they got 15-12, they were conspiring together)

102. 22/04/2024, Shu Rongbo getting startled by Cai Lu's leg and Du Guangyi adding to the leg jenga is very precious, I wanna draw that. SRB also won basketball 36-0 bcs DGY is a softie granpa, I guess we knows who wins this month.

(and no, as much as i favored him, i did not bet on srb :') )

(also, did i wait for the 22nd so i can get at least 1 srb video this post? yes.)

*Please give a big round of applause to @shimmeringweeds for all xhs clips. I could not navigate that site at all.

Bonus time! Made a list (here!) of Zhu Hanbin and Jing Yanqiao performances the other day, thus that's the bonus clips you're getting for this part. Please check them out, they're really cool.

But I guess I might as well add this funny video of Cai Qi and Cao Muzhi performing 'Mia Famiglia' from Apollonia musical. It's gold, just for the fact that CQ acts as if he's in a drama while CMZ acts as if he's in a comedy.

[ionlydrinkhotwater]

OK so I was thinking that when Luke confronts Adam about what happened between him and Elliot, based on what SRB said in the Tumblr answer, there is no hard evidence that Adam admitted to what exactly went down between he and Elliot. We know that Luke punched Adam because he insulted Elliot and teased him for his crush on Elliot (which he was still in denial about). After all if Luke did actually get the full story he would know that Elliots revulsion came from Adam disrespecting his boundaries and not homophobia and so he wouldn't have been so hesitant to come out to him.

Also based on his reaction to Elliot telling him his first kiss can be whatever he wants it to be and not when it was forced on him. Luke admits in his cabin that he interpreted it as an invitation, he also doesn't seem to grasp that Elliot meant this as coming from a sympathetic place. I don't think he would have misread it if he had context. I think once Elliot came out to him as bisexual it may have clued him in on Elliots anger towards Adam as more legitimate but I still don't think he knew what actually went down.

I also think Luke would not have felt as ashamed about punching Adam if he knew just how inappropriate he had been towards Elliot.

Like if they are all talking one day about first kisses and Luke grumpily brings up Adara and Elliot says that didn't have to count and Luke says that it technically does and Elliot says that by that reasoning his prick cousin was Elliots first kiss instead of Serene and he refuses to give Adam that honor and Lukes like

Luke: HE KISSED YOU?!

Elliot: I know that the Borderlands have limited information on consent but what part of my saying Adam sexually harassed me confused you? 😒

Queue Luke wishing he'd punched Adam even harder

[oifaaa]

Sorry my mistake I do mean husbands (gender neutral)

Bad news I finally got polls I can finally start asking the real questions