#spray bottles also work

[did-sm1-say-catfish]

guys i know s1 chase is fatphobic and like is just a hater but like i could fix him

[askweisswolf]

Understated potential Chaggily dynamic: Emily being the emotional support dog to Charlie and Vaggie’s anxious cheetah energy when it comes to anything Heaven related.

[transingthoseformers]

Everytime Whirl says something self deprecating, Drift, Swerve, and Megatron squirt him with a spray bottle. Rung pays them to do it with credits from Drift's credit card.

[apotelesmaa]

if i had to sum up the tsukasa/rui school dynamic in one image it would be this… wtf is wrong with them. Tsukasa picked up a stray cat on the side of the road (asked rui to join wxs) and now the cat is being a menace (blowing shit up at school) & tsukasa has just resigned himself to this life.

[hiddenworldofmary]

bad af skin day again and slightly less awful than yesterday mental health day so i’m making pizza and trying a pharmacy version of the viral hypochlorous acid spray because why not

[50000bears]

I drove past 2 plant sales today and ended up leaving with 31 + 14 packs of seeds 😬

[juuret]

my homemade watercolor sprays absolutely SUCK

[chryblossomjjk]

hiiii kiki, i think a little while ago you said you used glycolic acid for your underarms and i wanted to try it so i was just wondering if you used it in the morning or at night ? i hope this isn’t a weird question😭

hi love! so i put it on after i shower, usually at night 💗

[hua-fei-hua]

*touches jjk complexly* i miss u but also... i'm having a lot of fun in gnshn these days.... ough.....

[fantabulisticity]

Can we require liquid products with pumps/spray nozzles that connect to a straw to make the straw go ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM of the bottle to get the last bits of liquid? I'm so tired of turning my bottles upside down, trying to balance them on their pump, to be able to reach the last bits. Just make the straw a little longer. Fucking hell.

The first bottle has a GOOD STRAW DESIGN. The second bottle has a SHITTY STRAW DESIGN. I can use the first bottle until almost no saline solution is left. The second bottle I've been keeping upside down for TWO WEEKS, and there's STILL a bunch product in it, but the straw can't reach it.

[surfs-up-brian]

How to explain to your boss you can't come into work tomorrow because you've inhaled unhealthy amounts of chlorine

[sanchoyo]

annoyed I’m not getting as many hours as I’d like at work bc when I started they were giving me mad overtime 😔 ik it’s probably the holidays but at this rate it’s gonna take me (materialistic) forever to get the things I want and actually need ☹️ tentatively once again considering if I’d have enough self discipline to do something like a patreon before remembering I hate putting stuff behind paywalls 😭

[ex-furry]

tumblr really is not free of misinformation/disinformation. i'm thinking about it only bc nearly 7,000 people interacted with a post about ana's death at the first rio show claiming that taylor swift's team lied about her dying before the show when, in reality, everyone thought it happened during sabrina carpenter's set before they even released a statement. but also like one time i saw a 1,000+ note post about how real pizzagate is on my dash and i'll never forget it

[puppygirlkat]

Id say my hair routine is working out pretty well if this is how it looks waking up

[teaboot]

One of the best parts about working at a sex shop is the employee discount, and yeah that means excellent deals on sex supplies but that's not the big brain part.

You come to my house. Something is cooking in the kitchen- it smells wonderful. What is it? It's novelty dick-shaped pasta. I've set up a sensual sexy Italian dinner. There are candles set up on the table. They're melting too fast, dripping everywhere- they're low temp waxplay pillar candles. For dessert, I serve you a delicious ice cream topped in penis-shaped rainbow confetti sprinkles and strawberry body paint drizzle, and afterwards, serve coffee with roasted hazelnut warming lube.

We play a board game while we drink. It's sexy monopoly. It's your turn. You roll the dice. They come up as 'whisper into' and 'butt'. I lost the original dice. We're using the sexy dice. You move four spaces.

After dinner, I run you a bath. A bubble bath. The bubble gel? Sensual ocean breeze. There are candles lined up around the tub. The scent is overpowering. Why? They're three-in-one fruit flavored massage oil candles. I'm using so much. It's so wasteful. Do you want to shave? I have conditioning shave cream that smells like limes. And an electric body razor, but you can't use that in the tub.

How about a bath bomb? You toss one in. It's cherry blossom scented. As it dissolves, three sexy bath sex suggestion cards fall out. They're all variations on doggy style, probably because fucking in a bathtub is probably the easiest way to break your hip.

The water cools. You get out an dry off with a novelty towel. If you wrap it around your chest, it looks like you have gigantic tatas bursting through the fabric like the Hulk.

You walk into the bedroom. I'm there, reading an instructional book titled "The Housewife's Guide To Every Day Stripping". I'm wearing a neck pillow designed to look like a massive curved weiner. Also a pair of fake leather bondage leggings and an oversized men's christmas T-shirt that says "Jingle My Bells" across the front.

I see you come in. I put down the book, take off the pillow. Offer you a massage. You accept. I already burned up all the massage candles so I pop a new bottle of CBD massage oil that says something wrong about Chakras on it. It's very gritty. That's because there's little chunks of amethyst in it for some fucking reason. It's fine, though. You say you don't mind.

I don't do massages very often. It's bad. You end up more tense than before. One of your muscles starts to cramp- it's okay. I whip out a bottle of Lidocane topical masculine performance numbing spray. You immediately feel like your shoulder went to the dentist. It's not ideal, but it's better than cramping.

You're not in the mood to bone after that. Which is good, cause I'm actually pretty asexual, but it hasn't come up yet so I'm relieved to avoid the conversation. Instead we get ready for bed. (The weather is terrible, and I insist you stay over.) I set up the futon, then realize it smells like cigarettes from the previous owner and shyly ask if you wanna cuddle in my room. You're down.

I crawl under the covers, placing my penis-shaped pink glitter pride bottle on the side table in case one of us wakes up thirsty. Once you're settled in, I turn off the glowing bare ass night light and the room goes black.

It takes a few seconds for your eyes to adjust, but when they do, you look up at the ceiling. It's dotted all over with little green flourescent lights. Are they plastic stars? No. I've pinned up a thousand glow in the dark condoms. God bless

[heartfullofleeches]

Groundskeeper Reader who works in an allegedly haunted manor turned murder-mystery attraction, but the murder is real and the mystery is which guest ended up in the soup of the day- Whether Reader is human themselves is up for debate- They're satisfied with having a job that gives them a roof over their head and allows them to do their favorite thing - cleaning. The ghosts, ghouls and killers at the manor greatly appreciate Reader's efforts to keep their home tidy. They're adorable wandering around aimlessly with their shovel looking for a new guest to bury.

Groundskeeper is also selectively mute because they just like me sometimes fr and no talk, only clean. They overwork themselves to the point of not eating or sleeping which their coworkers are sure to fix for them. Again, whether Reader needs food is a mystery, but they'll eat if requested.

-

[A group of axe welding ghouls circle around Groundskeeper Reader in the cemetery-]

Yan Ghost: Wait, guys- There's something familiar about this one...

[Groundskeeper Reader ignores them, pulling out a spray bottle and hosing down a grave stone with cleanser. Reader reaches over the back of the grace - picking up their hat they dropped earlier and putting it back on.]

The ghouls, in unison: Groundskeeper!!!

-

Killler: Ugh.... I can't see out of the windows...

[The slasher wipes blood of the window with an old rag. Groundskeeper Reader watching in the background - nodding in approval before wandering off.]

Killer: The hell?.... Why does my face feel so warm?

[Later]

Killer #2: Dude, what are you doing?

Killer #1 - mopping the floors while occasionally looking around for Reader: Nothing.

-

Chef: Ohh, Groundskeeper! One of our dear guests forgot to finish their meal. Would you be a dear and take care of this plate for me?

[Groundskeeper Reader wheels their trash can over to the table, reaching for the plate-]

Chef: Ah, ah, ah!- We don't waste food in this house. Have a seat and eat up before it gets cold.

-

[Groundskeeper Reader drags a body out to the cemetery to bury it in one of the empty graves - ultimately falling asleep in the coffin. The Host of the attraction finds Reader - carrying them up to an empty bedroom.]

Groundskeeper Reader: ....

[Groundskeeper Reader wakes up alone, visibly distressed by the dirt they left on the clean sheets.]