#spn fanfic dealing with death thoughts of suicide

[idreamofhazeleyes]

Ties of Blood -- Chapter 22

I know this is later than when I usually post chapters. I had been able to have my laptop out at work, but I’ve been needing to refocus back to that and less on the laptop. I still do plan on writing and updating as much as possible.

Warning: There is a brief moment in this chapter of suicide idealization. 

@mrswhozeewhatsis @percussiongirl2017 @winchestergirl-13 @impala-dreamer @because-imma-lady-assface @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @squirrelnotsam @optimisticpeacecollector5

Chapter 22

Aaliyah turned the car off and sat in the driver’s seat. Guilt had eaten away at her the whole drive back from Wyoming. Bobby had asked her to stay with the boys for a time, but she refused. It was bad enough she had to use the three day psych hold to keep her brother safe in the hospital. With a breath, Aaliyah worked her way out of the car and into the hospital. Her mind replayed what had happened at the cemetery yet again as it tried to figure out how she survived.

Aaliyah did her best to ignore the looks from those she passed in the halls on the way to her brother’s room. The trips between hospital and the cemetery in Wyoming hadn’t given her much time for a shower and change of clothing. She swore there was a lingering scent of sulfur from the amount of demons that escaped.

“I don’t care if there’s still twelve hours left,” Aaliyah heard from the elevator bay. “I want to be released.”

Aaliyah rolled her eyes as she followed the voice. She glanced around the corner to see a nurse at Xander’s bedside and their half siblings by the one window in the room. Nissa and Leo hadn’t noticed her arrival, and Aaliyah took the chance in walking into the room.

“Legally they can’t release you,” Aaliyah told her brother, startling all four. She smirked more to herself when Nissa let out a small yelp and Leo played it off like he had seen her the whole time. “Why’d you think I requested one and had our siblings come and visit you?”

“You trust me so little to stay here?” Xander shot back.

“I’m sorry,” the nurse cut in. “Who are you?”

“Aaliyah,” Aaliyah introduced herself, shifting her attention. “His younger sister. Has he been …”

“Much trouble?” The nurse’s eyebrows went up when she finished the sentience. “Very. He’s refused any sort of medication, barely ate what we brought him. Kept going on about seeing something called … reapers.”

“I swear I saw one,” Xander tossed in.

“Yeah, and I saw a demon walking into the lobby,” Aaliyah tossed back, half trying to defuse the tension. “Actually, I think that was a custodian come to think of it.”

“And we’ve seen wendigos out in the parking lot last night,” Leo added. “Seriously, big brother, you’re seeing things.”

Aaliyah turned her full attention to the nurse while her siblings bickered in a teasing tone that Aaliyah saw right through. It was better they did that than anything else. She gestured the nurse away from the bed. “Seriously, how bad is it?”

The nurse looked over the chart in her hands. “Whatever he went up against knocked him up pretty bad.” She pulled out a film and put it up against the light box. “They took this MRI the day he was admitted.” The light flicked on. “There’s minor fractures in his spine and the doctors suspect there was some sort of spinal injury that resulted in paralysis.”

Aaliyah moved in close and studied the MRI. A couple of the fractures didn’t look good, as if those could have been the result of Xander hitting the wall and causing the paralysis. “These two here,” she gestured to the two fractures. “Could they have caused the paralysis? If so, how quick will they heal and maybe he regaining some mobility?”

The nurse gave her a look that Aaliyah wasn’t sure how to interpret. It seemed to be a mix of mild surprise that Aaliyah was able to read the MRI well enough and posed questions that anyone in the medical field would. “Former nurse,” Aaliyah said. “I did some time in radiology in school.”

The nurse gave Aaliyah the nod that meant she really didn’t believe her, but accepted the answer. “It all really depends on Xander and how well his spine heals,” the nurse answered.

Aaliyah thanked the nurse and watched her take her leave of the room before turning back to her siblings.

“What the hell, Aaliyah?” Leo snapped. “You call asking us to come here and babysit?”

“Shit hit the fan bad, guys,” Aaliyah answered. “The yellow eyed demon managed to open a gate straight to hell, and a whole crap ton of demons got out.”

“So you decided to go deal with that instead of being here?” Leo questioned.

“I was asked to help two years ago, Leo,” Aaliyah countered as her cell starting ringing. “Things got rough. I didn’t plan on things getting this deep. The two of you need to keep a look out for any signs of demonic activity. It doesn’t matter how small, you take care of it.”

“And what about you?” Nissa asked as Aaliyah turned and headed for the door.

“I’m gonna answer this call.” Aaliyah fished the phone out of her pocket just as the ringing stopped. She worked her way down to the ground floor as her phone vibrated with a voicemail.

“Aaliyah, it’s Amanda,” the voicemail started. “It’s a good chance if you’re hearing this that I’m dead. Or dying. Not sure how often you check your voicemails. But, hey, it’s been nice knowing you.”

“Oh, hell you’re not,” Aaliyah said under her breath as she ended the voicemail and called Amanda. She started pacing in the lobby as Amanda’s cell rang. Aaliyah started to pull her cell from her head when the other end picked up.

“Hey, Aaliyah,” Amanda greeted, her voice unusually calm. “It’s been a while.”

“It’s been a couple years,” Aaliyah agreed. “Sorry I hadn’t called before now; just got your voicemail. What’s up?”

“Can you … come get my body? That wendigo really did a number on me.”

Aaliyah stopped pacing. “God. Amanda, I’m so sorry. You shoulda called for help on that one.”

“You were busy.” Amanda’s voice had gotten weaker. “Off saving the world.”

“Still working on that bit,” Aaliyah said. “Could use some help with it. We can talk about it more when I come get you.”

“I’ll text you where I’m at.”

The line went dead and Aaliyah started at the cell for a minute before a text came through. Her head tilted a little before she left the hospital. Something told her that she wouldn’t make it to Amanda before she died, but Aaliyah hoped she’d arrive before that happened anyway. She sent a text to her siblings and Bobby telling them that she was off to get Amanda; and to prepare for a possible Hunter’s Funeral.

***

Aaliyah swore to herself in frustration. Picking the lock was proving to be more difficult than she expected. She wondered how Amanda managed to get back to her motel room if she suffered bad wounds from a wendigo. The lock clicked open and Aaliyah eased the door into the room. Left over food littered the table and clothing was scattered across the room with one of the beds stripped of all the blankets and sheets.

“Amanda,” Aaliyah called out as she moved toward the bathroom. “Come on, I busted ass to get out here. Don’t you die on me now.” She stopped right before turning into the bathroom and closed her eyes, trying to brace herself for seeing her good friend dead on the floor. With a semi deep breath, Aaliyah opened her eyes and looked into the bathroom. In the tub laid Amanda wrapped in the bedding. Her breath caught in her throat.

“Aaliyah.” Her name was just above a whisper. “Wasn’t sure you’d make it.”

“Told you I’d come get you.” Aaliyah knelt down to the edge of the tub. “What about your wounds?” She dared to pull back the bedding to see a large gash across Amanda’s lower abdomen and part of her intestines spilling out.

“Pretty sure it’s infected.” Amanda made some sort of noise Aaliyah accepted as amusement. “I wouldn’t worry about fixing it, Aaliyah. We both know that I’m dead anyway.”

“What sorta nonsense is that, huh? I’ll get your guts back in and you stitched up in no time.”

Amanda rocked her head enough. “I’ve been fighting off death since I put myself in this tub. Hell, I’ve been seeing a reaper popping in once in a while.”

Aaliyah adjusted herself and sat on the floor and leaned in the corner made between the wall and tub wall. She didn’t say anything or do anything.

“Thanks for staying,” Amanda said after a while, her voice quiet. “I would have hated to die here alone and become an angered spirit.”

“You were one of my best friends,” Aaliyah said, getting an amused cough from Amanda. “Yeah, I know. But it’s true. I’m gonna miss you, Amanda.”

“Same … here. Give me a Hunter’s Funeral. Keep what I left in the room.”

Aaliyah shifted around to look Amanda in her eyes to see that little spark of life fade away. The bathroom grew cold, but she didn’t move. Either Amanda was there as a ghost or a reaper decided to visit to take Amanda. Aaliyah wiped away a tear before she collapsed back into the corner and cried. It wasn’t fair that her first friend had been killed by a wendigo. The one person that hadn’t judged Aaliyah when she first started digging after the werewolf on campus near three and a half years ago.

Aaliyah wasn’t sure when the tears finally stopped, or how long she was curled up in the corner with Amanda’s corpse in the tub behind her. She eased up to her feet and left the motel room, after a quick search for the key. There were things to do before night fell, and she was on her own.

***

Several hours passed before Aaliyah found a place out in the woods of upstate New York. Armed with an axe she bought from one of the hardware stores in town and a few six packs, Aaliyah worked until nightfall on a pyre. She helped the boys with the pyre for John, but then it was the three of them. For Amanda, it was just her. With the last log in place just as the sky took on the last hues of night blue, Aaliyah stepped back and wiped the sweet off her face. The pyre certainly wasn’t the best she had seen, but it would do. With a catching breath, Aaliyah walked over to where she had put Amanda. She had wrapped up her friend in the same way John had been; the white fitted bed sheet with the top sheet ripped up to tie up the body.

Aaliyah struggled a little with the dead weight but managed to get Amanda’s body onto the pyre. She poured some gasoline in a line on the wood and struck a match, dropping it onto the gasoline soaked wood. It went up in a burst of fire, sending Aaliyah back a few steps. She stood there for a minute before grabbing a beer and opening it. Her cell rang at one point, breaking the silence, but Aaliyah ignored it. It vibrated in her pocket. When the pyre burned half way down, and Amanda’s body had turned to mostly ash, Aaliyah picked up what remained of the two six packs and started back toward the motel.

***

Dawn found Aaliyah passed out on the unstripped bed on her stomach and one arm hanging off the edge, beer on the nightstand within her reach. Her cell started ringing, startling her awake. She moaned in her motions to grab the phone and answered it.

“This better be important,” Aaliyah snapped. “I’m not in the mood for talking.”

“Nissa called, saying that you took off a few days ago,” Sam said. “Said that you had a call while at the hospital.”

“Amanda died,” Aaliyah said, keeping her eyes closed. “A wendigo nearly gutted her.”

“I’m sorry, Aaliyah,” Sam said, his voice soft. “Really. Dean told me about her. What did you do?”

Aaliyah moaned as her head started to throb a little from the beginnings of a hangover. “Hunter’s Funeral is what she wanted. What’s up?”

“We found one of dad’s storage units had been broken into,” he said.

“And something was taken. How important is it?”

“You’re hungover, aren’t you?”

Aaliyah rolled onto her back. “Do you blame me?”

“I guess not. I’ll send you where we’re at,” Sam said. “Drink plenty of water and take some pain meds.”

“Thanks, Sam.” Aaliyah hung up and laid there on her back, unsure if she wanted to move or lay there and sleep off the hangover. Sleep would be nice; and would provide a nice escape from the pain. But it would be temporary. She eased herself up to sitting on the edge of the bed before fumbling over to where she had dumped her bag for the bottle of Advil.

A seed of a thought sprouted in her mind as Aaliyah got a couple pills into an open hand. What was to stop her from swallowing the whole bottle? She had attempted to kill the pain with alcohol the night before and all it got her was the hangover. Yeah, it hurt losing a friend; but Aaliyah knew if she swallowed more than the two pills in her hand, she’d never hear the end of it. Washing the pills down with flat beer,

Aaliyah pushed past the discomfort of the hangover and worked through the papers and Amanda’s belongings. It took a few hours, but it had been done. The food she had dumped into the trash before making sure she had everything packed. With her and Amanda’s gear bags in hand, Aaliyah left the room. She settled the account for the room in the office before heading off to meet Sam and Dean.

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

[maximumkillshotstillwritess-blog]

All I Could Do Part 1

Warnings: Major Angst, Severe Depression, Thoughts of Suicide, Major loss, Character Deaths mentioned, gore, loss of a child,  

Pairing:  Dean x Reader  

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Jody Mills, Garth, Patience is mentioned

A/N:  This was my submission to SPN Angst Appreciation Day. To say that this one is dark is clearly an understatement. There is a lot of triggering things in this one! Prepare to cry…

“All I Could Do” Masterlist- CLICK HERE

Overall Masterlist- Click Here

All I could do was lay in bed all day and drink. On some days days, like today, I’d stare at the photos on my phone, watch the videos we made together. Look at the sonogram. I’d stare at the half made bassinet,it’s pink color was her surprise, to show me we were having a girl. I could still hear her screaming “We are having a girl! Big and mean Dean Winchester is having a baby girl!”. I still cry when I hear that in my head.

You’d think that I’d be a little more productive but I just can’t. Not without her scent surrounding me,not without her laugh that gave me life. Not without her smile, her eyes, her hair, her nose, her voice, her everything. Not without her. The demon was right, he said that I would be forced to live, but with no reason to live. To die would be a blessing, maybe then I’ll see her again.

Maybe then I won’t see them, the gashes and bruises that riddled her body when I found her. Maybe then I won’t hear her screams echoing through my head as I watched those very same marks as they were placed on her perfect and loving body. While I couldn’t do anything. I was forced to watch her. Forced to hear her beg for my help as I watched her eyes fill with tears, all while it tore at her creamy skin. The worst part? That son of a bitch smoked out before either of us could kill it.

Maybe when I lay down for that final time, she’ll be there, waiting for me with a smile and a piece of pie.

“Took you long enough, Winchester” she’d say in her condescending and cheesy tone, “And here I thought I was gonna have to eat all of this pie by myself”, she’d continue teasingly. She always did that. Forever the tease, it was one of the reasons why I fell so hard for her. One of the thousands of reasons, that is.

Yeah, that’d be my Heaven, just her.

“Dean?” said Sam as he creaked open the door to our-my room.

“What is it Sammy?” I asked halfheartedly, trying my best not to lose it for the millionth time today, is it still today? How long has it been since I’ve slept? It doesn’t matter.

“Dean… It’s been two months since you left your room… all you do is lay there. I have to force you to eat and shower, you’ve gotta get up man.” said Sam as gently as he could. He knows that the minute I hear anything along those lines that I usually chew him out, but I’m too tired.

“I’m tired, Sam. Just let me go.” I said, trying my hardest not to cry. Sam looked confused as I said “She needs me… I need her. Life, it ain’t worth living without her. So just let me go, say that I can go with her and that’ll be it. You can have your normal life, without pain, it’s a win-win Sammy” I said as tears began to fall on her pillow that barely had her scent anymore.

“Dean, I know you aren’t thinking what I think you’re thinking” said Sam, worried as he walked to the side of our-my (shit, why is this so hard?)bed.

I continued stone faced as I stared at her side of the bed“One bullet. That’s all I need. That’s all I want right now and then I won’t be in pain anymore. I’ve been in pain for so long, Sammy. Mom, Dad, Bobby, Jo, Cassie, Lisa… None of them hurt this bad, Sam. I can’t breathe.” I said as I clutched my chest, holding the chain that she gave me two weeks before she died, which now held everything that I had left of her.

“I found something Dean, something bad.” said Sam as he looked at me.

“Sam, I don’t care” I said as plainly as I could. I’d be a detriment to him, I’d probably try to get myself killed.

“Another hunter was killed” Said Sam.

“And?” I said bluntly.

“And it was Garth, He was torn to shreads, only thing fully intact was his head, for confirmation.”

It stung, but I still didn’t care. “What’s the point Sam, he’s dead, rest in piece, I can’t care anymore, Sammy”

“The killer left a note.” said Sam.

“Oh great, a killer with a touch of class, why should I care?”I asked.

“It was addressed to you, which is why Jody forwarded me the case file.” said Sam.

“ Not surprised, everyone that we care about dies becuase of us.” I replied harshly.

“It said ‘time for payback’ which confuses me because that doesn’t mean anything to either of us.” Said Sammy.

“It’s a demon, any leads” I said as I slowly picked up my head.

“Yeah, Jody wanted us to do the honors, something about Patience advising against them going to finish it.” said Sam.

“Fine… let’s go.” I said, almost fuming.

Jody had met us outside of crappy Motel called The Sunset Inn.

“It has to be in there, whatever it is; the vessel goes by Trisha Huntsman room 113” said Jody.

“That son of a bitch, that was one of Y/N alias’ when she hunted alone” I said out loud. “Bastard’s trying to rope me in” I said with my jaw clenched, “Well, mission accomplished”.  I began to feel my blood boil as I got the angel blade out of my duffel and raced to the door of the room. Sam followed after me, mumbling something about a plan.

As soon as I kicked in the door I was met with a woman, tied down to a chair, her eyes an obsidian black.

“Nice of you to finally join, Dean. Mind helping a girl out?” the demon breathed.

“Why did you use her alias?” I asked very calmly as I stalked towards her.

“Listen I was just here, minding my own business making deals, taking a break from the whole murdering side of the job and then the next thing I knew I was hit over the back of the head and I woke up here.” said the demon. “Shame about your girlfriend, she had a bun in the oven too! Ouch, you didn’t just fail her, did you Winchester, you failed your own kid. My condolences for both of your losses”

My body reacted quickly, as it always did at the mention of our daughter, “You mention her ever again and I’m cutting your tongue out right here and right now!” I growled at her as I held the angel blade to her throat.

“Ohh Papa Bear’s angry,” said the demon with a chuckle. “I mean I wouldn’t expect you to be this bent out of shape. Sam has lost more girlfriends than anyone can count and you don’t see him going all ‘eye of the tiger’ on a defenseless woman that is tied up to a chair, she was just your girlfriend, had I known that you’d get like this, all hot and bothered, I would’ve drawn it out longer.“

“You, you killed her?!” I screamed as I looked into it’s eyes.

“Yeah, one of my finest pieces of work actually,” said the demon with a cackle.

I pulled my chain out from under my shirt and took it off, and angled the demon’s head towards the objects hanging from it. Two simple wedding bands, a smaller  silver one with one garnet on it that Y/N fell in love with which she had to have and my silver wedding band, The demon’s eyes grew wide as I said it for the first time out loud.

“You killed my wife and child.” I could feel the anger runing through my veins.

“Dean�� said Sammy and I yelled at him to stay out of it.

“ She had a Name! Both of them did!” I screamed as I yanked the demon’s head back by the hair.

“My wife’s name was Y/F/N.. Y/M/N… Winchester.” I punctuated each name with a punch and I looked at the demon’s face, now caked in bruising, like her’s was. I looked at the fist that I had punched it with, the wedding bands swaying as my fist stood still. It wasn’t enough. But it was taking some of that pain away.

“Our daughter’s name was Deanna… Sam… Winchester”. I repeated the same pattern, repeating their names, swinging my fist, pause to breathe, and repeat.

“My daughter woud’ve been born on January 13th, 2020. My life would’ve been complete on January 13th, 2020. And you took that away from me. YOU TOOK THEM AWAY FROM ME!” I screamed as I continued beating the demon. I could hear my wife’s voice echoing through my head as well as Deanna’s heartbeat too as I continued my onslaught.

I finally took out the angel blade that I had stashed in my jacket and stabbed her through the heart. She died with a flash if light, then I heard the bathroom door open.

“Shame, I was hoping you’d save a bit for me,”…. That voice…. It can’t be.

“Y/N?”

“Hey Dean”

***********************************

Overall Masterlist- Click Here

Wanna Chat? Click Here

As always, I love to interact with you guys and get your opinions and submissions for fics! Whether you have a fic idea that’s been swimming in your head or you just wanna chat, Talk to me here!

***********************************

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spn angst appreciation day 2018

spn

spn fanfic

spnfamily

dean x reader

61 notes

Jun 23rd, 2018

[wanderingcas]

Week 7: Season 12 Inspired Destiel!

[Thank you, everyone, for your wonderful submissions to Week 6 of Spn Fanfic Submission Thursday!! There’s some absolutely quality fics in this list, so check them out. If you want to participate in next week’s fic submissions, check out the schedule!

Please signal boost so we can get these great fics circulating!]

Things That Will Probably Not Happen in Season 12 by @expatgirl

Three fics from Mary’s POV as she tries to adjust to being alive again, tries to understand her sons, and the guy that seems to live with them. The fourth fic is from Dean’s POV, as he tries to understand the same things.

Teen and Up; Mature for the 3rd fic, 8.7k words. (Complete)

[POV Mary Winchester, POV Dean, Weird family dynamics, Hugs, Swearing, Dissociation, Blood, Prayer, Blow Jobs, Feelings]

Warnings: Mild eye trauma/ mild body horror (not shown), brief suicidal thoughts

Dean (and Cas') Top 13 Zepp Traxx by @pantheonofdiscord

Dean eases Baby down the frontage road, trying not to look in the rearview mirror as his home gets smaller and smaller behind him.

He’s done this a hundred times. He’s driven down this road in the soft morning light, heading out to some little town in some distant corner of the country. This is a job like any other.

“It’s not like we’re never coming back,” Cas says from the passenger seat.

Dean and Cas and the open road, to the tune of Led Zeppelin. A post-series story in thirteen parts.

Explicit. 82k words. (Complete)

[Dean/Cas, road trips, mutual pining, getting together, case fic, post-series, angst, fluff]

And Back Again by @funnywings

Takes place after the finale. Mourning, loss, and a game of spot the difference between the Cas that used to be and the one Jack brought back. Happy ending guaranteed. 

Teen and Up. 4k words. (Complete)

[Angst, Happy Ending, Dean’s POV, 12.23 Coda]

Warnings: Temporary MCD

This Isn’t How It Was Supposed To Go by @nox-lee

It’s been excruciating all this time without Dean and now he’s finally here. Cas wants to soak Dean in, wants to scrub him clean of the prison grime and smooth away the new lines that have formed on his hardened face. He wants to breathe him in and re-catalogue every freckle. Instead he watches Dean disappear down the hall and slam his bedroom door.

This isn’t how it was supposed to go.

Explicit. 3k words. (Complete)

[12x09, 12x10, coda, angst with a happy ending, smut]

Heaven Help Me by @righteousdemondean

Coda to 12.23 “All along the watchtower” Teen and Up. 647 words. (Complete) [angst, hurt no comfort, dean-centric, drinking mention, alcohol abuse mention, character death]

Please Come Back by @spn-akf-yana

Even months after the events with the portal, neither Sam and Dean have given up on bringing Cas back. Jack doesn’t to begin with know his true heritage so he tries to help, but not knowing how to raise the dead, he opens the portal again, which just brings up bad memories and things become even more complex when he finds out who he is.

Teen and Up. 9.9k words. (Complete)

[angst, post-season 12]

Rebirth by @mrswholmeschester

Set right after season 11, this story explores the new dynamics now that Mary is back. Dean finds out something about himself as he and his family try to find Pandora's box to trap Lucifer. 

Teen and Up. 16k words. (Complete)

[Destiel]

Rage by @darkheartinthesky

Castiel was always too stubborn for his own good–too stubborn to die, even. As Castiel sits recovering, Sam and Dean prepare for their biggest fight yet. Meanwhile, come Hell or high water, Mary Winchester is getting back to her home world.

Teen and Up. 50k words. (WIP) 

[S13 Fic, Hurt!Castiel, Caretaker Dean, Dean Winchester vs Feelings, Supportive Sam, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF!Mary Winchester]

Warnings: Graphic imagery, violence

Feather by @ialwayscomewhenyoucall

Dean mourns Cas after the events of “All Along the Watchtower”

Teen and Up. 336 words. (Complete)

[12x23 coda, angst, grief]

alive by @babybluecas

Cas is standing right before him: same coat, same blue eyes—so radiant and alive, as if they have never lost their light.

Teen and Up. 898 words. (Complete)

[Angst, Castiel’s return, post-season 12, pre-slash, pining]

Warning: Major Character Death

You’re Me and I’m You by @deservetobesaved 

A witch’s spell causes Dean and Cas to switch bodies, much to Sam’s amusement. Dean pretends he’s super annoyed about it (not really) and Cas is just adorable.

Teen and up. 1.5k words. (Complete)

[fluff, crack, body swap, s12, canon divergence]

Conversation Hearts by @mittensmorgul

Following the events of 12.11, Dean takes stock of the things he remembers, and the things he’s always tried to make himself forget. If he can’t make his own words, maybe store-bought is fine.

Teen and Up. 4k words. (Complete)

[Valentine’s Day Fluff, Episode: s12e11 Regarding Dean, Dean Uses Actual Words, even if he has to borrow them from terrible candy, Fluff, Dean rode Larry, and squished a bunny, Love Confessions, First Kiss]

Welcome home, Cas by @xbooksandtea

“Cas,” he whispered, and he was able to hear the blood rushing through the veins in his ears. Shimmering lights were dancing at the corners of his vision. His skin felt both burning hot and ice cold at the same time, the way he imagined it would feel if you dove into a pool while someone branded you with a burning claw – the way that left scars.

General Audiences. 1.6k words. (Complete)

[fluff and angst, reunions]

Memento Mori by @cas-essence

Dean is annoyed to find out that they forgot to wrap up the case of Benjamin’s stabbing. Still, he finds himself intrigued as he is told that the dead angel had owned an apartment and he, Sam and Cas drive back to have a look around. Old wounds are opened and start to heal as Cas is finally able to say goodbye to one of his siblings properly.

General Audiences. 8k words. (Complete)

[ep 12x10, hurt Castiel, hurt/comfort, team free will, pining dean, fluff and angst, Angel headcanons]

Good Scotch (Is the Way to Dean’s Heart) by @braezenkitty

A sort of coda to 12x13, inspired by 12x14 and this post, and set between the two episodes. Dean’s pissed about Mary lying to them and putting lives in danger—for putting Cas’ life in danger. He’s angry and he needs some comfort and distraction. He also needs another bottle of scotch. Castiel provides.

Teen and Up. 3.5k words. (Complete)

[Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Winchester Coping Mechanisms, First Kiss, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant]

Careless by @lies-unfurl

Castiel has always obeyed Ishim.

Explicit. 1.5k words. (Complete)

[Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Castiel, Castiel Whump, Episode: s12e10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets]

Warnings: rape/non-con, suicidal thoughts

Angels Calling by @hefellfordean

Post s12e17: Castiel has tracked down Dagon and Kelly Kline with the help of other angels, after the Winchesters and Eileen let her go, and calls Dean for help. Dean has to deal with Cas’ return to Heaven and is worried about what that means for their relationship.(Basically my guess about what would happen to Kelly Kline before the final episodes aired)

Teen and Up. 2.7k words. (Complete)

[Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, BAMF!Cas]

Just Pretend by @thursdays-fallen-angel

After Sam’s footsteps crunch over the gravel and disappear into the house, the only sound remaining is Dean’s ragged breathing, and the thundering of his own heartbeat in his ears.

General. 2k words. (Complete)

[Angst, 12x23 spoilers, Fix-It]

Hymnal by @humanformdragon

When Castiel meets Mary on the way to the Bunker, they end up talking about the past, and about doubt, and about decisions. Castiel recalls a past Christmas, one where Anna was ordered to carry out God’s will in a village no-one now remembers, and he finds he isn’t so sure of when his first steps towards Falling were taken.

General Audiences. 7.8k words. (Complete)

[Castiel and Mary talk, Conversations, Destiel is background, Mostly me musing on Castiel’s past, s12 time frame]

May I Have This Dance? by @thefiendishfangirl

Mary takes a quiet moment to teach Castiel to dance.

Teen and Up. 1.1k words. (Complete) 

[slow dancing, fluff, implied smut, supportive mary, cockblock sam]

Untitled by @deanwinchcester

Based on this post. Cas can sense lies and confronts Dean on the “you’re our brother” line.

General Audiences. 369 words. (Complete)

[first kiss, 12.19 coda]

lifeless by @casitels

Dean brings Cas’ hand to his lips, and for a moment, he leaves it there.

General. 196 words. (Complete)

[Coda, Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower]

Warnings: Major Character Death

the (not so) reluctant big spoon by @woefulcas

dean and cas get some much needed time together while sam works a case with eileen - sleepy morning cuddles ensue

General Audience. .5k words. (Complete)

[hunter husbands, extreme fluff, sleepy morning cuddles, dean likes being the little spoon but he wants to wrap himself around cS ok, it’s a struggle, s12 should have had more fluff and cuddling and i’m bitter about it]

The Way Out by @awed-frog

Things are going pretty good, which is why Dean should have seen it coming. Sam and Toni are so in love it’s disgusting, the big monsters are all gone or dead, and Dean and Cas - yeah, okay, so they kissed and now they’re kind of together, okay? Shut up.

No, the second Dean had caught himself thinking about food processors and beach holidays, he should have fucking known his happy ending would turn around and kick him in his fucking teeth. And now it has, and they’re supposed to get on a damn plane and put on monkey suits and have Christmas dinner at Lord and Lady Bevell’s, and Dean just can’t - he can’t face it, he can’t breathe, he can’t even see through the injustice of it all, because Cas - Cas -

Mature. 67k words. (Complete)

[Angst and Feels, Pining, Friendship, Time Travel, First Kiss, First Time, Declarations Of Love, Team Free Will, Young Winchesters, Profound Bond, Canon Compliant]

softly; because we are screaming by @cuddlemonsterdean

He’d tried, all through dinner. Fuck, did he try. They’re a family and families eat together. But the food just didn’t wanna go down. As if there were still words locked in his throat, words of hurt and accusation, and they were in the way. The more he tried to get past them, the harder it got to talk. Like his insides were torn between heaving it all up and keeping everything inside.

Teen And Up Audiences. 1k words. (Complete)

[implied/background Deancas, implied one-sided Crowley/Dean, 12x14 Coda]

Warnings: implied panic attack, implied selectively mute!Dean

Season 12 episode codas series by @whichstiel

A series of 24 episode codas for season 12 - one unique story for each episode, plus a bonus story for that Endverse prop photo from episode 2. Features Destiel, Rowena, Mary, Crowley, Lily Sunder, the Banes twins, and Saileen.

Generic to Explicit, 32.5k words. (Complete)

The sun cannot fall from the sky by @the-idiot-under-your-bed

Coda for 12x23. “Just know that no matter what anyone says, they love you. I love you, and Dean loves you. Just, don’t give up, ok? Come back home.” 

Teen and Up. 1.3k words. (WIP)

[12x23 coda, angst, wayward sisters are there too, anger, canon character death, character return?]

The Death of Reservations by @60r3d0m

Maybe at some point, he had stopped believing. But not believing hadn’t stopped him from ducking into the room that he had prepared for Cas’ return every month. Not believing hadn’t prevented him from dusting the shelves and washing the sheets and accumulating stupid knick-knacks for Cas to have because they had reminded Dean of him.

But now Cas is back.

Before Dean can call him, he’s standing in the doorway (coda to 12.23).

Mature. 616 words. (Complete)

[Love confessions, caretaker Dean, Castiel in the Bunker]

All Was Well (Previously: Fuck You) by @hunterangelkisses

Dean might never admit it, but this was all he needed in life: him and his Baby and Cas (who was his second Baby, really) and his brother and Eileen, his mom would be back in a few days… Jody had called to check in earlier with stories about the girls, and even Donna had called the day before to tell them how things were going in Stillwater. In other words, here it is, the sweetest, fluffiest fic ever as a giant FUCK YOU to Bucklemming (or Fucklemming, as I’ve been calling them) and the other SPN writers.

General Audiences. 1.7k words. (Complete)

[fluff, established relationship, marriage proposal, fix-it for 12x21 There’s Something About Mary]

Balance And New Beginnings by @hekate1308

Dean turns his back on his family and the legacy of the Men of Letters when he learns Sam and Mary have been working with their British counterparts behind his back. Joining Cas on good-old-fashioned hunting trips, occasionally aided by Crowley, he soon learns there are more good monsters out there than he ever thought possible. And they need a protector.

Meanwhile, Sam is growing more and more lonely until one day, he looks in the mirror and doesn’t recognize the man staring back at him. Is it too late to return to the brother he’s let down so many times before?

General Audiences. 54k words. (Complete)

[Dean/Cas, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Season 12 AU, post-12x14]

You, You’re Everything by @spearywritesstuff

Castiel tells Dean about his last days in his female vessel. Ishim said that humans were dangerous and that being close to them made one weak, but twice now Castiel has tested that theory, once in 1901 and now with Dean.

General Audiences. 1.7k words. (Complete)

[Coda for 12x10, Lily Sunder Has Regrets]

Say it Again? by @a-fandom-life-for-me

Back in the bunker after the events of 12x12, Dean is furious with Castiel and his deathbed “I love you.” The sexual tension reaches its breaking point and Dean discovers just how much Castiel actually loves him

Mature. 8k words. (Complete)

[Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Season/Series 12, Season/Series 12 Spoilers, Wingfic, Angel Wings, Men of Letters Bunker, Bunker Sex, Castiel in the Bunker, Sam Ships It, Grace-Powered Orgasms, Angelic Grace, Grace Kink, Soul Bond, Love, Anal Sex, Rough Sex]

O’ Christmas Tree Series by @osirisapollo

This series was written before we really knew how terribly anti-family Mary was going to be. It’s based around Christmas/New Years and has the whole Winchester family (including Cas!) happily celebrating the holidays together. Dean/Cas get together series, starting with a ficlet on how Dean figures out his feelings for Cas.

Teen and Up. 13.5k words. (Complete)

[Tooth-rotting Fluff, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Sam Ships it, Mary Ships It, Holidays, Humor, First Kiss, Family Feels, Everything is Fine and Nothing Hurts]

Still Missing (Gotta Tell You Something) by @profound-boning

“I hope they don’t come for you, Cas. God knows what would happen if they somehow found out about the Bunker. If they…”

Dean cuts himself off and Castiel strains to pick up more. Dean’s longing is still strong, and a tug from Sam’s soul echoes in Castiel’s grace. After so many years, Sam is a brother in all but blood to Castiel. And Dean, well. Dean says “you’re our brother” and also “I need you” and Castiel can’t help but think maybe Dean doesn’t always say what’s really in his heart.

General. 2.4k words. (Complete)

[Canon Compliant, Episode: s12e09 First Blood, Coda, POV Castiel. Mutual Pining, Love Confessions]

[wanderingcas]

Week 8: General Spn Fiction 

[Thank you, everyone, for your wonderful submissions to Week 8 of Spn Fanfic Submission Thursday!! There’s some absolutely quality fics in this list, so check them out. If you want to participate in next week’s fic submissions, check out the schedule.

If you read a fic, make sure to leave a comment and make an author’s day!]

Red and White by @expatgirl 

A pre-canon look at Rowena and how she fits into a well-known tale.

Snow White. But not as you know it.

Teen & Up. 1k words. (Complete)

[Rowena, Fairy tale retellings]

Some Like It Norse (or If At First You Don't Succeed, Try Crossdressing) by @bold-sartorial-statement

Gabriel comes back, and he has a special request for Sam. It involves dressing up as bride and bridesmaid, and fake-marrying a giant to get Mjölnir back.

Teen & Up. 1.8k words. (Complete)

[Screenplay/Script Format, Sam as Thor, Gabriel as Loki, Norse Myths & Legends, Thrymskvidha, Humor, Crossdressing]

Grocery Shopping is a Type of Family Bonding by @righteousdemondean

Sam and Dean go grocery shopping.

General Audience. 862 words. (Complete)

[bigger age gap between Sam and Dean, grocery shopping, food mention, fluff]

Not a Big Deal by @braezenkitty

An abandoned coda for 12x20, wherein Dean “accidentally” comes out to Sam

General. 487 words. (Complete)

[Bisexual Dean Winchester, Coming Out, Banter]

Grace Period by @somekindofsaviour

Dean gives Toni the head start she asked for. She goes home to England to see her son.

Teen & Up. 3.3k words. (Complete)

[Antonia Bevell, Dean Winchester, 12x22 Coda]

Warning: Off-Screen Violence 

Always Stuck In Second Gear by @thayerkerbasy

After Wendy Vincente spilled the location of her brother’s secret cabin, Agents Beyoncé and Jay-Z had a lead to follow. Tracking Lucifer while confined to a pickup truck wasn’t exactly Crowley’s preferred modus operandi, but at least he was in good company.

Teen and Up. 29k words. (Complete)

[Canon Compliant, Road Trips, Frenemies, Past Crowley/Dean Winchester, POV Crowley]

Something Special by @durenjtmusings 

What makes something special? Special enough for people to pay any price, beyond even their lives? Welcome to Lost and Found, Ltd., experts in finding very, very special things. Things that can be yours if you are willing to trade something very special in return. Well, and often even if you aren’t. [Canon-compliant possible backstory for both characters and objects in Supernatural.]

General Audiences. 11k words. (Complete)

[Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Daniel Elkins, Jimmy Novak, Ruby, Bobby Singer, Original Character, Sam’s Taurus, Dean’s colt, The Colt, The Samulet, Ruby’s Demon-killing Knife, Castiel’s Overcoat and Tie, object backstories, the Impala, Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe Trope - The Little Shop that wasn’t there Yesterday, Demon Deals, unborn souls,Impala backstory, Impala has a soul]

Everyone Needs A Hobby by @durenjtmusings

Sam has a secret - something he’s working on. And it is driving Dean crazy not to know… (Cas just wants everyone to get along.) Sam thinks Dean should a) mind his own business and b) appreciate his artistic vision.

General Audiences. 1.7k words. (Complete)

[brotherly pranking, Winchester Communication, Sam has a secret,sam has owies, serial killer statistics, dean gets pranked, Castiel is patient, Sam creates art, Sam has a new hobby, textile arts, disturbing Hannibal Lector reference, Bunker ficlet, spn season 10, after spn 10.16]

Of Hunters, Time Travelers and Angels by @nera-solani

When a SHIELD agent, who travels with the Doctor, is supposed to keep an eye on the Winchesters, things turn a little complicated when she finds her charge to have disappeared. They’re quickly found again in another universe, but the question is: How did they get there and who is responsible for this? Together they have to find out who is behind this whole mess, because something dark is lurking in the shadows and an old new enemy is making plans…

Not Rated. 9k words. (Complete)

Silence in the Bunker by @envydean

Dean’s not speaking after Mary leaves…

General Audiences. 508 words. (Complete)

[episode coda, mute!dean, Angst with a Happy Ending, canonverse]

In the Family by @lies-unfurl

While Castiel and Kelly are furniture shopping, a case of mistaken identity leads to a conversation about angels, family, and the future.

General Audiences. 1.6k words. (Complete)

[Fluff, Friendship, Light Angst, Pregnancy, IKEA, Humor, Season/Series 12, Post-Episode: s12e19 The Future]

Donna and the Case of the Haunted Cabin by @whichstiel

Sheriff Donna Hanscum investigates reports of a haunting at an abandoned cabin on a remote lake in Minnesota. What should be a simple salt and burn turns out to be something far more dangerous. A full moon, a resident werewolf, and a cranky ghost make Donna’s first solo hunt a memorable one. Can Donna survive until sunrise?

Teen and Up. 5k words. (Complete)

[case fic, ghosts, werewolves, Donna Hanscum, Werewolf Kate]

Warnings: some discussion of suicide

Lost and Found by @terence-f

AU to episode 9x06 ‘Heaven Can’t Wait’. Castiel works at Gas-n-Sip, but he does not call Dean on the possible case. He carries on his daily routine as a sales associate, for now this is all he is capable of, and does not watch the news. He remembers he wasn’t welcome to join the Winchesters— and he does not feel like taking another attempt.

General Audiences. 20k words. (Complete)

[Castiel, Dean, Nora. Castiel’s POV, canon divergence, hurt/comfort]

No Trouble with Tribble by @babybluecas

Dean brings a new housemate to the Bunker. Spoiler: it’s a bunny.

General Audiences. 757 words. (Complete)

[Fluff]

Same by @spearywritesstuff 

When you feel like you’ve lost everything, sometimes all you have left is family.

Teen and Up. 3.6k words. (WIP Chapter 1 of 2 Posted)

[Angst, Temporary Char. Death]

Chained Down by @dreamsfromthebunker

Down in that basement, Sam decided he didn’t want to still be breathing when he finally left it.

Not if it meant a life without his brother.

Mature. 782 words. (Complete)

[Suicidal Thoughts; Episode: s12e02 Mamma Mia; Coda; Torture; Psychological Torture; Self-Loathing; Survivor Guilt; Hurt Sam Winchester]

By the Grace of God (series) by @theriverscribe

When Amara raises Mary Winchester to show her gratitude to Dean, Chuck takes a moment to give a gift to Sam. He intervenes after the gun goes off and offers the younger Winchester a chance for healing beyond the physical. Healing for a soul shredded and burned.

Using a piece of His own grace, God reforms Sam Winchester’s soul and body in order for Sam to properly process the traumas of the cage and beyond.

But the story of healing is beyond the ragtag family of misfits on Earth. What would happen if angels remembered what it meant to be angels? Heaven isn’t just a system that cares for souls. Heaven is a family. And both have been broken for a long time.

Rating: Teen. 195k words. (WIP) [hurt/comfort, trauma recovery, fledgling!Sam, adult mind/child body deaged Sam, Enochian, flock and family, Heaven, angels remembering what it means to be angels, healing the universe]

Warnings: anxiety/panic attacks, nightmares, swearing, canon-level violence (only in one story, and clearly marked) 

Darkness Cannot Drive Out Darkness, Only Light Can Do That by @youarentreadingthis

When Sam goes to Lucifer’s cage seeking help to stop The Darkness, he doesn’t get what he expects. Looking for a sword that sounds like it never existed is impossible, but Sam is still confident he has the power to defeat Amara. After all, what could go wrong? (Set in 11x09 O Brother, Where Art Thou)

Teen and Up. 3k words. (WIP)

The Wheel Has Come Full Circle by @hekate1308

After almost twenty-four months of non-stop fighting, they’d learned about the portal. The portal that could bring exactly one human back to their world.

Their home.

Without surprise, Crowley realized he would actually miss Mary. Post 12x23, fix-it.

General Audiences. 3k words. (Complete)

[Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post 12x23, Fix It]

Good Night, Little King by @justrandomspnstuff

At the age of six, Lucifer visits Sam, his future vessel.

Teen and Up. 1.5k words. (Complete)

[Dark, Scared Sam, Manipulative Lucifer, Protective Dean]

[wanderingcas]

This week: Destiel in Canon!

[Thank you, everyone, for your wonderful submissions to Week 2 of Spn Fanfic Submission Thursday!! If you want to participate in next week’s fic submissions, check out the schedule!]

Totally Platonic Bunkmates by @braezenkitty

Five times Dean and Cas had to bunk together, and one time they didn’t.

“He could be an adult about this, it really wasn’t a big deal. He’d just keep to his side of the bed and face the wall, away from Cas. It wasn’t a problem at all. So why did his stomach feel like he just ate a handful of worms?”

Teen and Up. 5.5k words. (Complete)

[Sharing a Bed, Sexually Frustrated Dean, Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss]

Silver Lining by @darkheartinthesky 

After Castiel is severely injured during a hunt, Dean and Sam have a talk. Dean realizes what it is he really wants.

Teen. 6.5k words. (Complete)

Tags: Hurt Castiel, Caretaker Dean, Sharing a Bed, Supportive Sam

I Can’t Go On Without You by @destielonfire

Something is killing couples who participated in a secret Valentine’s Day ritual, leaving Dean and Castiel with no choice but to go undercover as a couple to investigate the murders. But when the ritual uncovers some long-buried truths, will this mean the start of something new between them?

Teen. 7.7k words. (Complete)

[Fluff & Angst, Sharing a Bed, First Kiss, BAMF Cas, Fake Relationship]

Wake Up by @destielmixtape

Dean is having a mental breakdown, and Castiel is the only one who might be able to help. Can Dean let down his guard enough to let Castiel in? Can he reconcile his feelings for Cas despite his own crushing insecurity? And can Castiel fight Dean’s inner demons without losing himself in the process? Will someone, anyone, please just use their friggin’ words?

Explicit. 58.5k words. (Complete)

[Fluff & Angst, Wing Kink, Grace Sex, BAMF Cas, Angst, Smut]

A Letter to Mom, from Dean by @hetaliankilljoy

Dear mom,

It’s me, Dean. Where are you? You’re an angel now, right? I don’t care about freckles, I just want you to kiss me once more please. I’m scared, can you sing me this song, that puts me to sleep, and helps me feel better when I’m sick? I miss you, mommy!

Teen and up. 3k words. (Complete)

[Songfic, Season 1-5 spoilers, love confessions, hurt/comfort, angst]

Heartbeat by @cardinaleyes

Castielsentries is a current canon blog that posts a new entry per day and has AU days, which is what this day was. This was written at the end of season 11 when Cas did not know if Dean survived Amara’s power. Soulmates can feel each other’s heartbeats.

Teen and Up. 1.2k words. (Complete)

[Canon Compliant, Season 11 finale coda, Cas POV]

This is Real by @compulsive-baker

Castiel and Sam return to the bunker after Dean confronts Amara. Castiel keeps his promise to watch out for Sammy after Dean is gone, but he can’t take care of himself as he falls into depression. His mental health is slipping, but Dean comes back to fix his angel.

Mature. 3.3k words. (Complete)

[Canon divergent season 11 finale, Smut, Tender Love and Care]

A Photo Booth and Funnel Cake by @deanisthebeesknees

Dean and Castiel end up at a county fair during a case. Dean shows Castiel the awesomeness of photo booths and fluff ensues.

Teen and Up. 1.9k words. (Complete)

[Fluff, county fair, photo booth, funnel cake, Shipper!Sam]

untitled by @woefulcas

Cas comes back human after the events of 12.23; Dean and Cas cuddle in bed. 

General Audience. .5k words. (Complete)

[Season 12 Coda, Warning for Extreme Fluff™]

Ignorance is Bliss (Usually) by @60r3d0m

Dean and Cas have a very public deathbed confession and officially become an item. And this would totally be thrilling—except Sam gets knocked out during the fight and misses the whole damn thing.

Or, the one where everybody except Sam knows and Sam thinks Dean’s sudden newfound celibacy is a witch’s curse.

Mature. 8.2k words. (Complete)

[oblivious!Sam, jealousy, Established Relationship, Miscommunication]

Ultraviolet by @mittensmorgul

The world seemed to be settling back into a somewhat regular pattern of supernatural activity after Sam officially rescinded the British Men of Letters American visa and Cas had moved into the bunker as a full-time Winchester. What seemed like a milk run hunt goes pear-shaped when Dean becomes the latest victim of a soul-devouring curse. Breaking the curse and saving his life only lead to a bigger mystery when someone unexpected steps out of the Impala and walks right into the middle of their case.

Mature. 8k/45k words. (WIP; posting a chapter a day)

[Case fic, Human Impala, Hurt/Comfort, Sharing a Bed, First Time]

Holy, Holy, Holy by @deanirae​

There was a hell-hound gnawing at the bones of Dean’s legs, each bite a payment for Sam’s breaths. To the very end, Dean thought it was a good price. He was willing to pay. But the angel who listened had learned about the great plot of using a brave, righteous man to start a petty Apocalypse and sacrificed everything to ensure it would never begin. It was 2008 and it’s probably still Wednesday now and Cas is keeping Dean safe, away from Heaven, from Hell, from everything. Despite Castiel’s best efforts, everything remains pretty determined to either get its hands on Dean or just get him back where he allegedly belongs. But there’s at least four theories about where that is and Dean seems to be the only one who doesn’t have one. Most of the time he just feels something is amiss and he keeps wondering when it’s going to be Friday and if the purple dog is ever going to come back.

Explicit. 54k words. (Complete)

[Canon Divergent after 3.16, Angst, Unhealthy Relationships]

Warnings: Major Character Death, Uninformed Consent, Emotional Manipulation, PTSD

On The Inner Workings Of Non-Angels by @babybluecas​

The way it began couldn’t get more cliché: Dean kissing Cas in the rain as they turned their ‘goodbye’ into a bittersweet ‘see you soon.’ Three years later, Dean can hardly believe what his life has become: he’s a happy civilian, shacked up in the bunker with Cas. The whole messed up world seems to have left them alone, at last, and the worst things that ever happen to Dean are the rom-com marathons his better half tortures him with. Even Sam’s living his dream, back in law school.

A true happily ever after for all.

The problem is that those, in Dean’s experience, don’t last forever. So when Cas starts acting suspicious, with strange phone calls and daydreams and the walls of yellowed books rising around him, Dean has a full right to be worried. He’s no longer sure he could handle their perfect, little world falling apart.

But Cas, of course, says everything’s fine.

Mature. 39k words. (Complete)

[Fluff, Angst, Established relationship, Fallen!castiel, Post alt-season 9]

Forgotten Angel by @justrandomspnstuff​

Cas looked around his empty apartment remembering when he’d had a purpose, when he’d been someone. And he realized at that moment why he kept his angel blade–because it was getting harder and harder for him to convince himself that he hadn’t always been a nobody. Hadn’t always been a whore.

Explicit. 86.4k words. (WIP)

Prostitute!castiel, Slow burn, Angst, Bottom!cas

Warnings: Rape/non con, Self Harm, Drug Mention

Fives Times Dean Called Cas Sweetheart (As a Joke and the One Time He Meant It) by @profound-boning​

Delicious breakfasts, beer with dinner, countless movie marathons after Dean and Sam hooked up a television and VHS/DVD player in one of the sitting rooms, hot showers, the smell of clean laundry… Yes, Castiel definitely enjoyed a lot of little things about his new life with the Winchesters.

The chance to get closer to Dean certainly didn’t hurt.

General Audiences. 3.2k words. (Complete) [Men of Letters Bunker, Bunker Fluff, Human Cas, Miscommunication]

Then I Defy You Stars by @spearywritesstuff​

They won if you ignore what they lost. Lucifer was cast out and the Darkness departed, but they couldn’t save Cas. So Dean gave up. With the passage of time and Sam’s support, Dean makes a life for himself miles away from hunting and anything supernatural. He runs a planetarium and teaches classes on astronomy, because once, long ago, Cas told him that when the ancient heroes fell, mankind could still find them in the stars. Dean looks to the stars.

Explicit. 81.8k words. (Complete)

[Angst, Temporary Character Death, Canon Divergent after 11x18]

You Can’t Get Rid Of The Babadook (And Years Of Unresolved Sexual Tension) by @mijrake​

When the queer community accepts the Babadook as their new found icon, they accidentally create a Tulpa that starts killing homophobic people. Of course, Team Free Will rises to the occasion.

Explicit. 11.9k words. (Complete)

[Case Fic, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Bisexual Dean Winchester]

Arrow by @all-i-need-is-destiel​

In which Sam starts to act very weird all of a sudden, centering his entire attention on a certain blue-eyed angel, Dean doesn’t know what to make of this strange behavior and his own confusing feelings, Castiel just goes with the flow and Gabriel has got the time of his life.

Teen and Up. 7.1k words. (Complete)

[Friends to Lovers, Familial Love, First Kiss, Gabriel being a major douche]

helpless when the sky explodes by @envydean​

He’s been split up from his brother. Can’t even hear him, shout to him or anything. It’s like a part of him has been ripped from him and he sits in the corner of the cell, back to the wall and ass on the cold concrete floor. Food is shoved through a pass through but Dean doesn’t touch it, barely looks at it.

Mature. 5k words. (Complete)

[Suicidal thoughts, hurt/comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark Fic]

Wardrobe Change by @phangirlpenguin​

Sam’s been jumpy around Cas ever since they defeated Amara. A wardrobe change may help, but how will it affect Dean?

General Audience. 1.6k words. (Complete)

[Fluff, Cuddling, Get-together, possible consent issues]

Hot Like Ice by @relucant​

“I… I can’t feel my toes. Or my fingertips. Is that bad?”

Dean swore under his breath. “Uh, it ain’t great, buddy. Can you move ‘em?”

Cas furrowed his brow in concentration. “I don’t know. It burns. Why does cold burn?”

“It just does, Cas.” He picked up Cas’ hand, and his fingers felt like ice. He peered at Cas’ face, and caught a tinge of blue on his lips. “Shit. OK, Cas, we might be gettin’ into territory where you think about usin’ some grace. Not on me, I always run a little hot, but you’re lookin’ like you’re gettin’ hypothermia.”

“I don’t think I can,” Cas said slowly. “There’s so little left, and I’m so cold…”

“Shit.” Dean scrubbed his hand over his face, then came to a decision. “Take off your clothes.”

Explicit. 3.8k words. (Complete)

[Fluff, First Time, Bed Sharing, Bottom Dean, Top Castiel]

A Night on the Couch by @caslikescoffeeandfreckles​

Dean and Cas get in an argument and it leads to one of them sleeping on the couch for the night.

General Audience. 1.7k words. (Complete)

[Gratuitous Fluff]

Cinnamon and Sugar by @liraelclayr007

Dean has feelings for Cas, but he is afraid to show them.

Cas has feelings for Dean, but can’t find the right words. So he decides to say it with pie.

Teen and Up. 1.3k words. (Complete)

[alternating pov, Cas bakes a pie, Cas loves Dean, Dean loves Cas]

Worthy by jad

“… you wanna what, now?” Dean asks, because he definitely didn’t hear that right.

Castiel tilts his head, a leftover tick from his angel days that Dean would be lying if he claimed to find anything but idiotically endearing. He knows this is his own fault, owing to that rather memorable moment a week ago when Cas wandered into this very same kitchen with a (fairly) legitimate question and Dean just didn’t know when to shut up.

Explicit. 15k words. (Complete)

[s9 bunker fluff, human Castiel, porn with feelings]

Blame It On Me by @coffeeandcas

Castiel has left the bunker and is trying to build a life for himself, alone, and is failing. He moves from one homeless camp to the next, struggling to find his place in the world and feeling more unwanted as every day passes. He never meets April, and with no form of identification to prove who he is, he never gets offered a job at the Gas n Sip.

Eventually, he falls in with the wrong crowd and his life takes a sudden, violent downward spiral. After months of searching, Dean and Sam manage to find him and bring him home, but at what cost?

Explicit. 44k words. (Complete)

[Human Castiel, Men of Letters Bunker, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Prostitution]

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Drug-Induced Sex, Rape/Non-con