#spn + cosmic hierarchy

[shallowseeker]

Amelia Novak + the wreckage of my family

Sometimes I think about Amelia Novak's 10x20 line of trying to put her family back together.

Amelia Novak, trying valiantly to protect Jimmy, after realizing he wasn't lying about the demonic world he'd gotten mixed up in. Although it was ultimately Jimmy who invited the Devil in, she perhaps thinks she'd failed to support him when he needed her the most. This guilt propels her into further ruin. (Images courtesy IMDB)

In SPN 10x20, Angel Heart, we get this:

AMELIA (tearfully): I was dreaming. This whole time, I was dreaming... of finding Jimmy, of putting my family back together. You're not him anymore. I can tell. CASTIEL: No. AMELIA: Where's Jimmy? CASTIEL: Your husband is in heaven. Amelia, I promised to protect your family, and I failed. AMELIA: Not if Claire's alive. She's all that matters. CASTIEL: Claire is alive. She's grown up to be a very strong-willed young woman. AMELIA: Oh, that's my girl. I just ... I shouldn't have ever left her. I-I thought if I could find Jimmy, I would make everything right. But I should've never left her. I shouldn't ... I shouldn't... (Amelia breaks down crying and Castiel embraces her)

You see Amelia...never stopped wanting to fix it. Like as it is with Dean (the symbolic mechanic), her devotion is marked by coming back together even after you've unimaginably failed one other. Like in SPN 7x17 The Born-again Identity:

CASTIEL: We didn't part friends, Dean. DEAN: So what? CASTIEL: I deserved to die. Now, I can't possibly fix it... So why did I even walk out of that river? DEAN: Maybe to fix it. Wait.

Sometimes, you are granted second chances, and sometimes, you are not.

Ultimately, both Jimmy AND Amelia fall prey to angels, and there is no second chance for them. It isn’t fair. It sucks. Faith can be a double-edged sword. Lo, faith in angels can be a triple-bladed dagger. It's a tragic thing.

And like when Dean touches a winged pony and sings along to Air Supply's "All Out of Love," and like Dean when searches desperately for Cas in Purgatory, Amelia is looking for Jimmy, desperately wanting to find him. Because she is consumed by regret and guilt. She feels like she did not support him when he needed her the most.

And what would you say if I called on you now And said that I can't hold on? There's no easy way, it gets harder each day Please love me or I'll be gone I'll be gone <Dean starts mouthing along> … I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without youI know you were right believing for so long I'm all out of love, what am I without you?I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong…  Oh, what are you thinking of? <Sam, witnessing something unbearably private for his brother, awkwardly cuts the radio off>

///

In SPN 10x20, Angel Heart, we see that Amelia falls prey to Grigori.

This Grigori lures her with the illusion of the repair of her family. Just as Jimmy fell prey to the Heavenly warrior-class of Angel, who lured him with the promise of glory of purpose and the promise of protection for his family from the Apocalypse. (That's why we pray to gods, isn't it? To become under their holy protection?) But Grigori are a disturbing revelation about the truth of not just Grigori themselves, but the symbolic truth of angels as a whole, as well as their place in the predatory rank of the cosmic hierarchy, (at least in comparison to humans).

DEAN: Grigori. (Scene changes back to Sam walking through the house gun drawn and ready walking away from the kitchen doorway. We hear Dean say ‘The watcher angels’ as Holloway appears in the shadows of the open doorway. Scene changes back to Dean and Claire at the hotel) CLAIRE: So are they good or bad? DEAN: Well, some of the lore says that they, uh, they help people, and some says that they prey on people.

///

HOLLOWAY: I'm a Grigori. A watcher angel. SAM: Since when do angels feed on humans? HOLLOWAY: Since the dawn of man. SAM: What are you talking about? HOLLOWAY: Your souls... (Holloway walks behind Sam and Sam hides the nail in his hands) Are little slices of heaven that are, if properly kept, delicious meals that can last for years, decades even. SAM: You're not an angel. You're a monster. (Holloway laughs and reaches out to lightly punch Sam on the shoulder) HOLLOWAY: Ahh. (We see Sam’s hands using the nail to open the handcuffs) I prefer to think of myself as a gourmand. I make heaven a place on earth. Keeps me alive and hidden from the rest of the failures that call themselves angels. SAM: Oh, they are failures? Yeah, 'cause you're living so large in your own life. (Holloway turns around quickly and draws his sword on Sam so that it is pointing directly at Sam’s face) HOLLOWAY: There were hundreds of us, but now... (Holloway raises the sword up to show an inscription on the blade) Each of our names inscribed on our swords. A brotherhood of perfectly crafted, engineered beings sent to protect you pathetic, bottom-feeding disasters.

///

Amelia cannot repair the ghostly specter of her perfect family. But she can save what's left of it.

HOLLOWAY: You know there's no fixing her, right? (Claire drops Amelia and aims her gun at Holloway. She shoots him four times in the chest. On the fifth shot the gun clicks, as if it’s empty. Claire shoots several more times with the same result. Holloway shakes his head and walks towards Claire, Angel sword in hand) HOLLOWAY: You really think that's gonna hurt an angel of the Lord? (Holloway moves to strike Claire and Amelia jumps in between them) AMELIA: No! Aah! (Holloway stabs Amelia straight through the chest and then pulls out the sword. Amelia falls to the ground and Claire kneels behind her, holding her up. Holloway looks on, smirking) CLAIRE (crying): Mom! Mom! Mom!

Dean, too, tried to save what was left of his family. With John gone, he followed in his father's footsteps, reaching for the protection of the child at his own expense.

"I was dreaming... of finding Jimmy, of putting my family back together."

And that's sort of what Sam & Dean are doing the whole time, and why he and Sam both hang in this terrible ghost of arrested development. They're reaching for this broken, idealized childhood that they were denied. They crave that lost, nebulous ghost of stability and trust.

“Fixing” is admirable; it's a sign of devotion. But it can also foolhardy when carried to extremes. Sometimes, you get second chances, and sometimes you do not.

There's no perfect answer. Only...

...that hope is so very, very human.

[shallowstories]

Cas + covered in bees, covered in riches

"We live in a "sorry" universe. It's engineered to create conflict. I mean, why should I prosper from... your misfortune? [CASTIEL puts down a marker and moves DEAN’s marker back to the start.] But these are the rules. I didn't make them."

Castiel, despairing over rank and circumstance in Reading is Fundamental 7x21

Deuteronomy 1:44 And the Amorites, which dwelt in that mountain, came out against you, and chased you, as bees do, and destroyed you in Seir, even unto Hormah.

Isaiah 7:18 And it shall come to pass in that day, that the Lord shall hiss for the fly that is in the uttermost part of the rivers of Egypt, and for the bee that is in the land of Assyria.

Judges 14:8 And after a time he returned to take her, and he turned aside to see the carcass of the lion: and, behold, there was a swarm of bees and honey in the carcass of the lion. 

"In other words, the honey in the carcass is symbolic of a sign post along the intended plan, that Samson – who is on his way to take the Philistine woman (contrary to laws and customs in Judaism) nevertheless, serves God’s purpose. 

Honey is kosher and is eaten by Jewish people during important Jewish traditions and customs.  Despite the fact that the bee is seen as an ‘unclean’ animal, the honey itself is only made by bees, not derived from them (i.e. honey is made by bees from nectar).

Given this fact, if honey can be considered clean, despite coming from an unclean animal..."

buzzaboutbees.net

[naruhearts]

That being said, I’ve calmed down a bit (jk NOT REALLY!!!!!!!). 15x18 will be absolutely pivotal and story-changing in terms of realizations, regrets, character arcs waxing and waning and waxing to like, their biggest ultimatums ever...I have so many words that I don’t have time to fit in one post.

We’ve adored the Found Family Sam and Dean have grown to cherish: a non-nuclear found family that mirrors positive change, self-actualization, and interpersonal vigor in each other. Love and...love. 

Love, in all its forms, truly will conquer all. 

Next week’s episode is gonna hurt us, folks. We’re in the actual, literal, raw, unadulterated endgame now. Next week may change everything we thought we knew about the characters and relationships we love, or better yet, magnify our appreciation for them tenfold. I have to say, my stomach is a bottomless pit of anticipation, COMPLETE TERROR, and excitement, mish-mashed together. 

Most of all, I have to say this: Dean and Cas are meant for each other, in every world, in every place, in every year, in every lifetime. The angel afraid of falling and the man afraid of flying caught each other, intertwined unpredictably, to throw cosmic authorities and hierarchies off course. 

Free will is love. Love is free will. Love isn’t bound by anything, isn’t trapped nor suppressed by universal rules. It doesn’t exist in a singular vacuum. It controls and frees itself. Love ebbs and flows and transcends even “the veil of death and saves the day.”

I thought this specific passage from ReKnew (a Christian website) was fitting (and one doesn’t need to subscribe to Christian beliefs to read this. It’s really relevant): “Love can only be genuine if it’s freely chosen. Which means, unless a personal agent has the capacity to choose against love, they don’t really have the capacity to choose for it...[i]n a world that is centered on love, even God can’t be guaranteed to always get what he wants.” 

It’s now up to the writers to see them through appropriately. We’ll finally know if Team Free Will get a good, more-than-palatable, positive ending (especially one we never expected) full of life and love in the next urgent final weeks of SPN on air, and holy fuck, do I love you all for being in this with me. <3

- Mon

[runawaymarbles]

Fanfics With Epic Worldbuilding

This reddit thread got me thinking about epic fics that take canon and expand it in incredible, thoughtful ways-- some that seem seamless, and like they could be canon if the creators had gone in another direction, and also alternate universes with very cool canon integration. So. On that note. Here’s some of my absolute favorites. (And feel free to let me know some of yours.) 

(More rec lists here) 

The Changeling & Armistice, by @annerbhp | Harry Potter | 180k, 320k  Ginny is sorted into Slytherin. It takes her seven years to figure out why.

This is the best take on Slytherin house, and especially women in Slytherin house, that I’ve ever seen. Features: traditions, mythology, history and types of magic that aren’t part of the canon universe but feel like they should be. (And a cast of wonderful original or almost-original characters.) 

 A Curious Carriage of Crystal and Cold by @etharei | X-Men | 115k  Charles, a miner from a poor village in the countryside, saves the life of Erik Lehnsherr, scion of a successful business family and the richest man on the planet Eisen. Charles is a telepath and somewhat anxious about it, while Erik abstains from relationships because the lights flicker and doors open and electronics vibrate when he gets too excited. Also featuring a long-suffering sister, a foul-mouthed bodyguard, and a best friend with a heart that is definitely not gold.In which there are princes, spaceships, long journeys, and old secrets uncovered

This is just. A whole sci-fi world. Class structure, different forms of etiquette, government structure, real history, fake history, and practical considerations about toilets in space. 

 The Eden!Verse, by @improbabledreams900​ | Good Omens | 550k  Picking up where canon leaves off, [the] Eden!verse chronicles Aziraphale & Crowley's adventures through great losses, gains, and life's cosmic curveballs. From a village on Earth to Heaven, Hell, and Eden itself, Aziraphale and Crowley make many new friends, learn God's plan for them, and discover what it means to love each other. 

The first fic in this series is relatively self contained, but by the second one it’s exploring heaven, expanding on biblical canon and the laws and hierarchy of angels, and weaving lots of different theological and mathmatical theories together. The plotting is so good it makes me want to cry. Also, the original characters are fantastic. 

 Home Out in the Wind by @bomberqueen17​ | Star Wars (Sequel Series) | 320k Poe gave up a lot of things when he defected to the Resistance, but there's always more to lose. War is an expensive lifestyle. You've got to keep your affairs in order and do the best you can with what you have. He owes this former Stormtrooper a life-debt, and beyond that he knows the kid's exceptional, so he's going to do everything he can to get the kid a fair start in this messy business. Finn wakes up and has no idea what to do beyond joining the Resistance, but he knows he’s got to keep up with Poe somehow. 

Dameron family history! Lore, history and culture that’s so well integrated that I had to do some Googling to make sure it wasn’t already Star Wars canon! Other planets! Drugs! Songs! Original characters I would pledge loyalty to forever! The most well-developed OT3 I’ve seen in this fandom! (There’s also a second series, The Lost Kings, about Shara and Kes.) 

The Lay of Looking-Glass Land by KL_Morgan | The 100 | 175K Clarke wakes up wearing the tattoos of the Ice Nation. (OR: Soulmates, parallel worlds, and Ice Queen Clarke; oh my. Canon divergent from 2x16.)

Intricate! Rituals! Grounder lore and mythology! And a wonderful what-if ‘verse being explored more in the sequel.

Pantheon, by Yahtzee | X-Men | 130k  In the year 96 AD, all Rome is aware that their gods have begun to Mark certain people with their gifts -- the healing power of Apollo, the metal control of Vulcan, the deathly touch of Pluto, or the mental powers of Minerva. When those gifts fall to slaves or barbarians instead of the Romans themselves, strict control is necessary. Then a gladiator from Judea meets an enslaved scribe from Britannia, and the repercussions will shake the Empire itself.

An amazing integration of X-Men canon into Roman mythology and life, re-imagining of mutations, and epic scale. You could make a religion out of this. 

Honorable Mention: 

All Things Shining by Askance and Standbyme | Supernatural | 140k  Something in the world is waking up.It isn’t long before it’s brought to the attention of the Winchesters and Castiel: miracles are spreading across the country, the paranormal seems to be shrinking back on itself—and it all has something to do with the missing prayer book of a traveling preacher who died over a century ago. Dean is convinced it’s all the lead-up to another Apocalypse; Sam and Castiel aren’t so sure. Regardless, it sends them out on a less-than-typical road-trip, following the Mississippi and remnants of a very old story that seems increasingly to call to them. And along the way the trio learn much more about themselves—and the consequences and origins of love—than they’d ever have anticipated.

I last read this fic in 2013, but I remember loving the religion that it created. It’s got a lovely fairytale/folklore vibe. And a mythological crack ship that’s... strangely beautiful. Putting it in the honorable mentions because I don’t remember how it ends. 

Redemption Road by multiple authors | Supernatural | 650k  Redemption Road is a fan-generated, large-scale AU project created by members of the SPN and Dean/Castiel fandoms.

This is another one I read once in 2013, but it also had some pretty spectacular expansions of Supernatural mythology, and lovable original characters. It’s set up like a season, with episodes and subplots. 

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

spn 15.01

SPOILERS ahead

1. sam’s hair looks especially floofy and nice this season! very season-one-y.

2. a brief google search reveals that belphegor, much like abaddon and asmodeus, is one of the princes of hell. his quippy dialogue is more miss than hit--mostly because it makes him sound like almost every demon that spn has featured over the last fourteen years--but given that he apparently tempts people by offering them shortcuts and generally encouraging them to be lazy? it might actually be an interesting choice to have him quip and spout pop culture references left and right. it’s ~meta, you see.

2.5. ... well, that was an anti-climactic end to the zombie apocalypse that was set up at the end of last season.

3. the callback to bloody mary looks weird because it doesn’t work at all without the... aesthetics of s1, if you know what i mean? when most of the horror these days on spn is more insidious and derives from the cosmic machinations that surround the winchesters, bloody mary looks... tacky, and painted on. 

3.5. how did they get ‘woman in white’ from crashed, bloody car with no body in immediate sight???

4. i’m reminded of 8.22, where crowley steadily killed the people samndean had saved from the early seasons in order to force them to meet him on his terms: it functioned well as a neat bit of nostalgia as well as something with real emotional, personal stakes for the winchesters. the ‘saving people’ bit is all that they have to justify both the crap that they have done and gone through. but these call-backs so far... are far more transparent calls to nostalgia, a neat season-by-season retrospective where the audience can clap their thigh and go, ‘oh shit is that the killer clown from s2′s everybody loves a clown??’

4.5. BUT. this is also chuck upending the table and throwing all the pieces on the ground, half-tempting and half-taunting samndean with reminders of how and why they started doing what they did. it’s fanservice, but acknowledging it as fanservice is crucial to the plot of this season. AGH.

5. belphegor is aggressively boring.

i wonder if spn-verse views religion like... a steady progression towards the Truth. like there’s a straight line from ‘primitive’ to... here, where congratulations, you’ve figured god and heaven and hell out, and hey, you got to meet his sister too! in 5.19, a bunch of gods from different ‘dead’ religions got together to try and stop the apocalypse (and were handily defeated by lucifer). but these gods also included hindu deities like ganesha and kali, and i can assure you that hinduism is far, far from being a ‘dead’ religion. but maybe that’s just how it is in spn-verse, where there is an objective God, and an objective way that the universe works. religious myths and deities aren’t abstractions that a critical mass of people decided to believe in, or explanations for how the universe works that’s rooted in their land, their culture, their very blood; these things Exist, and they do so in a hierarchy, and now the winchesters have fought, stabbed and shot their way to the very top.

chuck couldn’t be bothered to write in any kind of nuance for this universe; he’s too pre-occupied with the winchester family drama. eh. makes sense.

6. dean gets to call jack “[their] kid”. oh okay. coolcoolcoolcool. so we aren’t going to address the fact that he wanted to murder jack dead last season because he believed that jack was completely past the point of redemption? we aren’t going to have castiel--the only one of them who wanted to protect jack and give him a chance--say this? coooool, ok, ~~no worries

7. i appreciate all of the cool possibilities arising out of sam’s god-wound: the visions, the fact that he has this connection to their ultimate Big Bad and could (eventually) use it to his advantage. but honestly? i’m exhausted man. i’m exhausted by the idea of something Happening to sam’s personhood without his consent for the eightieth time, and--given castiel’s vision--by the inevitable ‘what’s wrong with sam??’ song-and-dance that’s going to follow. 

8. it’s kinda hilarious and also genius to have all these ghosts creeping about in the middle of the day and in the middle of a neat suburb? and the ghosts running after them, all in a row? LMAO

8.5. the little girl said thank you to sam! and his awkward little nod in response!! ALL YOUR SINS ARE FORGIVEN, SHOW

9. oh fuck did they really end with that shot from the pilot??? i thought that was just something intrepid gif editors came up with! 

... given the endorphin boost that that just gave me, i’m clearly not immune to Show’s repeated appeals to nostalgia.

10. so... that’s that. kind of dull for a premiere, leave alone the Very Last One. barely skimmed over the most exciting things that 14.20 set up. still: cautiously excited for the rest of the season.

[castielmode]

just realised what bothers me about the cosmic system(s) in spn is that it's just all hierarchies of power, and not particularly interesting ones! when they do have the opportunity to make it interesting, they shy away from it bc it's too much pressure

[shallowseeker]

They're the SAME:

Human things are not for us (paraphrasing Hannah)

White picket fence life is not for us (paraphrasing Dean)

[shallowseeker]

You’re someone’s Azazel.

[shallowseeker]

50% of Cas’s parenting is like:

Sweet nephil.

You will be a cute little warrior-hunter, like your human side.

You will watch tv and play with human toys.

You can never be an angel.

Angels are depraved, creature of manifest destruction and holy war.

You will not embody the worst of my legacy.

[shallowseeker]

Ok, but when Dean calls the snake "kinda cool," he's talking about Jack.

Dean: Yeah, no. Yeah, I always thought they were kind of cool, though. Jack: (impatiently, shrugging off the compliment) Well, most people think they're dangerous. Dean: Mm. Well, it's not the snake that's dangerous. It's their bite.

Ohhhh, Cas and Dean talking to Jack in 14x15 under the guise of talking to/about the snake is sooooooooo 🥺

Jack is defensive about opening up about his emotions, so the snake becomes neutral ground -> code for Jack himself.

🐍 🐍 🐍 🐍 🐍 🐍 🐍 🐍 🐍 🐍 

AHHHHH! Kill me now.

Cas:

CAS: You've been spending a lot of time with the snake. ("You've been spending a lot of time alone.") ... CAS: How is he? ("How are you?") JACK: I don't think he's feeling well. ("I don't think I'm feeling well.")

///

DEAN:

JACK: I think it's sad. ("I think I'm sad.") ... DEAN: (accepting this, not pushing him) You try bacon? (Jack adds bacon to the pan) DEAN: So does the snake want to take a trip? ("Do you want to take a trip?")

[shallowseeker]

Hey, Cas is semi-canonically partial to Ecclesiastes + more about windmills and futility

(I cannot remember which script but I believe it's something he suggests to Jack in season 13 or 14.)

But anyway, his praises for Ecclesiastes are fascinating and lovely. (You should give it a whirl, even if the Bible is not typically your book of choice.) There are things in Ecclesiastes that are so Cas. (I think of Season 10’s Cas: “Oh, I have seen the glory and reaped vast rewards…”)

Ecclesiastical nihilism is relevant for all of SPN’s soldier-marked characters, but especially season 7 Cas and of course AU Michael. (See also: Dean, Mary, Raphael.)

///

Ecclesiastes begins:

2 “Meaningless! Meaningless! says the Teacher. “Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.”

///

-OR-

2 “Futility of futilities,” says the Preacher, “Futility of futilities! All is futility.”

…

Also, the sun rises and the sun sets; And hurrying to its place it rises there again. Blowing toward the south, Then turning toward the north, The wind continues swirling along; And on its circular courses the wind returns.

-Ecclesiastes (NASB)

///

(Cas is right, Jack. You should read Ecclesiastes. He’s wry and dare I say acerbic at times? For, you know, an ancient philosopher.)

“…unhappy to me; because everything is futility and striving after wind…”

- Ecclesiastes (NASB)

///

Cas's existential crisis, nihilism, and fear (season 7)

This mindset calls to memory so much of season 7-Cas, but here in particular:

Meg: What dogs? [to Dean]He says he's surrounded by unhappy dogs. Castiel: They're chasing a rabbit around [indistinct]… Meg: Oh. Okay. He's at a dog track in Perth. Castiel: I'm surrounded by large unhappy dogs. Meg: Yeah, they're unhappy 'cause the rabbit's fake. Castiel: [to Meg] You know, those racing dogs were absolutely miserable. They can only think in ovals.

-Reading is Fundamental (SPN, season 7)

///

Cas is beaten down after billions of years of military service. He’s effectively frozen. He laments the repetition of war and procreation and finding no meaning in it.

He tries focusing on smaller perspectives: bees, gardens, flowers. He’s trying to find a plan in it all. A divine plan would give it meaning. More importantly, a “laid-out route of flowers,” would give it a meaning he doesn’t have to discover for himself.

So, he devolves into a kind of self-horror in his own participation in the machine, in the repetitious nihilism. Ecclesiastically, he laments his place in the cosmic hierarchy. With respect to his loved ones on earth, he despairs over the pain of gaining wisdom, the shame of his prideful mistakes, and of the recognition of his own violent nature, that he “will destroy…again.” (No matter what pretty things he stood for, he was angry at Heaven. He did want to punish them.)

"Because in much wisdom there is much grief; and increasing knowledge results in increasing pain." (-Ecclesiastes, again)

The “punishment resurrection” gets more painful each time, as Cas said. Why? Wisdom.

///

How do you make meaning out of senselessness? Do you find it in each other?

Later, if you read too much into 12x19’s “The Future,” (as I do), you’ll note that Thank You (Led Zeppelin) seems like it could unofficially be Dean and Cas’s "song." After all, the scripted, "Cas...thank you," is such a loaded phrase to find in a script, coming on the heels of the Led Zeppelin mixtape. There are things about Thank You that echo Ecclesiastes as well, but with opposite meaning. A hopeful meaning. Not a despairing, “All things are wearisome,” but a thankfulness that you got to be here at all, surviving pain and the crumbling cycles together.

(This is indeed the wisdom Cas tries to give to Jack in Ouroboros as Dean lies dying of a gorgon-induced head injury.)

///

So what of the the Ecclesiastical stirring of wind? What of SPN's windmills?

The characters that struggle with meaning-making amidst the futility of war are often marked by the Ecclesiastical windmill of futility, which is why we see this motif with Cas and Dean so often. We see it particularly when they are marching off to war (like when they meet Raphael in Free to Be You and Me), or when Cas dies in war (ashes near a windmill). It also appears as an industrial building fan when linked to demons. On a related note, in season 10, Cas's grace is hidden inside Don Quixote. (Taking into account Metatron's beef with Heaven and archangels, this may be an Animal-Farmesque hit at Heaven's machinations as much as Cas's chivalry.)

Another related motif is the simple house fan. It’s a kinder symbol. There is almost always a fan on the shelf near the taller lamp on Dean’s “Cas” side of the bedroom.

But, importantly, a fan isn’t a windmill. It’s not a grand motif. Not duty. Not enemy. Not cause. Not mission. It's gentle and small, tucked into the bedroom and thus intimate. It’s not made for grand purpose. A fan is simply there to be, to comfort, to bask in a private breeze.

When we see an outright “industrial windmill,” it marks darker things, and it calls to mind other futility symbols, like the windmill of Animal Farm—that complicated grand purpose of design that runs the efforts of the hopeful, dutiful civilians into the ground with its corrupt machinations (it stands in for: hunting, Heaven, demonic deals, and just…most career and “cause”-coded things in SPN).

There is an entire scene dedicated to (alt) Mary dealing with the after effects of her child soldierhood in The Winchesters, episode 5 "Legend of a Mind," set to a rather haunting Dusty Springfield cover of Noel Harrison’s Windmills of Your Mind.

Its lyrics echo Cas’s existential crisis from season 7, and also that of late-seasons Michael and terminal-seasons Dean. And that is no accident.

A circle in a spiral, a wheel within a wheel Never ending nor beginning on an ever-spinning reel As the images unwind Like the circles that you find In the windmills of your mind

[shallowseeker]

Cas and Anael: shared values but polar opposites, in SPN 14x17

Cas, wading through literal garbage with his sleeves rolled up and Anael not even wanting to hold the flashlight

To have so much in common re:humanity, but they are so different and I love that

14x17

[shallowseeker]

Angelic hedonism, angelic asceticism: Anna and Hannah

Anna and Hannah are a study of two opposites.

///

Anna + dissociating from angel-ness (angelic brutality)

Anna is THE poster child-angel for complete dissociation and non-integration of the angelic self.

"Angels don't feel ANYTHING, so 'being a human' is the only WAY forward; the angel part MUST be torn out."

Interestingly, it's a self-defeating argument. If Anna felt nothing, she'd have never wanted to tear out her grace in the first place. She's horrified by the brutality of angelic instinct.

However, she takes her grace on when people need to be protected! It's very tied up with hyper-masculine-soldier concepts of war, duty, and emotion. Anna walks the path of hedonism but reaches for duty when lives are on the line.

Even when she returns to angelicity, she wants to be connected to her emotions and experience of being human. Subconsciously, she wants to be integrated. She "pulls a few favors" to inhabit the human shape she connected with and that helped her move through the world and understand her emotions and meaning-making.

She was just beginning to balance her sense of past and present when the authoritarian force crushed her progress.

///

Hannah + dissociating from human-ness (angelic emotion)

In season 10, Hannah quickly realizes angels CAN feel things but decides that they really, really shouldn't. She pushes down these emotions (art, love, poetry) and elevates Caroline's above her own.

Although it's wonderfully altruistic, it's also so interesting how Hannah downplays her own emotions in the process. "These emotions aren't for us." Hannah's emotions, in essence, "don't count." Maybe she even rationalized that her feelings for a fellow soldier were just a side effect of inhabiting a body. Hannah reaches for complete dissociation and non-integration of the "human" self, which is really just how she chooses to label angelic emotion. If angels aren't allowed to be emotional, then it's something that has to be characterized as 'human' instead.

"Angels feel SOMETHING, but it pales in comparison to human emotions, so maybe it doesn't count; the human part MUST be abandoned for the greater good."

Hannah swears off 'human' things in order to be her idea of ALL ANGEL, and yet she struggles to do that, even when she participates in the torture of Cas in season 11. Hannah walks the path of asceticism, and it ends for her almost as brutally as it began.

///

Very few angels decide to integrate the angelic self with the concept of "human" emotion. It's why I'll always love Meredith's Good Intentions script. It GETS it.

I think it's so interesting, because season 10 sees Cas tentatively describing himself not as "A" human, but like "LIKE" a human. Then, seasons 11-13 see Cas letting his angel nature shine through. Eventually, he even stops pretending to be nice on cases! We see a return to growly-off-putting Cas. "You think this is funny?" "No, sir."

In trying to integrate his concept of self, he allows himself to showcase his baseline instincts as an angel instead. We stop seeing him grooming and worrying over his appearance in order to "appear more harmless/human." He still shows an interest in human culture and his practice of language (metaphors & sayings), but it feels more comfortable.

I think late season 14 and 15 showcases Cas being more levelheaded in assessing how humans aren't a monolith, especially his words in Gimme Shelter: “humans can be the worst kind of monsters.” He has come to realize that just as angels are flawed, so are the humans he had previously put up on a pedestal. Overall, he makes great strides with integrating himself (and some backwards progress on occasion). Really lovely stuff!

[shallowseeker]

Like a baby lion is proud of his kill, Jack overkills Nick with graphic, brutal efficiency in SPN 14x17 Game Night:

(From above): And what was once a cathartic kill...becomes a stomach-turning, HORROR as EVERY BONE IN NICK'S BODY BREAKS! As we PUSH IN on Jack, consumed with his task. The gold light dissipates from Jack's eyes. He turns back to Mary. Grinning. Breathless and flushed with pride--

On the one hand, killing is killing. Hunters tend to approve of killing when it's done the right way. Typically, the approved method is a merciful, executioner's style of killing. Yet, to Jack, this does not seem sensible to worry about, especially with what is now Jack's unrestrained angel instinct.

He's less "French guillotine" and more, "BITE AND SHAKE MY PREY." Unlike when he's charging at dangerous angels, this is a human being, and so hierarchically, despite the monumental danger Nick represents here, Jack himself (perhaps unfairly) corresponds to the image of a larger, more powerful predator dispatching a weaker prey.

When angels (or monsters) kill humans, it's almost always "punching down in terms of the cosmic hierarchy," no matter what horrific danger that human actually posits. (In this case, Nick is calling Lucifer--a horrific danger indeed.)

It really isn't fair, but it's how the narrative tends to function on the whole, and Jack gets the short end of the stick.

///

And yes, Nick was reaching out to Lucifer, but while Nick is deranged, he's also the Stockholm Syndrome vessel of Lucifer. There's a certain, inherent pitiability factor that persisted with him alongside the philosophical echoes that blame him for his own corruption.

///

The warning signs of "overkill"

On the other hand, Mary is a hardened hunter, raised amongst mercenaries. She's not actually wrong to be alarmed:

Overkill is a psychological warning sign and often associated with a disorganized state. As a seasoned hunter, Mary would be alert to this.

Additionally, she knows Jack AND Jack's fighting style very well.

She's fought with Jack under extreme circumstances. On AU Earth, she fought alongside him in very harsh conditions against highly dangerous, militaristic angels.

She's seen him in action--when he had to be swift and merciless.

But here, his current behavior is out of character by comparison, and she's actually one of the best equipped to recognize that.

Sometimes it's not the actions themselves so much as it is the discordance with the previous self. It flashes like a neon warning sign. Our families know us.

////

From above: Jack moves to Sam and places a HEALING HAND on the younger Winchester's head. A pulse of energy and he's HEALED! As Dean looks on, so grateful. Sam, on the ground, is too. SAM: What happened, where's Nick? He-- JACK: It's over. I stopped him. The boys look at him with awe and gratitude. On Dean. Knows how much he owes this kid. He got there in the nick of time. DEAN: Jack, I-- thank you. Jack smiles, so happy to be so needed, so loved. SAM: Mom? JACK: She's...she's fine. Everything's going to be fine.

////

It seems Jack is not without emotions. He's happy to be so needed, so loved. It's as Dumah says in the next episode, that his "celestial" side/energy is intact. His emotions are just more...volatile...bigger...harder to understand.

////

From above: But Jack sees she's still shaken up by what he's done. He can't let it go. Incredulous-- JACK: Mary-- Nick was a bad person. A killer. I had to stop him. ON MARY. A beat, then-- MARY: Not like that. The truth hangs. Jack goes a little colder.

Jack goes a little colder, because he knows she's right.

Because it's not about Nick, or even the moral act of murder itself, it's about the sadistic, forensic kill signature that Jack is suddenly displaying.

[shallowseeker]

Your localization of morality often depends on your species, your in-group, your family

Or else a meat processing plant looks horrific. Spiraling down further, chopping up trees and using them as furniture could even be some sort of corpse desecration, depending on how you look at it.

More reasons to love Metatron:

METATRON: Okay, what then?

(Sam looks troubled.)

METATRON: What, did he ”kill a human” or something? (Metatron uses finger quotes.)

(Sam crosses his arms.)

10x10, The Hunter Games

[shallowseeker]

I'm not human

(I'm pretending to be something I'm not)

I need to pick out all the human-angel quotes from the show. It is such a deep chasm, and the concept shows up so much earlier between Dean and Cas than I even realized.

In season 6:

CASTIEL grabs DEAN's wrist and slices his palm. DEAN: Whoa, whoa! Hey! Ahh! Why don't you use your own? CASTIEL: It wouldn't work. I'm not human.

///

I'm thinking too of, "What happened to you, Cas? You used to be human or at least like one." And in Purgatory, "I don't think it'd work for me, Dean. (I'm not human.)"

///

And Meredith's amazeballs Good Intentions 13x09 script about angel instincts specifically, and "pretending to be what he's not."

///

It's something that weighs on him.

It weighs on Dean, too.

///

It's a very special kind of despair, of not only being so different but also of being destined to wind up in different afterlives.