#spiritually I am a slut. practically I don’t even do kissing.

[teyvats-worst-hero]

Acheron is my wife. Acheron may or may not be telepathically connecting with me to avoid the gaze of The Family (to be discovered), but that means a woman is inside of me and I’m all for it!

[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

Provide more food for the seagull. For the soulmate AU, number 16 with doppio, but ah could you centre the time frame around the doppio vs risotto fight, you know I’m a slut for pain and I want it all.

Alright here's the food, enjoy you masochistic seagull!

Whiplash

(yandere Doppio X female reader)

You always seemed to get unexplainable injuries, even more then most. These kinds of injuries could range from simple bruises to deep severe cuts with no reason as to why. It hadn't a big problem until maybe mid middle to early highschool when this became more common.

Of course most would say you weren't paying attention but your grandmother believed otherwise. You remember one cold winter's day when she had you over. She spoilt you with toys and warm food; the memories alone were enough to drift you away and transfer you into the warm place you once knew.

You remember just before she tucked you into bed she told you a story, about an Australian soldier in Gallipoli and a woman in Germany during world war one. The two had never met however every wound the male received she felt and every scar they both shared, even thou they were so far away from each other.

One faithfully the two met each other by chance and they knew that it was true love at first sight, they were soulmates. They lived in Germany and had two kids. They were a happy family living despite living among the rubble that Germany had become for several years until world war Two. During the Nazi raids they had managed to get their children out of the country in time but not themselves... They were sent to two different concentration camps. On the night in which the Australian man had be executed the woman was found dead, foaming from the mouth.

She admitted that the story was a bit graphic for a child like you but that was the only example that she could give for your possible circumstances.

"It is a very rare chance that these can happen, not everyone has a soulmate and even if you do it doesn't mean that you'll ever meet each other and there are many different ways that soul mates can be connected. Some people have been color blind for all their life only to then be able to see it when they meet their soulmates, others have matching or incomplete markings, others senses are connected but they say that being able to feel each other's pain is the deepest form of connection" she explained

"Those bruises and scrapes must be from your soulmate" She said.

At times you were sceptical but there wasn't any other explanation. Until your Capo Bucciallati had encountered the boss.

You felt something tug at your heart as you had approached the veincian church, your breath was shallow and laboured but you were drawn so badly towards it.

"Bucciallati, I think I should take Trish in" you said through harsh breaths.

"No (y/n), I know you want to comfort her but I should bring her since I'm the Capo. Besides you need to rest, you look like your about to pass out" he argued before stepping of the boat.

Everyone thought you were coming down with a fever or something but you knew this wasn't a fever, you knew that it was something beyond you. After a while you froze as an image of Bruno being blown through the torso flashed into your mind. You screamed in the top of your lungs as you grabbed Fugo and cried out as tears flowed down your eyes.

"Bruno's in danger! Please we have to do something! He's going to die!" You screamed as you shook him.

"(Y/n) your just hallucinating, calm down" Fugo explained as he grabbed you.

"As if, Bruno's just bringing Trish to the boss, we kicked those assassin's asses so I don't think there is anyone else that's coming after us. Besides even if there was another enemy stand I think Bruno is capable enough to sort em out" Narancia said Before Giorno looked up from the laptop and placed one foot on the dock before Abbaccio tried to stop him and you passed out.

When you woke up Bruno was standing in front of the group. You couldn't quite understand most of what he said due to the horrible ringing in your ear. He mentioned how he was no longer apart of Passioné and that he was going to persue the boss after attempting to murder his own daughter.

Like most of the others you hopped back on the boat. Leaving Fugo and Narancia to their lives.

"Oi Bruno, (Y/n) was acting really strange earlier... She saying that you were in danger and that you were going to die, even now she still looks as sick as a dog" Mista stated as he pointed to you. Bruno put his hand on his chin, obviously thinking about something.

"I don't think she was sick at all, I've heard that soulmates are naturally drawn to each other by fate... What (Y/n) could have been experiencing may have been her body reacting to her soulmates presence" he explained. Your heart skipped a beat as he said that, you had a really bad feeling about what he was implying.

"But the only other person it the building was the boss, wouldn't that mean-" you were about to say before he cut you off.

"Yes I'm afraid so, you must be the bosses soulmate..." He gave a light sigh.

"Fate is a cruel woman to match me with a man willing to kill his own daughter... But I will not fall for such a twisted man, I will still work along side you..." You said.

"I always felt a certain way towards Trish that I couldn't understand... She may not be my daughter but I will protect her like one, I'd rather die a cold and lonely death then be with such a man" you said before everyone's attention shifted to the water where Narancia was swimming, desperately trying to catch up with you.

✂️✂️✂️

The trip to Sardinia had been a rather bumpy one, if bumpy meant having to steal an aeroplane only to crash it in the middle of the ocean that is. To you it was a relief to be on solid ground again, you almost wanted to kiss it.

Right now you sat inside the tortoise along with Trish awaiting for the all clear. She seemed awfully quiet, even more then she normally was.

"Trish, I'm proud of what you did back there" you said which snapped her out of her thoughts and she let out a small hum, she probably didn't here you.

"Stands can be hard to get your head around but you used your today like you had been using it for your whole life, eve after a few years I still have a hassle of using mine" you explained to her with a kind smile on your face.

"You have a stand?" She asked.

"Yes, every member of Passioné does... Mines called Temple of the king and it's actually similar to this one" you said as you pointed to the roof of the room.

"I tried to use it to protect us from prosciutto's greatful dead but it had effected me enough to not be able to use it" you explained and the pink haired female leaned in with curiosity in her eyes.

"To put my ability simply, I can create a copy of the area I'm in, like a spiritual clone of where I am... From there no one can see me or any one I drag in with me and no stand can effect anyone in the area... It's not a very offensive but it's definitely good in terms of set up, however if I do get hurt badly I'll lose my focus and the copy will disappear" you explained.

"It sounds interesting" she replied.

"Every stand reflects it's user... I can interpret yours might be formed from your retaliation against you father, you've become more then just poor girl he wished to kill... You have become your own person and taken charge of your fate and are fighting back" you explained and she shook her head in agreement.

"But how do you feel about killing my father, your his soulmate after all?" She asked which left you stunned.

"How do you know that?!"

"I head you and Bruno talking about it earlier" she said as she twirled her hair.

"I'm willing to go to that extent... If he's my soulmate then I'd rather say that I never had one" you explained.

"But as his soulmate I only see one role as such and that is to protect his daughter... Whether he likes it or not... You don't have to look up to me as a motherly figure or anything like that... I just want you to know that I'll take care of you, I know how it feels to lose a loved and to be betrayed by another" you explained as you held onto her hand. You wanted to give her the comfort and security that you wished you had instead of isolating yourself from it all.

Tears began to build up in your eyes as you felt her hug you but you refused to make yourself look like a crybaby after your promise to protect her.

"God why does everyone treat me like a kid?" She asked in a joking tone.

"Coz your the youngest but don't worry, I'm six years older then Bruno and he still treats me like a kid" you explained as you hugged her back before you heard Bruno call your name.

"I gotta go now" you said as you pulled away before returning to the real world.

"Yes Bucciallati?" You asked.

"I want you to stay with Abbaccio while he's using Moody Blues while we watch out for anything suspicious" he explained.

"Of course, I'll use Temple of the king right now" you said as you summoned your fox like stand to quickly create the spiritual clone as the others left. You felt and aching sensation on your nose before wiping your wrist over your nostrils only to see a dark red liquid on it but you just simply shook it off as a simple nosebleed and nothing more.

It seemed like minutes that you and Abbaccio sat in silence as you waited for Moody Blues' replay when all of a sudden you felt your face being cut apart causing you to fall back in pain and your stand to disburse.

"(Y/n) what's going on?!" Abbaccio yelled as he picked you up. You were stunned and unable to talk.

"Is it an enemy stand?" He asked with concern in his voice.

"No... I think the boss is in a confrontation-" you said before you yelped out in pain as you felt  painful pricks in your skin, you could practically taste the blood on your lips.

"What on earth makes you think that?" He asked.

"An old tale no grandmother told me... That some soulmates can feel each overs pain... It must be a stand user he's up against if... And a deadly efficient one at that..." You said through you gasps for air as you kneeled over and coughed up blood before letting out yet another pain filled scream as you felt something embedded under the skin of your neck, you desperately clawed at your skin as you tried to get whatever it was until your neck tore open, you just hoped to God that it hadn't torn any vital points. Whatever the ability was it was savage enough to tear up someone from the inside. This attack wasn't just a simple attempt to kill, it was full of malice and rage... The stand user was obviously a person with no remorse for the boss.

You began to feel light headed and the world began to spin as you felt your body go limp. You were losing to much blood. You could quite possibly die but if the the boss was going to die then you didn't mind being dragged into hell with him.

"(Y/n) I need to get you to the others?!" He yelled as he tried to pick you up.

"No you stay right here, you have to find the bosses identity!" You yelled in response.

"I swear to god... if you even stop Moody Blues... I'll kick your ass..." You muttered before you passed out.

✂️✂️✂️

You woke up again to see you were still in the same place however you felt a strong pair of arms holding you close. You looked up to see Abbaccio and you gave him a hazy glance followed with a worn out smile.

"(Y/n) you had me worried, you could of died" he said in a harsh tone that hid all of his worry.

"I'm... Fine" you said as you looked over to see Moody Blues had almost rewound completely.

You pushed yourself off of him before slumping onto the ground and leaning against the rock he sat on.

You still felt horrible after being unconscious for who knows how long. Your clothes were covered in blood and you felt the dirt cling to your bloody skin. You then that horrible feeling you felt back in Venice returned. Dread filled you as you felt it only getting worse.

"Abbaccio... The boss is on the island, I can feel his presence" you muttered in a ghostly tone full of fear. you tried to summon your stand but you couldn't do anything.

Your feeling of dread only grew more and more as you could feel him getting closer and closer until it became unbearable and made you want to passout again. The only thing that seemed to catch your attention was a stray soccer ball that got stuck in a tall shrub beside Abbaccio. A young male approached you two and Abbaccio flicked the ball off and the boy chased it.

Your vision doubled as you felt such an unbearable pain. A certain male in the small crowd that followed the boy caught your attention. You knew that he was the boss.

"Abbaccio look out!" You tried screamed but it was too late, he had already been impaled by his stands fist. As his body fell you caught it in your weak arms. The world seemed to go by as if nothing happened. Nobody came to aid you, nobody battered an eye.

You swayed back and forward as you drifted in and out of consciousness as you saw the pink haired boy from before approach you and kneel down to eye level with you. He held a shoe to his ear as one hazel eyes watched you while a emerald green eye darted all over the place.

"What about her boss?" He asked with a voice of pity.

"You would let me? Your too kind boss" he remarked.

"Oh you want me to wait here for the other traitors?" he asked before you grabbed the males collar and yanked him forward.

"Listen to me you bastard, the other are going to kick your ass into a grave for what you've done... And tell your boss he's a fucking coward... And that he's going straight to the ninth circle of hell for all of the sins he has committed" you hissed through deep breaths. The male flashed you a wicked grin as the hazel eyes turned the same shade of green as the other.

"There is a difference between being cowardly and being smart... I know you won't be conscious long enough to say your good byes to your dear team mates, I'll tell them that you had your complete trust in them..." he said in a completely different voice.

✂️✂️✂️

You woke up, wishing that you had passed away and gone to heaven but instead you were bound to a chair in a dimly lit room full of white sheets covering objects under them.

You inspected the room further to realise that it was a ballroom.

You wanted to gag as the smell of resin wafted through the room. This was one of Passionè's soirèes which gave you a terrifying thought as to what might lie under the sheets.

You flinched as you heard a pair of footsteps approach you from behind. You summoned Temple of the king and quickly hid yourself.

"(Y/n) you can't trick me, I know what your stand does" the soft voice of the boy from Sardinia echoed through the large room.

"You don't need to hide, I promise I won't hurt you" his sickeningly sweet voice rang as he stood in front of you. You  sighed as the second area disbursed.

"Your such a sneaky little fox" he mused as he rubbed your cheek. Tears flooded your eyes as he held you in such an endearing way.

"What happened to Trish?" You asked him, his eye turned into that eerie green.

"The girl was tough, she definitely got some of my traits but in the end she couldn't match me, eventually I just ended up strangling the life out of her" he explained your froze in horror as you heard this monster tell you how he mercilessly murdered his own daughter. You just wished you could have kept your promise to protect her.

"Why, why didn't you just let me die" you sobbed and the males eyes returned to their original hazel

"Now why would you want to die?" He asked as he hugged your form.

"You killed the people closest to me! You killed your own child!" You screamed.

"What on earth are you talking about? I never killed anyone and I don't have a child, besides why care about them, they're long gone so why don't you just love me... We're soulmates after all" he said with a sweet smile on his lips.

"Do you really just want to see your friends... I will show you them if you really want me to" he said in a creepily monotone voice. You stared down at you lap as you heard the boy's footsteps echo and then the in your peripheral vision the white sheets fall to the ground one by one, five in total.

You looked up, deep in your gut you knew what to expect but you still screamed in terror as you saw the mangled and disfigured bodies of each of your team mates cast in a thin layer of resin. Abbaccio had the same hole through his chest that you had seen inflicted earlier, half of Bruno's head was smashed to the point where it was bearly recognisable, Narancia's head hung limply to the side and his legs were bent in an unnatural manner. Giorno had a pole of sorts jammed into his chest that quite possibly went straight through his heart and the supposed luckiest of the group, Mista was riddled with bullet holes, he would usually just get back up and treat it like it was nothing but you knew there was no way he would have survived this time.

"The boss wanted each of their bodies to be preserved to show everyone the consequences of betraying him" he explained.

"So am I next?" You asked.

"Of course not, the boss told me to keep you and I'm happy he did" he said with such childish happiness but you were slowly figuring out this situation. The boss must have split personality disorder. It would explain a lot, how he was able to keep himself completely anonymous yet still know every thing that happened, why his eyes kept changing and why how the hazel eyes him seem totally oblivious to some of his actions and you realised that the boss was only keeping you alive as killing you would more then likely become suicide.

"(Y/n) I know we bearly know anything about each other but I'm sure after a while you learn to love me" the boy smile before pecking your cheek.

"We're fate bound lovers" he continued.

"No...no...no" was the only thing you could mutter which looped over and over like miserable chant.

You just couldn't stop crying, everyone you knew was gone and you were left to the overly affectionate alternate persona of the boss. More then likely you would be under lock and key for the rest of your Life...

[dastardlydandelion]

i’ve seen quite a bit of meta floating around abt sam’s situation vs tory’s and how that enhances their rivalry but i’ve seen v little abt how how fighting itself means different things to them and how i personally think that rly shows itself in the school brawl so i’m going to babble on abt that for a min.

so to recap what most ppl already pinned down: tory and sam’s beef isn’t just about miguel. far from. tbvh i’d ever argue it’s mostly *not* about miguel but he factors into the situation so strongly bc miguel is the *one* thing tory had that (at the time) sam didn’t. it isn’t just abt him, it’s abt what he represents. it’s abt sam seemingly (re)staking her claim to one of the only good things in tory’s life. from tory’s perspective she has very little in contrast to sam. sam lives in wealthy encino, has her own car, a membership at a country club, and participates in karate bc she’s a legacy child and to do so is at her leisure. her dad has his own personal dojo she can practice in whenever she wants and oh yeah, her lessons are free bc her dad is her sensei. sam who could easily afford karate lessons doesn’t even have to, her dad actually jumps at the chance to give them to her.

tory has to work for everything that’s hers and then some, supporting a mother with frail health and taking care of her bby brother. tory’s life is more precarious and vulnerable than sam’s bc of her financial and living situation, and frankly, she needs self-defense skills more than sam does. remember when she’s at the store with aisha and describes to her how some perv tried to grab her, a move she then blocked? how she stabbed him in the face with her duster/bracelet??

i feel like the gravity of that is lost on most ppl bc in context, tory’s almost bragging abt it and showing off a lil bit. and why wouldn’t she?? she thinks aisha is a badass, she saw her breaking boards blindfolded!!! she thinks aisha is cool and she wants aisha to think she’s cool too, so she’s telling her smth abt herself that she correctly feels aisha would admire. but context aside, it’s v scary and sad that tory was in a situation where she had to do that.

tory had kickboxing training even before she joined cobra kai. going off some of her dialogue to miguel, abt how some ppl in this world have to fight for everything they have, i’m going to assume her safety applies here. given that her financial situation is so precarious, i don’t think tory would’ve taken kickboxing classes unless she felt like she had to. like— don’t get me wrong, tory clearly enjoys fighting. it’s prolly a good way to relieve all the stress she’s under, having head of household responsibilities at 16/17. but we see in s3 when her mom can’t rly work anymore and therefore she has to work even more herself, tory leaves the dojo specifically bc she can’t afford lessons. so that leads me to believe that even if tory enjoys fighting, she wouldn’t spend money on it unless doing so was of necessity to her.

tory does not live in a world of stability. her mother’s health is precarious and unstable. her financial situation is precarious and unstable. even working two jobs she didn’t have enough to cover rent. it was so, so heartbreaking but u could see it in her eyes that she was considering the landlord’s offer. she was considering sleeping with some gross ass adult man who berated and belittled her just to have the stability of a home. imho she would’ve done it if kreese didn’t handle the situation (and he definitely didn’t do so for selfless reasons, but that’s another matter entirely so i’m not gonna go into that).

sam, on the other hand, doesn’t just have stability, she has luxury. again, the big house, her own car, wealthy, supportive, healthy parents who have the time and the means to be there for her and provide her with whatever she wants, let alone needs. fighting is v different for sam. from sam’s perspective, karate is meditation. karate is a way to find balance, to center yourself and spiritually connect with your body. karate is recreation and sport, tournaments where rules ensure everyone’s safety at the end of the day and fighting with honor scores u points while fighting with dishonor gets u disqualified. where fighting with honor is “fair” and fighting without honor is “dirty.” 

now, i know sam *theoretically* understands karate from the self-defense perspective too. bc she’s heard daniel’s stories. bc she used it against kyler when he made her uncomfortable. bc she and robby got into it at the mall to come to demetri’s defense, thereby actively protecting another person. but sam does not have daniel’s lived experiences of struggling with poverty or being put into harm’s way as gravely as daniel was in his youth (at least not until the school brawl, i’m getting there). sam never had to stab a pervert in the face bc he predated upon her and grabbed her. sam did face bullying, yes, but as hurtful as being slut-shamed on the internet is, her safety was not threatened in that situation the way tory’s safety has been threatened, nor the way her father’s safety was threatened in his youth.

i definitely think the context of their situations influences how each thinks of fighting. tory intimately understands fighting for survival in a way sam does not, in a way sam simply cannot relate to. tory doesn’t adhere to the rules the way sam does bc rules have never done shit for her. actually, the rules themselves keep her down, her mother got fired from her job at the restaurant precisely bc she was bringing home leftovers to feed her hungry children. tory has no reason to distinguish between dishonorable fighting and honorable fighting bc at the end of the day, fighting is a necessity for tory in a way that it is not a necessity for sam. tory doesn’t fight to win points or to meditate, or to spiritually connect with her body. tory fights for self-preservation.

from sam’s perspective, tory fights “dirty.” from tory’s perspective, sam lives in a fantasy world where there’s some kind of manufactured distinction between fighting “fair” and “dirty” only for those who have the security and luxury to made that very distinction. to tory, fighting is fighting and that’s that. to sam, fighting is a discipline, an art, a tradition, and is meant to be practiced with a level of etiquette shown to your opponent. bc that’s what tory is to sam, an opponent. but sam isn’t an opponent to tory— she’s an enemy. these are not the same things.

i think the way tory and sam understand fighting really rears its head in the school brawl. tory’s had it with sam, she’s had beef with her since the moment sam accused her of stealing and it reaches its tipping point during the party bc first, sam beats her in the drinking competition, embarrassing her in front of everyone, and then she goes and kisses miguel. who isn’t just tory’s bf, but one of the only good things in her life at that moment.

on top of that, like, okay, tory is v aware miguel used to date sam. so when she’s dating miguel herself, i think she does take a kind of satisfaction in that, in knowing she’s “taken” miguel from the pretty, privileged princess who has everything else, pretty privileged princess who once accused her of stealing and would then go on to mock and ridicule her. i think it increases the sting for tory when sam follows up beating her in the contest with kissing miguel not just bc she’s hurt, but bc it’s an added slap in the face that sam “reclaimed” this one good thing tory thought she’d managed to “take” from her.

come the school brawl and sam is aware tory’s angry. tory announces on the damn loud speaker she’s coming for her, prolly to embarrass her in front of everyone the way sam embarrassed her the night before. fight ensues and they’re matching each other p well, i’d say tory mostly retains the upper hand bc she had the element of offense on her side while sam’s blows were primarily defensive…it’s slightly in tory’s favor but rly could go either way until the point where tory breaks out the spiked knuckle duster/bracelet.

if u look at sam’s face after tory puts it on, like…she’s shocked. she’s frightened. she was not anticipating that at all. tory on the other hand, has a mocking expression and from her tone, i kind of think she’s reveling in sam’s reaction. bc tory knows full well sam has never had to fight the way she has. sam’s never actually had her safety compromised so it’s like. utterly incomprehensible to her the moment it happens. 

tory is the first person who has ever actually threatened sam’s safety and tory knows that, and she relishes it. from tory’s perspective, sam is just as foolish as she is pampered, and she gets to be the one to snatch sam’s sense of security away from her the moment she introduces a weapon to the situation and shows sam; ‘no, this isn’t just a karate match. i actually want to hurt you, and i am going to use whatever i have to do that.’

and…i think she was just trying to hurt sam, personally. ik a lot of the ck fandom thinks tory wanted to kill sam. and i actually think sam herself thinks tory wanted to kill her bc of the visceral reaction she has to tory afterwards. sam has ptsd after the school brawl and it’s not just bc of tory, it’s clearly also bc of what happened to miguel. what robby did to miguel out of anger, anger not created by— but definitely inflamed by —the fact miguel and sam shared a smooch. but sam also has nightmares of tory trying to kill her and it’s tory’s voice that makes her freeze up during the fight at the laser tag place.

i think sam also inevitably associates tory with what happened to miguel, bc while robby, not tory kicked him over the railing, it was tory who started the brawl. and miguel went upstairs specifically bc he was trying to get tory off of sam. he followed them up there bc he was tryna calm tory down. so i think that’s also why sam is so shook by tory after, that inevitable association with miguel’s fall/coma. but i defo think bc tory was the first person who ever actually threatened sam’s safety for real, sam felt like tory was going to kill her. and to be fair, when tory gets sam on the floor and yanks her hair back, it appears that she’s doing so specifically to expose her face/throat area as she pulls her opposite arm back to stab.

sooo with that i 100% understand why so much of the ck fandom and sam herself would think tory was tryna kill her, but i personally don’t think that. i think she was trying to scar her face. i think tory might have specifically been aiming for the mouth bc she wanted to punish sam for the kiss. stabbing/slicing her mouth would be targeting a place on sam specifically associated with the incident that pushed tory’s anger over the edge.

i also think it’s entirely probable tory was just unleashing all of her built up stress on sam during that fight. tory was more aggressive not just bc she’s the one more pissed off but bc her nerves are fucking fried. she throws all of her negative emotions in the brawl and she has infinitely more of those than sam, created by her precarious and fraught living situation wherein she’s had to endure much more hardship than sam and she’s constantly on her guard, fully aware of how fragile any semblance of stability she manages to carve out for herself/her family is. while sam, on the other hand, gets to live in what must appear to tory as this soft, fuzzy fantasy world where mom and dad take care of all the important stuff and sam doesn’t have to worry abt a thing.

i maintain that i don’t believe tory was tryna kill sam, but i do believe she rly wanted to hurt her. and she did…sam is hospitalized after the fight. tory goes back to cobra kai to train for the next one. bc that’s what tory’s life is, one fight after the next. she doesn’t have the luxury of treating karate as a means for meditation or recreation like sam does. and i truly think that impacts that dynamic more than often given credit for.

[artificialqueens]

Five People’s Thoughts on Adore and Bianca: Raven & Raja (3-4/5) (Biadore) - doctor bitchcraftt

A series of conversations between Raja and Raven, with appearances from Shangela and Mariah.  Dialogue-driven rather than a narrative, because I live for Raja and Raven’s interactions. Also? Raja is a legitimate witch.

1. Courtney Act

2. Laganja Estranja

3 & 4. Raja & Raven

5. Trixie Mattel (WIP)

A/N: One of the more fun perspectives I’ve written from, particularly since Fashion Photo Review was one of the things that got me hooked on Drag Race.  Raven & Raja are goddesses.  Xoxoxoxo, bitchcraftt

********

Raven leaned forward far enough to see past the shimmering curtains out to the audience.

Shangela was tearing up the runway, to everyone’s obvious delight.  As she watched along with them, movement in the first row caught her attention.

Sitting pressed together from shoulder to knee, Bianca and Adore out of drag looked like any other couple enjoying an evening at Micky’s.  Adore’s head dipped briefly onto Bianca’s shoulder, receiving an indulgent smile in response.  Moments later and completely unprompted, Bianca casually reached over to squeeze Adore’s knee.

”Sure you want to stay back here all night?”

”Yeah,” Raja sighed, “too many people wanting the full Raja experience and it’s been forever since I saw you.”

Raven pressed a kiss to her cheek, and they fell back into comfortable silence.

“What are you looking at?”

Raja’s voice interrupted Raven’s voyeurism, and she turned to find her lounging lazily against the wall, wineglass held precariously in hand.  Partial drag was a good look on her (any look was a good look for Raja, honestly), the natural grey of her hair setting off her painted eyes.

She gestured vaguely towards the stage with her drink.

“Bianca needs to wear more color.  All of that black makes her look small.”

Raja breathed out a mellow laugh.

”She is small.  How many of those have you had if you’re forgetting that?”

”Do you think-“ Raven started then paused, trying to get her thoughts in order while simultaneously checking the set list and blotting her forehead with a powder puff.

”Hmmm?” Raja handed her a napkin for the sweaty cocktail balanced on her knee.

They both applauded as Shangela finished her set, and Raven headed back on stage to introduce the next performer.

********

Half an hour later, she picked up the thread of conversation as if they hadn’t been interrupted.

“Ever think the two of them are together?”

”Who?”

Raven raised an elegant eyebrow, but Raja was too busy peering out into the audience again to appreciate the look.

”Bianca and her little drag baby.”

”Oh.”  She didn’t sound surprised.  At all.  Actually…Raven thought she seemed more contemplative than anything else.

”Yes?  Or no.”

”Depending on how you look at it, yes and no.”

Turning to face Raja fully, she waited for an explanation, keeping an ear out for the change in music.

“Well?”

“Bianca told me once that she didn’t do boyfriends because she didn’t have enough time to commit properly.”  

Raven blinked at what appeared to be a tangential statement, but probably would end up being relevant.

“That bitch, out of everyone we know, could make time for anything.”

She waited patiently for a response as Raja took another sip of wine and waved at a local queen passing through.

”It’s complicated between them.”

”Obviously.”

”Bianca is almost as old as I am.”  

Raven snorted.

”Don’t tell me it’s an age gap.”

Lifting her glass to punctuate the previous statement, Raja continued.  

“There’s almost…It’s easy to forget that Adore is almost thirty.  She’s still figuring out how to be completely comfortable in her skin.  She’s so young in a lot of ways.  In some ways, that makes the difference even more obvious.  And Bianca has been at this for half of her life - and way more than half of Adore’s.”

“Well, she’s practically her drag daughter at this point.  But,” Raven checked the stage again, “they’re way too comfortable for that to be a problem.”

“I wasn’t finished.”

A sweaty Shangela came off stage and ushered the local girl on before heading over.

”What’s the tea?”

Raven smiled and patted the bench next to her.  “Sit down.  We’re trying to decide if Bianca and Adore are fucking.”

”Raven thinks they’re fucking.  I,” Raja deliberately flicked her hair over her shoulder, “was trying to explain that it’s more complicated.”

They both waited expectantly while she drained a bottle of water.

“My opinion?”  Shangela dabbed at her forehead delicately.  “Miss Bianca is too direct to not go for it if she wanted to.  And Adore, well, god bless that horny little thing.  She’d have jumped her if she wanted.”

Standing up, she air kissed them both and left in a cloud of neon fringe for her next costume change.  Raven headed back on stage, and somehow they didn’t manage to finish the conversation before the night was over.

********

Another Monday at Micky’s.  Adore and Bianca were once again seated in the corner near the beginning of the stage, clearly a few drinks in each.

”She’s got to be in total control, or else gets so drunk she doesn’t have to be,” Raja announced.

”What?”  Raven’s glass was empty and she signaled a server for a refill.

“You know who.  Bianca.”

“She’s a drag queen, drinking is part of the job.  Fuck, no one I know can function as well as Bianca does when she’s drunk.”

Raja nodded slowly.  Tonight she was completely her boy self, lending an air of casual chic to a slouchy deconstructed sweater and jeans.

"We were talking about Bianca and Adore.”

“Rave, you’ve known Adore for what, over a decade?  Since she was a baby queen.  And what’s her defining energy?”

“Messy slut?”

“I was going to say disorder, but that’s close enough.  Mix that with Bianca’s control and you’ve either got the worst combination of opposites or two people that complement each other perfectly.”

“So opposites attract.  It’s hardly news.  We’ve seen how they look at each other on and off stage.  And it sounds like most of the internet has too.”

“Half the net thinks we’re fucking, or haven’t you read the comments out there?”

Raven ignored the question entirely, watching as Bianca draped an arm around Adore’s shoulders without even looking as they carried on two separate conversations between sets.

"Bianca and Adore.  Practically on each other’s laps.  And that weird no-talking-but-I-know-right-where-you-are thing that they do.”

“We do that.”  Raja drained her glass and set it carefully aside.

"You didn’t pay for me to fix this hairline.  Or hang all over me all of the time when you’re sober.“

"That’s Martin’s job - ”

“You know,” Mariah’s voice cut in, “Adore made a whole video post about borrowing Bianca’s running shoes in Australia.”

Raven raised a sculpted eyebrow.  “Couples share clothes,” she pointed out.

Raja gave them both a look over the rim of her now-full wineglass.

"Bianca loaned Manila two whole outfits for All Stars that she hasn’t given back yet.  And I don’t think anyone thinks they’re fucking.”

"That’s drag.  We’ve all done it,” Raven pointed out. “This is boy clothes.”

“Awww, you wouldn’t let me borrow your shoes?”

“Your raptor toes wouldn’t fit.”

“Ha ha.  Whose side are you on anyway?” Raja demanded when Mariah snickered helplessly at Raven’s jab.  

“Oh, most definitely theirs.”

“Gonna tell us what you know?”

Mariah grinned wickedly.  

“Nope.”

********

“There’s more sexual tension between them than people who are actually fucking, then.  Look,” Raven tugged Raja over until she could see.  As they watched, Adore and Bianca laughed along with the rest of the audience at something the queen had done on the runway.  Mid-laugh, Adore twisted in her seat to look at Bianca, head tilted and a soft look in her eyes.  

“And?”

“Adore practically looks like one of those heart eyes emojis.”

Raja shook her head with that enigmatic half-smile that made Raven want to simultaneously hug her and shake her until she answered.

********

“It’s better than sex though, isn’t it?”

“…suuuuuuure."  Raven didn’t sound convinced.

"Think about it.”  Raja gestured eloquently with her free hand before settling back on the chair.  “Can you see Bianca putting minimal effort into anything?  She doesn’t let herself have the time to meet someone and direct her energy into a relationship, and you know how many race chasers are out there.”

”Bitch needs to get her dick sucked more often.  Unless you finally agree that she and Adore are hooking up?”

Predictably, Raja continued down her original train of thought.

“Other than sex, she’s got all of the best parts in Adore already - best friend, someone to take care of, someone who understands what we do.  And Bianca is exactly what Adore needs to stay grounded and let loose together.”

“You’re not convincing me that they aren’t fucking out their frustrations together.”

“It’s safe for them to love each other, because they’re never going to hurt each other like you do in a relationship.  Sex is simple, but having the kind of bond they do?  Worth way more, and I don’t care what you say, I’m sticking to that.”

Raven sighed, not sure why they hadn’t just asked the two of them rather than wading through Raja’s musings.

“Oh go ahead, I’ll just watch Bianca shade you into next week.”

She was positive she hadn’t voiced that thought aloud.

”I hate it when you do that.”

“No you don’t.”

”Raja,” she sighed again, “not everything is always profoundly spiritual.”

Raja set down the now-empty glass and fixed her with a look that said she was being incredibly dense.  From anyone else, Raven would have bristled, but over the years she’d learned to trust Raja’s instincts.  

Mostly.

“Give me your hands.”

With a bland expression, Raja folded her fingers around Raven’s, not squeezing but gently holding.  

“…what-“

”Shhh, just concentrate.”

”On?”

A tingling buzz started to grow where their palms made contact.  Raja’s energy manipulation was hardly surprising anymore, but she closed her eyes without being asked.

“This is what Adore feels like when you touch her.”  The buzz grew sharper, brightness mixed with playful nudges of static.  

“And this,” she murmured with a squeeze of their fingers, “is Bianca.”  Immediately, the erratic frissons of energy subsided in her left hand.  As Raja breathed out, the flow became regimented, controlled and steady with the impression of overwhelming power behind it.

Opening her eyes, Raven nodded and the buzz dwindled down to nothing.  Not that she would be able to describe the feelings, but they nonetheless made sense.

“This,” Raja sounded mischievous, “is how it feels when you’re in lust.”

Heat filled her entire body and Raven was suddenly acutely aware of all of the sounds and smells surrounding them.  A spark of pure fire raced up both palms, through her corsetted midsection, and settled just above her tuck.  

”Very funny,” she muttered, shaking her hands free.

Raja didn’t look the least bit sorry.  Recapturing her fingers, she continued.

”The kind of love they have?  It’s like this.”

This time, the playful buzz in one hand and solid strength in the other met each other in the middle of her body, melting together.  The sensation was warm instead of raging hot, gliding up her arms and settling in her chest.  Her own heartbeat fluttered briefly before slowing into a hypnotically steady beat.  Raven felt the tension in her shoulders relax as an undefined feeling of rightness descended.  It was how she felt falling asleep cradling Martin, lazy afternoons watching tv while working on a new outfit, laughing with Raja in the basement at WOW Presents.

Raja gently released her hands, but the sense of safety and calm affection remained.

”Adore needs that kind of stabilizing energy. And Bianca needs to feel it’s safe to be loved, that she has permission to be vulnerable.”

Oh.  

********

Later on, after Raja had recharged her witchy batteries with hugs and being social, Raven pulled her aside and smirked.  "Think they just couldn’t figure out how to both be tops?”

“Bitch, like you’d know anything about it."

[ultinath]

Octavia 3: How did you get together?

The soft lighting up against the vaulted ceiling made the dungeon look cosy. Quiet music could be heard whenever the whips and floggers paused or were put down. Someone in the room moaned and gasped.

In the corner by the bar, Octavia had Dan pinned against the wall, her knee against the crotch of his black dress slacks, staring him down. Softly, she whispered to him, too low for anyone else to hear. Dan squirmed, but in a happy, excited way.

When a slender person in a tanktop and rainbow-coloured leggings walked up to the bar to get a drink, Octavia booped Dan on the nose and let him go. She turned around, the skirt of her silver ballgown billowing around her, to greet the person. "Darjeeling, so nice to see you again. Would you like a hug?"

They smiled, shaking their head. "No thanks, not right now."

Octavia beckoned Dan to come closer. "May I introduce you? Dan, this is Darjeeling, I met them at the spiritual workshop. Darjeeling, this is Dan, my good boy."

Dan blushed and cast his eyes down at the mention of the words "good boy" making his face almost invisible under the stetson hat. When he finally made eye-contact, he said: "Nice to meet you, Darjeeling."

They climbed up on one of the barstools and looked at Octavia. "He's your boy? Tell me everything. Have you been together long? How did you meet?"

"Well, this guy was very vocal about the composer Nobuo Uematsu when I first saw him. We got to talking about the music of Final Fantasy and we ended up talking for hours." Octavia beamed as she patted Dan on the shoulder. "It was at a local videogame store that organised weekly nights to play together. After a few weeks, we noticed that we didn't come to play Diablo or Smash Brothers, we just came to see each other."

"Which turned out much better for the game nights too. No one could keep up with her in Diablo II." Dan said with a hint of pride.

Darjeeling ran a hand through their buzzcut. "Wait… You mean you two met outside of the BDSM scene?"

Octavia nodded. "I fell in love with a man. And then when we grew closer, he found the courage to tell me about his 'weird fetish'." She used big air quotes. "Which turned out to be the same as mine."

"What are the chances?" Darjeeling chuckled.

"There were hints…" Dan stuck his hands in his pockets as he looked at Octavia. "The way we both really noticed all the mind control in all the games."

"Noticed." Octavia laughed for a second before continueing. "But seriously, I felt so honoured when Dan let me hypnotise him for the first time. He's the real reason I'm such an 'accomplished' hypnoDom." More air quotes. "I could practice to my heart's content, without worrying about 'doing it wrong'."

Dan blushed again. "You were a pretty awesome before you ever practiced on me."

"In theory." She wagged a finger at him. "I was lacking in practical experience."

Dan gave her a stubborn look, and she smiled at him and licked her lips. He let out a dreamy sigh and backed down, folding his hands behind his back.

Octavia turned back to Darjeeling. "I was just exploring the kink scene at the time. Just a young switch trying everything. When my relationship with Dan became real, that's when I first dared to use the label Dominant for myself."

"Oh wow." Darjeeling seemed to think. "So how would you recommend others to find a partner?"

Octavia sighed. "Get to know them as a person. That is what the dating phase is for. It's not for movies or restaurants. It's to talk to each other, about your passions, your feelings and your dreams. To figure out whether you could be compatible. That why there's that rule about not having sex so soon in a relationship, not because of any slut shamey reasons, but because you just don't know and trust each other yet."

Darjeeling looked at them both in turn. "But you're 24/7 D/s now, right? Was that a lengthy, complicated negotiation?"

Octavia inhaled deeply. "At the risk of sounding like a polyamory guru… A good relationship is constant renegotiation. We started with some hypnosis, and then Dan wanted triggers that wouldn't expire. Then I wanted service from him. Then he wanted to call me 'My Lady'. Then I wanted to decide what he should wear. It slowly grew to what it is today. And it will change again in the future."

"You wanted to call her 'My Lady'?" Darjeeling asked.

Dan nodded enthusiastically. "She earned it."

"Oh you…" Octavia took his hand and started to stroke the length of his index finger. Dan started to shudder and screwed his eyes and mouth shut, but it was still obvious that this simple touch gave him a great deal of pleasure.

Darjeeling leaned in closer. "What are you doing, Octavia?"

With a grin, she replied: "Shutting him up. He gives me way too much credit."

"Nuh uh!" Dan panted and squirmed.

Octavia grabbed his wrist and yanked him closer. "You want to be turned off?"

There was a moment of silence as they stared each other in the eyes. With a small voice, Dan said: "That's up to you, My Lady."

Darjeeling raised their hand in the air. "Can I ask a question?"

Octavia put her arm around Dan and pulled him close. With one hand, she touched him on the back of his neck. Immediately, he slumped against her shoulder, seemingly unconscious. With a satisfied smile, Octavia looked at Darjeeling. "You had a question?"

"Several. This is a lot to unpack…" They ran their hands through their hair again, thinking. "So I assume the stroking of his finger and the touch on the back of his neck are hypnotic triggers?"

"And licking my lips too." Octavia smiled. "Because we both know what those triggers do, they become part of our language, like a shorthand."

"So…" Darjeeling frowned. "Are you punishing him for giving you compliments? For speaking up?"

Octavia giggled. "I'm giving him sexual pleasure. Which is a little embarrassing, but very enjoyable, and it reaffirms that I am in control."

Darjeeling vaguely gestured at Dan's head, resting on Octavia's shoulder with his eyes closed. "Is this sexual pleasure too?"

"In a way." Octavia carefully shifted on her feet, holding Dan's limp body up. "It's a lot like bondage. He's helpless now, and I decide how long to keep him like this. That's pleasurable, though perhaps not sexual."

Darjeeling nodded and smiled. "So, tell me how you make these triggers that don't expire."

Octavia shifted again, with an uncomfortable grimace this time. "Give me a second." She grabbed Dan by the throat and breathed in his ear. "Come back to me, love. Stand up."

Dan straightened up and stroked her shoulder where his head had been with an embarrassed look. "Thank you, My Lady."

"You know how to create a basic trigger?" Octavia asked Darjeeling.

They nodded emphatically. "And normally, you add limitations, like: tonight, or only when you feel safe and happy to do so, or only when I say, or I do it."

"Yes.Those are good safety measures when your subject is a beginner at hypnosis." Octavia pulled Dan close and hugged him. "But when your partner is as experienced as this guy, you can let them decide those parameters. And then, you just make sure to use the trigger regularly, so that they don't forget it."

Darjeeling stared at Dan. "You're in control of when the triggers work?"

Dan nodded. "It's mostly context. When we're out in public, at work or when we're shopping or with family, the triggers won't work. But here in the dungeon, I will probably comply with every trigger. I might even have trouble resisting if I'm fractionated after a long night of playing."

"Which is why I keep you close, my boy." Octavia kissed him.

"What if someone else says the trigger?" Darjeeling asked.

Dan shook his head. "Even if a stranger or someone here in the dungeon manages to say the right words, my brain knows not to take any orders from them. The effect is nil."

Darjeeling leaned back against the bar. "So Dan, would you mind showing me some of those triggers you wanted so much? Or is that too intimate?"

Dan blushed again. "It makes me feel like I'm a trained dog doing tricks. It's kinda hot."

They both turned to Octavia and gave her an expectant look.

"And I get to play with my toy." Octavia beamed. "What shall we show off?"

Dan gave her big puppy dog eyes, but he said: "That's up to you, My Lady."

Octavia smiled at Darjeeling. "This is a golden oldie." Then she turned to Dan and told him: "You are nothing but a drone."

The change in Dan was immediate. His eyes became glassy and his face went slack and expressionless. His body slumped and swayed ever so slightly, like a puppet on strings.

"A recurring theme among hypnofetishists is 'blank and obedient' and I'm always impressed at how well Dan can do that." Octavia said. "When he's like this, his mind is so blank, he has trouble remembering what happens to him in this state. Take a step closer to Darjeeling, drone."

Dan stepped closer. His eyes were unseeing and his movements were slow.

"Hold out your arm, drone." When Dan lifted his arm, Octavia took his hand and turned it palm up in her hands.

"Now keep in mind that Dan is not a big masochist." And Octavia bit down on the soft inside of Dan's wrist. After a few seconds, she stopped and showed the bitemark to Darjeeling.

Dan just stood there, motionless and silent, as if nothing had happened at all.

Darjeeling gasped. "That's amazing!"

Octavia held up one finger in the air, and said to Dan: "Come back to me, love. Wake up."

Dan blinked for a second, and then clutched his wrist. He swore under his breath and bent over to catch his breath.

Octavia slowly shook her head. "That just never gets old."

"Well done, Dan." Darjeeling said as they got up from the bar stool. "That was wonderful, thank you for the demonstration."

"Anytime…" Dan muttered.

Octavia hugged and kissed him. "Good boy."

--

Dear reader, did you like this story? This is the third installment of a series. Feel free to leave questions here that you would like to ask Octavia if you ran into her in the dungeon, or if you went to one of her classes. And perhaps in the next installment of the Octavia series, she will answer your question.

[krazishroomlady-blog]

1. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with? Oh yeah! I know this really pretty chick. 2. What side of the bed do you sleep on? Both, but I have to fall asleep on my right because if I fall asleep on my left, I have an instant nightmare. 3. Do you love someone on your friends list? Nope. 4. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually? I don’t think so. 5. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex? Not yet; but I have kissed 2 girls. 6. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film? Yeah they do. I know that for a fact. ;) 7. How many people have you slept with? Slept with? LOL none. Saving that for someone special. But I have made out with a ton of people and had done stupid things LOL. 8. If you cheated on your lover how would you tell them? Direct and blunt like I always do. 9. What would you do if you were cheated on? Be pissed and upset. 10. What is one of your favorite quotes? Hmmm 11. What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity? Indoor: Reading and surfing the internet, as well as clearing my mind and observing everything around me. 12. If you could throw any kind of party, what would it be like and what would it be for? I’d throw a psychedelic party and trip the fuck out at a rental house for a week straight with all my peeps. 13. If you could choose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor? I sadly don’t have anyone I’d consider that because I’m always the one being there for everyone. 14. If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be? There are many so that’d be hard to choose; but I’d have to say May Weekend 2016 because party hopping until 7am was the best night of my life. One of the many best nights. That, and I’d def re-live that mushroom trip in VT. Most spiritual night of my LIFE!!! 15. Which celebrity do you get mistaken for? No one. 16. Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best? The time I got caught masterbating in public? LOL 17. What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up? Hmmm I actually don’t know. It’s hard to make me cry. 18. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? Can’t think of anything. 19. What was the last experience that made you a stronger person? Being on my own while abroad and tripping psychedelics definitely helped me grow as a person. 20. When was the last time you had an amazing meal? Last night! I love my food. 21. What’s the best/worst gift you’ve ever given/received? My sports car! And no worst gift-- I take all my gifts special to heart. ^_^ 22. What story does your family always tell about you? Who knows ha ha . My family is so broken it’s not even funny. But my mom does like to brag to strangers that I visited 12 countries and it annoys me so much because I know there are a lot of people out there who are not as fortunate as I am. 23. If you had a super power what would it be? To fly ^_^ Thus, I can travel better, for free, and to any destination! 24. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first? I don’t have fear. I’m not an anxious person. 25. If you could change one law of your country, what would it be? Hmmm.. To legalize psychedelics. It helps so many people on so many levels! 26. Have you ever expected ‘love in return’? Did you get it? Wtf does this mean? I’ve been in love before, yes, and it was wonderful, yet ended badly and now I have trust issues. But they’re getting better. 27. When did you last laugh so much, it hurt? When I tripped balls on mushrooms. That was the hardest I’ve ever laughed in my life and it’s hard to get me to laugh these days. I like never laugh anymore. :( 28. What’s the most marvellous thing you have ever seen with your own eyes? The world as seen on psychedelics. 29. What’s your number one priority? To be free and to forever live free. 30. Who do you need to get in touch with because it’s been to long? Jenny V, man!! I miss my older sis :��( 31. What relationships have ended? But you can’t let go? I let it go about a year ago but it hurt me for so long and was so hard. 32. Are you a starter or a finisher? Starter. A lot of things that I do out of hobbies, I end up never finishing. 33. When did you last do something for nothing in return? I always do that. 34. When did your heart last ‘skip a beat’? Why? I believe I last felt that when I was in love or had a crush on someone. 35. Who in your life do you wish you’d met sooner? I believe everyone comes into your life at perfect timing, so the answer would be no one. 36. Do you always want the answer to ‘what are you thinking about?’ Yes. 37. How are things going for you, now? Pretty good. 38. Is a year past more important than the next hour to come? No. The past can stay in the past. Better things are to come! 39. Do your practice ‘self love’ or ‘self loathing’? If self love is equivalent to masterbating, then yes. 40. What scares you about your future? Does it matter if it isn’t even here yet? Not being free and possibly being trapped in this state and trapped in the same old situation. I try to be patient because I know one day I will miss these days. 41. If you had to move country tomorrow, where would you go? Fuck yeah! Switzerland in a heartbeat!! 42. What aspects of you, do you keep hidden from close friends but expose to loved ones? How caring and romantic I am deep down. 43. Are you a goal setter or a ‘whatever will be, will be’ person? When I get bursts of energy, I am a goal setter. But if I already did something that needed to be done, then I am a “whatever will be, will be” kind of person. 44. How would you hate to be described? As a slut. Because everyone assumes just because I’m flirty and have “flings” that I’m not a virgin, but I secretly am. 45. Is trust more important than love, or is it the other way round? Trust must come before love or else love won’t exist. 46. If you could erase an event from your mind, which one would you choose? Verbal beatings from my past. 47. What makes you special, unique and talented? Get to know me and you’ll see ;) 48. What negative experience keep happening time and time again for you? When are you going to learn from them? Uhm not much except for boredom. I guess I can try new things, but it feels like I’ve already done everything. 49. Are you making your difference in the world or stagnating? I’d hope I’m making a difference, even if they’re the littlest of differences in life. 50. What are you thankful for, this moment? My life and the opportunities I’ve had. 51. What (or whom) drains your energy, why do you let it happen? Long road trips, ha. 52. Do you need to see things before you believe them? Yes. 53. Who are you? *** 54. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you? Fun-loving, adventurous, free-spirited 55. Are you more child-like or childish? Child-like because I am mature. 56. Does time really heal all wounds? Yes. 57. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you? Always. 58. What is the truest thing that you know? Deep down, we are all human. 59. Are you more of a giver or a taker? Giver 60. 24. Who have you hugged today or yesterday? No one. Shit is rare. 61. 25. Who has done something these days to show they care about you? Hmmm. Well, I’m used to my dad showing that but it’d be nice to see someone else come through for once. 62. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel? A wise quote once said, “You forget what people say, but you always remember how they made you feel.” 63. What small thing annoys you so much it should be a crime? People who complain. 64. What qualities made you fall in love with your partner? I’m single. But I like people who are caring. 65. Describe your partner in one word? I’m single. 66. How did you know you had fallen out of love with a person? When lies were revealed and there was no-longer a connection. 67. Have you ever had something really good come out of something really bad that happened to you? Can’t think of anything 68. Have you ever MEANT to hurt anyone? I’d hope not. 69. Would you rather be guaranteed to have your dream job or never be heartbroken? First one because the second one already happened. 70. How many lovers have you had? No idea. I’ve made out with a ton of people. 71. You are alone with your lover’s diary. What do you do? Read it!! 72. What frustrates you? Nothing. 73. What gives you inner strength? God. 74. What causes you to panic? Nothing. 75. Have you ever saved someone’s life or had your life saved? Idk 76. Would you consider yourself to be romantic? Oh yeah 77. Is it better to be wanted or needed? Needed because wanting is desperate. 78. Who owes you an apology? My ex for all the lies. Fuck that. 79. What was the last compliment you received ? That I’m very beautiful! 80. Do you lie your way out of things? No. 81. How old were you when you went on your first date? I think 16 82. What would be the perfect gift for you? A ticket to get out of here. That or mushrooms. 83. What’s the worst thing you’ve done to someone you loved? Nothing because I loved with all my heart. 84. What is one simple thing that gives you the happy shivers? Mushrooms and traveling. 85. Have you ever fired a gun? Nope 86. Would you ever date someone outside of your race or religion? Yeah 87. Are you someone that others call when they’re having a problem and want to talk about it? BY. FAR. 88. Do you believe that there is someone perfect for everyone or that people just fall in love with who ever they are with at the time? Either or. 89. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have? I guess 90. Would you kill an innocent person if you thought it might mean saving a dozen other people? No idea how I’d react in that moment. Ask me after. 91. What are some of the wildest animals you’ve ever touched? ;) 92. Are you a hugger or a non-hugger? Why? Sometimes lol, because hugging is nice, but it would also be nice to feel again. 93. What’s something about yourself that you hope will change, but that probably never will? I have no idea. I love myself. But I do wish I could somehow, someway become more intune with my emotions. I hate feeling numb all the time. I think it’s because I’m scared of becoming hurt again. 94. Did you ever cheat on a school exam? Yup 95. If you could restore one broken relation- ship, which one would you choose? Oh God none of them. 96. How do you define “true love”? Let it define itself. Every love is different. 97. What’s unforgivable? Lying. 98. What do you suspect people say about you behind your back? That I’m a great listener, fun adventure buddy and a great friend who has tons of energy. 99. What’s an example of your passive-aggressive side? Not responding or replying to texts for weeks or months. 100. How have you dealt with loss in your life? Not good but I’ve accepted it and learned they all ended for the better and the people who died are watching over me. ^_^ 101. What silly thing have you done in the name of love? Can’t remember. 102. In relationships, are you more often the “heartbreaker” or the “heart broken”? Why? Either or 103. How many times have you really been in love? One. 104. How many times have you had a broken heart? One. 105. Who has loved you more than anyone else in your life? I don’t know lol I think my dad. 106. What brings a tear to your eye? When I really think about it, my past. But that doesn’t bring a tear to my eye anymore because that VT mushroom trip helped me get over that. 107. What’s weighing heavy on your heart these days? Nothing. But I am disappointed that so many people lost the true meaning of communication. 108. Is there someone in your life who has never (or rarely) let you down? How long have you known this person?  My dad. He’s always been there for me and has never let me down. 109. What do you want? Love and to feel emotions again. Tired of using mushrooms to feel. 110. Are you in love with anyone? Not at the moment. 111. Who was the last person you kissed? Was it Kevin? Wait, no, it was Gabriel, I believe. Jeez, LOL, I can never keep track. 112. Who you wanna kiss really badly? He heeee 113. The last person you talked to? Probably my dad 114. Do you still have feelings for an ex? Deep down, but thankfully, they’re almost gone. 115. Do you think about other people in your life and how you affect them? Sometimes. 116. Is there someone you wish to teach a lesson, and still haven’t? Nope. 117. Are you comfortable talking to strangers? Definitely. 118. What are the three basic factors you look for, in a partner? Caring, compassion, and understanding. 119. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it? My emotions because I’m afraid of getting hurt and lied to again. 120. Do you love me? I have no idea who you are. 121. Are you attracted to other people? Yeah. 122. What are your views on commitment and marriage? Committment scares me but I do hope to get married one day. I know. I’m full of contradictions.  123. Do I make you feel safe and secure? No idea who you are. 124. Does your first love still hold a special place in your heart? Forever and always will. <3 125. Have you been in a relationship before, and if so, why did you break up? Yes and it hurt.

[thoughtsfeelingsjustblah]

Monday 9/16/2019

It’s been a while since I posted. Things are going pretty well here. My depression levelled off a long, long time ago and though i’ve felt some depression symptoms periodically, they were short lived. That’s a huge change, for someone who almost constantly lived with depression since she was 7. I often felt suicidal, or close to it. That also started at 7. I remember the day I first told someone, it was my brother Neil. He just told me everyone feels that way sometimes. Me personally, a child tells me, i’m going to take it seriously and get her help. Oh well, it’s whatever

The past 8 months or so, i’ve felt a lot more social and it’s been great!!  For years, I stayed to myself for the most part. I was really social in my teens. When I was twenty, I moved in with Nathan and secluded myself. It was almost completely just he and I. For years, I hardly socialized in real life, only online. I went out with a couple friends a few times here and there, but it was nothing like now. 

For several years, I rarely went out. I’d have little spurts of being social, like one summer that I spent a lot of time with Cloyie and Jessica, and Amber to an extent. Then, I got with Mark, and it was only me, him and Nathan again. I just didn’t make the effort to get out. To meet people. To strengthen old friendships. About 8 months ago, something in me just changed. I met my friend Kristy, and we started hanging out. Then, I met a few more friends, and we spent time together. My friends have made friends with each other, and we have some awesome get togethers! 

When I think about it, depression held me back. I always had more depressive episodes than manic. Though i’ve had my share of those as well. But, the depressive episodes could last for several months at a time. I’d seclude myself, stop talking to people, practically drop off the planet! Friends don’t understand. Most don’t, anyway. A lot of people just think you’re avoiding them or whatever. Kinda goes along with when my psychology instructor told me i’m aloof. Love her to death, I know she didn’t many anything by it, but that stuck with me - I wonder how many people think of me as cold, distant and aloof. I like to think i’m the furthest from that description.

I’m sampling Kratom, the Trainwreck strain, and I feel i’m a little more talky now than i have been lately. lol

Back on the aloof thing.. I wonder if people think that when i’m feeling shy and having anxiety, or when I have to be to myself for sometime. People’s first impression of me used to be that I was bitchy. Until they got to know me. Because of the shyness. I’d like to think i’ve moved past that a bit now.

I do have a weird need to be alone sometimes. In silence. When i’m around other people for an extended period of time, my mind feels overstimulated and I feel like I need to escape. Yes, even Mark. At home, I spend a lot of alone time in my room. It’s definitely nothing against him, I just need to be alone at times. I was really happy when I lived alone. And often kept it silent, no tv’s etc.. I need that alone time to feel spiritually fulfilled. To feel at peace. Labor day weekend, had a big cookout. It’s awesome! But twice, I was standing in my rather small living room/dining area and felt trapped. Anxiety shot up. I had to go back to my bedroom for a few minutes, both times, almost as if to recharge. It was odd. I love a big crowd, especially when it’s good friends, but my mind overstimulated. Sensory overload. I wish I knew what caused it. As a child, teachers, principals and a school nurse tried telling my Mom I was autistic. She would get angry over it. But, honestly, I have to wonder if I am on the spectrum, and just learned social skills. I truly did have to learn how to behave with people, how to be normal. Se;f taught. Some from reading things and some from observing people’s behavior. I was a mess as a child though, I wasn’t taught social skills at all.

Changing the subject a bit.. I’ve met someone whom has brought about feelings that i’m not used to. It’s a little confusing, and wonderful, at the same time. :) First, let me start with an explanation of my sexuality.. Ok.. I knew that I found some women attractive, even as a child. Certain types of breasts. Beautiful faces. A nice ass. lol I was never sure about my sexual preference. I admired women, but didn’t want to be with a woman....until somewhere in my late twenties or so I considered the idea. Still unsure. By the time I was 19, I had kissed a couple girls. Mostly for attention from boys at parties, i’ll be totally honest. I’m not like that now! I also had an experience that could be considered sexual experimentation when I was 16 or 17... I cheated on my boyfriend and had a hickey on my neck. One of my girls said, let’s all give each other hickies and tell the guys it was us. Which......sounds ridiculous to me as I type this. Extremely. lol But I went with it. I got nothing from it sexually, wasn’t turned on by it. 

I refused to experiment with bisexual friends over the year, just didn’t feel like it was my thing. The closest two women to call experimentation would be a woman name Virginia. I was 19 and she was 30ish. And Jessica. Whom I actually 10 years older. lol I’ll explain both situations...

First, Virginia. She was ok looking, tall, and a bit intimidating in looks and personality. And I don’t get intimidated easily. I was already really, really drunk. Had went a type of gay dance that raised money for aids research. I had a couple gay and bi friends. That night, a friend I cared about came up to me and told me that he just hound out he’s hiv+. That hit me hard and I started stress drinking. We were invited to an after party, and of course my drunk ass went. A guy had a BIG bottle of tequila. I asked for some. He kept passing it to me throughout the night. I was so gone. The host started hitting on me, then acted like she was going to try to fight me. I’d never lost a fight in the past, but as previously mentioned, she had an intimidating presence and as drunk as I was, any fighting would have been sloppy and probably resulted in me getting myself hurt. Then, two gay men got into a fight, I was trying to stop and and she pulled me aside and told me they do it all the time. Next thing, they were kissing. And I was like, wtf? lol Anyway, I remember watching a porn on tv.. Then, I had to go pee. This older trucker guy cornered me in the bathroom. He was trying to get with me, and I was scared to straight up say no, so I kept telling him some other time. He kept insisting no, right now, he’s on the road all the time. I had no plans of getting with him. EVER. I was just trying to talk myself of out the danger that I knew I had gotten myself into. Finally, Virginia (the same one who acted like she wanted to fight me) came along, and I clung to her the rest of the night. Which wasn’t long. I had to have been about 5am by that time. I was so scared to drive as trashed as I was, had noone I could call. I was stuck. Like I said, I clung to her, it felt like she was saving me from this 50 year old pervert. She told me I could sleep in her bed. And with all the crazy drunk guys in the living room, I felt safer that way. Then, trucker dude and this big black guy she was with came in the room. People passed out around the bed. And now it was us 4 in the bed. I remember it’s like in 3rd person, as if I weren’t there, and were watching in happen instead. I ended up basically having an orgy. Both guys. (I had had a threesome with two guys before, when I was 16. I liked it. It was not forced, I didn’t feel trapped - as I did this night) The most she and I did was hold hands and kissed. I stayed close to her, she was the only feeling of safety I had at that point. As soon as everyone snuck out, I drunkenly. and quickly, drove home. Virginia tried to text me several times after, she never heard from me again. And I rarely let myself think about that night. I did not want this night to happen, but “no” wasn’t worth it, and it was a very intimidating situation. This is the first in a long time, and the most detailed i’ve ever told anyone. Even though i’m only telling my blog. I have very few readers, I keep this blog very private. I remember when I told my asshole ex about it (Jerry),July 4th 2013, he got angry at me and called me a slut and told me it was my fault. Our relationship went down hill after that.

My second serious experience, more than just a simple silly kiss.. Was with Jessica. I will start with this... Jessica took care of herself when I first met her. I thought she was pretty. Had a little interest, but no plans to take it anywhere. I also didn’t realize she had a mental impairment at the time. I thought her speach impediment was a cajun or similar accent. Anyway, right after meeting her, I went to the beach with some friends at the time. She was one of the ones going. I can’t remember exactly how it started, but we did have a little chemistry. So, at some point, she kissed me. There were several kisses that week. She stayed by my side much of the time, which I didn’t know how I felt about that. My best guy friend was on the trip too, and we had talking about hooking up. So, the whole time, I was hoping he’s make a move and Jessica ended up making the moves. lol She was really sweet to me though. Surprised with with a bottle of liquor, roses, a necklace. We didn’t “get together”. Didn’t date, i’ve never dated a woman. Did really do anything sexual....other than one night she tried to finger me under the covers and I stopped her. I told her it was because someone else was in the room with us, and that was partly why. But still, I didn’t want it. The most we ever did after that was few kisses and one heated make out session, the most we did was grind on each other. I never went there again. We cuddled sometimes though, that was sweet. We haven’t kissed or anything like that in years. Met her in 2012.

After the beach trip. Jessica was VERY persistent and moving way too fast. I stopped talking to her, and she found every way she could to get in touch with me. The primary reason I stopped talking to her, I randomly got a text on my phone asking my permission to put a gps tracker on my phone, and the company said it came from her. Later, she insisted in wasn’t her, a friend got a hold of her phone. No. It was her. It took me a really long time to talk to her again, but I finally did. After that, I stopped talking to her for an extended period of time twice.. One time, she was getting too pushy, getting frustrated when I didn’t share the feeling she had and frankly was behaving possessive and obsessive. Then next time, and it was the final time.. It was not long after I started dating Mark. She continued to “jokingly” call me hers, and I can’t remember specifically how it happened.....but she got psycho pissed at me. Wanted a Christmas gift back (which I smashed before leaving it in front of her house), texted Mark accusing I cheated on him and all this other bs. She contacted friends, trying to start shit between us. I blocked her, and it was a very long before I spoke to her again. And when I did, I promised her if it EVER happened again, our friendship is through permanently. For years, I haven’t had a problem. She still flirts with me. Year ago, I did playfully kiss her a couple times. But that’s all it was though. I don’t mind her flirting, as long as she doesn’t take it too far. And things have been good sense. 

We’re not close like we used to be, though. She refers to herself as my best friend. I feel awkward and don’t correct it. She my have problems, and hasn’t been the best friend, but I do care about her and consider her a good friends. Never a best friend though. I haven’t had a TRUE best friend since my friendship ended with Amanda at 16-17. We were super close, met when I was 11. I’ve never been that close to a female since. I never had any sort of attraction for her though,  she was just my best friend. I’ve wanted that closeness sense, never bonded with anyone after her though. Tried. Just didn’t feel it. 

I’m taking a break from this blog. I have to. I’ve spend a LOT of time on it already, and still have things I need to say. Will continue tomorrow! <3

********************************************************************

Tuesday, 9/17/2019

Wow, that was a lot of writing. My blogs are often pretty long, but that was crazy! lol I took my first full dose of kratom yesterday, maybe that what did it. lol If so, I need to get more. Do some writing. I love to write and dream of getting published one day, I just don’t have the focus that I need.

Where to start back.. Ok.. As far as my sexuality goes, I considered myself straight until a few years ago. Then I realized i’m bi-curious. I kept it to myself though. Still do, for the most part. Most people don’t know. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon. I definitely do not want Mark’s family to know. 

I always said I like dick too much to be a lesbian, and that’s still true. (excuse the trashy phrase lol) - but I do have an attraction to some women. But it’s been a subtle attraction. 

However, I recently met this woman. She’s awesome. I have a very strong connection with her. It’s more of a deep spiritual connection. It’s something I can’t explain. I feel about her, something i’ve never felt before. I can’t explain it, because I don’t quite understand it yet. 

We have so much in common. Religion, political views, a love of wolves. And so much more that we’ve discovered that we have in common. My niece even says we kinda look alike. lol And, she’s beautiful. Gorgeous face, love her eyes. Great body. 

She told me that if she ever went there with a woman, she’d want it to be with me. And I had thought the same thing about her. I don’t know where this is going to go, but it’s definitely something new for me. 

I love spending time with her. And truthfully, I think about her often. Not in a psycho obsessive sense. lol But, she does cross my mind. 

It feels odd to feel this way about a woman. But it feels good. One evening, she took my hand while we were talking, and normally i’m not much of a hand holder, other than the hubby. But, it was nice. It actually felt right. 

Ok, and about the hubby, while i’m thinking about it.. I love him, and would never do anything to hurt him. No matter what the situation. I’ve talked to him a little, but very little, about how I feel for her. It’s a little awkward. I plan to let him read this blog eventually. IF he wants to read this much writing!! lol 

Anyway, he used to tell me he won’t share me, even if it were another woman. Now he tells me that he’s ok with it, as long as he can watch. I appreciate him being somewhat open minded, but him watching.....i’m not sure about. I don’t know how she would feel, and frankly I don’t know how I feel about it. What I feel for her is pure. It’s not all sexual and lusty. It runs much deeper. Don’t get me wrong, I *am* physically attracted to her, who wouldn’t be? But, if we were to ever take it a step further, I really don’t know that i’d feel comfortable with anyone else being around. It would be special, you know? And I don’t know if he’d ever be accepting of just her and I having a physical relationship together. Only time will tell. 

Even if it never turns physical, she’s a special person in my life. I can see her turning into a lifelong bestfriend (....or more). 

I guess I should be going. Have to get ready to start the day, a few things need done. I only took two kratom today (Trainwreck strain), instead of the suggested dose of 6 pills. I’m already feeling it. Thinking I may get a big bottle and make them part of my daily supplements! I’ll try to blog again very soon, though it probably won’t be nearly as long. 

[amandaearl]

My journey to polyamory

As a child I had Barbie dolls, including two Ken dolls. All the dolls tortured and fucked each other. The Ken dolls fucked each other too. I didn’t think about it, that’s just how the dolls behaved.

 When I was 16, I became a regular attendee of a friend’s Pentecostal church. Mainly because I wanted to meet boys. She and a bunch of us went to see the Pink Floyd Laser Rock show at Toronto’s McLaughlin Planetarium/ROM. I sat beside a handsome boy who was 18. Jimmy. He was blond, had a beard and wore cologne. To this day, I have a total thing for blond bearded fellows (but not so much their cologne). I was attracted. He reached over and held my hand. I was thrilled. It was dark. A few minutes later I saw that he was also holding Trudi’s hand. I was thrilled (still).

 Later in the washroom, I mentioned this to her, thinking she would be as excited about it as me. To me, his holding my hand as well as hers gave the gesture even more power, made me feel even more popular to him since he liked me well enough to include me even though he was already holding another girl’s hand. I felt validated. But when I told Trudi, she was shocked and hurt. She cried. I didn’t understand. I continued to see Jimmy a few more times for secret kisses and beard rubs. It was lovely.

 I had my first serious long term relationship in first year university. We became lovers and then we got married in our twenties. It was a monogamous relationship for 18 years. In my mid 30s, I wanted to be involved with other men. I’d always been boy crazy, then man crazy. I didn’t ever really understand why I could be with only one man. I always wondered what it would be like to fuck other men. I fantasized about friends, husband’s friends, husbands of friends, etc.

 After my first husband and I parted ways, my bedroom became a revolving door. I fucked many different men. I avoided their attempts at making our relationship exclusive. After six months of fucking a lot of different men, I met my second husband. We were exclusive for four years, not because of a spoken agreement that we would be, simply because we were wrapped up in each other and experiencing all the joys of new relationship energy. We always said we would be open and honest with each other. I had an experience where I was becoming attracted to another writer who didn’t live in Ottawa. The writer suggested we have an affair. I was petrified. I felt terrible. I knew I had to talk to my husband about it, but I was afraid of what would happen.

 I told him and he suggested we get a hotel room. I was nervous about it but I was also so pleased that my husband didn’t get angry with me and that he wanted to explore. The writer from out of town was a disappointment in the long run, but the experience led to an exploration that has not only enriched our marriage but also helped us to learn more about ourselves, each other and others. There have been MFF and MFM live in triads, occasional dating, brief hook ups and long term friendships. I don’t speak about my husband’s journey here, only my own, but I can say that we’ve always been supportive, loving and communicative with each other on this and every other aspect of our lives. I am passionately in love with him and feel so glad that we found each other, 16 years ago.

 There have been sexual relationships and nonsexual ones. I give love to others by the work I do in the literary community and trying to be kind and nurturing to friends and strangers alike when it’s needed. I share my thoughts so that others who don’t feel that they fit in can find a kindred spirit and know that they are not alone.

 There has been support and curiosity from fellow explorers of non monogamy. Monogamous friends have also been supportive and caring while not at all being able to understand what the fuck we’re doing or why we would. I have been slut-shamed, my orientation has been linked to nefarious nonconsensual and misogynistic practices. I have felt alienated with every monogamous love song and portrayal of ideal love in film, in books and in social media. It is difficult to share and stand up for something that is so vilanized in society.

 I could stand on a soapbox here and talk about the divorce rate of monogamous relationships or domestic violence or what have you, but that’s not why I’m writing here today and I’m not interested in lecturing or scolding anyone. I was once told I was attempting to be an evangelist of polyamory. That has never been the case. I don’t know any one relationship type that fits all humans. I don’t know any relationships that haven’t had problems, regardless of relationship type. Polyamory works for me.

 I define polyamory as a capacity for infinite love and a willingness to consensually explore intimacy in any form with likeminded individuals. If I had known that the possibility existed when I was in my 20s, I might have attempted it. But I had no idea. I believe that everyone deserves to have agency in the type of relationships they enter into. It’s a decision that each individual needs to make rather than be pressured into it by a potential partner or convention.

 For those interested in exploring, there are a multitude of books and sites you can refer to, but here are a few that have helped me over the years:

 The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy (I prefer the 1st edition to the 2nd)

 Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines For Responsible Open Relationships by Wendy-O-Matik

 Spiritual Polyamory by Mystic Life

 I leave you with this quote from Wendy-O-Matik’s book:

 “Love is inherently the ability to accept whatever the outcome may be, because there is no outcome that is written in stone or that might still reverse itself five minutes or five years later.”

[jayyng]

Do ALL OF THE ASKS COWARD (ily bb)

Holy shit that’s a lot of asks oof alright. (ily2 bb)

angel; do you have a nickname?

Sorta. Some people call me “J” or “Jng,” as Jng is my online alias. Most people just stick with Jason though

awe; how old are you?

17

baby; favorite color?

Red.

bloop; spirit animal?

Probably a guinea pig. I would say capybara but those things are really friendly

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?

Book: Leah On the OffbeatMovie: Zootopia, probablySong: At the moment it’s probably “Lonely Dance” by Set it Off

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

Not really a stuffed animal. I had this blanket that I always slept with. For some reason, I never really slept with stuffed animals.

breeze; most precious childhood memory?

Honestly I’m not sure

bright; mermaids or fairies?

Neither tbh

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

Yeah

buttercup; showers or baths?

Showers for cleaning, baths to help with stress

butterfly; dream destination?

Manhattan, New York

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

I don’t know if this is asking whether I’m more religious or spiritual or if I am either of those two things. The answer is still no, neither.

calm; favorite scent?

Lilacs

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?

I didn’t sleep last night

charming; have you ever been in love?

No, but I think I felt something close

cozy; eye/hair color?

Red hair with a blonde streak, bright blue eyes. Sometimes they look gray in certain lighting

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?

Like time of day?? Sunset, probably

cupcake; favorite flower/plant?

Lilacs

cute; what did you get on your last birthday?

Ukulele

cutie pie; most precious item you own?

Can I say my guinea pig? If not my guinea pig, probably my laptop. Without it I wouldn’t be able to write or talk to some of the most important people in my life.

cutsie; what makes you happy?

Honestly not sure

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

I used to have very few friends and spent a lot of time alone, so I would walk down to the beach by myself sometimes and just kinda sit in the sand and look out at the water. 

daydream; how do you want to be remembered?

I don’t care. Opinions of me don’t matter when I’m dead. I just want to know I made an impact in someone’s life. 

daylight; favorite album of all time?

Not sure. Either Duality by Set it Off or Pray for the Wicked by Panic! at the Disco

dear; zodiac sign?

Leo bb

delightful; concerts or museums?

Concerts. I’m a music geek

dimples; have you ever written a letter?

Yea

dobby; dream job?

In a perfect world, actor.

doll; how do you like to dress?

I wear the same thing every day. Jeans, some sort of t-shirt, sweatshirt.

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?

Nope

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?

I don’t currently have tattoos but in the future I want a tattoo of a rose on my left forearm and a semi-colon on one of my wrists

drizzle; do you believe in aliens?

Not really, but you never know what’s out there

euphoric; talk about someone you love.

No.

fairy; do you have a pet?

I do! I have a guinea pig named Piper and a cat named Felix

fluffy; ocean or mountain?

Ocean

forever; where do you feel time stop?

There’s this large rock by the woods that I used to stop at when I walked home from school in middle school. I swear, time just didn’t exist there sometimes

froglet; are you a good plant owner?

Never tried

garden; how many languages do you know?

One. I took 3 years of Spanish class but I didn’t really learn anything

gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?

:)

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?

Uhh

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?

Depends on the content. I don’t personally like having anon enabled but I get why people do.

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

Uh fuck okay- Hair is kinda a nice color ig- My eyes are kinda pretty- Uhhh - My sense of humor maybe- I don’t know how to word what I’m trying to say but like,,,I guess I know where my loyalty lies? I know when a person isn’t worth it?

heart; silk or lace?

Silk

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?

Coffee. There’s this white chocolate mocha cappuccino stuff that my sister let me try that was super fucking good. How do I take my coffee: sweet

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?

Neither, really

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?

White noise. I have to have a fan going at night, no matter how cold

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?

Fall weather. Not too warm, not too cold. I can wear a sweatshirt and jeans and not die of frost bite or heatstroke

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?

Usually just hang out and play video games. Lately though most of my weekends are spent working

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?

Fuck idk, depends on the context

kinky; do you blush easily?

Sometimes

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?

Um. I don’t know one specifically but. I do really like the kissing in the rain troupe. There’s a lot of romantic cliches I secretly want

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?

Sunset

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

No artist specifically, but I do have a playlist for when I’m sad.

love; what is your favorite season and why?

Fall

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?

Never really tried a macaron. Ice cream would probably be mint chocolate chip

magic; what are five flaws you have?

- Over emotional- Territorial- Kinda aggressive sometimes- Too “open” sometimes- Emotionally closed off

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?

Cool darks

munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?

A dork who makes me laugh and I can be myself around

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?

Arson

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?

Usually scrolling though tumblr

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

I have a right to say no

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?

I don’t do either

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?

Messy but unique

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?

I used to play flute. I can kinda play guitar and kinda play ukulele, too

prinky; how do you relieve stress?

I don’t 👉😎👉

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?

I’m always a slut for raspberries

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?

Fuck idk. The book is on the other side of the room and I’m too lazy to get it.

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?

No idea

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

Probably uhhh being treated as a freak or an outcast for most of my life

shine; art or music?

Music

shimmer; do animals tend to like you?

Sometimes

smitten; do you collect anything?

Yeah. Stuffed alpacas. Every convention I go to, I make it a mission to buy another alpaca.

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?

4 I think

snuggle; what is your favourite candy?

Reeses peanut butter cups 

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

No but I used to. Kodak video camera

sparkle; do you wear jewelry?

Kinda. I have bracelets I wear on my wrist but most of them are rubber or leather. I usually have earrings in too

spooky; sunrise or sunset?

Sunset.

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

If I’m home then no headphones, but if I’m out then with headphones

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?

Spongebob Squarepants

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.

My room. It’s basically a nest

soothe; digital or vinyl?

Yes

squeezed; who do you miss right now?

Yes

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?

Honesty and loyalty

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

Practical, as long as it’s semi organized

sweet; do you find it easy to open up?

Sometimes

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?

No.

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

Uhhh there’s a VA I really look up to. He’s super talented and down to earth and just everything I want to be. Not saying which one but those who talk to me know exactly who I’m talking about

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?

Uhhh

tootsie; what kind of friend are you?

Uhhhhhhhhhh

treasure; what was something that made you smile today?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?

Night owl. Like, to the point where I’m still awake when the early birds are getting up.

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?

Read minds

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?

Yes

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?

Yeah, little bit. Mostly just eyeliner

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?

I’m usually organized except when it comes to my room, then I’m a mess

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

No and no

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?

Yeah. I do a lot, actually. Not even because I believe it will come true, but because it just feels right

[loona-straightgirlsclub]

JS: ooooh. I’m coming! Um so i guess i’ll see you later, Yves?

Yves: sure. Friend.

JS: *runs to Chuu*

Chuu: why were you talking to Yves?

JS: yeah i think bitch cracked.

Chuu: anyway, the dance battle was a tie so they are doing raps now. I love Vivi’s breakdancing and Go Won’s popping and locking.

After the rap battle.

JS: wow that’s a lot of dissing and cursing.

Chuu: yeah, Go Won’s “mediocre slut” turns me on.

JS: same with Vivi’s “short fuckfaced hoe” to me

Go Won: how was it?

Chuu: you were great!

GW: thanks *kisses Chuu on the cheek* let’s go get some drinks

Chuu: s— sure. Come too, ViSoul!

VV: great, now we have our ship name, ugh.

JS: i kinda like it. Oh and thanks for the party, Vivi.

VV: whatever. *grabs Soul’s hand*

Chuu: oh hi Choerry, why are you sitting next to Kim Lip and Haseul making out— why are they filming?

Choerry: oh Soul, you’re here. Lip’s been asking about you.

JS: while making out?

KL: oh there you are, I’ve been asking about you while making out. I’m going to read you birthday wishes on behalf of our friends.

Heejin: oh maybe i can continue what you’re doing while you’re reading. Hi Haseul. Let’s make out. As friends.

Haseul: ew.

JS: has anyone seen Vivi?

KL: no idea, but i’m gonna do it now, so please wait a minute

JS: ok, go for it, bestie!

KL: aww *hugs Soul*

JS: i wonder where Vivi is, she was just right here. I hope she can hear this.

GW: yeah i hope that mediocre slut can hear this, I’ve prepared hard for this.

JS: thanks Go Won. I really appreciate it!

GW: soooo i really like hanging out with you guys, can I join Straight Girls Club even if I’m super gay?

JS: except for me, no one is straight, so you’re free to join.

Haseul: why doesn’t anyone who joins after me have an audition?

JS: because they’re nice, Haseul.

Haseul: you’re lucky my babe is your bestie. Speaking of which, there she is.

KL: good evening, everyone. My name is Kim Lip. I’m one of JinSoul’s best friends! Shout out to my girlfriend Haseul and my new friend Go Won for helping me preparing this speech!

Heejin: *breathes*

Haseul: see, you’re not helping anything.

KL: ok here it goes, I’ve practiced this a lot in front of the mirror, i hope i don’t mess it up. JinSoul, happy birthday.

Crowds: *cheers*

Haseul: beautiful.

Go Won: i added the “JinSoul”.

Sound system: what do you mean you want me back?

Choerry: what the fuck? *munches snacks*

Sound system: I think we should give each other another chance.

Sound system: but, you don’t love me.

Sound system: i love you, i’m the only one who does. Not that, what’s her name again.

Sound system: Yves, you know JinSoul.

JS: no... no. *runs away*

Chuu: JinSoul!

Sound system: think about it. We had a great time together. We actually accept each other.

JS: VIVI! Where are you!?

Sound system: Yves, I like you too, but, JinSoul.

Sound system: you should stop feeling sorry for her. She can’t even face her trueself.

JS: VIVI!!!

Sound system: I promise, I’m gonna change, for only you.

Sound system: you... promise?

JS: dammit. VIVIIII!???? *sobs* where are you...

Sound system: But I—

Sound system: you don’t love Soul. Doesn’t that make sense? You were just lonely and she was a perfect target.

Sound system: don’t you say that about—

Sound system: shh shh, look at me. I love you. I’ve always loved you. You love me too. I am willing to change all of these for you. I wanna try again. For you. So what do you say?

Sound system: Yves...

JS: no Vivi... no... huh *opens the door to the staff room*

Vivi: i guess we can give each other another chance.

JS: ...

Yves: oh JinSoul! Didn’t realize you were standing there. Me and Vivi are dating again. Isn’t this great? Oh my God, what is this mic thing attached to my shirt, ugh, so annoying. I hope no one hears our super cute conversation~

JS: Vivi how could you?

VV: to be honest, Soul. I’m stressed thinking about you. You can’t accept who you are and who I am. And we’re not dating anyway. I think we should spiritually break up.

JS: you KNOW how I feel about you.

VV: no, Soul, no I don’t. I don’t even know if you love me.

JS: Yves, how could you?

Yves: well, friend. I always, get, what, I, want. *kisses Vivi*

JS: ... *walks away crying*

(To be continued in the next post)

[speaklovefreekc]

Paying my bills won't get you any pussy, even I can do that... Making my idea happen, I know a bunch of people who would L♡ve to do it... Giving ME cash, taking ME shopping, or any of that won't help ME in any way.... .... If i have sex or give head, I actually like the person... Even if I don't do any special moves or tighten my muscles on it, if I get in your bed either your truth is dope or your lies have temporarily won ME over, until the truth surfaces... .... If I'm having sex wirh you and you give ME money after, I feel like a cheap slut.... If a man wants to do something for ME it's because I allow him and want him in my business... I could have sex and not want to tell you my dreams, sex doesn't mean you are in L♡ve, it means you have sex.... Saying you L♡ve doesn't always ME you are in L♡ve. Your actions determine how you really feel... .... ..... I believe in L♡ve, I believe in finding genuine interest in people, learning about them and their families, I like to be in tune with what concern my man or my friends... just who I am... But I don't wanna hear you complain, I wanna know I can pray with you for... And I don't wanna hear about people who keep allowing the same people to hurt you... The first time it's oh. Poor thing... after that, and I expect this for myself, you like being into dumb shit.... 🤷🏽🤷🏽🤷🏽🤷🏽 ftckin for cash makes you a prostitute... Now I wanna have a bunny style ranch, with my own twist and if you just wanna get paid for some freaky shit, eventually I will be able to help that is a spiritual practice... 🤔🤔🤔😎 Yup😇 😉Enjoy Life, Live Speaking Freedom Daily... 🙏 Blessings and Peace 👑 Goddess Queen Supreme... Potential unlimited and extremely fun... Musical Genius😍😜😘 Kisses 💋Are you ready... 💋 Heaven Sent ☆ KC The Vessel 💝💎💸💪👀👂🔭🔮 🎭🎶🌏🌎🌍🏆🚀🚁♐💯💫 🎦🎧🎤📺📻📝🔥 🎁🏅✔ Real only... 📰 📚 💭 🎰 2016~17 L♡ve M♡vements! Always Better! #PowerisMoney #GrowwithME #EarthAngelKC #AchievingHumbly #RealLifeGoals #YesYupYeah #MusicandPrayerEvolvedME #GracedtobeGreat #SpeakingFreedomLife #GoodHeadGroupPsych #ILoveforaLiving #Love1617Purpose #TopLoveGangGeneral #NoReallyRealL♡ve #LoveDealsPromotions #AlwaysBelieveL♡v