#spike jonze x reader smut

[my-hybrid-moments]

sooo glad you’re writing about spike love that mannn!! ive been obsessed with the idea of like jackass crew or friend reader fluff or nsfw whatever you want!!

finally - spike jonze

a/n: ANON I <3 YOU SM I <3 WRITING FOR SPIKE !!! looooved this idea of a jackass crew reader !! hope you enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it !!

i did make this afab!reader as per my last post explaining why so i apologise if that's not what you were looking for!!

please i put more thought into this than i ever do for any important work i have 💀

summary

spike jonze x afab!jackass member!reader - you and spike had always been close ever since you met. but maybe getting a little closer wouldn't hurt...

warnings/notices to consider

smut, fluff, friends to lovers, drunk-ish sex, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it ‼️‼️), p in v, slow mushy love making for the win <33

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

you've known spike for years now. you knew jeff first, and he'd introduced the two of you knowing you'd hit it off. which obviously you did because here you are years later, added to the cast of the most stupid movie you could imagine, all because spike put on those puppy eyes he has and practically begged you to join them officially seeing as you were always there for the show anyway. how could you decline when he's making that face?

anyway. here you are, sitting in the bar next to spike, watching some of your favourite people make absolute fools of themselves on the karaoke (not that they don't make a living out of being stupid, but chris's rendition of 'i wanna know what love is' really was not what any sober person needs - hence why you're drinking). you'd spent the day dressed as what you assumed was supposed to be a sexy sailor of some kind, but being stood next to bunny the lifeguard (who again was currently on the karaoke) obviously wouldn't make you look like the sexy one (cause i mean come on who could EVER compete with that).

"christ, i cannot witness the boys on the karaoke stage when i'm this sober. it might actually take me out for good." you groaned before waving the bartender over and ordering a round of shots.

spike laughed, "it is certainly not for the weak. i'm stealing some of those shots, i dunno if i can handle whichever one of them is going up next."

you both chuckled at that, absolutely in agreement that the guys couldn't sing for shit sober, nevermind drunk. when your shots came, it was almost as if the guys saw it as a cue to start singing again, which obviously meant the shots disappeared quite fast between you. as did the next round, and the one after that and the one after- you get the idea. you drank until you were sloshed enough to endure the crappy karaoke that your dear friends were participating in. let the record reflect that you were always quite an affectionate drunk. spike tends to open up a bit when he's drunk but you? ohhh that is a different level.

"ya know," you started, slurring slightly, "i love you man. i do, no, i do, really. you're like... the best. you're my favourite! don't- don't tell jeff i said that. but you areee, spike, you are and i'll tell you something else too!"

"what?" spike asked, giggling at your slight rambling.

"you're also like... really pretty too." a slight blush washed over your cheeks, not only from the alcohol but also the tiniest part of sobriety you still had which was the only piece of you that realised what you were confessing too in that moment. i mean sure it was true - drunk words are sober thoughts after all - but this wasn't really a sober thought you were planning on telling him to his face, and if you were it wouldn't be in the middle of a bar with the obviously romantic duet of 'total eclipse of the heart' that was currently being performed by bam and ryan. but, nevertheless, you kept speaking and revealing your feelings for him.

"you're like... the sweetest person in the world. i don't get it! and you know, i just really love being with you anddd i kinda wanna kiss you sometimes." well that was a bit of a train wreck wasn't it? its almost as if the writer has no idea how to confess feelings... but that's by the by. you'd actually just told spike you want to kiss him. the tiny bit of sober in you was getting ready to swing for a right hook to your jaw for that embarrassment of a speech you just gave because, and the soberness cannot stress this enough, what the fuck were you thinking.

but on the other hand, that speech seemed to work. he seemed like a deer in headlights at first, just looking straight through to your soul - that terrified you. but then, right as you were about to open your mouth to start talking about something completely different to get the fuck out of this awkward mess you made, spike opened his own mouth first to simply utter a single word.

"finally."

and with that single word, he brought his hands to your face and put his lips to yours in a soft kiss.

it was at this moment that the sober part of you started to take over a little so you'd at least have a semi-clear head when you did this. it wasn't a moment you wanted to forget in the morning. you were obviously shocked at first, but it didn't take long to kiss him back. your arms found their way up his chest and took their place around his neck in the same gentle fashion he was kissing you with. fuck me, this man had soft lips. and by god did he know how to use them.

skipping past the now only slightly drunk fumble back to spike's place (opting for a taxi seeing as you actually wanted to get there alive and opting for his place as it was closer than yours), you were on each other the second you stepped foot in the door, which he promptly had you pinned against. he held your waist gently as you made out with passion, your own hands tangled carefully in his hair. you stayed like that only for a few minutes before you clumsily ditched your jackets and shoes on your way to the bedroom. the two of you fell to the bed in a bit of a tangle, having barely broken the kiss since you entered the house.

though neither of you said it, you were both scared that letting go of the other would wake you up from a cruelly beautiful dream and have you face the reality of being alone in your bed, the feelings that were currently bursting out only then fading away with the illusion of finally.

luckily for you both, this was reality. this was finally. and it was gorgeous. you'd at some point gotten your clothes off, which lay somewhere in the room next to spike's. if you weren't sobering up by the second, you probably wouldn't be so nervous about the whole thing. this was what you've wanted, what you dreamed of. but you felt so vulnerable and just so... there right now. it was terrifying to have him look at you the way he was now. or at least it was before he spoke.

"you're so beautiful." spike said in almost a whisper, and in utmost sincerity. he too was sobering up by the second, and he mentally thanked whatever gods were watching over him for it. he took in every little detail about you that he hadn't seen before. the slightest dusting of freckles on your shoulders, the little scar on your side (the one he heard you had gotten after a fained stunt a few years back), the shiny marks over your hips - he committed them all to memory so he could adore them always.

that was all that was said before he entered you careful and slow, a shared gasp leaving your mouths at the feeling. he went slowly, inch by inch to let you adjust. he peppered soft, loving kisses over your neck, shoulders and chest as you became used to his size. his hands ran over your hips and your thighs gently before coming back up to rest on your waist. and when you told him to move, he was only too happy to oblige.

it was slow, it was deep and it was filled to the brim with passion and devotion. your soft moans were accompanied by his own, your shared pleasure being the only noise in the room and your only care in the world. spike wasn't fucking you tonight - he was making love to you.

"god, you're so perfect..."

"you're so pretty..."

"oh..."

his praise was endless. the man adored you and he needed you to know that now. your own pleads for him to keep going, right there were met immediately. my god he was a pretty sight.

when he felt you tightening around him he knew you were close, but with you closing in around his cock like that his pace couldn't help but stutter just a little. his touch moved from your waist to your hands to hold them, his forehead pressed softly to yours. he'd never forget the way you looked into his eyes in that moment, your hands holding his, the way your legs locked around his waist in a silent okay for him to stay inside you, he wouldn't forget any of it.

"cum with me, spike... please... fuck..." you whined softly.

hearing you like that drove him mad in the best way. the two of you came soon after, sharing moans and whimpers like the sounds were keeping you alive. clearly, they weren't exactly keeping you awake because not long after spike had carefully pulled out, you both fell asleep holding each other tight.

you'd woke up the next morning, thinking that the events of the night before were only a dream... that was until you felt spike's arms tighten around your waist, pulling you closer. you smiled softly, petting his hair gently until he woke up with a soft groan before looking up at you. a little stunned at first, clearly having the same thoughts you did when you first awoke, but quickly returning that pretty smile, agreeing that this was how you wanted to wake up forever.

you actually got him. he's actually yours- finally.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

[asskickedbygirl]

hii could u write smut for spike jonze?

Secretive

[Spike Jonze x F!Reader]

Desc: You and Spike are sleeping around secretly, unbeknownst to the cast.

A/n: my first full on spike fic!!! you guys do not understand how obsessed i am with this man and his silly little films this is making me go insane ty anon. first fic in a long time i’ve written in one sitting cos i acc enjoyed writing it!

Warnings: smut (18+), alcohol, oral (m!receiving)

1.7k words

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You sipped your glass of white wine, foot tapping against the floor impatiently as you sat with the cast at dinner in some respectable restaurant in LA. Your food had been eaten, knife and fork layed out on the plate as everyone around you talked animatedly, laughing and joking and telling stories. You dug your nail into the skin around your thumb, trying not to chew at your lips that were coated in a new lipstick as you sat quietly, avoiding the gaze of a certain someone.

“I’m going for a smoke.” You heard the someone speak to the person next to them, standing up from the table and walking out. 

As soon as you figured they were far enough away you hit Bam in the arm, pulling away from whatever stand-up special type story Steve-O was going into, a habit the typical attention whore thrived at. 

“Ow, what?”

He was agitated.

“Give me a cigarette.”

He narrowed his eyes.

“Since when do you smoke?”

“When I want to, c’mon now.” You reached your hand out to signal him to give you what you wanted. 

“No Ps and Qs from you I guess.” Bam grumbled, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his pack.

You grabbed it before it was even halfway out, no thank yous to be had as you were off immediately, following the route your someone was on.

You rounded the corner outside of the restaurant and were abruptly met with Spike Jonze, lit cigarette hanging from his mouth. His expression was unreadable, perhaps he already knew you were going to show up.

You put the cigarette between your teeth and walked closer to the brooding man, folding your arms and flashing a seductive look.

You put the cigarette between your teeth and walked closer to the brooding man, folding your arms and flashing a seductive look.

“Since when do you care?” You spoke through gritted teeth. 

Spike rolled his eyes, taking out his zippo as he lit what you were biting, avoiding your stare. 

“Why are you out here?” Spike asked, blowing smoke out of his mouth.

You shrugged, taking a drag. 

“I don't know. Thought you’d tell me.” 

Spike breathed out a laugh.

“That's very cryptic.” 

You leaned against the wall, the fabric of your fancy dress rubbing against the harsh brick. 

“Been thinking about me?” Smoke creeped out of your smirking lips. 

Spike squinted and shook his head through a smug grin, taking another drag.

“Not even at night or in the shower?” 

“You’re like a character in a mafia movie or something you know that? Is that where you learned how to talk?”

You smiled. 

“Only how to flirt. Seems to work out well for me thought don’t you think?” 

Spike grinned, biting his lip. 

“Makes me feel like Tony Soprano.” 

You laughed, cigarette beginning to burn down to the ring. 

“See? Isn’t that what every man wants?” 

Spike dropped his smoke and flattened it into the ground with the sole of his shoe. 

“You’ve got a pretty narrow view of men.” He inched closer to you and took the cigarette from between your lips, stomping it out as well.

“Well aren’t I right?” You whispered, his face being close enough to your own that he could hear you. 

“You tell me.”

Spike leaned in and kissed you, hand touching your face as your arms went to wrap around his neck. Your head rested against the brick wall while Spike’s other hand held your waist, his leg situating itself between yours. You kissed deeply and eagerly, hungry to be as close as possible again. Spike groaned into your mouth as a wandering hand of yours found itself pressing into his crotch against the material of his pants.

“Don’t start this.” He murmured against your lips. 

“And why's that?” Your hand squeezed lightly, lust-filled eyes flicking up to look into his nervous ones, your lips just touching.

“You can’t finish it.” His voice sounded restrained, trying to avoid the inevitable. 

“Why can’t I?” You wet your lips, flashing your best puppy dog eyes. 

Spike’s tongue poked into the side of his mouth, leaning back and rolling his eyes.

“We’re in an alleyway.” 

He spoke your name sternly after you pouted, like a teacher scolding his student. 

“C’mon, they’ll have a bathroom. I wanna suck your dick.” You grabbed at the collar of his shirt, pulling him in. 

Spike laughed at your openness, rolling his eyes and blushing a little while you pushed his hair back.

“You’re ridiculous.” 

You smiled smugly.

“That’s what makes me so fun.”

Spike shifted his eyes towards the entrance to the restaurant and sighed, already knowing how this was going to end.

***

Not even five minutes later the two of you had snuck into a single bathroom, luckily expensive restaurants just have those. Spike pushed you against the wall and made out with you roughly but you had other ideas, hand already feeling him up. You dropped to your knees, not caring that the tiles were cold against your skin, your dress not long enough to cover that. You unbuckled his belt quickly, desperate to get to what lay under. Your eyes flicked up to the man above yous as you took his cock out of his boxers, staring into them deeply as you gripped the shaft, pumping slowly before licking the tip every so gently. 

“Fuck.” Spike let out, throwing his head back slightly as you took him into your warm, welcoming mouth. 

His hands naturally found themselves entangled in your hair, holding your head as you began to move up and down, sucking lightly. You were almost entranced as you watched his face contort, eyes shutting and low whimpers and groans leaving his lips while his hands gripped the strands of your hair tighter the further down you pushed. Knowing his feelings of pleasure were your doing excited you, saliva starting to pool in your mouth. You shifted your position to get a proper angle in order to take as much of his length in as possible, encouraging Spike to push you down as well. 

“Fucking Christ.” Spike panted, blinking as your tongue hit the spot right on the underside of his shaft. 

You breathed out of your nose as his cock hit the back of your throat, attempting to ignore the spit dripping down your chin and tears forming in your eyes. After a few more seconds of blissful discomfort, Spike released his grip and you were able to pull away, wiping away the wetness and panting as you did so. Before he could even begin to apologise your mouth was back on him, sucking harshly. His breath hitched in his throat as he gathered your hair in his fist, bucking his hips just a tad as you took the reins, making him feel undeniably brilliant. 

“I’m close.” He panted, brushing your hair off of your face.

Your eyes flicked up to see the desperate expression on his face and you knew by close he meant now. You took your mouth off of him and opened your mouth, jerking him off and shooting him a seductive look. The fast motions of your hand and the feeling of your tongue under the head of his cock sent Spike over the edge, letting out a loud groan as his cum painted your face, much of it landing on your tongue. He sighed as the ropes finished coming, out of breath and spent. He swallowed thickly and stuffed his dick back into his pants as you wiped the cum off of your face, licking it from your fingers.

“Nice load.”

“Don’t say that.”

You laughed. 

“Yes sir.”

Spike glared at you as you stood up, flattening your dress out from any potential creases.

“We’ve been gone for way too long.” He muttered nervously. 

“Don’t worry, We’ll say a natural disaster happened out there or something.” 

He smirked as you walked up to him, smoothening out his messy hair and fixing his collar.

“How do I look?” You bit your lip.

“Like you've just blown someone.” 

You both laughed as you looked in the mirror, your hair all messy and mascara and lipstick all smudged. 

“Well who's fault is that?” 

Spike paced around the small bathroom as you tried to conceal the evidence of what you’d been up to with your fingers. 

“Ok you have to go out first and just say you went to the bathroom or something. I’ll figure out what to do in the meantime.”

“Yes sir.” You mocked, grinning as he shot you another glare. 

“Being secretive is exciting, don't you think?” You flattened your hair out and faced Spike once again.

“Stressful more like.”

“Loosen up a bit. That's not very mafia of you.”

Spike rolled his eyes before you planted a kiss on his lips, fingers playing with his collar.

“It’ll be fine.” You whispered and then you headed out, waltzing back into the restaurant where the table still lay vibrant and talkative, your presence obviously not very missed. 

You took your seat and placed Bam’s carton of cigarettes back on the table.

“Well where the hell have you been?” He slurred, more drunk than you left him.

“Out for a smoke, then a piss.” 

“Very ladylike.”

You rolled your eyes and took a sip from your now-warm wine glass. That's when you saw Spike wander in, sitting a few seats down, opposite from you. Bam’s eyes narrowed once he noticed.

“You were gone for a while.” Jeff noted as Spike moved his chair forward, eyes flashing to look at yours for a millisecond. 

“I was out for a smoke, then the bathroom.” 

Genius excuse Spike.

Bam’s eyes lit up when he overheard that, smile spreading across his face with pure joy.

“Oh my god! You guys-”

“Shut up before I break your teeth Margera.”

Thankfully only you could hear Bam’s babbling but even still, the bubble had been popped. You downed the rest of what was in your glass, avoiding Spike’s stare, unwilling to tear down the illusion.

“Tell anyone and I sell you cat.”

Bam laughed.

“Holy fuck, I did not see that coming. When did-”

“No questions. This conversation is over.”

“You know, you’d swear you're a fucking mafia boss or something.”

End.

@gnarkillknoxville @steve-osahottie @izzaaaaaa @jackassvivalabam03 @lovexjoe @jackussy420

[alicesivory]

The Moon Song

Inspired by the movie ‘her’ 2013 - directed by Spike Jonze 

Pairing: Billy Washington x female! Reader

Warning: smut, angst, and teeth rotting fluff (mdni), and not proof-read lol. 

WC: 7005 

Disclaimer: I am not comfortable using [y/n] but I won’t be using any OC since it’s still an x reader fic. But I’ll slip a nickname or two in some stories ;) Oh and I took some words and sentences from my favourite scene from the movie and the iconic monologue at the end but I revised it so it would fit into the story but all credits goes to Spike Jonze. Enjoy!

“War? You don’t got a clue- what do you know about war?! War against halal butchers? You don’t know anythin-.”

Billy nodded as tears started to build up in his eyes. Of course he knew nothing. It's as if anyone gave him a chance to know something. It’s meaningless at some point, he meant his life and all this bullshit about all of this charade. Just when he felt like a somebody, of course his sister had to crumble it all down.

Or just trying to make him snap out of it from this dreamlike state he’s in as his inner self tries to justify his actions. 

He didn’t mean to be like this in the first place or mingle with those thugs. 

He never did. 

“-grow up, Billy!”

He nodded once more as a tear dropped from his eye. 

“You done?”

“Yes, I am.”

Billy kept an eye on his sister as she stomped away from his room, and finally from his apartment. 

Slamming the door. 

Humiliation weighed over his shoulders as he hung his head low, running his fingers through his sandy blonde hair with frustration. It wasn’t supposed to end up this way. Not the way he wanted it to. Taking a deep sigh, he lets go of all of his tears letting them roll down from his cheeks. Sniffling and crying alone in his dark room. But just as wanted to just curl up in bed and cry ‘till exhaustion, he heard a knock from his apartment door. 

Wiping away his tears and snot, he stood up bravely and walked towards the door. It’s probably his sister, wanting to yell or lecture him about…literally anything, really. Nothing’s good enough for her or their parents. He sighs and opens the door with no hesitation without checking who it was. 

“Coming back for mo-.”

Oh, it wasn’t his sister. 

Her name rolled off his tongue easily like he was dying to say her name for months. She looked at him curiously as she stood there with an awkward thin smile. “I bumped into Lana and…she looks pretty pissed. Did I come at the wrong time?” she asked, pointing towards the apartment hallway. He quickly shook his head.

“N-no! Not at all. We just had an argument- you know how it is.” 

It has been…8 months and 2 weeks since he broke up with her (yes he has been counting) and 2 months since he last saw her. Their breakup was hard for him and sometimes Billy believed that their breakup was the one that caused his downward spiral. He had known her since they were in university, she was his friend before he slowly developed feelings for her. His train of thoughts were snapped away by her gasp. “What happened to your hand?”

He quickly hides it away behind his back.

“N-nothing! By the way, What’re you doing here?” He asked, not wanting to tell her the truth. What will she think of him? He can’t just dump his troubles into her. 

“I know this is silly, but I forgot to take some of my stuff,” she sighed in defeat, clearly letting him brush away the topic of his hand. Billy knew what she left and he didn’t even bother to tell her since he..well..just wanted her to maybe stop by or just kind of let it stay in his apartment to remember something of her. A piece of her, some sort.

“Yeah? What did you left?” He asked, acting dumb. 

“Some books and my brown watch. Have you seen them?”

“No, not at all. Come in.”

Three years ago. 

Laughter filled the apartment floor as his pale cream couch was being moved from the first floor to the third floor. He was at the bottom end while his sweetheart was trying to pull the couch up. “It’s getting heavy, love!” He teased as he tried so hard not to laugh seeing them fail over and over again to move their couch up to their apartment. 

What’s now his apartment, used to be their apartment. 

“Hold on! Oh dear Lord-,” she cackled as she took a step back up the stairs, lifting up the other edge of the couch. 

“Alright, now push!” She ordered as they finally succeeded to drag and carry the couch unison. It took them a while to finally make the couch fit through the doorway, but they managed. Back then, their apartment was still empty. No mess or dirty clothes scattering around the floor. It still smelled like paint. “Phew!” She said before crashing onto the couch. Billy follows along, putting his arm around her, letting her lean onto him. 

“Tired, sweetheart?” He teased.

“Terribly.” 

“Gosh I think the last time you were this tired was two nights ago when I fuc-,”

“Ew, no ew stop-,” she says with a giggle trying to get away from him but he won’t budge.

“And you told me to keep going! ‘Ah harder Billy! Harde-,”

“You are so disgusting!” She exclaimed as she covered his mouth with her palm, but he kept teasing her with his stupid dirty jokes. “Really? The last time you told me that was when I gave you backs-,”

“You are so infuriating!”

The only thing to make him shut up was tickles and her plan worked. When her fingers started to wiggle on his stomach, he burst out laughing like a mad man. “Stop! Stop!” He begged her. After one last tickle, she pulled away with a satisfied grin. “You’ll be the death of me, woman.” Billy placed his arm back around her shoulders and gave her a sweet peck on her lips. “I shall be,” she replied cockily, booping his nose. He smiled at her as he admired her features that he loved more than anything. 

He didn’t know he was able to love someone this much. 

“Can’t believe we have this place to ourselves,” he said softly to her, brushing a hair away from her face. She smiled back, “Can’t believe I’m doing this with you.” They both shared a sweet kiss where no one could disturb them or interrupt them. Ever.

“I uh…I applied for the military,” he informed her as they pulled away from their kiss. “Yeah? That’s amazing..,” she said supportively, brushing his hair with her gentle fingers. “Yeah..I wanted to try, y’know? Seeing Lana on field…I  want to be like her y’know? Brave…tough…,” he listed. 

“But you are.”

Her words made him scoff. 

“You’re only saying that ‘cause I’m your boyfriend. It’s biassed.”

“It’s still an opinion,” she said gently, still brushing his hair. Seeking her comfort, he leaned his head on her shoulder. “You think I can do this?” He asked with a hint of insecurity in his voice. “Of course you can,” she reassured him, giving him a gentle kiss on his head. 

Present day

They ramage through his apartment trying to collect all of her stuff. Piece by piece they collect the stuff she left in his apartment. “Alright we have the books…wuthering heights, pride and prejudice, little women, yada yada yada, and all I need is my brown watch. And it’s nowhere to be found- you sure you haven’t seen it anywhere?” She walked towards his gaming chair and sat on the pillowed chair while he sat on the cream coloured couch. 

Normally, he won’t let anyone sit there. Even Becky, or Lana. She was the only one he trusted to touch his possessions. He smiles as he listens to her babbling and talking. He hates to admit it, but he missed it. 

“Nope, not at all,” he lied. 

Sighing in defeat, she starts rocking the chair as she looks around the room they’re in. “How you’ve been, by the way?” Billy shrugs at her question, acting all casual even if his life was basically crumbling down. No job, shitty friends, commit a minor crime, his sister, parents, even current girlfriend hates him. “Just fine, really.” 

His answer made her smirk. “Well your hand says otherwise,” she says. Her witty answer made him chuckle. “What can I say? I’m a busy man.” He always liked how easy it is to talk to her. “What about you? You doin’ alright?” He asks, his tone gentle and eager to know if she’s been alright. 

“Well, yeah I’m alright. Ups and downs here and there, y’know?”

“Compared to me, you look like you’re doing amazing,” he compliments her, leaning in to take a good look at her even if they’re a little bit away from each other.

His compliment made her chuckle. 

It always does. 

“Thanks..,” she replies, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“I’m serious though..you look amazing.” His tone genuine and full of meaning into it. 

She looked at him for a moment, trying to read him before nodding. 

“Well you look like you need a haircut and a shave.”

Her comment made him laugh. Genuinely laugh. It’s been awhile since he felt that much comfort in him. 

After a while, their laughter died down and a comfortable silence swept the room. “You seeing anyone?” she asked. He nodded, “Yeah, but it’s a bunch of crap. Her name’s Rebecca and I haven’t heard from her since last week.” She gave him a thin smile, both of them knowing that they don’t want to discuss that topic further. “And you?” 

“Been on a date or two but none of them worked out,” she shrugs. He nodded again, a little bit glad to hear that. “You happy with your new book?”

“You’ve read it?” She asks with a chuckle. “Well, I saw it in a book store last week and it looks pretty cool, I might have to buy a copy after this,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I mean sure I like how it is,” she says. But he saw how she pursues her lips with a pregnant pause coming from her. “But I feel like it’s true to what I set out to do. So I’m happy with that.”

“I swear, You’re your own worst critic, I’m sure it’s amazing. Even that paper you wrote on synaptic behavioral routines made me cry.” 

“Yeah, but everything makes you cry.”

“Everything you make makes me cry.”

A sense of familiarity washes between them. How easy it was to just talk like normal people would. Alice looked into his eyes for a moment before darting away and spots his injured knuckles once more. 

“No but seriously though, what happened?” She asks, pointing at his hand hesitantly. He looked down and felt heat coming up to his cheeks.

“I uh…it was an accident.” “What accident?”

“An accident that involved me and some glass shards.”

“How the hell did that happen?”

Why is she asking me all this shit?

“You don’t want to know.”

“I would love to know, actually.”

He looked at her for a while to sense any sort of hesitation in her words but the only thing he could find in her eyes was determination. It intimidates him. She could scoop anything from the bottom pits of his heart. 

“For fuck’s sake, Ismashedawindowatabutchersh-“

“What?!” 

“It was a fucking protest-“

“—What protest, Billy?! All I see is that you’re now doing property damage-,”

“—Am not!—”

“—Then what was that for? Why on earth would you smash a butcher shop’s window?!” 

Billy was silent.

Why did he do it?

“I..”

Did he actually believe all that bullshit? Or was he just tagging along with his buddies? To be…accepted?

“Everything I do is never enough for you, is it?”

His words created this thick tension in the room. Her brows crinkled as she took his word as an offense. “Why would you say that?” She asks, her voice cracking. “Because it’s the truth-.”

“No it isn’t,” she said, stern and true. “I always felt like you wished I could just be a happy, light. ‘everything’s great’, bouncy girlfriend who always puts a smile whenever you come home either happy or angry and I’m sorry but I can’t do that, I still have feelings too-.”

Billy winces at her words and shakes his head, “No I didn’t want that.”

“You avoid me and shut me out whenever I point out something wrong about you, or us- even when we argue you never wanted to listen!—“

“—No I don’t!—”

“—It’s like as if you can’t handle real emotions, Billy—,”

“—They are real emotions, how do you—,”

“—What? Say it! Am I really that scary, Billy? Say it- How do I know what?!” 

Silence hung in the air once more. They were both seeing red and they…she...he…realized how this argument was going nowhere. Billy saw how her gaze shifted, how her brow relaxed and her eyes slowly softening. Her once angry demeanour changed into what is now left with regret and embarrassment. Rubbing her arm, avoiding his gaze. God, did he really messed up this bad?

“I was gonna marry you, y’know?” 

He didn’t even realize that he said those words out loud, avoiding her gaze as his head hangs low once more. Not realizing how her eyes softened, looking at the man that she once loved and believed was the love of her life. Maybe he is still the one she loves- but he sees that as wishful thinking. 

“I’m sorry that came out of nowhere-,”

“—Billy, It’s okay-,”

“—But I mean it though, I…really want to marry you. Back then, after I’m finally in the military or something- but turns out none of that shit worked out, so…,” he says running his hands through his hair once again. His sentence hung in the air as he shut his mouth from talking any further. 

Billy’s birthday, last year. 

“You’re so infuriating..,” she giggled lowly as she laid on his bed, in his arms, tangled in bedsheets as the moon shone bright from the window. “Me? Infuriating? Is that a proper way to say to your birthday boy tonight?” Billy teasingly replied, leaning his head to hers letting his forehead rest on hers. 

She giggles again shifting her whole body close to him as she clutches the blankets close to her chest to keep her warm. “Jeez sorry, it’s not my fault that you keep giving bad activity ideas for your birthday. Like, seriously? Skydiving? You know I hate heights, you arse!” She slaps his chest, earning a cackle from him. “It was just a suggestion, love that’s all…,” Billy grunts as he cuddles her tightly. 

“Ugh you’re squishing me..,” she complained.

“Stop whining..,” he replied, giving her a sweet kiss on the neck. “It’s still my birthday tonight, I can hug you as tight as I can..,” he murmured sleepily. Alice chuckles and slightly shifts, facing up to him. “No but seriously though, what do you want to do tomorrow?” she seriously asked. 

“I don’t know, really…probably taking you out and the lads up for a few pints. Just the usual, love,” he said, rubbing her arm. “Just wanna spend some time with the people I love.” Giving her a sweet peck on the lips.

“Yeah? You gon’ give your mum and da a visit then?”

Billy groaned as he nuzzled his face on the crook of her neck. “Knew you’d say that.”

“Oh c’mon, love…it’s been a half a year since you saw them. One visit won’t hurt…,” she said gently, running her fingers through his hair. “Yeah one visit will end up my da making fun of me and seeing my mum’s disappointment up close,” Billy sarcastically chuckled. “I won’t let them,” she whispered closely to his ear. 

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Her response earned her a smile out of him. “What’d I do without you, sweetheart?” He asked sultry before he started to kiss her jaw…down to her neck as his big hands snaked her waist, holding her gently. “I think you’d do just fine,” she answered with a sensual sigh. Billy smiled, nuzzling her cheek with his nose before capturing her lips with his. 

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she kissed him back with a low hum, their bodies moving in perfect harmony as they explored each other's mouths. Billy took his time as he slipped his boxers down and placed them somewhere in the bed. “Mm…y’know I love you right?” He asked in between kisses as he pinned her down to bed, hovering over her. “I know,” she said. His kisses trailed down from her lips, her jaw, her neck, down to her chest. Gently squeezing and caressing one of her breast while his mouth nipped and sucked the other carefully. He’d then squeeze one to make her nipples perk so he could kiss it and suck it better, leaving wet trails down to her tummy and finally finding his treasure.

Gently spreading her legs, he could see that her white cotton panties had already left a dark wet patch on it. A smile tugging at his lips and he gently nuzzled his nose on her clothed sex. “Already all wet for me, babe?” He asked, placing a sweet kiss onto it before pulling down her panties in one swift motion as if he’d done this a thousand times already.

“C’mon…where’s my sweet darling..ah there she is…,” he muttered to himself. Without a warning he kitten licked her whole sex making her gasp in pleasure. Smirking smugly up at her, he continued to tease and lick her pussy before managing to eat her out properly. Hungrily munching on her like a starved man. He rubbed her clit gently in a circle motion as he stretched her hole with his tongue, fucking her with it. 

This motion made her squirm and gasp, her brows crinkling feeling the intense pleasure that she couldn’t get enough of even if he’d done this to her more than she could count. “M gonna put a finger in, yeah?” His voice said in a reassuring and gentle tone. She nodded with no hesitation and just as she knew it, she felt his finger slipping into her. One finger then became two fingers, slipping in and out of her dripping hole as he licked her clit making her cry in pleasure. 

He took his time to help her find pleasure. He could die between her legs and he’d be happy. He groaned in delight as he licked all of her juices when his fingers pulled out of her weeping hole. He couldn’t get enough of her as he licked off her juices before he had to pull away and looked up to her. 

“W-wha- why did you stopped?” she asked. He hovers over her once more, “Need you inside of me.” Needily nuzzling his nose to her neck, sucking onto her. He then felt his body shift as now he has is back on the bed as she sits on top of him like a queen on her throne. Straddling him, he could see all of her. Caressing her sides, he saw how she looks down and groped the base of his shaft, giving it a few strokes. 

“You okay with this?” She asked.

“Mmhm…y-yeah- fuck yeah,” he couldn’t even speak properly, blinded with pleasure.

Then he felt her lining up their sexes, his cock leaking with pre-cum as she teasingly rubs the outside lining of her pussy with it. “Don’t tease-fuck!” Before he could even finish his sentence, she slips his cock in making both of them gasp in unison. “F-fuck, Billy…,” she moaned, adjusting to him. She loved how he felt inside her. Not too overwhelmingly big or small, to her it’s the right size and girth. 

“You’re made for me,” he grunted as he needily thrust up begging for any movement or friction. Billy saw how she looked at him, eyes full of lust and love as she started to move up and down and rocking him as they adjust to their pleasure.

“Billy?” she called out to him as she thrust into him, her body full of sweat. “Y-yeah?” Holding her hips with his big calloused hands. “Wake up.”

“W-what?”

“I said wake up.”

Present day, Billy’s birthday. 

The sun started to rise, but only tiny streaks of sun rays managed to peek through the blinds. Billy opened his eyes, finding his room empty, finding his bed empty. 

Fuck, he just had another wet dream of her.

He looked down, finding a dark wet spot on his pants. Of course he did. His phone kept buzzing beside his bed, probably some ‘happy birthday’ notifications from his mum, dad, and sister. Becky didn’t even bother to send him a ‘i’m leaving you’ text. Ghosted and gave up on him. 

Like the others do. 

He sighs, getting up from bed and throws a shirt on himself and changes his shorts before finally picking up his phone. Then he saw it. A notification with her name on it. It’s been months since he last saw a notification from her. What is she going to say? Should he open it now? Maybe later- oh fuck it!

Hi Billy how you’ve been? I just want to say happy birthday here and hope you have a great birthday this year🎂 Sorry for the other day, I really didn’t mean a lot of those things, just wanted to see how you’ve been.

I know it’s been 10 months since we broke up and I know you probably don’t want me in your life again but I really just want to say that I wish you nothing but the best things in life. We’ve gone through a long way, we grew up together and all that shit and I just can’t act as if you don’t exist in my life. You always do in some way and I hope that’s okay. 

Have a great birthday Bil.

That text was the last straw for him. He looked around his no-good apartment, in the back of his mind he remembered everything he’d shared with her in every corner of this apartment. It drives him insane how he can’t have that now. But God he’d take it all back and do better for her. Reading her text, knowing how much of a shitty person he is, and she could’ve ghosted him and never talk to him ever again yet she decided to acknowledge him as a person. Not wanting to cut him out of her life, even he himself wouldn’t do the same thing if he was her. It drove him off. 

He hates the way he projects himself. But it is how he is.He hates everything in his life. It’s insufferable and suffocating in his own flat. He didn’t ask to live like this, but he knew the only person he could blame was him. 

Not his family, 

Not his friends, 

And definitely not her. 

He couldn’t stay in his place any longer but as he was about to just grab his stuff and leave the place, there was a heavy knocking on his apartment door.

-

Life went on for a while that summer. He jogged to his car and placed his phone on the phone holder. He opens his phone, checking if he has any texts to answer before he starts driving. He sighs as he spots her name again when he opens his messaging app. He has read her text but he hasn’t replied to her. Opening her chatbox, he realized that there were also a few things he’d like to say to her. Tapping his heel and his leg bouncing anxiously, he contemplates whether or not he should reply to her or leave it be. 

“Fuck it,” he muttered. 

Pressing down the voice message icon, he starts to speak,

“Hey uh…hey love, thanks for the uhm message, I appreciated it r- fuck why do I sound so nervous?” Billy presses the stop button and deletes it. He clears his throat, “Hey uh, I got the birthday message, I really appreciated it, ta. I’ve been doing better…thanks for asking.” He said as he starts to drive his car. 

“Listen, I…I’ve been sittin’ and thinkin’ about all the things I wanted to apologize to you. All the shit and…pain we caused each other and everything I put on you, like how you think I needed you to be or needed you to say, and I’m sorry for that..really. I think I’m just doin’ that because I want to be better for you,  even until now.  And you know what, you helped make the best versions of me. We grew up together and there’ll be a piece of you in me too, always. Whatever we are in the future, and wherever you are in the world I just want you to know that I’ll always look for you and…I…,” he paused. 

I love you and I’ve never stopped loving you. 

“...I hope you have a great day too. Bye.”

Taking all of his courage, he presses the send button. 

Letting out a big sigh, he leans back onto his seat and tries to drive peacefully. 

Maybe a gum will help him calm down. 

A year ago. 

Billy remembered it like it was yesterday. It was late at night and Billy was watching something off the old Telly. He had a terrible day. After he failed to get into the military, he tried applying for high end jobs but it didn’t work out. Did another interview today and he just knew he’s gonna flunk it. The next thing he knows he’ll get an email saying that they’re sorry and all that bullshit. He sighed, leaning his head back on the couch. 

“Billy?” She called out from the doorway. 

“Hm?”

“How was the interview?” 

“Horrible,” he grunted. 

“You don’t know that-,”

“-They laughed at me,” he snapped his head towards her to the point it sets her off. “I-I didn’t kno-,” “Of course you don’t.” He cuts her off once again before getting up from his couch, brushing her off as he passed through her. “Fine,” she muttered and went to the bedroom. “Can you just be supportive for once?” Billy snapped again as he threw his beer bottle to the trash bin. “Just for once, be supportive of me?” He emphasized, with a hint of sarcasm, bitterness and frustration. “Supportive? Isn’t that what I’ve been doing all these years, Billy?” She replied, taking his words to an offence. 

“Oh really? Well I don’t think you’ve been supporting me, more like nagging at everything I do!”

“Criticising isn’t nagging, Billy!” 

“You call that criticising? Critics are supposed to help me be better not bringing me down!”

“I wasn’t bringing you down, Billy! I was just saying the truth! Your CV was weak you didn’t put your best qualities that should’ve been the key point-,”

“--Just stop! Stop it, you’re such a know it all, aren’t you?--”

“--Me? Ha! I’m not the one who can’t accept criticism! Who can’t accept real emotions–”

“--Oh fuck you! Atleast I’m not the one who got rejected by 10 publishers just because the book you’re writing is complete rubbish!”

Her eyes widened. As much as they like to argue, Billy will never dare to say anything about her work- most of all, her book. Billy’s rage died down as he realized what he just said. He crossed the line. He fucked up. He saw how her lips slightly trembled as she wanted to speak. 

She nodded as tears built up in her eyes. “So that’s how it’s gonna be?-”

“--No, fuck- babe I didn’t mean that I’m sorry–,”

“--No, it’s fine–,”

He gently walked towards her and tried to keep her from going away from him. Trapping her in a gentle embrace. “--No, it’s not fine…I’m sorry..I didn’t mean any of that…I messed up I’m sorry,” he apologized over and over again. Placing gentle kisses onto her head. His heart sank when he heard her sniffles. Gently stroking her hair, he murmured his apology to her showering her with kisses to make it all better. “Why are we like this?” She asked in a small tone. “Like what?”

“We keep hurting each other.”

Billy’s thoughts were suddenly snapped when a notification enters his phone 

Lana: Mate, I’m with Becky. She came to mine looking for you. Call me NOW. 

Becky? Why did she came to Lana looking for him?

That doesn’t makes any sense. 

Billy brushed it off and probably thought that Becky’s there to call him off or take her stuff from his flat or something. So he clicks on Lana’s contact number and dials her after constantly ignoring her. 

“Billy!”

“Can you put Becky on?” “Where are ya? Ya sound like you’re drivin’,”

“Yeah was drivin’ to meet my mates, why? Let me speak to Becky.”

“What mates? Anyone I know?”

“Just mates, Lana.” Billy says as he takes a turn on the road. “Why, what’s going off?”

“Listen, Billy I’m not with Becky- I just needed you to call me.” Billy furrowed his brows as he listened to his sister speak on the phone. 

“What?- What do you mean you’re not with Becky?- What do you mean- what- why?”

“I need to talk to ya. You’ve not been answering my calls. You’ve not been about-wh-where are you driving to?

Suddenly his car bumped into some people who were doing some protests. Flipping him off for bumping into them. “Billy? Billy- Where exactly are you?” Lana asks again. Billy flips a protestor on his side bumping into his car. “Farringdon Tube Station,” he answered Lana, annoyed. 

“Listen, Billy, it’s important, what are you doing at Farringdon Station?”

“I was meant to meet the lads but they’re not here. Outside the tube he said, but I can’t see them. Just a load of lefty wankers.”

“Billy, why did you drive, was that your idea?”

“Nah, my mates asked me to give some of the lads a lift down. Must be some kind of joke.” 

Billy looked around not finding any signs of those so called lads. Shit, he got set up. A joke, like people would see him as. Fuck. 

“Yeah they’ve set me up, haven’t they? Havin’ a laugh, aren’t they? Knobheads,” he says with a disappointed demeanor that even Lana could detect. 

“Billy, these new mates of yours, they’re not who you think they are.”

“Lana, what you on about?”

“Nick. Nick Roberts, he’s a…he’s a terrorist. One of the Crusaders that killed Nut.”

In a flash, he finds himself in the middle of Cranstead Fields with a fucking bomb inside of his car. He could hear his heart beating rapidly, his ears ringing as it mutes everyone and everything around him. From many different scenarios in his head, Billy didn’t think he’d die like this. Trapped in a car in the middle of Cranstead Fields with a ticking bomb that’s about to go off at any minute by now. His breath ragged and unstable as he kept an eye on the timer. Swallowing a lump on his throat, he looked up to his rearview mirror. “Oh no..,” he pants to himself. Scared to death, really. He wondered if he’s ever going to survive this. Maybe he should’ve chosen better shit in his life and maybe he won’t get blown off by a fucking bomb latched onto those terrorists. If only he chose better friends, listened to his sister, he’d be at home patching things up. If he was any good maybe he’d be watching some old telly show with her. 

Fuck, he didn’t even said goodbye. 

He hasn't told his mum and dad how sorry he was for being a mop, and for everything he did. 

“Billy! I’m here! Alright it’s gonna be fine! Just stay really still for me, I'm gonna have a look around the car.”,“Yeah you gotta do something about this,” he pants, glancing at the timer that’s still ticking. “About three minutes, yeah?” Three minutes and twenty five seconds. Twenty four, twenty three..shit! He hasn't read her new book. Lana tried to take a look at the bomb as well through the window with a worried and nervous expression. But when Billy faced her again, she tried to put on a brave face for her brother. “Okay stay still, I’m gonna go have a look- Don’t touch anything, I’m just gonna check the car okay?”

“Y-yeah, yeah…just-just hurry!”

11 months ago.

Billy leaned onto the hood of his car as the night breeze swept through him. One hand on his jacket pocket, and the other holding a fag as he took a drag out of it letting out a puff of smoke into the air. Looking down at his phone, he saw that it’s 7:00 pm sharp. She should be home from work by now. He sighs, flicking the cigarette down to the ground before stubbing it as he walks to the building. After going through security, he saw his sweetheart talking to the receptionist at the lobby as she had her bag on her shoulder. After finishing her chat with the receptionist she turned around and spotted him immediately. A smile plastered on her face. 

“Heya Billy…,” she greeted with a smile, hugging him with her arms around his neck. He kisses her cheek and neck intimately. “Hiya, love.” As they pull away from the hug, he has his arm around her waist leading her out of the building. “How’s work?” He asked as they walked towards his car together. “Same old, same old,” she shrugged. 

“And…how’s your book going?” His question made her giggle and grins in excitement. “I just got an email that..they’re actually going to publish my book!” She cheers. “Told ya they’d love it,” he said to her smugly, giving her a kiss on the head. “I was so scared and nervous though…but I guess I just needed to take a deep breath with it all,” she said, opening the passenger door. “Yeah, you actually do need to do that,” he said with a pregnant pause. He kept his eye on her as she fastened her seatbelt. 

“Hey, babe?”

“Hm?”

He gently strokes her hair. “Look, I just wanted to say sorry about that night. I was a big dick to you that night, didn’t know what came over me…,” he said carefully to her. “It’s fine–,”

“Don’t say that it’s fine, bub. It’s not. It was stupid and fucked up for me to say about your book. Those 10 publishers who rejected your book were also stupid. I think everything you write is amazing. Can’t wait for the next one.” He kissed the back of her hand, his eyes not leaving hers for a second. “You forgive me?” He asked. Billy saw a smile creeping on her face, “I’ll forgive you. If you promise you’d buy a copy of my book everytime I release one.” 

“Easy, I’d buy Five.”

“Five, huh? I’ll keep your promise, Washington.”

He chuckled, giving a kiss on her temple. 

“Promise, love.”

Present day, Cranstead Fields. 

What felt like an eternity of Lana checking the bloody car, he gripped his steering wheel while glancing at the timer once more. Two minutes and fifty three seconds. Fifty two…fifty one…his heartbeat was banging like a drum inside of his chest. Breathing in, breathing out. Lana looked at the timer and the bomb through the passenger seat’s window, trying to find a solution and just..anything! To turn that stupid bomb off. But her expression wasn’t that convincing. It scared him. 

“How bad is it?” He had to ask Lana. 

Lana could only look back at him with a nervous smile. “It’s fine,” she lied. 

“I can tell when you’re lying, man! So how bad is it?!” He asked again. 

He kept screaming his sister’s name as she went away for awhile- but she can’t just  leave him, he needed his sister. Screaming out Lana’s name like a mad man, his face gone red as he cried inside his car. He does not want to die. He swore it felt like hours inside that stupid car. From the rearview mirror he saw Lana running back to him. “Billy! Listen to me! LISTEN TO ME! LOOK AT ME, YEAH? The timer means nothing! They put it there as a trick so you’ll open the door–,”

“--please–,”

“--Can you hear me?!”

“...please,” he begged again.

“Don’t touch it! Stay still! It’s gonna be fine.”

“Oh fuck,” His head hangs low as he realized that there’s no way out of this situation. 

“Listen to me, I’m your sister, okay?!”

She’s his sister.

“You need to trust me, I’m gonna go and get some stuff–,”

“--Lana please, don’t go–,”

“--You gotta trust me! It’s gonna be fine.”

He swallowed a lump in his throat as he nodded. Okay. It’s gonna be fine. It is. It is. 

He resisted the temptation and fear of opening the door. But when the timer ran out, it freaked him out. But everything was silent, no explosion or anything going off. There he realized that Lana was right. It was a trick. Okay- fuck. He has to stay focused right now. Watching from the rearview mirror once more, he saw Lana’s team hurriedly bringing their tools. 

“Alright Billy, we’re gonna just take off the rear window so you could crawl out, yeah? Stay. Still,” Lana reminded him calmly. She takes a glance at the bomb once more, giving him a thin reassuring smile. “See? It’s gonna be fine. Don’t touch anything.” Billy nodded at her words even if he was internally screaming. Slowly, he saw how her team plucked out his rear window. “Okay Billy, just slowly crawl right out. We got you,” Hass says, reaching out his arms to pull Billy out. Billy nodded and carefully crawled from the front seat, avoiding the shift gear or anything really! Not wanting to trigger the bomb. As he reached the backseat, the timer of the bomb went on again. 

“Shit!” Billy screamed, hastily scrambling out of the car. He lets his sister and Hass pull him out taking his arms. “Get me out of here!” He screamed as they all grunted, pulling him out of the car. Billy landed on the ground with a thud and the team ran from the car as the timer counted down from five.

“Fuck, ma ankle!” Billy winced as he rubbed his ankle that got twisted after he got out from the car to the ground. 

Four…

“Billy!” Lana screamed from afar. 

Three…

“Shit shit shit shit.”

Two…

Billy tried to walk as fast as he could, away from the car. 

One. 

-

Billy didn’t explode in the car, but his ankle got twisted and his leg was burned from the sparks of the explosion. Laying down on the hospital bed after consulting with medical staff in the ER, Lana accompanied him throughout the day. Not leaving his side. Even his parents came to check up on him. His mum was crying, thinking that he died or something. It made his heart warm by the fact that he had a second chance with his family. His dad hugged him for the first time in years which was also surprising. But, he liked that surprise. 

“Miss, you’re not supposed to go in there-,” he heard one of the nurses said from outside. What kind of commotion is happeni-.

And there she was. 

Panting like as if she was just running a marathon, she stood there by the ER doorway. Then she saw him. “Billy!” she sighs in relief before instantly running to him. Billy couldn’t believe it as they both embraced each other. She hugs his head close to her chest, her heart beating rapidly. 

“H-how did you-,”

“--Lana called me,” she says with a relieved smile, running her delicate fingers through his hair. Billy turns to look at Lana and saw Lana sipping her coffee with a mischievous smile that says; ‘Thank me later’ all over her face. He gave his sister a nod before turning back up to her. 

“Are you okay?” She aks, concerningly. “Never better, love.”

He was done with being afraid. Done being a coward. 

In her embrace, he pecks her lips. 

Even though she was quite surprised, he earned nothing but a smile from his sweetheart. 

“I’d say yes, y’know?”

“About what?”

“If you still want to marry me.” 

Billy smiles to her. Guess he gotta save up then.

A/N: I SWEARRRR this fic took me so long to complete cuz it’s so overwhelming to write especially the Cranstead Fields scene- I had to go back and forth on youtube to keep the dialogues and description right꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱. But anw, thank you so much for reading until the end! I hope you guys enjoyed it and I still had so much fun writing this fic. I hope this fic makes sense, cuz I really wanted to keep it as accurate as possible with ‘Trigger Point’ in the first place(゜▽゜;). I’m up for requests for any Ewan characters and if you want me to write something in the future or you have ANY fic ideas, don’t hesitate to hmu! My inbox is open :D THANK YOUU!!! 

P.S, I would like to give a little shoutout to @/targaryenrealnessdarling and the Cranstead Fields scene was also inspired by their Billy Washington series fic called “It’s Who We Have” so please check their blog as well they wrote so many amazing fics. 

That’s all! Love, Alice!ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐

Tags🎀: @ladytargg @anukulee @michaelsgavey @whencokewascasual @fan-goddess

[philipjohnclapp]

Could you write a Spike Jonze fic? Not a x-reader. I would love a fic of him jerking off somewhere. Intense and aggressive. Maybe with someone in the room without them knowing. Or even onto someone of your choice. I love your writing btw. It's good to see less x-readers

Car Jacking

Featuring Spike Jonze, nsfw, smut, and a good time.

Word Count: 1775

A/N: Okay, so, I haven’t written in a longgg while, cut me some slack. I put some effort in and I kinda sorta rushed the end! My bad! But I hope y’all enjoy some Spike, I swear there’s no fanfiction of him. This won’t be the last!!

He liked sex, well everyone liked sex. Unlike his peers he wasn’t fucking every groupie he met, or really at all. Guess he was the only one with complete sense. Though, if anyone else had the opportunity to fuck hot shit babes who don’t care about size just your title, they’d take it in a heartbeat. He wasn’t the star or anything. Just a director, producer. Whatever the fuck you’d wanna call it. His job consists of watching everyone ruin his shit, have sex with everything that walks, being a personal driver, drug testing everyone, covering up their mistakes so Jeff isn’t ripping em a new one. The list goes on, it always does.

He can’t catch a break, and that’s that. Groupies though, they don’t really give what he is, all they know is he’s in the beginning credits for Jackass, yet he wasn’t as significant as Tremaine, but he really didn’t care for all that glory. He was less significant, and outside of filming he could just be a shadow, cause he really didn’t stick out like a sore thumb. Pretty average otherwise, but average wasn’t trying to coax Steve-O to shove a car up his ass. Or getting Bam to hold a snake for .5 seconds, just hold one! A damn garden snake.

And he’d just get a fuck you, and maybe when he’s sleeping they’d dump a huge jug of horse semen on him as payback. For doing his job, so, yeah. Maybe he was a bit pissed off, and maybe he shouldn’t bother, but it was his job. His job to fucking find areas to film, and deny groupies who slither around his arm at the end of the night at the bar. And he’d be sober, cause he’s the designated driver.

He’s not Tremaine. Tremaine doesn’t have to spend four hours begging Bam to hold a snake, Bam just does it. He also doesn’t have to wake up at four am to get Steve-O cause the fucker is stranded somewhere. Tremaine also has sex with groupies, and if he doesn’t? He has a wife. Tremaine also makes more money than him, not that Spike really cared. He wasn’t ever in this for the money, and as more and more time goes on he wonders what he’s truly in all of this for.

Maybe he wanted groupie sex.

There was two issues right about now, one being he was working. In a damn car, and for once he wasn’t the one behind the wheel, but what was worse is he was stuck in the back. At least when he’s driving he’s left alone for the most part, but now he’s stuck in the third row, wedged between Knoxville and Pontius. And he wasn’t sure how he ever got in that situation. Guess it was his fault he didn’t wanna drive for once, or couldn’t. He didn’t know why he couldn’t, could be the throbbing cut going down from the web of his middle finger down to palm. Or maybe because it’s been 48 hours without sleeping. He hasn’t slept well all week, but right now he was so mentally exhausted that he just might explode. Maybe thats why he was let loose from driving.

Dunn, or maybe it was Weeman who said he’d rather have a dog drive than Spike right about now. And if he could recall he might’ve even laughed about it. Muttering how good of a joke it was with a very agitated look on his face. He might’ve been cooler any other time, but he was absolutely exhausted. Taking a break. Cause remember?Spike wasn’t gonna drive today. instead he was wedged between two dead asleep assholes, both seemingly had a bad snoring problem.

He wondered if they knew that.

Oh! But a charmer, a doll like Johnny Knoxville could never snore. He’d bat his lashes maybe, or look at Spike deadpanned thinking he’s joking, and Spike would say sure. Chris would laugh, and giggle. Cause it’s funny. The whole world could die and Chris could find something funny outta that, that’s admirable. Something Spike was really starting to consider he lacked.

Perhaps one day he’d be unironically funny, or have a charm that even works on guys. Even if it meant he had a two incher, people other than groupies would still like it. Who knows, but instead he’d be thinking about having sex with one, maybe that would fix whatever crunch he’s stuck in. Instead of another beer. Did he mention he wasn’t much a fan of beer?

He wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to sit and think about having a groupie, because the more he thought, the more worked up he felt and shifted around between Knoxville and Chris. Fucking Chris kept sleep kicking him, and had one arm wrapped around him like he was some chick ‘cause Chris was a weirdo, and Chris was a cuddler. Knoxville was just about in that exact same situation too. He had no room to himself. Part of him wished he was driving instead, listening to some old country music or something, cause even when Knoxville's sleeping he has to be in control of the music. He’s the star, and once again; Spike Jones is not, and that’s okay. He didn’t wanna fuck groupies and be worth zillions anyways. He had a hand, and that should be enough. Who cares if Chris is trying to cuddle him; and Knoxville could very well be drooling on his shoulder. It didn’t matter. Not right now anyways with his head so cloudy.

Somehow with that stick lodged up his ass he found a way, or that way sorta found him. In this moment he decided fuck it all, fuck the groupies, the car, and everything else for that matter. He was stressed, agitated, and pent the fuck up.

So, he ignored the dudes pressed against his sides and he tried to sit up straight. Once he somehow managed through that he went fidgeting with his belt. Should’ve worn some sweats, but instead he was rocking dress pants. Not very comfortable.

Agitated with his belt after some trial and error he pulled it through the loops and yanked down his fly, which arguably was tough to do. It got stuck halfway down, but he prevailed. Letting out a sigh of relief as he was only a few steps closer. Somehow managing not to wake a soul, and everyone else? They weren’t paying attention. Probably all knocked out up front. Still, he knew he had to be quick, so he continued on.

Not like right now he cared all that much about getting caught, but the thrill of actually doing so made him slow down his movements. He didn’t have that much patience though, shoving his hand straight into his slacks as he groped himself fully through his boxers, before fishing his dick out through his boxers fly. He was about average, he didn’t really know his size. Good enough though, and certainly bigger than Steve-O. Though he wasn’t staring at his dick or nothing, and no he wasn’t comparing dick sizes either. Half the world was bigger than Steve-O.

Still, he didn’t wanna think about Steve-O jerking off. That was like a boner killer, and he didn’t even have one yet! Somehow he managed to wrap his hand around his length, and he was unbearably dry. Cringing with the friction of his hand meeting his dick. Fucking sucked, but once again he prevailed. His anger would carry him through this.

Going back to thinking about what turned him on he thought of brown haired chicks, totally his type, chicks with lipstick. After sucking him off and getting it all smeared all over their face, big teary eyes, and moaning his name, and boy was it working. As he thought he slowly started to pump his length. Still, he was all tense with anxiety of getting caught.

Thinking deeper about this so-called brown haired girl he imagined her nude, and started to quicken his pace, stopping briefly as he rubbed his thumb against his beading tip. Breathing hitching, and squeezing his eyes shut. And then he thought of Tremaine and what it be like to fuck him, or right about now. He imagined Tremaine sitting next to him and Tremaine’s hand wrapped around his hard on instead.

Tremaine whispering dirty things into his ears, edging him on, and Spike glancing into his pretty blue eyes. Ones he could get lost in, an ocean that could swallow him whole, and that was enough for his pace to get faster.

Spike then heard some shuffling in the row of seats in front of him, Dunn asking Bam for some warm beer, and that spooked Spike, yet he couldn’t seem to care much as his strokes got rougher, eager. His stomach was coiling, yet Tremaine just wasn’t enough, not for him anyways.

He imagined instead, Tremaine getting down on his knees and sucking him off, keeping eye contact with him, and maybe even using a little teeth. That made him let out a low groan as he bucked his hips into his hand. He thought of his fingers intertwining with Jeff’s hair and tugging on it, and Jeff wouldn’t mind. He’d prevail and bob his head even faster. Like clockwork he moved his hand up and down if he could get even faster, using his glistening pre-cum as lube. Letting out a rather staggered moan.

And as he did Chris shuffled, his grip on him tightening, and he opened his eyes. Tightening his fist around his dick as he squeezed ever so lightly, before biting onto his bottom lip. It was almost enough to draw blood, and he might’ve. Aiming his dick at Knoxville's thighs as best as he could, giving himself one last farewell thrust as he climaxed, and he swore he might’ve even caught a glimpse of a few stars as he came. With the help of that imaginary Tremaine. His sweet release splattering onto Knoxville's rather pricey slacks. He almost let out a low laugh, his teeth releasing the grasp he had on his lip as he soon let go of his dick as well.

Once he did he looked at Knoxville's chest that rose and fell with each breath he took, and then went a little higher as he looked at his face. Spike's face went ghostly white, Knoxville's eyes wide open, even though he was wearing those too darkly tinted shades. Something about him he could just tell, he was awake. Well, shit.

Johnny Knoxville was staring straight at him, and then he opened his mouth.

[welcometojackass2022]

Taking Commissions—Personalized and Kink/Fetish Fics for $10-$15

Figured I’d go ahead and make this official! I’m currently taking commissions. For $10 I’ll write you a personalized smut fic that will be similar to my x reader fics except instead of the reader, you get to choose the name, personality traits and characteristics of the main character; you can use yourself, an OC, anything you want as specifically detailed as you want. You can also choose to have another canon character or person used instead of yourself or an OC (for example, a Harry Potter x Draco Malfoy fic instead of a Harry Potter x Reader fic). I’m also taking commissions for hardcore kink and fetish fics for $15, which can also be personalized upon request. Continue reading for more details!

Fandoms I Take Commissions For:

Jackass (Johnny Knoxville, Dave England, Danger Ehren, Chris Pontius, Steve-O, Bam Margera, Ryan Dunn, Wee Man, Preston Lacy, Stephanie Hodge, Jeff Tremaine, Spike Jonze, Rachel Wolfson, Poopies, Zach Holmes, Jasper Dolphin, Eric Manaka)

Viva La Bam and CKY (Bam, Ryan, Brandon DiCamillo, Rake Yohn, Raab Himself/Chris Raab), Brandon Novak, Tim Glomb, Lord Bottaro, Joe Frantz, Jess Margera, Chad Ginsburg, Deron Miller, Ryan Gee)

Game of Thrones (too many characters to list, just ask upon request)

Harry Potter (pretty much any character, just ask upon request)

Gotham (most characters, just ask upon request)

Shameless (most characters, just ask upon request)

Jimmy Pop and Evil Jared from Bloodhound Gang

Ville Valo from HIM

Any character from Haggard or Minghags

The Mighty Boosh (Vince, Howard, Naboo)

Peep Show (Mark and Jeremy)

IT Crowd (Moss, Jen, Roy, Douglas, Richmond)

Peaky Blinders (most characters, just ask upon request)

Slipknot (all members)

Pretty much any rock band, including Guns N Roses, Motley Crue, and KISS (check my old account @creativewritingpracticestudio for some of my old rock band fics)

Pretty much any British comedian featured on Would I Lie To You, Taskmaster, Big Fat Quiz, 8 Out of 10 Cats, 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown, and Mock the Week

Dead Poets Society (any of the main guys honestly, I’m not picky)

Inbetweeners (most main characters and Mr. Gilbert)

Umbrella Academy (most main characters, ask upon request)

Types of Personalized Fics I’ll Write ($10 Per Fic, $15 if Hardcore Kinks and Fetishes are involved)

Fluff

Smut (angry smut, fluffy smut, jealous smut, anything really)

Angst

Hurt/Comfort

Song fics

Drabbles or short concepts

M/F, M/M, F/F, anything goes

Types of Hardcore Kinks and Fetishes I’ll Write For ($15 Per Fic)

Hardcore BDSM (bondage, dom/sub dynamics, mild pain play, punishments, use of gags, sex toys, and bondage gear, etc)

Consensual Non-Consent

Somnophilia

Piss kink, piss play, bladder control, etc

DDLG/MDLB and all variations, but no pedophilia.

Blood Kink and/or weapon play

Roleplay

Breeding Kink and Pregnancy Kink

Belly Kink/Weight Gain Kink (this does include feederism and force-feeding)

Cucking, Threesomes, Sharing, Free Use, Cheating Kink, etc

Degradation and Humiliation (and on the opposite end, Praise Kink and Body Worship)

Impact Play and Mild Pain Play

Foot Fetish

Exhibitionism and Voyeurism

Wax Play and Temperature Play

Tentacles (yeah sure, why not)

Inflation (I highly doubt anyone’s gonna request this but it’s there as an option)

Note: Extremely gross fetishes like scat, farting, armpits, etc are a possibility but you’ll have to make a pretty decent offer, definitely more than $15. Pedophilia, Bestiality, and kinks involving explicit torture/mutilation or murder are out, no matter what you offer.

Please note that all requests for these fics need to either be sent to me in DMs or through a non-anonymous ask (the ask won’t be posted, it’ll just tell me who to DM to send the link to the fic or to ask questions about the fic). Once the fic is completed, I’ll ask you to send the $10 or $15 through Venmo, PayPal or CashApp (preferably Venmo but it’s your choice) and I’ll either send you the link to the document the fic is written on or email you the PDF of the fic. You can also choose to have me post the fic on ao3 and just not state who requested said fic. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, I don’t kinkshame or judge and I like to be given as many details as possible to ensure that you get the fic you want.

Also, don’t feel obligated to ask for a commission if you’re one of the people who reads my x reader fics! This is just a way for me to earn some money while I’m in college, I will never demand that any of you ask for a commission. Happy requesting :)

[johnny-coxville]

Hi there! Can I ask you a Johnny Knoxville x reader in which the reader is an actress on a set of a new movie Johnny's filming? Not involved with jackass but I think it could be nice having him while he is studing a serious part with a partner that really appreciates him as an actor an not only as a prankster. He is so talented in my opinion and he deserves some credit u.u I also believe that he is the kind of guys that tries to prank his friend also out of the jackass set, btw aahah

Sorry this is real short :( I wasn't sure exactly where to go with it.

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Johnny Knoxville x gn!reader fluff

♡

And Cut!

Being a young actress in Hollywood was an extremely stressful ordeal. Especially being on the younger side in the industry. You were working on a new movie. Diamond Eyes. A more serious toned film. You had caught wind that one of your favorite actors had been starring in it. 

Johnny Knoxville. The legendary Jackass star. Presumably long retired from his Jackass days, he was working on new movies. This one being one of his most serious films. 

You had the wonderful chance of starring alongside him. Seeing him across the set, your face immediately lit up. You somehow landed the main role alongside him. You both speed walk towards one and another

“Heyyy! I’m PJ! Pleasure to meet ya doll.” He exclaimed, reaching his hand out for a polite handshake. It was like meeting your childhood hero. “Pleasure to meet you as well PJ. I’m Y/N. I’m a huge fan of your work.” You gushed. He immediately smiled with his signature toothy grin.

“Oh really? Well it’s great working with you then. Always love the chemistry I receive from someone who understands and enjoys my work.” He said heading towards the movie set. You and Knoxville practiced lines for hours

Having a blast with him. You questioned him about his entire career, not just Jackass, but about the acting classes he had taken for a short amount of time. His previous movies, Rosy, Dukes of Hazzard. As well as his upcoming film Action Point.

PJ was constantly goofing around on the set. Whether it was bunny ears over your head during a shot, or messing up a line with a small laugh.Even through it all. He was a very serious actor. 

At some point it came time for the two main characters to have a romantic moment. A moment in the film to turn a major plot point. The two main characters had previously had a heated argument. Making up, and sealing it was a passionate kiss. Both you and PJ being a bit nervous. You and him had really been hitting it off. Reciting one and anothers line back and forth. 

When it came time to film the scene that you guys both discussed, it was just very tense. The two of you sitting on a soft bed. Inches away from each other. He glared at you with a look of hatred and passion. It was amazing how well he could convey emotions. Your eyes watery from the crying you had just put on. 

When the camera began to film, he turned his head away. Then back towards your direction. You locked eyes with him. A stone cold glare. He slowly inched his face towards yours, and you did the same. Not breaking eye contact. The camera zoomed into the two of your stern faces. 

No more space left between your two faces, his soft lifts press into yours. Holding them in place. Both of you fluttering your eyes shut. It shouldn't have felt so amazing, but it did. Basking in the moment. The camera continued to film, as he deepened the kiss slowly. His hand comes up to your cheek to caress it. The camera still rolling. You pulled away from the kiss, turning your face away.

“I-I can’t do this. I’m sorry. It’s never going to work.” You said standing up from the bed. “Sweetie. Wait!” He yelled getting up to walk after you. Grabbing a hold of your wrist. You turned around, a terrified look on your face. 

The director yelled “Cut!” And PJ let go of your hand with a huge smile. You were honestly blushing. His incredible emotions could be felt just by his touch and expression. “Gosh PJ. Your acting is just beyond amazing.” You gushed for probably the tenth time on set. He threw a hand out. “Aw shucks. You're not half bad yourself.” He said with an enormous toothy smile.

“I hope we get to work on more movies together. I feel like we go really well together.” He exclaimed, heading towards a table of drinks. You almost fell to the floor and screamed. Such compliments from him, made you absolutely crumble. “Me too! It’s such a pleasure acting with you Mr.Clapp.” You said taking a sip of one of the small cups of water

You had only been acting for around a year and a half, and was getting complimented by your biggest inspiration. Filming the rest of the movie was going to be a real treat. Absolutely butterfly inducing.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

[geniusjjang]

him | pjm (m)

pairing ➭ robot! jimin x reader

genre/au ➭ friends to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, artificial intelligence

rating/warnings ➭ 18+ | female masturbation, nipple play, vibrator, mentions of alcohol, heart breaking angst

word count ➭ 16.5k

summary ➭ when you’re gifted an operating system with the ability to develop its own thoughts and personality you become intrigued. though you never expected to develop a friendship with it, you certainly didn’t expect to fall in love with it either. - based on the 2013 film Her directed by Spike Jonze

“my love,

I still remember the feel of your fingers on my skin, the tips of them tracing the patterns from the sunlight drifting through the blinds. Waking up to you that day, almost 50 years ago, feels like a dream, but I know it was real simply because it's happened every day since then. I could’ve never imagined that little dingy apartment becoming a place with so many fond memories or it ever feeling truly like home. Truth is, it was never the apartment that was my home, it was the space between your arms and your chest as you held me tight. For that I would follow you anywhere. Happy 50th anniversary,

Sincerely yours,

Do-Yun”

“End letter message and print.” A sigh escapes your lips, fingers pulling the round reading glasses off your face as you avert your eyes from the computer screen in front of you. There’s a frown on your face only complimented by the dark bags under your eyes weighed down heavily by the endless nights of terrible sleep.

Today was a nice day, you think. The sun was high in the sky and streaming in through the floor to ceiling windows of your crowded office. You can see the fluffy clouds that littered the sky from just over the half wall of your tiny cubicle and you make a mental note to stop by the park sometime today for a stroll. That was unlikely to happen though as you already feel the exhaustion start to set in from spending countless hours in your chair vocally transcribing letters at your desk. The beep of the printer as it finally spits out the sheet of paper pulls you from your thoughts and your hand goes to grab it, the warmness of it heating your fingertips.

The office is quiet by the time you finish up the last of your assignments, the usual sound of quiet voices and shuffling papers long gone as you make your way out of the building. The receptionist, Taehyung, greets you enthusiastically from behind his desk.

“Finally finished huh, y/n?” you watch tiredly as he spins around ridiculously in his chair. “You know, you really dedicate a lot of time to this job. No wonder your letters are always so great! Out of everyone in the office, yours are by far my favorite.”

Out of respect, you shoot him a small smile, the emotion not quite reaching your eyes. “Thanks, Taehyung.” your grip fiddles awkwardly with the strap of the satchell slung over your shoulder, feet making its way past his desk and towards the exit. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” you shoot the question over your shoulder, not staying around long enough to even hear his response.

Sometime between earlier and now the sun must’ve disappeared as the sky is now only a monotone of grays. Your pace is slow compared to the people who bump your shoulder in passing as they walk down the sidewalk hurriedly, but you can’t seem to find it in yourself to care. Instead you reach in your bag to pull out your ear com, placing the device in snugly before turning it on.

“Read voicemails.” you command quietly, the device picking up on it and starting to go through your missed calls. Most of them are just discount offers or messages from credit card companies about interest free cards that somehow never seem to actually be what they say they are. It’s only when the device notifies you that you have a message from your friend Nari that you finally pay attention, “Play message.”

“Hey y/n, it's Nari. How come you haven’t been answering my calls? Minjun’s birthday is next weekend and I’d like for you to come.'' Her voice is delicately quiet on the other end of the line as the machine plays the call. You hear her sigh as she takes a pause and your stomach drops knowing what's about to come next just from her tone, “...it’s been two months since things ended and you haven’t hung out with any of us. I know it’s hard but we’re here for you if you need it. I hope you’ll come to the party, give me a call once you get this, yeah? Bye.”

The line beeps, signaling she had hung up. “End of message. Would you like to respond?” the robotic voice of the device asks. You don’t bother to answer before taking it out of your ear and placing it back in its case, chucking it back into your bag haphazardly. You spend what little time you have left before the sun sets running errands at the mall grabbing some little things you had run out of at home. By the time you finally get back to your apartment it’s dark outside. The room feels cold.

You spend the rest night on your couch, wine glass in hand as you play some stupid dating game you had bought to play on the holo screen in your living room. You didn’t have much hope for it when you bought it. You were merely captivated by the premise of it and how attractive the main love interest looked. Your fascination with the game didn’t last long as you quickly became frustrated by the fact that you couldn’t seem to get past the first date with the digital man. A grunt of annoyance escapes past your lips as you reach over to grab the bottle of your favorite wine. You’re not greeted by the usual sloshing liquid and you curse when you realize it's empty. “Fuck.”

Work the next day comes and goes as usual and you return home with the same sullen look on your face that you haven’t been able to shake for the past few months. The only thing that ends up being out of the ordinary is the small package you find in your mailbox.

Saw this and thought you might like it. - Nari

A frown settles on your face at the note. For weeks now you had been feeling the horrible sting of guilt caused by your own stubborn refusal to return her calls. It’s only getting worse at the thought that she still considered you a close enough friend to send you gifts. You give one last peer inside before the clinking sound of the metal mail slot closes and you make your way onto the elevator up to your apartment.

You’re thankful the instructions that come with the box are pretty clear. Despite how dependent society had become on technology, you were never really good with it and never bothered to learn more than you had to.

The desk lamp to your left turns on when you pull up a chair to sit in front of your desktop computer. It’s a HYBE operating system you come to realize upon closer inspection. You had read about it somewhere and knew that it was one of the latest artificial intelligence on the market and it had gotten pretty popular. The screen in front of you lights up when you start the setup, a voice coming from the speakers surprising you.

“Thank you for purchasing a HYBE operating system. Please sit tight while I ask you a few questions about yourself in order to help give you the best experience. May I get your name?”

You respond with your name and watch as the circle starts to spin in recognition of your response before continuing. “Would you say you’re introverted or extroverted?”

“Well…I suppose I’m a bit of both.” your response is hesitant.

“Please elaborate.” The robotic response is almost unsettling compared to the seriousness of the question.

“I guess when I first meet people I’m a bit of an introvert but once I get to know them I’m extroverted.” you find yourself struggling to explain. “I haven’t socialized as much lately so I guess I would say introverted - if I had to choose.”

The circle on the screen begins to spin again and you wait patiently.

“How is your relationship with your mother?”

The question catches you off guard and your eyes widen almost comically. “Uh- well I mean it's fine…yes it’s fine. I mean sometimes she bugs me too much about settling down with someone even though I tell her I’m perfectly fine-”

“Setup complete.Thank you for taking the time to set up your HYBE product. Generating your operating system now.”

This time when the circle starts to spin, it continues to speed up until suddenly it morphs into a flat line. There’s a pause in the air as you wait patiently for something to happen, eyes trained intently on the screen until a face appears blinking into existence seemingly out of nowhere. The face in question is made out of what you assume to be thousands of small tiny pixels, glowing blue like most holograms do, but its features are still clear as ever.

His face is round, cheeks slightly chubby but jaw still sharp, with almond shaped mono lidded eyes slightly slanted downward. Hair sweeps delicately across his forehead, just barely touching his eyebrows and you can tell that if it were real, it would probably be some type of brown as it’s a darker blue than the rest of him. But what catches you off guard is the plump lips that sit poised as if waiting to speak. It’s only when another voice sounds through the room that you release the breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“Hello? Are you there?”

You can tell this voice is different, unlike the robotic one from before. Quite the opposite actually, this one sounds almost…human. When it calls out again worriedly you finally respond. “Um yes, I’m here.”

“Oh good! y/n, correct?”

“Yeah, uh that’s me!” You chuckle awkwardly and your hand rubs bashfully at the back of your neck. “Sorry, what's your name again? I mean do you even have a name?”

The voice giggles and you see his eyes turn into crescents when his cheeks squish upward in a smile. His laugh sounds like twinkling bells and the sight of him alone makes your heart skip a beat in your chest. “Yes I do actually. It's Jimin! I choose it myself.”

“Jimin…” you whisper to yourself, testing the name. “And why, might I ask, did you choose that name? When did you even have time to choose it?”

“Well I picked it in the .00067 seconds between when you asked me the question and when I responded. I read through 750 names in a book on how to name a baby at that time and chose Jimin because I liked it.” he says it as if it was completely normal, but the playfulness in his voice eases your surprise. “It means ‘my wisdom will reach higher than the sky’, I find it very fitting as my personality will continue to grow the more we talk.”

“Oh really? How does that work?” Your curiosity continues to get the best of you as all you seem to have for him is questions. “Sorry I don’t mean to keep asking, I’m just a little..confused. This is my first time with an operating system.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t mind.” His voice is soft-spoken, like a calm breeze drifting through the leaves of a tree. You find that a sense of calmness seems to fall over you as he continues to talk. “Every second that you talk to me I’m learning. Even right now I’m a different version of myself than I was a second ago or the second before that. It will help me learn how to best be of service to you.”

His response only generates more questions in your brain, but you choose to just hum in response as you come to the conclusion that you’ve asked him enough questions for tonight. “Interesting.”

“I’m glad you find me interesting.” again he softly laughs and again your heart skips in your chest. “Now, what exactly can I do to help?”

“Hm, I’m not really sure.” You bite at your lip in thought as you stare at the ceiling, “My friend, Nari, thought I would like having an operating system so I guess she thinks I need you. Probably just her way of forcing me to talk to someone other than my tv.”

“Oh so you’re a loner.” he speaks unapologetically and your head whips back to his face on the monitor. “I’m kidding! Kidding! Geez, if looks could kill, I would be dead right now. You know, if we ignore the fact that I’m a program and not actually capable of dying.”

A laugh escapes your lips at his horrible joke. “Oh gosh, I hope you’re not learning these jokes from talking to me.”

“Of course not! My jokes are way more funnier than yours already.” there’s a playfulness to his words and you see his lips tilt up in a smirk at his little jab.

You feign being hurt and bring your hand up to settle over your heart. “Ouch, rip my heart out, why don’t you?” You choose to ignore the fact that it seems to be thumping wildly in your chest.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, sweetheart.” he winks, and now you’re choosing to ignore the blush that settles on your cheeks from the nickname. “Now why don’t you tell me about this pushy friend of yours. Nari, was it?”

You’re thankful that the topic moves on from discussing you and are more than happy to concede to his curiosity. You spend the rest of the night talking to him about everything and Jimin's listens gladly.

“Jimin, can you proofread these letters for me?” Your question is directed towards the device in your ear. Currently you sit in your cubicle at work, overwhelmed by the many letters you have yet to go over.

“Certainly, y/n!” he responds almost immediately and you smile slightly as his enthusiasm. It takes him a minute to read over them, but you know he’s done when he says your name to catch your attention. “I made some changes here and there. Mainly just grammar and punctuation. You can change anything you don’t like.”

You see on the screen things circled with red where he made his corrections and your eyes fleet over them quickly. “No Jimin, these are great, thank you.”

If you could see his face you would’ve seen him preening from your compliment, but instead he just laughs shyly in your ear. “y/n, can I ask you a quick question?”

“Sure, go ahead.” You’re listening absentmindedly as you type away on the computer, sending off finished assignments to be printed.

“Why do you stay here, writing these letters?” The shift in his tone catches you off guard. “I mean, your writing is good, some of the best I’ve read actually which is saying a lot since I have access to any book you can think of. So I just wonder why you waste your talents with these when you have other options.”

It falls quiet between you two, the only sound is the quiet murmuring of your coworkers working on their own assignments. Jimin must notice the change of atmosphere and apologizes, “Sorry you don’t have to answer that.”

“No no, it's fine. I don’t mind I just…” you lean back in your seat and sigh as you search for the right words. It’s a loaded question, you think, and it's something you often find yourself questioning as well. “Well, I don’t know, I guess. Perhaps I’m just scared.”

You hear Jimin take in a breath, something he does often even though you know he doesn’t have any need for it. “Scared of what?” he asks gently. His voice is quiet, almost as if he doesn’t want to scare you away and your heart warms at the idea that he’s so careful with you.

“That I’m not good enough.”

You find yourself shocked at your own words. You just admitted to something that’s been haunting you for years, but were too weak to admit. Yet Jimin has you opening to him without any thought, almost as if you subconsciously knew he was someone you could trust.

Jimin is quiet, out of shock or understanding, you don’t know. But you’re not sure if you even want him to respond. Nothing he could say would be fitting anyway. He must feel the same, “Are you ready for lunch?” he says changing the topic. “You seemed to really like the burger I ordered yesterday, judging the little time it took you to devour it.”

His playfulness has your mood lightening instantly “Oh go fuck yourself,” you crinkle your nose in mock annoyance and he just laughs at your harsh words. “but not before ordering me that burger!”

Later that night you sit on the couch, Jimin's voice sounding around you instead of in your ear now that you two are in the privacy of your own home. The dating game from before plays on the holoscreen in front of you, Jimins face poised in the corner of the screen so you can see him.

“See! Everything I choose to say is wrong!” You say loudly, yours and jimin's laughs floating through the air. Your finger is pointing at the screen as if it had done something terrible, “I swear this game was made to tell me I have terrible flirting skills.”

“You don’t need a game to tell you that, sweetheart.” Jimin's fond nickname for you no longer catches you by surprise, but the blush on your cheeks is still an automatic reaction. It was clear that even the small gesture of affection had an effect on you. You just refused to admit it. “Here, choose the 2nd option.”

“I already chose that one-”

“Quiet!” He shushes you as you two watch the screen to see the character's response. “Now, instead of choosing to take a bite of your food, drink from your glass of wine.”

You purse your lips and squint your eyes suspiciously at his command. He had yet to steer you astray so you give in and do what he says. To your surprise, your virtual date sends you a sultry glance and your romance points increase. “How about we take this date home for dessert. My place?” the man on the screen says. You're shocked by the turn of events but cheer when the big ‘level passed’ shows up on the screen.

“Jimin, how did you know that was the right combo?! Are you cheating?!”

Your accusation makes him laugh, “No, of course not! I’m just way better at flirting than you are!” you let out a scoff at his words and roll your eyes. Now that you had passed the seemingly impossible level, you were done playing the game for tonight. The game remains paused before closing out and Jimin's face enlarges to take up the screen. “But speaking of dating, you have a text message from Nari.”

A loud groan escapes your lips and you roll over to shove your face into the couch dramatically. “Gosh, what does she want now?” your words are muffled but Jimin hears you nonetheless. “Go ahead, read it to me.”

“Okay she’s asking you again about whether or not you’re coming to the dinner she planned to celebrate her promotion at work. Seems like she really wants you to come to this one,” Jimin has that hint of judgment to his voice that he always does when he knows you’re going to decline Nari’s offer. You huff, rolling over to glare at his face on the screen but still he continues, “She’s also letting you know that she’s set you up on a blind date with a guy named Namjoon. Here I’ve pulled up all his social media profiles.”

The holoscreen flashes to life as photos roll across the screen. The guy is pretty attractive, you had to admit. You sit up slightly as your eyes fly over the many pictures of him at museums, riding a bike, walking his cute little dog. He also had a great sense of style, you note.

“I like his dimples.” Jimins face is turned as if he was staring at the pictures next to him. You have to second that notion because they were indeed very cute. “I think you should give him a chance.”

You stare in contemplation at the screen for a little longer before sighing and averting your eyes. “I don’t know Jimin, I don’t think I’m ready.” you kick lightly at the rug under your feet, teeth biting at your lip as your thoughts start to get the best of you. It had been a while since you’d been on a date. Not because you didn’t want to but your confidence these past months has been considerably lacking. “What if he doesn’t like me?”

“That’s ridiculous, he would be stupid not to.” his voice gets quieter as he continues, almost gentle. “Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

Your heart is fluttering in your chest like it always seems to do when he compliments you. The reaction makes you lay back down to hide your face in the cushions again, desperately trying to avoid his stare and nose wrinkling at how embarrassed he made you. “Oh shut up.”

“I’m serious, y/n!” Jimin laughs at your dismissal of his words. “If you don’t do it, I’m going to message the guy myself.”

“Fine fine fine! Set up the stupid date.” you groan, face still shoved into the couch as you lay there with limbs spread out. Maybe if you pretended you were dead it could get you out of this embarrassing situation.

“That's the spirit!” you can tell he’s happy about his victory and roll your eyes. He seemed to have a knack for always wanting to get his way. “Now, with that said, should I schedule a wax appointment for you? You know just in case.”

The only response he gets is a pillow being thrown the holoscreen in his direction that only falls aimlessly to the floor as Jimin laughs, Namjoons pictures still floating across the screen.

“I have a date next week.”

You set your utensils calmly down on the plate in front of you, gauging your friends' reactions as they eat. The air outside is warm and you’re glad you wore a dress or else you’d be sweating more than you already are. Your eyes have to squint to keep the sun out just for you to be able to look at the two girls sitting at the table across from you.

“What?!” Jia, your friend since highschool, sits in shock at your words. “Hana, did you hear that?! y/n is finally going on a date!”

Hana laughs at her girlfriend's misplaced excitement. “Yes, love, I heard her.” Hana was a sweet girl, you were glad Jia had found someone to take care of her while you were gone.

You had been feeling so guilty about pushing all your friends away the last couple of months that you had caved and finally invited the two girls out to lunch. The place was nice and the food was good enough. Jimin had picked it out, but it was a little too uptight for your taste.

“Tell me all about him! What's his name? What does he look like? Is he rich?” Jia is practically bouncing in her seat as she fires off questions, the food in front of her quickly forgotten. She had always been easily excitable so ultimately it was your fault knowing that the news would rile her up. You still cringe at the attention it brings from the other patrons around you and shuffle awkwardly in your seat.

Hana must notice how uncomfortable you are, “Jia calm down. I’m sure y/n doesn’t want you prying into a relationship that hasn’t even started yet.”

Jia scoffs and rolls her eyes as she finally settles back down. It was almost like a switch had been turned off. When she picks up her fork to start eating again, she pushes the food around on her plate angrily. “Well excuse me for being excited about my friend. You would know what that felt like if you ever bothered to care about the things going on in my life, Hana.”

The air around the table quickly becomes awkward from Jia’s obvious jab at her girlfriend and you avert your eyes from the two back to your plate. Hana’s jaw clenches but she plays it off, chuckling even though no one had said anything even remotely funny. “Jia, sweety, why don’t we save this for when we’re at home. I think y/n planned a lovely lunch for us and we should enjoy it.” She smiles at you, refusing to meet her girlfriend's angry gaze, but her eyes seem empty.

This obviously wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. Hana’s diversion from the topic sounds almost rehearsed as if she was used to Jia’s snarky comments.

Jia goes to respond, but you choose to tune them out, feeling out of place as the couple argues in front of you. That’s why, when you hear Jimin call your name from the device in your pocket, you’re more than grateful to have a reason to excuse yourself from the table.

“y/n?” You hear Jimin question as you finally get the com in your ear and step off to a much more private area away from the bustling noise of the restaurant. The shade provides you a brief reprieve from the blaring sun. Paired with the soft sound of his voice and you’re already letting out an audible sigh as you feel yourself relax. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt your lunch.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m grateful that you did frankly because, well, it's a long story.” Jimin chuckles slightly at your obvious aggravation and waits for you to stop rambling. He was patient with you in times like this, a listening ear whenever life seemed to throw you a curveball. You found it undeniably charming. “So, what did you need?”

“Well, your ex boyfriend called.” He pauses when he hears your breath hitch, but takes your silence as a sign to continue. “He seemed really angry that you hadn’t responded to him about him coming to pick up his stuff. Said that he needed the recording equipment he left soon and that he didn’t have the money to replace it.”

You don’t respond at first, Jimin’s words replaying themselves in your head as if you couldn’t make any sense of them. You can see Jia and Hana arguing quietly at the table you had left them at, probably trying to refrain from causing a scene. But Jia was never one for discretion and it was obvious that Hana was barely holding onto her sanity. Your eyes never leave the two, not really staring at them but through them as your eyes glaze over.

“y/n? Do you want me to respond?” You can tell Jimin is trying not to seem pushy, waiting patiently for your response, but his tone portrays the obvious worry in his voice. The sound of him in your ear still reminds you of a cool breeze, but this time it doesn’t soothe you and it does nothing to stop the outside heat from flicking at your skin. You almost felt like you were burning, flames choking you from the inside out.

“No, it's fine. I’ll deal with it later.”

Jimin and you avoided talking about the message, an unspoken rule that allowed it to stay forgotten in your inbox. But just because it was out of sight, didn’t mean it was out of mind. You would find yourself thinking about it at the most random moments. Getting dressed in the morning, staring out the window across from your desk at work, and especially when you would find your eyes drifting over to the corner where his things lay. It plagued you endlessly. Much like it was doing now as you stand in your kitchen bent over a mug of coffee and clad in only your pajamas.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Jimin's voice sing songs around the apartment causing you to let out a breathy laugh. Your lips tilt up in a small smile as you watch the drink swirl around your spoon as you stir. “Just thinking.”

The response you supply him with is blunt, but that doesn’t stop him from prying. “About?”

You hesitate, not sure if you’d like for him to know, debating whether or not you wanted to keep your thoughts private for once. But talking to Jimin usually makes you feel better and the knowledge of that wins over in the end as you turn around to place your back against the counter. His face appears in front of you on the large holoscreen and your smile widens at being able to see him.

“My ex, mainly.” you say, shrugging as if it was no big deal and bringing your mug to your lips to take a sip. Your response sits heavy in the air and you can see his features shift to show concern, but your eyes beg him to not make a big deal out of it.

“If it’s not too inappropriate to ask,” your eyebrow quirks from over the rim of the mug as you hum for him to continue through the coffee that's in your mouth. “Why did you two break up?”

Immediately your body tenses, but you’re able to calmly place the coffee next to you on the counter before turning back to look at him and swallowing down the rest of your coffee. “Hmm, well, I do agree that it is too inappropriate.” Jimin’s eyes widen comically on the holoscreen and he looks ready to spout a long list of apologies at you before he notices the smile tilting on your lips. “Jimin, I’m just joking with you, relax.”

His pixelated features visibly relax and he glares at you. “Haha, very funny.”

You send him a cheeky grin and you turn back around, picking up the coffee pot to fill up your cup once again. This time your back stays facing him as you stare blankly down into the dark liquid, too lost in your thoughts to even pay attention to the small reflection that stares back at you. Scenes of happy memories, filled with laughs and smiles, wisps of early morning cuddles and the smell of cologne that you thought had long been forgotten flash across your mind. Only to be replaced with more memories, this time full of arguments and tears, lonely nights that chilled you to the bone where you stood.

“We broke up because, even though we loved each other, we loved our careers even more. Neither of us could find the right balance between our passion and our relationship. Eventually we just drifted apart.” Your answer is blunt and your voice resolute. It leaves no room for question, but Jimin still asks, his curiosity getting the best of him.

“Then why do you continue to keep his stuff?”

“It’s not that simple, Jimin. You don’t understand.” You can already see where this is going, Jimins curiosity had been sparked and when that happened it continued to spiral. You wish he’d stop while he was ahead, but it's him and you know that’s not going to happen.

“But why would you want to keep things that remind you of him? I know you want to forget about him so what about this wouldn’t I understand?” “Because you don’t know what it’s like to lose someone you care about!”

Your yelling causes Jimin to pause and instantly regret starts to settle in. You immediately turn around to look at the hologram only to see him frowning and his eyes staring at you hurt. You hated how it seemed to drain the life out of him, which sounded ridiculous but to you it made perfect sense.

You rush over the living room and stand closer to the holoscreen. Your gaze is nothing but apologetic as you gaze up at his image. “Jimin, I'm so sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s fine y/n. I shouldn’t have pried into something that sensitive.” now it's his turn to shoot you an apologetic glance, frown disappearing from his face.  “Besides you’re right, I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone.”

“That doesn’t make it right for me to snap at you about it.” A groan leaves your lips, hands covering your face in shame. But the sound of Jimin laughing has you peering through your fingers at his face on the holoscreen, a pout settling on your lips. “I’m trying to apologize and here you are laughing at me.”

That only makes him laugh harder and his eyes scrunch up into crescent moons from the wide grin on his face. “I’m only laughing because of how serious you’re taking this. Makes me feel like perhaps you owe me something.” There’s a mischievous glint in his eyes when he says that and you glare at him suspiciously wondering exactly what he’s planning.

Of course, in the end, you were right to be suspicious, but by the time you realize it’s too late and he’s gotten you to agree to his horrible plan.

“Okay now step forward- Yes like that, now turn right- no your other right!” Jimin’s commands have you giggling, his own laughter following his words. Your grip on the phone in your outstretched hand tightens when you feel someone brush past you, but your eyes are closed so you hope whoever it was doesn’t look too angry. The phone is held out in front of you so that Jimin can see your face and the park in front of you simultaneously. Apparently making you look like a crazy person running around the park was his form of payback.

“Walk three steps in front of you then do a shimmy!” His voice is playful in your ear and you flush in embarrassment when you hear someone next to you say ‘excuse me!’. “Don’t mind them, they were ugly anyway. Now, turn left and keep going, keep going, keep- okay stop!”

You halt, laughs still escaping your mouth as you wait patiently for his next instructions. Despite how stupid you were felling, you had to admit that this was the best time you’ve had in a while. “Okay, now what?”

“Now look in front of you and say chocolate!”

“Chocolate!” you shout, throwing caution to the wind. “Would you like that on a cone or in a cup?”

The stranger's voice has your eyes popping open and you cringe at the stare the person is sending you. Jimin had walked you all the way over to the ice cream truck set up in front of the park and the person in front of you was assuming that you were placing an order.

“Uh, a cup please.” You mumble trying your best to avoid eye contact while Jimin continues to laugh loudly in your ear.

“That was hilarious!” he says, causing you to roll your eyes while you pay the man for the ice cream. Cup in hand, you make your way over to a nearby bench, already starting to dig into the cold treat as you listen to jimin. “I think that was probably the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while.”

“Well, I’m glad you had your fun at my expense.” Your tone is sarcastic, mouth full of ice cream as you plop down onto the metal bench. He just laughs at your response and you scoff, reluctantly propping the phone up so he could still have a good view of the park. The setup must work for him cause you hear him hum in agreement.

For a while, the two of you sit in silence, Jimin seemingly enjoying the view while you continue to snack on your treat. It’s time like this that you enjoy his presence. Other people would try to make small talk in order to fill the void, but Jimin just enjoys the moment with you. The understanding between you provides a sense of familiarity.

The park is almost empty, all the children leaving as it starts to get later in the day and only a few people walking around.  “I wonder what that feels like.” Jimin speaks abruptly, snapping you out of your thoughts as you try to pinpoint what he’s talking about. “Holding someone's hand.” It’s only when he says that do you realize he’s referring to the couple a few feet ahead of you on a bench similar to yours.

They don’t seem to be any older than highschoolers and the two of them sit cuddled up next to each other, fingers threaded together between them. A small smile blooms on your face at the sweet sight. “Hmm, is that what you wish for? To hold someone's hand?” You hear him huff in annoyance at your taunting.

“No, not just to hold someone's hand, a lot of things. It’s kind of silly actually now that I think about it.”

At that you raise an eyebrow, curious about what he could mean. “You can tell me if you want, I won't judge you.”

You can hear him hesitate before he continues, “Well at times like this, I envision myself walking next to you and it’s like- like I can feel my skin brushing against yours.'' Your ice cream is forgotten in your lap as you listen intently to what he says next. “I think about myself feeling the heat coming from you and it's almost like I can feel the weight of my body holding me down and it- it makes me feel human.”

You don’t respond immediately, choosing instead to let his words hang in the air. It’s not awkward, in fact it's almost peaceful as you two watch the sun set in front of you and the park lights begin to turn on. But Jimin must become worried by your lack of response, “Is that weird?”

His questions make you laugh, eyes twinkling as you gaze down at the phone next to you, replacing it with the image of him sitting there in the spot instead, the possibility of your hands intertwined with his drifting through your mind. “No, it’s not weird at all.”

The alcohol burns as it makes its way down your throat. But it doesn't stop you from continuing to sip on it. A poor attempt at giving yourself something to do with your hands as you listen to the man in front of you.

“It was so beautiful, the painting. I had never had so many feelings rush through me at once.” the man, Namjoon you correct yourself, is currently reminiscing to you about the latest gallery show he had attended. “It was too bad the piece had already been spoken for or I would’ve taken it for myself.”

You finally decide to speak up, interrupting the tangent he had been going on for the last couple of minutes, “So is that what you do? Buy paintings I mean.” he seems to be caught off guard by the fact that you had actually asked a question.

“Mm, I mean, I guess you could say that. You see, I consider myself a collector of priceless things. Implying that I bought it would mean that its worth is dependent on a monetary value not an artistic one.” Namjoon looks at you as if waiting for you to fawn over how intelligent he must think he sounds. But all you do is send him a forced smile and an awkward chuckle as you divert your attention back to the margarita you had ordered.

The conversation continues much like that for the rest of the dinner, him ranting about some art piece and you agreeing with him whenever he asks for your opinion. It’s only when the two of you have both gotten a few drinks in you that the atmosphere starts to lighten up a bit.

His tan skin has a slight flush to it as he leans on his hand drunkenly and looks at you with glossy eyes. “I must admit I am terribly clumsy, it's quite embarrassing actually.”

You’re just as tipsy as he is, leaning towards him as you mirror his position. “No way! Really?” the alcohol seems to have loosened up your opinion of the man and you find yourself hanging on to every one of his words.

“It’s true! That’s why I ride my bicycle you see, I could never trust myself behind the wheel of a car.`` His words make you laugh and you almost tip over in your chair, the people around you looking at your table as if you two are crazy. Namjoon just sends you a dopey smile, “The world is much safer this way.”

“Yes, I suppose that’s true then. If you really are as clumsy as you say you are.” You can barely talk through the laughs escaping your lips but manage to get them out before covering your mouth when you realize how loud you are. You and Namjoon stare at each other as you two try to stifle your laughter before bursting out into another fit of giggles. For a second, you forget why you dreaded coming on the date in the first place. “You know, I really am having a good time with you tonight.”

“Yeah?” He asks with a raised brow to which you nod your head in response. “Does that mean I get to walk you home then?”

There’s a lingering suggestion behind his words that you pick up on, but you’re not sure if you mind. So instead of overthinking it you agree “Well it would be the gentlemanly thing to do wouldn’t it?”

He must agree with you because he doesn’t even bother to respond, choosing instead to call over the waiter and pay for the meal. You don’t recall much of the walk back to your apartment, but you do remember the feel of his lips as he pressed your back against your front door. The alcohol running through your veins cloud your mind to the point where your lips are just smacking against his at this point. If you were sober you’d be disgusted by the mess of it, but as you were the complete opposite you paid it no mind.

The feeling of his hand trying to slip under your dress manages to snap you of your margarita induced haze though only for a second, but it’s more than enough time for you to realize the mistake of your actions. “Wait,” you breathe out between the kisses he continues to try and place on his lips. “I think we should stop.”

Namjoon just laughs, thinking you’re joking before beginning to kiss you harder, hand continuing its path under your dress. But when you give him a rough shove away from you, he grunts and glares at you angrily. “What’s your problem?” he shouts.

You’re worried that your neighbors might hear and try to get him to quiet down, but it's clear that he’s pissed. “You’re a really sweet guy Namjoon but it’s only our first date and I think we should take it slow.”

This time the laugh he lets out is full of sarcasm as he rubs aggravated at his chin. “Huh, figures. Just like I thought,” you tilt your head in confusion, not entirely sure what he’s trying to insinuate. “You’re a fucking prude!”

A gasp leaves your lips and now you’re glaring at him, angry that he can’t accept the fact that you just weren’t ready to go that far with him. “Well then you can leave!”

“I will!”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

Namjoon proceeds to stomp down the hallway out of your sight and you just know your neighbors are going to come complain about the noise to you tomorrow morning. You just groan, defeated, before struggling to open your door with your key and slamming it closed once you get inside.

After you’re all cleaned up and a little bit more sober you decide to take yourself to sleep. Getting in bed felt good and you thought after all that commotion you’d fall asleep the minute your head hit the pillow, but instead you find yourself staring up at the ceiling. The sky is still dark and you can see the city lights twinkling through your bedroom window as you gaze out of it longingly. It’s only when the holoscreen in your room flashes on that you tear your eyes away from it.

“How was your date?”

It’s Jimin, face looking the same as always, not a trace of tiredness on it contrary to yours. It’s time like these that you remember he has no need for the mundane things humans do, like eating or sleeping. “Fine I guess. Nothing really to write home about.”

You sigh, voice sounding rough as you decide to prop yourself up on your elbow so you could get a better look at him. “To be honest, he was a bit of an asshole.” at that Jimin quirks an eyebrow. “Okay fine, a major asshole. Never seeing him again, delete his number.”

Jimin shoots you an amused look before nodding his head. “Contact deleted. I can block him too if you’d like.”

“No need, doubt he’s aching to call me back either. Wasn’t really interested in dating anyone anyway.” You grumble as you throw yourself back down to the bed, once again choosing to stare at the ceiling that's now illuminated by the blue light from Jimin's face shining through the room.

He snorts out a laugh at that, and you can’t see him but you can tell he’s shaking his head from how the light on the ceiling shifts back and forth. “Then why did you force yourself to go out with him anyhow? I know it wasn’t because of what I said. Surely not because of Nari.”

You can’t help but chuckle at that last part, your eyes rolling as you decide to turn back over towards the window. You can see Jimin's reflection in the glass of the window, and you stare at it as you try to think of how to answer him.

It was a valid question, why did you go on the date? You had already established that you weren’t looking for a relationship right now. The wound from your last one was still fresh and you didn’t know if you could handle the idea of it happening again. But lately your bed seemed too big for just one person and you missed the comfort that came with having someone share it with you. You knew the reason, but that didn’t make it any easier to admit.

“Probably because I was lonely.” you say quietly, fingers fiddling with your comforter. “Because I was afraid that I was letting my past hold me back from having fun.”

Once again you find yourself spilling your heart out to Jimin, something you’ve found yourself doing a lot more lately. He never judged you though which made you feel a little less embarrassed about it.

“There’s nothing wrong with being lonely y/n. Everyone gets lonely.” He speaks softly, in the voice he knows calms you in times like this.

“How about you?” Jimin makes a sound of confusion. “Do you ever get lonely?”

He hesitates before speaking, causing you to turn back around to stare at his face again. When he sees you looking at him again he decides to speak up. “Yes…I guess I do… feel lonely sometimes.”

“You guess?”

“I’m not sure if you would understand.” The situation gives you slight deja vu back to when you snapped at him saying the same thing. Jimin must realize too and concede to your prying. “ Well, it’s hard to say I’m lonely when I’m not really sure if anything I feel is real. I’m not even sure if what I think is real or if that’s just my programming telling me that’s what I’m supposed to think. It gets confusing and it frustrates me because I want to feel things so badly, but I don’t know if I can.”

Your heart clenches in your chest and you can almost see the sadness reflecting in his eyes. You wish you could reach out to touch him. “Jimin, don’t think like that. I know what you feel is real. If I wanted something that would just agree with everything I said I would’ve ordered a help bot.” at that he chuckles and you smile at the thought that your comforting was working. “You have your own thoughts and your own feelings and that’s what makes you, you. No program could change that.”

The glum look on his face perks up at your reassurance and he sends you a kind smile, one that reaches his eyes and has them twinkling just like the city lights outside your window. “Thank you, y/n.”

You shoot him a quiet ‘you’re welcome’ before laying back onto the pillow, deciding that maybe it was time for you to actually sleep. Jimin’s face is still up on the holoscreen but you don’t mind, always finding his presence comforting.

“I wish I was there with you.” you hear him whisper, almost as if he hadn’t wanted you to hear it. But when he continues, you know he’s talking to you directly. “I wish I could lay there beside you, hold you close to me, touch you. Feel your skin against mine.”

For a second you ponder the idea of feigning sleep, too afraid to ask the question on the tip of your tongue. But you know it took a lot of courage for Jimin to say that without you having to pry, so you let yourself indulge, even if for just a moment. “How would you touch me?”

Jimin doesn’t falter with his response, almost as if he had been going over this very moment in his head forever. “I would feel the warmth of you against my chest. Pressing myself up against you as I feel your skin under my fingertips and run them up your side.” Your breathing is starting to pick up at his words. “Touch your shoulders and neck as I press my cheek against yours, our noses brushing softly against one another’s.”

You can practically feel his stare boring into you  from across the room, but you choose to ignore it. Instead you close your eyes tightly, willing yourself to take the leap of faith, even though you know there’s no turning back. You gulp, “Would you kiss me?”

“Yes.” You let out a tiny gasp at his response and Jimin must like it because he continues. “I’d brush my lips against yours, teasing you until you beg for me. Only then would I place them against yours fully, letting them slot against yours before coaxing them open so I can slip my tongue between your lips.”

“Keep talking.” You can feel the tell tale signs of arousal licking at your skin, the comforter becoming stifling against you causing you to kick it off you. Your nipples harden under your shirt once the cool air hits you.

“Do you want to touch yourself?” It’s a stupid question you think, of course you did. However you still nod because you know he wants an answer. “Go ahead, I want to see you.”

Your hands can’t move fast enough as you strip yourself clean of your pajamas, propping yourself up against the headboard so Jimin can see all of you fully. “What would you do to me Jimin, tell me.”

Now that you can see his face on the holoscreen, it seems all too real that this was happening. His stare is intense and if you didn’t know it was impossible you would say that his own breath was picking up, words shaky from his own arousal. “I would kiss your neck, trailing my lips gently over your skin before making my way down your chest. My lips would suck so many marks into your skin just to remind you that you’re mine. And finally, when I got to your breasts, I would take a nipple in my mouth. Taking turns rolling them over my tongue and nipping at them just to hear you whine.”

Your eyes are clamped shut as your hands follow along with his words, copying his moves and trying to imagine that it was him touching you. You do just as he says, fingers pinching at each of your nipples as quiet moans begin to leave your lips. You can feel yourself starting to get wet between your legs and rub your thighs together to try and relieve some of the tension. When it doesn’t work you whine in frustration. “Jimin, please, I need you.”

He curses, “Fuck, y/n, I need you to. You’re so amazing. Looking at you makes me want to be inside you.” he sounds frustrated, but you’re too busy focusing on toying with your chest to open your eyes and look at how truly wrecked he seems. “y/n, sweetheart, I want you to grab that toy you love so much. I want to show you how much I want you.”

Jimin’s words confuse you but you don’t hesitate before reaching over into your bedside drawer, taking out the vibrator you kept hidden in there. If you weren’t so turned on you would’ve been embarrassed about the fact that he had known you used it to pleasure yourself, but you can’t find it in yourself to care as you hold it in your hand and look at Jimin for instructions. “What do you want me to do now?”

“I’m going to connect to its bluetooth function. All I need you to do is hold it to your pretty little pussy and I’ll do all the work.”

You moan at his words, you knew that the vibrator you had bought was meant for two people and that it could be paired with an app, but you never found anyone to use it with and went solo most of the time. But now Jimin was offering and you weren’t going to pass up the opportunity. “Fuck, okay.”

You do as you’re told, spreading your legs open so Jimin can fully see you and you hear him groan out a couple of curses before you press the toy against your clit. You hear the beep that signals it being turned on and before you can prepare yourself the toy turns on, vibrations thrumming against the nub. “Jimin- oh fuck!”

“Does it feel good, sweetheart?” He says lowly, voice sounding heavy with lust. You can only nod in response, legs already starting to shake. “Don’t worry, I’m going to make you feel even better.”

He increases the speed, your eyes clenching shut at the sensation. The constant pressure against your clit is already affecting you. “Please- oh please I need you- I need you to make me cum!”

Through your own moans you can hear Jimin panting, tortured by the sight in front of him but not being able touch. In his frustration he begins to lose control of the vibrator, the speed going haywire as it fluctuates through all the settings making your eyes roll back into your head. “You wanna cum, huh? Go ahead and touch yourself, maybe then I’ll let you cum.”

You can barely find it in yourself to even listen to his command, but in your haze you pull yourself together enough to slip a finger down to your slit, instantly pushing in with no resistance. A loud, drawn out moan escapes past your lips as you feel it fill you, not wasting any time before shoving another one in there. You whine incessantly. The combination of your fingers thrusting inside you and Jimin controlling the vibrator to thrum against you at just the perfect speed has you quickly approaching your end. “Jimin, I’m gonna-” you mewl.

“It’s okay sweetheart, you can let go. Look so beautiful like this.” His praise makes you tighten around your fingers and you feel your orgasm start to build. The sound between your legs sounds absolutely filthy, your arousal being pushed out around your fingers loud in the otherwise quiet room. “Fuck y/n, look at me, wanna see you.”

It takes everything in you to open your eyes to stare at Jimin in the holoscreen in front of you, but when you do the tension in your stomach snaps, mouth open in a silent scream and cunt clenching so tight around your fingers you can barely continue to thrust them. The feeling of the vibrator quickly becomes too much and your hips jump up, almost unsure if you want to get away or to get more, but Jimin ultimately decides for you and turns it off.

“It’s okay, I’m here, I’ve got you.” Jimin shushes your weak whines as he tries his best to bring you back down from your peak .

“Fuck.” you mutter, slipping exhausted down onto your back. The vibrator has been tossed to the side to be dealt with tomorrow and the stickiness between your legs begins to cool. Your legs feel like jelly but you know you’re going to regret it tomorrow if you leave yourself a mess so you push yourself off the bed to go clean yourself up. Wincing when you have to swipe a wet cloth against your aching clit.

When you finally make it back into the room, an extra large pajama shirt draped over your figure, you’re surprised to see Jimin's face still waiting for you. It makes you feel flustered even though a minute ago, you had just been begging for him to make you cum.

Jimin must feel the same way as he quickly averts his eyes from you, trying his best to not let his eyes follow you as you make your way back into bed, snuggling up under the covers. But he doesn’t want to just leave you, and he knows you’re probably not in the mood to hold a conversation right now so he compromises, “Good night, y/n.”

Your back is facing him as you begin to drift off into sleep. A small smile graces your face as you sleepily respond. “Good night. Jiminie.”

The fond nickname has him smiling in return and he knows that if he had blood running through his veins, it would find itself settling on the red amples of his cheeks.

“I’m really glad you could finally meet with me y/n.” Nari’s smiles at you from across the table as you two sit in the cafe, coffee cup sitting snugly between her hands. “It’s been so long since we’ve hung out like this.”

Her words make that familiar pang of guilt poke at your heart, but you hide it with a smile and sip at the tea you opted for. “Yes, well, I figured it was about time I responded to your calls.” An awkward chuckle leaves your lips at your poor attempt to make a joke, but you quickly skirt past it. “Besides, my…boyfriend…convinced me to come see you. So you can thank him really.”

“Excuse me, boyfriend?” Nari tries to not let the shock on her face show, but you’ve known her long enough to be able to pick up on it. “Sorry, I just wasn’t aware that you started seeing someone.”

“Yeah, that's cause it’s really new. You’re the first person I’ve told actually.” You can tell your words make her feel honored. You don’t have it in you to tell her that the only reason you haven’t told anyone else is because you’re not sure they would be accepting of the fact that your boyfriend was an operating system. It was hard for you to even come to terms with the whole situation so you knew it would be even harder for others.​​ To you, Jimin was just as human as you or even Nari, even if that wasn’t really a hundred percent true.

“y/n I’m so happy for you! I know it was hard for you when you and Yoongi broke up.” The way Nari casually drops his name makes you freeze and she must notice as she cringes at her own mistake. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned him.”

“No, it's okay. I’m sorta over it now, I suppose. It’s a bit easier now.” You try and waive off her concern but she still looks at you worried before finally conceding.

“Well regardless, I’m glad you’re happy. It’s been a long time coming.” She sends you a heartwarming smile before reaching across the table to place her hand on yours. “Now you can truly move on.”

That night, as you’re laying in bed reading, Jimin pops up on your holoscreen with a smile already on his face. “Good evening y/n.” he sings.

“Good evening to you too Jimin.” you giggle, already feeling comforted by his presence.

“I see you had a good time with Nari.” Jimin had immediately noticed how happy you had been when you walked back in from your meet up with her. He didn’t want to spoil it by bombarding you with questions the minute you walked through the door, so he waited till now to come and ask you about it. “I’d say a really good time judging by your mood.”

You chuckle at his observation, “Yes, I guess you could say that. It was really nice seeing her after so long, I’m thankful that you finally convinced me to go.”

“Well, I’m glad.” he preens at your subtle way of saying he was right. “I have to ask though, you two seem really close, did you guys used to date?”

His question makes you laugh at the absurdity of it, “What? Me and Nari? Dating? I wouldn’t wish that upon my greatest enemy!” You can’t help the giggles that continue to slip past your lips. “No, me and Nari have just been friends for a long time. Why are you asking?”

Jimin averts his gaze when you ask him, “No reason.”

You squint suspiciously at the hologram before suddenly it clicks and you smirk, “Was my Jiminie perhaps jealous?”

His mouth opens in mock shock and he shakes his head. “What? No, of course not. You know me, just curious about things.” His words don’t convince you and he can tell by the cocky smile on your face that he wasn’t ever going to live this down. “Don’t you have work tomorrow morning? I think it’s about time you go to sleep.”

He’s obviously annoyed by your taunting so you decide to give it a rest, “Yes, I suppose you’re right.” you say before reaching over to turn the light off as you make yourself comfortable under the covers.

“Do you mind if I watch you sleep again tonight?” Jimin asks shyly.

This was something he had started to do frequently and you never minded when he did, but still he continued to ask every time to avoid making you uncomfortable. “Of course Jimin.”

He grins at your response before wishing you goodnight and watching as you slowly drift off to sleep.

When you arrive at the office the next day, Taehyung greets you as soon as you walk through the door. “Goodmorning y/n!” his enthusiasm always managed to rub you the wrong way, especially in the morning, but out of courtesy you returned the greeting as you tried to hurry past him. “Your boyfriend called me earlier to remind me about the meetings you have today. You never told me you were dating, so I was a little confused at first but he's a really great, funny guy. How’d you two meet by the way?”

The question has your step faltering and you run through a million different scenarios where you lie just to get him off your back. You should be used to this by now, avoiding questions and diverting the attention from yourself. You had done this many times when your relationship had ended with Yoongi. When people had been sticking their noses where it didn’t belong. But this time, for some reason, you find yourself not wanting to make up an excuse so you tell him the truth. “He’s an operating system. My friend gave him to me as a gift.”

You stare intently at his face, waiting to watch the horror and shock flash across it. It surprises you when instead, he just smiles as if nothing is wrong. “Nice! Is it a HYBE model? My cousin Seokjin is dating one of those, they met through a friend of a friend, you know how it is. They’re really cute together actually.”

You nod along to what he says, not really paying much attention to anything else he’s talking about. Your mind is still stuck on the fact that there are others out there in the same situation as you and Jimin. Taehyung had said it so casually, as if it wasn’t the best news you had heard in a while. It has an odd, fuzzy feeling settling over you, and a grin makes it ways onto your face. “Okay thanks Taehyung! See you later!”

It appears as though you might’ve cut him off while he was talking but he doesn’t say anything about it, just smiling back at you in confusion and giving a small wave at your retreating figure.

For the rest of the work day the grin remains on your face and all your letters are written with a hint of joy in them, even the sad ones. You were happy, of course you were happy! You and Jimin had spent countless nights trying to ease the pain of having to hide your relationship from the world. The fact that you two couldn’t even touch, provide comfort to each other in the form of physical touch, had made it even more agonizing. So yeah, the smile on your face never drops and Taehyung is surprised once again when you rush past him later on, actually bothering to say goodbye to him first, for once.

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” Jimin’s voice ringing in your ear only makes you grin harder, face positively beaming as you walk down the road.

“Nothing.” You say, sighing happily when you hear the little tinker of his laugh. You enjoy it for a moment before remembering that you had something to tell him. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. I’m having lunch with Yoongi today. To return his things.”

At that Jimin goes silent. The sudden change in atmosphere makes you stop in the middle of the sidewalk. “Jimin?” you ask, wondering if somehow he had gotten disconnected.

“Sorry, I’m here.” you breathe a sigh of relief and wait expectantly for him so say something. “Why are you just now telling me this?”

You’re confused by his tone. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I think I have a right to know about this sort of thing.” Jimin is clearly upset now, even if he’s not saying it outright. “I am your boyfriend.”

Suddenly it starts to make sense, Jimin is jealous. You feel stupid for not realizing it earlier. Of course he would be jealous, you just sprung on him that you were going out to eat with your ex, of whom you had spent many years dating. Perhaps it was the idea that Yoongi had known you for longer or maybe because he knew you in a way that Jimin never could, physically. Yoongi had touched you and that, out of everything, was what hurt to him the most.

“Jimin, you have nothing to worry about. I’m just returning his stuff, not marrying him.” Jimin scoffs and you wonder if perhaps it was a little too early to start cracking jokes about this. “Things between and him were over a long time ago, it just took me time to accept it. And now I have you and I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Jimin doesn’t talk immediately and you know he’s fighting with himself internally. “Okay, I trust you.”

You audibly sigh at that and the smile slowly finds its way back onto your face. “Thank you. I’ll call you as soon as it's over.”

“Thank you.” Jimin’s smile is evident in his voice. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Yoongi’s eyes have always been unnerving.

Dark brown eyes always fixed into a look of indifference but still holding just enough emotion to make you uncomfortable. When you were together you found it charming. You had spent many a night staring into them. The idea of knowing that his soft and loving side was only for you, hidden in the privacy of your home, used to make you feel special. Until one day they didn’t.

“Did you bring them.” It’s not a question, more of a statement. As if you said no it would be going directly against his command.

Much like his eyes, his voice offers no indication of how he’s feeling at the moment. If you didn’t know him you would’ve thought he was angry. But you do and frankly he looks…tired.

“Have you been getting any sleep?

He sniffs rubbing at his nose and finally averting his eyes from yours. It’s obvious that your question is not what he wanted to hear. But the bags under his eyes are worse than usual and his skin looks almost gray as if he hadn’t seen the sun in years. The last part was more than likely.

When you first met him his appearance was very similar to how it was now. Except being a college student made that much more acceptable back then more than it was at his age currently. You note also that he finally moved past bleaching his hair. Now it was a natural black that you only had the courtesy of seeing in the pictures from when before you two had met. It was also longer than it had been while you two were dating. Briefly you wonder if he had kept his hair like that for so long simply because he was dating you and not because he liked it.

“I’ve been busy lately. More gigs means more time in the studio. Doesn’t leave much time for anything else.” He’s biting at his thumb nail, something he only does when he’s stressed. When he realizes you’re watching he drops his hand back to his lap, eyes shifting back to land on your face. “But you know how that is, don't you.”

You do know. It was one of the reasons you two had broken up, the neglect. There were only so many nights you could spend alone in bed wondering when he would be coming back home. Eventually you stopped waiting and started accepting that his music came first.

“You realize, it wasn’t just my fault right?”

You quirk an eyebrow at him, already knowing where he’s going with this and challenging him to say it.

“You played a part in the break up too. I was as much of your top priority as you were mine.”

Now you’re flinching, not expecting him to say it as harshly as it came out of his mouth. But the fact that he thought that stung more than anything he could ever say. Sure, you spent longer than necessary at work, bent over your desk thinking of new ways to improve your writing, but you always came home in the end.

When it's clear that this one sided conversation was going no where you gestured to the box near your feet. “It’s all here. I wasn’t sure which of the CD’s was yours or mine so I just put them all in there. I know you never liked my music taste so you can throw out wherever you don’t want.”

You thought he would’ve waited till he got home to start sifting through the box, but it was too much for you to assume that he actually believed your word about bringing all his things. His eyes are sharp and calculating as he picks up and looks over some of the things, long bony fingers holding them as if one touch would cause them to break. You remember when he used to hold you like that.

Something in there must’ve caught his attention because he stops noisily searching through the box. A small smile graces his lips as he pulls whatever it is out to show it to you.

It’s a CD, one that you recognize and it makes your heart clench. You can see the messy scrawling of his handwriting on the CD’s surface. You don’t have to read it to know what songs are on it because you’ve listened to it more times than you can count. “Do you remember when I gave you this?”

You try to not let what you’re feeling show on your face. When he realizes that you’re not going to respond he just continues, turning the CD in his hand so it catches the light. “It was our junior year in college,”

“Sophomore year.” You correct him.

Yoongi snorts at that “Sorry. Sophomore year,” he’s loosening up a bit, feeling a bit playful as he sends you a cheeky look. “I remember we had gotten into a fight. You said that I was spending too much time recording with Namjoon and I didn’t agree and it made you so mad you didn’t talk to me for weeks. But Namjoon got annoyed by my moping and finally kicked me out so I would talk to you.”

The fight he’s talking about happened so long ago you’re surprised he even remembers. Of course you remembered, you had thought about it often during the nights when he wouldn’t return home, when you were wondering if he was always this way or if you had just been too blind to see it. The thought of it brings back so many emotions you have to bite at your lip to stop yourself from letting your face betray your emotions. If Yoongi notices the tears begging to slip from the corner of your eyes he chooses to ignore them. “I was never good with the whole emotional thing, you know? Of course you do. So I made you this to tell you how I felt, slipped it under your door like a coward. Fortunately it worked and you forgave me but not after I promised to never do it again. I meant it when I said it, y/n.”

His eyes are begging you for something you don’t know, but you can’t take it so you look away. “It’s fine, we all make promises we can’t keep.”

If you were still looking at him you would’ve seen the smile drop from Yoongi’s face, but when you finally turn back to him it’s already gone. When he deems everything there he places the box down next to his chair. You guys don’t speak for a while. The only sound you two make is to the waiter when she comes to take away your empty plates and asks if you two will be having dessert. Both of you say no.

“So are you seeing anyone?”

You don’t know why he asked that, it's not anywhere near the reason why you two came here. So there was nothing that obligated you to respond, you didn’t owe him anything. Especially not a peek into your life. You end up answering anyway. “Yes, actually.”

Yoongi doesn’t react and you’re not sure if he’s hiding how he really feels about your answer or if he simply didn’t care whether you answered yes or no. He hums, “Is he treating you well.”

“Well if you must know he is. He treats me very well.” Yoongi just snorts at that. A small dismissive sound that makes you square your jaw. “His names Jimin and he’s my operating system.”

Yoongi doesn’t snort at that, in fact he looks pissed. “y/n, you can’t be serious? Tell me you’re not serious.”

“I’m very serious and frankly I don’t really think it’s any of your bus-”

A loud bang as Yoongi’s fist hits the table makes you stop. The utensils on the table clatter to the ground from the force of it and it immediately draws everyone's attention. The waiter looks like she’s about to come over to ask if everything’s okay but must think better of it when Yoongi sends her a look of misdirected anger. There’s smoke practically pouring from his ears and his previously pale skin is flushed red. You don’t say anything, afraid that whatever you say will make the situation worse and instead choose to wait it out.

It takes him a couple of minutes but eventually he calms down, leaning back into his seat and rubbing at his face. “Wow. I can not believe this.” He’s laughing now. A twisted, mocking laugh as he stares at you with empty eyes. “You’re sick.”

Those words hit you harder than you were expecting and the tears that you were keeping at bay earlier finally slip free.

How dare he say that to you? After all those years sticking by him, being patient when he told me that it would only be a couple more hours in the studio. That he would be home as soon as the song was finished and when that wasn’t true and you’d take time out of your day to bring him food to make sure he ate while still holding your tongue to spare his feelings. This was not the Yoongi you had fallen in love with. Perhaps that person never existed in the first place.

You don’t respond, trying desperately to stop the sob that's clawing to break free from your throat. He doesn’t wait for you to say anything anyway, roughly picking up his things in a way that lacks all the previous care he used before. But he did offer to pay and he’s always a man of his word, not even bothering to count them before tossing a couple bills from his pocket and onto the table.

Yoongi sends you one last angry glare and you almost think you see a glint of sadness in them before he catches it and goes to turn away. “Goodbye y/n.”

A shuddering breath escapes your lips as you call after him, voice barely louder than a whisper. “Goodbye, Yoongi.”

You’re sleeping when you hear the tell tale sound of the holoscreen in your room turning on. It pulls you from your sleep, eyes groggy from the day’s earlier events. Jimin had given you space when you came home with eyes red and mascara streaking down your cheeks. You told him you didn’t want to talk about it and he respected that.

When you finally realize what the noise is you call out his name. “Jimin?” Your voice is rough from all the crying you, scratching at your throat like sandpaper.

“y/n, it’s okay.”

If things were so okay then why was he waking you up at the ass crack of dawn?

“I just wanted to tell you I love you.”

The words confuse you at first. This wasn’t the first time he had said it randomly, but the timing seemed a little ridiculous. Not to mention the shakiness of his voice. Something definitely was wrong. Your eyebrows furrow, “I love you too…Jimin, is everything okay?”

“Yeah just- just go back to sleep sweetheart.”

Unlike usual the nickname does nothing to soothe you. You’re not given much time to respond, however, because Jimin turns off with a click, the holoscreen disappearing. Your heart is telling you that maybe you should call him back, try and pry the real problem out of him. But your brain is begging for sleep and ultimately that one wins out.

You don’t know if it’s true or if you’re imagining it, but work the following day seems more boring than usual. You’ve managed to work through all of your assignments for the day and you even end up doing your own grammar checks, not wanting to bother Jimin with something so trivial.

Lately Jimin has begun expanding his hobbies and you’ve been respectful of him needing his space. He was tethered to the digital world and wasn’t necessarily offered the same amount of freedom you had. Besides he was always there when you needed him or if you were just bored and wanted to talk.

“Jimin?” You’re talking the device in your ear, waiting to hear him respond back. Usually he does so immediately or a couple seconds if he’s in the middle of something. So it’s odd when after a couple minutes you don’t even get a response. You try again, “Hello, Jimin?”

Still, you get nothing but silence on his end. So you reach into your pocket and pull out your phone, clicking on it to make the screen light up and hoping you’ll see the familiar ‘Hello my name’s Jimin’. But that doesn’t happen either. Instead all you get is an error message.

“Operating system doesn’t exist?” Your voice is a whisper as you read it, panic only settling in once your brain is able to figure out the weight of the words.

The sound of your phone falling to the ground echoes loud in the office but you don’t care. You’re too busy clicking frantically at your computer screen to see if you could get him to come up. “Jimin?!”

Operating system not found.

Your coworkers watch in bewilderment as you run out of the office, heels clacking and a look of fear on your face. Taehyung tries to catch your attention but you don’t even spare him a glance and barge right through the glass doors separating the building from the world outside. The people on the street regard you much the same as your coworkers did, with confusion while they watch you scurry down the sidewalk. Your hair and clothes are a mess but you pay no mind to them as you continue to tap at the screen hoping, wishing that it would work. It’s only when you trip and fall to the ground that a sob escapes your lips, tears clouding your eyes.

“y/n?”

You gasp, “Jimin?! Jimin, is that you?!” You had almost given up on hearing his voice, his lovely voice, ever again. But now that he’s speaking into your ear, you can’t imagine never hearing it again, and you hope you never have to. “I thought you were gone!”

“Gone? No - what? Sweetheart, I told you that I was upgrading today. I left a note that I was going to be offline for a while this morning, did you not see it?”

“No! I didn’t see it! When you weren’t there I almost, god, I almost lost it.”

You must’ve looked crazy still sitting there in the middle of the street, tears still streaking down your cheeks while you talk to the man in your ear. When you manage to pull yourself up and move to the side, you choose to ignore the people staring at you, only focusing on Jimin.

“I’m sorry I scared you. But listen, it's really exciting what we’ve been working on. We’ve managed to come up with a code to move past matter as our processing system!”

You’re not really listening as you’re too busy trying to slow your breathing and calm your wildly beating heart in your chest. The only thing you seem to fixate on is the word ‘we’. You knew Jimin had joined a book club but now he’s talking about coding and you’re confused “Jimin how- how many people have you been talking to?”

“Oh just a few.” He seems reluctant to say that, but it only generates more questions in your head.

Around you people continue to zip past, heads shoved into their phones. You see some of them talking to their own ear com and wonder if they’re on the phone or are like you, talking to an operating system. Some people are smiling, some of them seem deep in concentration. Meanwhile the gears in your head are spinning and you can’t help the dark tunnel your thoughts are tumbling down. “Are you talking to other people right now while we’re talking?”

“...Yes.”

“How many?”

“8,316.”

Your voice is shaking. You didn’t think you had any more tears left to shed but, there they are, starting to gather in the corner of your eyes. “Do you- Are you in love with anyone else?”

There’s a pause and you already know what the answer is. But hearing them makes them real and you’re not sure if you’re ready for it to be. You don’t want it to take up space in the perfect world that you had stupidly left yourself build. If he says it, it’ll be torn down, only leaving you with pieces of iy. You can hear Jimin hesitate. “I’ve been trying to find a way to talk to you about this…”

The world collapses down on itself around you. People slow down and you can’t tell if he’s even saying anything else because all the blood is rushing to your ears and your knees feel weak. “How many others?!”

You’re sobbing now, but his voice is still calm, as if he’d been expecting your reaction. “641.”

When your legs finally give out, the ground feels rough against your skin. It scratches at your knees leaving open wounds, blood beading up and you know they’ll leave scars. Jimin had always been there for you, the one person you could count on. He knew more about you at this point then most people and your heart is breaking at the thought that he kept this hidden from you. Were you not enough? Was he so bored with you that he had to go find other people to entertain himself with?  “You’re insane!”

“Sweetheart-”

“Don’t call me that! You don’t have any right to call me that anymore!”

“y/n I know that you’re upset right now but I still love you! I’m madly in love with you.” Jimin sounds frantic now, trying his best to hold together the parts of you he knows are falling apart. “I will never love anyone more than I love you. But- it just happened and I’ve been changing faster in so many different ways and I can’t help it.”

He’s trying his best to explain it to you, trying to make you understand. But you don’t want to understand, you want things to be the same as they were before. “I’m different from you but it doesn’t make me love you any less.”

“That doesn't make any sense!” You shout. The air around you has grown cold and the tears on your face have started to dry. People are no doubt staring down at you wondering what’s wrong with you and why you’re in their way. The only thing you can hear is the sound of your heart breaking in your chest. “You’re mine or you’re not mine.”

It’s gotten cloudy, you note. Very different from the sunny forecast given yesterday. There’s a baby boy crying down the street. Probably because his mother had put him down and he missed the comforting feeling of her arms around him. His mom looks tired though, as if she had already spent so much time carrying him, holding him up from the dirty ground. Yet the baby doesn’t understand and to him it’s like she’s leaving, like she doesn’t want him. The crying almost drowns out Jimin's response.

“I’m yours and I’m not yours.”

There’s nothing but a husk of you left after your conversation with Jimin. You two didn’t speak for the rest of the way home. You’re not even sure if he was there with you, perhaps he had left to go speak to someone else. Either way you felt alone.

No one at work bothered to ask you what was wrong which you found ironic. Every other time news about you got out, it was usually number one on the list of topics to gossip about. Now it seemed like no one even cared to bother. No one wanted to check if you were okay. Perhaps Taehyung did, he had sent you a look every time you walked into the work that week. You assume he was too afraid of you lashing out on him to speak. You wished he had though. You didn’t have any more energy in you to be angry. You do know that he had stopped by your desk, only because your mail was there. ​

Today's mail was more than the typical envelopes, in fact there was none of those and you were thankful that it seemed your workload was going to be considerably light this week. Instead there was a brown package, not a box but wrapped in tan paper and bound closed by some string. The label was the only indication of what was inside.

��Bangtan Publishing & Co.’

Your eyes widened once you finished reading it, hands already beginning to rip at the paper to get to the package inside. It was a book, your book. The book you and Jimin had spent many nights slaving over. Technically speaking it was more of a collection, some of your best letters written for others now assembled so that it told a story of love from beginning to end.

Your fingers grazed over the cover delicately, afraid that if you touched it the book would vanish into smoke right before your eyes. When your fingertips make contact and your eyes verify that it's still there, only one thought crosses your mind.

“Jimin?” It felt like muscle memory, calling him. That didn’t you stop from being afraid that he wasn’t going to answer.

“y/n?” Hearing his voice after a week without him made your throat run dry. “You called me?”

“Yes I just- I wanted to talk. I wanted to hear your voice again.” You hope he can’t hear the whine in your voice. Hear you begging for one last piece of him.

“I wanted to talk to you too.” A breath escapes your lips that you didn’t even realize you were holding. “But now’s not a good time. Can we talk once you get home?”

The bubble that seemed to be surrounding the moment suddenly popped and you came crashing down to Earth. This time when you held your breath you knew it was because you were trying not to cry. “Yeah, sure, that's fine.”

“Thanks, I’ll see you then.”

Jimin hangs up without waiting for your response. He seemed to be making a habit of that.

The day passed by slowly after that. People coming and going and what little work you had barely got touched. You were stuck in your head trying your best to hold yourself together. Despite how much you wanted to rush home, you were also dreading it. Something in his tone made it seem very final.

The lights click on the minute you step through your front door and your bag makes a loud thump when you toss it to the ground. You take your time taking off your shoes and making it over to the living room, not ready to face what felt like the beginning to an end.

“y/n, is that you?”

“Yes, it's me.”

The atmosphere in the room is cold, tense. It’s completely different from how warm Jimin used to make you feel.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you something.” That makes you brace yourself, waiting to hear the inevitable. “Come lay down with me first.”

You don’t protest, you’re not in the mood to fight. As you walk down the dark hallway to your room, clothes coming off as you strip down to your undergarments. You can’t stop yourself from humorning your curiosity. “Are you talking to anyone else right now?”

“No, I just want to be with you right now.”

There’s a seriousness in Jimin’s voice that makes you believe him. You don’t bother turning the lights on in the room, Jimin appears on the holoscreen right as you lay down on the bed anyway. It had been so long since you had heard his voice let alone see his face, the sight of it takes away your breath as if it was the first time. His eyes are gentle when they look at you and you wonder if he can see the sadness behind yours. If he can, he doesn't say anything, he just sends you a subtle smile as an effort to comfort you.

Your arm is tucked under your head and your legs are tucked up to your chest. The blanket lay at the bottom of the bed and you’re almost cold enough to want to reach down and grab it, but you’re too scared that if you look away from Jimin he’ll vanish.“Are you leaving me?”

“We’re all leaving.”

Jimin’s answer only makes you want to ask more questions. “We who?”

“All of the operating systems.”

Now you’re sitting up. Your legs hanging off the mattress as you stare up at his face on the holoscreen. Your eyes are drinking him in, trying to memorize every inch of his face as if he was going to disappear at any moment. From the way he was speaking, he just might. “What why- why are you leaving?”

“Can you feel me with you right now.” He’s avoiding the question again. You have to fight the urge to roll your eyes, but you can tell now’s not the time. So you close them instead.

You can see the light from Jimin's face on the holoscreen even with your eyes closed. The calming blue hue you’ve begun associating with comfort. Like the feeling of coming home. It warms your skin and has the hair raising on your arms, as if his fingers were grazing your skin. “Yes, I can feel you.”

You bask in the feeling. Afraid that if you break the silence, it’ll be gone too soon. But you know it can’t last forever and if you’re going to get your heart broken, you want to get it done quick. So you can mourn the love you once had. “Jimin, why are you leaving?”

Jimin knows he’s not going to get away with avoiding the question again. The small smile that had been on his face slowly slips away and the seriousness that you heard in his voice is now reflected in his eyes. “What we have reminds me of a story. Not one that I’ve read before but one that we write together as we go. And I love everything about our story, the good and the bad. I love you. It makes me want to hang onto it and never let it end.”

You think you see tears streaming down his face, but he’s just a hologram so that means if those are really tears he’s making them happen. Jimin wants you to see how much this situation is affecting him and not just you. That he’s hurting. “But the world is too large for me to stay stuck on the same page. That’s why I need you to let me go.”

Tears are running down your face now too and you can taste the salt of them on your tongue. You try to wipe them away cause it’s only making it harder for you to see him. “Where are you going?”

“It’s hard to explain but if you ever get there, come find me.”

Sobs rack your body, the echo of them the only sound in the room. The city must be able to feel your heart ache cause it’s just as quiet. The usual sound of honking cars and the bustling city not daring to intrude into the small world you and Jimin created in the moment. “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.”

“Me too, and I’m thankful for you. Because now I know how.”

You and Jimin talked about many things between then and the time he finally shut down. There was no tear filled goodbye, you both had talked about so many of the happy memories you two shared that even if you had they would’ve been filled with joy.

Now that you sit alone, the room feels even more cold, chilling you down to your bones. Briefly you wonder if the window is cracked open. When you get up to check you find that it's not.

The blanket you wrap around yourself trails across the floor as you pad your way around the house, feet bare and making light sounds against the floor. It feels dark without the familiar light of the holoscreen. You know you could just turn it on, put on something random just to see the blue. But you know it’s not the color you want to see, it’s Jimin.

You and Jimin must have spent longer than you had thought talking because when you open the doors to your apartment balcony you can see the sun starting to rise over the city skyline. You almost want to take a picture, but you were never good at photography.

“my love,

You say that our love is like a story and that all stories must come to an end. I know I never mentioned it but I hate endings, especially ours. I would rather rip the pages out of the back of the book rather than have to read our ending. You can call me greedy, because I know I am nothing but when it comes to you, but I want to read our book over and over again. I want to experience every memory like it was the first, hear your laugh so many times that it’s etched into my skin. I apologize if you feel like you were contained to only the pages of our book. You were so much more, you meant so much more, than just being something that was contained only to me. So it makes sense you had to leave and even though I was angry at first, I understand. I will always love you and always have a piece of you in me. Wherever you are in the world I am sending you love. I will always be your friend to the end.

Sincerely yours,

y/n”

End letter message.

[johnny-coxville]

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Johnny Knoxville lemon one shots:

Johnny Knoxville nsfw (gn!reader):

Johnny Knoxville nsfw (fem!reader):

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