#speech day five

[simandy]

Shout out to me in my sideblog bc I'm 200% smarter there and i accidentally said something so cool in a reblog now people are quoting me in the tags of said post

[queenaeducan]

I heard myself stutter at work today and I was like "omg just like Ian" and I felt so special

[el-yon]

I do love nothing in the world

so well as you (is not that strange?)

Much Ado About Nothing

[dragonfollies]

Work in progress (?) of a short Fionna animation.

[acourtofquestions]

Kingdom of Ash Chapter 51

He didn't care, didn't marvel that he was soon to be airborne on one of those incredible beasts. Didn't care that tomorrow, they would all take on the dark army gathered beyond.

He'd fought in more battles, more wars, than he cared to remember. Tomorrow would be little different, save for the demons they'd slay, rather than men or Fae.

Demons like his former queen, apparently.

He had offered himself to her, had wanted her, or believed he did. And she had laughed at him. He didn't know what it meant. About her, about himself.

He'd thought his darkness, Hellas's gifts, had been drawn to her, that they'd been matched.

Perhaps the dark god had wanted him not to swear fealty to Maeve, but to kill her. To get close enough to do so.

Lorcan didn't adjust his cape against the gust of frigid air off the distant lake. Rather, he leaned into the cold, into the ice on the wind. As if it might rip away the truth.

There was no fear or pity on her face, her black hair gilded by the torches and campfires. Of all of them, she'd mastered the news with little difficulty, stepping up to the desk as if she'd been born on a battlefield.

"I didn't know," he said, voice strained.

Elide knew what he meant. "We have bigger things to worry about anyway."

He took a step toward her. "I didn't know," he said again.

She tipped her head back to study his face and pursed her mouth, a muscle ticking in her jaw. "Do you want me to give you some sort of absolution for it?"

"I served her for nearly five hundred years. Five hundred years, and I just thought her to be immortal and cold."

"That sounds like the definition of a Valg to me."

He bared his teeth. "You live for eons and see what it does to you, Lady."

"I don't see why you're so shocked. Even with her being immortal and cold, you loved her. You must have accepted those traits. What difference does it make what we call her, then?"

"I didn't love her."

"You certainly acted like you did."

Lorcan snarled, "Why is that the point you keep returning to, Elide? Why is it the one thing you cannot let go of?"

"Because I'm trying to understand. How you could come to love a monster."

"Why?" He pushed into her space. She didn't balk one step.

Indeed, her eyes were blazing as she hissed, "Because it will help me understand how I did the same."

Her voice snagged on the last words, and Lorcan stilled as they settled into them. He'd never ... he'd never had anyone who-

"Is it a sickness?" she demanded. "Is it something broken within you?"

"Elide." Her name was a rasp on his lips. Lorcan dared reach a hand for her. But she pulled out of reach. "If you think that because you swore the blood oath to Aelin, it means anything for you and me, you're sorely mistaken. You're immortal-I'm human. Let us not forget that little fact, either."

Lorcan nearly recoiled at the words, their horrible truth. He was five hundred years old He should walk away—he shouldn't be so damned bothered by any of this. And yet Lorcan snarled, "You're jealous. That's what truly eats away at you."

Elide barked a laugh that he'd never heard before, cruel and sharp. "Jealous? Jealous of what? That demon you served?" She squared her shoulders, a wave cresting before it smashed into the shore. "The only thing that I am jealous of, Lorcan, is that she is rid of you."

Lorcan hated that the words landed like a blow. That he had no defenses left where she was concerned. "I'm sorry," he said. "For all of it, Elide." There, he'd said it, and laid it out before her. "I'm sorry," he repeated.

But Elide's face did not warm. "I don't care," she said, turning on her heel. "And I don't care if you walk off that battlefield tomorrow.

"I have never heard Lorcan apologize for anything. Even when Maeve whipped him for a mistake, he did not apologize to her."

"And that means he earns my forgiveness?"

"No. But you have to realize that he swore the blood oath to Aelin for you. For no one else. So he could remain near you. Even knowing well enough that you will have a mortal lifespan."

The birds shifted on their feet, rustling their wings in anticipation of flight. She knew. Had known it the moment he'd knelt before Aelin. Weeks later, Elide hadn't known what to do with it, the knowledge that Lorcan had done this for her. The longing to talk to him, to work with him as they had. She'd hated herself for it. For not trying to hold on to her anger longer.

It was why she'd gone after him tonight.

Not to punish him, but herself. To remind herself of who he'd sold their queen to, how profoundly mistaken she had been.

And her parting line to him ... it was a lie.

A disgusting, hateful lie.

Elide turned to Gavriel again. "I don't—" The Lion was gone. And for the cold flight over the army, then over the sea of darkness spread between it and the ancient city, even that wise voice who had whispered for the entirety of her life had gone quiet.

[tenma-tsukasa-official]

Unfortunately, no dad jokes last night.

But I convinced another fairy that I’m crazy, so :D (if you’re wondering, over the course of rehearsal (where I wasn’t backstage/onstage at least an hour and 50 minutes) I read this long book, and I got to page 200 by the end of rehearsal)

Reading that fast isn't normal?

[strangeauthor]

so uh...that dog i mentioned this morning that animal control got? well theres a high possibility that it was someone's lost pet

because in uber i drove past a lost dog poster...and it looked exactly like the dog that came at my job

hopefully he's chipped and he gets reunited cause im now feeling like

[manawari]

TODAY'S MOOD

and that's probably me for this coming weekends and weekdays—

[loverscrossmp3]

it is true what they say that online courses are what will cause society to eventually collapse

[monster-noises]

I am starting to realize a big part of the issues i have hitting it off with folks, especially in the context of meeting people through dating apps but also in general, is like... A mismatch of energy?

Not like.. people only responding with one or two word answers (though I have had this with folks, and it's Annoying but it's its own thing) but as in like..

We are both interested in the same topics in similar ways and should by all accounts get along swimmglingly but my baseline conversational energy is like Up Here and theirs is like down here if that makes even a Lick of sense?

And it's not a bad thing, I'm not trying to Rag on anyone i've ever talked to.. As a whole they've been pretty cool! But things always seem to wither out and disappear so quickly... even when the conversations been Sound, Pleseant, and usually pretty general. it's not being Bad At Conversation... I am just Very Enthusiastic All The Time Always, and most other folks Aren't,,,, apparently.

This could entirely be an issue with my Perception. Like i'll fully accept i'm prone to interacting with strangers starting from a space of 'doesn't care for me' instead of 'neutral' or even, dare i say it; 'interested' but I think the contrasting experience of people I Have hit off with, few as they are, where the strongest factors in those conversations is a shared level of enthusiasm makes me believe that it's Not Just A Self Perception Issue (though yeah yeah I shoud also work on that probably hush up i know)

Dunno what to do with this thought really, not much to be done about it, it's just a compatability thing I guess.. lotta people out there i could make good, reasonably, close acquaintances/friends with if we hadn't met under the pretext of realtionship-seeking, very few I vibe with on the level I am hoping for in a partner...

[calandrinon]

All you Gilgidu shippers are completely valid but I for one have my fingers crossed for better Siduri representation

Big day for the EoG fandom

[iamnotlookingidonotseeit]

somehow as a person obsessed with words I have not ended up in a job that requires me to do anything I like doing with them. love words. would love to write not inspid ones again someday

[oysterie]

i love how easy it is to make up stuff for homework

[dc-comics-enjoyer]

Whenever the Bats would complain about any of their tech malfunctioning, Bruce would definitely be the type of dad to go "Back in the days, I didn't even have that" (and of course he overdoes it) :

Dick : This grappling gun's jammed again !

Bruce : Be grateful. I used to scale buildings by hand with a hook and rope.

Dick : Yeah, yeah.

---

Tim : The encryption program is too slow to crack this file.

Bruce : I cracked codes with a pencil, paper, and a lot of staring.

Tim : [rolls his eyes]

---

Jason : The comms in my helmet cut out mid-fight. How am I supposed to fucking coordinate with the other dickwads ?!

Bruce : When I started, I had no comms. Hand signals and pigeons were my options.

Jason : ... Pigeons ?

Bruce : Yeah, now quit whining.

---

Damian : Father ! My sword tracker isn’t syncing properly !

Bruce : Know what I used to do when I lost track of my gear on the field ? I used this thing called "my eyes" to find it. Maybe try that.

---

Barbara : The Batcomputer is practically prehistoric at this point. Maybe it’s time to invest in an upgrade.

Bruce : Prehistoric ? I started with a notebook and an encyclopedia. Plus, I had to cross-reference everything manually. How’s that for prehistoric ?

Barbara : Sure, Grandpa.

---

Cass : My night vision is acting up. Can you fix it ?

Bruce : When I first started, I had to rely on the moonlight. You’ve got infrared, thermal imaging, and sonar. Don’t take it for granted.

Cass : ...

Bruce : ... Fine, I’ll fix it.

---

In the group chat.

Tim : Just survived another sermon about the olden days and gratitude. I swear, I’ve got a migraine.

Steph : Yikes. What was it about this time ?

Jason : Let me guess. How he had to hack into systems using a pocket calculator and sheer willpower ?

Tim : Close. It was how he used to decode encrypted files by hand and climb five stories to cut the power while it rained.

Steph : Classic. Did he end with the “you don’t know how easy you have it” speech ?

Tim : Oh, absolutely. With a bonus lecture about how he built the Batcomputer.

Jason : Next time, just tell him you don’t care.

Tim : And risk another hour ? No thanks.

[smiletimeisrunningout]

"No, darling, I love to see others in relationship," she corrected him softly, because truly there was little she found more adorable than to see two people act the way her parents did. "But going fast, as fast as Mary? That's what terrifies me. My parents were impossibly lucky in that, but their first weeks together involved fighting for their lives, it's not easy to lie about your true self then. And when it comes to me... you know I trust people to be good, I'd trust friends with my life, but that... that kind of trust Mary has, giving her life to him, so sure he won't destroy it... I can only shudder. Because there are lovely marriages out there, but there are also the ones where I had to watch the wife's burial." Not as many in her kingdom, perhaps because women knew that their princess would directly act to protect them, and that had, at least for now, changed they way people approached marriage, but there had been enough that even now Emma could feel goosebumps. And some, some could not be stopped by any law.

"And yet you still…?"

Still what? She looked at him with genuine worry, because what else could he be asking, if not why then she didn't trust him.

"Do you realize how much you've helped me? Emma, these past few months..."

She shook her head, not really seeing the great 'help' she had supposedly brought, especially not now that she was clearly causing him distress. Whatever good she had done, she must have just ruined.

"the people in question just know."

She took a moment to swallow the pain his words caused, lowering her head and trying to let it go. "I don't... think my heart works like that anymore..." Emma whispered. Given the way she had approached her dalliance with Arian, expecting marriage and happiness despite him giving her all sorts of signs that he didn't like her, let alone love her, she had no doubt that if she had never met him she'd still be that naive - if not married yet, she'd have likely been trying to charm Ben with the intention of snatching him home. Now, however, she was on the opposite, extreme, side.

"But...you confess to it being the truth? You know my words to be true, and you understand there is reason to what I'm saying, so surely that means...? That perhaps one day...?"

She nodded at his first questions, she owed him the full truth, but stopped at his perhaps, because she could not give him false hope. Instinctively taking a step back when she saw him tensing up, she expected anger and then felt disappointed in herself for it, yet validated in her fear that she'd never stop reacting that way if even a man like Ben could scare her when simply discussing a hypothetical relationship.

"I'm not going anywhere. You may hate me and push me away if you so choose, but...I won't let you go through this alone. You don't have to be alone. Not anymore."

"I deserve to be alone," she replied simply, the one sentence that didn't have her voice shake with fear or pain. She was the cause of it, after all - but it did feel odd to be so brutally honest with him about that, when up until that day she had been relentlessly positive. Still, that was the truth. Ben hadn't spoken of wanting to be with her as a partner in life, so she couldn't exactly point out that she couldn't give him what he wanted, if no wanting had been outwardly expressed.

"You don't understand... with Arian... it was my fault too. I let him hurt me like this, if I saw a man act with another woman the way he did with me now, I'd beat him to a pulp. But I let him. And it wasn't even... it wasn't even that bad, I can assure you that," she shrugged helplessly, "It wasn't that bad and yet I fell apart. In ways I can't..." She couldn't tell him, could she? Her parents had never forced her to keep it a secret, but as much as being melancholic could suit a poet, a princess would be called crazy and the throne questioned. "I don't think I'll ever be able to even say the words a man should hear. I can't stop myself from waiting for pain either. If you..." she paused, and slowly tried again: "If you and I... if you and I tried... something like that... it doesn't matter how great I know you to be, the fear would come from me. And I wouldn't be able to control it, to tell myself you wouldn't hurt me. I'd still flinch. I'd still wait for it. And that's just... that's unfair. To you. Because you are..." she gestured at him and turned around to take a few steps and wipe her tears, "Look at you, you are the perfect man, and I'm the one who is broken, and it will not go away. He's in my head. He will always be in my head. Because I should have saved myself, at least, to be free, but I didn't, and I will always be the girl who couldn't."

The longer Emma spoke, the deeper the heartache that seared into her words, writhing and twisting like an unsettled snake. "I've just seen so much, Ben," she whimpered. "I know it looks like nothing has touched me, but the memories haunt me. I can't let them show on the outside, but at a time like this... I've seen too much, I think."

"It truly pains you? To see others...in any sort of relationship?" Benjamin pressed, struggling to understand. "But what about your parents? I know I've only just met them, but do they not prove true how love exists? That there can be and are positive, wonderful relationships to be had in this world?"

Emma spoke his name then, soft and distant, and with glassy tears in her eyes. Voice laced with sorrow, she explained, "It takes time to know someone. It takes seeing them the way I've seen you: happy, mad, sad, frustrated... I have no doubt that you'd treat a woman the way... any woman would want and deserve to be treated."

"And yet you still...?" Trailing off, Benjamin swallowed back the words, unsure if he could handle a candid answer -- or rather, unsure if he could comprehend the complete fear and revulsion and self-loathing. The way her body curled inward and she seemed physically repulsed by her own private horrors brought a strong ache to his throat, and on impulse, he reached up and took her face between his hands, gently stroking. "Do you realize how much you've helped me? Emma, these past few months..." He faltered again, the lump in his throat nearly strangling him. "Em, I do understand that some things take time, but then other times...well...the people in question just know. Their hearts can never be plainer than what they feel."

To his horror, the tears welled up in Emma's eyes and threatened to spill over. "I can't...trust when it comes to love. Trust a man like Mary does? When all that matters are feelings and I can forget all my worries? I can't... I can't not worry. I can't feel safe."

All at once, Benjamin dropped his hands from her face, fearing that his touch might have prompted such panic. As she continued onward in her confession, the painful throb in his heart spread, leaving him dizzy and winded as he struggled to absorb this new facet to her soul.

"I will always be afraid," she continued. "I'm too broken to be able to feel the truth in what you are saying, and as such I should not... be with a good man who is kind to me. Because I can never give him what he deserves. I hope you can see that now, before..."

Unbidden, Benjamin's heart leapt with hope, jangling about between his ribs. "But...you confess to it being the truth?" he prodded. "You know my words to be true, and you understand there is reason to what I'm saying, so surely that means...? That perhaps one day...?" Swallowing back the words, he yearned to reach for her again, but instead abruptly tamped back the urge, unwilling to corner her when she appeared so lost and forlorn. Shoulders tensing, he concluded, "I'm not going anywhere. You may hate me and push me away if you so choose, but...I won't let you go through this alone. You don't have to be alone. Not anymore."

[acourtofquestions]

The white wolf was watching her again.