#specifically the obtuse fucking asshole scene

[deathishauntedbyhumans]

thinking abt rwrb again. i wish alex had been allowed to be short. and angry.

[piperjistic]

Tear to Shreds: Kenji Kon

Okay so since it’s on my mind, Jurassic Park: Camp Cretaceous, I’m making it everyone’s problem.

Aight so Sammy, Darius, Yasmin, and Ben are the best characters. Fuck Kenji and Brooklyn. Brooklyn gets an excuse because she’s useful on occasion (If we ignore the sequel series but I digress). Kenji? Hell nah. But Kenji is deadass the worst character in the entire show. I want to box this man, I want him to shut the fuck up.

Okay rant part over. Logic now. Kengi comes from a very privileged background, rich (crime) dad with no mom. So daddy issues. I… Personally I’m over characters having daddy issues with how frequent it is but Darius sorta has them (Dad dies directly before the show but he moves forward), so I can let it slide. But Kenji is just the standard privilege lazy rich kid that learns humility, stops being a complete asshole, touch grass, and get actual friends.

However, over the course of the show… He only develops one of those. Can you guess which one it is that’s desperately needed in a survival situation?

If you guessed touch literal grass, you are correct and obtuse. If you guess developed friends, you are correct and no obtuse. Good job superstar- Anyway, through trauma-bonding and stuck on the island for months, they all become BFFs. Yet that doesn’t change him from being an asshole that doesn’t humble himself or touch grass.

He’s meant to be close Darius and be an deuteragonist with Brooklyn but… it just doesn’t work with his character. Fine, your father is a super blackmarket business boss, even having assets on said island or the nearby one. Fine, he left his son to die on that island. Fine, Kenji was probably raised by maids, left with no ambition except for attention starved and approval of his father. Fine. But this isn’t anything new or creative. This is old and literally every scenario of rich kid stereotype getting a reality check.

You know who was this type of character but better? Amity Blight. And yet she’s cute and goofy and loving and develop her own ambitions (winning the tournament like her father). Kenji isn’t and doesn’t. Shit, she doesn’t try to take control or pretend to be a leader when she’s out of her league. Kenji does.

He infuriates me whenever he’s on screen. Yeah, he chills out with the arrogance to an extent as time goes on, but he constantly tries to one up Darius or is portrayed better than him without doing the work. He does rightfully get mad when its either a laptop or his friend (crush), but said laptop contained important info on dinos that should be kept out of the mercenaries grasp. He gets mad at Darius, specifically saying “friends don’t trade friends for things”, as if Darius needed to learn that lesson and everyone else was on board with it. He does this the most with Darius but he acted as if he knew better with Yas when she had her injured foot which keeps her from running and walking. This would be a good way to deepen her character and give us more of her background- nope Kenji is assigned to her to remove rubble to rebuild camp. Oh, he doesn’t do what was asked of him, and forces Yas to rest. Yes, Yas needs to rest but she would feel a lot better if you did your portion of the work or something. But no, you’re lazy and “right” in the scenario.

It doesn’t help that the group is more pro-dino that everyone else and you just go along with it yet act pro-dino. It makes sense why Darius, Sammy, and Ben are super pro dino and actively help them, Yas and Brooklyn just so happen to help out of a indirect reason, while Kenji hangs in the back. Darius loves dinos to begin with and his dad love them to. Sammy is a sweet girl and apart of a family farm with animals. Ben has a pet dino so best way to keep Bumpy safe. Yas? She likes Sammy so cool, but also she’s the one throughout the show that has the least amount of scenes helping dinos I believe, I get it. She’s only there because of a sponsorship for her track career. Brooklyn loves conspiracy theories and discovering the truth, dinos are simply the surface of it and find them cool so will help out. Kenji…. Kenji just goes along with it. Not a single interest and only tie is crime father. You can’t be for dinos while not actually for them. I can excuse Bumpy for being the group pet but outside of that, nothing.

The only progress besides chilling out and the plot with his father coming to the island is Brooklyn becoming his girlfriend. Yet that almost withers away expeditiously because his father is trying to separate him from his friends. Cool manipulation tactic bro but it undermines the relationship building they just got finished with. It’s fine if the relationship doesn’t work in the future, like the sequel series (Kenji tried tho I’ll give him that), but it literally just started at that point. Muhahaha I will sabotage their date so he can hang with me and my investors. Smh. This is why I stick with Sammy & Yas together, only lesbians can get it right.

Oh, and I hate his design, from clothes to body. His shoulders are too broad and look un-proportional to his body. He doesn’t do sports or anything, there’s no reason for them to look pronounced. I think they were trying to go for a jock look yet it wasn’t fitting at all. His clothes are generic for a rich kid and the only “personal touch” are two white lines at where the sleeves start which brings even more attention to how he’s built wrong. Ew.

The more I write, the more I think Kenji was their favorite character that had to have plot relevance about crime dad. It continues in the sequel series as Brooklyn before being presumed dead ended up linking money from his dad to get dino info. They go to the dad to figure out what’s going on, one last manipulation attempt then “oh I cared about you, I’ll sacrifice for you” moment. They get a lead and move on. Kenji then proceeds to get on Darius’ case about how “if you loved her so much why we’re you there”, like what the fuck??? Using that against him when you know he still isn’t over it. Darius sent hundreds of voicemails to her phone after her death as a way to be in denial and connect with her. And you say that shit afterwards, guilt tripping him further???? I, I want him to get fed to those raptors chasing them. Fucking hell.

Sorry if this is incoherent but I need to grip my teeth into paper and tear that shit up into shreds. It gives me the satisfaction that this will be the closest I get to do in real life. 😌 There’s another season to go so please let him get his ass beat and actual humility. 👏🏼

[piningeddiediaz]

Top 5 Henry/Alex moments?

(Also, love how Henry's romantic ass finally has someone to live out all of it lol)

oh boy i’m about to write a thesis. buckle up bestie! (p.s. this is all moments they have together because if I include their emails then we’re going to be here all day) 

1. OBTUSE FUCKING ASSHOLE

ok first of all - i’m a simple woman okay? you give me grand love declarations during a heated shouting match in the pouring rain, and i am going to be all over that. i grew up watching bollywood, this right here is the most romantic thing that could ever happen to me. but aside from all that - obtuse fucking asshole is the single best insult i’ve ever heard. i love it so much omds (i still have *ahem* someone who shall not be named saved as obtuse fucking asshole cos im petty like that). i could go into a full literary analysis on why i love this so much but honestly the main reason is that alex is exactly my brand of drama queen this entire thing right here is definitely something i would do so i feel less insane seeing him do it 😅

2. this. do i even need to explain this.

3. Alex’s oh moment 

I just really really love oh moments. and I mean. Alex, honey. you’re not kidding anyone except yourself here.

4. the entirety of the v&a scene but specifically this:

and well. I've always been a bit of a nerd, and I've met a lot of people who either straight up laugh at that part of me or at most put up with it in an endearing, charmed way but ultimately think it’s stupid and childish. so seeing henry have those same insecurities but be loved because of them rather than despite them - it’s pretty fucking amazing to see. 

5. one of their earlier moments 

because... well. alex is someone who puts a lot of pressure on himself to be the best. he understands that all eyes are on him for more than one reason, understands that he needs those eyes can’t see him be anything less than absolutely fucking extraordinary if he wants to make it. and so, that’s what he does. he keeps piling things on himself because everything he does has to be great. and in return, that’s what people expect from him. but the thing is, the expectation of greatness brings so much exhaustion with it. he chose it, sure, but henry acknowledging that it is enough for him to simply try even if he doesn’t succeed is significant for alex because it is one of the first instances when he is treated as just like. a normal person. a normal guy without the crushing weight of expectations on his shoulders. 

[grasslandgirl]

im distracting myself from the impending doom of a six month hiatus and everything that... happened in MAG160 by thinking about all the Wonderful possibilities for jonmartin dynamics post-159 because I’m a sucker for pining and minor miscommunications and dumb fanfic tropes and I’m dragging all of you along on this ride with me!

1) They’re Both Just Chill: there’s no miscommunications, no misunderstandings. despite what peter said about them not knowing each other super well (and maybe he raised some valid points, despite being an asshole) they DO know each other well enough and had a deep enough connection during the look at me/ i see you, jon scene that they both just (for lack of a better word) Know. they look into each other’s eyes in the middle of the Lonely and they see the love there, and the hurt and the pain and the anger and everything, but they do see the love. and they recognize that, oh, we’ve been so dumb this entire time. and there’s no big Talk, no awkward stumbling around the question, they just move forward from jon and martin to jon-and-martin because they’ve wasted enough time already, haven’t they? they can’t afford to waste any more time at this point, and hey. they kind of have bigger problems going on, right?

2) I Really Loved You, You Know: ok so this one i’ve seen in quite a few fanfics and speculative posts about this one, and jon misconstruing how martin uses the past tense when talking to him in the Lonely, and can i just say....... it’s very good. you have jon, who’s been desperately trying to reconnect with people, especially martin, this entire season, who dives headfirst into the Lonely after him, and maybe he heard martin’s tape with elias from the end of s3, maybe he knows about martin’s feelings for him, maybe he at least suspects, and maybe he doesn’t; but the point of the matter is that he goes into the Lonely after martin because jon’s in love with him and i think we can mostly all agree that at least by MAG159 (and we can argue about WHEN he realizes it, later) jon is aware of his own feelings for martin. but he follows the man he loves, and he finds him, and he’s begging him to follow him out of the lonely, to come with him, and martin tells him that he loved him. really loved him. loved him, as in past tense. which, like, if you think about it? that’s SO heartbreaking. but jon keeps after him ANYWAY, and he breaks martin out of the Lonely’s grasp and they walk out side by side and then you’re left with jon, who is terrified on SO many different levels, and thinks that he failed, again. that he was too late with martin, too late to be his friend, too late to save him from Peter, and too late to love him, and he saved him, he did it, but it’s still heartbreaking, right? and juxtapose that with martin, who’s just been literally pulled out of his own loneliness by the man he’s been in love with for three years, and he told him he LOVED him and jon Didn’t Respond. and like? all the hurt and the pining and the trying to take care of each other despite everything and despite your own hurt that can happen there? SUPER good

3) Clueless Jon Doesn’t Know He Has A Boyfriend: this one kind of crosses over with #2 but it’s a little lighter and a little more fun. essentially you have martin, who says he loves jon and assumes jon heard his tape with elias where he outed martin entirely and sees jon come into the lonely to save him and hugs jon while crying when he comes to his senses and walks out of the lonely hand in hand with jon and thinks, quite reasonably, that ok, they’re dating now. and you have martin “caretaker” blackwood who’s worrying over jon and taking care of him and letting jon take care of him, and making him eat and they do all this vaguely date-y stuff because the world is kind of maybe ending, but hey! martin’s in love and hes going to enjoy it goddamnit. but then one day our beloved archivist, jon “emotionally obtuse” sims, has nearly a breakdown and he starts rambling on about how he’s in love with martin and he’s sorry and he wants there to be something between them and how he doesn’t want to change anything and this is terrible timing and he doesn’t even Know if martin feels the same way but he needed to get this off his chest etc etc etc and martin’s just like “i thought. i thought we were ALREADY dating.” which is.... hysterical if you ask me

4) Jonathan “Fuck The Lonely” Sims: kind of the opposite of the last two, in which jon is LESS of a moron than anyone expected! jon “the archivist” sims actually... thinks! he listens to the tape of elias and martin from MAG118 and reevaluates every interaction he ever had w martin after he wakes up from his coma and realizes that martin’s in love with him, and not only that, but HE’S in love with MARTIN, but has no way of communicating that to him until 154 and that whole conversation is just jon trying (and failing) to say “i love you. i love you and i know you love me and lets just say fuck this place and go. please lets just go the two of us, say you’ll come with me. i love you.” and martin. doesn’t understand. but then 159 happens and jon follows and they have That Moment and jon thinks that Finally they’re on the same page and meanwhile you have martin, who’s PEAK in his pining time, fresh out of a good year of self isolation and pure loneliness and needs a while to pull away from Forsaken and thinks that he’s alone in his pining after jon, because jon never said anything about the tape with elias, or martin saying he loved him in the lonely, and is completely clueless to the fact that jon thinks theyre straight up dating and are just taking it Slow. and then one day jon is like “hey ready for our date later” (they had dinner plans or smth but this is the first time he outrightly calls it a Date) or he kisses martin briefly on the forehead or cheek or smth and martin is like “WHAT IS GOING ON” and jon is just. baffled cause he’s not used to being the oblivious one in the relationship

5) Just Full On Pining Hours: theres some crossover here with both #2 and #4, but specifically this one is where BOTH jon and martin are full on in love and are idiots and think that the other person Doesn’t Love Them Back :( possibly featuring: jon focusing on the past tense of “i really lovED you, you know,” martin comparing jon going into the lonely to save him to jon going into the buried to save daisy/ cutting the bullet out of her leg to save melanie from the slaughter, jon being dumb and thinking all the statements he’s heard about martin’s “feelings” are elaborations/inaccurate/only in the past/etc, martin being so stuck in the lonely he pulls away from jon on instinct, jon caught up on what peter said about them not really knowing each other and MAD second guessing himself and questioning what his feelings for martin are really based on, both martin and jon throwing themselves MAJOR pity parties about falling to the power of the eye/the lonely respectively, jon going into “im a monster and im the worst and ive lost my humanity” mode and thinking he’s not Worthy of being with martin in the first place, martin being haunted by his time with peter and the lonely and keep falling back into the habit of pushing people (jon) away “for their own good,” etc etc etc etc! just a lot of sad pining hours bc these guys have been through a LOT and it’s hard to just drop straight into a healthy relationship (or Any relationship) when there’s so much baggage and history there in between

6) Run Away With Me, by Carly Rae Jepsen: I said what I said. i want them to be happy and so what if they run away and blind themselves and leave the archives and live in some house in another continent and never think about any of the entities again? i get to make the rules, its my fantasy au world and jonny can’t do anything to hurt them here

[mentallydatingahotcelebrity]

I Couldn’t Think of A Title But This is a Rant About Ragnarok

I was trying not write write another long-winded spiel about Thor: Ragnarok. There are just SO MANY FLAWS with the film that I find it hard to touch on one specific subject without thinking about 3 other subtopics that relate to the discussion.

Buuuuuuuut. . .

I had to crack my knuckles and pull up my keyboard once more because I keep seeing people go on this “If only Ragnarok had gone such-and-suchly” route. And the way it should have gone, according to many, is still not how it should have gone (even if these ideas are better than how it did go).

First of all, when people say Ragnarok should’ve been “different” they usually shell out some form of this:

1. Thor learns Odin is a despicable asshole

2. Thor discovers Asgard’s terrible past in colonization and decimation of other nations and becomes ashamed of his realm

3. Thor unites with Loki to combat what’s wrong with Asgard’s political views, etc.

NO

NO NO NO

PLEASE, CAN WE CEASE WITH THIS COLONIZATION BUSINESS?!?!?!

I know it’s important--I’m not trying to say it isn’t--but for this film it is a FICTION created by an idiot who didn’t bother to invest time in the source material.

Thor already knew that Odin had conquered realms. That his grandfather had conquered realms. This isn’t news to him whatsoever. We LITERALLY got a prologue in the very first film featuring him and Odin and Loki discussing conquering. AND THEN ANOTHER in The Dark World.

Thor knew that bad things had happened, that all of Asgard wasn’t holy, pure, and good. That Odin was flawed. He REALIZED THIS at the end of his first film and in the middle of his second film.

OR HAVE YOU ALL FORGOTTEN THIS SCENE:

"If and when he [Malekith] comes, his men will fall on ten thousand Asgardian blades." "And how many of our men will fall on theirs?" "As many as are needed! We will fight! To the last Asgardian breath, to the last drop of Asgardian blood."

-- Odin and Thor, Thor: The Dark World

If you watch closely, (unfortunately I have no pictures) Thor stares at Odin with a look that is one of dismay and disappointment as his father walks away. In that moment Thor understands how much Odin is blinded by prejudices, and illusions of things that will not work anymore; that are archaic in their mode and frail in their means. As frail as the old man he suddenly understands his father has become. And then suddenly, Thor--faithful, dog-loyal Thor, who respected Odin so highly and sought in the first film to “make you proud, father”, understands that he can no longer make his father proud and do what he knows is the true right thing to do. It’s subtle, almost entirely beneath the surface-- Expressed through only a single facial movement and an air of disappointed shame which is quickly segued into the cutscenes of Thor following through on his own plan and recruiting Loki, who he now understands is right--at least about Odin’s failures as king.

THIS IS CINEMATIC POETRY AT ITS FINEST.

Thor goes to Odin to petition him to let him find a safe way to end Malekith’s plan, only to discover that Odin is narrow-minded, obtuse; refusing to alter his views or even really LISTEN to Thor. Thor is awakened to the realization that this isn’t what a good king does-- and I think that’s why he turns down the throne at the end when Loki-guised-as-Odin offers it to him.

Thor’s seen Odin for who he really is, what he became. He does not want to be that, so he goes off--Hoping to see more of the realms and to gain a better understanding of them.

“There are Nine Realms. The future king of Asgard must focus on more than one.”

-- Lady Sif

We don’t need some big moment (a waste of footage) where Thor confronts Odin about these errors. We don’t need Thor to say “We colonized and this is bad and I’m going to change it and be a better king” because that’s extra and doesn’t add to the character or the fictional sci/fi-fantasy universe he lives in. It’s literally just a waste and pandering to a bunch of ridiculous themes in our own universe that we really shouldn’t be impressing into Thor’s.

No, I’m going to mention something that in the hype of Ragnarok everyone seems to have misplaced:

THERE WAS A KING BEFORE ODIN.

HIS NAME WAS BOR

AND HE’S THE ONE WHO BUILT ASGARD.

I am so mentally exhausted with all of this “Odin built Asgard on the backs of slaves and brutally colonized scores of planets in the Nine! HE IS EVIL, EVIL! BAAAAAD!!!!!”

NO!

shhh ShhHHH SHHHH!

STOP IT.

It’s farcical lies. All of it. Just kill that ideology now.

Odin did not build Asgard. Like Thor, he inherited it. Premade. Already golden.

Because King Bor did all of that.

The only reason we’re thinking anything else is because we had a clown in a pineapple onesie fuck with the Order of Things and Not Pay Attention to Past Source Material. Taika literally ran over the fact that there was a monarch before Odin, that Odin isn’t creator of Asgard. Hell, did he even read the origin myths for Asgard!?!?!?

It goes:

Ymir the giant. From him came Buri, from Buri came Bor and from Bor came three sons: Odin, Vili, and Ve (in what birth order we know not).

King Bor built Asgard; built it up as the highest realm (highest as in = most glorious of them all), and THEN went out realm-conquering or whatever. Mostly he just stopped the giants from killing a lot of people and stopped other races from killing one another--however he also got into a fight with Vanaheim, which makes me think that Odin and Frigga were an alliance through marriage (given that Frigga is Vanir).

I really would like to know where the slaves came from, Taika. I really would.

Because:

Vanaheim was equal to Asgard (though the two realms did have a lot of quarrels, they never took one another as slaves, at least in the mythos).

Nornheim only has the 3 Norn sisters living in it protecting the Well of Urd.

Niffelheim is cold and dark and icy and barren; the realm before Helheim.

Helheim is the land of the dead and those who go there (usually) are never to return.

Jotunheim is the land of Frost Giants; and while Odin might have subdued them to keep them from destroying other realms like how the Allies stopped Hitler from destroying other countries), he certainly DIDN’T make them his slaves.

Muspelheim (as we saw) is full of fire-demons and Sutur to rule them.

Midgard was left entirely to its own devices after a few decades of visiting, we can plainly see. Not to mention that Asgardians seem to consider them “weak” and “puny” so they wouldn’t be used as slaves, since the composition of Asgardian matter is probably substantially different compared to Midgardian matter (especially given how Thor and Loki could just rip through Midgardian objects like paper in Avengers: Assemble).

Alfheim is the realm of the Light Elves and ain’t none of them gonna be taken as slaves. They practice M A G I C for crying out loud!

Svartalfheim is the only one that I could maybe probably see as being slave-material, but they got this insane idea to wipe out all of the light in all of the Realms so Bor Odin’s dad if you forgot had to destroy them.

Not for any reason to do with superiority, BUT BECAUSE THEY WERE TRYING TO DESTROY ALL THE REALMS!!!

If you notice a pattern here:

Someone tries to meddle in the affairs of the realms to a harmful extent. Asgard heaves a great heaping sigh and steps in, defeats the threat, and retires to their golden city.

NOWHERE IS THERE COLONIZATION AND INVASION.

The Dark Elves LITERALLY tried to make the light go away.

The Frost Giants LITERALLY tried to wipe out all of Midgard.

Bor (then Odin with the Jotuns) stepped in to protect other realms. Either realms that were weak or realms that simply weren’t aware of the problem (because why cause a panic when you can just deal with the problem? *looking at you, Dark Elves*).

To sum up:

I’ve done the research and nowhere do I see slaves.

Thanks, Taika.

I mean, yes, I’m sure there were slaves somewhere in the Nine Realms, I’m sure it happened. But I think that with all of these realms, with thousands of planets in each realm, and so many of them being “advanced” that the idea of slavery would be mentally slow to them. And of the few planets that were in that number that used slaves, Asgard would certainly not be counted.

Because why the actual solitary hell do we have to have every single fucking universe in fiction be slave-holding? God, that really makes Americans sound like butthurt assholes. I know it’s supposed to be some sort of allegorical symbolism and warnings to not let that stuff happen again and other epicness, but if they really wanted to do that

WE HAD BLOODY SAKAAR TO PUSH THAT MESSAGE.

THERE WAS EVEN AN EGOTISTICAL AMERICAN ACTOR PLAYING THE LEADER OF THAT PLANET.

AND TAIKA MISSED THIS.

Of course he couldn’t make Sakaar unique, no. (What, are you dull? The man has zero imagination!) Waititi had to go and poison Asgardian history with slavery and colonization yada, yada, yada *vomits*. Because he has no imagination and no idea how to write fantasy worlds. Which is clearly defined in his total lack of understanding and ability to embrace the fictional world of Thor.

Waititi couldn’t ever allow himself to really get a good grasp on the universe of Nine Realms, so he made it into a farce. He couldn’t put faith in fantasy so he destroyed it with a blowtorch and kitschy 70s/80s sets that were really garbage bins in disguise. Because he can find a foothold in bad comedy more readily than he can catch on to high-fantasy.

We already know that Asgard has problems. We didn’t need Taika to make that more obvious. It would’ve been nice that instead of saying “oh, heey, lookie, more problems than you thought initially!” he brought SOMETHING NEW to the scene.

Something with substance.

Colonization is nice and all, and a strong allegorical message, surely, but Asgard was doing just fine being bad without that idiotical and unnecessary leap. Thor was feeling like shit about Odin’s kingly choices In The Past without needing to “discover” what he already knew lmao this underworld side of the realm.

It was dramatic enough that Hela is really the first-born in line for the throne. We didn’t need any of that realm-conquering/executioner horseshit to fog up the fishtank.

In all honesty I would’ve loved to learn that Loki was Hela’s son with Laufey but was unsatisfactory so she tried to sacrifice him for more power over killing things but Odin came in, put a stop to the Power Couple of Death and Destruction and saved his grandson, thus giving more validation to the line “your birthright was to die!”

Anyway, I’m out. Most likely to go puke because I’m so very ill and then come back and cringe at this insanely plot-holey post.