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sparkle-twink · 2 years ago

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The Song of Battles Lost and Won

Everything's going well and Saizo is on his way back to Yukimura. But when does anything ever go to plan?

Blood sprays the ground beneath my feet, the thud of another body hitting the forest floor the drumbeat to my horrible symphony.

The tingle at the back of my neck, the sing of blades through air, the gurgle of wounds spilling their precious lifeblood to the dirt.

This was my soundtrack as I ran back toward the battlefield.

Jinpachi and Sasuke had already disappeared on their own way; our work was done, the battle was in its final throes.

The castle looms before me, and with the leader of the ambush that targeted the Sanada's main forces just another stain on my blade, the pincer of Sanada and Takeda both had nothing left to stop it.

I emerge from the cover of the trees, slashing open another throat before its owner even realises I'm beside him.

And my navigation was perfect. Just a little way ahead, there was a flash of red atop a rearing mare.

"We have them…!! Fight to your last!”

Yukimura rallies his men with a fierce shout, his great spear in the air for a moment before it is once again brought down upon the next fool to challenge him in the height of his bloodlust.

"Sanada! I'll have your hea-aah!!”

"Hah! You'll have to do better than that if you want it!” His enemy falls to the ground, crushed beneath the hooves of his mare as he powers on.

I pick through the enemy behind him, finishing fight after fight with men too caught up in their own battles to notice my presence.

Praise falls on my ears from grateful retainers, exhaustion clear in their voices, but I am only here for one man, and as I fight my way back to his side, he finally turns to see me amongst the carnage.

"Saizo…!" Yukimura's face lights up, the blood splattering it an uncanny contrast to his sunny grin.

I look up at him, my eyes narrowing for a fraction of a second in answer to the warmth his smile puts in my chest.

Though barely a beat in my dark symphony passes, time seems to still as I feel unease itch in the back of my mind and see Yukimura's eyes flick behind me, widening minutely.

I've turned before I've even considered the source of my discomfort, grip tightening on my blade and my muscles tensing for a movement they never get to make.

The flare of red I chased down to get here flashes across my vision, Yukimura's body flying from his horse to jump in front of me the last thing I see before the unmistakable whistle of an arrow stops suddenly and my oldest companion collapses to the ground, rolling a few times before he stops in a plume of dust, curled up on his side and clutching his chest.

Everything disappears around me. The battlefield falls away from my consciousness as I dive forward, already ripping the fabric from my belt to stop the blood seeping through his fingers.

"Yukimura."

"Nngh… Are you… hurt… Saizo…?” he manages to mumble on ragged breaths.

"Shh…" Rolling him onto his back, I take hold of the arrow lodged just beneath his ribs, pressing my fingers to his lips until I feel him take the pill I offer onto his tongue. "Hold onto me."

He swallows, whimpering quietly before he breathes out and grips my free arm. "Saizo…"

I give him an extra moment for the analgesic to kick in, though my pulse is racing and adrenaline begging me to rush through my treatment. "Why did you do that, little lord?" I murmur to him, watching his breathing start to steady. "I'm here to protect you, you know."

"I know…" he whispers. "But-aaghh!!"

I use his distraction to yank the arrow out, more careful than I've ever been of anything not to twist.

His lungs are still strong. No puncture. Thank the gods.

Tears come to his eyes before I even toss the cursed arrow away, his palms twitching to cling to the wound again even as I wrap it, so tightly I'm sure I hear his ribs creak.

"Saizo… nnngh… Saizo, it hurts…"

"You're just a little dumb aren't you." I whisper to him as I run a hand under his back.

He's heavy, but I barely feel it as I lift him over my shoulders and sprint off to safety.

Deep into the forest, my horse running behind us, I stop and lay Yukimura down into soft grass, pulling out all the medical supplies I carry with me. Even if I don't have the tools to check for splinters in the wound, I can stop the bleeding, prevent infection, and get him back to camp.

"Saizo…" Yukimura's voice is weak when he calls for me. "I'm sorry… I…"

I cast him a quick glance, my eyes hovering on his for a split second when I see the sorrow in his gaze as he watches me.

"I… I just didn't want… I couldn't… risk losing you…"

His fingers reach for mine where they work over salves and antiseptic oils.

"Quiet time now, Yukimura," I murmur, placating him with a gentle brush of my fingers over his hand before I reach for cloth keeping his blood in.

"Nnnhh… sss…" Squeezing his eyes shut, he tries not to arch up into my hands as I sting his skin with my concoctions. "Haa…"

Blood oozes from the wound with each beat of his heart, the cloth I tear from our robes soaked through all too quickly. The salve to staunch blood flow is being pushed from his body faster than I can apply it.

"Nnngh…"

"Shit," I mutter to myself, my gaze flicking up to his increasingly pale features. Panic unsteadies my hands as I watch his life slip away. There must be something else I could do.

Yukimura sighs quietly, his breath slow and shallow. Tilting his head, he looks up at me, giving me a small smile through half-open eyes. "Saizo…" he whispers my name, reaching up weakly with one hand and catching his fingers in my collar. "It's okay."

Pressing my palm against the wound I lean down with his quiet urging, my brows low and my jaw tight.

"If I die, I'm… I'm glad I… saved you…"

My frown deepens, the ache in my chest feeling as deep as the one beneath my hand.

"That's not how it works, little lord. You don't die before me." Though I don't raise my voice much beyond a whisper, even I hear it crack.

Yukimura's eyes narrow with his smile, the faintest of flushes warming his icy white cheeks. "Sorry… I could never say… before…"

His fingers creep up my neck, muscles straining with the effort before he cups the back of my head and pulls me down toward him.

"I always… loved you, Saizo…"

Gently, he brings our lips together, kissing me so softly I can barely feel how cold his skin is.

My stomach knots, agony rippling up to my heart as I feel him drift from consciousness.

"Yukimura…"

Teeth clenched against the pain in my chest, I stare at his features for a few more seconds before letting my gaze drift down his body to the ripped up bandages lying beside my hand.

My eyes widen minutely. That's it.

As fast as my hands can work, I coat a strip of cloth in salve and twist it into a point, pushing it into Yukimura's wound, deeper and deeper until just a tiny bloodstained flag emerges from his skin.

Barely another minute passes before the blood oozing from his wound slows and I heave a sigh, letting my head fall onto Yukimura's chest and clinging to him tightly.

"You damned fool," I whisper against his blood-wet kimono while the thud of my heart in my ears finally starts to slow, the crescendo of my panic fading to its dull, steady rhythm. "You gods damned idiot."

If you liked this, drop me a kudos on AO3 to let me know. You can also read more of my writing if you want!

#slbp saizo #slbp yukimura #samurai love ballad party #slbp #slbp fanfic #sparklefics

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reflectingiridescent · 2 years ago

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Fandom: Star Trek: Picard, Star Trek: Voyager Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Raffi Musiker/Seven of Nine, Raffi Musiker/Seven of Nine/B'Elanna Torres, Seven of Nine/B'Elanna Torres, Raffi Musiker/B'Elanna Torres Characters: Raffi Musiker, Seven of Nine, B'Elanna Torres Additional Tags: String Theory: Cohesion, references the novel String Theory: Cohesion, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Sickfic, Polyamory, beginning whispers of r/b/7, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Starfleet Academy, Flashbacks, Sparkles, soft and slow and lots of care, crack with feelings, Fluff and Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sleepy Cuddles, Morning Cuddles, saffi prompts, I guess it counts as light because it's all sparkling, borg physiology, xBs (Star Trek), Domestic Fluff, the slow burn of a slow burn, Roommates Series: Part 7 of a place I love Summary:

Seven injures herself on a Ranger mission, leaving Raffi at a loss of how to care for her. Luckily, B'Elanna's had experience with this kind of illness before.

(Or, the one where Seven's nanoprobes malfunction and she starts seeing sparkles everywhere)

Satisfies the @saffi-bingo prompt “tenderness”.

#star trek picard #voyager #star trek #seven of nine #raffi musiker #b'elanna torres #b7 #rb7 #string theory #string theory cohesion #otp: where the hell did you come from #saffi #the combination sickfic and sparklefic

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navybrat817 · 1 year ago

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Navy's Nonsense: 8/7 - 8/13

I wish I was spending today at the beach, lovelies! Planned fic below will be posted this week! Anything else shared if there's time is extra. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog so you don't miss out on any new fics, updates, or polls. 💙

Planned nonsense posting on 8/11: Sundresses and Leather (Tattoo Artist!Bucky Barnes x Baker!Reader)

Did you miss last week's Nonsense? No worries! Check it out here. Love and thanks for reading. 💙

#good day #sparklefics

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buckrecs · 2 years ago

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𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙩 𝙛𝙞𝙘 𝙧𝙚𝙘 : 𝙈𝙖𝙮

masterlist | monthly fic rec masterlist

FLUFF

Buchanan by @barnesmurdock

baby, it’s bad out there by @intrepidacious

set me free by @/intrepidacious (40s!bucky x nymph!reader)

When I’m With You by @phantomspiderr

You’re Worth It All by @/phantomspiderr

Scotty Doesn’t Know by @/bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

cherry blossoms must be magic by @witchywithwhiskey

aisle 4 by @buckyhoney

Grump : The Musical by @itsapeterthing

Trough Sickness… Except Bucky’s by @teamcap4bucky

Wrong Number by @/teamcap4bucky

Alcohol You Later by @/bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

Possible-Future-Girlfriend by @jurassicbarnes

Vegas, Baby! by @bxcketbarnes

Love in the Workplace by @bxcketbarnes

Too Hot, An Arm Cold by @t-lostinworlds

almond milk by @buckysblanket

After Words by @justsomebucky (Modern AU)

Once Upon A Dream by @abovethesmokestacks

cut my hair by @buckybarnesdiaries

Mind Reader by @espinosaurusrexex

Chain Around my Neck by @/bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

Sweet and Strong by @navybrat817 (tattoo artist!bucky x baker!reader)

Charmed by @rookthorne (mechanic!bucky)

Rule Number One by @sidepartskinnyjeans

A Solid Foundation by @writing-for-marvel (fiancé!bucky)

It’s Not My Cup Of Tea by @malum-forev

The Weather by @saltsicklover

Silent Nights and Sorry Mornings by @veelacurse

In The Name Of Love by @moonbeambucky

Fallin’ For You by @/moonbeambucky

I’m Gunnin’ For You by @rookthorne (drifter!bucky)

Morning Workout by @sparklefics

ANGST

Call Me When You Get This by @/bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

I’ll Wear Your Ring by @/bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

After by @wkemeup

Spiral by @buckyalpine

Until We Meet Again by @bucksangel

Try Anything Once by @/malum-forev (doctor!reader)

A Place by @/malum-forev

SMUT

Silent Screams in Wildest Dreams by @buckets-and-trees

Ring Ring by @adrinktostopyourthirst (roommate!bucky)

Convince Me by @teamcap4buciy

Roadside Assistance by @urvenicebtch (mechanic!bucky)

That’s The Way Love Goes by @dirtytomatoedwrites

Surrender by @barnesmurdock

i was made for lovin’ you by @buckycuddlebuddy (rockstar!bucky x bassist!reader)

On My Tongue by @angrythingstarlight (chubby!bucky)

Sweeter Than Sugar by @/angrythingstarlight (chubby!bucky)

Destined to be Yours by @buckyalpine

sinner by @writingsbychlo (demon!bucky x angel!reader)

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sparklingyourcharacters · 2 months ago

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Parappa please

ok! i didnt know what to do here but i tried my best . allotpun is freestyle - mod rat

#mod rat #sparklecare #sparklefication #parappa the rapper

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jobean12-blog · 6 months ago

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@sparklefics thank you so much sweetness🥰🩷

Boom Clap

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader

Word Count: 1,063

Summary: Before tonight you wouldn't have been able to label your relationship with Bucky but after he gets home earlier than expected from a mission and shows up at the bar everything changes.

Author's Note: Just because, I love him and this look ends me every time and it's lightly based on this song Boom Clap by Charli XCX. Thank you all so much for reading! Much love always! ❤️❤️❤️Divider by the lovely @firefly-graphics thank you 🥰

Warnings: it's just Bucky being irresistible and soft too

“Well, something clearly more interesting than this conversation is going on in your mind. Would you like to share it with the rest of us?”

Two pairs of glittering eyes stare at you, twin knowing smiles gracing your friend’s lips and you frantically try to recall what the three of you had been discussing.

“There’s only one thing that can be giving her that look,” Nat laughs. “A man.”

“And not just any,” Wanda adds.

“Bucky,” both women say simultaneously and with devious grins.

You sip your drink to hide your smile.

“You must miss him since he’s been away on the mission all week,” Wanda muses.

You don’t say it but you do miss him. A lot.

“So what exactly is going on with you two?” Nat asks

With a nonchalant shrug you sip your drink again and try to figure out how to label your relationship with Bucky. Your friends wait, expressions expectant but playful.

If you had a definitive answer you would share it but ever since the two of you started hanging out neither of you had given it a label. You were just enjoying each other. In every way. You were happy being with him, that much of which you were sure.

“Umm…” you start.

That’s the only word you get out before you see Wanda and Nat’s drinks pause halfway to their mouths. Their eyes are trained on something just beyond your shoulder, toward the entrance of the bar.

Several other women at the bar pause their own conversation and you sense the shift in energy.

He’s here.

You place your drink down on the bar and turn. Bucky stands just inside the doorway, his black jacket draped over his broad shoulders and his covetous blue eyes focused on you.

Awareness races across your skin coupled with a heat only he can set ablaze. Your pulse quickens and you fight the urge to run into his arms.

He wears all black, from his tight fitted shirt down to his leather boots and his strong jaw is shadowed with dark hair. When he walks toward you at the bar, he moves with such sensual purpose that you notice another woman swooning.

He looks hungry and determined.

And he’s here for you.

You reach out and grab your drink, downing it in one long sip.

Without removing his gaze from yours, he takes your hand and brings it to his lips, turning it over and kissing the inside of your wrist, then your palm, then finally, your fingertips.

This time, you hear the breath woosh from Nat and Wanda but Bucky shows no reaction, appearing oblivious to anything else but you.

“Guess he’s back,” Nat whispers to Wanda. You barely catch the words as Bucky consumes your every thought.

“I missed you doll,” he whispers against your wrist.

“I missed you too,” you reply breathlessly.

He lowers your hand from his mouth and keeps hold of it between your bodies. With a soft tug he brings you closer, leaning into your neck and whispering along the shell of your ear.

“Come home with me?”

“You don’t even have to ask,” you murmur.

“Yes, I do doll. I would never take you for granted.”

Your free hand slides up his chest to his jaw, tracing the outline before you softly press your lips to his. His eyes fluttered closed and he breathes you in.

“I’m just going to use the restroom and say goodbye to Nat and Wanda. Meet you back here in five.”

“Hurry,” he murmurs, letting his eyes sparkle with words of unspoken want.

You rush off toward the bathroom, Nat and Wanda right behind you and after relieving yourself and filling your friends in you search for Bucky’s tall figure.

You find him standing at the bar, taking to someone. As you get closer, you see that the woman is standing close enough to brush against him. Unable to see Bucky’s face, you watch as she runs a hand along his arm with a gentle squeeze of his bicep, smiling at him flirtatiously.

Your heart drops into your stomach and you feel your eyes well with unshed tears but you can’t stop your forward movement. Bucky’s face comes into view. His eyes aren’t on the woman but furiously scanning the room. He looks uncomfortable, backing away from her and saying something you can’t hear.

You consider turning and running out but that wouldn’t be fair. You and Bucky have no official label, have never agreed to be exclusive. You can’t even blame the other woman for approaching him. He’s impossible to resist. You should know.

But then his eyes meet yours and you see all the emotions rushing through them, but mostly you see relief.

Taking a deep breath, you continue to walk forward. Bucky holds his arm out, his eyes begging you to walk into his embrace.

You slide into his side in time to hear him say, “here she is. This is my…”

“Girlfriend,” you finish, smiling and extending your hand with your name. “Nice to meet you.”

“Wow, lucky girl,” the woman says as she shakes your hand. “You deserve an award for landing a man like this.”

“I don’t need an award. I’ve got him,” you say as you reach down and take his left hand in yours.

Your eyes meet Bucky’s. “Ready to take me home Buck?”

“Always doll.”

Your hand stays tightly tucked in Bucky’s as you walk down the street toward his apartment. You turn toward him, the warm breeze caressing your skin and the city lights dancing in your eyes. His breath catches in his throat as your lips spread into a wide and reassuring smile.

He stops walking in the middle of the sidewalk and pulls you flush against his chest, his eyes wandering over your face.

“Are you really mine?” he asks as he dips his head. “You’re really my girl?”

“Yours Bucky. I have been from the beginning.”

His fingers spread across your lower back and he slowly drags his hand along the curve of your spine, every inch he covers pressing you closer against him until he reaches your neck and traces the delicate column before cradling your cheek.

He sweeps his thumb along your skin and holds your lips just centimeters from his, whispering, “mine,” as his eyes close and his mouth captures yours.

@randomfandompenguin @hiddles-rose @goldylions @kmc1989 @blackwidownat2814 @buckysdollforlife @lizette50

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #thank you so much for sharing ❤️#comment reblog #jobean12 reblogs

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navybrat817 · 2 years ago

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❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤 Sending lots of love, hugs and kisses your way!! Thank you for being such an amazing person and friend!

I appreciate this, nonnie! 🥰 Also going to share some love with @randomfandompenguin @lookiamtrying @andydrysdalerogers @buckrecs @mumbles411 @crokitheloki @needmorereading @seitmai @sparklefics @biteofcherry and anyone seeing this! ❤️

#navybrat answers #blog love #love letter 💌#sweet nonnie #sending love ❤️#asks are always appreciated #i'm terrible at tagging #sorry lovelies

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wintermischief · 2 years ago

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Bucky Barnes x Reader Tropes & AUs

last updated: may 16, 2023

My favorite fanfic tropes & AUs, mostly Bucky Barnes x F! or GN!Reader. Show support to all these amazing writers!!

Grumpy!Bucky x Sunshine!Reader

Save Me @espinosaurusrexex

Opposites Attract @moonlitimagines

Two Sides Of The Same Coin | One Shots @anonymityisfunwriter

In Which Bucky Hates Everyone But You @andsheloved

Pretty Girl @parkersdoll

Cute @buckyalpine

Garden Fairy @buckyalpine

Friend-Making @comfortcap

What’s Up, Buck? @late-to-the-party-81

Friends To Lovers

The Apprentice @chrisevansredbelt

Grilled Cheese And Other Love Languages @bucky-bucket-barnes

B.B Boy @bucky-bucket-barnes

A Half Naked Nurse And Wrong Ideas | Pt 2 @urimaginespimp

Do I Even Have A Chance? @noceurous

One Simple Touch @likeahorribledream

Hearsay @jadedvibes

Listen To Me, Not Just My Words @lilacletter

Water Bottle @cloudybarnes

You @lovelybarnes

Baby @lovelybarnes

Honey, Dumpling @sparklefics

Drunk In Love @bethdutten

Silent Girl + The Winter Soldier @kinanabinks

Ponytails @bbyboybucket

Aching @bbyboybucket

Admit It @ghostofskywalker

Dear January @writing-for-marvel

Hush Baby, Don’t You Say Another Word @buckycuddlebuddy

Jealous!Bucky x Reader

Piece Of You @jbreenr

Don’t Wait @likeahorribledream

Jealous @imagineaworld

Jealous @pellucid-constellations

Call Me James @cloudybarnes

Mine @cherrypickertheory

Daniel @buckyalpine

Untitled @bbyboybucket

Grumpy Sergeant @goaskbarnes

SOCIAL MEDIA AU

Designated Spider Killer @morsmodres-writes

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sumireuwuclub · 3 years ago

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Up next on the sparklefication of the phantom thieves: Sumire and Akechi 🥰🥰🥰

#persona 5 #persona 5 royal #goro akechi #sumire yoshizawa #p5r #art #my art

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sparklefics · 6 months ago

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Thanks for reading 😭 glad you enjoyed it.

Now I wanna write a follow up to this 🫣🤔

Cuddles & Cocoa

For Kathie’s @pellucid-constellations writing challenge. #loveletterswritingchallenge

Chubby!College!Bucky & F!Reader

WC: 5.7 ish

Warnings: Hurt comfort, loss, grief, depression, overall sadness, therapy.

A/N: Happy Valentine's enjoy the most self indulgent piece I've ever written. It got a bit out of hand. What can I say, I was inspired.

Prompts were: "I take it you’re here cause you read my letter." & "I'm sitting here, with this stupid pen in my hand, and damn I can't believe you have me writing right now."

Part 2 ➡ because I have no self control.

"So, you're back early. How'd it go with Sweets? Isn't she great?" Steve asks as Bucky walks through the door of their shared apartment.

Steve tried to set up Bucky with you. Bucky was fresh out of a failed relationship.

"She's nice." Bucky says with a grimace already expecting Steve's reaction.

"Hmm, so when are you going out with her?"

"I'm not...I didn't ask her out."

"WHY NOT? She's perfect for you. She's sweet and nice, and smart which is a step up for your usual type."

"I can tell from just two hours of knowing her. That girl gives off wifey and best friends vibes, that shit is rare. She's not rebound material, she's the type of girl you bring home to meet your ma."

"Hey, Buck." Your sweet voice brings him out of his thoughts about you. "Mind if I join you?"

It's way past midnight and Bucky had tossed and turned in bed for the past two hours, he eventually gave up and decided to sit by the fireplace in the living room. He'd rented out this cabin to enjoy one last holiday break with his friends in their last year of school. It'd be their last hoorah before fully going off into adulthood.

"Not at all." Bucky smiles and pats the space beside him for you to join him. "Couldn't sleep?" he asks when you curl up in between his legs and lay against his chest, turning your face towards the fireplace.

"Nope. Nat and Lillian were making out and doing some heavy petting, they think they're quiet but they're really not."

Bucky chuckles and brings the blanket higher up on your body until it rests at your shoulders along with his big arms. You tilt your head to the side and a shiny piece of metal catches your eye. "Oh hey, what's this?" You bring it closer for inspection. James Barnes

"They were Grandpa's dog tags."

Bucky had a hard time dealing with his grandpa's passing earlier that year. His grandfather James had been sick for a long time, his illness had taken its natural course and earlier this year passed away in his sleep. At least it was peaceful, but that doesn't make it hurt any less to Bucky.

"What about you, why are you still up?" you gently squeeze his bicep.

"I don't know. Couldn't get comfortable enough I guess." he sighs.

"How about cuddles and cocoa?"

Cuddles and cocoa were your thing. It was a totally normal occurrence between the two of you.

It all started when you got ghosted by your date in your sophmore year. Bucky came to the rescue and met you at the cafe you were supposed to have a date but got stood up instead. He got you hot cocoa and cuddled up with you in the reading nook by the back of the cafe. A couple of weeks later, when Bucky failed a calculus test you showed up to his and Steve's apartment with hot cocoa and your old notes from when you took the class. You drank the cocoa, cuddled and then tutored him. He aced his next test. Ever since whenever either of you had a bad day you'd treat each other to hot cocoa and cuddles.

You were truly the best of friends, always in tune with each other's needs.

Bucky smiled and bopped your nose. "Yeah, cuddles might help."

"You stay right here, I'll be right back." You get up and tuck the blanket around him, dropping a quick kiss on his forehead before dashing to the kitchen to prepare the hot cocoa.

It hurts to see him still hurting like this. He's put himself on the back burner for so long.

After his grandpa passed Bucky stopped going to the gym, stopped going out with the guys and started over eating, missing classes. It was starting to become a problem, Sam and Steve didn't know how to talk to him without it sounding like an intervention or like they were judging him. So Steve asked you to do something, when you showed up with a loaded cardboard cup holder from your favorite cafe and a box of pastries he protested.

"No,Sweets, come on. I just got him to stop eating pancakes for dinner. We're trying to help him here--"

You cut him off. "Steven, just let me do my thing. He doesn't need to be told what he can or cannot do, what he can or cannot eat, or when he can or cannot eat. What Bucky needs is comfort. Now, get the door for me, please."

Steve knocked on Bucky's door before opening it and announcing your presence. Bucky just grunted in acknowledgement, you stepped into his dark room. Dirty laundry laid on the floor, old stale food on his bedside table, you took note of everything around you, cluing you into his state of mind.

You remind yourself that you are not there to judge but to help.

"Bucky."

"I can't believe Steve called you in."

You move to open the curtains and Bucky winces when the sunlight burns his eyes. You get a good look at him, pale face, dark circles around his eyes, a hint of a shadow where a beard used to be-- apparently Steve got him to shave at some point. Bucky wore sweatpants and a big sweater, it was all he wore since he started gaining weight. His hair had gotten longer and began curling at the base of his neck, a side effect of not going out- not even to get a haircut. Objectively speaking Bucky looked bad,of course he was still handsome, but the guy laying in bed was merely a shell of your best friend.

"Get up. Shower, wash your hair," You instruct. "And be quick, I don't want our hot cocoa to get cold."

At the mention of cocoa Bucky perked up and disappeared into the bathroom. While he showered you decided to clean up around his room, picked up his clothes and threw them in the hamper. You took out the trash, tidied up his desk, and even changed the sheets of his bed. Steve was impressed when you asked him for clean sheets.

When Bucky came out of the shower in a clean set of sweats, you noticed he'd shaved which you didn't ask him to. He did that all on his own. You smiled at him and patted the spot next to you on his bed. "C'mere. It's cuddles and cocoa time."

Bucky takes the cup of cocoa and the box of pastries.

That's another thing that's developed. Bucky is so quiet now, the total opposite of him. You're used to him being loud, the life of the party, the glue that keeps the friend group together. He's so withdrawn and monosilabic it's very sad to see him this way. There's really only so much you can do for him, which is being here. That's why Steve called you.

"How are you, Buck? Like really."

"I'm okay."

"Jamie…" You go in for a hug but he pulls back from your touch. That hurts.

"Please, don't call me that." He begs quietly on the brink of tears.

You want to take it back but it's too late. "Jame-Bucky, please, I just want to help you. Just tell me how."

He whispers 'shut the blinds' so quietly you almost miss it.

It's all he says, he's already met you halfway and now it's your turn. He showered like you asked so you shut the blinds like he asked. The room goes back to darkness and Bucky exhales loudly. You go back to the bed in the dark and immediately Bucky takes a hold of your hand. You don't say anything, neither does him. For a while you sit there holding his hand and drinking cocoa, you pass him the box of pastries and he takes an apple turnover, it's not his favorite but he can't tell the pastries apart in the dark.

"Buck, Steve told me you haven't been going to class."

"Yep."

"Why not? Do you want to drop your classes? It's okay if you do."

"No, I just don't feel like being around people."

"Well, why don't you switch to online courses?"

"I can do that?"

"Yep! I can set up an appointment with the counselor if you'd like."

Bucky stays silent for a minute pondering about it. "Would you go with me? I don't wanna back out…if you go then I can't not show up. I could never let you down."

"Aww that's sweet, Bucky. Of course I'll go with you, I just have one condition."

"I guess that's fair. What is it?"

"Cuddles?"

"Okay."

Bucky has gone through an emotional rollercoaster since his grandpa died. After the funeral Bucky retreated into himself, which you expected since he was depressed. When Steve started to worry alarms went off in your head, you got closer to Bucky just to be sure that he knew he wasn't alone, that he could count on his friends for support.

When your own father died you had no one to turn to, no one understood your pain. But for Bucky it is different, you understand his pain and thankfully he lets you be there for him.

You were there to help him cope, whether it was with cuddles and cocoa or just sitting with him in his dark bedroom holding his hand.

Eventually the cuddles and cocoa turned into cuddles and cocoa and talk.

With a belly full of warmth, and his arms full of you Bucky feels talkative and once he starts, he can't shut up. "...it's pathetic. It's almost been a year, everyone has moved on but me. Now I'm almost done with school, no future job lined up after graduation, fat, single and miserable."

"Uh-huh. Right. Pity party for one." You jab his ribs with your elbow.

You're both lounging on the pillow fort Bucky made while you prepared the cocoa. You are wrapped up with Bucky in between some thick blankets, your arms bound around his torso and one of his arms around your shoulders while the other trails up and down your spine.

"I'm not having a pity party, I'm being a realist."

"Well if we're being realistic, you still have months until graduation, plenty of time for you to line up a job. Second, you're not fat, there's just more of you to love." You move your hands to squish his cheeks in that adorable way that makes his lips pout. "Third, you're single and miserable by choice, I know a lot of girls who would love to date you."

"I don't want a lot of girls, just one in particular."

"That's good, Buck. See? You are moving on, setting goals for yourself. What's that thing your therapist says?"

"Celebrate the small victories." Bucky mumbles.

So you remind him that he has made progress. Bucky goes to therapy now, which has helped him out a lot. He no longer avoids his friends, or his family. He also switched back from online classes to in person for the fall semester, and then he planned this whole holiday getaway. He's very different from the sloppy, sad guy from months ago.

So what if he doesn't have his future figured out? It's no big deal.

"Grief is not a one size fits all type of situation. Not everyone has their futures figured out."

"You say that because you have that sweet job at Stark Industries lined up." Bucky trails his fingertips up your spine stopping at the side of your neck to tickle you.

"No, I say that because the future is uncertain, there are no guarantees. Like what does it matter that I have a job lined up, who says I'll even like the job?" In return for the tickling you wet your pinky finger and bring it up to his ear.

"Ew! Okay! Okay!" He swats your hands away. "I see your point."

You laugh and lay your head on his chest and hug him tightly. Bucky kisses your cheek, "Good night, Sweets."

"Good night, Bucky."

____________________________________________________________

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!!"

You startle awake with the sound of your friends shouting. Bucky's arms are still around you and his legs are tangled with yours, his chest vibrating with laughter.

It's a holiday miracle!

You get to witness Bucky laughing, really laughing like he used to. His eyes are closed, mouth wide with his pearly white teeth showing, his nose doing that signature scrunch along with the crinkle around his eyes. You feel your eyes start to water, vision becomes blurry, you're so happy to see him back. Bucky, your Bucky is smiling like he used to, so carefree and genuine.

Merry Christmas indeed.

You smile and quickly wipe the tears from your eyes before anyone notices you, and get up and wish your friends a Merry Christmas then go get ready for the day.

Immediately after you leave for the bathroom, Steve and Sam ambush Bucky asking if he'd finally confessed his love for you.

"Not this again. Drop it." Bucky's friends really know how to damper his mood.

"You wait around any longer and you're gonna lose her, Buck." Steve warns.

"I'm telling you she's not interested." Bucky replies.

"Yeah, right cause she's been single for two years. Two years, Buck. Not a single date in two years. That's not suspicious at all." Sam argues. "Do you know what that's like? Don't answer that, it was rhetorical. You know cause you've been single since you met her!"

Bucky chose to ignore Sam's point, afraid he might be right.

Since the moment he met you, Bucky recognized exactly the kind of girl you are. And as he's gotten to know you and become your friend, he's realized you are his dream girl. You are all he's ever wanted and more. It's been too long, he knows he missed his shot with you. You two are too good of friends to actually be more. Yes, he has wanted you all this time and now he's afraid that you only see him as a friend.

But...then again...

Facts are facts though, and Sam does have a point. What are the odds you've both been single all this time? Could it be that you feel the same way about him as he does about you?

Or were you just projecting your daddy issues onto him? Did you just want to 'fix' him?

Bucky has a lot of questions and a lot to think about. He wonders what his therapist would tell him. He knows Dr. Raynor would point out that you might be projecting but that wouldn't be a bad thing, it would just mean that Bucky means as much to you as your father.

Bucky had a lot to dissect through.

Bucky remembers that summer night in his room when the two of you were cuddling. You thought he was asleep when you couldn’t hold your tears any longer.

Bucky was disappearing right in front of your eyes. Reflecting on how it felt to lose your father and how he withered away to nothing in front of you.

Bucky may not be dying but it feels like he is.

Bucky felt you shaky breaths, heard your whimpers and sniffles. “Sweets. Are you-- What's going on?” He turns you over to face him, a soft caressing hand on your cheek.

You can’t look at him. It hurts so much. The Bucky you knew was fading away and you couldn’t do anything about it. His eyes didn't hold that sparkle anymore. “Jamie. Jamie, come back to me.”

Bucky dry swallows, he's never seen you like this. You're an emotional person but he's never seen you this affected. "I'm right here. What are you talking about? Did you have a nightmare or something?"

"No. This is the nightmare." Your sobs make you hiccup, Bucky hugs you to his chest. He holds you tightly until you calm down a bit.

"Sweets, you're scaring me."

You bury your face into his neck and hold on to him for dear life. “I’m gonna tell you something, but please don’t hate me for it.”

“You can tell me anything.”

“You need help, Bucky. Real help, there’s only so much I can do. Cuddles and Cocoa is not enough.” You choke on a sob, but continue on. “I don’t want you to keep fading away.”

“I’m not going anywhere." Oh, it dawns on him that your tears are for him, because of him. "I have an appointment with a therapist next week.”

The relief that washes over you is unexplainable. You know it’s not a quick fix but it’s a start. It’s hope and that’s all you need.

“I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to figure things out. I’m not going anywhere. I promise."

"I know. Can I go with you?"

"That'd be great. I'm actually terrified..."

"Of what?" you ask, still sniffling, gently running your fingers through his hair.

"That I'll never feel whole again." A tear slips from his eyes, his voice cracks.

Bucky's words shatter your heart into a million pieces. You know that feeling, you understand it well. It takes you a while to find your words so in the meantime you hold him.

"From my experience, in our lives we give pieces of our hearts to those we love. So when we lose them it feels just like you said, like we'll never be whole again. But I choose to see it this way: in your case, your grandpa moved on to another journey, to another life or whatever you want to believe in-- the point is he took pieces of love with him. Your grandpa took a bit of love from you, your grandma, your whole family."

"When I lost my dad...Bucky, I too felt like that. It took me a fucking long time to realize that the hole in my heart, the bit he took, it wasn't empty or incomplete. It's still there, it's a bit of his heart now in its place. My dad took a piece of my heart with him and left me a piece of his instead. So I can tell you, from experience, that I know it sucks and I hate that there's no way to fix it. That this feeling will sit with you until you deal with it. And sadly, that fucking line that time heals all wounds, I hate to say it but it's true."

_____________________________________________________________

1 Week later // New Years //

You and Bucky were drinking the last bottle of champagne and eating the remaining grapes. It was 2 am and everyone had already either passed out or gone to bed.

Naturally you and Bucky settled in by the fire pit on the deck at the back of the cabin. It wasn't that cold outside so you could sit comfortably by the fire with a blanket and be fine.

You two get to talking about your expectations for this year, both academically and personally. Bucky admits he's excited to graduate but nervous about his little sister Rebecca who will be graduating high school and then going to you guys' school in the fall. "I wanted to look out for her, bust her balls too."

"You can if you stay in the city."

"I think I might."

"This might sound corny or stupid, or both, but I think this is gonna be great year." You take his hand and entwine your fingers, never looking at him just staring off at the flames of the fire pit.

"It's not stupid or corny, I know what you mean." He squeezes your hand and you look up at him. He smiles down at you. "Beginnings...they're special." You hum in agreement and Bucky continues. "And speaking of special, I wanted to thank you. This year, well past year was by far my worst one, but looking back at it...it had it's nice moments too." With the way his eyes bore at you, you know he's actually referring to you. "I want to start off the year on a positive note, set the tone, you know."

"Thank you for letting me be there for you. This will be your year Bucky Barnes. You fucking deserve to be happy."

Bucky smiles at you. He smiles at you a little too long. You start to imagine the way he leans into you.

Your heart leaps to your throat as he gets close. His warm lips press to your forehead. The prickly sensation of his beard against your skin makes you giggle. "Your beard tickles."

He leans back and runs a hand down his chin. "Been thinking it might be time to shave it off."

"No!" You protest. "You can't shave it off. It completes your look."

"It completes my look?" he asked amused.

"Yeah, the big burly, long haired, bearded look. It's really sexy in a lumberjack kinda way."

Bucky had noticed you had never complimented him on his looks, not even before he gained 30 pounds. So the fact that you were complimenting him when he was at his 'worst' did wonders for his self esteem, in fact his face was burning red. "Thanks? I guess."

That night Bucky got an answer to one of his many questions regarding you: Did he even have a shot with you? Yes.

After finishing the bottle of champagne you head inside, he follows you, unsurprised when you head straight for his room. You're already in sweatpants and a sweater he recognizes as his. It was a gift from Rebecca, it read 'It's okay if you don't like me. Not everyone has good taste.'. It didn't fit anymore. He gave it to you when you stayed over at his apartment after getting locked out of yours. He didn't ask for it back but he also didn't think you'd keep it.

You settled in the left side of the bed, taking your time fluffing your pillow. Once you settled in, Bucky slipped into bed beside you. Before turning off the bedside table lamp, he turned to check on you. "You good? Comfy?"

With the comforter up to your neck you nodded your head. "Yep. Good night, Buck."

Bucky turned off the lamp and got comfortable on the bed. He felt you roll over on your side to face him and smiled when you pressed your face to his shoulder. He extended his arm and pulled you to his chest. "Good night, Sweets."

Bucky could barely keep his eyes closed, every single ruffle of the bed set him off. You turned your back to him, and he thought he might finally get some sleep, but then you grunted. "Cuddlebug, you're so far away." You reached a hand blindly to grab him and pull him to you.

Bucky grabs your hand and your fingers find their place in between his. He pulls you back to the center of the bed, molding his body to yours. "You keep rolling off, sweetheart." He murmurs at the back of your neck before pressing his lips there.

_______________________________________________________

A couple of days later you all head back to the city and settle back into your daily routines, back to school. The semester starts off with a bang and a lot of work. Weeks pass by so fast you barely have time to meet up with Bucky. He’s been pretty busy too, but he always makes time to text you and check in on you.

And even though he texts and calls, you miss him.

You feel off, like something is missing. When you go to bed and toss and turn you realize that what you're missing is Bucky. You miss sleeping with him, just being around him brightens up your day.

And then it happens. Your old lab partner Peter Parker asks you out on a date. It feels weird being asked out on a date. Your immediate response was to say no, but before you can answer he tells you to think about it and let him know. No pressure.

Just then you see a smiling Bucky approaching with to-go cups that you're sure are hot cocoa. Your reaction is a pure knee-jerk, it happens without conscious thought, you squeal with delight. “Bucky!!”

Peter Parker, still standing before you, gives a tiny wave with his hand, “See you around, Y/N.”

“Bye, Pete.”

Hours later, Peter texts you. Peter: I'm sorry about today. I didn’t know you were spoken for. My bad 🥴

You stare at the text for like an hour. That’s how Nat finds you, sitting in the living room staring at your phone.

“Y/n? You’ve got thinky face.”

You give her your phone instead of explaining. Nat takes a seat and takes your phone.

“I don’t get it.”

“Peter asked me out and I didn’t know what to say, then Bucky showed up and now he thinks I’m not interested. He thinks Bucky is my boyfriend.”

“Understandable.” Nat sighs and fails to muffle her laughs.

“Why on earth would he think that?”

“Jesus, I thought you were in denial but you really don't see it.”

“Nat, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Sweetie, come on." She gives you her signature smirk, "When Bucky is around you act like no one else exists. Don’t even get me started on the way you look at each other and your grossly cute cuddles and cocoa thing. You two act like a couple.”

“We do?"

"Yes! I cannot believe this...I'm gonna try something. I will ask you a series of questions, and you will answer rapid fire. Okay?"

"Okay but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Just answer the questions, trust the process. Okay, here we go. How long have you known Bucky?"

"Almost three years."

Nat keeps asking questions, varying topics, it's hard to find a pattern or what kind of information she's trying to pull out of you. About three minutes in she asks, "Do you want to date Peter?"

"No." You kind of already knew that.

She shits topics again to food and colors, and up and down. Then she asks, "You're in love with Bucky, aren't you?"

"Yes."

You gasp and Nat laughs so hard she tears up. "Don't say I never did anything for you."

You sit there and ponder what to do with this piece of information. Should you tell Bucky how you feel? Would that weird him out? Or would he feel the same way? It's safe to say you don't sleep well that night.

________________________________________________________

Three days later, Natasha comes home with the mail. She got a care package from home, full of goodies and Russian candies, pictures and letters from her family. Her sister sent her a vest she saw and thought Natasha would love it, it had a lot of pockets. "Oh, hey, here." She hands you an envelope, "almost forgot. You got a letter."

You take the envelope in your hands to examine, your eyes nearly pop out when you read the name of the sender.

James B. Barnes

You tear open the envelope and take out two handwritten papers.

My dearest, Y/N

Did you know people still write letters?

I just got one from my grandma. She sent me some pictures of my grandpa and Steve’s. I’ll share them with you someday soon.

The other day I was on the phone with my grandma and I was telling her about you. She really wants to meet you. Something she said got me thinking. 'All the what-ifs, you're missing out on what is.'

She meant for me to live in the moment and in the spirit of that, that’s why I’m sitting here, with this stupid pen in my hand, and damn I can’t believe you have me writing right now.

Here's a wild thought: Maybe we're missing out on the what-if...

I’ll start at the beginning. It'll hopefully make sense by the end of this letter.

From the moment I met you, I knew exactly the kind of woman you are. And in case you didn't already know that was Steve's poor attempt at setting us up, there was no pressing matter he had to tend to that day. When I got home he was waiting for me, already asking if I had asked you out on a date.

I'd just gotten out of a relationship and was not looking forward to getting my heart broken yet again. But then I met you...and that's it. I was sold.

I know you're probably confused at this point. What is this idiot saying?

I WANT TO DATE YOU!! is what I'm saying.

You might think then why didn't this idiot ask me out if we were being set up by Steve?

I didn't want you to be my rebound girl...which is stupid now that I think about it, cause I've been single since I met you… for almost three years I've avoided dating altogether because after only two hours of knowing you, I couldn't picture myself on a date with another girl that wasn't you.

So I figured I'd take my time to get to know you instead of just jumping to the deep end. You are so special and wonderful. There aren't enough words in the English language that can fully describe you.

You are incredible.

You are perfect.

I could not have even dreamt you up.

I'm so happy I got to know you and become your friend. Being your friend has brought my life a whole new perspective, you have shown me kindness, love and compassion. Everyday you continue to blow me away, you are honestly the strongest person I know. I admire you so much. I am thankful to have you in my life.

You’ve been everything I’ve needed, a friend, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, but you’re also all I’ve ever wanted.

I’m taking a risk here writing you this letter— and no pressure, I cannot stress this enough. I would love to take you out on a date. We have an awesome friendship and I would understand and respect if that’s all you want this to be.

I thought since Valentine’s Day is a holiday based on love and friendship (and we’ve already got that part down) it’d be a good day to test out the waters.

I’d love to have more with you.

I don’t want to have any regrets, especially when it comes to you.

So if you‘d grant me the honor—nay, the privilege to take you out on a date,

again no pressure if you don’t. Meet me at the cafe this Valentine’s at 7pm.

Your Cuddlebug,

James

P.S. I really mean no pressure.

Between you and the therapy I've become a sap! You have no idea how long this letter originally was...but I'll tell you it was giving Rachel's letter to Ross a run for its money. Ha! Another reference I get to make because of you introducing me to that show.

I will stop writing now. :)

You are speechless.

This is the absolute last thing you expected. A handwritten letter from Bucky asking you out on a date.

There’s no doubt you want him too.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky Barnes does not get to be the only one to get cheesy and romantic over Valentine’s Day. You write down a response to hand deliver when you meet him at the cafe.

Natasha helped you out picking out a dress and getting ready for your date.

Walking into the cafe you realize that for the first time you're actually nervous about meeting up with Bucky, which is stupid because you already know that he wants to date you. You two have nothing to be nervous about. You've basically been on tons of dates already. The girl working the cash register notices you waiting, looking around, looking for someone. "Excuse me, are you Y/N?"

"Yep, that'd be me. I'm meeting someone here."

"Eeep! You're blue eyes' hot date!" She smiles and sighs, "He's waiting for you at the reading nook."

The reading nook! The very same were you shared your first cuddles and cocoa.

You turn around and go back to the counter and ask the girl for two hot cocoas.

You walk back to the reading nook with one hot chocolate in each hand, your clutch tucked beneath your arm. You almost drop everything when Bucky comes into view.

There he is. Bucky in a navy blue suit, black dress shirt. You do a double take because, yes he did, Bucky shaved his beard. Yet he still looks as handsome as ever, if anything it makes his eyes pop even more. And the smile that takes over his face when he sees you is absolut magic, it makes you want to melt.

"I take it you’re here cause you read my letter." Bucky says as you place the cups of cocoa on the table, along with your clutch.

"I did." You hug him. "I brought my reply." When you pull away from the hug you look up at him and smile, he smiles back. You can't hold on any longer, you pull his face down and quickly press your lips to his. It was a quick peck that lasted about a second but it left Bucky dizzy.

Bucky arranged for food to be brought to your table, a couple of Montecristos and other goodies like bonbons, macarons and those apples turnovers you love. As soon as you get to talking the nerves wear off and it feels like any other time you’ve hung out with Bucky. The only difference is that he holds your hand and tells you how beautiful you look. You live for that adorable way he looks at you while dropping kisses to the back of your hand.

By the end of the night he confesses he wished he would’ve asked you out sooner.

He walks you back to your apartment and you invite him in, he seems surprised. "Oh, did you seriously think we'd have our first date and not have cuddles? It's us, cuddles are our thing."

"I like the sound of that."

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