#spark reborn: lea

[twilighttwin]

@pretiumvitae continued from X

It's...rare that the Nobody is in a touchy mood. Rarer still that he's the instigator of said touch. However, he's been in a weird mode of wanting that contact, without...wanting too much of it. And well, Lea was like family to him and he had read about different forms of affection. Which is why one hand was loosely gripping the redhead's now, and the other had reached to pat said redhead on the head.

"If you weren't a giant, it might be easier." Despite the tease, it wasn't like he could stay on the tios of his toes for long.

[creamypudding]

Woeful WIP Wednesday

Hi! This is the start of my Woeful WIP Wednesday series of posts which will happen on Wednesdays, duh. And before anyone gets up at me about it not being Wednesday yet... just remember time zones exist in this world, and yeah, it is actually Wednesday.

Other things about the name... Most of these WIPs I'm happy with so it's not the actual stories that are woeful. It's the fact that they are still WIPs and not finished that is woeful to me, hence the name, yeah? Ok 😄

So with that out of the way...

I've gone through all my folders and found the various bits and pieces of writing I've begun and let slide or abandoned. My hope is that by letting them be free on Tumblr I might either A) remember that these stories exist, B) perhaps get a renewed appreciation and motivation to poke them, C) give myself permission to never look at them again.

Some of these WIPs I 100% mean to finish one day. Some I know I won't. Some I have actually finished but haven't polished completely or something's getting in the way of me doing a final pass so I don't consider them worthy of going onto my Ao3 account just yet but hopefully will one day.

The WIPs I'm gonna upload are also of various lengths. I have some completed chapters that are thousands of words long, I have some that are mere hundreds of words long and are slips of ideas I started to formulate.

I have 10 AkuRoku WIPs and 6 Zakkura ones. Each week I'll post one WIP and the pattern will be 2 AkuRoku WIPs followed by 1 Zakkura to mix things up a bit. I'll blab a bit about the WIP and post the full WIP under the cut.

If there is anything in particular people would like to know about the stories or the creative process in future posts please let me know and I’ll incorporate more information if people are interested in that sort of thing. If you give me direction I can follow through.

I hope you will enjoy these WIPs and I trust you'll judge them way less harshly than what I judge my own writing.

So anyway, kicking things off I have a very short and sweet AkuRoku WIP. 

I started this in May 2019 and it's technically 'done' but I haven't posted it because it's not done to my specific level of 'done-ness'. All it needs is a little polish. A little editing here and there. Fixing the grammatical and spelling errors, and fleshing it out in a few spots perhaps.

It's the 'fleshing out' bit that hasn't happened and that's truly stopping me from considering this a finished product.

This story is called ‘10 ways to fall in love’ but I never came up with 10 scenarios which I suspect is why this story will never be finished. I could change the name of it and if I ever post it I will change the name of it. In fact, most of the WIPs I post would have different names if they ever do go up on Ao3.

But going back to this specific WIP— it is a canon story spanning Days, KH2, KH3, and after, which is maybe the biggest culprit in regards to why I never finished this story. I don’t do well with canon-based story telling. It’s too much pressure to get everything canon-compliant. Do people ask for things to be right? Probably not so much, but my brain is very hyperfocused on getting things right, which is a huge road block to my creativity and the reason why I prefer AUs.

I don't have much else to say about this story but if you enjoy this, or any of the other WIP’s it would be great if you would let me know.

If others are passionate about these stories it might make me passionate about them again. But who knows.

Rated G

Word count - 951

10 ways to fall in love

What do you call it?

This feeling I have?

Love?

No. Too strong, or not strong enough

A name

A special name

Your name

It was always your name

That made me feel like I had a heart

They didn’t have a name for it. They didn’t even know if what they felt was real because how could a Nobody feel anything. For Axel it was just a ghost of a memory of his old life. For Roxas it was an endless source of confusion because these strange sensations fluttered in his body all the time when he was around Axel. It was incredibly dull at first but grew exponentially bigger with the passing days.

He couldn’t reconcile that even the most tedious missions were made fun when they were around each other - though he shouldn’t be able to have fun without a heart. What were any of the experiences that ever happened between them, without a heart? They felt nothing. They were Nobodies. They couldn't be anything other than empty husks.

That had always been the greatest lie which had been told to them, which they chose to believe, until it became impossible, though the denial sat rife in the way they denied their joy, sadness, and anger. But the strongest denial flowed from the warmth and nameless affections that fluttered in the chest and stomach when they were together. Such a thing was most unbelievable of all and merely a figment of the imagination - a vestige of when they were Somebodies, a quiet echo in a vast nothingness of their actual existence. Even for Roxas, with his half-formed ideas of his Somebodies life.

But none of these things mattered because Roxas disappeared and Axel died.

"He made me feel like I had a heart." A quiet whisper of a thought, made real and said aloud finally crumbled the paper-thin veneer which Axel had clung too, all too late to do anything about.

And he is reborn, and now knows better. Lea knows better. He understands his returned heart which aches and bleeds broken and shattered even as it is physically whole inside himself, pumping blood. His soul has gone, reappearing for fleeting moments when he sees Sora get a certain look in his eyes, or uses a turn of phrase. A spark exists and it jolts Lea every time closer to awareness - closer to a name.

And then he is in that most miserable of places, fighting a war that might never be won, but he must try because the promise of what lies ahead if he does win is worth every risk. He fights for his friends, present and gone, and then out of almost nowhere Lea's heart is returned and whole and stronger than ever before, and his memories are back, and he holds the two people most dear to him. He cannot lose them again and does everything in his power to protect them both, and it is a safe feeling because it stops him from thinking too hard or feeling too strongly the flutters and warmth, and the soothing in his heart.

But he feels it all again, and let's himself be overcome by it as the never-setting sun of Twilight Town is observed with his most favorite people in the whole wide world sitting next to him.

He scooches a little closer, seeking the warmth and reassurance of Roxas next to him. The tinkling laugh builds his own and drips deep down into his body and soul to become the best sound he's always known to miss.

Happiness engulfs him. But it is not the word he looks for when he sees Roxas walking, talking, laughing, grumbling, and eating ice cream. It is so much bigger and all-encompassing than this miniscule word for a feeling..

"I never stopped wanting you back. I never stopped fighting to get you back," he confesses in the evening on Destiny Island, during a rare moment alone on this summer vacation full of reunions and happy tidings.

"I know. I saw, I heard."

"You did?"

Roxas nods and swings his legs as they dangle off the pier the both of them at sitting on.

It warms Lea’s heart to know Roxas was never far away. “I think I felt you – there in Sora. When he got angry and frustrated.”

Roxas laughs. “I was always angry and frustrated in Sora. Everything felt so warm and fluffy inside of there.”

“Realy? Why would that make you angry?”

“Because it’s like eating nothing but honey – you get sick of it,” Roxas shakes his head, “But it’s worse because someone else is force-feeding it to you.”

"It's ok. Just seeing you – knowing you were there wanting to get me back was enough." Roxas leans, Lea receives and the feels which are always right there, in the middle of his chest ignite and burn so bright.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do anything to help you."

Lea hugs him tight, almost too tight. Roxas writhes against his arms and just as Lea makes to let go Roxas gets his own arms around Lea and squeezed him, robbing him of his breath for a few seconds, but Lea feels he could happily die in Roxas' arms and savors the crush.

They both end up laughing against each other, inhaling deep breaths, rubbing their cheeks against each other and leaning their foreheads together.

Everything they ever felt for each other is still there, but stronger, because they have hearts and acceptance of their reality.

"Axel," Roxas' breath tickles Lea's lips. He doesn't care to correct Roxas. Roxas could call him a heartless and he wouldn't care because Roxas is back and with him.

"I don't want you to ever disappear again," Lea murmurs.

"I don't want you to ever suffer again," Roxas apologizes. 

Lea cups Roxas' cheek, which is so soft and warm. "I never will as long as you're with me."

[dachi-chan25]

The Stand 1978

I’ve seen in my dash a list of ‘100 books you should read’ or something like that, ‘The Stand’ was among them and I totally get why, it’s a book that really makes you question a lot of things about yourself, society, good vs. evil and how difficult it is at times to distinguish one from the other.

What is it about? After a lethal strain of the flu erradicates 90% of the human population the survivors must come together choosing between two mystical figures they see in dreams and take their stand in how is this new world going to be.

Thoughts:

I am amazed by this book, frist we have all this struggle with the government trying to deny the existance (going as far as to send the army to radio and TV stations to hold the reporters and locutors at gunpoint to keep them on the line) of this new strain of the flu– called Captain Trips or Project Blue– because they know the fucked up but don’t want to admit it even though probably everyone, including them, will die for it. Honestly terrifying and realistic af.

And then it’s over, most people die of the flu, kill themselves or die in some accident (like some immune people does at a section of the book called ‘No great loss’).

And we have our protagonists (all of them immune to the virus) : Stuart (Stu) Redman a man who worked in a fabric, Francine (Fran/Frannie) Goldsmith a college student who is pregnant, Larry Underwood a somewhat known singer, Nick Andros a deaf-mute guy turned deputy during the plague, Tom Cullen a slightly retarded guy that was left alone in his home town, Harold Launer a very smart teenager and aspiring writer, Lloyd Henreid a convict and thief, The Trashcan Man a pyromaniac and Nadine Cross an ex-teacher.

There are a lot more of characters but these are the most important ones I think.

And we have the two important figures that leas the two communities of survivors: *Abigail Freemantle (Mother Abigail) a deeply religious 108 year old black woman that leads the Free Zone community in Boulder Colorado and she represents the Good.

*Randall Flagg (also known as the Dark Man, the Walking Dude, R.F, the Smiling Man, etc.) he is some sort of super natural creature (almost like a god) that is reborn out of chaos and destruction and at the aftermath of the Captain Trips plague he seizes the opportunity to create a society where he is God in Las Vegas, Nevada (refered constantly as the West) whose immediate goal is to destroy de Free Zone community.

One of the points I loved the most about this book it’s the possitive and amazing representation of Nick’s and Tom’s disability, they are smart, resourceful and most definitely my favorite characters in the book ( M-O-O-N that sepells I love my boys) really kudos to King for that!

Then we have the question of ageism in a lot of modern novels, we rarely see old people be active and useful, they are usually given the role of grandparents or mentors, but in The Stand 70+ year olds are totally there doing dangereous missions for the community (Judge Farris and Glen Bateman) or leading them (Mother Abigail) and that was amazingly refreshing.

We have a bisexual character! A fierce woman named Dayna, and it is thrown so casually in the book, I LOVE IT (also bless Stu’s heart, he didn’t even know what bi was and when he knew he didn’t care).

The Trashcan Man, OK so at the beginning I gave 0 fucks about him and felt his backstory/introduction was dragging on forever, and while I certainly have no Love for him, his role at the final act of the book it’s A+ (you go Trashy!!)

The morally gray characters, even if I talked about the dichtonomy of good vs. evil as a theme in this book it’s not so simple as that because every single character in this book it’s complex and flawed, Larry Underwood seems to me the perfect example, before the flu he was a FUCKING asshole and his own mother told him (ouch) as much, but through the book he changes little by little (not completely) and becomes a leader, someone trustworthy and loyal to a boot. And he is not the only one Mother Abigail and her meesages from God who seems ruthless (and the FUCKING thingy with the Dark Man tho) and yes even cruel.

Believe me this book it’s gonna blow your mind.

Movie/TV adaptations:

There’s only 1: The Stand from 1994

It’s really good, very accurate to the book the cast is FUCKING amazing (Rob Lowe plays Nick Andros and Molly Ringald plays Frannie, they gave me life) totally recommended

Quotes:

“No one can tell what goes between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side. Or you don’t.

"The place where you made your stand never mattered. Only that you were there… and still on your feet.”

“Above, the stars shone hard and bright, sparks struck off the dark skin of the universe.”

“Superstition, like true love, needs time to grow and reflect upon itself.”

“In his heart hope– that indestructible weed of the human heart– had begun to bloom again.”

“Sixty-four has a way of forgetting what twenty-one was like.”

“Love didn’t grow very well in a place where there was only fear, just as plants didn’t grow very well in a place where it was always dark.”

Love is what moves the world, I’ve always thought… it is the only thing which allows men and women to stand in a world where gravity seems to want to pull them down… being them low… and make them crawl.“

"I am afraid, but I have been afraid before. All he can take from me is what I would have to give up someday anyhow– my life. I will not let him break me down. I will not let him make me less than I am, if I can help it.”

“Movies, after all, are only illusion of motion comprised of thousands of still photographs. The imagination however, moves with its own tidal flow.”

Next book: “The Dead Zone”

[twilighttwin]

“You haven’t slept for days, have you?” - Lea {PretiumVitae - you know I'm a sucker for these. :3 }

The sound of Lea’s voice sent surprise racing down the blond’s spine, making him jolt from the sudden startle. Lea hadn’t been there before had he? In truth, the redhead had been there for a bit and usually the Nobody would have known as much given his training. But at that point, the only sleep in the past few days that he’d had was a few short hours the day before when he had passed out after working on his agility training and promptly jolting awake. 

Honestly, Roxas didn’t even realize how he wavered. Those big blue eyes of his were bruised from being constantly rubbed and yet still there’s a weak smile curling on his face when he turned to face his friend. “What? Sorry, didn’t notice you come in.”

[twilighttwin]

@pretiumvitae continued from X

“You mean it always looks like a mess?” Came the Nobody’s snarky reply, though his smile could be heard in his tone of voice. Still, he chose to wait a moment, moving back as the redhead dragged fingers through crimson locks until...Bingo~! They caught on the massive snarl among the scarlet spikes. Then Roxas hummed as he stepped closer to begin running the brush over the ends of those vibrant red strands. 

“Is it really so bad? I read somewhere that brushing hair is a way of showing affection.”

[twilighttwin]

@pretiumvitae continued from X

The sound of Lea's voice jolted the Nobody from his thoughts, making him realize that some of those thoughts had spilled aloud. But instead of the usual sad smile that comes over his face when he thinks aloud, what came out was a chuckle. Not bitter or sharp but genuine amusement.

"I just...I think it's odd. I spent my whole life...wanting to be normal. But when I was offered the chance...I can't see myself giving up exploring worlds or my Keyblades." He loved Twilight Town. It was his home, where many of his good and bad memories were. It was where he got his name.

He didn't want to leave..but...could he actually get proper training? After all, he never had proper school. Didn't have any family either. And it wasn't likd he couldn't use the Corridors to come back.

[twilighttwin]

@pretiumvitae continued from X

A frustrated growl left the Nobody, even as he leaned closer towards Lea’s warmth. Really Roxas wanted to argue, especially since practicing with his magic had been sort of helping him to feel more solid. Still, if it allowed Lea to let him up for the day he couldn’t complain. “Ugh fine you ass.” Though...as soon as he responded, another question came to mind. “How the fuck did I end up in bed and how did you end up enforcing I had to stay here?”

[twilighttwin]

⛔ - Lea {PretiumVitae -- Are you even surprised?}

Admist the migraine and the crash of emotions of the morning, his plans with Lea were forgotten. Which meant that he was still sitting on the floor of his kitchen, trying to stem the sobs that were left behind from the morning's...whatever the heck it had been. However, the knock on the door caused the Nobody to jolt to his feet.

His tears were forgotten when he saw the redhead at the door. "L-..Lea...?" Once again, his voice wasn't totally working, so he just signed. 'What are you doing here...?'

[twilighttwin]

@pretiumvitae continued from X

That bitterness didn’t go unnoticed by Roxas, earning a confused head tilt from the younger of the two of them. For a second, he could only chew at his cheek, gazing up at his friend. He was still sure he could feel that little bit of negativity from Lea...but scanning his face, nothing seemed wrong. So, he chose to let it go.

“I mean....I guess not being afraid of things makes sense..” After all, Lea had gone through two deaths so...in the Nobody’s opinion it was hard to be scared of much after that. Still though, he couldn’t shake the concern that was twisting in his stomach.

[twilighttwin]

[ cover ] - Axel/Lea {PretiumVitae}

The sudden weight and warmth draping itself over the Nobody's shoulders broke him out of his focused state. He cast a quick glance around, on edge until he recognized the particular warmth and scent which permeated the weight at his shoulders. Taking in a slow breath, he reaches up, nimble fingers clutching the fabric closer. Damn he hadn't even realized how crisp the air had gotten from the open window.

"Ax-Lea? Huh...was I shivering?" It's a fair question in his mind. Though he had no complaints as the warmth of his friend sinks into him from the fabric.