#spain mapi leon | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

samkerrworshipper · 2 months ago

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the lawn is dead

it’s suicide awareness month and i want to emphasise the importance of reaching out. you are loved. there are options. you will be missed. suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. you can get better. you are not a lost cause. talk to somebody.

warnings: reader discretion advised. heavy suicide, self harm, depression themes

There was an overall assumption that all children were born innocent.

Not you.

You swore that when you were born, a coin was flipped, and it landed on the complete wrong side.

Sometimes you felt like your brain and body were disconnected, that everything inside of you worked separately, like you were a sewed together body on the inside, a internal frankenstein.

It was tough feeling like you didn’t belong in your own boyd, but it was even harder when you knew that you were an imposter inside.

It was ironic, that you had imposter syndrome, and yet there was nothing wrong with your life.

There had been.

Had. No longer. Past tense.

You’re supposed to be happy, you suppose. You have the world at your feet, you have the life everybody wants, the world is your oyster.

It doesn’t matter how many times you rotate those thoughts through your split up brain, it never sinks in, because there is a deeply onset belief inside of you that can’t deny the dishonesty behind the words.

You should be happy, you should be utilising the gifts you’ve been given, you should be appreciating the life you have, and yet all of it just feels like a big ball of tangled up yarn, a clump of knots and mess that makes no sense.

You’re not allowed to feel numb, so you try and pinpoint what it is that you are feeling.

Are is too hard, so you start with aren’t.

You aren’t mad, you aren’t sad or it doesn’t feel like normal sadness, you’re definitely not happy, not scared, are not anxious, it feels like nothingness.

Yet nothingness doesn’t feel so all consuming, nothingness is lying in bed down in bed and doomscrolling until somehow 8 hours have passed and you’ve wasted a whole day and don’t find yourself caring. Nothingness is sitting down in the shower and covering your ears with your hands and finding solace in the intense rain noises. Nothingness is driving until you forget where you were supposed to be going and have autopiloted your way to the opposite side of town somehow. Nothingness is being so obsolete of your own body that everything is a fog, nothing makes sense, you’re devoid of all emotions and all the discombobulated sections of your body.

If anything, this is everythingness, this is all the feelings in the world beating down across your skin. You’re itching with agitation, itching with everything in your life and yet none of it penetrates the surface beyond the rotor of thoughts that continue to circulate like the blood in your veins.

It’s like your sitting inside a plastic bubble, and every variable is crashing down against the plastic. It’s all there, it’s crashing down, but it doesn’t touch you, it doesn’t penetrate, there is just a constant reminder that it’s all there. If you try to break out of the bubble you’re forced to face it, but you feel like you’re suffocating and the bubble is slowly depriving you of oxygen.

A part of you wouldn’t mind for it to suck the life out of you.

Sometimes it’s inevitable, letting the thoughts in your brain win, or syncing the truth out so much that it all distorts into a messy mixture of non-emotions that are more hurtful then helpful.

You’re in a weird funk, that’s hwat you keep telling yourself. With injuries and off-season and change of seasons. You tell yourself that it’s unescapable, that there aren’t any ways to escape the deadly habit that is you’re self-inflicted brain rotting and slowly decomposing.

There are outlets, there are options, but in it;s current state you’re brain denounces them all.

Occasionally, you’re brain falls into the same death trap that it was conditioned into as a child. Survival was solely your own responsisbility, there was no leaning, no relying, just yourself and your own strategies that occasionally kept you functioning.

Most of the time you were fine, most of the time you were able to isolate the darkest, disconnected fragments of your body but not all the time.

Sometimes you don’t though.

Every so often, you suffocate yourself, intentionally or unintentionally isn’t always clear, sometimes you’re so lacking on oxygen and everything that makes survival a possibility that you just stop. Those times, when you stop, when you fall, when you plummet. It’s when you drop into the death pit of unthinkable thoughts.

It’s when you get to the part of your brain that you wish had never been stitched up with all the others.

You try and avoid it, if you work hard on a normal day then you can normally disconnect it from the functioning parts that you rely on, but occasionally, when you’re left to fend for yourself that one part that’s normally off, lights up like a christmas tree.

It flashes bright red, like a alarm in the deepest parts of your brain, and it won’t stop flashing until you do something about it.

You’ve got coping mechanisms that you’ve developed over the years, running, football, eating, cooking, reading, sleeping, sex. None of it has even begun to strike the surface, normally your best bet was sleeping it off, depression, or depressive thoughts always seemed to fade with sunlight, it was the moments in the dark when everything suddenly felt… heavier.

You hadn’t been able to sleep since you’d gotten injured, everything was harder when you had so much weight on your back. Weight to recover, weight to get stronger, weight to be the same on the pitch.

It was a minor injury, some grief with your ankle ligaments that weren’t actually injured but also weren’t fixed, it was annoying, and everyday was a drag.

A drag of back and forth recovery and rest that had your mind buzzing from the inside.

It was no secret that you didn’t handle injuries well, you craved the physicality of being a professional athlete, your brain needed the stimulation that it involved. Without it, you struggled, it was clear to everybody around you that you couldn’t function sitting on the sidelines, it had inevitably made you crazy.

You were walking on eggshells, your friends had tried to point it out to you and you’d ignored it up until now.

It was impossible to ignore it at this stage though.

It was all you could think about, the constant pain, the overwhelming brain fuzz, the weight of it all.

Over and over and over and over and over again.

Your hands are shaking, your breaths are staggered, your skin is prickly, your throat is dry, your body is cold and there is a deep set pain in the centre of your stomach that no matter how many times you try and shift it away nothing works.

You’re too deep.

Your whole life, it had always been your biggest wish that the part of you that was broken and threaded together would fix itself, medication made it manageable, therapy made it calmer, but sometimes in life it was impossible to contain the uncontainable. Life was unpredictable, and yet your circumstances were on trend with how your life had been recently.

You should have seen this coming, but a part of you thinks that you did and you’d been content with letting all of these thoughts infiltrate deep in your mind.

Sometimes you look at yourself in the mirror, and you can’t even notice it, it’s like all of the pain and trauma will fall so far from the surface on occasion that you’re foolish enough to believe that maybe it’s all finally gone.

Not now, not at all.

But a part of you wants to make it all gone.

It’s all you can think about, you know how easy it would be, you have it all planned out.

The letters are written, the plan has been made for years, it’s your execution that is lacking.

You aren’t scared, you are more than happy for a big blac cloud of nothingness to come and take you from your life, it would make it all so much easier.

You just need to know that you’ll succeed.

Failure is not an option, in ever single part of your life it hasn’t ever been. But specifically with your life.

If you’re out, you’re out, end of sentence.

There isn’t any recovery, there isn’t any coming back, no psych holds, no hospitals, no treatment, just death. It’s an answer, it’s conclusive. Right now it would solve all of your problems, literally, you could count on every single finger and toe how it would solve the fucked-up puzzle of your life. Normally, there is always something holding you back though. Football had been the main excuse for most times, the headlines would be miserable and all of the fuss and fake-sentiment would be so much worse. Once it had been because you were in love, and that was the best reason. But, like most thing you were unable to keep it alive, and so it died out.

It was all a metaphor for your life, football had been good, until it all slowly self-detonated, love had been good but you were a ticking time bomb of sabotage.

It would be oh so easy.

You knew the tips and tricks, you’d been thinking about it for years. Four long vertical lines, deep enough to need stitches but not deep enough that it would all fade immediately. You wanted to feel the pain, you wanted it all to be a big black and red painful mess, your vision swimming and body giving up because of the pain, not because of the damage you’d done.

It sounded so perfect.

It would be oh so easy, nobody would even notice, it would probably be days before anybody even realised you were gone. You would fade from earth and life like nothing, and nobody would care, and you were happy for it to be that way. You were happy to just disappear, you wanted it all to end.

It’s all hitting that hard, you don’t want help, you don’t want to feel normal, you don’t want treatment, you don’t want meds, you just want to be gone. You normally experience life with so many emotions, too many, but right now, in the bubble of your depression, the only think you feel is a desire to vanish.

There isn’t any hesitation, nothing holding you back as you pick up your poison of choice. It’s always been the same since you were a teenager, you’ve known how you’d go out from the minute it had gone downhill from the very first time. That had been a long time ago now, but not much had changed. Sure, maybe your face had matured a bit, you’re body had changed with being a professional athlete, and you weren’t as self destructive but really when it all boiled down nothing had truly changed.

You were the same broken, lost and alone girl that you had always been.

The same girl hiding in the corner of her bathroom in a pair of sweats that made her body seem so much smaller then it was, a razor blade in one shaky hand and the other hand busy forcing the sleeve of her hoodie up, leaving a easily accessible patch of skin.

It was the same old routine, except this time with a different intention.

You had your scars, you had your invisible marks that nobody could see but you. You were as good at hiding them as you were at your depleting mental health. Over the years you’d learnt how to hurt yourself without leaving permanent marks, you’d learnt how to hide it all from the people closest to you.

Until Alexia.

Love made a person dumb, and being in love with Alexia made you happier then you’d ever experienced and from the moment fireworks had gone off between the two of you, your barriers had fallen down. It had been good, until it hadn’t. Once again, you were left all alone, due to your own self-destructive habits. You couldn’t let yourself be happy, you didn’t know what long term happiness looked like for you and it was terrifying.

It had all been downhill from there, if there was no happiness in the future for you then what was the point? Your life was blowing up, football was the only thing you’d ever lived for and you still had football but football wasn’t for ever, if there was nothing beyond that then what was the point. You didn’t have a education, and whilst you earnt a decent amount off of football, it wasn’t enough to live off of, and now you had nobody else to live for.

Your life, from your perspective, had become pointless.

Whilst you were certain that your behaviour and gone unnoticed, that was far from the truth.

Most of your teammates had picked up on your particularly low mood. You weren’t ever the happiest person in the locker room, one of the more lowkey people who always allowed yourself to fade into the shadows. But that didn’t mean that people didn’t notice you, especially the people who had come to care for you.

You were injured, and that had come to be the main justification for your particularly down moods, but there was also a sneaking suspicion across some of your teammates that something more was wrong, that there was some other kind of cause for the way you dragged yourself around the gym and rooms during your days spent doing rehab.

You looked lifeless, like everything human about you had been drained.

Alexia knew it was something more, in her time with you, she’d learnt about your struggles and just when she thought that you’d started to open up to her, you’d cut it all off. So whilst she didn’t know the extensive history, she knew you had your demons, and that whatever was haunting you this time around wasn’t going to dissapear anytime soon.

Alexia could say that she didn’t care about you anymore, but it would make her a liar.

She’d always hoped that the two of you would make your way back to eachother, that you’re insistence that the two of you weren’t meant to be was overshadowed by the doubt you’d always about the relationship would somehow flip and you’d realise no matter how many issues you had Alexia was prepared to love you through all of them.

But as the time passed from the breakup, you only distanced yourself more. The person that Alexia had tried to bring out shrunk right back into it’s shell. Everyone on the team had been elated to see you find your footing with Alexia, it was the first time in your years at Barca that everyone started to meet you as a person and not just as a footballer. Alexia thought it had meant things were looking up for you, but all good things came to an end.

You’d been appearing like you’d slowly been slipping further down a slope, the bags underneath your eyes getting bigger, your sluggish behaviour getting worse, your determination to do you rehab dwindling and your willingness to interact with any person at the club being completely non-existent.

You were anti-social at the best of times, but completely diverting from all interactions was new for you and Alexia hadn’t been the only one to notice, it was evident to anybody with a brain that something was wrong, Alexia had no idea though just how wrong it all was.

The coincidence of an away Madrid game during the time that it was clear you were tanking was something that Alexia was particularly annoyed by. There was no plausible excuse for her to stay back from the trip, she was the captain, and she was perfectly fit to play. Plus, she had no obligation to you, you’d washed your hands of Alexia months ago and whilst Alexia still felt lingering concern for you she couldn’t justify staying back for what could potentially be nothing.

That didn’t mean though that she was going to just leave you be, not when she was so certain that there was something truly wrong.

Alexia wasn’t exactly sure of the severity of your trauma. She knew that your relationship with your parents was frayed to say the least, that you didn’t talk to them at all anymore and every time Alexia had tried to ask about them she had been met with a cold shoulder. So after a few tries she’d stopped trying, she didn’t know what it was like to have a disconnected family, she couldn’t relate or empathise with your issues and it killed her.

She knew you took medications, she had no idea what, you kept your daily medication closely guarded, but she knew it had something to do with your mental health. She didn’t ask about it, Alexia had been through your shut downs with you, and she knew broaching the subject of your mental health could be so detrimental to your mindset. She let you show her as much as you wanted to, she ignored the scars on your body, ignored the way that she recognised the complete disregard you had for your body. It was clear in every single aspect of your life that you had a little bit less concern then everybody else did. You put your body on the line in football, in ways that made Alexia furious. You didn’t flinch away from pain, if anything you stepped into the line of fire.

You hid injuries, you hid sickness, you pushed through it all. It was terrifying for Alexia as a partner to watch you continuously put yourself on the line and act like it was completely nothing. By the end of your relationship it was getting hard to watch it happen.

Your ankle injury was a result of that, you hadn’t even been the one ton sideline yourself. It had fallen down to Irene catching a glimpse of your purple and black swelled up ankle after a training session and her marching you to the team physio to get it checked out. It wasn’t shocking to Alexia, but it did make her wonder how many time you’d chosen to hide your pain in favour of putting up a brave face and pushing through, in all aspects of your life.

Alexia was worried and yet she felt as though she had no right to be.

She’d let you push her away, knowing that in some way or another it could be hurting not just her but you, realisatically she couldn’t do anything about it. If you didn’t want to be in a relationship with her she couldn’t force you, but a part of her thought she might have let go a little to easy.

For her, you would be the one that got away.

She wasn’t ready to let you get away yet though.

Really, if she thought about it, it was Mapi who had highlighted that you weren’t okay, and that maybe it was time for somebody to reach out to you. Mapi had come to care a lot about you, she’d seen how broken both you and Alexia were after the split, Alexia was still functioning though, you seemed like you were losing energy for life as everyday passed.

Mapi had been the one to suggest that she’d check on you whilst everyone else was gone, Mapi being stuck behind with some minor twinges in her knee, it was more precautionary than anything that she took the weekend off. She was more then happy though to be a good friend and spend some extra time with you if it meant getting to the bottom of whatever had been going on.

Her intentions had been to bring around a fresh meal, her mama’s old tapa recipe that always managed to light up Ingrid’s face. If her tapas earned her a way into your apartment then she was hoping to sit down with you, maybe have a chat, watch whatever football watch was on. Something, she wanted some kind of proof that you were okay, that even though you were going through a rough time that you manage, that at some point you would come out of this funk and you would go back to the old version of yourself. Maybe better, maybe you would unearth some kind of happiness from you situation and you would be better off because of it.

Mapi knew the odds of all of that were drastically low, but she was also the optimist of everything, it was the reason that she was so good at making uncomfortable people feel more settled in the team. She knocked on your front door with a extra bit of pep in her, hope that somehow she was going to resolve all of the underlying issues that everyone had been expressing for weeks now but had been too afraid to unearth. Mapi was certain that her approach might actually help, that instead of being the authoritative figure that Alexia, Irene, Marta and Patri were as your captains. Mapi was here as a friend, nothing more and nothing less and she hoped that would maybe encourage you to open up to her.

Mapi waited at least a minute after her initial knock before knocking again.

Your car had been beside Mapi’s when she’d parked downstairs, so she knew you were home. It wasn’t late, but it also wasn’t early enough that Mapi could rule out the possibility of you being asleep. Alexia had shoved her old key to your apartment into Mapi’s hand before she’d left, there weren’t any instructions, but the pure desperation in Alexia’s eyes was making Mapi feel compelled to use it.

Her third knock on the door was met with more silence.

You were probably sleeping.

There were parts of Mapi crawling with the emerging feeling of anxiety, she just needed to see you. You’d skipped your gym session today, something that was extremely abnormal for you, it had been worrying enough for Mapi, but you not responding to her now was sending her into a full on spiral.

“It’s Mapi, if you could open up for me please chica, I have some food for you.”

Mapi doesn’t even hear furniture creak.

She repeats what she said again, and is met with complete silence.

“Chica, are you in there? Are you awake? Just answer me, you don’t have to open the door.”

Mapi, if she looks really hard, can make out the faintest glow underneath your door, maybe a lamp?

Mapi waits a few more seconds, and sprinkles in some aggressive knocks. She’s met with nothing in response.

She digs around desperately in her pocket for the key, her fingers eventually coming into contact with the weight of the key in the back pocket of her jeans.

She pulls it up to the door knob with regret coursing through her veins, she doesn’t feel good about invading your privacy, but she feels even worse about everything else, and it’s all enough to overshadow her concern for your feelings about being left alone. After all, you might just be asleep.

The key makes a click after Mapi turns it counterclockwise twice, Mapi reaches for the door knob, it’s the final barrier between her and you, and without much hesitation she pushes the knob down and it opens.

Mapi shivers with the frigid breeze that comes at her as she steps into your apartment.

As soon as her foot hits your wooden floor she can tell something is off, she doesn’t know what but she can just feel it.

Mapi walks into your apartment slowly, with a quick scan of your kitchen and living space she is certain the room is empty. She leaves her dish of tapas on the couter of your kitchen and surveys the room before hesitantly making her way into your hallway. The door to your guest room is open, so naturally Mapi looks in there first.

“Chica, I came in to drop off some food, are you home?”

Mapi, whilst she can’t physically see you anywhere, has a weird kind of sense that you are here, she’s just not sure where.

The guest room is completely empty, in fact, mapi is sure that there is dust lying on top of the spare sheets. She can’t remember the last time you mentioned having somebody stay, at the very start of your signing to Barca, occasionally girls from your National team would come and visit during breaks. Mapi remembers that time, she wouldn’t have said you were happy, but you seemed a bit more content. It was best Mapi had seen you before Alexia.

Mapi is fairly familiar with your apartment, between game nights, post game drinks and double dates she’d spent enough time in your apartment to know where everything was.

Your main bathroom was empty, leaving your bedroom and ensuite.

Mapi felt like she’d invaded enough of your privacy, your bedroom might be the over step.

But there was the clawing feeling, the same feeling that she’d gotten when she’d walked into the apartment that something was wrong, and she wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight without getting to the bottom of it.

So with much apprehension, Mapi walks the rest of the way down the hallway and to the door of your bedroom.

Mapi swears that she has sweat through her shirt, even though your apartment feels colder than the Norwegian winter she’d recently experienced.

Her hands are all sweaty, the same they get before any match, she doesn’t know where her nerves are coming from, she doesn’t have anything to worry about, yet.

Mapi knocks as quietly on your bedroom door as possible, she’s made her mind up that if you are sleeping she’ll leave a note with her tapas and take her leave, she doesn’t need to disturb you.

“Chica, I came here to drop some food off, just make a noise and I’ll leave you.”

Mapi waits for what feels like eternity, and after a long stretch of silence she takes the leap.

She opens the door as quietly as possible, and feels defeated when she spots your complete empty bed.

Everything looks normal, in a weird kind of way. Your sheets are made up, almost pedantically. All the corners tucked in and pillows positioned like they would be in a catalogue.

The only light in the room is the light that is filtering in from your ensuite, underneath the door. It’s bright enough that Mapi can see around the room.

She wants to leave. But she can’t, not without checking.

There is a off chance that you’ve gone on a walk, an activity that definitely was not approved by your physios but she supposed you’d never really obeyed them in the first place.

It’s one last room, your apartment seems so devoid of life that Mapi is confident that it’ll be empty.

She tiptoes across your bedroom, everything about this feels so wrong, like she’s invading somebody’s life that she doesn’t even know anything about.

Mapi knocks on your bathroom door.

“Chica, if you’re in there, just let me know and I’ll leave you be.”

Silence. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not even a squeak.

Mapi’s hand is so sweaty that it nearly slips off of the handle on the door, she doesn’t know why she’s nervous, she doesn’t have any reason to be nervous. Yet it also feels like there are a millon under lying reasons.

Mapi plucks up the courage, because she has to, and twists the knob.

Away games are always a weird mixture of relaxing but also having absolutely no time to yourself.

Alexia’s least favourite part about away games is team bonding. Following the first team dinner of every away trip it’s customary to do some kind of team bonding exercise. She understands that it’s important, but after a long train trip to Madrid the last thing she wants is to spend hours trying to get out of an escape room with no phone and all of the younger girls talking her ear off. What Alexia wants is to get back to the hotel and sleep. Yet she’s stuck in a confined space with girls that she loves but wants nothing more to get away from.

Caro and Keira seem to be in the same mindset as her, the three of them all keeping as far away from the ruckus as possible. After two hours of the madness, Vicky of all people manages to get to the bottom of the puzzle and somehow unlocks the door, Alexia isn’t sure of the logistics of it and she doesn’t really care.

The girls all celebrate as the file out, but there is an overall feeling that everybody is ready to head back to the hotel and go to sleep.

Phones are handed back and Alexia almost pockets hers, to tired to look at whatever messages or instagram notifications she has. But it’s the sea of missed calls that catch her attention.

Alexia’s heart drops.

She’s got dozens of missed calls from Mapi and she knows from the minute she sees her call log that something is wrong.

All Mapi can remember is the amount of blood.

It was so red against your white bathroom tiles.

So much blood. Mapi was certain that there wasn’t that much blood in the human body, and yet it just kept leaking out, even as she pressed your towels to your arm, it kept leaking through.

She vaguely remembers going through her very basic medical training. Checking your pulse, it took a while for her to find it but eventually she does. She doesn’t know if it weak or it’s just her shaking hands that can’t pin your pulse down.

She uses a leftover hair tie on her wrist as a tourniquet, she doesn’t think it’s working but she has nothing else.

Compression.

She vaguely remembers her call with the emergency services, struggling to find words but forcing them out of her mouth because she had to.

The lady on the other side of the phone talks her through it, tells Mapi that she’s doing the right things, she walks Mapi through what to do if you stop breathing. Mapi thinks you are, your chest lifts every so slightly every few seconds, but it’s so subtle Mapi swears she might be imagining it.

The lady tells Mapi that eventually your blood should clot, but Mapi finds it hard to believe. Her hands and shirt are covered in blood, your blood, it’s everywhere, red and thick and it’s overwhelming Mapi. Your bathroom looks like a crime scene, a murder scene, and Mapi supposes it almost is.

When the paramedics show up, Mapi doesn’t know what to do, they’re so methodical. One of them talks to Mapi whilst their partner attends to you, Mapi’s hands are shaking, her hands, covered in your blood. She should have taken that extra medical course that they’d offered all the players at the start of the season, maybe it would have prepared her better. Nothing prepares a person for what Mapi just did though, no amount of medical training or training courses could ever prepare a person for what Mapi just saw.

The paramedic assures Mapi that she did everything right, that you wouldn’t be alive without her, and those words make it all worse. Dead. You could have been dead. The paramedic offers to take Mapi to the hospital with you, but she declines, she needs a minute, she needs to have a second to think about herself. The paramedic tells Mapi the name of the hospital they’ll be taking you and takes her name and number to give to the nurses as your contact.

They whisk you off right in front of Mapi’s eyes.

Your body is white, you look so lifeless.

Once you’re gone, Mapi closes the door to your bathroom, she can’t look in there, not at the raw amount of evidence that you’ve left behind. It’s already all over her body, she doesn’t need to see anymore of it.

She sits down on your tight sheets, and she realises that there is a piece of paper sitting at the edge of your bed, a letter.

Mapi cries when she sees it, she lets it all out.

It’s addressed to Alexia and Mapi doesn’t need to read it to know what it’s intention was, what your intentions were, if it wasn’t already confirmed then this only assures it.

Mapi leaves red finger prints on it, picking it up and collecting some of your clothes from your wardrobe before leaving your apartment.

Alexia clicks on Mapi’s contact with so much fear coursing through her body, she’s praying that it’s not here mami, not when Alexia is away.

“Ale-Alexia, thank god you picked up, gracias a dios.”

Mapi’s voice is quivering, Alexia’s not sure if she’s ever heard her voice like that before.

“Maria, what’s wrong? Why did you call so many times?”

There is a sob on the other end of the line, and Alexia starts to pray, to any god that whatever Mapi is about to tell her isn’t going to be bad, she can’t handle bad news right now.

“She was supposed to be sleeping, I was so sure she was sleeping. There was so much blood, I thought, I didn’t think there was enough blood in a person’s veins but there was so much of it, it just kept leaking out of her.”

Alexia’s heart and stomach are at her feet, she clutches for a wall, a solid form that she can rely on so that she doesn’t collapse.

“Who, Maria, who? What are you talking about, where are you?”

There is another sob, a deep sob, like Mapi’s being tortured.

“Y/n, I went to visist her like you’d asked, an-and she was, I thought she was dead.”

Alexia heart feels like it’s on a rollercoaster, like it’s returned to a normal level for a second, before plummeting even deeper.

“What do you mean Maria, what are you talking about.”

Somebody in the group must have realised Alexia’s discomposure, because she can feel a group of eyes on her, like everybody is trying to figure out what is happening on the other end of the phone.

“She left a letter, she-she I thought she was dead Ale, why would somebody do that to themselves? Why would she want to do that to herself.”

Alexia is aware that Mapi is clearly in some kind of post-traumatic state, that it’s going to be hard to get to the bottom of this but she’s managed to string the details together. From what Mapi’s said, you’re still alive, but it can’t be good, not by how Mapi has made it sound.

“Maria, I need you to listen to me. Where are you? Where is she? What is wrong with her.”

Alexia can hear Mapi trying to take some deep breaths on the other side of the line, somewhere in the crowd Ingrid is pushed forward, looking at Alexia with so much confusion. Mapi doesn’t often have anxiety or panic attacks, but if she were, Ingrid is certain that she would be the first person for Mapi to call, yet she’s received none.

“I-I’m at the hospital with her, she’s been moved to the ICU, I haven’t seen her yet but the nurses told me they had to perform CPR in the ambulance and that she was rushed to surgery when she got here. She’s been stable since but she’s in critical condition.”

Alexia doesn’t know what to do, she wants to be with you.

“Maria, I’m going to hand you off to Ingrid okay, talk to her, let her calm you down. I’m going to talk to the staff and try and figure out a way for me to come home, talk to Ingrid, okay?”

Ingrid looks confused but takes the phone from Alexia regardless, allowing Alexia to walk towards the staff, her face sullen and body hurting from the pressure of all of this.

Mapi thinks you look worse, somehow.

All of the wires and cords and the bags and needles make your body look wrong. Nobody should need so many weird connections, yet considering the state you were in Mapi is oddly comforted by it all, she wants you to be getting as much help as your body needs.

She still got your blood on her, one of the nice nurses had helped her to wash it off her hands and arms, and Mapi had stolen one of your sweatshirts she’d haphazardly grabbed as a replacement for her shirt, but she can still feel it on her body.

She’s been sitting in the same chair since the nurses let her in to your room, it’s next to the window, so when Mapi feels compelled to cry, or can’t handle looking at your body any longer because it gives her a flashback, she looks out the window at the bustling city of Barcelona below her and it oddly comforts her. Life goes on, everyone elses life goes on, but yours almost didn’t.

Her mind goes to dark places thinking about the what if she hadn’t of come to check on you? Mapi knows the answer to that question, even a few minutes later and your body would have been even more lifeless then when Mapi found it, except maybe instead of most of life being drained from you, all of it would have been.

They still don’t know for sure what it’s going to look like when you wake up, Mapi was hardly paying attention when the doctors came to talk to her, they were speaking so many words that Mapi couldn’t even pretend to know the meaning of. She remembers bits and pieces, the parts that she knew she’d have to remember in case Alexia called again and wanted an update.

You’d lost a lot of blood but they were working to try and replenish it, you’d needed nearly 100 stitches all together, the scars were all about 6 inches long and just almost ½ and inch deep. You didn’t hit any major arteries or veins, but you grazed one of them and that was most likely why you bled so much. Your blood might have not clotted because of the antidepressants in your system potentially mixed with the ibuprofen you were taking for your ankle. They don’t know when you are going to wake up but they emphasise you sleeping isn’t a bad thing because you’re body is getting the rest that it needs to repair itself.

Mapi doesn’t understand the measurements or the way medications work, she knows your body needs rest but she also desperately just wants you to wake up. Selfishly, even if it’s just for a second so that she knows that you are okay, so that she can stop blaming herself for killing you. She’s always going to somewhat blame herself for this, but you dying would be the straw that broke the camels back.

Alexia doesn’t think the whole way back to Barcelona, the staff managed to get her on the last flight out of the night, with Ingrid.

They both don’t say a word after Alexia briefs Ingrid on what she learnt from Mapi on the phone, it’s nowhere near enough information and it leaves Alexia’s brain stumbling, she’s so uncertain of everything.

There is a chauffeur waiting for them at the airport which takes them straight to the hospital, Alexia doesn’t even pretend to be flattered when the reception staff immediately know who she is and takes her straight to your room. She has one concern. Everything else is just background noise to her.

Seeing you makes Alexia feel sick, literally, it’s a few seconds before she feels the bile rising. It’s been building for hours now and she rushes into the bathroom adjacent to your room and ungracefully let’s her stomach go directly into the toilet bowl.

Once she’s done and she feels less like her heart is going to fall out of her throat she gets up and puts on a brave face, walking back into your room.

Mapi has tears streaming down her face, Ingrid is trying to talk to her but Alexia can tell that none of it is getting through to her.

“Mapi, what happened?”

Alexia wants to know, she needs to know, she needs to know how you got here.

Mapi is shaking, her whole body, it’s almost scary the way that her body vibrates against the chair she’s sitting in.

“I-I went to check in on her, dios mios, it was so cold, she was-she-.”

Ingrid stops Mapi.

“Alexia, we can do this later, she can’t handle this right now.”

Ingrid looks as terrified as Alexia feels, but her fear is for Mapi, it makes sense, Mapi is the love of her life. Alexia doesn’t think she’s entitled to the same fear, she let you go.

“No-no, she wants to know.”

It’s clear that every word is pulling Mapi further and further apart, but she pushes through.

“I-I just needed to see her, I went through all the rooms until I got to her bathroom.”

She lets out a sob before continuing.

“There was so much blood, it was all coming from her arm, I tried my best, I tried my best.”

Mapi sobs again, this time it’s so deep and guttural that Alexia is so horrified about what is to come.

“I tried to stop it. She was supposed to be sleeping, I thought she was just sleeping. She was unconscious, blood everywhere, and it just kept coming, it wouldn’t stop. I tried my best.”

Ingrid is murmuring words into Mapi’s ear, Alexia doesn’t know what to say, she actually can’t think of a single word to say.

“I called the ambulance, but she coded in the ambulance, they had to give her so many stitches, so much blood.”

Mapi keeps repeating the same words, over and over again, like it’s a mantra.

Alexia needs to stop it, for her bestfriends sake.

She walks to the otherside of the room, gently pushing Ingrid to the side so she can squat down in front of Mapi.

“Maria look at me. You did your best, you saved her life. You are no more to blame for this then anybody else is. You did so well, she’s alive because of you, she is breathing and sitting in front of us because of you. You did that.”

Mapi doesn’t look like she believes Alexia, but it’s a reprieve from whatever trance she was in.

“How about you and Ingrid go and get something to eat, I’ll stay here with her, if anything happens I’ll call you, okay?”

Mapi looks apprehensive to get up, but Alexia watches Ingrid give her a look and it’s the first time since Alexia’s walked into this room that she sees a little bit of normality return to Mapi’s face.

“Sh-she left you a letter. I think you should read it.”

Mapi pushes it into Alexia’s hands like it’s poisonous.

“Thank you Mapi, I will, go and take a break.”

Alexia presses a kiss to Mapi’s hand, before moving to allow Ingrid to help her up. Mapi is uneasy on her feet and for a second Alexia thinks she might collapse or vomit. She eventually finds her footing though and follows Ingrid out of the room.

Alexia looks down at the letter.

It’s got dried blood finger prints on it, she presumes from Mapi, it secures all of this in some weird way. This is all actually happening.

Alexia takes her time opening it, this is tangible evidence of all of this and a part of Alexia wants nothing more then for it to disappear, so she can pretend none of this has happened.

She wasn’t even there for it, she can’t imagine what Mapi went through, she already feels like every part of her has been stripped away with this.

She feels like she’s an imposter in this all, she doesn’t know what to do.

You’ve never expressed to her anything about family or parents, she doesn’t think it would be right to call them without your permission. She wants to call her own mami but that feels a bit silly, although she knows somehow her mami would give her all the right advice. She doesn’t want to talk about any of it though, it feels wrong. This is such a personal issue, she doesn’t even think she should know about it, she doesn’t have any right considering that Alexia could have very well contributed to this whole issue.

The letter is white, off white possibly, it’s hard to tell with the harsh fluorescent lighting.

The marks that would have been bright red at some stage have faded to a dull reddish brown, it’s imprinted deep into the paper.

Alexia flips it over, gently opening the seal with her fingernail and letting the flap open up.

The paper inside is the same colour, except even though she can only see the flip side it’s clear that there is black scrawl all over it.

Alexia could make it disappear, act like she read it, it would make it all so much easier, it would save her a lot of emotions that she really doesn’t feel prepared to feel. But she doesn’t get to make that decision, she needs to read this, for you and for her.

Dear Alexia,

If you’re reading this then chances are I’m already gone, if I’m not then something went wrong and for that I’m sorry. I don’t want you to think that any of this was about you, or that you or anybody else was responsible. I made this decision, I’ve been thinking about this long before you came and I would have spent everyday thinking about it, no action or intervention would have changed that.

I don’t know how to explain it, but life is different for me. I don’t experience things the same way, I don’t get happy when I spend time with friends, I don’t get happy when it’s sunny outside. I’ve tried it all, I’ve tried to make it work, tried to live life in my body. I think a part of me was always separate though, and as much as I’ve tried to make it work there is no point in trying to fix something that is always going to be broken.

Being with you was the first time that my brain felt quiet, that I kind of felt the experience of happiness that everyone else feels. You made it all better, everything with you felt better, it felt normal. All I ever wanted was to be a normal person, and you made me feel like that. It’s not fair of me to be saying that, you deserved better then me, it wasn’t fair for me to burden you with all of this shit. Fucked up is never not fucked up, you can’t uncrumple a crumpled piece of paper, it will always be creased. I want you to know that I didn’t do this to you, i did this for you. It wasn’t fair weighing you down, I know it wasn’t easy for you when we broke up, you deserve to focus on football. You deserve to have a good life, you deserve to be free. I don’t want you to feel bad, I don’t want you to feel like you’re responsible. Live your life, be happy, for me, experience it all, because I couldn’t.

I’m not myself anymore, although I don’t think I ever was myself. It always kind of feels like i’ve been different people in my own body, and this time i couldn’t handle it. I don’t want to feel devoid anymore, I want to be free. My identity has always been identified as being a good footballer, a great footballer, and I don’t even think I can say that I am that anymore. I am nothing, want to be nothing.

I’m sorry I never loved you back in the same way, I’m sorry I never reciprocated the endless graciousness and love tha you gave me. The smiles, the effort, the constant love, it was wasted on me and my biggest regret in life will be letting you waste it on me. It wasn’t fair, it’ll never be fair, because I loved you back and that perhaps was the most selfish act I’ve ever committed.

I’m sorry, there aren’t enough words that I could use to tell you just how sorry I am. I’m sorry that I burdened you with me, I’m sorry that I let myself be cared for by you, I’m sorry that you have to read this.

I’m sorry.

There wouldn’t have ever been anything I could have done to repair it, I didn’t want to live knowing that I would forever be in debt to you for this. I hope that eventually you will find peace in this, that some good will finally come of me.

Goodbye.

There are tears all over the page by the time Alexia gets to the bottom of the letter, she actually can’t comprehend what she’s just read, she swears that her mind must be playing tricks on her. Why would you think all of those things? What made you think all of those things?

Alexia feels sick again.

Did she make you feel that way? Did she make you feel like you weren’t deserving of living?

There are so many questions circulating her brain, and she doesn’t have a answer for a single one of them, because she doesn’t know. Suicide was your only option, one that could have been very permanent, it makes Alexia’s head swim. You believed that your only option to make it all stop was death. You found a permanent solution to something that Alexia’s considers a potentially temporary situation, had you reached out, had you tried to find help. She can’t criticise you, she can’t even begin to comprehend how hard it would be living as you have, and then having to try and talk to somebody else about that. A part of her wishes you had though, because maybe it would have saved her beind here.

Your body is the exact same it was the last time Alexia looked at you, but for some reason you feel different.

Alexia reaches out for your hand, it’s the arm that’s not covered in bandages. Your hands are cold, but she tries to ignore it. She focuses on the feeling of movement underneath her own hand, it’s the only real tangible proof she has that you are here with her, that you are alive.

Sure there is a beeping heart monitor, and other signs, but she just wants to feel you.

She holds your hand, because she swears that she’ll slip away. Alexia doesn’t know what to do, she doesn’t know how to help you but she promises herself that she’s going to be here, that she isn’t ever going to let you experience life the same way that you did without her being there for you.

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thoughts appreciated …. part 2?

another reminder that if you ever need anybody to talk to i am here, your life is worth living, you are worth it all. <3

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queen-of-reptiles · 2 months ago

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𝚂𝙴𝙲𝚁𝙴𝚃𝚂

𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙴𝙴

description: ona was finally where she had dreamed, she was back at barcelona with her best friend and loving every moment. only problem? she's dating her captain's younger sister, you.

And now, Alexia knows...

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ona batlle x putellas!reader

part one here

part two here

part three of the 'hidden' universe - ona's version

mapi leon x bronze!reader here

disclaimer: this is all fiction do not take any of this seriously !

warnings: swear words - smut - no under 18's - reader giving! reader fingering (like slightly) reader eating Ona out, cunnilingus, fluff, and a shorter ending :) Oh also google translating to Spanish so apologies in advance xx

SMUT AT BEGINNING

MINORS DNI

18+

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y/n squeaked as two hands squeezed at her waist, her mind having been completely focussed on making the pancakes she was baking perfect.

"Bon dia, carinyo." Ona hummed softly.

Good morning baby.

y/n smiled as the girl pressed multiple kisses against her cheek, the sweetness making the actress laugh as she shook the girl off slightly so she could focus on not burning the pancakes.

"Fa olor meravellosa." Ona whispered and y/n chuckled.

Smells amazing beautiful

"Blueberry and banana pancakes. Just how you like." y/n promises, and a wide smile breaks out on Ona's face.

Ona takes the plate off y/n, a soft kiss being pressed on y/n's cheek in thanks as Ona moves to the fridge, instantly grabbing some smoothies which were in there and setting them out on the table.

Ona watched as y/n hummed to herself as she tidied the dirty pan into the dishwasher, a soft smile on her face as she grabbed her own plate and the whipped cream which she had bought.

"Tú y esa crema batida." Ona says with a chuckle.

You and that whipped cream.

y/n giggled at Ona sticking her tongue out at her, her eyes sparkling as she watched the footballer with nothing but pure admiration as they shared a soft smile.

"¡Me gusta!" y/n defends herself.

I like it!

y/n then squirts a large swirl of the cream on her pancakes, before squirting another small bit toward Ona who shrieks and curses out at y/n who laughs.

"¿Qué haré contigo mi niña descarada?" Ona asks lowly, her voice suddenly shifting to a more gravelly pitch.

What will I do with you my cheeky girl?

y/n can't help the way her stomach swirls with the way Ona's voice had dropped and her flirty smile had grown.

"Todo lo que quieras, mi amor." y/n says, her voice silky and low - combatting Ona's flirt.

Anything you want, my love.

y/n smiles when Ona gulps, trying to contain her emotion as she took a bite of her pancakes, shaking her fork at y/n as the girl chuckled.

"Te amo." Ona says softly.

I love you.

y/n grinned leaning over and pressing a kiss against Ona's lips making the girl hum lovingly.

"Yo también te amo, Oni." y/n promises and the two share a smile.

I love you too, Oni.

The two finished in silence, Ona taking the plates to the sink to wash them, where y/n stood wrapped around her from behind.

"¿Cómo te sientes al contarles?" y/n asks her as Ona turns in her arms to face her.

How are you feeling about telling them?

"Orgulloso. Esa mi niña, es la más guapa." Ona says, pressing a soft kiss to y/n's cheek.

Proud. That my girl, is the most gorgeous one.

"Flirt." y/n chuckles, knowing she was feeling the same as she mentally tracked Ona's freckled nose in her head. Trying to commit the patterned spots to memory.

Ona leans forward, connecting their lips softly so y/n can take the lead, sucking the footballer's tongue into her mouth and pushing her up and onto the counter top.

y/n made quick work of sliding her underwear off and away, throwing it somewhere behind her, which she planned to worry about another time.

The two's mouths continued to dance together while y/n did this, tongues intertwining, Ona's hands nestled tightly in y/n's hair, her grip tensing further when y/n's hand drifted up her tanned thighs.

y/n watched, a glint in her eye as Ona's head tipped back, her chest stuttering at y/n's pawing hers which squeezed the inside of her thighs, growing higher, before sliding back down to her knees.

y/n's lips ran a path down Ona's neck, wanting to so desperately to nip at the skin there, but knowing that her sister would find that too far.

So y/n settled for licking a stripe back up Ona's neck, making her gasp before sinking her teeth into the top of Ona's ear, the woman moaning at the action.

"Qué ruidos tan bonitos. Que chica tan bonita. Todo mío." y/n said into Ona's ear, the brunette nodding along.

Such pretty noises. Such a pretty girl. All mine.

y/n's hands squeezed at the top of her thighs, the grip almost bruising as her thumbs ran down the soft skin. y/n's hands stroked, her finger tips stroking just across Ona's cunt.

"Por favor. Bebé por favor." Ona begged softly, the words falling from her lips in a breathless whisper.

Please. Baby Please.

y/n's hand found her chest, pushing the girl back to lay out on the counter and pulling her legs to the edge. y/n bent at her waits, reaching out behind to pull a stool for her to sit down on.

Her lips ghosted up Ona's thighs, relishing in the small gasps which came from her as she approached what was in such desperate need for attention.

y/n gave in, her tongue licking a stripe inbetween Ona's lips which made the girl cry out in shock and buck her hips. The wetness which sat there smeared across y/n's chin as she dove in for more.

y/n's tongue flicked at Ona's clit, the girl ignoring the way her chin dripped in the woman as she did so, the only thing on her mind were the pretty noises falling from Ona's lips.

The begs, pleads, moans which echoed the room as y/n sucked the clit into her mouth, letting it go with a satisfying pop.

y/n moved her tongue down, dipping slightly into Ona's hole, which caused the woman to let out a soft moan, before y/n brought her finger up, and slowly inserted it.

y/n's tongue moved back up to Ona's clit, knowing how much the woman enjoyed the stimulation when y/n used her tongue, and she just curled her finger ever so slightly back and forth.

"Yes, yes." Ona called in relief, the knot in her stomach getting tighter as her abs pushed through the light white t-shirt she wore.

y/n sped her tongue up, ignoring the slight ache she was feeling in the back of her jaw as she chased what she so desperately wanted, Ona's orgasm.

The footballer's thighs tightened around her head, and y/n pushed her finger in deeper, sucking Ona's clit into her mouth harshly as the woman came with a shout of relief.

She always tasted slightly sweet Ona, y/n had always assumed due to her diet, and her cum was a pure additive to y/n who stayed there, cleaning what she could with her tongue from her finger and Ona's cunt.

"Por favor no, demasiado sensible." Ona begged, y/n giving in and pulling away.

Please no, too sensitive.

Ona calmed, sitting up and letting out a breath as she slid down and wrapped herself around y/n, pressing a kiss to her head in thanks.

"Nosotras vamos a tener que limpiar el mostrador." y/n says softly.

we're so going to have to clean the counter.

Ona laughed at that, looking down at y/n from her lap, before leaning down and connecting their lips again.

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y/n hummed along to the radio which played as she pulled up to the Spanish team's training, her car rolling to a stop as she switched it off, the silence now pounding in her ears as she slid out of the car.

It was once again a beautiful day in Spain, y/n once again wearing a sundress, with cycling shorts underneath, because she had a habit of falling over.

y/n slowly strolled into the training ground, the staff letting her in without a fight as she flashed her lanyard.

y/n ran her hand along the wall, chuckling when the booming voice of her sister echoed from the pitch, the sound of Alexia calling a drinks break makes y/n jog out of the tunnel and into the pitch.

"Y/N!" A scream shouts and suddenly Aitana Bonmati is wrapping herself around y/n who chuckles and hugs the woman.

"Tani!" y/n cheers.

"Estoy tan emocionada de verte!" Aitana says, y/n grinning.

I am so excited to see you!

"Los he extrañado mucho a todos." y/n smiles.

I've missed you all so much.

"Ayyy, Bebe Putellas." Jenni grins as the Spanish team all begin to greet the girl and hug her.

"We've missed you!" Aitana says and y/n chuckles.

"Missed you all, but I'll be screaming in the crowds when you all play this Nations League." y/n grins and they all cheer.

There is a five minute call from the coaching staff makes Alexia sigh and kiss her little sister's cheek.

"Will you stay?" Alexia asks and y/n nods making the girls cheer as they all hug her.

"Te amo." Ona says, leaning forward and pecking y/n on the lips.

I love you

"Te amo." y/n says to her. Jenni letting out a shriek of pure shock.

"¿Qué? ¿Qué? ¿Tú? ¿Qué?" Jenni asks, pointing at the two as the rest of the team watched them confused.

What? What? You? What?

"¿La amo?

I love her?

The entire team looked between the Ona and y/n, and then Ona and y/n and then finally, Alexia and y/n, Alexia and Ona. Their captain sighed.

"Sí, sabía que ella la amaba." Alexia promises.

Yes, I knew she loved her.

"Ahhhhh! Tan linda!" Aitana says as the group are called back.

So cute!

y/n giggles, relieved that everyone was finding her and Ona sweet and weren't worried about them causing any issues, Ona wrapped her arm around y/n waist and grinned.

y/n chuckled as she wrapped an arm around Ona's shoulders and pressed a kiss to her hair and the group coo'd once more, y/n rolled her eyes, shooing them back to training.

"She is a Putellas." Jenni jokes and y/n rolls her eyes as she shoves the woman away, pressing a last kiss to Ona's cheek, before going to sit down on the side lines.

Now all that was left was to tell the world. And y/n knew just how to do that.

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y/n just posted on her story x3

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y/n was a little nervous as she sat in the stands, her coat was still on her and she could hear the calls of her name by excited fans and the sound of constant camera snaps of her and Mapi sat together.

y/n sighed, her leg shaking as Mapi talked, trying to calm the girl down about outing hers and Ona's relationship. y/n was suddenly very nervous about people's reaction.

"¿Qué pasa si ellas piensan que no soy lo suficientemente bueno para ella?" y/n asks Mapi worriedly, the woman looking at her friend confused as she hugged her.

What happens if they think I am not good enough for her?

"¡Eres lo suficientemente bueno! ¡Deja de pensar demasiado niña!" Mapi promises y/n.

You are good enough! Stop overthinking girl!

y/n smiles at Mapi, nodding her head as the teams begin to walk out, Mapi and y/n stand up cheering and clapping for them and y/n drops her hoodie off her, the camera flashes instantly speeding up.

It was almost like a simultaneous gasp in the stadium as everyone suddenly stopped paying attention to the players. Everyone's eyes were glued to the screen filming y/n in a Batlle shirt.

Swedish and Spanish fans alike snapped photos and cheered excitedly as Ona grinned widely, her cheeks pink from all the phones directed at her.

Eventually things calm and the game begins, the harsh reality of football making y/n relieved she didn't follow her sister's footsteps as she watches Ona fall to the floor again.

y/n lets out an excited scream at the goal scored, her and Mapi jumping up and down excitedly as people once again film the woman cheering.

Finally half time rolls around and y/n can't help but sigh in relief at the fact there was a respite for the players who were now 1-1.

y/n and Mapi grabbed some drinks, and took some photos with fans before sitting back down and talking away the half time rest. Unaware of social media storming.

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twitter/X:

username1: Y/N ???????? ONA?????? AGHHHHHHHHHHH

username2: DID NOT EXPECT BABY PUTELLAS TO BE WEARING AN ONA SHIRT!!

username3: Dios mío, no puedo, pero ¿su hermana es la capitana?

Oh my god, I cannot! But her sister is the captain??

username4: ¡Lo sé! Me pregunto cómo reaccionó Alexia.

I know! I wonder how Alexia reacted?!

username5: ¡Con lo cercanas que son Alexia y y/n, estoy seguro de que ella reaccionó bien!

With how close Alexia and y/n are I am sure she reacted well!

username6: y/n batlle! y/n batlle! Cute!!

username7: ¿Cómo ninguna de nosotras adivinó?

How did none of us guess?

username8: Todas somos idiotas

We are all idiots :)

See more comments...

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y/n bit at her fingernail worriedly as she watched Mariona race forward, the ball bulging at the back of the net just as the clock hit 90 minutes + 6.

y/n jumped up excitedly, her and Mapi screaming in excitement as the crowd erupted in shock and excitement, screams of victory echoing as the Swedish team slumped in upset and y/n felt bad for them.

Mapi and y/n ran down to the barrier of the friends and family section, Alexia moving to her sister and standing on the railing so the two could share a tight hug.

Ona pulls herself up next to Alexia, y/n and her sharing a smile as y/n pulls away from her sister, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she does so.

y/n then looks at Ona and grins, leaning down to press a soft kiss against her lips which sends the crowd crazier as Ona grins into the kiss.

The two pull away, noses brushing each other as they share several giggles at the cheers and y/n can't help but sigh in relief as she pulls away grinning at the cheers which echoed.

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y/n just posted

Liked by marialeonn16, alexiaputellas and 3,128,199 others

tagged ona.batlle

y/n Instantáneas de casi un año de amor 🩷

Snapshots of almost a year of love

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ona.batlle just posted

Liked by, alexiaputellas, lucybronze and 900,377 others

tagged y/n

ona.batlle Un año de felicidad contigo 🩷

A year of happiness with you

comments disabled

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END - hope you enjoyed xxx

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pernillecfcw · 6 months ago

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They were both fed up after walking up them steps😂

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alotofpockets · 7 months ago

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Alexia and Mapi Appreciation

Request a player | with @totaly-obsessed

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totaly-obsessed · 3 months ago

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Tough Mapi Léon Appreciation

Request a player | with @alotofpockets

#woso appreciation #mapi leon #mapi león #spain wnt #espwnt #barca femeni #barça femeni #barcelona femeni #woso #woso community

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1ngridengen · 5 months ago

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oh lord have mercy on my soul, when people ask why i'm gay im going to show them this picture

#woso #barcelona femeni #spain #fc barcelona #ingrid engen #norway #mapi leon

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pitchsidestories · 11 months ago

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New Year's Eve Party (3) II Alexia Putellas x Reader

New Year's Eve Party Masterlist (all previous parts can be found here) I Word count: 2193

On this last day of the year, Alexia sat on her side of your bed, deep in thought. The past year hasn’t been what she expected after her severe knee injury. The recovery was hard, her knee still bothered her and her latest surgery had been only a couple of days ago. All she wanted to do was get back on the pitch and show them that she still was the greatest of all time.

A small voice snapped her out of her thoughts. “Mami, why are you so sad?“, her daughter asked, struggling to climb onto the bed. With a helping hand, Alexia made sure that Victoria was safely seated next to her.

“Oh, it’s nothing, love.“, she forced a smile. The toddler let her head drop down on her mums lap, whispering; “Mama said it’s your knee.“ Carefully, she bent forward to blow the softest kiss on Alexias knee, barely touching the surgery scar. A genuine smile spread on Alexias face; “You’re the sweetest.“ She gently brushed over her daughters hair.

“Nala, come here!“, Victoria called suddenly, patting the sheets next to her. Alexias dog jumped up without hesitation, looking expectantly at the two. “What are you doing?“, Alexia laughed while her daughter pulled the dog closer to her.

You were watching the scene from the bathroom where you were getting ready for the New Years Eve party. “She made it her mission to cheer you up.“, you explained. Your wife shook your head; “I’m okay. I don’t need cheering up.“

You knew this wasn’t true but before you could protest, Victoria watched you with big eyes; “Mama, tell Mami.“ “What?“, your eyebrows knotted together in confusion. Alexia mirrored your puzzled expression; “What are you talking about?“ Instead of an answer, Victoria just stared at you stubbornly.

When you realized she wouldn’t continue talking, you turned back to your wife; “Elisabet will soon be here. We should get you ready for the party.“ “You’re right. We can’t be late.“, she nodded and slowly got up from the bed. “Exactly. Do you want to help her get ready?“, you asked your toddler. She stood up immediately, bouncing up and down on the bed, her tiny ponytail swaying; „Yes!" Alexia scrunched her nose playfully; “Can’t I go in sweats? I bet the girls wouldn’t mind.“

“To a party?“, Victoria asked bewildered. “No, you’re right, love. I can’t go out like this when your Mama looks that stunning.“, Alexia winked at you. You could feel a blush creeping up your cheeks. “No, you can’t! You both have to look like princesses!“, your daughter decided. Your wife let out a soft laugh; “Agreed.“ “What are you going to wear?“, Victoria asked, bouncing with excitement.

After a moment of consideration, Alexia pulled out a forest green dress from her closet; “What about this dress? It matches your Mamas.“ Victorias answer came out as a yell; “Yes!“

“It’s perfect.”, you admitted chuckling. Your daughter was completely enchanted by the midfielder’s transformation which reminded her of the fairytale her Abuela told her about an ordinary girl becoming a princess through a fairy godmother:” You look so beautiful together.”

“Thank you.”, you kissed her cheek and hoped that kiss transported the deep love you felt for her, before you reacted to the ringing doorbell adding, this must be your Abuela.” “Oh, already?”, Victoria looked up surprised, she did not feel ready to let you two go just yet.

“Hello, anybody home?”, Elisabet asked giggling. Quickly your daughter ran to her grandmother beaming at the sight of her:”Abuela!” “Mi Estrella.”, the older woman exclaimed happily, before kneeling down, so her arms caught the running toddler. “I think you two will have a good night.”, Alexia observed.

A warm smile was playing on your lips: “I think so too.” “Hello Mama.”, your wife greeted her mum with a welcoming hug. For a moment Elisabet closed her eyes, enjoying the moment between her older daughter: “Hello Ale.”

Afterwards your mother-in-law went immediately to you, her whisper was filled with curiosity:” Did you told her already?” “No, not yet. I wanted to wait with that after her surgery”, you slowly shook your head. A hint of disappointment showed up in the older woman’s face, but you tried to tell yourself that you had good reasons for being quiet about this until now.

The quiet talk between you both made Alexia show her impatient side, she was eager to know what you had exchanged: “What? What have you two been scheming again?”

Ignoring her daughter, Elisabet said to you:” I mean she’s done with that now.” Truthfully you answered: “Eli, I didn’t find the right time for it yet.” “Maybe you find it tonight.”, she suggested in a hopeful tone. You could feel her gaze cutting through the fabric of your dress which did a good job at hiding the small bump.

Meanwhile Victoria drew Alexia’s attention with an innocent wish:” Mami will you show Tia Mapi that I’m wearing her jersey tonight?” “Of course, I will. Let me take a photo of you for her.”, the midfielder nodded grinning. Excited the little girl confessed:” I love it so much.” “I will tell her.”, Alexia promised who knew that the defender’s injury and hers was saddening her daughter more than she wanted to admit.

Clearing her throat Elisabet decided loudly: “But for now, go and enjoy your party. She needs to get out after her surgery.”

“You’re right. Ale, we got to go.“, you reminded your wife. Alexia looked up from the photos she had just taken of Victoria in her jersey. With pleading eyes, your little daughter looked up to you, her arms outstretched so you could pick her up; “Can you tuck me in first?“ In a swift movement, you lifted her up and carried her into the bedroom; “Of course, love.“ “Thanks.“

While she got herself comfortable in her sheets, you picked out a book to read to her. You knew she loved the story of a young football playing girl, so Alexia and you had started to replace the name with Victorias.

“And that’s when Victoria realized, she could achieve anything she wanted with her friends and with her football team.“, you ended the story. Victoria tiredly blinked up at you; “I like that.“ “It’s a great story, right?“, you smiled softly. With a yawn, the toddler buried herself deeper into her blanket; “Yes.“

She was already asleep when you leaned forward to gently kiss her forehead; “Good night, love.“ “I’ll take over now. You two really shouldn’t be late for your party.“, Elisabet smiled from the door at you. You got up from the side of Victorias bed, while Alexia pressed a kiss on her mums cheek; “Thank you, mum.“

“Go and have fun.“, she replied while swatting at her daughters arm. You winked at her with a laugh; “Oh, we’ll.“ “Come on, we got to go.“, Alexia echoed what you have been saying for the past thirty minutes once again and took your hand in hers.

Still, to your surprise, you were the first ones to arrive at the party. Fridolina and her girlfriend were just finished with decorating their house. Alexia promptly handed you a glass of champagne as the other guests began to arrive. You politely took it, carrying it around with you but not drinking from it.

During her smalltalk with her team mates, Alexia realized that the level of your champagne hadn’t change over the course of the evening. You could tell from the glance she gave you that she was worried; “What’s wrong, mi amor? Don’t you feel good?“

“No, I feel much better than the past weeks to be honest.“, you admitted, swallowing hard. “You do?“ “I…“, you started, but Mapi tugged at both of your arms at the same time. “Girls, get ready for the group photo!“

“Yes?“, Alexia prompted you to continue, ignoring her team mate completely. “You had so much going on, so I didn’t know how to tell you…“, you admitted. Mapis voice interrupted you again; “Hurry up, you two.“ But you could see in your wifes’ face that she understood; “One second, Mapi. Are you saying you’re…?“

You nodded slowly but delighted; “That it worked? Yes.“ “Wow.“, Alexia breathed. You both were finally pulled into the group photo. “Alexia, always the latest.“, Mapi commented amused like she already had few too many drinks. Alexia replied quietly; “We’re here now.“ “Finally!“ “Let’s just take the photo.“

After they took the annual group photo, Aitana was satisfied with the result:” I think it’s the first time I saw Ale really smiling tonight.” “At least we have proof of it.”, Patri mocked the team’s captain lovingly. This comment made Alexia roll her eyes while defending herself at the same time:” Let me smile I just heard the best news in a while.”

Before she could explain her reply any further the midfielder answered a video call from your daughter:” Hi love, shouldn’t you be asleep already?” “I woke up again. Abuela said I could call you.”, Victoria pouted.

Immediately Mapi spotted the jersey the toddler was wearing which made her grin even harder: “Love the shirt you’re wearing!” “Thanks.”, the pout on your daughter’s face was replaced with a sincere smile. The alcohol loosened the defender’s tongue as she blurted out in a genuine tone: “I’m obsessed.” “Me too. It’s my favourite.”, Victoria confirmed proudly.

With a playful pained gesture Alexia commented:” Sadly. Hopefully the next one knows which position on the field is the best.” “The next one?”, Mapi looked interested between you and your wife. Your heart warmed up when Alexia explained her sentence prior:” She will be a big sister in 2024.” “I will?”, Victoria asked visibly touched by the news. “Yes.”, you told her, while your heart sank a bit as you couldn’t hug her in this very moment.

But it didn’t seem to matter too much to her as she was running up to her grandmother:” Abuela!” “Yes, mi amor?”, Elisabeth looked expectantly at the little girl. Your daughter jumped up and down excitedly:” I’ll be a big sister soon!” “Oh, that’s amazing.”, the older woman cried out delighted.

Amused Alexia shook her head:” You knew the whole time, didn’t you?” “Yes, do you know how hard it was for me to keep my lips sealed?!” , her mother groaned. “You knew and you didn’t tell me?”

Apologetically you put a hand on your wife’s arm: “I told her to wait until your knee issue was solved.” “My knee won’t stop me from being a mum.”, Alexia protested with a crooked smile on her lips. Guiltily you bit your lip: “Sorry.” “That’s okay. Maybe I just needed this news today.”, the midfielder reassured you, pressing a heartfelt kiss on the top of your head.

Meanwhile Mapi declared:” I think it’s time for the first toast?” “Is it?”, Alexia turned surprised to one of her oldest friends in the team. Giddy with excitement the defender rose her glass: “Yes.” “Alright then.”, she shrugged.

Mapi cleared her throat and announced with a solemn voice; “To Alexia and her family. May 2024 treat you well.“ You all clinked your glasses together. Alexia put a hand on Mapis arm; “Thank you, Mapi.“ “Yes, that was really sweet of you. Especially because 2023 had so many ups and downs.“, you nodded, glancing over to your wife.

The defender gave you a smile full of sympathy; “That’s why I hope this year will be better for you.“ “Thanks.“, you answered, grateful for the friendships in this team. Alexia put her arm around you, tipping her glass towards Mapi; “We appreciate it.“ “You’re welcome.“, her team mate smiled back happily.

The whole display and the thought of your family growing made you slightly emotional. “Love you girls.“, you whispered. Alexia pressed a kiss against your hair and replied; “I love you too.“ “I love you too, Mama and Mami.“, a tired voice added and your attention was immediately drawn back to Alexias phone.

Her screen showed a very tilted angle of your daughter with her eyes almost closed again as if she had fallen asleep with her abuelas phone in her tiny hand. “Sleep well, mi amor.“, your wife smiled before saying goodbye to her mother and ending the call.

Mapis eyes went soft; “She’s so cute. I just want to steal her when you two aren’t watching.“ “There’s no way you will get her!“, Alexia shook her head determinedly. “Damn it.“ Your wife laughed; “She loves you. But she wont leave us.“ “Exactly.“, you agreed. Mapi just shrugged; “I can live with that because I’m her favourite on the pitch.“

Alexia responded by punching Mapi against the upper arm to which the defender feigned a wounded look; “Ouch, that hurts, Ale.“ “That’s definitely a lie.“, your wife replied with an amused eye roll. “It’s not!“, Mapi protested.

You couldn’t stop yourself from grinning. Seeing Alexia smile and joke with her team mates again, made your heart flutter. “She loves you both.“, you interrupted them but silently you loved the bickering. Seeing your wife that happy again might have made your year.

Feel free to let us know if you're enjoying our little series so far 🩷

#woso x reader #woso fanfics #woso imagine #woso #woso oneshot #woso community #spain wnt #alexia putellas #alexia putellas imagine #alexia putellas x reader #barca femeni #woso one shot #barcelona femeni x reader #mapi leon

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woso4-life · 4 months ago

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Mapi without her neck tattoo just seems wrong

#mapi leon #patri guijarro #alexia putellas #aitana bonmati #barca femeni #spain wnt #football #woso #woso community

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buzzinrusso · 12 days ago

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Please Don't leave pt.2

(Light at the end of the tunnel)

Summary: where ingrid and mapi try to mend the forces , leading alexia to explain herself to you.

Contains: angst ,fluff ,polyamory and a little suggestive at the end

Word count : 1.3k

Part 1 / part 2 / part 3

The next few days were a whirlwind of emotions .

You cried about it. You sobbed and cried, but eventually accepted the fact that you weren't enough for them .

Your manager was contacting multiple teams for your "loan" that you were hoping to turn into a full transfer. The teams interested were Manchester City ,Arsenal , Real Madrid, and Chelsea , along with a few other European teams .

Today , you had a meeting with the team manager to actually talk about if you really wanted to transfer.

Your plans were deranged when a fan account posted about your possible transfer from Barcelona to Manchester .

Word got around quickly, and surely enough,your teammate started flooding your messages ,questions you throughly in the team group chat.

You decided to just ignore them and talk it over at practice.

So , you got up ,went into the shower whilenoncall with your best friend from back home ,telling her about your situation.

This led to her talking and intense amount of shit about the girls and telling you that she was there for you.

A few hours later

You arrived at practice with the intention to ignore everyone .

You parked your car at your designated parking spot and went to the trunk of your car to get your bag .

When you walked into the training ground ,you were greeted by the media woman asking you what your phone wallpaper was ,you quickly showed it to her ,telling her that I was a picture of you and your bestfried ,alya,from back home after your graduation.

You sighed and then continued your way to practice ,making sure that it was a normal ,civil, and calm day ,avoiding anyone and everyone who tried to mention that rumours about your transfer .

Until patri came up to you in the middle of practice and started interrogating you about the post , which led pina to start questioning you too while the while team listened in ,especially two girls who were hoping that the rumours were not true.

"For the last time, Claudia, I'm not telling you anything right now ." You rolled your eyes at the girl for what felt like the 100th time today and walked away .

You marched into the locker room with full intention of packing your bag and rescheduling your meeting until a certain blonde walked in with an unrecognisable look on her face.

"Why are you leaving ?" The captain asks .

"None of your business, alexia." You snapped at her .

"I know something is wrong." You went quiet ."You can talk to me, nena."

You let out a loud scoff ," I clearly can't," you said while rolling your eyes at the captain as you got up to storm away .

"Come o-" you immediately cut her off with a yell ."Just stop ,alexia! I heard what you said at the team bonding night ,so you can stop pretending and say what you have to say to my face instead of talking ahit behind my back!" You borderline yelled at your captain and stormed out of the room with your training bag in hand.

Later that evening, a knock sounded at your door ,you swung the door open with annoyance painted on your face only to be met with the only two people you didn't want to talk to at all.

You rolled your eyes at them before trying to close the door only to be stopped by the one and only ingrid engen who shoved her foot between them and the door.

"We need to talk." Maria said as she walked into your apartment. "Please don't leave ,cari"

"Oh ,I think we're done talking." You exclaimed."I think the way you laughed at me when alexia was joking was enough talk for me."

"Wait ,wha-"

"You can save it .you know, I actually thought that you guys liked me . It was so obvious that I had the biggest crush on you guys ,and you were always - what I thought was - flirting with me .and I really liked you guys up until I heard you guys laughing at some cruel joke about me." Tears were starting to prick up in your eyes as they stinger them, but you kept calm and carried the weight of the rift.

Mapi eventually stopped your rant ."Look,cari, what you walked in on was not what you think it was . It's actually a really fucked up miscommunication about a really embarrassing conversation. We were talking about football .we were talking about the double tackle we did on Monday, and it turned into sex talk about tops and bottoms, and alexia was claiming that ..."

"Claiming what?"

"She was claiming that we would top you..." ingrid said in a hushed whishper as embarrassment flooded her body.

A moment of silence passes .it was a minute ,then two ,and then your laughter filled the air .

You were full on crying of laughter as mapi and ingrid just stared at you in confusion .

"What the fuck" you said in between breaths while still wheezing from laughter ."God, this is so ridiculous. "

"Are you still going to leave Barcelona?" Mapi asked.

"Ugh,I don't know .I've been in contact with a few teams, but I can pull out of it anytime before next week.".

"Can we get you not to leave?" Ingrid questioned

"I would take a lot of stuff for me not to go." You said truthfully .

"Stuff like this..?" You looked at the raven haired girl confused until she pulled you in and planted her lips on yours .

The kiss was electric , passionate, and perfect. Her soft lips moved against yours in the most glamorous way ever ,like you guys were meant to be.

It's only when you hear mapi whine that you moved back away from ingrid and then pulled into another kiss from Maria.

Her lips were like candy on yours as you easily melted into a rhythm with her .She moved her lips just right and snuck her tongue into your mouth while pulling you over her lap .

You pulled away for a breath of air but then got quickly pulled back in as ingrid started gently kissing your neck.

------------------------------------------------------

Sorry that this one is a bit of a short one ! Next chapter will be about 5k words of just fluff and smut ;)

Tags :@marvelwomen-simp , @iamagoddess1

#womens football #woso soccer #woso x reader #barca femeni #woso fanfics #woso imagine #spain wnt #woso community #mapi leon #mapi leon imagine #mapi leon x reader #ingrid engen x reader #ingrid engen

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samkerrworshipper · 9 months ago

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the view between villages | alexia putellas x reader

based off of the tiktok edit…. tears have been shed in the making of this

warnings: horrificically brain numbing angst

All Alexia can focus on his the sound of the indicator of the van that she’s in. Her whole body stretched out against the backseat of the van. Alexia wishes that she was able to take up one seat, that she didn’t need to be completely straightened out against the leather seats.

Mapi’s sitting in the back behind her, chattering off, but Alexia’s brain syncs her out.

Her knee feels fine, sure it can’t bend and it’s swelled up so fat that her skin is stretched tight across her knee but she’s not in pain.

All she’d been doing was shooting, and then she was on the ground and it wasn’t even that bad, until she was pulled up and took her first step and everything just felt wrong. Her knee buckled out underneath her, and before Alexia even felt true pain, she knew exactly what was happening.

Alexia’s not a religious person, she couldn’t even tell you how to pray, but from the moment her knee buckled out underneath her to now, she’s been praying, every single thought running through her mind is a pray that she’s not actually going through this.

Alexia and unstoppable are two words that have become synonymous in her mind, Alexia is the best, she is untouchable. She knows it, it’s all that she thinks about, when she wakes up, when she goes to sleep. Alexia is supposed to be a fucking god, she is supposed to be indestructible. Yet, sitting in the back of this van, she feels like she’s completely dissociated herself with the person that she’s supposed to be.

Alexia is sitting eyes wide open with one thing stuck in her mind, is this the end of her?

Alexia doesn’t need scans to know exactly what’s wrong, she felt the crunch, she heard the pop, she’s heard and seen what an acl injury looks like.

Mapi’s been trying to tell her that they don’t know yet, that she scans are needed to confirm it, but Alexia knows, she just knows that this is the end of her year, the end of her Euros, the end of everything she’s been working towards for the last three years, maybe the end of everything she’s worked her whole life for.

There is the critical part of her which is telling Alexia this is her fault, if she had of just trained a little bit harder, if she had of gotten in the extra hours in the gym earlier in the morning or taken more time with her shot none of this would be happening, if she wasn’t so sloppy she would be fine.

The whirring of an MRI machine is a noise that Alexia’s brain will never forget, it’s one that she’d never thought she’d have to hear, a sound that no athlete wants to experience.

Within the hour, Alexia is handed a diagnosis and prognosis, as well as a ticket back to Barcelona. Her Euros and year are over.

She doesn’t cry, even though Mapi’s voice is in her ear telling her that it’s fine if she does and okay if she wants to.

Alexia doesn’t want to cry, she doesn’t want this to be happening to her, how could this be happening to her?

She gets taken back to the hotel within the same van, her body extended across the three seats, crutches sitting on the floor below her and her knee tightly hugged by a compression sleeve.

Alexia doesn’t feel like herself, she doesn’t know who she is right now but it’s not her. Alexia is supposed to be strong, she is the greatest, the indomitable force of Barca and Spain.

She’s surrounded by her teammates once she manages to crutch her way into the dining room, it’s silent, Alexia is grateful for it, she’s not grateful for all the sad looks and hugs that she receives.

Alexia’s phone has stayed in the same spot for the last few hours, tucked into the pocket of her hoodie. She doesn’t want to look at it, the hundreds of messages, articles and calls from the people that she wishes would just disappear.

She doesn’t need anybody, she doesn’t need any stupid consolations telling her that she’ll come out better, that it’s just a bump in the road, that she’s got people to support her.

She doesn’t care, she couldn’t give less of a fuck because at the end of the day a simple text message isn’t going to change anything. It won’t change the fact that she’s completely ruptured the most important part of her body, after doing something that she does hundreds of time a day.

Alexia knows though that the next week is going to be a fucked up whirlwind and she needs to get her business in order and that includes calling her mother and sister.

She finds herself a table by herself in the dining room, tucked away in the corner, ordering Mapi to just give her some peace.

It’s the first words she’s spoken, Mapi had answered all the questions at the hospital, something Alexia was so grateful for, because she still didn’t know how to put exactly what she was feeling into words.

The phone rings twice before Eli picks up.

“Mami, I need you to come pick me up from the airport tomorrow.”

Alexia waits a few seconds, she’s unsure about whether or not Eli will have heard the news, technically her injury hasn’t been formally announced but most of the football world would know already.

“Okay, Ale, is everything okay?”

Alexia is grateful that her mother doesn’t ask much more, she doesn’t think she’d be able to handle it.

“I just need you to come get me tomorrow, my flight should land at around 1, if that works.”

Alexia’s relationship with her mother is one of love and support, her mother is always there for her, she’s the person that will pick Alexia up no matter how low she is, no matter how much she’s begun to hate herself and treat her like she’s the most amazing thing in existence.

“Me and Alba will be there, if you need anything call me.”

Alexia nods, it’s the first time today that she feels like she’s holding back tears. She doesn’t want to burden her family, it’s the last thing she wants to do, but everyone she knows she is leaving behind to return.

Mapi brings her dinner, she doesn’t touch it.

She can’t stomach her feelings, she knows she won’t be able to stomach food.

Once Mapi’s done with her own food, Alexia gets her to help her up to their room. She feels so numb, like she could stab herself in the heart twenty times and it would feel better almost, better than the all consuming pain that she’s experiencing all across her body. At least being stabbed would be some form of relief, like she’d actually be feeling the pain of what she’s going through, instead she’s forced to look down at her knee which feels normal, and detest it for being so much worse than it feels.

Alexia doesn’t sleep.

She lays awake in the hotel bed all night, her knee elevated with as many pillows as Mapi was willing to sacrifice from her own bed and an ice pack that isn’t really cold anymore pressed to her skin. Alexia’s brain just can’t turn off, she finds it hard enough to sleep when she’s thinking about football, but right now football isn’t the sole thought that is running laps around her brain, instead it’s what's next for her.

Alexia’s always been interested in coaching, maybe that’s her destiny.

She just can’t imagine herself coming back from this. Alexia prides herself on always being her best, so even if she does somewhat recover, if it’s not at the level that she expects for herself then she doesn’t want it, she’d rather sit on the sidelines for the rest of her life than be another sob story on the pitch, a player that’s discredited due to an injury.

Alexia has clawed tooth and nail for her status, for her respect on the pitch and she won’t sacrifice that. She’s considering all of her options, retirement, coaching, anything that doesn’t involve her on a pitch with a ball.

The flight home is horrific, Mapi refuses to leave Alexia’s side, making the decision to miss their game for the day to make sure that her friend makes it back to Barcelona in one piece.

Alexia loves Mapi, she’s one of her oldest friends, but the woman manages to make Alexia want to pull her hair out before they’ve even boarded their flight.

She doesn’t mean to snap at her, she really doesn’t, but Alexia was getting sick of the persistent doting and questions that Mapi was asking her non-stop, even after Alexia would blank her, not trusting her voice or her mind to answer the insistent questions that María sends her way. It’s when they are sitting at the gate of their plane, they’ve been waiting for nearly an hour because Mapi had insisted they get there early to allow for Alexia to crutch her way through Heathrow, even though she was provided with a ride to the gate from the airport staff and one of their transport carts.

Leaving Mapi extremely bored, she’d gotten snacks, went to the bathroom twice and checked Alexia’s luggage three times. She was at her wits end, and that apparently translated to trying to ask Alexia as many questions as humanly possible.

It’s when Mapi starts asking her about who’s going to help her with her recovery and where she’s going to live that Alexia just cracks.

“Mapi I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to answer questions and I really don’t want your company. I’ve done my acl, I’m aware of it, I don’t need to be reminded every goddamn second, I have crutches and a useless knee that is enough of a fucking reminder.”

Mapi recoils immediately, if Alexia wasn’t so blinded by her anger and intense mourning for her life then she would apologise, but she doesn’t feel any kind of remorse or guilt, she’s to absorbed with the feeling in her gut that that’s obliterating everything in Alexia’s brain.

It keeps Mapi silent, the woman resorting to only talking when it’s completely necessary.

She stays silent on the flight, choosing to recline in her first class seat besides Alexia after she’s gently gotten Ale situated in her seat with her chair fully reclined to take the pressure off of her knee.

The rest of the flight, she leaves Alexia to continue to run the laps in her brain. It’s a mental workout, nowhere near as the real work out that she could have gotten today on the pitch had she not of screwed up so royally yesterday.

The flight isn’t so great, Alexia’s leg is cramping, her headphones are flat and for the life of her she can’t sleep.

So she sits, pondering and thinking about the next few days.

When the plane lands, she’s never been more terrified to be home in her entire life.

Alexia, through and through is a Spanish girl.

She’s lived in Barcelona her whole life, she spends her holidays in Ibiza.

Spain is where she feels the happiest, she’s a homebody in the sense that unless it’s completely unavoidable due to work, she likes to be around her club and her friends and being in Barcelona is where that is most achievable.

She loves Barcelona, loves the city, loves the beaches, loves the quiet life but also party life that Barcelona gives.

Yet she finds herself completely detesting the idea of returning home, mainly because of what she knows is going to ensue when she has to step off the airplane and face her new normal.

Mapi helps her through the airport, she’s flying straight back to England, but she walks her way out of customs anyways, even with Alexia’s insistence that she doesn’t have to.

She grabs her bags for her, wheeling them through the airport, until she spots Alba and Eli sitting near the entrance of the airport.

As soon as the two of them spot Alexia they are up on their feet, rushing forwards.

Mapi notices the look of terror on Alexia’s face as the two people closest to her approach, it’s something that Mapi’s never seen before.

Alexia and her family are so close, so close that sometimes Mapi is envious of the relationship she holds with her mother and sister. Yet Alexia looks at them like they are the last people that she wants to be seeing and it worries Mapi.

Mapi’s been worried enough the last twenty four hours. She knows Alexia didn’t sleep, she hasn’t eaten and she hasn’t been talking to anybody, she’s swallowing up all the pain and anguish that she’s going through and shoving it down. It’s what Alexia does best, it’s how she’s handled the fame and stature so well, she compartmentalises better than anybody Mapi knows. It’s why she worries about Alexia more than anybody else, she knows the depths that Alexia will go to try and hide her pain and eventually, it becomes too much for her.

Mapi is always the one to pick up the pieces, the person who is inevitably there when Alexia finally breaks down. She goes through it with her and once it’s over, they both act like nothing has happened, even though Mapi knows it is so much more than that.

Alba makes it to Alexia first, completely disregarding the crutches and Alexia’s injury, instead opting to bring her into a crushing hug, Alexia doesn’t allow herself to relax into the hug like she normally would, instead the tenses up, praying for Alba to let go of her, to just leave Alexia be, to stop reminding her that instead of being hugged after being away from home so long like they would have in a couple of weeks, she’s being hugged because she’s failed, because she’s been unable to complete the one thing she was destined to do.

Alba hangs on for a lot longer than Alexia feels necessary, her younger sister holding onto her like she’s going to somehow run away if she lets go. Once done hugging Alexia, she moves onto Mapi, embracing her and allowing room for Eli to look at her daughter.

She doesn’t hug Alexia, she doesn’t say anything, she just looks her up and down as if to say ‘You’ve fucked up’ as if Alexia isn’t already aware.

Eli moves onto Mapi, deciding that whatever she needs to say or tell her daughter, it doesn’t need to be said now, it can wait till they’re in private.

“Maria, thank you, you’ll join us for lunch?”

Mapi shakes her head, she wishes she could take the invite, but her flight back to London leaves in just over an hour and she really doesn’t have the time considering she has to go back through security.

“No, unfortunately I am needed back in England, but I'll take a rain check? Take care of her for me, keep me updated Ale, i expect regular phone calls.”

Alexia rolls her eyes at Mapi, it makes her smile, it’s the first fragment of emotion she’s seen across her friends face in the last 24 hours and she’ll take anything she can get. She gives Alexia a short hug, not wanting to make her uncomfortable before pressing a soft kiss to her forehead and saluting her family before walking back in the direction she’s come from.

Alexia feels a part of her leave with Mapi, the part of her team that Mapi had been keeping with her, and now she was gone.

Alba fussed over her the whole way to the car, Eli stays silent.

Alba is the one who takes all of her luggage, gets her stretched out against the backseat of her Cupra and checks time and time again that she’s clipped in properly.

Alexia zones it out in favour of going back to the place in her mind where she’s been hovering for the past while, the part of her brain designated to thinking about all of her possibilities right now. Retirement, coaching, rehab.

Those are the three options that just won’t leave her head, in order of preference.

She does this the whole ride back to her house, it keeps her grounded, keeps her from focusing on all of the outside noise that she’s so desperate to drown out.

The announcement of her injury came out this morning, she hasn’t checked her phone, she doesn’t want to, she knows what she’ll be met with and it’s not something she wants to have to deal with. Instead of feeling supported, it feels more like a chore, like she has to thank all of these people who are wishing her the best even though they’re probably all grateful that she’s been sidelined. Alexia isn’t a threat if she’s injured on the sidelines, she’s not helping her team to try and win a European championship from a hospital bed.

When they arrive at her house, Eli orders Alba to go out and buy some food and collect any essentials from her own home so that she can partially move into Alexia’s house for the time being. Alba doesn’t hesitate to obey her Mamí, Alexia knows that there is a reason beside Alexia’s lack of food and Alba’s lack of belonging at her house, she’s trying to get Alba away, it terrifies Alexia a little bit knowing that she’s now going to be forced to talk to her mother, one on one.

Eli helps Alexia out of the car, Alexia’s house, is thankfully, one story. It’s an annoyance in the fact that if it were two stories Alexia would have a much larger backyard, big enough that Alexia could run proper drills instead of having to go down to the local oval to get a proper workout in.

It’s convenient in that Alexia can practically be self-sufficient during her recovery and won’t have to worry about finding someone to help her up and down a staircase every time she wants to eat or leave.

Eli gets Alexia seated on her couch, her leg extended across the surface before going back to the car and retrieving her suitcases, leaving Alexia to continue thinking about her current situation.

When she returns, she drags one of Alexia’s foot stools until she’s sat down directly in front of her daughter. Alexia refuses to look her in the eyes, she just can’t, it hurts too much knowing that instead of her being in any other position, she’s here.

“Alexia, look at me.”

Alexia doesn’t, she can’t, it physically hurts her to picture her mothers face. Her mother has been there for her in every single crucial part of her life, all of her wins and triumph and best moments.

“Alexia I did not teach you to ignore me or not look somebody in the eye when they are talking to you.”

Alexia is desperate not to cry, she’s been holding out, for the purpose of conserving peace and mind, it’s just for the best. It’s a struggle dragging her eyes up from the floor to her mother, it’s a struggle not to break down then and there.

She manages it though, she has to do it, she’s Alexia Putellas, she’s an animal on the field, nothing is supposed to scare her.

So why is it that she suddenly feels terrified to admit how she’s truly feeling, to admit that she feels more helpless than she has in her entire life.

Eli’s face softens a little bit when Alexia’s eyes meet her, she recognises the pain in her daughter's eyes, it’s the same pain that was on her face the day that her father died, it’s a level of grief and sadness that Eli hates to see on anybody’s face, especially her daughters. Alexia’s world turned upside down when her father died, Eli swears from that day onwards her daughter changed, there was no longer room for leeway or jokes in Alexia’s life. She knuckled down, harder than anybody, it was how she’d become the football player she was, she’d worked every single day to get to where she was and to see her now completely and utterly shattered, it’s almost enough to kill Eli.

“Ale, you can do this, your papí would want you to do this.”

For once in her life, Alexia doesn’t care. Eli can see the complete disregard in her daughter's eyes, she knows that right now all Alexia wants is to give up and as bad as it is she knows that her father may be one of the only things that will convince her daughter to use her brain and really take a minute to think about what’s next for her.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Alexia is stubborn, she knows what she can and can’t do, she doesn’t need her Mamí to tell her.

“Too bad, we’re talking about it. Alexia, you my daughter, are the best in the world, you have something to fight for, something to return for, you will prove them all wrong, you must.”

Alexia’s household was one that had a never quit rule. It was drilled into her by her father, quitting was the most shameful thing any person could do, it was worse than losing or any other kind of shame, quitting was embarrassing.

Yet Alexia can’t find herself wanting anything more, she wants to quit, she wants this all to be over. Alexia’s brain, since before she can remember, has always been football. She wakes up thinking about football, she thinks about football in the shower, when she’s brushing her teeth, when she’s eating, when she’s training, when she sleeps. All Alexia thinks about is football, she’s obsessed, it’s insanity. Yet Alexia has always loved it, she’s prided herself on being the most consistent, the hardest worker, the person who never stopped. All she wants is for the constant football buzz to finally silence itself, she wants her brain to be quiet, it’s all she wants and yet somehow her thoughts are louder than ever.

“Mamí, I don’t want to talk about it.”

Alexia looks down at her knee, and then back up at her mother, her stupid fucking knee which has wrecked everything.

Alexia knows Spain is playing right now, and she wants to support her teammates more than anything, but she just can’t, she can’t put her team on and act like it’s nothing when really it means everything to her, it literally means everything, every part of her body, soul, heart and brain was so ready for that game and yet now she’s sitting on her couch with a fucked knee.

“Alexia, I need you to promise me, for your father, that you are not going to give up, that you are going to take this recovery as a bump, not a wall and push through.”

It’s so incredibly unfair using the memory of Alexia's father against her, because her mother knows that was her inspiration for everything, when he died something flipped in Alexia that made her who she has become, right now she doesn’t care though, nothing matters to her.

“Mamí, I’m tired.”

Alexia is tired beyond her sleep deprivation, everything else in her life has had her exhausted for years and right now, for the first time it’s all hitting her at full force and it’s more taxing than she could even begin to comprehend.

“Alexia, promise me.”

Alexia shakes her head, her eyes darting away from her mothers face so she doesn’t have to see the disappointment on her face.

“I can’t Mamí.”

Alexia tugs at the blanket on top of her, tugging it over her good and bad leg.

“Then you aren’t the daughter I raised because my daughter would at least try.”

Alexia expects her mothers words to hurt her, but they don’t, she’s already been telling herself the same thing, that she’s no longer the person everybody thought she was, she’s an imposter of who she used to be and there is absolutely no coming back from that.

Eli stands up, leaving Alexia on the couch in contemplation.

Alexia would love to say that her mothers words resonate with her, but they don’t. All Alexia can think about is herself, about her own problems, about her own life, she doesn’t care what anyone else thinks about it, not even her mother.

Alexia stays like that, on her couch, for hours.

Her mother makes her lunch, she doesn’t eat.

Alba returns and tries to talk to her, she ignores.

Her mother cooks her dinner, she doesn’t eat.

She just sits on the couch, thinking, the same thoughts over and over again.

Eventually, Alba forces her to go to bed, her younger sister struggles with Alexia’s weight but is determined to get her into bed, and she does after a bit of push and shove.

Alexia ends up in a similar position to the night beforehand, her bad knee laid on top of as many pillows as possible, ice pressed to it.

Alexia hates it, she hates it so much that she tries in vain to tear the pillows out from under her knee, but she just can’t, she’s too weak.

She collapses back into her pillows, the pillows that smell like Alexia’s perfume and a mix of grass and her body wash.

Alexia’s whole house has some resemblance of football in every single corner, whether it’s the case of trophies she’s won in the entrance, her cleats which are spread out everywhere, different pieces of memorabilia she’s got, kit bags, balls, barcelona kit, Alexia’s house is a shrine for football and right now there is nothing she wants more than to tear it all to pieces, she wants it all to be gone.

In one place, Alexia has started and ended it all.

Everything is over for her, every single dream, every single thing she yearned for at 16, it’s all gone. Alexia can’t believe in a god, no god would do this to her, no god would be so cruel as to condemn her to such a hell.

Alexia’s life is a rinse, lather and repeat for the days leading up to her surgery.

Her Mamí doesn’t talk to her, she force feeds her, makes sure she’s always got an ice pack pressed to her knee and that she’s sleeping. Alexia swears at some stage she begins to slip sleeping pills into her water because sleep that Alexia was running away from suddenly hits her at full force and she’s spending most of her days asleep on her couch.

When her surgery date comes around, she doesn’t feel anything, Mapi calls her, she doesn’t speak, Mapi does enough speaking.

Spain are looking like they’ll get knocked out in the early rounds, something that could have been avoided had Alexia been there, been with her team, instead of a hospital bed awaiting a surgery that would alter things far beyond just her knee.

Alexia wakes up groggy, her mother sitting at her bedside and her sister pacing back and forth at her bedside.

Alexia looks down at her knee and it’s bandaged up so tight and covered so heavily that she knows that this is going to be bad. She doesn’t get a break from her thoughts, they hit her full force, her brain works her out, keeps her going.

Alexia is home by the end of the day, hopped up on pain pills that make her feel even less, which she didn’t think was achievable. She sleeps for three days straight, it doesn’t help the never ending exhaustion she feels.

On day three, she’s forced out of bed to see a physio, the man is abrasive, rude and old. She doesn’t want to participate and all he wants is the pay check, they don’t get along.

He gives her a series of exercises that Alexia won’t do, he gives her pain pills that Alexia won’t take and gives Alexia a number for a psychologist that she will never see.

Alexia is back on her couch within an hour, Alba fussing over endlessly, even though Alexia has expressed her desire for independence multiple times.

By the end of week 2, she’s about ready to take a blade to her throat and quit.

She won’t do the exercises, as much as Alba tries to force her too, this creates some waves between her physio and herself. Alexia’s muscles are gone, she’s not bothered to regain them because why should she be? What does she need a muscle for if she doesn’t plan to use it again?

Alba is at her wits ends, so is Mapi.

María manages to squeeze a visit in during a spare day and what she sees when she arrives at Alexia’s is alarming, it terrifies her.

Alexia doesn’t talk, she doesn’t eat, she doesn’t move.

She thinks, all she does is sit and think.

She thinks about the anger, the people and things she’s lost, the people surrounding her, the air in her lungs, the rush of her blood.

Alexia thinks about everything and also nothing.

She likes it that way, she likes her brain all cloudy and foggy with disclosure. It’s her safety blanket.

At the two week point, Alexia forces her mother and sister out of her house, for her own safety and theirs.

The next day, she gets a knock on the door.

She ignores it, assuming it’ll be Alba trying to feed her or entertain her.

The knocking doesn’t stop, it goes on and on until Alexia’s brain is vibrating with the constant noise and she has no choice but to awkwardly crutch her way to her front door and open it.

Alba isn’t standing there, but another woman is.

“Hola, you’re Alexia Putellas?”

Alexia doesn’t know what to say, she’s been through plenty of media training, what to do if the paparazzi show up at her door, but you don’t look like a paparazzi.

“Yes, what can I do for you?’

You smile so brightly that Alexia isn’t quite sure how one person can look so happy in the current world you’re living in.

“Doctor Matthews sent me, I’m here for your physio.”

Alexia is about to argue, but you push your way past her door and into the threshold of her house.

“Doctor Matthews and I have an appointment tomorrow, not today, and it’s supposed to be in his office.”

Alexia was planning on cancelling it, or postponing it, like she does with most things these days.

“He’s made a change in your treatment plan, due to your refusal to do your exercises at home, Barcelona has advised that they would prefer you take part in a more home-based recovery.”

Alexia follows you back into her own kitchen, slightly shocked at your comfortability with letting yourself in.

“I’m good.”

You roll your eyes at Alexia, looking her up and down before setting down your bag on her counter.

“You haven’t been doing your exercises, I’m here to make sure you do, you can make this as hard as you like but I’m not leaving until you do.”

Alexia doesn’t like your assertiveness, doesn’t like that you are somehow able to make her feel more attentive then she has in three weeks.

Alexia can’t remember a single exercise she’s been given, she simply hasn’t cared to look at them.

“I don’t have any exercises.”

You roll your eyes once again and it makes Alexia feel more genuinely human then she has in a while.

“You do now, we can get started on the couch if you’d like?”

Alexia nods, she doesn’t know what else to do but nodding seems like a good idea.

“If you can just get yourself sat down and then we can get started.”

You nod towards Alexia’s couch, and she follows your direction, crutching over towards her couch and sitting down before swinging her good leg onto the cushions and then her bad one.

It’s probably the most activity Alexia has done in days, she feels inexplicably uncomfortable with you being so controlling over her, yet you don’t care.

“So Ms Putellas, assuming that you’ve done none of your exercises, I’d like to test your ability to straighten out your knee and bend it, does that sound okay to you?”

The smile, it’s like your lips are being stretched into a line that is inhumane.

“Alexia or Ale please, and I did the exercises with Doctor Matthews.”

Alexia wants to tell the physio who’s name she’s yet to learn that she’s been wearing her brace, she’s been staying off her knee, she’s been behaving. Yet she finds herself not saying anything, why should you care, why would you care? Alexia is just a bothersome patient that you are being forced to see, just another broken person.

“So once every couple of days? You do know that a successful acl recovery requires you to exercise more than once every few days. I assume somebody like yourself wants as quick and steady of a recovery as possible.”

Alexia doesn’t say anything, because she doesn’t know what she wants, if she’s being honest, she’s trying to prolong this recovery in an attempt to keep herself away from the pitch for as long as possible, she doesn’t want to be anywhere near a ball or anything resembling her sport that she once held so much love for but now she only holds resentment for.

Alexia flinches when your hands come into contact with her brace, slowly unstrapping the different pieces of velcro.

“Alexia, do you have any plans to play football again?”

Your question may sound rhetorical, but it’s a genuine one.

It’s a question that Alexia has been avoiding for weeks, the brain fog has been enough of a distraction.

“What does that matter?”

You manage to slip the brace off of Alexia’s knee, then the compression sleeve, revealing a swollen knee.

Her stitches had been removed a couple of days ago, leaving an ugly looking scar that Alexia couldn’t bear to look at.

It was just another reminder of her failure, the biggest reminder.

“I want to get you back onto the pitch, but Alexia, you don’t really seem like you want it.”

You don’t mention that you’ve been asked to visit Alexia at the request of her family and friends as well as Barcelona, this is what you’re good at, this is your specialty.

“You have no idea what I want.”

Alexia flinches when your finger flattens out across her scar, her knee jerking at the feeling of the most vulnerable part of her body being touched.

Alexia herself hasn’t dared to touch it, it’s the source of all of her hatred, the last thing she wants to do is touch it, because somehow that makes it all more real.

“Your scar has healed nicely, the surgical site is looking really good.”

You continue to prod around Alexia’s scar, before moving onto the rest of her knee, poking at different parts of the swelling.

“Alexia, do you want to get back on the pitch or do you want to spend the rest of your life on the sidelines?”

It’s another one of those questions that Alexia has purposely been avoiding, because what sort of question is that.

“Best footballer in the world, condemned to a life on the sidelines, that’s a pretty good front page headline, just saying.”

Alexia doesn;t know who or what gave you the nerve to behave so rudely, she just knows that you are getting on her nerves.

“I’m going to bend your leg now Alexia, tell me if you feel any discomfort.”

Before Alexia can protest, your hand is resting underneath her knee and gently lifting it from a 180 degree angle upwards.

“Stop-stop I’m not ready for this.”

You don’t stop, even with Alexia reluctance, gently pushing her stiff knee upwards, finding zero resistance.

“Seems like you're pretty ready to me.”

You smile as you get Alexia’s knee fully bent, her foot flexing to support the weight and steady the movement.

Alexia doesn’t like anything about it, she doesn’t like the fact that you brazenly have taken charge of Alexia like she’s a child.

“Feels good, yeah?”

Alexia doesn’t nod, she doesn’t think it feels good, it feels like bending her knee has just become twenty times harder and there is nothing good about that.

“I’ll take the silence as a yes, have you started walking yet, without your crutches?”

Alexia shakes her head, walking is not something that has been on her mind the last few days.

“Well, let’s try and get you walking then.”

You stand up, extending Alexia’s crutches to her and waiting patiently for her to stand up.

Alexia doesn’t, she’s sick of being bossed around like she’s got absolutely no say in her recovery.

“No.”

You cock your head at her, silently questioning her.

“You want to return to a football pitch in the next 9 months then you are going to get up Alexia.”

Alexia shakes her head.

“I’m not walking today, it’s not happening, I’m not ready, I can’t.”

You take a step back, one of your eyebrows lifting up your forehead.

“As much as I love the can do attitude, if you don’t walk today then you’ll walk tomorrow, I’m not here to make suggestions Alexia, I’m here to rehabilitate you, whether you feel like you’re ready for it or not.”

Alexia shakes her head, again, she wants this person out of her house, effective immediately.

“I don’t have to do what you tell me, get out of my house.”

You laugh at her, you have the fucking audacity to laugh at Alexia.

“Technically no, but your life will be a lot harder if you don’t listen to me and your Mamí gave me her explicit permission to be in here as much as I like, as well as Barcelona. We’ll be doing daily rehab, because you can’t be trusted to do it on your own, so you can walk today, you can walk tomorrow, you can refuse to, but we’re going to do it at some stage and you’re only making your life tougher with everyday you delay yourself.”

You manage to leave Alexia speechless, your arms crossed over your chest, head cocked and eyebrow raised.

“You don’t have to walk, but just get up please, at least move around on your crutches a little bit.”

Alexia meets you halfway with that offer, allowing you to help her stand up and hobble out from her couch and into her kitchen.

Alexia is once again shocked when you walk directly into her kitchen and begin to look through her fridge and pantry.

“You’ve got no food.”

Alexia knows that, the last thing on her mind the last couple of days has been food, most of her meals have come from take out meals that Alba has brought around on her random drop in visits.

“Aren’t you my physio, not a nutritionist?”

You pivot, turning around and eyeing Alexia up and down.

“I’d like to say my services extend beyond traditional physiotherapy, I work in an unconventional space, which calls for unconventional methods.”

The complete confidence you portray makes Alexia wary, and a little bit intimidated.

“Can you take your unconventional methods elsewhere?”

You snort at Alexia, but don’t object.

“I can, I’ll be back in the morning, be ready for more of a workout, I’d get your beauty sleep. I’ll give you my phone number, if you need anything, at any time of day, whatever it is, I’m here if you need me.”

You smile at Alexia, writing your phone number down in her phone which she passes to you, before collecting your things and making your way to Alexia’s door, waltzing your way out like you’d never been.

That night, when Alexia’s laying in bed you’ve managed to insert yourself into her constant brain chatter, you feel like a figment of her imagination more than anything, you insert yourself into her thoughts in a way nobody else has been able to do since her injury and it honestly confuses her more than she thinks possible.

Alexia struggles to sleep, as she does every night, tonight it's for a slightly different reason. She just can’t figure out how or why you’ve suddenly made your way into her life and she doesn’t know how to feel about it.

Alexia isn’t happy when at 9am the following morning there is a non stop knocking at her door, lately, the Catalan has been spending as much time in bed as possible. There is nothing to wake her up, Alba’s taken Nala with her so that her dog can get proper care, Alexia has nothing to wake up for besides her bladder and water if she’s very desperate.

Recently, she’s been sleeping till 12 if possible, getting up between 12-3/4 and then going back to her bed to toss and turn until she finally falls asleep.

It’s tiring, doing nothing, acting like everythings normal when in reality it’s all been turned upside down for her. Alexia hasn’t cried, she can’t, she knows that as soon as she shows any real evidence of how she truly feels it’ll all crack, it’ll all turn into one big mess that she won’t be able to wade her way out of.

Alexia almost trips on four different obstacles on her floor as she crutches her way to the door in a half asleep state, struggling to keep her eyes open as she makes it to her front door.

You’re standing behind her door, multiple bags in hand and the same smile from yesterday on your face.

“Alexia! Bon dia.”

Alexia’s not awake enough to really even take in your presence, let alone reply to the amount of happiness behind your voice.

For the second time in less than 24 hours, you push your way past Alexia and into the threshold of her house, lugging the multiple bags through the hallway until you unceremoniously dump them on her kitchen table.

Alexia crutches her way into her kitchen, still confused by your sudden presence and energy.

“I’ve got food for you, I can make breakfast or we can go for a walk to a cafe and get you out of the house.”

Alexia hasn’t left her house since it happened for anything besides physio appointments, she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t want to face a real world, a world where she’s supposed to be a football player and instead she’s a invalid.

“I can make my own breakfast.”

You open Alexia’s fridge, beginning to unpack the exorbitant amount of food that she’s bought.

“Your focus today is to walk, I’ll focus on breakfast.”

Alexia frowns, a big frown, the last thing on her agenda for today had been to walk, the first thing had been to get a little bit more sleep but that’s already been taken from her.

“I’m not walking today.”

Alexia doesn’t want to have to relearn how to walk, the only time she thinks it’ll ever be acceptable for her to struggle to walk is when she’s 90 and her bones are old and unusable.

“Are you not? I’m fairly sure you are, according to my planner for today.”

Alexia settles herself on one of her island stools, sick of standing and bearing weight.

“You can’t make me walk.”

You shrug at her.

“Technically no, but I beg to differ. Any allergies?”

Alexia shakes her head no, to both questions, you nod your head at her.

“You can’t keep yourself in crutches forever, I imagine you want to get out, go to a pitch and kick a ball or something. Being in your house without any entertainment can’t be much fun.”

Alexia begs to differ, being in her house is the only place she feels safe right now, leaving terrifies her, it makes her feel more vulnerable then she’s comfortable with.

She watches as you pull out some of the groceries you’d tucked away in Alexia’s fridge, placing them out on her countertop before moving into her shelves and finding the tools and pans you needed.

“You haven’t even told me your name and you are in my kitchen making me breakfast.”

You turned and looked up at Alexia, the same smile spread across your face.

“Doctor y/n, y/l/n.”

Alexia nods, she feels a little bit more at peace now that she knows something about you, in comparison to absolutely nothing.

“What are your interests? If we’re going to be seeing each other so frequently then I’d like to know the person I’m with.”

You start to mix together the food, keeping eye contact with Alexia as you do so.

“My job is my life.”

Alexia doesn’t like that answer.

To be fair, anybody who had asked Alexia that same question would have received the same answer in the last fifteen years.

Football is Alexia’s life, or was.

She doesn’t think it is anymore, or she doesn’t really know, it’s one of the big questions constantly circulating in her brain.

“You must have things you do beyond this.”

You shrug at Alexia, this isn’t supposed to be about you, it’s supposed to be about her.

“I enjoy my job, I enjoy rehabilitating people, it’s what I’m good at, if there was a ballon d’or for what I do then I would win it, nobody does my job like I do.”

Alexia believes you, she believes every word that leaves your mouth. The confidence you breathe isn’t over crowding, it’s refreshing, she finds herself feeling more level headed around you then she has in weeks.

“But, you have something else.”

Alexia knows that whilst her life used to be football, and she would define it as so, she still had other things, a party here and there, her family, her dog, food. She has other things that added to her success in her sport.

“I used to dance, the ballet and whatnot, until I tore both of my achilles. That’s why I do what I do. I understand what it’s like to want to spend every single day after an injury thinking about your existence, thinking about what the point is in living if you aren’t defined as your sport anymore. My job is my purpose.”

Alexia doesn’t know what her purpose is anymore, it used to be football, her father, the history behind it all. She doesn’t know if that’s her purpose anymore, she doesn’t think it is. She wants a purpose, she wants to be as sure as you and decide that she’s going to devote herself to helping other people like you do, but she can’t, she doesn’t even see herself leaving her house in the next month, let alone trying to help other people.

The omelette you make Alexia is so delicious that Alexia doesn’t even really notice she’s eating until all of the food is sitting in the bottom of her stomach and she suddenly feels sick.

That's the reason Alexia hasn’t been able to eat, the sickness, the gut rotting feeling that eats at her after any food touches her lips.

There’s no explanation for it, Alexia just hates the idea of nourishing herself, nourishing a body that she’s grown to hate so heavily.

Once Alexia is done eating, you walk around to her, smiling in a way that makes Alexia slightly worried.

“We’re going to walk.”

Alexia shakes her head, although you don’t waiver.

“Up, get up, on your crutches, in the hallway.”

Alexia only obeys for the purpose of keeping the peace that she’s desperate to have a balance of in her home.

She makes it to the middle of the hallway when you tell her to stop, walking up to her and swiftly pulling her crutches out of her hands and walking to the opposite end of the hallway.

“Walk to me.”

Alexia realises your plan, she’s not in reach of leaning on either of the walls beside her without taking a step, she’s stuck, she takes a step or she stays stood.

“Give me my crutches.”

You put them back down against her island, standing with your arms crossed over your chest at the end of her hall.

“Walk to me and you get them back.”

Alexia looks down at her feet, her good one is doing all of the work to support her weight, her bad leg is hardly bearing any weight whatsoever.

Alexia honestly doesn’t know if she could put her foot down, if she could share some of the weight, there is a mental block in her head telling her that something terrible is going to happen if she does, that she’s going to retear her acl or break her knee.

The scariest thought in her mind though, is the thought that everything will be fine, that Alexia is going to be able to walk, that nothing is going to be wrong and she’s going to take a step and it’ll be okay.

The thought terrifies her, because if nothings wrong, then that means that her recovery is going as it should, that she’s on track, that she’s expected to walk and fucking try instead of just slowly fading away into nothing.

“I need my crutches.”

You shake your head, your eyes squinting as you look her up and down.

“Alexia, try and walk for me.”

Alexia looks down at her bare feet, her feet which are holding her body up, without the help of her crutches.

It’s more that she doesn’t want to walk in comparison to feeling like she actually can’t walk.

It’s then that she takes a step.

Alexia’s never been held back by the things that are hard, the things she doesn’t want to do, because that’s what’s always made her so great.

She supposes that if you’re as determined as you say, then she’s going to walk, whether she wants to or not.

The first thing she realises is that it doesn’t hurt, it’s uncomfortable, sore and weird, but it doesn’t hurt in the way that she feels like it should.

One foot in front of the other.

That’s all it is, a foot in front of the other.

Yet, as soon as she does it, something washes all over her.

Her team, her memories, her love for everything that she does.

Football is the only thing on Alexia’s mind, except it’s not about how Alexia can be better, it’s not about what Alexia can do next time she’s on the pitch, it’s not about Alexia’s need to train harder or put in more work. It’s about the love, the atmosphere, the people that she knows and loves and surrounds herself with. The things she’s lost, the people she knows, the people that have surrounded her through it all.

Alexia looks up at you, your grin somehow grown even larger as Alexia slowly, but surely steps her way closer to you with every small bit of meterage that she makes up.

When she makes it to the end of the hallway, you’re there to steady ehr, both on her feet and her mind. Alexia doesn’t reach for her crutches, she steadies herself briefly before making her way back to her couch and taking a seat.

She can’t deal with the praise that she can hear you throwing at her, not with the blood that’s rushing through her ears and the buzzing in her head as the thought of football, or her football memories bounces around in her brain.

Is she ready to let that all go? Disappear from her sport completely and just give up the people and memories that she’s grown to love so deeply? She doesn’t know.

Alexia feels like a broken record, it all goes straight to her head and she can’t get it out.

Alexia supposes she must send herself into some kind of panic attack, because before she can even try to compartmentalise or explain any of her thoughts to herself, she’s fucking crying.

It’s the one thing she’s been avoiding with all of her might, and yet she’s bawling, tears that she detests dripping straight down her face.

If Alexia hates crying, then crying in front of people quite literally makes her want to slit her throat.

Yet here she is, crying on her couch and struggling to take control of herself whilst you take a seat beside her, a hand on her shoulder rubbing circles into her skin through her cotton sleep shirt.

“Alexia, deep breaths.”

Alexia doesn’t want to breathe, or she doesn’t feel like she can, everything is so much harder to do when she’s so in her head, it makes it all so much more difficult.

“Breaths, come on Alexia, focus on your breathing, you can do it.”

Alexia’s never reacted well to being comforted during a breakdown, as a kid she would quite literally lock herself in a wardrobe or some small confined space until she calmed down, Alba would try and hug her, her mother would try and bathe her in random compliments and her father would just be there, she hated it though. She hated pity, she hated attention that wasn’t focused on achievement or greatness,

Yet you somehow don’t make her feel like that, your hand is comfortable and your words are breezy, there are no guarantees that everything is going to be okay, or attempts to rationalise whatever it is that Alexia is feeling, there is just comfort.

Alexia gets herself under control, in a matter of a couple of minutes, but the damage is already done, she’s well aware.

As soon as her breathing evens out and her tears stop falling you remove yourself from her, squatting down directly in front of her, looking at her on eye to eye level.

“21 steps.”

Alexia nods, 21 steps, 21 fucking steps.

“That’s a lot of steps for a woman who tried to tell me she couldn’t walk.”

Alexia tries her hardest to glare at you, but it doesn’t work, not with her red and swollen eyes.

“Never again.”

You snicker, the smile returning to your face.

“3 weeks and 21 steps, you don’t want to know what I can do in a matter of months, I’ll get you back on that field Alexia, better than ever.”

Alexia nods, taking a deep breath through her nose.

“What if I don’t want it?”

It’s the first time she’s admitted that allowed and it’s hard, it’s hard to even utter the words that break up her relationship with her sport.

“Then you are stupid, we can get you back to where you were, I know that sounds ridiculous, but I will get you there, if you want it, if you try hard and trust me.”

Alexia nods, because she feels like she has to more than anything.

“If I do it, I want one thing in return.”

Your eyebrow raises up.

“What do you want?”

Alexia’s never felt more comfortable with a person in her life, it’s a trait she wants in her physio, but also one she’s searching for in another walk of her life. She realised that the minute your hand fell on her body when she was stressing, that somehow you just understood her. Whether it was the injury, the sporting commitment or the work ethic, there were overlaps that Alexia couldn’t be overlooked.

“Let me take you on a date.”

You falter for a second, something Alexia is yet to have seen in the 24 hours she’s met you.

“I don’t date clients.”

Alexia is persistent, something she prides herself on.

“Make an exception for me, if you can make me as good as I was then you’ll let me take you on a date as a form of repayment.”

You roll your eyes.

“I’m already getting paid plenty by your club and family.”

Alexia frowns.

“Please.”

Alexia doesn’t like to beg, she saves begging for the people below her.

“Fine, if you listen to me for a whole 9 months then I’ll let you take me on a date, if you don’t hate me by the time we get there.”

Alexia smiles.

“I’m already planning it out in my head.”

582 notes · View notes

ankaraalexiafcb · 6 months ago

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Two pookies 🥹🥰

#alexia putellas #la reina #mapi leon #maria pilar leon #fcb femení #fc barcelona #barça #woso #woso community #futfem #football #spain

328 notes · View notes

queen-of-reptiles · 9 months ago

Text

𝚂𝙸𝚂𝚃𝙴𝚁

description: in which lucy bronze's younger sister is trying to hide her relationship with a fellow Barca player

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mapi leon x bronze!reader

part of the 'hidden' universe

part two here

part three here

ona batlle x putellas!reader here

disclaimer: this is all fiction do not take any of this seriously !

warnings: swearing, slightly suggestive - cuteness

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y/n grinned as she heard the front door open, two sets of footsteps bursting through the door, she focused on the Spanish omelettes she was making.

"Ah I love ya." A relieved voice sighed as Lucy wrapped herself around her younger sister, pressing multiple kissed the the smaller girl's cheek as she sniffed the smell of breakfast.

"Morning to you to Luce." y/n laughed as her sister moved to her fridge and grabbed the fresh juice she knew her little sister always made for Friday morning training.

"Morning y/n." Keira chimed, pressing her lips to the smaller girl's cheek as she chided her girlfriend in sitting on the kitchen counter.

"Lucy, feet off my counter, Kei, grab the plates would you love?" y/n asked the two and Lucy pouted as she slid off the counter.

"Why are you always nicer to her?" Lucy asked with a huff.

"Because I like her better." y/n replies, sticking her tongue out at her sister playfully as she plates up their breakfasts.

Lucy gasps dramatically, pressing a hand to her heart and the other over her forehead and Keira chuckles, used to the way the two sisters were.

"Oh shut up." y/n laughed, handing Keira her plate, the strawberry blonde responding with a kiss to y/n's cheek in thanks.

"How will I go on?" Lucy asks aloud and y/n chuckled as she held out Lucy's plate.

"This might help?" y/n questioned and Lucy grinned widely as she grabbed it.

"Perfect, thanks Junior." Lucy smiles, kissing her sister's forehead and sitting next to her girlfriend on the table, y/n sitting down last and smiling when Lucy poured her a juice.

The three ate in small talk and silence, comfortable jokes being shared occasionally with laughs of innocence as the three began to was up.

"I don't know why you live next door instead of with me and Kei though." Lucy huffs as the group pull their shoes on for training. "We give you a lift everyday, you cook for us so often, just save your money and move in with us." Lucy adds.

"Lucy, I'm not a child anymore, I like my own space." y/n tells her sister as she slides into the back seat, Keira in the passenger seat.

"You are my baby sister." Lucy claps back.

"I'm 22!" y/n shouts.

"Exactly, a little baby!" Lucy adds as they pull up outside Ona's house, the player sliding into the back seat and kissing y/n's cheek in greeting, the two best friends instantly sinking into a Spanish chat as Keira and Lucy spoke quietly.

Recently, Lucy and Keira had been insistent on picking Ona up, letting her crash with y/n all the time, not being confused when they saw the girl in the morning.

It confused y/n, usually, if someone was a bit too close to her Lucy would go full overdrive and protective sister, ever since y/n's first girlfriend broke her heart at age 20, Lucy had never quite forgiven herself for her lack of care.

Truth was, Lucy and Keira were sure Ona and y/n were together, and considering they were so sweet, Lucy wasn't overly upset at it, though she was still planning to give Ona the shovel speech.

If only Lucy realised how wrong she was.

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y/n just posted on her story

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"Come on, pleaseeeee." Ona begged, hands gripping y/n's as the Englishwoman tried to take her shirt off.

"Fine!" y/n finally called, throwing her hands in the air. Ona grinned and launched at her, thin arms wrapping around y/n's neck as she cheered in thanks.

y/n laughed, spinning the girl around as the two best friends separated and y/n quickly whipped her training shirt over her head. Her hands pulling her hair through her top.

y/n looked over, her eyes meeting slightly dark ones as the blonde tilted her head slightly. y/n gulped looking away from the defender, knowing well what that look was.

y/n stepped out into the pitch sighing in relief at the warmth that spread through her body at the light of the sun. She loved playing in Barcelona for the sun.

"Sun-cream!" Lucy's call ran out, her hands suddenly rubbing the cream into y/n's open skin, Ona laughing as y/n called out in shock of it's cold.

"It's cold!" y/n whines at Lucy who grins.

"It's safe." She denies, rubbing a last bit over her sister's cheeks, Ona still giggling as y/n huffs and squeezes some on her own hands, rubbing it over Lucy's face.

Once the Bronze siblings had stopped playing, the group was called over ready to train, as usual the groups split into pairs, y/n and Ona linking arms so they couldn't be separated.

Alexia sent them a tired sigh, but nodded her head, letting them be together for the strength training section before their mini game before lunch.

Ona and y/n bounced well off another as usual, their passes perfect and tackles easy as they worked hard to prove that they still deserved their starting places.

Eventually they sunk into a game and y/n found herself being marked by a familiar blonde who followed her every movement easily. As Caroline prepared to launch a corner in, the defender's hands placed themselves on y/n's hips.

"Amor." The voice purred quietly, squeezing the flesh on them as y/n pushed her body back against the slightly taller woman. There is a feeling of a grin into y/n's shoulder and she huffs.

Caroline raises her hand up and steps back, y/n pushes against her lover once more before running at the ball coming towards the group. y/n jumps, her head pushing it past Cata and into the goal.

"OOOOOOOH!" Lucy screams for her sister as the Bronze sister's jump in mock excitement, laughing at each other as they do so. The group around them laughing as they were used to them.

"Lo siento." y/n winked at Mapi, the blonde chuckling back as she pretended to try and grab her. y/n shrieked and jumped away, training being called to an end which meant Mapi continued to chase her.

y/n shrieked again, jumping toward Aitana who yelled and shoved her away, knowing how stubborn Mapi could be when she was in the mood to chase.

"Traitor!" y/n called out as Aitana blew her a kiss. Mapi was gaining on y/n, and the Englishwoman shrieked again, jumping at her sister's back.

Lucy caught her easily, turning to face Mapi with a steely glare, the blonde defender huffed and slunk back, glaring at y/n once more before Lucy hisses.

y/n grins when Mapi walks away and kisses her sister's cheek in thanks. Lucy chuckles and lets her sister off her back as the group go to lunch.

Ona links her arms with y/n, the two beginning to talk loudly as they grab their lunch and sit down. Alexia and Mapi move over as well, the latter sitting next to y/n as the two join in on the conversation easily.

y/n had always been good at languages, Spanish was her fifth language now, English, French, German, Portuguese and Spanish, her sister's was also good with them, but hadn't taken to Spanish quite like y/n had.

Mapi's thigh pushed against her own as Keira and Lucy also migrated over, y/n look over to the defender who just continued to talk with Ona, ignoring the way their skin pressed against each other.

y/n smiled at her sister who sat down, not noticing the way Keira's eyes ran down to where y/n and Mapi's legs were pressed tightly against each other.

Keira didn't think too much of it, knowing Spanish people were overly touchy and loving with their friends, but she did think about the look she saw the two share as they talked quietly.

After lunch the group moved to the gym, Mapi and y/n pairing up for strength training as they began to stretch before their work out. y/n hissed at a knot in her shoulder.

"You okay?" Mapi asked y/n, the girl nodding as she stood up.

"Yeah just my shoulder's tight." y/n promised, Mapi sighing as she walked behind her, thumbs digging into the shoulder as she began to put tight pressurised circles into the joint.

y/n groaned in relief, head falling back against Mapi's shoulder. The woman chuckled and continued her actions loosening the shoulder joint with her fingers.

"Tus dedos son magicos amor." y/n sighed to Mapi.

your fingers are magic love

"Las dos sabemos que ya sabías eso." Mapi said quietly into y/n's ear, the Englishwoman rewarding her with a sharp elbow to the gut.

we both know you already knew that.

The two then moved to train and with shared smiles and giggly jokes nothing to anyone seemed out of place, other than Keira who watched with furrowed brows.

Eventually training was called to an end for the day and the group all sighed in relief and trudged slowly into the changing rooms to shower.

Lucy and y/n stayed close chatting away as they changed and y/n opened her locker, noticing a piece of paper laying in the locker, the familiar writing looking at her.

mine @ 7pm?

y/n smiled softly, shoving the note in her bag so her sister didn't see as she shut her locker and turned, noticing Lucy was too busy talking to Patri to notice her.

y/n looked across the room and her eyes met Mapi's, y/n nodding softy, trying to bite back the smile she wanted to wear. The woman smiles softly at the ground before y/n turns back to face Ona.

"Eres obvio, los dos." Ona scoffs in a whisper.

you are obvious, both of you.

y/n shushes her, grateful Lucy was still distracted. Ona was the only one to know mainly because y/n used the excuse she was staying at Ona's too many times when she was actually at Mapi's.

"Come on kiddo." Lucy says, wrapping an arm around her sister as Keira grabs their car keys.

"I'm 22." y/n reminds and Lucy scoffs.

"I don't care." She chimes as she gestures for Ona to follow, the Spaniard looping her arm around y/n's and pulling her quickly toward the car.

"You can drop us off at mine Lucy. y/n is staying with me tonight." Ona says and Lucy nods.

"Sure, you need any clothes kiddo?" Lucy asks her sister who shakes her head.

"Na, Ma- Ona has some of mine." y/n says, Ona choking on her drink at the slip up of names. y/n sends her a glare that begs her to be calm.

"Okay sure!" Lucy hums, y/n sighs thinking she'd escaped but as she turns to get in the car her eyes meet Keira's, she as watching her with a raised eyebrow and y/n wants to swear.

Keira was always to investigative for her own good, she knew y/n too well and could notice the tiniest slip ups she did and once again Keira had caught her before she caught herself.

Ignoring Keira y/n slipped into the back of the car and started talking with Ona about anything they could think about to try and dull Keira's burning eyes.

Eventually they pulled up outside Ona's apartment and y/n leaned forward quickly and pecked her sister's cheek in thanks as Ona got out and grabbed their kit bags.

"Love you both." y/n says.

"Be on time tomorrow!" Lucy warns and y/n nods as she and Ona quickly rush into her apartment complex and quickly inside her apartment.

"Shit, did you see?" y/n asks Ona as the girl watches Lucy's car pull away.

"Keira notice your trip up?" Ona asks.

"Slip up. But yes." y/n nods as she flops onto Ona's sofa cursing softly under her breath.

"You will have to tell Lucy eventually." Ona sighs as she sits opposite her best friend. "I mean, 9 months is long enough, no?" Ona asks.

"Ona, Lucy is insanely protective, she always has been, and usually it is fine, but I don't want to disrupt the team because Lucy gets mad at Mapi and I." y/n sighs.

"Okay." Ona says simply.

"And 9 months isn't as bad as an entire year." y/n adds pointedly and Ona sighs, face planting her head in her hands.

"Dios mío, lo sé." Ona groans.

my god, I know

Ona also had a secret. She for the past year had been dating Alexia's youngest sister, Alba being the middle child. Alexia's younger sister had developed the nickname of baby Putellas and most of the team called her baby.

Strangely enough, the girl was a well known actress and at 22 had an oscar, golden globe and 2 BAFTA's under her very developed belt, y/n always joked with Ona that she guessed the Putellas sisters were meant to be stars.

However, Ona and her had been dating for the past year, having met while Ona was at Manchester Utd, while the actress was filming in Manchester for several months.

Their relationship blossomed and as soon as Ona got her call up for the national team, the first thing the best friends did was discuss how they would hide the relationship.

Now a year into her relationship, Ona was really regretting hiding it, and she knew her lover did to. The entire team knew her well and she was close with them all, however the first time they met her Alexia had given a warning.

"Ella está fuera de los límites. ¡Ella es mi hermanita!"

She is off limits. She is my baby sister!

If only she knew then that Ona was already with her. But she didn't and she still didn't and now Ona feared what would happen once she did know.

"If Alexia ever found out, well, we all know how protective she is of both her and Alba." Ona sighs.

"We're both fucked." y/n sighs.

"Completely fucked." Ona agrees and both girls groan before flinging themselves opposite ways onto the couch.

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onabattle just posted on her story x2

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y/n just posted on her story times x2

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y/n let herself into Mapi's apartment with her key, the clock just hitting seven as she did so. After she and Ona had talked, they both then took a shower and y/n changed into her spare clothes before pecking Ona on the cheek.

Ona promised to pick her up the next day, so Lucy didn't suspect anything and y/n then made her way through Barcelona and toward Mapi's, which she had just gotten into.

"Baby, I'm in." y/n called, the sound of feet padding across the floor making y/n smiled as the familiar black fur of Bagheera wrapped around her ankles. "Hi little one." y/n grinned.

The girl leant down and stroked the cat softly, Bagheera purring in response to the affection. y/n chuckled before she realised Mapi had yet to answer her.

"Amor?" y/n called out, wandering further into the kitchen and living where she dropped her keys to the floor. "Shit." y/n swore.

Mapi was stood, eyes wide and hand on her forehead, looking like a kid who had their hands caught in the cookie jar, her phone was in the kitchen and she looked apologetically toward y/n.

However, y/n wasn't focussed on her girlfriend in that moment, she was more focused, on her captain sat on the sofa, looking between the two with eyes just as wide.

"What? You two?" Alexia stuttered out, her English broken and Mapi and y/n looked toward each other for a moment before both rushing out the same exact sentence in their native tongues.

"You can't tell Lucy."

"No puedes decirle a Lucía."

Alexia paused for a moment, her mouth opening and closing in shock as she tried to think about the situation for a moment.

"How long has this been... happening?" Alexia asks, trying hard to keep her voice as calm as possible.

Mapi and y/n looked over at one another, fear deep in their hearts at the fact they had done so well at keeping it quiet, at hiding, that the fact their captain knew was heart-stopping.

"9 months." y/n begins, fiddling with her fingers.

"Ay, dios mío!" Alexia breathes.

oh my god.

"And Lucia? Has not been known?" Alexia continues asking, her voice now an eerily calm tone.

"No." Mapi denies and the answer is all it takes for Alexia's eyes to harden.

"Por qué?" She asks, though it sounds more like a demand as she jumps to her feet.

why?

"Because she's insanely protective Ale!" y/n defends. "Do you remember what happened that night we went out and that girl was eyeing me up?" She asks her captain.

"I thought she would become flames with the way Lucia was glaring." Alexia muses and y/n nods.

"It gets so much worse if I'm actually interested." y/n warns. "Look, we didn't mean to hide it for so long, but it just was so nice just us so we did!" y/n defends.

"Lucia will be so upset once she knows." Alexia states. "I cannot keep this from her for long." She adds and y/n groans.

"Alexia please." She begs her friend, but Alexia shakes her head. "If Lucy finds out this is gonna fuck the entire team Alexia, she won't just kill me, but Mapi and Ona!" y/n tried.

"Ona knows?!" Alexia asks and y/n sighs and Alexia rolls her eyes. "Of course Ona knows." She adds.

"Ale, por favor, just give us some time to figure out this." Mapi says to Alexia who sighs running a hand over her face.

y/n could see Alexia's thoughts running wild, the cogs in her mind turning as she tried to figure out what was the best option to do and go with.

y/n felt as if her chest had caved in, as if the world had suddenly been sucked of all its air, because she could no longer breathe, she could only worry.

"One week!" Alexia finally says. "One week and then I tell Lucia." She repeats before she moves to the door.

y/n tucked her head to her chest, trying very hard to stop the world from spinning and her lungs from starving themselves of air. Alexia says something to Mapi before she is out the door, shutting it quietly.

"Mi bebe?" Mapi says softly, tilting y/n's head up to see her tear-filled eyes and small rapid breaths. "Breathe, come on breathe." Mapi says quietly, pulling y/n to the sofa and onto her lap.

y/n falls forward, burying her head into Mapi's chest, moving her head until she can find the defender's heartbeat echoing in her ear, the pace of it calming her.

After several moments of y/n listening to Mapi's heart and the defender's hands moving up and down her back calmingly, y/n sniffles and sits up.

"We've really messed up here Maps." y/n says quietly and the woman sighs, leaning forward and capturing y/n's lips with her own, their breaths swapping as they sunk into each other.

"It was going to happen, princesa." Mapi sighs. "I will brave the world, I will brave the media, I will even brave Lucia Bronze for you, mi amor." Mapi promises.

y/n giggles despite herself, letting her hand come up to meet Mapi's jawline so she can rub her thumb across the defender's cheek, Mapi leaning into the loving hold.

"She's going to be terrible. Awful." y/n warns Mapi. "To me and to you." She adds.

"I know how much you love her, how close you are. I know how much this is going to hurt." Mapi promises her girlfriend who sighs and sinks forward.

"I love her, but I've never felt like this before." y/n admits and Mapi smiles into her hair.

"I have never felt like this either mi amor." Mapi promises.

"We'll do it together, won't we?" y/n asks her.

"Together, in two days." Mapi nods and y/n smiles softly, pressing her lips against Mapi's once more.

"In two days, we'll tell her." y/n agrees.

In two days. They did not.

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Today was supposed to be the day that Mapi and y/n told Lucy, they had promised themselves it. But as training neared to an end, both Mapi and y/n knew they weren't going to do it.

y/n had felt almost faded all day, as if she was in a fog as she tried to figure out what to do. Alexia had hardly spoken to her, Ona had noticed something was wrong and once she'd been told she was just as worried.

After showering, y/n followed Ona out, Mapi following close behind, Lucy and Keira had drove on their own today, y/n and Mapi getting there together as well as Ona on her own, though Keira and Lucy thought y/n had drove in with the latter.

y/n thought Keira had dropped her curiosity, so she didn't bother to look behind her as she hugged Ona goodbye and Mapi took her hand leading y/n to her car.

Keira's eyes widened as she watched y/n drive off with Mapi, Ona in the other way in her own car. She gulped and turned to see her girlfriend walking out, talking to Patri.

"You ready to go babe?" Lucy asked Keira who nodded, slipping on a fake smile.

"Yeah, y/n and Ona have already gone." Keira nods and Lucy chuckles rolling her eyes.

Barely an hour later, y/n and Mapi were cuddled together on the sofa, a show on in the background as their lips continuously collided and tongues rolled together.

y/n groaned into Mapi's mouth, her thighs tightening on either side of the defender's hips as she tried not to grind. The fog in her head had lessened, the anxiety.

Mapi had a way of doing that, she could calm the worst nerves in her, the scariest nightmares with something as simple as a smile, y/n loved her, she really loved her.

Mapi's finger gripped tighter, pulling y/n closer which caused a moan to slip into Mapi's mouth from y/n's throat. Mapi grinned against her lips, kissing down y/n's neck.

y/n groaned in relief as Mapi put pressure on her neck, sucking a dark mark into the space just below the collar of her top. Using her teeth to run over it.

"Mapi." y/n whined, causing a grin to rise onto the blonde's face.

"What bebita?" Mapi asks, pressing a kiss to the column of y/n's throat.

The girl groans again, grinding against her girlfriend who just grins, watching as y/n gets little friction from her position on Mapi's lap, the defender too strong for her to move.

"If you're a good girl, and eat your dinner once it comes." Mapi begins. "I'll have you for desert. How does that sound?" She asks y/n.

y/n nods, pushing her head down to press her lips against Mapi's, letting out a needy whine as Mapi's teeth dig into her bottom lip.

"Mi buena niña"

My good girl.

Mapi's raspy compliment made y/n's cheeks flare, another breathy moan coming from her as Mapi pressed a final still kiss harshly to her lips.

Mapi pulled away, her lips plump and red from the strength and need the two had kissed with. Mapi presseed a softer kiss into y/n's lips, humming happily as they pull away.

y/n smiles softly, tucking a strand of Mapi's hair behind her ear as she went to speak, however her phone began to ring and she groaned leaning over to grab it, seeing the fact it was Keira.

"Hey Keira." y/n smiles, carefully getting off Mapi who pouts as her girlfriend stands, but understands Keira would find it weird if y/n didn't pick up.

"Hey little one, how are you?" Keira asks and y/n furrows her brows slightly.

"I'm good, what about you?" y/n asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Keira promises. "I wanted to talk about something with you." She begins. "Where are you?" She asks and y/n panics.

"I'm uh, at Ona's right now Kei." y/n says, getting ready to say she was busy right now.

"Really?" Keira asks.

"Yeah." y/n nods, hearing a knock at the door and realising her and Mapi's food they had ordered had arrived. "Why?" She asks as she unlocks the door.

"Because..." Keira begins, y/n opening the door. "I think you're lying to me." Keira finishes, her eyes staring into y/n's as she holds up the bag of food.

y/n's phone drops to the floor, her eyes widening in shock as it hits the floor, luckily not breaking but making a loud thump which scares Bagheera from her sleep.

"Amor? You okay?" Mapi calls, turning the corner only to pause like y/n had.

"I think you should come in Keira." y/n says, pulling Keira into the apartment and slamming the door.

Keira places the food down on the side, watching as y/n and Mapi send each other fearful looks and Keira sighs, realising what they were worried about.

"Luce thinks I'm with Tana right now." Keira promises them and they let out a breath of relief.

"Good because this isn't what it looks like." y/n begins and Keira raises an eyebrow. "Okay, it is exactly what it looks like." She admits.

"It looks like, you've been secretly dating Mapi and Ona's been covering for you." Keira says and Mapi groans.

"Bien, definitivamente es exactamente lo que parece." Mapi huffs.

Okay, it is definitely exactly what it looks like.

Keira looks at y/n, eyes not harsh, but stern as she demands y/n to translate Mapi's sentence with nothing but a look.

"Basically, you're dead on." y/n tells Keira who sighs and runs a hand over her face.

"Lucy's going to be so..." Keira begins.

"Angry at first, then protective and then upset." y/n says and Keira nods as y/n blinks tears away, biting at her lip.

"Let's go sit down amor, yes?" Mapi asks y/n who sighs and nods, grabbing their food.

Keira follows, watching as y/n and Mapi sit down, Bagheera curling next to y/n's hip as the two sink into each other and open up their noodle boxes, beginning to eat.

Keira watches, finding the small moment of domesticity sweet as she watched how easily the two fit together when doing so.

"So, how long?" Keira asks as y/n continues to eat.

"9 months." She admits and Keira closes her eyes for a moment and sighs.

"And all this time, we thought you were dating Ona?" Keira asks and Mapi's head snaps up.

"What? Why?" Mapi asks, but y/n holds her hand out to Mapi, knowing how possessive the dirty blonde often was.

"She's just my best friend Kei." y/n promises the woman who sighs. "Look, we were going to tell Lucy this week anyway." y/n adds to Keira who furrows her brows.

"Why?" She asks.

"Because Alexia found out, and said if we don't she will." Mapi explains and Keira groans again.

"This just keeps getting worse." She huffs.

"Oh we know!" y/n scoffs. "Look, Kei, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But we know how Lucy gets. And I just, wanted to keep this." y/n sighs and Keira looks at her sadly.

"You love her Mapi?" Keira asks the defender who nods without hesitation.

"Si, I love her with all I am." Mapi promises Keira who nods.

"And munchkin?" Keira asks y/n.

"Yeah Keira, I really do love her." y/n sighs, and Keira nods.

"Okay, well, we need to figure out how to tell Lucy then. Because this is going to be hard."

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

END OF PART ONE

what do you think ??

queenie x

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