#sowwy for rambling

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

damn. i miss aventurine sm..............

i feel like i did him SO dirty bc he was the character i was most excited for and knew right away i was making an oc to ship with

his whole story in the trailblaze mission hit me like i truck like. i sobbed multiple times and it was so agonizing because i got SPOILED for the 2.1 quest bc genshit/hsr twt is horrendous and were posting CONSTANTLY about 'oh look here's his broken cornerstone and this text message that said he may or may not be alive' so i was so fucking anxious leading up to the actual quest

but at the same time i was in a different fandom space at the time (probably still sobbing over neuvi/wetrabbit........ or wait no it was otto i think) i was so emotionally invested but also. not at the same time jfdsklfds

like aster/pollux has got to be one of my most complex characters ive made:

was raised in an annihilation gang sub-faction of halovians and probably committed wayyyy to many war crimes, including ravaging entire planets into Nothing

has some sort of epiphany that causes them to defect from the annihilation gang; not out of guilt but they were rabidly falling into ix's shadow and was just like, 'nothing matters, whats the point of living to destroy or to destroy to live'

they are pulled out of the void by a self annihilator/doctor of chaos, the 'real' aster. who happens to be a victim of a civilization that was decimated by the annihilation gang, the sole survivor that will be remembered by none

i can't even describe aster & pollux relationship; its completely undefinable. they are two nobodies who would travel the universe and no one will remember them.... but its ok bc they have each other.

aster eventually dies, loosing the fight against ix's shadow. and pollux is about to be completely swallowed by the void, you would think that theyre like 'oh no i cant be alone i dont want to be alone the only person that knows me is gone and nothing else matters' but theyre actually just experiencing the overwhelming feeling 'they cant die, they deserve to be remembered by anyone and everyone this wonderful human being CANNOT be remembered by just me'

and thats when they are gazed upon by fuili, becoming an emanator of remembrance: all because they wanted to keep the memory of their dead friend alive

thus pollux takes on the identity of 'aster' becoming their friend, its their way of keeping aster 'alive' and honoring their memory: with a goal of interaction with as many people as possible so that aster will be remembered by them.

the guardian of recollection's purpose to preserve ALL memory of the universe while aster's purpose is to keep the memory of ONE person alive

wiat this was. supposed to be abt aventurine and avenaster.............

i guess bc aster is so developed on her own w/o the need to attach her to a canon character romance for a good chunk of her development. i'd say that acheron and the astral express have the BIGGEST influence on aster

like i love wetrabbit and silvanus so much but. silvie is much more of a personal character to me, she still has complex character traits but a lot of her development is fueled by nearly the entire fontaine cast and that allowed me to think more abt her close relationships with the cast & especially neuvi. so i get more ship content

but anyways. stan luckyrabbits <3

[toomanywordsnllines]

Someone save me, I hate this class.

[cerealmonster15]

cheneige moment aka me trying to learn how 2 draw rsa students

[blanketorghost]

Hello!!

Uhm so you might've noticed my blog is pretty empty rn.... this is for a good reason, though! I am going all-in on my grad project, which is a small demo of an rpg maker game based on nightmares/experiences I had at school when I was a kid :^)

of course I'll still be manning the shop and ship all orders (IF THEY WOULD ARRIVE) but aside from like, one illustration I'm making right now, I'll practically be dead art-wise in here 😔😔😔

If you want to check out my progress and follow my grueling journey into coding a game for the first time, feel free to check out @recess-game !! (go here for the full experience yippee)

[sebille]

[deimosatellite]

reading a tolstoy and a steinbeck back to back is actually giving me so much whiplash bc i went from anna karenina where tolstoy gives the point of view of the upper class landowner being ohh so saddd bc hes so upset he exploits his workers feel bad for himmm and puts his own hypocrisy and fetishization of the working class on display vs grapes of wrath showing the true depths of the strength of the working class and the real tragedy of the dehumanization of workers and complete disregard for human life by the wealthy... lets just say i feel even more ire towards anna karenina today AKNSMDMDKDK

[castielsprostate]

i dunno i think a lot of people have a very love hate relationship with the queer community because of the way the 90s/00s/10s media portrayed any sort of gay/queer/trans/lesbian/ace/etc relationship (whether in relations to others or themselves) as this inherent "silliness"? as this thing you're not supposed to talk about. it exists, but never let it show. it's there, but it shouldn't be seen. it's tolerable as long as it is silent.

it all ties back into misogynistic and the patriarchal systems that keep being persisted now. it's told as being a gay man is taking away your manhood, you are seen as weak and frilly and clearly not good enough to be a Real Man™. and being a lesbian takes away your femininity, you're too rough around the edges and are too manly thus you're not pretty because men can't be pretty that would mean they're gay, and thus you are not good enough to be a Real Woman™. the only "acceptable" way to be if you HAVE to be queer in any way is bisexual as long as you are a side character and stick to the "other side" when dating and end up with the opposite gender when getting married and settling down.

and even if the elements above were minor, being queer was shown as a struggle, something ugly and as a dirty little secret. a queer relationship was shown to be a funny gag, a dramatic storyline to have Normal Characters�� complete their acceptance storyline or advance their plots whilst the queer character is pushed off to the side. surface level inclusivity messages that are dressed up in "we love everyone" with the underlying tone of "we tolerate you as long as we have to and you're only here so we can hit a bigger audience"

all this to say that this is the reason most actors, male and female, are so opposed to admitting the characters they played in those decades were queer-coded in any way, shape or form. because that would mean voicing the quiet part out loud when they were told to keep it silent

[nerves-nebula]

The boar in the forest is about a lot of stuff but one of them is how being raised by a white parent as a mixed kid can leave you unaware of the reality of your race in a way that’s not just isolating and confusing but actively dangerous.

It can make you internalize racism so thoroughly that you can’t even tell when people are being racist towards you or when you’re in danger. you don’t know how to stay safe (as safe as possible) in a racist environment because your parent who is supposed to be your guide is blind to the danger and will deny any budding thoughts you have about it. They might even tell you you’re just a normal kid, as if they can will a color blind society into existence by lying to you.

Of course he was murdered as a child, nobody was trying to protect him. Nobody passed on any rules of survival. He was left alone in the woods in a town full of people who wanted him dead.

[chrysopoeias]

Insane that Mustang made Hawkeye his moral conscience responsible for keeping him on the right path because he does not trust his own moral compass anymore. But who’s keeping Hawkeye’s moral compass pointed north? Her dog??

I wanna see her do fucked up things and be pushed to the limit. That one untranslated spinoff game where she almost assassinates the crown prince of another country and was nearly responsible for dooming Amestris to more endless wars just to protect her teammates is so juicy for that. Its canon and real to me. I wish I could play/read/understand it in full context.

[catcze]

wriothesley arguing in french with someone pissing him off has to be SOOO HOT

Dude imma be real, as someone who has seen her s/o at the time argue with someone in their native language, it is leagues more attractive than seeing some basic ass english argument so 👀 You're so on the money for this HAHAHAHA Like ?!?!? Idk what it is, but there's such a different confidence and cadence that comes out when someone argues in their native language?! And fuck, even if u don't understand all of it at the time (lord knows i didn't haskdnj) it's just so;;; hot to see your person absolutely grilling someone 🥵🥵 Like;; idk what it is, but i just find it so impressive when people can speak multiple languages ? and when you mix how unfairly attractive some people can get when they're mad + seeing their mastery over another language!?!? Fucking goodness. Amazing.

And man, Wrio is already hot period. But when he's pissed enough that he starts speaking straight in his native tongue, his eyes narrowed at someone else and his jaw clenched so tight that you see a muscle fucking jump— dude, that's so fucking hot. And hearing him swear ?!!? You're not sure about anything else he's said, but you've been around Fontaine long enough to know when something's a swear word, and the way he swears with such anger and vitriol directed at the other person... damn. LIke,,,, i don't know how to express it while still sounding sane, but it's just so impressive to see how he code switches to his native tongue so well??! ahjsbdja IDK IDK IDKKK

[buttdumplin]

telling me to stand up, pls that's never gonna happen, i'll stay on my knees

[toomanywordsnllines]

Someone save me, I hate this class.

[cerealmonster15]

ummm goober time sketchy doodle time w/heartslabyul.......... adeuce + lil babby crushies...

i think adeuce would enter that "no homo but tbh a lil homo" era of bestieship and be in mega denial before they realize their own feelings

also not necessarily ship exactly, but like i could see adeuce havin lil tiny crushes on treycay when they first enter the school fjdkshg like caters vibe matches ace + trey is that responsible upperclassman lookin after the freshies and i think juice would admire him [he admires like most of the older students tho it's soooo cute]

and then same reasoning for deuce w/riddle... riddle being sweet to deuce w/ his math struggles in deuces dorm story my beloved... + ace has that one thing he says about riddle in his ghost bride event card story where he was like "yeah he looked so cool bursting into the room i wanna work hard and be cool like him" and tbh sounded like a boycrush in denial.

[fuzzyelves]

isnt it crazy how straight people hate each other like they really do. Not even just on a “gender norms and socialization clashing” way but they arent even attracted to each other. The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward talks about the difference in how straight people express attraction vs gay people. and how straight people only like each other when they are so primed, plucked, toned, perfumed, and waxed into a completely different creature. How can you call yourself attracted to that gender when there’s nothing about them left? There’s no fat, no hair, no sweat, no smell. no wonder theyre all nuts

[sencrose]

hello hello i’m gonna be off for a week or so on vacation, i'm not sure if i’ll be on here much so i’ll have a queue running on shuffle with some recs mixed in there!

see ya on the other side 8)

[sebille]

I don't understand people who trust everything characters who lie or just don't know what the hell they're talking abut says

Like since i'm a Zenos fan ( tm) who writes annoying posts about him i'll use him as an example:

He says that he doesn't care about his dad - him killing Varis is just because his dad gets in the way of his "hunt" and that's it.

However - we're continously shown that Zenos HATED Varis - That Varis made Zenos into the person we see in game and that their relationship has never been...close to good - not even when Zenos was growing up. I think "the hunt begins" is the best way to get a good look into how bad it was. Varis doesn't give a shit about Zenos emotional/physical well being. ( Please read it - it's so good. )

We see Zenos mock his father in front of his soldiers at the start of Stormblood. And Varis admits to not mourning his sons death.

Zenos looks SO happy and relieved after killing Varis. It's clear that it's not just about "the hunt". It's very personal. (I'm not going to pretend that """THE HUNT"""" is not a part of it, of course. He's not lying about that part. It's just not.. the only thing he cares about in this scenario.)

But still I see people talk about how Zenos cares about one thing and that he's an one dimensional character etc And it's like Idk man maybe that's on you for trusting the words of a character you shouldn't trust ?? Use your brain?