#sorryyyy!! i really love this idea/concept! I need to look more into it!!

[mrsoharaa]

you didn't think too much into the simple graze of the newest spider-mans fingers gently brisking over yours as he takes his leave. the sweet, noble male that personally tended to you from your former strenuous, chaotic mission that led you to having a wounded leg. thus putting you right into the spider society's med bay.

you wave him off with a friendly smile, your eyes quickly sweeping over ever so attentively to the left to note Miguel's intent stare. pretty globes of soft cardinal leering behind the new, overly tending spider-man leaving the medical room you resided in. bearing directly into the back of the generous mans skull with such fueling rage and hatred.

his hardened glare sweeps back over to meet yours through the crystalline glass of the mirror into your medical room. thick brows that once tightened ever so firmly and searing wrath pooling into those glorious irises of pure ruby, immediately softening to your delicate gaze. a tinge of hurt and remorse instantly building up in the conflicted mans chest, immensely.

your heart flutters against your own, capturing the shorten, soften gaze of swarming distraught and longing clinging into those beautiful, intense eyes of his. your lush lips slowly part from each other, attempting to gather words to accumulate towards the man — but only failed, inescapably, when everything within you blared at you not to engage with him. not to engage with the very man that put you through with so much unbinding hurt and betrayal. the very same man that slowly, treacherously broke and tore you from piece by piece.

your pupils dilate, closing your agape lips promptly as your fingers crumble amongst the thin sheets of the medical beds bedding. you turn your head, shielding back the hot, thick tears swelling at the brims of your lashes. trying to not crumble before the very man that you inevitably fell in love with, during your previous time together (during your little "stress distressing" lascivious sessions).

the very same man that slowly, treacherously broke and tore you from piece by piece. promises of unfulfilled, unattainable pledges of comforting enlightenment and console, crumbling with the shattered fragments of your broken heart.

[myopicry]

Hello! Lesbian from the last ask about qprs again! Your ramblings were delightful as expected, it definetely gave me something to think about (as someone who has also identified with aroace for a while before adopting my current "label"). If you're still okay with answering questions, I'd like to know more about your thoughts on the aroace spectrum itself? I remember there being some discourse in the community about whether or not gray area aroaces were valid or not (or something like that... I don't care enough now to remember lol). But just generally, what do you think of the concept of an aroace spectrum? (also can I be 🪼anon pls? I'm pretty sure I'll keep visiting your inbox in the future sorryyyy)

hi again :0 !! honored to get a named anon and I did not know there was a jellyfish emoji so that was also fun to learn lmao, and do not worry I love having stuff in my inbox it's like a little writing prompt for me sometimes and I really love that!

onto the actual question in the ask (which I am also very happy to answer genuinely I enjoy yapping far too much so this is very self indulgent)

it is also very long... I hope you enjoy more long paragraphs !!

similar to how I feel about qprs, I think a lot of the labeling and identification that comes from the concept of the aroace spectrum is just unnecessary and puts far too much focus on the idea of labeling yourself anyways. I mean, does it exist? yeah, it exists since you could define many things as a spectrum if you want to. and clearly, there are people who have such experiences that can be labeled on the spectrum, micro-labels do have some point of origin. but what it always comes down to for me is: does it matter? does it change anything to have a label versus not having one? does it actually help to have a label?

because, on the one hand, I totally get wanting to know that your experiences aren't isolated, that there are others who feel similarly. especially since we live in a world that has such a deluge of media that reinforces a very slim view of what the human experience looks like, and that there are a lot of traditionalist societal norms in the US that dictate the "normative" way to think about sexuality and romance, if you deviate from that norm, it can be incredibly isolating. that's why I do get why there is always so much passion (especially among younger generations) to defend these labels and communities, because in a way people just want to feel seen and understood. that's pretty universal, I think.

however, on the other hand, I think using a spectrum that spawns a new identification label promotes the "being seen" aspect more than the "being understood" part, and at least to me, the understanding is much more valuable when it comes to the function of a label.

a label that allows people to understand you, which can foster community--think "lesbian" as a label, it allows for same-sex attracted women to identify themselves and find each other to share experiences, advice, and advocate for general rights and protections.

a label that allows people to just be seen could be an identifier, sure. but if you just label yourself as "gray ace" or "on the ace spectrum", considering that it is a spectrum and thus could mean pretty different things for different people, it just lets people know this is what you call yourself and you probably think it's interesting enough to keep mentioning. plus, a majority of this kind of niche identification happens online anyway (what would be the point of a aspec bar, y'know. that's just a bar. or what legal protections do gray aces need? everyone has the right to not have sex with people they don't want to, that kind of stuff is in fact protected by the law, which is great) and calling yourself anything on the internet is explicitly about being seen a certain way and not questioned on it. so, the label becomes more of a vanity. maybe a conversation starter. more cynically, maybe a ticket into feeling special and asserting yourself in a larger, trendy community that has been slowly growing in a marketable demographic. (I really wanted to go on a tangent about the "do aromatic/aspec identities belong in the lgbtq community" discourse but then I realized I don't even really believe in the concept of "lgbtq community" so. uh. maybe a ramble for another day.)

(tangent I will go on: one very petty thing that pushed me to question the identification of aroace was that I noticed people who were identified as aroace or on the ace spectrum talked about it so much even though there wasn't much to say outside of niche fandom opinions. I found that a bit irksome, and became more self conscious if I was talking about it too much myself because if I found it annoying, I definitely didn't want to behave like that lol, especially because it's basically a conversational dead end to mention. for definitionally embodying the lack of something honestly aroaces do love to talk about that. I say this as I type another 500 words or something though lmao)

honestly, I think the label of asexual is pretty functional by itself, it's a lack of sexual attraction, which is pretty self explanatory and important to communicate to others. It's unique enough to have it's own community struggles to share (dating while ace, not relating to peers) it's just when you get to stuff like demisexual or throw in the split attraction model then it's actually way faster to just say "I don't really consider that until I have an emotional connection with someone" or "I don't see myself with that person/most people/whatever distinction romantically" or "I care more about personality" or just not talking about it unless relevant in conversation, which most people already do when it comes to their preferences and details of their relationship boundaries.

this is already so long and I feel like I've gone slightly off topic but I am just gonna sandwich this last thing I've been thinking about regarding micro-labels, especially aroace related ones. sometimes, to me, it feels like there's too much possibility for them to become excuses. like, if I say I'm aromantic, I might just be justifying my own fear of intimacy and opening up to people, and no one can push me on this because it's "valid" and if you push back that would be the equivalent of "telling a gay person they're not gay". which it obviously isn't. If I say I'm "fictosexual" I might just not talk to a lot of people in real life and am very obsessed with fandom culture, or I might just have a celebrity crush and very little real relationship experience, which I definitely won't gain if I just label myself as some flavor of aroace and commit to justifying my adherence to a comfort zone. (the aromantic one is based on my actual experience, the fictosexual one is not but I can definitely see how a much younger version of myself might latch on to that. concerning!)

I personally also used the "safety" of the aroace label of not needing to come out as a crutch to ensure I wouldn't have to think about telling my parents at all (it's much easier to tell your parents that you don't feel like dating anyone than to tell them you want to date a woman). it just became another way I could repress things without having to come to terms with the fact that it was repression. sometimes I blame myself for this, sometimes I don't. it is actually pretty bleak sometimes to be same sex attracted, and I have had many sleepless nights where I truly feel the weight of what I have to do to simply find the love and support heterosexuals have easily. it's all tangled up with my self-hatred, and led to me dealing with a lot of anger and dysphoria over "not having it as easy" as men. obviously all that is pretty toxic, and only when I was able to come to terms with being same-sex attracted could I start tackling these things head on. I do think if I kept believing in the aroace spectrum and community wholeheartedly, some of my problems would have gotten worse. repression is not really a good technique, who knew?

all in all, I think if you start to think about all of it too much, it begins to unravel. asexual is maybe the only "useful" label but the rest of it falls apart in meaning and purpose to me. and the more nuanced stuff, like the concept of a split attraction model, is interesting academically and in discussion, but I feel like introducing to the clumsy hands of twitter, tumblr, tiktok (and other social media sites that don't start with t) as a way to determine identities on par with lgb ones is. probably not super productive.

apologies in advance for the unhinged use of prepositions and conjunctions on this one, I had way too much random shit to say and too little energy to actually properly draft and edit it, feel free to ask for further clarification or elaboration! big big thanks again anon I shall look forward to you in my inbox once more :D

[theatersanddemons]

I’m going to share with you all one of my favorite scenes I’ve roleplayed with my partner.

Notes: Dia is Diamond (Balan and Fia’s child) and Nightlight is Lance and NiGHTS’ child

Nightlight refers to NiGHTS as ‘Nidad’ and Lance as ‘Nibi’

Dia refers to Balan as ‘Papa’, Fia as ‘Dad’ and Lance as ‘Zizi’

It’s a running joke that Dia burns things/sets things on fire by accident, they are not a pyromanic.

My partner plays Balan, Lance and Nightlight

I play NiGHTS, Dia and Fia

And no, I don’t constantly capitalize NiGHTS because it gets tiring

The ‘run over by a tractor’ bit is a reference to one of the chapter trailers

Balan gets in trouble with his mate

"Stop acting like I'm a pyromaniac!" Dia whined softly. "I don't try to set things on fire!"

"No, it's just sometimes you don't realize how hot you've made things or how much power you're putting into something." Fia chuckled softly, taking a slice as well and trying it. "Mm~ Agreed, you've definitely improved~"

"Thank you..." Now they're blushing at their parents' and best friend's praise.

"You're welcome my dear! Keep it up and you'll be making cuisine's like Lance in no time!" He gave his lil bean a kiss on the temple before making the other half of his slice disappear.

"I believe my parents would love to try this as well, I'll save them some for later." Nightlight grabbed 4 pieces and placed them on a napkin before floating away to the kitchen.

"You think so?" Dia perked, smiling bashfully.

"That reminds me, Lance still owes me a cooking contest." Fia chuckled softly cause their child to groan playfully.

"Oh no, not again!"

"A cooking contest? I'm afraid I missed when that became a reality. Is this a new concept?" Balan questioned, his head tiling to the side just a tad.

"Eh... not really? It's just a little thing for fun Lance and I have done a couple times. We take turns choosing a dish to make and have others try them." He shrugged.

"Him and Zizi are tied 3 for 3." Dia huffed playfully. "But the kitchen is a war zone when they do it."

"I can tell it drives my nibi insane with the clean up they have to do afterwards." Nightlight chimed in after flying back to sit beside Dia. "Things get quite interesting during those contests."

"No more spicy things, last time I swear I was gonna have a hole burned through my tongue." Dia pouted before sniggering. "It was good though."

"We'll be sure to ease up on the spices." Fia chuckled softly.

"That would appreciated, my stomach was not happy with me after that...very uncomfortable evening."

"Huh! That sounds like fun! How come I was never invited to any of these?"

"Every time it happens you are in other realm kicking corrupted things and getting chased by flying rocks." They quietly explained, taking a sip of their boxed chocy milk. "It's quite humorous honestly."

"Oh...that explains a lot." The maestro replied, a bit shocked he actually kept missing out. And that Nightlight knew about the rock incident.

"We do try to arrange them for everyone to be available." Fia rested his hands on his hips as his lips pursed, "But Nightlight's right, you're always working during them." Such is the pain of having a workaholic partner. "And what's this about being chased by flying rocks?"

Dia covered their mouth to hide a grin, "Watch out Papa, Dad's got that tone again."

Balan flinched slightly as he glanced away somewhat nervous now, lightly pulling on his shirt collar. "Oh haha, about that! It was nothing I couldn't handle, just missed my mark that's all!"

"Uh-huh..." Fia squinted at the maestro before sighing and rolling his eyes. "One of these days you're going to get a concussion."

"...Dad, you say that like Papa hasn't had a concussion before." Dia looked genuinely confused.

"He hasn't, as far as I know?" Fia looked back at Balan with a raised eyebrow.

"...I have no idea what they're talking about." If he could sweat he would be drenched by now. "...." He grabs another slice of pizza and pulled the rim of his hat down to hide his eyes as he took small nibbles of it. For once he didn't want all the attention on him.

Nightlight snickered softly at the scene before them, they could only guess even partners didn't tell each other everything.

"That's not surprising, considering how out of it you were." Dia leaned on their hand with a grin, "You remember, right Nigh? Papa was sooo dazed from that hit."

Fia pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh, "......"

"If I recall correctly, he walked into several walls thinking they were doors."

"Kids, could you please stop trying to get my head kicked off?" He squeaked out. It was embarrassing enough remembering his rare blunders but now he was in the hot seat with Fia and...let's just say you don't want to be in the hot seat with Fia!

"Sorryyyy Papa." Dia drawled. "But honestly, we thought Dad knew! I mean, why wouldn't you tell him?"

"Gee, I wonder." Fia deadpanned, shaking his head.

He's slowly sinking into the couch cushions now. His metaphorical goose is cooked no doubt about it now!

Nightlight just shook their head in fond dismay, their uncle was much too easy to tease.

Dia's giggling behind their hand, honestly it was just too funny to watch their papa and dad interact like this. That's why they saved those kinds of moments. And they and Nightlight weren't the only ones.

Rolling his eyes, Fia gently poked his mate, "Oh don't be so dramatic, Balan." Honestly, "trying to get his head kicked off", please!

He had better ways to "punish" his lover

"Didn't you know Fia, I'm all dramatic." He slowly lifted his hat to uncover his eyes again and pouted. "I run on the drama."

"You have never spoken a truer words, Balan." Well well, look who's returned from their lovely date!

"Nibi, Nidad!" They floated off the couch and flew over to their parents rather swiftly to hug and nuzzle them. "Welcome home."

Lance smiled warmly before nuzzling back. "Thank you lovely, were you good for your uncles."

"Yes, Dia and I made pizza. I saved you some slices in the microwave."

"Oh that's wonderful, dear." Nights chirped as he hugged them back, beaming.

"Yes, but there's your drama and then there's the over the top drama." Fia hummed, "Welcome back you two."

"Thanks~ What have you all been up to?"

"Putting me in the Tim house, that's what." Balan answered, somewhat glaring at Dia and poking them in the belly. "Otherwise not much else."

"I see, it sounded to me like they were spilling all of your little mishaps. Like that time you-"

"Lance! I am in enough trouble as it is do not making it worse." He warned while turning around, his death glare rather evident. "It is nothing I can not handle."

Dia squeaked and batted at her papa's hand, "It's not our fault you won't be honest with Dad!"

"No, no, by all means, Lance. Tell me what else I don't know." Fia took hold of Balan's hand gently to stop him from making Dia into a mouse.

"Gladly.~" They are grinning like the Cheshire cat as they floated over to the couch, with Nightlight following behind. "Before I had been interrupted, one of our guests had a fear of chickens. And during a bout he had been rolled over by a corrupted egg."

"Uuuuuuuugh........" Time to sink into the couch again.

"This happened before you arrived Fia. He once told me he had been run over by a tractor while observing one of our past visitors. It is a mystery that he didn't notice it before hand."

"Run over by a tractor." He repeated flatly.

Nights cough/laughed against his hand, "Oh goodness..."

Dia couldn't help giggling at the exasperated look on their dad's face.

"I was paying attention to other things, I guess it didn't pay it any mind."

"Did you not feel any vibrations Balan?" Lance questioned, raising an eye ridge.

"...If I recall correctly...I was flying so...possibly not."

"That is...rather amusing." Nightlight commented with a slight smirk.

"How did you get run over if you were flying?" Nights questioned, tilting his head. "Surely you were high enough to avoid it?"

Fia's just gonna pull the maestro to him, shaking his head.

"...Okay perhaps it was more like hovering...a few inches off the ground."

"That makes more sense."

"Uh-huh..."

"Oh yeah!" The Nightmaren hit his palm, "I remember you mentioning to me about that kid obsessed with flying and all the crashes that happened! Didn't he make you go flying by accident?"

They all are just trying to see who can get the maestro in the most trouble.

“...Yes. A rather enthusiastic child..." He pulled the rim of his had down and slumped. Had he really been that klutzy? How embarrassing.

"You seem to have a knack for getting yourself hurt, Balan." Fia mused softly, his tone neutral.

"And it sounds like you don't know the half of it."

"Are you alright Uncle Balan?"

"Fine, it was bound to come out anyhow." He began nibbling on the pizza crust quietly, just looking like a hat with two holes in it...and a pizza crust. "Mm...needs cheese." He murmured, who doesn't love a good cheese crust?

"I'll keep that in mind for next time." Dia hummed lightly, stretching out with a sigh, "I'm gonna make something for everyone all by myself!"

"I'll have the fire department on speed dial."

"Daaaaaaad!"

"And the fire extinguisher on hand." Balan remarked, with a slight glance towards his child.

"I'll keep a close eye out for them as well." Nightlight chimed before laughing and poking Dia's cheek with their horn. "As a head chef of sorts."