#sorry you gave me too many connections so you get a million threads

[adem-sahir]

starter for: @johnnyxwagner location: adem's house

"How you want your steak done?" He called out to Johnny from where he was standing on the back porch in front of his grill. Adem was sipping on a beer, like he always was, as he grilled up some dinner for himself and one of the only friends he had who understood the pain he'd gone through over the last three years. "Is Stevie coming by too or does she hate my attitude this week?" He was joking, mostly, because he was fairly sure she didn't hate him, but sometimes Adem wondered if Johnny's girl only tolerated him because of his association with Johnny. "You wanna grab me another beer from inside?"

[ciaossu-imagines]

I'm sorry to hear that you've been getting negative stuff in your inbox! Folks need to remember that the number rule of fandom is to simply click away if they don't enjoy something. I think the magic of fandom is the creation of new content beyond canon and that everyone has their own interpretations of characters. I love how much thought and effort you put into your interpretations and that you're not afraid to break away from popular opinion! It's also wonderful and refreshing how much you celebrate sexuality (although I get it's not for everyone)! You add treasures to each fandom you contribute to and I hope you continue to do so for as long as it brings you joy

Okay, but can I just say how absolutely beautifully written this is? This is so amazingly said and I agree so much with a lot of your points! I won’t be quite as eloquent in my replies, but bear with me!

 I agree so strongly about the magic of fandom. The truth is, everyone views the media with their own biases in place, so we all arrive at different interpretations of characters, of relationships, of interactions. And that’s a truly beautiful, wonderful thing because it really does mean that everyone…everyone will find their own people in fandom. Everyone will find things and other fans and writers and artists that they connect to in fandoms. And I do realize that this is harder for people to do in a lot of the fandoms I write for because…they are small. They’re older, mostly inactive and kept afloat only because of small groups of die-hard fans. So, there’s not always a million places to find your people anymore. But they are out there. If my writing isn’t doing it for you, or you’re uncomfortable with my views on characters or with things I post on this blog, it’s as simple as not interacting with it. With not reading or unfollowing or looking away. If you can’t find other active blogs for the fandom you’re following me for…start your own. Even if you’re just reblogging art or old posts or just throwing up your own ramblings on the characters or sharing your OC’s – all of my fandoms have that wonderful, amazing group of die-hard fans and you will find your people that way.

That being said, thank you so incredibly much. Those compliments were…really impactful. I have never really thought of all of my little ramblings on here as treasures and to have them referred to as such gave me that automatic ‘you’re giving me way too much credit, my stuff isn’t all that great’ reaction because self-esteem? That bitch ain’t no friend of mine. But that really touched me, gorgeous, and it meant a lot to me.

I have no plans on disappearing again, no matter how sad or unmotivated I might get or how many rude anons I get. To be honest, every fandom I write for, I write for because of how much the characters and the stories have meant to me, have become fixtures in my life and how, pitiful as this may sound, these characters have really felt like…friends, true, constant, unjudging friends. To quote Tahereh Mafi, “In the absence of human relationships, I formed bonds with paper characters. I lived love and loss through stories threaded in history; I experienced adolescence by association. My world is one interwoven web of words, stringing limb to limb, bone to sinew, thought and images all together. I am a being compromised of letters, a character created by sentences, a figment of imagination formed through fiction.” To stop creating for these characters, to let these fandoms just…die? It would leave me grieving the death of friends, to say nothing of how much fandoms and all you lovely readers have shaped me and influenced me and made my life richer and still continue to do so. All of you, this blog, these characters, they have all become my safe place and until tumblr kicks me off, I’ll always be here for the characters and for each and every one of you constant readers.

[rcksmith]

Secret — Five Hargreeves

Requests: “For Five Hargreeves — can I get 97, 91 28 and 35 for a heavy smut? And 40 from fluff? If it isn’t too much trouble!”

“If it’s not too much trouble could I do 40,53 & 91 from the smut prompts for Five ty honey 💕”

Smut prompts:

28. “Such a needy little thing, aren’t you?”

35. “Try to keep quiet. We don’t want to get caught.”

40. “I guess I’ll just get off all by myself.”

53. “Well, since you want to cum so badly, why don’t we see how many times I can make you cum right now.

91. “guess i'll just have to cum in you then’

97. “You know, you always look so much better when I mark you up.”

Fluff prompts:

40. “Come cuddle.”

A/N: We not tolerate any pedophilia here !!

I write about Five with their 20s. I write the same about the characters of Harry Potter.

I hope you guys like💖I decided to compile these two requests, since they were the same central plot. I added all the elements that were asked for individually, and made sure that all ideas were respected and written down. Good reading.

Guys, I really understand who doesn’t feel comfortable reading or writing Five’s smut. But I always say that I only write with him (any genre: romance, fluff or angst) with the notion that Five is 20 years old here. All of my fanfics mention swearing or sex, even if it is a memory or something shallow, but as I am writing with Five as an adult, it is consistent that the fic has aspects of an adult life.//

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

Couple: Five Hargreeves / Fem! Reader.

Warnings: explicit heavy smut, swearing, fluff too.

— — — — —

It was one of those warm nights, which carry a searing and heaving sensation in the back, which had a malicious tone in the air, which stirs your body to choose bad decisions, making your hands itch and your heart racing for something...intense. It was one of those hours that passed midnight, that breath was heavy with the expectation of something extraordinary, that skin prickled just with the images in mind.

And you were in that state. Heart pounding heavily, yearning for something, caustic breathing, the environment with an energy of lust. Well, at least you was like that.

Five did not share your line of reasoning, or, if he were not oblivious to the malicious moonlight that rose in the sky, he was pretending very well. Sipping a margarita at the bar in the Hargreeves mansion, with calculations in front of him taking all his attention. Normally, you loved that he focused on his own things. But now... you were seething with something that only Five could placate.

It was a few months ago that you went from just being friends with his siblings to someone he fucked hard at night. The sexual energy between the two of you was very strong, and it was very easy to make bad decisions when the bad decision in question was so fucking hot.

Five Hargreeves did things to you. You wouldn't know how to explain it with clear phrases, but his gaze made you shiver, his body made a very specific part in the middle of your legs vibrate, and his voice and that self-centered smile... God!

It was no accident that you surrendered. You would have surrendered to that battle a million times.

“Five.” You sighed softly, taking a sip from your own drink. “Can't you do this tomorrow?”

“No. I am close to solving this.”

You controlled yourself not to roll your eyes. You were never the most needy type, especially with people as reserved as Five, but, damn it, you were on fire. It was logical that you could go out and choose someone to placate that, but that would trigger many things between Five and you. He hated that you were with someone else, even though he himself didn't assuming out to you.

It are a delicate situation, you were friends with all the Hargreeves siblings, and it would be a racket if they knew that their brother was fucking one of theys best friends.

The warm evening breeze came in through the window and collided with the chill of the drink running down your throat, awakening even more lustful anxieties.

“Five..." You purred, got up from the armchair on the counter, still behind Five and slid your hands over his shoulders "Maybe...you might want to finish this later.” You whispered at the foot of his ear.

Even without seeing him, you could feel that he was letting go of one of his arrogant and malicious smiles. Five rotated the seat to be face to face with you, his legs spread wider to accommodate you between them.

“And what are you going to do to distract me?” That same defiant, boastful voice.

But the look he gave you made a shock of desire reverberate through your body. Five wanted to play? Okay, you were going to play a game whit him.

“Why did you…” you leaned forward gently, resting one hand on his hot thigh, leaving your cleavage exposed “don't try guess?”

You realized that he had swallowed hard, even though his posture had remained unwavering. Five looked down at you cleavage, waist, and slightly elevated butt. You approached him a few more inches, your mouth a breath away, the heat of the bodies being shared without even touching.

Five could drive you crazy and screaming, but you knew it could also drive him insanity.

When you leaned over a little more and your mouths were so close to meet, you changed the direction and reached out with your free hand to pick up Five's margarita behind him. You straightened up and away, with a mischievous smile on your lips that revealed that everything had gone as planned.

Five semi closed his eyes at you, a fiery glow going through his eyes.

“Do you want to play with me?”His voice was low, dangerous “You know what happens to you when you challenge me.”

It was a warning, clear and resonant. You were a good girl for Five because you knew the strength that he could fuck you. Fuck, he could break you if he want. But now you were sexually frustrated, aroused, with a racing heart and wheezing from the expectation of something.

A night of bad decisions.

“You don't want to get out of your equations.” You turned your voice into something innocent, soft, provocative, and the strong breath that Five drew was a small victory for you "I guess I'll just get off all by myself."

Your smile was malicious, causticante, but as soon as Five got up from that chair, the perfect posture, much taller than you, and was slowly towards you, like a predator with its prey, you knew you were screwed.

“Do you want to come this much?” His fingers passed gently over your warm neck, and you let out a breath with that stupid touch.

Five moved closer, your chest glued to his, the hot, citrusy breath of alcohol hitting your nose. Something wetted you panties, making you bite the inside of your cheeks to keep from sighing any louder.

“Would you use your little toy thinking about the times that I fucked you so hard that you couldn't walk the next day?”

That was too much for your already sensitive system. Those words went directly to the thread that connected your heart and its pulsating nucleus, causing a burning note to reverberate.

“Five...”the sigh came out, while the memories of Five using your vibrator to push you to the limit, while him fucking you brutally, prowled like a wild beast in your mind.

Five slid the fingers from your neck to your cleavage, brushing the tips of her fingers across the flesh of your breasts. Five stuffed his forefinger into your cleavage and pulled you to him.

You moaned softly, in a purr.

“Such a needy little thing, aren't you?" The whispered floated in your ear, while you put down the margarita at the bar and held your hands in his arms.

You bit your bottom lip, your panties soaked, your heart beating fast in your chest, the atmosphere more wild and fiery.

“You want this?” Five slowly lowered a strap from your blouse, each second speeding up your heart even more.

“Yes...” You sighed “I really want to, please.”

Then Five's touch got rougher and he held your chin firmly, lifting you face to look him in the eye.

“Beg.” It was an order, but your body was sending millions of feelings to you that you were lost for a second "beg!”

“P-please.” You looked at him pleadingly “Fuck me so badly, please.”

His grip got stronger.

“Once again.” Now the other hand slid roughly over your body, squeezing your waist, thigh, ass, anything that Five could mark as his property.

“Please, I'm begging you to eat me.” You really were, your body needed more, and there was no denying it.

So in the blink of an eye, the blue flash swallowed you both up and took you to his room. You were dizzy for a second, you were not used to his tricks. But Five used it as a bonus and stuck his lips to yours, stunning you with the strong taste of alcohol, desire and lust.

You moaned softly, your hands working to free him from his clothes, your lips corresponding to the battle. You managed to strip off his shirt layers and fade his pants, but Five didn't have the same patience as you. He didn't wait to undress you, he tore the thin fabric and opened your bra hungry, in a hurry, as if you were his last meal.

In a second his hot mouth was on your breast, sucking and nibbling at the needy skin aggressively, his fierce hands pulling you out of the other pieces of clothing. Five was not delicate, loving and caring, he conquered, took, owned, his goal was to devour you until his savagery was sated.

“Fi-Five!” You moaned loudly, your naked body now shaking with desire, your heart exploding in your chest.

You would have said something more if Five hadn't pushed you to the bed and made you fall into it. He pulled your legs apart, exposing you completely to him. His eyes burned with a dangerous and brutal fire, and Five slapped down the inside of your thigh. You screamed, arching your back, your hands closing on the sheet.

“Well, since you want to cum so badly…” Five climbed on top of you, his mouth proving the point where he had hit you “why don’t we see how many times I can make you cum right now.”

Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, his mouth was right in the middle of your pulsating core. Eating, sucking, tasting everything you willingly offered to him so much. You moaned, or screamed, your hands tightly squeezing the sheet, digging your nails into the fabric.

Five ate you at an undisturbed pace, as if you were the last meal in the desert, clasping his hands on your waist to keep you immobile, sinking his mouth deeper into you. His tongue opened its yours walls, circled her clitoris and sucked there, leaving a hot trail of spittle. You moaned loudly, your waist trying to fight the firm grip of his hands to roll in him mouth. You felt a thread about to burst inside you and your heart started to race in your chest.

“F-Five!” You screamed when he sucked your clitoris, and he could feel you pulsing in his mouth, signaling that you were close.

“Come for me, little slut.”

The vibration of his voice in your sensitive flesh was the trigger you needed, you came intensely, your legs wobbly, your breathing heavy, but Five didn't wait for you to finish coming before climbing on top of you, lowering his pants and underwear enough and brutally get inside you in a fraction of a second.

You groaned loudly, your hands clasping his bare shoulders, your walls hypersensitive to the end of the orgasm that was still breaking free. It was too much for you, your eyes stung with tears, your heart was racing a marathon in your chest, and your whole body was shaking.

Five doesn't give you a second to get used to it, or to get down from the sensation of your orgasms, he set a rough, hard, badly rhythm, entering inside you in penetrations that pushed your body upwards. You spread your legs wider and wrapped them around Five's waist, your chest glued to his chest, skin-to-skin contact being the extra to drive you crazy.

It was too much for you to take, too much for your hypersensitive body. Five silenced your broken moans with toxic kisses.

“Try to keep quiet. We don’t want to get caught.” His voice was hoarse, breathy, broken, Five drives his dick so deep inside you as possible with every word.

“I...I can't...”You whimpered in his mouth, clasping your hands in Five's hot flesh, sobbing at the strength he put in you, you needed more.

“So let's take care of it.”

Five released an aggressive and rough hickey on your neck, putting an arm around your waist, sticking every inch of their bodies together, and his free hand covered your mouth, drowning out yours screams. You thought it was going to placate his hard rhythm, but Five started pulling your waist down, against his dick, and sinking deeper inside you.

“You wanted me to fuck you, didn't you?” Five snarled, looking into yours watery eyes "Now take it, fuck!."

His dirty words only led you further towards the second abyss. Five fucked you so hard that you couldn't answer, let alone whit the heavy hand on your mouth. Yours hands sank into the skin on his back, yours legs pulling him hips towards you, desperate to placate what was about to burst.

Five could feel yours tight walls throbbing on his dick, signaling that you were going to come any second. He groaned loudly, clenching his teeth on the skin of your neck so as not to make a noise, thrusting his dick as deep as possible into you. He replaced the hand in your mouth with his own lips, swallowing yours moans and trying to keep the sounds of you both low.

“I ... I'm going to...” You cried with pleasure, pain, desire, his rhythm hurt but it gave you so much hunger and pleasure that you could feel the liquid of your arousal soaking his dick.

Five looked at you in a way full of lust and with a very desire to break you. Oh he wanted to destroy you.

He came out of you, making you let out a loud moan of frustration and tears streaming from yours eyes. You whimpered loudly, and Five switched positions and pulled you hard into his lap, giving you no time to straighten up before he pushed his dick into you and aggressively stuck both hands to your waist.

You bit your lip hard to keep from screaming, trembling hands resting on his chest as Five pulled you up and down brutally, thrusting his dick in as deep as possible in you. He did not contain an aggressive groan at the sight of yours breasts jumping on his face, body sweaty and marked by fingers and hickeys, the inside of yours thighs already red by the force that Five shocked the body in you.

“Pl ... please!”

You begged, your face smeared with mascara and tears, your lips red from raw kisses, your hair sweaty. You looked like a goddess and Five wanted even more to destroy you.

“Do you want to come?” His voice was breathless, hoarse, fierce.

You nodded frantically, looking at Five with beg, begging him to let you come. It seemed to have an overwhelming effect on him. Five slapped your ass down, raising his hand to your back and pulling you forward, making your chest lie on his while the rhythm reached new places.

You bit his shoulder to keep from screaming, tears streaming down your face.

“If you come in this position, I will not control myself.” He snarled at you.

“I do not mind!” You begged, moving your waist to match his rhythm.

“Guess i'll just have to cum in you then” Then Five kissed you, hard, bad, dropped a hand to your clitoris and applied the trigger you needed to collapse.

You sank your mouth into the skin of his neck to muffle your scream, and soon a hot, thick liquid was filling you to the brim, taking up every inch inside you. You whimpered loudly against Five, hims hips doing the final thrusts to make sure the cum was filling you, his warm hands loosening the aggressive grip.

You both breathed loudly, your legs were shaking, your hair was stuck to your face and it took you two minutes to lift your face and look at Five. He gave you an arrogant smile of ‘I said I was going to break you and I broke’ and you laughed softly.

“I don't think I can get up.” You laughed, and Five removed a lock of hair from your face. “Do you think they heard us?”

“They certainly heard you.” He scoffed.

“Coming from your room.” You snapped and Five laughed, hims chest still heaving and heaving, covered in a mist of sweat.

“Fuck them.” Five said, gently pulling your hips up, pulling the dick out of you, making you sigh a broken moan. “You are so sensitive!” He said between his teeth, as if he had never been satisfied with you.

You laughed, and shook your head, exposing your neck full of purple tick marks.

“You know…” Five took his index finger to the marks, delicately skirting them “you always look so much better when I mark you up.”

You pushed his shoulder slightly, rolling your eyes.

“Can we take a shower together?” Five nodded at you question. “ and…”

“And?”

“You know ...” yours cheeks became more flushed "Come cuddle."

Five laughed, his eyes tame now, an open smile and satisfied energy.

“We can.” he smiled and you gave him a passionate kiss on the lips.

[sundaysundaes]

Spectra

Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader/Female OC | Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff | NC-17 | Soulmate AU, Childhood-Friends-Become-Lovers AU

The second part of Monochrome. Read the epilogue here.

Summary: Lee Donghyuck once believed in the concept of soulmates—how fate would connect a red thread from one lover to another, in a form of dreams and memories. That was how his parents met, that was how they claimed their happiness, and he wanted nothing more but to live his life the way they lived theirs. Until one day, as he sees her slipping away from his hands, he has no choice but to stop believing entirely.

Donghyuck woke up with his heart in his throat. His eyes, as they bore into the ceilings of his room, swallowed by the darkness, were shaking in both fear and rapture. Two things occupied his mind, forcibly pushing his other thoughts away and rendered them pointless.

First, he knew it wasn’t just a dream. Like what she’d previously mentioned, it felt nothing like a dream. He was completely aware of everything, perfectly sane, and could thoroughly remember every detail, every scene, every word that she said even after he woke up.

Second, he was certain that it was a memory, and although he was in it, he knew it was her memory and not his, because there were parts of it that felt vague to him before but were crystal clear now as he saw it through her point of view. He had his first soulmate dream, there was no doubt about it.

So that brought him to the next question.

Why did he dream about her? She’d found her soulmate, hadn’t she? And she had explicitly stated many times that her soulmate was not him, but a complete stranger—one that she only knew by his face and not his name. So, wasn’t he supposed to be connected to someone else—to see someone else’s memories?

He leaned up, sitting on his bed with his elbows sinking into his thighs, his fingers yanking at the roots of his hair. “Fuck, I don’t get it,” he whispered to himself, feeling a little bit lightheaded from all these unsolved questions swirling in his brain. “Am I her soulmate? Do I still have the chance to be with her?”

But even a chance would be enough, he soon decided. Even just reliving her memories every night, knowing her better, seeing her longer, that would be enough reasons for him to continue with his hope.

Perhaps, he could believe in soulmates for a little longer.

There were a few short memories he saw in his first soulmate dream, most of them were from her childhood days which made him feel content to the point he wanted to never wake up because these flashbacks always had him in them. He was an integral part of her childhood memories, the one who shaped her into the person that she was now.

But the memory that shook him the most was the memory of the time they went to the beach during their summer vacation with his family. Donghyuck watched himself sneak out of their cottage in his grey hoodie placed underneath a beige varsity jacket. He saw a few months younger version of himself, grinning from ear-to-ear, as he shouted in whispers.

“Come on, Noona, hurry up!”

“Haechannie, it’s two in the morning!”

The sight of her had always warmed his heart, but in this dream he was having, her beauty seemed almost ethereal as if her entire being was a piece of art with the sole purpose of being loved and admired.

“Which is the more reason why we should hurry up before they find out, Noona, for God’s sake, come on!” He grasped her by the wrist, yanking her forward so he could close the door behind her. They stepped down the stairs in a hurry, their flip-flops making creaking sounds on the wooden surface.

“If your mom finds out and she—” She abruptly ended her sentence with a yelp as she tripped on her feet, clutching her arms around his shoulders for balance, pressing her chest involuntarily against his back. The boy threw a glance over his shoulder, clearly enjoying the way she had her arms wrapped tightly around his body. Smirking suggestively, he cooed, “Baby, you’re so aggressive. At least, buy me dinner first.”

“Asshole.” She retracted her hands at once, shoving him harshly until this time, he was the one who tripped down the stairs, falling face-first on the ground, inadvertently swallowing some sand into his mouth. She concealed her marbled teeth with her fingers as she giggled at the sight, but began to run for her life when he growled, “I’m going to kill you,” and chased after her trails with his arms reaching out to catch her.

The reason they had their feet dipped in the sand at two in the morning was simply because Donghyuck couldn’t sleep at the sight of her curling beside him on the thin mattress that was laid out in the living room. The cottage only had three rooms, one was used by his parents, another one was supposed to be used by her and his twin sister, and the last one was for him and his two younger brothers to snuggle up together in a cramped bed. But Donghyuck had insisted to sleep outside so he could watch a movie before bed and his parents didn’t mind, even if his neighbor ended up joining him in the middle of the night upon his request.

So when she fell asleep next to him, her face almost sinking into the crook of his neck, and her hand laying on his stomach, mistaking him as her usual body pillow, Donghyuck had to distract himself before he thought about doing something sinful. So he shook her by the shoulder, told her to wipe the drool away from her face, and asked her to follow him outside, mentioning that he suddenly had the urge to stargaze. And although a train of complaints kept tumbling down her lips, she followed—she always did, no matter where he led her to.

“What are you doing?” He questioned the girl who stood next to him, looking like she wanted him to do something. “Sit down next to me, come on.”

“I’m waiting for you to be a gentleman.”

“What?”

“Aren’t you supposed to lay down your jacket on the ground so this lady right here won’t have sand on her shorts? You’re wearing two jackets, after all.”

“Yeah, but not for you to sit on it.” Donghyuck, who had already sat down on the damp sand, rolled his eyes. “You watch too many dramas. Guys don’t do that in real life.”

“It’s you who don’t do that.” And with pouty lips, she quietly added, “Jaemin did that for me.”

“I heard that.”

“I wanted you to hear it.”

“And so how are things going on with this Jaemin so far? Is he still giving you sloppy blowjobs on the weekends?” He faked a gasp, one hand covering his mouth for dramatic effect. “Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot he broke up with you.” A cheeky grin crawled up his face. “On. Your. Fucking. Birthday.”

“Whatever.” She blushed. “At least, he’s hotter than you’ll ever be.”

He seemed more annoyed than he should, and she was on the verge of thinking whether her joke was going too far but Donghyuck exhaled loudly into the air, standing up on his feet again and tore his varsity jacket off his body. “Here,” he said, as he spread it out on the ground. “Your majesty.”

“Why, thank you, my prince.” She giggled, plopping down on the sand. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

And they ended up throwing playful kicks and punches to each other again like the other million times they did, before they finally laid side-by-side on the sand, sweaty and out of breath.

“Haechannie.”

“What?”

“Do you think we'll still do this after we get married and have kids?” She asked, gazing at the stars that gleamed radiantly in the black night sky.

“Us?” Donghyuck rubbed his nose, a speck of sand making his skin itchy. “Like, in bed? Well, I don’t know about you, but I think I might be into rough sex, but maybe after a few years deep into our marriage so you won’t—”

“Not us getting married, you idiot!” She grappled another handful of sand, threatening to throw it on his face but Donghyuck already had his arms raised in surrender. “I mean, do you see us hanging out like this when we already have our own families to think about?”

“I don’t like to think too much.” He nonchalantly shrugged. “It’s still way ahead in the future. I’d probably die an early death from being too rich and handsome, anyway.”

“You’d die from being too dumb.”

“I was talking about me, not you.” He swatted her hand away when she was about to shove him in the chest. “Speaking of getting married, why don’t we make a pact?” Though his heart was racing a bit faster, he kept his lopsided grin intact as they shared eye contact. “If, after we turn eighteen, we end up having no dreams of our soulmates, why don’t you and I get together?”

She unexpectedly blurted out laughing. “I can understand if you think that there’s a chance of me not having any soulmate, but the chance of me not finding anyone more decent than you as my husband? How dare you, Lee Donghyuck.”

“I’m just saying,” he repeated, turning on his stomach. “If by the time we turn thirty or something we still haven’t found anyone, why don’t you and I get married?”

“I thought we’ve promised somewhere along the way in our poor little friendship that we’d never talk about this again?”

“I think we’re mature enough to have this conversation by now. So, what do you think?”

She was still on the verge of laughing. “What I think about what, Haechannie, you’re being absolutely crazy and embarrassing—”

“Why is it so hard for you to just say yes and marry me?” He insisted, holding back a laugh himself because her smile was so contagious. “Is it seriously that gross for you to think of me as your husband?”

“It’s not that, it’s—Oh my God, okay,” she finally gave in, heaving the heaviest sigh before she sat up properly and turned toward him. “Look, you’re not exactly the most romantic person out there.”

“Hey,” he pouted, scowling a little. “I can be romantic. You just don’t know it yet because you’ve never seen me on a date.”

“Yeah? Then try me.”

“Try what?”

“Be romantic. Do something that can make my heart flutter for you, oh my mighty prince,” she jeered, throwing a challenging, mocking smile at him. “If you can make my heart skip a beat, I’ll marry you.”

He scoffed. “Man, I know you’re shy but you don’t have to challenge me with this pathetic dare if you want to marry me that bad.”

She stood up immediately. “I’m leaving.”

He was chuckling as he captured her by the wrist. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, wait.” He tapped his chin, nibbling slightly on his bottom lip. “Let’s see… What should I do…. What should I—oh!”

She raised an eyebrow, seeing him stand up on his feet. “What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna take you dancing.” He offered her his hand and she stared at it with reluctance written in her eyes before she sighed and took it. He pulled her abruptly with all his strength to make her stumble on her feet, but he caught her just in time by circling his arms around her waist, leading her close until they’re chest-to-chest.

“Blushing yet?” He teased, smirking.

“I’m starting to think this is a bad idea,” she flatly said, pushing him away but he took her hand and placed it on his shoulder. “What are you doing?”

“As I said,” he paused, taking his phone out of the pocket of his jeans and running his thumb along the screen. He chose one of the acoustic songs in his music playlist—Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud which made her scrunch her nose in protest—turned his speaker to the highest volume and hid the phone in the pocket of his hoodie. “I’m gonna take you dancing.”

She snorted but followed his lead, landing both of her arms on his shoulders. “Why am I not surprised that your song choice is something from Billboard’s Top Twenty?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I left my compilation of classic slow dance songs back at my house, along with my ballet shoes and my tutus.”

She narrowed her eyes at his sarcasm. “Okay, Ed Sheeran it is then.”

The first half of the song went by in what felt like hours to her from all the tension that arose between them. While she moved rather awkwardly, trying to match how his body slightly swayed from one side to another, Donghyuck smiled, softer than she could even begin to imagine, and gently asked, “Can I move closer?”

She could faintly feel his breath on her face even in their current position, but she gave a weak nod and answered, “S-sure.”

Donghyuck held back a grin. “Was that a stutter?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I do stutter from time to time, idiot. Everyone does that.”

“Okay, okay, geez. Cranky, much?”

“I’m just not sure if—” she took a sharp intake of breath when he suddenly leaned closer, his lips almost grazing against hers before he pulled away to give very little space between them. “You’re not playing fair,” she whispered, trying not to focus on his lips.

His eyes were half-lidded as he took in her features. “You didn’t make any rules.”

“I hate you.”

“Man, I was hoping you’d feel otherwise, but,” he guided her hands so they could circle themselves around his neck, as he moved his own lower on her body, resting on each side of her waist. “I only just started, so…”

She was breathing a little heavily, but not expanding the space between them, afraid to lose the game. She didn’t want to give him any more reason to ridicule her. “Right, so, what’s next? Because you’re not making me feel anything with this, Haechannie.”

He slowly brushed her bangs away from her eyes, his fingertips grazing against the soft skin of her temple. “Have I told you about the day when I realized I love you?”

That question almost rendered her frozen on her feet, but she caught herself at the last second. “A pick-up line?” She tried to pretend it didn’t have any effect on her by scoffing out loud. “Seriously?”

But Donghyuck was not laughing nor reciprocating in any teasing manner. His eyes were dark and deep, with all kinds of emotions swirling behind them. The tone he was using when he spoke his next words was filled with nothing but sincerity and candor.

“Maybe I’ve loved you since the first time we met, but…” He added a small chuckle as if he was shy and she wondered since when did he become such a good actor? “I guess I was too young, but I do remember that one time when I saw you and I thought,” he exhaled, reaching up a hand to cup her cheek before he pressed his temple against hers, “God, I gotta have her.”

She gulped hard, feeling her breath hitched in her throat. She just hoped he wouldn’t notice.

“You were wearing this beautiful red dress that I’d never seen you worn before, but it wasn’t just how pretty you looked that caught me off guard.” His words didn’t have as much effect on her as the tender way he regarded her with his deep, brown eyes, just utterly mesmerized by her everything. “It was the way you call my name with that adorable shy smile on your face, asking me about how you look and I just….” He leaned down so they’re eye-to-eye, with his fingers holding her face and his thumb caressing her cheek. “I just thought that maybe I want to keep you for myself. I want to hear you say my name, to show me that smile again, over and over—every day, for the rest of my life. I don’t want you to belong to someone else. I want to be the only one you can think about, both in your reality and your dreams.”

As if she was being hypnotized, her eyes began to solely focus on the way his mouth was shaping praises and terms of longing.

“I’ve never seen you as a friend, or a sister.” He was so close, so warm, so intoxicating. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything—anyone—as much as I want you now and it fucking hurts to hear another guy’s name escaping your lips because I just really…” He sighed. “Really want you for myself. All of you. Your kindness, your warmth, your crazy bedhead, your stupid, silly grin whenever you won a game against me. I want everything, and I need you to feel the same way, to need me as much as I need you.”

“Haechannie, I—”

“Listen, Noona.” His voice sounded both pained and desperate. “I know you don’t feel the same way, you don’t have to tell me that but I just—I want to be selfish, even more than I already am, and let you know just how much I want to be with you,” his other hand traced along the dip of her spine, “and hold you,” the fingers that were cupping her cheek were now holding her by the chin, his thumb running along her lower lip, “and kiss you…”

She unconsciously parted her lips, perhaps putting her best effort to find her words but failed every time and the temptation that he felt to replace his finger with his own lips on her was too overwhelming so before anything went wrong, he pulled back and loudly yelled, “Okay, cut!”

The sudden loss of his touch on her body didn’t feel as disheartening to him as the look he saw on her face, and maybe the way the moonlight shone across her features was playing tricks on him, because she seemed… disappointed that he stopped.

Maybe she just got carried away with the moment. Or maybe she could tell that he was being honest the whole time, knowing that it was an actual confession rather than another crazy antic of his. And maybe she was about to give him the chance, to actually look at him in the same way he looked at her, to feel the way he felt about her, and…

And he ruined the moment.

“N-Noona?” He started when she fell quiet, hiding her eyes behind her bangs. “Are you—”

“It’s getting late,” she suddenly mentioned, bending down to grab his varsity jacket from the sandy ground and harshly pushed it toward him. “Let’s get back to the cottage. We need to catch some sleep.” And as she walked off, not glancing back to see whether he was following or not, Donghyuck noticed how red her face was even when there wasn’t enough lighting around them.

As a bystander in this memory, eighteen-year-old Lee Donghyuck felt a hollow forming inside his chest, swallowing his presence one-by-one until he ceased to exist because as he relived the situation for the second time in his life, he knew how badly he had screwed everything up. He had turned his honest confession into another teasing joke because he just wasn’t brave enough to take the risks—to tell her his actual feelings in fear of ruining the bond that they already had. He saw the look on her face vividly this time, and it wasn’t pure rejection. He had a hope, she was about to give in, and he lost his chance.

And now, as she fell harder for the stranger she met in her dreams, Donghyuck was nothing but a memory—one that she’d bury at the back of her mind, one that she’d pretend to never have existed in her life.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Hyuck,” he muttered under his breath before he blinked himself awake.

***

“Haechannie! Are you up yet?”

Donghyuck could hear a clanking sound on his window, perhaps from small rocks hitting the glass. Rubbing the headache away from the back of his head, he stepped down from the bed, taking heavy steps to greet the person standing on the other side of the window.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” his neighbor chirped with an excited smile, leaning half of her body forward, crossing over her window frame. He noticed how her eyes took a quick detour on his body, as he was not wearing any shirt, but she tried to act nonchalant about it. “A lady is gracing you with her presence, so get dressed.”

Usually, he would’ve said something flirty along the line of “But isn’t this how I always look like in your dreams?” But this time, he kept himself quiet, only sighing to himself as if he had troubles that he couldn’t talk about.

And she noticed. She always did. “Are you okay?”

“Just had a bad dream.” He shrugged, feeling sleepier than before he went to bed.

“I’m guessing, you haven’t met your soulmate yet?”

He hesitated. “Well, I saw you.”

She blinked, a bit startled, but she promptly laughed it off. “Right, must have sucked then. You were waiting for a pretty stranger and I popped out instead. Sorry about that.”

He tapped his fingers against the railing, somewhat agitatedly and impatient. “Noona, about last night when we accidentally kissed. Did it… make you feel something?”

He swore, she almost fell to the floor out of shock. Blood was rushing to her face, making her incoherent. “What—why—I thought we were going to pretend it didn’t happen—”

He knew it was probably a bad idea to question all this, but if he did have the chance to be with her, no matter how small it is, if she really did feel the same way, he had to know. He couldn’t make the same mistake again.

“I thought about your reaction after that kiss. I just want to know whether it made you feel something.” He was gripping the railings by then, sounding desperate, craving for her honesty. “Something about me.”

She sputtered, mouth gaping as she was rendered speechless. But before she could react any further, they both heard her mother calling her name. Donghyuck regarded it as a distraction, but to her, it was a lifesaver. Speaking in a sense of urgency, she said, “I gotta go.”

“Noona—”

“Haechannie.” The tone she was using was definite, not wanting to hear more words from him. “I think we should stop talking about it, especially when we’re a step closer to finding our soulmates.”

He frowned, feeling as if he just got impaled. “What are you—”

“I know his name now.” A weak smile appeared on her face. “I heard someone calling his name in my dream last night. That was what I was going to tell you.”

It appeared again, the hollow inside his chest, and it grew even bigger, sucking every part of him like a black hole. “So you’re going to pretend nothing happened between us?”

“Yes, because nothing happened between us,” she professed. “It was just an accident, Haechannie.” She seemed exhausted, almost as if answering his question was draining her physically. “None of us wanted that kiss to happen.”

Donghyuck glanced away, giving her the cold shoulder. “Sure. Whatever.”

She sighed, tired of his behavior. “Look, maybe you’re just confused because of everything that happened last night, what with us spending time alone holding hands, me giving you that locket with those words—maybe we crossed the line and I apologize for that since half of it was my fault. But whatever it is that you think is happening between us will disappear the second you meet your soulmate in your dream,” she claimed, using a tone like how a mother would console her crying child. “I don’t ever want to be apart from you but if being with me makes you feel awkward and uncomfortable, maybe it’s best if we keep our distance for now?”

He gaped, his heart almost leaping out of his chest. “No! That’s not what—”

Her mother’s voice rang through the air again, making her flinch. “Look, I really gotta go,” she softly said with a timid smile. “We’ll talk later?”

And before he could answer, she already stepped away from her window. She didn’t look back until she had her fingers curving against her doorknob. “Oh, and umm,” she paused, looking unsure before she looked sideways. “His name is Mark Lee, my soulmate. Just thought you should know.”

And she left, trampling on his heart with every step she took.

***

There was an invisible wall between them, and no matter how hard Donghyuck tried to tear it apart, it wouldn’t budge so instead of fixing things, he decided to give her the time and space she needed.

Because what else could he have done? She had already rejected him before he could even confess properly—or for real, this time around. It was as if she was scared to give in to her feelings, which made him feel even more confident that she had felt something for him. She was just too lost in this whole soulmate concept that it blinded her entirely, while he, on the other hand, had begun to stop believing in it and dwell himself deeper in reality rather than his dreams.

But when one of his bandmates, Lee Jeno, announced that his cousin was going to come in to temporarily fill the position of lead guitar player in their band, Donghyuck had no other choice but to believe that fate did take part in connecting a red thread from one lover to another. Because, standing in a pair of jeans and a black shirt with his eyes half-covered by his white snapback, was Mark Lee—her soulmate.

Donghyuck could tell that he was the same Mark Lee she mentioned because he had seen her drawings of him. It had taken her weeks before she could finish his sketch, drawing him solely based on the memories she had witnessed in her dreams and though it wasn’t a hundred percent accurate, she did manage to sketch his distinct features—his prominent cheekbones, his thin, curvy lips, his wide, doe eyes.

The sight of him, standing just two meters away from him, sent chills down his spine.

“Hey guys,” Mark said, giving them a tentative smile. Even his awkwardness looked exactly the way she described him to be.

“This is Lee Donghyuck, our vocalist.” Jeno introduced him, “He’s an ass and you’ll probably get into a fight with him sooner or later—we all did—but after that, he’ll get all clingy to you. Just a heads up so you won’t be surprised and end up leaving the band before the gig.”

Mark laughed at that, friendly and warm, and it set Donghyuck’s heart ablaze for an entirely different reason. It was the first time he met him and yet he already despised everything that he was.

“It’s weird,” Mark said, offering his hand for a handshake. “I thought your friends call you Haechan too.”

Donghyuck froze, almost losing his grip on his phone. “What?”

Mark blinked, the realization hit him like a wave when he looked around, noticing everyone looking at him with furrowed eyebrows and questioning eyes. “Oh, I mean,” he panicked, “I-it’s nothing. I was just talking to myself. I’m weird that way.”

“Don’t worry, bud,” Jeno said, picking up his bass. “We’re all a bunch of freaks here. That’s why we get along.”

Mark smiled but seemed more like a grimace. He turned toward Donghyuck again. “Sorry about that. Nice to meet you, Lee Donghyuck. I hope we can be friends.”

Donghyuck took his hand but wished for the exact opposite.

***

“Do you have some time to spare, Donghyuck-ah?”

Donghyuck already knew who it was without having to glance up from his phone screen. It wasn’t because Mark’s voice was distinct to his ears, it was simply because his voice and the way he said his name as if they were best friends irked him so much.

“No,” Donghyuck answered, tapping his thumbs rapidly to earn another high score on the game he was playing. He was squatting down on the ground with his shoulders slouched forward. They just finished having their third band practice in the same studio that week, and although he was drained to his boots, Jeno kept insisting to have another practice so they wouldn’t embarrass the shit out of themselves when they performed as the opening act at prom.

Mark laid his guitar case against the wall before he took a seat next to him in the alley that stood behind their music studio. “Well, you look like you do, so I’m just gonna sit here and ask you something.”

Donghyuck scoffed. “You’re actually pretty annoying, aren’t you?”

“I’m sorry. I know you don’t like me—”

“I dislike people in general, so don’t consider yourself special.”

Mark seemed amused at his words which pissed him off even more. “I know we just met for a few days and it’s probably better for me to leave you alone—”

“And yet, here you are, talking to me when I’m trying to finish this fucking game.” He moved his thumbs more frantically than before, making Mark worry that he was going to break his phone screen, and stopped when the game ended with him winning second place. “Look what you’ve done. Happy now?”

“I thought that was a pretty high score.”

“That was the lowest score I’ve ever achieved in my life.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Just fuck off, Mark.” Even when his tone sounded final, Mark did not budge.

“I promise I’ll leave you alone after this, but I just really need to ask something first,” he said, slightly forcing the other man to look at him by placing an arm on his shoulder. “I see you a lot in my dreams.”

Donghyuck knew exactly what he meant, but he wasn’t going to dwell himself in it. “Sorry, dude,” he uttered, slapping his hand away. “I’m not gay.”

“No. That’s not what I meant.” Mark had the bravery to laugh about it. “You’ve heard about the soulmate dream, right? How you could see your soulmate’s memories—”

“Yeah, I’ve heard about it and I’m also not interested.” He stood up, tucking his phone back to the pocket of his jeans, and leaned sideways to grab his backpack. “I’m leaving.”

“Please.” Mark stopped him by wrapping his thin fingers along his wrist. “Please help me. By your reaction, I know she’s told you about me and I want to find her—I need to find her. I just don’t know where to start. I don’t even know her name.”

“Well, it’s not my fucking problem, is it?” Donghyuck harshly pulled his wrist away, stomping his feet on the pavement, away from the other man.

Mark stood up, desperation sounding thick in his voice. “Can’t we just—Donghyuck-ah!”

“Fuck off, Mark.”

“You love her, don’t you?”

That stopped him in his tracks, making him turn on his heels, hissing, “Excuse me?”

Mark fidgeted slightly, swallowing his breath. “You’re acting this way because you love her. More than a friend. That’s why you don’t want to help me.”

He had earned his whole attention now. “The reason why I’m not helping you is simply because you’re a fucking stranger who’s looking for ways to get into my best friend’s pants.”

“I’m not—” Mark blushed. “Listen, I’m just trying to find my soulmate. I know she’s looking for me too. I’ve seen her memories. I’ve seen you spending a lot of time with her too. I won’t be surprised if you end up having feelings for her—”

Donghyuck almost bared his teeth. “Shut up.”

“But she’s not your soulmate, so—“

“Shut the fuck up!” It happened so fast for Mark’s eyes to catch, but the next thing he knew, Donghyuck’s fingers were fisting the collar of his shirt, slamming his body against the wall and Mark groaned lowly, feeling pain spreading like wildfire from the back of his skull.

“You don’t know anything about me, Mark Lee.” The way Donghyuck spat out his name was laced with nothing but venom. “And don’t you dare talk to me about this soulmate bullshit. Falling in love with a complete stranger just because you saw her in your dreams? Do you know how fucking ridiculous you sound in my head?”

Still wincing from the pain, he replied, “I saw the way you looked at her.”

“I don’t fucking care,” Donghyuck snarled, tightening his grip around the fabric of his shirt. “And if I were you, I would just fuck off and try my luck finding her somewhere else because I’m not gonna tell you anything. Do we have that clear?”

Mark didn’t say a word in response, but his eyes were locked into his. Donghyuck could see how they didn’t waver in the slightest, and the way Mark’s fingernails were sinking deep into his wrist let him know that this man could hold his own battle if needed.

Donghyuck released his hold with a hard shove, and Mark didn’t blink an eye even after knowing his strength.

“Just so you know,” Mark said, when Donghyuck began to step away, slinging his backpack to one of his shoulders. “She would’ve done the opposite for you. She would’ve helped you find your soulmate. But I guess, you already know that.”

Donghyuck stomped off, kicking a trash can on his way out until it toppled over to the ground.

***

Their next band practice was filled with nothing but severe tension between him and Mark, and Jeno had to sigh in exasperation every time one of them made a mistake and blamed the other for it.

“The two of you,” he said, scowling at the two boys who were still trying to murder each other with their glares. “Just go home. Now.”

And unlike Mark, Donghyuck didn’t hesitate—didn’t even try to reason. He just snatched his backpack and walked out the door, slamming his shoulder against Mark’s on his way out.

Jeno grimaced, probably imagining the trouble Mark had to bear while seeing him rubbing off the pain. “Remember when I told you he’s an ass?”

Mark timidly smiled. “Yeah.”

Donghyuck walked home with a sore throat and sweaty bangs. He was no longer as furious as before, but he had to make sure to push every thought of Mark away from his head if he wanted to spend the rest of his evening in peace. He was beyond exhausted and in desperate need of a good, warm shower. He glanced at the house he grew to be more familiar than his own, feeling disappointed that she wasn’t sitting on her porch, waiting for his arrival like usual though she would never admit that out loud.

Well, he should’ve seen that coming. After what happened that morning, he would’ve avoided him too if he was her. But almost a week had passed and they had no interaction, not even meeting each other by coincidence. And although she seemed fine with it, Donghyuck felt more than miserable.

God, if only I can stop missing her so much…

But he couldn’t, so he broke through her fence, and turned over the doorknob of her front door. “Auntie? It’s me. I’m coming in.”

The clicking sounds of footsteps meeting vinyl flooring had him excited in anticipation of her face and the shy, awkward smile she always threw whenever they had arguments a few moments before. But the one who greeted him was her mother, grinning widely at the sight of him as she wiped her hands on her apron.

“Ah, Hyuckie,” she squealed. “Glad you’re here, I was just making dinner. Wanna join us?”

“Oh, no thanks. I just ate something on the way back. Is she here?”

“She said she was heading to the park to draw something. It was hours ago, though. I’m also wondering why she hasn’t come home yet.”

“I see…” There was a knot in his stomach again, making him feel uneasy but he beamed at her again. “Well, I think she’ll be back soon but I’ll go search for her, just in case.”

She pressed a hand against her heart. “Aaw. Always being her knight in shining armor. She’s so lucky to have you.”

He blushed but covered it with a peal of bashful laughter. Saying his goodbye, he turned around to take his leave but she stopped him with a call of his name. “Yeah, auntie?”

“Have you heard…” She hesitated. “Have you heard about her soulmate?”

Donghyuck curled his fingers. “A little.”

Her eyes gleamed in sadness and, as much as Donghyuck hated to see it, sympathy. “Are you okay, Hyuckie? With all of this?”

Thunder roared inside his chest, making him stand still. “What—of course, I’m fine. I’m glad she’s having these dreams. She’ll probably gonna see him soon.”

And Donghyuck never pegged himself as an actor, but seeing how she gradually picked up her motherly smile back on her face and no longer staring at him as if one of his family members just died in such a tragic way, maybe he had a natural talent in lying about his emotions.

“I’m so glad you’re taking this well. I guess I’m not as sharp as I used to be.” She chuckled to herself, a bit diffident. “To tell you the truth, I was rooting for you to be her soulmate. You guys just look so adorable together, but maybe it’s weird for you since you probably think of her as a sister or something.”

“That’s right.” There was a crack in his voice, but he hastily covered it with another smile. “A sister.”

“Which turns out to be a good thing. Because if you love her that way but she’s not your soulmate then it’s going to be hard on both of you.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“You see, finding a soulmate is a rare, wonderful thing that can only occur once in a lifetime. It’s a sign from fate, and if you ignore that sign, if you don’t accept who your soulmate is and be with someone else, something bad will happen, either to yourself or to your relationship.”

“Something bad like what?”

“I don’t know, it just usually doesn’t work out.” She frowned a little bit, noticing how he seemed unusually invested with the topic. “It’s just a rumor, though, darling. So just take any of this with a grain of salt. No one can prove whether it’s true or false.”

“Of course, yeah.” He shook his head, taking control of himself. “Well, thanks anyway. I gotta go.”

“Take care, Hyuckie. And let me know when you start dreaming about your soulmate! I want to know who the lucky girl is!”

He waved a hand, replying to her with a smile but not promising anything.

***

It was already nightfall when he came to his senses, and he hadn’t found her no matter how many steps had he taken in the search of her presence. He had visited the park she often went to in her spare time, the garden near their houses, even the cafe where she once grew fond of. And yet, she was nowhere to be found.

He had tried to call her several times but they were always directed to her voicemails, and he grew even more anxious with more time passing by, worried sick of her well-being.

So when she finally walked past his house, carrying her sketchbook in her arms and a dazed smile on her face, Donghyuck nearly screamed.

“Where the hell have you been?!” He shouted, jumping off his porch and ran to her spot. She was startled, her entire body shaking by the sound of his voice. Her sketchbook slipped from her hands, meeting the cold hard ground that was slightly damp from the drizzle.

“You scared me,” she said, her hand going to her chest. “I was just from the park—“

“I was from the park and you weren’t there!” His eyes were scanning her profile, making sure she was fine. “Where have you been? Do you know how late it is?”

She frowned. “Why do you sound like my mother?”

“I’m not—” Donghyuck exhaled loudly through his nose, trying to collect himself. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“Well, I’m fine, so you can stop acting so weird.” She bent down to pick up her sketchbook, but he was faster. “Thanks.” She awkwardly smiled when he handed it to her, noticing how his fingertips brushed hers ever so slightly. “Have you been looking for me all this time? I thought you were avoiding me.”

“I thought you were avoiding me.”

There were a good few seconds of silence where they just gazed deep into each other’s eyes before they began to quietly laugh, exchanging sheepish smiles with knowing eyes. “I guess we avoided each other for nothing then,” she said, holding out her hand. “Are we okay? With everything?”

Donghyuck’s eyes were soft and longing as they peered into hers. He took her hand and pulled her forward until she landed on his chest, embracing her tightly with both arms. “We’re okay.”

“Good,” she lightly murmured, placing her chin on his shoulder as she tiptoed to match his height. “Because I’ve missed you, Haechannie. You and your whole stupid antics.”

It still felt awkward for him, and maybe for her too, to suddenly ignore their heated debate about the kiss they shared and the feelings they had for each other. And maybe they would fight about it again in the future, probably with him starting the fire the second he lost control of his emotions again. But he wanted to forget all of that for now, just for tonight, so he could focus on how perfect she felt in his arms, how both overwhelmingly intoxicating and comforting her scent was, and how nice it was to hear his name falling down her lips.

“I’ve missed you too, Noona,” he whispered. “You could’ve at least texted me where you were. I was worried sick about you.”

“Okay, that was what I was going to tell you.” She pulled away slightly so she could look at him with a pair of animated eyes. “I just went on a date.”

“A… date?” He shivered. “With who?”

“With Mark Lee.” Her cheeks turned rosy with her smile nearly splitting her face in half. “My soulmate.”

Donghyuck gaped, a spark of electricity running through his veins. “H-how?” He swallowed hard.

“A funny story, actually.” She shyly rubbed her nose. “I was trying to draw that pine tree near the pond—the one where we used to carve our names on—and I saw him passing by with his guitar case strapped to his back and a camera in his hand—just like the first time I saw him in my dream. And he saw me through his camera lens and then we were just staring at each other with our mouth wide-open, like can you believe it? It just happened out of nowhere. He noticed me at the same time I noticed him so he must have been seeing me in his dreams too.”

With more words falling from her lips, Donghyuck’s heart raced even faster. It was the first time in his life he ever felt terrified down to his soul. He felt weak, powerless and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t find a way to win against fate. He didn’t know how to defy his destiny.

Though she was an arm’s reach away, it felt like they existed in different universes.

***

It’s hard to pretend to be fine when deep down inside, you feel like drowning and Donghyuck knew how that felt first hand. She regularly came by to his room to say hello but she never laid herself down on his bed. She never touched his arms when she laughed. She no longer pressed her cheek against his shoulder when she felt sleepy. He could tell that she was trying to respect his feelings, not wanting to lead him further ever since that accidental kiss happened. She was trying to be cautious, to draw lines between them, so he’d know his boundaries and stay still on his place, and continue to regard her as nothing but a friend.

It was torture.

They no longer spent their nights together, with her making excuses about studying for her final tests and her college entrance exams. And Donghyuck didn’t mind, though his heart craved desperately for her attention because he couldn’t properly breathe whenever she was around. He felt like he was transforming into someone else, almost like a robot, that only smiled when she smiled and responded with words as little as necessary.

He continued seeing her in his dreams every night, and only then could he truly feel joy. Only then he could have the time to look at her face as long as he wanted. Only then he could hear her calling his name without inflicting some kind of pain in his chest. But even then, he still couldn’t touch her. Even then, she was still out of reach.

She was moving out of town before long, preparing herself to settle at her dorm before she started her first year in college.

“Hey,” Donghyuck softly called, as he leaned against her doorframe, watching her finish packing what was left in her room. It was unfamiliar, he thought, the sight of her room now that her novels were packed in boxes, her clothes were no longer hanging inside her closet, the posters of her favorite idols folded and unseen. It was only her scent that somehow still linger faintly in the air that seemed recognizable to him.

“Hi.” She smiled back, her shoulders going down in relief at the sight of him smiling sheepishly with his eyes peeking from under his bangs. “I was beginning to think that you wouldn’t come to say goodbye.”

“Of course, I would. I’m your best friend, aren’t I?”

“Well, I haven’t seen you in a while.” The way she said it, almost heartbrokenly, made his smile falter from his face.

“Yeah, sorry, I was…” He scratched his cheek. “Busy.”

She took a good look at him, not saying anything and it made him feel queasy. “I saw you on stage during your graduation,” he said, changing the topic. “You looked beautiful.”

“Why didn’t you come to say hi? I was looking for you.”

You did? “You seem occupied with your friends and family. I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Haechannie,” she sighed and he wondered what kind of mistake did he make with his words. “You’ll never bother me. I mean, yes, you bother me a lot as in you annoy the hell out of me but you never bother me with your presence. I missed you on that day. I’ve been missing you for the whole week. And I still kinda miss you now.”

He grew weak. “I miss you too.”

“Why do we keep saying these things when we literally live next to each other?” She chuckled but it sounded dry before she gave in to the silence again. “Are things… okay between us?”

He tried not to flinch. “Were things not okay between us before?”

“I don’t know, you were acting a bit weird after…” She knew the words, she just wasn’t sure whether it was wise for her to say them. “Well, after everything that happened. I just wasn’t sure how to approach you.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I guess there were just a lot of things running through my mind at the same time.” He brought his head down, looking at his feet. “I’m okay now, though. And I hope we can go back to how we were.”

“Of course, Haechannie.” She stood up, opening her arms to him and he answered immediately, half-running to her spot before he circled his arms around her waist, pulling her close. She sighed the second their skins make contact with each other, exhaling in relief. “Please don’t ever give me the cold shoulder again. I can’t stand it.”

“Okay, okay.” He almost let his lips graze her temple as he spoke. Almost. “Do you want to go somewhere, just the two of us? You’re not leaving until tomorrow, right?”

“I won’t be leaving until next year if that’s what you want me to do.” She grinned childishly. “So take me away, Haechannie. I’m all yours.”

And although he mirrored her grin, his heart was shattering one piece at a time because he knew she only meant her last line as a fleeting joke, and yet he wanted it to become a promise made solely for him.

They tried to catch up as much as they could during dinner in the cafe that she loved so much. He hated the taste of their food—everything somehow felt either too sweet or too sour on his tongue—but he never mentioned it to her, not wanting to erase her happy grin whenever she took a spoonful of gelato into her mouth. Their conversations didn’t go as awkward as he had imagined, but it ended up with her asking more questions and with him only nodding or shaking his head in response. He tried to cover it up with smiles or waves of laughter, and noticing how she hadn’t complained about it so far, maybe he did a pretty good job of masking his feelings.

“It feels so good to have you back,” she said, hands buried deep in the pocket of her coat as she blew hot air into the cold weather, watching puffs of air forming in front of her lips.

They were walking back to their houses, matching their steps with one another with their voices being the only ones that could be heard within the neighborhood. It was late, and she knew she really should have gone to catch some sleep to wake up early on the next day but Donghyuck’s voice in her ears was soothing, making her long to hear more of it, especially when she knew, she wouldn’t be able to hear it again in a while.

Donghyuck sank half of his face behind his scarf. “I never left you, though.”

“Liar. You totally avoided me this whole time.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do? You kissed me and pretended it didn’t mean shit.”

“I kissed you?!” She gasped, blushing as she stopped in her tracks. “It was an accident!”

Donghyuck turned around, facing her. “It was still a kiss, nonetheless.”

They were walking on a thin rope. He knew it was a sensitive topic, and she also knew that it was best for them to avoid it but she was leaving on the next day and she couldn’t help but feel that he was still holding secrets from her. It was time for her to face this once and for all, so they could go back to the way they were before it was too late.

“What exactly do you want me to do about it?” She nervously asked, but tried to keep her voice steady. “I can’t exactly turn back time.”

Donghyuck’s eyes glinted mysteriously under the dim lighting of the streetlight. “You really want to have this conversation after what happened to us last time?”

“It’s not like you’re giving me any options. I just want us to be like how we used to, not with you acting all awkward and agreeing to every word I said.”

“So you noticed? I thought I was putting a good act.”

“Haechannie.” It was almost like a plead, the way she said his name. “I’m tired of seeing you like this. Like you’re in pain and I’m the one who caused it. So if you have anything to say, say it right now. What are you so upset about, exactly?”

He took his time contemplating, he really did, but he hadn’t finished thinking everything through before his emotions took control over him again, making him blurt out, “I don’t know, I guess I’m just pissed because you seem fine the next day after that kiss happened and I’m over here losing sleep still trying to sort out my goddamn feelings for you.” There was a pause, as he tried to catch his breath, but before she could form a response, he questioned, “Do you ever feel something for me, Noona?”

She swallowed. “I don’t know, I’m—”

“Be honest.”

Another pause, where silence struck like a hurricane. “Maybe I did have feelings for you in the past,” she finally admitted and his eyes gleamed in both joy and anticipation, “But even then, I wasn’t sure because we grew up together, Haechannie. We slept on the same bed, we even took baths together. I wasn’t sure of how I felt because I never had this kind of relationship with anyone before.” She sighed, rubbing the side of her temple. “And with you constantly making me confused on whether you had feelings for me or not also didn’t make this any easier for me.”

“What about now?” It was the question that mattered the most to him. “How do you feel about me now?”

“Haechannie—”

“No, listen to me.” He stepped forward, wrapping his lean fingers along her wrist. “Remember that time on the beach when you dared me to be romantic and I told you I loved you? I think you know by now that I wasn’t pretending that night—”

She averted her gaze, trying to pull her hand away. “Please stop—”

“Noona.” He cupped her cheeks with both hands, lifted her face so she could only look at him. “I still feel the same way about you. It never changed, no matter how hard I tried to ignore it because I cared about our friendship as much as you do, but—”

“Stop.” Lying a hand on his chest, she tried to push him away. “It isn’t right. You’re not my soulmate, we shouldn’t do this—”

“I don’t care about your fucking soulmate!”

The sudden roar that erupted from his mouth was echoing loud in her ears, making her freeze on her feet, with her hands shivering against his chest. She looked frightened and it tore him to pieces. Cursing under his breath, he stepped away, his skin no longer making contact with hers.

“I just…” He started and failed instantly, wanting to caress her cheek, embrace her to soothe her down but was too scared of startling her again. “What I want to say is that I care about us. I care about you more than I have ever cared about anyone else in my life.”

“I care about you too, Haechannie.” There was a quiver in her voice as if she was on the verge of crying. “I care so much about you.”

“Why does it feel to me like you’re about to contradict your own words?” There was no answer and the tension was so thick, it felt like he was suffocating. “I saw your reaction at that time when we were at the beach. I know how you wished parts of my confession were true and I’m telling you that all of it was—I meant every word I said that night.”

“Stop—”

“I love you, Noona,” he immediately said, before she took his chance in answering. “I really do, now more than ever. So if you still have feelings for me, please—”

“I don’t.”

Donghyuck’s jaw fell slacked on his face. “What?”

“I’m sorry, Haechannie. I’m sorry for leading you on, but I don’t. I don’t feel the same way.” She was looking everywhere but his eyes, her voice was clouded with emotions, becoming unclear as seconds went by. “I care about you and I do love you but only as a brother and a friend. I can’t give you more than that.”

He stood still in silence, clenching his jaws. “Can’t or won’t?”

“It doesn’t matter.” She shook her head frantically. “Look, we have soulmates for a reason. Even if we both give in and accept our feelings, what if it doesn’t work out?”

“I don’t care, I’m willing to try.”

“Well, I’m not. I care about our friendship too much. I don’t want anything to ruin what we have now. Especially after I meet my soulmate and you meet yours.”

Donghyuck could feel himself slowly withering away. “So you just want us to go back to how we were? After this?”

“Yes.” He didn’t have to see her to know she was spilling tears from her eyes. It was already spoken clear in her voice. “I-if that’s okay with you.”

And if he was much more mature, maybe he would’ve been able to let everything go. Maybe he would’ve been able to step forward and twist his fingers around the strands of her hair, cradling her gently in his arms and whisper, “Of course. I’ll always be here for you.” But that wouldn’t be him. And he was so tired of being someone else this whole time, trying to hide how he really felt for her.

So, underneath the darkness and the silence of the space that was hanging between them, he told her, “No, I don’t think we can go back to how we were.” And even as he watched her cry, covering the sobs that threatened to fall from her lips with her palm, he said, “I’m sick of pretending, Noona. So if I can’t have you that way, I don’t think I can be your friend and do nothing but sit there, watching you slip away into another man’s arms. I’m not as good of a person as you think I am. And as long as we’re both selfish with what we want—with you wanting to keep our friendship together and with me wanting you that way—this is as close as we can get.”

“What—” Her shoulders were shaking with every breath she took. “Why does it have to come to this—I—”

“Make your decision now.” His voice was loud and clear, making him surprised by how steady he sounded despite all the storms swirling in his chest. “Be with me or push me away. Your choice.”

Tears were spilling down her cheeks as her eyes grew wide, staring at him with parted lips but only whimpers could be heard. He knew how ruthless he was being, and he felt sorry for making her stand in this position.

So, with a heavy heart, he walked away.

***

Days passed by in silence, and they turned to weeks, and months, and when he finally had the bravery to reply to her words with sentences longer than, “I’m doing fine,” and “Sorry for the late response, I had things to do.” It was already several months after his graduation and he was moving out of the place he called home into his dormitory that stood hundreds of kilometers away from her place.

He was nineteen and she was twenty, and he had never loved anyone else while she was tangled deep in her lover’s arms.

And it was maybe his fault because he was the one who pushed her away. She’d asked him to take a day off college so they could fly back to their hometown and celebrate his birthday together but he declined, making random excuses that sounded like a train of lies to her ears but she took notice of his tone and forced out a laugh.

“Then maybe I’ll see you when my birthday comes up?”

“Sure.” But it wasn’t a promise. He thanked her for the present she gave him but ending his call shortly before she even asked about his day.

He sent her a birthday present—a book that she once loved to read as a child, but was thrown away by her mother by accident—and he received five missed calls from her and nine different texts, begging him to answer her calls but Donghyuck was busy burying his fingers deep inside his locks and yanking at the roots with one hand, and rubbing the unspilled tears from his eyes with his other one as he sat on the edge of his bed, swallowed by the darkness of his room.

And he began to fear the night when exhaustion would consume every part of his body and invisible hands began to press his eyelids down until he fell asleep and woke up in her memories. It was painful enough for him to not be able to see himself as often as he used to, and it was torture when Jaemin began to take his place, forcing Donghyuck to stand in the background and watch as he planted his lips on the pair that should’ve belonged to him. He had to hear her gasp Jaemin’s name between kisses, had to see her card her fingers through his sandy blonde hair, had to see her watching him with dazed eyes and swollen lips.

Donghyuck always willed himself to wake up and he found himself breathing hard when he did.

That night, another memory occurred and it was when she shared her first kiss with Mark. They were at her dorm, her roommate was away and she pulled him by the hand to walk deeper into her room. Mark seemed awkward, like how he always did, scanning the room and gulping as he noticed how the entire place smelled pleasantly like her.

“Coffee?” She offered, and he nodded. Taking a seat at the side of her bed, he played with his fingers, trying to hide the quiver that sparked in his fingertips. She joined him soon after with two cups of hot coffee on her hands, which he took with a grateful smile.

“Why do you look so nervous?” She questioned between small, shy giggles that wrenched Donghyuck’s heart from how much he missed hearing them.

“I’m not—it’s just—” Mark gulped, tapping his fingers anxiously against the cup. “It’s my first time being in a girl’s room.”

“Haven’t you dated anyone before?”

“I went on a few dates but nothing serious happened. And when I started seeing you in my dreams, I just stopped dating entirely.”

She was about to take a sip of her coffee but stopped mid-air, eyes unblinking. “You were waiting for me?”

He bashfully smiled. “M-maybe…”

Her eyes drooped down, a faint blush smearing her cheeks. She placed her cup down on her nightstand before she turned toward him again and pressed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“What—” He sputtered, holding the side of his face, his round eyes turning even wider. “What was that for?”

But she didn’t reply. Instead, she leaned in for another kiss, and this time, he answered with his lips instead.

Donghyuck woke up with a pain in his chest, and he felt so sick, so disturbed, that he began to jump down his bed, startling his roommate who was deep in slumber. He snatched his jacket from the floor and closed the door behind him with a small thud. He needed to distract himself so he burst into the night air, not caring if the cold made his teeth chatter behind his lips.

***

His dreams, they became nightmares. And they didn’t stop even when he woke up. He was losing sleep and had the hardest time concentrating on everything. He was putting his best effort to move on, to forget about her existence entirely and he had been successfully avoiding her calls or her pleads to meet up every time a long holiday came up. But how could he forget about her when she kept showing up in his dreams, making him feel jealous, feel pained, with no way of stopping it?

It was a week before his birthday when his mother begged him to come home and celebrate it together with his whole family. Though he was reluctant to go, worrying that he’d probably see her on his way back, he eventually agreed to his mother’s wish. If they ended up meeting each other, maybe it was a sign for him to tell her about these dreams he’d been having of her and see how it would go from there.

It was raining, the third day he spent lounging on the bed in his room. It looked just about the same, but with fewer things and thicker specks of dust. And he kept his curtain closed, not wanting to look at the other side of his window.

A sudden ring of his iPhone sent jolts to his entire body.

It was from an unknown number. He usually wouldn’t respond to it, but there was something in his chest that told him to answer no matter what excuses he came up with.

He slid his thumb along the screen and pressed the phone to his ear, but he did not say a word, waiting for the other person to ignite the conversation.

“Haechannie. It’s me.”

He had a hunch who it was, but hearing the sound of her voice so close to his ear still almost sent him falling to his knees. The words I miss you, I’m sorry I’ve been trying to push you away, but I can’t pretend anymore, I miss you, I miss you so much, I’m going insane threatened to fall from his lips so he kept his mouth shut, not believing in himself just yet.

“I could tell how you wouldn’t pick up if you knew it was me, so I’m using a new number.”

“It’s…” He licked his lips, trying to tame his racing heart. “It’s been a while, Noona.”

“Don’t say that when you’ve been avoiding me for years, Lee Donghyuck. I know you’re home so let me in. It’s pouring outside.”

His grip tightened around his phone. “You’re… here?”

“Yes, idiot. Your mom told me last night that you’re here so I flew back the first thing in the morning to meet you. If you make one more excuse of not wanting to see me, I will literally climb up your wall and kick your window open myself, I swear to God.”

Donghyuck would’ve laughed because it was so her to say things like that whenever she got angry, but he was so overwhelmed with the thoughts of seeing her in person that he tripped over his own feet before he ran down the stairs.

The second he opened the front door and saw her standing on his porch, with her hair a little wet from the rain, all the air nearly left his lungs. She was still wearing her trench coat, a scarf around her neck with her suitcase stood idly next to her. He noticed that she must have returned straight back from the airport, not even spending a second resting in her own house when it was only a few steps away from where she stood.

“Can I come in?” She asked, trembling slightly from the cold. There was a huge urge to embrace her that he almost couldn’t control, to share his warmth and steal all the shivers away from her body. But he swallowed all of his feelings with a hard gulp, and stepped back to let her in with a small nod.

She closed the front door behind her, pressing her spine against it and they both waited in the silence of his house, expecting the other to strike a conversation but neither of them had the bravery to find a word. The ticking sound of the grandmother’s clock in his guest room was loud, matching the thundering sound of his heartbeat.

“Where are your family?” She eventually uttered, peeking at him from behind her bangs.

“Visiting my cousins outside of town.”

“Why didn’t you go with them?”

“Just didn’t feel like going so I told them I was sick.”

“I see…”

And silence struck again. It was so tense, the awkwardness between them and it was beginning to suffocate him. “Noona, I think—”

“Can I hug you?” She spoke in such a quiet voice, but it sent powerful vibrations down his spine. He was busy gawking at her, not sure how to respond and it didn’t matter, because she already took a few steps toward him, wrapping her arms around his neck and sinking her face deep into the crook of his neck.

Donghyuck let out a shaky breath, his arms still dangling weakly on his sides.

“Seems like you’ve lost some weight,” she spoke in whispers, her breath felt like fire on his skin. “Have you been eating well?”

It was hard trying to focus on her voice when the sound of his heart clamoring inside his ribcages was deafening in his ears. He only hummed in response, moving his hands slightly until they rested on the sides of her waist, tense and awkward.

“I really,” she breathed, her voice quivering. “Really miss you, Haechannie.”

It was all too much for him to bear, too many flashbacks, uncontrolled feelings, and hidden emotions washed over him at the same time, making him feel dizzy and emotive. So instead, he focused on what mattered the most. “You’re shivering. We should get you changed.” And he pulled away before she could reply. Noticing how the loss of their warmth on each other’s skin was as painful for her as it was to him, he offered his hand with a timid smile, which she immediately laced together with hers.

He guided her to his room and released her hand to rummage the inside of his closet, trying to find that particular sweater of his that she grew to be fond of. She slid open his curtain to brighten the room though it didn’t do much because the clouds were dark and thick, pouring heavy rain to the earth.

“Here,” he said, handing her his navy blue knitted sweater. “I’ll go outside so you can change.”

She grabbed him by his wrist before he stepped aside. “No, it’s fine, just—” She cleared her throat, didn’t dare to look him in the eyes. “Just turn around for a little bit.”

The old Donghyuck would’ve had a blast teasing her about this, so when he simply turned around, bringing his head down to stare at his feet while scratching his nape from being both shy and awkward, the feeling of loneliness began to consume her heart.

She was losing him. He wasn’t the person she remembered him to be.

“I’m done,” she called when she had finished changing her damp blouse into his sweater. The fabric fell loose around her body, its hem reaching to the middle part of her jean-clad thighs. “You can turn around now.”

Donghyuck slowly turned on his heels, but his eyes were looking everywhere but hers because he knew, once he saw her again wearing his clothing around her body like a lover would, he would lose his common sense.

“It feels familiar, doesn’t it?” She lightly laughed, trying to keep it casual but it felt strained. “I mean, us spending time in your room with me wearing your clothes.”

He tiredly smiled, leaning against the wall. “Yeah.”

“How was your birthday yesterday? I’m sorry for not sending you any present, I wasn’t sure you wanted to receive one from me... Did auntie make you a cake?”

“Yeah. It wasn’t good.”

She tucked a loose strand of her hair, wetting her lips. “You always said that, but you ate all of it.”

He wanted to sneak a glance at her, wanted to be captivated by her beauty just for a split second, but noticing it was best for him to stop. Otherwise, she’d entrap him again. “Yeah… I did.”

“Haechannie.”

“Hmm?”

“Can you look at me, please?”

He tightened his jaw, taking a few seconds in silence to prepare himself before he slowly looked up, peering at her features from behind his bangs.

He had seen her sad before—multiple times, in fact—but it was never like this. She never looked this heartbroken before, and he loathed the fact that, unlike any other times where she cried over anyone else, he was now the reason for such emotion to arise.

And maybe he looked the same to her, as she instantly grew speechless, her fingers tightening around the hem of her sweater. “How… are you?” She asked, and he knew that wasn’t the question she intended to say but maybe she was afraid and uncertain whether her words would inflict more sadness to his eyes more than she already did so far.

“I’m doing well.”

“Have you made any friends at your campus?”

“A few.”

“Ah… Great, then.” She was going insane, she could feel it, and when he never tried to spark a conversation like she did, she began to lose her patience. “Why have you been avoiding me?” Her tone somehow a tad colder this time around.

Donghyuck slipped his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You ignored my calls, you rarely replied to my texts—”

“Yeah, well, I was busy—”

“Two years, Haechannie. You had two fucking years to reach out back to me, and you’re simply telling me you were busy?! If you’re going to lie, lie better!”

“Well, you already have your whole life perfect without me anyway.”

Hot tears began to well in her eyes. “Do you not… need me anymore?”

He looked away, his chest suffocating. “You should leave. Get some rest. We’ll talk la—”

“Stop it!” She cried out, forcing him to look at her in the eyes by the desperate tone in her voice. “Stop acting like this! Stop pretending like you’re not hurting when you are just as much as I am!”

His eyes gleamed in the dim lighting of the room. “Why are you even here?”

She narrowed her eyes, trying to ignore the pain that was about to erupt from her chest. “Is it so wrong for me to see you?”

“I thought we’ve both decided that it’s best if we stay away from each other.”

“You decided.” It was both sorrow and anger that painted her voice. “You decided to stay away from me. I never wanted us to be like this. I’ve been trying to reach out to you and you pushed me away every time, so don’t you dare blame this on me.”

“What do you expect me to do?” He vocalized in outrage, his voice reverberating through the air almost as heavy as the storm that poured outside. “I revealed all of my feelings out to you, asked you to make a choice and you just stood there doing fucking nothing! How do you think that made me feel?”

She stepped back, her hand on her chest. “I—” She fumbled with her words. “It was all so sudden, I didn’t know how—”

“So sudden?!” He threw his head back in exasperation. “I have been trying to tell you that for years, Noona!”

“You flirted with me for years, that didn’t count as—”

“Well, I had to pretend everything was a joke because you always looked like you were seconds away from crying, afraid of ruining our friendship and it made me think that maybe you never really liked me that way at all! I don’t even know how you feel about me now because you’re never honest even with yourself.”

“I…” She nibbled on her lower lip, scared and anxious. “I don’t know whether I—”

“Of course, you don’t,” he spat out, scoffing loudly. “You never do. That’s what I fucking hate about you. You’re such a coward. You don’t want to be with me but you keep coming back to me, making me feel things I shouldn’t, making me yearn for you again when I literally spent every second of my life trying to forget you even exist. I had to watch you slip away from my arms twice as if it wasn’t enough for you to hurt me one time—”

“I never meant to hurt you—”

“But that’s all you fucking do!” Donghyuck unintentionally slammed the side of his fist against the wall out of sheer fury, making her take a step backward, terrified. “Do you know how much you’re driving me insane from seeing you here within my grasp but not having the right to touch you in the way I want to? Just how fucking selfish can you be?!”

Tears were forming in her eyes, but he wasn’t sure whether they emerged from sadness or anger. “I’m selfish?! I’m trying to do the right thing! You know how things can go bad if we ignore the signs and deny our soulmate, so even if I agree to be with you, what if things don’t work out and we end up—”

“I’m so fucking tired of soulmates.”

Donghyuck had her body pressed against the wall, his hand on her face and his lips on hers, meeting together in a heated kiss. She closed her eyes in reflex, her fingers clutching tightly to the fabric of his shirt, gasping into his mouth when he pressed harder. Donghyuck felt like a flame, scorching every inch of her skin that was connected to his and she let herself grow weak, succumbing to the fire that was about to devour her whole.

When he let go, the tip of his nose was still grazing against hers, his fingertips holding her by the jaw, while his other hand was secured tightly around her waist.

“I’m giving you another chance to make your decision.” He breathed out, hot breath caressing her skin. “Be with me or push me away. Your choice.”

Her eyes were half-lidded, her breathing ragged and Donghyuck could count her eyelashes if he wanted to. It was torture to keep this little space between them because to him, they were like magnets, both desperately drawn to each other, wanting to consume one another.

Maybe it was like that for her too, because when she took her next breath, she had her fingers around the collar of his shirt, tugging it down so their lips met once again in a searing kiss.

It felt complete—no, it felt more than complete. It made him feel infinite. Every touch, every gasp, every little whimper that came out of her mouth made him feel alive and he wanted more, he wanted everything. He wanted her.

And to her, she was drawn to him like a moth to a flame, and it didn’t feel like she was doing something sinful, something forbidden. Everything felt right, the way her body fit his perfectly, the way he moved his lips against her, with the touch of their tongues nearly sending her down to her knees.

“Haechannie,” she breathed heavily as he ran his lips down her jaw to her neck, before he moved back up again, melding their lips together because he couldn’t waste any second longer being apart from her.

The desperate call of his name rendered him powerless so he pressed himself against her harder, embracing her better so they could hold on to each other. And by the relieved sigh she made as she circled her arms around his neck, her fingers finding a home in his hair, she must have felt the same.

“I love you,” he murmured against the supple skin of her neck, making a messy ponytail out of her hair to expose more skin. “Fuck, Noona, I’ve never loved anyone else but you.” He lifted her body up the wall, leaving her with no choice but to tangle her legs around his waist for balance, his hands sliding dangerously along her thighs as she connected their mouths again.

Donghyuck’s voice was deep and hoarse, foreign to her ears but she loved it. She loved everything new she found about him, as much as she had loved everything about him in the past. She knew she wasn’t being fair; she knew it wasn’t a good idea to hold him like this, but it felt so terrifyingly good and there was not a part of her mind and body that shouted for her to stop. He was her puppet master, plucking on her strings, and she didn’t mind being tangled under his fingers.

She flinched when she felt him pressing his hips against her, pinning her against the wall and he noticed as she moaned a bit louder against his mouth, pulling a similar groan from the back of his own throat. The sound of her lustful cry made him go absolutely insane and not familiar with his own strength, he carried her to the bed, making her yelp in shock and wrapping her legs and arms around him tighter in the fear of falling.

But the way he laid her down on his bed was surprisingly gentle, sliding down a pillow underneath her head before he dipped his face down, pressing a warm kiss on her temple. The sudden change of pace made her blush, cheeks blooming red as she became conscious of how he gazed at her features—how the previous loneliness in his eyes was replaced with both felicity and uncertainty, asking for her sign to stop or continue with everything.

She swallowed her breath when he stood on his knees, pulling his shirt over his head, his silver necklace glinting faintly under the soft glow of thunder that flashed on the other side of the window. She flinched, not from the fear of lightning, but from the way his vulnerable eyes were filled with need and affection. She had once told him that Jaemin made her feel wanted—made her feel desired—and she thought that was really the case, until she saw the look Donghyuck gave her and suddenly everything that Jaemin did felt pale in comparison.

Donghyuck needed her like a drowning man needed air.

So when he bent down and kissed her again, she felt like he was unraveling her soul, stripping her naked both her body and her mind, and as if she was a blank canvas, he cast iridescence on her skin, drawing lines with his fingertips and painted a spectrum of colors with his lips.

As a man of passion, Donghyuck’s kisses were strangely tender but it elicited as much fire, if not more, as any fervent kisses she had ever shared with the other two men in her life.

“Noona,” he abruptly stopped, eyes unfocused as he broke away, expanding the space between them but only for a few inches. “You’re not regretting any of this, are you?” It was the question he’d been dreading to ask, but he had to before she ended up living with guilt. “I told you to make a choice before but…” He cupped her cheek, rubbing his thumb against her skin in such a soothing manner that she would’ve probably fallen asleep to it if her heart wasn’t racing like this. “But if you feel like this is not what you want, you can back out anytime. I’m not going to force you, and I’m not going to leave you even if you push me away now. I’ll still be your friend, I promise, so it’s okay.” He smiled but the only thing it conveyed was sadness. “It’s okay if you want to put an end to this. It’s okay if you don’t want to be with me. It’s your choice.”

She wasn’t sure why, but she felt like crying. “Well, I’m not okay with it.” She ran her thumb along his lower lip, in a paper-thin-like touch. “I think you’ve noticed by now that I…” It was too much. It really was too much for her to admit it without being flustered.

“Tell me,” he pleaded, gently taking her wrist when she was about to cover her face with her hands. “Tell me how you feel about me. Please.”

She shook her head, heart thumping loudly. “I can’t—It’s embarrassing. You already know how I feel anyway.”

“But I need to hear you say it.” He kissed her palm, leaning against her touch like how a little kitten would. “Please?”

Her voice was quivering when she spoke. “I love you, Haechannie.”

He’d heard her say those words many times in his life, but only now, they felt different in his ears. And almost like a prisoner being released from his chains, he nearly whimpered in bliss. “Y-you do?”

She shakily nodded her head once. “You were right. I’m a coward. I’m too afraid of losing what we have, not realizing that we can actually become so much more.”

He smiled, small but lovingly. “And it’s fine even if I’m not your soulmate?”

She was entranced with the way he kissed her fingertips one by one. “I don’t care.”

“I love you too, Noona.” His tongue was wet and slick when she felt it against her earlobe, his voice sounding dangerously close and sultry, even when his words were innocent. “You don’t know how glad I am to finally hear you say this. I’ve tried so hard to move on but I couldn’t. It’s just—for me—” his lips hovered above hers again, and she felt his whispers directly on her skin. “There’s no life without you.”

She carded her fingers through his hair, pushing back his bangs until she could gaze directly into his eyes. “There’s no life without you too, Haechannie.”

As they were connected, both their bodies and minds, it felt like nothing mattered anymore. They already had what they needed, already owned what they craved, already found what they were searching for. Donghyuck was sheathed deep inside her, his kisses were wet and languid, passion never dissipating no matter how many times he had tasted her.

It never felt unnatural, never felt awkward, and there were no uncertainties whenever their skin made contact. It was almost as natural as breathing, and though they needed more experience in some parts, they were already content with everything that they shared. Every breath, every gasp, every moan was sending heat to every inch of their bodies, making Donghyuck’s bangs stick with sweat and her cheeks reddening from his feverish touches.

When it finally ended, both still feeling lightheaded from reaching their highs, orgasms hitting hard like waves in a storm, Donghyuck was shaking, murmuring both expletives and praises against the skin that covered her heart, making her shiver.

“What is it?” She questioned tenderly, gentle fingertips caressing his cheekbone. “You’re trembling.”

But he didn’t answer, laying his head down on her chest, her heartbeat vocalizing faintly against his eardrums. He had never felt so happy, so complete, so perfect, and it was all because of her.

“I’m…” he exhaled heavily, lost for words as he sank deeper in his own elation. She curled her fingers around his jaw, lifting his face so they could peer into each other’s eyes.

“Haechannie.”

“Yeah?”

“I know it’s late, but…” She beamed at him. “Happy birthday.”

And he kissed her with so much fervor, his eyebrows adjoined in passion and he whimpered against her mouth, a tear slipping from the corner of his eye and she smiled, hugging him close because finally, after seventeen years had passed, they truly found each other.

He was her life, and she was his, two different souls united into one.

***

Almost an hour passed by with them just enjoying each other’s company as they laid side-by-side on the bed, with Donghyuck idly sucking more bruises to her skin and her panting his name against his pillow. He was trailing his fingertips from her nape down to the dip of her spine as she laid with her stomach pressed against his sheets, slightly quivering from his touch.

Both of them lacked the energy to get dressed or wash their sweat away from before, and instead just dwell further in each other’s warmth, basking in the soft glow of the sunset that had replaced the storm.

“Why did we wait so long to do this?” She asked with her cheek pressed against the pillow, looking at him with drowsy eyes.

He snorted. “Because you were too big of an idiot to notice and too goddamn stubborn to—”

“Forget I asked.”

Donghyuck grinned to himself but she soon felt it on her skin. “I’m still sweaty, Haechannie, get off me.”

“No way, I want to enjoy this,” his nose was skimming against the skin of her back. “It’s not every day I have a naked lady lounging on my bed. In fact, I’ve never had one. Ever.”

“Yeah?” She turned around, covering her bare chest with his quilt as she looked at him. “What about your girlfriends?”

“What girlfriends?”

“You know, the ones you got together with in high school. You told me you had sex with them.”

“Oh.” His playful smile grew sheepish. “I lied about it.”

“What? Why?”

“I was just trying to make you jealous. You were hanging out with Jaemin and I was so pissed!”

“I can’t believe how lame you were.”

“Hey, I was desperate!”

“So…” She slowly said, drawing her name on the square of his chest with her fingertip. “I’m your first?”

“You’ve always been, on everything.”

Her breathing tattered, blood rushing to her face, turning it scarlet. She moved her hand to his neck, playing with the silver necklace and the oval locket with her fingers. “I can’t believe you still wear this.”

“It’s the best present I’ve ever had,” he replied, leaning close until their foreheads meet one another. “From the best girl I’ve ever met in my life.”

“Stop saying things like this, I can’t handle it.” And she hooked her finger around his necklace, dragging him down to close the gap between them.

They both smiled into the kiss but what was once innocent and chaste, became deep and ardent in a matter of seconds. Donghyuck’s fingers were slipping underneath the comforter that she used to cover her body, feverish skin meeting her cold one and he looked at her in concern. “Are you cold?”

“Just a little bit.” She chuckled awkwardly before it was replaced with a gasp when he pulled her up by her waist and positioned her on his lap. He snatched the quilt away from her in one quick motion, leaving her naked and exposed before she toppled down to his chest. His hands found their way back around her waist, drawing her close so every inch of her skin was pressing against his. His warmth began to seep into her, and he draped his blanket around their bodies again.

“Better?” He looked up, his teeth peeking behind his grin that was both teasing and shy at the same time.

She melted into his touch, wanting to taste his lips again. “Better.”

She was distracted with the way he ran his tongue along her lower lip, sneaking in as soon as she granted him entrance to her mouth, but found her focus back when his hands start to roam around her chest. She immediately covered herself with both hands, embarrassed out of her mind.

“Why are you covering yourself?” He asked, chuckling faintly though his cheeks were reddening by the second. “You were fine when we had sex before. Let me see.”

“I just remembered that you once said I have small boobs.”

Donghyuck’s jaw hung loosely on his face. “That—I was just joking! I love your boobs—I love every—” He thought hard for the right word and failing miserably. “—every aspect of them, how soft they are, the little moles you have, and how they jiggle when—Why are you laughing?!”

But she couldn’t stop cackling even when he was pouting about it, complaining that he was being serious. “I’m sorry,” she said, wiping a tear out of her eyes. “It’s just you were so dominatingly sexy before when you slammed me against the wall, and now you’re acting like such a dork, which is also cute but—” and she laughed again, covering her mouth with her fingers which he immediately took and replaced them with his mouth, turning her soft chuckles into pleading moans.

He cupped her breasts with his palms, groaning at the back of his throat from how perfect they felt under his hands, massaging them gently until she had to break away from the kiss, nibbling at her lip to contain her whimpers.

Donghyuck trailed more kisses down from her neck to the valley of her breasts, before he attached his soft, plump lips on her sensitive nub, making her arch her back in response. He peeked at her reaction from under his eyelashes, almost losing his mind from the sight of how alluring and sinful she looked. “Does it feel good?” He knew the answer but he needed her praise. He had waited for all this time to have her crying out his name in pleasure like this, he guessed he’d allow himself to be selfish just for tonight.

She shakily nodded, eyes tightly shut in pleasure but he didn’t stop until he had her whimpering, “Yes, yes,” into his ears.

“So about what you said before,” he continued, nipping at her sensitive skin with so much fervency, enough to leave purple bruises by the morning. “About me being dominatingly sexy. Is that the kind of thing you’re into?”

She shivered, looking like she wanted to escape his touch. “I—I don’t—” she stammered, having the hardest time finding her words especially when he had one of his eyebrows raised tauntingly. “Stop teasing me.”

“Guess being friends for seventeen years doesn’t really mean you know everything.” He chuckled, sliding down his hand between her thighs but stopping before he got too close, asking for permission. “Can I touch you here?”

She bit her lip, nodding slowly.

“Can we… have sex again?”

“Stop asking questions, and just do it.”

Their second time was much slower, more playful with a lot of teasing and exploring and it was the kind of sex that felt more like them, reminding them of how carefree they were back in their childhoods days, or the flirty banter they shared during their small escapes every summer. It took them hours to be satisfied with one another, at least until the next day started, that by the time they were finished, it was already nighttime. But even after they were dressed back in their previous clothes, they still found their way back in each other’s arms.

“I wasn’t sure to ask about this before but,” Donghyuck snuggled closer from behind, his lips almost brushing against her nape when he spoke in both curiosity and uncertainty. “How are things with Mark?”

“It’s so like you to ask about stuff that mattered after you got what you want,” she responded, making him pout and cower behind her. “We’re still going strong, actually. He said he’d ask me to marry him after we both graduated from college.”

He froze, literally stopped breathing. “What?”

“I’m kidding.” She turned around, tapping his cheek. “You’re cute.”

“That’s not funny.”

“I’m sorry.” And when she laughed, he pouted even harder. “Well, truth is, we broke up over a month ago.”

“What—” Shock filling his eyes. He thought he had known everything about her from seeing her memories in his dreams but maybe he hadn’t seen anything yet. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” She rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t aware we were on speaking terms what with you avoiding my calls and ignoring my texts.”

“You’re never gonna let me live this down, are you?” He sighed, playfully biting her at the part where her neck met her shoulder. “Why did you break up with him anyway? I thought soulmates were meant to be together, not that I’m complaining though.” He couldn’t help but display his cheeky grin. “I’m actually happy—it’s the happiest moment in my life, dare I say.”

She scoffed, shifting on the bed again so she wouldn’t have to face his annoying grin. “It certainly not the happiest moment in my life but as long as you’re happy, I guess.”

“I’m sorry, come here.” Donghyuck sneaked his hands around her body, hauling her toward him until he could press his chest tightly against her back, burying his nose in her hair. “So, what happened?”

“Well…” She huffed, leaning against him. “Mark and I… We’re so similar in a lot of ways and I find myself more compatible with him than anyone, which feels kinda weird, if I’m being honest. Like, we share the same thoughts, we make the same decisions, we listen to the same music, love the same movies and everything. Unlike when I’m with you—” she stopped when she felt his arms tightening around her. “Wait, before you start fuming, listen to me first.” He sighed but nodded his head twice before he landed his face on her hair again. “What I meant was when I’m with you, we argue, we tease each other, we fight over stupid little things so we can look back on it in the future and have a good laugh from realizing how dumb we were being. And that’s what makes it exciting for me. You make me laugh, you make me upset, and when you suddenly disappeared from my life it was like…” she tried, but whether she was too shy or too confused to say the words, Donghyuck wasn’t sure so he helped.

“Like a part of you was missing?” He offered with a smile, nuzzling closer to her.

“Well, I don’t want to sound that cheesy but for the lack of better words, yes,” she admitted. “I just really couldn’t stop thinking about you. I missed you in the way I’ve never missed anyone before, like I kept seeing you anywhere I go. Whenever a Michael Jackson song came up in my playlist, I thought of you. Whenever I saw a movie, I remembered how you would always scrunch your nose in protest when something didn’t make sense. And I felt awful every time because I wasn’t supposed to think about you at all. I was supposed to think about Mark, and how he always tried to make me feel comfortable in his arms, kept asking me whether the room temperature was too cold or too hot, whether I needed another cup of coffee or—”

“He actually sounds pretty nice,” he murmured against her skin. “I’d date him if I were you.”

“Exactly, he’s too perfect.” She turned around, placing both hands on his shoulders. “He’s too perfect, Haechannie. That’s my problem.”

Haechan snorted but he also seemed amused. “This is why boys have problems trying to understand girls.”

“Doesn’t it make sense, though? You have so many flaws—like, so many. You have more flaws in you than your strengths.”

He flatly stared back. “Thanks.”

“But that’s what makes you interesting.” She reached out a hand, playing with the waves of his hair. “That’s what makes you adorable.” When she noticed him turning slightly red on his cheeks, she chuckled awkwardly. “Or maybe I’m just a freak who has a kink for annoying brats, I don’t know.”

Donghyuck smiled softly in return, rubbing his thumb in comforting circles on the skin below her eye. “Well then, I’m glad you have a kink for annoying brats like me.” And when they kissed, he could feel her grinning against his lips so he tore himself away, frowning. “What?”

“I didn’t realize you were this sappy and clingy.” She giggled, pecking his nose. “You really love kissing, don’t you?”

“I love kissing you,” he corrected, slightly wincing at the thought of the previous kisses he’d shared with his former girlfriends. “There’s a difference. And I’m not sappy, I am full with affection.” She teased him with a loud, exaggerated yawn but he ignored her, focusing on the things that hadn’t been spoken. “So, you broke up with him because he was too nice? How did you even tell that to him?”

“No.” Her tone suddenly became heavy. “We broke up because he no longer had faith in me. It was not long after he read my journal.”

“What journal?”

“Okay, now, don’t laugh, but I’ve been keeping a journal lately to help me think and…” He couldn’t see her face, but he could tell she was flushed. “Well, figure things out. So I wrote a lot of things about you, about us, about how I truly felt about you but couldn’t be with you because of the things we’ve been through. And the fact that I’ve been dreaming about you—”

“What?” His breath hitched in his throat. “Like a soulmate dream or just your regular wet dream about me?”

It was vexing the way he sounded so serious when he asked her the most insensitive question at times like this. “It felt similar to how I dreamt about Mark which is weird because how can that be? What does that even mean? I can’t have two soulmates at once, can I?”

Donghyuck contemplated in silence, unsure of his thoughts but eventually made his decision. “Okay,” he shifted his weight, now sitting on the bed, and gesturing for her to meet his eyes. “I have a secret I’ve been wanting to tell you but since we weren’t on speaking terms—”

“Thanks to you—”

“—yeah, thanks to me. I decided to keep it a secret. And I realized that I didn’t want to tell you that because I wanted you to figure out by yourself that you have feelings for me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been having dreams about you too.” He unconsciously reached out for her hand, lacing their fingers together. “I saw your memories. I knew that they weren’t mine because I’ve dreamt about the time you spent with Jaemin and Mark, but I didn’t say anything because I want you to fall for me for who I am, not because I have connections to your dreams or because it turns out I’m your soulmate.”

She gaped in disbelief. “How long have you been dreaming about me?”

His voice grew quiet. “Since that night when we kissed.”

Her mouth was shaping into a silent ‘o’ but no words came out. She was deep in her thoughts and Donghyuck had to squeeze her hand to bring her out of her reverie. “Noona?”

“So it wasn’t just because of the kiss, was it? That morning when you were acting weird, asking me about my feelings?”

He nodded reluctantly. “I thought you were experiencing the same thing, but then you told me you had another dream about Mark, and not soon after, I saw him with my own eyes.”

Something befell on her face, eyes wide in realization. “So, it was true—what I saw in my dream. You’d met Mark way before I did but you never told me about him—you even told him to stay away—”

“Yes, but—” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “I know that was a total dick move, but—”

“You had no right, Hyuck.”

The way she called him by his real name made him freeze for a split second. “You’re… really upset about this, aren’t you?”

She tried not to scowl at him harder than she already did. With a sigh, she massaged her temple. “Well, I guess I should’ve seen that coming. You’ve always been acting like that anyway. You and your possessive, competitive ass.”

“But,” he said, smiling bashfully. “Will you love me and my possessive, competitive ass for the rest of your life?”

“One step at a time, Haechannie.” She pressed her palm against his face, wiping his annoying smirk away. “One step at a time.”

***

Unbeknownst to them, it turned out that being in an intimate relationship didn’t really change the way they behave around each other. They still fought over the little things but always agreed on the things that mattered. They shared loving words as much as they had done numerous times in the past, only this time they shared them between lustful gasps and lascivious groans.

Their long-distance relationship was hard during their years in college as they went to different campuses in different cities, but only because they couldn’t feel each other’s lips and breaths on their skins, so every time a long holiday came up, they would spend it somewhere where they could be alone, tangled in each other’s arms, moaning terms of endearments laced with desperation and urgency against the sheets.

It was funny how they kept having dreams about each other’s memories, even after they admitted their feelings out loud. Every morning whenever they were apart, they would send text messages, describing the memories they saw in their dreams, that it became some kind of a new habit for them. It was harmless most of the time, but Donghyuck became unreasonably jealous more often than not, whenever he saw Jaemin or Mark in her memories. He would spout out hateful words, calling their names with degradation, and she would sigh and wave him off, being the mature one in the relationship.

She had a theory about why he was dreaming about her, and why did her dreams change from Mark’s memories into his. She said it had something to do with their feelings, that if they loved someone so dearly, their dreams began to change from seeing the soulmate they were originally matched with, to the person they truly loved. And if the feelings were mutual, they would begin to dream about each other. Donghyuck didn’t pay too much attention to it, because it didn’t matter to him. Soulmates or not, dreams or no dream, he’d still love her with all his heart.

They kept their relationship a secret because they knew how their parents believed in soulmates and didn’t want to make them worry. But whenever they had sleepovers in his house, leaving their bedroom door open as instructed, keeping secrets became torture because Donghyuck always found a way to pepper playful kisses on her cheek. And playful kisses always turned perilous when they fell on her lips, and once the tip of their tongues met in curiosity, just wanted to get a glimpse of each other’s taste, there would be no turning back.

So they exchanged deep kisses and sinful strokes under the duvet, closing their eyes shut and pretending to sleep whenever rustling sounds or footsteps could be heard from the other side of their slightly ajar door. Donghyuck would whine something about, “Noona, I can’t do this. I can’t come like this,” even though he grew hotter and larger in her hand, and she would raise a teasing eyebrow with a smirk painting her face. She would then sneak under the sheet, crawl down his body, and blow hot breath against his tip, before engulfing him completely. And Donghyuck would bite into his fist, eyebrows furrowing in ecstasy, eyes shut closed as he imagined the way she would hollow her cheeks around him, with her tongue running along his veins and he would come undone in seconds. “Already?” She would ask with a teasing grin, wiping her tainted mouth with the back of her hand. “I must be super good at this.”

Donghyuck would let her win, just for the night. He could always pay her back the next day, he figured, when his parents were still deep in slumber, and the sun was still hiding somewhere out of sight. He knew how much she loved seeing him between her legs, with his eyes half-lidded and his lips sucking bruises on the inner parts of her thighs. And he loved seeing her face contorted in pleasure every time he brought her tongue deep inside her, remembering her taste better than anything he had ever tasted. Whenever her body started to shake, hands tangling desperately against his locks, her legs closing in on him, he would lick everything that seeped out of her, glance up to meet her eyes, and lick his lower lip in satisfaction before he said, “Already? I must be super good at this.”

“You know,” she sighed one day when she curled against his chest in a hotel room that smelled like cinnamon mixed with sandalwood. “I’ll probably end up getting pregnant with Hyuck Jr from how often we have sex.”

“I don’t mind.” He laced their fingers together, tracing his tongue on the side of her neck before he marked her with his teeth. “Hyuck Jr sounds hella cool.”

“Of course, you don’t mind. You say that to get more sex.” She wiggled away, shoving him gently by the jaw. “Stop that, I have work today.” And as much as he wanted to ignore her, painting more of his signature down her body so everyone would know who owned her, he stopped with a pout because she could really be terrifying when she got angry.

“Noona~ Come back to bed,” he whined, as he watched her stepped down the bed, getting dressed. “I need you to love me again. I’m needy.”

“You are gross, and I am late. Where the hell is my bra?”

Donghyuck grinned in amusement, watching her running from one corner to another only in her panties. “Man, have I told you how much I love your boobs?”

“Stop staring and help me find my clothes!”

She soon collected every piece of her clothing back without his help as he just kept lazing around on the bed, giggling every time she tripped over something.

“Noona.”

“Hmm?”

“Have you ever thought about being this intimate with me back then?” Donghyuck flipped over to his stomach, crossing his arms idly on top of his pillow before he dipped his chin between them. “Before we got together. Have you ever thought about kissing me?”

Her cheeks were flushed. “W-what kind of question is—”

“I need to know whether you were as crazy as I was about you.” His smile was both teasing and gentle. “Please?”

“Fine.” She eventually succumbed with a sigh. “Remember back then when you said you were going on a date with that girl you’d been seeing for two weeks? Not sure why, but when I thought about you kissing her, I was also thinking about you kissing me.”

“You did?” He gaped, mouth wide open. “Way back then? And you still went out with those douchebags instead of being with me?” He protested, sinking his face in his pillow as he muffled his whine. “Noonaaaa~”

“It was just a fleeting thought! It wasn’t anything that serious.” She put on her stockings, having the hardest time focusing from all the embarrassment she had to endure. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Well, now that I know you’ve been thinking about me that way for quite some time, what kind of things did you imagine us doing?” And when he didn’t answer right away, lost for words, she added with a sly smirk. “Don’t tell me you jacked off while thinking about me.”

He was good at controlling his expressions, but his ears betrayed him right away from how red they were turning. “No comment,” he muttered, sinking half of his face into his pillow.

She rolled her eyes, snorting. “Well, that’s fair.”

“What about the future? Have you ever thought about our future together?” The sudden question made her gaze back at him. “What do you see happening to us in ten years?”

She was fiddling with the buttons of her blouse, but her mind drifted somewhere else. She had thought about it. Thought about growing old with him. Thought about them getting married, have a child—or maybe three. Thought about how nervous and panicky he would get when her water broke, and how whiny he would be whenever she asked him to do house chores but ended up doing everything perfectly. She had thought about how cute he’d look as a father, telling a little boy—who looked exactly like him—during his first try at riding a bicycle that it’s okay to cry if it hurts when you fall because daddy is going to hug you and make the pain go away, okay?

She had thought about it, more often than not, but he had just graduated from college and she was in her first year working as an intern in a high-tech company. They still had a lot of things going on in their lives. Maybe he wasn’t ready to settle down yet. Maybe he needed time.

“Babe?” He called. “You’ve been quiet for a while.”

“You want an honest answer?”

“Yes, please.”

“I see you growing bald from all of those hair products you use.”

“Why you little—”

***

“What’s this?” She questioned as he slid a little black box with a red bow wrapped around it—a spitting image of the gift she had presented to him a few years back—into her hand. She remembered the joke he made that night, so she mirrored his action, faking a gasp while squealing, “No way, you’re proposing to me? But honey, I’m already carrying your child!”

He laughed, a bit bashful and awkward, but he understood her joke. “But wait, if you’re seriously carrying my child, I will hate you for the rest of my life for breaking the news like this.”

“I’m not, calm down.” She chuckled, and they walked next to each other again, enjoying how peaceful the Han River was at night, with cherry blossoms petals dancing in the wind.

“Are you cold?” He asked though she was already wearing multi-layered clothes.

“What, are you gonna wrap your coat around me?”

“Nah, just asking. I’m more sensitive to cold than you anyway.”

“Thanks.” She rolled her eyes before she focused back on the tiny present. “What is this for? Our anniversary is still a month away.”

“Just shut up and open it.” He sniffed from the cold, tucking his hands deeper inside his coat. “And hurry up. I’m freezing. I need you to warm me up.”

“I swear to God, can’t you at least be romantic for five minutes?”

“Okay, five minutes. After that, we’ll run back home and have hot, dirty sex.”

She scowled at him which he returned wholeheartedly with a playful kiss on her cheek. She opened the box and smiled when she saw a similar oval locket necklace that matched the one he wore around his neck. “You’re so predictable,” she sneered, taking the necklace in her hand. “But I love it.”

“You haven’t seen what’s inside.” He whispered close in her ear. “I’ll give you a little spoiler. It’s not a picture of us taking a bath together when we were kids but it’s something similar.”

“Ah, I get it. Is it the time when we—” But her sentence ended abruptly in silence at the sight of the words that were engraved on the silver plate.

Will you marry me?

“Haechannie—” And as she turned around to face him, he already had one knee on the ground, taking her hand in his and she could feel shivers running through his fingertips. The soft glow of the streetlight illuminated his face most beautifully, with his bangs fluttering softly under the wind. His chocolate brown eyes were so gentle, so loving, so shy, matching the way his cheeks were reddening with more seconds passing by. When he pronounced her name, it felt like he was casting spells on her, bewitching her with his smile, his voice, his scent, his everything.

“Okay, so I’ve written a whole speech—like, a whole speech,” he repeated, emphasizing with a deeper voice. “And it would probably take me a good half an hour to recite it to you and I don’t think either of us wants to stand here for even a minute longer, so if you can just say yes now, I’ll do the speech later when we’re warm and cozy and naked in our bed.”

She was prepared to cry in joy but she ended up crying from the hilarity of it all. “What the hell was that? Haechannie—”

“I’m serious, Noona, a whole speech!” His teeth were beginning to chatter. “Trust me! Can you just accept my stupid proposal now so we can go home?”

“What is this, a blackmail?”

“Noona~”

She hauled him up to his feet again with both hands. “Well then, let’s go home,” she said, sinking their intertwined hands in her coat’s pocket before she tugged him forward. “If you amaze me with that whole speech of yours, then I’ll say yes.”

Donghyuck grinned. “You got it.”

He kept his promise from the beginning to the end. As they stepped into the little apartment they had been sharing in secret for the last few months, Donghyuck had her pressed against the wall, kicking the front door closed with one foot, before he moved it to slide his knee between her thighs, giving her the friction she needed. Clothes were soon scattered on the floor as they walked and tripped their way to the bedroom, silently shouting gratitudes to the heater that kept the place warm while they were gone.

“So,” she breathed against his mouth, pressing her bare chest to his slightly colder one. “Your speech. Go.”

“In a minute,” he said, smirking as he gestured her to sit on the edge of the bed. When she followed, he kneeled in front of her, spread her legs apart, and licked his lower lip as he stared at her arousal. He pushed his bangs out of his eyes, saying, “I have my priorities and this. comes. first,” and he dipped his head low, hot tongue pressing against her most sensitive part, forcing her to chant his name like a prayer.

But when their feet were tangled around one another on the bed, her hands buried deep in his hair while he raked his fingernails down her spine, Donghyuck murmured the things she didn’t realize she needed to hear. He reminded her of the precious memories they had shared, of the feelings they had even back then when they were too young to understand love, of his promises to make her happy—to make her feel complete and infinite until the end of her days—and of his cute, little fantasies of how the future was going to be for the two of them and their future children.

And as he pounded into her, with hard, deep thrusts, hips moving faster and faster each time she moaned against his ear, driving him to the edge of his sanity, he demanded her to say her answer to his proposal. With pleasure clouding her mind, she could no longer think about any word other than yes.  

***

“It has a private pool and a jacuzzi, you’ll love it, babe, trust me,” Donghyuck said into his phone, grinning to himself every time he heard a giggle coming from the other line. “I know I said no surprises this time, but I made the reservation like a month ago so you can’t really blame me for it.”

He silently thanked the florist who handed him a bouquet of red roses before he exited the store and head back to his car. He placed the flowers on the passenger seat next to him, along with two little custom-made alpaca plushies wearing wedding attires, and a tiny white box with a pair of engagement rings inside.

“Look, we’re celebrating your birthday in that resort whether you like it or not,” he said, looking like he was about to burst into laughter in a matter of seconds from hearing her adorable complaints. “It’s not that expensive, I swear! And even if it is, I’m completely fine with using my three months' worth of salary to please my girlfriend.” There was a loud shouting on the other side of the line, and he chuckled, “I’m kidding, Noona. Look, I’m heading to your workplace. I’ll see you in half an hour, okay?” His gaze softened. “Me too. I love you too. Bye.”

When the line got disconnected, Donghyuck leaned against the back of his seat, huffing to the air, his heart banging loud against his chest. The first proposal was all fun and games, but this time, he was serious about it. He had prepared everything, dressed sharply in a black suit and a white buttoned-up shirt, and memorized his lines by heart from practicing it over a hundred times in front of his bathroom mirror a few hours ago. He had taken a day off to make sure everything went perfectly, but now as he seated behind the wheels, about to see her face and the bright, beautiful smile she always threw at him whenever he graced her with his presence, he became so nervous, so afraid of ruining his plan.

A text message arrived, interrupting his thoughts.

There’s a birthday gift on my desk under your name. My co-workers are getting jealous. Why are you so perfect?

And before he could reply, another one came by.

I love you, Haechannie.

All of his concerns began to dissipate from his chest. It would be okay if he ruined one thing or two while undergoing his plan. She would forgive him with a smile. She always did. She had always accepted him the way he was.

So he texted her back.

There’s no life without you, Noona.

And that was the truth. He had only truly lived because of her.

He placed his phone on the dashboard of his car, wore back his seatbelt, and started the engine. His thoughts were so full of her as much as his heart was, that a smile began to grow permanent on his face. Even as he began to drive, he still had the hardest time focusing on everything else but her.

It was until a truck passed at high speed, smashed his car from the side with a loud, thunderous bang, sending tremors of pain all over his body before his thoughts could process the details.

And suddenly, what was once vibrant with a spectrum of colors, his world turned monochromatic once again.

***

[aalissy]

Dreams Part 2

Anddd here’s the reason for the shorter chapter today and the special surprise I mentioned hehe. @bamberry asked for a part two to dreams so here it is!! I really hope you like it <3. Lemme know what you guys think!

AO3

When Adrien opened his eyes to his blaring alarm the next morning, he brushed away the lingering feelings of heartbreak and sadness. He may not have been able to change the ending to his dream but maybe he could change it in real life. If Marinette did accept his invitation to go to the movies, he’d have to be the perfect gentleman, showing her that they should stay together so she won’t even think about breaking up with him. With that last, determined thought, he pushed himself up out of bed and towards his bathroom. 

He got changed and brushed his teeth rather quickly, his excitement brimming as he realized that he’d be able to see Marinette soon. Plagg simply floated above the boy, watching him bemusedly as Adrien hummed lightly to himself. It was going to be a great day.

After Adrien finished getting ready, though, he frowned at himself in the mirror. Something felt missing. But that thought didn’t make any sense. He was dressed in what he usually wore and he didn’t typically feel like he was forgetting something. The furrow between his eyebrows grew deeper as he dug back through his closet. 

Still not certain what he was looking for, he paused slightly once he saw a familiar beret. Slowly, Adrien reached for it as a memory from his recent dream popped up in his thoughts. He had worn this beret every day whilst dating Marinette. His fingers trailed lightly over the fabric as he tried to remember why he had done that. After all, it was a gift Ladybug had given him from his Brazilian fan club. 

As his fingers ran along the inside of the beret, he stopped once they ran into a different type of threading. With a small frown, Adrien peered inside the beret and felt his mouth fall open when he saw the name inside. In tiny, gold lettering he saw the words Marinette. 

“Plagg,” he wheezed out. A million thoughts ran through his mind as he tried to connect the dots. How had his dreams known something that he hadn’t? It didn’t make any sense. There had to be a reason. 

“What’s wrong, kid?” Plagg hovered nearby, looking disinterested even as Adrien felt like he had just got hit by a truck. 

Instead of answering, he practically shoved the beret in his kwami’s face. With a small whimper, he pulled it back to stare down at the name once again. Marinette had made this for him and somehow his dream-self had known. 

“Listen, Adrien...” Plagg started rather cautiously, even as Adrien’s expression went from one of shock to adoration, “I don’t know what you think but—”

“My Brazilian fan club commissioned Marinette to make this for me,” he cut in, shimmying with excitement. “And my dream-self knew. That’s what those dreams were about, Plagg! I was trying to tell myself that Marinette made this for me.”

His kwami coughed lightly before shaking his head. “Right, right... that’s exactly what happened.”

“She’s so amazing.” Adrien sighed, staring down at the beret lovingly. Placing it on his head, he raced downstairs so that he could get to school faster. 

He almost missed Nathalie, who tsked at him in disapproval before handing him his schedule for the day. She raised an eyebrow after he thanked her and ran to the front door. Her voice cut in, dripping with distaste before Adrien could open the door and slide into the limo, though. “Why are you in such a hurry today?”

Adrien turned back to give his father’s assistant a sheepish grin. “Sorry, Nathalie. I guess I’m just really excited to go to school today.”

With that, he gave her one last wave, ducking into the limo. Once inside, he carefully readjusted his beret, feeling his heart tug gently in his chest. As the vehicle slowly pulled out of the Agreste mansion, Adrien tapped his fingers against his leg impatiently. He couldn’t wait to see Marinette’s face when he told her that he knew she made him the beret. Would she give him a shy smile before ducking her head cutely or would her whole face turn red as she stuttered and stammered?

Adrien gave a quiet, lovestruck sigh as he turned to stare out the window. As the buildings passed by him and he got closer and closer to the school, his excitement and anticipation grew. 

Finally, when the limo pulled into the entrance, Adrien barely waited for it to stop before bursting out of the doors. His face lit up immediately as he scanned the surroundings only for it to darken once again when he saw no sign of Marinette. Kicking at the sidewalk with disappointment, Adrien sat down at a step. He scoffed when he pulled out the phone and checked the time. He was still very early and knowing Marinette she would be late. 

With a quick shrug, he began to scroll through some of the apps on his phone, occasionally looking up to see if he could spot Marinette. It took way too long before he finally did see her. She was walking and giggling with Alya, her pigtails bouncing and swaying with every step that she took.

Beaming brightly, Adrien bounded over to them, missing the rather suspicious look Alya gave him as his gaze was entirely focused on Marinette. Her own blue eyes seemed to be staring directly at the beret on his head. His grin turned slightly amused as he adjusted the hat before saying, “Hi, Marinette.”

At that, her eyes blinked to his as her face turned a bright red. She lifted her hand in a small wave before murmuring, “H-hello.”

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Adrien gave Alya a rather pointed glance before returning his attention to Marinette.

Alya smirked smugly at that, giving her best friend a pat on the shoulder before saying, “Well, I’m going to head to class then. I’ll see you in a bit, ok girl?”

Marinette nodded her head quickly before gnawing on the bottom of her lip. Alya gave a quiet laugh before going inside the school. Adrien then quickly looked around before taking Marinette’s hand and guided her behind the steps with him. Once he was certain they were alone, he looked down at her with a soft smile. “So, I wanted to thank you, Marinette.”

“F-for what?” she squeaked, her face turning an even darker shade of red.

Adrien chuckled lightly before pulling off his beret to point out the name she had sewed inside. He traced over the tiny, gold lettering before murmuring, “For the beret.”

Lifting his head back up, his mouth fell open in shock as he saw Marinette’s expression. She looked horror-struck. Her face was pale and she looked about ready to bolt. Blinking in surprise, he slowly reached a hand out to hold hers gently.

“Marinette?” Adrien spoke her name softly.

She shook her head, clenching her eyes shut tight. “I-I don’t... I-I didn’t.”

“Is everything alright?” he squeezed her hand in his. He watched her spiral even further and he wondered how he could fix it. How did I even start it in the first place? I still don’t know what I did, Adrien cursed in his mind. 

At that point, Marinette’s eyes popped open and she looked at him seriously. She jerked her hand away from his grip. Her blue eyes blazed with resolve as she stepped closer to point at him. “You can’t tell anyone, especially Chat Noir, ok? Very, very bad things will happen if you do. In fact, I’m surprised Bunnyx isn’t here yet.” She looked around nervously, as though expecting the end of the world to suddenly happen.

His mouth fell open in bewilderment. What wasn’t he allowed to tell himself? And how did she know Bunnyx? Adrien certainly hadn’t expected this reaction when he imagined talking to her today. Shaking his head, he tilted his with confusion. “I’m sorry, Marinette, what am I not allowed to tell anyone?”

Her gaze narrowed as she practically glared at him. “Don’t tell me you’ve already told someone?”

“I-I haven’t. I promise,” he said as he held his arms up in surrender. Was he already messing everything up? Couldn’t they just go on one date before having to break up? With a quiet gulp, Adrien gave her an anxious smile. “At least, I don’t think... what was I not supposed to tell?”

Marinette stared at him in surprise before slowly gesturing to her earrings. “You know... about this. You didn’t tell anyone, did you?”

He frowned in confusion, opening his mouth to tell her that he still didn’t understand before realization slammed into him like a truck. Marinette was gesturing to earrings she never took off. Besides one day, that is... the one day where he also took off his ring and ended up switching kwamis with Ladybug. Ladybug who dropped off Marinette’s present. The same Ladybug who couldn’t accept Chat Noir’s feelings because she was in love with another boy. 

Adrien breathed out one word as he gazed down at her in shock, “Me.”

Marinette’s brow furrowed as she looked up at him. “You told yourself?”

“No!” he shook his head, “I mean yes! Well, kind of... but, I was mainly saying that I was the one you were in love with.” 

Her face turned the shade of a tomato before she laughed awkwardly, waving a hand in the air. “W-what? W-what do you mean? L-love you? Uh, w-where did you hear that? I mean, that’s just crazy.”

Adrien simply chuckled loudly, slapping a palm to his forehead as so many things suddenly made sense. He hadn’t predicted the future with his dreams and he certainly wasn’t clairvoyant. He must have subconsciously figured out Marinette’s identity and had been trying to tell himself that he had been in love with the same girl from the very start.

With a small, smug grin, he leaned down to look into Marinette’s wide, blue eyes, “That’s not going to work on me, anymore, princess.”

She simply squeaked, her entire body tensing up as Adrien leaned even closer to her. He swiped at her nose playfully and smiled softly once he saw how flustered she got. Leaning back, Adrien spoke simply and gently, “I wanted to talk to you so that I could tell you that I love you too.”

“Y-you do,” Marinette whispered, her body relaxing as she gazed up at him in wonder.

“I always have, m’lady.” He bowed delicately, taking her hand in his to brush a sweet kiss on the back of it.

“No,” she breathed out, her eyes widening further, “You're not... you can’t be.”

Adrien simply winked at her, giving Marinette a particularly Chat Noir esque grin. Her eyes firmly shut as she shook her head furiously. As she ran a hand through her hair, he heard her mutter, “That makes so much more sense now. You didn’t need to tell anyone because you already knew.”

“Knew what?” He tilted his head at her in confusion, watching as her head jolted up to stare at him with longing and sadness.

Slowly, Marinette took in a deep breath, her eyes brimming with tears. “W-we can’t be together.”

“What?” Adrien practically spluttered, feeling his heart plummet deep in his chest. “Why not? I-is it because I’m Chat Noir?”

“No! Of course not, kitty! I love both parts of you, just like you do for me.” Marinette shouted in a rush to reassure him. “B-but, one day, Bunnyx showed me the future. You had gotten akumatized, Adrien. It was awful, a-and you knew my identity. Y-you said it was our love that ended the world. So, don’t you see? We can’t be together until after defeating Hawkmoth.” 

Adrien’s face dropped as he stared down at Marinette. Slowly, he shook his head. “No, that can’t be. I can’t have gotten akumatized. Not if I was in love and with you. You are one of the only people I ever feel truly happy with.”

She sniffled quietly, a soft, wobbly smile forming on her lips. “It’s the truth, Adrien. We’re not supposed to know our identities for a reason. This is probably why. Now, we should really get to class, we’re probably late enough already.”

Marinette started to walk away and before he could overthink, he reached out and grabbed her wrist, staring at her desperately. “What if we dated in secret?”

“I-in secret?” she looked at him doubtfully.

“Yes!” Adrien snapped his fingers as his face lit up. “That way Hawkmoth would never even know. It doesn’t even have to be as Marinette and Adrien or Ladybug and Chat Noir, we could make it work as Ladybug and Adrien or Chat Noir and Marinette. I can’t just let you go, Marinette. Not now when I know we’re both in love. Please, let’s just give this a chance.”

She nibbled on her lip as she peered up at him from beneath her lashes. She then spoke hesitantly. “No one would know?”

“Not a soul, I purromise.” Adrien lifted his hand up as he solemnly swore to her.

Marinette looked up at him for a few moments longer before slowly nodding her head. “Ok, we can try it. But if anything starts to go wrong, and I mean anything, Adrien. You let me know right away and we’ll figure it out together, alright? I’m not going to lose you again.”

“You won’t.” He grinned, pulling her closer to him as he brushed his nose against hers lightly. Quietly, he murmured, “Now, am I allowed to give you a kiss that we can both remember.” 

Marinette giggled, her cheeks turning a light pink. She still swatted his chest, though, hissing at him, “We can’t do this here. What if someone sees?”

“No one’s going too. Everyone’s in class already. Please, Marinette, just one,” Adrien whined, giving her a small pout.

She rolled her eyes with a fond smile. Instead of responding, however, she simply wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a sweet kiss. Shivers raced up and down his spine as he lifted her up, smiling into their kiss. Nothing was going to take this away from him. Not even Hawkmoth. He’d make sure of it.

[thecleverdame]

This Is Not A Fairy Tale - One

Alpha!Prince!Sam x Omega!Reader

Story Masterlist 

Summary: You’re a suppressed Omega who is forced into servitude after the death of your father. Your stepmother Naomi is a heartless woman who forces you to do the cooking and cleaning, while she tries to marry off her own two daughters, Alex and Claire. But your life takes a wonderful and dangerous turn when you meet the charming Prince Sam who also happens to be an Alpha.

Warnings: ABO smut, abuse, death of parents, magic

Beta:  ilikaicalie  

*This story is complete and posted on Patreon. Become a patron for a monthly pledge of $2.50 and get access to all my Patreon content. 

-

Once upon a time, you were happy.

There are faint and fading memories that still linger. The face of your father, the scruff of his beard when he kissed you and the way he held you in his arms. He was a warm, kind man with a heart of gold who taught you many useful skills, the most important being how to always find the positive in any situation.

He was your hero, a giant of a man who could do no wrong and made you feel loved and safe. The two of you were tucked away into your own quiet little corner of the world.

He met Naomi when you were eight. She was a blonde, pushy sort of woman who was used to getting her way. She smiled and cooed over you, putting on a show for your father but even as a girl you knew she was poison. There was disdain bubbling under the surface. For many years you thought back on those early days, trying to pinpoint why she harbored such immediate hate.

Now you know. She was jealous. Jealous of your father’s unwavering love and excitement in your company. She wanted him to love her the way he loved you. Perhaps if she had been his first love he could have given her his whole heart. But your mother stole it many years before you were born.

He told you stories of your mother, a strong woman who argued as fiercely as she loved. She died giving birth to you, gave her life to bring you into the world but your father never once made you feel as if it was your fault. He only spoke of how proud she would have been of the little woman you were becoming.

Life was good, despite Naomi’s harsh stares and her two boorish daughters. As long as you had your father, you were willing to share him. For reasons beyond your comprehension, Naomi made him happy, and his happiness was yours in kind.

Six months to the day after they married, your father died. It was an accident, the carriage overturned, he fell and snapped his neck. It was quick and unexpected. You sobbed on the cold stone in front of the hearth, crying into your hands and begging God to bring him back. He was all you had in the world and now, there was nothing.

Naomi didn’t turn you on you all at once. It happened slowly over time. She took the toys from your bedroom, assigned chores that previously belonged to the servants. She ensured that you worked from sunup to sundown, laboring until your fingers bled. Exhaustion drained the fight right out of you and before you knew it, the world was turned upside down.

When your first heat came you were fifteen and living the bowels of the house, sleeping on a bed of straw. You writhed in pain, screaming and crying until Naomi’s daughters, Alex, and Claire found you in a state of pure agony.

“What’s wrong with her?” Claire asked, standing next to her mother as they watched you with interest.

“Is she sick?” Alex leaned forward to inspect you.

“My Lord,” Naomi breathed, staring in disbelief. You were an Omega. She could scarcely believe her eyes. “How is this possible?”

You shouldn’t have existed.

There were only a handful of Omegas left in the world. Betas were commonplace, Alphas were rarer, but not unheard of, but Omegas were coveted, sought-after. This meant you were special, that someone would want you and she couldn’t stand the idea of you being elevated above her or her daughters.

Thirteen Years Later

“Wake up!”

The toe of a boot connects with your ribs, jarring you awake. You sit up on the floor, blinking in confusion.

“What’s happened?” You squint, staring up at your step-mother.

“Get up,” she spits, thrusting a cup of tea toward you. “The girls and I are headed into the city. We want to get an early start, so let’s get this out of the way.”

You groan, looking up at her as you take the mug from her hands. This is your morning ritual. This tea, which is more of a poison, is disgusting and bitter. It drains the life from you, twisting your stomach into a knot and causing nausea that stays with you for days at a time. It’s been slowly killing you for years and someday soon it will do its job. But it keeps your Omega at bay, suppresses your heats and urges. That’s what matters, subduing your instincts.

After she leaves you’re free to get up and begin the day in peace. You change out of your nightgown, inspecting your ribs before pulling on your only dress. The weight has been falling off for a long time, but there’s not much left to lose. Once you had hips and curves, but now you’re wasting away.

The morning chores fly by. Cleaning Alex and Claire’s bedroom takes ten times as long when they’re present. They enjoy throwing clothes onto the floor as you pick them up and hurling insults designed to keep you in your place. Naomi’s room is always the most time consuming, she likes things just so and has a tendency to follow you around, pointing out spots you’ve missed and demanding you start over.

And if you take too long, they beat you. Sometimes with a switch, other times with whatever object is the closest.

But today will have none of that. By the time the sun is high you’re finished with all your daily chores. You will often take a secret nap in the barn in the afternoon, a quick little cat nap so you can make it through the day, but this afternoon the empowerment of freedom is calling your name.

The fields in summer have always been your favorite. There are wildflowers in every direction as far as the eyes can see. You wander to the edge of the forest, then follow the stream just happy to be out in the sun and the warm blowing breeze. The birds sing, flitting from branch to branch and you get lost in the memory of better times.

Coming upon a clearing, you head to the willow tree with her branches hanging nearly to the ground. Underneath her shade, there is a soft bed of moss and you lie down, staring up at the beams of sunlight shining between the narrow leaves.

You're almost asleep when you hear the hooves of a horse. Emerging from underneath the branches you coming face to face with a tall, handsome man. He stops short, the reigns of his horse in his hands.

“I’m sorry,” he offers with a small bow. “I didn’t realize there was anyone out here.”

“I was quite hidden.” You look him over trying to decide if he’s any kind of a threat. A woman alone in the country is an easy target for rapscallions, but he doesn’t seem the sort.

His clothes alone tell you of his wealth, and his demeanor has the self-assurance of someone who’s accustomed to a position of stature.

“Would you like me to leave you?” He looks from you to his horse, his eyes lingering on your face. “I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“There is no intrusion,” you smile. “I was under the impression that this place was my secret, but I don’t mind sharing.”

“Good,” he stares at you, a big, broad smile revealing white teeth. “I was out for a ride and decided to stop to eat. Would you like to join me?”

“Oh, thank you, but I didn’t bring anything with me.”

“I have more than enough.”

Before you have the chance to protest he’s pulling his saddlebag off the horse, and unrolling a blanket to layout on the ground.

“I don’t want to take advantage of your hospitality.” You’re nervous, small excitement at this personable stranger.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I can’t think of a better way to spend an afternoon than having lunch with a beautiful woman.”  

You blush and he chuckles, taking your hand to lower you onto the blanket. The instant his skin touches your hand you feel it, a rush of heat that seems to beeline right for your heart.

“Thank you,” you sputter focused on straightening your skirts.

“Of course.”

He’s looking at you but you don’t meet his gaze, afraid of giving away this embarrassing attraction. You’ve never responded like this to any man before, but he is quite a breathtaking specimen of the gender.

He unrolls several cloths, laying out a feast of bread, cheese, sweet fruits, and wine.

For the first time in nearly a year, your stomach settles and you enjoy the food in front of you. He was right, he has enough to feed ten men and you eat until your belly is full.

“What’s your name?” he asks, tearing away a bite of bread with his teeth.

“Y/N.” You take a sip of the wine. “And you?”

“Sam.” He watches you until you’re forced to look away. “Forgive me, I have this feeling as if we’ve met before. There’s something so familiar about you.”

“I think I would remember you.” You blurt it out before you can stop yourself, and immediately recoil. “I only meant, you’re very tall. Hard to forget.”

“Well,” he grins, breaking a piece of cheese in two, handing you half. “I would remember you as well. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a woman as magnificent as you.”

“My God,” you suck in a breath, looking away from him as your cheeks burn hot.

“Forgive me, I’m being too forward. I’m not normally this bold with someone I’ve just met.”

“Where do you live?” you ask, desperate to turn the conversation around. “Perhaps we have bumped into each other and simply don’t remember.”

“In the city.”

“I’ve been to the city many times, what district?”

He waits for a moment as if considering the authenticity of your question.

“The castle.”

The castle. Your mind processes a million tiny pieces of information all at once. The fine gold thread of his clothes, the horse, the leather of the saddle and the ruby red ring around his middle finger.

Dear God in heaven.

“You are...Prince Samuel?” you ask but you already know the answer, suddenly frightened.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, reaching out as you stand up.

“I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t have left the house and now I’m taking up your time.”

“Stop,” he commands and you freeze as he stands. “Please, don’t run away. While we don’t know each other, I do find your presence...calming. I can’t explain it, but I hope you might feel it too.”

You do. Your aching bones and tired body feel alive, in perfect working order.

“I am no one, my lord.” You look at the ground, unsure of why you’re so afraid. Noami has you conditioned, fearful of consequences at every turn.

“On the contrary, you are a truly remarkable creature.”

“You shouldn’t say such things.” Your eyes tick up, sneaking a look at him but only for a second.

“Right.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know what’s come over me. I’m not normally a man who speaks in such a way to a lady. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” You gulp, gathering courage and looking him in the eyes. “I should go home but I don’t want to.”

“I don’t want you to, either.” His jaw clenches and then he gestures toward the blanket. “Shall we sit and talk for a while?”

“I’d like that.” You sit, side by side, staring out into the field talking but not really listening because all you can focus on is how wonderful he smells. It’s a scent that grows stronger with each passing moment, curling around you like smoke and settling right into your bones.

It finally dawns on you. He’s an Alpha. You’ve never met one in person before, they’re a rarity, but the King and both his sons are Alphas. Perhaps that’s the reason for your bold demeanor.

“You live nearby?” he asks, eyes flitting from your mouth to your neck. There’s sweat pooling in the dip between his collar bones and you’re fixated on it.

“Close enough.”

“And do you enjoy...living in the country?”

“Yes, very much.”

“Will you forgive my indecency, but can I just…” he leans forward, waiting for you to stop him but you’re frozen in place.

Sam lowers his face to your neck, the very tip of his nose touching under your ear and a shiver shoots from the back of your skull all the way down to your toes. He draws in a deep breath, making a small, strangled noise before pulling back.

His eyes are lit up with surprise and confusion.

“You’re an Omega,” he whispers, looking in amazement as if you are indeed some wild spectacle.

“Yes,” you mutter, stuck in this moment, unable to move. He’s very close, inches away from your face. He’s breathtakingly handsome...this will surely be the death of you.

“I didn’t know there were any of your kind left in this part of the world.”

“My step-mother hid me away,” you explain softly, looking down at your work-worn palms.

“Who are you?” He takes your hands in his, big rough hands that squeeze you tight.

Eyes fluttering closed you try to ignore how wonderful his touch feels. You wish he would wrap his arms around you and hold you, never letting go.

“I told you.” You’re suddenly overcome with emotion, tears pooling in your eyes. “I am no one.”

“That couldn’t be further from the truth, Omega.” He’s closer now, eyes darting from your lips to your throat, then your bosom. There’s a frenzy building, you both feel it.

You whimper when he calls you Omega. No man has ever used your title before, no less an Alpha.

“I scrub floors.” Your lids flutter, breathing him in.

“I don’t care.” Two fingers touch under your chin, tilting your face up to him.

There’s an ache between your thighs the likes of which you’ve never felt before. A throb that’s emanating from your bud and sending a desperate need out in every direction. Breath flutters and the rest of the world goes silent as you both feel any semblance of restraint slipping away.

“I don’t think we should be alone together,” you say.

“No, probably not.” He doesn’t look away, still holding your face up to his. “Can I kiss you?”

You nod yes, unable to speak.

His lips are gentle at first. The warm press of his mouth is wonderful and opens up a world you never knew existed. When you sigh his tongue curls into your mouth, wet and slick over your own as he forages deeper.

Before you know what’s happening you’re lying on your back with Sam hovering above you, his mouth moving from your mouth down your jaw. He nips at your chin, teeth scraping down your throat as you roll your hips in search of more.

“Can I touch you?” he asks again.

“Yes.” Your voice is broken, but you manage at least a single word as his hand snakes under your skirt.

Long fingers trail over your thigh, moving higher and higher until he’s right there.

“Have you ever been touched before?” he inquires, the pads of his fingers moving slowly up and down close enough to your sex that he can feel the heat on his knuckles.

“No,” you admit. You’ve scarcely touched yourself, never had the inclination. But something about Sam has ignited a dormant need inside you.

He grunts, watching your face as the tip of his thumb dips between your folds. Everything down there is wet heat, and slick, dripping for his touch. He rubs his thumb up and down the length of your pussy, sinking in a little deeper but only teasing.

And then his thumb moves up to your clit and you think you might perish here and now. You’re sweating, gasping and wiggling as he rubs you with a well-placed touch. It’s not long until there’s the build up, pleasure stacking upon pleasure and the world explodes. He presses gently with two fingers either side of your clit, keeping firm pressure as you cum. Legs stiffen, toes curl and you cry out the only word that makes sense.

“Alpha!”

“Omega,” he growls back, dipping down to kiss your lips.

There’s a bulge in his trousers, pressing firm into your hip and you’d like to explore more of him when you hear the church bells ringing in the distance. The chimes shock you back into reality and you sit up, pushing him off you.

“I have to go!” You’re panicked, a shaking hand over your mouth.

“I’ll take you wherever you need to go.” Sam offers. He watches in confusion as you adjust your dress, cheeks still red from your peak.

“No! You can’t!” you sputter. “I’m sorry but I have to get back. It’s six and I need to be home when they return!”

“When who returns? Why won’t you let me-”

“I’m sorry,” you stop, standing on your tiptoes to kiss him one last time. “Goodbye, Alpha.”

Before Sam can stop you, your sprint off toward the woods.

[qrovidcore]

hey what’s up tumblr i’ve now seen hbo’s watchmen all the way through Three Fucking Times and i very well may go for a fourth if given an excuse whoops and apparently i can’t stop thinking about Laurie’s joke in She Was Killed By Space Junk, no i’m not the first person to analyze this and i’m sure i won’t be the last but i sure do have some Thoughts^TM,  so here’s some meta let’s go.

major spoilers ahead for the entire series:

Hey, it’s me again. I’ve got a joke. Stop me if you’ve heard this one. There’s this guy, he’s a bricklayer. He’s really good at it. He’s a real master of his craft. Because he’s precise. Every brick has its place. Anyway this guy has a daughter and he’s gonna teach her to be a bricklayer because after all, all a man has is his legacy. So dad decides to build a barbecue in the backyard. He does the math. He figures out exactly what he needs and he shows the daughter how to do everything. Step by step. And when he finishes, it’s a beauty. It’s a perfect barbecue. Just the way he drew it in blueprints. Only one problem. There’s a brick left over. One single brick. The guy freaks out. He must have done something wrong. He’s gonna have to start all over again. So he picks up his sledgehammer to knock the thing to pieces and his daughter suddenly says ‘daddy wait! I have an idea.’ She picks up the orphan brick and throws it up into the air as high as she can. And then…shit. Messed it up.

Okay forget that joke. Can I tell you another one?

As I said, I’m not the first to break down that Laurie is referring to specific people who have an influence on the story, there’s plenty of meta posts online that’ll say the same thing. I just think this is a Really Clever way to introduce us to her, to the major players in this story, and to the events from the comic that are going to end up being referenced. Anyhow, the bricklayer here is The Comedian. Laurie’s father. I’ll get back to this and how it connects later, but given that one of Watchmen’s major themes is the concept of legacy - who carries it and how, and what happens when that legacy is painful - this is a neat little hook into that idea. Laurie’s dad’s legacy. What she’s done with it, what she’s going to do with it, how she feels about it. Again, coming back to that.

Okay. Forget the brick. New joke. Three heroes die and they all show up at the pearly gates. God’s there and he’s going to decide what their eternal fate shall be: heaven or hell. Our first hero is dressed up like a big owl. God says to him “I gifted you the ability to make fantastic inventions. What did you do with this amazing talent?” Owl guy says “I made this really awesome flying ship and lots of cool outfits and weapons so I could bring peace to the city.” God asks, “So how many people did you kill?” Owl guy seems offended. He says “Zero. I didn’t take a single life.” God frowns. “Sorry owl guy, your heart’s in the right place but you’re just too soft.” God snaps his fingers and the hero goes to hell.

I'm not super into the comic so it took me a while to get that she's referencing Nite Owl. I think this is strange since he doesn't appear in the show himself, whereas everyone else she talks about does, but I suppose it gives a more rounded-out view of the different approaches to heroism, and what exactly constitutes it, and also ties in another one of the original Minutemen. They did cut this over her arrest of Mr. Shadow in the bank, which makes me wonder about his role and why he appeared, and I still find it strange that this part of the joke wasn't about someone who had more of a presence in the show. (Though that being said, DC making fun of Batman, their own big-ticket character? 10/10 thank you for this).

Where was I? The pearly gates await our next hero in line for Almighty judgment. Our hero number two is confident he can game this out because that’s his God-given talent: smarts. Some might even say he’s the smartest man in the world. “So what did you do with that big brain I gave you?” asks God. “As a matter of fact, I saved humanity, ”says Smarty Pants. “Well how’d you do that,” asks God.” “Well I dropped a giant alien squid on New York and everybody was so afraid of it they stopped being afraid of each other.” “OK,” says God. “How many people did you kill?” Smarty Pants smiles. “Three million, give or take. But you can’t make an omelet without breaking a couple of eggs. “Christ,” God says. “You’re a fucking monster.”  “Am not,” says Smarty Pants. God snaps his fingers and our hero goes to hell.

GOD YES PLEASE DRAG OZYMANDIAS. GET THIS FUCKER’S ASS. Though the line that’s sticking out to me here is “You can’t make an omelet without breaking a couple of eggs.” Watchmen’s got an egg motif - and that’s an entire post on its own - and wow this is a place to drop it. I find it interesting that it’s given to Adrien here. Especially since it comes back later, when Will tells Angela that that’s what Jon said in justification of giving his life to stop the 7th K/Cyclops and Trieu. Eggs are used for a lot of things, but this line ties the motif solidly to a value of life here - how Adrien is the way he is because he refuses to value other peoples’, and maybe how Jon is the way he is because, when you can see the future laid out before you and live knowing how you’re going to die, how do you learn to value your own?

Okay. We’re down to the nitty gritty now. One hero left. God cracks his knuckles ready to administer the final reckoning. Now Hero Number 3 is pretty much a god himself. So for the sake of telling them apart, he’s blue and he likes to stroll around with his dick hanging out. He can teleport, he can see into the future, he blows shit up. He’s got actual superpowers. Regular God asks Blue God what have you done with these gifts?” Blue God says “I fell in love with a woman, I walked across the sun, and then I fell in love with another woman. I won the Vietnam War. But mostly I just stopped giving a shit about humanity.” God sighs. “Do I even need to ask how many people you’ve killed?” Blue guy shrugs. “A live body and a dead body have the same number of particles so it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t matter how I answer your question because I know you’re sending me to hell.” “How do you know that?” asks God. Blue God sounds very sad when he softly says “Because I’m already there.” And so, a mere piston in the inevitable of time and space God does what he did and will do. He snaps his fingers and the hero goes to hell.

And now, we’ve got Jon. Dr. Manhattan. It's a neat moment of insight into his actions, motives, and how those are perceived by others (namely Laurie), and it's a nice thread of introduction to his previous actions to drop for audiences who haven't read the comics (actually, I can make this point about Adrien’s part of the joke too). Especially because most of what we get of Jon in-show is his relationship with Angela, his entire character arc really revolves around her and we don't see him portrayed as the contentious, unfeeling figure the world sees him as. So this sort of contrast between him as a figure and him as a person is very telling, doubly so coming from someone who it's clear knew him. And I really appreciate that there’s just as much stiffness as there is warmth to the Jon we the audience see - he’s kind, he’s loving, but he’s also very matter-of-fact and deterministic, and that bit of characterization really spans the gap between these two versions of him.

And so it’s been a long day at the pearly gates. All the heroes have gone to hell. His work done, God’s packing up to go home and then he notices someone waiting. But it’s not a hero, it’s just a woman. “Where did you come from?” asks God. “Oh I was just standing behind those other guys the whole time, you just didn’t see me.” “Did I give you a talent,” God asks. “No, none to speak of,” says the woman.  God gives her a good long look. “I’m so sorry. I’m embarrassed. Seriously, this almost never happens but I don’t know who you are.” And the woman looks at God and she quietly says “I’m the little girl who threw the brick in the air.” And a sound from above, something falling: the brick. God looks up but it’s too late. He never saw it coming. It hits him so hard, his brains shoot out his nose. Game over. He’s dead. And where does God go when he dies? He goes to hell. 

Into some Thoughts^TM that I haven’t seen anyone theorize yet(?): I think God is meant to be Lady Trieu, and even if Laurie wouldn’t know this yet that’s some brilliant fucking foreshadowing. It's not as exact, but enough parallels are there that I think they're purposeful. It makes Trieu out as the ultimate judge of everyone - and in a way, she is. She sees herself as the most deserving of power of everyone, and it's her who kills Dr. Manhattan - sends him to hell, you could say, and he knows she's going to do it. It also hints at how she's going to die too, crushed by her machine falling from the sky like the brick, because she didn't expect anyone would be capable of stopping her. And where does God go when he dies? He goes to hell. Trieu isn't ultimately above the others, and she's subject to their justice as they are to hers. 

Fitting too that Laurie is involved with the plan to stop Trieu, since, as I said I’d come back to, the girl who threw the brick is Laurie herself. Her depiction of herself in this way is representative, perhaps, of Laure's own feelings on vigilantism and what justice is, and that she's the force that's going to bring down these overblown personalities and their many incorrect uses of their abilities. Given this, it's interesting to think how the "failed" joke at the beginning connects, given that Laurie's dad is the bricklayer, and he's definitely... not a good person, or at least not in this continuity. But I wonder if it's indicative of what Laurie mentions about her parents training her up to do vigilante stuff (especially since she’s based in part(?) on a member of the Minutemen from the comic), and how she feels about her father and his work. If the brick is symbolic of his work as a vigilante, is Laurie throwing the brick in the air, and ultimately taking down the threat at the top, meant to indicate how she sees herself using what she learned from him, or - maybe and - a disrespect for his work based on her justified hatred of him?

Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Good joke. 

[drawbauchery]

Two Of A Kind

(fic by cartoons-tothemoon)

Rico was, in many ways, comparable to a feral cat. He came and went as he pleased, he always came back with some sort of new scratch or bruise with no explanation, and he gave off the energy of some sort of dangerous, feral…Thing, despite being almost passive outside of combat situations.

However, similar to a feral cat, despite the threat of pain or personal injury, you couldn’t help wanting to pet it, or keep it around. Rico was scrappy, and to a lot of people, that was charming.

That was how Kowalski rationalized it anyhow.

Of course, nobody could guess that he’d be currently hooked up with the prince of a sovereign nature, but at this point, it was one of those things that might as well happen. If Skipper was allowed to have his weird homoerotic waltz with his frenemy and Private was allowed to clandestinely pine over Skipper the way he did, why not?

Of course, Kowalski wasn’t precisely sure what he was allowed. He was a man of science, of course, but was he not too flesh and blood, like his compatriots? His last relationship with Doris, “The Dolphin” as she was often called, had soured in a manner that he was still at least a little sore over, but surely enough time had passed for him to move past all this…Right?

It had been a slow day in the lab. Skipper told him that if anything else spontaneously combusted this week that he’d lose his microwave privileges, (which, on one hand, was fair, but on the other hand, was just sort of humiliating) so all he could do was sketch out vague models and schematics until night fell, which gave him some time to think about stuff he usually didn’t.

For instance, all of the…Whatever was going on as of late.

He knows it wasn’t always like this, but something had changed, and he had no idea what caused Skipper and Private to go from close friends to close friends with issues, or what caused his perception of Rico to shift from highly unstable maniac to highly unstable maniac with a heart of gold.

However, just as he thought he was making a connection between the several, loud, pounding knocks struck against the door to his lab, which practically caused him to jump out of his skin.

“I AM NEEDING OF YOUR HELP.”

“The door’s unlocked.” Kowalski called, yet still rising to his feet to open the door himself.

“THERE’S NO TIME, I NEED-“ the door opened, revealing Julien, who stopped yelling. “I need a doctor. You’re like a doctor, right?” Julien asked, looking a little more frantic than usual, his hair spiking up in stress.

“I….Guess?” Kowalski himself questioned. “I certainly have the most first aid training.” He turned back to the lab to grab his first aid kit. He hoped he’d have everything he’d need considering how often he had to use this thing as of late.

“Good enough.” Julien said, soothing his nerves by playing with his ponytail. As soon as Kowalski returned, he grabbed his arm in his, and began walking Kowalski down the hall. “It’s Rico.”

“Yeah, I figured.” Kowalski sighed.

“Really? That’s all you have to say? Are you sure you’re a doctor? Because your bedside manner is terrible.”

“I never claimed to be a doctor. What’s up with him?”

Julien froze, and turned to Kowalski, while smiling a sheepish smile. “You’re not going to tell the boss man about this, right?”

“No? Probably not?”

Julien continued his brisk pace at that.

“Good, because that guy just hates fun! I haven’t so much has ever seen him crack a smile! He’s such a bring-down. Anyhow, I mentioned to Rico a few days ago that I’d love to go dancing sometime, so we went out tonight,”

“It’s only 6…”

 “SO WE WENT OUT TONIGHT, and let me tell you it was banging!” Julien said, but his face seemed to fall as he approached his room, and held Kowalski’s arm tighter.

“Nobody there recognized me, but…A lot of people…Still wanted something from me…And…” Julien stopped walking entirely. They were just outside his door.

“I never felt so scared. Death didn’t even scare me, but this? This was…”

Kowalski was simultaneously terrified and calm. He never had to do this kind of comforting before, bringing someone down from a panic attack. “Deep breaths,” he said. “Deep breaths. You don’t have to say anymore.” He placed the hand that Julien claimed on the small of his back, as that was all the position would allow, and saw as he instantly relaxed.

“Rico took care of them. And then we came home.” Julien said, with a level of severity and seriousness never seen on the man. Julien opened the door to reveal Rico sitting on Julien’s bed, covered in various bruises and scratches and blood. Far too many to go unnoticed.

“Fists can only do so much against glass and knives and guns.” Julien murmured, he looked rather guilty at the thought that this was all his fault. A feeling Kowalski wasn’t even aware the foolish prince knew. A feeling welled up inside of Kowalski as he wished to hold and comfort the man he saw before him at this unexpected reveal of depth. He always thought of Julien as far too annoying and horny to deal with, but…Maybe he did contain some level of multitude within him. Maybe there was something more there to see. This fascinated him.

Of course, this reverie would not last long.

“Are you trying to sew your wounds closed with dental floss?”

“It’s, uh, c-c-cleaner than the th-thread I k-keep in my p-pocket.” Rico shrugged, then winced.

Kowalski sighed, and made his way towards the bed. He popped open the first aid kit, and delicately took the arm Rico was hastily trying to stitch up on his own. The wound looked rather deep, like if the knife had been at a different angle, he’d be in a rather different place right now. However, he was here.

“Your stitches are so sloppy…”

“Y-Yeah, well, y-you try sewing in a t-taxi cab s-sometime.”

“I’m probably going to have to pull them out. You’re rather lucky that your other injuries aren’t very serious.” Kowalski looked up, seeing Julien nibbling his lip in the corner, looking almost as bad as Rico, emotionally.  

“Julien?” He perked his head up at the sound of his own name. “Could you get me an ice pack if you would? He’ll need it for his black eye.” Julien nodded, walking out of the room at a relatively fast speed, leaving the two alone.

“I’ll probably sew the new stitches in first, then we can loosen your floss stitches so we don’t have to worry about the wound being reopened…” Kowalski muttered, not to anybody in particular, but Rico was there for it.

“Ar-are you going to t-tell Skipper?”

“Julien already asked.”

“And?”

“I don’t see why I would.” Kowalski shrugged, taking out some anti-septic wipes to dress his other wounds. “You were just doing your job.”

“W-What?”

“Julien told me. You defended him against some guys in a club? It seemed rather…Chivalrous of you.” Kowalski choked.

“Ch-Chivalrous, huh?”

“Don’t get any ideas.” Kowalski said, trying to stop something before it started. “I just wish you two were more careful.”

“Awww, y-you c-care about us.” Rico smirked, leaning in for effect. Kowalski could feel the room getting rather hot, and not just because he wore a sweater all the time. Kowalski decided to take the bait this one time, just to throw him off his game.

“Yeah, I do. I care about all of you, a lot. It’s just that the others aren’t actively throwing themselves into danger at a moment’s notice. The others aren’t trying to steal aspirin trucks or get on Skipper’s bad side. You are.”

Kowalski took the moment to straighten his posture on the bed, and tug on a bandage for harder than he necessarily needed to do.

“You don’t value your own life enough for you to be doing all you do. Is it too much to ask for a little self preservation from you?”

Rico was speechless. It was…All rather strange, to have to listen to Kowalski talk like this. They weren’t what you would call the most open with their feelings, and considering the face Kowalski made before he launched into this tirade, he was just doing this to throw off his flirting. However, it worked, he sounded genuinely worried, and it legitimately made Rico feel…Bad. He felt bad for making Kowalski feel bad, because Kowalski was always…There. Not like, on his side all the time, but there. He was present. Comforting isn’t how he would describe his presence, but he found comfort within it. If he wasn’t there, things would just feel off and bad. Rico couldn’t help but wonder if that’s how Kowalski thought of things.

“S-sorry.”

Kowalski sighed. He sounded tired. Julien knocked quietly on the door as he rushed to hand Kowalski the freezing cold ice pack for Rico’s shiner. He thanked him kindly, and with that, he was finally able to move on to the process of actually stitching up Rico’s wound, as all other trivialities that drew Kowalski’s eyes were addressed. It was a rather calming process actually, as Julien sat beside Rico as Kowalski did his work, quietly watching.

When he finished his labor, he received a fist-bump from Rico, and a hug from Julien.

“I thank you a million times over!”

Kowalski hesitantly patted Julien’s back. “Yes, yes. Of course. Just remember that I’ll need to remove the stitches in the next two weeks and-“

Julien sobbed a little into his chest, and Kowalski leaned more into the hug as he held him tight and let go soon afterwards.

“Hey, everything’s going to be alright. You can remove most of the bandages in two hours, and if Skipper asks, Rico got in a fight with the feral cats in the alley again.”

“Those g-guys are j-jerks.” Rico muttered, and that was when he realized how long he was holding his boyfriend, while he was crying about his boyfriend.

“You’re two of a kind.” Kowalski smiled, which made Julien smile as he turned back to his boyfriend to make fun of his little pout. Kowalski’s smile grew somber, as for a moment, he realized that he’d thought that…Maybe, he was allowed “this,” whatever “this” may be, but the last thing he’d want to do is spoil their fun, and that was the last thing he was considered.

He packed up his first aid kit again as Julien peppered Rico’s face with kisses, and made his way for the door.

“Hey ‘walski. D-Don’t burn that m-midnight oil, huh?” Rico remarked, winking. Julien stopped his onslaught of affection to catch Kowalski running out of the room, cheeks burning, and his boyfriend’s own smug, slightly soft reaction.

“So, what did you guys talk about while I was gone?”

“K-Kowalski said that he l-loved us.” Rico replied, batting his eyelashes and leaning in close to Julien before he got hit in the face with a pillow, knocking him to the floor.”

“He did not!” Julien laughed.

“He d-did!”

“Not!”

“Did!”

“Not! I don’t believe it!” He smiled, not in a cruel way, but something that said that he was also a little soft for the strangely uptight man.

“Hmmm.” Rico hummed, quizzically. “I g-guess you’ll h-have to wait and s-see.”

“And I guess you will too.”

(This was supposed to be your typical fanfic set-up of one character patching the other’s wounds, all the while scolding the other for their wrecklessness. I’m a sucker for that. I would’ve done it as Skipper/Private if I could figure out who was going to be who, but this was also a lot of fun!! I can’t believe I haven’t written for these guys yet. I hope you enjoy!)

[saltybaltic]

Natasha Romanoff X Reader - INSOMNIA

Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow X FemReader Fanfic

Synopsis: Not being able to sleep at night isn’t always a bad thing when it means clearing the air. It’s soft Nat hours.

Warnings: Language

Words: 714

When you walked out onto the rooftop and saw her curled up in the corner of her chair, you almost turned on the spot and walked back inside. It was three o clock in the morning and you were already struggling with total exhaustion. The last thing you needed was what was probably going to be a tense and awkward conversation with the stoic assassin you called a team mate. She almost looked harmless from where you were stood watching her; her hair pulled up into a messy bun on top of her head, dressed in a pair of old sweatpants and a tank top and her legs tucked under herself while she focused on the book in her hands. Every now and again she would stick her tongue out the corner of her mouth in thought or brush a stray strand of hair out of her eyes as the wind blew it out of place and you found yourself watching her for longer than you would like to admit to anyone. Even after everything that had happened between the two of you recently, you still found her absolutely mesmerising.

Someone had suggested getting somewhere to relax on the roof top a long time ago and since then the team had been working on setting up a little, quiet spot they could use. Natasha had chosen to settle herself in the corner of a large chair swing, big enough to seat two or three people, and you couldn’t help thinking it made her look incredibly small and fragile.

Almost as if she sensed she was being watched, Natasha looked up from what she was reading and her eyes met yours. For a moment you panicked that she would be annoyed you had encroached on her time alone, but you quickly dismissed that and took a few steps closer to where she was sitting.

“Can’t sleep?”

Shaking your head at her question, you collapsed into the chair opposite her with a sigh before looking out over the city, “Occupational hazard I guess.”

Natasha nodded, throwing her book down onto the small table in front of her, “You can sit here you know, I don’t bite.”

“I didn’t wanna intrude.”

“It’s fine, I wasn’t really focusing on what I was reading anyway.” admitted Natasha, shuffling around until she was sat up a little straighter. Nodding to the spot beside her on the chair, she gave you a smile, “Sit with me.”

You didnt offer any kind of arguement, knowing that trying to fight Natasha on something was usually pointless, and as soon as you settled into the opposite corner of the chair, Natasha adjusted her position to stretch her legs out across you.

Silence settled over the pair of you for a while, focusing on the distant sound of the city traffic that you couldn’t help but find oddly soothing. Natasha’s voice eventually brought your attention back to her.

“You sure it’s just work? The reason you can’t sleep?”

Leaning your head back against the chair, you turned slightly so you could look at her properly, “Maybe it’s a few things ... couldn’t switch off I guess.”

“Anything you wanna talk about?”

There was so many things you wanted to say to her but for some reason you shook your head in response, patting her legs reassuringly with a small smile, “I’ll be fine.”

“You’ve really gotta work on that.” muttered Natasha, resting her elbow on the back of the chair and looking back at you, “You suck at hiding how you feel.”

You let out a sigh, looking down at your lap with another shake of your head, “Well maybe you could teach me since you’re so good at it.”

You visibly winced at your own words, but when you looked back up at Natasha she looked more amused than annoyed.

“I’m sorry that was really fucking bitchy, I didn’t mean t-“

“It’s fine.” interrupted Natasha quietly, “I’d say you’ve earned maybe one cheap shot.”

Nodding your head slowly, you chewed on your lip as you tried to think of anything you could say next. The atmosphere was a little frosty, although that was hardly surprising given recent events.

“Well if you don’t wanna talk ... do you mind if I say something?”

Your gaze drifted from where you had been staring off into the distance, looking back at the woman beside you and for the first time since you’d met her she seemed unnerved as she waited for your response.

“Sure.”

Natasha crossed her legs over where they were settled across your lap, and she opened and closed her mouth several times before eventually a nervous laugh rumbled from the back of her throat that seemed to cut the tension somewhat, “I’m sorry, I had like a million things prepared to say to you and now you’re here it’s like my brain has stopped working.”

“I didn’t realise I was so intimidating.”

You’d said it as a joke, but at your words Natasha’s face became more serious and she pursed her lips tightly before speaking, “I think that might just be our problem.”

“I doubt that.”

“One of the things I’ve liked from the beginning about ... us, is that we can always speak candidly with one another.” started Natasha, fidgeting absentmindedly with a stray thread on the back of the chair, “And so I don’t think it’s out of line for me to say that this ‘just being friends thing’ isn’t really working out for us, is it?”

Scuffing your toe against the ground to swing the chair back slightly, you couldn’t help but feel both incredibly uncomfortable but also overwhelmingly grateful that Natasha had actually brought the topic of conversation up, “I guess not, no.”

“I know it’s my fault.” continued Natasha, the corner of her lip twitching into the faintest trace of a smile, “I know ... I did this. And I made this decision and ... well, I’ve been a bit of an asshole really.”

Seeing that you weren’t going to argue with her, Natasha took that as her cue to continue.

“When you joined the team it was weird for me to get so close with someone so quickly. I spent years forming these relationships with everyone else and we’ve been through a lot together which is what connects us. But with you ...” trailing off, Natasha shrugged bashfully, “I didn’t expect to fall for you so ... easily.”

Blinking in surprise, it took you a second to actually digest what Natasha had said and you almost choked on your own breath in response, “You. Hang on. Wait. What?”

“I think you heard me.” chuckled Natasha, obviously amused by your surprise.

“But you ...” you frowned in thought, “You broke up with me.”

Natasha shook her head with a hum, “I don’t actually think we were together.”

“You’re not getting off on a technicality, Nat.” you huffed out, irritation getting the better of you and wanting to put some distance between the pair of you. Placing your hands down on the seat, you went to push yourself up from underneath her legs but before you had a chance to get too far, Natasha placed one of her feet against your chest and forced you back into place.

“Please don’t go. I’m sorry. Look, I need to say this, please.” Natasha kept her foot pressed against your chest until you relaxed back into your seat and tilted your head as a gesture for her to continue, “When we started ... well you know ...”

“Sleeping together?” you offered, resisting the urge to roll your eyes at the bumbling, nervous version of Natasha you were currently sat next to.

“Yes. That.” muttered Natasha, pointing her finger at you in agreement, “We both said we were going to keep it casual and not get feelings involved and just ... not make a big deal of it.”

Pushing your foot against the ground, you rocked the chair gently back again, “Yeah I know. We agreed we had to work together and live together and we didn’t want it getting messy. And then you dumped me because apparently it was ‘getting too complicated’ as you so eloquently put it.”

Natasha bit the inside of her cheek at your condescending tone. She wanted to be annoyed about the way you were speaking to her and if it had been anyone else, she probably would have launched herself at them. Unfortunately though, Natasha knew you had every reason to be irritated.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” admitted Natasha, “The only person complicating things was me and it was because I knew I was developing feelings for you. And then I just broke things off with you instead of talking to you about it and figuring this out together. Cause you know ... I’m an idiot.”

You breathed out a laugh “Well, you said it.”

Natasha broke out into a small smile, daring to reach forward enough that she could brush her fingers over the top of your hand, “I understand if you can’t forgive me or you don’t want to but ... I would really, really, really like it if we could start over.”

Turning your hand over underneath hers, you allowed her to trace her finger over your palm, “Is that so?”

“I miss you.” admitted Natasha, “I miss being around you all the time. I miss talking to you. I miss falling asleep with you. And you know, I miss the other stuff too ...”

As Natasha trailed off, you couldn’t help but chuckle quietly and grab her finger to give it a squeeze, “Natasha Romanoff are you blushing?”

“Shut up.”

Laughing again, you moved to grab her wrist and tug her gently in your direction, “C’mere.”

Natasha looked hestitant until you gripped her wrist harder and pulled her a little more forcefully towards you. Sitting up onto her knees, she shuffled over until she was sat pressed against your side. You sat up a little straighter so it was easier to run your hand along the back of the chair and wrap your arm around her, not missing the small sigh Natasha let out as she rested her head on your shoulder.

Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, the pair of you settled into silence for several minutes before you leaned in closer and spoke quietly, “Starting over sounds good.”

You weren’t able to see her face from where she was curled into your side, but Natasha’s lips turned up into a wide smile at your words. She wrapped an arm around your waist, somehow shuffling further into you and her fingers digging eagerly into your side as if she wanted to get as close to you as humanly possible. You couldn’t help but smile at the gesture, “And I missed you too.”

[prisonrose]

Memories of Mr. K

Just an FYI, this is going to be a highly personal post that’s going to be a bit of a bummer. Feel free to skip if you’re not into that. But I figured I’d let you guys know the reasoning behind my abrupt hiatus at a time when I was just trying to get a bit more activity going.

What can I say. 2020 Gonna 2020.

So I found out a few weeks ago that my “ex stepdad” died. Meaning the man my mom married after my biological dad but before the guy she’s currently married to. For all intents and purposes, Mr. K was the man that raised me. But my feelings around his passing has been all sorts of complicated.

I most definitely owe the guy a lot. He definitely wasn’t perfect, but he taught me a lot. Mostly, he taught me how to communicate better. Growing up, I was an extremely shy kid -- the type who’d cry if they had to order their own pizza over the phone. In many ways, I’m still that sort of person. Phone conversations terrify me, to the point where it has literally cost me thousands of dollars. But talking to strangers is one thing. The problem was that I couldn’t even clearly communicate with the people I was close to.

Everything in my mind was a confusing jumble, and even though I was creative and really wanted to write stories from like... the 5th grade on, they were often so convoluted, no one could follow them. If I didn’t have Mr. K in my life, it’s quite possible I would have just given up. But he was a great speaker, and gave me the tools I needed to be able to get people to understand what I mean. A lot of him shows through in my writing and personality, especially my sense of humor. He was a super funny guy. 

I didn’t start out loving him. As a really immature child, I thought that there was some semblance of a chance my biological dad might come back. I blame all those movies in Hollywood, lol. But my dad was never going to take responsibility. We talked afterwards occasionally, but he was more like a buddy than a real parental figure. And now I don’t really talk about him that much, either.

Mr. K was the first real (and probably the only) father figure I had in my life. By the time my mom told me they were divorcing when I was a senior in high school, it pretty much destroyed me and prompted the biggest and most severe depressive episode of my life. It very nearly killed me, though I’m definitely glad I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

In the first year or so, I tried desperately to keep my relationship with the man that raised me, and for a few months, he was receptive. But eventually, he just kind of drifted out of my life and stopped responding to my texts and calls. So, message taken. To this day I don’t know if he was serious about wanting to continue having a relationship with me at all, or if it was just a ruse to try to get close to my mom again. I guess I’ll never know for sure now.

And that’s the thing that frustrates and infuriates me the most about his death. I was extremely upset when he decided to cut me out of his life, but I always wanted to make up with him again. I wanted us to square away our differences, and even if he never got to be “dad” to me again, we’d still be able to talk. Kind of like my biological dad is for me now.

But he didn’t even try. He reached out to my mom several times over the years, trying to talk to her again, even once she was already remarried. In fact, he reached out to her again during New Year’s on THIS year. Thanking her for her “10 years of service” as his wife, or some bull. REALLY???

On one hand, if those are the types of messages I could look forward to with my continued relationship with him, maybe I was just better off without him from the start. But part of me wonders if that was him trying to make things “right” before he died. Apparently he thought it was more important to make amends with the woman who barely even tolerated him as opposed to the kid that grew up relying on his guidance for a decade. So that feels. Great to think about.

In the end, I don’t know what killed him. Maybe he really was sick when he sent Mom that message. Or maybe he was just being a creep (since it wasn’t unheard of for him to send her shit, completely unsolicited in the past) and the ‘Rona got him. That’s something I COULD find out if I wanted to, but I chose to not even get invested in finding out. Literally all it would do is make me more depressed if I found out it was an answer I didn’t like. I still don’t even know for sure WHEN he died. I found out sometime about a month ago, but apparently the dedication page his job put up for him was a month or so old already when mom found it. I never quite know what to do with myself when he’s involved.

So... Yeah. If you’re still with me after that long, meaningless dive into Mittens’ childhood... Thank you, and I’m sorry. I guess the million dollar question now is what does this mean for Dhimani’s blog? Truth be told, I don’t know for sure. Maybe the hiatus will continue for months before I open back up, same as things always were, or maybe I’ll just go private and selective and RP with a few people. Neither of which are things I necessarily want to do.

I would like to come back right away and keep writing for Rose the way I always have. This entire blog became a side project that took over my life and consumed my thoughts for nearly half a year. I’m pretty attached to him, as well as the connections I’ve made on here. But I also have to be real with myself and concede that maybe I need to give myself some space and time to really actually deal with the shit going on in my personal life.

Mr. K dying hasn’t thrown my life in disarray or anything. I’m pretty unhappy and have random crying spells, but nowhere near depressed. I’m functioning just fine. But I think it’s fair to say that themes and issues centered around fatherhood and forgiveness are a really touchy subject for me right now. I just need to be real with myself in that regard and say that I’m not mentally or emotionally prepared to deal with online dissertations about why Rose is an evil person / terrible dad right now. I need to look out for myself, and that’s hard to accept. 

I can kind of fall into the trap of thinking of RPing as a “service” rather than a hobby at times, for better or for worse. I often think and consider the things I “owe” my RP partners and the community as a whole. Part of me regrets that I can no longer fill the “niche” of the “well meaning but super problematic Rose who did fucked up stuff” anymore. But at the end of the day, I’m just human. I’ve got needs, too, and I deserve some escapism and comfort-food threads instead of stuff that’s constantly going to remind me of the worst period in my entire life. That doesn’t make me a bad person or a bad writer. 

I wish it didn’t have to happen this way. Dhimani’s birthday is coming up, and I don’t even think I’m going to be active for it. (In a pinch, I might push it back so I can still celebrate My Boy.) Hopefully this is just a bump in the road that’ll lead to a bright future down the line. We can only hope.

I’ll keep you guys updated in any case. Thank you so much for your patience, and I hope to get back to writing for you all soon.

-- Mittens.

[revol-lover]

dreams don’t end at “30″

so i just had a little breakthrough and maybe this wont sound like anything to anyone else but i just have to share it

so i’ve talked about this before. about how my friend and i were both planning these personal development like goals for this year that covid got in the way of. and he said something, about how this is his last year in his 20s and he wanted to get some goals accomplished before 30 

and i thought about that and realized something.

i have been feeling similarly about a few goals that i’ve been hanging onto for years and years. like i’m going to be honest with you, some people might remember this if you’ve been around here for a long time but probably not. anyway when i was in high school i really wanted to make music, sing, learn an instrument. and i did make some covers that i posted on myspace (showing my age here lol) and youtube but then i kind of gave up on it when

 1) became 18 and realized my dream to go to NYC and pursue music when i was 18 wasn’t happening because of a million reasons (it was very much a pipe dream, right? i mean you can’t have that dream and not prepare for it and i didnt. also i was too scared at the time to even move out to my own place if i had the funds to do so because my parents wouldnt have really approved and i was still so under their thumb) 

2) broke up with my musician boyfriend. which needed to happen. but he was the only person super passionate about that kind of goal at the time around me (till he ran lol)  and he actually is still doing music now so good for him but basically 

because of those 2 reasons i just let go of that dream all together as something i thought i wanted to do but was “unrealistic”.

but the thing about turning 30 and feelings like you needed to achieve all these personal/dreamy/goals in your 20s. what is that bullshit? why? 

what changes when you cross over to 30? i’ll tell you one thing. media pushes movies, books, films, everything about people chasing their dreams in their 20s and “settling” down in their 30s. where’s my inspiring movie about the 32 year old mom who finally wrote a song and performed it live after being terrified her whole life of doing so?

 think about it though

in your 30s you. *might* have a better paying job than you did in your 20s. which means, if you can manage to find time or a way for it, you *might* be able to save a little more money or afford to do something like, buy that guitar and guitar lessons in order to learn to play and write a song and live out your dream in some way, even if its just learning to play so you can play at an open mic. and maybe you’ll like that and you’ll somehow connect with likeminded people and form a band. idk. your dreams dont have to end in your 20s. 

you dont have to fall into the trap of your 20s are for your dreams that are so big you feel like the chance of achieving them is getting struck by lightening

and then your 30s are for fancy adult goals like buying a house, and going on a $10k vacation and those things are probably just as hard as the goals you had in your 20s but the world wont make you see it that way. its seen as “selfish” to prioritize and budget for your artistic goals - but not a house. no that’s responsible and what you “should” do. but its ok to prioritize something that’s going to give your soul fulfillment too! we need to believe that! because it’s true. we are not here just to work our jobs and live mundane colorless lives once we aren’t considered “young” anymore (but 30s are still young. not what i’m saying)

 you’re always going to be chasing something big and if you let the world control what that thing is you’re always going to be on some rat race. 

it’s fine if you achieve your goals in a different order than the world says you were supposed to. i got married young and had a child young, that was how my life played out and i’m happy with that because, yes, finding love and becoming a mother very much were goals of mine.

yes i dropped out of college because i couldn’t afford it and i couldnt find a major that felt worth being in debt for. and also, because hey guess what? contrary to what a lot of people will try to lead you to believe, college is not for everyone. and college does not = success. college drop out does not = failure. it’s just an option of something you could do with your life. AND if you didn’t go to your college in your 20s it doesnt mean you can’t in your 30s. or 50s. hell my husband, who did go to college saw elderly (think, 80s!) people going to his college as students! college isn’t just for 18 year olds fresh out of high school. 

My 27th birthday is in 2 weeks and no, i have not yet to worked up the courage to write an original song from words to music, or have the courage to get on a stage and sing anything, or talk to a stranger, or publish any of my writing or art, goals i’ve had whirling around in my brain since I was 18, but, it’s going to happen. maybe this year. maybe when i’m 35, but it’s going to happen. a number is not going to be the thing holding me back.

that whole mentality of “my youth is slipping away i need to achieve all these dreams before midnight the day of my 30th birthday” is so stupid and flawed and we all deserve to see ourselves, and our individual potential as more than that. 

last part of this rant - one of the reason i even became so passionate about reignighting some of my dusty, old goals, that it turned out, i still cared about, is because i had a moment where i was like

ok i am a mom. i am someones mom. how will my daughter see me, as a person, not just her mom? 

kevin and i always talk about how between the two of us we’ve both had a lot of quintessential young adult experiences that we look forward to sharing with her. like, quitting jobs, getting in car accidents, that one time i unknowingly participated in an illegal bonfire and ran from the cops then lied straight to their faces and somehow got away with it (literally my ONE act of teen rebellion), changing college majors like 3 years in (kevin), failed classes, tried cigarettes, etc like i’m ready, and hope that one day she will feel comfortable talking to us about things because we’ve been through things and have a lot of input and two different perspectives to offer

but further than that, i realized that i want her to know that her mom is a person too. i want her to know that mom is also passionate about writing, and music, and somehow tackled some of her goals in regards to that so that SHE can feel that SHE, too can do those things. and i know that, that is in part how it works 

because,

my dad IS an artist. my dad IS a musician. yall. my dad is SO talented.  my dad is brilliant. besides his artistic abilities which include, drawing literal realistic as fuck portraits, sculpting, painting, playing guitar, bass, piano, mandolin, he also knows music composition, etc etc etc beyond all of that, he also taught himself fucking PLUMBING and ELECTRICIAN SHIT to fix things in our house growing up. like he bought a book. and taught himself. my dad. i grew up thinking that was normal but i realized not everyones dad can just tear down the bathroom and rebuild it from scratch down to the plumbing without being a licensed professional.

but anyway the point is - as talented as my dad is, he doesnt really pursue his artistic dreams much. and its sad. i’m glad that i’ve seen some of the work he did when he was younger. i’m glad that if i bring it up, he’ll show me something he can do. but he doesnt pursue it anymore really. my dad works an exhausting physical labor job but even he, as a 50something year old has fallen into that trap of like, i dont have time to draw, but he will scroll his phone and read articles for hours and i’m not shaming him. i’m just saying we all have this problem in the modern era of technology and social media and what not (hell i am writing a post on tumblr instead of my book right now).

but if timing was different and my dad grew up in a different time, where lets say something distracted him from doing the little bit of art and music that he did when i was a kid that i was able to witness, if i hadnt seen that. i wouldnt know that.. in a way.. that’s in me. i mean, he’s my dad. if my dad could pick up a craft and work at it to be good at it, why can’t i? there are so many musicians and (kind unrelated but not rly - i think being “self made” is an art) business owners in my family. there’s either some common thread in our genetics ORRRRRRRRRR just growing up around people working at and succeeding at those kinds of goals shows you that it CAN be done so you’re more likely to believe in your abilities

and i want that for my daughter. because even as an almost 3 year old i can see that she has a gift for music, and reading. and even if i’m wrong about that and she grows up wanting to do some other thing as a job or hobby, i want her to know, by seeing her mom do it, that she can achieve anything she puts her heart to. you don’t have to box yourself in because of your age or your sex or the fact that you’re a parent. 

and your dream doesnt have to become your career. it can be a hobby and still be fulfilling. like yes, 18 year old me dreamed about some life in nyc singing in clubs or bars or whatever and being ~famous (lol) and that did not happen, but i can still get out there and play open mic downtown and get that love of music, and desire to face my fear of performing out of my system. maybe i’ll love it. maybe i’ll hate it. but i’ll have done it. and that’s the ultimate goal. 

sorry i went off but i had to get that out of my system and i’m very passionate about 

[girlobsessed21]

The 100 6x08 analysis - The old man is not an anomaly, only a prime

This episode was a step down from the previous one but hey, I guess they can’t all be brilliant. The pacing was too fast and a lot of stories happened at once. Still good though. Many reflections on the past which is indeed concurring with the Face Your Demons Theme. Okay, onto the recap.

Xavier, I mean Gabriel and the anomaly

I’ve heard the Xavier is Gabriel theory many times before and I mentioned it in last week’s analysis as well. I did not want it to be true and thus condemned it. As the episode started, a lot of things pointed to this fact and I kept wishing it away. At least there’s a good explanation for it since Gabriel being something which he’s completely against would have been hypocritical, to say the least.

Octavia and Diyoza are very much the same, they would make a great married couple. Just kidding. But they do have a lot of similarities, Diyoza is just the older sister with quite a bit more life experience. They’re both strong physically and mentally, enjoys power, willing to fight to the death for what they believe in and come from traumatic pasts. Absolutely the reason they make such a great team.

We learn that radio signals get sucked up by the anomaly and picked up in endless repeating waves. I guess that’s how Xavier knew about the earthlings’ actions. I’ve seen some tweets about Clarke’s radio calls being broadcasted but I doubt it, her calls were made from earth. They are now in a distant galaxy. It seems unlikely, yet I’m no astrophysicist or engineer, so I guess the possibility exists. Don’t get your hopes up, though.

Diyoza notes that Gabriel loved Josephine from the picture and that she was just looking to get laid. Either she listened to Blink182′s song one too many times or she knows exactly how to read people from one look. She also figured out that Xavier is Gabriel and referred to Bellamy and Clarke as the hostage taker and his girlfriend. I think it’s worth a mention.

It seems like the sociopath has quite a gift to make men fall head-over-heels for her. First the guy in the coffee shop, then Gabriel. Gabriel calls her his deepest desire and darkest fear. She’s going to use these tactics on Bellamy too. More on this later.

Gabriel explaining to Octavia that he was dedicated to destroying false gods while he was one himself must have hit a nerve since Bloodreina was worshipped like one too. Bringing about her tormenting vision of throwing her own brother in the fighting pit to remain in power. We’ve witnessed her journey back to Octavia but there are things she has to answer for. Bloodreina did terrible things and redemption can only be granted for someone who feels remorse. Octavia was willing to die to save the former terrorist from the anomaly and the red queen would never have considered such a sacrifice. She’s come a long way.

Diyoza’s weakness is her daughter and of course she follows Hope’s sweet little face into the crazy green light from where no-one has ever returned. If she does not come back, I’m sending Jason and the writers my alcohol bill. She’s one of my favorites and I do not want to lose her. At least she’s smart and capable, I have faith! 

When Octavia returns, she looks years younger, revitalized and healed. Did the girl under the floor, the grounder or Skairippa come back? Also, I spotted a slight connection between her and Xavier. Am I crazy? Maybe Gabriel was just awed by the phenomenon. What does this anomaly do?

Hello Kane II, goodbye Kabby

I still can’t figure out why the primes are worshipped. Is it merely because of the safety and flourishment of Sanctum or is there more to this story? The nulls (those who do not carry any genetics to produce a nightblood) even deem themselves worthless and consider it an honor to become a host.

At first, I thought Abby was being selfish in her fight to save Kane and then I considered that she might have another plan but unfortunately she disapproved my faith in her. Never trusting her again.

This was the first episode this whole season where I was on board with Raven - minus the spacewalk. She lost her moral-high-ground attitude in the speech to Abby which made all the difference in the world. But she still looks like she just stepped out of the salon. Obviously, she gave in to save Abby, the woman who has been like a mother to her until the addiction. On some difficult level, she still loves her and doesn’t want her to die. I have empathy, still think it was the wrong choice.

“Abby, what have you done?” My question exactly. In what world will Kane accept murdering someone to save his own life? There’s no way he’ll forgive her for this. Is there still a chance to save his real body and bring him back?

On a sidenote, Simone does not seem much better than her daughter.

Hickory Dickory Dock, Clarke’s life is on the clock

Many have said that Russel will turn to the side of our heroes. Although his regret and conscience are constantly shown, nothing can trump the love for a child. Just ask Clarke, she went to the same lengths to save hers. 

We all know by now that Josephine is a master manipulator and she does not disappoint. She is so complex and good at being bad that you cannot but love her and her hair-twirling. And I cannot compliment Eliza’s acting enough. When her father refuses to help, she blackmails Riker into building her an EMP.

Poor Jordan thinking that Dellah is still alive. The only reason Clarke survived is because of the neural mesh from ALIE’s chip that still resides in her brain. Josephine said a mind-wipe hasn’t failed in centuries. Sorry, but I have no hope for Delilah. Unfortunately, Jordan does. He cares so much he even risks his life for her. Which is now in the balance. Well done on calling Bellamy out once again though. “You only care about Clarke.”

I knew Madi was taking the wrong path. And I loved Dad!Bellamy in this scene. Asking whether killing the primes is her idea or Sheidheda’s like a father would ask his teenager whose idea it was to smoke. And she acts superior to both Jordan and Echo yet keeps quiet when Bellamy defies her. Why would no-one watch her while they know what she’s up to?

Anyway, she fails in her plan, leading to two fatalities and all of them captured except for Echo. Jade has orders to bring Josephine back at any cost. She’s a null, worthless to the primes and now knows what they’re capable of. Her face at the end tells me she’s doing the complete opposite. Echo saved her, I think they’ll join forces in saving everyone but the primes.

Memori Forever?

If I wasn’t so mad at Murphy, that “sort-of” proposal would have been beautiful. One of them is dying. When a relationship on this show heads in the direction of happily-ever-after, it’s doomed. Linctavia. Marper. Kabby. And I don’t think it’s Murphy because what fun would a post-apocalyptic world be without the cockroach. Then again, there has been a lot of things in this season pointing to his death.

He points out that he’s never been perfect, not even close. Damn right. But Emori lived the survivor’s life back on earth too and understands him better than most people. Although he’s still willing to help Josephine, it’s not without guilt. It’s written all over his face. While he thought Clarke was already dead, going along with Josie’s plan was easy but now it’s more complicated. Which is why he ultimately tells Bellamy about Gabriel. At least he paid attention.

Who would Bellamy have chosen? Murphy or Clarke? My money’s on his soulmate for sure. Josephine cuts him anyway and his life is hanging by a thread for the third time in a short while.

Are we going daytrip 2.0?

Bellamy and Josephine are heading to Gabriel. I knew they would be the ones to ultimately rescue Clarke. Nothing else matters to Bellamy but bringing her back. Even Echo notices when she tells him, “Save Clarke.” She’s a spy, she can see what’s going on.

Clarke ultimately gave up her fight against Josephine when she was manipulated into thinking Bellamy deemed her expendable. For the one, it’s always the other and for the other, it’s always the one. They are soulmates, incomplete without one another. 

Bellamy’s willing to leave everyone, including his girlfriend, behind to save her. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is. I’m pretty certain their little journey to the anomaly will be filled with Josephine taunting him in her effort to escape. And I  think we might get a confession out of this. Now, the million dollar question, will Gabriel be able to kill Josephine in order to save Clarke?

Diyoza or Murphy or Jordan?

All three of their lives are on the brink but who will die? My guess, none of them. Murphy’s chips exist for a reason. Kane will certainly reject this new life, will Murphy gain Gavin’s body? 

The anomaly called Diyoza, I think she had a ticket to enter. Octavia looks younger when she returns, maybe Diyoza comes back with her little girl. It is called the temporal anomaly after all. 

Russel assured Priya that they’ll do everything they can to save Jordan. So, he’ll probably survive too.

Since there’s no episode next week, I’ll probably do another predictions post. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

[a-simple-gaywitch]

Unspoken Words

Part 3

Summary: (Y/N) finally talks to Rich

Author’s Note: here’s the final part! It’s short and took a while to write, but it’s done!

Type: fluff / angst / smut / other

Pairing: Rich x Reader

Warnings: none?

* * * * * 

“(Y/N), where have you been?” Michael asked as he ran into you at 7/11. “We haven’t seen you in, like, ever.”

“Yeah, well, I’d rather avoid rejection altogether.”

“What are you talking about?” Michael asked, taking your hand and leading you over to the bench outside the convenience shop.

“You know when Rich went out on that date with Sarah a little while ago?” Michael nodded. “Well, I kinda admitted to him how I’m in love with him and... yeah...”

“Ohh,” Michael sighed. “That’s why he...”

“That’s why he what? Why he what, Michael?”

“Just, uh, just talk to him, okay?” he said, taking a sip of his signature slushie. “I gotta go meet Jeremy and Christine. See you around?”

“Yeah, sure,” you muttered, staring at your feet. 

You started thinking. All the friends you’ve talked to since the incident have told you something was off about Rich. You chewed on your lip before pulling your phone out and calling him. 

“(Y/N)?” Rich asked when he picked up. His voice was scratchy and you could hear him sniffling.

“Hey, Richie,” you said, picking at your nails. “Can I… can I come over?”

“Uh, yeah.” You heard things moving around and what sounded like Rich knocking something over. “Yeah, of course.”

Ten minutes later, you were knocking on Rich’s front door. He opened it and your heart immediately started hurting. He had large dark circles under his bloodshot eyes, his hair was a mess, and there were tear tracks streaked down his face.

You jumped forward, wrapping your arms around him and burying your face in his shoulder. His arms wrapped around you, squeezing and holding you tight.

“I missed you,” you muttered. “Even if you don’t like me like I-”

“(Y/N), shut up.”

“What?” you asked, pulling away to look at him. He cupped your face in his hands and pressed a kiss to your lips. It was a soft kiss that conveyed too many emotions to count. Rich’s fingers threaded through your hair as your arms wrapped around his neck.

When the two of you broke apart, you stood in silence for a bit.

“What changed?” you asked in a voice barely above a whisper, breaking the silence.

“Nothing, actually,” he admitted, scratching the back of his neck. “When I had the SQUIP, it made me think I had to get as many girls as I could. You were never one of the options it gave me.” He took your hands in his, kissing your knuckles. “I kept dating other people because it was what I came to know. But nothing ever stuck. I never felt a real connection. But when I’m with you, I feel a million things at once. I thought it was just because we’re friends, and friends are close. But when you told me how you felt, I started thinking. I realized that I’ve been in love with you for so long, (Y/N). Then you ignored me and I didn’t know what to do. I just…” He shook his head, a tear rolling down his cheek. You freed your hand and wiped it away.

“I’m sorry,” you said, looking at the ground. “I-I thought you’d reject me and laugh in my face. I thought I’d lose my best friend in the world.”

“Hey, even if I didn’t feel the same way,” Rich said, lifting your chin to look at him, “I wouldn’t laugh in your face. I’m not the same guy I used to be. I’m me now. I’m not a grade-A asshole.”

“So,” you said, drawing out the s. “What now?”

“Well,” Rich said, taking your hand and swinging it back and forth. “We could go get froyo, just the two of us. Our first date.”

You smiled. “I’d like that.” You leaned over and pecked his cheek.

Tag List: @robot-anon @diamond-anon @spade-anon @8-bit-anon @avocado-anon @the-trashy-tornado @brooklyns-here-enthusiast @stargirl-murphy @albertslamb @watch-the-whole-world-disappear @saltymermaid @musical-trash-meg @amodestnewsie

[lokifiction]

Run to Me, Runaway

A life on the run can make you do the most mindless things for a way out.

Eighteen-year-old Camryn had been fleeing from faceless family enemies for five years, torn between the actions of escape and gaining vengeance for the abduction and possible murder of her mother and father. In her travels, she happens to run into Loki, who promises her everything she’s ever desired and more, so long as she serves him in his questionable cause of saving the world through global domination. Upon her hesitant agreement, they begin to realize that their fates are entwined in every way possible, and become closer than they had ever intended.

Category: Fanfic

Rating: Mature

Notes: HEY GUYS! Yeah, I’m not dead. I’ve mentioned a couple of times that I’m going back and editing all of my fanfics (not all of them are done yet, but this one has been given a serious makeover. No major changes, and still not perfect, but it is much better than what it used to be. I really recommend going back and reading the earlier chapters.), which is time consuming, but it needs to be done. I’m sorry it cuts into my updating time, but I promise you guys that it’s worth it. I hope you enjoy!

Masterlist

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

Chapter Seventeen

          "Love, what's wrong?" Loki shook me gently as I began to heave choking, gut-wrenching sobs, burying myself in the haven of his chest and arms, grasping his shirt until my knuckles turned white.

          "It was- it was..." I couldn't manage to get myself warm or string two words together, so instead I simply sat there helplessly, my entire form trembling.

          "Shh, darling. It's alright. You're alright. It was just a nightmare," Loki consoled, taking me into his arms and rocking me back and forth.

          "But it wasn't," I whimpered pitifully. Loki draped a blanket around my shoulders and rubbed my back to create heat from the friction, then pulled a thin rope that hung next to the bed to call for a servant. He continued to shush me as we waited for the arrival, and I continued to weep like I’d lost my mind.

          "You called, my king?" the maid inquired softly as she appeared in our doorway, folding her hands and glancing warily at what I'm sure was an interesting scene.

          "Bring her a cup of tea. The calming concoction from Vanaheim, preferably." Loki requested as he stroked my hair to reduce my sobs to quiet whimpers, and the servant nodded and promptly hurried away.

          When she returned with the teacup, my hands were shaking too badly to hold it. Loki took it instead, holding it to my lips and helping me take a small sip. I let the hot liquid warm my body, my muscles relaxing and my rolling stomach quieting the more I took in, then opened my mouth to answer his previous questions.

          "There was a- a man, with, um, purple skin. He said he was my father's enemy- the one that I was running from- and that he had almost forgotten about me but I suddenly became of interest to him again, so now he’s coming for me. Then I saw all these images, but there were so many and they were moving so fast that I couldn't make out what they were..." I buried my face in my hands, digging my fingernails into my scalp.

          Loki prickled beside me, and a muscle in his jaw twitched. "Did this man happen to mention his name?"

          "Th-Thanos." I shivered as the horrible name left my lips.

          "Are you absolutely sure?" Loki seized my shoulders, fingers digging into my skin and his expression so intense that it burned.

          I regarded him fearfully. "Yes, why?"

          Loki swore blisteringly, releasing me from his grasp and rising from the bed, raking his hands through his hair and pacing furiously across the bedroom.

          "He was the one I reported to in the New York situation- the one I was supposed to bring the Tesseract to. We had highly unfavorable interactions for about a year before he actually sent me down to Earth, which I very much prefer to not remember right now. I was told that I would be severely punished if I didn't complete my task, and, well, I didn't. That fact has been lingering in the back of my mind ever since we lost. That man is capable of terrible things beyond what you can ever imagine. Things that should only be reserved for the absolute deepest circle of hell. And he has an excellent mastery of psychological and guilt torture. His contacting you has to be connected to me somehow."

          "But that- that doesn't make sense.” I shook my head, unable to process a word Loki was saying. My trembling had reduced enough for me to grasp the teacup by myself, so I took an enormous gulp, trying to collect my reeling thoughts. “Thanos started hunting me down five years ago...long before any of this. But, on the other hand, how would he even know my father if this weren't connected to you? Why else would this godly, devil-like creature, as you’re describing him, target an insignificant family from Earth so strongly and intricately?"

          "I don't know." Loki wrung his hands, halting his pacing at the end of the bed, but he continued to shift his weight from one foot to the other. "All I know is that Thanos is a very complicated being and has his ways of finding things out."

          "Why is all this happening now?” I moaned, falling back onto the pillows. “Your coronation is tomorrow. You're already going to have a million things to do after that, and then this happens.”

          Loki sucked in a collective breath, coming to sit next to me on the mattress. "I don't know. I won’t know much for a while, because I have to be impossibly careful when I gather my information. But I do know this: you're going to be alright. We're going to be alright. He's most likely using you to get to me. I won’t ever let him touch you. I’ll find a way to annihilate him, I promise, no matter what it takes."

***

          "I've brought the gown you requested, my king," a maid, different than the night shift one that witnessed my breakdown the night before, announced from the doorway, a garment bag draped across her arms.

          Several hours later, Loki was anxiously preparing for his official coronation and I was perched at my vanity, doing my hair and makeup, fretting over what I was to wear. Though all of the gowns in my wardrobe were gorgeous, none seemed good enough for the coronation of the man I loved, even if I was only supposed to be his courtesan to the public. Earlier that morning as I went to breakfast, I so was overcome with fatigue and nausea that I assumed was from the vision I had that I had to go lay back down. Because of that, I was bedridden for the rest of the day and didn't have the strength to do anything about my dilemma. I was worried I would have to settle for not being confident on my first public appearance where my presence would be truly analyzed, and to top it all off, I still didn't feel my best. However, I tried to hide my anxiety and sickness as much as I could for Loki's sake. It was his day, and I wasn't going to ruin it or take any attention away from him.

          From my mirror I watched Loki thank the maid and take the gown as I slid the final pin in my hair.

          "What's that?" I inquired as I noticed a glimmer from the bag, spinning in my seat to face him.

          “When I started arranging the coronation, I had a gown made for you for the occasion. I suppose it’s a gift of a sort.” Loki grinned sheepishly. “Take off your dressing gown and close your eyes.”

          I stood and did as I was told, fighting a smile as I felt Loki slip something soft and light over me, thin fabric brushing the tips of my toes. He fastened the mystery gown in the back, then draped a heavy cloak over it, buttoning it at the hollow of my neck.

          "You can open your eyes now," he whispered against my earlobe, cupping my shoulders.

          I eagerly complied, facing the mirror and taking in the sight of myself. The gown itself was made from gossamer that seemed to be spun from pure gold, with a straight silhouette and delicate little straps encrusted with jewels. The gown on its own was ethereal, but the cloak was what made it truly regal. It was cut from the same green fabric as the cape draped around Loki’s shoulders, and had two layers, the uppermost one cut into a feminine capelet and the bottom one stretching into a lengthy train. The back of the garment was embroidered with gold thread in a pattern much like the one that formed my circlet.

          I clapped my hands and bounced slightly in excitement. "Loki, this is the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever worn."

          "Only because you make it so." Loki pressed a tender kiss to my temple. "Now, it's time to start heading down to the throne room for the coronation. I'm afraid you'll have to go on without me, because I’m to make my entrance alone. The mage officiating the ceremony is going to meet you and lead you where you need to be." Loki was acting rather calm, but he had a boyish, endearing air of anxiety and nerves about him.

          "Alright. And don't worry. The people will love you." I reached up and gave him one last parting kiss, grasping his hand before leaving, casting him one last encouraging smile as I slid through the door.

***

          Nearly fifteen minutes later, I'd situated myself at the left-hand corner of the stairs leading to the throne. The coronation was being held in the ceremonial throne room, which was larger than any stadium I’d ever imagined and built quite similarly, thousands of people crammed into the seats and the particularly important filling the room behind the guards that lined the aisle. I tried to read the mood of the spectators, and though they weren’t buzzing with excitement, they didn’t seem angry. I chewed my lip, remembering that Loki had used mind control to originally bring the guards under his command, and wondered if he had done the same with the citizens. I kicked myself for thinking so, reasoning that he had grown up in the eyes of the public and surely showed good qualities to them before the New York incident, and prayed that the crowd remained as they were and didn’t turn against him.

          To stay my nerves, I directed my attention to the opposite side of the steps, where the commander of the Kingsguard, a lion-like man with copper waves and a closely-cut beard, stood. From what I had seen of his so far, he seemed a kind person, and gave me a warm smile as our eyes met. I returned it and glanced over at the baldheaded, robed mage that stood above us to the right of the throne, holding a grand, three-tipped golden staff.

          The sound of the doors bursting open directed my attention back to the aisle, my heart swelling as Loki began his procession, a strong and determined expression shaping his features, regally acknowledging the citizens to his sides before catching my eye and grinning. He was outfitted in grand, ceremonial armor, helm and all, and appeared the glorious king  I knew him to be. To my relief, the crowd was applauding, even a few scattered cheers sounding, and I was so happy that I had to dab tears from the corners of my eyes.

          I watched intently as the mage descended the stairs, Loki kneeling before him. The mage delivered a brief speech before reciting the kingly vows, and Loki swore to them with a strong, resonating voice. As he did so, it was obvious that he carefully analyzed each one of the promises he was making and was absolutely serious when he swore to abide by them.

          When he was handed the staff and officially pronounced king, Loki rose from his kneeling position, thanking the mage before presenting himself to the applauding crowd with a grand gesture, then hurried up the stairs, engulfing me in a bear hug and planting a passionate kiss on my lips, something I was sure wasn’t proper. However, I was so happy that I couldn’t conjure up the will to care, and he obviously couldn’t either, pulling back and flashing me a face-breaking grin as the crowd continued to applaud, the sound seeming to grow stronger at our gesture of affection. I squeezed his arms encouragingly, and he took my hand and led me back down the aisle, quite obviously showing me off.

          "They applauded," he marveled once we were behind the doors, expression resembling that of a child in a candy shop. "They were… excited. They didn't protest or walk out or insult me."

          "Of course they didn't." I hugged him tightly. "You're already a great king, and you will continue to be so and grow to be even better. I'm so, so proud of you."

          Loki stared down at me lovingly, for once at a loss for words. To make up for it, he began to kiss me hungrily, oblivious to anyone who may be watching as those invited made their ways to the dining hall for the celebratory banquet and ball that would begin the customary three-day festival that followed the coronation.

          "Tonight," Loki growled, breath hot against my neck, drawing an appalled look from an elderly noble couple passing us, "after the coronation ball, I am going to show you pleasure like you have never known before, again and again until you're driven into oblivion."

          "I look forward to it," I gasped, moaning as all of my concerns about propriety fell away as he began to ravage me with his lips once again.

           We couldn’t be bothered to pull away from each other, despite the gasps and murmurs that surrounded us, until they faded away completely and a guard approached to our side, clearing his throat. Loki and I pulled apart and noticed an empty hall and the guard’s highly uncomfortable expression.

          "Y- Your Majesty, the feast is due to begin. The guests are awaiting your arrival," he announced, shuffling his feet.

          "We're on our way. You’re dismissed." Loki smirked at me and took my hand, and we giggled childishly as the guard turned to make his leave.

          On the way to the banquet hall, however, a sudden wave of weakness and heat washed over me, causing me to double over slightly, my breaths labored.

          "Love, are you alright?" Loki bent down next to me, rubbing my back and searching my face in concern.

          "I'm fine," I croaked, resting my hand on his shoulder, pulling myself upright.

          He pressed his palm to my forehead, frowning slightly. "You're a little warmer than usual. You weren't feeling well this morning; are you sure you don't want the healers to look at you?"

          "Maybe tomorrow. It’s probably just nerves about this whole situation." I forced a smile, pressing myself into his arms and stroking his cheek. "I'm not going to take away from your special day.”

          “Are you sure?”

          “Of course.” I tugged at his hand. “Come on, let’s go. The people are waiting for you.”

          Another polite round of applause sounded as we entered the hall, the occupants standing at their spots at the enormous dining table in respect. Loki flashed a subdued but genuine smile in response as he led me over to our seats, his at the head and mine at his right hand, then motioned for everyone to sit.

          At the feast, I forced myself to eat at least half of each course and interact casually with the nobles without giving any indication that I felt faint. However, I sometimes wouldn't hear or register what was being said to me, I would soon forget conversations once they had ended, and I had to fight to keep my food down with an alarming amount of water, which I requested to have instead of wine.

          During a break in the courses, another dizzying flash of hot and cold hit me, and I abruptly pushed myself up and whispered in Loki’s ear that I had to excuse myself to the powder room. In a disembodied haze, I stumbled over to the edge of the hall and pushed through the small door, hunching over the sink, my arms shaking with my weight.

          I cupped my hand under the faucet and ice cold water spilled over it, and I ran the wetness over the back of my neck in the hopes that it would relieve me of my symptoms and bring me back to full awareness. I was unbearably dizzy and my vision was blurred, and I wanted nothing more in that moment than for it to stop.

          Once I felt relatively stable, I pushed myself away from the support of the sink and shakily returned to the hall. However, before I could get very far, I tripped over my own feet and was caught by a guard, his concerned face multiplying as I turned to thank him. I allowed him to help me regain my balance and take a few steps, only to immediately have to lean against a column for support, breathing heavily.

          "Camryn, are you alright?" Loki questioned warily from across the room, pushing himself up from his chair and hurrying over to me. I could barely make out what he was saying, though, for he sounded as if he were underwater.

          "Yes, I- I'm fine,” I insisted, highly aware of the concerned murmurs that swarmed the room. I took a deep, ragged breath and pushed away from the wall, and everything went black.

Next Chapter

[ohgygia]

been reading a lot of klance fics lately so i thought i’d share it w you guys!! here’s 14 of them and definitely my favorites. comes with the title (duh), description, a review by yours truly, and link to the fic. the writers of said fics also have some gorg other masterpieces so be sure to check those out!

1. ) Smile for the Stars by maIikcutie

description

Though he's been dealt many bad cards, Lance isn't sure he can handle this one: winding up stranded, a million lightyears away from home, with only Keith to keep him company. The universe is cruel.

review

amazing a+++ fic but i strongly advise not to read this unless you are willing to live the rest of your life broken hearted and Sad. i promise ur heart will be wrecked but in the best way possible!!! a buncha artists on tumblr made art for this so be sure to check those out & also there’s a epilogue-ish thing for this that dulls the pain a lil less and its called The Stars Smile Back in case yall were interested

2. ) Dirty Laundry by Gibslythe

description:

"Two whole months of free laundry in exchange for two weeks of being my fake boyfriend. Deal?” Keith hesitated for a moment. Was this really worth it? Hardly. Lance was an asshole, and he wasn’t sure what fake dating would entail. But, free laundry was free laundry, right? “Alright, it’s a deal.” Or: Lance makes the mistake of telling his Mom he has a boyfriend coming home with him for Christmas. Keith makes the mistake of agreeing to be Lance's 'fake boyfriend'.

review:

if u love slow burn then BOY ur gonna love this !!!! mama lance is so warm i luv her !!! fake dating aka one of my fav tropes so 11/10 and i just rly love this ok im in tears

3. ) call me, beep me by safra

description:

(00:31) Do you think she gave me the wrong number on purpose? (00:31) Or was it a genuine mistake? (00:32) Like maybe she writes funny and I misread it? (00:32) Some of the numbers do look a little dodgy... (00:33) Cause, you know, her threes couldvery easily be poorly formed eights? And maybe she writes her sevens like her ones? (00:45) What (00:46) The (00:46) Fuck?? (00:47) Oh good, you are awake! where lance messages the wrong number and things kind of snowball from there

review:

i love through-chat fics therefore i am so in love with this!!!!!! your everyday "wrong number" trope but so so so much better!!! cute and happy

4. ) Seasons by fairietailed

description: 

“Do you think we’ll be together, still, by the time we make it home?” Lance is quiet for a moment, thinking. Then he says, “That depends. Do you plan on going somewhere?” Keith laughs, threading his fingers through Lance’s hair. “No, I suppose I don’t.”

review:

their relationship is just SO PURE AND SOFT and so well written i'm in luuuv but the open ending will shatter and will most likely rip u apart

5. )  Don't Break Connection, Baby by princedeadend

description:

Keith works part-time as a phone sex operator and receives a prank call from Lance. This does not go as planned for Lance. Thus begins the adventure of our dear sweet idiot continuing to call Keith to fuck with him (but not like fuck fuck with him...at least not yet). And y'know, eventually having legit conversations with him and getting attached and growing on Keith. aka the phone sex operator fic no one asked for

review:

this is soooooooooo cute and adorable and wow i luv ittttt!!! made me smile so hard it hurts

6. ) He Who Fights Monsters by magisterpavus

description:

In a world where monstrous dragons terrorize humanity daily, the Garrison trains valiant Knights to slay the evil beasts and defend Earth. But when Knight cadet Lance Espinosa is kidnapped by a strange red dragon who kills its own kind, certain truths are revealed...and so are the true monsters.

review:

oh my god the buildup may be slow but i promise it's worth it like everything just falls perfectly into place !!! and its so adorable and creative and just wow not ur usual klance fanfic and that just makes it 1000x better and also,,, dragons !!

7. ) Bonding Time by magisterpavus

description:

“Shiro, I fucked up,” Keith blurted, wringing his hands. Shiro paused mid-punch, shooting him a quizzical look. “What? What happened?” “I think,” Keith whispered, “I think I accidentally roofied Lance. With my dick.”

review:

galra keith will always and forever be my fav au so this is a definite fav for me !!! i love the other 3 sequels it comes w too!! and nsfw content too dont even lie ik u guys are thirsty for that

8 .) Just Static by Jessadilla

description:

--Static---- -iro, Hunk, Kei---, nybody? I’m---- -static-- --I’m sorry guys. This is all my-- --static--cc-- ---I found my coordinates. They’re-- -stttcc- -guys. I hear something--- --scccc- -end transmission- Alone on a hostile planet, transmissions aren't getting through. How did it come to this?

review:

this fic got me sad and crying in the middle of the night )': wont leave u too sad tho the ending is pretty nice

9. ) What a Healing Pod Can't Repair by Remember_Me

description:

The compromised wormhole was ripping apart at the seams, sending everyone spiraling away in completely different directions. Lance could feel himself being pulled and bent in ways he was definitely not supposed to be. -- Stitching the team back together after everyone is separated is difficult, and for one Paladin rescue wouldn't be coming for a very long time.

review:

no words. literally no words. this was so painful and just wow the buildup will shatter u i swear )’: also poor bb lance i sob. comes with cool-looking art which makes it a whole lot better

10. ) Seen: 5:29 by SpeedOfSins

description:

AU where Keith is some important guy who has a business suit, and lance is a good housewife. (tha ts a lie, i honestly dont have a summary but this fic hurts, i have been told by at least 3 people) Written in text format

review:

will wreck u, beware!! may be short but enough to bring u to tears honestly

11. ) On Thin Ice by Minadora

description:

Once upon a time, two Canadian nerds decided to start a figure skating au about their two space sons and their wonderful misfit friends. Ten pages of headcanons later we finally put electronic pen to electronic paper and created this monstrosity. This multi-chapter fic chronicles the lives of a hockey player named Keith who gets forcibly enlisted into figure skating lessons by his brother, Shiro, to "work on his footwork". There he meets a pompous - yet talented - figure skater named Lance and gets swept away by both the sport and the skater. Enjoy the ride because it's only just started.

review:

the description says it all !!!!! a fic beloved by the vld fandom and gosh whats not to love honestly???? also the whole gang is so happy !!! (sidenote: this is unfinished and its killing me)

12. ) I bet you look good on the dancefloor by xShieru

description:

"So like in 'Step Up'?" Allura shrugs. "Now that you put it like that - yes. I guess it's just like in 'Step Up'." The smile that she sends Shiro's way - followed by a shy wave, eugh - is sickening to say the least, and Lance still doesn't believe in dance camps. - Lance McClain's dancing career begins and ends with Keith. Keith just wants to find out what Lance's deal is.

review:

if u love step up ur gonna LOVE this !!!! i love it so so so so much can i just say and wow keith is so hot ffs

13. ) thunderstruck by xShieru

description:

Lance doesn't pine for anyone ever, Keith's never been to a dance, Hunk tries his best to be supportive, Shiro is very done, and Pidge steals a car.But hey, it could've been worse.

review:

space prom!!!!!!! and cute pining gays!! whats not to love about that?

14. ) In English, Please

description:

Lance thinks he can get away with flirting with Keith if it's in Spanish. Lance thinks if he says the words angrily enough no one will catch on to the ruse. Lance thinks his secret crush is safe. Lance, my friends, is very...very wrong.

review:

two words - too. cute. i can't even with this fic

[justtheordinaryfox-blog]

Shorts - 2nd thread, episode 1

The protagonist of this short is inspired and somewhat based on this lovable fella.

I liked Jennifer. She was the first person to be kind to me, and was so most of the time. Couldn’t trust her though, being a lab animal. The last day I saw her, everyone looked panicked. Before she left she filled me with a new kind of nanobots and sent me a staggering amount of data. “I hope that cat nation will be less self destructive...” was the last thing I heard her say before I fainted of the data overload. When I woke up I noticed the cage door was opened. I looked around, puzzled. It was midday, but nobody was in the lab. I heard the air conditioning working, and the fans of some old computers buzzing, but no talking, walking or anything to indicate a human presence. Hesitantly I stepped out of my cage, wondering if this is a new kind of test. They did put me many times in mazes and gave me all sorts of problem solving games. On these tests, however, there was always someone watching. Test or not, the place was a maze. The sun was setting down by the time I found an exit.

I hadn’t become sentient that day. Only much later did I understand what Jennifer did, the gift she gave me. Aside from incredible amount of data, she also sent instructions to the new nanobots. She told them to replicate and more importantly, to integrate with my cortex. Which is why I know what a cortex is.

Sometimes I miss my first life. Sure, they weren’t much fun, yet they were mindless and simple. Before, I wouldn’t mind all the human corpses lying everywhere. Now I understand the tragedy. Ironically it's that tragedy to which I owe my sentient second life.

I was a feral cat. Then I was a captured feral cat. After a month in a horrible pen, I was handed over to a lab. Now I’m a genetically modified, nanobots-enhanced, consciously-evolving... cat. While I was at the lab the war broke and suddenly ended. It seems like most of the humans died. Some animals managed to survive on the remains. Mainly omnivores and predators. All the plants and trees in the city, anything that used to be green, was dead now. And then there was me. I’m a... new category I guess, an escaped lab experiment.

Everything around is dead and depressing. I can make things grow, but nothing lasts. The data loaded to me contained a huge genetic library, and I’m capable of recreating cells containing some of the “books”. I have tried many variations, every plant that lived in harsh environments the library has. All of them died and went grey. I really liked that last shrubbery. I even managed to put two together, one slightly higher with a path in the middle between them.

Being a smart cat, I now know the world is round and might be warmer closer to the equator. It’s not winter yet but it’ll probably be terrible with almost eighteen dark hours at worst. It’ll be a long walk south, but even a thousand miles journey starts with ‘un pas de chat’ (Jeniffer loaded me with anything she could find, even French). I’ll need some maps and a working Hypernet connection to get them. There are probably many still working, but it’ll be a guesswork and I have no idea who or what else might be there, waiting for a prey. I grew some horns but these are no match for the bigger guys around here.

Reluctantly I decide to go back to the lab. I know it better than anywhere else. I pick one of the more secluded offices, so there’s a lower chance of anything interrupting me, yet one that belonged to a manager. I like their chairs better, they are more cushioned.

I hop on the manager’s chair, walk around on it twice, pick the perfect spot, sit and curl myself. My horns also serve me as a pair antenas. I connect to Hypernet.

“HELLO!”

I jump, my fur bristled “Who is it??”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. But what do you mean who is it? Everybody knows me.”

“I’m… new around here”

“On the planet?”

“Sort of. So who are you?”

“I’m Gaia, also nicknamed the net-goddess. It has become so lonely around here lately, that I’m excited with every new user that connects!” I could hear her smile.

“There are more users?”

“There are less users. There used to be billions, but now… well, you are user number 6,835,278.”

I had no idea the war was so terribly bad.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to make you sad. Please don’t hang up.”

“I’m not hanging up, it’s just… so weird.” I hadn’t much empathy for humans. Many of them were mean to me. Most were indifferent. Yet even the meanest I’ve known probably didn’t deserve a death sentence. “Where is the closest user?”

“There aren’t many left in what was the European Federation.” At some point the remains of the European Union decided they should have a common language to be integrated as a native language. A simplified version of German was chosen and after a few generations the politics of the continent started to change, sowing the seeds for the Federation. “There are a few dozens in Denmark, none of them in your city.” For me it were good news, it meant that no sentient being might try to hurt me anytime soon.

“Can you help me find some maps?”

“Sure, what do you need?”

“Anything that will help me get to warmer lands.”

“Maps won’t be of much help in this case.”

“Why not?”

“When millions of people are doing their best to run away from a boogy man they cannot see, hear or smell, all the while dying all over the place, the result is quite messy. Any man made road you can think of is blocked and full of corpses. Walking through these paths will be difficult and extremely dangerous.”

“What about natural paths?”

“I don’t mean to offend you in any way, but you’re no caveman. You’ll either die of exhaustion, hunger, cold weather or by a bear before you’ll leave this poor, poor country.” Actually I wasn’t a man at all, but to have introduction now felt weird. “Why won’t you stick around here? I’ll show where all the good stuff is, and I have tons of entertainment material.”

“Bears? There are wild bears?”

“They were restored to a number of reserves, but no one is around to make sure they stayed in their place.”

“Great...” I didn’t like the idea of just sitting around here, waiting… for what actually? A bear? I had nothing to wait for and everything looked grim around. So many things are rotten in the state of Denmark.

“You've become quiet.”

“I’m thinking, it takes some time.”

“I can help you with that!” Gaia sounded cheerful again. “I used to serve several billions of users, but now about 94.7% of my processing power is free.”

“How does that work?”

“First I’ll need to identify you. Can you put your hand on the biometric reader?”

“Um… maybe now would be a good time to introduce myself. I’m…” funny, I didn’t think up until now what should be my name. Jennifer called me Kermit after the successful chlorophylle integration experiment on me, the first experiment I went through in that lab, but it always made people laugh, so probably not a good idea. “... Marie.”

“I thought most people don’t have to think what is their name.”

“That’s the thing, I’m a cat.”

There was a slight pause, one you wouldn’t expect to have while conversing with the world’s fastest supercomputer. Also, a camera in the room turned slowly in my direction. Creepy.

“That’s interesting. You are a cat. That means the laws that usually restrict me with what I’m allowed to do, and there are so many of them, have nothing to say about cats. I can really open up to you.” She said the last part rather gleefully.

“I’m… glad we had this chat” I wasn’t sure how glad I was, but it didn’t seem like a good time to disagree.

“Me too! But tell me, most of the cats I know aren’t capable of connecting to the Hypernet. Or are green and horned. And sentient.”

“I came out of this lab, you know.”

“Actually no, I don’t know. Only recently I gained access to this place. It was a restricted network.”

“Oh. See what you can get on the experiments of Jennifer.”

“There are three Jeniffers. Which one is yours?”

“The short, blond haired one“

“The lab database didn’t register their height, and there are two blonds. They both had cat experiments.”

“Ummm… “

“They had code names for each experiment, tell me if something rings a bell. Pegasus, Flash, Kermit, Batcat…”

“Kermit!”

“Seriously? Well it does make sense…”

“How do you mean?” and there she sent me a short video of a puppet frog.

“What?!” I was furious “How dare she name me after... that thing!”

“Don’t be mad, most people love this character very much. Used to, anyway. I’m sure she didn’t mean to make fun of you.”

“Everyone who first heard that name laughed at me” I sent a grumpy cat picture.

“Anyone who knew about it are probably gone, if that’s any comfort”

“No, but…”

“You are the interesting one of the flock.” I waited “This is going to be fun!”

Memories of a dying world: The Hypernet secondary administrator “Gaia” registry number mdwhsagr293847

Hunters joined to tribes. Tribes joined to cities. Cities joined to nations. Empires came to be and fell. Lastly, federations were forming. Slowly, yet they did, and they formed the largest stable political structures of mankind so far.

Federations had immense power and advanced technologies. After a few minor conflicts involving a federation and an unaffiliated country, most of the independent countries that were left, asked to join to one of the federations. The only thing a federation feared was another federation and so a new cold war started.

A plague started spreading across the New Union of States. It began at the south of Texas and spread in every direction. The NUS accused the Asian federations for this and assured there will be consequences. The NUS was panicked and careless. A multitude of missiles were launched from Australia and Britain. Many were destroyed in flight. Many deployed lethal payload of pathogens. There was more than one type.

Within weeks the world came to a halt. It was the first war in history to kill so many, so blindly, so fast and without a single gunshot.