#sorry vent post I just saw someone saying this and it drives me nuts every single fucking time

[wolfwillowisp]

Hate, hate, HATE that stupid idea that a man playing a female character in a video game is a transgender thing and nothing else. Like what the fuck do you think RPG stands for??? Like no yeah plenty of transgender people figure that out through gaming but like. Heaven forbid people play a character in a role playing game. Or create a character in a character creator.

[asklynden]

My dad is abusing me part 4

I can’t hardly believe what’s happened in recent events. My dad phoned me, so naturally I pretended to not be here and did not asnwer. He then sent me a txt message asking me to come over so I could sort out my suit. A suit for what? He’d decided I was going to his wedding as an usher. Didn’t even ask first. And he knows I have speaking problems so, an usher? Is he senile already??

Anyway I told him no, I told my sister too who was nosey enough to ask. I told me sis I couldnt go because I am an alcoholic. I’m not, but it felt like a good reason. I couldnt do that with my dad, giving him something to lecture me about? No thanks. So I just said I’d considered it and it wouldn’t work out.

Then my youngest bro who lives with my dad begins chatting with me. We talk and he’s doing well. The wedding comes up and we talk about it. I eventually bring up some issues I have, like how my partner is never invited, which kinda seems like there’s some prejudice going on. Apparantly my dad is just dum and thought my partner was just “a friend”. It doesn’t help that it’s not easy to explain my relationship with them. But we’re family without a doubt, and I love the heck out of them. But that’s enough about that, this post is meant to be about bad people, so back to my dad...

He started to seem less bad, and more stupid as things went along. Eventually the main topic came up. My dad owes me £3000. He’s got spending problems, so even though he has a very good job, he never has any money. I am the opposite of him in so many ways. I’d get money in a card from my grandparents to spend on what I want for my birthday and such. I never spent that money. I saved it. I was a very boring child. I then got a job at an Amazon warehouse. And yes it’s as bad as the rumors say. But not the first week. That first week they make it so easy that it’s actually fun. Then they make it harder and harder until it’s not doable anymore... Yeah you can just look up other people’s stories on that. It was hell. And deserves it’s own post. My dad is only relevant to the day I got fired.

That story, to keep it short went like this: I called in sick, because, I was sick. At about noon I got up out of bed to have something to eat and drink, and felt a bit better. My dad sees me and forces me into the car and drives me to my workplace. I don’t have a choice. I get in and walk right into my boss. I have never forgotten the look he gave me. “So you think you can just come and go when you want do you?” he asked me. What kind of person calls in sick and then shows up late instead? It looked to him like I just didn’t want to go in so early. It was because of that moment that my scanner never got upgraded like everyone elses did. I was told not to worry about the extra training session. I didn’t realise how clear it was at the time that this was the moment they decided to fire me. They gave me only a week after that day i think to keep working, all the while talking bad about my performance and how I needed to improve or else.

Sorry for that detour, but my dad got me fired from that job. And he’s never once helped me get a job before or since. But I had earned myself a nice amount of cash over these years. I earned a nice sum. My dad had many moments where he struggled. But I knew he was a bad spending since he bankrupt us back when he was living with my mum. It was cars that did it.

I don’t think he ever asked me for money. Instead it was just an “I’m sorry”. Naturally I said “I can lend you some money”. I don’t know if i fell for the bait, or if he really didn’t expect this. But I lent him money, and he promised he would pay me back. He was very grateful and aksed that I not tell anyone about this, since he’d feel so ashamed to have to borrow from his son. So, I kept it secret.

As time went on more things happened. His car had troubles and needed to be fixed, so I lent more. He couldnt pay the phone bill, so I lent more. He needed eggs for dinner, so I went out and paid for them. With the food I was always the one he sent to go buy it, and I’d often pay for it too, but he was meant to pay me back whatever it ended up being afterwords. I wrote this amount down, and I didn’t mind if a few were forgotten or he didn’t have the money at the time. I just kept the recipt for next time. These began to build up really badly. And before I knew it, he owed me over £3000. He never paid any of it back. Not until I moved out and tried to get him to.

So after I did leave, something I got no help with from him, because... Well I did it in secret. I saw a chance to get away from him and took it. Thank GOD I did. I was deeply depressed and my dad was against me taking anti-depressants. I was already on some, but had been calling them sleeping tablets to stop him from getting angry. Technically, they do make you drowsy, so it wasn’t quite a lie. But they did nothing for my depression. Which was at it’s breaking point. I moved out to a place only 10 minutes drive away. I regret being so scared to move further away. But this was my first time on my own. And I’ve got a few difficulties too that made it scarier.

During this time I struggled with rent far worse than i imagined. I asked my dad to help and he’d pull out £20 or one time £80 to help. I got whatever was in his pocket. And then one month he says “Don’t ask me for anymore money, not until October. I have it already all tied up in other things, sorry.” and so I stopped asked. October came, which was 4 months or more from then. And I forgot totally at this point to bring it up again. And so for another year I didn’t ask. And then another year. And in all that time he never once offered to pay me back. Never since this payment began growing did he ever offer to pay me back. He did offer to take me on holiday and said I could go for free, but, he’d not owe me anything anymore. It was a tempting deal, but I didn’t really like France that much. I said no.

Time went on and I heard abotu him going on holiday more and more, and buying new things, more cars. He had money to spare afterall, but still offered me nothing. Eventually our landlord decided to raise our rent by £100 a month. We were already overpaying for that crappy little place, and it wasn’t a case of “should we?” but “can we?”. And we could not. Oh “we” by the way is my roomate. The “partner” I mentioned earlier. So we had to move, and found a place 2/3 the cost and 3/2 the size much further away. It was a fantastic deal and we moved in.

My dad helped us move, by costing us around £1000. Because he did things cheaply, and told us to do things we werent allowed to do and got us fined. That needs it’s own post too. The damage he cause us is not something I added to the amount he owes though. I chose to just, not bring up that day at all.

So in our new place, doing well. Months of joy, when finally our old landlord tells us he’s not giving us our deposit back, but he also wants MORE money for damages. I didn’t even know this was legal to do. He took the deposit, and then a second amount the same. My mum had to come in and haggle for us because we were pretty much in tears over this. She saved us, and paid a lot of it for me. She expected my dad to do the same and save me, because this shock cost came out of nowhere and we were not ready. I dont have the amount on hand, but I recall I had to pay £800 myself, my mum paying more than that. £1500? £2000?

Anyway I ask my dad. Not to pay back what he owes, but to save me from seriously legal troubles. He did not help.

Over the next YEAR I was able to pay my mum back all that I owed her for bailing me out. And now I’m back on my feet, and could survive a shock payment if one somehow appeared. But I think I’m safe from that happening again. I hadn’t even thought about the money my dad owes me for ages now.

But this wedding, and talking to my little bro (yes finally back to the original topic) it came up. And my bro was like “Oh well I can talk to him and get that sorted. I was chuffed and said I’d go to the wedding. My dad is honestly fun to be around when it comes to parties. Well, as long as he’s not sober to be more precise. He was sober at one party, and was a huge killjoy. But it’s his wedding, he’s not gonna be a downer there! I was getting excited to see my whole family there, and have a great time and-

“Oh hey, your dad says he doesnt owe you that anymore.” What? Yeah what I got was a big load of messages from my bro telling me my dad didn’t think he owed me anymore because of things he’d done for me previously. Like some early holidays we went on. He also claimed to have “helped with rent” which was a very confusing thing to read. As if he was doing it periodically instead of the 3 times he did it.

Sadly this got me into venting a bit at how unreasonable it all was. I lost my cool. But I dont regret what i said. I imagined he’d go back and tell my dad and it’d get straightened out. I explained he did not help with rent nor did I owe him for any holidays, since the one time he asked me to pay, I declined.

I get a reply, my bro calls me entitled. Says so what if I paid for food and phone I used that stuff so I should pay for it. I’m in disbelief. He’s my dad, he provides for me. Besides you don’t tell someone afterwords “Oh you have to pay for those years of me helping you out”. That’s what pimps do. Other people probably do that too but I only saw it with pimps in the shows I watch.

So more ranting back that this was nuts, and that I just want my money back. I also lay into my dad’s spending habits, how he always has cash to burn, but never any for me. Fuck sake this wedding he’s having is costing him a hell of a lot more than £3000! Sadly this stuff I tell him is what he focuses on, saying my dad isn’t a bad spender cause he always buys cheap... yeah don’t I know it. Every birthday and Christmas I get a foreign or second hand phone or computer that breaks not long after. He’s a computer.. something. He gets this stuff dirt cheap thanks to his job. I couldnt really argue againt my bro there, but no way is that a positive.

But in al lthis arguing, it’s clear that my little bro has some bizarre ideas in his head if he thinks you can wave away owed money by being nice enough to someone. And he thinks me living with my dad is him being nice. But uh, that’s called being a parent, and it’s require by law. I wasn’t some friend staying there, I wasn’t a roomate. I was living in my dad’s house as his son. Jesus my lil bro is meant to be smart but what a fucking... Oh. He’s paying rent and food costs and all sorts. My dad’s gotten him paying for everything. He actually thinks this is normal. There is no low my dad wont sink to.

I can’t be mad at my bro, but it’s clear now that my dad plans on not paying me back. That’s theft. So, what should I do? I don’t want revenge, I don’t want to cost him anything, and I don’t want to take this to court because I know that could cost me. I’ll give it more time. But I hope he looks at my empty chair whilst he’s getting married and knows this is his fault I’m not there.

[blackheartseverywhere]

Vent, If anyone actually cares enough to read.

I haven’t actually done a vent post since I don’t even know when, so here it goes.

This is the post that will literally tell you it all.

When I was growing up I never really understood why my parents didn’t talk, and to be honest to this day I don’t REALLY know the reason. I felt like they should have just divorced, I would literally cry and cry and cry all the time as I rehearsed what I would ever say to them if I ever got the chance to really speak my mind about their relationship and how it effected me. I got a chance once, and I got so mad, sadly it was through a text. I flipped out, and said you know what if you guys are going to be this way, and fight through your kids because you won’t talk, then just split. Move out from the same house, file the paperwork, and just end it. My mother said “you just don’t understand” and “there is more than just that”. I am literally almost in tears just writing about that. 

Whenever my friends brought up my parents I would just say eh, they don’t talk so who knows/cares, to everything. Therapy really got my going about them, and I realized that I had been fucked up for a long time. One time when I began therapy, and my meds and all that fucking shit, my dad basically was like oh yeah its just all his fault and all that bullshit. He didn’t agree at all with my going on meds or seeing someone for help, he still doesn’t agree and its been four years since i started the stressful journey to try and get better. 

In middle school I finally started to find more people I wanted to hang out with and started to smoke and drink. I smoked a hell of a lot in middle school and high school, and I realize now also that I preferred to be high or drunk because I didn’t have these constant depressing thoughts. To this day, I do still like to be high because it is a distraction, whereas when I get drunk I usually cry because all my life issues decide to show themselves at once. 

Middle school is also when I got my first kiss, my first make out session, my first “feel up” hah. Nothing serious. I fell hard for this boy Dan Jackson though, and god what I would give to go back to the days when I was too shy to see his parents, and just didn’t have a single care in the world other than for him. He really did make my life better for the time that we spent together. To be honest, I don’t really know why we broke up the first time that we did. I just know that we tried again in high school, and that is when I fucked up and chose Dakota (we will get to him later). Dan and I just didn’t work out in the end which is okay because he really taught me the most. He taught me that when a boy cares, he really will show it, he will hold your hand and lay in a park of grass with you to do anything, even just watch a worm after his baseball practice.. literally we did that.. that was also the first photo I ever had kissing someone, I wish I still had that.

High school started.. and shit got FUCKED up. From the very start, things were all sorts of messed up and I knew it was gonna be quite the ride. Soccer was great though, literally the only thing that kept me going was soccer. I dated Colin, oh boy, I didn’t really know anything about him other than we went to middle school together and he sat with my best friend Mitch at lunch. Never met him before a pool party that was on his birthday actually, at MaryKates aunts house. I decided that day, at the pool party, that this boy was cute and I kinda liked him a little. Got his number blah blah blah, then we dated for what maybe a week or two??? Then school started and I decided nah this guy is not for me, I thought he kissed bad (literally was his first make out or kiss or whatever so I was a mean person for thinking he kissed bad when he wasn’t experienced yet!) Anyway, we decided to stay friends, and even ended up becoming “best friends” or so we called it. This boy man, he took me for the most wicked (and not in the RI way we say wicked, meaning good, this was wicked like the witch) crazy, far from fun, roller coaster ride of my life. 

I knew he liked me, everyone knew. I just ignored it because I was more concerned about others... leading me to dating Dakota freshmen year. Dakota was awesome, I fell hard for this boy and lost my virginity to him, and he lost his to me. We had fun, well as much fun as you can have when neither of you can drive, you didn’t attend the same school, and his parents didn’t think nicely of you. Really though, we did have a ton of fun. He was always over and my mom and family (minus dad) loved him. He was goofy and literally over a foot taller than me. We broke each others hearts in the end. He really fucked me over though but honestly I don’t even want to think about that. He ended up moving to Arizona sophomore year and boy did I miss him. He told me he would write every day.. I got two letters, one he wrote before leaving and the other was mailed.. oh well. 

Sophomore year was the year that got really all messy. I realized I was boy crazy haha! Just to clear the air to anyone reading by the way, not boy crazy like OMG I was having sex with every boy haahah, I legit just liked a lot of people, and by this time I had only had sex with two people, Dakota and Dan Jackson when we got together after me and Dakota ended. 

As this all happened Colin was always fighting with me, and I was always fighting with him, about every single thing. He knew I was boy crazy and was really mean about it, but hey like I said, he liked me so of course he was gonna be mean ANYWAY. 

Then Casey came into my life. This happened in like February or March I believe. I remember Pat was away on vacation, Pat was a mutual friend we both hung with, I always was with Pat getting food or ice cream or whatever, he was my best friend, other than CoCo aka Colin. Casey and I had started to text, honestly not sure how. We decided to meet up and get breakfast, we went to the handy and i literally remember I got a bagel with cream cheese, and that he looked like something I wanted to eat more than that bagel.. and my ass legit to this day, eats a bagel with cream cheese most days!  Goddddd, I legit was like holy fuck, this boy is who I want to last. He was AMAZING, every thing I ever wanted. (Colin was ticked because it was his friend!!! hahahaha) I was sooo happy for the couple months I got to spend with this boy. I never had all the bad thoughts about my entire life while I was around him. He took my breath away, he made me feel pretty, he kissed me in the hallway after school for everyone to see. I was literally love struck. Never did we say we loved each other, because it wasn’t love just yet. We were just really happy together. 

Spring break came. I was going on a school trip to Costa Rica, Casey sadly was not coming, but Colin was. Casey and I met up before I had to go to Rogers to meet the bus for midnight. Casey has just gotten his license not too long before so he picked me up and we went for a drive, happiest most amazing most exciting (in my pants, sadly no full on sex on that ride haahah just a lot of touching) car ride ever. Then he kissed me so sweetly goodnight and it was that night, that, that fucking night, that  I had my last kiss with Casey Harrington. If i knew that I would have changed how everything went down following that kiss, and that week that was coming. 

In Costa Rica Colin kept trying to get with me, he knew I was with Casey, and mind you he had a girlfriend! A girl on the trip made a phone call home and low and behold it got to Casey that Colin and I were hooking up.. WE WERE NOT. Shit was all fucked up now, I confronted the girl and basically was like FUCK YOU, YOU LYING FUCK. This trip was the first time Colin saw me cry, and it was because things were over now and I could not change it all the way in Costa Rica. I cried for real, and he cried also, though I bet he would deny that. We kissed that night and decided well, if they think we hooked up fuck it. WE DID NOT HAVE SEX  we made out. THAT IS ALL. MADE OUT. 

I got home to a lot of mean messages from more than one person. I had Colin and I had Pat ( and Steph, she was there through all of this though we had a rough patch about Dakota...). I was a mess, I missed Casey, and told Colin I was going to try to get him back. It didn’t work, although once I saw him out and he kissed me right on the fore head and told me he was sorry and regretted not taking me to prom.. I almost cried in front of the world that night. 

I got with Colin. We ended up dating. He was fucked up, and I was fucked up. Mentally. We fought all the time, literally allll the time. But people loved us together and always were saying they knew we would date, and probably get married one day. FUCK NO. I was in the midst of literally breaking down all the time, and I definitely became depressed during this relationship. I do not blame my depression fully on Colin but some of it was him. We were on and off, and really happy at times. We went out on dates, my family loved him (again minus my dad). His family definitely didn’t like my shyness but oh well. 

In the end we broke up after Junior year, he talked shit to all my guy friends about me. They all stopped talking to me. Until after high school when most stopped caring and we became acquaintances again. Colin told everyone I was a “dead fish” and well to him I just never wanted to be on top during sex. He legit made me feel bad about myself. Why would I want to do something where he could again, judge me. Literally, he made me never ever want to be on top, he ruined my self esteem and made me hate myself more than I already did.

We were both fucked up and nuts. He hated me and I hated him. But we were so in love with each other at the same time. This summer my dog passed away, I got into my first car accident, got my first speeding ticket. Then I beat a girl up because they hooked up, and he got out of my car because of a boy I was hooking up with to go punch him in the face... literally nuts. 

I spent my entire, ENTIRE, summer before senior year, drunk as hell. Me and Taylor, and then Danny G came into the crew. Danny and I started hooking up, I took his virginity, we were both a bit drunk that night, but we kept hooking up, even sober hhaha. Danny and I kept things up and were together all the time, either at my house or Steph’s or his or just in the car, for the whole summer and a little more after summer. Sadly one day I decided i still kinda felt for Colin and that didn’t sit well with him, I still feel bad about that. 

God, I was so fucked up. Between my parent’s hating each other, Colin and I hating each other, and me realizing that I was insane, I was depressed and full of fucking rage! Soccer started and I was happy again, I got my anger out through the sport. The breakfast club began when Soccer did and that saved my life. We were high all the time, and drunk most weekends. We threw parties and we just raged like best friends did. Mary, Laura, Lily, Mattea, and Myself. I would never change the friendship we all had together for anything. Ups and downs. Those girls had my back. We all were boy crazy and we all had fun. I was definitely still relying on weed and alcohol though. I was back to crying all the time, every night, just sad and literally wishing I was dead. 

Colin was in a few of my classes to start senior year, and I was not happy but whatever I dealt with it, and we just kept away. He started being a complete dick after a few months in. He would flick me off every day and just literally be RUDE AS FUCK to me. I had to ignore it and just act like it didn’t bother me.

Cocaine came into my life senior year, I fucking loved it. I didn’t do it too much, just when there were big parties or there were dances. I loved it, but like I said nothing crazy came from that. (I mean I am still alive and not addicted to drugs or anything so I am doing well even though I am a depressed mess.)

I got with Shane around Christmas.. he doesn’t matter though, he cheated on me. I just loved that he would buy me alcohol. LOL

I went to college the next year. I started soccer at Salve, and welp, I quit. I fucked myself over and literally RUINED my life. I regret that. Quitting soccer and going on that Costa Rica trip, those are the two regrets I have in life. 

Days are passing and Dan V. comes into my life. We fall soooo hard for each other. I left Salve for two reasons. One I wanted to see Dan more, so URI it was. And two, I could not take the pain of seeing the soccer girls, and knowing, how fucking bad I fucked up.  Dan made/makes me so happy. He is always there and never made me feel bad about myself or self conscious about sex or anything like Colin did. 

Fast forward to the end of Freshman year. I failed all but one class, and got kicked out of college. I was so fucking fucked up about this. I cried and said I would never go back. But dad and I wrote that letter to appeal it. I got back in following the medical tests I decided to go through with to see wtf was happening to me. 

I had gotten all the medical testing done, I was diagnosed with, extreme depression, chronic anxiety, ADHD, and my Auditory processing speed was below 95% of my peers. I realized that day, when I read that packet and I cried in my car that I really did need help. 

Now jump to the middle of Sophomore year of college.

I went to therapy, I got the meds, I did it all.

Nothing fucking changed.

I wanted to die.

I got drunk EVERY SINGLE day.

I barley ate, and I really only wanted to go to the gym. 

I got skinny. Too skinny at one point.

But fuck it right???

Senior year of College, aka my Super Senior year, I went back to Coke a little bit, and did it a lot more than before but still I was not addicted just trying to forget shit and be happy. I got drunk again, every single day, and just did not give two fucks about anything. 

Now here I am. 23, I made it out of college even while I was and still am depressed. I am going back to school at PC, even though I have a BA in English and a MA cert in TEFL. 

I am still insanely depressed and it is getting so so so bad again. I can’t seem to sleep. My migraines are getting intense, and happening DAILY. I still have Dan by my side and I am so thankful for him. But man, I honestly just wish I killed myself way back then. I still pray that one day things will get easier for me, and that I will beat depression, and I will just not have anxiety. That won’t ever happen though. 

I just need things to look up for me. But I guess I need to be able to look up also for that to happen. 

As you can see, I was completely boy crazy. I was overly in love at some points, mostly with Colin. I was bat shit crazy because I was depressed and for the longest time did not know it. 

[taeminsphltrum]

Act of Kindness | 02 |

01 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07

Yoo Kihyun | Fake relationship!AU | Fluff | Smut

Since day one, boundaries and personal space were never really part of the picture.

His hands are fidgeting when you spot him. Lip caught in between his teeth, eyes quickly scanning the room as he looks for you or anyone who could possibly notice him. There are only a few other people in the library, minding their business with their noses in the books in front of them.

 "Hey,“ you say softly when you’re next to his seated body, gently touching his shoulder. You feel when his body starts and then he’s looking up at you with wide eyes before he’s sighing in relief. 

 He pulls out the seat next to him and you sit in it, putting your bag on the table in front of you. 

“I’m sorry to ask you to meet me so late,” he utters, hand going up to scratch at the back of his neck.

It’s after ten and you have to wake up at eight in the morning, and you don’t know how long this conversation will take, but you’re sure with his busy life this was the earliest he could schedule this talk so you just shrug, not bothered by the time.

“It’s cool. How are you?”

Kihyun looks taken aback by your words, head leaning back in the slightest and eyes growing in size, and then he’s chuckling to himself.

“Emotionally, I’m definitely better than last night. But with this scandal,” he sighs, putting his elbow on the table then resting his chin in his open palm. “the members and the company have been on my ass all day about it. What about you?”

After seeing the pictures and doing some research you didn’t bother looking at what was being said about the situation, or scandal as Kihyun said. Not that you aren’t curious, but you’d rather just not know if people are being rude or disrespectful especially when it’s not what they all think. The only thing you know is one of his fans called you pretty, and you only know that because Krystal sent you a screenshot.

This is the first time you’ve stepped out the house today so it’s not like anyone could’ve spotted you. It was the perfect day to binge watch a new Netflix series.

“It’s not really affecting me,” you reply sheepishly, eyes drifting from his face to the floor. 

You feel bad for putting him in this position, but at the same time, you’re happy you stopped to have that talk with him because as he said before, he’s a lot better emotionally. If it weren’t for you, he would most likely still be crying alone and hiding his true feelings away from his members and the world.

“That’s good,” he nods. “You don’t seem to be getting much hate either.”

That makes you look back up at him. 

His exhaustion is too blatant to miss. You’re sure he just wants to be in bed instead of at a dead library in the middle of the night talking to the girl that has caused more stress in his life.

“So what’s the plan?” you ask, putting some pep in your voice. “You said it’s not as easy as telling them I was a fan passing by so what is it we can do?”

When he starts biting on his bottom lip again you know you’re going to be told bad news. Kihyun studies you for a while, thinking about what he’s going to say to you. 

“Starship- my company- wants us to date,” he says slowly. 

And there’s drift in the atmosphere.

You don’t mean to let your mask slip, but you can’t help the way your face twists up in a mixture of confusion and distaste.

“You’re kidding,” you deadpan.

“This scandal has given us a lot of attention and if they confirm it then it could be beneficial to all of us, including you.”

You laugh dryly at his last two words.

This situation can’t benefit you in any way. The only things you’ll get out of this is attention, possibly more compliments, hate, and possible stalkers. You don’t hate attention and you have tough skin, but this isn’t really the life you want to live. You could’ve just auditioned to be famous for this type of treatment.

“Benefit me? Yeah, okay.”

He shrugs. “I mean, I’m an interesting, nice looking guy. I’ve been told I give the best hugs and that I’m a great kisser.”

You scoff at his self-praise and nod. “Right. That’s not convincing me at all.”

“You didn’t let me finish,” Kihyun says with a wink. “In addition to being around this handsome, kind hearted, funny guy… I would love to have you around when I break down again,” the greasy look from before is exchanged with genuity when he realizes his attractiveness isn’t the way to your heart and you catch a glimpse of the stranger you met on the corner of the street before his next words are spilling from his mouth. “Plus, you’d be getting a check out of it.” 

Your eyes squint at him as he reaches for and grabs your hand that’s on top of the table. How did he go from looking like a nervous mess to bribing you and putting the moves on you? 

“A check?” you parrot.

“Depends on how long you stick around. You could get anything starting from one grand to fifteen grand…”

It takes you a while to process his words. His company is willing to pay you that much just to date him? You understand you kind of put them in the spotlight but damn that’s an awfully big bribe. 

And you’d be stupid as hell not to take it.

“How long do you need me?”

A smile breaks loose on his face and the hand on top of yours is squeezing. 

“If you can make it to a month we’ll talk about how much you’ll be getting. But you can’t be a lousy girlfriend.”

You snort at his words. Why would you even dare to be a lousy girlfriend when such a large amount of money is on the table. You’re not even a greedy or materialistic girl, but this money could definitely help with college and you’ll possibly even have some extra to keep for a very rainy day.

“I’ll be the best damn girlfriend and therapist you’ve ever had.”

◅ ▻

“No one, not even family can know.”

You want to scream.

It’s been a week since you went up to Starship and talked to the CEO and things have been quiet. Well, aside from them confirming the relationship with a picture you hadn’t known was taken before; the two of you sitting on the sidewalk intensely staring at each other that one eventful night. It looked like gazes of love, but in all actuality, it was nothing but concern on your side and hurt and frustration on his.

Oh, and aside from your name, age and where you work being told to the public. You expected everyone knowing your name and age, but someone in the comments just had to tell everyone oh that’s the girl that works at Ahn’s Cafe. 

Some people had things to say about you being younger than him, but just like last time, you prefer not to know what is being said. Krystal, still just as clueless as everyone else and still fuming at the fact you’ve been silent and pretty much ignoring all of her questions dealing with Kihyun, has continued to send things that caught her eye. If she thinks you should know what’s being said, she’ll send you screenshots.

The things you actually have seen range from:

oh i thought he liked older girls

i mean she is cute

ahhh look at the way she looks at him

You might be going crazy.

Every time you think about the situation it has you laughing. 

Thanks to your new relationship your job has also gained a lot of popularity. And it’s not even like they all come into the cafe and order something so that they can stalk you. No. The majority of them are outside the cafe, peeking inside through the glass of the doors and windows. You wish you could just give them the biggest mean mug ever so that they would back up, but you have to give off a friendly vibe. 

Starship wants you to keep at least a pleasant look on your face. They know smiling through all of the bull shit is impossible, but you all have an image to keep up. 

All you want to do is vent to someone. No doubt you can make it through the fake smiles and attention, but having to keep it all in is going to drive you nuts. 

Krystal has so many questions and you have all the answers and so much more you want to let her know, but when you signed that contract you promised not tell a single soul. Of course you trust Krystal, but there’s always the possibility of her slipping up and you can’t let that happen. 

And it’s not like you can vent to Kihyun.

First of all, he’s pretty much still a stranger. He knows nothing about you other than the things that have been posted and your address, and you know nothing about him. He’s busy as hell, especially now that a comeback is around the corner, so his manager says. You haven’t even spoken to him since that night at the library. You caught a quick glimpse of him when you were leaving the CEO’s office. He smiled and nodded while the rest of the group stared and you could even feel their eyes on your back as you walked out the building. 

Kihyun has sent you a few texts, asking how you’re holding up. The conversations always go the same; he asks if you’re okay, you say yes and make a joke about having your own fanbase(at least that’s what Krystal has been jokingly saying) or about how well your pictures came out that day, he laughs and says something cheesy about understanding why because you’re some adjective alike to gorgeous and a good person, you ask him how he’s been and he tells you about how tired, excited, or bored he is before both of you are saying goodnight.

You’re glad you didn’t get stuck with a stuck-up, narcissistic asshole who doesn’t give a shit about how you’re handling the situation.

But then again you doubt you would even be in this position if he was that type of guy.

You kind of feel bad that you still haven’t saved his number.

Secondly, talking to Kihyun about it would barely make you feel better. He knows everything already and there are no words of wisdom or encouragement that he can give you to make you feel better.

It’s not like you’re dying or anything but it would be nice to have someone for your sanity.

Tonight is super dead at Ahn’s and your boss would probably kill you if he saw you sitting at one of the booths near the front counter with your head down on the table. Your arms are terrible pillows but you’re more concerned about how bored and tired you are. It’s too early to start cleaning up and you’re the last one here, so why not rest until a customer comes? If anyone even comes. It’s nine on a Wednesday night. Why is the cafe even open right now?

A bell ringing signals a new customer and you internally groan as you sit upright and put on a genuine enough smile to greet them. 

“Hey, beautiful.”

Seven guys are piling into the cafe when you look up and Kihyun is walking up to you immediately, embracing you into a tight hug.

You freeze under his hold as your eyes stay on the group of guys at the door who are staring right back at you. Once you finally get some sense, you’re hugging him back. 

You wonder if anybody was following them here and he’s putting on an act. It’s hard to tell when he’s never been one for personal space in the first place.

“It’s been a long day and we still have to practice more, so we came by to get some coffee,” he explains. “Plus, I really needed another hug.”

And that explains why he clings onto you until someone is groaning out a playful okay we get it.

You’re kind of embarrassed so you quickly step away from him in favor of going behind the counter and beckoning them over so they can order. You doubt they want to be here for longer than necessary. 

Once again, you can feel eyes burning your back as you make each drink and you’re itching to turn around and ask them why the hell they’re staring so damn hard, but you refrain from doing so. They’re probably just curious about who just got stuck with Kihyun and what kind of person you are.

“If you have any questions, comments or concerns you can voice them now instead of staring holes into my back,” you say with a light voice and a smile when you turn back to them, handing a few of them their drinks.

One with silver and blue hair laughs and raises his cup to you before taking a sip. “I like her,” he says to Kihyun, causing the latter to roll his eyes.

“Yeah me too. I get to touch and hold a pretty little therapist whenever I please,” he smirks at him with a wink.

You openly snort at his words as you turn back around to finish the last few drinks.

“You’re only touching me when we need to make a show for your fans and paparazzi,” you remind him. “Or if you’re greeting me,” you add in quickly, not wanting to be too harsh but putting down some rules. 

Yes, he does give the best hugs, but you’re not one for unnecessary touching.

Childish ooo’s come from behind you and you stifle a laugh and shake your head.

After handing the rest of them their drinks, they say their goodbyes and start walking out. But Kihyun stays behind.

“Starship wants us to get together soon to discuss details about our relationship so that the public can shut the fuck up and stop asking so many questions,” he says, soon after drinking from his cup before wincing at the temperature of it.

You nod, grabbing a rag and proceeding to wipe the counters off. 

“And when exactly is soon?”

“In a couple days most likely.”

Most likely.

You have to know when so that you can ask someone else to take your shift, but you know he probably doesn’t have the answers to your questions, so you just leave it alone for now. 

When you turn back to him he’s smiling at you softly. 

“What?” you ask, looking around the room dumbly.

He just shakes his head before walking to the door.

“See you soon, gorgeous.”