#sorry to post something sad on vday i love angst too much gjklsdj

[jungjaehyunnies]

broken promises; j.jh

☆ summary: nobody ever told you that falling out of love was just as easy as falling in love. ☆ genre: fluff, angst, slight smut ☆ warnings: mentions of alcohol, swearing, sex ☆ word count: 3.3k+ ☆ note: happy birthday to my favourite person in the world c: this is also my first nct fic :o <333

The first time you recalled feeling your heart jumping out of your ribcage was the fourth time you met him.

You and Jaehyun only ever interacted through Mark, your high school acquaintance turned closest college friend and Jaehyun’s basketball teammate. With conversations limited to polite nods and smiles and small talk before one of you would walk away to class, he rarely crossed your mind.

That was, until you’d stayed out late studying in the library one night and came across Mark and Jaehyun practicing at the basketball court halfway to your dorm. And Jaehyun was sweaty… but hot and sleeveless. And when Mark convinced you to stay back an extra twenty minutes for them to finish up so that you wouldn’t need to walk across the dark campus alone, you’d perhaps spent too much ogling at how his biceps flexed with each movement he made, whether he was attempting to shoot or defending himself.    

You couldn’t quite remember how Mark had been able to convince you to join him in a small match against Jaehyun (two vs. one because he had the height advantage amongst you three); it was something to do with Jaehyun apparently being a competitive asshole who absolutely needed to prove that he was better than both you and Mark playing together.

Oh yeah, he was definitely competitive, you realised within thirty seconds when you were bulldozed onto the ground by a heavy weight and you fell straight onto your ass, pain shooting up your spine.

You fell just a little bit in love when he held your hand to pull you back up to your feet, with soft, apologetic eyes that seemed to pierce through your soul and a promise to make it (‘it’ being your bruised tailbone) up to you some time within the next week or so. 

The next time it happened was when he held true to his promise and took you to a twenty-four hour coffee shop just outside of campus, purchasing you the biggest cup of coffee they offered as well as a slice of strawberry cheesecake and keeping you company for seven hours.

Exam season was around the corner, and you were both stressed. You were ready to pull your hair out. Studying had become a chore, but you just needed to manage for another two weeks.

Jaehyun didn’t seem to mind though. He picked up on your small signs and studied quietly with you, only taking the occasional break to ask if you wanted some more cake or coffee, or to make small talk and discuss briefly about your classes. Neither of you took the same classes, but you took comfort in the fact that you both tried to help each other where possible. 

By the time it was past midnight, you could tell he was tired of studying. You didn’t miss the way his eyes flickered constantly around the café, how he started dozing off every few minutes before blinking his eyes open, and how his handwriting had become sloppier with each line.

Despite that, he kept you company and walked you back to your dorm.

“You really didn’t need to walk me back,” you said. Although you were very grateful he had done so, you felt guilty for taking up his time when he was clearly ready to knock out. “I feel bad now though, do you live close by, at least?”

“It’s fine,” Jaehyun responded, lips pressed into a cute, closed-mouth smile that made you want to squish his peachy cheeks. His ears were tinted red, he glanced at you shyly and admitted, “I actually live in the dorm near the café. Same building as Mark.”

That was a twenty-minute walk back.

“But, really, I don’t mind,” he insisted. “This was nice. We should meet up again after exams are over.”

With the promise to meet up again without the need to study, he engulfed you in a hug that filled you with so much warmth, you were sure you’d stopped breathing.

The third time you experienced that feeling, you were both half-drunk at an end-of-exams party.

You may have been half-drunk but you were sober enough to be dragging Mark back to his dorm together. You and Jaehyun had wrapped your arms around the dead weight between the two of you that was struggling to walk in a straight line and ready to pass out.

You groaned as Mark’s knees wobbled and threatened to give out under him.

“I told him to eat dinner properly before the party but he never listens to me,” Jaehyun grumbled, heaving more of Mark’s weight onto his shoulder to relieve you of the pressure. “Fucking dumbass.”

With a huff, you complained right back at Jaehyun, “If you took it easier on us during beer pong, he wouldn’t be dying like this.”

Jaehyun was unbelievably talented at beer pong and had looked way too unbelievably attractive across the table when you three had been playing. It was unfair.

“It’s not my fault you guys suck,” he pouted in response. “Besides, Johnny was the one who made him chug two bottles of soju in a row after beer pong.”

You sighed in defeat. He was right. You’d all lost count of how much Mark had to drink, who was way too desperate and excited to let loose after the stress of exams.

Getting Mark’s keys out of his pockets and into bed took a lot of grumbling, dry heaving and whining before your friend finally knocked out. You watched through tired eyelids that threatened to close shut as Jaehyun placed a few pills and a bottle of water by Mark’s bedside.

He was a sweet friend, and your drunken mind couldn’t help but wonder what he’d be like taking care of someone more than a friend.

“He’s going to feel like shit tomorrow,” Jaehyun spoke softly, as the two of you walked out of Mark’s dorm and closed the door behind him. “And uh…” he trailed off.

“Hm?”

“I don’t want to sound too forward, but you can stay at mine tonight if you want,” he said, all in one breath, words slurring together from the rush. It took you a few seconds to process what he had just said, and when you looked up at him, his ears were tinted pink again.

Cute.

“Only because it’s past two now,” Jaehyun reasoned, “And you look so tired and it’s not safe for you to walk back alone in the dark right now.”

You were hesitant, but ready to take the offer. You were indeed very exhausted, your feet hurt from walking and dancing around in heels all night, and the alcohol (and also dragging Mark here) was draining all the energy out of you.

But… spending the night in Jaehyun’s dorm? Even half-drunk, you knew that was possibly not the best idea.

Gnawing at your bottom lip nervously, you said, “I don’t want to impose though.”

Jaehyun shook his head. “You won’t be,” he responded before offering you a cheeky grin. “Besides, we can wake up Mark tomorrow and make him buy us breakfast for dragging his ass home tonight.”

A giggle escaped from you as you agreed, looking forward to the nagging and teasing you would put Mark through tomorrow morning.

It took a lot of arguing between Jaehyun (who insisted on sleeping on the couch) and yourself (who felt too guilty to allow him to do that after he offered you his shower and clean clothes), before you both settled on his mattress. You promised him that you would pay for his next meal and coffee for letting you stay over for the night.

Just before you dosed off, you felt Jaehyun’s fingers thread through your hair delicately and heard him murmur, “You’re so gorgeous.”

Each time you ended up meeting up with Jaehyun, you found that the two of you continually made promises before each farewell to pay the other back. Walks back to your dorm slowly progressed into lingering touches and attending every one of his basketball games, which then became pet names and stolen kisses between classes and during study dates over the months.

One night, he dragged you to the amusement park a half hour away from campus, promising to win you all the plushies you wanted. His fingers stayed intertwined with yours for the whole night, thumb rubbing circles over the back of your hand whenever you got the slightest bit nervous over a thrilling ride.

You tried not to express your disappointment when he eventually let go of your hand so that he could hold an ice cream cone in one hand and a giant sloth plushie in his other arm. Your disappointment didn’t last long, though, when you eventually found yourself in a small gondola of a ferris wheel that hovered over the pretty night lights, cuddled up in his arms.

“Can I try some of yours?” Jaehyun asked, referring to your half-eaten cookie dough ice cream.

When you nodded absentmindedly and lifted your waffle cone up, you didn’t expect for Jaehyun to press his lips against yours. It took all your self-control to not let go of your cone and to thread your fingers through his fluffy hair as you melted against him.

Just as you were ready to press up closer to him, the cheeky bastard pulled away. Before you could blink, he’d taken a massive bite out of your cone with a grin and said, “Mmmm, yummy.”

“Jae!” you gasped in disbelief. About half the remaining of your cone was gone.

Jaehyun giggled, showing off his dimples, and pecked your lips softly.

“I’ll buy you a whole tub tomorrow, I promise,” he murmured, making it up to you, his nose nudging your cheek. “Happy birthday, baby.”

For someone who had a cute, peachy, dimply face, your boyfriend sure had a body that screamed quite the opposite, and it was still mildly surprising to you after all this time together.

“Mmm, I love you,” Jaehyun murmured, soft lips pressed up against your neck and his hips pressed right up against yours.

A gentle pull at his hair elicited a delightful groan from him as you muttered, “You’re only saying that because your dick is in me right now.”

“Say it back,” he whined in response, the movements of his hips coming to a halt as he tickled your waist. God, he was so needy, but you weren’t going to complain because you secretly loved it. Just not when you were just about to experience a mindblowing orgasm.

You squirmed under his grip, laughing but refusing to give in. “Baaabeeee,” he drawled, “Say you love me back.”

“Maybe I will after you fuck me and make me cum,” you said and wiggled your hips, “Or I’m never saying it back.”

Jaehyun gripped your thigh, lifting your leg around his strong back and you bit back a moan from how wonderful he felt inside of you even with that slight movement. “I can do that,” he murmured, before slanting his lips against yours, tongue delving into your mouth as he slammed back into you and eventually brought you to a delightful state that had you seeing stars.

Another round later, you were too exhausted to do anything but curl up in Jaehyun’s strong arms and seek out his warmth. “I love you a lot,” you mumbled, eyes closing shut, as you kissed his chest. “You’ll wake me up before you go for practice in the morning, right?”

“Of course I will, baby, I promise.”

Those promises were nice, until they became meaningless.

You broke your promises to attend each of his games as your workload picked up over the next semester, and Jaehyun broke his promises of waking you up each morning before he left for practice.

And, both of you eventually broke promises to keep each other around and to love one another forever.

You weren’t sure when the cracks started appearing and when you’d started falling apart, but you guessed it was inevitable to slowly fall out of love at one point, but you hadn’t expected it to happen so fast and so easily.

It started off with less dates and less sleepovers. You could blame that on both of your insane schedules at college, but in the end, despite how busy you were, you knew you both should’ve made time for each other.

Somehow, updating Jaehyun about your days (which weren’t very eventful) suddenly became a chore. You got the feeling that he felt similarly, as he started responding to your texts much later and later, sometimes even a day’s delay between your messages. But, you were too stubborn to let go of what the two of you had.

At one point, you’d realised that the two of you hadn’t even had sex for two months. If Jaehyun wasn’t too tired from basketball or practice, you were too stressed over your studies. Sex used to help you both relieve from your exhaustion and stress on top of showing each other how much you loved each other, but now, it wasn’t even an afterthought.

Stolen kisses between classes eventually stopped too, and your goodbye smiles started feeling more forced and effortful.

Almost out of obligation, the two of you went to a nice restaurant to celebrate your one-year anniversary, and things almost seemed back to normal. Like a spark reignited.

You’d dressed up nicely and he looked as handsome as ever. You were, for once, able to catch up on each other’s busy schedules and enjoyed a meal together finally.

But, eventually, when you found yourself back in his dorm, hands and knees on his mattress, as he pounded into you from behind, you couldn’t help but wonder if the two of you were just using each other at this stage.

No soft ‘I love you’’s or teasing, no alternations between rough and soft sex, and no whispered sweet nothings this time. Just the sounds of panted breaths, skin slapping against skin, and the final moans of release at the end.

Aftercare seemed like a routine, like muscle memory, as the two of you engaged in the same motions you had done so familiarly months ago. 

You and Jaehyun tried cuddling, but eventually you both fell asleep facing away from each other. When you woke up, he had already left for practice.

Weeks of overthinking had you gnawing nervously at your nails, shaking in stress (perhaps that was from your insane caffeine intake too, but you weren’t sure at this point), and pulling at the ends of your hair. 

You hated to admit it, but you knew that it was over. You weren’t stupid. You just didn’t want to let go of it.

You finally broke down to Mark over a tub of cookie dough ice cream. Mark was so panicked and taken aback from seeing you cry out of nowhere as you two walked to the library from your shared class, that he bought you ice cream, bubble tea and three slices of strawberry cheesecake before dragging you to his place.

He offered you his blankets, his hugs and all his snacks, while he shooed his roommate outside the dorm.  

“Do you know what Jaehyun thinks of me?” you mumbled pathetically, shoving another spoonful of ice cream into your mouth.

“Uh, I-“ Mark seemed hesitant to respond. From his curious gaze, you figured that Jaehyun hadn’t spoken to him about whatever relationship problems you guys had. “He’s your boyfriend. He loves you. He’s so in love with you, Y/N.”

No, he’s not.

You stayed silent, too embarrassed to say anything, and curled up under the blanket he’d offered you, staring blankly at his TV screen until you dosed off.

Jaehyun, 11:07pm: We need to talk. Can I come over tonight?

You weren’t sure how long you spent staring at that small notification on your screen, but eventually, you agreed, despite every fibre of your body begging you to respond with ‘no’. Couldn’t you keep him for at least a little bit longer?

You waited anxiously after class, waiting for a knock on your dorm door. That feeling of your heart slamming against your ribcage returned, but it didn’t feel good this time.

It felt heartbreaking, because you knew how this was going to end.

When your boyfriend arrived at past nine, he looked at you with a grim expression that showed he was just as exhausted as you were.

“Mark told me what happened yesterday. I’m really sorry,” Jaehyun said, fiddling with the ends of his sleeves. “He told me to fix this and I am. We should end this.”

Jaehyun looked into your eyes earnestly. “I really love you, Y/N. I really did, you have to believe me, and I do still want to, but I don’t- I don’t know what happened,” he added, voice quivering with the last few words as he reached up to brush a tear away from your cheek. 

He was a soft person, and he tended to cry when others cried as well.

Within seconds, you found yourself back in his warm embrace again, your tears soaking his hoodie while his own ran down his cheeks. You hesitantly brought your arms around his waist. If this was going to be how it ended, you didn’t want to finish this off on bad terms. 

“I know, Jae,” you said, pulling away slightly to look up at him in understanding. “I think we both knew this was coming.”

We were just too cowardly to admit it.

“I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better than me.”

When you tried denying that and shaking your head, Jaehyun placed his hands firmly on your shoulders, eyes red and cheeks puffy as he looked into your eyes. “You are! You’re an amazing person with a beautiful personality, and you’ll find someone better who won’t break their promise of keeping you around forever. They won’t be an idiot like me… and if they are, I’ll beat their ass.”

You couldn’t help but laugh even in this situation. “You’re not an idiot,” you argued weakly, wiping his tears from his cheeks as well. “You were the best boyfriend I could’ve asked for. I just- I don’t know… I don’t know how we got here either. I’m sorry, too.”

Jaehyun managed to crack a smile. “I don’t know either. We’re both idiots,” he said and pulled you in for another warm hug.

It felt comforting this time.

The breath you let out almost felt like one of relief. You’d loved him so much and ended up being so terrified of losing him that you held onto him as your boyfriend, and yet this felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders.

“I don’t want to lose you, though,” you admitted. “I’m okay with this but… I don’t think I can lose you.”

Even if you’d fallen in love with him, you weren’t sure you could go around with life without him. He’d wormed his way into your heart and your daily life, and you knew he would be an amazing friend, despite the history. You couldn’t bear to imagine what it would be have a Jaehyun-sized hole in your life from here onwards. 

Jaehyun stayed silent and held onto you for a few more minutes before the two of you let go of each other. He took a step back outside your dorm, as if clearly setting the new boundaries now.

“Let’s take some time apart. I think some space will be good for us,” he suggested, reasonable as ever. With a soft smile that displayed his dimples to you for the last time in a while, Jaehyun added, “We’ll be friends after that, I promise.”

But, promises were made to be broken.