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[moonfableflor]

FUCK. FUCKIN HELL

I've had a teensy tiny itty bitty (gigantic) crush on a tgirl for, like, months. at this point. But I'm arospec so I haven't thought much of it, like I'm still content being friends with her, BUT I've kinda sorta been flirting with her bc. like. what if there's a chance she does want to be my girlfriend?? You know??? Or like what if in the future we DID develop some kind of other relationship??? You know?? Also if I don't continuously tell her how pretty and lovely she is I'm going to explode. But anyway. So I've been flirting with her a bit and I send her cute little images with her favourite animal and stuff and in one of them I said 'ily' just like in passing. yk. And she said 'ily too' and so I was kinda like 'okay so she's not weirded out by that, great!' and that was a bit ago. So I've recently been sending more things with the extended 'I love you,' like the animal pictures and tumblr textposts and stuff, and I think I've said 'I love you' in a couple texts too. And she recently has kinda seemed a little not-exactly-friendly? Ish? Like I guess a little open to the whole me-kinda-sorta-flirting deal. And this recent thing I sent her also said 'I love you' and then she ACTUALLY ASKED ABOUT IT. Like. DAMN IT I THOUGHT I HAD MORE TIME. I'M NOT READY TO TELL YOU I DON'T LIKE YOU. Uhhh so she asked in what way I love her, and she said she's been confused; and I was an idiot and said that I love her in a friend way (technically true! I do love her in a friend way, it's just more nuanced than that and I also love her in a different sort of way too) so it's not a lie but at the same time. Like. Zenni wtf. And she admitted that she's oblivious to things like that and stuff. And then I asked if I should love her in a different way (putting it in her court. yk. like 'well do you like me??') and she said she wasn't sure but she's happy being friends for now (first of all: OMG "FOR NOW" THAT MEANS SHE MIGHT WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP IN THE FUTURE! and second of all: wah.) so I'm. Like. Kinda freaking out bc this means she might like me!! But also I would feel awkward about flirting with her still. But I still want to flirt with her and I don't want to act awkward. Idk, tumblr lovelies in my phone listen to my ranting and give me advice and/or condolences