#sorry to dump a big personal story and offer advice you didnt ask for

[shayberri789]

My mom is an amazing woman. She's a doula and a childbirth educator, mom and baby massage therapist and yoga instructor (and more). Every day she works so hard to improve pur community and give new parents a community they can rely on while they get their feet under them. She's always offering kindness and support to everyone around her with no expectation of return.

When my dad had a heart attack two years ago and had to go for a triple biopsy, he was in the hospital for four weeks and was unable to work for another six. He's the main breadwinner in our house, because mom's work, while important, doesn't pay enough to support a family of four in an unfortunately expensive area to live in. We were struggling.

Mom was almost constantly at the hospital with dad, and I was at home trying to look after myself and my little brother to reduce the strain on my mom. She was crying every night from fear and stress, and us kids weren't much better off.

Evwey single person my mom had helped in the last two years showed up to return the support.

Five of my mom's transitioning to parenthood students set up a rotation where they would each cook us a meal for dinner every night (i could handle cooking on the weekends since i didn't have work). My mom's friend just showed up at our house with groceries one day and stole pur dirty laundry when she left to wash it. Several of our friends loaned money to help with rent. My mom's doula client would pick my brother up from school when neither of us were available to do it myself (his anxiety prevented him from taking the bus alone).

Our community came together to support us, and didn't wait for us to say yes or to ask, because my mom and I share the same flaw of thinking we don't deserve to ask for help, and should always offer support without excepting it in kind. But we're still grateful to this day for the support.

I'm glad your community is helping you, because that's what it's there for. We've all seen how kind you are and I have no doubt you've helped them all out in small ways over time, let them return the favour. You're no weaker or a bad person for acceptint help, even if you're not the one in the hospital bed. Your husband needs to recover, and you've had to keep your world turning single handedly while you wait. That's not a burden to take on alone

Keep feeling guilty for the amount of help I’ve accepted from my community following my husband’s surgery. Inside my brain my common sense is wielding a club with which it is beating back the curse of American individualism and luckily for me it advances daily.

[i-just-like-books-and-stuff]

Brain dump, sorry

I'm new to tumblr, so I'm not sure what blogging is or how to do it right, but nobody I know is aware of my blog so I'm just gonna word-vomit.

I'm turning 21 in 2 days and its stressing me out. I'm depressed because I have an upcoming birthday and I don't like that, but can't control it? I moved to North Dakota from Mississippi with my spouse and we're just now starting to get settled in to our house, both of our cats are comfortable, and we have just enough money for our food and bills, so I know I should be content. We have everything we need and live in a community that's super friendly. But I'm depressed because I don't really have any friends here, all of the people I went to high school with had big celebrations for their birthdays with lots of friends, and then small ones with their families. I grew up having birthday parties, and I am extremely grateful for that, because my parents tried really hard to make sure I was happy, that I got the presents I asked for, and that I could spend time with my friends for my birthday. Because they raised me like that, I obviously got accustomed to it. They would tell me my birthdays would get smaller as I got older but I was fine with that because I understood why. I have lots of siblings and I know money grows tighter when you become a teenager because the things you need and want are generally more expensive. I was happy with a little walmart cake and maybe flowers from my dad if that's all I got, you know? I didnt need a big party.

But when I turned 17, it's like a switch flipped in my parents. They let me have a party, it was a small bonfire in my backyard with a handful of friends at my new school, but the entire day my mom was drinking (like, wine at 8 in the morning, it was out of character even for her, and she has a pretty intense alcohol dependency) and making comments about how inconvenient my party was, that I asked for too much, that I was acting spoiled for wanting a party when I was too old for one, and a lot of other things. It was really painful because she had never acted like that before, especially not on my birthday. My dad was pretty vacant too. He spent most of his time running errands or staying inside. It was like neither of them wanted me there, let alone a party. Every year after that, they haven't done a single thing for my birthday. If it hadn't been for my little brother telling me happy birthday in front of them, they probably never would have even acknowledged it. Since I'm now married and moved out, they've suddenly started becoming more affectionate which is super confusing for me, because the last 4 years of my life they treated me like an inconvenience or a chore. All emotional support, parental guidance, and love was just gone. They both drink a lot but my mother is a high functioning alcoholic at this point. They keep saying they're excited for my birthday this year but I dont understand why. They told me they couldn't afford to get me anything, not even a card. Disappointing but not surprising. Then my little brother texted me one day saying he was annoyed because my dad impulse bought a hot tub (??) and he was making him help move it. That hurt a lot because they said they couldn't afford a card for me but they can afford a hot tub. I don't know. I dont want to sound ungrateful or spoiled or materialistic, because I did grow up in a better situation than a lot of people, but the past 4 years have been emotional whiplash for me, and I'm a lot more insecure and damaged for it.

Long story short, I'm dreading my birthday. Several people have been trying to hype me up for it, a couple even offering to take me to my first bar, but I'm scared they're all going to back out last minute. I'm scared my family will ignore my birthday since I dont live them now. Birthdays are important, and I was raised that a person's birthday is really special. So why do my parents not care anymore? What did I do wrong?

Any advice or even nice words are welcome. I don't want anybody to think poorly of me because of miscommunication so if something I said upset you, dm me and I can try to explain it better. Thanks for reading if you did. I just needed to vent.